Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition III: Now with 50% more DigoDragon

[DigoDragon]

Player: Give me a moment I have to come to terms with the fact this campaign actually has direction now.

Heeheehee, I'll be just as surprised when it happens in the campaign I'm in. XD

[Socksy]

Running an encounter for my brother, and I have about twenty or thirty tabs up. He's summoned an advanced skeletal megaraptor.

Me, OOC: "Hang on a minute, I've lost the dinosaur."
My brother, IC, thinking my NPC was speaking: "HOW DID YOU LOSE A DINOSAUR?!"

[ImSAMazing]

Me: Oh god, you're going to solo another dragon?
Warlock: Hell yes I am.

Of course he is

[GPuzzle]

Kat: "What on Earth is Sean doing?"
James: "Being Irish, I think."

Adrian: "Palla, don't panic, but I think that a raven has just sit on your head."
Palla: "What's the next step, a madman hearing a beat heart of a man he murdered and stuffed under his own floor?"
Adrian: "I think that James has been doing that since we entered Edgar Allan Poe's house."

James: "We have two options. Try to stop Cthulhu from being summoned or go back to Poe's house and start the descent into madness, stopping Cthulhu from turning us into full-on madmen."
Sean: "My last name is still Henderson."
Kat: "Buckle up your seatbelt, this is gonna be a bumpy ride."

Adrian: "Kat, who let Sean drive the oil trucker?"
Kat: "It's gotten to the point that this is necessary."
Palla: "Is he singing Amhrán na bhFiann?"
Kat: "Yes."
Palla: "Adrian, get the fireworks."

[Bard1cKnowledge]

From the adventures league I ran yesterday

The dragon born paladin: HERE! RUB MY UNICORN HORN OF JUSTICE! IT WIPL HEAL YOU!

[5ColouredWalker]

I'm reminded of a fight between a well-equipped 18th level party of five (two Rangers, Cleric, Druid, & Rogue/Sorcerer combo) against a 20th level Warlock boss encounter (He had a pair of 12th level kobold rogues for minions). The druid had dragonshape and used it to become a red dragon. The warlock took him down in two rounds purely on well-played tactics. :smallbiggrin:

My party has encountered 3 adult dragons as random encounters.
Each time said dragon has died within 2 rounds due to damage. 2 of which with only two players participating.
Dragons start becoming a lot less scary when that happens.

[DaedalusMkV]

One from a little while back.

NPC Guard: Who goes there?
Polymorphed Wizard: I'm one of the scouts! There's an attack coming, and they'll be here any minute!
Wizard OOC: Bluff of... 19. That's almost as good as I can do.
*Other players start to facepalm*
GM (Me): I'll give you a huge circumstance bonus on that bluff, considering it's the unmodified truth. They believe you, and begin to raise the alarm.
Fighter (using a Message spell that was cast beforehand): Well, I guess they are distracted raising the alarm. But the point was to sneak attack them before they could alert the rest of the camp!
Wizard: Oh, yeah. I didn't really think that bluff through...

Much, much farther back.

DM: There are two graves near the garden, behind the farmhouse. Both are clearly open, either dug up or not filled in. There are no bodies inside.
Paladin: NECROMANCERS! Everyone, watch out for undead. I Detect Evil, starting with the coffins and sweeping around until I find something.
DM: You get no sense of evil from anywhere within the area.
Druid: You seem to be jumping to conclusions, friend. It seems rash to simply assume that an open grave means grave robbers are about.
Paladin: You'll see. It's grave-robbing Necromancers looking for bodies to desecrate. We'll be fighting off an undead army within a week if we don't find them first.
Sorcerer: Seriously, this is the fifth time you've either called Necromancers or Devils this campaign, and we're only level 2. Just stop it.

Two days later:

Paladin: Well, that appears to be an ominous black Wizard's tower. And that looks like a pile of discarded coffins. I think we've found our undead army.
Sorcerer: Wow, you might actually have called this one right. Okay, let's be careful here. Rogue, could you check that door for traps?

After fighting the Necromancer and his undead minions, then the Imp who had been masterminding the whole plot:

Sorcerer: So, wait. It was actually Necromancers and Devils the entire time, and the Paladin was right from the beginning?
DM: Basically, yeah. Though the Imp was taking orders from someone else.
Paladin: I can smell evil. Of course I was right.
Druid: He's going to be insufferable for weeks...

[DigoDragon]

Temporarily out of Fallout Equestria quotes. Posting an unrelated campaign~

Autumn Gale: “I've just realized your picture of Morning Star is self-drawn! Very impressed."
Reuben Rye: “Ditto. Seems like the bar has been doubled and I'd be remiss to not meet this challenge.”
Sleepy Tyme: “And here I was, thinking I was special for using Paint.net.”
Reuben: “Don't sell yourself short. You got one of the most impressive cutie mark designs. By comparison what does Reuben have? A sandwich.png I found on Google.”

Autumn: “That does rather beg the question...”
Sleepy: “What question?”
Autumn: “Which cutie mark is the most impressive?”
Reuben: “Please don't make me choose.”

Sunlight Sonnet: “I've arrived! About time, too. I was getting tired of having no internet. ...Or lights in the bathroom. That gets a little irritating.”

Autumn: “Reuben's born and raised in Ponyville, runs a successful sandwhich shop, probably knows everyone.”
Reuben: “Technically it's still his pop's shop, but otherwise Reuben likely knows most folks who stop by regularly for lunch.”
Sleepy: “Sleepy went in once, bought the most expensive sandwich, then went home and froze it. She duplicates it every few days and eats the duplicate. She's pirating sandwiches, basically.”
Sunlight: “See, that'd make it taste funny methinks.”
Sleepy: “Maybe, but it’s fun to think about. Her acting suspiciously at a certain time of day, everyone getting curious, following her as she sneaks into a hidden room of her home, pulling open an old ivory box and creaking it open to reveal...a frozen sandwich. And it's treated like a dark secret that horrifies everyone.”

Reuben: “This is one of those moments where the player is laughing to the point of tears, but the character is just tears.”

GM: “Aaaaand, mark! We're off the rails. Saw this one coming, really.”
Brass Monocle: “Well, this is a new record for all the campaigns I've been in.”

Autumn: *Posts image of her character*
Sleepy: “My immediate urge is to make a dirty joke, but she's a pony. WHAT DO?!”
GM: “.......Well, I haven't questioned my sexuality in a while. May as well catch up on it now.”

Autumn: “The Equine Torch? I haven't read that one since I was little! What was her catch phrase again? Fire? Fire! Fire now! Fire Go! No, that's not it. Flame! Ah yes, I remember... ‘FLAME ON!’”
Reuben: “Whoa, somepony's hot to trot.”
Autumn: “Heh, you think so?” (Flaming Pony moonwalk)

Sleepy: “Wow, Autumn, you're on fire! Autumn Gale is gonna kick some ash! Nobody is gonna be unblazed by her!”

Windigo: “Ice to see you again, foalish citizens of Mettrotpolis! I, Windigo, will soon rule this city in my icy grip! Feel free to bring your offerings, tributes, and other assorted groveling to my lair at the Mettrotpolis Skating Rink, or risk getting left out in the cold! Mwahahahahahahahahaha!”

Reuben: “To the skating rink! …Um, anypony know which way is the rink?”

Sunlight: “Aww, shots fired already? I was just warming up to you guys. Maybe this will get you to chill out!”

Windigo: “Snow down and relax, heroes! You can’t defeat me! Not with pathetic carnival tricks like that! Watch as I shift this machine into maximum overdrive, and bring you to a cold grave! Say freeze!”
Sunlight: “Chill out, man, you're killing the mood here. You really need a new way to break the ice! You keep giving your guests the cold shoulder like this and they'll have a real hard time warming up to you! You'll feel so Ice-olated. In fact, that kind of attitude is why we can't have ice things!”
Sleepy: “Also, 'cold grave' doesn't really count as a pun!”

[Bard1cKnowledge]

Player: You'll turn off the sewer system when we go in to explore.....right?
Me and for the first time in her life, the Sgt managed to crack a smile and let out a chuckle. It was truly a miracle in Mulmaster

[THEChanger]

P1: CAN I ADOPT HIM?
P2: Can we keep him safe in the portable hole.
DM: Yeah, that sounds reasonable.
P1: REALLY?
DM/P2: NOT YOU!

P1: No troll nanny.
P3: But the troll nanny is a beautiful shinning flower. I'll put an apron on it.
P2: Do not put a troll in the hole.

P4: I'm also going to send my ruffled shirt I stole from the captain's clothes.
P2: Why? He has his own clothes.
P4: You're right. I'll keep it to show off my glorious chest hair.
P1: Aren't you a woman?

P2: I want to wear just my breastplate!
P1: Wouldn't that chafe?
P2: Alright, some socks too.

[GPuzzle]

Silas: "Corrin, how did you trash your own house party because nobody came?"
Corrin: "I honestly have no idea."

[DigoDragon]

Reuben: “That pipe to the noggin looked like it knocked something loose in your head. Here, I'll knock it back into place!”

Morning Star: “Things are really heating up for you now, Windigo. Your goose may in fact be cooked!”

Sleepy: “I assure you, my competence is entirely accidental.”

Reuben: “Windigo is out cold and out of cold! This was awesome! Great job team, we totally blazed through this villain.”
Autumn: “Really Reuben? Heh. Ok, that one was actually quite good!”

Sunlight: “I don't think I've ever made that many puns before.”
Reuben: “Heh, I think pops sends me on deliveries the most because I make too many puns. Though, in a world where puns are apparently a weapon, I can sort of see his side...”

Sleepy: “Now stop tempting me. I'm too skilled at cringe-worthy pick-up lines for my own good!”
Reuben: “And the downside of that is...?”

GM: “Third page of the OOC thread and we're already talking about pin-ups and 'looking up' humanized versions of ponies. I'm not sure whether that means I've chosen you people wisely or very poorly.”

GM: “As you look down, you find yourselves bedecked in strange gear, including wooden stakes, a wreath of garlic, a few bottles of celestial water…”
Reuben: (Holding up a stake) “Uh... this isn't for pitching a tent, is it?”

Sleepy: “I've never met a Vampony before...she probably has all kinds of things to tell us. And we've all imagined what blood tastes like at some point...”
Reuben: “Slightly metallic, but nothing strong.” [Beat] “Err, you know, from cutting myself in the kitchen.”

Autumn: “So who do we think is going to get eaten first? It's usually the ditzy one!” (Nudges Sunlight in the ribs)

Autumn: “Ooh, a creepy castle? Come on, someone's sure to get eaten if we go there!”

GM: “Before you stands the headless horse, in all its tattered and ragged sordidness.”
Reuben: (Sarcasm) “Well Autumn, here's something that can't eat us.”
Sunlight: “This is the realm of fiction, Reuben, if it wanted to I'm sure it could find a way to eat us!”

Sleepy: “Is running our only option?”
Reuben: “No, but it's a popular one!”

Autumn: “Sleepy is currently wrapped up in Autumn's hooves. Until she wants to be put down, of course!”
Reuben: “So like, never?”

Sunlight: “It... it just occurred to me that I had Sunlight gallop away when she can freakin' fly.”

GM: “Is the fact that the earthpony uses height to his advantage more than the pegasus ironic or simply wonderful coincidence? Yes.”
Reuben: “And since the earth pony has the skill to swing around between tree branches and keep that height advantage, would that make it... parkour for the course?”

[Senshi Akai]

Out of good quotes for some reason, so I will just post quotes from three different campaigns. :smalltongue: Oh, and the catfolk talks like a khajiit.

Bandit NPC: *holding hostage* Hand over our man, and we will hand over your friend.
[B]Catfolk: No. Terhirr hunted this man. It's Terhirr property now.
Barbarian: You can't be serious.
*later*
Barbarian: Wow, thanks, I thought you would let me die to those bandits.
Catfolk: Terhirr only traded goods. You have more meat.
Barbarian: Please don't eat me. :smalleek:

Spellthief: Say it.
Catfolk: No!
Spellthief: Come on!
Catfolk: Fine! Terhirr finds your puppy useful. Now, go bother somebody else.

Barbarian: I got a new axe. Its name is “Suck that, Mjolnir”.
DM: I suppose that's a formal invitation to getting your a*s kicked by Thor.


DM: There is a man wearing a full ninja-like clothing in the corner. You can see a symbol of Nerull embroidered in his vestiment.
Warblade: So... A cleric of the god of death?
*much later*
Warblade: Wait, that guy IS a ninja? :smallconfused:
Cleric: Best ninja ever. He was disguised on plain sight IC and OOC!

DM: Are you serious? You guys are running from a little frail woman, directly into a basilisk nest?
Swordsage: Well, the background music made the “little frail woman” VERY disturbing.


Defender: Why do you have to sell your soul to every demon out there?
Swordsage: Every devil! Demons are chaotic. But I can sell my soul to the good gods too, later.
Wizard: … No, you can't.
Swordsage: *blinks awkwardly for a moment* Well, that will prove to be a hell of a mistake from me then.
Defender: Nine hells, actually.

[Karl Aegis]

DM: There is a man wearing a full ninja-like clothing in the corner. You can see a symbol of Nerull embroidered in his vestiment.
Warblade: So... A cleric of the god of death?
*much later*
Warblade: Wait, that guy IS a ninja? :smallconfused:
Cleric: Best ninja ever. He was disguised on plain sight IC and OOC!


So. Death gods like blue now?

[Hawkstar]

Out of good quotes for some reason, so I will just post quotes from three different campaigns. :smalltongue: Oh, and the catfolk talks like a khajiit.

Bandit NPC: *holding hostage* Hand over our man, and we will hand over your friend.
[B]Catfolk: No. Terhirr hunted this man. It's Terhirr property now.
Barbarian: You can't be serious.
*later*
Barbarian: Wow, thanks, I thought you would let me die to those bandits.
Catfolk: Terhirr only traded goods. You have more meat.
Barbarian: Please don't eat me. :smalleek:

Spellthief: Say it.
Catfolk: No!
Spellthief: Come on!
Catfolk: Fine! Terhirr finds your puppy useful. Now, go bother somebody else.

Barbarian: I got a new axe. Its name is “Suck that, Mjolnir”.
DM: I suppose that's a formal invitation to getting your a*s kicked by Thor.


DM: There is a man wearing a full ninja-like clothing in the corner. You can see a symbol of Nerull embroidered in his vestiment.
Warblade: So... A cleric of the god of death?
*much later*
Warblade: Wait, that guy IS a ninja? :smallconfused:
Cleric: Best ninja ever. He was disguised on plain sight IC and OOC!

DM: Are you serious? You guys are running from a little frail woman, directly into a basilisk nest?
Swordsage: Well, the background music made the “little frail woman” VERY disturbing.


Defender: Why do you have to sell your soul to every demon out there?
Swordsage: Every devil! Demons are chaotic. But I can sell my soul to the good gods too, later.
Wizard: … No, you can't.
Swordsage: *blinks awkwardly for a moment* Well, that will prove to be a hell of a mistake from me then.
Defender: Nine hells, actually.

Do you have a campaign log?

[Senshi Akai]

So. Death gods like blue now?

Uh, the DM was wearing blue, is that a sign?



Do you have a campaign log?

Yes I have (not of every campaign though), but they are all in portuguese, so I don't know if they will be of any use. Why do you ask?

[Vhaelus]

Why don't you turn into a female snake and seduce it!?

[Grim Portent]

Me: I think we should head to the local animal shelter and see if any dogs are still alive, they could be useful.
P2: Battle corgis!
Me: I was thinking Dobermans or something myself...
P2: Corgis!
Me: Hmm, now I've got an idea for a character. Hey [GM], can I make the Queen as my backup character?
GM: *laughing* No you can't make the Queen.

[Unscrewed]

GM: So, what are you doing?
Darvin: First, I start drinking. Then, I start preaching.
Audrey: You're preaching drunk?!


Cathal: Help us with the air elemental!
Audrey: I'm fighting the dragon!

GM: Roll a strength save.
Darvin: *rolls* I rolled a zero.

Cathal: This is why you don't summon air elementals drunk.

[Kianlon]

Benny: Do I have any styrofoam or chemicals?
DM: What do you think?
Benny: ... am I at the inn yet?

Wolfgar: I walk outside and stomp on them until all of the voles are dead. Then I move towards Benny.
Benny: Um... bye! I run away.

Ally: I hide in the bushes.
Bob: So, what, are you cheating on me with another shrub?

DM: Why do you have a whip? And why are you using it right now?
All the other players: *some variation of "we all know what it's really for"*
Me: I will make you all suffer before I kill you.

Me: How much damage does it do if I slap him?
Rook (OOC): You could do lethal damage if you want, you know martial arts...
DM: 1d3.
Me: Great. I slap him for six points of damage.
Neil (OOC): You rolled a ONE? I'm down to half my HP!

DM: I mean, unless you're wearing a teddy bear costume or something!
Gerald: I am.
Me: Gerald! You're a furry?

[Hawkstar]

Yes I have (not of every campaign though), but they are all in portuguese, so I don't know if they will be of any use. Why do you ask?I want to read more about the adventures of your group! (Almost all campaign logs I found interest in, I found through this thread.)

[Necroticplague]

"If there is any f***ing off that needs to be done, it is on your end, good sir."

"Your voice is a lot higher than that last minotaur's."
"He was a bull. I'm a steer."
"Oh gods....I'm sorry to hear that."

"If this grin was a person, it would be plying you with rohypnol and getting its c**k out."

[Mandark]

Me: I think we should head to the local animal shelter and see if any dogs are still alive, they could be useful.
P2: Battle corgis!
Me: I was thinking Dobermans or something myself...
P2: Corgis!
Me: Hmm, now I've got an idea for a character. Hey [GM], can I make the Queen as my backup character?
GM: *laughing* No you can't make the Queen.

(Play as a corgi Druid and have the queen be your "Animal Companion") with Performance: Orartory and Performance:Ventriliquance.

[DigoDragon]

Autumn: “So, this being a creepy old castle on a creepy old hill in a creepy old wood in the dead of night... who's up for some exploring?”

Autumn: “Hang on, hang on, I've got this! I think I know what this is. Hmmmm. Bad news everypony. This castle's infested with Vampire Doors!”
Sleepy: “I don't think so, Autumn... There'd have to be vampire trees to make vampire doors, and none of those trees were very bitey.”
Autumn: “Well obviously all it takes is for a regular door to be bitten by a vampony.”
GM: “Despite all thorough inspection on Autumn's part, she is unable to find any bite marks on the door. At least on this side. The door itself seems unwilling to confirm, nor deny her accusations.”

Reuben: “Details get me curious to poke things. Detailed mechanical things get me curious to poke things faster.”

Autumn: “I think it probably gives sunrise and sunset times and the direction of the sun throughout the day. Let's the vamps know which rooms are safe to be in and when.”
Reuben: “That would make sense. It certainly would suck if you're trying to reach the bathroom and get ashed for passing through the wrong hallway.”

Reuben: “I come down from the catwalk using the elevator and pick up the rear of the party... in a completely ‘I’m following everyone and not in a dirty way’ kind of way.”

GM: “The skeleton shambles in the direction of Reuben along with the other remaining monster.”
Reuben: “Hey, undead dudes, or... do you prefer the term living-impaired? Are we invited to dinner? Please say we're invited.”

Reuben: “Woohoo, victory slice!” (Noms on pie)
Autumn: “Glutton! It's a wonder you manage to stay in shape!”
Reuben: “It takes a lot of energy to deliver sandwiches and slay vamponies.”
Autumn: “You haven't even slain a vampony yet!”
Reuben: “I'm just warming up.”

Brass: “It would be hard to write a horror story about vamponies that ate nothing but fruit.”

GM: “And I just pulled that explanation out of my backside.”
Reuben: “Ouch.”

Sleepy: “Alternatively, Queen of the Vamponies is her birth name.”

Brass: “Investigating everything in the room. Yes, even that. Especially that.”

Reuben: “I stay by Sleepy, just in case something tries to jump at her. I haven't read many horror stories though, and can't remember if it's the pretty mares or the goofy stallions that get attacked first by the monster? Maybe if the party had a pet dog?”

Sleepy: “They use the sword to cut magic in half?!”
Reuben: “A drill that will pierce the Friendship!”

Sunlight: “So, we're getting fifty million advantages for being the only ponies not smart enough to be scared, right?”

Vampony Queen: “You will let me drink your blood, but you shall do so on my terms.”
Reuben: “Hey, no pony is going to take Sleepy's blood except Sleepy! ...which she already has it. So yeah.”
Morning: “No, no, nope, no, I can't hear you...”

[Senshi Akai]

GM: So, what are you doing?
Darvin: First, I start drinking. Then, I start preaching.
Audrey: You're preaching drunk?!

If there was a wedding involved, I would swear this was my group playing. :smallbiggrin:


I want to read more about the adventures of your group! (Almost all campaign logs I found interest in, I found through this thread.)

I am flattered. :smallredface: Translating the campaign logs can prove to be a good idea. I will give it a try.


Reuben: “Details get me curious to poke things. Detailed mechanical things get me curious to poke things faster.”

If you don't mind, I will steal this quote for my next rogue. It's pure gold!

[DigoDragon]

If you don't mind, I will steal this quote for my next rogue. It's pure gold!

Amusement of the way you worded that statement aside, sure go ahead and steal it! :smallbiggrin:

[Grim Portent]

(Play as a corgi Druid and have the queen be your "Animal Companion") with Performance: Orartory and Performance:Ventriliquance.

We're playing All Flesh Must Be Eaten, so sadly druids aren't an option. Not sure how well they'd fit in 1980s Italy anyway. :smalltongue:

It's a shame I'm not allowed to play the Queen, it would have been so easy. Max ranks in money and status and as many skill points as possible in Waving. :smallbiggrin:

[Fumble Jack]

Dragonborn Sorceror to druid" Cover me, I'm going in"

Druid wraps him in a blanket.

Dragonborn sorceror" Would you hold this for me?" "casts firebolt"

Goblin catches it burns then dies.

Bugbear" Who are you? Why you in my cave?"

Dragonborn Sorceror" I'm from the cave owner's association, here to evaluate your cave"

Dm -rolls- "Yes he's that stupid"

[Mandark]

We're playing All Flesh Must Be Eaten, so sadly druids aren't an option. Not sure how well they'd fit in 1980s Italy anyway. :smalltongue:

It's a shame I'm not allowed to play the Queen, it would have been so easy. Max ranks in money and status and as many skill points as possible in Waving. :smallbiggrin:

Then try and play a corgi ranger with the queen as your "animal companion". Almost as good, just three levels lower and good for flanking and distracting while the real work is done by others.

(The theme song "Go Go Corgi Rangers" is running thru my head now. Complete with awesome gitar riffs.)

[Grim Portent]

P1: So I just wasted a one shot power to vaporize anything I touched with that hand... on a door.
Me: Better than keeping it, forgetting it's there and trying to wipe after you go to the bathroom.
P1: *winces* Yeah, you're right.

Me: I COMMAND YOU TO KNEEL CRETINS!
Zombie: *omnomnom*
Me: Aaaagh! Why does everything I command bite me?!

Me: So I've been shot twice in the right leg, once in the left leg, which is also broken from when [P2] threw a car at me, and been shot in the right arm. Despite this, I'm still not dead.
DM: You do have Hard to Kill 5.
Me. And [P3] keeps healing me with his magical catholic voodoo.

Me: I just hope there's no noodlies here.
DM: *giggling* Stop calling them that.
P4: But they have tentacle arms!
Me: Like noodles.
DM: We're calling them Tagliatelis now.
All players: Noodlies.

P5: I don't trust Harley because he tries to talk to zombies.
Me: I have a severe injury and am doped up on pain pills, it's entirely possible I'm just hallucinating rather than evil. Besides I'm still one of the sanest people in the party.

[Yukitsu]

Me: I like how pulling the pins on all the grenades that you have on you is the new standard operating procedure to fighting a spirit in a small, enclosed space.
Player 2: I like how he's literally burning edge to kill himself faster than he's normally allowed to.

DM: She only sleeps in your bed when you're not around.
Me: That's much worse, not better.

[Telonius]

Post-session XP and treasure recap:

"Unfortunately most of the treasure burned down with the Frost Giant's castle, or left on the fleeing Half-Fey/Half-Orc Warlock and Half-Elf/Half-Ogre Mage Sorcerer."

[DigoDragon]

BBEG: "I'd like to extend to you this peace offering of candy."
Rundell: "It looks like a bomb. I don't want it."
BBEG: "It's not a bomb. It's just a little care package to show no hard feelings."
Rundell: "You used duct tape."
BBEG: "Okay look, I'm leaving the pins in the package. Better, yes?"
Rundell: "You're holding a remote detonator."
BBEG: "It's for my garage door. Okay, how about I just leave this package on the table, and if you feel include to get close to it, say within 10 feet at least, you can enjoy the candy goodness inside, okay?"

[The_Tentacle]

Finally got these from my DM after three sessions worth of nagging. They're written from his perspective, and I'm P2.

P1: Eladrin Wizard
P2: Dragonborn Warlord
P3: Tiefling Warlock

Me: So...you are remembering that the ship is on fire, right? Might want to do something about that.
P1: Wait, the crew hasn't put it out yet? Why?
Me: Well, half the crew abandoned the ship to go pursue some pirates...
P1: Who??
Me: ...you.
P1: We're crew?
Me: Yes...they hired you...that's why you're here, remember?
P1: Oh right!

P2: So the tenebrist is prone, right?
Me: Yes. She didn't go overboard but she's flat on her back.
P2: After I kick the captain, I turn to the tenebrist and use my free action to gloat. "Yo. Brought you your Shadow."
Me: She glares at you angrily. You're looking directly at her?
P2: Yes. Why?
Me: She makes eye contact for a moment. Roll to resist Domination.
P2: That's a failure.
Me: Well then! P1, you are still being Dominated to go stand in front of the loaded ballista. And P2, you now have the strange compulsion to go pull the trigger. Good luck.
P2: I am suddenly much less smug.

P3: Wait, what's the plot again?
P2: It's the thing we always ignore to go kill stuff.
P1: Yeah, we're currently on a side quest from our side quest from our side quest. And I think we're on the wrong plane too. Isn't our actual destination in the Fey?
Me: *cries*

Me: How do you intend to sail a ship all on your own? You've never even been on a ship before this!
P1: Well...I'm pretty zippy.
Me: ...
P1: Speed 8 if I use my magic.
Me: ...
P1: So is that enough?
Me: NO.

P3: While the pirate reloads the ballista, I stab him, then attempt to steal the bolt from his hand.
Me: Roll an attack.
P3: Crit!
Me: And now Thievery.
P3: Natural 1.
Me: Okay. So you hit him, and do damage. Then you try to take the ballista bolt. He just turns slowly toward you, yanks the bolt out of your hands, and stabs it into your stomach. 17 damage.
P3: Heh. Amateur.

P1: Can we interrogate the captain now?
P2: What information could he have?
P1: I dunno. I just kind of want to "interrogate" someone.
P2: I don't think that's called interrogation...
Me: No, that's called a Humanity roll.

P3: Wait, that isn't magic! You just set your hand on fire!
P2: Yes it is! Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. This really hurts...

P1: Bring in the captive!
Me: He brings in the pirate captain, still badly injured, half-drowned, and unconscious.
P2: I throw some water at him. WAKE UP!
Me: He awakens. What--where am I? What do you want?!
P2: Intimidate check, total of 40. LISTEN VERY CLOSELY TO ME AND YOU MAY SURVIVE THE NIGHT. I have ONE QUESTION and ONE QUESTION ONLY for you.
Me: A-anything you want to know!
P2: DO. YOU. HAVE. A SPARE HAT??!
Me: W-what? A s-spare--?
P2: I slap him. I'M ASKING THE QUESTIONS HERE!
Me: N-no! W-why--my hat--?
P2: IT WAS A VERY NICE HAT!
Me: No, I don't have a spare hat! Please don't hurt me!
P2: OKAY THEN. WHERE. DID YOU GET. THAT HAT??!
Me: I-in Gloomwrought! At the Red Door, on the A-Avenue of Chains!
P2: Okay then. Have a nice trip.
Me: So...you interrogated him...to find where he got his hat?
P1: I wanted to interrogate someone. And he did have a really nice hat.
P2: Totally worth it.

P1: Well, I can Dominate him into helping us.
Me: You have Dominate Person?
P1: Well, no...not exactly...
Me: What spell are you trying to use? Let me see your sheet.
P1: Not a spell exactly...
Me: So how do you intend to Dominate him?
P1: I have a big stick.
Me: ...
P1: WHACK. Are you Dominated yet? No? WHACK. How about now?

Me: Drop anchor!
P1: I throw the anchor overboard. SPLASH.
P2: ...did you attach it to the rope first?
P1: No, why?
Me: *facepalm*

P2: I knock at the door.
Me: It opens a tiny bit, and you can see someone looking through the crack. "Who are you?"
P2: Me?
Me: Who are you?
P2: Me??
Me: Who are you?
P2: Me???
Me: The door slams shut.
P2: Oops.

P3: Wait wait wait--so we're looking for a censer, right? And we brought it here on a ship?
Me: Yes...why?
P3: Why did we put the censer on a ship? Censer-ship is bad!
P2: *starts throwing dice at P3*

Me: They have requested an enormous sum of money from us in exchange for the stolen artifacts.
P3: How enormous?
P2: More enormous than YO MOMMA! WOOO!

Me (as the High Priestess): Are you of the Faith, then?
P1: Which faith?
Me: ...
P1: I mean, we're of *a* faith...I think...

P3: I'm going for a Bluff check. Madame, I think there was something suspicious about those 'customs officials'. They were the ones to discover the censer hidden in the hold.
P1: And also they didn't have hats. Just saying.
Me: She looks worried. "Did they present any indication of their House allegiance?"
P2: No. Do they usually?
Me: It is how things are usually done.
P2: Wow...P3, I think you just managed to Bluff her into believing something that is actually true.
P1: I TOLD YOU!
P2: Please don't take this moment to heart...

P2: It's like a used car dealership. Except for ships. And we only have one ship...

Me: No. No quantum dragons.

P1: This is the only ship IN EXISTENCE which functions equally well upside down!
P2: Technically true...
P1: Minimalist. Spartan furnishings.
P2: You know what, let me do the haggling...

Me: You wouldn't recognize these symbols.
P2: Well you never know...can we make the roll anyway?
Me: Sure, roll it.
P1: 4!
P2: 6!
P3: 2!
Me: As I said, you don't recognize these symbols. Moving on.

Me: The merchant walks in and sits down opposite you. "So you wish to facilitate the sale of your ship?"
P2: No, we don't want to SAIL it, we want to SELL it. BOOYAH!

Me: The ship was attacked by pirates?
P2: No, no, there were pirates on it, and we attacked...um...attacked them...and took their stuff...and their ship...
Me: ...
P2: I just realized we're pirates...sorry nice to meet you we have to get out of here now!

P1: Here's the deal. Either you give us some collateral, or we give YOU some collateral. Damage, that is.

P2: Sorry, but we must insist we be paid in cash.
Me: It's eleven thousand GP...
P2: So? We have a spare Bag of Holding.
Me: He looks at you strangely for a moment, then shrugs and turns back to the coins.
P2: So we get the money?
Me: He begins counting it out for you. One, two, three, four, five, six...
P2: I hate you.

Me: Why have you come to the Eyrie?
P2: We wish to speak to the High Priestess.
Me: Ah...and whom shall I say is calling?
P1: HER WORST NIGHTMARE.
Me: The guards stare at you for a moment.
P2: I hate them already.

[ZeroGear]

P2: So the tenebrist is prone, right?
Me: Yes. She didn't go overboard but she's flat on her back.
P2: After I kick the captain, I turn to the tenebrist and use my free action to gloat. "Yo. Brought you your Shadow."
Me: She glares at you angrily. You're looking directly at her?
P2: Yes. Why?
Me: She makes eye contact for a moment. Roll to resist Domination.
P2: That's a failure.
Me: Well then! P1, you are still being Dominated to go stand in front of the loaded ballista. And P2, you now have the strange compulsion to go pull the trigger. Good luck.
P2: I am suddenly much less smug.


I have always wanted to do this to someone. So, did you pull the trigger?

[DigoDragon]

Reuben: “Are you going to be alright? Maybe one of these comics has an advertisement in the back for a mattress?”

Sleepy: “It's really weird to imagine Sunlight's voice coming from a foal. I've been imagining she sounds like Marilyn Monroe.”
Sunlight: “You know, that's actually what I had been imagining too.”

Reuben: “A colt earth pony in a magic class about teleportation. ...seems legit.”
Sleepy: “Imagine you can climb into a box that teleports you places. Wohhhhhhwuuuuuuuu wohhhhwuuuuu wohhhhwuuuuu...”

Sleepy: “So...yeah. Magic is invisible dough. You just need to use your mind-fingers to shape it.”

Reuben: “Hey there! This spot taken? Mind if my friends sit too? We just got out of teleportation class and boy are our molecules tired.”

Maleficent Draconequa: “Well, well! If it aren't our resident star-students. Trying to eat your last fill before tomorrow's exam? I'd do so too, if I knew I wouldn't be able to pass.”
Reuben: “Hey now, I can too pass this teleporting exam! It's going to be a blink-and-you-miss-it kind of success, you... you... pretty mare whose name escapes me at the moment.”

Autumn: “Thanks for the offer, but I'm sure we'll be just fine without your help. Now don't you have someone else to go and bother? I think I saw a group of magic kindergarteners on the way in - they might be a better match for your level of wit.”

Sleepy: “Commoner isn't an adjective! Requesting a spell-- Strung Tongue! Description: The caster imbues their tongue with magical prowess, allowing it to shrink or grow at-will and granting the caster far superior control over it than most ponies. This spell lasts for one Scene.”
GM: “......Kinky.”

Sleepy: “What did the Draconequa mare's face taste like?”
GM: “Mare.”

Sleepy: “We just need to give Reuben a sandwich-related challenge so he can stand guard all night.”
Reuben: “Haha! Yeah...” (Gets quiet)

Reuben: “I spent plenty of time in detention back in my day... which is apparently today now... I think.”

Autumn: “That's Ok Reuben, it sounds like you just have to be sufficiently motivated! Tell you what, if you manage to teleport I'll lay on a buffet for you this weekend!”
Sleepy: “Am I the only one who's thinking what I'm thinking when I read that?”
Reuben: “No. I'm quite sure you're not the only one.”
Morning: “Oh myyy.”
Autumn: “It wasn't intentional, but I did think of it afterwards.”
Reuben: “Then Celestia as my witness, I shall beat this teat and teleport like a—TEST! I meant to type TEST! Curse you autocorrect!!” (Hoof shake)

Sleepy: “Besides, I licked her. Ponies don't like being licked.”
Reuben: “Unless you had a face full of pie... or well, you'd probably only want to lick yourself in that case.”
Autumn: “I don't know, I know quite a few ponies who like being licked!”

Reuben: “Well, I guess you're right. Not that I had anything against it. I get to sleep with my good friends. Err, not sleep sleep but, like, same room and... um, can I start over?”

[The_Tentacle]

I have always wanted to do this to someone. So, did you pull the trigger?

Yup! He lived though, so no harm done. And it was one less flaming bolt going into our own ship so...

[Senshi Akai]

Obligatory "catfolk has khajiit voice" statement.

Orc: Hello, cat-man.
Catfolk: Terhirr name is Terhirr.
Orc: Still calling you cat-man.
Catfolk: … Okay, green-man.
Orc: Hey! That's offensive!
Catfolk: And cat-man isn't? :smallannoyed:

Crusader: We are not here to protect these people. It is not our duty.
Catfolk: *shouting* It is MY duty!
Party: … :smalleek:
Spellthief: Did... Did Terhirr just speak in first person?
DM: Oh boy, those orcs are damned.

Crusader: Why such a worry, Terhirr?
Catfolk: Terhirr didn't ransom with gold. It was very shiny, polished copper pieces.
DM: … You hear the orc chief's scream as he discover he was tricked.
Spellthief: I guess he don't like shiny copper!

Orc NPC: I have memory loss. Maybe gold could revert this.
*[crusader] draws sword*
Orc NPC: Suddenly, my memory is lucid once more.

Catfolk: (OOC) Wait, the orc is a bard? With more charisma than our party face?
DM: (OOC) You are a giant talking cat! Are you really complaining about an orc bard?
Crusader: (OOC) And I am a paladin/crusader that can't deal non-lethal damage and enjoys hurting people in several ways.
Spellthief: (OOC) My mind. It hurts!
Crusader: (OOC) As I was saying...

[DigoDragon]

Orc NPC: Suddenly, my memory is lucid once more.

Spellthief: (OOC) My mind. It hurts!
Crusader: (OOC) As I was saying...

I can't decide which part was funner between these. :smallbiggrin:


Me: No. No quantum dragons.

Yeah, it's not worth getting entangled in that.


Me: I like how pulling the pins on all the grenades that you have on you is the new standard operating procedure to fighting a spirit in a small, enclosed space.
Player 2: I like how he's literally burning edge to kill himself faster than he's normally allowed to.

Ouch. Chunky Salsa Effect poster child right there. O.o

[Bucky]

Prince: "I've been sent by my father, the (let's see if I know what my father's title is... *roll*... nope)... uh..."

[Bard1cKnowledge]

Lt. I forget her name but its the FATE thing: you're saying you hacked into a secure system in the middle of combat just so the controls would work better?
Me: yes.
Lt: *literally pinching the bridge of her nose*
Me: this is the part where you can't decide whether to congratulate me or kick me out of the program

[Sith_Happens]

P3: Wait, what's the plot again?
P2: It's the thing we always ignore to go kill stuff.
P1: Yeah, we're currently on a side quest from our side quest from our side quest. And I think we're on the wrong plane too. Isn't our actual destination in the Fey?
Me: *cries*

This describes one of the D&D campaigns I'm in in its entirety.

[goto124]

Especially the crying DM.

@Bucky: the Prince should auto-succeed without making any rolls. What system is that?

[Hawkstar]

@Bucky: the Prince should auto-succeed without making any rolls. What system is that?
You... don't know how tabletop games are actually played, do you?

People tend to make rolls to see if they can do whatever, regardless of what the actual rules say about the need to roll in the situation.

[Bucky]

@Bucky: the Prince should auto-succeed without making any rolls. What system is that?

3.5/Pathfinder. Knowing who the king is (i.e. his father) or, conversely, figuring out his father's correct title (i.e. "King") requires a DC 10 Knowledge (Nobility) check, which the level 1 Prince happened to fail. And...


People tend to make rolls to see if they can do whatever, regardless of what the actual rules say about the need to roll in the situation.
This is one of the situations where the rules explicitly require a roll, but shouldn't.

[GPuzzle]

"Who's Jesus' waifu?"

[DigoDragon]

People tend to make rolls to see if they can do whatever, regardless of what the actual rules say about the need to roll in the situation.

This is how I managed to nick someone's vein with a bottle of disinfectant. :smallbiggrin:

[JohnTheSavage]

Android: "I mean, we're talking aliens here, I dunno what they're like, what if a part of their culture is like, something abhorrent to humanity or something but its okay for them and ends up causing a fight? I mean, what if a bunch of aliens came and was perfectly ok with cannibalism for some weird biological reason? Lots of opportunity for random attacks there."
Alien: "Wait, you guys aren't fine with cannibalism?"
Android: "Case in point."

[DigoDragon]

Autumn: “Fair warning: If any of you snore I'm going to smother you in your sleep.”

Maleficent: “You look absolutely awful! Did you sleep well?”
Sleepy: “So much concern… If I didn't know any better, I'd say you had feelings for me.”
Reuben: “She may be Sleepy, but her Tyme to shine is today!”

Reuben: “Guess what, gang? I think Maleficent is warming up to me. She stopped calling me a commoner. I got upgraded to a plebeian!”

Sleepy: “Food would be nice. “I've only eaten one sandwich and Maleficent's face in forever.”
Autumn: “Don't worry, I'll warn you if Reuben tries to feed you any of his exploding bagels.”
Reuben: “I'm still working on that cream cheese filling idea...”

GM: “That will not count as a lesson to determine the XP you'll get at the end of this.”
Sleepy: “Well, of course not. I'm going to bribe you with my Autumn Gale x Autumn Gale slashfiction for XP.”
Reuben: “Slash will never be the same
Slash is changing
Slash will never be the same
Slash is changing
Everypony needs some slashfic to love, to love
Everypony needs some slashfic to love, to love”

Sunlight: “You have to admit you were bringing it on yourself by saying they shouldn't keep the conversation going.”
GM: “As a matter of clarification (and at the risk of ruining the joke), that was directed mostly at Reuben not just immediately writing out Reuben's question, adding to the amount of rhymes needed. Now hush. I'm gonna try and see if I can haggle an additional Autumn into that slashfiction.”

Autumn: “My sig is the first and last verse of Auld Lang Syne, which is usually sung at the end of formal Scots' gatherings.”
Reuben: “I know it as ‘That weird song you sing on New Years that you can't remember the lyrics so you just mumble your way through it’ song.”

Morning: “I'll take Arcane Talent (5 XP) and Cruise Control for Cool ROYAL CANTERLOT VOICE (5 XP).”
Sleepy: “I pray for your Caps Lock key.”

GM: “Expect magic, mystery, chaos, and shortness.”
Reuben: “I'm an RL expert at the last part.”

Reuben: “So does Ponyville have a Twilight version of the 'Bat Signal'?”
Sleepy: “They've got The Horn.”
GM: “I'll pretend the immature giggling with which I responded to this lasted much shorter than in reality.”

Twinkleshine: “I swear I was only trying to light a candle! How did everything get burned?”

Sleepy: “A smile comes to Sleepy’s lips as she keeps running towards the fire and catches sight of Autumn Gale hovering overhead, hot and sticky and bouncing around. Did they enter Reuben's dreams?”
Autumn: “The fanservice potential was apparent from the outset.”
Sleepy: “Dat flank.”
GM: “Finally! After a long and difficult day at work, it's time to come home and work on that delightful PbP I run! Maybe some of my players will have posted in the meantim-

.......ಠ_ಠ

Oh well, still gonna appreciate the fanservice. One burning building, coming right up!”

[GPuzzle]

"I shouldn't have eaten all that Satanist Chick-fil-A."

"We've gotten to a point where to say that 'you f*cked' and 'you f*cked up' are nearly the same thing."
"A bard's life in a nutshell."

"So the PCs are a guy from Pakistan, a fat guy with a ponytail, a scrawny white guy, a guy with crazy facial hair and a half-Japanese guy."
"Did we all make our characters programmers?"

[Unscrewed]

Darvin: So, can you get me some knockout poison?
Lord of Waterdeep: Ah, poison is outlawed within my city...
Darvin: *Indicates Zhentarim*. Well, yeah, that's while I'm asking the mob.

Audrey: You're making a deal with the Zhentarim in front of the entire council!?

[Diachronos]

"I think an olive fell out of your sub. ....No, wait, that's a d12."

[Inevitability]

Me: You're never allowed to turn the paladin in a napalm bomber again.

[Grim Portent]

NPC: You destroyed my village! My family! Why?
Me: I always wanted a chance to monologue like a true villain, but I've never had a hero to do it with before. Now I do.
P1: Wait, we're villains?

[ImSAMazing]

DM: You are standing before an old house, probably not the richest people live in it
Me(Sorcerer): I knock on the door.
DM: An old lady opens the door, and asks: "Who are you?"
Me: "Can I get some water?".
DM: The lady turns around and walks into the house.
Me: I walk after her and firebolt her in the back.
DM: Wait what? You know it's and old lady...
Me: (Rolls a 19) what's her AC?
DM: 10, it's a weak COMMONER
Me: I hit, (rolls 8), 8 damage, is she dead? I think she isn't.
DM: She is death.
Me: Allright, let's put the body in the basement.

[Grim Portent]

These are from a short lived Rogue Trader game I was in a few years ago, in which I played Kaptin Egregious Deringer Maximillian Bewilderforce Gitzogga III, a freeboota, a charismatic speaker, and the best dressed Ork this side of Octarius.

Me: My name's Kaptin Gitzogga. Dis is Polly, da sole member of me crew dat ain't dead. *Indicates Gretchin in bad parrot costume*

Me: Oi'll talk ta them. I got's Krisma.
P1: Oh, this'll be good...

*One fight later*
Me: You gonna eat dat Humie?
P1: Nooooo...
Me: I call dibs den.

Me (OOC): While everyone else is talking about what to do I'm just going to start gnawing one of the dead guys legs.

P2: These goggles will let you see invisible things, I need you to test them for me. We're looking for a friend of mine who's around here.
Me: Alright den humie, I'll put 'em on fer ya.
(The goggles were normal goggles with no modifications other than widgets stuck on for the look of it. They relied on my being a 40k Ork to function. We were trying to hunt down an enemy who had stealth tech.)
Me (OOC): Right then, [GM] can I make some checks to see if I can spot them?
GM: Roll awareness with a -20.
Me: Rolling under 3 it is then. *Rolls higher than 3* This may take a while...

*Enemy walks out of a shuttle unstealthed after I had failed many awareness checks*
Me: Hey humie! Da goggles work! Oi can see her!
Everyone else either bursts out laughing or facepalms.

Me: SHUT YER GOBS AND LISTEN YAH GROTS! Oi am Kaptin Egregious Gitzogga, and dis planet is moin ta loot, 'cos oi have da fanciest hat!

[Necroticplague]

Nesdu: Gene, why are you painting everything bright pink?
Gene: Because pink is the stealthiest color!
Nesdu:.....explain.
Gene: Well, have YOU ever seen a pink stealth unit before?

Gene: Exalted, where your gun has more storied and ominous resume than a serial killer looking for a job as a hitman.
Nesdu: Hey, for 8 dots of demonic minigun, it better be at least 'a cathedral to the concept of violence' or 'a screaming blasphemy against the very idea of peace'.

[Sith_Happens]

The goggles were normal goggles with no modifications other than widgets stuck on for the look of it. They relied on my being a 40k Ork to function.

Are there actually rules for that? Because if not then that's a travesty.


Nesdu: Gene, why are you painting everything bright pink?
Gene: Because pink is the stealthiest color!
Nesdu:.....explain.
Gene: Well, have YOU ever seen a pink stealth unit before?

Speak of the devil.:smallwink:

[Grim Portent]

Are there actually rules for that? Because if not then that's a travesty.

Regrettably there are no rules for it, the closest thing is a talent that Ork Mekboys can get that lets them boost their weapons for a little while in exchange for some penalties as I recall. Oh, and Ork weapons are unstable and unreliable in non-Ork hands, so there's that.

What we did was essentially let the party Tech-Assassin build custom gear, explain how it works to me in an Orky way, and we'd hash out stats as a group. This resulted in my Flame-Sword, a chainsword with fire instead of teeth , and my flame cannon, a 6 barreled shotgun with a lighter taped to the end that shot balls of fire that could knock down walls. On the rare occasions that I could hit with BS17 things died messily.

The goggles were referenced occasionally, but after the first session I never needed them, and we had to break up the game after several of us moved away for education purposes. It was a shame really, we had just taken over an Ork Rok by killing it's warboss and were planning to invade a Tau colony so I could buy a fancier hat.

[dramatic flare]

GM: Oh god, what have I unleashed?

[Rater202]

Bio-Android:Saiyan woman! Is it true that, in the saiyan language, "Final Flash" translates to "**** everything in this general direction?"

[Harbinger]

"I unveil my true legs."

"My T. rex needs more devil weed!"

"What would the DC to steal his leg be?"

DM: The mind flayer emerges from behind the box, armed with an AK-47. What do you do?"
PC: I transform into a dumpster.

[DigoDragon]

Reuben: “Meanwhile, Reuben is the ‘Sandwich and Sarcasm’ guy.”

Reuben: “Scootaloo is gonna be soooo jealous!”
Sleepy: “They see me boardin',
They hatin',
Blankflanks they tryin' to catch me boardin' dirty...”

Brass: “Well! What have you been doing, Sleepy? I assume it's not responsible for the mayhem about town, correct?”
Reuben: “Hey Brass, good to see you! Wish it were under less hectic circumstances, but anyway! I don't think this magical weirdness is Sleepy's doing. Her house blowing up might be, but I think there's something bigger here messing with the overall picture. ...not an actual picture. I mean the... you know, the town.”

Vendor: “My cabbages!”

Reuben: (Yanks curtains off someone’s doorway and dives off the balcony with them) “ThankYouSoSorryI'llReplaceThemLater!!”

Morning: “I forgot to roll for Chaotic Magic. (Rolls a 1)
Sleepy: “BRB; crying.”

Reuben: “Sometimes I want to go
Where teleports will hit their mark
And the GMs don't jump the shark
You wanna be where the Rainbows fly
Riding on high into the sky
You wanna be where teleports will hit their mark...”
GM: “I’ll see you in my office, Reuben.”
Reuben: “Pickels.”

Morning: “Provoke, provoke, provoke, provoke the angry spellcaster…” :elan:

Reuben: “King Sombra was really David Copperfield in disguise?”
GM: “Why do I like this idea so much?”

Autumn: “Is it bad that my first thought is seduce it?”

Reuben: “Now for my impersonation of the Olsen Twins' careers and hold still for bit.”

Sleepy: “I'm fine with her seeing Sleepy walking off. I expected it, actually.”
Reuben: “No one expects Sleepy's sudden reposition!”
Autumn: *Facehoof*

Sleepy: “As we all know, clay is extremely vulnerable to tickling.”
Reuben: “I'm pretty sure the stallion who salted his hair and ran through a parasprite swarm has thought this plan through.”

GM: “Stop badgering that poor manticore, Reuben. He's already under your control, and using more magic won't make him roll over harder.”
Reuben: “Whoa, dude... I can turn 'em into a badger?”
Morning: “...A badger? A badger?! We don't need no stinkin' badger!”

[goto124]

Autumn: “Is it bad that my first thought is seduce it?”

Considering that it's an 'it'?

Probably....

[Inevitability]

Me: You know, I should've realized you were immune to poison before having you enter a drow city.
Rogue: Also, I can shapeshift. *turns into female drow priestess* Hey! You there! Gimme a huge discount or I'll have you killed!
Me: ...Yes, that too.

Me: Please notice the house still contains like a dozen corpses. Don't make me research underdark vermin and their combat stats.
Monk: Fine, fine. I set the bodies on fire.
Me: Are you sure?
Monk: What could possibly go wrong?

*One failed check later*

Monk: We didn't need that house anyway.

[Bard1cKnowledge]

*Casts comprehend language to read ancient elvish script on the wand that the half orc found, points it at a wall* DIE ORC.

Utdyr (barbarian): ((OOC)) I'm surprised you let the guy with a charisma score of 8 talk to him.

Me: ((OOC)) so you're killing things with darts at a distance, let's go pro

[ZeroGear]

DM: They ’re a well known ghoul band.
Jack Rabbit:So they’re the cool ghouls?

Jack Rabbit: I shoot the guitar.

DM: Good news, you don’t take any damage this turn. Bad news, you are going bet grabbed by a skeletal hand and shoved into a coffin.

DM: You hear screams of pain.
Jack Rabbit: *Screaming* Gyahhhhhhh! Spikes!

DM: You don’t take any wound penalties on healing checks, but you may take other penalties, like being in a sewer.
Jack Rabbit: Or lying face-down in the dirt.
DM: I don’t think you’ll be lying in the graveyard for a week.

Mellor: Do you come to regret standing before me, mortal?

DM: It’s half Fight Club, half metal rock concert…
Jack Rabbit: And one big ball of mayhem.
DM: Oh, and so much ham!

DM: Onyx still has to deal with fact that he’s in the pain place.

Mellor: Jack, get up. You’re not that hurt.
Jack Rabbit: Next time you get to be the one shoved into the coffin. I’ll watch.
DM: A thought pops into the back of your head: “Remember: videotape it”.

The Rot: [The Prophet] is nutty even by my standards. He wants to cause the second coming of Jesus by summoning the horsemen of the apocalypse.

DM: [Fawkes] takes you into a room that’s even smaller than the previous one. It contains many ridiculous things, including chair made completely out of C4.

Natasha: Why are we fighting ninjas again?
Jack Rabbit: Don’t question the guy with the chair made out of C4!
Natasha: Remember the last time we didn’t ask our hacker enough questions?
Jack Rabbit: Oh god, don’t remind me!

Mellor: Put a doughnut in his mouth.

Jack Rabbit: Maybe we should get the goat.
Mellor: The goat?
Jack Rabbit: Yeah, the goat.
Natasha: How is this going to solve our doughnut problem?
Jack Rabbit: It’s not, but it’ll solve our other problem. Plus it makes the goat happy.
Mellor: The only person who’s happy when the goat is happy is you!
Jack Rabbit: How much lard do you think we’ll need anyway?
NPC being interrogated: You are all sick f***s!!

Fawkes: Can you summon a beast spirit?
Natasha: Yes!
Fawkes: Summon the goatiest goat spirit you can!

Mellor: This is the weirdest interrogation I've ever done. And I approve!

[Yukitsu]

"Hi, I'm the broadband fairy, here to bring you all internet and clear signals!"

[Sith_Happens]

Ozpin (OOC): "To the 'T' to the 'M' to the 'aye, aye, aye!'"

DM: "Logan, when you wake up there's a barbequed rat in front of you face."
Logan: "I leave it there."
DM: "A bit later after you go downstairs you hear a maid scream. They kick you out of the inn."
Logan: "What? Why?"
DM: "You left a barbequed rat on the bed."
Ozpin: "That's called a tip."

...I suddenly can't remember the rest.:smallconfused:

[DigoDragon]

"I think an olive fell out of your sub. ....No, wait, that's a d12."

How did that end up there? O.o


"I unveil my true legs."

There's an alleged mermaid NPC in one game and I feel like she's going to do that to me.


Considering that it's an 'it'?
Probably....

I did manage to charm it temporarily. Had all the ferocity of a trained puppy for 3 minutes. XD


Jack Rabbit: Maybe we should get the goat.
Mellor: The goat?
Jack Rabbit: Yeah, the goat.
Natasha: How is this going to solve our doughnut problem?

I... but... ..okay. :smalleek:

[Diachronos]

How did that end up there? O.o

He'd actually knocked his d12 onto the floor earlier in the session, but nobody noticed until he and another player got back from Subway.

[goto124]

The real question is what flavor of Sub did he get? Spicy Italian? Meatball Marinara? Italin B.M.T.TM?

[Necroticplague]

Gene:One formerly human monster who can take a chainsaw to the face like a champ to another, you're a pretty cool dude,
MASK:*Annoyed grunt*
Gene:Ah, a fine appreciation of the strong, silent type. I like you already.
Nesdu (whisper to rest of party):Five bucks says she never realizes she can't talk back.

[DigoDragon]

Sleepy: “Then Morning Star stole a gem from it and I teleported us here.”
Morning: “Hey! I did not steal it. I merely am in the process of repurposing it.”

Autumn: “I need 15xp for my next purchase. 20 ideally.”
GM: “Greater Gifted (Body), I assume?”
Autumn: “Followed by Defining Attribute (Body), yes.”
Reuben: “She's got the body...”
GM: “Gah! Stupid sexy Autumn Gale.....”

Reuben: “I wonder if they take signups for... what's the opposite of professional? Unprofessional? That sounds mean though. Greenhorn?”
Sleepy: “Most people use 'amateur', but I like greenhorn more. It's got pizazz.”
Holtz: “I don't think Reuben needs any more pizzas.”

Autumn: “Uh oh, we've exposed Dinky to corruption and earned Ditzy's scorn. Welp, been nice knowing you ponies.”

Brass: “Note to self: Angering Derpy equals game over.”

Sojourner: “Sorry for missing my own set deadline.”
Reuben: “You're not late. A unicorn arrives precisely when they mean to.”

GM: “Before you ask, yes, I did leave Reuben alone with a whole stand of baked goods that are in no way guarded.”
Reuben: “Well gang, I think we just lost Reuben to the CMC.”
Morning: “Oh noooooooo!”
Brass: “Our first casualty in this adventure.”
GM: “Chalk it up to me being an absolute bastard.”
Morning: “R.I.P. Vittles Stand, we hardly knew ye...”

GM: “Subliminal messaging! I approve!”

Reuben: “Well I'm going to give it my best! Rye of the Tiger. Or something.”

Autumn: “And I thought I rolled really well too. We're going to get obliterated.”
Reuben: “I think Reuben was 'nuked from orbit'.”

Reuben: “Twice her size, but only rolls half her dice result.”

Neon Future: “Oh yaaaa, let's go spy on the colt. It’s the responsible thing to do.”
Reuben: “Ooh, spy mission! We could... oh wait, that was sarcasm, wasn't it?”

Morning: “If no one else wants to have the spa scene, I'm fine with skipping it. I'd hate to put a damper on the game by forcing a scene.”
Neon: “Ya, ya we can move forward. I just didn't want it to be forgotten if someone had something fun to add.”
Reuben: “Are you kidding? Picture Neon, Reuben, and Sojourner at a spa with all the pretty mares. This idea could not fail!”
Applejack: “But we don't normally wear clothes.”

GM: “You're milking the fact that your willpower and fortitude will be restored soon for all it's worth, aren't you?”
Morning: “Me? Why, of course not! I... Okay maybe yeah.”

GM: “Autumn having to cough up the bits for Reuben as she predicted…”
Reuben: “That kind of chest congestion doesn't sound healthy at all.”

[goto124]

What... system is being used there, Digo?

Especially in context of the second quote.

[DigoDragon]

What... system is being used there, Digo?
Especially in context of the second quote.

Roleplaying is Magic (http://www.roleplayingismagic.com/), 4th edition

It's pretty simplistic, but works alright for light 'slice-of-life' kind of RPs instead of adventurous danger.

[goto124]

The ponies aren't even on adventurous stuff?

PC1: Better to say that than have to try to explain things. Especially computer things. PC1 has never understood people that don't understand computer things. It's just so... obvious. How can anyone not understand it?

[DigoDragon]

The ponies aren't even on adventurous stuff?

It's very bare-bones for combat and there are no rules for purchasing/having equipment. Any adventuring we've done may seem pedestrian compared to say, a D&D 3.5 group.

[Bard1cKnowledge]

He'd actually knocked his d12 onto the floor earlier in the session, but nobody noticed until he and another player got back from Subway.

More proof that the d12 is the most unloved of all the dice.

Me: (as the 18 CHA warlock) Well, I'm down
Paladin I WILL SAVE YOU!
insert paladin describing his action to DM here
DM well pucking up objects is a free action.
me I AM NOT A PIECE OF MEAT! Currently I am a vegetable

[Taet]

P1: I run up to the band. Total fan girl mode. If I have to get my boobs out for autographs, well... :smallsmile:
GM: You get autographs. :smallwink:
P1: I got autographs! I commlink them to everyone. :smallbiggrin:
P4: ...Did you. Did they sign your... :smallsigh:

GM: The fixer looks at the autograph on your boobs. "Good job. They never saw your face." :smallamused:


"So the PCs are a guy from Pakistan, a fat guy with a ponytail, a scrawny white guy, a guy with crazy facial hair and a half-Japanese guy."
"Did we all make our characters programmers?"
I should not have laughed as much as I did at this. But then this had happened to us.

(30 minutes after we started talking about it)
P3: But it might not even have a USB cable. This is 2075. It may be wireless. That will be quicker.
P5: Wireless is tracked. Nobody will be looking for wires.
GM: Guys. You are overthinking this. You are not going to need a computer expert. :smallannoyed:
(a pause)
P5: What about a flash drive? Transfer rate will be much better.
GM: Yes but then the amount of data you can fit is so low and a modern computer holds so much more. Still they would be easy to get.
P3: We should just buy a hard drive backup device. Those have to still exist.
GM: (forgetting he is GM) Yes but P1 how long did it take us to back up yours when we got your new laptop? I like the flash drive idea.
P1 & P4: :smallsigh:

[Sith_Happens]

Autumn: “I need 15xp for my next purchase. 20 ideally.”
GM: “Greater Gifted (Body), I assume?”
Autumn: “Followed by Defining Attribute (Body), yes.”
Reuben: “She's got the body...”
GM: “Gah! Stupid sexy Autumn Gale.....”

DIGO HAREM COMEDY GO!?:smallbiggrin:


P1: I run up to the band. Total fan girl mode. If I have to get my boobs out for autographs, well... :smallsmile:
GM: You get autographs. :smallwink:
P1: I got autographs! I commlink them to everyone. :smallbiggrin:
P4: ...Did you. Did they sign your... :smallsigh:

[shamelessness intensifies]

[DigoDragon]

DIGO HAREM COMEDY GO!?:smallbiggrin:

Hilariously, Reuben is currently the only earth pony and stallion in the party. I dunno what it is with me creating these characters that end up in such a party make up. XD

Not that I'm complaining...

[GPuzzle]

Anna: "We're in the Alps."
George: "Which Alp?"
James: "Dave the Alp."

S.S.S: "The villain's hideout is the darkest, most evil of all areas made of water."
Henry: "Oh, God, it's Blackpool."

Henry: "Scarborough is a Dalek tourist destination."
Jordan: "RELAXATE! RELAXATE!

Jordan: "I dropped out of Newcastle Gym."
James: "WE HAVE A FIGHTER FOR THE TOURNAMENT!"

Officer: "I'm gonna have to arrest you for carrying a weapon."
Henry: "Officer, it's for cricket."
Officer: "Why's it got a blade on it?"
George: "It's for extreme cricket."

Jordan: "I'm whacking grenades in a cricket game inside a thunderdome pit so we can get some water for this bizarre Fallout-Mad Max-Zombieland crossover."
Anna: "At least they haven't brought the bull with the swords tied to its horns or the bear with a net."
Announcer: "AND NOW, THE FIGHTERS WILL FACE ANIMALS TO THE DEATH!"
James, Henry and George: loudly humming the Benny Hill theme

[TurboGhast]

From a single character campaign mentioned before:

Viet: Can I light the ocean on fire?
DM: ... No.
Viet: If I put oil on top of it that was already on fire?
DM: No.
Viet: If I got it to 2000 degrees Celsius?
DM: No, it would just evaporate!

[Sith_Happens]

Hilariously, Reuben is currently the only earth pony and stallion in the party. I dunno what it is with me creating these characters that end up in such a party make up. XD

Not that I'm complaining...

Wait, I thought you said you were playing Autumn.:smallconfused:

[Necroticplague]

GM: I probably should have clarified what I meant by 'manga-like game'. I meant something like One Piece or Rave Master. However, you appear to think that I meant Franken Fran, he thinks I meant Daily life with Monstergirls, and she seems to think I meant Black Cat.

[DigoDragon]

Wait, I thought you said you were playing Autumn.:smallconfused:

Did I? I don't remember saying such, but if I did then I retract the statement. I assure you that I am playing Reuben.

[ZeroGear]

Did I? I don't remember saying such, but if I did then I retract the statement. I assure you that I am playing Reuben.

The puns and songs were a dead giveaway.

Also, the Goat was a Lie.

[Yukitsu]

DM: Oh yeah, she's a daddy's girl. Her father'll do pretty much anything for her.
Me: I'm going to wake up in a dungeon one of these days aren't I?
DM: Got billions to spend and a literal personal army, she may as well use it.

Me: Can I take a simple action or am I stuck with just a move?
DM: I'm only going to let you get that move action.
Me: I guess I jump outta the plane.
DM: And then flames begin filling the cabin-
Me: And touches off my duffle bag of ANFO that I wanted to pick up.
DM: Never mind then, everyone is just dead except the people outside the plane.
Me: Man, that bag was expensive. Wish I had that simple.
DM: Don't know why, the only difference is the pilot is dead in addition to half the party.
Me: I coulda hunted down the pilot for cheaper. And this doesn't feel personal enough.

[Sith_Happens]

Did I? I don't remember saying such, but if I did then I retract the statement. I assure you that I am playing Reuben.

You at least made it sound like you were saying such right here:




Autumn: “Is it bad that my first thought is seduce it?”

Considering that it's an 'it'?

Probably....

I did manage to charm it temporarily. Had all the ferocity of a trained puppy for 3 minutes. XD

Which confused me because my first guess was in fact that you were playing Reuben.

[DigoDragon]

You at least made it sound like you were saying such right here:

Which confused me because my first guess was in fact that you were playing Reuben.

Ah! I see what you mean. Although Reuben is an earth pony, he can actually cast a few minor spells. One is a 'charm critter' spell that makes the target creature non-hostile toward Reuben.

[Inevitability]

Me: You decapitate the dragon.
Rogue: Is it dead yet?

Paladin: I, uh, only have six hit points left. What? I fell of a friggin' dragon today, you know!
Me: Technically, the dragon fell while you were still on it. Morale of the story: try not to kill the thing you are flying on.

Sphinx: The final of the Four Mighty Difficult Tests will be the Test of Brutality! This test, most difficult and horrible of all, will show you true fear!
Everyone: Yawn.
Sphinx: To pass, all you need to do is... Kick this puppy! *presents cute, softly yelping puppy*
Rogue: :smalleek:
Paladin: :smalleek:
Monk: :smallannoyed:
Wizard: :smallamused:

[goto124]

I like how the rogue and paladin are in agreement.

[ZeroGear]

I like how the wizard is the one smiling.

[Sith_Happens]

I like how the wizard is the one smiling.

Well yeah, he's the one smart enough to remember that the puppy will be immediately unconscious after the first kick and at no risk of death or lasting harm from any number of subsequent kicks.:smalltongue:

[ImSAMazing]

Well yeah, he's the one smart enough to remember that the puppy will be immediately unconscious after the first kick and at no risk of death or lasting harm from any number of subsequent kicks.:smalltongue:

He just wanted to kill the puppy(im the wizard)

[GPuzzle]

Henry: "WE LIVE!"
James: "WE DIE!"
Jordan: "WE LIVE AGAIN!"

George: "Anna, what's the next competition?"
Anna: "Football over fans like those that you skydive above."
Jordan: "I've had three pints of beer."
Henry and James: "I'm singing in the rain..."

[ZeroGear]

Wish I had written down more form my play test today (a system of my own design that runs on playing cards instead of dice).

PC1: Get back here and sacrifice yourself for me!
PC2: Hell no!

PC3: I bash it with my sake bottle.

Dealer (DM; Me): You notice a pressure plate in the floor.
PC1: I carefully step over it.
PC4: I step on it.
Everyone else: :smalleek:
Dealer: Passive Awareness Draws please.
*Everyone succeeds*
Dealer: Great, you all notice the large boulder coming right at you.
*Everyone glares at PC4*

[DigoDragon]

Autumn: “Wow, we suck at this one!”
Reuben: “I just lost to Eyeore.”

Reuben: “I'm guessing we roll 'Body' for combat feasting?”

Morning: “I still have ideas to toss if you'd like to know, though. At least one of them involves the word ‘glitterati’.”

Autumn: “Don't hurry on my account! I'm happy to have the date happen behind the scenes. I suspect it turns out forum inappropriate.”
Neon: “… …”
Autumn: “Crib notes: They bang.”

Autumn: “Nice going Reuben. We always knew you were a bottomless pit!”

Rodeo: “Sure. If yer friend starts bein' as beautiful and clever as Lariette, ah'll do my darndest to fall in love with him, too.”
Reuben: (Elsewhere) “Achoo!! Huh, dunno where that came from.”

Morning: “And now you will see, Tybit, that evil will always triumph because good is dumb.”

Reuben: “Purgatory for Reuben would probably be sitting in the Apple family dining room waiting an eternity for dinner to be done. Hmmm, didn't Apple Bloom have a cute older sister?”

Montague: “Well, you don't look a gift horse in the mouth, so ah agreed and thanked him for the offer.”
Reuben: “Reuben thought back to gift horses, and recalled a pointed tidbit from elementary school about cities named Troy being very flammable.”

Morning: “There's still a plan (in Morning Star's mind), but I was hoping for some backup. I guess the burden is mine alone to... saddle.”

Autumn: “Huh. I'd quite forgotten the CMCs. I wonder how their mission went.”
Reuben: “Well nothing apparently burned down in the city so I guess... well?”

Reuben: “I rarely drink alcohol, but wine has this... it's like a dance you do. Swirling and holding the glass just right, the way you describe bouquet, nose, um... something, something. It's really involved.”
Neon: “I dunno, I think ya just drink it! Especially after a day like today.”
Morning: “Ze swirling, it is for looking at ze legs.”
Reuben: *Looks at Morning’s legs*
Morning: “Vous voyez ici? No, no, not my legs. Ze ones in ze glass.”

Neon: “Say, where've you been this whole time Morning Star; the spa? You missed the whole show.”
Reuben: “Yeah, even had a tornado side show.”
Autumn: “That nearly worked! If I'd just been able to hold it together a moment longer...”
GM: “Unfortunately it left many ponies feeling… winded.”

GM: “Also, yes, you pretty much managed to accomplish nothing this round. I am disappointed.”
Reuben: “It's difficult to accomplish anything if success is solely the discretion of a pair of digital cubes that hate us.”

Morning: “I wasn't sure how heavy they were, since I have no practical, applicable experience with barrels.”
Reuben: “My only experience with barrels involved wearing suspenders and battling a monkey that kept hurling them at me.”

[goto124]

Autumn: “Don't hurry on my account! I'm happy to have the date happen behind the scenes. I suspect it turns out forum inappropriate.”
Neon: “… …”
Autumn: “Crib notes: They bang.”

I can't remember if those ponies were of age, whatever that means?

[Sith_Happens]

Autumn: “Don't hurry on my account! I'm happy to have the date happen behind the scenes. I suspect it turns out forum inappropriate.”
Neon: “… …”
Autumn: “Crib notes: They bang.”

...Isn't this the game where everyone's 12 (and that doesn't make them old people)?:smalleek:


Rodeo: “Sure. If yer friend starts bein' as beautiful and clever as Lariette, ah'll do my darndest to fall in love with him, too.”
Reuben: (Elsewhere) “Achoo!! Huh, dunno where that came from.”

DIGO HAREM COMEDY GO!?

[Necroticplague]

Gene: You know, once to get over the poisonous air and murderous natives, Hell isn't really that bad a place to be.

[DigoDragon]

I can't remember if those ponies were of age, whatever that means?

...Isn't this the game where everyone's 12 (and that doesn't make them old people)?

Different game. We're all adult ponies here. :smallbiggrin:


DIGO HAREM COMEDY GO!?

At some point the universe is going to roll that nat 20... ;)


Gene: You know, once to get over the poisonous air and murderous natives, Hell isn't really that bad a place to be.

Uh... good to know?

But if you're murdered by natives in Hell and you were bad, what happens?

[Cristo Meyers]

Uh... good to know?

But if you're murdered by natives in Hell and you were bad, what happens?

They thank you for saving them the cab fare.

[DigoDragon]

They thank you for saving them the cab fare.

...I don't know what I was expecting. :smalltongue:

[Necroticplague]

Uh... good to know?

But if you're murdered by natives in Hell and you were bad, what happens?

Wrong Hell. This isn't the one that's a punishment for evil people, this is the one where it's a prison for/is the primordials. So, I guess the most honest answer is 'same as anywhere else'.

[Rater202]

...Isn't this the game where everyone's 12 (and that doesn't make them old people)?:smalleek:

Heaven's no.

That's SoLiM: Players are me, Digo, Emperor Ing, Cavelierdraghi, and Humble Master, Playing Diamond Gear, Sabina Blades, Adepha, Spark Flame Heart, and Subtle Hoof, respectively.

They're all about 12 right now, though they started at 10.

[cavalieredraghi]

Heaven's no.

That's SoLiM: Players are me, Digo, Emperor Ing, Cavelierdraghi, and Humble Master, Playing Diamond Gear, Sabina Blades, Adepha, Spark Flame Heart, and Subtle Hoof, respectively.

They're all about 12 right now, though they started at 10.

well Spark is i think 13 I said he was 11 when we started. But still able to be in the same school year as the rest of the group.

[Perturbulent]

Molmoji: Technically speaking, I'm gravid, not pregnant.

[Sith_Happens]

At some point the universe is going to roll that nat 20... ;)

Or you can take it upon yourself to start taking some social abilities.:smalltongue:

[janusmaxwell]

Eclipse Phase

Player 1: "That's it! We are sticking you in a room with many horny women and letting nature take it's course!"
Player 2: "...So ALL of the blood then?"

[Rater202]

Gear:Spark, could you do me a favor?
Spark:would you like Cuddles tonight buddy? I am happy to be here for you while Monkey is back home.
Gear:No. That would be weird.

[Bard1cKnowledge]

Utdyr: Thanks for slapping me with those tentacles, now I can keep raging :D

[Inevitability]

Me: I feel like dropping you into what's basically a giant infinite interactive sandbox may have been a bad idea.
Rogue: Sorry, what were you saying? I'm busy turning stones into swords.

[DigoDragon]

Or you can take it upon yourself to start taking some social abilities.:smalltongue:

Doc is investing in social skills. Gonna start building a network of ponies around him so he can get some goals done like possibly liberating a town. :3

[Feddlefew]

Barbarian: "At least this thing can't become a god by getting a bunch of worshipers."
Warlock: ".... THAT'S EXACTLY HOW IT WORKS IN D&D."

[goto124]

*worships whatever the thing is*

Oh, Doc is? Gasp!

[Necroticplague]

[Common] Asheley Brewer (Viro):Guys, I've got a lot of good-news-bad-news pairs. Good news; we managed to kill the changeling, and dispose of his body so hard that he wont be coming back. Bad news: The shadowling has Ascended while we were busy with that. Good news: our geneticist has isolated a TK-hulk-xray vision mixture. Bad news: he's the traitor, and is heading straight for the singularity engine. Good news: Atmosphere is back up and working! Bad news: which means that the fires currently going on won't suffocate themselves. All in all, we're screwed, anybody still alive should weld themselves into an escape pod and start praying.

[DigoDragon]

Doc: "We're out of money and nearly out of food. We need to find work."
Switchblade: "Didn't that griffon I kill have some caps on him?"
Doc: "You mean the one you just exploded?"
Switchblade: "Yeah. ...oh."


Warlock: ".... THAT'S EXACTLY HOW IT WORKS IN D&D."

It really is. I heard a story from a friend where one of his D&D characters was a cleric that ended up worshiping a god that turned out to be a previous character of his from a campaign a year prior. XD


Oh, Doc is? Gasp!

Eeyup! Should lead to some interesting new encounters. :smallamused:

[Bard1cKnowledge]

Warlock: ".... THAT'S EXACTLY HOW IT WORKS IN D&D."

And that is exactly how my warlock is going to be worshiped if she ever goes to japan

Arms of Hadar anyone?:smallwink:

[Yukitsu]

Me: "Topic thread: Rating 10 Host. How do. D:"
Clockwork: "Lol noob."
Me: D:
Poster: "Let's see your deck."
Me: *Picture of a comlink.*
Poster: "I think I see your problem. You're a moron."
Me: "But it's a magic comlink. :|"

Me: "They can't be BTL zombies, it's not Shedim and it can't be bugs, they don't look like cyber zombies. Are these all CFD cases?"
DM: "How do you always do that? You literally looked in a room."

[Sith_Happens]

Doc: "We're out of money and nearly out of food. We need to find work."
Switchblade: "Didn't that griffon I kill have some caps on him?"
Doc: "You mean the one you just exploded?"
Switchblade: "Yeah. ...oh."

This is Fallout we're talking about, when has reducing people to chunky salsa and giblets ever interfered with looting them?:smalltongue:

[Calen]

"Can a Dwarf suffer from dwarfism?"
"Yeah that's where Gnomes come from."

"Inside everyone is a skeleton just waiting to get out."

[Ionbound]

"She won't dare electrocute the vests of kittens!"

[DigoDragon]

This is Fallout we're talking about, when has reducing people to chunky salsa and giblets ever interfered with looting them?:smalltongue:

The 5/8th rule works on dollar bills but not on caps. :smallwink:

[Sith_Happens]

The 5/8th rule works on dollar bills but not on caps. :smallwink:

No, I mean you should be able to loot people's armor off of their eyeball and have it be perfectly useable.:smalltongue:

[DigoDragon]

No, I mean you should be able to loot people's armor off of their eyeball and have it be perfectly useable.:smalltongue:

Ohhhh, I see what you're saying. XD
Yeah, looting the gib pieces. Hilarious when that happens.

[goto124]

I'm not sure why metal bottle caps won't survive the explosion, though.

I can imagine a bottle cap atop an eyeball, and another bunch of bottle caps with some brain bits in them.

[DigoDragon]

I'm not sure why metal bottle caps won't survive the explosion, though.

Well, they'd probably be mangled a bit, but not as mangled as the joke so... :smallbiggrin:

[Telonius]

"Okay, so the plan is, you're going to knock her up?"
"I think that came out wrong."
"Ahem, the plan is you're going to throw her up?"
"I'm not sure that's any better."

[Inevitability]

Me: Why am I the only one who hasn't got to fire extremely overpowered firearms yet?

[arclance]

DM: You three have bounties on you from the Hutt.
Player: Jaba?
DM: No the one that runs the space station.
Player: Blank look.
Me: The one that runs the Station the Thermal Detonator blew a hole in.

DM (at Me): You have a bounty from someone else, the Sith Inquisitor for a Quarter Million Credits.
Me: I am not surprised.

Me: I try to blend into the weird part of town.

Me: I stand with my back to one of the large Hutt Porn advertisments to keep from being noticed by bounty hunters.

[Sith_Happens]

DM: "We're still trying to get sorted out."
[B]Fenir (OOC): "Ooh la la."
Logan (OOC): "...There was not an ounce of innuendo anywhere in that."

Logan (OOC): "So are we going to play Dungeons & Dragons or are we just going to sit here discussing manboobs?"

Logan: "I do an unnecessary flip."

DM: "Do you attack the prone gnome or the blind gnome?"
Bedistair: "The prone one. Attacking the disabled is in bad taste."

Bedistair (OOC): "What are the prone-gnome's prone-nouns?"

Bedistair (OOC): "I'm glad that we all like Final Fantasy Yee VII."
Shonen (OOC): "Don't you mean Final Fanta-Yee VII?"

[ImSAMazing]

Me(DM): Roll if you can hit the pilot
Player(Bard with Rifle): I roll a natural 20
Me: You hit the pilot, roll for damage
Player: 30
Me: You kill the pilot. The helicopter slowly falls down to the earth.
Player: I step in it. Can it still fly?
Me: Why did I gave the enemy a helicopter again?

[DigoDragon]

Morning: “MRW I realize her name is ‘Pas Bien’, not ‘Très Bien’.”
Reuben: “Yeah, the agent's name is.... interesting.”
GM: “I'll refuse to comment.”

Reuben: “Okay so the plan is to cheer Neon up by scoring a double-date, hit the fancy local night club and boogie into the night, but not so hard that we wake up wearing clothes that don't belong to us. Unless you're in to Ashton Kutcher films, in which case we can turn it into an adventure of ‘Dude, Where's My Carriage?’”

Gee Major: “Brilliant, wasn't it?”
Reuben: “I have never seen anything like that before.”
Morning: “It is... indeed, quite the stroke.”
Autumn: “No, that was pretty much awful.”
Neon: “The proverbial train wreck.”

Pas Bien: “I'm sorry, but that's my finalistic decision!”
Grammar: *Takes 2d6 Willpower damage*

Neon: “Ya gotta be real careful around these sensative performer, artsy types.” (Looks at Morning) “Uhh, present company excluded, of course.”

Gang Leader: “I told you to scram. You better do that, before I get angry!”
Reuben: “Well either you're already angry or those brow muscles put on some weight.”
Neon: “We ain't goin' anywhere, chump. Go ahead. Get angry. I need a good laugh.”
Autumn: *Charges and slam-attacks the leader. It does nothing*
Gang Leader: “You just made the worst mistake of your life!”
Autumn: “Uh oh.”

Reuben: “Don't you a-salt my buddy, or else you better pepper to face the consequences!”

GM: “The unicorn decides to go for a less active assault, opting to dash in your general direction. With that painful looking, glowing magic shield still around him.”
Reuben: “Ack! Bad day! Bad day! Bad day!” (Wall-jumps around the shield)

Autumn: “I believe rolling 5 or less on 2d6 four times in a row is something on the order of a 99.5 percentile run of bad luck.”

Reuben: “So I managed to roll worse than my puns...”

Autumn: “I understand my post probably requires a heart roll, but it would be more effective as pre-emptive Harmony for somebody with more skill in heart.”
Reuben: “I agree with Autumn's assessment. I can offer a +3 if you do the roll. Also I have a 3 Heart score if that's better than yours?”
Autumn: “You really think it's a good idea for me to roll?”
Reuben: “...okay, you make a good argument.”

Reuben: “Can you blame us for at least trying?”
GM: “I can blame you for trying to brute-force it.”

Whammy Bar: “Why'd you do that? Now they're gonna be so angry...”
Reuben: Well, in our defense I think those thugs were quite cross to begin with. Until they crossed with us. Which crossing paths is a bad idea because... um, well look at my friends here. They're pretty awesome.”
[Beat]
Reuben: “Criss-cross! Damn, I knew I missed a pun somewhere.”

[Sith_Happens]

DM: "[Guest Player], you wake up on a bed in a strange room. You feet are tied together and your hands are tied behind your back. You hear some sort of scuffling coming from beyond the door."
Shonen (OOC): "Because that's so much better than 'pretend she's been with us the whole time.'"

Guest Player: "I shout for help."
Shonen (OOC): "I assume the room she's in is next to the hallway we're in?"
DM: "Correct."
Shonen: "You immediately hear someone yell 'Stone Dragon style: Mountain Hammer!' and suddenly the door shatters into tiny pieces. Standing in its place is a young human man holding a greatsword."
Logan: "Crouching next to him is a half-elf who was quite obviously about to start listening through the keyhole."

[DigoDragon]

Whammy: “Are you here for some autographs? I'd be glad to write you some!”
Reuben: *Holds out a pepper shaker to sign*

Morning: “It is a shame about Gee, though. His... well, there is art, and then there is modern art. And then there are incoherent messes... and then there is his 'contribution' to the field.”

Autumn: “But you've got to realize that if you take what we just saw on tour it'll flop worse than when Graceful Dive jumped out of Cloudsdale? And that's no reflection on you, but the production values would be out of place in a magic kindergarten, let alone a first-rate rock tour.”

Whammy: “Maybe it looked bad today, but you know how those rehearsals are!”
Reuben: “Yeah, I suppose rehearsals aren't expected to be perfect.”
Morning: “If you are certain about that...”
Autumn: “Horseapples!”

Reuben: “Yeah, might as well give us the dill for the pickle.”

Pas Bien: “He's doing what now?! This is a scandalosity! A scandal and catastrophe rolled into one!”
Reuben: “Give us a little time to do some investigation and we will bring this pony to justice so the fabulotastic (that's fabulous and fantastic together) good name of your agency is not soiled.”

Autumn: “Huzzay! Thank Celestia for low DT thresholds!”

GM: “If you have suspicions about anyone who works there, they likely have an office somewhere in the building. Saying that because you apparently have suspicions already.”

Reuben: “Say Tybit, pardon if I'm being a bit too familiar, but I was curious to know what your cutie mark means.”
Tybit: “THIS CUTIE MARK IS A SYMBOL OF MY DEDICATION! MY DEDICATION TO TRUTH, JUSTICE, AND THE EQUESTRIAN WAY! …One of these days, I'll be able to join the royal guard, sir. But before that happens, I need to prove my worth.”
Reuben: “Holy Princess Sunbutt! Tybit actually has an indoor voice?! BRB, I think I need to sit down a sec.”

GM: “Just as a minor question, since I'm somewhat uncertain on it. Is Reuben being genuinely friendly, or is he trying to be polite?”
Reuben: “Genuinely friendly. The day Reuben holds a grudge is the day Celestia stops teaching about friendship.”

Reuben: *Knocks on the door*
Voice Inside: “Nobody's home! Go away!”
Reuben: “Dude, if nobody is home, then who's telling me there's nobody home? Or do you mean you have no 'body' and are a free-spectral apparition of some sort?”

Griffon: “Are you trying to pin something on me?”
Reuben: “No, no dude. We're legit. Not trying to pin anything on ya. Sides, bad idea. You're not wearing a shirt or anything. Pins hurt.”

GM: “Also, one disadvantage because your earlier questions making him suspicious.”
Reuben: “Me, suspicious? A tall wiry stallion with two real pretty mares arriving through the snow to question a griffon about someone out of the blue? Nahhhhhhhhh.”

GM: “I do enjoy the idea of the earth pony becoming the de-facto party mage, though. If only for the strangeness of it all.”

Reuben: “I like how you mention that it's ‘only’ a single griffon.”
GM: “It's 'only' a single griffon, as opposed to that time when Neon embarrassed himself in front of an entire stadium.”
Reuben: “Are all griffons Gildas? Did Fallout Equestria get it wrong with zebras?”
GM: “Well, given what we've seen so far this season, that seems spot on.”

[Sith_Happens]

Autumn: “Huzzay! Thank Celestia for low DT thresholds!”

Damage threshold thresholds?:smalltongue:

[DigoDragon]

Damage threshold thresholds?:smalltongue:

I think she meant 'Difficulty Target'. Cause otherwise yeah, sounds weird. ^^;

[ZeroGear]

Whammy Bar: “Why'd you do that? Now they're gonna be so angry...”
Reuben: Well, in our defense I think those thugs were quite cross to begin with. Until they crossed with us. Which crossing paths is a bad idea because... um, well look at my friends here. They're pretty awesome.”
[Beat]
Reuben: “Criss-cross! Damn, I knew I missed a pun somewhere.”

Looks like you got your wires crossed on that one. Now you can cross it off the list.

[Draconium]

Just a couple from one of the first campaigns I ran:

Dwarf: "Mogis, Mogis, he's our man! If he can't do it, the goat can!"

Satyr: "Hey, I want wings too! You should pray to your god and get me pegasus wings. OOH! Make me a pegasatyr!"

[Bard1cKnowledge]

Gizmo(OOC): So yeah, Summon Door if any one wants to use it. Don't ask why he has such a device.
GM(OOC): I'm going to be nice and assume it's due to a lot of misplaced keys.

Paraphrased a bit :P

[Inevitability]

Wizard's Player: I think my next character is going to be a nature-hating ranger. That, or a nature-hating druid.
Me: Why do all your characters have to be internally inconsistent?
Wizard's Player: Also, my wizard suddenly hates books now.

[goto124]

Is that not a sorceror?

Or a warlock?

[Milodiah]

Tied up assassin: "Look, I've told you everything I know!"
P1: "Very well, you're free to go."
*walks off*

[Zavoniki]

NPC Federal Agent: I'm here to stop the Apocalypse!
PC: What a coincidence. *shoots Agent in the head*

[DigoDragon]

Looks like you got your wires crossed on that one. Now you can cross it off the list.

*Thumbs up* Heehee, that's the way. :D


Wizard's Player: Also, my wizard suddenly hates books now.

Is that not a sorceror?

I'm with Goto on this. I did play a sorcerer that cared not for book-learning. She just assumes she has the magical gift to bend reality to her will. Occasionally she was right. :smallbiggrin:

[GPuzzle]

DM: "How on Earth is the Paladin sluttier than the Succubus?"
Olivia: "It's called a mix of Bluff and Insight."

Wil: "A Paladin that should've been a Bard, a Bard that should've been a Druid, a Druid that should've been a Sorcerer..."
Cyen: "And a Sorcerer that should've been a Paladin."

[goto124]

DM: "How on Earth is the Paladin sluttier than the Succubus?"

More details please? What god/dess does she* worship? What game system and what kind of paladin is she?

*I saw the Things I May No Longer Do while Playing thread.

[GPuzzle]

More details please? What god/dess does she* worship? What game system and what kind of paladin is she?

*I saw the Things I May No Longer Do while Playing thread.

Olivia, the group's Half-Elf Paladin|Battlemind, has a weird history.

She started off as a little girl raised in a temple of Ioun. Her dedication to knowledge being kept led to her having a bit of bardic knowledge of song and story.

One day, everyone in the temple disappeared (which is the plot points to the story - finding out about the mysterious disappearance of groups close to the PCs - which happened at the same time), and she studied really hard to become a Paladin.

At 16, she left the monastery with all the techniques she could find.

At 21, the School of Hard Knocks had given her enough skills to survive day after day by using every technique necessary - and a pretty face and body exploited to the max was one of them.

It was then she awakened her Psionic powers.

Later on, the PCs found out that the Gods died at the day that their close ones disappeared, and that they're the reincarnation of the Gods. Her? Sehanine, Goddess of Deception, Shadows and Love, and Ioun, Goddes of Knowledge, Fate and Skill.

We're playing D&D 4e (which is less LotR in how it should be played and more TTGL), and Olivia is a CHA-heavy Paladin, with high CON for the Battlemind part as well (a Psionic Fighter). And thanks to being a Half-Elf, she poached a Bard (well, Skald - same fluff, mechanically different) power which works off the Skald's Aura she multiclassed to.

[Yukitsu]

DM: OK, so he's dominated now. What do you make him do.
Me: I make him go out, buy a bottle of tequila, sit back at his desk and hammer that stuff back. Maybe spill a little on his desk.
DM: That's a mass dominate, there's like, 15 people in there.
Me: Liquor store is gonna be happy.
DM: You're going to have one hell of an MO in the police files.

[FlumphPaladin]

DM: The orc attacks [PC1's character]. Since he's prone he gets a bonus. Hit! This isn't looking good, bro...
PC2: Wait!
All: What?
PC2: Do you have Appraise?

[DigoDragon]

DM: "How on Earth is the Paladin sluttier than the Succubus?"
Olivia: "It's called a mix of Bluff and Insight."

This is made funnier to me because my wife had a long-running cleric named Olivia who she played with a lot of good paladin virtue, yet wasn't perfect at the same time (at one point she was dating a pirate captain and helped fund two ventures).


DM: You're going to have one hell of an MO in the police files.

It has style though. :3


PC2: Do you have Appraise?

:smallbiggrin: I get it.

[goto124]

How does Appraise help in a combat situation?

[Draconium]

How does Appraise help in a combat situation?

I'm not sure, but I believe it's a reference to something.

[ZeroGear]

How does Appraise help in a combat situation?

The guy is prone...his opponents are most likely able to see his 'jewels'...don't think too hard about it.

[Yukitsu]

It has style though. :3


I got dramatically outstyled this evening in those terms.

Me: Would you really hit a script kiddie on a commlink?
DM: You hit his deck for 4 matrix damage using your commlink, so yes, he will.

Me: Can you grenade the fire escape?
Player 6: Yeah, I fly my drone around the back and grenade the fire escape.
DM: OK. The fire escape buckles and begins peeling off the wall, the hundreds of people fleeing the building fall to their terrible deaths.
Payer 6: Oh god, what have I done.
Me: I think I'm willing to take some responsibility for that one. Not any real responsibility, just some moral responsibility. If the cops or media ask I didn't do anything.

Me: This would all be going much less public if two of you weren't reporting what we're doing as we go.
Player 2: But we're getting paid to report this.

[Inevitability]

Monk: Why am I having gay makeouts with that kobold?

Me: Did you like me adding your archnemesis to that battle?
Wizard: He isn't my archnemesis! He's some random guy I defeated once.
Me: Yeah, that's your perspective. For him, the day you betrayed him, almost killed him, then took everything he had was the most important day of his life. For you, it was Tuesday. (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ButForMeItWasTuesday)

[Amphetryon]

DM: Yes. Fine. Congratulations, you've invented the draft tortoise.

[Reltzik]

I'm playing a sheriff in a wild-west town. Early in it was overrun by rowdy badasses that responded to other badasses by picking fights with them, and my sheriff decided that intimidating them by being the most badass guy around was just a recipe for getting into fights every hour or two. So instead he adopted a benign obfuscating insanity and logic that went past troll logic and came back around sane, that caused everyone to be legit-worried by how unpredictably wacky he was. This started early on by marrying one of the prostitutes from the town brothel... a move that netted me a solid ally of the sharpest mind in town, plus the loyalty of every other girl there, and helped me start turning the town from a crazy mix of wild factions into an actual community. Every step of the way I was making it so that people were learning to look out for each other and empathize rather than fight. By the time of this incident, my exaggerated reputation for wackiness coupled with his effectiveness meant everyone had decided I was crazy like a fox and five steps ahead of everyone, and that anyone who tried anything under my watch would get humbled hard. As time went on, more than any deductive powers or combat or intimidation ability, my main strength was having won over the community so that almost any one of them would have my back whatever else went down.

Then a federal marshal from my backstory showed up. My sheriff is actually a wanted man back east, for being part of the Underground Railroad before the war. This fed was one that had been hunting me back then, and I shook him in a rather embarrassing way that he never really forgave me for. At this point, he couldn't hope to get a conviction on the slave-liberating but he could drag me away from the town for months, and that would be Bad. But it turned out that the fed wasn't there to arrest me. He was dying of consumption (actually, a mix of black lung and treatable bronchitis that he'd mistaken for consumption), and wanted to catch up with me as part of his bucket list. After trying, and failing, to commit suicide by cop, he followed me around partly as a mentor, but mostly for the laughs.

I had doubts about his disease and kept trying, and failing, to get him to see the town doctor. I was pretty sure he was going to commit suicide if his cough got intolerably bad and I was trying to buy time to get that to stop. Then I ran out of time. He was fully ready for me to try to stop him and pulled a gun to prevent me following him. He backed out the front door of the hotel... and at this point my wife, coming back from the general store, came up behind him, and seeing him pointing a gun at me, smashed a jar of pickles over his head and knocked him out cold. Leadership feat for the win!

Worried that he might be vindictive and could charge her with assaulting a fed if her role became known, and also wanting to further feed that wackiness rep and make the fed legit-scared of it too, the following conversation was the only option.

Federal Marshal *waking up handcuffed to his bed*: "What happened? Why does my head hurt? And why do I smell like.... what is this? Brine? Vinegar?"
My Sheriff: "Well, what happened was that you were about to go and do something right stupid, and I reckoned I'd better put a stop to it, so I did."
Fed: "I don't think I remember how that happened. The last thing I remember, I was about to take myself off into the desert and I was worried you'd stop me, so I was backing out the front door while I kept a gun pointed at you."
Me: "Weren't very considerate, that. But that's about it, your memory's just fine, weren't hardly anything after that as you were conscious for."
Fed: "But I don't remember anything after... how'd you get the drop on me?"
Me: "Pickles."
Fed: "..... wut."
Me: "Pickled cucumbers, to be exact."
Fed: "I know what pickles are, but-"
Me: "I figured that by now, you had a right bit of respect for my underhanded no-good sneakiness and you were going to be ready for it and weren't going to allow none of that. But I also reckoned, whatever else may come, you wouldn't be on your guard for pickles."
Fed: "WHAT?"
Me: "And you weren't. HA!"

And the fed never got a better explanation than that.

[Yukitsu]

Player 6: What's it armed and armoured with?
Me: It's made out of solid iron and is armed with a ruler. It keeps chanting "detention".
Player 1: OK, it is definitely a hall monitor.

Player 1: OK, you're the exact sort of psycho that would have this exist, so I root around in the desk for a box of throwing chalk.
Me: Yeah, sure, I don't care what you do with the chalk you find.

Player 1: What's in the cafeteria?
Me: Pretty much the same robot, but armed with a ladle and a chef hat.
Player 1: This place's defences are worse than useless.

Player 5: What's a student's pie? A pie with a student in it?
Me: None of you know.
Player 5: I'll order that and give it a try.
Me: It's a pie crust filled with haggis.
Player 6: Oh gods why. I'd rather eat a student.
Me: It's over a millenium old, you should be glad it's not making you sicker than you are.

Me: You find arcane marks, text books filled with crudely drawn genitalia, what you think is a 1200 year old sandwich and a box of magically preserved chocolates.
Player 6: You should eat the sandwich.

[Inevitability]

(For clarity, these are from a different campaign than most of my quotes. In this one, I'm playing a paladin rather than DMing)

DM: I knew something was off when your paladin started being friendly.

Rogue: What did I do to deserve this?
Bard: Guards! Guards EVERYWHERE!
Me: Meanwhile, on the other side of the city: 'My, I sure hope my companions haven't gotten in any trouble now that there is no responsible person around to keep an eye on them.'

Me: What. Did. You. Do?
Bard: Well... I guess we forged a street performance license.
Me: *sigh* Well, at least it is a small thing, and I have made mistakes today too... I won't judge you by what you did today.
Rogue: We might as well mention resisting arrest and robbing the elderly then. Oh, and pickpocketing passerby.
Bard: Don't forget about knocking out that guard captain. Don't worry, he probably is fine.
Me: You... what... I don't even... Give me one reason why I should let you remain free.
Bard: Remember what you said just now?
Me: :smallconfused::smalleek::smallannoyed:

[Michael7123]

"....Did you just tell the sailors to steal a boat in front of the god of paladins?"

[Sith_Happens]

Rogue: What did I do to deserve this?
Bard: Guards! Guards EVERYWHERE!
Me: Meanwhile, on the other side of the city: 'My, I sure hope my companions haven't gotten in any trouble now that there is no responsible person around to keep an eye on them.'

Story of my life.

[cavalieredraghi]

4 armed alien:

"23, I'm seriously beginning to think you went and associated yourself with literally everything I've ever hated as some kind of elaborate practical joke. Arcosians, a giant egotistical tit and now a slaver? Any minute now, my Ex is going to show up and will have turned out to be your old friend from the future or something"

[Rater202]

I'm Diamond Gear! I can build anything out of anything, and guess what, I'm about to build a dead dream construct out of your face and my hoof!

In this episode of Solim, something or other is trying to brainwash the Springboard Pirates into being loyal slaves. It is currently trying to use an inaccurate recreation of the night my PC, Gear's, beloved uncle was murdered after he deliberately jumped to fight members of King Sombra's pressgangs to buy time for the rest of the family to escape.

Survivor's guilt and PTSD from this incident are big parts of Gear's characterization... Except ti's not going anyhere near how it went, and Gear's been in therapy for two years dealing with this, so it's not having quite the impact it would have had back in season 1...

He's just pissed off at the attempt to disgrace his uncle's memory.

[Erth16]

Ashigara: Today class I will teach you about the Bull and Loins formation.
Several Students *pointing at the unconcious student*: Sensei, Bucky just knocked her out. Can you take her to the nurse's office?
Ashigara: Hmm, sure. Bucky don't knock anyone else out while I'm gone, and if anyone knows about the Bull and Loins formation teach about it, then divide into two teams and practice it.

*Other player walks near the practice field*
You see Ashigara's class divided into two teams, one team heavily athletic, the other having Bucky and the asthmatic klutzes. The nerds seem to have made helmets resembling Boar's and Lion's heads, The lion wearers run up and roar, then the boar helmets try to tackle the other team, although they trip or run into each other. Bucky facepalms, before she is hit by training shots from the other team.

Kaga: How did she ever become a teacher.

[Grim Portent]

Me: If we eat his heart do we get his luck on rolls?

[bulbaquil]

P3: "What's your carrying capacity?"
P1: "Medium."

P5: "That is a very reasonable and mature way of handling the situation. F*** it."

P1: "What color is her outfit?"
GM: "Depends - what color are you going to make it?"
P1: "PINK."

GM: "She changes her clothes back from pink to brown. What's your Spellcraft modifier?"
P1: "16."
GM: "She's doing it the same way you are."
P1: "Oh. Wait, she has MAGIC!"

P1: "You're the salmon rider!"
P3: "The capstone ability is to create a sharknado."
P4: "Guys, we're not at sea. What we really need to worry about is bearquakes."

P4: "Why do they call it a 'nunchuk' if it doesn't have anything to do with nuns?"
P5: "You know what, the internet's open. Searching for etymology of nunchuk."
...
P5: "Oh, well this is convenient. 'The etymology of the word "nunchaku" is not known.'"

[PoeticDwarf]

Me(DM): Roll if you can hit the pilot
Player(Bard with Rifle): I roll a natural 20
Me: You hit the pilot, roll for damage
Player: 30
Me: You kill the pilot. The helicopter slowly falls down to the earth.
Player: I step in it. Can it still fly?
Me: Why did I gave the enemy a helicopter again?

30 damage? It was, like, 11. AND it was your idea that we got the helicopter.

[PoeticDwarf]

Making my new character

Me Mmmm, I want to make a 1 rogue 14 ranger, heavy crossbow, sharpshooter, crossbow expert and beastmaster, not bad +8 to hit and adv. (+1 weapon and beast with help action).
DM That's OK, sounds good to me, and nobody is ever a ranger.
Me He's a Hilldwarf called Travok
DM Like all your characters?
Me Yes, but he's called Travok Oakenshield
DM euhm, OK
Me So I start with 500gp, I hire 12 hirelings for 10 days, they are skilled and I can also buy 12 times hide armor and 12 times a spear.
DM 12 Dwarfs...
Me Yes, with names from The Hobbit. Next to that, our mission is killing the red dragon in the north.
DM Wait, you was serious when you said you was going to hire 12 Dwarves.
Me Of course, wait, can I have one acolyte instead of a guard.
DM With one spell slot, but OK
Me That's the guy with the white beard, and I don't mean santa claus, wait, I'm going to call him santa claus.

[DigoDragon]

GM: “You just reached a total of 22 on your roll. As a reminder, the maximum Difficulty Check is 20.”

Autumn: “All those perfectly toned flight muscles might to be good for something!”
Reuben: “Besides distracting every stallion and mare into you within line of sight?”
Autumn: “I glance around to note which stallions and occasional mare seemed most interested, and mentally file a short-list for later.”
Reuben: “For the record, while I don't know if Reuben would make it on the list, he certainly did notice.”
Autumn: *Puts a wing on Reuben's shoulder*
Reuben: “Awkward Reuben is awkward.”

GM: “Indeed, through the combined charisma of Morning, the absolute nonchalantness of Reuben, and Morning's quite impressive wingspan…”
Morning: “Did I just become an alicorn??”
GM: “Spoilers, Morning! That's supposed to be a secret!” (Corrects mistake)
Morning: “FINALE LEAKED! CHANGELING QUEEN STRUNG UP FOR SPOILIN’ IT!”
Reuben: “Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changelings
(Turn and leak the plot)
Ch-ch-Changelings
Don't wanna spoil the episode
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changelings
(Turn and leak the plot)
Ch-ch-Changelings
Just gonna have to find and stream the show
She's a changeling
But I can't change her”

Morning: “Perhaps we should get a hot dinner instead of just a drink, non?”
Reuben: “You had me at dinner.”

Morning: “Bonjour, everypony! Who might you be, monsieur?”
Reuben: “He's from Ponyville. His name is... um, I'm not sure. Er, not actually his name that I didn't catch it so I said I'm not sure, which is not his name.”

[FlumphPaladin]

How does Appraise help in a combat situation?

Sadly, it didn't. This was our worst player, comparing his character sheet to those of other players while his character made a run for the exit and the rest of us were being slaughtered en masse. Typical behavior when he wasn't griping about never getting any kills.

If I had a better memory, I could write a book about the times PC1 has done things like this.

[Sith_Happens]

Autumn: “All those perfectly toned flight muscles might to be good for something!”
Reuben: “Besides distracting every stallion and mare into you within line of sight?”
Autumn: “I glance around to note which stallions and occasional mare seemed most interested, and mentally file a short-list for later.”
Reuben: “For the record, while I don't know if Reuben would make it on the list, he certainly did notice.”
Autumn: *Puts a wing on Reuben's shoulder*
Reuben: “Awkward Reuben is awkward.”

...Do I even need to say it?:smalltongue:

[goto124]

Does it have anything to do with 'up in the air' relationships'?

[Rater202]

Dragon! Taylor: Welcome to my Heart, Etta. Don't steal the TV.

Human! Taylor: Sorry about that. Didn't know that would happen. It's my first time with someone else.

[ZeroGear]

Autumn: “All those perfectly toned flight muscles might to be good for something!”
Reuben: “Besides distracting every stallion and mare into you within line of sight?”
Autumn: “I glance around to note which stallions and occasional mare seemed most interested, and mentally file a short-list for later.”
Reuben: “For the record, while I don't know if Reuben would make it on the list, he certainly did notice.”
Autumn: *Puts a wing on Reuben's shoulder*
Reuben: “Awkward Reuben is awkward.”

Seems his relationship hinges on 'a wing and a prayer'.

[DigoDragon]

...Do I even need to say it?

I think at this point it can be assumed. :D


Does it have anything to do with 'up in the air' relationships'?

Pretty much has everything to do with 'up in the air' relationships. :smallbiggrin:


Seems his relationship hinges on 'a wing and a prayer'.

Ohhhh!~ Good one. XD


Digo: "Tentatively added the episode 'Her Royal Hotness' to the list. If the title doesn't set the tone for just how cheesy this episode is going to be, then there's no hope for you."

Rater: "I do believe that the die roller has had it up to here with the Dream thingy's crap, too."
Digo: "When abstract code flips the table..."

[Bard1cKnowledge]

Speaking of up in the air relationships, is it bad that I already got started making ship names? :smallwink:

[DigoDragon]

Doc: "Dear Princess Celestia, today I weaponized Honesty."



Speaking of up in the air relationships, is it bad that I already got started making ship names? :smallwink:

I'm probably the wrong person to ask of that. ...you might also have to PM me these names because I'm curious. :3

[Dycize]

P1: Don't apologize, just be thankful. you will bounce back and be better from it, as I was, regardless of the situation.
P2: You were better from your wife and daughter's death?
P1: No, I was deeply distraught. Hence why I transfered to this ship for duty. I needed a change.
P2: I see.
P1: And the change has been positive to my life, and I am now a better more caring and understanding person than I was.
P2: So you would have been a poor father.

[Inevitability]

Me: Wait, the party's archer is also the tank?

Player: My character is also good at hiding. He is of the opinion that while running away is dishonorable, but hiding is necessary to win battles.
Me: He's a dwarf, right? Please explain that one to me.
Player: Well, dwarves are with their lack of racial bonuses just as good at hiding as, say, the average tiefling or half-orc. However, as dwarves are slower than either of those races, it is only logical to assume their combat strategies resolve more around stealth than around running away.
Me: Just how long did you spend on coming up with that?

[goto124]

PC1: PC2, you are standing there knocking on and talking to a tree.

PC2's actions made sense at that time.


P2: So you would have been a poor father.

'Well, I'll never find out.'

[Recherché]

The gnome in question: I think a gnome is a two handed weapon.

PC 1: Give me your mind!
PC 2: Dude, are you trying to mindrape a demon?
PC 1: Its acceptable self defense

PC 2: As a paladin it is my duty to break and enter into this house

PC 2: I feel guilty. Also I might have boobs now.

PC 3: So first we need to shave the monkey-
PC 1: No we are not shaving the monkey!
PC 3: Fine you can pluck out the hairs individually then.

PC 3: [PC1], why are you so determined to be a legitimate business-elf?

PC 3: I take the comfy chair and jump off the tower

[PoeticDwarf]

Me: Wait, the party's archer is also the tank?

Player: My character is also good at hiding. He is of the opinion that while running away is dishonorable, but hiding is necessary to win battles.
Me: He's a dwarf, right? Please explain that one to me.
Player: Well, dwarves are with their lack of racial bonuses just as good at hiding as, say, the average tiefling or half-orc. However, as dwarves are slower than either of those races, it is only logical to assume their combat strategies resolve more around stealth than around running away.
Me: Just how long did you spend on coming up with that?

Player (me): About 5 seconds, it was just improvisation, and because his stealth check can be 55 without help of another party lid.

[Inevitability]

Player (me): About 5 seconds, it was just improvisation, and because his stealth check can be 55 without help of another party member.

Fixed that for you.

Of course, if you happen to actually be adventuring with several pan covers and didn't misspell, my apologies.

[DigoDragon]

Corundum ‘Coco’ Coronet: “You buck one buffoon's rump because of a rude comment... how was I supposed to know the impudent fool would make it a federal issue...?”

GM: “Her coat was a dark shade of brown, bordering on black, and her mane was a dull blue, although the tips of it were dyed a shade of orange that was rather offensive to look at.”

Close Call: (Mumbling in sleep) “Squirrels, no, get away from them, they're everywhere…”

GM: “Discuss you're demises here!”
Sapphire Starlight: “At the cold uncaring hands of the board die roller.”
GM: “Something something the laughter of thirsting gods something something.”

Coco: “I'm sorry if we did something to provoke you; whatever it was, I'm sure it was unintentional...”
Jailer: “Your face provokes, kiddo.”

Sapphire: “Isn't Close Call a stallion?”
Coco: “Go out into the park, pull up the pony skirts and check.”

Close Call: “My name is Close Call, and I'm in here for punching some unicorn in the face after he tried to take my hat.”

Copper Pot: “Your belongings have already been transferred to a cart. Follow me.”
Close: “Sure thing.” (Whispering) “You stuck up pompous hornhead.”

Coco: “Only if you invite me and Hoof Goldbloom along too!”

[AdmiralCheez]

Dean: Did my character just die pretending to take a dump?
DM: Well... It's definitely bad.
Montgomery: At least your pants are on this time.


Montgomery: I can't believe you morons just charged straight into a portal to complete darkness! You don't know what's in there! *Turns on flashlight* Now we can go! *Charges in*


Dean: I chase after him!
DM: He didn't go anywhere; you're still grappling him.


Ross: The super-spy managed to get shot in the face twice by the same guy, let him go, and then ran away and hid in a box...
Luca: It works for Solid Snake.


Alex: A lot of people will shrug off bullets, but no one wants to get hit with a poo.


Montgomery: How are these cigarettes more durable than my cloaking armor?

[PoeticDwarf]

Making my ranger part 2
Me: wait, there are spells from elemental evil
DM: yes there are, I will look them up for you
(30 seconds later)
Me: Ah, thank you, I take them all
DM: you know how underpowerd flaming arrows is?
Me: Yes, but I can use the quote of JRR Tolkien with that spell
DM: ...
Me: On the other side, hunter's mark is still way better, and I have so few spells as a ranger
DM: Yes, swap it, please do that
Me: I will take him at level 15, you're safe for now.

[Yukitsu]

Player 4: I try to slide the window open.
DM: It's unlocked.
Player 4: And no one thought to just try opening it.
Me: Opening it was never the problem, we were trying to figure out what alarms would go off if it was opened.
Player 4: Oh. Oops.

Player 4: I cut apart the camera before it can get more video of me.
DM: OK, you pull out your sword and slice the camera into two pieces with complete ease.
Me: I was jacked into that camera. Thanks for the dumpshock.
DM: And just before you could send that message saying that you've detected a silent alarm.
Me: Self correcting problem, I don't wanna tell them that it's going off anymore.

DM: Yeah, and you find his real doll.
Me: Is it one I can hack into?
DM: I guess so.
Me: I activate it, have it gather up all the evidence and leave.
DM: The security guard is disgusted.
Me: Remote decking, I can't get the paper work any other way.
DM: Oh, so you're character is not stealing that to be an ultra creep.
Me: I wouldn't go so far as to say she isn't.

Player 1: Oh hey, my bus is here.
DM: As the high threat response team rolls to a stop outside the building you were just in, with officers streaming out of the cars you pay your bus fair from a few blocks over and get in.
Player 1: Perfect.
DM: [Player 4 and 6], you two get a message from your lookout that there's a high threat response team inbound.

[DigoDragon]

Sapphire: “Sapphire opens the carriage door and hops on inside without question.”
GM: “Doing what the suspicious pony with the big hat tells you to do without question? Gee, aren’t you a bright bulb?”
Sapphire: “I dunno, his hat seems very official-looking.”

Coco: “This will take us to... which quaint hole in the wall was it? Moldy Bellows?”
Bright Day: “Old Hollow! It's in the upper northwest. It's a logging town, but an isolated one. We've had some issues with getting taxes from them, but that's the extent of its problems. Besides the missing ponies, anyway.”

Coco: “There are many things that have offended me this day, Mister Day. Let it be known that your supervisor's well-timed recruitment is so very low on the list of things that have offended me. The jailer, the conditions of that cell, the very reasons for my temporary incarceration... The quality of the water in the cell, the meager and entirely unsatisfactory attempts at confining a pony of my status, the punchline-blooded fool that dared speak to me at that tavern... teeth... yes, counting as different... and... blah, blah...”

Sapphire: “Even simple magic is not without a risk of attracting such things. ...but I guess spirits don't eat fillies, so there is that. Maybe.”

Close: “Never complain about the food, even if they are feeding you a pinecone salad.”
Sapphire: “Err, pinecone salad? They actually eat that out in the country?”
Coco: “P-pinecone salad...?! Any chef that tries to prepare that should be relieved of her duties and sentenced for crimes against Equinity. Pinecone salad, I never...”

Sapphire: “It is a lot more... moist than I expected.”

[Bard1cKnowledge]

Are you playing sapph? Or coco?

[DigoDragon]

Are you playing sapph? Or coco?

Sapph. The player as Coco has much more class than I can fake. :smallbiggrin:

[TurboGhast]

Solo char game:

Varis, OOC: I know this probably is a bad idea, but I don't really care and am going through with it anyway.

DM: You get 25 xp and the knowledge that there is a kingdom whose leader is a crocodile.

[Oberon Kenobi]

Barbarians, suddenly sporting pompadours: The Mousse-iah has come!

[Inevitability]

Me: You still haven't read that letter, you know.
Players: :smallconfused:
Me: You know, that letter from like ten sessions ago! The one you found on that assassin!
Players: :smallconfused:
Me: *sigh* The troll assassin who attacked you from the back of a roc while you were travelling to your home base by boat, almost killing the monk in the process. After beating him, you found several magic items, some of which you are wearing right now, as well as a letter on his corpse. However, upon finding out no one in the party could read Giant and the wizard never picked Comprehend Languages, you decided to ignore it completely. Even when someone who did speak Giant joined your party, you neglected to mention the letter, not aware that it contained important information regarding one of your current antagonists.
Players: Oh, that one.

[5ColouredWalker]

The pain... I feels it.

[GPuzzle]

Olivia: "Wil, what's the end result of our little campaign against the Eldritch Abominations?"
Wil: "Well, we're apparently the reincarnation of the Gods, there are mechas in here and we have some of them, I'm your brother, Johan's still drunk and trying to get laid, you are the one getting laid, Cyen's being more desilusional than she's always been, and I'm somehow the most normal member of the party despite being a Sorcerer."
Johan: "Are we still playing D&D?"
Wil: "No breaking the fourth wall!"

Cyen: "I WAS RIGHT! I AM A GOD! BOW BEFORE ME, MORTALS!"
Wil: "We're more a mix of Jesus and Kamina than God, to be honest."
Cyen: "THAT'S EVEN MORE AWESOME!"

Johan: "Ok, let me go through this again - I am the reincarnation of the God of War, right?"
Wil: "Yup."
Johan: "You may call me Kratos from now on."

[ZeroGear]

I like your DM already.

[GPuzzle]

Heh, I'm the DM in this scenario, actually.

I figured out that 4e has a lot of increasingly powerful fluff - you start murdering kobolds, by the end you're leading the Legions of Heaven, becoming one of the best mages in the world, fighting the Eldritch Abominations that are the stars or becoming the reincarnation of the God of Dragons, for example. So the only reasonable option was to embrace the fact that 4e is epic fantasy that follows more the TTGL power scale than the LotR power scale, and let stuff go loose.

It becomes really interesting if you play that way. Besides, it makes more sense why Fighters can have signature attacks rather than "I spam Cleave" if everything's to the superhuman level.

[PoeticDwarf]

Me: You still haven't read that letter, you know.
Players: :smallconfused:
Me: You know, that letter from like ten sessions ago! The one you found on that assassin!
Players: :smallconfused:
Me: *sigh* The troll assassin who attacked you from the back of a roc while you were travelling to your home base by boat, almost killing the monk in the process. After beating him, you found several magic items, some of which you are wearing right now, as well as a letter on his corpse. However, upon finding out no one in the party could read Giant and the wizard never picked Comprehend Languages, you decided to ignore it completely. Even when someone who did speak Giant joined your party, you neglected to mention the letter, not aware that it contained important information regarding one of your current antagonists.
Players: Oh, that one.

How important can it be, the time it costs to read the letter is maybe one minute. In that time we can eat an ice cream or we can kill kobolds.

[Inevitability]

"I high-five my snake."

[PoeticDwarf]

"I high-five my snake."

Just because I still had my bonus action, after I escaped from the hand of a giant skeleton. It sounded like a good idea when I did it.

[ZeroGear]

Goodnight everybody!

[DigoDragon]

In that time we can eat an ice cream or we can kill kobolds.

Can we do both?


Goodnight everybody!

I was just thinking that. :smallbiggrin:

[Taet]

Overheard at the game shop.

Husband: Those womanly wiles do not work on me, I haven't slept with you yet. :smallannoyed:
Wife: Yes you have. I am here, she's not. :smalltongue:
Husband: But look at where we started. You were in this city and I was over there. (points at the game board) This is early in the series and we have not even met yet. :smallsigh:
Wife takes rules and reads setting pages.
Wife: Aha! Here. "Very good friends". We totally slept together already. :smallcool:


Player 4: I try to slide the window open.
DM: It's unlocked.
Player 4: And no one thought to just try opening it.
Me: Opening it was never the problem, we were trying to figure out what alarms would go off if it was opened.
Player 4: Oh. Oops.
That almost exactly happened with us. Without the ever trying to slide it open part. Your player 4 was our GM and your you was our player 3. :smallredface:

[Yukitsu]

Seems like a common mistake to make. :p

Me (DM): "This credit card says Mrs. Margaret Forester." The sommelier doesn't know what a female Xeph or male xeph for that matter is supposed to look like, so he simply shrugs and continues on.

NPC Vampire: You there! That door is for cast and crew only! What do you think you're doing?
Player 5: I'm the new understudy?
NPC Vampire: Well seeing as how we've been missing the lead act-tor for the past 1200 years, I guess you're going to be in the next production, now let's see how you act!
Player 5 OOC: I got a 10...
NPC Vampire: No! I want at least TWICE as much pass-ione. Try it again!
Player 5 OOC: I got an 18.
NPC Vampire: I said TWICE as much! Again!
Player 5 OOC: 21...
NPC Vampire: A little too much passion but that will do. Now get back there and get dressed, you look like some kind of hideous murderous hobo.

Player 3: They're acting right? He's not actually trying to kill him right?
Player 4: I really can't tell. I think at least one of them thinks they're acting.

[DigoDragon]

Coco: “Canterlot is a fine city, when one isn't being harassed by the guard for exercising their perfectly lawful right to quiet a rude peasant.”

Coco: “So... ah, how in Equestria are we going to survive without a change of clothes? I can't think of a worse way to make an introduction. 'Hello there! Nice to meet you! We haven't changed in weeks!'”
Close: “Just go without and save the clothes for a more special occasion.”
Coco: “I can't go without any clothes! Yes, I know, I've been doing it since we were in the jail. But I can only go so long without the comfort of silk and gems and high quality stitching.”

Day: “We could pick up some clothing. Looking practical could endear us to the local ponies.”
Sapphire: “Coco, we can style each other's manes to look more country-like, too.”
Coco: “We could, indeed! Perhaps Mister Day and Mister Call would like theirs done, as well?”
Day: “Oh, sweet Celestia, no.”
Close: *Trying to suppress laughter*
Sapphire: “I think they both could use a new look.”
Day: “We should keep moving.”
Coco: “Mark my words, Mister Call. That mane of yours will fall into my hoofs at some point. And when it does… I will work upon it... THE MAGICS.”
[Beat]
Coco: “It will, of course, be after we leave this sludge-filled fen.”

[Cristo Meyers]

Coco: “Mark my words, Mister Call. That mane of yours will fall into my hoofs at some point. And when it does… I will work upon it... THE MAGICS.”
[Beat]
Coco: “It will, of course, be after we leave this sludge-filled fen.”

I can't be the only one that read this in Thomas Raith's Toe-mass voice...

[Bard1cKnowledge]

I can't be the only one that read this in Thomas Raith's Toe-mass voice...

I read it in David Bowie's, quickly followed by Dance Magic Dance!

[DSmaster21]

P1: Nice work, with how well you cleared out these ghouls I can definitely see why they sent you to help me with the vampire.
P2-5: Vampire?
P1: Yeah the vampire that the guards must have sent you to destroy.
P2-5: Uh, what vampire? We uh came to clear out these ghouls and the ghast that was leading them, the guards didn't even send us.
P1: So Does this mean I am the only one who is armed to take down the vampire. Uh whoever has a crossbow, here take these special bolts, the rest of you will just be fodder if we get jumped.
.....
P2-5: So we killed all the rest of the ghouls and even got rid of the dire ghast in charge, see told ya there was no vampire, Let's rest and catch our breath.
P1: Huh but I tracked it to this farmstead. Guess we better rest.
P1-5: (Out of spells, lay on hands) *Relaxes and start dividing up shifts*
Vampire: *Drops down from ceiling* Hi
P2-5: S***
P1: Told ya so.

So my old character died due to mercy from the DM, (This guy would not die but would f with me constantly: spent the first encounter having explosive diarhea after failing a dc 13 fort save that I had a +6 to succeed on so I burned a reroll to retry and failed again, kept trying every turn and finally succeeded only to trip while charging a goblin and ending up having to have the paladin kill it before it could finish clambering up on me and shanking my torso. Got downed twice in the next round of encounters but got revived then downed again. Horribly botched a series of climb checks and had to burn abilities to not fall. Failed the check to climb down and fell 80 feet. I would have been at -8 out of -14 had I rolled max damage. I decided I had just broken my neck from the fall and rolled up a new character.) The party is now further along and I rejoined with a new character who is a kind of a magic item, monster hunter guy. He had been hunting a low level farmhand who had been turned into a vampire but got lost and stuck fighting the ghouls like the rest of the party.

[the OOD]

I take my shirt off and draw my gun.

Are you wearing combat pants at the dinner table?
No, but I have my underpants.
Are they insulated against electricity?
Yup, and they also count as quality 10 antibalistic armor.

Combat's over, let's go resurrect Jesus.

[DigoDragon]

From a free-form where we realized our common interests:

Alta Stratus: "How is your work coming along? Will you be done by my deadline?"
Doc Wagon: "Well I'm not going anywhere, so yeah, it'll get done by Saturday."
Alta: "Good, you keep at it. I'll be back later, I have some things to go do."
Doc: "What 'things'? You're the Enclave. You don't do 'things'."
Alta: "Yes I do. I take enthusiastic flights over decrepit earth pony towns."
Doc: "And shoot up any piece of tech you see among them?"
Alta: "Very enthusiastic flights."

[JohnTheSavage]

"Do I not have a Ph.D in killing things while spouting philosophy?

"He gives me idiots for demonic servants to do my bidding. Of course!"

Brak: "Oy, sounds mighty stupid to me. Can't say anything to anybody."
Grak: "Ye mean "can't say nothing to nobody" speak proper-like, Brak."
Brak: "You idjit Grak, that be a double negative, that ain't good speakerin'!

"That's funny, I don't recall trying to teach that to anyone other than Yenma. How could they have learned it?"
"Yeah, well, they're time-travellers. Apparently he comes from an era where everyone and their mother knows it."
"Huh."

"Well, if the fate of all life in the galaxy ever comes down to a big song and dance number, now I know exactly who to call."

"Oh my gamikai, I just realized: we're the only two people in this universe who remember Firefly! We need to keep its memory alive..."

[Waker]

I can't be the only one that read this in Thomas Raith's Toe-mass voice...
"Hello, France? I found a dead mouse in my can of French Roast Coffee, and I've called to complain. I'm an American, and I refuse to stand for that kind of thing from you people."

[GPuzzle]

Cyen: "So the plan is to enter the Star, explode it by attacking the very heart and as we defeat it we're going to fall from Heaven in a burst of awesome?"
Wil: "Yes."
Cyen and Johan: *start singing Libera Me From Hell*

Wil: "In 5. 4. 3. 2. 1. MOVE IN!"
DM: "Roll for initiative and wait for a minute while I start playing Rules of Nature in the background."
Cyen: "RULES OF NATURE!"

Olivia: "Ok, I'm bringing down the Star's living heart with me. Let's see who burns up first."
Wil: "What?"
Johan: *starts muttering Before My Body is Dry*

Olivia: "Wil, get out of here! You're gonna burn up!"
Wil: "I DON'T CARE!"
Olivia: "Wil, they need you!"
Wil: "Screw it. You get out of here. This is gonna get messy." *turns into a dragon mid-air and proceeds to begin combustion of himself bringing the star down alongside himself*

Wil: "RULES OF NATURE, MOTHERF*CKER!"
Cyen: "I'm so proud. I'm so, so proud."

Cyen: "What of Wil?"
Olivia: "He's fine. Let's make sure he is proud of us."
Wil, some 500 kilometers below, burning up an Eldritch Abomination while in dragon form: "RULES OF NATURE!"

Johan: "In 5. 4. 3. 2. 1. MOVE OUT!" *floor breaks below them*
Cyen: "Well, now we're done here. Thanks for all, guys."
Olivia: "DON'T LOSE YOUR WAAAAY, MY SWEETHEART"

[Vwulf DeMarcus]

From a free-form where we realized our common interests:

Alta Stratus: "How is your work coming along? Will you be done by my deadline?"
Doc Wagon: "Well I'm not going anywhere, so yeah, it'll get done by Saturday."
Alta: "Good, you keep at it. I'll be back later, I have some things to go do."
Doc: "What 'things'? You're the Enclave. You don't do 'things'."
Alta: "Yes I do. I take enthusiastic flights over decrepit earth pony towns."
Doc: "And shoot up any piece of tech you see among them?"
Alta: "Very enthusiastic flights."

"...You need to stop going on flights..."

[kopout]

DM: Why are are you water-boarding the tortoises!?
Players: For renewable energy.

[DigoDragon]

"...You need to stop going on flights..."

Hee hee, it's great whenever I find others with common interests in odd videos. :smallbiggrin:


DM: Why are are you water-boarding the tortoises!?
Players: For renewable energy.

This sounds like one of those situations where lack of context makes it funnier.


Orange Peel: “What got you roped up in this, old timer?”
Close: “I'm looking to have one last adventure before I retire for good. So I figured Canterlot was as good a place as any to get into trouble.”
Orange: “Punch a unicorn?”
Close: “Yup. He tried to take my hat.”

Sapphire: “Ah, so the advantage of having us is that we don't look very official at all, and thereby won't be immediately shunned?”
GM: “Bright Day blinked, and suddenly looked like a pony who just realized that, say, the sky was actually blue, instead of bright orange.”

Coco: “Something about the way we were... 'recruited' feels a little off to me, though. Does Canterlot's government really utilize prisoners - even if the crimes are as petty as ours were - as subcontractors in ...relatively important work such as this?”
Sapphire: “Maybe we were drafted because they don't have to pay us? I wouldn't be surprised if some fat cat in Canterlot is banking the money they just saved.”
Coco: “That sounds exactly like something a Canterlot elite would try.”

Sapphire: “So here we are; a Canterlot socialite, an apprentice mage, and a… How would one describe Close Call? An earthly traveler?”
Coco: “There are many ways, but I believe 'an earthly traveler' would be among the more polite of them. Let's use that one.”

GM: “Of course, deciding to simply pass out into the admittedly nice beds wasn't out of the question.”
Close: “Yeah, that wasn't going to happen.”

GM: “So, Griffons are dwarves. Who would'a thought?”

Coco: “I have lots of gold bit-thingers. At least that's what my purse says... lots being like, 19.”

Sapphire: “If she was going to travel among the common folk, she wanted to blend in a bit better, but nakey just isn't an option.”

[goto124]

Nakey? They're ponies, what's the problem? xD

[Rater202]

GM:He mad.
Sabina(OOC): He-Mad! And the Masters of the Angryverse! "I have the Angerrrrrr!!"

[DigoDragon]

Nakey? They're ponies, what's the problem? xD

Sapphire and Coco are rich elite ponies, so they're used to wearing fancy clothes all the time.
Being nakey is like being a peasant who can't afford clothes. It's a silly reason, but it leads to amusing moments. :3

[GrayGriffin]

"would severed body parts/corpses count as objects or not?"

[Senshi Akai]

I am back, after a much needed break from... Well, everything. :smallsmile:


Wil: "Screw it. You get out of here. This is gonna get messy." *turns into a dragon mid-air and proceeds to begin combustion of himself bringing the star down alongside himself*

This plan. I like it! What I wouldn't pay just for seeing the DM's face. :smallbiggrin:



DM: Why are are you water-boarding the tortoises!?
Players: For renewable energy.

I... Uh... What? Do I even want to know? :smalleek:

-----
Now, some quotes!

From an epic campaign:

Wizard: Okay, FINE! I will buy your soul. Just don't come back crying later.
DM: Wow, epic campaigns are crazy.

DM: Your former party member is now trapped in the nine hells. Will you go after him?
Wizard: Nah, too much trouble.
Defender: Yeah, let's pay some adventurers to do that so we can, I don't know, SAVE THE F***ING WORLD.

DM: The [Barbarian] reincarnates as an elf.
Wizard: :smalleek:
Barbarian: :smallamused:
Every other party member: *looking to wizard* Now, if only you had delayed your marriage another week.
Wizard: Shut. Up.

DM: When my campaign turned into a soap opera?


From another unrelated campaign:

Paladin: Wow, nice guys! That was really easy! Keep that way. *turns to DM and whispers* Please, stop sending wizards you built.

Bard: I cast Hideous Laughter, but I will, however, tell a joke OOC and IC for this.
DM: Okay, I guess.
Bard: [insert possibly the most horrible d&d related joke here]
DM: *after several seconds* I... The monster is... Stunned?
Paladin: You broke our DM!

DM: (OOC) Are you seriously making a check for EVERY square in the dungeon, searching for traps? I already told you to roll only three.
Rogue: (OOC) Yeah, right. I will make all the checks.
DM: (OOC) *reachs Traps and Treachery series* Okay, go on.
Rogue: (OOC) Let me reconsider. Three checks, you said?

Rogue: The dwarf can make an item from our [McGuffin].
Paladin: But we need this to save the world!
Rogue: It will be a really powerful item. Just saying.
Paladin: Absolutely not! … Unless we are talking about a +10 weapon. Then, we can talk.
Bard: And just when I thought the quote “everyone has a price” had an exception.

Paladin: Are drugs considered poison? I don't want to fall!
Rogue: But, apparently, you want to get someone stoned.

[GPuzzle]

This plan. I like it! What I wouldn't pay just for seeing the DM's face. :smallbiggrin:

That'd be me. I like to run crazy awesome storylines, such as the players burning an Eldritch Abomination from inside out.

My reaction was to go "F*CK YES!" and just carry on with it, because the other things were equally awesome (the Druid summoning the very spirits of nature and the Bard pretty much spreading chaos and disorder).

You want context for that series? It starts out as some weird things happen, starting from the characters finding an open portal to the Far Realm after clearing out a cult, to fights against aberrations, to becoming the reincarnation of gods, to blowing up an Eldritch Abomination from inside out.

[DigoDragon]

Doc: "I thought you said you were winning?"
Fox: "Different game. I was the only one left on the board there so if I were getting beat, it would be one heck of a fight."
Doc: (In Jim Carrey's voice) "Do you mind? I'm kicking my own ass!"

[GPuzzle]

Jessica: "What do we do now?"
Korinn: "We run from the voices in Oskar's head."

Garrett: "Guys, Oskar's drawing on the dirt again."

Oskar: "Hold on, Dhrydis here is leading a young girl to be killed by a fey entity, and I'm the crazy one?"
Garrett: "You fight by drawing on the dirt. I still don't get that."

Lady Treona: "Oskar is the captain of the guard, and a confusing person. He's an angelic being that tinkers with the primal spirits and arcane magic."
Oskar: *cackles maniacally in the background*
Garrett: "He also seems to be completely insane."

Dhrydis: "Is the guy who hears the primal spirits talking to him the guy whose plan we are following?"
Korinn: "Between the five of us, he is surprisingly the one which is more likely to have a better plan. Garrett's plans only work for hobbits, I have absolutely no idea of what to do, you're trying to kill an 11-year-old kid, and Jessica is an 11-year-old kid."

Does anyone want context?

[Oberon Kenobi]

Levi: You're a loose cannon, Silriss, but you're a good cop.
Silriss: Diplomat.
Levi: You're a loose cannon, Diplomat, but you're a good cop.

[goto124]

Bard: I cast Hideous Laughter, but I will, however, tell a joke OOC and IC for this.
DM: Okay, I guess.
Bard:
DM: *after several seconds* I... The monster is... Stunned?
Paladin: You broke our DM!

What was the horrible joke? *gasp*


Paladin: Are drugs considered poison? I don't want to fall!
Rogue: But, apparently, you want to get someone stoned.

If 'stoned' here means what I think it means, no, it's not poison. Heck, do beer and wine count as poison?


[Garrett: "Guys, Oskar's drawing on the dirt again."

Oskar: "Hold on, Dhrydis here is leading a young girl to be killed by a fey entity, and I'm the [I]crazy one?"
Garrett: "You fight by drawing on the dirt. I still don't get that."

But what does Oskar do when there's no earth to draw on?

[GPuzzle]

But what does Oskar do when there's no earth to draw on?

Draws in the air.

Using a Javelin as his pen.

[Yukitsu]

DM: I think you're a little under aged to get into this club.
Player 1: Her? She's a force 12 spirit, she doesn't really have an age.
DM: That is a very different problem, please don't go into this club.

DM: I kind of expected there'd be more of you. We got what, one guy and a Skype call?
Me: Your meatheads didn't let one of us into the club.

Player 1: OK, we're going to go case the joint, and unlike when everyone else tries to do this, the two of us are going to show you how to do this freaking properly. AKA not fighting everything in sight, no smashing windows, no breaking cameras, no weapons, no jumping out of the fourth floor fire escape and landing in front of the cops and absolutely no grenading a fire escape after disabling the elevators and pulling the alarms.

DM: OK, so the door grinds open. The soldiers snap their guns upwards but a little girl walks up and says "will you be friends with me" and their eyes sort of gloss over. They all agree to be friends with her. There's one guy that sort of still has his gun up, but he looks at all his allies putting their guns away and moving like zombies so he sort of puts his gun down as well, but he's not very happy about it.

DM: You are getting some kind of signature flaw. It's a really, really stupid one but you have it.

[goto124]

About the little girl: I have limited knowledge of Shadowrun, but what spell/skill/etc did she use (Suggestion? Commanding Voice? I just googled that!) and how good is she in it, to be able to control an entire group of adults and leave only one unaffected (which may be due to outright immunity)?

[Taet]

Overheard at the game shop.

P1: It still feels weird having a big heavy roleplaying book and not having to make a book cover for it. The teachers got so down on me for that back in high school. :smallredface:
P2: Let alone the girls in class! So I said, I am not going to take that from someone who covers their books with holographic stickers and Disney heartthrobs. :smallyuk:
P3: (taps the cover of Star Wars: Force and Destiny) Disney. Heartthrobs. :smallcool:

[Yukitsu]

About the little girl: I have limited knowledge of Shadowrun, but what spell/skill/etc did she use (Suggestion? Commanding Voice? I just googled that!) and how good is she in it, to be able to control an entire group of adults and leave only one unaffected (which may be due to outright immunity)?

Mob mind was the spell, it's just an area of effect type spell. The little girl was actually the spirit that I paid to fetter (which was expensive and dangerous for me to do.) If she spends one of my edge points it's virtually impossible to resist and actually impossible to shake off for most encounters.

Every character I make for shadowrun is based around Alice in Wonderland. Before I started playing it, I was either going to go with that or David Bowie songs and as much fun as I bet a character named Ziggy Stardust would have been, I ended up going wonderland. My current character is a mage decker (which is utterly dysfunctional) named Cheshire who is a VR presence that guides Alice who is a spirit. The abilities and the line I say are a reference to the three requests that Alice from Shin Megami Tensei has. Will you be friends with me, will you play with me and will you die for me. In other words, mob mind, mob mind then if they really won't play, mana ball.

The guy that was unaffected was just a joke as far as I can tell because he acted exactly like he had failed, but it was more interesting this way.

For those interested, I've also made:

Black Rabbit: A character devoted to running and jumping very quickly. Was a courier before becoming a runner and could basically get into everywhere to deliver or grab something. She was basically dressed up in an all black urban runner suit while running through town in a daft punk helmet and became notorious as a sign of bad luck, since she survived having lost about 12 other runners.

Jack of Spades: A shovel wielding gangster. He and his gang have a red rose as their gang logo, so one of the most common things you'll see him do is paint a white blank field into a red rose, or painting a white rose red. Is pretty much indistinguishable from the rest of his gangsters.

The Queen of Hearts: This is a world famous pop star diva banshee that is running just for the thrill. Is the face for a vampire rights movement and can really belt out vocals when she's on stage. Off the stage, she is good at disguises and being the party face, but she can also use a bunch of monofilament weapons with good proficiency.

The Mech Turtle: A street sam with cybernetic arms, legs, torso and skull with maximum armour upgrades to each. It was a Minotaur before basically becoming a fully mechanical thing. Is a complete corporate shill, records himself doing his runs to brag about what he's doing and gets paid to insert those runs by referencing his sponsors and his entire mechanical body and his armour are decked out in sponsorship logos.

[5ColouredWalker]

If 'stoned' here means what I think it means, no, it's not poison. Heck, do beer and wine count as poison?

Technically yes, which allows Dwarves to apply their poison resistance to it.

What? Did you think their ability in drinking contests was just due to their constitution?

[Rater202]

"It is a bad sign when Sabina is more willing to violence than Gear."

[Bucky]

DM: GM: You spend 10 minutes fixing it enough to open it up, and inside is a giant golden penis.
Wizard: Loot.

[falloutimperial]

"Your skin opens. You know, where all your blood falls out."
"Oh."

[DigoDragon]

Technically yes, which allows Dwarves to apply their poison resistance to it.
What? Did you think their ability in drinking contests was just due to their constitution?

I interpreted it that way too. The one time I played a dwarf, he never failed a CON check for drunkenness, so the running joke was how he always complained that the booze was never as good as back home. XD


"It is a bad sign when Sabina is more willing to violence than Gear."

The fact this was worded to make 'Violence' a verb is the beauty of it all.


Close: “Hello, what's news?”
Bartender: “News is five bits and it comes with a beer.”

GM: “Good news; the place was open! Bad news; it sort of looked dumpy by Canterlot standards.”
Sapphire: *Rings service bell*
GM: “Clearly, this place catered to ponies who didn't mind if their clothing wasn't dyed, or was made with love, or with a wearer in mind.”
Coco: *Suffering a case of fashion shock upon seeing the store's stock*
Sapphire: “I wonder what shade of dull undyed cloth goes best with my eyes?”
GM: “Are you an ecru or an ocher gal? Or perhaps tan?”
Sapphire: “Closer to Chamoisee actually, but Ecru will do.”

GM: “After a few moments the tailor came back with what looked like half a small brown furry thing on top of a brim. There probably wasn't a name for the kind of hat he he was holding, other than 'mistake', but, presumably, it was warm.”

Sapphire: “It's just that you've been so refreshing to chat with on this trip that I hope we can be good friends.”
Coco: “Sure, I would love a friend on this journey.”
Sapphire: “Hmm, there is a tavern here, right? I should see if there is anything edible.”
Coco: (Giggling) “Are you saying you want to take me to dinner, too?”

[Oberon Kenobi]

So my regular party just changed our 'official' name to Property Damage Incorporated after blowing up three buildings over the course of two sessions in order to retrieve a library book. :smalltongue:
Quotes from that session:

Big Sam: “I’m going to pick up the guy who was touching me earlier.”

Columbus: “Throwing bombs is how I express myself.”
Fiera: “Must make dates pretty intense.”

Columbus: "There’ll probably be a fantastic beast or something in the arena."
Big Sam: "Thank you for noticing!"

Fiera: "The highway has a toll road, the low way has a mole road."

Columbus: "Things escalated very quickly in that bathroom."

[GPuzzle]

First time playing 5e, this is more or less how it went:

DM: "So the background of the Human Rogue and the Elf Ranger involves Stockholm Syndrome and the background of the Human Paladin and the Half-Orc Barbarian involves a bromance."
Dann: "Yes."

Rob: "Dann the Paladann?"
Yrdir: "Dann the Paladann!"

Dann: "I am a member of the Guard Exchange Program."

DM: "There are two guards. One on the left, one on the right. The one on the right is holding the keys."
Gorgrond: "I wanna roll for Perception to see if I there's any way out." *rolls a 19*
DM: "There are two guards. One on the left, one on the right. The one on the right is holding the keys."

DM: "Hold on, there's two hot chicks here in my apartment's pool."

Dann: "And now, back to the adventures of Forgotten Realms' Lloyd Christmas and Harry Dunne..."

Rob: "I hit the cultist of Lolth's flat..."
Dann: "Part of the blade?"
DM: "Chest?"

Gorgrond: "Do drows have small tits?"

Dann: "I tripped on an ant."

Dann: "I have rolled 3 1s in a row, and my Goddess is the one of Good Fortune. What."

Gorgrond: "The guard on the right is an angel!"

Dann: "I kick him in the balls!"
Gorgrond: "Aren't you a Paladin?"

[ZeroGear]

Gorgrond: "Do drows have small tits?"


About 95% of the time the answer to that is a great, big, resounding "NO!".

[Sith_Happens]

Heh, I'm the DM in this scenario, actually.

I figured out that 4e has a lot of increasingly powerful fluff - you start murdering kobolds, by the end you're leading the Legions of Heaven, becoming one of the best mages in the world, fighting the Eldritch Abominations that are the stars or becoming the reincarnation of the God of Dragons, for example. So the only reasonable option was to embrace the fact that 4e is epic fantasy that follows more the TTGL power scale than the LotR power scale, and let stuff go loose.

It becomes really interesting if you play that way. Besides, it makes more sense why Fighters can have signature attacks rather than "I spam Cleave" if everything's to the superhuman level.

http://www.reactiongifs.us/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/i_like_you_supernatural.gif


DM: Why are are you water-boarding the tortoises!?
Players: For renewable energy.

http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/469/562/d00.png


Levi: You're a loose cannon, Silriss, but you're a good cop.
Silriss: Diplomat.
Levi: You're a loose cannon, Diplomat, but you're a good cop.

http://www.reactiongifs.us/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/clapping_joker_batman_dark_knight.gif

[Erth16]

A: I yell 'Nooooooooooo!' and fall to my knees before shooting the demon that killed her.
K: How? We're skating on water, wouldn't you just sink?
Gm: Rule of drama, clearly. Only dramatic thing about this death so far.
K: Yeah but, buoyancy and density don't work like that.
Gm: May I remind you the whole concept of this game is the fourth dumbest thing I know of?

[cavalieredraghi]

Sina: I am not a Japanese school girl!

[Senshi Akai]

You want context for that series? It starts out as some weird things happen, starting from the characters finding an open portal to the Far Realm after clearing out a cult, to fights against aberrations, to becoming the reincarnation of gods, to blowing up an Eldritch Abomination from inside out.

You, sir, are an awesome DM. But context? This is MADNESS!
But yes, I do want. It sounds the kind of thing I would love to read. :smallbiggrin:



Doc: (In Jim Carrey's voice) "Do you mind? I'm kicking my own ass!"

Can't... Breathe... From laughing...



What was the horrible joke? *gasp*

If 'stoned' here means what I think it means, no, it's not poison. Heck, do beer and wine count as poison?

In that case, it was ruled that no, it was not poison. Still a dubious act for a paladin, though. :smalltongue:

As for the joke...
A dwarf enters a library, saying loud and clear: "Me wanna a beer!"
The librarian, clearly angry, replies: "This is a library!"
The dwarf looks around, startled, then whispers softly: "Me wanna a beer!"

[A Tad Insane]

Gm: Congratulations, we're no longer playing CoC, but madoka magica: the table top. And the worst part? This is probably more terrifying. I'm now banning all magic from *offending pc*

Offending pc: How was I supposed to know you didn't read 'Shadow over Innsmouth'?

[GPuzzle]

You, sir, are an awesome DM. But context? This is MADNESS!
But yes, I do want. It sounds the kind of thing I would love to read. :smallbiggrin:

I started writing that campaign's campaign log. Have a read at it if you want to. (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?431909-Rules-of-Nature-a-D-amp-D-4e-Campaign-Log&p=19624748)

[Sith_Happens]

Fenir (OOC): "[Logan], will you hand me my cat?"
Logan (OOC): "Yes." [*picks up cat and holds it*]
Fenir (OOC): "You're going to keep it aren't you?"
Logan (OOC): "Yes."

Fenir [Belladonna]: "Wait, I need to find a crapper, I haven't gone since this campaign started."
Shonen: "Oh come on, you can hold it for a few more years."

DM: "You can't Sense Motive the DM."

DM: "Through one of the doors is a restroom."
Fenir [Belladonna]: "I use the restroom."

Fenir [Belladonna]: "I open the [large iron] doors."
Shonen: [Speaking IC:] "Since you obviously notice us already, this is your warning. Step away from the music and no one gets hurt."
DM: "As the doors open you all see two figures, one large and robed, the other thin and wearing a jerkin. The robed one turns to look at you and then vanishes."
Shonen: "Good! Now you too."
NPC: "I'm afraid not."
Shonen: "Damn."

[goto124]

Pictures of the cat please?