Gamer Humor Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition III: Now with 50% more DigoDragon [Archive] - Page 4

DigoDragon

2015-08-06, 06:38 AM

Huh, these aren't about ponies...

Silver: "They didn't leave any magazines, did they?"
Tatum: "Oh look, a coupon!"
Silver: "For what!?"

DM: "You find enough roots & herbs for the evening."
Olivia: "I can make something tasty out of this."
DM: "You also find 3 bottles of scotch."
Silver: "I can make something tasty out of that!"

Olivia: "If the snowman's a rockin' don't come a knockin'?"
DM: "I got me a snowman and it's big as a whale and it's about to set sail!"

DM: "This ancient tribe looks at your group with curious wonder."
Anomen: "I vote Mira speak to them."
Mira: "I'm finally useful!"
Olivia: "I can try speaking Rakasta. Meow Meow Meow Meow..."

Rakasta Goddess: "Hey, your offering tried to make a pass at me!"

DM: "You hear a double beep sound."
Silver: "This temple has lo-jack?"

Misty: "A halfling lich!? That's unnatural!"
DM: "It'll drain your CON at the knees!"

Olivia: "Is there anything left of the creature?"
DM: "Just the nuclear charred outlines on all six walls of the room."
Tatum: "Is it gone?"
Silver: "Oh yeah. It's gone."

Mira: "Have fun! Don't do anything normal people would do. Not that we know what normal people do anyway."

Mira: "We're looking for a guy named Hudson."
Soldier: "He's in the pillory. Will be free tonight."
Mira: "What's he in for?"
Soldier: "Nothing, it's precautionary."

GPuzzle

2015-08-06, 06:46 AM

Is that Olivia the same Olivia you mentioned a few pages ago - the one played by your wife?

Rater202

2015-08-06, 07:15 AM

Cyborg:Oxy, oh my god, your actually summoning weird alien dragon-demons in someone else's home using your own blood just to make a couple fancy spherical weapons without their permission. when the owner of said home knows Namekian magic. and detect power levels. for someone so intelligent, I'm just startled at how you can be so dense. Just....wow. Y'know, normal people are down at the dinner table, trying to get an average social event going. But nnnooooo, you to be completely blind to these things!

GPuzzle

2015-08-06, 07:24 AM

Duncan: "Vegans. The lowliest scum on Earth."

Richard: "Darth Vader was a vegan!"

goto124

2015-08-06, 07:47 AM

normal people are down at the dinner table, trying to get an average social event going

Is this a fourth-wall-breaking thing? :smalltongue:

Rater202

2015-08-06, 07:58 AM

Is this a fourth-wall-breaking thing? :smalltongue:

No. The Cyborg, the two only vaguely human like alien brothers, the cyborg's also cyborg girlfriend, the woman with four arms and an extra eye, and the alien monkey woman were getting an actual dinner ready and preparing to eat and talking about stuff. Meanwhile the eldritch abomination was sitting on a near by pile of empty soda bottles consuming magically conjured pie and Faygo fruit soda and providing commentary. Presumably, those were the normal people. Also there's a tiger that's also kinda maybe a sidereal but not really.

Then Oxy started doing his thing, freaking out the alien scientist who owns the space ship they're on, who had been badgering Oxy about Oxy's obvious issues.

JohnTheSavage

2015-08-06, 09:17 AM

Presumably, those were the normal people.

Hey, everything's relative. Demon blood-pacts aren't really a part of typical dinner conversation.

IZ42

2015-08-06, 12:49 PM

Hey, everything's relative. Demon blood-pacts aren't really a part of typical dinner conversation.

You obviously haven't been to my house.

DigoDragon

2015-08-06, 01:26 PM

Is that Olivia the same Olivia you mentioned a few pages ago - the one played by your wife?

Yeah, that's the one. If I remember correctly, I believe she was the one that once suggested I run Expedition to Castle Ravenloft. She kind of regretted that later. :smallbiggrin:

You obviously haven't been to my house.

Well, you should know if they did, right? Unless JohnTheSavage is a skilled burglar... :3

Bard1cKnowledge

2015-08-06, 01:37 PM

Morning: I do not like the way this investigation is going. Is anypony else getting that feeling?
Reuben: Yeah, not a great direction this investigation is going, but... in for a penny...
Gizmo: Once again science und logic rear its ugly truth. Like mien Aunt Widget after a few glasses of cider.

Milodiah

2015-08-06, 05:14 PM

Castle groundskeeper: "I've worked here for nine years, and the only reason I was hired was the last guy's shovel hit an unexploded bomb."
PC1 (elderly German man): "Wow, I guess I got another kill then!"
Groundskeeper: "...what?"
PC1: "I'm sorry, I bombed this place at least twice during the War. It was probably mine."
Groundskeeper: "..."
PC1: "My family has a long history of killing people at this castle, you know...in fact, one of my ancestors was a landksnecht who-"

GM: "So what you're saying is that most of the ghosts haunting this castle probably ****ing recognize you."

Later:

Player 1: "I suppose it's time for my 9 o'clock piss...I'll grab my walker and head to the bathroom."
GM: "You see the woman from earlier wandering the halls again, except this time she has a shotgun."
PC1: "Oh, you are from Texas too?"
Woman: "...what?"
PC1: "[PC2] is from there, and he's always carrying his 'casual shotgun', so I assumed everyone just does that there."
GM: "The priest rounds the corner, holding a pistol. He seems surprised to see you all."
PC1: "I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was expected to wave a gun around on the way to the bathroom! One moment!" (pulls Luger from dressing gown) "There! Now I feel less awkward!"

JohnTheSavage

2015-08-06, 05:26 PM

Well, you should know if they did, right? Unless JohnTheSavage is a skilled burglar... :3
:smallwink:

Necroticplague

2015-08-06, 05:42 PM

Gene: So, what got you into running?
Nesdu: Same thing that got me into pornographoc BTL making; some bad friends, good computer skills, and desperate need for money.
Gene: You made BTLs? Actor or producer?
Shibu: Actor. I thought I recognized you from somewhere. Hard to tell, given the differing POV......
Nesdu:Oh gods.
Shibu: Kinda mediocre. Acting was good, emotional control wasn't. Felt bored because you were.
Nesdu: Why were you even-
Shibu: Us cyberzombies don't get much out of normal drugs. I take more potent stuff to wake up than some people could live through. Heck, already have implants in my head to stimulate memories, barely had to jailbreak anything.
Gene: Ooohhhh this is too funny. You got any links?
Nesdu: NO.
Shibu:Yeah.

Sith_Happens

2015-08-06, 07:27 PM

Necroticplague

2015-08-06, 08:05 PM

PLEASE tell me everyone involved in this conversation was a PC.:smallbiggrin:

Yep. Like with most of my posts here, I've been using the codenames of the players, instead of their PCs (main exception being the misadventure's of Maya and Kreig, of course). Things in all caps are either NPCs or the GM/ST who has the joy of trying to make a campaign that survives us.

Oberon Kenobi

2015-08-07, 02:11 AM

Levi: So you guys are like a terrorist version of a buddy cop movie?

Amelia: More dream wrenches! And they're all pink.
Levi: Yeah, they're made of Jungian Bismuth.

Silriss: *tentacle of suspicion*

Sandy: Wait, you guys spend all day in the Wild West dream hunting rabbits? Why not buffalo?
GM: Because the buffalo would weigh 600 pounds but they'd only be able to carry back 200 of it.

Sandy: Okay, I plug my instrument into the control panel.
GM: Sure, that works. Because of course your instrument that currently looks like a 3-ring binder and the 1960s spaceship both have USB ports.
Levi: Hey, it worked in Iron Skies.

Sandy: Groundhog Day, the River of Souls, it's all a metaphor for Amelia and Kelly's dysfunctional relationship.

Hunter: Yeah, time travel isn't really a good spectator sport.

Sandy: How can you have a ship that's incompatible with itself?
Entire rest of party: *pointed glances at Amelia.*

DigoDragon

2015-08-07, 07:10 AM

Silriss: *tentacle of suspicion*

Now that's an amusing quote without its context. :smallbiggrin:

Tatum: "Some rangers hunt food. Vincent causes road kill."

DM: (Quoting a prophesy) "To pledge our lives to find and retrieve the dreaded book known as One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish."

Olivia: "I cast detect magic on the bag."
DM: "The bag glows with light enchantment."
Olivia: "Mmm... enchanted backpack..." (Drools)

DM: "They're either very rich or very lucky. Maybe both."
Nagumo: "Yeah, but money and luck can run out."
Mira: "So can booze."
Vincent: "So can baths... eww... bath time."
Mira: "Vincent?"
Tatum: "That's what... his 7th bath today?"
Mira: "Something about a sea hag that touched him earlier?"

DM: "There's a note that reads if you need a skilled rogue, to meet him in the lobby."
Tatum: "Finally, someone answered my advertisement."
Misty: "Darn, I thought I got rid of them all!"
Vincent: "Misty!"
Misty: "Hello, I'm half rogue!"
Tatum: "She's like a sad 7 year old who's parents had another baby."

Misty: "Think of it as initiation."
Nagumo: "Oh good, it's a fraternity rush."
Tatum: "It could be worse. We were going to give you the pink dress and the unicycle."
Party: *Laughs*
Nagumo: "Oh, is that all?"
Tatum: "Don't laugh, you have to eat the unicycle."

Tatum: "As soon as I'm dry I'm going to enema Prince Richard with a fireball!"
Misty: "I'm torn between stopping you and watching this happen."

Vincent: "Nagumo, we need to discuss who gets to do the chivalry thing when."
Nagumo: "Yeah, we gotta set a schedule over a beer."
DM: "Why not Vincent take Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays while Nagumo takes Tuesdays, Thurs-"
Vincent: "We can't discuss this without beer!!" :smallfurious:

Vincent: "Captain, can you make out these maps?"
Capt. Gale: "Let's ask my navigator. I don't know as I'm just taking you along for the ride."

Vincent: "Paco, introduce yourself to Nagumo."
Nagumo: "What, that human skull in you hand?"
Paco: "I am Paco, lord demon of the underworld! Scurge of 4 planes of civilization, and Unionleader for the Undead 13th-"
Vincent: *Hits Paco on the head*
Paco: "OW!! I mean... *ahem* Hi there. Name's Paco. I'm a talking skull."

DM: "Only those pure of heart can open the door."
Mira: "That leaves me out."

goto124

2015-08-07, 08:07 AM

Did Vincent get his beer OOCly?

Was Paco hit on the head OOCly too?

FlumphPaladin

2015-08-07, 09:36 AM

"By Pelor's shining piss!"

DigoDragon

2015-08-07, 11:53 AM

Did Vincent get his beer OOCly?

He did! An Amber Bock if I remember.

Was Paco hit on the head OOCly too?

No, cause Paco is an NPC and that would mean hitting me. :smallbiggrin:

ZeroGear

2015-08-07, 01:32 PM

You must really love Monkey Island.

DigoDragon

2015-08-07, 11:09 PM

You must really love Monkey Island.

I own all the games except Tales. :smallbiggrin:

PoeticDwarf

2015-08-08, 02:28 AM

Me: The goblin, pleased by your gold, tells you he can't allow you to pass east, but he will open the north passage to you.
Cleric: Really? What lies beyond there?
Me: The goblin swears it is a simple abandoned temple, where no one lives anymore.

*later*

Cleric: I hate you so much.
Me: Technically, undead don't 'live', right?

It didn't go this way, I asked, because there was somewhere a skeleton dragon I heard. Are there undead, so I killed the goblins and didn't go that way. Now it's maybe funnier, but I just have to say it :smallsmile:

Amphetryon

2015-08-08, 11:42 AM

J: Thank you for reminding me that I can briefly outrun an elephant, but only if I'm naked.

Milodiah

2015-08-08, 11:50 AM

Lonestar officer's report:

"04/09/2070, 22:31: attempted routine traffic stop on bus with busted tail light. Lavender cloud emitted from rear of bus. Bus then morphed into dragon with face of my grandfather, flew away.

Recommend full investigation into whether or not my grandfather is a dragon, and/or werebus."

Gotta love chemist builds.

Joe the Rat

2015-08-08, 11:13 PM

Fresh from tonight's game:

Gnome Cleric: "I tap the troll's ass."

Michael7123

2015-08-09, 12:18 AM

Me, playing Torm. Yes, THE Torm: Did.... Did you just tell the sailors to steal a boat right in front of the God of Paladins?

Oberon Kenobi

2015-08-09, 11:32 AM

GM: Do you guys have a name that you go by when people come to you to hire you?
Columbus: SML
GM: SML?
Columbus: *from his halfling vantage point, looks up at the human and ogre* Small, Medium and Large.

Babyface Killjoy, halfling mafioso: You want-a fight-a my guy, esé?
Columbus: His Mexican-Italian accent is the best.

Big Sam: I thought the potion was just an illusion?
GM: No, you get smaller, you just keep your muscles.
Columbus: So he's denser.
Fiera: Didn't think that was possible.

GM: What's the name of this alchemist?
Columbus: Fitzsimmons. One word.
Fiera: *eyes narrow* That sounds like a gnome name.

GM: He's gonna need some concrete assurance.
Big Sam: *gets bored, smashes halfling into pavement.*
Fiera: Does that count as concrete assurance?

GM: Okay, Columbus, you're standing next to two dead bodies in a smoking crater. The walls of the makeshift alley are coming down, the tents are on fire, and you hear the sound of shouting from the nearby marketplace.
Fiera: *gestures to Columbus* And he's the one of us that doesn't kill people for money.

Yukitsu

2015-08-09, 02:08 PM

Me: Oh Goddess Hel, I thank thee for taking the scrubs from the earth such that only the powerful may prosper in Valhalla.
Player 5: So I guess we shouldn't desecrate her shrine.
Player 1: No, that seems like a useful service. I don't want to end up anywhere the nutjob is going in the afterlife.

DM: I think you're probably lawful neutral, hedging a little closer to the evil side.
Me: So a proper classical hero then.
DM: Sadly, yes.

Player 1: So what, should we burn his body or something?
Me: Well, he's not a warrior and we're in a temple to Hel. We could just ask if she wants him.
DM: He's actually supposed to go to the fey realms when he dies.
Me: He'll be happier if we send him to Hel then.

Me: So normally I'd assume that it's some kind of horrific undead or flesh golem on the table and immediately try to kill it there but since you've labelled it with new guy's name, I'm gonna just metagame this whole situation.
DM: Oh, right.

DM: You also see a golden cage with a wolf in it.
Me: It's everything I ever wanted.
Player 6: My wolf. D:

Me(DM): You hear someone knocking on your hotel room door.
Player 1: Who is it?
Me: John, that bounty hunter? I think the guy I'm looking for is with you.
Player 1: Look, it's late, can you show up tomorrow morning?
Me: OK.

Me: OK, so do you mind if I just check your packs?
Player 1: How about we check them and show you what's in them.
Me: Yeah, that's fine. Just think about a bottle of wine and reach into the haversack.
Player 1: Huh! What were the odds! I honestly have no idea how that got there.
Me: I'd roll sense motive but I know you're telling the truth, he asks you to do it again.
---later---
Player 1: Honestly, I have no idea how I ended up with 80 bottles of stolen wine in my haversack, it's a complete mystery to me.

Millstone85

2015-08-09, 04:35 PM

"To attack the tentacled portal, I summon the tentacles of my patron. [...] I guess this is a Far Realm thumb war."

DigoDragon

2015-08-09, 05:37 PM

Bard: "So simple! Damn 5e, if you were my wife I'd make out with you."
Rogue: "This is 5e in a nutshell for me."

Rater202

2015-08-09, 05:45 PM

Bard: "So simple! Damn 5e, if you were my wife I'd make out with you."
Rogue: "This is 5e in a nutshell for me."

Bare minimum context: This game has nothing to do with D&D of any addition.

Erth16

2015-08-09, 06:30 PM

Zekamashi: Hey do you need help?
Cannibal Jack: YES!
Zekamashi: Not you, the mugger.
Mugger: No.
Zekamashi: Alright, this is a stick up, give me his wallet.

Zekamashi: I really hope this game doesn't just consist of us fighting 500 easy battles in this fight club then 1 hard battle at the end, before leaving to buy a video game.

Cannibal Jack: I found that kidnapped gnome the crying old man wants me to find! I need someone fast to help.
Zekamashi: The paladin went east, I have to wait here for the guards to cast zone of truth so I can tell them I killed this kidnapper, and that I didn't just decapitate an old man.

Sith_Happens

2015-08-09, 07:14 PM

Torcadall (OOC): "I too was born in the 90's."
Cecil (OOC): "We were all born in the 90's."
Ozpin (OOC): "In a cave. With a box of scraps!"
Torcadall (OOC): "NEEEEEEEEEERRRD."
Ozpin (OOC): "...You mean you weren't? Weird."

Logan (OOC): "Okay, I am now looking up drinking your own urine."
Torcadall (OOC): "That is second weirdest thing you've ever looked up during D&D."
DM: "What was the first weirdest?"
Torcadall (OOC): "Owl genitalia."
DM: "Oh yeah."

Ozpin: "I inspire courage with Ievan Polkka."

DM: "This is confusing, I regret sending you to Limbo."
Ozpin (OOC): "It ain't the Chaotic Neutral plane for nothing."

Cecil: "I figuratively grab his shoulder."

Cecil: "I am deliberately trying to make [Torcadall] rage."
Logan: "Oh right, because he's a barbarian who's never raged."

Tocadall: "I rage."
DM: "Please tell me you attack Cecil, intraparty conflict is hilarious."
Ozpin (OOC): "He's angry, not suicidally incompetent."

Logan: "Are these things immune to sonic?"
Ozpin: "Nope."
Logan: "Then we are going to sonic the **** out of them."
DM: "They will never want to **** again."
Ozpin: "Not when they're dead they won't."

Necroticplague

2015-08-09, 07:33 PM

Gene:We're Runners, not drug smugglers!
JOHNSON:60k up front, 40 after.
Gene:On the other hand, my mom always told me it was important to try new things.

ZeroGear

2015-08-09, 09:48 PM

It amuses me to no end that from all the references that I've seen in this thread, not one person has ever mentioned walking into the Blue Oysters Bar and been forced to dance with a biker gang.

Dasgovernator

2015-08-10, 01:19 AM

Erik: "Look at it this way, there's nowhere for us to go but up"
Marcel: "That's not true. We could always just make a lateral move to a situation equally terrible"
(Later)
Tycus: "Is descending into hell considered a 'Lateral move'?"

Temerarious: "Do the voices in my head get a perception check?"

Kendra: "What made you decide to steal from the poor farmer who attacked you with a pitchfork?"
Keazu: ". . . he was unconscious"

Temerarious: "I'm going to pickpocket more often if people just carry deeds to their houses around in their pockets"

Keazu: "How many wolf balls does it take to feed a Dire bat?"

DigoDragon

2015-08-10, 07:06 AM

DM: "I set everything up... and my DM Screen is upside down."

Mira: "It's like the MRE that gives you what you want."
Nagumo + Vincent: "MREs never give you what you want."
Mira: "Yeah, ain't it gold?"

DM: "Okay, so the hall is buried in snow."
Vincent: "Well that covers this area."
Misty: "Literally."

DM: "Here's where it starts sucking-"
Nagumo: *Enters the Room unaware of the conversation*

Nagumo: "I stuck my hand in there and something shook it!"
Tatum: "How'd it feel?"
Nagumo: "Like a used car salesman."

DM: "The traps don't look staired to you... *ahem* The stairs don't look trapped to you."

Mira: "We're outta the black stuff!"
Tatum: "Yeah!"
Nagumo: "But we're in the red now."

Vincent: "So everyone's Armor Class is caught up?"
DM: "Yeah, everyone has a 17, except for Misty and Olivia who are over-achievers."
Vincent: "Great, now maybe I can up my armor class."
Mira: "Well I upped mine, so up yours."

Tatum: "Lets go nuke that fool and be back by supper! Fireballs for everyone!!"
Mira: "What happened to that sweet little girl we once knew?"
Vincent + Nagumo: "She died."

JohnTheSavage

2015-08-10, 10:11 AM

Rater202

2015-08-10, 10:12 AM

That wasn't meant to be funny, Savage.

JohnTheSavage

2015-08-10, 10:18 AM

That wasn't meant to be funny, Savage.

"Meant" being the key word in that sentence.

cavalieredraghi

2015-08-10, 06:22 PM

"Meant" being the key word in that sentence.

He is right. :smallbiggrin:

Lord Raziere

2015-08-10, 09:02 PM

"Imagine you're a woman who just spent nine months nourishing a baby inside of her. Then, as soon as she gives birth, her infant grows into a full grown man and suddenly has the knowledge of someone else. Then a woman with a tail shows up and starts talking like she knows your baby, and then they start making out, and then fly away (literally) and you never see your baby again, and you have no idea what the hell is going on."

I could actually see this happening as a part of a myth.

also, a few things I felt were missed:
"Oy, that one girl...I think she is a goddess, Brok"
"Eh wha? Ya mean the blue one? Nah she too gooey to be a kai, Grok"
"No no, I mean the four-armed one, Grok, she is the goddess.....Kali y'know? Goddess o' destruction and whatnot."
"Naw ye idjit Brok, she is clearly Lakshmi, goddess of wealth and prosperity. No Goddess o' Destruction would be here."
"No, she has a third eye she is clearly Shiva. Brok"
"Uh, ye sure she ain't Saraswati, Grok?"
"No, she is more likely to be Manasa, Grok"
"But have you considered whether she is Tara or not, Brok?"
"No, I think she is Bagalamukhi, Brok."
"No, what if she is Kamalatmika? Gotta consider that, Grok!"
"Well maybe we should ask her, Grok"
"Yeah, Brok!"
"HEY! FOUR ARMED GIRL! ARE YEH MATANGI, GODDESS OF SPOKEN WORD AND SUPERNATURAL POWERS!?"

"...I must therefore conclude that this craft is in fact, a living being, an alien life form we know nothing of, and evolved alongside another life form symbiotically. The other life form used this life form as a shell, perhaps as a snail does with a spiral shell, and that this Shell and the alien communicated with rays, much like how different humans communicate with different languages! It is clearly injured after all, and perhaps was try to point to kind of spots that it would need healing in! Quick we need to establish some kind of communication!"

"Also apparently a message I carved to my girlfriend on a statue in the middle of nowhere is more important and has more effect on the timeline than the early discovery of interstellar space travel, what the hell Time Patrol?"

Waker

2015-08-11, 06:13 PM

Time for some no context quotes.

Tim: Are you sure that's necessary?
Mountainman: What? You never know when you'll need rope.
Tim: I meant the shotgun.

Val: Wait, so we're going through a portal to another dimension so we can kidnap a fairy princess...Are we the bad guys?

Nakari: Hey, is that Crasser down there? (points into a gladiator pit)
Dio: That can't be him. Why would he break in? We have invitations.

DigoDragon

2015-08-12, 06:35 AM

Nagumo: "The dude in the tower is more powerful then the dragon. If the dragon was more powerful, he'd be ruling."
Mira: "Uh, the dragon is female."
Nagumo: "He, she, It With Teeth. It's still a DRAGON!"
Tatum: "When did 'It With Teeth' become a pronoun?"

DM: "Make some search checks."
Misty: "I rolled a 9... 3... 5, and uh..."
Vincent: "Pie."
Misty: "Yeah, pie."
DM: "Okay, you find nothing, nothing, nothing, and Apple."
Misty: (Serious) "Dutch Apple?"

Nagumo: "I attack the troll behind the table."
DM: "Okay, but he gets a defense bonus for being behind the table-"
Nagumo: "I rolled a 26!"
DM: "Damn, not even 3 tables would save him."

Vincent: "Here, have a crossbow bolt made from a Cure Light Wounds wand. Imagine the irony."

Mira: "See Tatum, your family has become renown and possibly a target."
Tatum: "Yay, all two of us!"

Olivia: "Does your letter have a buck-tooth icon too?"
Tatum: "I think it's a tongue?"
Mira: "Could be."
Vincent: "The guy has tentacles for a mouth, how do we know what he thinks a tongue is?"

Lord Sl'Cisk: "You may have bested my tower guards, but I'll be sure my newest pet makes quick work of you so that I can return and feast on your brains! I now present to yo-"
Vincent: "While he's reciting the Gettysburg Address I charge him with my swords!"

DM: "The ice golem charges, destroying the lab's equipment as it races toward the party."
Misty: "Gee, I'm glad I took Tatum's advice and learned this fire spell, Scorching Ray."
Tatum: "Ha ha! See, there is nothing that can't be resolved with a sufficient application of fire!"

Fairy Dragon: "Ah, I see you all have returned! Did you bring me some shinies like you promised?"
Olivia: "Yes, here is 20 platinum pieces."
Fairy Dragon: "OH! Why thank you! I'll be sure to tell my brethren about the great deed of the mighty... er, what's your name again?"

GPuzzle

2015-08-12, 08:21 AM

Nikolas: "WHAT'S IN THE BOX?"
Duncan: *mimicking the Lonely Island song* "Take a look inside - it's my **** in the box."

Oberon Kenobi

2015-08-12, 10:24 AM

Lord Sl'Cisk: "You may have bested my tower guards, but I'll be sure my newest pet makes quick work of you so that I can return and feast on your brains! I now present to yo-"
Vincent: "While he's reciting the Gettysburg Address I charge him with my swords!"Yep, that's a PC alright. And a smart one, too. :smallcool:

(Your posts are full of win, by the way. And usually whinny.)

DigoDragon

2015-08-12, 10:53 AM

(Your posts are full of win, by the way. And usually whinny.)

Whinny? Well... okay yeah, we used to horse around a lot in our campaigns.

ZeroGear

2015-08-12, 11:14 AM

Whinny? Well... okay yeah, we used to horse around a lot in our campaigns.

Enough horsing around, back to the punny stuff!

cavalieredraghi

2015-08-12, 01:01 PM

Whinny? Well... okay yeah, we used to horse around a lot in our campaigns.

Bad pun is bad. :smalltongue:

Bard1cKnowledge

2015-08-12, 02:00 PM

Whinny? Well... okay yeah, we used to horse around a lot in our campaigns.

Let's put it to a vote, should Digo keep using bad puns, yay or neigh?

cavalieredraghi

2015-08-12, 02:01 PM

No you do not try and hold Digo back if you do the world will be sucked into a black hole.

Rater202

2015-08-12, 02:59 PM

Yes. Don't go messing with the natural order. You do that, and reality falls apart and the next thing we know we all wake up and we're the power puff girls.

Oberon Kenobi

2015-08-12, 06:38 PM

Yeah, I think anyone who was gonna vote to stop the puns should pony up an apology.

IZ42

2015-08-12, 07:14 PM

However important Digo's puns are to the functioning of the universe, I imagine they're a nightmare for logistics to handle. Digo must be their mane focus most of the day. Some of them must bridle with frustration at his antics. No regrets.

DigoDragon

2015-08-12, 08:17 PM

This thread has totally made my day. Love the puns. Love them.

IZ42

2015-08-12, 10:46 PM

This thread has totally made my day. Love the puns. Love them.

Hay now, these puns aren't anything special. If you pause and think for a moment, you can tack a pun just about anywhere. Though I do feel that we should rein in the puns a small bit.

Milodiah

2015-08-13, 02:33 AM

Navigator: "You know what, **** it, I'm gonna roll a Juggling check."

*crits*

GM: "You execute a masterful juggle, everyone stares in awe. You feel your nose redden, your hair flatten, your face whiten...your feet are swelling wildly...your pants are ballooning out..."

"God dammit."

"Yup, you've got clownitis alright."

slaydemons

2015-08-13, 11:09 PM

"I throw my knife at his good eye."
"Great now I am blind what do I even pay bodyguards for!"

"I have this line of slave girls... where should I put them?"

OctoberRaven

2015-08-14, 10:08 PM

DM: Roll performance, Vertman.
Vertman: *Rolls a nat-1*
DM: Vertman, you get really offputting looks from the women who walk by.
Matilda's player: On the plus side, you've invented dubstep.

Jay R

2015-08-15, 09:50 AM

[Slaadi attacking the tavern with abandon. Body parts of innocent people all over the place.]
Gustav: Marcus, next time you say you want the barmaid's hands all over you, could you phrase it a little differently?

DigoDragon

2015-08-15, 11:49 AM

Dice: "I'd buy you a drink, but they're all free so that's useless."

Nagumo: "You do remember that there's a 10% finders fee of all the treasure that goes to the rogues, right?"
Dice: "Okay..."
Tatum: "Wait, I don't remember that."
Nagumo: "Shhh!!"

Misty: "Okay, I got Fly, but no Haste."
Tatum: "No, you got Haste, but no Fly."
Nagumo: "So she moves really fast, then gets a case of the munchies?"
Tatum: "Haste, but no Fly... that's wrong."

Ninja Janitor: "Sweepa Sweepa Swifer!!"

Tatum: "So now what?"
Nagumo: "I sneak in, grab the book, sneak out, then you do the voodoo you do so well."
Tatum: "So, I fireball the building?"
Olivia: "The place is under renovation, they won't mind."

Dice: "Screw subtlety, it's getting interesting now!"

Nagumo: "An automatic bath that washes you without effort? Sorry, but that's 14 levels of ick."

Milodiah

2015-08-15, 12:39 PM

*Bangs on door*
"...hello?"
"I believe we solved your problem."
"What problem? Who the **** are you? What was all that gunfire about?"
"There were daemons. Now there aren't."
"I...WHAT?"
"You're welcome."
*walks off*

While it borders on context, no, this was not Dark Heresy or Only War. It was a World of Darkness game.

PoeticDwarf

2015-08-15, 02:22 PM

Necroticplague

2015-08-15, 02:32 PM

"I do have to say, FNAF doesn't translate very well into dnd. Even less so into Exalted."

Rater202

2015-08-15, 02:52 PM

"I do have to say, FNAF doesn't translate very well into dnd. Even less so into Exalted."

Surprisingly well into WoD, though."Oh god you're actually taking Equestria as a planet instead of just a generic pony race.

Are we seriously making this a crossover? Seriously?"

Reltzik

2015-08-15, 04:35 PM

"Thank you! Thank you for saving my negative-charisma-modifier hide!"

The_Tentacle

2015-08-15, 05:54 PM

DM: Sometimes he sees too much... sometimes he sees souls... more often he sees tacos.
P3: Sometimes I see souls as tacos.

P3: Eating souls is for Tuesday.
-beat-
P3 (whispering): Taco Tuesday...

P2: My snores are literally a bass subwoofer.

NPC: Who sent you down here?
P2: We were paid by... wait, were we paid?
P3: I sure hope so!

P1: The ghouls also confessed! ...Well they mostly went "RAWARAGGHAGH" but it sounded like a confession to me.

P2: Yeah, but none of them tried to surrender!
P1: Except the one that did, who then DIED when you BRICKED A HEAL CHECK!

P1: There was also that pile of corpses in-
P2: Shhhh! We'll bring that up later!

P2: She must be pretty high level, considering she's meant to be a challenge for us!
P1: Yeah, but not that high level, or she'd be in a better dungeon!
DM: I love the blatant-ness of your metagaming.

P3: Wait so we left them tied up in the first room?
P1: Yeah, it's been 8 hours or so, but we left them food and water so they'll be fine.
DM: How are they supposed to eat the food if they're tied up?
-beat-
P1: ...Well... they can kinda roll around and jam their face on top of it...

NPC: How do you know about that?
P1: Well we have this friend who's hidden most of the time, and he was listening in... but he was a rat at the time... and he hallucinates a lot... but not this time! You know, probably.

P1: They attacked us during the night!
NPC: How do you know they didn't just want to move through the room? After all, you attacked them on sight.
P1: Yeah, but they entered threateningly with weapons drawn while we were otherwise occupied and-
P2: Hold on you're digging us a hole! That's EXACTLY WHAT WE DID!

P1: You know, those people you sent to kill us? They may have come back covered in glitter screaming "I'M BLIND! I'M BLIND! I'M BLIND!"

NPC: Well, did they give a reason for attacking you?
P2: Yeah, after we finished beating the crap out of them. They said they had sacked and burned the church on orders of the Ghost Talon.
NPC: They said they were affiliated with the Ghost Talon?
P2 (aside to player who actually remembers stuff): Wait did they?
P1: No.
P2: Scratch that last bit.

DM: They were hunting the most dangerous game of all... FLAMING SQUIRRELS! Yeah, it turns out they don't really like it when you set squirrels on fire.
P2: Does anyone?
P1: I do!
DM: The squirrels don't.

Milodiah

2015-08-15, 06:44 PM

Who was the NPC and who the PC, or was it two (N)PCs?
Very funny story.

First person was me, second was an NPC.

Oberon Kenobi

2015-08-15, 08:02 PM

Sandy: Yeah, but you weren't there in the car when he went all tentacle on Amelia.

Sandy: Why exactly do you need to test my instruments? They're working fine.
Hunter: Yes, but you know how they work. If they can be worked by someone who doesn't know how they work, then they work.

Levi: The ship is bigger on the inside?
GM: You can cheat in dream engineering.
Sandy: It's not cheating, it's just non-euclidean.

Amelia: To use your powers, you simply have to realize that there is no wrench.
Levi: There are like a thousand wrenches!

Sandy: Thanks for coming to pick us up.
Hunter: Well, we were kind of dragged here by the cops.
Sandy: Wait... the dream actually came into the ship and pulled you out of it?
Levi: What an arresting development!

Amelia: This isn't all about my relationship with Kelly. Sometimes a Varanti prison cell is just a god-damn Varanti prison cell!

Sandy: Yelling means there's emotions.

Debatra

2015-08-15, 10:04 PM

"Why is there cheese in my whiskey?!?!"

DigoDragon

2015-08-16, 08:38 AM

Misty: "So what did I miss?"
DM: "The party is under attack by a forest and a garage sale."

Misty: "I tie the horses to the tree. 'Now stay'. As I leave, I stop, look at the tree. 'Stay'. Okay I go now."

Sl'Cisk: "Oh, and I saved 15% on my construction costs by switching to animated furniture form my workforce."

Mira: "Do we need to let the chairs out?"
Vincent: "Does the real world need free roaming furniture?"
Evil Animated Chair: *Emo*

Nagumo: "Tatum, In the mausoleum could you restrict your fireballs until absolutely necessary?"
Tatum: "Pfft, It's a mausoleum. Dead bodies are everywhere, who's gonna notice?"

Vincent: "Slap Acid Go Sleep NOW!"

Mira: "Ah, back home again."
Tatum: "Yay, Kitten Farms."
Mira: "Well it's probably changed since last time."
Tatum: "Yay, New York City."
Olivia: "New York City?!"
Vincent: "Get a rope."

Note on the 4th Map Piece: "I entrust my knowledge to the heroes of light and justice."
Vincent: "Well, that leaves us out. We're more like the pen light of goodness."

Olivia: "Okay, I mad dash to wake everyone up!"
DM: "Okay Vincent, you're thrown out of bed. Misty is yanked off the ceiling. Mira, you're catapulted off the couch. Tatum is pulled out of the muffin. Nagumo gets kicked out of the tub. Oh and here's a towel."
Olivia: "Guys, I have an answer!"
Tatum: "It's like... 4 in the morning. Is evil even up this early?"
Olivia: "Actually it's 3:10 am."

Vknight

2015-08-16, 08:39 AM

Here are a few.

Great : I'll just out drive the cop instead of paying the fine

Lily : You were on the news, heck even Fox news reported on your actions and we weren't mentioned at all! We bombed a public building!

Maggie : If you get a penile implant I'm not going to share a room with you anymore

Red Spider : So I killed my high-school sweet heart well possessed by a greater demon and was gifted with ninja powers
Jim : Is this a normal occurrence for you?
Red Spider : Like in my life or in a multi-verse theory way of thinking?

Argus : I just wanted to have a brutal and epic sword duel with you but nooo you had to have your friends come and save the day

Argus : You kill 1 priest and suddenly the Catholic church wants to burn you alive
Korgnir : He wasn't a priest
Argus : See then why are they so angry! The guy was wearing a silly hat!
*Party facepalms*

Forest Strider : So I run past all the 12 guards
Gm : You make it to the corner running into the 12 other guards taking up the rear
Forest Strider : I don't think I can handle a 24 man meat sandwich

Sagacious : Why would I summon a panoply of demons?
Gm : The eunuch demon gorilla guards can teach a martial art that removes all weapons and armour

Riven : I toss the baby out the window
Gm : It sails and lands in front of its parents.

Kara : You threw a baby out a window
Riven : We were hired to kill it when did we not seem morally grey!

Black Knight : I'm deaf without the helmet and was working on my computer how do you think you could fail at sneaking up on me?

Black Knight : There are 6 of them, so yeah no thanks I'm out
Damascus : You've never handled 6 men?

Ghost : Where did you buy this *holds up a shirt*
Black Knight : Can I have my helmet I still can't hear what any of you are saying
Ghost : *Louder Now* WHERE DID YOU BUY THIS!

Black Knight : Yeah yeah I'm willing to come with you.
Grim : I help her to her feet.
Gm : The moment you stop supporting her she falls as though she can't use her legs
Detective *Can't remember characters name* : So the wheel chair is hers

Tiffany : So we fly off on our horrid demonic horse-like creature.
James : Covered in cats that are muttering things
Megan : With a pimp skeleton
Ryan : And a bunyip
Gm : People wonder why I love monsters & other childish things

Spam-bot : I spam the corporation email accounts

Security Guard : Hey you! Your Mesh ID is the same as the spammers get back here!

Lifter : How did I get hacked?
Gm : You didn't

Lifter : How did I get hacked?
Gm : You still are not hacked and can do what you want

Lifter : So can I leave the room?
Gm : Yes you weren't hacked

Lifter : Did I get hacked again?
Gm : *bangs head on table*

Dragon : I'm a futa again!

Dragon : So I got injected with liquid thermite, and technically survived
Gm : Millions of people technically survived The Fall

Alchemist : So the dragons brutally killing and attacking people we are supposed to sympathize with. The horrid sorcerers whose only motivation was to make Tiamat we are supposed to sympathize with... So can I take a vote of no confidence and find someone who can cast Apocalypse From the Sky to destroy this section of the map?

Inevitability

2015-08-16, 10:12 AM

Paladin: I am sad to hear Inton is dead. He was a good man.
Wizard: Yes, yes, very tragic. Now let's divide the money I looted off the still-warm pile of ashes that once was him.
Rogue: Did someone say 'money'?

Me: Far below you at least fifteen skeletal giants are slowly advancing towards the cave. In their midst is a colossal throne from bones, upon which a humanoid figure armored all in black sits. A staff is in his one hand, an axe in the other. The figure turns towards you, showing you two bright red eyes from within his helmet. You are clearly outnumbered and outgunned.
Lizardfolk NPC: So... now we retreat?
Wizard: Nope. ATTACK! *Casts fireball*
Rogue: FOR LOOT! *Sends his giant eagle towards the giants*
Ranger: FOR BEER! *Follows the rogue and starts peppering giants with bolts*
Paladin: FOR JUSTICE! *Bursts from the foilage atop a charging warhorse*
Lizardfolk NPC: *Screams uncontrollably*
Me: This campaign just reached maximum awesome. *Starts playing Collective Consciousness*

Ranger: NUCLEAR SNAPJAW!!!

Rogue: Don't we have someone we can throw at the ground?
Me: That's a three hundred feet drop.
Rogue: I know.

Paladin: I really miss the monk and his convenient tendency to get attacked by all monsters at once now.

Rogue: I steal the carrot. C'mon, let me. I rolled a 30!

Paladin: I am not sure if I can accept this. You have done a lot of things I don't like.
Death Knight: So have you.
Paladin: You killed my friends.
Death Knight: Again, so have you.
Rogue: Oooooo, burned.

Rogue: I walk the path of loot.

PoeticDwarf

2015-08-16, 11:17 AM

Bard1cKnowledge

2015-08-16, 02:24 PM

From my new Dwarf character I made which I will post his name in these. Hus name is Thorin

Thorin:*hushed* Nobody. Make. A sound.
Bok: But you just spoke.
Thorin: I though I told ye te' shut it.

Thorin: *starts cursing in Giant and Undercommon*
Bok: I understood that.

Thorin: I shall name it Axecalibur.

Bard: Can you take this orb? Its making our Dwarf weird and unpleasant.
Thorin: I'm a dwarf! I'm always weird and unpleasant!

Inevitability

2015-08-16, 02:48 PM

Wizard: I'm LE! That's Lawful Equitable!

ZeroGear

2015-08-16, 04:41 PM

Fawks: This is not my dungeon! I’m not sure if it’s still functional.
JackRabbit: Did you blow it up?
Fawks: Maybe?

Fawks: I don’t like graves, just robbing them!
JackRabbit: Isn’t that still illegal?
Fawks: I live in a bunker filled with C4 chairs.
JackRabbit: Touché

Mellor: I see NOHING!
DM: You are bussy extolling the virtues of persian rugs to notice anything.

Fawks: Guys, I have a problem. There is someone army console on on my chair. I would love to blow up either the console or the chair, but I promised not to kill people. Can you guys get him off the chair and onto the rug where he’s supposed tone?

Natasha: Did you teach Natasha about gun safety and trigger discipline?
Mellor: No.
JackRabbit: YES!

JackRabbit: Fawks! Shag ’im!

Mellor: The chances that there is a mage or someone with astral sight among the group is quite high. Which is bad for us.
JackRabbit: Yes, mister glow-stick, IT IS!

Mellor: Can we trust ourselves to be separated?
DM: Might I remind you that the last time that happened, [JackRabbit] ended up trapped under a desk.
JackRabbit: And witnessed coffee-related death!

Sith_Happens

2015-08-16, 06:30 PM

August (OOC): "So should we just start now?"
DM: "I'm thinking so."
Fenir (OOC): "But I'm trying to make a baby!"
DM: "You can make a baby in the campaign."
Shonen (OOC): "NO, DON'T ENCOURAGE HER. AGAIN."

Logan: "So you're not a bad buy?"
Atticus: "No."
Logan: "The why are you sitting in front of a dark swirling portal that makes you look evil?"

NPC: "Giles is quite scared of you by the way."
Logan: "Yeah, didn't we kick his ass?"
Shonen: "By accident, before finding out he was a mole?"

DM: "Yes I made a Harry Potter reference because I damn well felt like it!"

Atticus: "So are you sold or not?"
Shonen: "Sold? I'd be selling if you weren't already."

Atticus: "I did have the chance once to kill [Argyle], but it would have killed me too and I'm rather afraid of dying."
Logan: "What, you don't want to sacrifice yourself for the sake of the world?"
Draenus: "I for one wouldn't mind sacrificing one of us."
[*beat*]
Shonen (OOC): "I assume we're all unified in staring accusingly at Draenus?"
Everyone Else (OOC): "Yep."

Atticus: "I pick up one of the lollipops and pocket it."
Manager: "'You're going to have to pay for that.'"
Atticus: "'Fine.' I hand him a silver piece."
Logan: "I take out the [scalped] tattoo and flash it like a badge. 'No we don't.'"
Manager: "'Oh, you're the ones who have been bringing the boxes.'"
Atticus: "'No we aren't.'"
Logan: "'Yes we are.'"
Atticus: "'No, we aren't.'"
Manager: "'Are you or aren't you? Make up your damn minds!'"
Logan: "I uppercut him."

Atticus: "Greetings your guard-captain's-manship."
NPC: "What did you just call me?"
Atticus: "Sorry, it's a habit of mine."

cavalieredraghi

2015-08-16, 10:20 PM

Psycho: "Listen to the man or i have fun with your corpse."

Necroticplague

2015-08-17, 04:46 AM

Gene:Yes, I am an anathema. Now, you can either do something about my presence, knowing my title back home is 'Soaker of the Thousand Bloodstained Roads.' Or, alternatively, we can ignore the minor factors of what I am, and focus on 1: I haven't breaken any laws yet and 2: I have a lot of jade I intend on spending.

DigoDragon

2015-08-17, 06:53 AM

Shonen (OOC): "NO, DON'T ENCOURAGE HER. AGAIN."

Again huh? :3
Sounds like a story.

Misty: "The door is unlocked, but I hear a heartbeat on the other side."
Nagumo: "That can't be good."
Vincent: "Eww."
Mira: "Maybe it's a giant heart?"
Tatum: "Or an orc with a drum set?"

DM: "And in the dragon's horde you find 106,506 copper pieces."
Entire Party: "Whoa!"
Vincent: "That's about a ton and a half of coins. It's not fitting into our bags of holding."
Tatum: "We're in a flying castle... hey, we could dump it on a town we don't like!"
Mira: "How about on the king of Inverness? 'Here's your f***ing taxes Ralf!'"

Olivia: "Okay, everyone line up according to damage taken for healing."
Mira: "28."
Dice: "29."
Tatum: "Ha, 30! ...er, this isn't a contest I wanted to win."

Nagumo: "I take a wiff. How fine is this dwarven scotch?"
DM: "Very fine."
Dice: "Fine like an R&B song on fine girl of... um... I mean.. wait..."

DM: "The painting is 12 feet by 28 feet."
Mira: "We should take that."
DM: "How!? I'd like to see you haul it."
Nagumo: "We can tie Misty to it and she can hang glide it home."

DM: "They're eating what looks like grits... except it's blue."
Tatum: "Vincent, you normally eat anything, right?"

DM: "Under the glass case is a map to the supposed lost book you're seeking."
Nagumo: "I take the map and leave an I.O.U. for lord Sl'Cisk saying 'thanks, owe you one map to seriously evil artifact'."

Sallera

2015-08-17, 08:15 AM

DM: "And in the dragon's horde you find 106,506 copper pieces."
Entire Party: "Whoa!"
Vincent: "That's about a ton and a half of coins. It's not fitting into our bags of holding."
Tatum: "We're in a flying castle... hey, we could dump it on a town we don't like!"
Mira: "How about on the king of Inverness? 'Here's your f***ing taxes Ralf!'"

Oh, please tell me they followed through on that. :3

DigoDragon

2015-08-17, 08:46 AM

Oh, please tell me they followed through on that. :3

If I'm remembering correctly (It's been years), they destroyed the flying castle in a fight with the BBEG before they made it to Inverness.

However, they did shower several poor villages with copper rain... and probably injured some livestock in the process.

Inevitability

2015-08-18, 04:00 AM

If I'm remembering correctly (It's been years), they destroyed the flying castle in a fight with the BBEG before they made it to Inverness.

However, they did shower several poor villages with copper rain... and probably injured some livestock in the process.

When I read this, I actually thought it was HotDQ. In the final parts of the first book, you defeat a dragon inside a flying castle and gain a similarily large hoard.

Oberon Kenobi

2015-08-19, 03:40 AM

PC 1: How tall are you, private?
PC 2: Err... five feet, nin--
PC 1: I didn't know they stacked bantha poodoo that high!

DigoDragon

2015-08-19, 07:09 AM

When I read this, I actually thought it was HotDQ. In the final parts of the first book, you defeat a dragon inside a flying castle and gain a similarily large hoard.

Huh, never read HotDQ. Though the concept of flying castles with dragons inside I guess isn't a new one... ^^;

DM: "As Lord Sl'Cisk is about to impact the Earth after falling 3 miles at terminal velocity WITH his own flying castle up his butt thanks to you guys... geez, I think we redefined the term Maximum Suckage here."
Mira: "How much damage is that going to do?"
DM: "... There's not enough dice in America for this roll."

DM: "Ruler Envy..."
Tatum: "Its not the size that matters."
Vincent: "Not the size? 18 inches baby!"
Olivia: "I got a YARD."

King Devalor: "Honey, tell the lieutenants to start a perimeter watch around the north end of camp. Look for anything big, white, and scary."
Nagumo: "Rush Limbaugh?"

Dice: "Okay, first I'll drop my trousers at the guard and you guys sneak in past the hole."
Nagumo: "The problem is he may do the same to you."

Dice: "It was... ghostly... cold... touched..."
Vincent: "What did it do?"
Tatum: "Hmm, he has negative levels. I think a specter fondled his life force."

Meirrwyn: "Avast you scoundrel Chuck! Prepare to get yourself keel-hauled! Arr!"
Chuck: "Ugh... Meirrwyn, we've been at this over 3 weeks now. The pirate bit is getting old. How about we settle this war over some dinner?"
Meirrwyn: "Sorry Chuck, I'm washing my hair tonight. I guess the only time you wash your hair is if you take off your shirt."

Ordinary Wolf: "I'm so bored. I lost my shirt at poker."
Dice: "You don't have a shirt."
Ordinary Wolf: "I know, it sucks."
Dice: "Wait, why are you even talking to me, you're a wolf!"
Ordinary Wolf: "You're drunk, remember?"
Dice: "Oh yeah... good call."

Nagumo: "As a joke you could put an Exploding Glyph on a scroll of Healing so when they read it, it heals 8 points then blows up for 80."
Vincent: "You should be illegal!!"

Secret NPC Contact: "So, why are you looking for the Library of the Ancients?"
Nagumo: "We think the artifact we're looking for was left there."
Secret NPC Contact: "From what I know, the Library of the Ancients is only found by sheer dumb luck. Which means you and your friends will have no trouble with it."

Mira: "Well, these puppet look alikes didn't last long."
Dice: (licks the puppet's blood) "Wait... this isn't blood, this is strawberry jam!"
Nagumo: "Eh? These puppets have fruit filling?"
Niomi: "Hey, Puppet Vincent tastes like grape!"

goto124

2015-08-19, 09:12 AM

Context for the talking 'Ordinary Wolf' please?

DigoDragon

2015-08-19, 09:24 AM

Context for the talking 'Ordinary Wolf' please?

Dice got himself stupidly drunk and started talking to a wolf that was rummaging outside the town. For silliness I had the wolf talked back and he had a conversation with it, realizing he was so drunk. Only happened that one time though, but was a pretty funny scene to us.

Inevitability

2015-08-19, 09:52 AM

Wizard: Now that we're in a large town, I try to find an orphanage.
Me: Why do I feel that in ten minutes or so I will find myself desperately searching for an alignment that displays an even worse level of vileness than simple Evil?

Wizard: No, no, no! We're not going to have a bunch of orphans tagging along!
Me: Said by the person who just adopted three.

Necroticplague

2015-08-19, 12:35 PM

ST:You're a heartless monster.
Gene: Actually, I have three. And they're all 4 dot artifacts.Compassion 0 conviction 10 means never having to wonder whether your ends justify your means. Stregnth 20 and Brutal Attack means never having to justify it to other people, either.

ZeroGear

2015-08-19, 03:32 PM

Necroticplague

2015-08-19, 03:59 PM

Are you playing Genius The Transgression?

Nope, that still Exalted.

Corey

2015-08-20, 02:21 AM

Long ago, in the days of AD&D, when actively trying to disbelieve illusions was a thing, and my party had recently relaxed with a town of gnome illusionists:

DM: A wyvern attacks your group.
Bard: I try to disbelieve it.
DM: The wyvern snatches Brigid and starts flying away. She believes! She believes!

Corey

2015-08-20, 02:27 AM

I asked, "Well, given that we know troll sporting equipment here consists of other trolls, can we double-check the exact meaning of the phrase 'human provisions' in this context?"

To Serve Man is a cookbook.

Corey

2015-08-20, 02:38 AM

Context: An MMO. My wife is actually more of an MMOer than I am, but this night I was playing and she wasn't. She came to interrupt me with a question.

Me to the group: Excuse me for a moment. I have domestic aggro.

Corey

2015-08-20, 04:54 AM

Some of this reminds me of my character who had a pet thesaurus (in imitation the Great Corduroy Creature in Bored of the Rings, of course). Whatever I said, he'd chime in with synonyms of one of the words.

Corey

2015-08-20, 05:00 AM

I've never played Skyrim, but the Khajiiti in Elder Scrolls Online sound a lot like Brazilians I know.

Or Serbs who are trying to get in your bed. If I recall correctly, that is. My bed has been Serbian-free for over 20 years.

Wait... But... That doesn't... What the... :smalleek:

New campaign, new quotes.
Also, for extra fun, the catfolk has a strong khajit accent (from Skyrim; really hard to fake in portuguese, if anyone want to know), and the crusader speaks like Johnson from Halo.

Crusader: So, what is your name?
Catfolk: Terhirr.
Crusader: And what does it mean?
Catfolk: … Terhirr.
Crusader: But don't you people have names with special meanings?
Catfolk: Your kin do not? Terhirr thinks that this is sad.

DM: Are you looting everything?
Crusader: Pretty much.
Rogue: Including the crops.
Barbarian: And the foundations of the house, if possible.
DM: Okay, are you leaving anything at all?
Catfolk: Sure, Terhirr will leave their skin intact.

DM: There are some fights and bets going on in the tavern.
Barbarian: Fight club!
DM: No, it is not...
Barbarian: FIGHT CLUB!

*party trying to hide, Crusader fails miserably*
Guards: What was that? I think it came from there!
Catfolk: Look, do not take this personal. Terhirr likes you a lot. *pushes Crusader against guards*
Crusader: … How ya doing?

Catfolk: Others claim to be as good as Terhirr, but they cannot be as charming as he. Thus, Terhirr always comes out on top.
*scores trip natural 20*
Catfolk: Also, Terhirr is VERY good!

Crusader: Looks like we have some dragons to hunt.
Catfolk: Terhirr has seen dragons. Perhaps you will see a dragon. Terhirr won't say where he saw one. Perhaps he did not.
DM: Please, stop quoting M'aiq the Liar.

Hawkstar

2015-08-20, 09:26 AM

Semiferal Cat-thing Paladin: "I hear humans mate for pleasure. Perhaps I could try to persuade her?"

Unscrewed

2015-08-20, 11:30 AM

From my D&D Group.

Fighter: Wait, why do you have manacles?
Cleric:...Since we were trying to capture this guy?

Fighter: Don't touch the Tomb.
Barbarian: But the gems...

Fighter: Guys, this is a literal deal with the devil. Let's not do this!

Bone Devil: So this is our agreement. You pass on what you learn to us. In return, we will be able to pass you information, set up an meeting with the Red Wizards, and you gain the favor of one of the Lords of the Nine.
Druid: Can we have this is writing?
Bone Devil: *Leans forward eagerly*. Are you saying you want to make a contract?

Cleric: *to the devil* I just can't stand it when people make stupid or crazy decisions against their own best interest. You know how it is, right?
Bone Devil: Personally, I find those people to be our *best* customers.

Copper Dragon: *Hocks up plate armor.*
Cleric: So that's how dragons carry their hoards.
Copper Dragon: Well, how else would we do it?

Copper Dragon: *Shapeshifts to human*
Everyone: *Falls to the ground*
Copper Dragon: Oh, I'm sorry! I thought you had already gotten off! You're quite light.
Fighter: I'll take that as a compliment.

Cleric: *Casts Augury* If I cast Find the Path, will it help us find the tower.
GM: Neither weal nor woe.
Cleric: If we go north, will it help us?
GM: Neither Weal nor woe.
Cleric: If I smash myself in the face, will it help me?
GM: Niether Weal nor Woe.
Cleric: *To rest of party* My divination is blocked.

Cleric: We've done the Elven King a great favor, and also we haven't personally pissed him off, so I'm cautiously optimistic about this.

Defecting Cultist: You can't go against the Blue Dragon Cult! They're too strong.
Cleric: *Points to the blue dragonscale armor he's wearing* Do you think I *bought* this?
Defecting Cultist: *unimpressed* What did you do, slaughter a few wyrmlings?
Cleric: Are you kidding, the Dragon was the size of my house! Granted, my family was never very rich, so a small house, but still!

From my old Genius: the Transgression Group.

Umulat: Unlike his fellows, Docktor Umlaut is more concerned with developing the Ubermensch than exterminating international jewery.

Milodiah

2015-08-20, 11:43 AM

"Did we just kill a god with landmines?"

Corey

2015-08-20, 06:09 PM

Corey

2015-08-20, 06:12 PM

Ranger I'm tired of being used as a Macy's Parade blimp.

Solamnicknight

2015-08-20, 06:18 PM

From the Dragonmech campaign I'm currently a playing in. Gnomish rogue/mech jockey. "I use alchemy to make toilet goo!"

Corey

2015-08-20, 10:14 PM

At the start of the second campaign in an Amber game:

GM: You regain consciousness and notice a terrible smell. You are lying on a brown mound. Around you in every direction is more dung. In the distance in all directions are guards, evidently alert.

Me: I try X.

GM: That doesn't work by the rules.

Me: How about Y?

GM: That doesn't work either.

Me: OK, then I reread Jack of Shadows.

GM: Oh, ****.

Me: Precisely.

(Jack of Shadows is one of the lesser-known works by Amber series author Roger Zelazny. It may also be the source for the gem option in the spell Imprisonment. The scene was obviously based on the book.)

PoeticDwarf

2015-08-21, 01:07 AM

DM: So the arphon you just adopted from the evil wizard can't talk
Me: I try winter wolf
DM: He is scared
Me: I try again

DigoDragon

2015-08-21, 06:29 AM

DM: "On the Chess board, you all see yourselves as pawns. The opposing side is Edward Degauss."
Nagumo: "Which side is Miluda on?"
Dice: "Miluda? Crazy gal is probably the checker piece."

Door: "Do not open until Doomsday."
Dice: "That's what all the ladies say about my pants."

DM: "It's a journal written by a wood sprite. You find out that Sprites lead boring lives."
Dice: "You know: Day 3, Got naked, pranced around the forest."
Niomi: "Day 4, found out I'm naked."
Vincent: "Day 5, pranced around the forest some more."

Nagumo: "The glass statue... it was trying to tell me something. Either a warning or advice."
Niomi: "No food or drink beyond this point?"

DM: "In the cold room you see a blue sphere with a speck of twittering light inside."
Dice: "I touch the point of light!"
DM: "You are overcome with a feeling of warmth, tranquility, peace, and (as hard as it is for you to be this) innocence."
Nagumo: "The last ray of hope is in the fridge?"

Nagumo: "What are you doing Dice? You have 1 hit point left and you're trying to hit on Hell? It'll kick you in the crotch!"
DM: "Wa ha ha, roll a death save."
Dice: "... I rolled a 1."

Nagumo: "Hellina. We'll name her Hell Hellina."
Mira: "That could confuse us with Elena?"
Dice: "How about Heather?"
DM: "You have the living embodiment of Hell and you want to name it Heather?"
Niomi: "How about Kay?"
DM: "..." *Headdesk*

DM: "Lets see, for every item you stole from the library, you take 1d6 of acid damage. So counting the chess set, books, and the cloak you take... 31 dice of acid damage."
Dice: "Ow... I'm dead."
DM: "But Dice does this awesome impression of the Wicked Witch of the West."

DM: "You see thick crowds of folks outside the mansion. Seems like the whole town is here."
Mira: "I try to make my way to the front of the crowd."
DM: "Make a swim check."
Mira: "okay... wait, you serious?"
DM: "Yes."
Nagumo: "Don't drown!"

Misty: "And we're walking around with the embodiment of Hell because?"
DM: "Because killing her would release the powers of the 9 Hells onto the Earth."
Dice: "Plus a bonus 10th Hell only found on the collector's DVD!"
Misty: "So I assume she has to be distroyed in the proper place?"
Dice: "Yeah, Mt. Doom in the volcano of lava with a halfling. Which would be you."
Misty: "... um, no."

Niomi: "Okay, mental note: do not feed the evil embodiment of Hell any beer."

Misty: "Hellina is rather... oblivious to the fact we have to kill her, isn't she?"
Nagumo: "I have an idea. She likes shineys so we'll wave this big diamond in front of her and when she reaches for it I'll toss it into the volcano and she'll jump in after it."
Dice: "Okay, that borders on inhumane... though a bit hilarious."

Inevitability

2015-08-21, 06:32 AM

DM: So the arphon you just adopted from the evil wizard can't talk
Me: I try winter wolf
DM: He is scared
Me: I try again

What's an arphon? Do you mean Archon?

GrayGriffin

2015-08-21, 01:29 PM

What's an arphon? Do you mean Archon?

"Orphan" makes more sense with the context.

Oberon Kenobi

2015-08-21, 03:01 PM

Silriss: How do humans make out without face-tentacles?
Levi: I'm too drunk to articulate it and still not drunk enough to answer.

Levi: Hyperspace is an Old Spice commercial?

Hunter: How are the readings?
Amelia: This flipping lever indicates space.

Hunter: It's fine, we have a backup coffin.

Silriss: Hopefully we won't completely erase your brain.
Sandy: O... kay?
Levi: But if we do, it'll be good practice.

AdmiralCheez

2015-08-22, 11:06 AM

DM: The alarms are blaring around near where the tents are.
Luca: I guess you could say the alarms are... intense?
DM: You lose a hero point.

Captain Night: I'm happy that it takes five elite troops to impede me for a single round.

Montgomery: I'm going to attempt to jury-rig interdimensional physics.
Everyone: ...............................................
DM: .... 'kay.

Montgomery: No, it's perfectly in character for an insane inventor to forget he could just use a will save to escape, and instead builds a device that could potentially annihilate the entire universe. I don't see a problem with this.

Jay R

2015-08-22, 11:10 AM

Player 1: I rolled an 8. Is that high enough?
DM: No.
Me: Try turning it on its side.

goto124

2015-08-22, 11:18 AM

Jay R, what sort of dice die was that? Would turning it on its side result in a higher or lower number?

Strigon

2015-08-22, 11:26 AM

Jay R, what sort of dice die was that? Would turning it on its side result in a higher or lower number?

Look at an eight.
Turn it sideways.

goto124

2015-08-22, 11:37 AM

Sorry for being stupid... 00 ?

EDIT: Oh, it's ∞, the symbol for infinity. Thanks for clarifying what the 'it' in 'try turning it on its side' meant.

Jay R

2015-08-22, 02:56 PM

Just so everybody can be absolutely clear:

8 turned on its side = ∞.

Vknight

2015-08-22, 07:10 PM

Argus : Rock a bye baby on a treetop.
Krognir : Really creepy nursery rhymes?
Argus : It is 5am, I'm tired, one 10 different super drugs, and been drinking
Krognir : Just get to the point so my team can stop you once we trace this phone call
Argus : I don't criticize you for your failings! *hangs up*
Rest of Party : We didn't trace the call.
Krognir : *Calls the number back* Listen I'm sorry
Argus : *soft sobbing*, you mean it?

Mercenary Boss : Ok you need to kill this lords baby?
PC : Can't we kidnap it?
PC #2 : Yeah because the only child of a well known and loved lord won't be found or through coincidence be adopted back into the family.

Pixie : Someone stole my payment
Mage : I am confused why did you need that many... toys?
Pixie : Listen some of us have personal lives, with friends
Mage : Obviously not you

Frost : Freeze!
Crook : that was a terrible pun and you should feel bad

Angel(Angel themed superhero) : I'm an angel
Demon : ...No your not
Angel : Yes I am
Demon : Yes you are
Angel : Finally you see my point!
Demon : Yes you want to be an angel. If you just sign here everything will be taken care of
Angel : Um on the dotted line?
Demon : No the dotted line will need to be signed in blood
Angel : Oh alright then

Forrestfire

2015-08-22, 09:30 PM

NPC: "If you're creating an intelligent war-machine to use as an excuse to enter a contest, I do not believe you can consider yourself a responsible parent."

Corey

2015-08-22, 10:17 PM

Some people just can't seem to get beyond Thunderdome.

That would be about half the people who enter it.

PoeticDwarf

2015-08-23, 01:35 AM

What's an arphon? Do you mean Archon?

I swapped a and o, I meaned orphan.

DigoDragon

2015-08-23, 08:32 AM

At some point soon there will be Fallout quotes again... until that day...

DM: "You see some sort of trap door under the statue. Looks old, but pretty sturdy."
Vincent: "I don't believe you. Nagumo, check it for traps."
DM: "Why, just cause it's called a TRAP door?"
Nagumo: "Checking!!"

Nagumo: "I found the crypt. Problem is it's empty."
Mira: "Don't worry, they're around."
Nagumo: "Yeah, not like they walked out of their tombs on their own."
Olivia: "Uhh... well..."
Dice: "I'm hiding behind the cleric."

Vincent: "Oh I see! Its like a PacMan maze. We kill them, and their eyeballs go into that box to recloth themselves and come back at us!"
Nagumo: "No more booze for you."

Vincent: "I thought they used this in restrooms at Inverness Castle?"
Lyle: "Uh no. That'll suck down the royalty into the drainage."
Vincent: "I thought latrines were supposed to get rid of the crap?"

Mira: "Is there any point standing out here in the snow?"
DM: "If you're wanting to freeze to death then yes. Otherwise, no."

DM: "How many items do you need to identify?"
Vincent: "Uno, dos, thres... ... four-o, five-o, six-o..."
Nagumo: "The romance languages just lost their romance."

DM: "Welcome to Babba Yagga's Mobile Home of Horrors!"
Nagumo: "Yeah, but her house kicks out the previous occupants and sits down where they were."
Lyle: "Wouldn't she be bothered by details like that?"
Nagumo: "Babba Yagga delights in details like that!"

Archmage: "I just heard some odd news. Something about a black dragon running Lydia city."
Mira: "Not undead is it?"
Archmage: "With the city's luck, probably."
Mira: "Oh no..."
Nagumo: "So you say a black undead dragon with no soul is ruling a city of sin and gambling? So what's changed?"

Vincent: "We've fought ghosts, zombies, liches, man-eating beds..."
Lyle: "Hell Cats, Erineyes, gelatinous cubes..."
Mira: "A guy with squid for lips, some of us died and come back..."
Olivia: "Blown up two castles, no wait, three..."
Nagumo: "Got drunk off our gourd at least twice..."
Queen: "Ah, you are all excellent for the task I'd like to charge you with. That is if you don't mind changing dipers."
Vincent: "...wait, what kind of job is this?"

goto124

2015-08-23, 08:57 AM

At some point soon there will be Fallout quotes again... until that day...
Go Doc Digo go! :smallbiggrin:

By the way, do you follow a turn order? How does F:E initiative work?

Queen: "Ah, you are all excellent for the task I'd like to charge you with. That is if you don't mind changing dipers."
Vincent: "...wait, what kind of job is this?"

I have a PC who's like that.

Completely unrelated:

DM: (snip) while our heroes play tonsil hockey.

DigoDragon

2015-08-23, 10:28 AM

By the way, do you follow a turn order? How does F:E initiative work?[/size]

Normally the initiative is 1d10+Agility.

However the GM plays loosely with turn order to facilitate PbP. Basically everyone rolls whenever in a set round and he just applies the results in order. Usually.

DM: (snip) while our heroes play tonsil hockey.

See, my character wants to get into sports, but there aren't any NPCs who want to try a little physical exercise. :smallbiggrin:

goto124

2015-08-23, 10:41 AM

See, my character wants to get into sports, but there aren't any NPCs who want to try a little physical exercise. :smallbiggrin:

Unless you meant a different character... (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?407052-Fallout-Equestria-Donuts-And-Darkness/page26&p=19317096#post19317096) It only took a quick forum search!

one last thing to remember me by..." Doc gave Mirror a short series of butterfly-style kisses on her neck, leading up to her lips where he delivered one last passionate kiss to last her.

DigoDragon

2015-08-23, 11:14 AM

Unless you meant a different character... (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?407052-Fallout-Equestria-Donuts-And-Darkness/page26&p=19317096#post19317096)

Err... I meant in general. :smallbiggrin: :smallredface:

>.>

<.<

GPuzzle

2015-08-23, 12:35 PM

Kenny: "Defuse the bong, quickly!"

Vknight

2015-08-23, 11:52 PM

Gm : No we can't do a session
Player #1 : Jeez whose the new guy
Player #2 : It's the Gm
Player #1 : Did he swallow a porcupine covered in hot sauce?

Gm : I'm feeling better
Player #1 : You sound like a lawnmower with boxing gloves attached to the blade punched you in the throat

Player #3 : So when will the game begin?
Player #2 : We won't Gm's half-dead
Player #1 : We'd play with the other half but it's going Frankenstein with the first half

Player #1 : So Gm can I have a plasma rifle
Gm : I'm sick not delirious

Inevitability

2015-08-24, 03:36 AM

Arcanaloth: Listen now, elf. The day you slew me and reduced by physical form to that of the humblest of fiends, you also slew almost my entire psyche. Of course, not all. Larvae tend to remember one or two things from their previous lives, and it happens that you betraying me was the most traumatic event I had recently experienced. Ergo, while stuck in that pathetically weak body, I was also forced to relieve you killing me over and over and over again.
Wizard: Cool.
Arcanaloth: A lesser person than I am would perhaps become mentally unstable, or make it their sole life goal to make your life a living hell. Fortunately for you, I am not such a person.
Wizard: So?
Arcanaloth: So I'm going to make you feel the pain I felt, the pain of betrayal, over and over and over. Starting now. Also, my shopping list includes a certain item you possess.
Wizard: What do you mean by tha...
Rogue: I throw the item towards the arcanaloth.
Everyone else: :smalleek:

Kobold: You insolent dwarf...
Ranger: You said something? *shoves crossbow in kobold's face*
Kobold: Just because you have a crossbow you think you're so much stronger, right? Let me tell you, if I was armed right now I'd...
Rogue: I have a crossbow! I give it to the kobold.
Ranger: :smallamused: You'd?
Kobold: :smalleek: I'd... Do... something. That I need to do. Away from here. *runs*

DigoDragon

2015-08-24, 07:52 AM

First, some responses because they amused me~

Gm : I'm sick not delirious

Haha, PCs are always trying to find an angle, am I right? :smallbiggrin:

Kenny: "Defuse the bong, quickly!"

Never tell me the context of this ever, please. :D

Crook : that was a terrible pun and you should feel bad

Real Punsters never feel shame. ;)

And now...

Viridia: “Maybe Iris has become so useless that it's started to make everyone around her suck?”
GM: “Also known as the 'Spike the Dragon' effect. Poor Applejack.”

Moon: “Moonshadow does not respond well to creepy Not-Ponies playing games with her. Particularly after today. So she's going to do her best to convince this thing to not 'help' anything ever again.” (Starts shooting the fake Penny. Repeatedly. Until it is ash)

Northern: “Fine. You got a lighter? The first thing I'm burning here is this damned thing.”
Doc: “I have a lighter, but... wouldn't burning this offering shrine be what the goats want? It is built in a fire pit after all.”

Northern: “If I can't see it, then it won't gnaw on my brain.”

Doc: “Meanwhile, Doc plays Campfire Simulator!”

Doc: “Eat pony flesh, animate the bones, send skeletons to get more food... that actually would be an interesting way to forage.”

Viridia: “Best thing to do now is to get back to camp and find some way to gag Andante.”
Doc: “Such as 'borrowing' some gauze and medical tape from Doc's black bag?”

GM: “Iris is fine and elsewhere, probably becoming Queen of Pirates or something.”
Pirate Queen Viridia, Mistress of Inscrutable Depths: “Pffthahahaha.”

GM: “And then he walked away, apparently intent on following River and leaving Doc with the creepy skull shrine of creepy.”
Doc: “Nope.”

GM: “Doc managed to spot a red tank of gas on his way out! …That was somehow not stolen or otherwise used for the last two hundred years, in what was presumably a hotspot for critters that could eat cans.”

Moon: “I give a shake of the head, pick up the blankets, and turn to leave.”
GM: “There was some Not-Penny ash on the blanket it was using. It smelled strongly of wet dirt and had a sort of reptile stink to it.”
Moon: “That blanket gets left behind.”

Stellar: “Are you okay Moon? That was... messed up.”
Moon: “No kidding. I guess we're going to have to plan for shape shifters now.”
Viridia: “This is the third one we've encountered. Or fourth, if you count Captain Jack thinking Andante is some kind of seapony or siren or something.”

GM: “Northern Light was apparently fine with Doc doing the whole 'preparing the thing that would keep them alive' thing.”
Doc: *Thinks of a particular Johnny Cash song as he lights the fire*
GM: “Team Earth Pony managed to create a fire within a trash can, in the dead of night in front of a Barnyard Bargain's superstore. The world in front of Doc was greyish snow and dark sky, with a green backdrop. This situation was pretty terrible, there's no other way of putting it.”
Doc: “But we have fire. Team Earth Pony!”

GM: “Northern didn't say 'thank you Doctor Wagon, your wisdom saved me from a night without heat', but that was probably due to him being a Grumpy Gus, just like everyone else in this place, apparently.”

Andante: “I trust medicine, Wagon. That is why I handle my own. …You have my permission to pull bullets out of me, of course.”

Viridia: “...and it had a superiority complex.”
GM: “But that doesn't actually narrow things down at all!”

goto124

2015-08-24, 09:20 AM

Yay, Fallout quotes! I missed them! Also, if I were Moonshadow, I would've burned the blanket and reburn/bury/scatter/what those ashes.

Viridia, I thought the term was seamare. Though the difference is the same as that between 'merfolk' and 'mermaid'.

Cristo Meyers

2015-08-24, 09:33 AM

Andante: “I trust medicine, Wagon. That is why I handle my own. …You have my permission to pull bullets out of me, of course.”

Friends will watch your back, but True Companions will help you pull the bullets out of your backside.

--

P1: So where on the scale does he fall?
P2: I... what scale? Kinsey's?
P1: No I mean...
P2: (interrupting as realization sinks in) WHETHER HE'S A TOP OR BOTTOM IS HARDLY RELEVANT AT THIS POINT!

DigoDragon

2015-08-24, 10:28 AM

Viridia, I thought the term was seamare. Though the difference is the same as that between 'merfolk' and 'mermaid'.

If I remember the scene, the blink-dog Captain Jack was pointing at a picture of a siren, though maybe he was also indicating a hippo-campus which was on the same page? Since the dog doesn't speak, I don't know that he means literally that Andante is a siren, or that she's a similar kind of fish-pony hybrid and that picture was the closest thing to compare. So... I dunno. I guess we're using terms loosely here until a positive identification can be made (without getting slapped for it). :3

Friends will watch your back, but True Companions will help you pull the bullets out of your backside.

Aye. I liken Andante to a curmudgeon that secretly cares a little about Doc. I can't think of another reason why she'd be so bothered and express her concerns with him over his choice in fiances. :smallbiggrin:

WHETHER HE'S A TOP OR BOTTOM IS HARDLY RELEVANT AT THIS POINT!

What if a bunk-bed is encountered? ;)

Cristo Meyers

2015-08-24, 10:39 AM

Aye. I liken Andante to a curmudgeon that secretly cares a little about Doc. I can't think of another reason why she'd be so bothered and express her concerns with him over his choice in fiances. :smallbiggrin:

You've just got some strange Pony-themed Fallout-esque Rom-Com at your table, don't you? :smalltongue:

What if a bunk-bed is encountered? ;)

Oh if only my group was that innocent-minded...:smalltongue:

Not an hour later came this: 'Stop looking at me like that. I know they're [eep!]ing. You know they're [HERESY]ing. The only person that doesn't know is him, which is sad because all he's been getting is screwed!'

Inevitability

2015-08-24, 01:44 PM

Haha, PCs are always trying to find an angle, am I right? :smallbiggrin:

I do not claim to be in complete control of my actions all the time at any place, but I do know the quoted quote is not mine.

GPuzzle

2015-08-24, 02:05 PM

Kenny: "Now I am become bad mexican food, destroyer of toilets."

Vincent: "What happened?"
Christopher: "You know that scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail where God talks to Arthur?"
Vincent: "Yes."
Christopher: "Well, imagine that scene, but with Kenny as God and a bunch of guardsmen as Arthur and his company."

Kenny: *in a mock Hitomi Suzuki voice* "But Inquisitors can't sell their souls to the Chaos! That's heresy!"

DigoDragon

2015-08-24, 02:48 PM

You've just got some strange Pony-themed Fallout-esque Rom-Com at your table, don't you? :smalltongue:

Extra-amusing in that it's happened in two separate campaigns. I have the oddest luck these days. Course, like any good romcom it cuts both ways. :3
I'm just waiting to see which campaign wins the race in having an antagonist fall for my character.

Kenny: "Now I am become bad mexican food, destroyer of toilets."

I laughed so hard I think I pulled my diaphragm muscle. :smallredface:

Necroticplague

2015-08-24, 03:22 PM

Nesdu: O.k, everyone have the plan down?
Gene+Shibu:Yes.
Nesdu: And the plan B?
Gene: Err....what's plan B?
Nesdu: Shoot our way through walls, doors, and security, and escape by making the roads too dangerous to follow us on.
Shibu: I like this plan. Can we make that our plan A?

GPuzzle

2015-08-24, 03:40 PM

I laughed so hard I think I pulled my diaphragm muscle. :smallredface:

Heh. Would you mind if I told you guys the team of 5 that are the players in that adventure?

Bard1cKnowledge

2015-08-24, 04:28 PM

Extra-amusing in that it's happened in two separate campaigns. I have the oddest luck these days. Course, like any good romcom it cuts both ways. :3
I'm just waiting to see which campaign wins the race in having an antagonist fall for my character.

I laughed so hard I think I pulled my diaphragm muscle. :smallredface:

My contract states that Gizmo gets half of the harem, or he's included as part of it.

DigoDragon

2015-08-24, 05:19 PM

My contract states that Gizmo gets half of the harem, or he's included as part of it.

Well for maximum comedy, it would be the latter. :3

Oh man, found a gem of a description of one of my old RP characters from years back:

"Kyota is strong as an ox, bold as Ariel 36 point font, and about as bright as a bag of hammers. She's got a broken moral compass that always points west and carries a bag of souls of her victims (Which are actually just marbles, but close enough to fool her)."

Bard1cKnowledge

2015-08-24, 07:22 PM

Well for maximum comedy, it would be the latter. :3
:

Can I at least get Autumns wings?

TurboGhast

2015-08-25, 08:14 AM

Varis: *Incoherent babbling* ... I just realized I set out on this adventure to a new area without having an actual goal.

GPuzzle

2015-08-25, 08:43 AM

Ed: "We're being led by Eminem's noble cousin. Great."
Kenny: "I'm the Viscount Slim, yes, I'm the real Viscount, all you other Viscounts are just imitating, so won't the real Viscount stand up and have a brandy."

Michael: "I'm amused Kenny's still alive."
Ed: "The GM is avoiding South Park references."

Christopher: "I may have just witnessed a real life Robot Chicken sketch."
Kenny: "Dance Dance HERESY?"

Inevitability

2015-08-25, 12:17 PM

Paladin: Why. Did. You. Raise. Undead? I thought we had a rule against deliberately creating evil beings?
Wizard: This is a delicate issue. If I do not create undead, we'll have less chance of destroying the demons this dungeon is crawling with, but if I do you'll get angry at me. However, you should understand I am solely using these beings to further our Good causes and will destroy them immediately afterwards.
Paladin: Well, if it is for the greater good...
Me: You made the two zombies desecrate a random corpse while the paladin was gone.
Wizard: Yeah, but he doesn't know that.

DigoDragon

2015-08-26, 06:52 AM

Moon: “So I got myself into serious trouble by hooking up with you guys?”
GM: “Moonshadow could probably be a little more careful with her wording! Well, at least it probably wasn't the Roach King.”
Moon: “Who?”
GM: “Wait, crap. Ehh, you should ask one of your new friends.”

River: “Are we going to have to rely on these ponies letting us in or what?”
Doc: “Pretty sure we're making it up as we go.”

Doc: “Or maybe just go back there and boot the Olives out if that becomes an option.”
Northern: “And then, you could become the Batmare and save Equestria. If you suddenly develop superpowers, this would all be a lot simpler, wouldn't it?”
Doc: “Too bad the only powers radiation gives you is hair loss and ghoulism. If you're lucky.”

River: “You know, besides the weather and the cartels that control every aspect of our lives, the only real downside to living here is that you sometimes have to have a conversation about what sort of unnatural creature got elected to a public office.”

Doc: “It didn't have a default form, just kept shifting from one thing to another like a bloated pig or a floating eyeball.”
River: “Uh, did you see it after you ate some pre-war food? Because eating a hundred and seventy year old frozen pizza could do weird things to you.”
Doc: “No, no... I was quite sober at the time. Stellar and Viridia saw it as well, so if it was the food, then Sari's chef is way overpaid.”

Moon: “…Where the pegasi were pegasi, the food was food, and I could fly all day and not run into some monster that wanted to trick/eat/enslave/hug me.”
GM: “What if Viridia was some sort of nasty fishpony creature that was seducing ponies to create hideous half-fishpony spawn?”
Doc: “Wouldn’t that be lesbian half-fishpony spawn?”
GM: “Yes.”

Stellar: “But it hadn't stopped me from drinking the coffee. I mean how often do you come across a decent brew in the wasteland, right?”

Doc: “I look over my shoulder to see if Andante went back to sleep.”
GM: “Andante was probably asleep, or was trying to fall asleep. What was probably more concerning was the shadowy pony-high figure that was standing beside the wagon, the one that sort of looked like a pony-shaped void in the world with two tiny red lights where its eyes should have been.”

Doc: “Open a can of beans, summon Slendermane's bean-eating cousin.”

GM: “You know, this game became a Monster High crossover so slowly even I didn't realize it until now.”

Doc: “How did I know that Doc was going to be the only one to see the shadow? Now we're crossing into Ghost Whisperer.”
GM: “Alternatively, Doc has walked into approximately one too many goat shrines.”
Doc: “They're like LEGO, you keep stepping on the bitty pieces after the kids pack up and leave.”

Moon: “Well wake me when we get there, ‘cause there's only so many times one can write 'flies stoically on'.”

GM: “It wasn't one of those situations where Doc had a magic button he could press and get the pegasus back in working condition.”
Doc: “Yet.” (Mischievous grin)
GM: “You really need to rethink your concept on how cybernetics work.”

goto124

2015-08-26, 07:48 AM

*hugs Moonshadow*

How's the cybernetics learning journey going on, Doc? Does it even make sense without OOC knowledge, or phrasing?

DigoDragon

2015-08-26, 02:11 PM

How's the cybernetics learning journey going on, Doc? Does it even make sense without OOC knowledge, or phrasing?

Well, despite the Cybernetics perk being a long ways off from obtaining, Doc's getting pretty good at the science-y knowledge side of it.

Have I posted these quote from the Toon game my brother once ran? It was his only time EVER GMing (and he rarely joined in on our RP group).
Toon was made for him I think. Anyway, the first few, and if they don't look familiar, the rest go up later...

Animator: "This is your world map."
Kyota: "The Specific Ocean?"
Kard: "What's that line labeled IDL?"
Animator: "Idiot Deterrent Line."

Kyota: "Hi Bob!"
Professor E. Gad: "For the last time, my name is NOT Bob!"
Kyota: "... hi Not Bob!"
Gad: *Facepalm*

Animator: "It's a can of Silly String, but without the silly."
Gad: "Serious String?"
Animator: "In fact its so serious the string is wearing a business suit."

ZeroGear

2015-08-26, 03:39 PM

Dino, I WANT TO JOIN YOUR GROUP!
I wish there were more gamers like you.

Paladin: Why. Did. You. Raise. Undead? I thought we had a rule against deliberately creating evil beings?
Wizard: This is a delicate issue. If I do not create undead, we'll have less chance of destroying the demons this dungeon is crawling with, but if I do you'll get angry at me. However, you should understand I am solely using these beings to further our Good causes and will destroy them immediately afterwards.
Paladin: Well, if it is for the greater good...
Me: You made the two zombies desecrate a random corpse while the paladin was gone.
Wizard: Yeah, but he doesn't know that.

I know this situation. This has happened in our group before. (This is the same Worlds Larges Dungeon group where the mage/oracle got zapped for stealing silk sheets from a room of Lawful magic)

GPuzzle

2015-08-26, 05:48 PM

Kenny: "She's gonna blow!"
Ed: "Your gun already blows!"
Christopher *OOC*: *bad joke trombone sounds*

Ed: "I was French in an alternate life, you know."
Kenny: "And I was a tech-priest! WITH LASERS!"

Christopher: *starts singing Du Gamla Du Fria*
Michael: "Is the guy we sent in to infiltrate a heretical shuttle singing the Swedish National Anthem?"
Ed: "Yeah. Vincent, do whatever you want now."
Vincent: *starts singing La Marseillaise*
Michael: "Pack up your bags, lock up your seatbelts, brace yourselves - this is gonna be a bumpy ride."

Bard1cKnowledge

2015-08-26, 07:49 PM

The only reason I'm not posting anything from the Reuben Harem Comedy is because I'm waiting for Digo to post them

Me: so you're playing a Paladin who lost his armor gambling, has a negative strength score, and is throwing javelins?
Paladin: yeah, I have a concept I'm working on, I'm going to stealth into the fort.

The above reason is why I'm playing a rouge 5e

TurboGhast

2015-08-27, 08:14 AM

DM:So the election...
Varis: This is a fantasy game! With feudalism systems!
DM: Right... So the competition...

(We need to get a little better at improv)

Cristo Meyers

2015-08-27, 08:29 AM

P1: Did you just compare maintaining a mental wall to playing with Legos?
P2: It worked, didn't it?

P1: Aww, how cute, their first fight... ish. Did they at least get to the make-up part?
P2: He's got a broken collarbone and leg.
P1: That doesn't actually answer the question.

P1: All the women in my life can snuff me like a candle... What can I say? I like consistency.

Think I might have put that last one up before... not sure

DigoDragon

2015-08-27, 09:55 AM

Kyota: *Licks a portable hole*
Animator: "Kard, you see someone's tongue sticking out of a hole licking the wall behind you."
Kyota: "Mmm, wall candy."
Kard: "I attack the tongue with my Holy Stapler!"
Kyota: "Owwwwieee!"
Pierce: "Hey Kyota, nice tongue piercing."
Kyota: "Owww... than ouu..."

Kard: "I go home to my apartment."
Animator: "You see a group of pidgeons perched at your doorway."
Kard: "I'll kick them off."
Pidgeon: "Hey, whatcha think yer doin'? We're a force of nature 'ere! We're pidgeons!"
Kard: "... I got nothing. I go inside."

T. Subject: "I go home to my little cage."
Animator: "You live in a little cage inside a big house."
T. Subject: "Not that I have anything in the house outside my cage."

Animator: "Kyota, you go home to your apartment. Room 665."
Kyota: "Yay!"
Gad: "Neighbor of the beast?"
Animator: "She's not smart enough for the upgrade."

Gad: "This game is really close! It's like... 20 to 2!"

Cow: "Moo... moo... Regis Philbin moo..."

Kyota: "So... this game has innings, but they try to strike out? I don't get this, do they want to be in or out?"
Animator: "Suddenly a giant robot bursts out onto the field. Players run for their lives."
Kyota: "Oooh! Now it's getting good!"
T. Subject: "It's getting deadly!"
Kyota: "Yeah, same thing."

Susie: "I pick up the robot."
Animator: "You what? Okay, you can try."
Susie: "Crit succeess!"
Animator: "Okay, so you are holding up the giant robot. Now what do you do?"
Susie: "I don't know, I'm not that smart."

Animator: "The ship at the docks is so old and ricketty that it might not even float on sand."
Gad: "What, the duct tape is being held up by duct tape?"

Ship Captain: "We're French, you can tell by our accent right?"
Kyota: "Against my better judgement!"

Bard1cKnowledge

2015-08-27, 10:29 AM

me: I'm going to tame that manticore. I will name him Manny, he will be my mount, and we will go on many adventures. The many adventures of my Manticore Mount, Manny.

I'm not even joking I tried to tame a manticore mid air

Milodiah

2015-08-27, 03:45 PM

GM: "Among the random items you've collected is a Detroit Lions helmet, a Bowie knife, a toe ring, a ship-in-a-bottle-"
John #1: "Ooh, have I already licked the ship-in-a-bottle?"
GM: "Yes, it was very difficult but you did it."
John #2: "It must have been hell to get your tongue in there."
GM: "Yeah, but it was nothing compared to getting it out."
John #3: " 'Nine-one-one, what is your emergency?' 'Ehho, ie-uh-uhn? I ut uy o-gue ukk ih uh bohhle!"

GM: "Not sure whether to count this as 'licking an armed robber', 'licking a dead body', or both."

Reporter: "Now, sir, can you tell me how you managed to muster the courage to face down an armed robber with only a crowbar?"
John: "Well, I...uh...I guess I felt it was just the right thing to do?"
Reporter: "Very true, sir. Is there anything you'd like to say to the folks at home?"
*John #1 takes over*
John: "Well, you see, my biggest regret in life is that I haven't yet managed to lick my own elbow.
*begins trying*
Reporter: "Uh- Back to you, Brad!"

Oh, Everyone is John. What a ridiculous game.

DigoDragon

2015-08-28, 07:48 AM

River: “Found a shrine made of skulls in there, but you guys found a shapeshifter, so I can't really say I'm having the weirdest day.”

Andante: “Can I borrow a healing potion?”
Moon: “Moonshadow blinked once and tried to inject some sympathy into her gaze. It was a failure.”

Doc: “Hey Stellar, Viridia, either of you wanna check out a creepy goat shrine in the store? It's got dried up organs on skulls.”
River: “It’s not that bad.”
Viridia: “I dunno, Doc. If Northern is scared of it, it's got to be at least, like... three feet tall.”

Doc: “That's a heart, and that raisin thing may have been a liver.”

GM: “Desecrating shrines sure is fun! If Doc defaces one more, he could probably get a free sandwich.”

Stellar: *Gives Viridia a goat skull to destroy*
Viridia: “We should make a helmet out of this.”
River: “Wouldn’t that be a hate crime or something?”
Stellar: “It also wouldn't make a very good helmet. Overly heavy, a poor fit, and not as resistant to blunt, piercing or ballistic impact as a properly engineered one.”
[Beat]
Stellar: “And a crime against fashion!”
River: “You're talking like we're in a video game.”
Viridia: “Would explain a lot of Livewire's actions.”

Viridia: “When did you start caring about taking pointless risks?”
Stellar: “Ever since they were pointless.”

Doc: (Hits blunt) “If two vegans are arguing, is it still considered beef?”

GM: “Doc's a doctor with a collection of equipment, not a dude with Lay on Hands as a class feature who can gently prod a dude and make his boo-boos go away.”
Doc: “I think if anyone in the party had hooves that made someone feel better with a magic touch, it be Viridia.”

GM: “Isn’t [Snowflake (http://orig14.deviantart.net/0a69/f/2015/183/9/5/fun_fun_fun_by_foxinshadow-d8zmyz3.png)] pretty?”
Stellar: “Wow...”
Doc: “She looks very different than the unicorn I pictured when we first met her. ‘Course the one I pictured is currently splattered over the wagon back in Oakville, and I'm okay with that.”

Stellar: “Stellar disappears under her blanket and that's the last anypony sees of her until morning or whatever inevitable interruption comes along.”

GM: “Andante Shine brought along a bag that contains much of the contents of her pantry, so while Doc could try and eat a bag of coriander roots, he probably wouldn't enjoy it.”
Doc: “I can't say eating raw Cilantro was ever on my to-do list.”

Moon: “Also took the empathy perk so I'll never accidentally convince someone to go kill themselves.”

Stellar: “What's a filly got to do to earn a sack of bits these days anyway? No, don't answer that...”

Necroticplague

2015-08-28, 07:51 AM

Gene: Wait, that was a medusa?
Nesud; Yea, there was! How were you not petrified? The rest of us had the brains to close our eyes.
Gene: Dunno. Gues I got lucky *Flshback*
GORGON: Eyes are up here.
Gene: Dully noted, not particularly interested.

ZeroGear

2015-08-29, 12:23 PM

@ Necro:
Guess being a guy does have it's uses in rare occasions (I'm assuming he was a guy).

bulbaquil

2015-08-29, 03:40 PM

P1: "You can't use Survival to find the plot!"
P2" "But I'm trying to survive in this plot!"

*Party is level 5*
P1: "We need Time Stop to get in? Hang on, let me just gain a COUPLE of levels!"

P3: "So the lantern archon teleports to a magic shop, buys a Time Stop scroll, and teleports back."
GM: "...I just gave you guys a portable shop."

Sith_Happens

2015-08-29, 11:13 PM

Logan (OOC): "CHOOSE YOUR MINI."
Cecil (OOC): "Give me the gayest one."
Ozpin (OOC): "This one looks kind of like Legolas if he ever wore a helmet."

Cecil: "Hi, hi, hi, hi, what's your name?"
Death Slaad: "I have none."
Cecil: "Why don't you have a name?"
Death Slaad: "Because there is only one of me?"
Logan (to Ozpin): "Is there really?"
Ozpin: "No, he's just incredibly self-centered."

Cecil: "Can you please direct me to the nearest closet?"

Githzerai Guard: "Talons are indecent, you have to cover them."

DigoDragon

2015-08-30, 10:09 AM

Doc: “This reminds me of my Shadowrun campaign where the players stumbled into a nuclear bunker stocked with ‘Homogeny Human Pet Food’. Flavors included Acerbic Chicken Bits, Mordant Burger Mac, Sardonic Fish Stickers, and Fruitcake.”

GM: “Also, somepony should probably make breakfast, before River's brothers start looking like steaks.”

Doc: “I offer Stellar my notebook and some pencils to draw her plans, because paper doesn't melt like snow.”
GM: “When your paper melts, please alert the proper authorities. Barnyard Bargains is not responsible for injuries that occur due to improper usage of their products.”

Stellar: *Scrounges the trash for useful parts*
GM: “Wait, what's that ticking noise? Oh, it's coming from the metal disk she kicked a little. Oh, hey, now the red lights on it are flashing.
Doc: (Elsewhere) *Attempts to kick open a locked door*
Stellar: “Tinker with a banged-up looking mine where she has no idea what she's doing, or just dodge for her life? It's dodging.”
Doc: *Kicks the door just as the IED by Stellar detonates – Has near heart attack*

GM: “There was a lot of stuff in here! And there wasn't a skeleton in sight!”
Doc: “No skeletons in sight? Is it my birthday?”

GM: “He found five boxes of what claimed to be 'Pies for Tasty'. The packaging was odd; there was a cheerful-looking grey cartoon pony with a head that looked too wide and a body that seemed way too small, one with a cutie mark that looked a bit like a steak with a fork sticking out of it. The packaging had a bunch of nonsense phrases on it in a dull green font that clashed with the pale grey packaging, which said things like 'Imprubed Flavors!', 'Yum for Belly!', and 'Makes Little ones Grow vigorus for confluct!!!'.”

Doc: “There was something to be said of the old world when a doctor is thinking the cigarettes are filled with less chemicals than the pies.”

Stellar: “I'm fine. Just didn't expect there to be landmines in here when I was distracted by this terminal.”

Guild Rule #5: “Remember that unicorns with cutie marks that resemble snakes are not permitted to join the guild. This is non-negotiable.”
Doc: “Given the Rod of Asclepius cutie mark, I imagine Doc would be accused of being a Death Eater.”

Guild Rule #7: “'Hags' are a type of creature that live in caves and eat foals, not mares you don't like. We call unicorns who call other ponies hags 'target practice'.”

Andante: “I do not intend to remember this journey, if it is to be continued by sled.”
Moon: “Oh don't worry. The sleds are for the gear only. You'll be walking.”

Viridia: “Viridia now has 111 Speech and 10 Charisma. Watch her fail to convince a shopkeeper to give a discount, because it wouldn't make any sense.”
GM: “She should try and talk to the sky now! She could probably seduce it.”
Viridia: “I dunno. The Tauronto sky is pretty frigid.”

Moon: “So how much weight does River Moss's inventory take up anyways? And Andantes for that matter.”
GM: “River's inventory weights about 400 wg; Andate's takes up 15 wg. Assume that each pony is about 150 wg, while the kids take up 50 wg each. Yay, math!”

Viridia: “Today, I learned that Doc is named after the doctor dudes from Shadowrun.”
Doc: “Eeyup, because Doc’s player sucks at coming up with decent names on the fly.”

GPuzzle

2015-08-30, 10:18 AM

Christopher: "The Gellar Field is down!"
Ed: "Maximum warp!"
Vincent: "Keep your eyes open for Daemons!"
Kenny: *starts singing Highway to Hell*

Lord Lemming

2015-08-30, 07:28 PM

Me (DM): "As you hang suspended by a rope over the black abyss, you hear kobold voices cry out a single, chilling word: "Piñata!!!""

Plumed Kobold: "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY DANCE FLOOR!?!?"

Plumed Kobold: "THE DOOR IS A PULL, NOT A PUSH!!!"

goto124

2015-08-30, 10:40 PM

Guild Rule #5: “Remember that unicorns with cutie marks that resemble snakes are not permitted to join the guild. This is non-negotiable.”
Doc: “Given the Rod of Asclepius cutie mark, I imagine Doc would be accused of being a Death Eater.”

His cutie mark also looks like a dollar sign $.$

Viridia: “Today, I learned that Doc is named after the doctor dudes from Shadowrun.”
Doc: “Eeyup, because Doc’s player sucks at coming up with decent names on the fly.”

I remember the time I realized that in another thread :smallbiggrin:

Grim Portent

2015-08-31, 04:43 AM

DM: He starts hitting the gnoll around the head with a ladle.

Me: It's like a wall made out of snot... I saw less disgusting things in Hell.

DM: The gelatinous cube is now drunk.

Incubus and Paladin: Can we roll for who does better?

Me (OOC): So the incubus and the paladin are getting 'friendly' in a storehouse, the hellfire wyrm is seducing kobolds, and the ranger is buying weapons and doing his best to ignore everything he can hear and smell. This game's going to wind up as some kind of yaoi/monster erotic adventure comedy at this rate.

DM: I have officially lost control of this game.

DigoDragon

2015-08-31, 07:41 AM

GORGON: Eyes are up here.

I had a player we used to joke about being resistant to Medusas for the same reason. :3
And he wasn't the bard!

Logan (OOC): "CHOOSE YOUR MINI."

This was part of the usual new character creation ritual with my old group. They liked that I had a decent selection to pick from. Though when we played modern campaigns I'd break out cardstock and draw little figures. Then steal the bases from my daughter's Candy Land game to hold them up. ;)

His cutie mark also looks like a dollar sign $.$

I remember the time I realized that in another thread :smallbiggrin:

A few folks mentioned they thought it was a Dollar $ign. And maybe he should start a traveling doctor business to make a little extra on the side. Quite a lot of ill folks in the wasteland.

DMDM: The gelatinous cube is now drunk.

Turned it into a Jello shot? :smallbiggrin:

Hawkstar

2015-08-31, 07:51 AM

It's clearly the Rod of Asclepius forming a Dollar $ign. What a more suitable symbol for the stallion that represents a healthcare-dedicated megacorp?

goto124

2015-08-31, 09:07 AM

Senshi Akai

2015-08-31, 09:18 AM

GORGON: Eyes are up here.
Gene: Dully noted, not particularly interested.

This is gold. :smallbiggrin:

Also, finally some good quotes (and time to post them)! Hope you guys enjoy.

Obligatory "catfolk talks like a khajiit statment" here.

Crusader: Okay, I am REALLY trying to protect you, but you are a suicidal fool!
Catfolk: Terhirr prefers the term “fearless fighter”. :smallamused:

DM: You see a dead tree in the middle of the cemitery. There are lots of crows in its branches. Three of them are on the same branch, looking at you.
Catfolk: *holding various amulets* Terhirr will not approach the tree! It is cursed!
Cleric: Supersticious cat... I approach and examine the tree.
DM: As you approach, the crows fly in your direction, and start to pick the flesh on your ears and face.
Crusader: Terhirr, hand me some amulets. I am not approaching that tree!

DM: (OOC) Wait a second. The dyslexic giant cat is more intelligent than everyone of you combined?
Crusader: (OOC) Too bad he spent all his skill points on Profession(Fisherman).
Catfolk: (OOC) Terhirr likes fish!

Defender: *to clearly pregnant [wizard]* Congratulations! Who is the father?
Wizard: What the hell are you talking about?
Defender: Your baby... You are pregnant.
Wizard: I am?
Swordsage: Great, she can list every plane in the existence, but can't tell a pregnancy from simple fatness.

From another campaign.

Paladin: I roll Sense Motive against the mayor.
DM: He seems to be a fine man. There is nothing wrong with him.
Cleric: I cast Commune to ask if the mayor is evil.
DM: Your god says no, he is not evil. Why is it so hard to believe he is a good person?
Warblade: Yeaaah, no. He is a politician.

Ranger: I attack the wizard!
DM: Your dagger pierce his heart. He dies.
Ranger: But I didn't roll the damage yet.
DM: No need, he was defenseless.
Party: … Okay, what happens?
DM: Damn, why can't I control all this grinning?

NPC: It's an orc wizard.
Sorcerer Half-Elf: Why would an orc let his strenght aside to become a thinking creature?
NPC: Why would an elf sleep with a human?
Warblade: Oooooo, burn!

Pirate NPC: *seeming annoyed* Okay, okay, you guys won. I will be the second pirate lord, you will be the first. Now, excuse me, I will go to my boat.
Warblade: Yay, we actually did it! We have influence.
Ranger: And no one died! It is too good to be true.
Artificer: Okay, I will pick our cargo of gold pieces and transfer to our boat. Where is it again?
Warblade: In the... Other ship. The one of the new second pirate lord.
DM: *plays Jack Sparrow song as background* Guess what happened. :smallamused:

Warblade: So, let's buy poison.
Paladin: Excuse me?
Sorcerer: *rolls bluff* Oh, modern art! I love modern art. Especially this one, called “poison”. Funny name, huh?
Paladin: … :smallannoyed:
Warblade: Seriously, even I didn't fall for that.

Swordsage: Okay, I will go ahead. Remember, BE stealthy.
Paladin: *wearing tons of armor* Oh, you want to go swim, my good sir? I bet I can sink faster than you.
Warblade: *wearing even more armor* You will lose that bet!
Swordsage: I said stealthy, not stupid!

Grim Portent

2015-08-31, 09:38 AM

Did the Paladin lose her* paladin levels afterwards? Though, since the Incubus is a PC, he could've been a good person...

*Assumed her, because she made out with a male. Homosexuality is still an option though...

He didn't lose his levels, no. The Incubus and I (the Hellfire Wyrm) both have amulets of undetectable alignment and are spending time in mundane forms, so even though we're evil the Paladin is unaware IC.

And the Paladin's a guy, the two of them rolled to see who lasted longer and who topped. :smalltongue:

The Paladin did make the obligatory 'this feels so wrong but it also feels so right' joke at the time.

And Digo... that pun actually hurt. Be proud. :smallbiggrin:

DigoDragon

2015-08-31, 10:42 AM

It's clearly the Rod of Asclepius forming a Dollar $ign. What a more suitable symbol for the stallion that represents a healthcare-dedicated megacorp?

Note to self, keep Doc available if I find myself in a Shadowrun campaign...

And Digo... that pun actually hurt. Be proud. :smallbiggrin:

I pride myself in painful punnage. :3

AdmiralCheez

2015-08-31, 09:37 PM

Night: "Drop that doorknob!"

Zack: "I can only do everyone."

Elena: "The last time I asked someone about their backstory, I had to make a will save."

Zack: "All I know is that this doorknob runs on freaky voodoo magic, it's currently leaking water, and no one knows where the guy who built it is."

Montgomery: "Look on the bright side. I've succeeded where many super villains have failed."
DM: "Yeah, usually summoning a Lovecraftian horror requires a time consuming ritual and a cult. You just sort of accidentally did it. Well done."

goto124

2015-08-31, 10:01 PM

Elena: "The last time I asked someone about their backstory, I had to make a will save."

Is it a Will save to avoid the Sleep and Loudly Snoring condition?

Was that IC or OOC? :smallamused:

DigoDragon

2015-09-01, 07:13 AM

Moon: “Now, I want to steal from Andante. Do any of the players have a problem with that?”
Viridia: “Feel free to kill her, while you're at it.”

Doc: “I think Stellar was a tank in a past life.”

Stellar: “Come on, I think we're about done in here anyway! Let's head back to your sister.”
River’s little brother: “Uh, she's still asleep, I think. Next to the other pegasus.”

GM: “Andante jumped out of the wagon; well, really, she sort of fell out of it, because apparently at about five feet was when Andante Shine was reduced to jumping like a cat with arthritis.”

Doc: “I will not directly meddle in her health affairs (unless a bullet in her butt is involved).”

Moon: “Moonshadow was not a pony meant for hauling sleds. Pretty much ever. She could fight or scout, or steal things, but actual hauling? Not in her skill set.”

Doc: “For now I'll collect dirty water, since it's better than nothing. Rad-Away isn't cheap so I might just swallow the rads… Well, literally as well as figuratively.”

Viridia: “Viridia busied herself with her pulling duties, bolstering River Moss' nerves, and looking gorgeous.”

River: “The last three days could have been awful, but I got to spend most of it looking at your butt.”
Viridia: “That's what it's there for.”

GM: “It begins!”
Doc: “Yeah, here I thought we'd arrive somewhere quiet... instead its dead quiet.”

River: “It isn't even November yet!”
Doc: “Do the residents abandon the place in November?”

Viridia: “If there aren't any cabbages, we riot.”

Stellar: “Oh dear. I think I may have just summoned Khorne.”

GM: “What wasn't cute, though, was the smell. She didn't need to go down the hall very far to catch a distinctly wasteland smell; burnt meat.”
Stellar: “Well this doesn't bode well.”
Doc: “Hmm, has a scent of 'Raider' to it.”

GM: “Doc quickly figured out that writing with one's mouth often resulted in illegible scribbles, like the entirety of what he was attempting to decipher. Meanwhile, Viridia discovered that the group had stumbled on the worst barbecue ever.”

Doc: “I wasn't sure what to make of the wrapper. I could make a good time with the booze though.”

Viridia: “Sure. If anyone's not dead, I can probably convince them we're not raiders or prospectors.”
[Later]
Survivor: “Who are you?”
Viridia: “We’re prospectors.”

GM: “People the party has fed: a tiny dog, a small filly, a teenaged dragon, and now an okapi. A pattern?”
Doc: “You forgot uptight paladin, zombie, and foreign tribal on that list.”

Hawkstar

2015-09-01, 07:38 AM

I pride myself in painful punnage. :3
Just stay away from German Sausage puns. Those are the wurst.

goto124

2015-09-01, 10:35 AM

Viridia: “If there aren't any cabbages, we riot.”

Considering the name of the place they're going, it's not terribly surprising :smalltongue: Sadly, while there were cabbages, there was a twist...

Now for something different. It's one of those quotes that's a lot funnier without context.

GM: NPC1 stepped inside the house, wearing absolutely nothing but that lovely ruby necklace!

DigoDragon

2015-09-01, 11:02 AM

Just stay away from German Sausage puns. Those are the wurst.

Ho ho! :D

GM: NPC1 stepped inside the house, wearing absolutely nothing but that lovely ruby necklace!

When you got it, you got it.

AdmiralCheez

2015-09-01, 11:53 AM

Is it a Will save to avoid the Sleep and Loudly Snoring condition?

Was that IC or OOC? :smallamused:

No, actually she was a telepath reading the mind of one of the party members in order to try and find out what had happened to him. That reminded her of earlier in the campaign when she did a group mind read to learn everyone's background for her own intelligence-gathering purposes, and discovered one of us apparently had an encounter with an elder god, triggering the will save. She's been more careful with it ever since.

Necroticplague

2015-09-01, 02:52 PM

Maya: Well, I have good news, bad news, and odd news. Good news: Cultists are dead. Bad news: the daemons they were containing are now loose. Wierd news: They seemed to think me and Kreig were some kinda split reincarnation of the Emperor.
COMISSAR:Do you believe them?
Maya: Sir, they're heretics. That practically by definition makes their feeling on our glorious Emperor null and void.
COMISSAR: You partner would probably agree if you asked.
Maya: And he's like very expensive trail mix: a big bag of mixed nuts. That only helps prove my point.
*Background noises of Kreig beating a pack of Flesh hounds with the wreckage/corpse of a Juggernaut*

TurboGhast

2015-09-01, 09:35 PM

DM: The druid appears like mysteriously.
...
DM: The druid disappears like he appeared.
Veit: How'd he disappear?
DM: Mysteriously!

DM: It turns out there are rules for the effects of weather, and I missed them by not turning the page. *sigh*

Lord Torath

2015-09-02, 08:07 AM

Lan: Why would anyone want owl wings?
Ry: You're a thief, and you can't come up with a reason for wanting silent wings?
Lan: ...Oh. Right.

DigoDragon

2015-09-03, 07:09 AM

Doc: (Examining the survivor) “What’s your name, kid?”
Survivor: (Suffering from shock) “Uh… Luapula.”
Doc: “I’ll take him downstairs to one of the side rooms for observation.” (Leaves with Luapula)
GM: “Meanwhile, Stellar figures out the password to the terminal and finds a Log.”
Log Entry #11: “Peel her down. Reeeedddddddddddd. It’s all red. Fur good inside-out, hair go away soon. Put her outside, get boxes. Fixer better this way.”
Stellar: “Well that’s all sorts of disturbing.”
Log Entry #12: “................................................. h .................e......................r......... ..e
Log Entry #13: “jhfhjgghgjhgjhjdgjffgdhgkhfjdhgjhfjfhgfnhjshdfhfs h fdhgfjffdhfjshjfshngjfsbdsgfdhdszsdgfds…”
Stellar: “…I’m going to inform the others.”

GM: “Actually, up close and in actual lighting, Luapula was some sort of freaky tiny giraffe or something, apparently.”
Viridia: “Were there any actual normal people here?”
Doc: “It's a fairly long list of normal ponies:
Northern.
Doc: …and that’s it.”
Viridia: “Pretty sure Northern is a giant, isn't he? Like 90% of the NPCs?”
Doc: “I thought he was just on the normal side of big, like a Strength 9 kind of character, but I could be wrong. Revised list of normal ponies:
[null]

Doc: “Hey North, River! Could one of you please bring me some of the spare clothes I brought along from the bundle?”
River: “Uh, who wants a shirt that could double as a tarp?”

Terminal: “October 21st, little meaties outside. There's kids!”
Stellar: GM, what’s today’s date?
GM: October 21st.
Stellar: “I break into a canter to tell the others that there's a survivor who likely turned everypony else into the burgers.”
Doc: (Sudden realization) “…I'm laughing and crying at the same time.”
GM: “How can you eat your pudding if you don't eat your meat?

Stellar: "I found a journal upstairs. Long story short, they turned everypony into burgers and it drove them all mad. The last entry is today and references our arrival and an intent to burger-fy us too. Don't leave anypony alone, particularly River's brothers, and watch that guy like a hawk. He's the main suspect.” (Points to Luapula)
Luapula: *Has been sitting in the corner shaking and looking pathetic*
River: “My life is a horror movie, and I'm a teenager who keeps having sex.”
Doc: “He's probably a Dash addict. I dunno if he's... well, no, he could be that crazy. I'll watch him.”

Moon: “I'm going to patrol the skies.”
GM: “There was a flying object, coming in from the southeast, and in the dim morning light it was clearly metallic.”
Doc: “I had finished Mothership Zeta over a week ago and I got plenty imagination on what this object could be.”
Viridia: “Some poorly scripted AI with terrible dialogue? A kick in the delicate areas for fans of the game? A complete and utter misinterpretation of the lore?”

GM: “It's a, uh... um...shiny thing?”

Moon: “I'm still thinking it's a pony version of Harmburger.”
Viridia: “That top bun is interesting.”

GM: “Due to a derp in the derp derp, that last IC post should be ignored. Pretend it does not exist. Do not look behind the curtain.”

goto124

2015-09-03, 07:59 AM

Woah, getting closer to the 'present time' of the F:E game!

GM: “October 21st, little meaties outside. There's kids!”
Stellar: “GM, what’s today’s date?”
GM: “October 21st.”

It works best in spoiler boxes!

Incidentally, I feel that the party should bring Lua (not the programming language). If he means well, he'll help the party. If he doesn't mean well, he's being closely watched by the PCs.

I would comment more, but I'll just sound even more like a creepy stalker...

DigoDragon

2015-09-03, 08:15 AM

It works best in spoiler boxes!

Huh... it really does! I'll remember that for next time (I'm pretty sure there will be one).

Incidentally, I feel that the party should bring Lua (not the programming language).

That'll depend on Lua not trying to grab a stallion's gun (oh my!) like a crazed okapi. Unless he doesn't want to go with us... though I'm sure Doc would benefit from his knowledge on spirits and warding off that darn beady-eyed goat shadow that's following the doctor.

I would comment more, but I'll just sound even more like a creepy stalker...

I don't mind it myself. I hope to have a few when I start my own pony campaign. :3

goto124

2015-09-03, 09:33 AM

I don't mind it myself. I hope to have a few when I start my own pony campaign. :3

-commences commenting-

Huh... it really does! I'll remember that for next time (I'm pretty sure there will be one).

Formatting can change things a lot! It's why I spend time on paragraphing, colors, fonts, different types of emphasis, etc. Speaking of which:

Doc: “It's a fairly long list of normal ponies:
Northern.
…and that’s it.”
Viridia: “Pretty sure Northern is a giant, isn't he? Like 90% of the NPCs?”
Doc: “I thought he was just on the normal side of big, like a Strength 9 kind of character, but I could be wrong. Revised list of normal ponies:
[null].”

Your original post used the forum's [LIST] code, which really improves the joke (since it visually represents a list).

That'll depend on Lua not trying to grab a stallion's gun (oh my!) like a crazed okapi. Unless he doesn't want to go with us... though I'm sure Doc would benefit from his knowledge on spirits and warding off that darn beady-eyed goat shadow that's following the doctor.

The entire party will benefit, I believe, considering how Lua managed to find out a lot of the supernatural things that happened to the various group members. He's like the party Divination Wizard, though probably less reliable?

Is this the part of the campaign where the number of F-words start to rise? I saw a few "f***"s. Not even 'buck".

GM: “It's a, uh... um...shiny thing?”

-checks related scene- How do the players know how high the DC of their tasks are?

Moon: “I'm still thinking it's a pony version of Harmburger.”
Viridia: “That top bun is interesting.”

This one came with a horrifying (but forum-safe) image of a green hamburger.

GM: “Due to a derp in the derp derp, that last IC post should be ignored. Pretend it does not exist. Do not look behind the curtain.”

I thought your (Digo's) reply to that statement was just as funny :smallbiggrin:

DigoDragon

2015-09-03, 11:33 AM

Formatting can change things a lot! It's why I spend time on paragraphing, colors, fonts, different types of emphasis, etc.

I'm editing my post to use your recommendations then. :D

The entire party will benefit, I believe, considering how Lua managed to find out a lot of the supernatural things that happened to the various group members. He's like the party Divination Wizard, though probably less reliable?

I guess we will find out soon! A friend of mine pointed out one bit of amusement if Lua does come with us:

Fox: "Didn't the logs in the computer say Lua preferred sausages?"
Doc: "Uh? Oh, you mean that he likes dudes over ladies? It was a theory by whoever wrote those logs."
Fox: "Yeah, and how many dudes are there in your party?"
Doc: "Two... oh. I see what you're getting at. A 50-50 chance he'll warm up to being Doc's friend."
Fox: "The other guy is an NPC, I think Doc's chances are 100%."

-checks related scene- How do the players know how high the DC of their tasks are?

No real DCs. To succeed we roll under our skill (or attribute).

I thought your (Digo's) reply to that statement was just as funny :smallbiggrin:

Really? I didn't think it was that amusing, but cool. ^^;

Anonymouswizard

2015-09-03, 04:01 PM

From over a year ago now, but...

Robot making guy: how dare he forget me, I'll show him, I'll forget him and build a better dad!

AdmiralCheez

2015-09-03, 09:07 PM

Adam: Great, now we have drunk, flying, invisible hypersonic bears.

Montgomery: I can't believe Dagon stole my beer!

DM: An invisible plane chasing an invisible helicarrier. This would be the most boring scene of the movie version of this campaign.

DM: Cairo was my DM "The-Players-Have-No-More-Ideas, Let-Me-Bash-Them-On-The-Head-To-Get-Them-Back-On-Track" card, because you shouldn't be taking two hours to figure out where you want to go.
Montgomery: So naturally, we decided on Cuba.

Montgomery: I don't suppose you have any armor plating for sale.
NPC Shopkeeper: We've got... snacks. And drinks.
Montgomery: Ah, so I shouldn't bother asking about dimensional gateways.
NPC: You must be one of those European folk.

DM: I don't usually give you obvious hints like this, but THERE'S NOTHING IN CUBA. STOP LOOKING THERE.

Reltzik

2015-09-04, 12:27 AM

DM: "The apprentice shouts something about a sniper in a tree, which is kinda impressive given that he's got a face full of croc. (I'd say that isn't as bad as it sounds but it is actually worse than it sounds.)"

JAL_1138

2015-09-04, 02:01 AM

NPC: Come on, guys, it's perfectly safe, there's nothing to AAIIIEEEEAARRRGHH OH GOD--*splorch*

Party: *rushes in*

NPC: HALP PLZ!

Otyugh: *in its own language* Little elf scared. What of?

NPC and party: [various versions of "Egad! An otyugh!"]

Otyugh: *in own language* What?! Where?! Behind me?! Aaaah! *looks around frantically, and runs away down a side tunnel*

NPC and party: Wat.

Wizard who had Comprehend Languages up: *facepalm* Oy...

DigoDragon

2015-09-04, 07:19 AM

From over a year ago now, but...

Hey, nothing wrong with an oldie.
Some of the quotes I've posted go back as far as 2003! :D

DM: I don't usually give you obvious hints like this, but THERE'S NOTHING IN CUBA. STOP LOOKING THERE.

#DMproblems

I've had to do that now and then. I remember one time the PCs were so insistent on going someplace so far removed from the story tracks that I simply transposed the entire adventure over to the new area they really wanted to get to. and of course they decided to teleport there and bypass two other places along the way, thus making themselves slightly under-leveled for the task.

Otyugh: *in own language* What?! Where?! Behind me?! Aaaah! *looks around frantically, and runs away down a side tunnel*

That's different.

JohnTheSavage

2015-09-04, 07:45 AM

"No, I Am Afraid I Cannot Remember Anything Of Note That Happened"
"You saw a man have his heart cut out and then fought a district's worth of guards. And that's nothing of note?"

"Sparkle butt!"

"What's Physics?"

"...Because apparently really strong people who can also do blacksmithing are divinity now."

"Common sense is for mortals! My logic, reason, an empathy is for my own to make, if you dare to question me, I will be a complete jerk and demand all your sons and daughters as payment, unless you're a dog. I like dogs."

"They still haven't paid me their firstborn sons yet, those deadbeats."
"And with interest rates these days, they'll owe me their firstborn daughters by next generation, its a long term investment!"

"So remember: if you want to redeem someone, just threaten to kill everyone they ever met, then the people all the people they've ever seen, then all the people that live near them."

"So hear me out Ieez. I'm not suggesting we try this, at all, but I've been thinking: Purely hypothetically: If we WERE to conquer this planet, how much do you think the Empire would buy it for? Again, purely hypothetical."
"I'm not even gong to dignify that with an answer."

JAL_1138

2015-09-04, 08:48 AM

That's different.

Their MM entry says they're intelligent, if not very (same as an ape), are basically "Neutral Hungry" in alignment, and can communicate in their own language (or with limited telepathy). I figured making one a non-aggressive, idiotic coward might be a change of pace from the usual "everything wants to kill you all the time and fights to the death" thing.

(It wasn't clear in the last post, but the NPC was unharmed, just terrified--the *splorch* was due to faceplanting in the mud while trying to flee.)

DigoDragon

2015-09-04, 09:38 AM

Fox: "And I ran as soon as I heard the name of the lady they tried to marry me off with."
Doc: "How bad of a name was it?"
Fox: "Helga Nutcrusher Hammerfist."
Doc: "Ah. Yeah, you probably want to avoid her like the plague."

I figured making one a non-aggressive, idiotic coward might be a change of pace from the usual "everything wants to kill you all the time and fights to the death" thing.

And that's why I think it's different. :D
Good job at breaking status quo from the MM!

Inevitability

2015-09-04, 10:49 AM

This is from a year-old campaign, but:

Barbarian: I still can't see why you made us evil.
Me: You killed an elderly person! And then you did it again some time later!
Barbarian: I didn't do anything wrong there! That guy was annoying us on purpose! He kept pretending he couldn't hear me!
Me: He. Was. Deaf.
Barbarian: Well, that's his problem.
Sorcerer: You mean it 'was' his problem.
Me: I hate you all.

JAL_1138

2015-09-04, 11:20 AM

Fox: "And I ran as soon as I heard the name of the lady they tried to marry me off with."
Doc: "How bad of a name was it?"
Fox: "Helga Nutcrusher Hammerfist."
Doc: "Ah. Yeah, you probably want to avoid her like the plague."

And that's why I think it's different. :D
Good job at breaking status quo from the MM!

Thanks! :D

...in a similar vein, if I were DM'ing, I would make Helga be just the sweetest person ever, like "runs a shelter for rescued kittens " levels of saccharine, and completely crushingly depressed over the effect her name has on people :P

DigoDragon

2015-09-04, 01:26 PM

...in a similar vein, if I were DM'ing, I would make Helga be just the sweetest person ever, like "runs a shelter for rescued kittens " levels of saccharine, and completely crushingly depressed over the effect her name has on people :P

...

...I am officially stealing this for my upcoming game.

Necroticplague

2015-09-04, 02:16 PM

Gene: Crap, I think phase 3 of the run is starting.
GM:Phase 3?
Nesdu: Phase 1; legwork and planning. Phase 2; starting the run, things are going as planned. Phase 3; everything goes south in ways we couldn't possibly predict, things become too complicated for us to adjust to. Phase 4; Simplify things by shooting and blowing up to remove variables, before re-adjusting plans.
Genne: So far, most follow that pattern. Except when we skip straight to 4 because screw it.

TheTeaMustFlow

2015-09-04, 05:49 PM

Thanks! :D

...in a similar vein, if I were DM'ing, I would make Helga be just the sweetest person ever, like "runs a shelter for rescued kittens " levels of saccharine, and completely crushingly depressed over the effect her name has on people :P

Naturally, the kittens turn out to be dire tigers.

SarcasticDom

2015-09-04, 06:02 PM

DM: Remember when three of us went to se Mad Max?
Players: Yes?
DM: Well a series of spiky, flaming mine carts descend from the ceiling.

PC 1: I try to detect any chaos stuff on the biggest cart.
DM: You detect an enemy psyker.
PC 1: Damn.
DM: Who you quickly recognise as that politican who you choked earlier and almost arrested.
PC 1: Aww come on!
DM: Who proceeds to pull out a daemonic katana and leap onto your own cart, roll intiative.
PC 1: A FREAKING KATANA in 40K! *incoherent rage*

PC 2: I drive several miles out of the city to an airfield just so I can parachute down into the party.

PC 3: You know for silenced pistols that are meant to help us be all stealthy and kill quietly, they do accidently make a lot of heads explode.

PoeticDwarf

2015-09-05, 01:00 AM

DigoDragon

2015-09-05, 08:50 PM

Luapula: “Coming here was a bad idea. It's going to kill you.”
Doc: “It? Is there someone else here in this building besides you?”
Moon: “Hey guys, we've got a weird looking giant robot flying in. Does our survivor know anything about that?”
Doc: “Lua, does a giant flying robot describe the 'It' you just mentioned?”
Luapula: *Starts sobbing and retreats into the big shirt, curled into a fetal position and rocking in place*
Doc: (Turns to Moon) “Pretty confident the answer to that is 'yes'.”

Viridia: “Time for the ol' attack-its-weak-point-for-massive-damage-a-roony.”

GM: “Everyone's killing it with their rolls; the butcher bot is no tame doe, though.”
Stellar: “I messed up on the fire roll. …194 damage. Shame the fires failed to catch.”
Doc: “I think the ‘tame doe’ just became Bambi's mom, post-Meadow.”
Stellar: “And I didn’t even crit!”

Flying Deathbot: (Grabs Moon by the neck) “Shhh, little meats sleep now. Delightful thoughts are in sleep time.”
Moon: “Moonshadow doesn't respond, being a tad too dead to answer as her heart slowly flutters to a stop.”

Flying Deathbot: “Well done, porkchop! But there's rules to be followed. Get your proteins in order!”
Stellar: “You want my meat? Come and get some!”
GM: “Do do do, rolling robotic retaliation, do do do~”

Viridia: “So, what's your next character going to be, Moon? I'm thinking I might go for a Zebra.”
GM: “There's no need to make new characters!”
Viridia: “You suuuure? 'Cause Viridia's now dying, the bot's not dead, and Doc's on the roof.”
Doc: “And I may be down to about... 6 hit points?”

Stellar: “Aaand now the creepy robot thing is on fire...”
Doc: “What did you do?!”

Viridia: “Gah! Oh...I'm not dead. Excellent. Am I ginger?”

GM: “The fact that the thing that was meant to instigate a TPK in two turns has been heavily crippled and reduced to a third of its health while everyone is currently conscious again shows that the party is made of combat beasts.”
Doc: “And Doc.”
Viridia: “And Viridia.”

Stellar: “I just hit for 238 damage and the creepy robot is now even more on fire.”

Moon: “These days I just sorta assume that if I am interested in something there is also a pony version of that thing out there somewhere.”

Flying Deathbot: “Tiny undernourished cow, I don't know what you mean. Look at my cheerful face as I prepare you for safe transport.”
Doc: “Cow? I ain't a cow! I'm not even female, you stupid rust bucket!”

Louro

2015-09-05, 09:04 PM

Me: the ones who are dead go and kill the dead guys.
Translation: those who in a very bad condition go and finish the incapacited enemies.

...

The group standing before a huge "machiney" thingy with lots of pullers, levers, valves...
Ralek: Who wrote down the instructions the engineer gave us?
Profion: I did
Ralek: What we must do now?
Profion: (reading) Activate the first furnace
Ralek: No no, read everything.
Profion: ... Activate the first furnace.
Ralek: Great!

Necroticplague

2015-09-05, 09:51 PM

Finally got the rest of the group to try a one-shot with this system.

GM: O.k, so we have a party consisting of a nuclear vending machine, a heavily modded industrial robot/battlebot snake, and a flying saucer crop duster. Thus, let the epic adventure begin.

GM: You come across a locked door.
Gene:Any of us able to deal with it being locked?
Nesdu: Back up, do any of us even have hands for dealing with unlocked doors?
Shibu:.....

GM:You know, eventually, you'll run into a situation in which an industrial laser isn't an acceptable substitute for hands.
Gene: I'll burn that bridge when I come to it.
Shibu: Don't you mean-
Gene: I know what I said.

GM: You know, if you guys weren't a bunch of robots, the fact you stuff the corpses of your enemies into a friend so you can quickly retrieve them for spare parts might come across as moderately disturbing.
Shibu: Well, when you've only got so many abilities, and we're certainly not gonna let any storage space or metal go to waste. Hey, any of these guys got kerosene or gas in them? I could use some fluids.
Gene:Nothing flammable, but I think some of the broken down, er, 'pleasure gynoids' might have a....lubricant reservoir. That might come in handy if we find something rusty.
Shibu: Or if we're chased. Good thinking.

JAL_1138

2015-09-05, 10:25 PM

PC1: *bad russian accent* I have clever plan. I take beeg hammer, I crush.
PC2: OK, seriously, that's the fifteenth time you've said "I crush" in the past ten minutes. Do you do anything besides "crush"...?
PC1: *long pause* ... *pulls out greatsword* Sometimes I chop.

Jay R

2015-09-05, 10:29 PM

The DM made a piñata in the shape of a giant eye, with eyestalks sticking out from it. When we finally hit it with the stick, and beads and chocolate spilled all over the floor...

Me: I guess it's true - booty is in the eye of the beholder.

goto124

2015-09-06, 12:28 AM

GM: “Just to be clear, you were not actually supposed to defeat the overpowered robot. The fact that the thing that was meant to instigate a TPK in two turns has been heavily crippled and reduced to a third of its health while everyone is currently conscious again shows that the party is made of combat beasts.”

Stellar: “Aaand now the creepy robot thing is on fire...”
Doc: “What did you do?!”

Stellar: “I just hit for 238 damage and the creepy robot is now even more on fire.”

I included a line! Wow, that really changes the entire story. Post it in a thread, such as 'Best Player Stories' or something!

That was one nerve-wrecking battle, especially the numbers and combat stats in the spoilers! What did you think of it, by the way? I wanna hear from a player's perspective! I think Lightning Stellar was the main damage dealer, Doc being (what else) the combat medic, while Moonshadow and Viridia were... supporters? Controllers?

Flying Deathbot: (Grabs Moon by the neck) “Shhh, little meats sleep now. Delightful thoughts are in sleep time.”
Moon: “Moonshadow doesn't respond, being a tad too dead to answer as her heart slowly flutters to a stop.”

"I'm at -16 HP! Being choked is kinda redundant at this point." What HP do F:E characters die at, by the way? Are there ressurection options, difficult and inaccessible as they are?

You forgot something!
Loading boss theme...
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iSnn-uo_Urw)

DigoDragon

2015-09-06, 10:04 AM

I included a line! Wow, that really changes the entire story. Post it in a thread, such as 'Best Player Stories' or something!

Hmm! Yeah that is actually a good idea. I will do such.

That was one nerve-wrecking battle, especially the numbers and combat stats in the spoilers! What did you think of it, by the way? I wanna hear from a player's perspective! I think Lightning Stellar was the main damage dealer, Doc being (what else) the combat medic, while Moonshadow and Viridia were... supporters? Controllers?

What did I think of it? I was nervous and a little frustrated. Like, I wasn't sure if the GM was doing a railroading fight where we had to be captured or if he just assumed we'd all run away... I think at one point I asked if we angered him in some way because of just how crazy that Doombot was rolling damage numbers against us. I think he meant the former. It was pretty harrowing though. Kind of felt good to win against that thing.

Doc is certainly no combat beast. He was just rolling quite lucky during the combat. Doc was very important, however, in keeping everyone else from dying though, so... yay team healer? Unfortunately that fight drained him of his potion stock, so he isn't much use in another fight until he can get a restock (potions being the only means Doc has for HP restoration in a fight).

"I'm at -16 HP! Being choked is kinda redundant at this point." What HP do F:E characters die at, by the way? Are there ressurection options, difficult and inaccessible as they are?

In this system, when a character reaches negative HP, they are considered dying. You have a number of rounds equal to your Endurance score to get them back up to a positive HP figure or they die.

Inevitability

2015-09-06, 11:01 AM

Kobold: Stay away from Mr. Froggosaur!

Ranger: I dare you to shapechange into a giant frog!
Wizard: That would be a waste of a valueable spell slot. No.
Ranger: A waste? There is no better form to assume! What could be stronger?
Me: How about two giant frogs?
<beat>
Ranger: I dare you to shapechange into two giant frogs!

Cristo Meyers

2015-09-06, 11:06 AM

Stellar: “I just hit for 238 damage and the creepy robot is now even more on fire.”

If at first you don't succeed, burn everything to the ground.

Words to live by.

In the vein of overpowered encounters:

"I remember the Destroyer of All Things being tougher..."

And one more

"Great, now I won't be able to step on a spider without worrying I killed your Uncle Samir."
"First, friend. Second, he's not the kind of spider you can just 'step on...'"

Forum Explorer

2015-09-08, 03:09 AM

That was one nerve-wrecking battle, especially the numbers and combat stats in the spoilers! What did you think of it, by the way? I wanna hear from a player's perspective! I think Lightning Stellar was the main damage dealer, Doc being (what else) the combat medic, while Moonshadow and Viridia were... supporters? Controllers?

Moonshadow is a glass cannon. She can attack from ambush for a lot of damage but she can't take a hit.

As for the fight, well it was alright. I was worried that the GM made a mistake in designing the monster which was going to kill a couple (or all) of us. And I have no intention of replacing Moonshadow, so that would effectively knock me out of the game. I was annoyed that it somehow hit both Viridia and Moonshadow with melee attacks despite them being in opposite directions of each other and a decent distance apart.

In hindsight though, we fought that wrong. We should've taken cover inside and just shot out at it. That way it couldn't reach us with it's giant chainsaw or buzzsaws.

goto124

2015-09-08, 03:38 AM

Moonshadow is a glass cannon. She can attack from ambush for a lot of damage but she can't take a hit.

Rogue Pony. Ponyassin. *stops lame pony-related names*

Your method was a lot more badass though, considering your teammate set it on fire :smalltongue: Who got (most badly) hit by those buzzsaws and/or 600 dmg chainsaws, by the way?

Also, do you think TOUCH WOOD the deathbot could've smashed the entire building? That could've been far worse...

Necroticplague

2015-09-08, 03:39 AM

Vknight

2015-09-08, 06:47 AM

GM:Anyone have any questions?
Gene: Do hermaphrodites have to worry about getting pregnant from their own wet dreams?
GM: Doe anyone have any questions that are in some way relevant to what just happened in the game.

I think that is perfectly relevant in something like Eclipse Phase

Also a few

Ziva : It always ends with you threatening to seal my soul into a dildo

Ziva : Your not going to scare me by intimidation.
Mage : Why not?
Ziva : Hell
Mage : What?
Ziva : I crawled out of hell
Mage : I do not see how it is relevant

Lily : Plus's to being a vampire. I'm not going to die of old age and I won't get fat from what I eat also superpowers.
Werewolf : So what are the negatives
Lily : Sunlight, werewolves, kue-jin, faeries, mages, hunters, being stacked through the heart, various other minor things all involving not really being alive anymore, and a addiction to sex
Changeling : Wait... the last one
Lily : Sex Addiction
Werewolf : So that for every vampire
Lily : No its a unique thing for the vampire clan to which I belong

Gm : So your going to make a little sun, put it into a containment cube and place it on your mantle
Wizard : Yeah I don't see the problem
Gm : Right then don't mess this up

Skrilzz

2015-09-08, 07:29 AM

Harald Hammerhand, dwarf fighter:"Just consider me a clotheshanger, doing some goblin abortions."

Lerris, elf mage:"Don't worry, I got just the thing for invisible vampires...", I cast glitterdust.

DigoDragon

2015-09-08, 08:03 AM

In hindsight though, we fought that wrong. We should've taken cover inside and just shot out at it.

Agreed. We probably could have fought it from the building and force it to spend actions cutting through the building to get at us. Ah well, we're not dead yet ^^;

Rogue Pony. Ponyassin.

*Snerk* I think I'm pronouncing that wrong. XD

GM: Doe anyone have any questions that are in some way relevant to what just happened in the game.

Haha, describes half the players I've ever had.

GM: “I imagine a bunch of them would look like this, including being constantly annoyed by a bunch of pastel midgets going around and somehow dancing on their hind legs and flying and ugh is that a tumor on her head?”

Doc: “I like the idea that Pegasi would be the ‘In da hood’ kind of folks.”
Viridia: “Pegasi adding spinning rims to their wings and hydraulics to their hooves?”

Stellar: “We also need to keep an eye on that zebra. Did we just leave him alone with our escortees?”
Doc: “Yeah, we left Luapula curled up in a fetal position within one of the side rooms.”

Northern: “This f***er is crazy. Said we're in hell and tried to take my gun.”
Viridia: “Well, he's not wrong.”

River: “The heck happened to you all?”
Viridia: “"Imagine a trash can, a chainsaw, and a raygun. Put them all together, then multiply that by ten, and add a clown.”
Moon: “No kidding.”
River: “Uh, do you want some, uh, something for the, uh, your everything?”

goto124

2015-09-08, 09:44 AM

Viridia: “"Imagine a trash can, a chainsaw, and a raygun. Put them all together, then multiply that by ten, and add a clown.”
Moon: “No kidding.”
River: “Uh, do you want some, uh, something for the, uh, your everything?”

How are her hindquarters though? :smalltongue:

Northern: “This f***er is crazy. Said we're in hell and tried to take my gun.”
Viridia: “Well, he's not wrong.”

Does Doc get to make trips to Heaven though? I think he did...

I'll throw in a quote, which is made even more special by the OOC context:

Stellar: [Stellar] feels like she's just done battle with an angry God and won!

GPuzzle

2015-09-08, 11:49 AM

Lewis: "TO THE AUTISM MOBILE!"

Simon: "Crap. It's the Great Rabbit Conspiracy."
Lewis: "You are not Jimmy Carter, Simon."

Claire: "I HAVE EVIDENCE THAT THE TELETUBBIES KILLED KENNEDY!"
Fred: "AND IT WAS AN ORDER FROM THE RABBITS!"

Erth16

2015-09-08, 08:18 PM

Director: Atop the volcano off in the distance, you see a very small giraffe, about maybe 5 or 6 inches tall. As you watch, the giraffe undergoes the process of evolution before your very eyes, swiftly growing to be twice as large as your average giraffe. This process takes about a year. When it finished growing, it dives into the volcano and emerges a majestic firebird, that then drives down the volcan and over the sea of ranch dressing and stops next to you. The opossum driving the firebird turns to look at you and lifts his sunglasses before saying "Quepasa? Hop in, we're getting out of here."
Kent: I turn the firebird into milk.

Inevitability

2015-09-09, 11:34 AM

Night Hag: You'll *cough* never defeat our boss... He'll... crush you.
Wizard: Is he a balor?
Night Hag: A *cough* balor? Hah! He has a few of those as servants!
Wizard: You know what this means, guys?
Rogue: What does it mean?
Wizard: More XP for everyone!
Party: *Cheers*
Me: No, this is the part where you are supposed to be all intimidated and frightened. Because, y'know, balors?
Wizard: I demand next session to feature at least one balor!

DigoDragon

2015-09-10, 07:28 AM

goto124

2015-09-10, 08:13 AM

Moon: “Hang on, why are we tying this guy up again?”
Viridia: “He went for Northern Light's shotgun, and as much as I don't want the guy dead, I don't want anypony else dead, either.”
Moon: “I see. Well I guess I can take a shot at it.”
Doc: “Amusing choice of words.”

Luapula: “We’re in hell, can't you tell?”
River: “Oh Celestia, we got a freaking rhymer.”

The group had arrived at a supply stop in hopes of buying more food for the long trip ahead. Instead, all the supplies are ruined, there is a disease lingering about, and the entire population was slaughtered except for one sole survivor. This survivor, Luapala, is scared out of his wits and in a bit of shock because he's seen things. As Doc, the party doctor (as opposed to the party doctor?), I want to take him to a nearby hospital (we have enough food to make it there) where I can work with another doctor, Stitchheart, and figure out what this disease is (and whether any of us have caught it for being in a contaminated place).

The problem is that Luapala had freaked out when a killer robot came to collect us (this robot may explain the fate of the others that once lived here). The party defeated the robot, but during the fight Lua freaked out and attempted to grab a shotgun for reasons he has not yet stated (he barely talks and mostly mumbles about how this supply depot is hell/death. A few teammates tied up the survivor in case he planned on shooting us. Reasonable precaution.

So! Thus far Doc thinks our survivor is simply still suffering shock and made a poor decision with fear by grabbing the shotgun. Three members of the party (Viridia, Moon, and River? Stellar has not provided her opinion, the most she's said is "We also need to keep an eye on that zebra") think we should leave him behind. I think he should come along (I've attempted to compromise by allowing the survivor to remain tied up). But what if the doctor is the only one that thinks we should bring the survivor? Does he resign to the majority and leave this lone scared person by himself within this contaminated place? He'll definitely die without food and clean water. Probably die faster if another killer robot shows up.

We don't know if he's normally a good or bad person. We only know that right now he's a quivering mass of fear and needs help soon. His life is ours to decide right now, and we have to decide now because another killer robot could be on its way. We barely survived the first attack.

Viridia tossed a mag of 5.56 ammo at Doc's head as he tried to untie the Okapi. "Doc, you're being dumb. Don't be dumb. You can be dumb when we haven't got a couple of kids to protect from the shotgun-stealing Okapi."

Why not leave him here? Hear me out, Moonshadow said, lifting a hoof to preempt Doc's objection. We'll go to Stitchheart's as planned, and then we'll leave River Moss, Andante, Northern Light, and the kids there. Meanwhile we'll go check out the factory that murder bot came from and make sure there aren't any more threats. Then we'll come back and pick him up, before going back to Stitchheart's. That way we don't have a mentally disturbed whatever he is alone with the others. He'll be by himself for a day or two.

(Is River considered a party member?)

"Even if he wasn't a drug addict who just ranted about how our, uh, souls are ink or something," River added, glaring at the silent okapi, "There's eight ponies with us. Even if the closest place is in two days, we barely have enough food for that. This was supposed to be a supply stop, and the supplies are all tainted."

"We gave him a chance, Doc. We gave him food and checked him over for injuries, then he tried to grab a gun. There's no logical reason to untie him and give him a chance to do it again - the only reason his comfort, which, frankly, I don't care about after the little stunt her tried to pull." Viridia replied. "And, again, we've got colts with us. Don't reckon he needs a shotgun to overpower them, does he?"

My concerns about Luapala, funnily enough, have nothing to do with morality. It's that he knows what supernatural things the party has run into. He's a shaman, and there's good chance he's invaluable to the party, if only due to the stuff he detects and the information he gives out.

"You are all soaked in it." he continued, sounding fearful, "Your souls are dipped in ink. The brown stallion has been stalked by the Black Goat and she killed a Starkattari experiment, but you have seen and allied with worse. You have spoken with the descendants of inbred nobility and have made an ally of the get of Yig. The world is soaked in evil and darkness, but you all have dived into it without knowing you are wet, and there is no escaping what lurks in the waters, now."

Although, now that I look at it... I think the ponies disregarded his words because Lua is quite a bit like a mad oracle, and oracles don't really give advice that's actually useful and worth the trouble. It's still a toss-up as to the usefulness of his advice/ramblings.

Admittingly, Moon's suggestion is worth thinking about, since it doesn't push Lua aside completely. Assuming Lua doesn't move... assuming nothing happens to Lua...

I'm also concerned that the players aren't discussing this OOCly. Though that may be because their ideas aren't much different from their PCs'.

I'm not clear on how magic works in the setting though, and part of the answer may depend on that.

The deathbot makes me wonder why there's something so ridiculously powerful (and probably expensive, if one could find all those materials to build it in the first place) in a wasteland. Let alone more than one of them. It's like it's designed to take out not normal ponies, but those who're especially tough and trained in combat. Yes, it was designed to TPK in two rounds, but that's OOC, while I meant IC storyline wise.

Is the deathbot prejudiced against zebras? Okapis?

DigoDragon

2015-09-10, 08:35 AM

[What did I even do this for?]

Because it's an interesting campaign that deals a lot with morality and ponies? ...(and shipping) :smallbiggrin:

My concerns about Luapala, funnily enough, have nothing to do with morality. It's that he knows what supernatural things the party has run into. He's a shaman, and there's good chance he's invaluable to the party, if only due to the stuff he detects and the information he gives out.
[...]
Although, now that I look at it... I think the ponies disregarded his words because Lua is quite a bit like a mad oracle, and oracles don't really give advice that's actually useful and worth the trouble. It's still a toss-up as to the usefulness of his advice/ramblings.

There is one detail that I think may be worth bringing up-- Stellar and Doc did not hear Luapula make those oracle predictions, nor were they told about them afterwards. I think Doc would be that much more interested in keeping Lua around if he learned that the okapi has shaman knowledge of spirits, in particular about the shadowy horned creature that is following Doc around. The party lacks a magical expert and that's where Lua could be valuable.

Admittingly, Moon's suggestion is worth thinking about, since it doesn't push Lua aside completely. Assuming Lua doesn't move... assuming nothing happens to Lua...
I'm also concerned that the players aren't discussing this OOCly. Though that may be because their ideas aren't much different from their PCs'.

I think player and character ideas are running parallel at the moment. Doc wants to bring Lua along because he could be useful in studying the disease and it feels like the right thing to do for a survivor who could be a good person. Others feel it's too risky because we don't know if Lua will harm the party (he could be evil) and our food supply is limited. Both sides make good arguments on different points so we have a conundrum. I think ultimately we may end up doing what the majority decides and that so far is leaving Lua behind (although there are still 3 votes right now that haven't been made, likely two of those will be for leaving him behind, making the decision 5-2 against Lua).

We will see though.

As for the death bot thing, I dunno. I'd like to go there and see who's "behind the curtain". You don't find an overpowered deathbot like that anywhere in the wastes.

Wizard: I demand next session to feature at least one balor!

When the PCs just aren't phased by anything... O.o

Kent: I turn the firebird into milk.

It's a pop fly over from left field... and it's gone!

JAL_1138

2015-09-10, 09:36 AM

Halfling: Know where to find any salt or spices? This long-pig is a little bland.
Thri-kreen: Elffss besst raw...charred by ffire makess tough, tasste of sssoot. Heere isss sssalt.
Halfling: Thank you. Difference in race, though. Raw meat can make my kind a bit sick. And cooking preserves it some.
Thri-kreen: *click clack click* Ahhh, that eckssplainnss. Alwayss wondered.
Halfling: Elf is a bit stringy, either way. I prefer human, when I can get it.
Thri-kreen: Hhhooman go ranccid too fasst in ssunn. Doessn't kk'keep well.
Halfling: Fair point, you've got to cook it quick after a kill. Doesn't dry into jerky well either.

Elf: I move away from those two.
Human: Ditto. And get my axe ready just in case.

Necroticplague

2015-09-10, 09:57 AM

Nesdu: Great. Our very lives may come down to a rap battle. Do any of use actually know how to do this?
GM: *Smug Grin*
Gene:*clears throat*
O.k, now, let's take this sh** to school.
Which on of you b****es think you cool?
You think you could harm me?
Bring a god-**** army.
Think you'd all ap-re-ci-ate
but instead you ra-ther-hate.
So, who's gonna be first-you?
I've scraped bigger off my shoe.
Y'all must not be right in the head.
If you think this gang-up-act
Earn you anything more than a pile of dead.
Barely need to think, kill ya'll on the react.
Knock you all into next week, CRY B****S, CRY
SO COME ROUND ME NOW, WHO WANTS TO DIE!
GM: Eh, not half bad. Shade's good, and small sections have nice flow, but you tend to change to change your flow violently every few lines.
Gene: Sorry, bit rusty.
Shibu: When the heck.....

JAL_1138

2015-09-10, 09:58 AM

GM: “What loaded up was a sin against good computing.”
OS Boot Screen: "LICENSEE OR INTO AN ELECTION TO HAVE CEASED TO THE DEPARTMENT OF THE AVERAGE OF ANY RESTRICTIONS AS IT SHALL NOT OUTSIDE THE QUALIFIED PERSONNEL THROUGH THE INJURY EVEN IF ANY, OF WARRANT CERTIFICATES INITIALLY ATTACHED. THE INJURY; SECOND, THAT WARRANT AGREEMENT, ANY STATE OF THE FOREGOING, ANY TIME IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE PUBLICITY AND HIGHLY COMPENSATED EMPLOYEES AND BETWEEN THE COMPANY DEEMS NECESSARY TO THE EXERCISE OF THE RIGHT TO THE WARRANT CERTIFICATES SHALL INCLUDED EXCEPT AS TRUSTEE OR CONVEY ALL THE SURVIVOR OF ANY SUCH POWER AND NOTHING THAT IT DEEMS APPROPRIATE TO BE REQUIRED TO THE LAWS (INCLUDING, WITHOUT INTERFERING WITH THE HOLDER TO ALTER AND CHARACTERS LICENSED NAME AND NOTHING CONTAINED HEREIN CONTAINED, THE COMPANY, SUBJECT TO BE REMOVED AT WHICH ARE MADE NO MEMBER OF WARRANT CERTIFICATES."

Also a sin against the English language in general and contract law in particular. I think I could give my first-year Contracts professor an aneurism with this. And for good measure, there's a few phrases that look like they came out of a deed, life-insurance policy, or power-of-attorney.

goto124

2015-09-10, 10:16 AM

I think player and character ideas are running parallel at the moment. Doc wants to bring Lua along because he could be useful in studying the disease and it feels like the right thing to do for a survivor who could be a good person. Others feel it's too risky because we don't know if Lua will harm the party (he could be evil) and our food supply is limited. Both sides make good arguments on different points so we have a conundrum. I think ultimately we may end up doing what the majority decides and that so far is leaving Lua behind (although there are still 3 votes right now that haven't been made, likely two of those will be for leaving him behind, making the decision 5-2 against Lua).

River did talk about Lua as 'a drug addict who just ranted about how our, uh, souls are ink or something'.

Even the ponies who did hear Lua's oracle predictions don't think Lua is particularly valuable anyway, which is a problem since it denies the other ponies the chance to make informed decisions.

I find it suspicious that even after channeling Flutterdoc, the DM made it such that Lua didn't actually say anything. Huh?

DigoDragon

2015-09-10, 11:47 AM

Nesdu: Great. Our very lives may come down to a rap battle.

That was amazing. 10 points to Ravenclaw for the advancement of rap battle science. :smallbiggrin:

Also a sin against the English language in general and contract law in particular.

I'm fairly sure that was intentional so that the point gets across that this thing was programmed by someone unstable.

River did talk about Lua as 'a drug addict who just ranted about how our, uh, souls are ink or something'.

Even the ponies who did hear Lua's oracle predictions don't think Lua is particularly valuable anyway, which is a problem since it denies the other ponies the chance to make informed decisions.

I find it suspicious that even after channeling Flutterdoc, the DM made it such that Lua didn't actually say anything. Huh?

Given Lua's current state of doom & gloom, I had Doc interpret River's line as describing some kind of Gothic poetry. :3 But yeah, it doesn't seem like anyone other than Doc sees use in this okapi. A shame too, cause I think Doc could use a lab partner now that he's on the verge of building medical/science-y things. XD

Very suspicious. I think rolling a critical success deserves some kind of positive response!

Inevitability

2015-09-10, 02:10 PM

Wizard: So then I have like a hundred lizardfolk working for me in a walled-up space with little to no natural light, little sleep, and the constant threat of death. I'll need to do some experimenting to determine how much I can starve them without it reducing productivity. Food will be taken care of by small bands of lizardfolk who are allowed to hunt. I'll make clear that if they fail to return, all lizardfolk will be tortured, though.
Me: And what if those lizardfolk don't return because they are malnourished and you send them hunting in a swamp filled with Yuan-Ti, crocodiles, stray undead and shambling mounds?
Wizard: Well, torture of course!
Me: You are horrible. I'm surprised you don't turn all those lizardfolk into undead and have those do the work.
Wizard: Now there's an idea...
Me: I really need to stop giving you ideas.

GrayGriffin

2015-09-10, 04:44 PM

Bro Chad: *puts hands up* "O-okay. Okay! Look, just don't skin me and use me as a baseball!"

Bro Tyson: *after seeing one of his friends get choked unconscious* O.O "H-holy Arceus..."
Jericho: "Had enough?"
Bro Tyson: "I... I can't leave my bro behind!"
Bro Chad: "Dude, baseballs!"

Altair Azure: "Watching me walk is less boring than watching the police? I didn't quite see you as that type."

goto124

2015-09-11, 03:42 AM

Some PC: "D'awww, who's a cute widdle penguin? You are! Yes, you are!"
Some PC: *looks over his shoulder*
Some PC: "So how do you three take your penguin? Well done? Rare? Medium-rare?"

This PC was supposed to be the most normal person out of all the PCs there.

Also, I saw that all the players/PCs have agreed to take Luapala along after tying him up. Yay progress!

DigoDragon

2015-09-11, 07:28 AM

Me: I really need to stop giving you ideas.

My old local group would say that often. I usually wave it off that I already had ideas... and then secretly write theirs down because half the time they were better. >.>

Some PC: "So how do you three take your penguin? Well done? Rare? Medium-rare?"

Uh... heh, well I guess when you're hungry...

Also, I saw that all the players/PCs have agreed to take Luapala along after tying him up. Yay progress!

Something like that. Now to commence some awkward shipping quotes. XD

Inevitability

2015-09-11, 02:25 PM

Talking Magic Staff: Fascinating. If my analysis is correct, your psychopathic tendencies are nothing but an attempt to hide the fact that you have failed at everything that was ever important to you.
Wizard: Don't say that.
Talking Magic Staff: Or what? I am useful enough that destroying me would be a major error, I can't feel pain, and I am immune to most kinds of mental harm.
Wizard: I could use you as a toothpick.
<beat>
Talking Magic Staff: I'll be good, I promise!

ZeroGear

2015-09-11, 05:23 PM

Why does that remind me of the talking shovel (Goldseeker) that my Eldrich Disciple used to have?
(It used to constantly insult my character as he was so bad at directions that he would constantly get lost...even in a straight line)

StealthyRobot

2015-09-11, 11:27 PM

Characters
Finnigan: Shy, 18 year old emotionally scarred gnomish wizard born to a prophecy.
Paavu: Quiet goliath barabarian from a mountain tribe, hates bandits.
Mara: Gorgeous young human ranger. Untrusting, her clan wiped out, and rides a wyvern named Ryu.
Randal: Amnesiac half-elf druid, knows someone tried to kill him.
Monk: Human shadow monk, his monastory of balance destroyed by dragon monks.
*Mara, Finn, and Randal enter a shack, Paavu behind them*
DM: as you enter the shack, you see its bigger on the inside.
Paavu: I stay outside.
Finn: I go into the center of the room.
DM: Paavu, you feel some force pull you in.
Paavu: Can I make a strength check to resist it?
DM: Sure
Paavu: 18
DM:You easily grip the doorframe and push yourself out as a large slab of stone seals the open doorway.
Mara: Well thats great.
Paavu: I light my torch.
Randal: Wait why? You're in a forset during the day.
Paavu: I press my torch against the building.
DM: As you guys stand in the room, an water elemental appears. Roll initiative.
Finn: We are so dead...

Finn: Firebolt!
DM: The ice elemental melts into a puddle. The fire elemntal goes after Mara... and misses. Paavu, your turn.
Paavu: I keep the torch pressed on the building.
DM: Okay, Its on fire and starting to spread.
Paavu: Cool. I extinguish my torch and go pick some berries.

DM: As Finn collapses with arrows in his chest, you see a hooded figure on a roof 100 feet away across the pavillion. They shout "for the spider queen!" and start running. You can tell it was a drow.
Monk: "It's a black guy!"
DM: Everyone freaks out and runs.
Mara: Hunters mark. I send Ryu to chase him, 120 ft fly speed.
Monk: Me too. 80ft with dash.
DM: Oh. um okay. He runs back out of sight and jumps into the alleyways and attempts to hide.
Mara: He cant with hunters mark.
DM: Oh.

Mara: Ryu tackles him!
DM: okay, his turn. He breaks the grapple.
Monk: I'm in range now. *roll* Crit.
DM: You weren't even supposed to chase this guy...
Monk: I break his legs.

EDIT: I guess I'm not too good at the zero context part...