Grevesh the Story

[Breccia]

I wrote up a story in my spare time, based on a D&D character of mine in a campaign that ended too soon, and shared it with a few people. One of them is my younger brother, who is trying to convince me to self-publish. I remain unconvinced, partly because of the up-front price tag, and partly because I'm not sure my work is good enough to charge actual money for.

But I do think it's good enough to give away for free!

So here you go: Grevesh the Story. Hope you like it. Constructive criticism is welcome.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1B974b_cRv4TmjBFePH572buLEERV19rGiNrWjoLN8Kc/edit

Fair warning, Google Docs is not my specialty, so let me know if that link doesn't work.

[Lady Moreta]

Just wanted to let you know that the link works :smallsmile:

Also to ask if you mind if I convert this to epub form so I can read it on my ereader. I can't read off a computer screen for very long, and the ereader is easier on my eyes. I'd be happy to send the final version to you, so you have it in epub form yourself.

[Breccia]

I'm not actually familiar with epub but, sure, why not.

[Lethologica]

That's a lot of creative output. More than I've ever done, for sure. *salutes*

Still, if we look at it from the perspective of publication quality, there's a lot to talk about.

I think the high-level issue is that the story feels unmotivated. Grevesh is just passing through, and is largely invested in his own agenda, which has no relevance to the story. Human-dragonborn dynamics are only treated in the most superficial manner. Flen has no reason to place such a high value on a single street brat. Salia's problems are largely informed. The shadow council is amusing, but purely sideline material. All in all, the story doesn't seem to be 'about' anything. This is a common pitfall for stories built from D&D sessions, where such directed storytelling would require railroading. (See also: why Lord of the Rings makes for a bad game of D&D. (http://www.shamusyoung.com/twentysidedtale/?p=612))

On a prose level, the quality is hit-or-miss. Flen's set piece with the bandits was probably the most fun to read, and the magic questions got me chuckling. On the flip side, there's a lot of over-narration going on, and frequently the characters behave in ways that don't seem to match their background and circumstances. The interactions between Salia and Flem in chapter 1 are a good example of this--Flem seems like he's wheedling a sullen teenager to try a new exercise, rather than hazing a street brat in his gang.

I would call this a success, because you wrote and completed a fairly long story, and generated interesting voices, ideas, places, and lines that you could use in future work. However, I would not attempt to publish the story in its present form.