Gamer Humor Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition III: Now with 50% more DigoDragon [Archive] - Page 2

Sith_Happens

2015-05-18, 02:05 AM

I think the contexts of quite a few of these can be inferred... It was that kind of session again.

DM: "Congratulations, you have now heard insurance commercial fanfiction."
Logan (OOC): "And it was actually pretty darn good."

Logan (OOC): "I'm still kind of a newb, really."
Shonen (OOC): "As I'm reminded almost every time you have an idea."
Logan (OOC): "[DM], you're my new friend at this table."

Shonen (OOC): "I just had the best idea, if we put [August's player] and on the same character, together they'll be an entire player."
[B]Bedistair (OOC): "Yes, put both of the least punctual players together on the same character. That's definitely a good idea."

Elphinna: "Now that you've sold the hydra, a certain elf wants her cut for taking it out in the first place."
Logan: "...Fine, how much do you want?"
Elphinna: "Half."
Logan: "One quarter, and I blow your mind later."
Elphinna: "One third, and I'm in charge."
Logan: "Deal."
Elphinna: "Pleasure doing business with you."
Logan: "I believe the pleasure's happening later."

DM: "Anyone else doing anything in the city?"
Gilt (Fenir): "I want to rob a bank."
Rest of the Table: "Wait, what?"

Co-DM: "These guards are having a really ****ty day."
Logan (OOC): "You're the ones making it be such a ****ty day for them. All we wanted was to rob this bank."

Logan (OOC): "I'm taking an alignment shift for this aren't I?"
DM: "Yes."
Shonen (OOC): "Whatever, it's not like you've been acting all that Good up to this point anyways."

Shonen: "I just had the best idea. By any chance do Bedistair and I wander close enough to the robbery to notice that there's some sort of commotion going on and intervene?"
Bedistair: "I am for this."
DM: "Sure, why not."
Logan: "Oh god."

Captain of Bank Guards: "Look, you know what? This job sucks anyways, gimmie six of those bars for me to retire with and I'll say you got away."
Logan: "How about: I open the door, you charge me, I knock you out, and hide the gold on you."
Captain: "No, they might find it there, leave it in the stables next door."
DM: "Just then the whole building starts to shake violently, and after that the air disappears."
Shonen: "Uh oh."

Captain: "So you're saying an evil wizard made this [ridiculously huge] chasm. Is there anyone doing something about him?"
Shonen: "We've sort of been doing that. Kind of got dragged into it really."
Captain: [*turns to Logan*] "And yet to took the time to rob a bank."
Shonen: "Wait, what's this about robbing a bank? I was just there, so that's what was going on. Logan?"
Logan: "What?"
Shonen: "Who else?"
Elphinna: [*taps Shonen's shoulder from behind*] "Hi."
Logan: "C'mon. Gilt was robbing the place and Elphinna started to help and she asked me if I wanted to help and well I didn't want my friends to get stabbed and then I figured 'Hey as long as I'm helping them not get stabbed I-might-as-well-get-some-money-out-of-it' andthenonethingledtoanotherand [*devolves into Cosby impersonation*]."

DM: "You can now see that the entire cavern is covered in crystals, like a giant geode."
Fenir: "What kind of crystals?"
DM: "Diamo- No, something else."
Fenir: "Quartz is usually what it is."
DM: "Yes, it's quartz. That makes much more sense."
Shonen: "That, and if you'd said 'diamonds' the mining would begin."

Shonen: "What a view, glad we found this thing. Are you sure you didn't find any traps or scrying devices or 'Honor Unirex'-es scrawled anywhere Elphi... Elphinna? Where'd she go?"
[*Beat*]
Shonen: "Now that I think about it, where'd Logan run off to?"
[*Beat*]
Shonen: [*throws up over side of airship*] "Uh, must be the altitude."
Gilt (Fenir): [*snickers*]

Elphinna: "You lucked out, Beguilers do not know Animate Rope."
Logan: "And now I need to get that out of my head..."

Elphinna: "Ooh, I just had the best idea. I moan telepathically into everyone's heads on the ship, except Logan's so he doesn't know I'm doing it."
Shonen: "I throw up over the side the ship again, then frantically search it for anything made of lead that I might be able to wrap around my head."

Bedistair: "Hey, what's the AC on your ****?"
Logan: "Depends, what's the AC on your neck?"

DM: "You all hear an explosion below deck."
Everyone: "We go check it out."
DM: "There's a hole in the side of the ship where Shonen pulled the lead sheet from."
Shonen: "What? How was I supposed to know?"
DM: "As you say that, the storm pulls apart at the hull and the hole gets bigger."
Shonen: "How was a lead sheet supposed to stop this anyways?"
DM: "It was magic."
Shonen: "I straighten it and put it back."

DM: "Lightning strikes the sails and tears them up."
Shonen: "Did we need those for anything?"
Logan: "For sailing."
Shonen: "Well we're not sailing right now. Speaking, shouldn't we speed this thing up? Like, a lot?"
August: "Jeeves, make it so."

DM: "You can see the island in the distance. Another bolt of lightning strikes, this one's a lot more devastating. It blows through the hull."
Shonen: "Faster? I think we should go faster."
DM: "The engines have just caught on fire."
Shonen: "Dangit."

Ozzim (Fenir): "What are we doing about the engine fire?"
Shonen: "We have ten gallons of shapesand that can function as sand if need be."

Shonen: "So I have a crazy idea, and by 'crazy idea' I mean 'be a lightning rod.' Who's with me?"
Everyone Else: [*silence*]
Shonen: "...Fine. Ozzim, you at least come with me for healing."

DM: "You hear the voice on the wind again, you can tell this time that's it's saying 'Just DIE!' A bolt of lightning strikes your sword."
Shonen: "WALL OF BLADES. [*rolls*] Does the lightning bolt hit a 31?"
DM: "The lightning absorbs entirely into your sword."
Shonen: "I was thinking more 'redirect it into the water nearby,' but that works too."

DigoDragon

2015-05-18, 07:24 AM

Zazzolin (NPC): "Can you survive 10 fireballs to the face?

Fireball Facials have been trending lately on the quote thread. O.o`

"Deicide is easy. Dealing with the wife, considerably less so."

*Nervous laugh*

Logan (OOC): "You're the ones making it be such a ****ty day for them. All we wanted was to rob this bank."

I'm amused that robbing a bank wasn't the worst thing to happen this session for the city. :smallbiggrin:

Inevitability

2015-05-18, 02:16 PM

Paladin: Great, I'm cursed with hammer-failing-ness.
Wizard: Repeated statement on curses and the removal thereof.
Paladin: On the other hand, the laws of probability dicatate my next roll should be better! I roll again!
Wizard: That's not how probability works.
Me: You are now a Destroyer of Trees. Whenever you touch a nonmagical, nonanimate tree, you can make it turn to dust.
Wizard: That has to be the most useless ability ever.

[Fast forward several days]

Me: You arrive back in town, searching for a cleric powerful enough to resurrect your poor, poor, dead rogue. If only he didn't decide to attack a monster while at five HP. Anyways, that weird old lady from before comes running at you. She screams something about...
Wizard: We don't have time for this. Monk?
Monk: I punch the hag. Non-lethally, of course.
Me: ... Fine. She falls to the ground, knocked out by your powerful blow. The city guard arrives, demanding you surrender.
Wizard: We're ten levels above them. If you want to supply us with free XP, there are better ways. Most of them involving fire.
Paladin: Wait! I punch a tree! A moment later, I shout 'DO NOT HURT US, OR THIS WILL HAPPEN TO YOU TOO!'
Me: What's that supposed to... Oh. Yeah, the guards back off.
Wizard: :smalleek:

Me: While you are heroically fighting your share of hideous Yetis, two others start dragging off the unconscious monk. I guess you've learned a valueable lesson about charging ahead of the party. Improved move speed does not mean you have to use it.
Wizard: I fireball both yetis!
Me: The monk is in between them.
Wizard: He'll be fine, he's got Evasion.
Monk: Not when I'm unconscious.
Wizards: You don't?

DigoDragon

2015-05-19, 06:59 AM

Doc: “What are doctors like in your land? More magical and probably a lot cleaner than what I work with?”
Mirror: (Uncomfortable pause) “My oldest brother knows magic to soften bone, but he uses it to fight.”

Nightcore: “I guess you're asking how long we've been together. Nine years, give or take a few months.”
Viridia: “Damn. You beat my record by a good nine years and a few months.”

Doc: “Then again, it might not be too cold down here for you. I noticed you tend to be quite comfortable outside when I'm freezing my tail off.”
Mirror: (Amused) “It is not cold.”
Doc: “I suppose it really isn't, especially if you're close by me.”

Viridia: “If Doc wants griffon-feathers, Viridia will be happy to help him find one to pluck.”
Doc: “I would be... down with that.”

Doc: “That being said, I suddenly have a crazy idea for an end-game side quest to give Doc. Become Unicorn!”
Moon: “Why Unicorn, when you can become a Pegasus! Realize your destiny, Doc! Come fly with us!”
Doc: “Maybe. There is a question about what Pegasus perks I would qualify for. It won't be worth much if I can't improve my ability to fly.”
Moon: “Then, you realize that Mirror is into mares and join the rest of us that way too.”
Doc: “The sausage stays.”

Viridia: “I'm just annoyed that there's no zebra necromancy. They're a part of the lore, damnit.”
GM: “Oh, there is! But that's Grade-A evil and could have the effect of 'I steal your soul' to 'Drinking the blood of orphans keeps my skin tight'.”
Viridia: “Anti-Necro propaganda.”
Doc: “Has to be. Special Snowflake had skin tight enough to bounce quarters, but I'm pretty sure she was the one drinking souls with those blood baths and not the other way around.”

Doc: “First Viridia made all the mares on two pages of the thread pregnant, then everyone declared Doc/Mirror their OTP, now we have—'I love Iris'.”
Viridia: “And after, what, three Iris quotes? I think they have the Oakville fungus.”
Moon: “You keep that up and soon Doc is going to quote us talking about the quote thread.”
Doc: “How meta... maybe I should, just to see who notices.”
Moon: “Do it!”

Viridia: “I like how the woman is smiling. She's getting burned to death, and she just don't give a Pipbuck.”
Moon: “Wouldn't you want green wood? I mean yeah, the fire would hurt more, but there would be more smoke to choke to death on.”
Doc: “Ideally Doc doesn't want any woo-- hang on, I need to think about how I want to word this…”
Viridia: “Doc doesn't want pe***es? I mean, wood? Damnit, why is innuendo so erect? I mean, hard.”

Necromantic Spirit: “I don't care how you kill the ponies, so long as they fold and fit neatly under a grave.”

GM: “My internet search history looks positively horrendous, thanks to this game.”

GM: “At the moment, the most pressing matter going on is that dinner might start, eventually.”
Doc: “I hope that 'eventually' is soon. I'm pretty much out of topics to discuss that don't involve Tirkes, metagaming, or setting something on fire.”
Viridia: “I think setting things on fire is an admirable goal.”

Nightcore: “But what made you think I'm a Stable pony in the first place, huh?”
Viridia: “Well, you've got curves, while I'm scrawnier than burned jerky.”
Nightcore: “If you want an explanation for my ass, it is because Glory cooks like a pro, but she learned to cook from a manual that had butter as a food group.”

goto124

2015-05-19, 08:03 AM

Moon: "Then, you realize that Mirror is into mares and join the rest of us that way too.”
Doc: “The sausage stays.”

Meanwhile, from these very forums:

PC1: "You threatened my girl... my boyfriend."

I'm not sure if it makes any more sense in context, to be honest.

Senshi Akai

2015-05-19, 09:06 AM

Viridia: “Stealth Bach! He's the world's deadliest composer.”

I don't know why, but I laughed so much after reading that that I think my coworkers are calling the hospital. I still can't read it without giggling.

Some quotes from yesterday (not exactly in order, of course):

DM: So, you agree with captain Johnny Tripps.
Paladin: Captain Johnny Depp.
DM: No, it is...
Sorceress: Pretty sure I heard Johnny Depp.
Rogue: Yep, Johnny Depp.
DM: :smallannoyed:

DM: A huge yugoloth appears before you. He is trying to sink the ship.
Paladin (OOC): *gets up, walks to the door* Okay, great session, see you next week!

Rogue: Damn! Begin operation hot pepper!
Sorceress: Operation hot pepper commencing.
Paladin: That serious? We are screwed.
DM: I... Uh... What?
*a few rounds later, the party creates a huge pepper smoke with fire to distract the enemies*
DM: So, it was not a code?
Rogue: Why would we need a code to fool you? :smallbiggrin:

Sorceress: I could cast an illusion to help us steal that boat.
Paladin: Wait, are you stealing the boat?
Rogue: No, we are renting another boat
Sorceress: Yes, a very similar boat! To rescue that fisherman!
Paladin: I don't know... I should check that.
Raven Familiar: Caw caw caw. Caw caw. Caw! *nat 20 in Bluff*
Paladin: Oh, okay then.

DM: So, captain Johnny takes you to...
Paladin: Johnny who?
DM: Johnny Depp... I mean, Johnny Tripps! Gah!
Barbarian: Johnny Depp confirmed!
*table burst in laughs*

Necroticplague

2015-05-19, 10:54 AM

"((Yep, I'm dead. Don't worry, I'll get better ;) ))"

"Goddang. I try and run an intrigue-based Sidereal campaign, and you guys turn it into kung-fu Dilbert."

Karl Aegis

2015-05-19, 04:09 PM

Player: "Is the merchant wearing any gloves?"

DM: "You do not see any gloves on the merchant."

Player: "I check to see if he is wearing invisible gloves."

DM: "..."

Player: "..."

DM: "So you found out about it."

Merchants often carried a glove that was extradimensional storage space for a wand with enough metamagic on it to kill an adult red dragon with fire damage through its fire immunity. I believe it was either 940 or 960 fire damage, half of which ignored immunity or resistance. You generally didn't want to be on the receiving end of the spell.

Beige

2015-05-19, 04:21 PM

DM: "So you found out about it."

this last line.... it killed me for reasons I cannot explain

Rater202

2015-05-19, 05:14 PM

...Can we get some spoilered Heresy on that?

Fumble Jack

2015-05-19, 09:48 PM

From a 5e game.

Druid: (Whispers in Elvish to Bard): The cultists are in a cave in the forest, there's 13 of them & they have a fiend with them.

Paladin (getting annoyed) : I don't speak that

Bard : I shall convey this in interpretive dance! (Does so).

later on

Bard Cultist pin cushion, now just 3 easy payments of 19.99!

Bard I'm inspiring you to fastball special the lion (said to the Paladin in regards to the druid)

Sith_Happens

2015-05-19, 10:19 PM

Doc: “First Viridia made all the mares on two pages of the thread pregnant, then everyone declared Doc/Mirror their OTP, now we have—'I love Iris'.”
Viridia: “And after, what, three Iris quotes? I think they have the Oakville fungus.”
Moon: “You keep that up and soon Doc is going to quote us talking about the quote thread.”
Doc: “How meta... maybe I should, just to see who notices.”
Moon: “Do it!”

Have you told them my perk idea?:smallbiggrin:

...Can we get some spoilered Heresy on that?

Did someone say "heresy?"

http://new4.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/God+damn+bowl+heretics+are+at+it+again+_471fddd6e4 01c5322361ac1a6fd3b752.gif

SickBritKid

2015-05-19, 11:26 PM

For those wondering: Yes, I did drop into a near-perfect impression of Cosby at that point in my dialogue.

TheHoodedTeddy

2015-05-20, 07:09 AM

Sorcerer: This statement is false!
Warforged: Sentience.exe has encountered a problem and needs to close, would you like to send an error report?

Sorcerer: I yell "watch this!" And cast scorching ray at him!
DM: As with the last spell you tried, it bounces back and hits you, and *rolls* your shirt is now on fire. The flame retardant foam sprays at you from the ceiling, and the (obviously evil) enchanter says...
Enchanter: Oh, wow, an automatic extinguishing fluid dispenser! And here I thought you were actually trying uselessly to kill me!
Sorcerer: Oh ye of little faith.

DigoDragon

2015-05-20, 07:29 AM

Rogue: Why would we need a code to fool you?

Speaking of burns. :smallbiggrin:
Hope your GM is graceful with those.

and you guys turn it into kung-fu Dilbert."

Wow. Just... wow.

Have you told them my perk idea?

Oh yes, I have.
Reactions were... mixed. Some like it, some hate, and the GM cackled madly to himself and started scribbling notes I assume will lead to my doom. :3

Warforged: Sentience.exe has encountered a problem and needs to close, would you like to send an error report?

DBZ Abridged reference? Even if not, it's darn hilarious. :smallbiggrin:

Caelyth

2015-05-20, 08:58 AM

*Party finds strange dark glowing rune in forest with possesed wolves*
Halfling Rogue: I lick it:
DM: You...lick it?
Halfling: Yes!
DM: Roll a wisdom save
Halfling: *Rolls a 12*
DM: You are not possesed, but you have a feeling your tongue wants you to kill something
Halfling: *Proudly declares to the party, including a warlock* This rune tastes evil!
Halfling player (OOC): Can I get taste magic as a skill?

Sith_Happens

2015-05-20, 08:59 AM

Oh yes, I have... the GM cackled madly to himself and started scribbling notes I assume will lead to my doom. :3

http://i.imgur.com/vGq1cGH.gif

goto124

2015-05-20, 09:18 AM

Hmm, I wonder what wouldn't happened if he failed his Will save...

Caelyth

2015-05-20, 09:26 AM

Hmm, I wonder what wouldn't happened if he failed his Will save...

Well...I'm the DM of that game and I had expected the warlock to make a check to see if he could identify it...but since noone did something the Halfling took action. I honestly would have had to think about what woud have happened to the Halfling at that point, luckily I didn't tho'^^ (They did some other...unexpected things aswell...maybe I will write a journal...or report here more often.)

Same session, fight against said posessed wolves (and a worg, it's a lvl 1 party but they got out lucky that time)

Halfling: I keep hiding this turn and don't attack yet.
DM (me): Why if I may ask?
Halfling: Obviously it will be more dramatic if I hold my attack until next turn to heroically save the party!
DM: Allllright.
(He got advantage for that since we are playing 5e and he picked the whole dramatic thingy in his background, I know it's not that great but...gotta contribute to the topic! :P)

TheHoodedTeddy

2015-05-20, 11:50 AM

DBZ Abridged reference? Even if not, it's darn hilarious. :smallbiggrin:

In reaction to a portal 2 reference, yes.

kopout

2015-05-20, 01:40 PM

"That's why you get charisma added to your grapple"

"Its going to take us a while to burrow through the giant."

Rater202

2015-05-20, 05:54 PM

Me:We've quite literally derailed the train so much that it's gone onto a completely different of tracks that just so happen to have a stop in the same town.

flame12

2015-05-20, 11:41 PM

DM: Stop trying to break your characters!
P3: We were just trying to make our characters into potatoes.

P3: We would like to play our characters before they go squidge.

P1: I have explosives!
P3: We are in a reactor!

P1: Maybe we should go baby hunting.

Sith_Happens

2015-05-21, 01:15 AM

"That's why you get charisma added to your grapple"

http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/r2d/images/6/69/George-Takei-oh-my.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20140823031959

DigoDragon

2015-05-21, 07:08 AM

Viridia: “If I had curves, magic, and a fold-out plasma cannon, I'd be set for life.”
Moon: “What would you do with more curves Viridia? Cause traffic accidents?”

Doc: “Mental to-do note #2-- burn that body behind the mayor's office. It's getting odiferous.”

Viridia: “Speaking of plasma cannons, should dinner be about ready by now?”
Moon: “I hope so, I'm pretty hungry.”
Nightcore: “Dinner is probably done, yeah, but I thought we were having a conversation about Viridia's ass. Unless that makes you hungry?”
Moon: “Ha! No offense Viridia, but as pretty as you are, I know going after you would be nothing but trouble.”
Viridia: “You're right. Teaching you how to please a mare would take way too much time.”
Moon: “Ooh, snippy.”

GM: “Also, there's a conversation about butts.”
Doc: “But not the kind of butt Doc would prefer to talk about.”
Moon: “Doc isn't all about that bass then huh?”
Doc: “He would be, but Mirror hasn't been described that way and there isn't another NPC mare at all that's been keen on Doc.”
Viridia: “Really, Viridia's the only one drowning in flank.”

Doc: “Perhaps I'm going about this all wrong. What Doc should do is take Mirror to the tavern after dinner and both of them get plastered. Being wasted has not failed to yield results.”

GM: “If you can't break down a NPC to their basic mechanical components, what sort of game would this be?”

Doc: “Well sure, it would be nice to know what's under the horn.”
Viridia: “The skull.”
Doc: “I just know that if I had said ‘Under the hood’, you'd have an even worse joke.”

Viridia: “If Sunrise were forbidden from intercourse, would that make him a Eunuchorn?”

Doc: “I could ask Glorious for pointers on ‘How to Keep Your Unicorn Happy’.”
GM: “Feed and water Unicorn every day. Please do not rub the Unicorn's horn without explicit permission. If Unicorn shows signs of mental corruption or delusions of grandeur, the Unicorn is properly working as these are not delusions. If Unicorn's magic changes colors, tell your doctor.”
Doc: “I am a doctor.”
GM: “Resetting a Unicorn back to factory conditions while in use is unadvised.”
Doc: Wait, what?”
GM: “Well, it is good advice. Rebooting your Unicorn should only be done under extraneous circumstances. Also, you should never power down your Unicorn when they are getting their system updates.

Viridia: “GM, I think you should reward Moonshadow and Doc with the Brown Noser perk. They've really put the effort in, and I think they deserve it.”
Moon: “Hey, just because basic manners and politeness are beyond Viridia doesn't mean we should get rewarded for it.”
Viridia: “Please. Basic manners is going ‘Dinner looks good’ and ‘Thanks’. Not 500 hundred word long speeches about how good the food is.”
Doc: “I have been hungry since waking up around page 2 of the thread, making 475 of those words an ulterior motive to get on the cook's good side purely for the purposes of stuffing my face full of buttery calories.”

Glorious: “Oh, Nightcore is wonderful, but she cannot make toast.”

goto124

2015-05-21, 07:27 AM

Flank jokes never get old.

DigoDragon

2015-05-21, 07:31 AM

Flank jokes never get old.

They never do. :smallbiggrin:
That and jokes about the undead, according to the GM.

Lord Torath

2015-05-21, 08:07 AM

Doc: “I could ask Glorious for pointers on ‘How to Keep Your Unicorn Happy’.”
GM: “Feed and water Unicorn every day. Please do not rub the Unicorn's horn without explicit permission. If Unicorn shows signs of mental corruption or delusions of grandeur, the Unicorn is properly working as these are not delusions. If Unicorn's magic changes colors, tell your doctor.”
Doc: “I am a doctor.”
GM: “Resetting a Unicorn back to factory conditions while in use is unadvised.”
Doc: Wait, what?”
GM: “Well, it is good advice. Rebooting your Unicorn should only be done under extraneous circumstances. Also, you should never power down your Unicorn when they are getting their system updates.Huh. I'd have thought booting your unicorn even once would make it extremely cranky, let alone booting it twice! Even if you don't wear horseponyshoes! :smalltongue::smallbiggrin:

Necroticplague

2015-05-21, 08:19 AM

"Hmmm...this seems suspicious."
"Time for an Operation Amtrack?"
"Definitely."
"Your guys habit of speaking like spies about your game plans is still unnerving."

Dasgovernator

2015-05-22, 12:00 AM

DM: "The Toothnado subsides"

Adarius: "Ayla! You got me on my knees, Ayla! Begging darling please, Ayla! Darling won't you ease my worried pride"

Adarius: "I just exploded him non-lethally"

DM: "There's two in the barrel, one in the hand, and five on the Monk"

Adarius: "Biting the Head off of the tooth fairy seems mildly Ironic"

Dexam

2015-05-22, 12:06 AM

Starswirl the Bearded (IC): "Now, Deepwood, stop that - we are here to coexist and make peace. Otherwise you will have to hug the chicken."
Me (OOC): Please tell me that's a typo, or there's an actual chicken, and it's not some horribly twisted metaphor? :smalleek:
GM (OOC): Did you forget the rubber chicken?
Me (OOC): I thought it was a duck? :smallconfused:
GM (OOC): Maybe it was a duck and Starswirl is referring to it as a chicken. :smalltongue::smallwink:
Me (OOC): So you're saying that Starswirl just "fowled" up? :smallwink:

http://mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw2219-c36.gif

flame12

2015-05-22, 12:59 AM

Adarius: "I just exploded him non-lethally"

How? :smalleek:

Beige

2015-05-22, 01:21 AM

How? :smalleek:

Merciful Implosion?

cavalieredraghi

2015-05-22, 01:38 AM

DM *me*: Stares at group.

Warlock: what what did we just find.

Rogue: It is going to kill us isn't it?

Bard: No Don't leave the page we just go the Deck of many things!
Dialog later
Dm: A complete Deck of many things. FUUUUUUUUU!!!!!

DigoDragon

2015-05-22, 07:35 AM

Me (OOC): So you're saying that Starswirl just "fowled" up? :smallwink:

Excellent. :smallbiggrin:

How? :smalleek:

Normally I'm all for asking questions about really REALLY strange quotes... but I'm going to pass on this one.

Dm: A complete Deck of many things. FUUUUUUUUU!!!!!

My personal experience is that the party will mostly kill themselves off with it.

cavalieredraghi

2015-05-22, 11:17 AM

Excellent. :smallbiggrin:

Normally I'm all for asking questions about really REALLY strange quotes... but I'm going to pass on this one.

My personal experience is that the party will mostly kill themselves off with it.

Actually half of the party got The Void Card. So ya they pretty much did kill themselves off.

The other half kept on drawing Sun Throne and Gem! over and over again.

one of them drew Sun twice in a row!

TheHoodedTeddy

2015-05-22, 06:45 PM

Rogue: Did... Did the ring just eat the enchanter?
Me: Better than a rice cooker.

Sorceror: I distract him by running around in circles yelling "Rhombus."

Other Sorceror: I roll to see if I can find any miraculous objects that make everything better. *Rolls 2 20s*
DM: You find a bin labled "Miraculous Objects That Make Everything Better: 50gp Each."

Brendanicus

2015-05-22, 06:49 PM

We can never be big enough to escape the salsa!

DigoDragon

2015-05-22, 09:58 PM

Doc: “Ready to experience the joy of waffles?”
Mirror: “Yes. …Is it an animal?”

GM: “Well, not everyone on Evil Pony Iceland has the ability or resources to be nobles. After all, all societies need designated victims, right?”

Glorious: “I would like to say that I hope that this is acceptable.”
Moon: “Well it tastes pretty good to me, but maybe I should double check.” (Refills plate with waffles)

Doc: “See, Doc is going to build the world's first Clinic Waffle House. Come for a checkup, stay for the waffles. Nothing makes a patient feel better after getting stitched back together than a plate of buttery goodness to drown the pain.”
Viridia: “Unless they're in for a heart attack.”
Doc: “...okay maybe not then.”

GM: “Because every game I have had with it is hilarious, and could be summed up as a very nice series of critical hit tables. It takes the group being murder-hobos as the default state of the party and runs with it.”

Viridia: “…while they also have the most well-equipped library this side of some pre-war stallion's porn collection.”

Doc: “Who in this town with a name DOESN'T have personal secrets?”
Viridia: “Sir Not-Appearing-In-This-Town?”

GM: “Mirror Armor seemed a little confused by the events occurring near her, but apparently she had found her purpose in life (consuming waffles), and as such went right back to her meal.”

Viridia: “Your idea is bad and you should feel bad!”
Doc: “Thanks mom.”

Andante: “When has waking a dragon ever ended well, now?”
Moon: “She seemed alright, for a dragon.”
Andante: “A shark could be alright, for a shark, but it still would be a shark.”

Moon: “Nightcore could afford to lose a few pounds anyways.”
Doc: “But she's our secret defense weapon against Iris!”

Moon: “Still Moonshadow hasn't particularly seen much of what they have that she currently wants, so someone in the party would have to request a theft.”
Doc: “I'd like to order a #11 Oceans combo, supersized drink please.”
Moon: “That'll be 100 000 000 bits.”
Doc: “What? That's robbery! ...oh wait, so it is.”

Doc: “Just played the ‘Cooking Mama Glorious Edition’ game-- basically make dinner and slather everything with butter. Works for fish, but I think I defeated the purpose of the vegetables.”

GM: “Andante Shine was the sort of pony who frowned at minor problems and smiled brightly at larger ones.”
Doc: “I'm wondering if I should be amused or concerned that subconsciously Doc sometimes does the same thing.”

GM: (Impersonating Doc) “I'm wanting to date a classist unicorn-supremacist who thinks society is best when there's illiterate peasants involved for work and personal recreation.”

Glorious: “I would be interested in testing out some of my new absinthiana with guests.”
Viridia: (Blinks) “Absinwhatsit?”

goto124

2015-05-23, 04:11 AM

Doc: “Ready to experience the joy of waffles?”
Mirror: “Yes. …Is it an animal?”

Did Doc mean waffles, or 'waffles' if you know what I mean?

Yukitsu

2015-05-23, 04:26 AM

DM: I literally have no idea why you three would work together, know one another or even become shadowrunners to be honest. All of you have day jobs of some sort, or investments, or are in jail.
Player 1: Well, we aren't good shadowrunners.

Me: I just feel as though Banshee and pop star idol works perfectly well together.
DM: I think your victims would disagree.
Me: Would they rather be killed by a Banshee who is not also a pop star idol?
DM: I think they don't want to be killed at all.

Me: Nah, I get paid like, 15K a month, I don't really need to take this job for the money.
Player 1: Why are you even here?

Me: I pick up my spirit of guidance and shake it up while asking "Oh magic 8 ball, what is the answer to our quest?"
DM: I'm going to give you the right answer, but your employer isn't going to take your magic 8 ball's answer as being correct, even if it is a magical divining spirit.

Me: This job was great, I can even chock up the hours and hours we're spending on it as my day job.
DM: You're getting paid four times for this job. That's retarded. And worst part is, you don't even need the money.

Player 1: If I see any of the pigs the only thing I'm saying is "you'll never take me alive!"
Player 2: Done this before I see.
Player 1: And they called my bluff back then too.

Player 1: "OK you two. We did your stupid thing, we went to your stupid thing. *kicks open gate and pulls out lock picks* Now it's time to do my stupid thing!"

Me: Oh, so the guy's a ghoul.
DM: You see one fridge full of meat and you immediately say that. Maybe he's just unhealthy.
-Later-
DM: So you open up the door and it's a room filled with ghouls.
Me: Told you!

DM: OK, so your Mr. Johnson tells you to sit down and order some food.
Me: *beat* Oh no, I made another character that can't eat at the meetings!
Player 1: That's your thing now, you're never allowed to make a character that can properly sit down and eat during meetings or in front of the party.

Inevitability

2015-05-23, 07:05 AM

Frost Giant: Stop here. This is Grurk mountain. You want pass, you pay.
Wizard: Fine. How much?
Frost Giant: Thousand gold.
Wizard: How the frigg does he earn any money that way? Who can pay so much?
Frost Giant: Grurk uses economical logicks. If few people can pay the money, the ones who can should pay a lot.
Wizard: Fine, fine. I show him my wand of Detect Magic. Can I exchange it for free passage?
Me: The giant accepts the item and lets you, and you alone, pass.
Monk: I show him the giant skull we found yesterday. I tell the giant it's magical and will allow him to sense when something bad will happen.
Frost Giant: *uses wand* YOU LIE TO GRURK! GRURK SMASHES!
Monk: Before I get smashed by a boulder the size of a horse, can I punch the wizard?

DigoDragon

2015-05-23, 07:49 AM

Did Doc mean waffles, or 'waffles' if you know what I mean?

Just waffles. Not sure I get what the quotation mark meaning is. ^^;

one of them drew Sun twice in a row!

See, this is exactly why I rule that each card can only work once. :smalltongue:

Monk: Before I get smashed by a boulder the size of a horse, can I punch the wizard?

LOL, smart giant though. XD

TheHoodedTeddy

2015-05-23, 12:10 PM

Me (OOC): I had an idea for my warforged, if you want to take a look. *Hands this drawing:* Collapsable button keeps crashing my phone browser, so link until I figure it out: http://i.imgur.com/u4SALq4h.jpg
DM: Is that what I think it is?
Me: Yes. Rocket Punch.

Geigan

2015-05-23, 12:19 PM

Haven't had anything good to post here for while, but had a 3.5 game recently. A bit of paraphrasing here to keep them short.

"I literally broke the dice by looking at them funny."

"Imma batman him."

"Why am I looking at dragonborn again... I don't wanna be dragon Hitler!"
*5 minutes later*
"We will not suffer a single chromatic to live! HEIL BAHAMUT!"
Other PCs: "HEIL BAHAMUT!"

"So I could be balrog sauron, icy galadriel with the one ring, or terminator batman."
"Well we already have terminator, and you know we'd be contractually obligated to destroy each other eventually."
"Well you know what they say. Be yourself, unless you can be batman. Always be batman."

ThorgrimThunder

2015-05-23, 11:24 PM

Rogue: I approach the tower tactfully

GM: the tower is not offended

RogueishScholar

2015-05-24, 11:04 AM

"Just you, the 10-foot pole, and the book of undeath; what could go wrong?"

"Well, I'm out of spell points and darts. If you guys need me, I'll be over here eating a sandwich. Good luck with the rest of the battle!" [later] Is offering my sandwich to the gargoyle construct who just saved my life a free action?

"If it's not bleeding, it's oozing."

DM: Move the orc shaman over to the hill giant's buttox.

Inevitability

2015-05-24, 11:14 AM

JAL_1138

2015-05-24, 03:42 PM

Me: I have my 10ft pole with me.
Player 1: You have an unhealthy obsession with that 10ft pole.
Me: Single most useful item you can buy. Back in the day, every adventurer had one if they wanted to live past first level.
Player 2: Last session he used it to pole-vault, brace a door, avoid quicksand, poke a chest that turned out to be a mimic, and set off a trap from out of range.
Player 1: ...I retract my previous statement.
Me: Thank you.

Yukitsu

2015-05-24, 05:01 PM

Me (DM): "They use their arcane power to contact strange outsiders from beyond the normal world."
Player 5: I ask the illithids when I should light these candles.
Me: "I don't know, your birthday?"

Player 5: "Yes, the cloaked man seems to think your claws have dulled."
Player 2: "What the hell are you talking about?"
Player 4: "What he means is that you may find yourself watching your back for the knife in the dark."
Player 2: "Is this some stupid cat person thing?"
Me: The janitor eventually walks by and tells you that the head of intelligence seems to be ranting about you and your idiocy up and down the halls.

Me: Why are you asking the engineers how to use a magic candle anyway? And why are you asking the wizards what part of your ship they can apply potions to? And why can none of you figure out how to call a staff meeting?

Player 3: "Why is your cockpit filled with nutmeg scented candles and sticky notes?"
Player 5: "These will win us the war captain."
Player 3: "You know those are slightly toxic right? Are you high on nutmeg right now?"
Player 5: "Just catnip sir."

Rater202

2015-05-24, 05:24 PM

Me:Fight over, Ieez lands and releases the squirrel.

JAL_1138

2015-05-24, 06:36 PM

Me (dm): You can't trip a gelatinous cube. It doesn't have an "up."

Player: I have an ability that lets me trip things and I'm going to trip it. *rolls*

Me (dm): Look at your d6 and pretend it didn't have any pips. *moves a d6 around, then flips it onto another side and keeps moving it around* See? Even if it was solid enough and small enough for you to get a grip on, it wouldn't affect it. And if you need something besides common sense, the manual says it's immune to prone. Since you rolled, take your damage and become engulfed. Ordinarily you'd get a Dex save versus engulf, but not this time.

Player: What? Why not?

Me: You went up and, instead of trying to avoid it, deliberately grabbed ahold of the thing which is made of acid goop and known for engulfing and dissolving adventurers, then tried to push it over your leg so it would fall onto another one of its identical faces. Your arms sunk into it and so did your leg. What did you expect would happen when you grabbed ahold of the huge cube of sticky acidic Jell-O?

Player: ...It worked in 4e.

Me: Notice that we're not playing 4th...You can take an action to make a Strength save on your next turn to get free. Until then, take some acid damage...*roll* Actually don't bother, you're dead. Not death saves, just dead.

Player: What.

Me: 3d6 damage for the engulf and it's the Cube's turn now, so that's another 6d6 damage. Your max hitpoints were 20 and you were down a couple to start with. It rolled crazy good on that, so...roll new character.

ZeroGear

2015-05-25, 12:09 AM

*Looks at pervious post*
Wow, that sucks. How did he take his character's death?

JAL_1138

2015-05-25, 06:34 AM

*Looks at pervious post*
Wow, that sucks. How did he take his character's death?

The group poked a bit of fun, the player grumbled a bit at that more than at the death and rolled a new character. I lifted the screen to show the die roll to prove I wasn't just killing the character by fiat--it was 41 on the 9d6 total (3d6+6d6)--it rolled insanely well; that's 10 higher than the average. Ordinarily the cube isn't that horrible--the save is DC12 dex to avoid engulf, and DC12 STR to break free, and it moves slowly. Although it's hard to see (DC15 Perception). The rest of the party threw sand and flour (poor man's Glitterdust) at it, which I ruled negated the need to make the perception check to avoid disadvantage on attacks, and plinked at it from farther away until it died without them taking any more damage. The player rejoined back in town and has since started looking at it as a less "gamey" kind of approach than they had used for 4th and started thinking sideways to great effect.

I'm a relic of AD&D and somewhat old school--back in my day we died like flies and we liked it, dagnabbit, dadgum whippersnappers, so on and so forth--but I don't kill characters just to kill them. I still end up killing them, but I'm not designing every encounter to ruin them.

Braininthejar2

2015-05-25, 07:04 AM

Count Marcus: So the one whose faction wins the war will be the regent untill the kid grows up, and the king expects me to marry that one? Guess I'll have to go to the islands and shift the odds a little... I'll go GoT season 5 on their asses.

Senshi Akai

2015-05-25, 07:45 AM

Ok, this quotes are a mix from yesterday regular session and a one-shot I took part on Saturday. Enjoy. :smalltongue:

DM: The giant scorpion tears off your arm. As you begin to bleed like a fountain, he throws your arm away, into the desert.
Dwarf: Hey! Do not waste food!

DM: You see, through the bathroom window, an assassination going on. A woman being strangled; she silently begs for help with her body language.
Ranger: Rang on, gotta finish my business first.

DM: Okay, the gnolls run away as the dwarf managed to set fire on himself, half of the town and the guardsman.

Knight: *points to wizard* That damn wizard must have cast an illusion!
Wizard: I am not a wizard, he is! *points to raven familiar*
Knight: …
Wizard: And you really hurt my feeling by saying that.

Warblade: The glory of battle awaits.
*gets one hit K.O in the first round*
Cleric: Wow, that sure was gloriously fun to watch.

Wizard: I am back. What did I miss?
Artificer: Long story short, I used the evil artifact, the knight's guild is destroyed, half of the city hates us, and the warblade is more a warstick now.
Warblade: Hey, don't joke on my sundered weapon!
Artificer: I wasn't talking about that weapon.
Wizard: :smallamused:

DigoDragon

2015-05-25, 08:21 AM

Cleric: Wow, that sure was gloriously fun to watch.

It was gloriously fun to read. :smallbiggrin:

Glorious: “And then, after a night of exposing you to corrupting affluence, I will show you the portrait that ages instead of Nightcore that we keep tucked in the attic.”
Viridia: “That...would actually be kind of awesome.”

Doc: “How about you tell me a joke from your land?”
Mirror: (Poker Face) “Mainlander civilization.”
Doc: (Groks) “Enlightened Earth Ponies.”
Mirror: “Equestrian society!”
Doc: “Democratic elections!”
Mirror & Doc: *Laughing together*
GM: “Andante Shine seemed utterly fascinated by the conversation at hand and was looking at Mirror like the mare was an alien.”
Moon: *Sad face*

Viridia: “I'd be more worried about getting blood all over your carpet. Doc's dressed up like a mummy, and I'm pretty sure I've still got a bullet lodged somewhere in my flank.”

Moon: “Pardon us for not dying alongside you.”

Viridia: “Also, I maintain that River Moss has The Oakville Fungus.”
Doc: “Is it contagious? Maybe if I rub River Moss on Mirror...”
Moon: “River Moss is the Oakville Fungus.”
Viridia: “The Oakville Fungus is her rap name.”

GM: “Where in the name of her grandmother can she get a good fermented shark fin?”

Doc: “My current theory is that the EverFrost leadership is doing a similar tactic that the Pegasus Enclave is doing.”
Viridia: “Alternatively...Everfrost is a Changeling plot! We've only had one book detailing their exploits, and any Changeling could have easily published that in an attempt to feed misinformation to Equestria. If they're so hostile there, the Ponies will never visit and discover the huge Changeling Hive they're building.

I mean, think about it. Potent magic? Changelings have it. Almost complete lack of empathy? Changelings have it. Quick learning? Duh, else their shapeshifting would be useless. Even specific to Mirror, she's not particularly useful (One of her Tagged skills she can't use effectively, due to language difficulties, and she doesn't seem like much of an action girl), but being a Changeling would be a good reason for Sari to keep her around. And then you bring up the fact that she fell in love with Doc really quickly (Hopeless romantics are particularly useful if you feed on love, no?), and the evidence stack just keeps piling up!

Why didn't Sari want her to drink? In case her disguise slipped while she was inebriated! How come she spoke no Equestrian, then was almost fluent? Seems awfully spy-y of her! How did she know how to use a laser pointer, despite them being particularly rare? Because "Everfrost" never lost its records, or technology, and laser pointers are just trinkets to them. Why does she spend so much time reading? Because spies are trained to constantly take in information on their surroundings!

And if that's not evidence enough, if you take Mirror Armor, swap around a few letters, remove some, and then add others, you get: Totally Not A Spy. Coincidence? I think not.”

Doc: “And then Doc accidentally hits Mirror’s horn too hard when they're playing around.”
Mirror: *Is changeling*
Doc: (Shrug) "I'm okay with this."
GM: “And Doc is never heard from again.”

TheHoodedTeddy

2015-05-25, 11:36 AM

Actually, I think both 3.5 and 4e allowed for that.

Well, It's quite simple really. I enchant 2 rods with returning, seeking, and an amped up version of that spell that puts wind behind arrows to double their range. Then I just hollow out a section of my forearms, make a detachment point, and install the 'guidance system.'
I'm thinking giving it 2d4 damage, and 3 uses per arm per day, with each extra use adding 1D4 damage to myself from overheating, and if I surpass 6 uses in a day, the heat damages the connections, so it won't reattach properly without repairs.

Marnath

2015-05-25, 11:49 AM

Well, It's quite simple really. I enchant 2 rods with returning, seeking, and an amped up version of that spell that puts wind behind arrows to double their range. Then I just hollow out a section of my forearms, make a detachment point, and install the 'guidance system.'
I'm thinking giving it 2d4 damage, and 3 uses per arm per day, with each extra use adding 1D4 damage to myself from overheating, and if I surpass 6 uses in a day, the heat damages the connections, so it won't reattach properly without repairs.

Or you could just get that Necklace of Natural Attacks or whatever it is and enchant your slam attack with throwing and returning.

Taet

2015-05-25, 12:51 PM

GM: The gangers point at you and shout WHAT THE EFF ARE YOU DOING TO OUR BIKES! Their mage casts Fireball at you and. Wow. Glitches. The bikes on either side of the one you just hotwired catch fire. :smalleek:
P4: THAT IS WHAT THE. (Oops playing in public. :smalleek:) THAT IS WHAT I AM DOING TO YOUR BIKES! Pointing at the fires. And now how fast can I drive this thing away from here? :smallamused:
GM: I guess you have that distraction now. :smallsigh:

P1: You need to work on your impulse control. :smallannoyed:
P4: Impulse conwhatnow? :smallconfused:

P2: This closet is locked? I kick the door in! :smallsmile:
P1: You could pick the lock. :smalltongue:
P5: You could wait for backup. :smallyuk:
P3: You could call the guy inside and ask him to unlock the door. :smallsigh:
P2: That is not my style at all. I kick the door in! :smallbiggrin:
P1, P3, P5: :smallsigh:

After the game.
P5: You need to work on your impulse control. :smallannoyed:
P4: I did not make a rigger so I could WALK from point A to point B. :smallwink:

TurboGhast

2015-05-25, 09:20 PM

Paelias: I think about how I want to wreck the warforged in a wall of fire, but remember that it's not worth it yet.

Atka: Craps is a marketing ploy for 7-11.

Dexam

2015-05-25, 10:20 PM

P2: This closet is locked? I kick the door in! :smallsmile:
P1: You could pick the lock. :smalltongue:
P5: You could wait for backup. :smallyuk:
P3: You could call the guy inside and ask him to unlock the door. :smallsigh:
P2: That is not my style at all. I kick the door in! :smallbiggrin:
P1, P3, P5: :smallsigh:

This reminds me of the first Shadowrun game I played in, many years ago:

GM: "You approach the warehouse; it's dark and quiet, with no signs of activity. You do notice some security cameras, sensors, and security lights."
Me (Dwarf Decker): "Give me a moment to hack their security systems; I'll get a look through their cameras and open the doors for us..."
P1 (wetwired-out-the-wazoo and combat-drugged-to-the-gills Troll Street Sam): "Too slow!" *to GM* "I fire a round from my rocket launcher at the front doors!"
GM: "The double-sized doors explode in a burst of flame and shrapnel, leaving a gaping hole you could drive a truck through."
Me: *to P1* :smallannoyed: "Geez... twitchy, aren't ya?" :smallannoyed:
GM: "You all hear laughter over your comms from the film crew; <P1>, your name on the streets is now officially 'Twitch'."
P1: "No it isn't!" :smallmad:
GM: "It is now. You don't always get to decide your runner nick, and now yours is Twitch."
P1: "I hate it." :smallfurious:
GM: "Too bad."
Me: :smallamused:

((Despite P1's best efforts to get it changed, the nickname stuck long after I'd left the game; and P1 hated it the entire time.))

TheHoodedTeddy

2015-05-26, 05:52 AM

GM: The gangers point at you and shout WHAT THE EFF ARE YOU DOING TO OUR BIKES! Their mage casts Fireball at you and. Wow. Glitches. The bikes on either side of the one you just hotwired catch fire. :smalleek:
P4: THAT IS WHAT THE. (Oops playing in public. :smalleek:) THAT IS WHAT I AM DOING TO YOUR BIKES! Pointing at the fires. And now how fast can I drive this thing away from here? :smallamused:
GM: I guess you have that distraction now. :smallsigh:

P1: You need to work on your impulse control. :smallannoyed:
P4: Impulse conwhatnow? :smallconfused:

...

After the game.
P5: You need to work on your impulse control. :smallannoyed:
P4: I did not make a rigger so I could WALK from point A to point B. :smallwink:

I like P4's style.

Senshi Akai

2015-05-26, 08:35 AM

GM: “Where in the name of her grandmother can she get a good fermented shark fin?”

I am tempted to ask for context in this one...

Side note: Goddammit DigoDragon, why you changed your avatar? For a moment, I thought someone stole Doc. :smalltongue:

Me: *to P1* :smallannoyed: "Geez... twitchy, aren't ya?" :smallannoyed:
GM: "You all hear laughter over your comms from the film crew; <P1>, your name on the streets is now officially 'Twitch'."
P1: "No it isn't!" :smallmad:
GM: "It is now. You don't always get to decide your runner nick, and now yours is Twitch."
P1: "I hate it." :smallfurious:
GM: "Too bad."
Me: :smallamused:

So, you too love making your party members miserable over small things? :smallbiggrin:

--------

Okay, I would normally wait until next week to post, but yesterday had too many good ones, and I just can't wait!

Barbarian: No, don't do it!
Bard: I must!
Barbarian: No, I rather die from the curse than suffer through THAT!
Bard: I will not let you die!
*censored scene involving Barbarian and Bard (best left to your imagination :smalltongue:)*
Bard: … Okay, did it lift the curse?
DM: What curse?
Barbarian: :smallfurious: *throws dice*

Triton: We are the Keepers of the Sea.
Rogue: Really? Why are you here then?
Triton: To keep you from getting in the sea.
Paladin: Well, do you know what we are gonna do there?
Triton: … No.
Paladin: Then keep to your damn self!

Rogue: Okay guys, I am going to pull the lever. This will not be pretty, will not be quickly, and definitely will not be easy!
Paladin: How do you know that?
Rogue: IC reason: I feel in my guts. OOC reason: The DM is grinning like a mad man.

DM: You guys managed to build a submarine with only puffer fish, seaweed and floating wood.
Bard: Okay, now about the torpedos...

DM: *describing the bottom of the ocean* You see a giant squid in the distance...
Paladin: Look out, it is the Kraken!
DM: It is not...
Barbarian: The Kraken! Run!
Bard: It is actually kreiken.
DM: Okay, fine! It is the kraken! Roll initiative!
Party: :smalleek:

JAL_1138

2015-05-26, 09:40 AM

I am tempted to ask for context in this one...

Side note: Goddammit DigoDragon, why you changed your avatar? For a moment, I thought someone stole Doc. :smalltongue:

So, you too love making your party members miserable over small things? :smallbiggrin:

--------

Okay, I would normally wait until next week to post, but yesterday had too many good ones, and I just can't wait!

Barbarian: No, don't do it!
Bard: I must!
Barbarian: No, I rather die from the curse than suffer through THAT!
Bard: I will not let you die!
*censored scene involving Barbarian and Bard (best left to your imagination :smalltongue:)*
Bard: … Okay, did it lift the curse?
DM: What curse?
Barbarian: :smallfurious: *throws dice*

Triton: We are the Keepers of the Sea.
Rogue: Really? Why are you here then?
Triton: To keep you from getting in the sea.
Paladin: Well, do you know what we are gonna do there?
Triton: … No.
Paladin: Then keep to your damn self!

Rogue: Okay guys, I am going to pull the lever. This will not be pretty, will not be quickly, and definitely will not be easy!
Paladin: How do you know that?
Rogue: IC reason: I feel in my guts. OOC reason: The DM is grinning like a mad man.

DM: You guys managed to build a submarine with only puffer fish, seaweed and floating wood.
Bard: Okay, now about the torpedos...

DM: *describing the bottom of the ocean* You see a giant squid in the distance...
Paladin: Look out, it is the Kraken!
DM: It is not...
Barbarian: The Kraken! Run!
Bard: It is actually kreiken.
DM: Okay, fine! It is the kraken! Roll initiative!
Party: :smalleek:

Why would you ever, ever insist that a giant squid is a Kraken instead? Yes, they look the same, but krakens are hyperintelligent, spellcasting, tougher, meaner, faster, harder-hitting versions with WAY more hit dice, much better THAC0, and poisonous ink.

DigoDragon

2015-05-26, 10:12 AM

I am tempted to ask for context in this one...

Our GM strangely has a lot of knowledge about Iceland cuisine.

Side note: Goddammit DigoDragon, why you changed your avatar? For a moment, I thought someone stole Doc. :smalltongue:

LOL, I felt a need to change up to my fav OC. ^^;

DM: What curse?
Barbarian: :smallfurious: *throws dice*

My inner DM is laughing so hard, it hurts.

Inevitability

2015-05-26, 10:40 AM

Me: Wizard, you wake up after being knocked out by the dreadful constructs. The first thing you notice is that your friends seem to have wiped out all of those iron monsters. The second thing you notice is that part of your cape has been cut off.
Wizard: What. The. Expletive. Once I find out who's done this...
Me: The third thing you notice is that the cut-off part of the cape is stuck to your head. It smells like pee.
Rogue: Don't kill me! It really seemed like a good idea at the time!

Wizard: I fly through the window, refusing to spend any more time in the same chamber as the person who used my cape as toilet paper!
Me: Er... are you sure?
Wizard: Of course I am!
Me: *facepalms* Fine. Take 1d6 slashing damage. And as you only have a single hit point left...
Wizard: Oops. I kind of forgot glass hurts.

Wizard: So basically what happens is that you all hear a sizzling sound from above your heads, on the roof. A few seconds later, a 10 ft-section of the ceiling is disintegrated and falls down as an ashen rain. I then burst in at top speed. Oh, and my skin has turned completely purple-blue.
Me: It worries me that I'm getting used to these things.
Monk: I am more worried about him wasting a sixth-level spell on entering dramatically.

Yukitsu

2015-05-26, 11:18 AM

Me: No, not "pedo", "pede"! P-E-D-E. And "phile" is way different from "iatrist" YES I'M AWARE THAT PODIATRIST USES THE WRONG PREFIX! What do you mean I should be using the Greek instead of the Latin? Oh, I'm sorry mister "phile" is the same as "iatrist". Look, just kill him and bring me the right guy, my feet are killing me. And if you bring me some hopped up foot fetishist, I'm going to really, really be pissed off. OK yeah, maybe people who are passionate about their jobs would be best at their jobs... Why would you even know a guy like that? Yeah, fine, but I'd better see some really legit medical qualifications, and if his pants come down, I'm coming for your head, you go that? Yeah, whatever, I'm hanging up now. *click* Goddamn useless fixer.

Sith_Happens

2015-05-26, 09:29 PM

Doc: “And then Doc accidentally hits Mirror’s horn too hard when they're playing around.”
Mirror: *Is changeling*
Doc: (Shrug) "I'm okay with this."
GM: “And Doc is never heard from again.”

Wait, really?:smallconfused::smalleek:

(Oops playing in public. :smalleek:)

Because playing Shadowrun in public never, ever goes horribly wrong.:smalltongue:

Necroticplague

2015-05-26, 10:03 PM

JAL_1138

2015-05-26, 11:55 PM

Player (Cube-Wrestling Guy from before, with a new character): ...can I hit the skeleton with the back of my axe to do bludgeoning?
Me: ...oh my god you read the houserules. Someone read the houserules! :smallbiggrin: *happy dance*
Player: ...uh...actually no, but it seemed like it should be possible?
Me: :smallsigh: ARGH. Why does no one ever read the houserules. Still, good thinking. It works, does a d6, go nuts.
Player: Huzzah! *roll* *hit* *rolls a 6 on damage*
Me: You knock its skull clean off and it crumples into a heap of bones. The skull clatters down the hallway. *checks map* ...*rolls* ...and sets off the tripwire.
Player: Oh crap...
Me: A log swings down from the ceiling, suspended by ropes. It hits nothing, since none of you were in that hallway, and just sort of swings there a bit before slowing to a stop.
Another player: This is the only time you'll ever get that kind of crit without something crazy like rolling two 20s on disadvantage or something.

DigoDragon

2015-05-27, 07:11 AM

Wait, really?

Nah, that was a joke.
(Though given how well Viridia's Changeling Conspiracy hits the mark, who knows how much truth comes from that later)

Because playing Shadowrun in public never, ever goes horribly wrong.

Me and some friends were asked to leave a hospital once for playing Shadowrun with one of the patients. :smallbiggrin:
(At least we knew the patient)

Moonshadow: “Imagine if no one listened to your father.”
Mirror: “He is the third most-” (Pause)
Moonshadow: “Third what?”
Mirror: “He is the third most powerful pony. The king's marshal.”
Andante: “What the hell?” (In shock)
Moonshadow: “Third most powerful. Okay. So what would happen if nopony would listen to him?”
Mirror: “He would hurt the ponies who did not agree with him. If he could not do it alone, then he would get my brothers. And my brothers would get their families. And then the difference of the ponies who would not listen to him and the high nobles would be five families leaving the room.”

Viridia: “The fact that he's largely inspired by Fallout 3 obligates me to hate him.”

Doc: “Mirror learns pretty quickly though, a real prodigy. And quite a beauty.”
Andante: *Gagging noise*
Viridia: “A spontaneous inkling of respect for Andante rose in Viridia's breast.”
GM: “Well, in Oakville they say - that Viridia Dawn's small heart grew three sizes that day.”
Viridia: “...which did no favors for her heart condition.”

Moonshadow: “Sure, but what would happen if a family didn't have any children?”
Mirror: “That does not happen. There are always cousins.”
Viridia: *Imitates smooth jazz*

Nightcore: “This is a temporary anarcho-egoist collectivist commune created by me for the purpose of eating some of the best waffles on the planet.”
Andante: “Wouldn't it be a magocracy?”
Nightcore: “No. This is a true anarchy, so I am not the leader. However, as the founder of the commune, and the individual with the most power, food and wealth, I declare that I am now the supreme ruler of this dining room. Andante, preform the dance of your people. The bangle-y one.”

GM: “Heck, River Moss is probably up for some fun, too.”
Virida: “I know, right? It's like getting exhausted only makes her more up for it.”
GM: “Earth ponies.”
Doc: “No comment.”

Virida: “I'm fine with wounds. Bullet in my butt, remember?”

GM: “What's on Doc’s mind? Keeping himself busy so that he didn't have to think about the team imploding or Mirror Armor actually being evil?”
Doc: “Letting the town starve or fall to another outside group is a bad idea in my opinion.”
GM: “Oh, good, so he's still sane and rational.”
Doc: “As for Mirror, I don't think she is really evil. Mirror simply grew up in a feudal society where slavery was legal and that was all she knew.”
GM: “Oh, wait, too soon to call.”

GrayGriffin

2015-05-27, 07:53 AM

OOC talk (names changed to online handles):

Me: Hey Lich, what's Shaun's favourite cake flavour?
LichLord: .... I have no idea!
LichLord: That's stuff I never think of lol
LichLord: I'll figure something out
LichLord: why?
Me: i may or may not be using a fake iphone text maker to tell a grantshipping story
LichLord: XD

NeoSeraphi

2015-05-27, 02:25 PM

Player 1 -"Excuse me, why did you just try to pick me up?"
Player 2 - "Why were you a fox?!"
Player 3 - "Why were you sitting on my moose?"

Rater202

2015-05-27, 05:33 PM

"I will beat you until you're black and blue, and then I will slap the black off of you, and then everyone will think you're a giant smurf."

Dasgovernator

2015-05-27, 09:58 PM

DM: "The mask starts to move towards you after you poke it"
Nynette: "OH GOD I RUN TO THE DOOR"
DM: "The mask then starts to spit out a large number of spiders"
Nynette: "WHY IS THE DOOR LOCKED"
DM: "The mask then rises up off the ground on a physical shadow"
Nynette: "HEEEEELPPPPP!"
DM:"The mask forms into the shape of a large Orc. A familiar Orc"
Nynette: "K . . .Kordan?"
Kordan: "Hello"
Nynette: "OH GOD NEVER DO THAT AGAIN"
Kordan (confused): ". . . Do what?"
Thorntordrane (OOC): "I've always wanted to have a horror movie villain in the party"

Greensage: "He can come if he wants. The Password is Taco"

Greensage: "That's a lot of Air"

GreenSage: "Yes, it is a dead friend communicator"

flame12

2015-05-28, 01:49 AM

P1: If we put the drugs in the water system it will dilute them and… I forgot my point.

P1: Potatoes will grow just about anywhere.
GM: Well we actually determined they won’t grow after 14.
Entire table bursts out laughing.

P1: Pass me some chips.
P3: Isn’t that cannibalism?

P2: The stick isn’t 100% up my ass.

P1: Why is this head causing so much trouble!?

P4: What would he need to roll to accidentally jump into the wasps nest?
GM: No.:smallannoyed:

P1: “Suppose we have bears”, said in the same tone most people would say “suppose we have rain”.

GM: So, P1 runs up and kicks a puppy in its bullet wound.

P1: Congrats p2, you just cut a defenseless puppy in half-
P4: while smooth jazz played in the background.
P1: This isn’t jazz!:smallmad:

P2: I pass by… Math is hard!

P2: I wish I was an interesting character so I could have something fun to say!

DigoDragon

2015-05-29, 06:51 AM

GM: “Eating creatures that poop themselves and giggle afterwards probably isn't all that hygienic, anyway.”

Viridia: “I tried seducing a computer before, and it didn't work out.”

GM: “Really, if one of Mirror’s brothers shows up looking for her and he's an albino with a magic sword named Stormbringer, Doc shouldn't be surprised.”

Doc: “Okay narrative, are you disagreeing with me or agreeing?”
Narrative: “Yes.”

GM: “If you all were ground-bound, this would be a heck of a different story, but entering the place from the air shouldn't be all that big of an issue.”
Doc: (Noting his own lack of wings) “Well that's going to make for an interesting encounter.”

GM: “This game will probably run slower than a sloth on narcotics.”

Doc: “Then we all apologize for our transgressions and have a roaring game of Truth or Dare.”
Viridia: “I dare you to establish a Marxist utopia.”
Doc: “...well that escalated right off the bat. Um, this might take me a bit more than one night to accomplish.”

Viridia: >magazine contains lots of nudity
>read it
>no nudity
>???
GM: >magazine contains ponies
>ponies are nude by default

Doc: “Trade it for one of Livewire's mags?”
GM: “Livewire sold all her porn for a copy of 'How To Hide During Action Sequences' monthly.”

GM: “Writing as a living rarely goes well, from what I understand. You need a real job on the side, like teaching or washing dishes or cooking meth.”
Viridia: “Why not all three?”
GM: “Then you're a star in an upcoming CBS sitcom.”

GM: “Here's a list of Mirror's immediate family, anyway; just for Doc to stew over.”
Doc: “The hole dug for Doc should be about 2/3rds the way to Australia now.”

GM; “Björn 'Ironhorn' has a madness that throws him into a vicious rage when he sees a non-unicorn sentient being.”
Doc: “Well ****.”

GM: “Sigrdrífa ‘Snake Horn’ is noted to be somewhat sinister.”
Doc: “As opposed to full-on evil? So she's the 'good' member of the family? Or at least the obvious one?”
GM: “The question would probably have to be said to Mirror, but a more reasonable answer would be ‘It's a dark day when the family member most welcome to Doc's relationship is a snake-themed sorcerer.’”

Doc: “I hope you have a game plan because I have no idea where you're going with all this.”
GM: “Coughwolfpackbosscoughcough.”

Andante: “Based on what I heard over dinner, her culture is probably the kind that only marries their own and low-ponies like us would just be slaves for a dowry.”
Mirror: “Incorrect! You're the live entertainment.”

goto124

2015-05-29, 07:23 AM

Mirror's family sounds awfully interesting already!

Also, the last quote, was it IC or OOC? It doesn't really make sense IC...

DigoDragon

2015-05-29, 07:43 AM

Mirror's family sounds awfully interesting already!

The GM posted a list of Mirror's immediate family here (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showsinglepost.php?p=19252924&postcount=1366), in case you have not already read it. They definitely are an... interesting bunch, and you can tell the brothers are there just to be an encounter for Doc later. :smalltongue: Although Mirror's mother was mysteriously left off the list, Mirror once mentioned her name is Ice Burn.

Also, the last quote, was it IC or OOC? It doesn't really make sense IC...

It was OOC. I generally don't post IC/OOC context because it's more fun to guess. :D

Cristo Meyers

2015-05-29, 08:47 AM

GM: “Writing as a living rarely goes well, from what I understand. You need a real job on the side, like teaching or washing dishes or cooking meth.”
Viridia: “Why not all three?”
GM: “Then you're a star in an upcoming CBS sitcom.”

Or a reality show on TLC...

Erth16

2015-05-30, 12:05 AM

Sniper: I run into the hallway first.
Cannoneer: No let me, I have trapfinding.
Sniper: No I run in first.
Dm: As you walk into the hallway you hear a loud clank and three fwips down the hall, as three large crossbows fire at you. 14 damage.
Sniper: I keep running and make perception, do I see any traps?
Dm: You notice a trip wire about chest height to Juggernaut.
Sniper: I duck under it and keep going.
Dm: You run over a slit in the ground that sprays fire up. 28 more damage.
Sniper: Ok, I keep going, anything else?
Dm: Some spikes come out of the wall and impale you, 20 more damage.
Sniper: Ok what else?
Cannoneer: I disable the tripwire.
Dm: You failed it, barely. I giant boulder begins rolling at you from the other side of the hall. About where Sniper is. 28 more damage.
Juggernaut: I block the boulder with my shield and smash it.
Dm: Ok nice job. Sniper you see an obvious pitfall about 20ft across.
Ninja: A pitfall? In a crypt?
Dm: Yes.
Sniper: I jump it.
Dm: As you jump over it a minotaur reaches it's arms out from beneath the pitfall and grapples you midair. It pulls you down below the floor level and begins mauling you, as you realize it's lower half is part of the floor, and said part of the floor is a swarm of miniature minotaurs. They cover your mouth so that you cannot scream as the begin beating you to death. 30 more damage overall.

Dm: Sorcerers are powerful, crazy things. They do weird, almost cruel experiments with life. That creature in particular was one third minotaur, one third swarm of rats, and one third bag of cement.

Cannoneer: After having slain the dracolich, I walk over to Sniper's unconscious body, take her guns, take her ammo, Take her dagger, take her powder horn, and leave, for nearly getting us all killed with the minotaur stunt.
Ninja: And I take her hair as a trophy.
Sniper: Wow I thought you were gonna kill me again. That would be the 4th time a campaign ended with you killing me for stupid actions that nearly got everyone else killed against the BBEG.
Dm: And the fifth time if we include the time your other character killed you.

bulbaquil

2015-05-30, 08:04 AM

P3: "Searching for stuff."
P1: "Staring at a wall."
P2: "Staring at a door."
P4: "Staring at my own incompetence."

P3: "I take the silver key."
P4: "Don't! It'll bypass your DR!"

P2: "I open the door."
GM: "Once again you are accosted by the smell of stagnant water."
P2: "I CLOSE THE DOOR."

P3: "I successfully unlock the door. Now, perception - is it trapped?"
P4: "You probably should have done that before you opened the door."
P3: "I open the door."
GM: "Roll a reflex save."

Erth16

2015-05-30, 11:16 AM

Rexen: Ok Tenshi, Willem left us to do what we think is best, that bar is evil, let's purge it.
Tenshi: Ok.

Rexen: I noticed you two gentlemen are the only non-evil people here aside from my companion over there.
*Gestures to the human in fullplate having a slap fight with a halfling in fullplate.*
Rexen: Would you like to help purge this cesspool from the world?
Bouncers: Get out now, before we throw you out and call the guards to arrest you.
Rexen: I see you actually had mindblank up, well have at the.

Tenshi: You all must strive and do your best, to seek balance in all things. I know that you all have heard from your shoulder angels that you must be good. They are wrong, for it is better if everyone were neutral instead of good. You may not know it now, but someday, you will see that an empty spirit is a fulfilled spirit.
Bartender: What are you doing? First you beat up a midget and now you're preaching to us while covered in blood. Get out before I call the bouncers back in from pummeling your partner.

Tenshi: I sit down in the chair, facing the door, and create a silent image of a wall over the door, before telling the landlord "Worry not, no thief will be getting you or your daughter tonight, for I have never once blinked in my life."

Willem: As you can see the house has three entrances we must guard. The windows along the side I will take since I am fast, the Front door Tenshi shall take, since most sloths move faster than her, and the roof shall be yours Rexen, as you can get up there.

Tenshi: Excuse me but I beat that sloth to the market yesterday.

Necroticplague

2015-05-30, 11:24 AM

"My god. I have stared into the abyss. And it is full of porn."

"Crap, he's starting to sound convincing. Start stabbing!"

"I'm gonna rip your heart out through your urethra!"

"I don't think 'damage caused by sex toys' is a valid weakness for Regeneration."

goto124

2015-05-30, 11:28 AM

"Crap, he's starting to sound convincing. Start stabbing!"

I heard this somewhere before. Remind me of the system, and why it encouraged this behavior?

Yukitsu

2015-05-30, 12:34 PM

Me: "It was an accident though. I just wanted to hit him really hard with a baseball bat."
DM: I can't believe how casually you can deliver that.

Me: "OK, we got the barrels, we got the fuel, before I light these up, anyone want to say a few last words?"
DM: One of your mooks says a filthy limerick that he remembers from elementary school.
Me: "Amen."

Me: The streets are free of cops. The Third Street Kings can get away with whatever they want.
DM: Yes, you guys can get away with pretty much anything for a little while now.
Me: Time to open a Chinese Restaurant.
DM: ...
Me: We are a terrible gang.

DM: There is no Third Street. It's Hird Avenue.
Me: Like that would stop me.

DigoDragon

2015-05-30, 12:51 PM

Fox: "Where did you say Mirror is from?"
Doc: "Everfrost, which is basically Pony Iceland, but ruled by supremacist vikings with magic."
Fox: "So just vikings then? Oh, here's a wedding gift idea: get her an axe made from a baseball bat with a meat-cleaver on the end."
Doc: "Not bad, but needs a gas tank so it can ignite on fire. Burn her enemies and cook fish on the side."
Fox: "There you go, what every viking daughter of a warlord needs in their life."
Mirror: "Oh Doc, you really do know me!"

P3: "I take the silver key."
P4: "Don't! It'll bypass your DR!"

I've seen a character get stabbed by a silver key. XD
It does bypass!

"I don't think 'damage caused by sex toys' is a valid weakness for Regeneration."

... :smalleek:

Lord Raziere

2015-05-30, 02:39 PM

I heard this somewhere before. Remind me of the system, and why it encouraged this behavior?

Exalted 2nd Edition.

because of the willpower thing being spent like health and basically if the enemy starts to sound convincing, that basically meant unnatural mental influence which basically meant mind control through very powerful words. thus a common way for Exalted players to stereotypically act in that edition would be to suddenly start physically attacking in the middle of social combat, thus breaking it and saving them all from becoming mind controlled by the person they're speaking to....and also initiating REAL combat in the process of course.

Necroticplague

2015-05-30, 03:27 PM

Hawkstar

2015-05-30, 04:13 PM

This. Especially combined with how much longer social combat took than physical combat, so convincing someone takes at least 14x as long as it takes to smack them in the face.

... I fully sympathize with the Trade Federation's response to Jedi being sent to negotiate at the beginning of Star Wars: Episode 1

bobthehero

2015-05-31, 02:19 AM

GM, to monk: You start to hear voices

Monk: What are those voices?

Cleric who maxed out profession farmer: *rolls a 19 +20ish to convice the dwarf that his knowledge in anything growing is absolute* Relax, you're hearing the plants grow, you'll be fine.

goto124

2015-05-31, 02:19 AM

Diachronos

2015-05-31, 02:32 AM

Magus: "Let's play this out logically, Cupcake."
DM: "Whenever you call someone 'Cupcake', it never ends well."

Cavalier: "You forget, Aiden's hit all of once in combat."
DM: "Is that including the crit-fail?"
Cavalier: "...Twice."

"I don't think I've ever seen a fight last 27 rounds."
"I have, I've seen one"
"Does that one really count?"
"Which one?"
"The grizgol."
"Two, I've seen two encounters last 27 rounds."

PoeticDwarf

2015-05-31, 06:29 AM

DigoDragon

2015-05-31, 07:34 AM

Doc: “I don't think Evil Pony Iceland has many lions.”

Doc: “Will Mirror fall in love with Doc?”
Emojic 8-Ball (http://xkcd.com/1525/): *Displays image of twin hearts*
GM: “Who is the final boss of Blood and Pancakes?”
Emojic 8-Ball: *Displays image of a single snowflake*
GM: “Here's a nugget of wisdom.”

Doc: “So, what to do with you?”
Andante: “Hush. Do not look at me like I'm the one who's starting trouble around here. I am waiting for everyone to kiss and make up.”

Doc: “Mirror, you've spoken about families among the high-unicorns like yourself. I wondered if low-ponies are allowed to form families too in your land?”
GM: “Mirror opened her mouth to speak, but didn't get the chance to respond; she was interrupted by the sound of a commotion outside!
Doc: “For the love of Luna's left hoof. If someone isn’t dying, I might have to fix that.”

Doc: “Sari and the servants showed up at the gates with the Olives and several carts of food. I think that's pretty self-explanatory.”
Andante: (Twitch) “Well, I suppose we need to speak to our new glorious horse overlord, then.”

Viridia: “So...we still have to put up with Tirkes in every other way?”
GM: “She still exists. For instance, right now she's about to return to her home planet! She could die on her way there, too.”
Viridia: “Except she's involved in the scene with Sari, which the party is inevitably going to join.”
Moon: “Are we? I thought the plan was to just leave considering only Doc has any interest in helping Andante.”
Doc: “Hahaha… aww.”

Viridia: “So, Nightcore, any chance I can get my caps before we're hunted down by Sari and the Olives because of a murder that none of us did?”

Sari: “How is life here, by perchance?”
Moon: “I don't know, I don't live here, so go bother somepony else.”
GM: “Moonshadow's making Sari upset. Moonshadow's karma is now -100.”
Moon: “Heh, I've hinted at that Moonshadow is racist before right?”
Doc: “You did? Huh. Thought Moon just hated everyone equally.”

Doc: “What will you do now?”
Andante: “What I will do will probably be determined by how many others the pegasus could insult while we are standing here.”

GM: “Ooh, what if they really did have a lesbian pile?”
Viridia: “Is that relevant? I'm a pegasus, not a proctologist.”

Sari: “I must congratulate you're heroic actions three days ago. As you and your friends saved my brother from a feral ghoul Reaver. For that, you are in my debt.”
Stellar: “No we're not. Hello again Sari.”
Sari: (Cough cough) “Ah, yes. I am in your debt, my apologies. It has been a very long day.”

Moon: “We need Viridia to be mean to Sari. Doc's too nice.”
Doc: “Don't forget that there is an armed force behind Sari.”

goto124

2015-05-31, 08:02 AM

Yeah that was funny, especially because the wizard is the guy with 20 inteligence.
(I am the monk)

How high is the Wizard's WIS?

Doc: “For the love of Luna's left hoof. If someone isn’t dying, I might have to fix that.”

How are Doc's Medicine rolls these days? :smalltongue:

Not that it'll help much here- everypony will blame Doc.

Lakaz

2015-05-31, 08:23 AM

PC1: "I boop thee in the name of Dagon!"
PC2: "I, uh, don't think you can BOOP people in the name of dagon. Dagon isn't a very boop-y god."
PC1: "Eh, Dagon's cool with it. It's a fish, it doesn't care much."
PC3: "It's not just a fish, it's THE fish. That's Mr. Boss fish to you!"

DigoDragon

2015-05-31, 10:22 AM

How are Doc's Medicine rolls these days? :smalltongue:
Not that it'll help much here- everypony will blame Doc.

Heehee, it's always Doc Wagon's fault. :smalltongue:

His medicine rolls have gotten much better though. This is a good thing because his gun skills are now what rolls poorly and Mirror's brothers may show up at any point the GM is feeling ready for shenanigans. :o

Hawkstar

2015-05-31, 10:40 AM

All I know about Star Wars, is from Darths and Droids. I have no idea what's up with the complicated politics, with all the names being thrown about. I read all the way to
Padme giving birth to Luke and Leia, plus Anakin becoming Darth Vader.
and I still understand very little of that thing you call the Trade Federation and stuff.

You really should see the Star Wars movies - Start with Episodes IV, V, and VI, then watch I, II, and III. Episode IV alone is more influential on Gamer and Geek culture than The Princess Bride and Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail combined.

Anyway - what I was getting at is the first Star Wars movie (Episode IV) established that Jedi can control minds, especially weak-willed ones. ('These are not the droids you're looking for"). Episode I opens with Jedi being sent to negotiate with the (Weak-willed leaders of the) Trade Federation to end a blockade of Naboo - and as soon as the Federation realized the 'ambassadors' were Jedi, the Trade Federation tried to kill them (First blowing up their ship, then trying to poison gas them, and then using a bunch of Battle Droids to finish them off. And when all that failed, Droideka/Destroyer Droids), estabishing them as Horrendous Villains in the movie for trying to kill peaceful and nonviolent negotiators.

Yukitsu

2015-05-31, 12:56 PM

Me (DM): "Captain, I'm getting a message over comms here, I think this guy must think he's some kind of Saturday morning cartoon villain or something."
Player 2: "Oh really? What did he say?"
Me: "He said, and I quote "You incompetent fools! Must I do everything myself? Prepare my mech, I'm going out there.""
Player 2: "Wow, that is stupid."
Player 4: "Challenge accepted! Chaaarge!"

Me: Your allies open up a channel to the enemy dreadnought using an array of anti magic fields giving you a corridor to fire through, but their escorting ships quickly plug the gap. Since the entirety of the escort fleet requires magic for things like gravity and oxygen, you see a few hundred struggling forms floating off the deck of their ships before going limp.
Player 2: "Well, that's grim. Open fire on them, maybe we can clear a path through the corpses with enough fire power."
Me: Well, they can always increase the density of corpses if what they have isn't enough.

Me: He opens up with a meteor swarm on your head.
Player 1: Ha! I'm immune to fire in this form.
Me: Noted. Next turn he uses a polar ray on you.
Player 1: Well nuts.

ZeroGear

2015-05-31, 06:42 PM

Yukitsu

2015-05-31, 07:15 PM

This could not have ended well. Gotta remember to create a villain like this at some point.

They are definitely more fun to play when they're like that.

Nice follow-up. Please tell me that the next spell was Lightning Bolt.

Considered it, but the polar ray was enough to clinch that part. After that guy went down, he went after the speedy ambusher in the group and mazed him so he could take the prep time to set up the 1v1 thunderdome.

JAL_1138

2015-05-31, 07:17 PM

DM: He light the rag and throws the bottle of alcohol at you. *roll* Take 3 points of fire damage.
P1: You're on fire.
P2: Damn, I didn't want to kill this guy. Makes great liquor, I had some earlier. Smooth, tasty, but with a nice kick.
P1: You're on fire.
P2: Like I said, got a nice kick.

JAL_1138

2015-05-31, 07:19 PM

After that guy went down, he went after the speedy ambusher in the group and mazed him so he could take the prep time to set up the 1v1 thunderdome.

Some people just can't seem to get beyond Thunderdome.

Fumble Jack

2015-05-31, 07:52 PM

3.5 Game

P5: Did we just get Fus Ro Dah'd?
Dm: More like Fus Ro Stunned.

P5: What happened to our halfling mini ballista?
P4: She learned how to hide in plain sight.

P1: Whose bright idea was it to sew this cabbage patch abomination together?
P2: Usually a wizard did it, in this case I was the wizard.

Dr_Dinosaur

2015-05-31, 08:05 PM

You really should see the Star Wars movies - Start with Episodes IV, V, and VI, then watch I, II, and III. Episode IV alone is more influential on Gamer and Geek culture than The Princess Bride and Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail combined

Now that all six are easily available, I always recommend the 1-4-5-2-3-6 order, myself. The prequels can be a slog all together, and disappointing after the finale of the originals. This order presents them as a flashback shown right after all the revelations about Vader, and is more sound as a cohesive story imo

Rater202

2015-05-31, 08:11 PM

Nah. You want the Machete Order-4 5 2 3 6 and just forget about 1.

JAL_1138

2015-05-31, 08:22 PM

The prequels, if one is going to acknowledge their existence outside of Darths & Droids, need to be seen after the original, letterbox, non-Special Edition originals (IV, V, VI). Possibly only after also watching the Special Editions, which were the beginning of the downward slide, after watching the unaltered ones.

Just to get a vague inkling of the degree of "YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW IT UP!" long-time fans had when those things released in theaters.

Rater202

2015-05-31, 08:27 PM

I don't think you can get the original unaltered cuts f the original trilogy anymore.

You've got to, like, have a laser disk player for those, I think.

JAL_1138

2015-05-31, 08:44 PM

I don't think you can get the original unaltered cuts f the original trilogy anymore.

You've got to, like, have a laser disk player for those, I think.

There was a realease of the Special Editions in the mid '00s that had the theatrical versions of the originals on bonus disks.

They crop up on amazon/ebay from time to time. Note that because of the original, slightly wonky aspect ratio, the theatrical versions on the bonus disks will be boxed on the sides as well as top and bottom. Getting rid of the side bars will stretch the picture, despite it looking letterboxed top-and-bottom already. Slightly frustrating, but fine.

(As in, on an old 4:3 screen it would be letterboxed and have the black bars top and bottom, so on a 16:9 widescreen like all current TVs it will also have side bars, but trying to fit it to 16:9 will stretch the already-letterboxed picture.)

ZeroGear

2015-05-31, 09:18 PM

Hawkstar

2015-05-31, 09:26 PM

"My shadow earthumbs you"

"I say we let the Child Rotisserie take it"

"Send in the Child Rotisserie!"
"Since he used frost this turn, shouldn't he be the Child Freezer?"
"I've only burned orphans. These guys are adults"

"It was JUST ONE ORPHAN!"

I really should start recording the sessions so I can get all the funny quotes. Especially from the Occultist with the animated shadow, the Half-Orc Bounty Hunter, and all the jabs at my Ancient Guardian/Child Rotisserie.

DigoDragon

2015-06-01, 07:31 AM

[and now, for everyone's horror monents]

Star Wars: Clone Wars

I liked the 2003 Clone Wars (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Star_Wars:_Clone_Wars_(2003_TV_series)) miniseries.

Senshi Akai

2015-06-01, 07:48 AM

Reminder: Catfolk voiced as a khajiit (from skyrim), Crusader voiced as Johnson (Halo series)

Crusader: I grab my bow.
Party: We run as far as possible.

DM: You guys see a bird sitting in a tree nearby.
Crusader: I hunt it with my bow. Woo, trueshot!
DM: The arrow gets stuck in the bird, and it turns its head towards you. Then, the bird procced to remove the arrow from its wing, while still staring you.
Party: :smalleek:
Barbarian: See, everytime you grab this bow, something strange happens!

Druid NPC: I don't know why, people are afraid of talking to me.
Crusader: Have you tried NOT being a creepy bird?

Druid NPC: Okay, you can go. But your friend shot me, so I want something in return for your freedom.
Catfolk: It's him you want. Take!
Crusader: Hey!
Catfolk: Terrhirr doesn't want to become a bird!

Sorcerer NPC: Oh, don't worry, this place is pretty safe.
*immediatelly triggers a trap and dies horribly, impaled by lances*
Spellthief: … Guess I should warn everybody that there is a trap here.

DM: The [NPC] gives your reward: a giant sack containing thirty thousand gold pieces...
Party: Holy! We are rich! :smallbiggrin:
DM: … All of this worth in powdered coffee.
Catfolk: Terrhirr's coffee!
Crusader: *to NPC* Yeah, I want money. The cat will smoke the half ton of coffee until tomorrow.

Spellthief: Look at this way, we got a puppy!
Catfolk: *hisses almost perfectly*
DM: (OOC) Your ability to mimic a cat disturbs me.

Catfolk: I poke the statue.
DM: It pokes you back.

DM: Roll Spot and Listen.
Barbarian: Derp!
Catfolk: Herp!
Crusader: Double-derp!
DM: … [Barbarian] you take 20 points of damage. There are two bears behind you.

Spellthief: Wait, so you don't have any poison?
Governor NPC: Of course not!
Spellthief: None at all? What kind of governor don't own poisons?
Governor NPC: The normal kind?
Spellthief: Yeah, right. And [Crusader] knows how to use a bow.

Sith_Happens

2015-06-01, 02:34 PM

Gene: Tell me, exactly how 'gone' would you like them?
JOHNSON: Pardon?
Gene:Just on a rough scale so we can haggle. Would you like a 'kick door in, raze the place', or more of a 'disapears in the night, all records of their existence wiped out, is placed with new records and p-soft forcing them to not tell in a country across the world'.
JOHNSON:Hmmm.....Can I get a quote on 'brutally murdered in the night with no trace of exit or entry?' And maybe a convenient little 'slip' that your employer is someone else?
Gene: Ah, you want a False Grudge Flag? 40k, half up front, other half plus reasonable expenses afterwards; stiff us on the latter and we see if we can't get it from either someone close to the victim or whoever we pin it on.

Shadowrun, you're doing it right.:smallbiggrin:

GM: “Here's a list of Mirror's immediate family, anyway; just for Doc to stew over.”
Doc: “The hole dug for Doc should be about 2/3rds the way to Australia now.”

Thankfully for my sanity, my brain is actually refusing to imagine what Australia must be like in Fallout.

"My god. I have stared into the abyss. And it is full of porn."

Hot Obyrith on Tanar'ri Action.:smallamused:

... I fully sympathize with the Trade Federation's response to Jedi being sent to negotiate at the beginning of Star Wars: Episode 1

You know your game system is awful when it makes people sympathize with the Trade Federation.:smalleek:

PC1: "I boop thee in the name of Dagon!"
PC2: "I, uh, don't think you can BOOP people in the name of dagon. Dagon isn't a very boop-y god."
PC1: "Eh, Dagon's cool with it. It's a fish, it doesn't care much."
PC3: "It's not just a fish, it's THE fish. That's Mr. Boss fish to you!"

I thought pretty much everything remotely fish-like in the Cthulhu Mythos was all about booping?:smallwink:

Some people just can't seem to get beyond Thunderdome.

Man, I just keep seeing this lately. Can't we get beyond Thunderdome jokes?

[and now, for everyone's horror monents]

So, at what point are supposed to watch the animated additions like:
Star Wars: Droids
Star Wars: Clone Wars
Star Wars: The Clone Wars
Star Ward Detours
Star Wars Rebels

And

Star Wars: Ewoks

(and thus, let the flogging begin)

The first two bolded are great and I've heard so is Rebels.

The Clone Wars made Anakin a likable, well-rounded character. Think about that for a moment.

ZeroGear

2015-06-01, 05:02 PM

What about the other three?

Drakeburn

2015-06-01, 11:12 PM

[and now, for everyone's horror monents]

So, at what point are supposed to watch the animated additions like:
Star Wars: Droids
Star Wars: Clone Wars
Star Wars: The Clone Wars
Star Ward Detours
Star Wars Rebels

And

Star Wars: Ewoks

(and thus, let the flogging begin)

Well, Star Wars: Clone Wars and Star Wars: The Clone Wars were good.

Clone Wars has one of the most awesome bounty hunters ever: Durge! (Can you imagine what would happen if a GM managed to create a character exactly like this? :smallamused::smallbiggrin:)

As for The Clone Wars, I liked how they give the clones character.

Stars Wars Rebels is fairly entertaining in my opinion. It gets better as the series progresses.

Lord Raziere

2015-06-02, 03:34 AM

"Indeed. We also troll iron age merchants with Hello Kitty."

"Okay, I'll just have to make my own dragonballs. With Blackjack. And hookers. whatever those things are."

"Hey Callins. Fly-OR YOUR ENTIRE RACE WILL DIE!"

"Sorry, can't talk right now. I think my liver exploded and I have to grow a new one before I die."

"Are you telling me you seriously got into a fight with Legendary Champion Mr. Satan's side kick?"

"Wow, you just described a lot of the reactions of when I visited other planets."

"Yeah, all I'm hearing is "God is mad because a mere mortal pointed out a major flaw in his reasoning"

"Now I know you're just making things up, if you expect me to believe that the Z-Warriors were slain by that fat clown Majin Buu. Honestly, Son Goku killed by Mr. Satan's sidekick"

"OY! SHENRON! WAKE UP YOU LAZY BASTARD! EARLY DRAGON GETS THE WISH! GET UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE!"

Ieez: "So. The future is insane?"
23: "Yes. Yes it is."

ImSAMazing

2015-06-02, 04:19 AM

Yeah that was funny, especially because the wizard is the guy with 20 inteligence.
(I am the monk)

So what?You think you are cool cuz you didn't forget something in THAT fight? You died in the session after if the DM didn't save you.

ImSAMazing

2015-06-02, 04:22 AM

ImSAMazing

2015-06-02, 04:23 AM

Creepy Old Woman: I seeeee you have entereeeeed heeeere... Do you wishhhhh to roll the diceeeee of chaosssss?
Paladin: Hm... Random effects? Sounds fun!
Me: *rolls* You now are... Cursed By Hammers. Whenever you try to use a hammer you accidentally hit your thumb instead.
Wizard: I am not wasting a Remove Curse on this.

I (the Wizard) already said that it wasn't smart to get a random effect xD.

ImSAMazing

2015-06-02, 04:25 AM

ImSAMazing

2015-06-02, 04:26 AM

I expected a TPK.

Wizards are OP!
At my own, at lvl 11 xD.

ImSAMazing

2015-06-02, 04:28 AM

I certainly didn't expect the wizard to survive. The rogue and monk were on side business and the paladin was staring at the fight without doing anything (a result of him having no means of flight).

However, the wizard got very lucky. First round of combat was him casting Animate Objects, which ended up dealing a large chunk of damage through the battle. The dragon breathed fire, which between a lucky roll, some temporary HP he had, and a Ring of Fire Resistance I forgot about, ended up doing a whole four points of damage.

Next round, the wizard casts Disintegrate, dragon takes some more damage and gets trampled by the animated objects again. The dragon enters melee, but hits only two times and fails to disrupt concentration on the spell.

Next round, the animated objects beat the dragon to within an inch of dead. Said inch is covered by a quick blasting spell, and the dragon dies.

Only 3 animate objects hitted, so not much damage the first round.

ImSAMazing

2015-06-02, 04:31 AM

Me: And so, we all re-enter the Age of Backstab.

Wizard: Behold my plan to get an AWESOME NIGHTMARE MOUNT by sacrificing the BBEG!
Me: You have a paladin in the party who will almost definitely not allow you to summon a being of pure evil.
Wizard: ...Behold my plan to get an AWESOME NIGHTMARE MOUNT by sacrificing the paladin!

Me: At the moment, you are fighting a vampire T-Rex and his halfling vampire master on the back of a black dragon attacking the vampire's airship, while the other half of the party is mopping up skeletal parachutists in the courtyard of a lizardfolk castle besieged by warforged. The scariest part is that this makes perfect sense in context.

Haha, you don't tell that the Vampire T-Rex got thrown away from the dragon by our Monk? mwuahahah

ImSAMazing

2015-06-02, 04:32 AM

Me: Congratulations on successfully scaring off the roc after killing its master. On the other hand, you probably shouldn't have done so while it still had the unconscious monk in its claws.
Wizard: I fly towards it at full speed, then shoot a fireball! The range is 150 ft., plus sixty for getting close enough, plus twenty for the spell extending beyond maximum range... That makes just enough to hit the roc! Do I kill it?
Me: Well yes. The roc catches fire and falls down. On its way, it lets go of the monk.
Monk: Great job guys, great job.

Me: You grab the monk and start carrying him upwards. It is very hard, but you are confident you can make it before either of you runs out of breath.
Monk and Wizard: Aw yeah.
Me: A shark appears and starts swimming towards you.
Wizard: I hate you.

You didnt say I banished him mwuahaha

ImSAMazing

2015-06-02, 04:33 AM

Monk's player: I made this list of the people I suspect most of being the BBEG. Mind taking a look at it?
Me: Two of the people on this list are fellow party members.
Monk: Have you seen the people we game with?
Me: One person on the list you only met once.
Monk: Obviously my badassness scared him away after the first encounter.
Me: One 'person' on this list is a bat in a jar.
Monk: It is always the one you expect least.
Me: Two of the people on this list are technically weapons.
Monk: Nobody suspects the rapier!

Monk: Hey! I was the one who started mistrusting allies!

Later on, it was the bat

Not

ImSAMazing

2015-06-02, 04:35 AM

Wizard: Don't worry, I have a plan.
Monk: Is it Evil and/or Chaotic?
Wizard: Nope and nope. What made you think that?
Me: Faith in humanity restored.

For a week, next session I killed a party member.

ImSAMazing

2015-06-02, 04:36 AM

Monk: I eat the magic fruit!
Me: Fine *rolls*. You feel your body changing, shrinking, twisting. Your body hair disappears almost entirely, and you are overcome by a desire to establish your identity by rebelling against society.
Monk: :smalleek:
Me: In mechanical terms; you just 'ate' a Potion of Longevity, which reduced your age by 9. You are now exactly 13 years old.
Party: *arrives*
Monk: Hang on guys, I can totally explain this.
Me: Roll to avoid voice crack.

He failed.

TheTeaMustFlow

2015-06-02, 06:26 AM

Catfolk voiced as a khajiit (from skyrim)

Spellthief: Look at this way, we got a puppy!
Catfolk: *hisses almost perfectly*
DM: (OOC) Your ability to mimic a cat disturbs me.

Butbutbut... Khajiit love puppies (http://elderscrolls.wikia.com/wiki/Bhisha_(Shivering_Isles))!

DigoDragon

2015-06-02, 07:02 AM

Doc: “Since Doc doesn't fly, he should either acquiring shoes or see if Mirror can fashion some temporary crystal footwear he can use.”
Viridia: “So, Doc wants some crystal slippers. Are you sure he wants to keep the sausage?”
Doc: (Singing~)"I wear my glass slippers at night
So I can, so I can
Run and weave then leave through snowy grooves
And I wear my glass slippers at night
So I can, so I can
Keep off all the shrapnel from my hooves

While, trash's deceiving me,
It cuts my pastern in three (that)
Snow's got up to my knee
I turn to friends and say

Don't judge the shoes on the guy pony; oh no
Don't be ashamed of the guy pony;
(oh no) (I just don't mind it)
Don't be afraid of the guy pony; oh no

I wear my glass slippers at night
So I can, so I can
Protect my frogs while you fly above
And I wear my glass slippers at night
So I can, so I can
Ignore the barbs that's right under thereof

While, trash's deceiving me,
It cuts my pastern in three (that)
Snow's got up to my knee
I turn to friends and say

Don't judge the shoes on the guy pony; oh no
Don't be ashamed of the guy pony;
(oh no) (I just don't mind it)
Don't be afraid of the guy pony; oh no

Don't judge the shoes on the guy pony; oh no
Don't be ashamed of the guy pony;
(oh no) (I just don't mind it)
Don't be afraid of the guy pony; oh no
(oh no) (The cut infects you)
(cus) You got it made with the guy pony (oh no)

I said
I wear my glass slippers at night
I wear my glass slippers at night
I wear my glass slippers at night

I say to ya now
I wear my glass slippers at night
I wear my glass slippers at night
I wear my glass slippers at night

I call to you
I wear my glass slippers at night
I wear my glass slippers at night
I wear my glass slippers at night..."

goto124

2015-06-02, 07:30 AM

Gender-inverted Cinderella? Wait that makes no sense...

DigoDragon

2015-06-02, 07:48 AM

Gender-inverted Cinderella? Wait that makes no sense...

Well, our GM has said that the Mirror-Doc relationship isn't about Doc winning the fair mare, but of Mirror winning the cute stallion. Since she's from the equivalent of a noble family thrust into an unfamiliar world and falls for an everyday guy, it's almost like the story Enchanted (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enchanted_%28film%29). :smallbiggrin:

ZeroGear

2015-06-02, 10:33 PM

Is Doc ripping off the song "Sunglasses at night"?

goto124

2015-06-03, 12:53 AM

PC1: She seems much more fond of incontinence curses than deadly ones.
PC2: Eewww! Seriously, I would rather just die, thank you very much.

DigoDragon

2015-06-03, 09:50 AM

Is Doc ripping off the song "Sunglasses at night"?

Yes he is. :smallcool:
I have a hobby of creating parody songs in games that I play in. Usually they're amusing and relevant.

PC2: Eewww!

It's not a real curse unless the PCs prefer death.

Inevitability

2015-06-03, 03:17 PM

Me: Wait a minute, your attack deals how much damage?
Warlock: 2d8+22. I stacked some bonuses. This guy is like my barbarian all over again.
Me: Except your barbarian couldn't fly.

For the record, the warlock is the same player as the wizard.

Dasgovernator

2015-06-04, 02:01 AM

Nynette: "So he's now Baron von Grey"
Talon: "Since he's a Necromancer, does that make his home Castle Greyskull?"

Nynette: "We had to take a tornado to get here"

Nynette: "Oh god, I think I broke the ancient holy artifact"
DM: "Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

Nynette: "Curse you Magic! Even after death you make things complicated"

Nynette: "One of these days, you're going to wake up and that evil hammer or yours is going to be missing"
Thorntordane: "Isn't that hammer bigger than you?"
Nynette: "Don't worry about the technical stuff"

Thorntordrane: "I wonder if a Druid that turned into a parrot could talk normally with the rest of the party"

Talon: "I've heard of the pet rock, but the god rock?"

Necroticplague

2015-06-04, 02:23 AM

"I have no clue what I'm doing!"
"Oddly enough, that makes you the most informed out of all of us."

"You lied!"
"When?"
"When you said my parents were dead?"
"When did I say that? Wasn't the closest I ever said that asking if you really thought they could survive such a thing?"
".....I'm not sure you've ever actually made a statement that wasn't buying something or ordering food. Pretty much everything else has been a question."
"So is it even remotely possible for me to have lied?"

DigoDragon

2015-06-04, 07:05 AM

GM: “Sari turned around to look at her goons with grace that would probably be expected of a drugged brahman or a moving truck. Doc nearly got kicked in the face while Stellar just missed being flank-slammed.”
Stellar: “I suppose there are worse flanks to nearly get slammed by.”
GM: “Dat nine charisma, tho.”
Viridia: “Why are people talking about slamming flanks?”
Stellar: “Because Stellar nearly got hit by Sari's clumsy one.”
Viridia: “Ah. Then yeah, it probably was more pleasant than most, 'cause all of Sari's **** comes out of her mouth.”

GM: “Code Cute! I repeat, Code Cute! Seaweed was under the front desk, curled around that small, fuzzy dog that hung around the place.”

Nightcore: “If you're able to seduce ponies at will, you might as well use you're powers for good.”
Viridia: “You're right. The threat of getting skull****ed by a dozen assault rifles is no excuse for being rude.”

Andante: “It took four thousand bits to get this place set up. Three years and four thousand bits. I had to hire a glassworker to put in the windows. Do you know how many glassworkers there are in Equestria who are willing to go into pirate dens and stay there for half a year?”
Doc: “I’m going to guess… just one.”

Andante: “Go ahead and get you're things, before they explode.

Doc: (Whispering to himself) “Don't worry, Doc. There are still doors left to open out there.”
GM: “Andante Shine's door probably opened only for mares, though.”
Doc: “Uh... I wasn't thinking specifically of her, but thanks for the advice anyway?”

GM: “Doc had probably seen more enthusiastic replies from ponies who had large holes in their torsos.”

Doc: “I was already planning to find shoes or a sled or something for the trip because I can't fly like my friends, but... now that I think about that exploding teddy bear trap this morning…”

Doc: “And since the dark powers have screwed over Oakville and kicked Doc in the shins, let's go ahead and add a little insult to the injury by attempting a Stealth check to not draw attention on his way to the mayor's office.”
Dice: *Rolls a 94 vs. a 37 skill*
Doc: “Eeyup. I can totally call 'em.”

Doc: “Geez, it's like Sari was making things hard on purpose.”
GM: “Sari was probably skilled enough that she could ruin the plans of others just by being nearby.”

River: “So, uh, I guess you're leaving tonight?”
Viridia: “Pretty much. Unless I can get the mortar cannon again, I don't think I can do much to help here.”

goto124

2015-06-04, 08:18 AM

that exploding teddy bear trap this morning

It was only that morning in in-game time? :smalleek:

DigoDragon

2015-06-04, 08:52 AM

It was only that morning in in-game time? :smalleek:

Yeah, despite that the game has been running for a year, in game time is wonky and about a week has gone by overall. Very slow timescale due to how involved we get RPing. We've started to make progress though.

JAL_1138

2015-06-04, 04:19 PM

GM: No, you may not have a saxophone as a bardic instrument. I know what you're thinking, and I won't allow it. There is to be no Yakety Sax at this table.
P1: Even if--
GM: No.
P1: Ok, a lute then.
GM: No playing the Chet Atkins version (http://youtu.be/CvY7JPVX8mU) on your lute.
P1: Dammit.

Inevitability

2015-06-05, 12:43 AM

Paladin: Die now, evildooer!
Monk: Mondays. I hate mondays. *Dodges smite*

TurboGhast

2015-06-05, 08:09 AM

These are from a side 1 PC adventure:

DM: You find a desk and a rolly chair.
Varis: I take the rolly chair with me. Rolly chairs are the best.

Magic Mouth: What is the password?
Varis: The password is my power!
Magic Mouth: Password accepted!

goto124

2015-06-05, 08:46 AM

DM: You find a desk and a rolly chair.
Varis: I take the rolly chair with me. Rolly chairs are the best.

I hope you made him take a rolly chair IRL.

https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/mu.png

Quild

2015-06-05, 10:51 AM

Interrogation of a captured soldier.

Me: *casts zone of truth and steps in*: If you tell us what we want to know, I'll spare your life.
Wizard: (out of the zone of truth) I won't.
Soldier: Wait, YOU won't kill me but he will? I won't talk.
Me: I knew you would, but you didn't had to tell him! Now tell him you changed your mind.
Wizard: I won't kill you.
Soldier: What about the others?
Warrior&Rogue: Whatever.
Soldier: Okay then... I'll speak.
Rogue: You realize the wizard isn't in the zone of truth, right?

For a one shot campagn, I built a level 12 dwarf with warrior and frenzied berserker levels specifically to boost my power attack (using Leap Attack obviously). Spent some time checking the rules with the DM, just to be sure my calculations were correct.
There was a lot of fighting involved, and at some point, the DM shout at me:
WILL YOU USE YOUR DAMN COMBO FOR ONCE??? :smallfurious:

ImSAMazing

2015-06-05, 11:21 AM

ImSAMazing

2015-06-05, 11:22 AM

Paladin: Die now, evildooer!
Monk: Mondays. I hate mondays. *Dodges smite*

How did the Monk know it was a monday?

JAL_1138

2015-06-05, 12:35 PM

How did the Monk know it was a monday?

...he checked a calendar? You've got to know when your order's holy days are, and whatnot. And for that matter when market day is in town.

kopout

2015-06-05, 01:07 PM

JR: Doesn't mater, all you need for speak with dead 's a skull
AB: [singing]all you need is skull (shoo ba de du ba de doo)
Everyone:[singing]all you need is skull (shoo ba de du ba de doo)
all you need is skull, skull
skull is all you need

Inevitability

2015-06-05, 01:08 PM

Wizard: If we have the summoned elemental, the monk, the paladin, and the rogue all attack the wall, we should be able to break through in... a few minutes?
Me: Or you could, like, move through the straight, empty hallway that directly connects the room you are in now and the room you would like to go to, instead of breaking the walls down. Just a suggestion, though.
Rogue: I no longer trust hallways! Remember the boulder incident?

Bonzai

2015-06-05, 01:31 PM

Barbarian "Wait, that was a temple of Shar, not Mistra? What's the difference?"

Wizard "The difference is that some people actually like Mistra, and we don't really have to do anything about her as she always ends up dying on her own anyways".

ImSAMazing

2015-06-05, 02:01 PM

TurboGhast

2015-06-05, 02:10 PM

I hope you made him take a rolly chair IRL.

https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/mu.png

Unfortunately, no IRL rolly chairs were in the area.

Fortunately, no IRL rolly chairs were in the area.

DigoDragon

2015-06-05, 02:59 PM

skull is all you need

That was beautiful. :smallbiggrin:

OctoberRaven

2015-06-05, 08:25 PM

When the group wizard needs to rest and the others decide to go investigating:

Vertman: Are you guys coming?
Matilda: zzz
Kellie: Coming where?
Vertman: To watch a half-elf play music worse than I do and concince people he's better!
Matilda: zzzsomonesselfconsiouszzz

DM: To everyone present, the performer is already on stage and, perhaps to your disappointment, it is not Jonathan.
Fanir's player: Damn
Matilda: zzzsawthatcomingzzz

Vertman: How many chances do you get to drink without Hexen around?
Matilda: zzzdiffrencebetweendrinkingandbeingdrunkzzz ... zzzalsoladyhexenzzz

Inevitability

2015-06-06, 10:13 AM

Me: As you open the door, you immediately spot several runes you are confident are meant to prevent incorporeal creatures from passing through the walls. In the room's center, a spectral dwarf floats, oblivious to your presence. The apparation seems to be screaming and clutching her throat, which, upon further inspectio...
Monk: I close the door.
Me: You what.
Monk: I close the door.
Me: Fine. You close the door and ignore the very obvious plot hook I spend an hour of work on, thereby preventing yourself from ever learning the dark secrets that have...
Wizard: Yes, yes, we know. Now can we move on?

Rogue: Wooooo, +20 Sleight of Hand bonus! I could probably steal the tarrasque now!
Me: Ignoring the fairly obvious lack of tarrasques around here, would you mind telling me why you want to do that?
Rogue: To make a necklace out of its teeth!
Me: You know a single teeth of the tarrasque is still around your own size?
Rogue: So?

Me: So apparently the only monster who can now notice you picking its pockets is Tiamat. And she doesn't have any pockets.

DigoDragon

2015-06-06, 10:19 AM

Doc: “Anyway, I'm here to say my goodbyes. Gang's leaving town since the Olives pretty much claimed it and I'll be going with 'em.”
Mirror: (Hugging Doc) “Ég mun sakna þín dýrmæta sætur rúlla minn.”
Doc: “Take care of yourself, Mirror. I will miss you very much.”
GM: “Mirror sniffed, but looked perfectly collected. Doc saw that, if anything, she looked surer of herself then he's ever seen her be like. There was a certain undercurrent of sadness, but Mirror did not seem to regret moving away from Doc, to stab him in the chest.
She didn't stab Doc in the chest, rip his heart out and eat it in front of him, but for a brief second Doc thought she did. Outside, there was a stupidly large amount of snow on the ground, which was only good for hiding the bits and pieces of pirates along the beach. Less than a few minutes ago, he was talking to something that looked like a tavern owner who probably was a changeling or some weird thing like that, because she told him that. Hell, what if Mirror was the changeling, and this was all going to end with Doc being tied up upside down with a stinger in his torso? That's a things changelings have, right?

Oh, hey, this isn't the last dredges of the drugs in his bloodstream kicking in the door and sitting down in the living room. In fact, the images and thoughts he's getting feel like they're not so much being pumped in so much as piped in. Mirror didn't have a face covered in blood and she wasn't Special Snowflakes little sister, but now those are mental images that ain't going away. In dread Mictlan, spiders with the heads of serpents weave webs of thickened blood across the empty space of time.

Sari Al Hazard or however you say it isn't crazy, but Doc isn't either and he's the one who still walked into a cave to chase after an orphan and didn't do what he was supposed to do. It's a damn shame about that, isn't it? It's bad to assume things, anyway. You could be a tiny dot in a void of the illimitable dark. Oh, wait, you are, but you're not even one of the bright ones. Those bump into sometimes and say 'sorry.'

There was a dead princess who tamed love like the other two did the Sun and Moon, and if Doc wants to know how those two are doing he knows the pegasus to ask. It all goes down to love. Love is what's going to get everypony, because it's Friendship Squared. Love's going to kill everyone, probably. Only thing more powerful then friendship, probably. If Friendship is Magic, what the hell does that make Love?

So, Mirror's still looking at him. Clearly upset, but understanding. This was a crossroads for the two of them. Any last words Doc wants to get in before it's off to Cabbagetown? Mirror was possibly expecting him to walk away first.”
Doc: “Okay so... what? What just happened between Mirror and Doc?”
Moon: “Well that got...weird.”

Sallera

2015-06-06, 10:47 AM

Faien: An all-out assault should really never be your primary plan.

DM: Oh god, this is a disgrace to MS Paint users everywhere.

Trimmack: I just wonder if that will... you know, keep them dead.
Faien: Probably. Being reduced to ashes tends to do that.
Trimmack: I thought killing something usually kept it dead as well, but apparently I was wrong.

Faien: Oh, very well, we'll try lighting them on fire. But only because I can't think of anything else at the moment. *mutters something about holy pyromaniacs*

DM: Well, burning the buildings down isn't usually the first answer.

DM: I am forcibly reminded of every zombie-shooter ever.
Faien: This looks worse than it is, really.

Trimmack: Don't be alarmed by the creatures on the ground... they are dead. For now.

NPC: I will see if he speaks the truth. If I do not call down in one minute, do what you can to kill him, for he has certainly killed me.
Trimmack: *facepalming* Woman, I'm not gonna hurt you, but you better not pass out like the father did.

DM: (imitating Faien) "Oh, chokepoints? Cover? Pah! I have armor!"

DM: Well, it would be better if Trimmack wasn't such an insensitive brute. How can I build emotional attachment (for fun and profit!) if he just bosses everyone around? I had to resort to weepy women. I stand ashamed.

Faien: Anyone have a flint, by chance?
NPC child: Flint? *looks worriedly at bodies* ...flint?

Hawkstar

2015-06-06, 04:12 PM

doc: “okay so... What? What just happened between mirror and doc?”
moon: “well that got...weird.”CAPSIZED SHIP LEAVES DOZENS DEVASTATED

Sorry... couldn't resist.

DigoDragon

2015-06-06, 07:03 PM

CAPSIZED SHIP LEAVES DOZENS DEVASTATED
Sorry... couldn't resist.

LOL, okay that was actually funny. :smallbiggrin:

flame12

2015-06-06, 08:20 PM

Me: As you open the door, you immediately spot several runes you are confident are meant to prevent incorporeal creatures from passing through the walls. In the room's center, a spectral dwarf floats, oblivious to your presence. The apparation seems to be screaming and clutching her throat, which, upon further inspectio...
Monk: I close the door.
Me: You what.
Monk: I close the door.
Me: Fine. You close the door and ignore the very obvious plot hook I spend an hour of work on, thereby preventing yourself from ever learning the dark secrets that have...
Wizard: Yes, yes, we know. Now can we move on?

I count myself incredibly fortunate as a GM not to have players like that in my current group. And now that I have said it, they will prove me wrong next session.

P1: Lets just get this conversation over with so we can get to the plot… wait, this is the plot.

Necroticplague

2015-06-07, 06:26 AM

Gene: O.k, how are we gonna deal with the spider? Think we could pay them off?
Nesdu:That's one option. Probably fall under pretty reasonable expenses. I gotta couple ideas that might help us make a few more nuyen out of this, though.
Gene:Well, lemme hear them.
Nesdu:Well, I know both a guy who owes me a favor and makes some...dubious personafixes. As well as a perpetually shorthanded 'parlor' manager.
Gene:I like where you're going with this. The other idea?
Nesdu:Also know a community of starving Fomoraig who are always ready to pay a premium for a warm meal.
GM:You guys are complete monsters.

DigoDragon

2015-06-08, 07:49 AM

River: “This isn't all that bad. The Olives have food, anyway. Worst comes to shove, and we'll kick 'em out next year.”
Viridia: “Didn't you recently sell the Olives a bunch of rifles? I don't think kicking them out is going to be your best option, River. These guys are basically polite pirates.”

Viridia: “And you're not going to get a much better escort than three pegasi with awesome weaponry. And Doc.”
Doc: “I see Viridia is back to her cheerful self.”

Moon: “What are you doing Livewire?”
Livewire: “Oh, hi Moonshadow. Do you know what's the weather going to be like for the next few days? I'm thinking if this is all the snow we're getting, I'd hide some grenades, but if it's going to get thicker I could lay out a real big mine system outside of town.”

Doc: “Mirror, I would fight a hundred pirates and swim to EverFrost and back for you. If only I could have one more night with you.” (Passionately Kisses her)
Mirror: *Frazzled bliss and giggle-hiccups after the kiss*
Doc: “Here, I think I have some water for that hiccup.”
GM: “Mirror took the water and drank eagerly. Then, she suddenly looked like she had an idea. She took one of Doc's forelegs and pulled him out the door to Captain Kahiklani.”
Doc: *Goes along with Mirror to meet the salty zebra*
Mirror: “You are a sea captain?”
Kahiklani: (Confused) “Yes, I am.”
Mirror: “You could get us engaged?”
Kahiklani: *More Confused*

goto124

2015-06-08, 08:11 AM

... is a sea captain (supposed to be) able to make two ponies married to each other? Does it have to do with Fallout's laws (or rather, lack thereof)?

asnys

2015-06-08, 08:21 AM

... is a sea captain (supposed to be) able to make two ponies married to each other? Does it have to do with Fallout's laws (or rather, lack thereof)?

Traditionally - at least in American popular culture (http://www.nytimes.com/2014/03/02/fashion/weddings/a-marriage-at-sea-get-me-rewrite.html) - captains have the power to officiate at marriages.

In other news: Squee! Mirror and Doc! :smallbiggrin:

goto124

2015-06-08, 08:31 AM

Why did I not know that!

Now to deal with the family, which Digo has posted about in the Things I Am No Longer Allowed To Do thread.

DigoDragon

2015-06-08, 08:38 AM

Traditionally - at least in American popular culture (http://www.nytimes.com/2014/03/02/fashion/weddings/a-marriage-at-sea-get-me-rewrite.html) - captains have the power to officiate at marriages.
In other news: Squee! Mirror and Doc! :smallbiggrin:

While being officially engaged is not quite as official as being married, it's close enough in the RP! :smallbiggrin:
The bonus is all the other PCs giving funny looks and asking 'Already?!'

Now to deal with the family, which Digo has posted about in the Things I Am No Longer Allowed To Do thread.

I am really expecting a 'wolf-pack' boss consisting of Mirror's half-brothers showing up and getting floored that she's engaged to an earth pony.
That might be the kind of set up they make country songs out of.

Taet

2015-06-08, 12:29 PM

Overheard at the game shop.

GM: You come to a fork in the road. :smallsmile:
P4: I pick it up and put it in my pocket! :smallwink:
GM: Make a fortitude save. :smallannoyed:
Not part of the group: Don't you mean a forkitude save? :smalltongue:
GM: ...and now you have a disease.
P4: Paladin! :smallcool:

P1: We could take more prisoners. :smallannoyed:
P2: IF the celestial dodo doesn't peck them to death this time! :smallmad:
P3: It has 3 strength!!! :smallsigh:

Sith_Happens

2015-06-08, 06:06 PM

Yeah, despite that the game has been running for a year, in game time is wonky and about a week has gone by overall. Very slow timescale due to how involved we get RPing. We've started to make progress though.

Is overland travel not a thing?:smallconfused:

Doc: “Anyway, I'm here to say my goodbyes. Gang's leaving town since the Olives pretty much claimed it and I'll be going with 'em.”
Mirror: (Hugging Doc) “Ég mun sakna þín dýrmæta sætur rúlla minn.”
Doc: “Take care of yourself, Mirror. I will miss you very much.”
GM: “Mirror sniffed, but looked perfectly collected. Doc saw that, if anything, she looked surer of herself then he's ever seen her be like. There was a certain undercurrent of sadness, but Mirror did not seem to regret moving away from Doc, to stab him in the chest.
She didn't stab Doc in the chest, rip his heart out and eat it in front of him, but for a brief second Doc thought she did. Outside, there was a stupidly large amount of snow on the ground, which was only good for hiding the bits and pieces of pirates along the beach. Less than a few minutes ago, he was talking to something that looked like a tavern owner who probably was a changeling or some weird thing like that, because she told him that. Hell, what if Mirror was the changeling, and this was all going to end with Doc being tied up upside down with a stinger in his torso? That's a things changelings have, right?

Oh, hey, this isn't the last dredges of the drugs in his bloodstream kicking in the door and sitting down in the living room. In fact, the images and thoughts he's getting feel like they're not so much being pumped in so much as piped in. Mirror didn't have a face covered in blood and she wasn't Special Snowflakes little sister, but now those are mental images that ain't going away. In dread Mictlan, spiders with the heads of serpents weave webs of thickened blood across the empty space of time.

Sari Al Hazard or however you say it isn't crazy, but Doc isn't either and he's the one who still walked into a cave to chase after an orphan and didn't do what he was supposed to do. It's a damn shame about that, isn't it? It's bad to assume things, anyway. You could be a tiny dot in a void of the illimitable dark. Oh, wait, you are, but you're not even one of the bright ones. Those bump into sometimes and say 'sorry.'

There was a dead princess who tamed love like the other two did the Sun and Moon, and if Doc wants to know how those two are doing he knows the pegasus to ask. It all goes down to love. Love is what's going to get everypony, because it's Friendship Squared. Love's going to kill everyone, probably. Only thing more powerful then friendship, probably. If Friendship is Magic, what the hell does that make Love?

So, Mirror's still looking at him. Clearly upset, but understanding. This was a crossroads for the two of them. Any last words Doc wants to get in before it's off to Cabbagetown? Mirror was possibly expecting him to walk away first.”
Doc: “Okay so... what? What just happened between Mirror and Doc?”
Moon: “Well that got...weird.”

http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/519/092/e4d.gif

Doc: “Mirror, I would fight a hundred pirates and swim to EverFrost and back for you. If only I could have one more night with you.” (Passionately Kisses her)
Mirror: *Frazzled bliss and giggle-hiccups after the kiss*
Doc: “Here, I think I have some water for that hiccup.”
GM: “Mirror took the water and drank eagerly. Then, she suddenly looked like she had an idea. She took one of Doc's forelegs and pulled him out the door to Captain Kahiklani.”
Doc: *Goes along with Mirror to meet the salty zebra*
Mirror: “You are a sea captain?”
Kahiklani: (Confused) “Yes, I am.”
Mirror: “You could get us engaged?”
Kahiklani: *More Confused*

Wait, I thought she just finished literally stabbing him?:smallconfused:

DigoDragon

2015-06-08, 07:32 PM

Is overland travel not a thing?

It is, but rarely happens. We tend to spend days in one spot. Currently we are traveling, though the party is split and it's slowing down progress because we don't want to completely lose half the party.

Wait, I thought she just finished literally stabbing him?

Half of us thought the same thing. The other half made no comment. XD

Apparently that long spiel was a voice in Doc's head trying to instill seeds of doubt and self-defeat in his mind.
I'm not sure why the GM wanted to do it, but it failed so we're good. :smallbiggrin:

Sith_Happens

2015-06-08, 09:40 PM

Apparently that long spiel was a voice in Doc's head trying to instill seeds of doubt and self-defeat in his mind.

That sounds like something Doc should get checked out. Radiation poisoning, perhaps?:smalltongue:

goto124

2015-06-08, 11:32 PM

Apparently that long spiel was a voice in Doc's head trying to instill seeds of doubt and self-defeat in his mind.
I'm not sure why the GM wanted to do it, but it failed so we're good. :smallbiggrin:

It's Ragnorak. He's talking to Doc via telepathy.

Beware.

GM: You come to a fork in the road. :smallsmile:
P4: I pick it up and put it in my pocket! :smallwink:
GM: Make a fortitude save. :smallannoyed:

Funny how the player knew what the GM had really meant.

Necroticplague

2015-06-08, 11:46 PM

"Murderhobooing:When all of you live at Street level except for the mage in his Sanctum, and yet you carry around guns worth more than most people's cars and have 'ware in you worth more than a good chunk of the housing market.And are all wanted criminals who deal with anyone legitimate through having 5 very expensive fake ideas."

DigoDragon

2015-06-09, 07:36 AM

Gear: (In Sabina's body) "And Gear once more picks up and carries Subtle."
Subtle: Wheee! Back on the Gear ride."
Gear: "That's not how you reacted the first time."
Sabina: "Everyone eventually learns that they want to ride the Sab-- Ahem."

That sounds like something Doc should get checked out. Radiation poisoning, perhaps?:smalltongue:

Heh, I'm not sure what it is exactly. I asked the GM once and he waved it off as some kind of malevolent narrative in the town. It's talked to other PCs too, but seems to like picking on Doc specifically for the fact he's dating "a tribal who's brothers will come and murder him when they find out."

It's Ragnorak. He's talking to Doc via telepathy.
Beware.

Haha! I'm going to use that as my crack theory. :smallbiggrin:

I do admit I'm quite looking forward to the meeting with Mirror's family. Should be an interesting encounter.

"Murderhobooing:When all of you live at Street level except for the mage in his Sanctum, and yet you carry around guns worth more than most people's cars and have 'ware in you worth more than a good chunk of the housing market.And are all wanted criminals who deal with anyone legitimate through having 5 very expensive fake ideas."

My favorite part about Shadowrun. :D

Though last time I played, I was a mage and didn't have any expensive equipment. The team sniper was hilarious though. He had a pickup truck that was built in the 1960s.

shelledhound

2015-06-09, 10:35 AM

Troll "king" go to fight the eskimos
troll king go to scotland
DM: This is acceptable
Troll king go to acquire kilt and possibly claymore. Then maybe shoot lightning out of his arse.
Troll king is like energizer bunny troll king just keep going. Troll king should recruit energizer bunny
Troll king stand on bridge and demand vodka for passage

Give troll vodka or you will have bad day. Nobody want bad day especially troll.

Sith_Happens

2015-06-09, 12:15 PM

malevolent narrative

...Whatever that is it sounds like bad news. How would one go about killing it? My money is on weapons-grade puns.:smallwink:

Karl Aegis

2015-06-09, 01:58 PM

...Whatever that is it sounds like bad news. How would one go about killing it? My money is on weapons-grade puns.:smallwink:

Any high level fighter will tell you they can solve any problem by hitting it with their sword! Just hit the malevolent presence with your sword.

Senshi Akai

2015-06-09, 02:30 PM

Wow, I stay away for five days and there is two pages of updates? Gotta catch up quickly. :smalltongue:

In the meantime, hope you guys enjoy!

DM: Could you try to NOT destroy every setting that I create?

Warblade: What are the Will-O'-Wisp weakness, [wizard]?
Wizard: None, you fool! You can't hit the Wisp; you can't stand the Wisp's damage; and you can't outrun the Wisp!
Swordsage: Then, what do we do?
Wizard: You hide! You stay silent and hide, and you pray to every god you know that the Wisp doesn't find you!
Warforged: Okay, time to tell them your surname is Wisp.

Warblade: Wow, we killed him! I didn't want him to die.
Swordsage: Damn critical hits.
Party: :smallfrown:
DM: Wow, I am surprised you guys are sad for an NPC! No more murder-hobo then?
Warforged: Hey, he was carrying a vorpal sword? Let's kill his brothers! :smallbiggrin:
DM: Aaaaand they are back.

Wizard: Okay, I will port everyone. Please, hold just a moment and see the glorious magic that I can cast!
*teleport mishap, characters appears at a random sacrificial altar*
Party: …
Wizard: … See? My magic will give us a glorious death! And painful. Definitely painful.

From another unrelated epic campaign:

Dracolich: Fools! You will know to fear me!
Wizard: Yeah, yeah, just a second. *turns to swordsage* You really forgot our anniversary?!
Swordsage: Uh, can we discuss this after we defeat the giant undead dragon?
Wizard: *points fingers, scores critical in two Twinned Quickened Maximized Disintegrate* :smallmad: Now answer me!
Swordsage: :smalleek:
DM: … And that was the last the rest of the party heard of [swordsage].

Barbarian: (OOC) Last time, [rogue] sold his soul and is now the BBEG, [cleric] died horribly and [wizard] had to teleport through time to stop him from teleporting through time. They are basically the reason we are screwed one hundred years later. So yeah, my barbarian will retire!
DM: And yet again, the barbarian orc is the most wise person in the party.

Beowulf DW

2015-06-09, 08:19 PM

"How fire-resistant are you?"

Jivundus

2015-06-10, 02:04 AM

GM: You know that's a one-use item, right?

Player: It's okay, I've got two.

Necroticplague

2015-06-10, 03:00 AM

"While you're dreaming, you hear an odd droning sound in your dreams. When you wake up, you realize this is the sound of someone trying to slit your throat with a rotary saw. And failing because most rotary saws aren't made to cut through hardness in the 30's and soak in the 50's"

Rater202

2015-06-10, 03:31 AM

Lord Raziere

2015-06-10, 03:41 AM

Okay, I need to know what the hell's going on.

I'm thinking its probably an Exalted Modern or Heaven's Reach game, the PC probably optimized themselves so that they somehow have ridiculously high hardness and soak, defenses that outright ignore any damage below your hardness while your soak well....soaks up anything else. and this rotary saw is probably a poorly thought out assassination attempt on the Exalt. I will give them credit though: at least they probably knew not to try an ordinary knife or something.

DigoDragon

2015-06-10, 07:46 AM

My money is on weapons-grade puns.

That I can do, but unfortunately there will be 'Friendly Fire' :smallbiggrin:

"How fire-resistant are you?"

A pretty scary question to ask. O.o

Kahiklani: “I've... never actually done this before. Do ponies not use rings for this sort of thing?”
GM: “In a burst of magic, Mirror creates two small rings out of crystal. She placed one in Doc's hooves and put the other on her own hoof.”
Kahiklani: “I am confused about what you want me to do.”
Mirror: (Points to Doc) “Give him away.”
Kahiklani: “I hope you know what you're getting into.” (Makes up a ceremony speech to unite Mirror & Doc as fiances)

Viridia: “Not. Even. A. Week.”
Doc: “The real danger of course, is when Mirror’s dad finds out.”
Viridia: “According to the logic most ponies seem to be using, he'll think that her marrying Doc is the key to eternal life.”
Doc: “So Ragnarok’s going to murder Doc and drink his blood from a gold chalice?”
Viridia: “No, that wouldn't require them getting married. That's what he'd do to their children.”
Stan: “Oh my Celestia, grandpa ate Kenny!”

Viridia: “I wouldn't consider it much of a life, personally, but nopony ever listens to me about things that'll bite them in the plot.”

GM: “Kahiklani finished with an expression of calm, like he'd just been bitten by a snake and was trying to convince himself that it wasn't deadly. A couple of the Olive ponies stared at the scene, most looking confused. From far away, Tirkes sneezed, red-faced. She was either moved to emotions, highly embarrassed, or suffering from a cold. Mirror looked ecstatic, like she'd just been told that behind the zebra there was a sushi bar or something.”

Moon: “It's the Servant and the Olives that are the problem. They've shown up with 'free food' and a bunch of guards, and right after a pirate attack.”
Livewire: “Oh, I have a plan for that! That Andante pony gave me some high explosives to lay out all around the roof of her building. Then I'll set them off while the Olive's get sent there to spend the night. So then, after all the Olives are dead and I shoot Sari and Tirkes, the town can be independent and the food can be distributed.”
Doc: “Uh, I am very concerned about Livewire's plan.”
Moon: “That would...actually work pretty well.”

Viridia: “So, if that makes me a sociopath, hand me a hockey mask.”

Doc: “So, are there any EverFrost customs the stallion should be aware of once he's given to the mare?”
Mirror: “We consume alcohol. Let's do that!”
Doc: “I love this custom.”
Tirkes: “This is my time to shine!”

River: “I hope that doctor friend of yours has a strong back.”
Viridia: “Of course. He's as stallionly as they come.”
River: (Lean towards the window a bit) “…And he just headed for Andante's with another pony.”

Doc: “Freakin’ earth ponies and their Oakville Fungus, am I right?”
Viridia: “Yup.”
GM: “Stellar will be the one to save you lot, I swear.”

Doc: “I am seriously rooting for Livewire to headshot the Olive leader right now.”
Viridia: “I'm rooting for her to give Viridia that sniper rifle.”
Doc: “If Live works quickly, both can be a possibility.”

Stellar: “Something Something War Never Changes.”

TurboGhast

2015-06-10, 09:14 AM

These are from a different one PC game.

Veit: So Imps are Vampires. They are both vulnerable to sliver and garlic.
DM: Your snake disagrees with your analysis.

Spore

2015-06-10, 09:29 AM

The group is being followed.
PC 1: "If we fake a fight they might attack."
*attacks sword wielding PC 2 barehanded*
*PC 2 retaliates with a big swing, almost killing PC 1*
PC 2: "I'm so sorry, you freaked me out."
Pursuers use the distraction and attack:
PC 1: "See, it worked." *faints from the pain*

Dunsparce

2015-06-10, 10:00 AM

DM: Everyone Roll spot checks
Party: *rolls*
DM: *ignores rolls* The fighters were lasagna all along!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Me(As DM): Okay the wolf takes 4 damage, but he won't retaliate because he ******* loves cheese and won't stop until its all gone.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

DM: The monster uses the Stinky Pinky, roll a Fortitude Save

Bard1cKnowledge

2015-06-10, 10:17 AM

Cast

Lerissa played by me a Tiefling Warlock with an affinity for unseen servant and command

Utdyr the half orc babarian with a great axe to grind

young lord brandywine a young wizard far from home

lady Tobryn the cleric who stands in the front lines

So this is in the adventures league, all of them

Lerissa: damn, such a tricky lock for a small chest.
Utdyr: *smashes it open*

Lerissa: HEY GUYS I FOUND A STICK!

Brandywine: I'm going to find this girl because teenage hormones.

Tobryn: Perhaps you should of searched for traps.
Lerissa: I'll remember that next time a magic rune blows up in my face

Hawkstar

2015-06-10, 11:29 AM

Me(As DM): Okay the wolf takes 4 damage, but he won't retaliate because he ******* loves cheese and won't stop until its all gone.
... and after how many rounds did he start casting Cloudkill out his posterior every round as an extraordinary ability?

Necroticplague

2015-06-10, 11:57 AM

Dunsparce

2015-06-10, 12:55 PM

... and after how many rounds did he start casting Cloudkill out his posterior every round as an extraordinary ability?

He died as he lived, eating a bucket full of bricks of colby jack cheese. RIP nameless wolf #2

RogueishScholar

2015-06-10, 02:25 PM

DM: The rock spiders were perfectly content hanging up there in their webs before you bugged them with your continual-light-coin. You have a round to get into place before they attack. Roll initiative. :smallsigh:

Bard1cKnowledge

2015-06-10, 05:06 PM

The mighty and greedy warlock Lerissa

Lerissa : i'ma steal ale from a dwarf

In the name of the moon, I punish you!

Jay R

2015-06-10, 05:40 PM

In the current game, we came to a town which was very crowded, since there is going to be a big game of trollball in the stadium. Trollball is played by nine-foot trolls, using 3- to 4-foot trolls as the ball.

We are in town to re-supply. The DM told us that, despite the large number of trolls in town, we had no difficulty finding a place that sold human provisions.

I asked, "Well, given that we know troll sporting equipment here consists of other trolls, can we double-check the exact meaning of the phrase 'human provisions' in this context?"

Dasgovernator

2015-06-10, 10:41 PM

Drane: "He hits you for so much fire damage, your character sheet bursts into flames."

Drane: "Looters tend to be discouraged by giants pits of Lava"

Nynette: "I want to give you a good luck hug, but you're on fire, so I can't"

Drane:"This place is like a themepark for fiery death"
Green-Sage: "Next time, on Indiana Gnomes and the Temple of Death!"

Talon: "What's worse than wet dog smell? Burned dog smell"

Drane: "I think your hammer is getting Jealous"

Beowulf DW

2015-06-11, 05:14 AM

A pretty scary question to ask. O.o

Especially coming from the party Wizard.

GPuzzle

2015-06-11, 06:05 PM

"We're in an hypercube."
"Jewish physics?"
"Jewish physics."

BootStrapTommy

2015-06-11, 06:14 PM

NPC: Wait, I know you...
PC: Probably because I'm a dangerous sociopath with a long history of violence.

Sith_Happens

2015-06-11, 06:59 PM

"We're in an hypercube."
"Jewish physics?"
"Jewish physics."

Hey, just because we can't go anywhere without bumping into each other doesn't mean we exist in a different set of spatial dimensions.:smalltongue:

JohnTheSavage

2015-06-11, 07:32 PM

DM: Okay, so you need to roll a twenty to take him (The BBEG) down, and if you don't, he's got you.
Player 1: Everything on one roll huh? Let's do it! [rolls]
*Gets a 19*
Player 1: Welp, the kingdom's doomed.
Player 2: (IC) I LOVE YOU!
DM and Players 1-4: (IC and OOC) What?
Player 2: (IC) I BELIEVE IN YOU, MY LOVE!
DM: What are you doing?
Player 2: I'm providing a +2 morale bonus with the power of love. That's a thing right?
DM:...But you don't love-
Player 2: YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND OUR FEELINGS!

Karl Aegis

2015-06-11, 08:00 PM

I draw the 10 of clubs! Do I succeed?

That's pretty cool, I guess, but you roll d6s in this game to do cool things. Try rolling some d6s, difficulty 3.

GPuzzle

2015-06-11, 08:12 PM

"You're pretty much the Hulk Hogan of medieval pit fights."
"Great, now all I need is a guy who's willingly to be Randy Savage!"

DigoDragon

2015-06-12, 06:57 AM

Doc: “And he's going to show up half-drunk at the gates singing dirty carols while he pulls River's gear.”

Viridia: “Didn't Doc have a buttload of painkillers about an hour ago? Won't mixing that with alcohol make his liver explode or something?”

Doc: “So... despite my plan on just a quick drink, this next scene will depend on the GM's whims.
Viridia: “Just don't try intimidating the alcohol. You'll need a crit success to keep your engagement.”
Doc: “Oh I know better than to try. I'd end up with a black eye from a White Russian.”

Viridia: “’A'ight.’ Viridia went looking for the pegasus wagon-y thingamajigabobs with her binoculars out.”
Die Roll: *Crit success*
Doc: “Viridia finds two quite stable pegasi wagons and a slightly tipsy Doc Wagon.

GM: “Luckily, few ground ponies are willing to question pegusi when they do pegusi things.”
Viridia: #justpegasithings

GM: “Maybe they thought that Viridia was thinning out the clouds or something, like clouds followed the same rules as plants. Or, that one mare was looking at Viridia for the chance to stare at her butt.”

Viridia: “I'm pretty sure ‘sexier’ isn't a medical term.”

Andante: (Teasing) “Should I get Shade in here to make this union more official?”
Doc: “I dunno, I think Mirror's father would be upset if he wasn't invited to give his daughter's hoof.”
Andante: “Come on, being wedded by a priestess of Nightmare Moon would be a good gimmick wedding. You'd manage to offend nearly every single pony on the planet, but it would be memorable.”

GM: “Preforming the dance of your people could probably spruce up the night. Do it, filly!”
Doc: “Do colts exist anymore? Duuude, what if I'm an evolutionary throwback to before the war? How cool would it be that Mirror has the rare male earth pony! Iris said she forgot we exist and she lived a long time, right? Pah, enough scientific discussion. Time to dance!” *Does the Tango with Mirror*

Livewire: “The Servant's haven't done a single good thing for us, but Doc's still taking Tirkes' side. How can you explain that?”
Moon: “It's not some magic, Doc's just a naive idiot who'll help ponies even if they don't deserve it or will respond to his kindness with a slap to the face.”

GM: “Medicine works by just sticking magical substances into things and letting them work, right?”
Doc: “I would say no, but then Doc is still a talking warm body, so Andante kinda got lucky that time.”

GM: “Andante is mostly wondering what Doc could possibly expect from involving himself with a member of a 'tribe' that sounds almost entirely xenophobic and intolerant.”
Doc: “Trouble to be sure, but it's not like he knew that until only a few hours ago time-wise. It's almost like there's a god with a keen sense of humor that enjoys making a funny little challenge for Doc's love life, to have him work a bit for his happy ending so that the god also gets some free entertainment out of the stallion's struggles.”
GM: “Something something laughter of thirsting gods something something.”

Andante: “Wooing tribals only brings sorrow. Even if you see her again, it will probably involve your legs being broken by clubs by her offended relatives.”
Doc: “Then I will learn to dodge their blows.”

Andante: “The Servant unicorn that has been accompanying you would have been a smarter choice. Practical, and less doomed to failure. You could climb her like a tree, if she allowed.”

goto124

2015-06-12, 07:41 AM

Took me a while to realise that "Do it, filly!" meant "Do it, baby!"

Now I've seen it used twice by the GM, both times referring to romantic situations.

DigoDragon

2015-06-12, 12:18 PM

Took me a while to realise that "Do it, filly!" meant "Do it, baby!"
Now I've seen it used twice by the GM, both times referring to romantic situations.

I like how Andante is a "professional shipper". She has tried pairing Doc with various mares before. She really doesn't like seeing him with Mirror. :smallbiggrin:

Also, Mirror does not know how to dance. At all. ;)

Dasgovernator

2015-06-13, 10:53 PM

Drane: "So our only hope of survival is to pray that we're in a snickers commercial"

Sith_Happens

2015-06-14, 02:46 AM

Andante: “Wooing tribals only brings sorrow. Even if you see her again, it will probably involve your legs being broken by clubs by her offended relatives.”
Doc: “Then I will learn to dodge their blows.”

"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about its siggability level?"

"It's over NINE THOOOOUUUSAAAAAAAAND!!!!!"

Inevitability

2015-06-14, 10:49 AM

Me: You see a gruesome beast only a few meters away from you! It has the body of a bird, but the head of a large stag, and hisses at you angrily. Also, whoever makes a 'flying stag beetle' joke will get the PHB thrown at him.
Paladin: Hm... Does the head look reindeer-like? I mean, we're up north and all...
Me: Why not. Yes, the head is reindeer-like.
Paladin: A flying reindeer! I'll call him 'Rudolph'!
Me: *facepalms*

Necroticplague

2015-06-14, 11:08 AM

Gene:I have a great idea for a new weapon. Gonna need a few exotic ingredients, though.
Nesdu: This isn't gonna be another hunt for a large variety of weird stuff, right?
Gene:Nah, just two. A working copy of the Schwerer Gustav made entirely out of starmetal, and the soulgem of a patropolis suffering from gremlin syndrome.
Nesud:....I think I preferred it when your ideas were a large amount of moderately hard to acquire things, instead of two nigh-impossible to produce things.
Gene:Just shut up and get the gem. I'll try and work on the replica.

DigoDragon

2015-06-14, 01:21 PM

Bassline: "Mwahaha, I know exactly what I'm doing."

Bassline: "I have no idea what I'm doing."
Stamp: "You never know what you are doing."

[B]"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about its siggability level?"

"It's over NINE THOOOOUUUSAAAAAAAAND!!!!!"

Haha, go for it if you want. :smallbiggrin:

Mr.Sandman

2015-06-14, 01:51 PM

Barbarian: "I know how I can do 'Create Water!'
Cleric: 'Sigh' "Just don't get it on the curtains."

Cleric: "How did you even get your props up there?"

Druid: "Can we bring you a different woman in a red dress, and get her back in exchange?"
Skeleton Lord: "Yah, that should work."

-2 hours later-
Skeleton Lord: "That was actually a guy in drag. You guys have any actual women in red dresses?"

Sith_Happens

2015-06-14, 02:03 PM

Haha, go for it if you want. :smallbiggrin:

Don't worry, I will...

http://38.media.tumblr.com/0fb7e245b65446aa3fd3ce26f57a1564/tumblr_mpegkhE2KU1s9box3o1_400.gif

Druid: "Can we bring you a different woman in a red dress, and get her back in exchange?"
Skeleton Lord: "Yah, that should work."

-2 hours later-
Skeleton Lord: "That was actually a guy in drag. You guys have any actual women in red dresses?"

PC plans at their finest.

Lorgqr23

2015-06-14, 07:09 PM

In a Shadowrun Campaign
Me(DM):The dead bodies of the guards lay scattered around the bar what do you do
Frank West(PC):I take a incriminating photograph
Me:You know you are incriminating yourself don't you
Frank West:Why
Me:You put "Frank West was here" on your bullets

Bard1cKnowledge

2015-06-14, 08:47 PM

Lerissa(me) we are in Mulmaster, it's ALWAYS fire cultists.

GPuzzle

2015-06-14, 09:06 PM

Sean: "Munster. The county of arsewipes. May St. Paddy bless us all, lads, we're going to kick some traitor ass." *swears in Irish*
James: "I don't know what I expected from Sean."

Dexam

2015-06-15, 12:13 AM

Clay: "... but how will we find out who's the wererat?"
Ellodyne: "We could just walk into the tavern and say 'hands up if you *really* like cheese'?"

DigoDragon

2015-06-15, 06:36 AM

Moon: “Hey Doc, said your goodbyes?”
Doc: “Yeah. Andante is packed too, just waiting for her bartender to catch up.”
Viridia: “She isn't coming with us, is she?”
Doc: “Mirror? No, she decided to return to Sunnyside for now. She'll at least be safe there.”
Viridia: “I meant Andante. Good to see you're still crushing on Mirror, though.”

Viridia: “Should probably scout ahead a bit when we take this through the slums, then. There are a couple of, er, annoyed griffons, a few pirate survivors, and a bunch of traps left over there. Don't want this thing to blow without Livewire around.”

Moon: “Speaking of Livewire, she's not coming. She thinks she can take out all of the Olives and Servants on her own and become mayor of the town.”
Doc: “Livewire as a mayor? That's a scary thought.”
Stellar: “One more reason to get out of town.”

Doc: *Looking at his crystal engagement ring from Mirror*
Stellar: “Wow Doc, you don't hang about, do you? You've known her what, about a week?”
Moon: “Wait, what?”

GM: “This place sucked. Why did ponies live here? No, seriously, why? This place apparently got four foot snowfalls in late fall and there was that tall spike-topped tower that glowed radioactive green. The overhead view of the area was only improved by the layer of snow that covered everything. It was turning bitterly cold, now, the sort of cold that actively conspired to turn every breeze into an icy stab to the face.”

Viridia: “Stellar, you have a 3 Perception. That's literally the suckiest vision anypony can have without a disability. Let a pony with decent sight and binoculars help with scouting.”

Doc: “I swear I can hear the GM chanting 'Something something the laughter of thirsting gods something something' in the background.”

GM: “Andante brought a big sleeping bag with her, it seemed, one big enough that it could have been Northern Light's own, and she was all the way in it to where only her hair was immediately visible. It was sort of funny looking.”

Doc: “This cart moves like a drunk two-ton Brahmin through a house.”
Viridia: “We'll be able to move a lot more effectively once we've de-stressed from today, and I get this bullet out of my flank.”

Andante: “If it makes you feel better, I am an excellent conversationalist and a proficient lover.”
Viridia: “And apparently in your pupal stage.”
Andante: “I don't have to reply to that.”

GM: “River replied, sounding honestly upset that her childhood did not involve small balls of actively crackling thundercloud being thrown at her.”
Viridia: “Little does River know, Lightning Ball is a puzzle game.”

Doc: “I can patch up almost anything short of dismemberment. And of course that's why I'm looking into learning cybernetics.”
Northern Light: “Bah. Peg legs don't go out of style.”
Viridia: “Hey, Northern, what'd it take to get you to change direction so we can pick up Penny and our best scout slash combatant with energy weapons?”
Northern: “Me suddenly becoming suicidal.”

ImSAMazing

2015-06-15, 08:22 AM

Rater202

2015-06-15, 02:16 PM

Subtle:Anyway, lets sort out finding Spark and Tenn's gang before we worry about de-flowering ancient druids.

Necroticplague

2015-06-15, 04:20 PM

"Wow do you hide being such a massive cult?"
"We don't. We simply operate relatively in the open, and people just assume we're one of the half-thousand groups of nutjobs. As long as we keep the actual demon summonings behind close doors, we fit right in with the people who deal with snakes or drink kool-aid."
"That's......disturbingly easy."
"I know, right! Bites us back sometimes, though. After all, if we hear about someone going on about greater plans we might have, how do w tell whether it's a nutjob or someone who's been snooping too much?"

braveheart

2015-06-15, 05:02 PM

Weird, we killed more people in our lighthearted Pokemon game yesterday than the Star Wars bounty hunters one today

*Pass the GM a note*
gm: 300 XP, and it starts raining

Bard1cKnowledge

2015-06-16, 09:31 AM

This has become a joke in our group

GM I will pay you 250 gold pieces...
Lerissa Each?

DigoDragon

2015-06-17, 06:26 AM

Stellar: “And at the next level up, Stellar's speed is going to double again.”
Doc: “I need more coffee. Misread this without the word 'speed' and almost believed Stellar was about to undergo nuclear fission.”

Stellar: “Hang on, if Moonshadow's a 30 minute flight away and Stellar is just circling the wagon at height in a vague search for firewood, how does she see her?”
GM: “The magic of friendship! (Going to fix that).”

Doc: “I think trying to convince Andante to change her mind is like convincing a wall that it is a firetruck.”

Stellar: “So I'm thinking of transferring a point into Perception so she's not quite so oblivious, which would be the boring option that just averts any stat being dumped hard.”
Doc: “Perception is really useful. Do you have a hat or scarf for the bonus point?”
Stellar: “Nope, but that's easily fixable.” (Swoops in and steals Doc's hat)
Doc: “Ahh! Everything went blurry!”

Viridia: “The only pony who's tried to convince Northern is Doc. Who isn't the best negotiator.”
Doc: “Doc is actually the second best negotiator on the team if we go by the Speech skill. Scary huh?”
Viridia: “I think it's scarier that the best negotiator doesn't care to use her skills most of the time. She could easily smooth something over...but insulting ponies is more fun.”

Doc: “On a scale of 1 to 10, it's more awkward than getting engaged to a tribal in five days.”

Doc: “Mirror Armor art (http://digoraccoon.deviantart.com/art/Crystal-Knife-Fight-537979635).”
Moon: “Aw, is Switchblade jealous?”
Doc: “She shouldn't be, considering they're in separate stories with their own Doc... but yeah, Switchblade totally is.”

Viridia: “Not Ms. Evil Seahorse.”
GM: “She probably wouldn’t’ve answered, anyway.”
Viridia: “You should go annoy her, voice in my head.”

GM: “Penny woke up with a start! Her eyes widened with surprise and fear and it looked like she was scrambling for a knife! While doing so, she booped Moonshadow on the nose.”
Moon: “Ow.”
GM: “After realizing that it was just Moonshadow, as opposed to a crazed bandit or a slow dragon, she took a deep breath and sighed.”
Penny: “What time is it?”
Moon: “It is way too late.”
Penny: “Is it too late to tell me you're some sort of spy or something?”
Moon: “Yup.”

Penny: “Why are you here, Moonshadow? Like, for real.”
Moon: “Because I ****** up. I had paradise, but I got greedy and wanted more. And now I'm stuck down here, and trying to make the best of it.”
Penny: “I mean with me. You have friends. This is just a hole in the ground, and it's snowing real hard.”
Moon: “Because I want to. You're smart, cute, and give wonderful massages. You seem to be a good pony, but you aren't boring. I care about you, and I want to help you… the sex was fairly amazing as well.”

GM: “She looked sort of zoned out, like Moonshadow's face was an especially strange painting that needed explaining and possibly a companion book.”

Stellar: “Viridia's combat armor is black? I'm beginning to think Stellar deserved her Perception score of 3.”

goto124

2015-06-17, 07:20 AM

Stellar: “Hang on, if Moonshadow's a 30 minute flight away and Stellar is just circling the wagon at height in a vague search for firewood, how does she see her?”
GM: “The magic of friendship! (Going to fix that).”

What happened with the "you're in my debt/I'm in your debt" thing?

Doc: “I think trying to convince Andante to change her mind is like convincing a wall that it is a firetruck.”

Convince her that she's a firewall, then.

Moon: “… the sex was fairly amazing as well.”

Should've considered that possibility

Senshi Akai

2015-06-17, 08:12 AM

Convince her that she's a firewall, then.

I just spilled coffee in my screen. I hope you are happy.

DigoDragon

2015-06-17, 08:43 AM

What happened with the "you're in my debt/I'm in your debt" thing?

Other than the 'cough' and minor correction it didn't seem to go anywhere.

Should've considered that possibility 0-0

I have no comments for it. ^^; Only Viridia and Moonshadow have seen that kind of action. Plus Doc isn't with the pegasi in that scene. He was elsewhere trying to convince some ponies that when it's 32 below, fire is good.

I just spilled coffee in my screen. I hope you are happy.

I only wish I had thought of it first. :smallbiggrin:

Bard1cKnowledge

2015-06-17, 10:33 AM

GM you meet with a faulty stocky half long with a full beard.
My one shot barbarian Garlbog
It's a dwarf, we used to toss these guys back in the arena.

Necroticplague

2015-06-17, 11:05 PM

"If it has balls, I can stunlock it!"
"Darnit, there goes my plans for the testicle hydra."

Fumble Jack

2015-06-18, 09:22 AM

"I stealthily move into the fetal position"

Our table paused cracking up for about 15 minutes after this was said.

Bard1cKnowledge

2015-06-18, 03:24 PM

Grab it by the tentacles and use shocking grasp!

It was a Gnell (brains with a beak )

AdmiralCheez

2015-06-18, 10:47 PM

"So, we're not throwing the tank off the train now?"

"Okay, we're going to fly in low and... oh, never mind. He already jumped."

"I'm gonna portal-fist him."
"Uhh.... you might want to rephrase that."

"I can store 50 tons of stuff in here. I thought that would be enough to just handwave weight rules, and yet here we are making sacrifices in the second session."

DigoDragon

2015-06-19, 07:34 AM

"If it has balls, I can stunlock it!"

Oww... :smalleek:

Doc: “If I need to make rolls here and my results are screwy like in the early days, we're all in trouble.”

Stellar: “I know it's a coincidence, but I can provide evidence.” [Supplies link]
Viridia: “Doesn't count. You could be using time travel.”
Stellar: “Not even edited!”

Moon: “You know it's a bad day when getting ambushed and shot by a griffon doesn't even make the list.”

GM: “I want to know everyone's thoughts on what the endgame for this game is going to look like!"
Doc: “My theory is that the endgame involves us destabilizing one or more of the current big powers (The al-Hazards, the Olives, and the Servants).”
Viridia: “I think we're going to do what Doc said, only it turns out that the Olives have been doing this for centuries to prevent war between ponies and zebras, who will inevitably go to war, and we'll have to choose between destroying all Olives, controlling their minds, or combining zebras with ponies to make sure it never happens again.”

Moon: “I think the end game will be Viridia seducing every single female character, and effectively exterminating most of Tauronto since no new foals are being born.”
Viridia: “You've forgotten the lesbian magic babies. Silly Moonshadow!”

Doc: “Still, if it is the Roach King (or another changeling-ish type of critter), well... good luck avoiding the role of being the main course.”

Moon: “If I'm right, we're about to have a climatic duel against the Roach King right now, which likely means I'm wrong.
Doc: “But even if you're wrong, there are two pegasi coming to rescue you against one opponent, leaving just one PC to protect two NPCs that may be in trouble: 2 plus 1 plus 1 plus 2.”

Stellar: (Hugs Doc) “This shouldn't take more than a few hours. But if we're not back by morning carry on without us and we'll catch up.”
Doc: “Alright then. You both be careful now. If trouble crosses your paths, try not to make 'em cry too much.”
Viridia: “Bye, y'all. I'd hug you, Doc, but it might get you pregnant.”

Doc: *Peeks inside Andante’s sleeping bag to ensure she’s okay*
GM: “It was too dark to see Andante at first, but Doc heard something shift, and retract farther inside the bag.”
Andante: (Poking her head out) “Wagon, I am flattered but you are freshly engaged.”
Doc: (Jokingly) “And here I thought my biggest hurdle was a Y-chromosome.”

Doc: “Well, your nose doesn't seem to agree with you.”

Viridia: “I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts~ Here they are, all sitting in a row~”

GM: “Headlines like 'Merpony caught in south Anterlantic!', '34 pound Ladybug found under barn!' and 'Batpony Colt Found in Cave!!”
Doc: “Huh, coupons for Barnyard Bargains.”

Northern: “Don't think spending a night in a goat shrine's a fine thing to do.”
Doc: (Gag motion) “I'd rather spend a night with Special Snowflake.”

Bard1cKnowledge

2015-06-19, 11:17 AM

Lerissa: I want a scroll of unseen servant
Brandywine: I think you have a problem.

goto124

2015-06-20, 01:30 AM

Viridia: “Bye, y'all. I'd hug you, Doc, but it might get you pregnant.”

Mare gets the stallion pregnant? O-o

Cazero

2015-06-20, 03:40 AM

Mare gets the stallion pregnant? O-o

Magic. Lesbian. Babies.
I bet they can get anyone pregnant.

DigoDragon

2015-06-20, 08:04 AM

Magic. Lesbian. Babies.
I bet they can get anyone pregnant.

At least Viridia could. I think it's her super power. :smallbiggrin:

Inevitability

2015-06-20, 08:36 AM

Me: Oh god, you're going to solo another dragon?
Warlock: Hell yes I am.

DeafnotDumb

2015-06-20, 09:50 AM

Lady Blackbird: Wig-bearers! I'm turning!

DigoDragon

2015-06-20, 09:54 AM

Me: Oh god, you're going to solo another dragon?
Warlock: Hell yes I am.

I'm reminded of a fight between a well-equipped 18th level party of five (two Rangers, Cleric, Druid, & Rogue/Sorcerer combo) against a 20th level Warlock boss encounter (He had a pair of 12th level kobold rogues for minions). The druid had dragonshape and used it to become a red dragon. The warlock took him down in two rounds purely on well-played tactics. :smallbiggrin:

shelledhound

2015-06-21, 12:22 AM

Player: Give me a moment I have to come to terms with the fact this campaign actually has direction now.

Player: can I refluff spiritual weapon to be a boot?

Player: So I am a tree and the mooks have surrounded me. I proceed to climb the tree to escape.
Me: wait, what!?
Player: troll logics :smallamused:

Dimers

2015-06-21, 02:59 AM

DM: I had a stomachache earlier today, and I assumed it was caused by Communism, so I had a rare steak. And now I feel completely better, so clearly I was right.

Dee: Can I borrow the tape?
Nicole: It's yours for $200 ...
Dee: So's your mother.

Random raven sent to spy on us: What are you doing? Humans can't fly!
Gehn: We're not humans, we're macaroni birds.

Gehn: How about Mount Stromboli? That's usually erupting.
Catherine: I could really go for a stromboli.
Everybody: That's what she said.

DM: Yes, her character is here, but her head is in a bag.

Catherine: Do we see the salamanders?
DM: No --
Marga: -- they turned invisible.
Gehn: Like Imhotep.
DM: "Look around you."

DM: You have a small chirality failure as you attempt to proceed up the mountain, so you head down the mountain. You are now floating a few inches above a veritable river of banana pudding ...

DM: Real salamanders are disgusting eely things, they're like tubular frogs.

DM: It doesn't hurt those lizards to drop their tails. It's like a cross between a booster rocket and a child sacrifice.

Catherine: \m/
DM: I've never seen that gesture used in reference to tapioca before.

Catherine: I look around for the "nice people" she mentioned ...
Marga: Hey, I'm nice!
Catherine: So is Mimi.
Herr Klaus von Steiner: Yeah, but she's not a person.
DM: Right. Please don't anthropomorphize the mime.