Make a pun for Elan! (spoilers)

[13_CBS]

Well, looks like Elan's running out of puns to use against the hobgoblins. But if you were Elan on top of the wall, what sort of puns would you be using?

P.S: Should this be in the Silly Message Board games section?

[Thomar_of_Uointer]

"Tell your general to stop hobbling you guys!"

No, it's fine here.

[jindra34]

"see ya ladder"

[Thomar_of_Uointer]

"Pardon my squinting, from that distance you looked like a carrot!"

[MReav]

I sword I wouldn't let this city fall.

[Thomar_of_Uointer]

"I'd take you down a notch, but you're already the lowliest opponent I've faced!"

[jindra34]

God we sound like elan

[nightsong]

Hobgob-ble-on home!

[PlasticSoldier]

"I'm aghast that you'd try to kill me."

Edit: I sword i could come up with a better pun.

[MReav]

God we sound like elan

Isn't that the point?

*Thinks about it*

Damn, If I was a Dashing Swordsman with a rapier, you'd be sucking my charisma in damage.

Wait, given that I have crap Charisma, but pretty good Strength, you should be thanking me!

[Professor Tanhauser]

"How do you like goblin on some steel?" ("As he thrusts his rapier into the gobs mouth and out the back of it's head.)

(After decapitating a hob about to kill an important target) "I barely managed to head off that problem!"

"Heads up!" (As he decapitates two hobs with a single stroke, while their heads are indeed up in the air.)

"Hob kabob, anyone?" (As he impales 3 hobs on his sword with one thrust.)

Is that your head or did someone plant a pumpkin seed in your neck?

"That reminds me, I never got around to doing that report on a "A farewell to arms!" (As he cuts the arms off a hob)

"I always was the cut up in my family!" (As he cuts up some hobs.)

"If you can't dazzel 'em with style, riddle 'em with sword thrusts!" (As he leaves a hob riddled with a dozen puncture wounds.)

"Since I multiclassed to dashing swordsman I find it much easier to get my point across!"

"Normally I'm only supposed to break ladies hearts, but in your case I'll make an exception!" (thrusts sword thru hob's heart.)

[Bobbis]

How appropriate, you fight like a cow.

Wait, wrong game.

[PlasticSoldier]

How appropriate, you fight like a green.

Fixed

The insult being in the hatred between goblins(green) and hobgoblins(not green)

[Professor Tanhauser]

"Know what the difference is betwee you and me? I'm still alive."

[kpenguin]

Look's like orange is the new green! (Reference to back in the dungeon when they were fighting goblins)

You should stop fighting. You don't have the guts for it. (Fighting a skeleton)

What? Did I make a bard joke?

[NeonRonin]

(slashing open hobgoblin's neck) Bit of a close shave there, eh?

(knocking hobgoblin off the battlements) Hope you have a pleasant 'trip'!

(jabbing a hob in the eye socket) Have you been to see the 'Eye-full' Tower?

(slashing hob across the belly) You, sir, don't have the GUTS to be a warrior!

Could you lend me a hand, please? (chops off hob's sword hand) Thank you, you're very kind.

[archon_huskie]

Die, die, die, die! DIE by my dashing wit!

[Legendary]

(slashing open hobgoblin's neck) Bit of a close shave there, eh?

(knocking hobgoblin off the battlements) Hope you have a pleasant 'trip'!

(jabbing a hob in the eye socket) Have you been to see the 'Eye-full' Tower?

(slashing hob across the belly) You, sir, don't have the GUTS to be a warrior!

Could you lend me a hand, please? (chops off hob's sword hand) Thank you, you're very kind.
Um, channeling Belkar much?

[Lemur]

If you ask me, this is one of those situations where Elan would be more helpful if he was using bardic music to help his allies in combat.
Anyway,

"Hey, what's that on your face? Oh right, my blade."

"You guys look tired. Why don't you take 5? Damage, that is."

"Can't you siege I'm busy?"

"Slice to meet you."

I used this one in a campaign once:

"Hey ugly! Were you born that ugly, or were you just born that way?"

The DM had to spend a moment reeling from the stupidity of it.

[MReav]

"You guys look tired. Why don't you take 5? Damage, that is."

Isn't that less damage than what Elan can do on a successful pun? (+3 Enhancement +4 Charisma + 1d6)

[Lemur]

Isn't that less damage than what Elan can do on a successful pun? (+3 Enhancement +4 Charisma + 1d6)

Elan doesn't know that.

[MReav]

Elan doesn't know that.

True. Subtraction does give Elan a headache.

[Tundar]

"You are the best looking goblin I ever met." (not using the proper term; hobgoblin)
"Is that a rabbit over there"?
"Oh look, a dead seagull!" (points into the air) "Wait.. it's just a hobgoblin getting kicked home"
"What do you call a hobgoblin with no eyes?" --- "A hobgobln!"

[gooddragon1]

I'm like a character out of a slash fic

You'll hack to come back for more later

Sorry to steal your sunder

You're like chopped liver to me

I come in peace, you leave in pieces

You can rest in pieces

I'll just deliver my knockout punchline

Lets get to the heart of the matter

Fear my rapier wit

I steel through your defenses

Surely you see my point

Dismember is the weakest link. Goodbye.

In one ear and out the other.

The truth hurts more than it seems

I blade you farewell

Do you feel the need to bleed?

My blade is actually made of cold iron-y

It pierces through your impassive mind.

No, its not a mythril, I am just that good.

[Rift_Wolf]

Someone should suggest he try decapitating blows to open up the world of head puns!

Things have come to a head

Looks like we're at loggerheads

On yer head, son!

We'll head them off at the pass!

Two heads are better than one.

You got to keep your head in battles like this.

<Pure filth> I don't normally accept head off goblinoids, but for you I'll make an exception! </Pure filth>

[Professor Tanhauser]

"You are the best looking goblin I ever met." (not using the proper term; hobgoblin)
"Is that a rabbit over there"?
"Oh look, a dead seagull!" (points into the air) "Wait.. it's just a hobgoblin getting kicked home"
"What do you call a hobgoblin with no eyes?" --- "A hobgobln!"

That last one was very clever.

As elan cuts off a hobs hands, he says "Looks like I took ten on that attack!"

Now, if only characters in the comic had noses, elan could snip the nose of a hob then say "How does a hobgoblin without a nose smell? Terrible, just like the ones with noses do!"

[spoonodoom]

*pushes a Hobgoblin off the wall* That attempt was aw-fall.

and, for the Monkey Island fans...
"Hey, look over there, a 3-headed Xykon!"

[Jawajoey]

How appropriate, you fight like a cow.

Wait, wrong game.

So many good lines... too bad most of them are responses. We need some witty hobgoblins, stat!

"This is the END for you, you gutter-crawling cur!"



"You might want to treat that cut, before you get a STAB"

"I'm sorry, didn't the lady at the make-up store tell you that instant tan just turns you orange?"

"You know, this has been a great experience for me."
--"I guess I should be flanking you."

"What's the difference between Soon's Gate and your armor? The gate's AC is actually protecting something!" (AC, Azure City, get it? Hey, does the pun count if the opponent doesn't get the reference? :smalltongue: )

[Gez]

Another insensitive racial slur on the hobgoblin's skin color: "Hey, want some fresh citrus juice? Blood orange is my specialty!"

The same pun can be then reused as a variation on the "when life gives you lemon" theme.

[Wolfman42666]

"flanking you very much" (it dosen't have to be funny) "with a dry cool wit like that i could be an action hero" (goblins stunned by sheer stupidity) "you really should go green, what with the climate change an all" (azure city-hobgoblin home, damn elan doesn't know that) "would you prefer a rapier or a rapture?"

[Rahdjan]

"Ghoul you be any more foul?"

"Let me Ghast you a question"

[Leather_Book_Wizard]

This doesn't have anything to do with the battle, but:
Hinjo has just finished repainting the castle. But, he didn't have enough paint. So he thinned out the paint with water until there was enough. But then it rained. So the paint ran off.
Hinjo: I don't understand what was wrong. Maybe I should ask the twelve gods.

Elan to Belkar: *whispering* Isn't it obvious that they'd just tell him to repaint and thin no more?

[One Skunk Todd]

<snooty French accent>I gob in your general direction</snooty French accent>

"Put some pants on! Oh wait, you're just scared."

"Hallo. My name is Peter Parker. You kill my buzz. Prepare to die."

"Hey there. How ya doing? Nice weather for the battle, eh? You guys get good bennies? What? Oh, hobGOBLIN? I thought you said hobNOBBING. *Stab*"

[Albion]

Elan battles a young female hobgoblin archer(like the only one of her kind, eh), but they are separated in the heat of battle. Then the hobgoblin archer tries to shoot him but misses. The camera slowly zooms in on Elan for a close-up, running with his rapier & closing in on the archer, in slow motion(what motion? it's a cartoon... well), with a glorious grin:smallamused:, knowing that victory is within his grasp: "Did you MISS me? HA! Triple score! Booya! My first! Woot!" ...the prerequisites are quite heavy.

[BisectedBrioche]

"I will Elanihilate you!"

"Beauty is only skin deep, but I can see your ugliness inside" - After cutting a hobbo open

I would give you a 1 in 6 chance of survival, incidently ITS TIME FOR YOU TO DIE!"

[kerberos]

I'm aghast that you're a ghoul!:smallbiggrin:

[TOAOMT]

After being attacked by a hobgoblin: "That's not right, THIS *stab* is how you do it."
"I'll be sure to sing at your funeral" ('cause he's a bard, get it?)
"Did I mention I have 10 ranks in kicking your ass?"
then when he needs a stretch
"I maxed out perform: ass beatery just for you!"
and "I put skill point in Craft: Dead Hobgoblin"
and against the undead he's got "You can't expect to live through this."
"Eager to die again are we?"
"Rest in Pieces"
"Didn't I sing at your FIRST funeral?"

Ok, I'm out of bad quips for now.

[NeonRonin]

"Your departing is such sweet sorrow" as he runs a hobgoblin through.

"Just need to check your luck level here." He stabs the hobgoblin, withdraws the rapier and looks at the blade. "Hm. You're about a quart low."

"I'd say it's been a pleasure to meet you, but it hasn't."

"Hey, there's a bug on your armor; I'll get it." Stabs the hobgoblin. "Oh, darn, I missed."

And to answer a previous poster's question... okay, I am being influenced by :belkar: a tiny bit. Can you blame me? :smalltongue:

[Indon]

"I'm sorry, I seem to have broken your heart."

"It would appear that I am foiling your plans." (:elan: I'm wielding a foil, right?)

"There are so many of you, they should call you hobcomeblins!"

"I need to keep trying to cut to the heart of the problem."

[Setra]

Not quite a pun but..

I think it would be funny if Elan uppercutted a hobbo going "Whoopsie!"

[Gaelbert]

In case Elan has multiple attacks per round (shameless rip off of Dirty Harry, I believe):
So, i forgot, have I made three attacks or two attacks this round? Do you feel lucky punk?

[Hypothetical]

Hmm, I thought I had already posted this last night...

As my roommate pointed out...

"Consistancy is the Hobgoblin of little minds."

Decapitation shot.."Just let me get a head of you."

"Anyone for some Hobgoblin Wings?"

Gut Shot..."Awww, feeling a little Nauseous?"

"I'm gonna find your sister and Rapier her too."

[NeonRonin]

"I'm gonna find your sister and Rapier her too."

That is so NOT Elan. And I think Haley might take offense at that anyway.

[Hypothetical]

Oh, BTW, go back and re-read # 390. Elan does not need to use puns. He can use witty remarks or a catch-phrase also.

[Not a Paladin]

"SwordOn: Apply directly to the forehead!" (apply sword directly to the hobgoblin's forehead)

Hobgoblin fighter: "I wouldn't be caught dead fighting so badly!"
:elan:: "You can run THAT fast?!"

"Kill, kill, kill, kill the ugly yellow-skinned monsters!"

Hobgoblin rogue: "My blade is as sharp as my tongue!"
:elan:: "Well then, you must be using a sap!"

[Azukar]

-----

People, don't forget that Elan has to make his pun before or as he attacks; spouting a pun retrospectively won't help him at all.

[MReav]

Actions speak louder than sWords.

Knife to see you.

Elan: I am... INVISIBLE!

Hob: Uh...The line is "I am Invincible!"

(Hob gets impaled by several arrows)

Elan: The laws of dramatic irony dictate that anyone saying that line will have their vincibility proved to them in an as dramatic as possible method.

[BisectedBrioche]

*attacking a mounted target*;

"Looks like your riding a PWNy"
"You may be feeling a little horse" *stabs target in throat*

[Twilight Jack]

Hobgoblin with fifteen others, surrounding Elan: Do you really think you guys have a chance to win?

:elan: Well, we certainly plan to take a stab at it. Who knows? We might just steel away with victory, yet. It may not have struck you all yet, but we're the heroes of this story, and this siege is just another step on our run through this comic. Heck, I think we might foil your plan in time for our evening riposte. Get it? Riposte? Repast? Sheesh you can look it up in the dictionary.

Hobgoblin, with sword sticking out of him: Okay, that one I really didn't get.

:elan: . . . yeah, me neither. Oh well, I guess they can't all cut to the heart of the matter. Still, a bad joke doesn't change the fact that I'm quite the cut-up. You might say I'm a cut above the average. Or rather, you are.

Hobgoblin: Well, I think you're a hack.

:elan: Ooooo, good one! But you're not the dashing swordsman, here, so I'd appreciate if you didn't cut in. How many of you are left? See, I'm pretty keen to get this done with. I've got this girlfriend, and I was hoping that after the battle we'd have time for a bit of fencing of our own, if you know what I mean. She thinks my new style is pretty sharp. My point is, I'd appreciate it if you'd just take a tip from me, perhaps a couple pointers. Not that I'm not enjoying myself, but I've got places to be and this party is dead.

And . . . Elan takes a bow amongst the sixteen slain hobgoblins.

[jindra34]

Hobgoblin with fifteen others, surrounding Elan: Do you really think you guys have a chance to win?

:elan: Well, we certainly plan to take a stab at it. Who knows? We might just steel away with victory, yet. It may not have struck you all yet, but we're the heroes of this story, and this siege is just another step on our run through this comic. Heck, I think we might foil your plan in time for our evening riposte. Get it? Riposte? Repast? Sheesh you can look it up in the dictionary.

Hobgoblin, with sword sticking out of him: Okay, that one I really didn't get.

:elan: . . . yeah, me neither. Oh well, I guess they can't all cut to the heart of the matter. Still, a bad joke doesn't change the fact that I'm quite the cut-up. You might say I'm a cut above the average. Or rather, you are.

Hobgoblin: Well, I think you're a hack.

:elan: Ooooo, good one! But you're not the dashing swordsman, here, so I'd appreciate if you didn't cut in. How many of you are left? See, I'm pretty keen to get this done with. I've got this girlfriend, and I was hoping that after the battle we'd have time for a bit of fencing of our own, if you know what I mean. She thinks my new style is pretty sharp. My point is, I'd appreciate it if you'd just take a tip from me, perhaps a couple pointers. Not that I'm not enjoying myself, but I've got places to be and this party is dead.

And . . . Elan takes a bow amongst the sixteen slain hobgoblins.

Dude thats pure gold... 150% pure gold

[Twilight Jack]

Thank you. I try.

[NeonRonin]

All hail Twilight Jack for actually having the patience to come up with that protracted, pun-filled and highly amusing spiel. Wish I could think up things like that on the fly...

I try to to be a practitioner of wit, but usually I'm only halfway there. :smalltongue:

[Sage in the Playground]

This joke solves al problems.

"Sword in the back!"

[de-trick]

i dont miss twice(sword goes next to hobgoblin head)u cant touch this (dodge a blow)i hit twice though(hit twice)

[de-trick]

:belkar: im thinkin of paintin the castle red as a gift for Hinjo im thinkin red...blood red.......hobgoblin blood red... to bad they dont make paint that color i know ill use ur blood as paint:belkar: :belkar:

[Professor Tanhauser]

Elan surrounded by hobs: "10 against 1? Fo fair! For you."

As elan whacks the DK: "Knight must fall."

[V Junior]

Bard song AND a pun!

:elan: "Follow, follow, follow the orange brick road!"

[Setra]

:elan: I am not really left handed!

[Peacehammer]

I like big cuts and I cannot lie

*singsong voice* I cut once, I cut twice, I cut you up in a thrice, with a chop to the left and a chop to the right, I would say your't not very bright.

Note: while these are being written, I am trying to stave off the thought that a rapier is a stabbing weapon that is useless against the heavy weapons that the Hobs are using. So these puns about chopping bits off are not correct.

You are dead right

Xykon's armies are supposed to be dead, let me help you.

*hob gets hit by arrow, in pain but not dead* Here let me take your mind off that, or should I say, your HEAD.

Hobgoblins to the left of me, hobgoblins to the right, stabbing the middle at you.

-really desperate "I am very good, but it is not very pun for you"

Sorry you coudn't stay for lunch, have a rapier slice instead.

Sorry to stab and run, but I have a battle to fight

I know I am sideswiping the conversation, but your armour just can't resist it.

Let me point something out to you, my sword is in your guts.

I am afraid I have a little stubble, I didn't have time to shave - your head off.

Pain is our friend, it tells you that you are still alive - or not.

Mr Hobgoblin, I would like you to meet my friend Mr Rapier, and his associate, Mr Stab.

*first day of the month* pinch punch, first of the month and no returns
"A stab in the eye for being so sly"

If I was any quicker, I might cut myself, instead, I think I will cut you.

You know, you are as bad as I was months ago, meet the new improved me. Now with added stabbiness - not funny, but true. Sort of.

Eat my +3 damage bonus

Take a short parry from at long strike. (Some weird interpretation of take a long walk of a short pier)

I am a surgeon, have a soul-ectomy

V :vaarsuvius: is good at spelling, I like punctureation (My favourite)

Go to the head of the class

Here is a stab with a capital 'ow'

Everyting must be correct, let me dot the 't's and cross the eyes (The hobs have crossed eyes when they die)

You are wrong, you don't need a cleric to give last rites

I am on to my second wind, here is you winded

Well I am down to Phone a friend, 50-50, or stab the enemy

So sorry about your grave denamour

I think I have learned something from Belkar, it is better to have stabbed and missed, then to have never stabbed at all.

I guess you will have to miss the after battle party, that is only for people who are alive.

That stuff oozing out of you has pusibilities

Elan: Would you kill someone after they surrender?
Hob: No
Elan: *Stab* I surrender

You look tired after climbing that wall, let me give you a final rest.

Hob: you got a tiny weapon
Elan: It isn't the size, it is what you do with it that counts :wink:

How many hobgoblins did you say Xykon has? Well here is one less

One man went to stab, went to stab a hobgoblin, one man and his rapier, went to stab the hobgoblin

It feels like Christmas, santa and his slay.

Elan: It is a simple story, worthy of my skill as a bard, boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy gets separated from girl, boy becomes actually quite good at fighting from some odd geezer, boy gets involved in a climactic battle with thousands of hobgoblins, boy kills hobgoblin. *stab*
2nd Hobgoblin: I don't understand,
Elan: let me explain the main points *stabs second HG*, I love debating the cut and thrust *stabs 3rd, and 4th HG* of epic stories.

Good point, but not as good as mine!





Well, I think that I have found my talent in life. I could sit here all day, and make these up. Probably best not to...

[Azukar]

This just in from messr. Nick Nordin, who is having some problems accessing the forums at present:

"You may be kobold, but are you ko-daring?" It was inspired by a chip
commercial he saw a while ago, and thought he would be fitting.

(I haven't seen the ad, so it means naught to me...)

[Dragor]

"Here's a tip for your services!"

"I'll slash the cost for that delivery!" *thrusts with rapier*

"I don't like kosher kebab.... I'll think I'll have a hob-kebob!"

[SolkaTruesilver]

You missed my point

I'm tired of this job, goblin

[Dimlos]

"Orange you glad I can't Power Attack?"
"Are you sick? I ask because you're turning a little Green!
(slice)"OH! I thought you were cheese."
"Welcome to the Nine Hells of Butt-or!" (attack from the rear)

[Silverhawk1o1]

*As he trips hobgoblin off of tower* Have a nice trip, see ya next Fall!, ok that is horrible

[Axl_Rose]

I think you should work less on your uppercuts and more on your stabs

[Professor Tanhauser]

You hobs never were up to the cut and thrust of a good conversation!

[Nimelennar]

It's almost noon: time for some lunge!
Today's special; Duck a l'Orange
served with a side of blood sausage!
It was prepared by the cook with great gutso!
If you can't wait, we have lots of hors-d'oeuvres to hold you over!
And for dessert, you can have a slice of chocolate cake!
Thank you for lunching at the Cafe Elan! Hob a nice day!

[Idless]

"You see, I have several hobbies that I am in-to

[MReav]

(To axe wielder) You're such a hack.

[Freelance Henchman]

"Is that a rapier in your chest or are you just glad to see me?"

To blunt-weapon-wielding hobgoblin: "Your argument is utterly pointless"

"Don't you think you should give pierce a chance?"

"May I a-skewer ('ask you') something?" (ok, so this one's exceptionally bad :smallwink:)

"I notice you hobgoblins are all lily-livered, bleeding-heart liberals!"

"I think it's time you hobbos showed some backbone!"

[BisectedBrioche]

"Tea time? I could really do with some chocolate hob-nobs"

[ObsidianRose]

Sorry to leave, but it was knife meeting you

[RowlieBowlie]

Allow me to point out the one flaw in your armorclass

[valis]

Hey, this is fun.

"I'm more than just a Bard you know. One has to B-Sharp to multiclass."

For Roy or V in 441: "Who says you can't get a-head in life?"

[NeonRonin]

(Interrupting two hobgoblins that are swarming an AC soldier- or even better, Haley) You don't mind if I cut in, do you?

Say hello to your god for me!

Your offensive tactics are so laughable, it's side-splitting!

(I would almost suggest 'Nobody nose(jabs hobgoblin in the face) the troubles I've seen', but nobody has noses in this comic anyhow.)

[Silverlocke980]

"This. Is. My. Pointy Stick!

Oh heaven above, I shouldn't be on this thread. It's like a baby in a candy store. That sells crack.

More bad movie references...

" This. Is. Azure City!" (Can't claim as an original- somebody thought this one up on "V's four words" thread, and I couldn't help but post it here).

" Good. Bad. I'm the guy with the sword!"

" Hey! I've got a match! Your face, my ass!"

" Yell-o down there, Hobgoblins! Orange you glad to see me?"
(Does he get double bonus if he uses two puns for one attack?)

" Your ears are pointed. Good! So's my sword!"

" You guys are just ax-ing for it!"

" What's a hobgoblin's favorite meal? Shish-ka-bob!"

" What's a hobgoblin's favorite cooking utensil? Skewer!"

" What's a hobgoblin's favorite piece of meat? The cut!"

" What's a hobgoblin's favorite kind of meat? Spit Roast!"

Oh man, I could go on all day.