Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition III: Now with 50% more DigoDragon

[StealthyRobot]

Monk: I rush out of the bushes and help them. That ones the leader?
DM: yes.
Monk: okay, I go for him. 8 damage.
Mara:You're gonna die.
Monk:My ac is too high, he can't even...
DM:Crit. He bites off your finger.
Monk: Thats okay. Which finger?
DM: *roll* Ha! Your middle finger!
Monk: B*****d!

Mara: Ryu is gonna fly at 10ft above that wolf and attack with his claws.
DM: Miss. The wolf is going to jump at him. *roll* He springs up gnashing his teeth, but doesnt jump high enough.
*this repeats a few turns*
DM: rolls for jumping... Crit! Okay, the wolf floats up and tries to bite while hovering in the air.... Miss...He floats back down.
*next turn*
DM: Finally! He jumps up and bites down on Ryu's leg! Make a Strength saving throw!
Mara:11?
DM: the wolf manages to drag Ryu to the ground.
Mara: Okay. Ryu attacks with his tail. 15 damage.
DM: The stinger pierces the wolfs head. He collapses, but his face is that of utmost joy in having finally caught the big piniata.
Mara: I skin the wolf.

Mara:Paavu! Try to get clean kills so we can sell the pelts!
Paavu: Crit. Rage+str+double... 32 damage.
DM: Its very dead. And turns into a red mist that floats into the air.
Paavu: Clean. See, no mess.

DM: The priests daughter runs up to you and gives you a hug.
Finn: Is she my love interest?
DM: She is twelve.
Randal: Here, I'll put out some candles for you two.

[DigoDragon]

Doc: “I'm sure Viridia and Moon are making friends with Lua and learning about what happened to his pals.”
[Meanwhile]
GM: “River manages to tie Luapula up like a hog, using her teeth.”
Viridia: “So...anypony up for a game of Magic: the Befriending?”

Moon: “Maybe keeping Lua around would work as a sort of living shield for crazy crap that kept happening.”
Doc: “Should I feel bad that I thought ‘meat shield’ instead of ‘expert that can defend us against spirits’ with that comment?”
Moon: “Not really, because I was certainly thinking meat shield.”

River: “But think about all the crazy crap ponies obsess over now. There's probably a tribe somewhere that worships these cards, probably.”
Viridia: “That'd be great. 'Cause if it existed, there's hope for a tribe that worships white Pegasi with golden manes and cool-ass swords.”

River: “Are you sure you don't need to, uh, lay down or anything? You look like you got in a fight with a blender. Isn't Doc, uh, a doctor?”

Viridia: “Why did you agree to play cards at all, if you just want me to go lie in a corner somewhere?”
Moon: “Clearly she's concerned about Viridia's drinking problem. IE, she's not.”

Programmer’s Note: “Look, I don't know what half of these things mean, either, but that's what happens when something's coded in another country. Blame the company, not me. It took me two weeks just to get a full list of options for this thing. If you have a problem with it, go to another part of the building and call security, so they can take half an hour to get to you.”

[Necroticplague]

Programmer’s Note: “Look, I don't know what half of these things mean, either, but that's what happens when something's coded in another country. Blame the company, not me. It took me two weeks just to get a full list of options for this thing. If you have a problem with it, go to another part of the building and call security, so they can take half an hour to get to you.”

As a person working the technical parts of a company, I feel this pain.
Though half the time its less "from another country" and more "by someone who realized being the only one to know how something worked is job security", so crucial parts are giant messes of spaghetti code that would take months to unravel for anyone but the dude who wrote it.

[goto124]

River: You look like you got in a fight with a blender.

Well, I suppose the deathbot is a pony blender...*hears the sounds of a GM who failed a TPK*



Programmer’s Note: call security, so they can take half an hour to get to you.

Who in the party is best equipped for bureaucracy?

[DigoDragon]

Though half the time its less "from another country" and more "by someone who realized being the only one to know how something worked is job security", so crucial parts are giant messes of spaghetti code that would take months to unravel for anyone but the dude who wrote it.

My brother can confirm this. :smallbiggrin: He's done programming jobs and has brought home samples that I... I could not even begin to parse that what I was looking at was even code.



*hears the sounds of a GM who failed a TPK*

Best failure ever!



Who in the party is best equipped for bureaucracy?

Best equipped? Probably Viridia. Most patience to deal with it? Maybe Doc.

[Inevitability]

Ranger: So you are a merciless mercenary now?
Rogue: I can be whatever people want me to be. Well, as long as they keep paying me, anyway.

Wizard: I think I'll feed the little orphan...
Me: How surprisingly nice of you. Giving food to a starving child, that has to be the noblest thing you have ever done.
Wizard: ...to my phylactery. Sorry, you were saying?

Me: So yeah, I guess that devil is fighting an upside-down dragonborn. This campaign is weird.

[Necroticplague]

Shibu: Do you forgive me for sleeping with your sister?
Gene: I don't have a sister.
Shibu: Wait, so who-no, what did I-
Gene: OH, I think I know what you're talking about. Here, this look familar?
*passes hand over body, it changing to a familiar shape*
Shibu: Wait, you were......but....erg.....why?
Gene: Well, at almost every city we came across, rumors/legends of your prowess abounded in houses of ill repute. I merely wanted to know what your secrets were.
Shibu: I'm going to be physically ill. Violently. Somewhere else.

[Inevitability]

Me: I really think you should try to remember the names of my NPC's.
Wizard: I do! I remember the previous badguy's name!
Me: That's...
Wizard: Oh wait, more like DEATHguy!
Me: :smallannoyed:
Wizard: Because I killed him, you see?
Me: :smallannoyed:

[DigoDragon]

Doc: “Not sure what some of these commands do. Rotate? Editmeat? Opendoc? ...” (Glances at the disabled chainsaw)
GM: “Best not to think about what Glitchmeat does.”

Doc: “Pack Mule?”
GM: “Speciest! What would his mother think of him thinking like that?!”
Doc: “Considering she's part of the town guard back home and has to deal with the drek that horses, zebras, and griffons call us earth ponies, where do you think Doc learned the term?”

Doc: *Picks up a rock and drops it down the dark shaft*
GM: “It hit something hard at about ten seconds; just long enough to know that using the ladder probably wasn't optional!”

Andante: “Believe it or not, my plan did not account for oversized robots or mad shamans, because I am not a tinfoil-wearing paranoid schizophrenic.”

Andante: “Oh, yes, as opposed to seeking treatment, let us run straight towards the probable source of the tainted meat and doom-bots. Or, we could cut out the middlemare and just start shooting ourselves.”

Moon: “You don't need to accompany us, Andante. In fact it'd be better if you didn't. We could fly there on our own then.”
Doc: “And Doc.”
Moon: “We need to get you a Jet Pack.”

GM: “Especially those who prey on uneducated individuals that don't really know how doctors should work.”
Doc: “Well, when there are so many uneducated individuals out there... it's too easy.”

[PoeticDwarf]

Ranger: So you are a merciless mercenary now?
Rogue: I can be whatever people want me to be. Well, as long as they keep paying me, anyway.

Wizard: I think I'll feed the little orphan...
Me: How surprisingly nice of you. Giving food to a starving child, that has to be the noblest thing you have ever done.
Wizard: ...to my phylactery. Sorry, you were saying?

Me: So yeah, I guess that devil is fighting an upside-down dragonborn. This campaign is weird.

I guess that dragonborn is also the first paladin chilling on a flying pit fiend.

[goto124]

Doc: “Not sure what some of these commands do. Rotate? Editmeat? Opendoc? ...” (Glances at the disabled chainsaw)

:smalleek:

I'm glad Doc isn't Opened!

*knocks on wood*


GM: “Speciest! What would his mother think of him thinking like that?!”
Doc: “Considering she's part of the town guard back home and has to deal with the drek that horses, zebras, and griffons call us earth ponies, where do you think Doc learned the term?”

Hmm, does Doc have a detailed backstory? Background of some sort?



Andante: “Oh, yes, as opposed to seeking treatment, let us run straight towards the probable source of the tainted meat and doom-bots. Or, we could cut out the middlemare and just start shooting ourselves.””

Probably the point to be thinking 'this is the GM speaking, it's probably time to listen to hir'.

[DigoDragon]

I'm glad Doc isn't Opened!

"No user serviceable parts inside." :smallbiggrin:



Imm, does Doc have a detailed backstory? Background of some sort?

He has a little backstory~
"Doc" isn't his actual name, although he generally plays it off as such. His real name is Vardo Wagon, named after his grandfather on his dad's side, a roaming vagabond that eventually retired in Manehattan (though he never fully gave up on the roguish lifestyle). Doc hated his name, so just adopted 'Doc' as it's also his profession. His parents are Charles "Chuck" Wagon and Patricia "Paddy" Wagon, two earth ponies that currently live in a community built out from a hospital building in Manehattan. Both parents work as part of the guard, defending the little town from outside attacks.

Being an old brick-and-mortar construction, the building survived pretty well against the bombs. The community is small and doesn't have an official name. The lack of name is somewhat intentional because the residents don't want to draw attention to it from gangs, raiders, or the Brotherhood. So it's usually just referred to as "The Community" by residents.

Doc grew up learning a lot about medicine and 'doctoring' from the few Doctors in the community. The hospital building was a good place to train and Doc learned a lot from the resident physicians. When his father lost a leg to a grenade during one raider attack, Doc decided he wanted to learn about cybernetics in order to restore his father's lost leg. The doctors in the community did not have much knowledge about cybernetics, so he decided to begin traveling around in hopes to find folks who could teach him.



Probably the point to be thinking 'this is the GM speaking, it's probably time to listen to hir'.

Why start now? XD
I think we will be looking into that factory, but first we need to heal up and restock food. Maybe some ammo as well.

[goto124]

"No user serviceable parts inside." :smallbiggrin:

Why is it that color? Does it belong to a particular NPC?


He has a little backstory~
Doc decided he wanted to learn about cybernetics in order to restore his father's lost leg.

How important do you treat this part of the backstory? I've seen you ask for cybernetics perks before, but mostly for other reasons.

I'm going on a limb* and saying you, as the player as opposed to the character, just likes cybernetics and wants to try it.

* :smalltongue:

[DigoDragon]

Why is it that color? Does it belong to a particular NPC?

Nah, no particular NPC. Just colored it so it looks more like a quote.



How important do you treat this part of the backstory? I've seen you ask for cybernetics perks before, but mostly for other reasons.
I'm going on a limb* and saying you, as the player as opposed to the character, just likes cybernetics and wants to try it.

* :smalltongue:

Since the backstory came first, I had Doc in it mostly as just a story point first. I didn't know if the GM would include the ability of allowing us cybernetics for ourselves. But since he's Ok'd it and even released some options and rules for when they become available, I have been wanting some cybernetics for Doc. How much I am not sure yet. They're costly and stupidly rare, so... probably some minor things that might raise a couple stats or improve his ability to fight. If resources weren't an object, I'd seriously consider cybernetic wings (I wanted a horn so Doc could cast healing magic, but the GM veto'd that politely).

But the backstory is still important. He will want to go back home to replace his dad's leg once he is done adventuring out here. Might even be with Mirror, depending on the GM if she and Doc remain an item or not.

[goto124]

once he is done adventuring out here

It won't come up until he's already done and the game's ended!

[DigoDragon]

It won't come up until he's already done and the game's ended!

Probably, but hey, he'd have a reason to cart around a robotic leg should he find one. :3
(I acknowledge that it's not the greatest background motivation, but sometimes what a PC expected and what the GM delivers is going to mismatch a little.

[goto124]

To be fair, this is the wasteland. The motivation is already there:

'I need to find food and shelter and stuff. Friends help a lot, it's much better than being alone.'

[GPuzzle]

"I don't want you manifesting your destiny over me!"

[DigoDragon]

Friends help a lot, it's much better than being alone.'

Heh, with some friends helping a bit more than others. ^^;



"I don't want you manifesting your destiny over me!"

Do they have a flag?

[Inevitability]

Trader: I present you the Shield of Deflection! Arrows, javelins, even axes or swords, all may be blocked by the wielder if he is quick enough to move his shield into the weapon's path!
Paladin: Coooooool. How much?
Trader: Well, for a noble knight such as you, how about 25 GP?
Paladin: I accept your of...
Wizard: Hold on, is that 'shield of deflection' just a normal shield with no special abilities whatsoever?
<beat>
Trader: It may not be...

[goto124]

Maybe the shield always deflects and never breaks/gets stuck/whatever?

@Digo: I realised that even Perception and Search checks are rolled openly, in full view of the players. Do you take steps to avoid metagaming, or just... er... roll with it? Take it that you can't do more than 1 Perception or Search check?

Also, is an 8 against a 7 is a fail in F:E, since lower rolls are better? Sorry, I'm too used to high = better.

[Hawkstar]

His parents are Charles "Chuck" Wagon and Patricia "Paddy" Wagon, two earth ponies that currently live in a community built out from a hospital building in Manehattan. Both parents work as part of the guard, defending the little town from outside attacks.
... I could see Patricia being a guard... but isn't Charles the settlement's most available cook?

[goto124]

Patrica and Charles are pre-existing characters? I thought they're characters that exist only in that backstory. Do they pop up somewhere else?

[GPuzzle]

"I think I just rolled a total of 2 in a 3d6."

"All aboard the zipline to the poopdeck."

[DigoDragon]

@Digo: I realised that even Perception and Search checks are rolled openly, in full view of the players. Do you take steps to avoid metagaming, or just... er... roll with it? Take it that you can't do more than 1 Perception or Search check?

Also, is an 8 against a 7 is a fail in F:E, since lower rolls are better? Sorry, I'm too used to high = better.

I try to roll with it. And yeah, an 8 out of 7 is a failure for my character's Perception. :smalltongue:
In that case, you can see that my character assumes there's nothing there to look at. I do my best to play to the result and not metagame. ...though I too am used to higher being better because of D&D. :3



... I could see Patricia being a guard... but isn't Charles the settlement's most available cook?

He is a skilled cook. However, the wasteland is a vary dangerous place that is out to get you, so every able adult that can hold a firearm gets trained to be part of the community's defense. And sadly for Chuck, he got a leg blown off for his services.



Patrica and Charles are pre-existing characters? I thought they're characters that exist only in that backstory. Do they pop up somewhere else?

Err, no, they have never appeared anywhere. Only mentioned in the backstory.



"I think I just rolled a total of 2 in a 3d6."

But... you... that... o.o

[ZeroGear]

Does anyone else in the group know that 'Doc' is not his real name?

[DigoDragon]

GM: "Well, Ubu was going to be a reoccurring male diamond dog villain.... and then he somehow got himself a butler job."



Does anyone else in the group know that 'Doc' is not his real name?

Nope! Whenever anyone gives an odd reaction to his name, he just shrugs and says his parents weren't very creative with names (which could also apply to recycling his grandfather's name, so he isn't obviously lying). Other than family and maybe a few childhood friends he grew up with, his name is pretty much a secret. Also in his background he did have one short-lived girlfriend a few years back that knew his real name. 'Short-lived' in that she was part of a traveling caravan and was killed by raiders during a trip.

It's sort of like Indiana Jones' name. His actual name is Henry Jones Jr., but he hates it and calls himself Indiana (which coincidentally was his pet dog's name). :smallbiggrin:

[ZeroGear]

Now I am looking forward to the inevitable reveal when Viridia finds out.

[Inevitability]

Me: I prefer my campaigns free of singing spiders, thank you very much.

[cavalieredraghi]

GM: "Well, Ubu was going to be a reoccurring male diamond dog villain.... and then he somehow got himself a butler job."



Player who got him a butler job:

You made him to likable.

[DigoDragon]

Now I am looking forward to the inevitable reveal when Viridia finds out.

The neat thing about Viridia is one can't tell how she reacts. Quite unpredictable, that mare. :D



Me: I prefer my campaigns free of singing spiders, thank you very much.

Free of Spiders would be optimal. O.o`



You made him to likable.

Soooo, make my antagonists less likable? Basically make them a PC? :smallamused:


Stellar: “Facehoof. Success on the Scavenge check, critical fail on the Luck.”
Doc: “Eep. Please don't blow up. I have only so much gauze.”
Stellar: “Stellar finds a medkit. All the potions have gone imperceptibly bad.”
Doc: “You know... if this occurred near the beginning of the campaign, would anyone have noticed it was the potions?”

Viridia: “The cut-up, half-melted, bruised and blood-spattered Viridia looked over the bound form of Luapula.”

GM: “While Viridia turned to Doc, River made pantomimes behind her back that looked a lot like she was signaling Doc to do some Doc-ing. Managing to mimic shoving a giant needle into her spine with hooves and getting that across probably deserved a medal.”

Doc: “Well, my recommendations are that Viridia continues with only light duty until tomorrow, Luapula stays clear of guns, and Stellar shouldn't go traversing secret bunkers alone.”
Stellar: “Relax Doc, I've been doing this since I was five. And besides, you guys need some potions. I won't be long.”
Doc: “The day I stop worrying about my friends is the day they take a doctor's advice seriously.”

Viridia: “So, how do I look?”
River: “You look like a mummy. A sexy mummy.”

Andante: “There is a full moon coming up, however, so if you are a werewolf, now is the time to admit it.”

Andante: “The sight of the moon, admittedly, is perhaps one of the few good qualities of living here.”
Northern: “The other's poutine!”

Moon: “By the way, I found some medical supplies for you.”
Doc: “Sweet! I had just finished the last of the gauze mummifying V. You want me to do you as well?”
Moon: “Yes, please!”

GM: “Moonshadow, being a collection of wounds attached to a pegasus, looked like a safety ad by the time Doc was finished.”

Tape Recording: “I believe I am recording this because I am overreacting, and that I am reverting to behaviors that likely were displayed by pre-war Equestrians…”

Tape Recording: “I wish to make it clear that 'uh' is, in fact, a defective verb that is only inflicted in first-person present tense. It is, in fact, a word. I note this because I am currently working on both my treatise on the influence of the Alicorns had on Arabian legal law, and on my novel.”

GM: “Doc, somehow, channeled Fluttershy for a brief moments, because the Okapi calmed down…”
Andante: “Doctor, you can seduce the okapi at a later date.”
Flutterdoc: *Rolls eyes at Andante’s statement*

[JAL_1138]

"I'll tell you how unlucky I am. I rolled a zero on a d20."

Player 2: "That's a ten, that die's 0-9 twice."
Player 1: "Way to kill the joke."

[Necroticplague]

"I am very technically an angel. That makes me the moral authority around here."
"Did anyone else get an ominous feeling of dread washing over them?"

[Rater202]

Me:I just got a mental image of Taylor showing up at Central Park on New Years Eve, forcibly take the Stage on New Year's Rockin' Eve while wearing a bikini in the freezing cold, breathing fire while not in any way wearing anything that would let her be able to fake it, then flying away.
Sith-Happens:Personally I'd also change "bikini" to "naked and painted red," but that's just me.:smallamused:
Me:She wants to show off how badass she is, not give the perverts a show:smalltongue:.

[goto124]

Doc: “You know... if this occurred near the beginning of the campaign, would anyone have noticed it was the potions?”

I admit, I don't get the joke because I don't know what's it like near the start of the campaign.


Andante: “There is a full moon coming up, however, so if you are a werewolf, now is the time to admit it.”

Is this actually possible in F:E?



Moon: “By the way, I found some medical supplies for you.”
Doc: “Sweet! I had just finished the last of the gauze mummifying V. You want me to do you as well?”
Moon: “Yes, please!”

Without the first two sentences, the last two would've taken in a very different meaning.



GM: “Doc, somehow, channeled Fluttershy for a brief moments, because the Okapi calmed down…”
Andante: “Doctor, you can seduce the okapi at a later date.”
Flutterdoc: *Rolls eyes at Andante’s statement*

Hmm, I think you mentioned something like that before...

Speaking of Luapula, here's a TVTropes link (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/OracularUrchin). Lua's a rare male example in that case?

[dramatic flare]

DM:Okay you guys manage to rig up a tent to withstand the weather, but there's only enough room for four of you.
Me: ....Fine, I'll take the outdoor shift.
My Competitive Twin, PC: I'll also take it outdoors.
DM: Hooboy, well, your guys' night is the worst. But the morning is wonderful, right out of those saturday morning cartoons with the flute in the background.
Rogue:♪GoooOOODDD MOORRNNING♪
Twins, in unison:Piss off.
several seconds later.
Me, OOC:Whoops, we lost the DM with that one.

[DigoDragon]

"I'll tell you how unlucky I am. I rolled a zero on a d20."

Haha, I did that when I first saw a 10-sided die.



Me:She wants to show off how badass she is, not give the perverts a show:smalltongue:.

Gotta charge for the latter? :3



Is this actually possible in F:E?

I don't know, I'm not very versed in the mechanics of the F:E world. The reasoning is that the town we're in is far enough north that the cloud-cover is sparser, so we have holes that can give glimpses of the moon in some areas. I have yet to see it. Incidentally, Mirror Armor's home is even farther north and they don't have the cover.



Without the first two sentences, the last two would've taken in a very different meaning.

That was deliberate on my part. :smallbiggrin:
I don't think Moonshadow was drunk enough to continue playing out that skit though.



Speaking of Luapula, here's a TVTropes link (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/OracularUrchin). Lua's a rare male example in that case?

I would say yes. He seems to know more about spirits and 'seer-ing' than he looks, so I want to make use of that for as long as we have him around.

[Hawkstar]

"I wanted to put a few marks into Ride with Horses as my favored use, but then I realized I couldn't fit it in. I only have a d4 in Body."

Ironclaw character creation a few weeks ago. I was making a small feline thief. It took the others a moment or two to realize what I was saying with that line, and then they chased me out of the room.

[Inevitability]

Free of Spiders would be optimal. O.o

In this case the player was begging me to let his Buomnan (singing misformed astral monk race) character summon creatures able to speak Buomani, so that he could give them more complicated commands.

[ZeroGear]

1: "I told you, wearing your greatsword on your back is not realistic>"
2: "It's doable, here, I have pictures."
1: "It's still not historically accurate."
2: "Still doable."
DM: "Enough! This is a fantasy game! There is no mechanical relevance as to where he wears that stupid sword! He could carry it around in his crotch for all we care and it wouldn't make a difference! Real-World logic doesn't apply here, and there is no mechanical relevance for drawing your blade from your back or over your shoulder! This game is fantasy! If he wants to do do something cool, let him! If there's nothing in the rules that says otherwise, he can have a fire-breathing, two-handed walrus for all I care!"
*Beat*
2: "Next game I run, I am going to make stats for a fire-breathing, two-headed walrus."

[DigoDragon]

My usual FOE game seems to be on pause, so here are some D&D quotes from 10 years ago. The fun part: The players and I were drinking when I ran this adventure. :smallbiggrin:

DM: "Okay, save versus flavor text."
Lyle: "What?"
DM: "Failure! You listen now."

Mira: "You know, I'm so tired of getting mysterious letters."
Vincent: "I just get bills."
Lyle: "They invented bills?"
DM: "Yes. Now, you are at the little village of Drogan."
Mira: "Where the other players?"
DM: "They were too smart to listen to mysterious letter!"

Lyle: "What's that on the map?"
DM: "That's Ayana's rock garden."
Lyle: "What does she grow in there?"
DM: "Duh, rocks."
Mira: "I don't believe you."

Vincent: "I like swords."
Kobolds: "Ulla!"
Lyle: "What the...?"
Mira: "Are they Kobolds or Martians?"
DM: "Uh... you know, completely unrelated, I listened to the War of the Worlds rock opera yesterday."

Kobold: "Vincent, I am your father!"
Vincent: "NOOooo!"
Rest of the Party: "...what?"

Lyle: "We need to roll more 20s."
Vincent & Mira: "Okay!"
[Vincent and Mira attack Kobolds with bows. They both roll natural 20s]
GM: "Holy... damn, I wish I had that on video!"
Random Hunting Dog: **Picks up two ducks from the field**

DM: "As you chase the Kobold tracks you come to a clearing. The Kobolds split up, some go north, some south. You can hear the south group shout 'Ulla!'"
Lyle: "I go north by myself. I have the only cure wand in the group which they'll need and it's more dangerous this way."

DM: "Lyle, you gets attacked by a Kobold Warlock!"
Lyle: "What, how?! I'm the warlock!"
Kobold Warlock: "Ha ha ha! I can make a demon pact too!"
Vincent: "Okay, fight to the death. Dragon Ball Z style!"
Lyle: *Powers up*
Kobold Warlock: *Powers up*
Lyle: "Kamehameha!"
Kobold Warlock: "Garlic Guuuuuun!"
Lyle: *Rolls a 20*
Kobold Warlock: *Rolls a 3*
DM: "... ... ..." *Picks up the Kobold Warlock miniature off the table and tosses it into the kitchen sink*

DM: "You enter the dungeon. Immediately you see an obvious metal pressure plate in the hall. The Kobolds left a sign pointing to it labeled 'Trap'."
Mira: "Okay, I'll bite. I step on the pressure plate."
DM: "You step on the plate and it makes a 'Ka-thunk' sound."
Mira: "Anything else happen?"
DM: "Not that you can tell."
Vincent: "I walk around the pressure plate."
DM: "Reflex saving throw please."
Vincent: "Damn it!"
Lyle: "Okay, that was pretty clever of those little buggers."

Wife: "Why is there a kobold in the sink?

Vincent: "Can we have the book that you all stole?"
Cheech Kobold: "You want the book? Sure man."
Chong Kobold: "Duuuude, got any munchies? We'll trade."
Vincent: *Trades food for the book*
Lyle: "That's it? We came all this way, fighting mummies and dungeon traps for this book and it was all for a snack run?!"

Mira: "So what do we tell the other players next week?"
Vincent: "Anything but what we did here."

[Vknight]

Warforged :We are never going to clean up all this blood
Half-Elf : That is the red sea

Combat Spy : I am going to us this head as my secretary

Social Spy : So your saying I gave the police detective information I should not have as a civilian
Gm : Yes
Social Spy : How quickly can I make it to Germany?

Explosive Expert Spy : I wire a flash-bang to his car seat should he ever lean back in it

Explosive Expert Spy : I still contend that having a phosphorous grenade was a good idea

Npc Boss : Listen this better not turn into another we need 10,000 grams of Thermite situation because the answer is still no.

[GrayGriffin]

Reginald: *watching two serpentine Pokemon grapple each other* "...That's a little more, uh, intimate than I expected this to look."

[Sgt. Cookie]

DM: "You enter the dungeon. Immediately you see an obvious metal pressure plate in the hall. The Kobolds left a sign pointing to it labeled 'Trap'."
Mira: "Okay, I'll bite. I step on the pressure plate."
DM: "You step on the plate and it makes a 'Ka-thunk' sound."
Mira: "Anything else happen?"
DM: "Not that you can tell."
Vincent: "I walk around the pressure plate."
DM: "Reflex saving throw please."
Vincent: "Damn it!"
Lyle: "Okay, that was pretty clever of those little buggers."


Oh, that is EVIL! Probably Lawful Evil. Either way, I'm stealing this.

[DigoDragon]

Either way, I'm stealing this.

A personal high mark of compliment is when my idea is stolen. :smallbiggrin:

[oball]

"Wait, are you implying that Raise Dead causes childhood autism? That's ridiculous!"

"Well of course you'd say that, you're a tool of Big Cleric!"

[Inevitability]

Ranger's player: Can I borrow the Book of Magic Loot for a second?
Me: It's called the Dungeon Master's Guide.

[DigoDragon]

Johnson: "Oh don't worry, it's made from imitation elf. It's Ork."

[Inevitability]

Me: I doubt you can break those chains by yourself.
Ranger: That's fine, I'll summon some giant badgers to eat them for me.
Me: Badgers do not eat metal.
Ranger: Hm... How about I summon giant frogs, have them eat the chains and wait until their stomach acid has burned through them?
Me: Please stop.

[Sith_Happens]

Logan: "I attempt to pickpocket [the random NPC]." [*rolls*] "27."
DM: [*rolls*] "He vanishes."
Logan: "Did I just try to pickpocket a wizard?"
DM: "You might have."
Shonen (OOC): "Wizards don't usually have Spot though."
DM: "It was a natural 20 if you must know."
Shonen (OOC): "Well did he have +7 Spot?"
DM: "It was a natural 20, it doesn't matter."
Logan (OOC): "Yes it does. As [Shonen's player] once said, if natural 20's were automatic successes on skill checks then one out of twenty times you could successfully jump to the Moon." [*rolls*] [*natural 20*] [*laughs hysterically for five minutes*]
[Many shenanigans later:]
DM: "...183 nonlethal damage in total [from bouncing off the Moon and landing back in his starting position on Earth]."
Fenir (OOC): "Nonlethal?"
Shonen (OOC): "He landed on a pillow."
Fenir: "I roll Heal until getting a natural 20 to completely heal Logan."
Shonen: "Realizing that something has gone terribly wrong with the world, now is the part where I use Iron Heart Surge to end this nonsense."

DM: "As you enter, the apothecary is playing this (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NBHfU3ppc0w) on a harp. All throughout the shop there are plants growing out of the ground quickly enough that you can see them growing."
Logan: "I ATTACK THE HARP." [*rolls attack and damage*]
DM: "The harp shatters into a million pieces of dust. All of the plants immediately wilt and die."
Apothecary: "...What the HELL did you just do? Do you have any idea how much damage you just caused!?"
Logan: [*draws sword*] "Do you wish to annoy me, sir?" [*fails Intimidate check*]
Apothecary: "Are you hitting on me?"
Logan: "...Sure, let's go with that."
Apothecary: "GUARDS!"
DM: "Several guards quickly rush into the building."
Guard: "What going on?"
Apothecary: "This man just destroyed all of my wares!"
Logan: "HE WAS SELLING ILLEGAL DRUGS."
Guard: [*immediately turn to apothecary*] "Is this true?"
Apothecary: [Offended:] "Me? Never!"
Other Guard: [*picks up dead plant*] "Sir, I know my plants and this is definitely none other than weed."
[*beat*]
Apothecary: "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!"
Logan: "I Hide in Plain Sight and GTFO as soon as they're all looking away from me."

[Milodiah]

PC1: "He, uh...passed the test. Not possessed, technically speaking, buuuut..."
PC2: "Yeah, I agree, no chances. Shoot him."
PC1: "That's not Inquisition protocol."
PC2: "...then what is?"
PC1: *beheads, rolls into open grave, burns body and head separately, blesses ashes, buries*
PC2: "Thorough. I like that."

Later:

NPC doctor: "You're saying one of my patients escaped? Where is he?"
PC2: "I don't think you need to worry about him."
PC1: "He's...gone to ground."

[DigoDragon]

Me: Please stop.

I know this pain all too well.



DM: "...183 nonlethal damage in total [from bouncing off the Moon and landing back in his starting position on Earth]."

That character got it easy. :smallbiggrin:



PC1: *beheads, rolls into open grave, burns body and head separately, blesses ashes, buries*

It's as my players always reminded NPCs, anyone if sufficient intelligence, skill, or evil alignment should be cremated and widely discarded in the best interests of national security.

[JAL_1138]

"Relax, it's totally safe."

"The Tomb of Horrors is totally safe?!"

"Tomb of Horrors!? I thought you said 'Tomb of Wh***s,' the well-maintained crypt where the Prostitutes' Guild keeps their dead. We're all gonna DIE!"

[Sith_Happens]

That character got it easy. :smallbiggrin:

Related:

Logan (OOC): "Uh... How many dice are you rolling?:smalleek:"
DM: "All of them."

I guess he doesn't own as many dice as we think, comparatively speaking.

...Wait, I just remembered the best part:

DM: "You become a Kerbal."

[GPuzzle]

Norhon: "Someone watch my horse, I'm gonna beat the **** out of that hobgoblin in their cerimonial fight."
Levin: "I wanna see Simon try and hit on the horse."
Simon: "I'm not that desesperate."

Norhon: "So because I knocked the hobgoblin out with my club we possibly stopped a large scale war?"
Simon: "That's one hell of a case of big stick diplomacy if I've ever seen one.

Simon's player: "Levin's attempts with Laura are really unlikely to end up like the fics [Laura's player] sent me."
Laura's player: "Oh, God..."
Levin's player: "Link please!"

Laura: "How do I know he's not alright?"
DM: "Levin's not trying to shank you."

Levin: "You're a bard! How do you not play music?"
Simon: "I prefer dramatic readings."

[genderlich]

Character A: I kill him.
Character B: What, why? You don't know he's evil!
Character A: He's in a mutated demon house that just tried to eat us!
Character B: So are you!
Character A: ..............fair point.

[Grim Portent]

Elf Sorcerer: I remember a party my father held which was catered by a food wizard. We drank champagne out of a gelatinous cube that had been turned entirely into champagne. But it was still aggressive and tried to engulf people. One of my gnomish friends died at that party.
Me (OOC): So it was a gelatinous booze?
*laughter*
Ranger (OOC): It was a Jello-Shot Cube.
*more laughter*

[DigoDragon]

DM: "It'll be 9 days to reach the town of Icemere."
Mira: "Onward?"
Vincent: "Onward!"
Silver: "On- ... no wait, supplies!"

Vincent: "I just noticed that the DM changed the country names on our map. Especially due to the exessive use of scotch tape."
Mira: "Yeah the grass looks shiney now."
DM: "It's Astroturf."

Silver: "We're looking for two people."
City Guard: "We have a lot of people here. How about being specific?"
Mira: "Two humans."
Silver: "With kobolds on their shoulders yelling 'Faster! Faster! You fool! You fool!"

Silver: "We have to stop Medea, she's now wanted by the law."
DM: "You have no proof to arrest her."
Silver: "Yeah I do, it's on her cart."
Lyle: "How are yo-"
Silver: "I'm making this up as I go!!"

Silver: "What's wrong with Ozone at low altitudes?"
Olivia: "It's an allergen."
DM: "It's more useful in the upper atmosphere where it blocks the deadly... purple... frosting... cupcake?"
Silver: *Eating a Wonka brand purple cupcake*

DM: "You see a blood red sunrise to the southeast."
Silver: "That's not suspicious."
DM: "After an hour it hasn't moved, but a 2nd golden yellow sun has risen in the east."
Lyle: "Uh... this planet doesn't have 2 suns. So unless someone's launching a slow ICBM at us..."
Silver: "How is that different then usual for us?"
Mira: "Usually it's us launching the missiles."

DM: "At night the hobgoblins stop and throw up a camp."
Mira: *vomit sound effect*

Lyle: "I open the book."
DM: "Everyone make a reflex save as the book explodes in a fireball. The wagon's on fire as well as all the bottles of alcohol stored in it."
Daxter & Edwardo: "Save the Hootch!!"

Mira: "So it's a gold dragon egg... boiling in a caudron?"
Silver: "It could be a 3 minute egg for all I care."
Mira: "But the ritual needed a living dragon, didn't it?"
Niomi: "Well if it's hard boiled then we got ourselves breakfast!"

[ZeroGear]

Wizard: "Who the hell are you guys?"
Male Guard 1: "I am the Gatekeeper!"
Male Guard 2: "I am the Keymaster!"
Rogue: "Are the two of you gay?"
*5 minute laughter*

[goto124]

DM: "Okay, save versus flavor text."

Now I need to find a suitable situation to use this. 'Hold on a sec, I need to make a Will save against overly long descriptions... crud, I failed. *faints*'



Silver: "We have to stop Medea, she's now wanted by the law."
DM: "You have no proof to arrest her."
Silver: "Yeah I do, it's on her cart."
Lyle: "How are yo-"
Silver: "I'm making this up as I go!!"


Ah, the PC method of doing things.


Wizard: "Who the hell are you guys?"
Male Guard 1: "I am the Gatekeeper!"
Male Guard 2: "I am the Keymaster!"
Rogue: "Are the two of you gay?"
*5 minute laughter*

Are they now?

[ZeroGear]

Ah, the PC method of doing things.

Reminds me of the time my character threatened the guy they were interrogating with a non-existent goat.


Are they now?

The world may never know :smallwink:

[TheTeaMustFlow]

DM: He hits, 2 damage.
Me: (sarcastically) I die screaming.

DM: That's 11 damage.
Me: (sarcastically) I die screaming.

DM: 61 damage, reflex dc 18 for half.
Me: I save so 30... (sarcastically) I die screaming.
Me: No, wait a minute, I forgot the thing, so I didn't save, um...
(beat)
Me: I actually die screaming.

[JAL_1138]

Reminds me of the time my character threatened the guy they were interrogating with a non-existent goat.

I had a first-level AD&D character get killed by a goat. Ordinary barnyard goat. One hit. Depending on edition/level, it's a viable threat.

[Necroticplague]

"That is not what I meant by "suppressive fire"!"
"Hey, you don't get much more suppressed than being dead."
"Not what I meant or wanted!"
"You wanted them to stop shooting at you, right? Well, now they aren't."

[DigoDragon]

DM: "You become a Kerbal."

*Snerk* Not a template I'd ever want to acquire. XD



Levin: "You're a bard! How do you not play music?"
Simon: "I prefer dramatic readings."

My group always forgot that bards can be great speechwriters instead of musicians.



Me (OOC): So it was a gelatinous booze?
*laughter*
Ranger (OOC): It was a Jello-Shot Cube.
*more laughter*

I've thrown a few of those at the party. They tended to set 'em on fire and then get out of reach.



I had a first-level AD&D character get killed by a goat. Ordinary barnyard goat. One hit. Depending on edition/level, it's a viable threat.

I've been casually headbutted by a goat and it hurt! So yeah, they can be a real threat to low-level PCs.

[ZeroGear]

I had a first-level AD&D character get killed by a goat. Ordinary barnyard goat. One hit. Depending on edition/level, it's a viable threat.

I threatened to let the goat spend some "quality time" with him. With lard.

[ImSAMazing]

30 damage? It was, like, 11. AND it was your idea that we got the helicopter.

Wow that reply was so usefull... Haven't you ever played a Bard before? When you twist the story a bit, it becomes better.

[DigoDragon]

We did Agents of SHIELD before Agents of SHIELD was a thing
Vanessa: "We need to capture Maria and her drug cartel."
Harmony: "They have AK-47s! We're going to die."
Vanessa: "Oh right, survival is kinda our objective."

Moroni: "Great, we found the lich and evil priest, but our wizard is singing to the Digimon theme."

Moroni: "In cat form I'm going to climb up the brick wall and leap over into the yard inside."
GM: "Okay, roll me a dexterity check."
Moroni: "As a dragon I'd so fail this, good thing I'm thinking! I made my check by 7."
GM: "Okay you just missed the 10,000 volt electrodes on the wall."
Moroni: "What's an electrode?"

Moroni: "So this is called a chat room?"
Brian: "Yup, see, they're chatting with you."
Moroni: "Uh... what does 'a/s/l' stand for?"
Harmony: *LOL!*
Moroni: "Is it secret code? Someone replied 14-f-cali, another said 15-f-texas."
Brian: "Uh, no. It stands for Age, Sex, and Location."
Moroni: "Oh! Okay, I typed in 185-f dragons only-new york."
Brian: "Err..."
Harmony: *Out of breath from laughter*

Moroni: "I grab the couch and ready it to splatter him across the kitchen!"
GM: "The grenade goes off and does it for you."
Moroni: "Eww, idiot guts..."

GM: "Other then the bell hop, two winos, and 30 armed Shield Agents the lobby is empty."
Moroni: "Super..."



DM: "Eh, my map is crappy, deal with it."
Mira: "You could go and redo it at kinkos."
DM: "I'm not paying for my own crappy map!"

DM: "Imagine a 3 foot tall Jonathan Frakes."
Mira: "Mini-Riker!"

Mira: "Can Elena be any more blatent?"
Vincent: "Do you know any government leaders that are subtle?"

Mira: "Oww... why did it go after my chest!?"
GM: "Xorns eat metals."
Liz: "You didn't need that nipple ring, right?"

Silver: "I slip a piece of paper under the door, 'I can hear you, read this.'"
DM: "The paper comes back, 'No you can't, I'm illiterate.'"

Vincent: "All I can think of is a baby with one of those big red EASY buttons."

Mira: "Ok, I didn't get sleep. I'm banging on their doors. Guys, I have a problem!"
Silver: "Didn't you get knocked up once already?"

Sellences : "We have undead walking around in daylight, why is that?"
Silver: "Well I doubt they discovered the divine protection of sun tan lotion."

Mira: "Something is wrong with the sun?"
Daxter : "The batteries are low."
Vincent: "Call Solar tech support."

Vincent: "Whoa... I'm here eating a leg of chicken when it detonated like a shape charge."
Silver: "Chicken claymore?"

Vincent: "He just needs more gray hair on his sideburns and he'd be a redneck Reed Richards."
DM: "Oh hey, Galactus is coming. Let's toss some dynamite at him and knock over his mailbox. Come one, everyone on board the Fantastic Ford F-150!"

[PoeticDwarf]

Wow that reply was so usefull... Haven't you ever played a Bard before? When you twist the story a bit, it becomes better.

'a bit', three times more isn't a bit and you know I'm a bard in that campaign, the point is that there is a difference between twisting a bit and just lying to feel yourself cooler.

[goto124]

Brian: "Uh, no. It stands for Age, Sex, and Location."
Moroni: "Oh! Okay, I typed in 185-f dragons only-new york."

So... is Moroni a straight male dragon or something?

[slaydemons]

"Dammit, I knew I should of stabbed him instead of trusting him."

"I was always jealous that my sister had the magic talents and all I had was my good looks, and height, and social manipulation skills, and sword skills, and... I am rambling aren't I?"

"Just think if he can survive 20 seconds against me, then he can survive a minute against assassins, plenty of time for us to escape."

[DigoDragon]

So... is Moroni a straight male dragon or something?

He was, yeah. He just didn't understand internet slag at all.

[Lord Raziere]

He was, yeah. He just didn't understand internet slag at all.

To be fair....

I didn't know what that stood for until now, when reading that. so. he won't be the last.

[cavalieredraghi]

Is it bad to say I understood that thanks to my mother. XD

[TheTeaMustFlow]

Is it bad to say I understood that thanks to my mother. XD

I don't think it's as bad as saying you understood that thanks to your sister.

[goto124]

To be fair....

I didn't know what that stood for until now, when reading that. so. he won't be the last.

I figured Moroni the character didn't know what it meant, but the player did...

[DigoDragon]

I figured Moroni the character didn't know what it meant, but the player did...

The player did. Moroni was a classic case of "Dragon does not understand technology". Except for food. He got the hang of a microwave fairly quickly.

[Rater202]

Do I even want to know?

[DigoDragon]

Digo: "I vote for whatever gives my character the most shipping."

[ImSAMazing]

'a bit', three times more isn't a bit and you know I'm a bard in that campaign, the point is that there is a difference between twisting a bit and just lying to feel yourself cooler.

I don't feel myself cooler when I ly, I ly to make people thing that I am cooler.

If you didn't know, Blue means sarcasm.

[GPuzzle]

Simon: "What happened to Laura?"
DM: "She was kidnapped."
Levin: "By whom?"
DM: "A rather... pushy ugly fellow."
Simon: "Levin?"
Levin: "Yeah?"
Simon: "You thinking what I'm thinking?"
Levin: "That I'm the only one you allow to beat you to the race to her and vice-versa?"
Simon: "Yeah. Let's go, a flaming fullblade up that bastard's arse must hurt a lot for him."
Emilia: "We're screwed."

Simon: "Is that how Perform (Oratory) works?"
Caela and Emilia: "Simon!"

Simon: "I brought an Ocarina!"
Levin: "Well, crap."
Simon: *plays Song of Storms IRL*
Wheater Outside: *suddenly it starts raining*
Simon: "WOOHOO!"

[Diachronos]

"I died and gained 32 HP."

[Senshi Akai]

Simon: *plays Song of Storms IRL*
Wheater Outside: *suddenly it starts raining*
Simon: "WOOHOO!"

... :smalleek: Damn RL wizards.

[DigoDragon]

Viridia: “While Doc was working on a team building exercise with their prisoner...”

GM: “Meanwhile, Laupula sat uselessly.”

River: “’Tranceshriek’ sounds like the worst raider name ever.”

Doc: “He missed home a little, but at least he might be in his element here. Well, that is if the folks here weren't complete jerks like in most everyone else in Tauronto. ...yeah, Doc decided not to keep his hopes up.”

GM: “River's opinion on horses: ﺧ益ﺨ

GM: “Might be good to prep for a new thread (and proper area!) with a gif of a ghoul with 10 charisma.”
Doc: “Only if one's eyes are closed.”

Viridia: “Great. Now Viridia needs to get 11 Charisma to be the prettiest pony around.”
GM: “Hitting CHA 11 gets her a permanent glitter aura. Hitting CHA 12 gives her wings some extra shimmery-ness and makes it impossible for a pony to not love her. At CHA 13, her skin splits and and her true face emerges, now unburdened with the medium of flesh as a barrier for displaying her perfection, and her thousand wide eyes could then properly gaze at those who cannot look away from her.”
Doc: “…seems legit.”

GM: “Now with Imprubed flavors and new packuging! (A loving product of the greater company).”

GM: “The youngest looked like he had stepped into a cobweb and hadn't noticed yet and had found a little greyish cap that looked a bit like a kitchen pan, while the older one had managed to find a silly-looking pointy red hat, which sort of made him look like a sad garden gnome.”
Doc: “I see what you did there.”

Doc: “So maybe Doc isn't a bad-flank in combat, but I'll take a ‘Doc Bones Miracle Worker with his Hooves’ title.”
GM: “If the pegasi are flying machines, he's the meat technician!”

[GPuzzle]

... :smalleek: Damn RL wizards.

The game was through Teamspeak, and one of the members was in England. Rain was not a surprise.

[Cazero]

GM: “River's opinion on horses: ﺧ益ﺨ
I think we're missing something here.
What the hell is that ﺧ益ﺨ monster, and why does it cut itself apart when I try to insert blank space after it?

[TheTeaMustFlow]

GM: OK, let's get started. You all meet in a bar. (To me, without prompting) No, you don't own it.

[Necroticplague]

I think we're missing something here.
What the hell is that ﺧ益ﺨ monster, and why does it cut itself apart when I try to insert blank space after it?

Emoticon made out of some japanese symbols, pprobably due to a wierd way the code that displays.

Anyways, to the topic, more news from Station 13: (!= spoken using their callsign over the radio, on the channel that comes after it)

MINER!(Supply):Just checking in, saying I'm fine after being alone for so long. Most certainly haven't been frozen to death and replaced by a shape-shifting alien.
FOREMAN!(Supply): Potassium dinner, thanks. And for the love of AI, grab a GPS next time your dropping off ore so we can find you in case something does happen.

ATMOSPHERE TECHNICIAN!(General): I managed to figure out how the freaking air pumps work! On the downside, I can't figure out how to control which gases go out. According to my meter, this place is slowly being filled with plasma. You might wanna turn your internals on. If you head on down here to Atmosia, I've got plenty of air tanks you can borrow while I figure this out.
(Several people borrowing tanks later)
ATMOSPHERE TECHNICIAN!(General): S***, don't pick up my tanks. Turns out, those were full of plasma too.
CAPTAIN!(PM to AI): Is this guy a traitor, or is he just genuinely this stupid.
AI!(PM to Captain): Well, he hasn't cut camera's, and left the fireaxe alone. I'm lead to the conclusion he is genuinely this stupid.
CAPTAIN!(PM to AI): Dammit. I can kill traitors and be done with it. Morons are a bit harder to deal with.

[DigoDragon]

What the hell is that ﺧ益ﺨ monster, and why does it cut itself apart when I try to insert blank space after it?

I dunno. Necroticplague offered perhaps the best guess I'd think of.

The next set of quotes will get even better.

[Lord Torath]

So... is Moroni a straight male dragon or something?

He was, yeah. He just didn't understand internet slag at all.Huh. I'd have guessed an Aasimon just going by the name...Not that I expect anyone to get that. Sorry, bad joke.

[bulbaquil]

Me: "If the level 10 sorcerer dies to a goat..."
Sorcerer: "I'm in mortal combat with a goat - and losing; they're in mortal combat with a sword in the water..."
Rogue: "And I'm stuck in a room... in a sword in the water."

[goto124]

... :smalleek: Damn RL wizards.

You mean Bard :smalltongue:


GM: “Might be good to prep for a new thread (and proper area!) with a gif of a ghoul with 10 charisma.”
Doc: “Only if one's eyes are closed.”

Is 10 Cha a lot, or average, or rather low?

Also, I saw the gif of the yawning ghoul and I think it's the cutest monster pony ever.


GM: “The youngest looked like he had stepped into a cobweb and hadn't noticed yet and had found a little greyish cap that looked a bit like a kitchen pan, while the older one had managed to find a silly-looking pointy red hat, which sort of made him look like a sad garden gnome.”
Doc: “I see what you did there.”

May I ask for explanations for this please? It seems to be reference to something.

EDIT: Found it in the Things I May No Longer Do thread:
It was referencing this miniseries:
http://img07.deviantart.net/982d/i/2014/310/1/a/_spoilers__over_the_garden_wall_by_sharkie19-d85i3qa.png

It's called Over the Garden Wall, and I found it to be a really neat animated adventure. you can see some Miyazaki inspiration within it.

[Cazero]

Is 10 Cha a lot, or average, or rather low?
In Fallout? Absolute maximum possible.
____

Priest : There must be a logical explanation.

[goto124]

What? So 11, 12 and 13 are literally impossible?

That explains a lot...

[Hawkstar]

What? So 11, 12 and 13 are literally impossible?

That explains a lot...

Fallout is not d20. S.P.E.C.I.A.L. is a scale of 1-10, not 3-30.

[DigoDragon]

Huh. I'd have guessed an Aasimon just going by the name...

Heh. :3
All the dragon PCs I've ever played had biblical names. I dunno, it just seemed like a thing and no one questioned it.
Moroni lasted the longest though. Probably because he was a goofy lovable dragon instead of the usual "snarl growl burnanate!" kind.



Sorcerer: "I'm in mortal combat with a goat - and losing;

HOW?! O.o`



Is 10 Cha a lot, or average, or rather low?

In Fallout? Absolute maximum possible.

Yeah. In the Fallout system the average is 5, with a max of 10.
Doc turned out to have the highest INT score, at 7.



Also, I saw the gif of the yawning ghoul and I think it's the cutest monster pony ever.

It was... something. XD
Kind of cute, but creepy at the same time!

[JAL_1138]

May I ask for explanations for this please? It seems to be reference to something.

EDIT: Found it in the Things I May No Longer Do thread:

(sorry about that, btw, I had two tabs open and posted my question about it in the wrong one)

[DigoDragon]

(sorry about that, btw, I had two tabs open and posted my question about it in the wrong one)

Considering I started posting quotes there that started the confusion, you were not the only one with two tabs open. ;)

[Inevitability]

Player: My character is a bisexual koboldphile, by the way.
Me: Every second of this game makes me wonder why I ever started it in the first place.

[bulbaquil]

Heh. :3
HOW?! O.o`


1. Player relatively new to the system (low system mastery)
2. Combat-light game (less need to optimize for combat)
3. One-on-one situation (action economy tilts in enemy's favor)
4. Unexpected combat situation (thus no pre-buffing)
5. Player's goal was to capture the goat, not kill it, and with a rather circuitous strategy at that
6. Good luck on the goat's part with dice rolls
7. Bad luck on the sorcerer's part with dice rolls

For what it's worth, the sorcerer DID ultimately win the combat, mostly by realizing at about the round after that quote that he could Fly away and then cast Charm Monster from a safer distance.

[PoeticDwarf]

I don't feel myself cooler when I ly, I ly to make people thing that I am cooler.

If you didn't know, Blue means sarcasm.

If you didn't know, I don't understand the point you are trying to make, if you are trying to make a point at all.

[DigoDragon]

Lyle: "I should get the most XPs, I did the most damage to the dragon."
Silver: "Mira took the most damage, so it cancels each other out."
Mira: "Yeah, but I outlasted the dragon!"
DM: "Outlasted? By TWO hit points! And the dragon was at -10 at the time!"

Mira: "Okay, I suggest Lyle get first pick on gems because he didn't get any magic items."
Lyle: "Yeah, I only got a potion of displacement and someone else's bag of holding."
DM: "He got Hand-me-down treasure?"

Silver: "I recall an old story about a man with a pipe who enchanted the town."
Niomi: "Popeye?"

Silver: "Can we see through the window?"
DM: "No, the window is tinted black."
Silver: "I use my x-ray rock."

Vincent: "Well we have one crystal because Lyle blew up the other one."
Niomi: "But we know that Elena hired a scientist to make the crystals. We can kidnapp him!"
Lyle: "You can, I'm dead. And for metagaming so I deserved it."
DM: "It's okay. No harm no foul."
Vincent: "Except he died!"
DM: "Yeah, there was harm... and due to a foul. Oh well, who among the living wants XP?"
Niomi: "Woot!"

DM: "You find a marble bust of a mind flayer."
Vincent: "Let's hold onto that. We can use the tentacles as a coat rack."

Vincent: "Now what? Lyle AND Mira are both disintegrated."
Silver: "So that's about $50,000 to ressurect them both... but we have a bigger problem. Mira may have sold half her soul to Tiamat."
Niomi: "Great, half off her ressurrection, only $12,500!"

[Rater202]

Disclaimer: This game started with our PCs as children, but we're about to do a timeskip of ten years, to what is either going to be an epilogue or the final season of our Game, for multble reasons, and we're discussing post time skip things, so the PCs are all 22 in this discussion

Digo:Sorry... I had just fallen into a good mood and all my thoughts were awesome shipping thoughts for a moment. ^^;
Me:Also, don't ask why Gear and Monkey have a kitchen table in their basement
Cav:What? Are they cannibals now!
Me:Digo, you wanna take that one?
Digo:I'm pretty sure the answer will never be as awesome as my head canon.
Me:does your head canon involve orange juice and vodka?
Digo:It does! ...dang I could go for a screwdriver right about now.

[DigoDragon]

After paying rent, I still could use that screwdriver. :smallfrown:

[Cazero]

Me:Also, don't ask why Gear and Monkey have a kitchen table in their basement
Cav:What? Are they cannibals now!
I'm surprised the first answer wasn't "Dangnabit, you're *still* building guns in your basement?"

[Rater202]

I'm surprised the first answer wasn't "Dangnabit, you're *still* building guns in your basement?"

...
...
1: That's been like, an actual job of Gear's since he was 11.
2: How would a kitchen table help that?

[cavalieredraghi]

I'm surprised the first answer wasn't "Dangnabit, you're *still* building guns in your basement?"

The reason for my answer was becuase i am playing to much* Fallout recently and just did Andale again.


*There is no such thing as to much Fallout.

[DigoDragon]

2: How would a kitchen table help that?

I could tell you, but that would bring up even more questions. :smallbiggrin:

[Cazero]

...
...
1: That's been like, an actual job of Gear's since he was 11.For some reason, I was kinda hoping Gear was building guns because he's too young to buy them or something.

2: How would a kitchen table help that?
Well, it's still a table so you don't work on the floor, kitchen tables are easy to clean or something and that can be handy when working with gunpowder, and molotov cocktails.

[Rater202]

For some reason, I was kinda hoping Gear was building guns because he's too young to buy them or something.

He's a gadgeteer who later master-classed to Technomancer.

Net Guns, Spud Launchers, Water Balloon Cannons, Snowball Trebuchets, a grappling gun.

It's MLP. They don't have gun guns.

At least not until the weaponized hardlight projectors came into play.

[Yoachuallathui]

Just feel the need to add this, as it just happened

Player:We gave it to the half-horses, why shouldn't we give it to the full horses too?!

[janusmaxwell]

Gohan: "Mom! Where are you?"
*Phone starts to ring*
Gohan: <picks up phone> "Hello? Oh, hi Master Roshi!...what do you mean 'run'?"
Mayze: "I think that's our cue to leave..."

Taco vendor: "What kinda meat do you want on your taco?"
Fen: "There are different kinds of meat?!?"

Fen: "Am I dead? No, seriously, I think we died and despite all odds we have ended up somewhere besides hell!"
Nemo: *Giggles to himself* "Fat chance!"

Fen: "Dude, we're drinking bro's. We are paying for your beers, we won't tell anyone anything!"
Nemo: "That's the best kinda bro!"

Nemo: "Frieza f--ked everything up! Remember when I said 'bureaucratic magic'? That's a THING now! We needed a new kind of magic just to deal with all the paperwork!"

Fen: "I'm going to kill him. I am going, to rip out his spine, and beat him to death with it!"

Nemo: "I saw the room they built for Frieza in hell!" *Giggles uncontrollably*
Fen: "Is it wonderful? For us watching, I mean?"
Nemo: "It's the cutest little field full of flowers and teddy bears!"
Mayze: *Begins cackling madly*
Fen: "And he will be down there until the end of time?"
Nemo: "They're gonna stick him in a butterfly cocoon and make him watch!"
Mayze: *Cackles louder*
Fen: "I don't know who designed this place, but they are an evil, evil genius!"
Nemo: "King Enma's great!"
Fen: "He is an evil genius!"
Mayze: "I like the sound of this King Enma! He sounds like a pretty cool guy!"
Nemo: "You probably ain't gonna like him too much, you goin' ta hell."
Fen: "Oh, I have already made peace with that and accepted it."
Mayze: "We did kinda eat a planet..."

*Phone rings*
Chichi: "Hello?"
Fen: "Hi, this is Fen."
Chichi: "Oh...you."
Fen: <eyes widen, cold sweat running down spine> "Yes, the Saiyan who made sure your son DIDN'T have to fight!"
Chichi: "Well, I suppose that's a point in your favor."
<Phone conversation, dinner plans>
Fen: *hangs up* "I have NEVER been more scared in my entire life! I'm just picturing an 8-foot-tall musclebound woman and going 'You are from a planet that has sh-t power-levels and you have cowed a saiyan, I am f--king impressed'!"

*Opens door to terrarium*
*Herd of deer, dogs, cats and a baby triceratops run past*
Fen: "I...nope. Nope, not even gonna ask, nope!"
Mayze: "Just go with it!"

Mayze: "We stopped a bank robbery! They had guns! It was F-cking ADORABLE!!!"
Fen: "If I ever have kids, I'm getting them a shotgun as a toy!"

Bulma: "You'll need to bring this up with King Furry."
Mayze: "Uh...whoa, are we really gonna judge on people's hobbies?"

Fen: "Frieza did it!"
Lady Polarin: "While that doesn't surprise me, how did-"
Fen: "Nemo told me! Frieza did it!"
Lady Polarin: "How did-"
Fen: "Nemo's a demigod!"
Mayze: "We weren't supposed to tell her that!"
Fen: "...Sh-t."

Fen: "I'm going to rip out his spine, and beat him to death with his own spine!"
Bulma: "...."
Lady Polarin: "Oh, that's nothing. I once saw Fen rip out an opponents entire nervous system without tearing it."
Bulma: "...WHAT!?!"
Fen: "To be fair, I was REALLY pissed off, and he was 12 stories tall!"
Bulma: "That's 12 stories worth of nerves!"
Fen: "Which means they were as thick as my wrist, so..."
Mayze: "You were also REALLY drunk."
Fen: "I probably couldn't pull it off again."
Mayze: "We could get you really drunk again."

We're the good guys! We swear! A DBZ campaign journal. (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?435967-We-re-the-Good-Guys-i-swear!!-A-DBZ-Campaign-journal)

Fen's PC: "People are always like 'Yamcha's really weak!'. No no no, Yamcha is a single-classed fighter who is level 15, hanging out with a bunch of people that are level 20 gestalt Monk-Battle Dancer-Sorcerors! It's not a fair comparison!"
Mayze's PC: "He's just sitting there being sad!"

*Mayze gives Oak a taco*
Lady Polarin's PC: "Oh God, tell me you didn't give him the chicken taco! Please tell me you didn't give the bird man a chicken taco!"
Mayze's PC: "I have that much sensibility!"

Fen's PC: "I'd love to see Ox King and Racoom sumo wrestle!"

<IC Discussion, random pause>
Fen's PC: *eating cereal* "I love French Toast crunch."
*Pregnant pause, players laugh*
Lady Polarin's PC: "Thank you, Random McRandomman!"
Fen's PC: *Flips bird, smiling* "This is the essence of the 90's right here, you can f-ck all the way off!"

Lady Polarin's PC: "Oh my God, I just had the mental image: Earthlings give their kids squirt guns and Nerf guns; Saiyans are just 'Here, it's a .50 AM Rifle, Have fun!'!"
Fen's PC: "Here kids, go Paint-balling! 'what' that?' Oh it's a Browning .50, it might leave a welt but he'll be fine.'."

[GPuzzle]

DM: "Ok, Dann, what's your God again?"
Dann: "Satoru Iwata."

Kerst: *imitates Spike's death in Cowboy Bebop* "Bang." *falls dead on the floor*
Dann: "See you space cowboy..."
Cenya: "We're in Forgotten Realms!"

[DigoDragon]

The reason for my answer was becuase i am playing to much* Fallout recently and just did Andale again.

Good quest. Just add A-1. *Thumb up*



*There is no such thing as to much Fallout.

Wrong thread. :smalltongue:



Cenya: "We're in Forgotten Realms!"

Forgot which realm they were in? ;)

[Inevitability]

Erinyes: Red Sun!
Other Erinyes: Black Moon!
Both Erinyes: Devastating Double Attaaaaaaaaack!
Ranger: It's almost like I'm in a Japanese cartoon.

Fighter: So to summarize: I shoot several arrows at a fully armored figure from two hundred feet away and hit every time, including on her hands so she drops her weapon, and said weapon then falls sixty feet to the ground and hits a random mook on the head?
Me: Pretty much, yeah.

Wizard: Does a 21 hit?
Me: Nope, she parri... Oh god.
Wizard: What's the matter?
Me: She. Needs. A. Melee. Weapon. To. Parry.

[Reltzik]

"No, that saying doesn't apply when we run away screaming for cover because we think the fuel tank you forgot to dump is about to explode."

[rs2excelsior]

"Let's become pirates!"
"Nah, I have tenure."

"My uniform is faded and tattered..."
"But the doll is immaculate."

[Grim Portent]

GM: What have you been doodling on the map?
Me: [Ranger] drew the words Butt Pirate.
Ranger: With an arrow pointing to the Incubus. :smallbiggrin:
Incubus: Hey! I'm a Butt Bandit, not a Butt Pirate.

Sorcerer: What do we call our group anyway?
Ranger: Demonic Butt Pirates?
Incubus: Demonic Butt Bandits thank you very much.
Me: The League of Morally Questionable Gentlemen?
Sorcerer: Some of us are good.

Me: FOR TIAMAT!
Sorcerer (OOC): I'm growing suspicious that you may not be a good person.

Me: HAH! Yeenoghu's not got **** on Tiamat bitch!

Me (OOC): I am so gonna eat that Gnome's face.
Sorcerer (OOC): Please warn me before you do so I can make sure I'm not around when you do it.
Me (OOC): Oh come on, you want to kill him too.
Sorcerer (OOC): Yes, but I'm meant to be Chaotic Good.

[Sith_Happens]

DM: "Roll 3d6 to see how much progress you make."
Cecil (OOC): [*rolls*] "We make seven whole progress."

DM: "Exploring the [Githzerai] monastery, you find a sign: 'Fund to Repair the Fourth Wall; donors of 10000 gp or more level up.'"
Entire Party: [*immediately discards all regard for the fourth wall for the next several minutes*]
Monk: "No, you're making it worse!"

DM: "Why would I randomly pull my pants down?"
Ozpin (OOC): "Because you're you?"
DM: "Oh yeah."

DM: "Time for the [Ice Devil]'s last hurrah. It tries to kill Abel."
Ozpin (OOC): "Not the people who did lethal damage?"
DM: "No, the one who tripped it."
Ozpin (OOC): "Being spiteful I see."
DM: "Yes, like a devil."

Ozpin (OOC): [*laughs*] "Wow, the bite rolled max damage."
Torcadall (OOC): "The devil rolled three sixes?"
Ozpin (OOC): "Yes, yes it did."

[*Ice Devil finishes full attack*]
Logan (OOC): "Well, Abel is now at three hit points."
DM: "Logan, your turn."
Logan: "NO ONE! ****S WITH MY WOLF!!" [*rolls first two attacks, has five left*]
DM: "It passes out but is still quite alive."
Logan: [*has Holy weapons*] "I go Sayaka (http://31.media.tumblr.com/b682222aa5f789c891509a80dba5cd1a/tumblr_mtsy3xL0Ao1rydwbvo3_500.gif) on it."

[Draconium]

[*Ice Devil finishes full attack*]
Logan (OOC): "Well, Abel is now at three hit points."
DM: "Logan, your turn."
Logan: "NO ONE! ****S WITH MY WOLF!!" [*rolls first two attacks, has five left*]
DM: "It passes out but is still quite alive."
Logan: [*has Holy weapons*] "I go Sayaka (http://31.media.tumblr.com/b682222aa5f789c891509a80dba5cd1a/tumblr_mtsy3xL0Ao1rydwbvo3_500.gif) on it."

Well, at least he found a reasonable outlet for his anger. :smalltongue:

[goto124]

Did Logan post that gif? Was it over Skype or IRC?

NPC: I've been a little bit everywhere.

[Sith_Happens]

Did Logan post that gif?

Nope, just something I found on Google to aid anyone here that otherwise wouldn't get the reference.

[DigoDragon]

GM: “Doc found the party talking to an earth pony stallion with silvery hair, blue-green eyes, a dark brown coat, and a clay pitcher for a cutie mark. He also seemed friendly!”
Doc: “Oh no. You mean…?”
Dr. Flagon: “Howdy friend! The name's Doc Flagon, but you can call me Doc for short. I'm guessing you're all here together?”

River: “Great, clones.”
Doc: “Isn't it strange?
Feels like I'm lookin' at my own stats
What would PCs say?
If only they knew that I was

Part of some Dungeon Master's mock (mock-mock-mock)
Born to be a carbon copy Doc (doc-doc-doc)
There in a meeting room late one day
He's got my aquamarine eyes and cheerful smile a mile wide and so I say

I think I'm a clone now
There's somehow two of me just a-crackin' puns
I think I'm a clone now
And I think one of us is a hired gun.”

Doc: “This place is like back home… except the magazines in the waiting room are more up to date.”

GM: “To lighten the mood, there were also two ponies beating the sh*t out of each other in here, both clad in hospital gowns.”

Moon: “Meanwhile, Moonshadow is inspecting the food stuff, seeing what it is and keeping an eye out for any packages of meat.”
GM: “Mostly canned peas, carrots, and other veggies; the 'unhealthiest' thing here was probably the canned potatoes. Or the 'lentils', whatever those were.”

[goto124]

To the tune of what song do I sing that poem?

[DigoDragon]

To the tune of what song do I sing that poem?

To Weird Al's 'I think I'm a Clone Now'

[goto124]

Will check it out when I can!

I quoted this already, but I thought I should add a little bit more context:

Dr Flagon: I've been a little bit everywhere.

Any more context ruins the fun :smalltongue:

[Draconium]

DM: *rolls* :smallamused: And his favorite food is fiend.
Me: :smallbiggrin: Heheheh...

[DigoDragon]

Dr Flagon: I've been a little bit everywhere.

Any more context ruins the fun :smalltongue:

Haha! I missed that one. Awesomesauce.

Part of me really hopes to get into a one-on-one brawl with my character's 'evil twin'.
I can see a lot of hilarious banter and a classic Star Wars reference. :3

[Cazero]

Neo-goth : I have a plan. I find a random isolated passerby in the street, and then 'boo' 'ha !' *mimics force-feeding a bottle*

[GPuzzle]

Kenneth: "To the waifumobile!"

Sophie: "Should I start worrying about him?"
Kenneth's mom: "No, he's leaving home and found a girl, he's better than he's ever been!"

Kenneth: "Oh, please, I'm not going to use a Katana to fight against zombies. That's just stupid. Besides, most samurai used bows and arrows anyway."
Adam: "Historically correct weebs, who'd thunk it?"

[Necroticplague]

GM: Look, I know you're just trying to reference something harmless, but that name's loaded with some more negative meanings. Would you mind changing it?
Gene: Huh? What's wrong with Isys?
Rest of table: *Facepalm*

[DigoDragon]

Moon: “If I ever did get back to the Enclave, I’d make a fortune writing anti-surface propaganda by just telling of my experiences. If they weren't classified.”

Stellar: “Doc, h- I mean, Docs - help me get this guy up.”

GM: “Dr. Flagon’s Medicine roll needs to be 85 or lower (Doc's assist is counted in this).”
Dice: “[100]”
GM: “EDIT - Whoopsie.”
Doc: “So... how close a clone of Doc were you shooting for with this NPC? I think you nailed it.”

Viridia: “Mirror Armor will be pleased.”
Doc: *Snerk* “I hadn't thought of that. Maybe I can throw this guy under the bus when Mirror's brothers show up to kill me.”

GM: “Doc gets points, yes. Also, a lot of blood all over him.”

Moon: “The words 'begin the operation' have taken on a whole new meaning of terror for me.”
GM: “The only thing scary about medicine to me, honestly, are the medical bills.”

GM: “Meh, we already have an Indian pony in the party. Adding a freaky spider pony would mean I am officially running out of ideas.”
Doc: “So, does that mean... Andante’s not a fish?”
GM: “She's something. A terrible person, probably.”

Cook Down: “That ****** is Hubba Pigeon.”
Doc: “I wonder if there was a story behind that name or if his parents were just that mean. Maybe a little bit of both?”

Moon: “Well, I best be off to make sure my friends don't blurt out the exact wrong thing.”

Andante: “I came here to pay a qualified doctor, not a wanderer with a fake accent.”
Flagon’s Ego: *Takes 20 acid damage*

Andante: “Doctor, is there something I must know about your immediate family history? Were you found near a pool in a cave, for example?”
Doc: “No, not that I know of. And if you're annoyed at there being another me around (who’s wanted dead by a mercenary company), how do you think I feel?”

Viridia: “Doooooc, is Andante being a b*tch again?”

Northern: “You were being a bit b*tchy.”
Andante: “I pay you. Obey me.”

Andante: “Unless I am wrong, was a case of mistaken identity not the reason you found yourselves fighting a pack of griffons? My concern is for our collective safety.”
Viridia: “She has a point, and not just on the tip of her tongue. Where's Knock-Off Doc?”
Doc: “Flagon led the way to where Stitchheart should be. I'm sure he's thinking the same thing we are about me and him.”
Andante: “Or, he is thinking about the best way to have you shot and put up for whatever bounty is on his head.”
Doc: “Uh, that was exactly what I meant by what he's probably thinking. He gets me shot in his place. Maybe I really should figure out how to have him stabbed by Mirror's brothers in my place.”

Andante: “As it is, we are a bad day away from eating our clothing.”

[Inevitability]

Me: You could technically play a weakened version of the Aasimar race and then have the opportunity to gain all of its abilities later on. Obviously you'd need a good reason for why your character isn't as powerful as others of his race but I'm sure we can work something o...
Player: How about the good reason is 'the DM said so'? That counts, right?

[Eugoraton Feiht]

P1(me): "I say we light them on fire."
P2(lawful good cleric): "You always light people on fire! No!"
P1: "It's a valid tactic."
P2: "He's manacled and we're interrogating him!"

DM: "You're fighting a Succubus. She turn's her gaze upon you and speaks honeyed words to you. Roll a will save."
P1: Success with nat 20. "Meh, I've seen better."

DM: "Right so the guards are after you and know what you look and smell like."
P1: "No they don't."
DM: "Yes they do."
P1: "We're currently in the middle of a downpour, I've never taken my cloak off until this session, and I killed the previous guard party from on top of a roof. How do they know what I look/smell like?"
DM: "...Fine."

DM: "So you're running from the guards because you've been framed and you have a fire genasi in your party. You're pretty noticeable."
P1: "No we aren't. She's filthy." :smallbiggrin:
P2(lawful good cleric): "What? No I'm not. I'm perfectly clean."
P1: Throws ball of mud in her face. "There, now she's just a filthy human." :smallbiggrin:
P2: "I'm going to throw you in jail..."
P1: "How? They're trying to kill you currently." :smallbiggrin:

[Inevitability]

Me: Wait. Did you just say 'honorable death' or 'horrible death'?

[DigoDragon]

Morning Star: "Ever wanted the perfect posterior, but didn't have the time on your hooves to work out? Well, Morning Star is here with her miraculous PLOT-BUSTING SPELL, guaranteed to give you the most radiant rump you could ever hope for! Whether you want big buns or a petite patootie, Morning Star's PLOT-BUSTING SPELL can do all you need!"

[Necroticplague]

Morning Star: "Ever wanted the perfect posterior, but didn't have the time on your hooves to work out? Well, Morning Star is here with her miraculous PLOT-BUSTING SPELL, guaranteed to give you the most radiant rump you could ever hope for! Whether you want big buns or a petite patootie, Morning Star's PLOT-BUSTING SPELL can do all you need!"

One of the biggest reasons Transmutation majors get their starts.....

[DigoDragon]

One of the biggest reasons Transmutation majors get their starts.....

*Snerk* nice choice of words.

[Svata]

(5e D&D)
Me (bard):*knocks on door*
Troll: *answers* What you want?
Me: Uh, we were just passing by,
Rogue (cutting in): Hail Tiamat!
Me: and were wondering if we could bed down here for the night.
Rogue (interrupting):Hail Tiamat!
Troll: Don' know if should. Not expecting company.
Me: You seem like a reasonable fellow, and we really are in a hurry. We came through the circle in the Wizard's castle.
Rogue: Hail Tiamat!
Troll: What password is?
Rogue: Hail. Tiamat.

(he didn't let us stay. Later that session...)

Me: I pull myself up off the floor, and say to the troll "Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries." *casts Vicious Mockery* *Rolls crit*
Troll: *dies*
Me: Huh. That never works!

[One Tin Soldier]

(5e D&D)
Me (bard):*knocks on door*
Troll: *answers* What you want?
Me: Uh, we were just passing by,
Rogue (cutting in): Hail Tiamat!
Me: and were wondering if we could bed down here for the night.
Rogue (interrupting):Hail Tiamat!
Troll: Don' know if should. Not expecting company.
Me: You seem like a reasonable fellow, and we really are in a hurry. We came through the circle in the Wizard's castle.
Rogue: Hail Tiamat!
Troll: What password is?
Rogue: Hail. Tiamat.

(he didn't let us stay. Later that session...)

Me: I pull myself up off the floor, and say to the troll "Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries." *casts Vicious Mockery* *Rolls crit*
Troll: *dies*
Me: Huh. That never works!

But... Vicious Mockery doesn't have an attack roll. It's saved against. It can't crit... Unless you just meant "rolled max damage," I guess.

[Svata]

I maybe misremembering. This was monhs ago. Just

ETA. Just checked with DM. Yep, misremembered. Had rolled max damage. Sorry for the mistake. Was away from the forums fkr a while, and just remembered this thread existed. Sorry again.

[GrayGriffin]

Molly (OOC): I plan to steal the soap from the Pokemon center.

Me (OOC): I feel bad for constantly thinking "Jericho is kind of like the protagonist of a supernatural harem anime"
Altair (OOC): 'supernatural harem' is probably closer to our party than we might admit

Me (OOC): I will not be satisfied until I can ship every member of the party with each other

Altair (OOC): Surolam-Altair is unusually strong right now.
Me (OOC): Even the cane and the lantern ship it!
Me (OOC): The bell thinks Altair is the best option
Me (OOC): The box doesn't care

Jericho: "Yep. Can't distract us from tests of brute force and being drowned by manmade forces of nature."

Molly (a Meowstic): "I know for a fact that I am also as strong as a Pokemon."

Chuck: "I train twenty-four hours a day to get as strong as my strongest Pokemon! My disciples battle day after day to conquer mountains! You think you're ready to take that on?" He grins widely, and puts his hands on his hips, showing off his... unimpressive physique.
Altair Azure: "24 hours a day? How do you get by without sleep?" Altair asked, curious, though also trying to verbally disarm him.
Jericho: "Caffeine?"
Chuck: "Uh. I train even in my dreams!" He was caught off-guard by the question for a moment.
Surolam: "How many days a week?"
Chuck: "Gh-" He pauses. "...Okay, fine six, and some of those are talking to kids about being a Trainer or helping with problems, but still!"

[DigoDragon]

P1: Success with nat 20. "Meh, I've seen better."

Succubus ego takes 20 damage. :smallbiggrin:



Me: Wait. Did you just say 'honorable death' or 'horrible death'?

One of those moments where the distinction is quite important. :3


Andante: “And after today, you can fly back up to the Grand Pegasus Enclave and convince whoever is in charge there to let your friends in.”
Doc: “I think we established last December that Doc wouldn't do well going up there.”

GM: “River's brothers might need to be put on lockdown before they start crushing on a filly who hasn't breathed in a hundred years.”
Viridia: “Hey, Voice. Dead mares need love too.”

Viridia: “…and you can't split a wagon without it ceasing to be a viable means of transportation.”
Doc: *Morbid laugh*

GM: “The ghoul stared at Doc, somewhere between frustrated and unimpressed. Eventually, after a few moments, she shrugged.”
Doc: “I interpret this as a victory.”
Viridia: “And that was the first time Doc saved us from the ire of a teenage zombie.”

GM: “The okapi, having the free will of a potato, simply walked close to Doc and looked like the walls were going to eat him if he blinked.”

Doc: “Eh, I'm already covered in blood thanks to Knock-Off Doc's wonder dentistry.”

[Milodiah]

GM: "The invisible crate containing the party is now floating slowly upwards, eventually it'll bounce off the perimeter shields and sound the alarm."

PC1: "This is stupid."

PC2: "Covert operations are often stupid."

[PoeticDwarf]

Sorcerer: So I have only one first level slot and there is a knight on a horse after me, with 160ft after that again two guards on horses.
Me: Totally right, you also have 4hp
Sorcerer: OK then, I cast thunderwave on the horse and the knight
Me: *rolls save for horse* 17 *rolls save for knight* 1.` Wow 15 damage the knight is down, and the horse is on 0hp
Sorcerer: Should I ride away on that horse, or beat the guards, well, I need more horses anyways *wait for guards*

[Inevitability]

Me: You even forget my NPCs' names when they don't have one!

Me: Your combined spit attack still fails to hit.

Ranger: So that's... 72 damage. Is he dead?
Me: ... Yes. Yes you killed the monstrous enemy who forced the other players to all run away and who should just have killed you there. Congratulations, what do you want to do now?
Ranger: I return to the room I just fled from.
Me: Are you sure? There's still a balor there...
Ranger: What could possibly go wrong?
<Stuff happens>
Newly created bard: This, I guess.

Wizard: I zap the wand of wonder at the bard!
Me: All color disappears from your surroundings. A moment later, a brightly colored sphere the size of a marble appears in front of the bard.
Bard: FEAR ME, FOR I AM THE KING OF COLORS!

Me: Make an intelligence check.
Rogue: 21.
Me: You have the feeling the bottle you are holding is about to explode.
Rogue: Hey metal guy, think fast! *throws bottle*
Warforged: *has his face pierced by dozens of glass shards*
Warforged: *begins removing shards*
Warforged: I have proven myself to be stronger than the glass... That alone is enough... That alone is enough...
Wizard: I like this guy.

[GPuzzle]

Levin: "I cast Grease!"
Simon: *starts singing Summer Nights*
DM: "This is D&D, no jokes allowed."

DM: "He drops the base and..."
Simon: "It turns into a CoD montage with dubstep playing the background."
DM: "Yeah, he fires a ray of dubstep."

Norhorn: "Simon and Levin's relationship is really freaking weird considering they're half-brothers."
Amelia: "At least they're on the same side and not attempting to kill one another."

Simon: "DICE FOR THE DICE GOD!"
Levin: "ROLLS FOR THE ROLLS THRONE!"

[TheTeaMustFlow]

Me: Unfortunately, this plan has a slight flaw. It relies on Mercer acknowledging that he is not, better than everyone else.
DM: ...Ah. Save against wisdom with advantage.
Me: *Passes* Once again, my arrogance has saved us all.

[Necroticplague]

"At this point, I'm not horribly surprised when the women I try to sleep with turn out to be some human-seeming monster. Last two were an aranea and a foocubus. At least you have the pleasantry of being a bit up-front about it. Need help dumping your body into the pickle jar?"

[Sith_Happens]

Fenir (OOC): "Gilt is basically Fenir's dark side."
Shonen (OOC): [*Darth Vader breathing noises*]

NPC: "I can take you no further. The inhabitants of the dungeon will not recognize you, you will have to fight your way through."
Shonen: "...Duh?"

DM (to Elphinna): "You wake up spread-eagled on the floor of a dungeon. Each of your limbs is restrained with a separate adamantine manacle. [*beat*] I will let you decide what you're wearing."
Elphinna: "My emerald-studded bikini."
DM: "...Okay."

DM: "Neither of [the intelligent constructs] are registering any intelligence."
Elphinna: "I'm going to guess they have a case of the deads."

DM: "Each time you bang him... No, absolutely not. Each time you hit him... That doesn't work either. Each time you hit him with your fist... DANGIT, THAT'S EVEN WORSE."

Elphinna: "You stay here, I could try to patch you up but I don't know how."

[Grim Portent]

DM: You open the door and are greeted by a room full of absolute Squeeee.

Me: I turn one of the 3 year olds invisible.

DM: One of them has managed to insert his fingers in your nostrils.

Incubus: I levitate to entertain them.

Ranger: I put my face in hands and start laughing like mad.

[DigoDragon]

DM: You open the door and are greeted by a room full of absolute Squeeee.

I'm trying to imagine what tat looks like. First thought is a room full of those miniature ponies from South America.



Simon: "DICE FOR THE DICE GOD!"

Misread this as "Digo for the Dice gods" and suddenly wondered why am I being sacrificed in a game I'm not in?



Ranger: What could possibly go wrong?
<Stuff happens>
Newly created bard: This, I guess.

Haha! Well so much for wondering.

[ZeroGear]

DM: "Each time you bang him... No, absolutely not. Each time you hit him... That doesn't work either. Each time you hit him with your fist... DANGIT, THAT'S EVEN WORSE."


Have you tried simply "attack"?

[Sith_Happens]

Misread this as "Digo for the Dice gods" and suddenly wondered why am I being sacrificed in a game I'm not in?

I think you backspaced wrong, your quote box says "Sith_Happens" where "GPuzzle" should be.


Have you tried simply "attack"?

No, mainly because she wasn't fighting, she was whacking an unresponsive construct to see if it was still functional.

[TurboGhast]

Veit: I enter the cave.
DM: Pepper is reluctant to enter the cave, roll animal handling.
*Veit rolls nonabysmally*
DM: This isn't supernatural, Pepper just can't see.
Veit: I leave the cave.

Veit: Why'd you tell me that the creature I'm fighting is a spectator? You should have put it on the map as a beholder copy or beholder ripoff or something else!

DM: *Rolls weather* The weather, over your long rest, changes to extreme heat, light winds from the south, and light rain. Do you have a waterskin?
Veit: Yes. Is this extreme heat supernatural?
DM: No.
Viet: We're on top of a mountain.
DM: ... Erm.... It's not extreme heat, but you can see that beneath you, the heat is extreme. *Scribbles Mountaintop is -40 Degrees F into custom weather rules.*

___
Malark: *Wild magic surge* No No nooooooo!!! Sorry sorry sorry....
Others: We had good luck until you showed up!
Malark: Why did I ask the DM to let me be risky?

[ZeroGear]

Malark: *Wild magic surge* No No nooooooo!!! Sorry sorry sorry....
Others: We had good luck until you showed up!
Malark: Why did I ask the DM to let me be risky?

You should have asked him to be risqué instead.



No, mainly because she wasn't fighting, she was whacking an unresponsive construct to see if it was still functional.

Attacking can be done outside of combat you know.

[Rater202]

No, mainly because she wasn't fighting, she was whacking an unresponsive construct to see if it was still functional.

"Bop him?"

[Inevitability]

Haha! Well so much for wondering.

He got his revenge, though. The bard and the party just teleported in and completely wrecked the balor. Still, it was pretty stupid.

[AlexanderML]

GM (me): As you walk through the woods and the foliage clears up a bit as you come across a stream. It is barely of note other than the fact that on the opposite side and back stream a bit you see a robed figure collecting water. It is obviously a female, and might be a elf as you look at her delicate hands collecting the water into a bucket. She rises, not seeing you, and you clearly see her face. It is obviously not human by some of her features, but is the most gorgeous woman you've ever seen. Her long silvery hair falling back, it's like a perfect scene from some movie.

Player 1 (not he guy I described this to): What is her charisma like?

GM: Let me look... it's in the high 20's.

Player 2 (the guy I described this to): I rush out of my hiding spot, draw my blade out and say: "BULL STOP WHERE YOU ARE".

[DigoDragon]

I think you backspaced wrong, your quote box says "Sith_Happens" where "GPuzzle" should be.

Huh. Not sure what happened there. I'll fix it.


DM: "The ring gives you a +5 Competence bonus to lock-picking and you can cast Knock 3 times a day."
[Front Door]: *Knocks*
DM: "And that was one use."

Niomi: "The dwarves told me that if I grew a beard, I'd be half-way decently sexy."

DM: "And so you reach thy holy camp site away from the active volcano... with the horses, and the wolves... and the orangutans, and the breakfast cereals-"
Mira: "Skip ahead, father Dungeon Master."

Lyle: "Well we have three possible places to go. We could go to Bellayne and warn the queen of the red dragon coming for her. We could go to Lydia City and intercept that flying citadel-"
Niomi: "Or number 3, we can go to Fiji! Sunny warm beaches and white surf lacking in giant red dragons and flying citadels of death."

Silver: "I can see the world banding together to chase this red dragon."
Vincent: "The world is HIDING from the red dragon. Do you anyone stupid enough to go chasing a red dragon?"
Lyle: "Us."

Tiamat: "But Bob Barker is a hottie!"
Vincent: "Ancient goddess of evil and she likes Barker?"
Lyle: "Well they're about the same age."

Gaia: "Let my weasel go."

Silver: "I put on the cloak."
DM: "You lose your antennae and gain... a rack."
Silver: "Oh, cloak of gender change."
Niomi: "Yuck, cursed cloak."
Silver: "I don't consider it cursed."
Niomi: "Wait 28 days."

Mira: "Claymore Brand Arrows!"
Silver: "Pointy end toward enemy!"

Niomi: "Yeah! Lets dress the mind flayer up as Ozzie Osborne!"

DM: "You see the witch Elena out in the town square, kissing babies and giving out candy to the children."
Silver: "What is that, a taste test?"

Niomi: "See, Vincent is my sweet cookie pants. You guys are my man slaves!"

[Grim Portent]

I'm trying to imagine what tat looks like. First thought is a room full of those miniature ponies from South America.

In this case it was a room full of baby kobolds. :smallsmile:

The party Incubus Bard and I spent some time playing with them while the rest of the party was trying to find mercenary work in the kobold mine.

[Inevitability]

Me: Why do you keep trying to empower stuff by casting Disintegrate at it?

[5ColouredWalker]

Huh. Not sure what happened there.
SithHappened.
I'll show myself out.

[DigoDragon]

SithHappened.
I'll show myself out.

*Gives you a cookie on your way* :smallbiggrin:

[Kane0]

"Would I be right in saying that these centaurs visiting Coconut during the night would be considered taboo?"

[SickBritKid]

(5e D&D)
Me (bard):*knocks on door*
Troll: *answers* What you want?
Me: Uh, we were just passing by,
Rogue (cutting in): Hail Tiamat!
Me: and were wondering if we could bed down here for the night.
Rogue (interrupting):Hail Tiamat!
Troll: Don' know if should. Not expecting company.
Me: You seem like a reasonable fellow, and we really are in a hurry. We came through the circle in the Wizard's castle.
Rogue: Hail Tiamat!
Troll: What password is?
Rogue: Hail. Tiamat.

(he didn't let us stay. Later that session...)

Me: I pull myself up off the floor, and say to the troll "Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries." *casts Vicious Mockery* *Rolls crit*
Troll: *dies*
Me: Huh. That never works!

What is Vicious Mockery and how can I go about making a character that uses that!?

[Hawkstar]

What is Vicious Mockery and how can I go about making a character that uses that!?

An at-will Bard power in 4e, and Bard-exclusive cantrip in 5e.

[Inevitability]

What is Vicious Mockery and how can I go about making a character that uses that!?

A spell that appears in both the 4th and 5th editions of D&D. Basically, it lets the caster insult someone for a small amount of psychic damage and a penalty on the target's next attack. In both editions, it is seen as a good pick.

If you want to use it, you will most likely have to play a bard, though in 5e you can also get it through the Magic Initiate feat, which is not restricted to any class.

[DigitalCielo]

Selena: I can say that today, boys and girls, we learned what happens when you're an @ss and eat people: you get nailed to a door, and then shot to death with thunders.

Etna:What do you do if a peasant comes to you and says he's cold?
If you offer him a fire, he'll be warm for a night.
But if you set him on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life!

And the gran finale:
DM:If you RP it out, I'll give you a free rank in Perform(lap dance).

[DigoDragon]

Viridia: “After what [Viridia] did to Snowflake, blood that wasn't even very fresh wasn't going to do a lot to phase her.”
Fan: *Noticing the blueblood Blade* “Nice sword. How did you get it?”
Viridia: “Thanks! It cost me about... four hundred caps? The stallion I got it from didn't have much use for it, and I was low on caps anyway, so... It's had a 'paint job' since then, been given an once-over by a Guild-Mage... that sort of thing.”

Doc: “So this little filly can throw her body parts at us and make them explode?”

Moon: “Seriously, what the **** happened here? Did [Stitchheart] decide to switch out all of their blood for red paint or something?”

Fan Knife: “Three of the gang members decided that stabbing each other before they got healed would be worth it.”

GM: “…or a bodyguard for some rich dude who decided that a buffalo was too expensive and settled for a giant lumberjack.”

Doc: “I'd love to see how smug she'd be if I ever had to pull a bullet out of her ass.”

Fan: “I'd probably try and look into getting something better made.”
Viridia: “If you know where a smith is, I'd be glad to get one commissioned.”
Fan: "You'd have to get a time machine.”

Doc: “I'm interested in learning about cybernetics and that is a difficult subject to get a hold of.”
Fan: “Why are you interested in cybernetics? What would you do if you did know more about them?”
Stellar: “Upgrade his harem to be harder, better, faster, stronger?”
Viridia: “I don't think you can count each hoof as an individual member.”
Fan: *Twitch* *Sputter* *Foaming* *Aneurism!*
Stellar: “I didn't... I mean... What? It was just a joke! Obviously we're not his harem. For a start his fiancée would kill us. And him.”

Fan: “Filthy f*cking Equestrians.”
Viridia: “I know somebody who's not getting a Hearth's Warming card this year.”

[Erth16]

Pedro: Do be careful though, the Phoenicians are the most savage thing to have ever lived.
Piccolo Vasquez: They can't be that bad.

Admiral Pakito: Hello, we are here to negotiate a military alliance between you and the Portuguese, could you take us to your leaders?
Phoenician: Wow, with skills like that I'm surprised you could negotiate your foot out of your mouth.
Piccolo Vasquez: Savage burn dude.
Pakito: Yep we're going to Venice now.
Phoenician: Guess it's true, the Portuguese really do only last 10 seconds.

[Inevitability]

Player: FYI, I sold my rapier so I can buy more dwarves.

[Taet]

Overheard at the game shop:

"It's like a Ghostbusters trap on a chain. It flies out, and then it snags you, and then it drags you back." :smallcool:

[Inevitability]

Me: No, you can't transport an entire smithy in your bag of holding.

[GPuzzle]

"Of all people, why is the one with no cybernetic implants repeatdly babnling code?"

[DigoDragon]

Niomi: "Pay no attention to the dead poisoned kobold behind the curtain!"

DM: "It was an altar to Pelor, but long ago it was defaced. Now there's a small porcelain altar to a new god."
Silver: "Kohler??"

Niomi: "Are the others back yet?"
Silver: "No, and it's past midnight. Something went wrong."
Niomi: "Or maybe the king is holding them for ransom?"
Silver: "This falls into the Something Went Wrong category!"

DM: "Mwahahaha!!"
Mira: "Hey, save it for when trouble starts."
DM: "It just did."

Silver: "Somehow I can see Helen Keller coming down here and kicking all our butts."

Vincent: "No, vampires can't cross bodies of running water."
Niomi: "Can they be thrown across?"

Mira: "That's the most fun I've had by myself since... none of your business!"

Silver: "At no point should I look up Elena's dress and sugar come pouring out."

Silver: "These are some nice comfy chairs.
Elena: "They're made of 100% Corinthian halfling."

Niomi: "I'm a cleric, I don't need a heal skill!"

Vincent: "I don't recall darts being a full contact sport."
Silver: "I do, but it required a few beers."

[Dexam]

DM: "The hill giant punches a hole in the barn wall and pulls out a sheep. Her target is Ellodyne, who just shot her with fire. She hurls it and... hits for 24 damage."
Ellodyne: "Oww! That really hurt! I've only two hit points left. Still, it could have been worse - I could have been hit by a cattle-pult."
DM: *blank stare*
Ellodyne: "Instead, it was just a baaa-llista bolt."
DM: *facepalm*

DM: "The dignitary bounds into the room with a cry of 'What ho!'."
Ellodyne: "Hey, who are you calling a ho? I'll have you know that Neme is a very respectable woman!"
DM: "... I notice that you didn't say anything in defence of Ezzeyn."

[LordotTrinkets]

"I think he hid the horses in his belly button..."

"Don't worry, as long as it stays under the cloak, no one will be in any sort of danger."
"The... fruit cake?"
"Have you ever smelled my aunt's fruit cake before?"
"...No..."
"Then I shall not inflict you with the details."

[AdmiralCheez]

Luca: "Open the rear hatch and prepare to fire the butt cannon."
Knight: "It's a butt howitzer; get it right."


DM: "So get out of the toilet and do something!"


Jacob: "Didn't they describe this thing as a stealth cargo plane?"
Montgomery: "Yes, among other things. Why bring this up now?"
Jacob: "Because you're trying to fly it like a fighter interceptor."
Montgomery: "I know; that's why the engines have stalled."


DM: "Wait, I thought that was all destroyed."
Knight: "No, we left all the important plot stuff in the hangar."
Montgomery: "Yeah, all of the stuff in the doorknob at the hole in Atlantis were my personal belongings and workshop."
DM: "By the way, Dagon's really enjoying your beer."

[Inevitability]

Not the campaign I usually post about, but:

Bard: Who cares about that stupid safe-the-world plot anyway? Let's just build a city here, then rob everyone who comes close!
Paladin: No robbing.
Bard: Okay, then we'll just build a city and kill everyone who comes close!
Paladin: No killing either.
Bard: How about I build you a city, then I build myself a city and I rob/kill those people on my own?
Paladin: If you do so, I'll declare war on your city.
Bard: (to rogue) Do you think we can take him?

[Jeff the Green]

"Good and evil have always confused me. I like 'us and them' much better."

"Oh, it's not terribly interesting. We fought some corpses, got the goblin killed, and then brought him back to life. Had an interesting talk with a long-dead orc, killed his pet, answered some riddles, got some presents. Y'know, normal grave-robbing stuff."

"Take a look at my cloak—don't eat it, please."

"That was not a retreat. In fact, I'm fairly sure that was the exact opposite of a retreat."

Rook: Sei, are you alright?
Sei: Sure, just fine. Only ran away from a [bleep] horse.
Rook: A spooky horse.

"It would be nice to have Porter here to help, but I wouldn't be able to get him to come in here for a years' worth of steak. Better sense than either of us, I suppose"

"New rule: next time my brain gets eaten, you and Poacher grab my lasso and tie it around my beak."

"You've clearly never been a burglar, Damien. It's incredibly impolite to be caught in flagrante delicto, and you can hardly expect hospitality from someone you've just insulted."

"Well then, if it was a mountain that decapitated that man, we'll certainly be glad to have you along."

His healing abilities are limited—in the same sense that a tiger's love of salad is limited.

"Excuse me while I try to find my cat. I'm sure you can interrogate the peasants without me."

"The gods are more numerous than foundlings in a famine, though some of them are less burdensome."

"You're the closest thing to a priestess here. Aside from the, er, priestess, that is."

"'Monastic lifestyle'. Is that another way of saying 'can't get laid'?"

"Peacocks have their tails, thrushes have their songs, and we have tales of our criminal exploits. Oh, and baubles. Those are pretty much necessary too."

"I've got the beginning of a plan. The trick will be convincing one of the villagers to get shot for it."

"Let's go with the plan less likely to turn us into little bitty pieces, okay?"

[Fumble Jack]

Goliath Barbarian: They're exchanging the recipe for Drow s'mores

Tiefling Bard: How do you function?

Drow Ranger: -facepalms- You have got to be kidding me.

Drow Prisoner -just looks on confused.-

[GrayGriffin]

Theo: "...She discovered her left breast and shut down?"

The Woman: "It wasn't...wasn't supposed to end this way..."
* Felix scoffs.
Felix: "No one can predict the future."
Lauren: "...I'm sorry it did."
Masa: "Honestly, most of that seems to be your own pride in your ability to control others coming back to bite you..." Masa glances over at the Cybernetic Woman.
Theo: "You should have stayed the hell away from my family, ."

* Masa flutters her wings, spreading them a bit wider as the woman reveals her mechanical pair.
[b]Masa (OOC): "...I bet my wingspan is wider than yours."

[Necroticplague]

Nesdu: Is that why I keep waking up as a dude sometimes?
NURSE:No. That's because you're friends are a******s. That's why you've been randomly turning into animals.

[DigoDragon]

cattle-pult.
baaa-llista bolt.

Brilliant. :smallcool:



"I think he hid the horses in his belly button..."

Uh... bellybutton of holding? o.o
I didn't think they were... stable enough to hold horses.



Montgomery: "I know; that's why the engines have stalled."

One would think the plane tried to warn them of that detail... unless it's really old or the safety features were turned off. :3



Theo: "...She discovered her left breast and shut down?"

...I got nothing.



Tiamat: "If you'll excuse me, I have a plan to execute."
Mira: "What plan is that?"
Silver: "She doesn't know, why should you?"

DM: "You're still in combat. You want to touch attack the badger?"
Silver: "I can't, it's too far away."
DM: "Okay fine, don't touch the badger."

Silver: "It's like a thousand finger massage, but they're all the middle one."

DM: "You take 18 points of damage and age 4 years older."
Mira: "Oww! I'm 32 now..."
Vincent: "That looked like it hurt."
Mira: "Yeah, but I got to the other side, didn't I?"
Niomi: "It only took you 4 years to get there."

DM: "Your defense check?"
Vincent: "I blew it, only a 31."
DM: "What!?... just for that I'm not dealing you damage."
Vincent: "I'm sorry. I'll get myself hit next time."

DM: "How many rounds does your shield spell last?"
Mira: "180 rounds."
DM: "...what? That's not right, how long is your duration?"
Mira: "10 rounds per level. I'm level 4 so that's 180... wait. Err, it's 60 rounds?"
DM: "Okay, 1 minute is 10 rounds. You said 10 rounds per level and you're level 4."
Mira: "Oh! ...okay it's 18 rounds."

Silver: "Okay, I climb up to the top of this artifact. Someone think of something."
Niomi: "Preferably something that won't blow up the planet.

DM: "The evil in that crystal has evaporated. It's maybe... 15% tainted."
Silver: "Low carb evil?"

Vincent: "We just let the world come to an end, didn't we?"
DM: "Maybe. Let's just say your way of handling it all is graded as a C-."
Mira: "Well what were we supposed to do with the artifact then?"
DM: "Considering you guys have destroyed three towers, two cities, and an army of bosses that would make any Gradius game proud, I thought the answer to that was pretty simple."

[janusmaxwell]

Fen: "I suddenly have a new respect for berries!"

DBZ Campaign Journal: "We're the Good Guys, we swear!" (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?435967-We-re-the-Good-Guys-i-swear!!-A-DBZ-Campaign-journal)

The Saiyan Fen went on walkabout and ended up in New Orleans and started trying the different foods. Upon discovering foods that burned through even his Saiyan digestive tract, he was in pain and intrigued. When he asked, the cook produced a pepper and said it was made with these, but only a little as he probably wouldn't be able to eat the whole thing.

*Challenge Accepted*

So Fen ate a Ghost Pepper, and I argued that anything a Saiyan experiences which requires a Hazmat Suit for humans to deal with should count for his racial feat. (Zenkai: Gain bonus XP from almost dying)

[DigoDragon]

Moon: “You keep saying Equestrians like you're not from here. Are you originally from somewhere else?”
Doc: “Probably from some far away little island that's never heard of a joke.”
Moon: “I think she's a prude.”
Doc: “That too. Though given that her expy homeland of Japan tends to think up the most unusual sexual things, it just makes that fact a little funnier.”
Viridia: “Not to mention how she dissed Equestrian steel, when I believe Japanese steel was notoriously weak, which is why they had to fold it to make it worth a damn.”
GM: “Using logic probably isn't going to get her to change her mind.”
Doc: “And then there’s her recommendation of a time machine...”

Moon: “I find her differentiating between Equestria and her homeland adorable when they are both likely ruined wastelands.”
Doc: “Adorable like hugging a cactus.”

Luapula: “Threads of reality are tangling into themselves. Possibilities that would have never have occurred until now are becoming options.”
Doc: “Hang in there, buddy. The sun always comes up in the morning.”
Luapula: “The best pot in this entire world cannot produce food, and false names are not appropriate in this waxing hour. Brevis ipsa vita est sed malis fit longior.”
Moon: “See, that's what I'm talking about when I say acting crazy.”

Andante: “Who wants to play pachisi?”
Stellar: “Was that a serious offer? It's kinda hard to tell with you.”

[AdmiralCheez]

One would think the plane tried to warn them of that detail... unless it's really old or the safety features were turned off. :3

Well, it's a WW2 setting, so we're not quite sure if there even was a warning system on that type of plane. In any case, neither of the people in the cockpit were qualified to fly it, and certainly not in a combat situation. We're lucky we only got shot eight times and hit by a rocket once.

[SeaDawg49]

PC1: I walk up to the statue with ruby eyes.
DM: An explosion goes off knocking you back and dealing 20 damage.
PC1: *brushes self off* I walk up the statue, adamantine crowbar in hand, to pry the rubies off.
DM: An explosion goes off knocking you back and dealing 32 damage ... are you dead?
PC1: I am at 2 hp, *with eyes full of greed* did I get the rubies?
DM: *sighs* fine...


PC1: I pocket the dead into my bag of holding...
*later*
PC1: I have dead cats!!!
PC2: I have drow poison!!
PC1: and 2: Lets inject poison into the dead cats and feed them to the trolls!!
PC3: I back away slowly from the mad dwarves.

DM: You walk into the Solar Dragon's Chamber
Half Dragon Half Goblin PC1: GREETINGS BROTHER
Solar Dragon: You are no kin of mine kobold.
Half Dragon Half Goblin PC1: *in scottish accent* sure I am, I'm ha'f dragon.
Goblin Wizard PC2: He is also half Goblin, and we all know which half is better.
Solar Dragon: Quite

DM: OK, the ice golem hits the flying witch for *rolls* 40 damage... make a concentration check to remain flying
Witch: I fail and fall...
DM: Ok, You take *rolls* 3 fall damage.
Witch(OOC): Well I died.
*later*
Hunter: I skin every thing that died in this battle.
Party: Including the witch?
Hunter: yes.
DM: Congrats you are now evil.
*later*
Hunter: I wish back the Witch
DM: Ok the witch comes back.
Hunter: Hey how you doing? I know this might be weird but here is you pelt and meat *gives skinned witch back to the witch*
Witch: Wow! I have never known anyone who has known me so... *scooches closer* intimately.

[DigoDragon]

Digo: "Wait, an entire mobile hideout in a can of Beanie-Weenie?"



Well, it's a WW2 setting, so we're not quite sure if there even was a warning system on that type of plane.

Then yeah, age. I think most of the "modern" safety features on planes have only been around about 30-35 years.



PC1: I am at 2 hp, *with eyes full of greed* did I get the rubies?
DM: *sighs* fine...

I would have honestly said no and let him die. :3

[goto124]

Moon: “See, that's what I'm talking about when I say acting crazy.”

I hope bringing Lua along will pay off soon/well/some combination of both.



Andante: “Who wants to play pachisi?”
Stellar: “Was that a serious offer? It's kinda hard to tell with you.”

I misread it and thought it was this (http://assets22.pokemon.com/assets/cms2/img/pokedex/full/417.png).

[DigoDragon]

I hope bringing Lua along will pay off soon/well/some combination of both.

I am hoping as well, but that hope has taken quite a beating lately. :smallredface:
On the flip-side of the coin, I think Doc just confirmed that part of his insanity is that he "Sees dead ponies". That might be useful to answer a couple questions, but if he can't be drugged into a coherent state, Doc will have to leave him behind. Lua is too much of a liability (no one will trust him to be untied around the party).

On the plus side, maybe leaving Lua behind means Doc can go around looking for a decent mechanic to hire. He could use one to fix his busted things.



I misread it and thought it was this (http://assets22.pokemon.com/assets/cms2/img/pokedex/full/417.png).

Pachirisu? Yeah, I can see the misread.
(I had to google what that was, LOL)

[DigoDragon]

Moon: “Anyways, back to the food. Is there none that we could buy for a journey?”
Fan: “There's always been some ponies who try and live in the abandoned parts of the hospital. I'm pretty sure there's some who've taken advantage of the slummers.”
Moon: “Well it's worth a shot.”
Doc: “You could always sneak into the slums and beat up the rich ones for their food hoard. Then you can divvy it out to the hungry like Robin Hoof, keeping a small percentage to cover your own expenses of course. Oh, I’ll tag along if I can be Friar Doc.”

Andante: “Perhaps after this, we could take turns reading from poor Prudence's attempt at a romance novella.”
Novella: “Unique Sleet was so beautiful, I felt instantly ashamed as soon as my ocular globes laid upon her. A deep sensation rose in my breast, and I began to sweat. I fearfully made a note that I should check with my spiritual advisor to assure that I was not in danger of being strayed off my path.”
Viridia: Urgh, disgusting Equestrian filth! Am I right, Fan Knife?”
Fan: *Vigorous nodding in agreement*

Andante: “There were only so many others present who could have been called interesting for several years.”
Doc: “And then we showed up and made your life very interesting.”

Moon: “I hate waiting. …So maybe you can tell us about yourself while we wait? How long have you been with Doctor Stitchheart?”
Fan: “I have to go see Stitchheart and tell her you all are here. And for your information, I am her sister.”

Doc: “So... anyone else think we might have to shoot someone before the end of the day?”

Viridia: *Opens the nearest container and sees if anything neat was inside*
GM: “The small utility cabinet contained a black balaclava and a bottle of water.”
Viridia: (pulls the balaclava out). "Hmm. There must be ninjas about."
Doc: “And one of them is apparently naked.”

[goto124]

Moon: “How long have you been with Doctor Stitchheart?”
Fan: “And for your information, I am her sister.”

I wonder what Moonshadow meant by her question...

[Necroticplague]

"Any sufficiently subtle antagonist is indistinguishable from a sufficiently stupid teammate. Unfortunately, the converse, that a sufficiently stupid teammate is indistinguishable from an antagonist, is also true."

"Friendly Fire Isn't!"

[DigoDragon]

I wonder what Moonshadow meant by her question...

I assumed 'been with' as in 'working for'. There's an advantage when your bodyguard is your sibling.

Fan Knife and Stitchheart do have drastically opposed personalities though. Stitch seems obliviously cheerful about everything while fan would probably yank that knife out of her sister's head and stab us all with it if we so much as mention anything personal about them. :smalltongue:



"Any sufficiently subtle antagonist is indistinguishable from a sufficiently stupid teammate. Unfortunately, the converse, that a sufficiently stupid teammate is indistinguishable from an antagonist, is also true."

Subtle as in 'incompetent'?

[Necroticplague]

Subtle as in 'incompetent'?

Subtle as in 'very good at making it look like an accident'.

[GrayGriffin]

* Jil Joti accepts a bouquet from Surolam, blinks, and looks at her. She asks with honest curiosity, “Are you attempting to court me?”
* Surolam blushes, rubbing the back of her neck.
Surolam: “Not…not yet, I think. As I said, I purchased a bouquet for all the members of our traveling group.”
Jil Joti: “I understand. I would not be offended if you did attempt to court me, though I apologize if I am not adequately knowledgeable in such matters. My education was primarily centered around combat.”
Surolam: “Well…I have less experience being the initiator in courting, or of the more casual rituals involved therin.”
Jil (OOC): "slowly pours fuel into the jil/suro ship"

Surolam (OOC): "BOND OVER THE FACT THAT YOU BOTH CRIED OVER FLOWERS"

A young rowboat: "Okay. …Thank you, Surolam. You’re a good rube."

Jil Joti: “A trainer may have come by seeking to sell rowboats here. Said endeavor has fallen through, along with a barkeeper falling through one of the boats, so I require supplies for repair and modification.”

[Diachronos]

"Vivify: enliven or animate. 'Outings vivify learning for children'. 'Come on now children, into the labyrinth!'"

"Imagine if you only got feats on every prime level?"
*proceeds to count out the feats for prime numbers, then for every 3 levels*
"What? You get more feats from prime levels than every 3?!"

"See, Rich, this is why it's good to be a kleptomaniac."
"Why?"
"Because I have to open this chest without touching it, and that chest without opening it."

"And this is why I sent out the grappling hook first."

[DigoDragon]

Andante: “Those things are not mutually exclusive, depending on how one wishes to think of Fan Knife. Of course, if we were all clad in powered armor and had access to a sky tank, then our chances of surviving would be roughly equal to our chances of getting our necks snapped within fifteen seconds.”
Viridia: “Well, duh, because none of us would know how to use power armor or operate a sky tank. Besides, the best way for us to fight a ninja is for everyone but Stellar to run away. Conservation of ninjutsu goes both ways.”

Doc: “We could probably give Fan Knife a stroke if we talk dirty to her.”
Moon: “Speaking of that, don't joke about it within earshot of Fan Knife. I get the feeling she's a bit trigger happy and wouldn't get the joke ‘til after she attacked us.”
Andante: “Calling her a ninja might also make her feel insulted. …Or asking her about her height, or her taste in literature, or her clothing, or most aspects of her existence, really.”

Doc: “I think the real danger is Flagon. He'll probably try to get me captured in his place by whoever wants him dead. That might get some of you caught in the crossfire.”
Viridia: “I wouldn't mind that, as long as I get another cool gun out of it. Or! We could give you a makeover. I'm thinking dreadlocks...”
Andante: “We could pay Stitchheart to give him zebra stripes. And we could then stuff him in one of those little outfits the Arabian mares put their husbands in and make him perform The Dance of the Wasp for eager crowds. We would make a fortune.”

Doc: “Perhaps a fake horn instead of stripes?”
Viridia: “An even better disguise would be finding you a dress and having you be a mare. You'll be Baroness Carriage, a wealthy young socialite fleeing from an arranged marriage to a sinister horselord, after your family fortune!”
Andante: “The noblemare turning out to an errant stallion? I thought our lives could not resemble a bad Harlequine novel any more, but once again, I am proven wrong.”

[goto124]

Viridia: “An even better disguise would be finding you a dress and having you be a mare. You'll be Baroness Carriage, a wealthy young socialite fleeing from an arranged marriage to a sinister horselord, after your family fortune!”

Earlier on in this very thread:



Doc: “That being said, I suddenly have a crazy idea for an end-game side quest to give Doc. Become Unicorn!”
Moon: “Why Unicorn, when you can become a Pegasus! Realize your destiny, Doc! Come fly with us!”
Doc: “Maybe. There is a question about what Pegasus perks I would qualify for. It won't be worth much if I can't improve my ability to fly.”
Moon: “Then, you realize that Mirror is into mares and join the rest of us that way too.”
Doc: “The sausage stays.”

[DigoDragon]

Earlier on in this very thread:

Well, cross-dressing is much less invasive than the alternative. ^^;



"Imagine if you only got feats on every prime level?"
*proceeds to count out the feats for prime numbers, then for every 3 levels*
"What? You get more feats from prime levels than every 3?!"

Huh, that is true for a 20-level progression. That's neat little bit if trivia.



Surolam (OOC): "BOND OVER THE FACT THAT YOU BOTH CRIED OVER FLOWERS"

Pssst, pretend you have allergies. :smallbiggrin:

[goto124]

Well, cross-dressing is much less invasive than the alternative. ^^;

Speaking of cross-dressing... (http://i.imgur.com/uzKgOGG.png)

[DigoDragon]

Speaking of cross-dressing... (http://i.imgur.com/uzKgOGG.png)

Mwahaha. :smallbiggrin: That was a fun meme to draw.
I really should do it again for the other Fallout character (http://digoraccoon.deviantart.com/art/Switchblade-550288297) I have (my AU pairing with Doc in fact).


Sabina: "I understand that the council has come to a ninja, but seeing that I'm too busy taking in the [nostalgic] view from memory lane, I choose not to hear it."

[walfulninja]

"I tie a torch to the kobold and throw him through the window."

[janusmaxwell]

Player 1: "Cause you know, the Feels on the bus go round and round."
Player 2: "We're goin' on a Feels trip B-tches!"

[janusmaxwell]

Player 1: "Dude your gonna die."
Player 2: "F-ck you, you're gonna die too!"
Player 1; "Screw you I'm usin' priest magic to get the f-ck outta here!"
Player 2: "I don't think priest magic works like that."
Player 1: "Screw it, I'm prayin' to Jebus anyway!"
Player 1: "Save me Jebus!"

[DigoDragon]

Viridia: “D'you think those Griffons who accosted us in the slums went back and told the... nest... or whatever Griffons have, about us?”
Doc: “They probably got a rumor circulating about how Flagon has a 'blonde bombshell bodyguard' protecting him. The Pegasus Window Maker.”
Viridia: “Shh, don't tell anybody about my secret glass shaping abilities!”
Doc: “Damnit, autocorrect!”

Viridia: “I tanked a grenade at close range and survived massive plasma bolts, plus face-planting into a building from flight. My zenkai is off the charts.”

Doc: “If any of them got brains, they'll wait until we're apart before they strike. Maybe snatch me in the middle of the night when we're all asleep.”
Stellar: (Deadpan) “I suppose there's nothing for it then, I'm going to have to sleep with you. I hope Mirror understands.”

Doc: “So how many organs do I need to donate to make the $14k for some wings? And they don't have to be my organs, right?”

Andante: “Imagine if, Celestia forbade, Northern Light preferred mares.”
Doc: “Northern is gay?”
Viridia: “He shall now be known as Butt Stallion.”
GM: “Once you lumberjack, you never lumberback.”

Luapula: “Screeeeeaaaeeeee!”
GM: “Luapula, inconsiderately, continued to do his best impression of an organic air-raid siren.”
Viridia: “I think Lu needs his diaper changed, Doc.”

[Esprit15]

"We postexunaredisanticountermoor the boat."

[goto124]

Doc: "The Pegasus Window Maker.”
Viridia: “Shh, don't tell anybody about my secret glass shaping abilities!”
Doc: “Damnit, autocorrect!”

Also, all of these took place in the IC thread, without even using the OOC thread.

Everything's funner with codes!

I think Mirror has non-secret glass-shaping abilities?

[DigoDragon]

Player 2: "We're goin' on a Feels trip B-tches!"

Heh, Feels Trip. I like that one.



"We postexunaredisanticountermoor the boat."

O.o`


Also, all of these took place in the IC thread, without even using the OOC thread.
Everything's funner with codes!

I think Mirror has non-secret glass-shaping abilities?

On the one hand, I need to remember to turn off the Autocorrect when typing on a tablet. On the other, leaving it on creates hilarious moments like that. It's a give-n-take relationship. ^^;

Mirror can create crystal, which is... kind of like glass I guess? Close enough I suppose. :3
Though Mirror doesn't think it's anything special.

[Syll]

player 1: "This must be the wendigo's lair..."

enemy creature: "What? a Wendigo? I'm not a Wendigo, I'm a Were-Dingo!"

[Esprit15]

"We postexunaredisanticountermoor the boat."

"So it turns out the proper term is disembarking, or 'casting off' as the kids say."

[janusmaxwell]

Heh, Feels Trip. I like that one.

We were talking about Anime, specifically the Fate: Stay series and all the feels cause by one of them, (I wasn't listening that close) and he just comepletely straight-faced "Cause you know...the feels on the bus go round-and-round."

Just the combination of timing, phrase and deadpan expression made us laugh our a--es off, with the DM laughing so hard he had a coughing fit.

[Gracht Grabmaw]

"Oh please, if I really wanted to feel boobs that badly I could grow them myself." Dr. Podros Lodovka, unimpressed over the female mages' clumsy attempts at flirtation.

[DigoDragon]

enemy creature: "What? a Wendigo? I'm not a Wendigo, I'm a Were-Dingo!"

When Digo? :smallbiggrin:



"Oh please, if I really wanted to feel boobs that badly I could grow them myself."

I want to ask if the doctor meant on themselves or in a vat? But maybe you shouldn't answer that. XD

[Rater202]

When Digo? :smallbiggrin:

No.

Repeat after me: "wen digo?"

[Inevitability]

Me: As you cast Contact Other Plane, your mind starts to wander, exploring each plane in its infinite vastness at once. With a shock, you realize that all is equal, and that the individual planes are no more than droplets in the ocean of eternity.
Wizard: And do I, like, spot any omniscient superbeings I could ask my questions to, which is the entire point of the spell?
Me: I'm getting to that. *ahem* As you look more closely, you spot a giant shape that has no form and every possible form at once. Akin to a great whale in the aforementioned ocean, it moans and asks as to why you disturbed its eternal sleep.
Rogue: Why does it look like a whale?
Fighter: Can it spray water? Is it spraying water right now?
Me: It's a figure of speech, guys. The 'whale' is the best way of understanding this being in relation to...
Wizard: I try to bribe the plane-whale with fish!

Cleric: Let it be known that my next PC shall be a flumph-summoner!

Wizard: Think of a 'cone' as an ice-cream-shaped area.
Cleric: 'Cone of cold' suddenly makes a lot more sense now.

Rogue: Hey! I was busy saving princess Soy-Sauce from the evil Pumpkin Bandits, you know!
Cleric: Okay, I guess you're insane now. Not too surprising, if I'm honest.

[Cazero]

Me: As you cast Contact Other Plane, your mind starts to wander, exploring each plane in its infinite vastness at once. With a shock, you realize that all is equal, and that the individual planes are no more than droplets in the ocean of eternity.
Wizard: And do I, like, spot any omniscient superbeings I could ask my questions to, which is the entire point of the spell?
Me: I'm getting to that. *ahem* As you look more closely, you spot a giant shape that has no form and every possible form at once. Akin to a great whale in the aforementioned ocean, it moans and asks as to why you disturbed its eternal sleep.
Rogue: Why does it look like a whale?
Fighter: Can it spray water? Is it spraying water right now?
Me: It's a figure of speech, guys. The 'whale' is the best way of understanding this being in relation to...
Wizard: I try to bribe the plane-whale with fish!
Great, now I want to wake up the whale just to see what remains of the world afterwards.

[Necroticplague]

Gene: Let us all agree that never happened enough for it to not effect all of your mental health, but enough to hold it over his head forever.
Nesdu: "all of you"? What about you?
Gene: *Holds up thumb drive* Where do you think he got the idea from? Probably something on this.
Nesdu: The more I know you, the more I wish I knew less.

[GPuzzle]

Simon: "The fact that Vanish, which is the spell that I'm using the most is a touch spell has some weird implications."
Levin: "You touch yourself and others a lot."
DM: "Just be glad you're not a Paladin."

DM: "Paladins can touch themselves as a swift action."
Levin: "They must be awful in bed."

DM: "You're attacked by a horde of seagulls."
Simon: "They're turning into Steven Seagull! Watch out!"

Norhorn: "So we're gonna clean a warehouse of ethereal apparitions?"
Simon and Levin: *hums the Ghostbuster theme song*

Norhorn: "I'm gonna cast a spell! Horse magic go!"
Simon: "A wild horse appears!"
Norhorn: "My favorite magic!"

[GrayGriffin]

Remiya Zeitlin: "Ah came 'ere fer ya."
Sakura: "I know. And I'm glad. This is a very nice world."
Luna Sangria: "You unleashed a terrible horror upon your homeworld. Medusa runs free and we reunited her young to her."
Masa: (( and here we have Luna, performing the ritual known as "ruining the moment" ))
DNA: And then there's this *******
Lauren: (( Behold the South Kantonese Party-Pooper, in her natural habitat. ))
Theo: (( notice how her call seems to attract pessimissim. ))

[goto124]

DM: "Just be glad you're not a Paladin."

I think most fantasy religions have little against that sort of thing.

Or at least, DnD religions.

[GPuzzle]

I think most fantasy religions have little against that sort of thing.

Or at least, DnD religions.

Mostly the dirty jokes, Simon only placed his hand on his chest.

[Bucky]

Barbarian: I'm not impressed. I used to know an old lady whose cat granted her spells.
NPC Cleric: Did you just compare <apparent deity> to a cat!?

[ZeroGear]

Barbarian: I'm not impressed. I used to know an old lady whose cat granted her spells.
NPC Cleric: Did you just compare <apparent deity> to a cat!?

There was once a race in Dragon Magazine called Tibbits, and were a race that evolved from cats who used to be wizard familiars. Their description notes that they all worship an entity known as the 'Cat Lord', who watches over all felines. When I first read the description, I couldn't stop picturing said cat lord as this:

http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/studio-ghibli/images/3/31/Kattkungen.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20130304183749

[DigoDragon]

Wizard: Think of a 'cone' as an ice-cream-shaped area.
Cleric: 'Cone of cold' suddenly makes a lot more sense now.

Heh, food comparisons are best comparisons. XD



Norhorn: "My favorite magic!"

Woot! Wild horses for everyone!



GM: “Andante seemed disquieted by [Stitchheart’s] cheery demeanor while having a hunting knife buried halfway to the hilt in her head.”
Moon: “Uh, you kinda got something... in your face.”

Stitchheart: “I didn't know Equestrian medicine had become an apprenticeship system. When did that change?”
Stellar: “Since all of Equestria's teaching hospitals were obliterated by balefire.”

Viridia: “Viridia nodded with Doc's introduction and stood there being beautiful.”
Viridia’s Charisma Check: *Critical Success*
Stellar: “Well that's going to be distracting!”
Doc: “Wingboners for everyone! …Except maybe Andante, who might be the mare equivalent of a eunuch.”

Stellar: *Trying her utmost to keep the heat out of her cheeks. There should be laws against ponies being so effortlessly hot*
Doc: *Focused on his conversation with Stitchheart in order to counter Viridia's hot bod, but it was still getting warm in this room*
Moonshadow: *Staring at Luapula to offset Viridia's sexiness*
Doc: “I'd like to congratulate Viridia on the TPK.”

Viridia: “Doc never referred to Viridia as Dawn. GM error, or evil doctor?”
GM: “Stitchheart miiiiight know more than she's letting on/be evil. Alternatively, the knife that's currently lodged in her skull is picking up Luapula's psychic abilities.”

[goto124]

Viridia’s Charisma Check: *Critical Success*

You mean, doing the equivalent of rolling a natural 20! Which, in the 'lower rolls are better' F:E system, means rolling nat 1s :smalltongue:

Does the GM go by natural 1s/20s = automatic critical success/failure?

Also, I like how everyone, players and GM alike, just jump aboard with the... ahem... epic success.

[DigoDragon]

You mean, doing the equivalent of rolling a natural 20! Which, in the 'lower rolls are better' F:E system, means rolling nat 1s :smalltongue:
Does the GM go by natural 1s/20s = automatic critical success/failure?

Also, I like how everyone, players and GM alike, just jump aboard with the... ahem... epic success.

The system flip-flops a bit on when rolling a 1 is a Critical Success, but we tend to assume such a success when it happens because it isn't all that often.

Case in point, TPK by the sexy. :smallbiggrin:

[Gracht Grabmaw]

I want to ask if the doctor meant on themselves or in a vat? But maybe you shouldn't answer that. XD

Looking at a copy of the character sheet right now for unrelated reasons, I can confidently answer: Yes.

Not really a direct quote from a game this time, but still something amusing I feel like sharing: Our rogue in a 3.5 game on roll20 labeled his unarmed strike macro as a "warm Waterdeep welcome" with the damage notes "Bludgeoning, NL, enemies with no external genitalia are immune".
So, premeditated and macro-supported **** shots. I figure someone ought to get a kick out of that (pun slightly intended)

[Hawkstar]

The system flip-flops a bit on when rolling a 1 is a Critical Success, but we tend to assume such a success when it happens because it isn't all that often.

Case in point, TPK by the sexy. :smallbiggrin:

... It really was a TPK? :smalleek:

[DigoDragon]

... It really was a TPK? :smalleek:

Well, not in the literal sense that our characters died, but... as the saying goes, If looks could kill. :smallbiggrin:

[ZeroGear]

Well, not in the literal sense that our characters died, but... as the saying goes, If looks could kill. :smallbiggrin:

There is the chance that they could all die from blood loss/strokes due to a drastically increased heart rate...or drown in their own drool (yay cartoon physics).

[Hawkstar]

Well, not in the literal sense that our characters died, but... as the saying goes, If looks could kill. :smallbiggrin:

Oh, good. I was genuinely terrified that the party got killed during the reactions from that roll, and the hilarious adventures of Doc Wagon had come to a tragic end (leaving these forums missing something truly great). Nice to know it was merely a little death.

[BlackestOfMages]

Oh, good. I was genuinely terrified that the party got killed during the reactions from that roll, and the hilarious adventures of Doc Wagon had come to a tragic end (leaving these forums missing something truly great). Nice to know it was merely a little death.

I dunno, I think if they where to meat a tragic end, that would probably be the best and most fitting one possible :smallbiggrin:

[Inevitability]

Me: The chest contains a Scimitar of Speed, a Crystal Ball of True Seeing, and a small folded piece of paper.
Cleric: I read it!
Me: *ahem* If you are reading this, my dearest fiend-slayers, I almost certainly am dead right now. That is, unless you send that sneaky rogue of yours to rob me and he took this letter, in which case; curse you, sneaky rogue!
Rogue: I consider that a compliment.
Me: Furthermore, I would like to say I admire how you have successfully destroyed not only me, but my many powerful minions. The treasure that was once mine is now rightfully yours, and I am honored that such powerful adventurers were the ones to defeat me. Before I place this letter in the box and wait for your arrival, there is but one thing I mean to tell you.
Everyone: What does it say?
Me: Explosive Runes Explosive Runes Explosive Runes Explosive Runes Explosive Runes.
Everyone: :smalleek:
Me: What? It's not like I haven't tried this before.

[PoeticDwarf]

Me: The chest contains a Scimitar of Speed, a Crystal Ball of True Seeing, and a small folded piece of paper.
Cleric: I read it!
Me: *ahem* If you are reading this, my dearest fiend-slayers, I almost certainly am dead right now. That is, unless you send that sneaky rogue of yours to rob me and he took this letter, in which case; curse you, sneaky rogue!
Rogue: I consider that a compliment.
Me: Furthermore, I would like to say I admire how you have successfully destroyed not only me, but my many powerful minions. The treasure that was once mine is now rightfully yours, and I am honored that such powerful adventurers were the ones to defeat me. Before I place this letter in the box and wait for your arrival, there is but one thing I mean to tell you.
Everyone: What does it say?
Me: Explosive Runes Explosive Runes Explosive Runes Explosive Runes Explosive Runes.
Everyone: :smalleek:
Me: What? It's not like I haven't tried this before.

25d8 acid damage, 5 times DC18 or half and the rogue got away with 10 damage (evasion:smallbiggrin: and failing just one), some of us weren't that lucky:smallwink:

EDIT: Rogue got 5 damage because of uncanny dodge

[GPuzzle]

Caela: "A Dwarf Cavalier who's racist every little bit of elvishness and is extremely grumpy, a Half-Elf Skald who's the master of bad first impressions as well as extremely reckless and a Human Arcanist who wants to shank everything and is a little bit psychotic."
Laura: "Together, they fight crime."

DM: "Last week, on Catalan Stones Z!"

Simon: "So apparently there's one stone of each school of magic, right? For the seven schools of magic?"
DM: "Yeah."
Simon: "And we're going after them?"
DM: "Yeah."
Levin: "When we collect each one of them, does Shen Long appear?"

Laura: "So he has been poisoned... Thank you for all the knowledge you've passed to us, high priest of Pharasma."
HPoP: "Of course, young Cleric. However, the last cerimonial cult is soon and you'll have to leave before it starts. Do your last goodbyes to your... employer, is that what your friend called him - and we'll bury him soon."
Simon: "I get an arrow and stab the dead body to get a sample of the blood."
*beat*
Everyone but Simon: "WHAT?!!"

[Necroticplague]

Gene: I'm not reading your notes, I'm just really good at predicting your simple plots
GM (Fuming slightly): Yeah, well let's see how good your predictions are tonight. Just made this earlier today, nothing written down.
Gene: *shrugs* O.k.
*Begins to write down something on paper, then hands it to Nesdu*
Gene: Read this after if we get a bit stuck.
(latter on, as PCs are entering a barn)
Gene: Muffet! It's me, the Mayor! I brought you that book you wanted!
GM:How the.....
Gene: Oh yes, I brought guest, so something a bit small, if you please? Don't worry, they don't mind something a bit exotic.
*Some small spider-girl leaps down from rafters.*
MUFFET: You're not the mayor,
Gene: and I don't have the book, either. However, I could use your help. You come with us as witness, and I might be able to move strands to where you get to read plenty, though.
Nesdu: I have no clue what he's going on about. Time to open that note.
The recent string of disturbances we will come across will be caused by a young aranea named Muffet. The killings and cattle mutilations don't really have a pattern, despite appearances. She is just doing what the mayor says in exchange for books, safety, and board. The mayor is,in turn, using these to cover up his own criminal activities (the guards are looking more for weapons than exotic drugs and spell components now). He takes part in these activities due to manipulations by an aboleth, name not certain. I have yet to see far enough as to what the aboleth's goal is.
GM:HOW DID YOU GUESS THE PLOT THAT WAS MEANT FOR SEVERAL SESSIONS LIKE THAT!
Gene:Hey, what can I say, this. *points to forehead* Is just as well developed as these*points to chest and crotch*.

[DigoDragon]

Gene:Hey, what can I say, this. *points to forehead* Is just as well developed as these*points to chest and crotch*.

Haha, Gene is awesome.



Laura: "Together, they fight crime."

And by some of their descriptors they might cause a few too.



and the hilarious adventures of Doc Wagon had come to a tragic end (leaving these forums missing something truly great)

Aww, that's nice of you to say. ^^;



Nice to know it was merely a little death.

Yes, a little one. Travel sized for convenience. :D



There is the chance that they could all die from blood loss/strokes due to a drastically increased heart rate...or drown in their own drool (yay cartoon physics).

Well, for Doc there is the potential problem of a lack of blood to his brain.


Viridia: “Fallout Equestria: Infections and Internships.”
Doc: “Ice cream and Internships? (If we want to continue with one item being a food)?”
Viridia: “You can eat interns.”
Doc: “Well there are two ghouls here, so yeah, that is actually true.”
Viridia: “Ghouls don't eat ponies. Ponies eat ponies.”
Doc: “I stand corrected. Interns are food.”

GM: “This may very well be the best trust-building exercise ever.”
Doc: “I'm covering up my head.”

Viridia: “Oh my Celestia, does she ever lay off the criticism?”
Doc: “But without criticism Andante would have no defining personality traits. Just another mare with big hair and a briefcase full of caps.”
GM: “Well, she is, uh, greedy! Yeah, and she's a, uh, was, a proud business owner! Which isn't the same thing, probably!”
[Beat]
GM: “...They can't all be winners.”

Doc: “I suppose if Doc can learn not to be a doormat, Andante can learn not to be a *itch. May I suggest throwing gun magazines at her head? It worked for Doc.”

Stitchheart: “And I'm not that old. I'm one hundred and ninety-nine.”

Viridia: “Say, before we go, can I try taking that knife out? I'm building a collection of stabby things.”
Stitchheart: “Well, I suppose it is worth a try. Leaving it in would make a bad impression for the next wave of customers.”
GM: “Stitchheart angled her head so the knife handle was at eye-level. She smelled a bit like a sick animal that somepony had decided to wash with strawberry shampoo. Artificial sweet with the undertone of real rot.”

Viridia: “Super special awesome ultra-super sexy dagger-removal sequence go!”

[goto124]

Stitchheart: “And I'm not that old. I'm one hundred and ninety-nine.”
Context: Moon asked Stitchheart if she was over 200 years old. The ghoul isn't wrong :smallamused:


Viridia: “Super special awesome ultra-super sexy dagger-removal sequence go!”

Context: Viridia figured that since she had no medical experience, she's better off being as visually impressive as possible when removing the dagger from Stitchheart's head. The player described the sequence in detail, and even decided to make some rolls (presumbly Charisma-based rolls, just like the 'Viridia decided to look pretty' roll).

Also, I learned from that post that Fallout has a lesbian perk.


GM: “Stitchheart angled her head so the knife handle was at eye-level. She smelled a bit like a sick animal that somepony had decided to wash with strawberry shampoo. Artificial sweet with the undertone of real rot.”

Even an almost 200-year-old ghoul uses perfume? How polite of her!

[DigoDragon]

Context

Isn't that taboo here? :smallbiggrin:



Also, I learned from that post that Fallout has a lesbian perk.

Out of all the adults currently in the party (7 members), I believe the only one confirmed to favor intimate relations with the opposite gender is Doc.
Stellar might be this, but she has yet to pursue anyone.



Even an almost 200-year-old ghoul uses perfume? How polite of her!

It's funny that the hospital itself smells more like a ghoul than the ghoul does.

[Cristo Meyers]

Nice to know it was merely a little death.

*snerk* :smallbiggrin:

Tell me that pun was intentional.

[Hawkstar]

*snerk* :smallbiggrin:

Tell me that pun was intentional.You gotit!.

[Thisguy_]

"Bard:" I got in a barfight with the floor. To be clear, I lost.

Nurse: I just get paid to shove people in the tube. It puts food on the table.

"HA! I TOLD you the food dispenser was tryin' to kill me!" *Throws goo*

"We found space meth in the cargo hold."

[DigoDragon]

Nurse: I just get paid to shove people in the tube. It puts food on the table.

I hope that the people going into the tube and the food on the table are not a directly linked relationship. :smalleek:


Gizmo Stein: “And shoot, I was hoping he would be one of the ‘lookyloos’ staring at Autumn. For science. …I was only looking at the wings I swear!”

Gizmo: “Also, it was getting laid? What was? The night? The party? The dbag choreographer?”
Morning: “Probably Autumn again. How scandalous!” (Monocle pops off)

GM: “I think she knows that you know already. Or perhaps you know that she knows that you know already? And maybe she- ....Oh dear, I've gone cross-eyed.”

Gizmo: “So yeah, 'Summon Door' for you if you want to use it. Don't ask why he built such a device.”
GM: “I'll be charitable and assume it has something to do with a plethora of misplaced keys.”

Gizmo: It’s Nightmare Moon. Calling it now.”

Morning: “I am not so sure that ...breaking and entering... is a thing I want to be getting in to.”
GM: “Alright, so I guess everyone is on-board with not becoming vigilantes?”

[Necroticplague]

Gene:World-ending lovecraftian obominations, demonic cults, vampire conspiracies, werewolf packs, and god know what else we fight on practically a nightly basis......and I still find getting a good babysitter on short notice to be the greatest challenge we've ever faced.

[Thisguy_]

Fist Wizard: (With a minus one to Heal) "I punch him in the chest in an attempt to stabilize his condition."
* Rolls nat 20 on Heal *
(OOC) STAY WITH ME!!!

[StealthyRobot]

Bard: I soil his pants!
Sorceror: I unsoil them.
Bard: I soil the sorceror's pants!


Employer: Hello everyone! Before I-
PCs: I'll kill you! **** you! Go die!
Employer: As I was-
PCs: I'll kill you! **** you! Go die!
Warlock: Alright, let him talk.
Employer: Thank you. So, you are-
Warlock: You ****sucking piece of**** etc.


Wizard: Look, toilets! We could escape through them!
Sorc: Not everyone here is a gnome.
Wiz: Oh, right. Oh well then. Back to making the guards miserable.
Warlock: Shut up! I'm trying to sleep!

[AdmiralCheez]

Montgomery: "Well, if I had that feat, there wouldn't be a giant tentacle sticking out of Atlantis."


DM: "Basically, you see the Hulk lounging in a sexy pose while floating across the desert."
Luca: "Is that one of those mirages? Am I hallucinating?"
Elena: "No, that's the assault team."


DM: "I don't even know how you confused an Egyptian god with a terrorist organization that won't exist for 70 years."


Luca: "Are we sure we're doing the right thing here? I mean, giganto thing is being chased by another really big thing. Like, one big thing, not a big deal. But this other thing is like 40,000 lbs. and going five miles per impact. So let's do the Aladdin thing and... ~I can show you the world.~"