Uses for an army of cats?

[Jowgen]

You're in a metropolis, and now, for some reason, all the cats in the city are under your command.

Lets make it a very big mass charm monster of unlimited duration. They're regular MM cats.

Can anybody think of some creative uses for all these minion cats? :smallannoyed:

[GilesTheCleric]

Sounds like you could make a... killing... opening up a meat pie shop.

[Rising Phoenix]

Animal Growth?

[Troacctid]

Direct all the housecats to steal coins from their owners and deliver them to you.

[Seerow]

Sounds like you could make a... killing... opening up a meat pie shop.

I was going to suggest a Chinese restaurant, but I guess that is more setting neutral.



Alternatively, see various bag of rats shenanigans.

[Blackhawk748]

Direct all the housecats to steal coins from their owners and deliver them to you.

Did this with a bunch of Ravens once, best rogue i ever played. Personally i would take my cat army and use it to rule the kingdom from behind the throne. Scratch that, next to the throne. On a silk pillow.

[Extra Anchovies]

Stat them up as a swarm and go full Ulthar (or Dream-Quest, if you prefer) on some asses.

[Metahuman1]

Commoner extention level event?

[Jormengand]

Obviously, to kill an army of commoners.

[bjoern]

Obviously, to kill an army of commoners.

Or an army of level 1 wizards. :)

[gorfnab]

Consumptive Field, Greater

The 10th level ability of the War Chanter (CW) prestige class also comes to mind: Inspire Legion

[DrMotives]

I'd be scouting around, waiting for someone to say something is hard as herding cats. Then I'd have my cats come out and do some choreography to wow them, and say something stupid about herding cats being really easy. Those cats would be marching in better lockstep than the cats from "Maus".

[Crazysaneman]

Sounds like you could make a... killing... opening up a meat pie shop.

Mrs. Mooney has a pie shop.

[Bad Wolf]

May I ask for context?

[Extra Anchovies]

I'd be scouting around, waiting for someone to say something is hard as herding cats. Then I'd have my cats come out and do some choreography to wow them, and say something stupid about herding cats being really easy. Those cats would be marching in better lockstep than the cats from "Maus".

Ooh! Ooh! Be a level 20 Truenamer, and have your Say My Name and I Am There truename be "herding cats", then carry the cats in a Portable Hole/Bag of Holding/Handy Haversack/Enveloping Pit along with a Bottle of Air and a Wind Pipe (Stormwrack) to keep them from suffocating! Then whenever anyone says that phrase, no matter where they are, you can teleport there and unleash the cats on them!

[DrMotives]

Wow Anchovies, you make Truenamers sound pretty well optimized :)

[avr]

First there's keeping eyes on everything that happens. Information is power whether you're trying to destroy the thieves guild or just to acquire blackmail material. I assume you have some means of communicating with the cats?

Have them aid another on you in any fights. Plus twenty to AC or attack would be nice to have.

Organise them into a union and demand wages for rat catching.

Failing that, train them into class levels? Warlock should work fine, though warblade could be scary.

If none of these work organise a mass sacrifice to the Rat God for his favour.

[Rising Phoenix]

First there's keeping eyes on everything that happens. Information is power whether you're trying to destroy the thieves guild or just to acquire blackmail material. I assume you have some means of communicating with the cats?


We all know that cats are the true rulers of humanoids. Ask to meet the Cat Queen and then ask for a boon.

[Sith_Happens]

Wow Anchovies, you make Truenamers sound pretty well optimized :)

Well yeah, he said "Truenamer 20." That's the same level you get Gate at-will.

[Extra Anchovies]

Well yeah, he said "Truenamer 20." That's the same level you get Gate at-will.

I wonder - what ways are there to get Say My Name and I Am There as a non-Truenamer? The only two that come to mind are Illithid Savant (not accessible to most PCs) and the Factotum's Cunning Brilliance (comes online at level 19, and on a temporary basis). Can we do better than that?

[Yogibear41]

You're in a metropolis, and now, for some reason, all the cats in the city are under your command.

Lets make it a very big mass charm monster of unlimited duration. They're regular MM cats.

Can anybody think of some creative uses for all these minion cats? :smallannoyed:

Have you ever seen the movie wanted? at the end of the movie the guy basically turns rats into bombs. You could strap some alchemist fire to them and make them run into things.

[Telonius]

Get a Wand of Ghost Sound and head to the musical theater district.

[GilesTheCleric]

Get a Wand of Ghost Sound and head to the musical theater district.

This is the best suggestion. However, Jowgen might also have to invest in a demiplane with the fast time trait and a whole bunch of optimized crafting familiars in order to create enough unique names for all of them. I think the truenamer suggestions earlier in the thread were made by prescient wizards rather than mortal forum-goers who knew that this eventuality would come.

[atemu1234]

Stat them up as a swarm and go full Ulthar (or Dream-Quest, if you prefer) on some asses.

Well, that's one thing you could do.

Or you could wipe out the low-level population of all of the cities.

The strong live, the weak die! That is the world in which we live! Yes, I just went full anime.

[Extra Anchovies]

Alternately: Wight is a template in Dragon Magazine, for the purpose of making Wights from unusual base creatures. Why not drop a Fell Drain AoE spell on the cats, and create an army of cat wights? Would certainly be able to bring about the apocalypse described in some of the above posts.

[Jormengand]

Wow Anchovies, you make Truenamers sound pretty well optimized :)

You can also Speak Unto the Masses to drop your choice of buff (doesn't matter which, they all have the same DC) on all of the cats, and it's actually really easy because they have such low HD. Greater Speed of the Zephyr'd (hasted) cats? Go for it. Want them to kill anything with fire the moment it tries attacking them? Drop a Reversed Greater Energy Negation on them and you're golden. Or you can Conjunctive Gate in Bast, just for fun (not that she's at all compelled to come through the gate or do anything once she's there, but...)

TRUENAMERS OP WOTC PLZ NERF.

[Tarvus]

First things first is to ensure you need to be able to talk to them. Proper speech too, not just commands. Speak with Animals is a nice low level option. Without this you're limited to "Wag your tail for yes" and that's not going to get you the Passphrase to the Count's Magic Vault.

Next clean them all up (I'm assuming they're mostly strays) and disseminate the prettiest of them as gifts across the city. Not just as pets, but as working animals in kitchens and the like where gossip abounds. Hypnosis (Wiz1) is useful for persuading people to take in the cats as "even after the spell ends, the creature retains its new attitude ... to that particular request". This should let you get them into places of power and power-adjacent across the city.

Now you have a nice, comprehensive spy network with the use of two 1st-level spells.

Next, assuming it doesn't compromise your control, awaken some of them to act as your lieutenants. Add onto all this Fell conspiracy. I'm not sure if it applies to animals, but will definitely apply to your awakened lieutenants, and they can relay messages if necessary. FC gives any number of participants Message at will for the one-off cost of a masterwork dagger. If you're willing to shell out 50gp per day, you can get 100ft telepathy and a uncapped +2 to listen & spot per participant in range. There are a lot of cats in a city, so not only do your spies have an arbitrarily large bonus to useful skills, the also basically have a telephony network back to you.

Share Animal's Mind from the Dragonlance CS and Train Animal are spells I'd look into. I've never run one but an Arcane Hierophant's Channel Animal ability could be fun, cast a touch spell into an animal twice a day, they hold the charge for as long as needed. Imagine kitties unleashing Shivering Touch by rubbing against an unsuspecting fighter's legs just before an ambush organized via telepathy. Glorious!

Or Combust for sabotage, or Touch of Idiocy! Actually touch of idiocy would explain why people dissolve into adoring messes of baby talk upon seeing cats... maybe I'm onto something... oh no they know I know... they're in my room! no no noooooo. Ignore me fellow humans. I was mistaken. :smallbiggrin:

[Flickerdart]

Loop awaken and polymorph any object on them until they have NI HD and godlike Charisma. Then trample the world beneath the soft, fluffy paws of your army.

[Honest Tiefling]

Honestly, my first step would be to make sure there's no rat poop in the food. I might not be eating it, but I assume I'm in somewhat close proximity to people who do. I...Rather not be in talking distance of someone who had their food seasoned with rat leavings.

And then find a cat worshiping religion. Sure, higher level of wizards can already do this, but I figure if I need to work with cats I don't have infinite resources so might as well take the easy path.

Also, having cats pee on anyone I dislike. Not optimized, I'm just spiteful. Fun story, a professor used to have a pet margay that somehow knew when his owner didn't like someone and would creep onto a bookcase to pee onto them. Sure, house cats are probably smaller, but I'll take it.

[BWR]

First off I....let's be honest, I'd spend all my time distracted by the horde of cuteness.

[LoyalPaladin]

Ooh! Ooh! Be a level 20 Truenamer, and have your Say My Name and I Am There truename be "herding cats", then carry the cats in a Portable Hole/Bag of Holding/Handy Haversack/Enveloping Pit along with a Bottle of Air and a Wind Pipe (Stormwrack) to keep them from suffocating! Then whenever anyone says that phrase, no matter where they are, you can teleport there and unleash the cats on them!
That is gorgeous.


First off I....let's be honest, I'd spend all my time distracted by the horde of cuteness.
Annnnd this would be a problem.

I'd have them all take a couple of levels in Paladin then prestige into Fist of Raziel. After years of training (and having them all achieve immortality) My army of Paladin/Fist of Raziel/Hellreaver cats would take over Baator.

...What? I can dream!

[Sheogoroth]

Well, you if you have complete control over them, and since they are tiny creatures, they qualify for the Swarm subtype.
Swarm base damage increases by 1d6/5HD, if you have enough cats, you qualify for engulfing rules. Cat's have a strength score of 3, so a light load is 10 lbs.
So here's what I would do as the Felinomancer: get a dog-sled with about 40 cats out front of it, then the rest of your swarm taking up the rear- You set those cats to breeding. Average gestation period for a cat is 66 days, they reach adulthood in 1 year. That means that you can double the size of your horde every 2 months! (with a 1 year lag time)

Plus cats have climb, stealth, and scent. If someone leaves the window open over night, you can get a swarm of cats into their bedroom and just engulf in the surprise round.

[Gnaeus]

Its useless. To support my argument, I would cite Dr. Phil Foglio of Transylvania Polygnostic University.

http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20040317#.VVKF7pO6d80

Edit: if one of your cats happened to also be the leader of an army of talking bears you may have something.

[Krobar]

Take care of them. Make friends with Sharess.

[Drork]

Step one: get control of the cats.
Step two: research spell laser pointer red dot.
Step three: ....
Step four: Die of laughing.

[gorfnab]

I'm surprised no one has linked this yet. Fabulous Cats! (http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd%2Ffools%2F20030401c)
Load up your cat army with the feats presented here to pretty much dominate a humanoid based city.

[Vizzerdrix]

Either turn them into an army of undead or make them all Darkenbeasts.