Things I May No Longer Do while Playing VIII: Why is the PLOT on fire?

[illyahr]

*When asked what my motivation is for adventuring, it apparently has to be something more than "I keep getting into situations where I'm one of the four or five people competent enough to do something about the problem right now, and I have too much of a conscience to buzz off and say it's not my problem. I can help, so I do. That's my motive."
**When asked about my character's long-term goals, the response apparently can't be "Discover the Demiplane of Infinite Beer and Beautiful Nudes of Various Attractive Species and settle there permanently. Alternatively, make a decent and reasonably uneventful living from a variety of relatively harmless confidence schemes against shadier or otherwise less-savory or more-corrupt people than me, and/or playing the lute and telling stories in taverns with the case open. But that's not going to happen, because even if I found enough gold to have me set for life, there's always bandits, or an orc warband, or an evil cult, or a mysterious curse on the crops, or a red dragon, or even just some stupid kid getting lost in the woods, and I help people."

These are admirable goals. The God of Bards (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showsinglepost.php?p=19127278&postcount=446) grants you his favor.

[GPuzzle]

*No longer allowed to make a Goliath Brawler Fighter on D&D 4e and name myself "The Rock", and go around acting like Dwayne Johnson.
**No longer allowed to have a family of Brawler Fighters as well.

[Sgt. Cookie]

* May not make a character based on a pun of "Madame Tussauds".
** Even in Shadowrun.
*** ESPECIALLY in Shadowrun.

[JAL_1138]

These are admirable goals. The God of Bards (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showsinglepost.php?p=19127278&postcount=446) grants you his favor.

I am grateful, O Lord. I shall carve Thy symbol upon my lute. :smalltongue:

[Anonymouswizard]

From a Mechwarrior game that's starting soon:
* The dropship pilot/merchant should not be able to pilot a jump ship.
** Her vibrosword cannot be a dao, jian, foil, tachi, scimitar, falchion, or claymore. A saber is fine.
*** She cannot seduce the technicians for free dropship repairs.
**** She cannot seduce the spaceport servicemen for free docking.
***** She cannot redesign her uniform to 'make use of her attractive quality'.
****** Cannot offer to alter the attractive female mech pilot's uniform.
* Cannot convince the player of the attractive female mech pilot with a major sex addiction to roll her Kinsey score.
* There is no such thing as a female mech.
** Their armour is not the equivalent of a chainmail bikini.

[JAL_1138]

*In Adventurer's League, may not break into "The Yellow Rose Of Texas" the instant the DM says the module name ("Breath of the Yellow Rose").

[goto124]

** Cannot create the Demiplane of Infinite Beer and Beautiful Nudes of Various Attractive Species.
*** OP DnD wizards!

[Rater202]

*The genetically engineered killing machine and the cybernetic killing machines should not be morally superior to a planet's patron god.
**Anytime we can tell a story that's essentially "Well, we beat up this guy who's basically the god of this world, and now we're committing petty burglary while he's off being not at his house" and still be the good guys is... Wow.

[JAL_1138]

**Anytime we can tell a story that's essentially "Well, we beat up this guy who's basically the god of this world, and now we're committing petty burglary while he's off being not at his house" and still be the good guys is... Wow.

Apparently that was a pretty common endgame in first edition. Go kill a god and take its stuff.

[Astral Avenger]

* cannot bring severely under leveled gear on a mission where the other 3 players all have maxed gear
** Cannot bring gear known for being mediocre supporting gear at the same time
*** cannot then proceed to do 40% of the total damage and 43% of the total kills of the group
**** Oh wait, I totally can.
***** Should not tell the group that their sorry butts are getting carried by a level 6 guy with no mods.
(This was warframe, 30 is the max level for gear)

Anyone have links to stories similar to old man Henderson and the call of cuthulu? Just read it again yesterday and I have lots of time to kill over the next few days.

[Anonymouswizard]

Apparently that was a pretty common endgame in first edition. Go kill a god and take its stuff.

* If I find a god lying in the middle of the road, I should not take it's stuff.

[Mith]

* If I find a god lying in the middle of the road, I should not take it's stuff.
* If we find a homeless person lying in the middle of the road with gold coins and golden eyes, we should not kill him to take the money. He is the avatar of divine DM retribution on our murderhobo ways (I just want to clarify that I was the only person in my group that thought that we SHOULDN'T murder the man. I ended up taking an invisible ink pen scrawling "HAIL VENCA" all over my character sheet, and then back stabbed the party at a crucial moment in the endgame.)

[JAL_1138]

*May not insist that "Dibs on his boots" is part of the traditional funerary rites of the ancient Pi'Ci people, dating farther back than even their exodus and diaspora from their lost homeland of Blackmoor, before recorded history began.

[Anonymouswizard]

* I may not use RAW to grapple a 'Mech and incapacitate it.

[noob]

*I should not ask the gm what is the true name of my truenamer and then say that by RAW he is now near the DM and should be able to read his dominate scroll to become the master of the universe.
**I should not say that once my truenamer is the master of the universe he decide to turn everything evil in good in the DND universe.
***He should not then ask the gm to cake some food for him.
****I should never play a lvl 20 truenamer because by RAW it is absurd.

[JAL_1138]

*I must eventually play something besides a bard with a silly hat.
**"Bard with a nondescript hat" is not what was meant.

[Anonymouswizard]

*I must eventually play something besides a bard with a silly hat.
**"Bard with a nondescript hat" is not what was meant.

Are you bard from hats? :smalltongue:

*** Hat bard is also not appropriate.
**** Cannot play a gnome bard with a silly HELMET.
***** I thought we said gno gnomes.

[Hiro Protagonest]

* If we find a homeless person lying in the middle of the road with gold coins and golden eyes, we should not kill him to take the money. He is the avatar of divine DM retribution on our murderhobo ways
*If we find someone lying in the middle of the road, giving him a watering pot and a hoe is not the solution.
**If he has no memory but proves to be capable in combat, not supposed to say "we need someone to work on the farm, go do it".

[JAL_1138]

Are you bard from hats? :smalltongue:

*** Hat bard is also not appropriate.
**** Cannot play a gnome bard with a silly HELMET.
***** I thought we said gno gnomes.

I can't believe I didn't think of "bar'd from hats." The summer heat must be broiling my brains. :smalltongue:

[noob]

*Casting shape shift for taking ultimate murder hobo shape simply does not works
**Even if you are a super powerful murder hobo.
***You can not suddenly say "I sell my axe and I give the money to the poor" if usually you always killed the poor to buy an axe because it is coherent with the alignment you wrote but not your character true alignment.
****There is no potions of ultimate divine power in dnd
*****There is no way to do a feat more anti role-play than re-roll the loot you get one time per day(it does exists in dnd)
******Redemption from being a murder hobo does not works if you still want to steal everything dead people have.
*You can not shape-shift into a non living spell
*You can not shape-shift into a template without creature.
*You can not shape-shift into a rule elemental because it is silly and does not exists.

[Oberon Kenobi]

*Following the Saddle of Animate Dead incident, I am no longer allowed access to the item creation rules.

[Sith_Happens]

**** She cannot seduce the spaceport servicemen for free docking.

***** Anyone making a pun on the word "docking" will be shot.

[TeChameleon]

For Shadowrun:

* When building a rigger, no longer allowed to blow all your starting cash on Fly-Spy microdrones and monowire. If the Lone Star report is forced to use the word 'julienned' to describe the remains of your opposition, you may want to reconsider your tactics.
** Arming a collection of psychotic ghouls with what are basically huge tennis rackets strung with monowire in order to divert attention away from your victims isn't what the GM meant by 'reconsidering your tactics'.
*** Okay, buying a bunch of monowhips and weighting the tips in such a way that they swing down in an arc from the ceiling when the victim shuts a door is sort of what the GM meant by 'reconsidering your tactics', but...
**** Granted, assassinating your target by breaking into his fashion designer's and covertly sewing monowire and a button-sized reel into his collar was clever, since his head just kind of dropped off when he did up the top button and triggered things, but it's not the sort of thing you can expect to work more than once or twice, and what's with all the monowire..?
***** When the words 'undermonowired brassiere' enter the conversation, a line has been crossed, no matter how evil or deserving the target.

* May never again have a gun-fu adept armed with twin squirtguns and a chemistry degree.
** Seriously, when the party's psychotic cybered-to-the-hoop troll streetsam ditches his massive assault cannon in favour of a supersoaker, based solely on the level of terror and carnage your squirtgun adept can put out, something has gone a bit wonky.
*** When security forces break out the full-body hazmat gear based on the mere rumour of your character being in the same city, you may be doing the 'covert' part of 'covert ops' wrong.

* Okay, your next character is an uneducated knife-happy drug dealer? Should be fine, since you're never touching a highly educated character ever again after what you did with the physicist, the chemist, the biologist, the geologist, the architect, the medic, the electrical engineer, the teacher, the mechanical engineer, the civil engineer, the compsci major, and the botanist.
** And he spends half his life blitzed out of his mind on every drug cocktail he can lay his hands on? Sure, that's okay.
*** ... and he knows what basically every combination of every street drug known to metahumanity does to someone. And has ready access to needles. Aaaand the positive quality to use hypodermics with his bladed weapon skill. Of course.
**** While the GM will admit that covertly getting the corp Johnson completely baked was kind of funny, he is no longer 'doing the voices' for the NPCs that are stoned or otherwise in a state of altered consciousness.
***** Counting on the GM doing careful research for the aftereffects of drug trips, beating him to it, and factoring it into your plans to take advantage of it is just unfair.

((These are almost entirely made up, since I wasn't cruel enough to do any of them to my sadly short-lived Shadowrun GM, although a few variants of the ones with monowire came up. Wonderfully plot-destroying stuff, monowire...))

[Anonymouswizard]

***** Anyone making a pun on the word "docking" will be shot.

****** By the GM if the player (me) is too busy laughing.

[Socksy]

* If the bard is given a spear and says he can't do anything more useful than banging it on the ground to punctuate his speeches, I must not respond with "He could shake spear... because he's the Bard!"
** I may, however, attempt to dodge all the flying dice heading for my face.

One ended up in my handbag somehow. My friends have terrible aim.

[shad0wfunk]

Playing Heroes Unlimited

*May not give a blood transfusion to a non powered player and give him super powers because of it
**May not use new found knowledge to create a lab to harvest my own blood to create a super soldier serum
***May not mass produce said serum and sell it for millions of dollars an injection and break the world's economy and create populations of super people

[TurboGhast]

Playing Heroes Unlimited

*May not give a blood transfusion to a non powered player and give him super powers because of it
**May not use new found knowledge to create a lab to harvest my own blood to create a super soldier serum
***May not mass produce said serum and sell it for millions of dollars an injection and break the world's economy and create populations of super people
Joke+
**** It is not DM fait that made this end in an army of super villains with your powers being the new BBEG's minions.
***** May not create a new character for the sole purpose of killing everyone with your old character's powers.

[Anonymouswizard]

* Cannot ask for the prince's hand in marriage for slaying the dragon.
** Must remember to include the 's' before I collect the reward.
*** If my child is dumped on the doorstep nine months later my first instinct should be to work out what to do with it, not work out a reason two men have a child.

* My character cannot insist the MechWarrior with a sex addiction does not know how to spell slay.

[Reltzik]

* When we encounter a red dragon, who is one of the two oldest dragons in the game, I shall be cautious and respectful and open to cooperative ventures that do not involve getting eaten.
** I shall not irritate him by interrogating him for information.
*** I shall not interrogate him by irritating him by interrogating him.
**** I shall not irritate him by interrogating him by irritating him by interrogating him.
***** I shall not irritate him by rubbing his face in just how much I can learn by irritating him by interrogating him by irritating him by interrogating him.
****** I shall not make it worse by making myself too useful to the red dragon -- irritatingly so -- so that he has full rational cause to not kill me outright for irritating him by rubbing his face into just how much I can learn by irritating him by interrogating him by irritating him by interrogating him.
******* I shall not point out that this is less dangerous than irritating the DM, because it's not like this is an either-or situation.
******** Dammit, wizards aren't supposed to act like bards!

[noob]

I should not decide that the player's bard wins absolutely absurd amounts of gold by singing under the pretext it have 150 in representation.

[JAL_1138]

*When asked to provide a distraction, my bard must do something bardly instead of cast Fireball and blame someone else.
**When asked to provide a distraction, my bard must always cast Fireball and blame someone else instead of rolling a Nat 20 on a Perform check with Expertise and reducing everyone in earshot to tears with a sad ballad.

[Oberon Kenobi]

* May never again have a gun-fu adept armed with twin squirtguns and a chemistry degree.That. Is. Glorious. :smallamused:

[noob]

Building a tiny sentient creature with 1000 dv should cost way more than 30000 PO
A creature with 400 sag is not omniscient and able to make ultimate plans solving everything and to predict everything even if it also have 200 int.

[Anonymouswizard]

* Even if I have max ranks in cowardliness, cannot run from every fight after taking 1hp of damage.

* Cannot make my character an obvious ripoff.
** Even if I am certain nobody has watched the show.
*** My character cannot have more forms than the party has members.
**** Even if the party includes a Power Ranger, I cannot play a Kamen Rider.

[JAL_1138]

*May not give a magic item called "MacGuffin's Expository Amulet" to players who are terrible at investigating a setting, didn't read the handouts, and think a Mimir is too likely to turn out to be a Flameskull.

[Wookieetank]

***** Anyone making a pun on the word "docking" will be shot.

**Boarding, boarding ramps, cockpit and joystick are likewise banned.
***Sensual spaceships is not a thing.

[Anonymouswizard]

* If we are playing a science fiction campaign where humanity has abandoned those silly superstitions, cannot declare that my character has outgrown the silly superstition of certainty and become chaste 'just in cast the gods exist and don't like humans fooling around'.

* No matter how well I justify it I cannot play a Scion of SCIENCE!
** Science is not a god, neither is SCIENCE!
*** Cannot play a Scion of Baron Wulfenbach.

* Cannot set up a communist state in D&D by using spell traps and other tippyverse shenanigans.
** If the populace gets fat on create food and water traps I only have myself to blame.

[Oberon Kenobi]

**Boarding, boarding ramps, cockpit and joystick are likewise banned.
***Sensual spaceships is not a thing. Something, something, Snakes On a Plane.

*I will not hoard Immovable Rods for the sole purpose of suspending fellow party members fifty feet in the air while they sleep.

[GPuzzle]

*A Human Rogue|Warlord with a visor that looks like a cybernetic eyepatch? That's badass.
**Wearing blue as well, and leader of a pirate crew? Hmmm...
***No longer allowed to base a character on Vyse from Skies of Arcadia.
****Don't even think about Aika.

[JAL_1138]

*The plan to ask for information in a bar should never begin with the phrase "After the A-10s have completed their strafing runs..."

[DigoDragon]

* Never use the Terrasque as a basis for comparison to anything. Especially when discussing 'overpowered things'. Makes everyone laugh at least.

[illyahr]

*I will not hoard Immovable Rods for the sole purpose of suspending fellow party members fifty feet in the air while they sleep.

**I will not use them to form a makeshift ladder.
***I will not ready an action to set one when someone charges me so that he runs full force into it and hurts himself.
****I will not sync them all and attach them to a boat that I have made fly for the purposes of 'anchoring' my new airship.

[Princess]

*Since one of my characters has already invested vast monetary and mystical resources into developing the Omnomnomicon, the Book of Culinary Magic, I may not make any spellcaster attempt to solve all problems with magic food.

*My sorceress who was raised in a society of only Clerics does not believe she is a God who creates magic by praying to herself.

*My kobold may not chop the limbs off of a dead enemy to make an improvised shield with his torso.

[Anonymouswizard]

* 'Tokyo Ghoul, but with penguins' is not a valid game pitch.
** The same goes for rabbits, hedgehogs, badgers, foxes, lions, tigers, ligers, tions, cake, fish, eagles, ducks, pythons, gerbils or hamsters.
*** 'Equestria Ghoul' is right out.

* Cannot mix My Little Pony and Vampire: the Masquerade anymore.
** Cannot propose any mixes featuring toylines anymore.
*** 'Action Man/Sailor Moon' is doomed to failure.

[JAL_1138]

*If all of my previous behavior with the group has been silly and/or light-hearted, and the group has billed me as such to a new DM, my character may not be a broken, bitter knight-in-sour-armor who, when asked about his motivation, gives a variation of Lord Vetinari's speech from Unseen Academicals about the inherent evil of the universe.

[Lord Torath]

*If all of my previous behavior with the group has been silly and/or light-hearted, and the group has billed me as such to a new DM, my character may not be a broken, bitter knight-in-sour-armor who, when asked about his motivation, gives a variation of Lord Vetinari's speech from Unseen Academicals about the inherent evil of the universe.**But gno gnomes! :smallwink:

[Storm_Of_Snow]

* Even if I have max ranks in cowardliness, cannot run from every fight after taking 1hp of damage.

What's your character doing waiting until they've taken a point of damage? :smallwink:

[Anonymouswizard]

*If all of my previous behavior with the group has been silly and/or light-hearted, and the group has billed me as such to a new DM, my character may not be a broken, bitter knight-in-sour-armor who, when asked about his motivation, gives a variation of Lord Vetinari's speech from Unseen Academicals about the inherent evil of the universe.

** If all of my previous behaviour with the group has instead been serious, and I've been billed as such to the new GM, cannot play a gnome.
*** Gno gnomes until I can play them seriously.
**** 'Wallace Inventorator' is not seriously, even if I took a dog familiar named Gromit.


What's your character doing waiting until they've taken a point of damage? :smallwink:

Standing in shock and wondering what to do. :smalltongue:

[JAL_1138]

**But gno gnomes! :smallwink:

*If the group has told a new DM that they've had to ban me from gnomes due to excessive shenanigans, and the DM is willing to let me play one anyway, must employ such shenanigans to prove their point rather than playing a straightforward, no-nonsense fighter/cleric.

[Princess]

* My gnome may not explain over 100 of her nicknames every time she introduces herself.

[JAL_1138]

* My gnome may not explain over 100 of her nicknames every time she introduces herself.

**If said gnome is a bard, may not do so to the tune of either the National Capitals or the US Presidents songs from Animaniacs.

[Anonymouswizard]

* My character cannot start an international baseball team.
** Especially if it's just to perform the 'Who's on first' routine.

[JAL_1138]

* My character cannot start an international baseball team.
** Especially if it's just to perform the 'Who's on first' routine.

Hu's on first, Watt's on second, Donno's on third...

[Rater202]

**If said gnome is a bard, may not do so to the tune of either the National Capitals or the US Presidents songs from Animaniacs.

***The Major-General's song is right out.

[JAL_1138]

***The Major-General's song is right out.

****I am not the very model of a brilliant gnomish tinkerer.

[Anonymouswizard]

***The Major-General's song is right out.

**** Even if I have no ranks in knowledge (tactics).
***** Cannot ask the Paladin if he's ever satagee.
****** 'A paradox, a paradox, a most ingenious paradox' gives less of a bonus to diplomacy than 'With Catlike Tread' gave to stealth.
******* My bard is not second trombone.
******** I do not have a little list.
********* My bard is not third trombone.
********** He does not play the notes that are left over.
*********** Cannot mix Eddie Izzard and Gilbert and Sullivan.
************ Adventuring is not 'smashing stuff with hammers with my mates'.

[JAL_1138]

*If my half-elf bard is dressed like someone crossbred a giant peacock and a bird-of-paradise and put a ridiculous hat on the results, the character must be exactly as silly as he looks rather than being a depressive alcoholic who puts on an affable, life-loving, silly and cheerful front out of the desperate hope that if he keeps faking it long enough he might start believing his own lie.
**May not reveal the character's true nature with a smile and an overly-chipper voice, then immediately pull out a hip flask and take a drink.

[Anonymouswizard]

* Failing a roll to disguise myself as myself does not make me unrecognisable.

[GPuzzle]

*Tripping and rolling to miss the ground is not a way of acquring Flight without needing anything to do so.

[spineyrequiem]

(all of these are from a LARP I did this weekend, some mine and some just things I saw other people doing. Try guessing which is which)

* No carrying around a potato and claiming it's going to hatch into a new immortal protector of the nation.
** Definitely no charging people to hold it.
* If I'm in a pub full of heavily armed Marchers, I sing a song and one of them compliments me on it by saying 'obviously your singing was awful and and Dawnish, but it's a lovely song you've written all the same', it is inadvisable to say 'Ah, well if you're going to be like that, I know another song about the Marchers!'
** Definitely don't start singing said song.
*** When I have a knife held to my throat and someone telling me to leave, probably best to stop singing.
* If I draw a knife in the pub, the barman reserves the right to cut my arm off.
* Few people are willing to come into a darkened tent full of heavily armed foreigners to negotiate a sale. Should probably remember this when trying to buy commodities.
* If I can make a girl in full plate armour with a shield and sword back off when I'm in padding, heavily injured, primarily statted for healing and with an arrow through one hand, I'm either doing something very wrong or very right.
* My method for healing can't just be 'random stuff I picked up off the ground on the way to the battlefield'
* No making our force essentially unkillable by having enough shields and healers to survive as many arrows as could reasonably be fired at us while a combination of very competent players and an unusual curse made close combat a nasty proposition to say the least.
* Leading uncontrollable monstrous allies towards enemy lines = good. Leading them towards our lines = bad.
* Everyone would appreciate if my methods for surgery and torture were easier to tell apart.
* Limbs only rarely need stripping down and rebuilding from scratch to fix them
* If someone's lost a body part, no cutting a replacement off a prisoner and sewing it on.
* No complaining that 'the ogres always eat the prisoners just as the torturing's getting good!'
* No calling for a torturer when bleeding out.
* No auctioning off body parts from still-living prisoners.
* If I've lost my lover and want to die gloriously in battle, everyone'd appreciate if I died doing something useful. No running off during the rearguard action and getting four more people killed trying to rescue me.

[noob]

**falling out of the multiverse can not be done by wiling fully failing a balance check.

[Oberon Kenobi]

*No matter how low their wisdom score, my Ranger/Knight may not have Favored Enemy (Windmills)

[noob]

***That epic prc who can do an will save against any effect moving it against his will can not say "I do a will save against the force making me follow the multiverse for getting out of it and becoming a vestige"

[GPuzzle]

* In Mutants & Masterminds, no longer allowed to make a superhero called "Florida Man".
** Or "Shirtless Man" for that matter.
*** "Russian Driver" is right out.

[noob]

****In mutants and masterminds making a PL3 hero able to create an universe then trying to imagine his name is out of place.

[Princess]

*Favored Enemy - Cat People works in some games. Favored Enemy - Cat People (The David Bowie Song) does not work in any of them, ever.

[JAL_1138]

*Despite RL video evidence, Russians are not immune to SAN loss due to being categorically incapable of giving a single solitary f#%& about any sort of danger, including such things as wrecking a car off a bridge and landing in a river, or a meteor that looks remarkably like an end-of-the-world missile streaking across the sky and detonating midair with enough force to shatter glass on the ground.

[GPuzzle]

*Despite RL video evidence, Russians are not immune to SAN loss due to being categorically incapable of giving a single solitary f#%& about any sort of danger, including such things as wrecking a car off a bridge and landing in a river, or a meteor that looks remarkably like an end-of-the-world missile streaking across the sky and detonating midair with enough force to shatter glass on the ground.

**For similar matters, may no longer play a Polish character who just got out of a wedding party and is so drunk, but so drunk, that he evades SAN loss just by considering it as part of his drunkeness.

[goto124]

* In Mutants & Masterminds, no longer allowed to make a superhero called "Florida Man".
** Or "Shirtless Man" for that matter.
*** "Russian Driver" is right out.

**** Aren't they villains?

[GPuzzle]

**** Aren't they villains?
*****Not allowed to point out that villany is relative - especially if I'm somehow more evil than a normal villain but less evil than the Eldritch Abomination we're fighting.
******Especially in-character.

[Anonymouswizard]

* In Mutants & Masterminds, no longer allowed to make a superhero called "Florida Man".
** Or "Shirtless Man" for that matter.
*** "Russian Driver" is right out.

**** 'Transman' as well.

[DigoDragon]

*No matter how low their wisdom score, my Ranger/Knight may not have Favored Enemy (Windmills)

My heritage salutes you. :3


* In Mutants & Masterminds, no longer allowed to make a superhero called "Florida Man".

You have my curiosity. What powers does Florida Man have?

[Socksy]

***That epic prc who can do an will save against any effect moving it against his will can not say "I do a will save against the force making me follow the multiverse for getting out of it and becoming a vestige"
**** This also applies to Iron Heart Surge.

[Anonymouswizard]

**** This also applies to Iron Heart Surge.

***** Cannot use Iron Heart Surge to end the GM, not matter how fool proof the trail of effect.

* Still banned from puns.
** Cannot take Dashing Swordsman for this reason.
*** Sarcasm is banned until I have a tone of voice other than deadpan (this has actually happened to me IRL outside the gaming group and in it).

* If the campaign is meant to be a military one I cannot convince the party to participate in any of the following:
-cockfighting rings
-drug trafficking
-weapons smuggling
-mech smuggling
-the tourism business
-brothels
-massage parlours
-religion
-anything else potentially illegal

[goto124]

** Cannot say 'heh heh, cockfighting'.
*** You were already shot for the 'docking' joke.

[JAL_1138]

You have my curiosity. What powers does Florida Man have?


Almost any insane news headline involves "Florida Man [insert bat$#!% crazy/disgusting/stupid thing here]," and has thus become a running joke that Florida Man is the worst superhero ever.

http://images-cdn.9gag.com/photo/aBQx30P_700b.jpg


EDIT:

*** Sarcasm is banned until I have a tone of voice other than deadpan (this has actually happened to me IRL outside the gaming group and in it).


I feel your pain, fellow deadpanner. I can deliberately force a non-deadpan tone, but it rarely happens naturally. This causes all sorts of trouble with sarcasm and snark, leading to me having to tack "That was a joke" onto things like EDI from Mass Effect.

[Oberon Kenobi]

*The contents of the elf's trousers are not subject to quantum uncertainty.

[noob]

"***** Cannot use Iron Heart Surge to end the GM, not matter how fool proof the trail of effect."
******can not make my character appear near the GM because I have a level 20 truenamer and that the GM said his true name.

[goto124]

******* Cannot use it as a lame excuse to cosplay as my own character.

[Anonymouswizard]

Almost any insane news headline involves "Florida Man [insert bat$#!% crazy/disgusting/stupid thing here]," and has thus become a running joke that Florida Man is the worst superhero ever.

http://images-cdn.9gag.com/photo/aBQx30P_700b.jpg

I can't wait until a friend runs a supers campaign again.


EDIT:


I feel your pain, fellow deadpanner. I can deliberately force a non-deadpan tone, but it rarely happens naturally. This causes all sorts of trouble with sarcasm and snark, leading to me having to tack "That was a joke" onto things like EDI from Mass Effect.

I have a handful of speech problems, including only having just enough control over the tone of my voice to speak Mandarin (Harbin-style), a really weird speech pattern that sounds like William Shatner improvising on a bad day, and a tendency towards snarking at people I like, to the point I normally have to explain to people that if I insult you, I like you enough to be around you. I rarely have to add 'that was a joke' to things, because people I know have a tendency to just not take me seriously.

* When convinced to unionize, cannot immediate head to the lab and make all the atoms neutrally charged.
** If we are playing international hide and seek, cannot change my name to Newton and stand in a metre wide metre long rectangle just so I can never be found.
*** If informed that the café has no cream I cannot change my order to a coffee with no milk.
**** Must make sure the GM understands my jokes before making them.

EDIT:
* If invited to play in a Persona RPG, my starting Persona cannot be Fionn mac Cumhaill.
** I may not focus on Strength and Agility, and use hit-all phys moves to win every fight with the first action.
*** Cannot know all the 'Absorb X' skills.
**** If every enemy has infinite MP with which to spam almighty damage, I am to tone it down.

[DigoDragon]

Almost any insane news headline involves "Florida Man [insert bat$#!% crazy/disgusting/stupid thing here]," and has thus become a running joke that Florida Man is the worst superhero ever.
http://images-cdn.9gag.com/photo/aBQx30P_700b.jpg

Ahhhh. I really should of guessed that, all things considered. :smallbiggrin:



I can't wait until a friend runs a supers campaign again.

I was thinking the same thing! I believe one of the local DJs made a theme song too.

[illyahr]

* When convinced to unionize, cannot immediate head to the lab and make all the atoms neutrally charged.
** If we are playing international hide and seek, cannot change my name to Newton and stand in a metre wide metre long rectangle just so I can never be found.
*** If informed that the café has no cream I cannot change my order to a coffee with no milk.
**** Must make sure the GM understands my jokes before making them.

I almost feel bad that I understood all three of these. :smallbiggrin:

[Lord Torath]

* When convinced to unionize, cannot immediate head to the lab and make all the atoms neutrally charged.
** If we are playing international hide and seek, cannot change my name to Newton and stand in a metre wide metre long rectangle just so I can never be found.
*** If informed that the café has no cream I cannot change my order to a coffee with no milk.
I got the first two, but not the coffee one...

[illyahr]

I got the first two, but not the coffee one...

Caffe is Italian for coffee. A caffe without cream is coffee without milk.

[Anonymouswizard]

Cafe is Italian for coffee. Cafe without cream is coffee without milk.

Actually, it's from a joke based on Jean-Paul Sartre and the meaningfulness of choice. I don't speak Italian, only a smattering of German and Mandarin.

* No matter how high I roll on my conjuration check, I cannot summon God.
** Especially if it's to hook him up to the mains for infinite power.

[noob]

*** You can not teleport near god with abusive shenanigans with one spell of the convocation school and being a sorcerer.
**** You can not shape change into Nietzsche for killing god

[GrayGriffin]

* The three technologically-inept members of the party are not allowed to take the lead in investigating how to stop a runaway train.
** No, it is not the big red button.

[Anonymouswizard]

* The three technologically-inept members of the party are not allowed to take the lead in investigating how to stop a runaway train.
** No, it is not the big red button.

* Cannot get on the train if I don't know that it's planned to crash.
** When trying to stop the train cannot pull the biggest lever.

[TurboGhast]

**falling out of the multiverse can not be done by wiling fully failing a balance check.

*** Can't willfully fail grapple checks in such a way that the party can fly without any magic.
**** Can't willfully epic fail checks.

[DigoDragon]

* Cannot get on the train if I don't know that it's planned to crash.
** When trying to stop the train cannot pull the biggest lever.

* Untrained skills do not improve by boarding, even if you're technically 'In Training'.
** Locomotives do not give the GM carte blanche for Rail Roading.
*** Transporting your train's fuel and water in correctly designated cars does not mean it's 'Legal Tender'.
**** The reasoning behind insane player shenanigans is not the same thing as a Loco's Motive.

[Oberon Kenobi]

* Untrained skills do not improve by boarding, even if you're technically 'In Training'.
** Locomotives do not give the GM carte blanche for Rail Roading.
*** Transporting your train's fuel and water in correctly designated cars does not mean it's 'Legal Tender'.
**** The reasoning behind insane player shenanigans is not the same thing as a Loco's Motive.http://www.reactiongifs.us/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/picard_clapping.gif

*My Warforged Rogue may not be named "Thomas the Flank Engine."
**Changing their name to Flomas doesn't help my case.

[Anonymouswizard]

http://www.reactiongifs.us/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/picard_clapping.gif

*My Warforged Rogue may not be named "Thomas the Flank Engine."
**Changing their name to to Flomas doesn't help my case.

* My overweight wizard is not the fat controller.

* Cannot mention the Whoreforged.

[Wookieetank]

http://www.reactiongifs.us/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/picard_clapping.gif

*My Warforged Rogue may not be named "Thomas the Flank Engine."
**Changing their name to to Flomas doesn't help my case.

***Silas the Shank engine is also out.

[GPuzzle]

*Cannot roll a Strength check to derail the adventure.

[Anonymouswizard]

*Cannot roll a Strength check to derail the adventure.

** Cannot roll Search to find the plot.

[Rater202]

*Just because my magical acrobat is depressed, that doesn't mean she can use her magic powers to conjure pie and soda and then pig out.

[JAL_1138]

*Spelljammer and XCOM shall not meet.

[DigoDragon]

*My Warforged Rogue may not be named "Thomas the Flank Engine."

Hee, I like that name. Gotta pass that one around.


*Cannot roll a Strength check to derail the adventure.

** Cannot roll Search to find the plot.

* I am banned from making Drow, Catfolk, and Half-dragon characters paranoid that an agency is out to nerf them.
** I will no longer block them from character development and intimate social interactions.
** There is no such thing as the Level Adjustment Bureau.

[illyahr]

* I am banned from making Drow, Catfolk, and Half-dragon characters paranoid that an agency is out to nerf them.
** I will no longer block them from character development and intimate social interactions.
** There is no such thing as the Level Adjustment Bureau.

There is now. :smallbiggrin:

[Anonymouswizard]

* No matter how much I hate them, I cannot forget to extinguish consciousness while soulforging.
** Yes, Samuel Haight is the exception that proves the rule.
*** No matter how hard I try I cannot melt down the ashtray and reforge Haight into loo roll.

[noob]

***I can not put points in knowledge: scenario traps.

[JAL_1138]

*May not refluff Warlocks on the grounds that I don't want a PC selling their soul to the devil (or Cthulhu, or Titania, or whomever) as an inherent part of the class.
**Apparently I may not ban evil alignments on the grounds that I'm trying to run a vaguely-heroic game.

*Goblins, orcs, kobolds, etc. must be inherently evil and I may not change the fluff thereof.
**A town having an amicable relationship with the nearby goblin tribe, having some trade, seeing the goblin herbalist for unusual ailments, and avoiding hunting on or clearing goblin lands, is out of the question.
***Orcs were created by Gruumsh and are pure evil, and I may not make Gruumsh-worshippers a terroristic cult-nation, worshipping an upstart god, who kill or forcibly-convert other orcs as much or more than they target other races.
****Dragonborn are not to be renamed Urds and represent a race related to kobolds in the manner gnomes are close relatives of dwarves.
*****Kobolds and gnomes do not have a technology-based rivalry, in that while gnomish inventions are usually much more advanced, kobold engineering usually only explodes if it's supposed to.
******GNO GNOMES.
*******May not use kobolds as a gnome substitute.

[GPuzzle]

*If the DM ends up narrating the game as the Thomas Was Alone narrator, watch out.
**If the DM ends up narrating the game as Cave Johnson, run.

[Hiro Protagonest]

*May not refluff Warlocks on the grounds that I don't want a PC selling their soul to the devil (or Cthulhu, or Titania, or whomever) as an inherent part of the class.

What, do your players have a problem with their powers coming from a moon prism brooch? :smalltongue:

[JAL_1138]

**If the DM ends up narrating the game as Cave Johnson, run.

After all, the Boots of Speed we just sovereign-glued your feet into need some serious testing, and running's the only way to test running-boots.

[Princess]

**Apparently I may not ban evil alignments on the grounds that I'm trying to run a vaguely-heroic game.

*Goblins, orcs, kobolds, etc. must be inherently evil and I may not change the fluff thereof.
**A town having an amicable relationship with the nearby goblin tribe, having some trade, seeing the goblin herbalist for unusual ailments, and avoiding hunting on or clearing goblin lands, is out of the question.
***Orcs were created by Gruumsh and are pure evil, and I may not make Gruumsh-worshippers a terroristic cult-nation, worshipping an upstart god, who kill or forcibly-convert other orcs as much or more than they target other races.


1 - Some of my favorite heroes are Evil. A couple of them are even Chaotic Evil.

2 - Clearly you haven't seen Eberron. Neutral and Good Orcs and Goblinoids are an inherent part of that setting.

[JAL_1138]

1 - Some of my favorite heroes are Evil. A couple of them are even Chaotic Evil.

Depends on how you define "evil" and "hero."

EDIT: Also, proving my point...apparently I'm not allowed, even if I really don't like allowing evil alignments in the party and would really prefer people not build evil characters for my game. Someone always argues.



2 - Clearly you haven't seen Eberron. Neutral and Good Orcs and Goblinoids are an inherent part of that setting.

What makes you think I haven't seen it, just because I met with resistance for doing something it also did? (I've seen it and am not much of a fan, personally, although that doesn't mean I inherently dislike some of the concepts it also employed, just the particular implementation).

[DigoDragon]

*If the DM ends up narrating the game as Cave Johnson, run.

I've actually done this in a dungeon and it was superbly well-received. :smallbiggrin:

"For this next test we were going to have you run through this gauntlet of lava-spewing contraptions wearing a completely fire-proof cloak. Problem was that the bean-counters told me that I can't really afford an 'always-on' fire immunity enchantment made by wizards, so instead the cloak only has Protection from Fire cast by a Ranger who was a buddy of a buddy. Real sweet discount on that.

"I'm here to let you know that the dragon DNA fusion tests have been canceled. However, if you want to make an extra 50gp, follow the blue line to the new project on testing some magic weaponry against half-dragon scales. You'll know it when you see it."

[goto124]

* May not make a fantasy version of Portal or Portal 2.

[GPuzzle]

*No longer allowed to use Pocket Sand (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QLpUq__iQqw).
**Or Pocket Lego.
***Pocket d4s, for that matter, are also forbidden.

[goto124]

** Lego bricks do not count as caltrops.

[JAL_1138]

** Lego bricks do not count as caltrops.

***D4s, however, do. Especially the really old-school huge yellow ones that came in the earliest box-sets, before AD&D came out (White Box and Holmes Basic). Gamescience d4s have truncated points so they're not quite as bad, but they're still far worse than Legos.

****May not make fun of people who think stepping on a Lego is the worst thing ever by pointing out that a mislaid Gamescience d8 (which does NOT have truncated points, unlike the d4s) has required me to use a steam-cleaner to get the resulting blood out of a rug.

[GPuzzle]

*****And that's why they're forbidden!

[goto124]

****** May not cringe and ask 'You took damage and gained the Bleeding condition IRL?!'

[JAL_1138]

****** May not cringe and ask 'You took damage and gained the Bleeding condition IRL?!'

Yup. Sliced me open real good. Since they're sharp-edged, the points are really sharp too. On a hard surface, the d8s land with a flat side up and tend to be like a really bad Lego (they can still do some damage under the right circumstances but it's less likely). On a rug, though, they can more easily be point-up (and stay that way when stepped on, presumably due to getting a point stuck in the fabric), and thus can stab the bejeezus out of your foot.

[Socksy]

What, do your players have a problem with their powers coming from a moon prism brooch? :smalltongue:

*No longer allowed to form a contract and become magical girls.

[Anonymouswizard]

*No longer allowed to form a contract and become magical girls.

** If playing a magical boy, I cannot describe my transformation sequence in detail.
*** Okay, I can, if I leave out the strip-down.
**** Cannot point out the obvious sexism.

[goto124]

***** May not ask 'I thought the nudity in transformation sequences is considered non-sexual'?

[Anonymouswizard]

***** May not ask 'I thought the nudity in transformation sequences is considered non-sexual'?

I've met people who find any sort of male nudity icky, especially in non-sexual contexts. Plus if I ever get to play this character the entire sequence happens in real-space and takes several seconds.

* If everyone else has a complex transformation sequence that happens instantly, my relatively simple burst and reform sequence should not take two-rounds.
** Banned from real-space transformations, especially damaging ones.
*** My weapon cannot call out the names of my attacks along with a phrase.
**** My power is not based on 'magic cards'.

The character is a tech-based magical boy with no inherent ability, he uses his powers in a similar fashion to Leangle from Karen Rider Blade, but with more feminine thematics.

[JAL_1138]

*A character with a transformation sequence may not be named Lorentz.

[IZ42]

*May not be inspired to make a magical TransformerTM
**Transformation sequence may not have a remixed version of "Autobots, roll out" as the theme music or whatever.
***TRANSFORMERS DO NOT AND SHOULD NOT WEAR MAGICAL GIRL OUTFITS

[Wookieetank]

*May not be inspired to make a magical TransformerTM
**Transformation sequence may not have a remixed version of "Autobots, roll out" as the theme music or whatever.
***TRANSFORMERS DO NOT AND SHOULD NOT WEAR MAGICAL GIRL OUTFITS

****Re-fluffing warforged as transformers is right out.
*****Especially magical girl transformers.

[JAL_1138]

*May not invent the Gnomish Army Pocket Knife.
**The Gnomish Army Pocket Knife does not have a coal-fired boiler and need to be carried in a wagon.

*May not invent the Kobold Army Pocket Knife.
**The Kobold Army Pocket Knife does not include a light crossbow, vial of poison, and a spring-operated bear trap.

[goto124]

* May not ask the next thread to be named GNO GNOMES!
** It's not for another 20 pages!

[noob]

*I may not use the help action for helping someone to lucid dream even if it is raw.
**I may not abuse the far worlds for a planar shepherd.

[Anonymouswizard]

*May not be inspired to make a magical TransformerTM
**Transformation sequence may not have a remixed version of "Autobots, roll out" as the theme music or whatever.
***TRANSFORMERS DO NOT AND SHOULD NOT WEAR MAGICAL GIRL OUTFITS

****When moving to another country cannot force the Transformer to stay in the base just so all our old gadgets work.


* May not ask the next thread to be named GNO GNOMES!
** It's not for another 20 pages!

*** Cannot second the suggestion.

[GPuzzle]

*Gnomes are not this thread's official mascot.
**Or Kobolds.

[Dren Nas]

* Play an evil cleric in 5th edition.
** Convince the party to sign a contract with me.
*** The contract may not kill a random signer in order to prevent death and heal me to full when I fall to 0 or below.
**** Nor may the contract allow me to eat the soul of a party member of my choice to maximize/empower the next spell I cast.
***** Ask if I get xp for killing party members.

[Dren Nas]

* Play an evil wizard.
** Get angry at an obstinate mayor.
*** Buy a bunch of donkeys.
**** Strap gun powder kegs (multiple kegs) to the donkeys' backs.
***** Stampede the donkeys into the middle of town.
****** Stand way back and throw fire spells at the donkeys.

[Anonymouswizard]

*Gnomes are not this thread's official mascot.
**Or Kobolds.

* Cannot play a half Gnome-half Kobold for 'the power of Gnomish inventions and the non-blowy uppyness of Kobold inventions'.
** Cannot make that character an artificier.
*** Gno Gnomes, Kno Kobolds, no more explosions.
**** No hats.

[GPuzzle]

* Cannot play a half Gnome-half Kobold for 'the power of Gnomish inventions and the non-blowy uppyness of Kobold inventions'.
** Cannot make that character an artificier.
*** Gno Gnomes, Kno Kobolds, no more explosions.
**** No hats.
***** No Johns.

[JAL_1138]

* May not ask the next thread to be named GNO GNOMES!



*** Cannot second the suggestion.


*Gnomes are not this thread's official mascot.
**Or Kobolds.

*May not feel honored by the above. :smallsmile:

[IZ42]

*May gnot suggest that the title have the addegndum Gno Gnomes: Gno, Gnot Evegn Thegn

[Sith_Happens]

*If my half-elf bard is dressed like someone crossbred a giant peacock and a bird-of-paradise and put a ridiculous hat on the results, the character must be exactly as silly as he looks rather than being a depressive alcoholic who puts on an affable, life-loving, silly and cheerful front out of the desperate hope that if he keeps faking it long enough he might start believing his own lie.
**May not reveal the character's true nature with a smile and an overly-chipper voice, then immediately pull out a hip flask and take a drink.

** This character may not, under any circumstances, know Tasha's Hideous Laughter.


*Tripping and rolling to miss the ground is not a way of acquring Flight without needing anything to do so.

* London airspace is not a dead magic zone.


* In Mutants & Masterminds, no longer allowed to make a superhero called "Florida Man.

** Florida Man's only power cannot be Create News Headline.


* If invited to play in a Persona RPG, my starting Persona cannot be Fionn mac Cumhaill.

** If my starting Persona is Cú Chulainn I forfeit all right to complain about anything that happens to my character.


* Untrained skills do not improve by boarding, even if you're technically 'In Training'.
** Locomotives do not give the GM carte blanche for Rail Roading.
*** Transporting your train's fuel and water in correctly designated cars does not mean it's 'Legal Tender'.
**** The reasoning behind insane player shenanigans is not the same thing as a Loco's Motive.


*Cannot roll a Strength check to derail the adventure.


** Cannot roll Search to find the plot.

* No one in this thread is allowed to play a Demon with the Play on Words Exploit (a.k.a. Weaponized Puns).

[Bucky]

*I may not crossbreed half-dragon bats.
**I may not breed half-dragon bats.
***Even if I come across one in a permitted fashion, I may not train any half-dragon bat colony to strafe trespassers.

[Rater202]

*I may not crossbreed half-dragon bats.
**I may not breed half-dragon bats.
***Even if I come across one in a permitted fashion, I may not train any half-dragon bat colony to strafe trespassers.

Why not? Vampragons* are fun.

*Half Dragon, Half vampire bat

[Bucky]

Why not? Vampragons* are fun.

(a) A medium size bat colony has 100+ bats.
(b) They each have a 1d6 AoE breath weapon.
(c) They are intelligent enough to use basic tactics such as hit-and runs and volley fire.
And finally:
(d) I miscalculated the CR by 4 steps when putting the encounter together, as a result of missing the minimum CR in the half-dragon template.

[DigoDragon]

* No longer allowed to use the classroom chalkboard as an improvised melee weapon.
** Also no longer allowed to make called shots with classroom chalkboards.

[Sith_Happens]

* No matter what the rules say, I cannot seduce a god(ess) of chastity.

[GrayGriffin]

*May not be inspired to make a magical TransformerTM
**Transformation sequence may not have a remixed version of "Autobots, roll out" as the theme music or whatever.
***TRANSFORMERS DO NOT AND SHOULD NOT WEAR MAGICAL GIRL OUTFITS
** Not allowed to combine the tech geek and medium's abilities to transform a bike into a magical Gundam.

* Not allowed to cut off an ally's limb just to replace it with a mechanical one.


* No matter what the rules say, I cannot seduce a god(ess) of chastity.
** Not allowed to use semantics to argue that you can seduce someone in a nonsexual way.

[Anonymouswizard]

* Proving that the villain is evil means that he should commit some kind of atrocity, not that he stole 40 cakes.

[noob]

**Non thinking beings who does not have an int value can be of the good alignment

[Lord Raziere]

* May not send the careless but idealistic cyborg to negotiate with people
** May not forget that the pod was supposed to NOT be blown up with ki
*** May not get caught up in my own characters idealism so much that I forget an important detail
**** May not get so into character that I get caught up in their idealism without thinking
***** May not accidentally cause a fire that makes the alien scientist start going MIB on people
****** Especially when the entire incident was supposed to be easy and resolved without much issue

[Anonymouswizard]

* By the time I've included the trenchcoat, wide-brimmed hat, gloves, and balaclava, my Nosferatu is probably just as likely to cause a masquerade breach as without it.
** Cannot murder a NWO man in black and nick his suit just so I don't have to bother learning Obfuscate or putting points into stealth.
*** Alley cats are fine. Stray dogs are fine. Rats are fine. Red kites are fine. I cannot break into the zoo and free the tigers just to add them to my warren.
**** My penniless Nosferatu should not own more real estate than a Ventrue just to house his warren.
***** The Ventrue prince is not actually a Nosferatu using obfuscate 3.
****** The council of primogen is not entirely made up of Nossies using obfuscate 3.

[Socksy]

* May not ask the next thread to be named GNO GNOMES!
** It's not for another 20 pages!
Thirded!



** Cannot murder a NWO man in black and nick his suit just so I don't have to bother learning Obfuscate or putting points into stealth.

*** Not allowed to utter the words "Your clothes, your boots, and your motorcycle."

[Anonymouswizard]

* 'Because Arnold Schwarzenegger can do it' is not a reason I should be able to until I have spent points in Potence and Fortitude.

[noob]

**Turning into liquid steel in particular is very hard.

[Anonymouswizard]

* Cannot punch a tunnel into the Tremere library.
** Cannot disguise the entrance with 'the history section, nobody goes there'.
*** Cannot rearrange the library to hide my entrance better.
**** Cannot forge a library card.
***** The Tremere will notice if I start borrowing books.
****** Even if I bring them back before the two weeks are up.
******* Cannot replace the Tremere's mystical texts with Player's Handbooks.
******** Even if they are just that nerdy.

[Rater202]

*May not introduce a 10 year old madscience victim to be the team pet.

[illyahr]

* May not ask the next thread to be named GNO GNOMES!
** It's not for another 20 pages!

+1 to GNO GNOMES for next thread. :smallbiggrin:

[Deremir]

*May not introduce a 10 year old madscience victim to be the team pet.

Is there a campaign journal of this yet?

[Rater202]

Is there a campaign journal of this yet?

I haven't introduced the mad science victim yet.

[Deremir]

I haven't introduced the mad science victim yet.

Yeah but don't the vast majority of your and DigoDragon's post here come from an actual game? I was wondering if there is a campaign journal of that game

[cavalieredraghi]

Dang rater you just keep making us fan. Vlad the start of said game is the pic in my Sig.

[Deremir]

Dang rater you just keep making us fan. Vlad the start of said game is the pic in my Sig.

oh, thanks:smallbiggrin:

[Rater202]

Dang rater you just keep making us fan. Vlad the start of said game is the pic in my Sig.


oh, thanks:smallbiggrin:

Wrong Game

[cavalieredraghi]

Wrong Game

He was not asking for our DB game but our MLPSoLiM game.

[Rater202]

I'm just saying, that's not the game I'm planning on introducing the madscience victim/team pet in.

Also, I should note that there are a few places where poor communication results in things that should have been short incidents becoming big emotional things because, for example, a terrified child trying to negotiate his way into a place where he can feel safe coming across as being emotionally manipulative instead of hysterical.

[JAL_1138]

*My gnomish illusionist may not do some quick calculations on a scratchpad with a slide-rule and then one-shot the BBEG by casting "Stone To Flesh" on part of the base of an obelisk on the side nearest the balcony the aforementioned BBEG is giving a speech on.
**May not yell "TIIIIMMMBERRRR!!!" as the obelisk falls.
***Obligatory: "GNO GNOMES!"

[Ksheep]

* If I can honestly say "My rocket automaton just killed Washington", either something is going horribly wrong or horribly right

* No, I cannot make an adamantine/mithril blend that is stronger and sharper than any other material
** I cannot use this alloy to forge a knife that can cut atoms apart
*** Cutting an atom with a knife does not open a portal to another plane
**** I cannot use this blade to sever the connection between a wizard and his familiar
***** I may not harness the power released by the severing of this connection to tear a mile-high rift into another plane
****** Especially if I have no control over which plane this portal opens up to
******* It's completely my fault if I accidentally opened a rift to the Elemental Plane of Water
******** Or Fire, for that matter
********* The same goes for Baator, the Abyss, Carceri, the Gray Waste, Gehenna, or Pandemonium
********** You know what, opening a mile-high rift to ANY other plane, with no way of closing it and no easy way to guard it, is a stupendously bad idea
*********** I don't care if your character didn't know what would happen, it's still his fault

[Rater202]

* No, I cannot make an adamantine/mithril blend that is stronger and sharper than any other material
** I cannot use this alloy to forge a knife that can cut atoms apart
*** Cutting an atom with a knife does not open a portal to another plane
**** I cannot use this blade to sever the connection between a wizard and his familiar
***** I may not harness the power released by the severing of this connection to tear a mile-high rift into another plane
****** Especially if I have no control over which plane this portal opens up to
******* It's completely my fault if I accidentally opened a rift to the Elemental Plane of Water
******** Or Fire, for that matter
********* The same goes for Baator, the Abyss, Carceri, the Gray Waste, Gehenna, or Pandemonium
********** You know what, opening a mile-high rift to ANY other plane, with no way of closing it and no easy way to guard it, is a stupendously bad idea
*********** I don't care if your character didn't know what would happen, it's still his fault

*awards Ksheep 1.01 internets*

[Reltzik]

From a discussion on this forum of what a gamer could do with the ability to create 30 cubic feet of any substance:

* No chemical with any of the following words in it: floruine, azide, mercury, hydro, sodium.
* Not allowed to create 30 cubic feet of plutonium-238.
** Or any other isotope of plutonium.
*** Or uranium.
**** Or anything else with a critical mass.
** No, making a 30-cubic-foot-shell of plutonium-238 with myself in the middle does NOT create an "eye of the storm" effect to ensure my own survival.
* Not allowed to destroy any economy based on precious metals.
** Or on gemstones.
*** Or on seashells.
**** Or on anything.
* No antimatter.
* No neutronium.
** DEFINITELY no anti-neutronium.
* None of that "infinitely dense stuff at the center of black holes... 30 cubic feet of it".
** Causing the Big Crunch will NOT automatically elevate me to godhood as The Destroyer.
*** And it wouldn't let me escape if it did.
* No "30 cubic feet of Big Bang Singularity".
** This does not elevate me to godhood either.
*** The DM doesn't care if creating a universe automatically makes me a god. If it does, it STILL DOESN'T!
**** And it wouldn't let me escape if it did.
* The gods strike you dead as too dangerous. Roll a new character without this ability.

[JAL_1138]

*Attempting to create 30ft3 of any kind of singularity, neutron star matter, strange matter, antimatter, etc., etc., so on and so forth in order to attempt to kill the Lady of Pain results in the Lady killing you the moment before the thought to do so even enters your mind. Your character's soul is utterly and completely obliterated and absolutely nothing can resurrect them. Roll new character.

[Anonymouswizard]

* If I can honestly say "My rocket automaton just killed Washington", either something is going horribly wrong or horribly right

** Gno Gnomes for you either.


*Attempting to create 30ft3 of any kind of singularity, neutron star matter, strange matter, antimatter, etc., etc., so on and so forth in order to attempt to kill the Lady of Pain results in the Lady killing you the moment before the thought to do so even enters your mind. Your character's soul is utterly and completely obliterated and absolutely nothing can resurrect them. Roll new character.

* Cannot argue myself retroactively out of existence and force the other players to replay the campaign, but with my new character.
** This character cannot be called Adahn.
*** My backstory is not that I was spawned by the universe to replace myself.

[Sith_Happens]

* If one of the players begins to play Nui Harime's theme (http://youtu.be/1zAMJXZnJoY) on his laptop in response to the newest villain, something has either gone horribly wrong, horribly right, or just plain horribly. Or all three.

[Rater202]

*I do not need to hum "Cha la head cha la" to give myself a "Theme music power up"
**Especially when it's a play by post and I'm thus the only one who can hear.
***Especially when my character is only using her magic to conjure food
****When using magic to conjure food, I need to make more than just pie and Faygo fruit soda.

[JAL_1138]

*May not play Final Fantasy VI music for every fight in Adventurer's League.
**Especially not if I switch between the standard fight music and boss battle music depending on the fight.
***May not play the Victory Theme if we win.

[Lord Raziere]

*I do not need to hum "Cha la head cha la" to give myself a "Theme music power up"


** My preference to listening to the actual FLOW version is not superior to humming it.
*** May not wait patiently for the right moment to use the son either right before the timeskip to end "the current arc" or at right after the timeskip to enter into "the next arc"

* It does not matter if my Androids have zero ranks in form of cooking skill. they will make good food as punishment for blowing up a pod
** No they will not make "trollface surprise" as a prank on the rest of the group
*** the surprise cannot be how bad it tastes.
**** especially not as a ploy to never have to cook again because the androids don't need to eat

* My Androids are no longer allowed to mention Homestuck to people not from their era
** They are however allowed to sing The Ballad of Serenity.
*** Mostly because its good practice if Beerus ever comes by and we need a distraction from something stupid that offends him
**** Wait......what if I tricked Beerus into sleep for a long period of time so that he could read Homestuck? No wait, probably not allowed to do that now.

[Anonymouswizard]

* Cannot kill Assamites because 'they have a diablerist's aura'.
** Cannot claim that they aren't Assamites because 'they don't have the obsession thingy'
*** Thingy is retroactively not in the dictionary.
**** Cannot convince the Nosferatu to go on an Assamite killing spree as a game.

* The primogen would like to know why the local Brujah think that they are all Nosferatu using Obfuscate 3.
** Cannot point at the closest Malkavian.

[Rater202]

** My preference to listening to the actual FLOW version is not superior to humming it.
***Actually listening to Pledge of Z (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xYYhAryLnHY) might be.


* My Androids are no longer allowed to mention Homestuck to people not from their era

***Especially since the only other person who knows about it gives said androids PTSD flashbacks.
****And come to think of it, she has mixed feelings about it herself, since her "cousin" Gamzee went and performed actions similar to his namesake.
*****At least it hasn't damaged her love of pie and Faygo fruit soda

*May not retroactively name a character from my PCs backstory,who went berserk and started killing his friends, "Gamzee" as part of a "Homestuck Reference" fight.
**Even if I did make everything but the name up before I even started reading homestuck.

[DigoDragon]

* I am no longer allowed to rig the local mayoral election as an example on the differences between RAW and RAI in the town charter.

[Anonymouswizard]

* I am no longer allowed to rig the local mayoral election as an example on the differences between RAW and RAI in the town charter.

* RAW is not a good thing.
** Especially when simulating baking.
*** I don't care how legal it is, RAW cake is banned.

[goto124]

*****At least it hasn't damaged her love of pie and Faygo fruit soda

****** May not ask 'What flavor is that pie?'
******* May not answer my own question with 'Pie flavor'.

[DigoDragon]

* I don't care how legal it is, RAW cake is banned.

* I dunno, I feel as though RAI cookie dough is missing something...

[Anonymouswizard]

* The party can't ALL be mistaken as to their actual class.

[JohnTheSavage]

*I do not need to hum "Cha la head cha la" to give myself a "Theme music power up"
**Especially when it's a play by post and I'm thus the only one who can hear.

***I should not be surprised that I'm not the only one who does this.


*** My preference to listening to the actual FLOW version is not superior to humming it.

**** It certainly isn't superior to singing along at the top of your lungs.
*****Unless you're Konata Izumi. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cLalr_UNX8Y)

[JAL_1138]

*May not engage in a nonviolent lute duel with an NPC bard instead of fighting him like we were supposed to.
**The lute duel may not result in my bard and the NPC bard quitting this adventuring nonsense to tour as a duo.

[goto124]

*** May not conclude that JAL's bard is male as well, since JAL said 'duo' instead of 'couple'.

**** May not suggest a violent lute duel.
***** Or a violent violin duel.

[Anonymouswizard]

* Cannot play a homophobe in a group with at least one other LGBT person.
** Even to make fun of homophobes.
*** Even if I'm building up to my character coming out of the closet.

* Cannot play an asexual character just to more effectively hunt succubi and incubi.

* My character cannot refer to his quarterstaff as a 'mighty rod'.
** Banned from using any weapons with the potential to make other players blush.

* Cannot play a female character.
** Even if we are part of the Technocracy, 'man with boobs' should not be my entire character concept. (Inspired by a friend who implied that most people can't convincingly cross-play, calling the resulting characters as such)

* Despite what the female barbarians are wearing, I cannot get the same AC from a chainmail speedo.
** Stripping down and painting myself blue does not give a bonus to intimidate checks.

[JAL_1138]

*** May not conclude that JAL's bard is male as well, since JAL said 'duo' instead of 'couple'.

**** May not suggest a violent lute duel.
***** Or a violent violin duel.

Just because my bard was also male does not preclude them becoming a couple, although I'd have said "duo" anyway because I use "duo" to describe any musical group consisting of only two performers regardless of whether they're in a relationship. :smallsmile:

******May not point out that a "violent" instrument-duel is just two opponent bards casting spells as normal during combat.

[goto124]

Just because my bard was also male does not preclude them becoming a couple

* May not mention that the narrow-minded homophobic view of things behind my previous statement is part of the joke.


******May not point out that a "violent" instrument-duel is just two opponent bards casting spells as notmal during combat.

******* Should not interpret a violent lute duel as a fight between two bards who attempt to smash their lutes over each other's heads.
******** Definitely should not shout 'Improvised Weapon Penalty!' throughout the already absurd battle.

[JAL_1138]

Ah. Humor lost via text, I suppose, or else me just being dense. Probably the latter :smallsmile:

*********May not invent the steel-bodied dobro in lute form, heavily reinforce the body and neck thereof, and change my character's name to Elf Kabong.

[Wookieetank]

*Re-instating Aoskar as ruler of Sigil is a bad idea.
**Doesn't matter if you're the DM of said campaign, the Lady of Pain will find you.

[Princess]

* The party can't ALL be mistaken as to their actual class.

*My sorceress is not a "Cleric of Herself"
**No spell's verbal component is "My will be done, Amen."

[JAL_1138]

*My bard may not combine Control Water and Move Earth (and, if high enough level and there isn't a convenient thunderstorm going on, Control Weather) to the tune of "When the Levee Breaks."

[Ksheep]

Ah. Humor lost via text, I suppose, or else me just being dense. Probably the latter :smallsmile:

*********May not invent the steel-bodied dobro in lute form, heavily reinforce the body and neck thereof, and change my character's name to Elf Kabong.

********** May not point out that Complete Scoundrel added an Instrument Blade, which would in effect add a dagger to the neck of the lute.

[JAL_1138]

********** May not point out that Complete Scoundrel added an Instrument Blade, which would in effect add a dagger to the neck of the lute.

***********May not point out that A) that wouldn't lend itself to an El Kabong joke with a terrible pun in it ("Elf Kabong"), and B) that [i]Complete Scoundrel[i] is for an edition I don't play (3.5 rather than 2e or 5e).

[Socksy]

* The party can't ALL be mistaken as to their actual class.

Iwanttoplayinthiscampaignsobadly
Or possibly run it.


******* Should not interpret a violent lute duel as a fight between two bards who attempt to smash their lutes over each other's heads.
******** Definitely should not shout 'Improvised Weapon Penalty!' throughout the already absurd battle.
********* This absolutely should not be because I actually took EWP: Lute.
********** The Bard is no longer allowed to worship St. Cuthbert!

[Hiro Protagonest]

* The party can't ALL be mistaken as to their actual class.

It's like Spoony, the greatest swordsman in the world, but a whole party! The barbarian wizard is a shoo-in.

[JAL_1138]

...in 5e you could fairly easily have a party of five bards pass themselves off as a cleric, paladin, sorcerer, ranger, and wizard.

[TeChameleon]

* May not succumb to the temptation to play a bard solely for the excuse to shout "EL KABONG!" when they bludgeon opponents with their lute.

* May not introduce my gaming group composed almost entirely of engineers to Chlorine Trifluoride (http://pipeline.corante.com/archives/2008/02/26/sand_wont_save_you_this_time.php) (ClF3 (https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B_i-eoNwpf0_My0tU3VOc0VUMFk/view?pli=1)).
** Seriously, the results will not be pretty, since someone will inevitably fail a check for handling the stuff, and given that the safety instructions in the event of a problem are literally 'run away', well... (and if you don't believe me, check out the last bit of text in the Google Docs link before the footnotes and phone numbers and whatnot)
*** May not recommend that one of my Shadowrun players take the chemistry skill for the sole purpose of freaking them out horribly when I later give the group an unlabelled container that the skill will tell them has ClF3 in it.
EDIT: If you do make the mistake of letting your group have this, it's not just the plot that's gonna be on fire.

* May not design a Sorcadin around having as many multi-damage-type attacks as possible, with as rainbow-hued, sparkly and/or shiny a wardrobe as I can manage, simply so his battle cry can be "TASTE THE RAINBOW, (insert situationally-appropriate insult or vulgarity here)!"
** If I insist on making said Rainbow Brite Sorcadin, may not get carried away describing the ridiculous incongruity of his brightly-coloured wardrobe and pale, gaunt, austere Vryloka appearance.
*** Okay, fine, just... for pity's sake, stop saying he's known throughout the land as Tha'sckett-L'Blezduhr. Or at least pronounce it differently.

Oh, and +1 to 'Gno Gnomes', with or without 'Gnot evegn thegn' :smalltongue:

[JAL_1138]

*Despite real-world precedent, may not accidentally invent nitrocellulose (smokeless gunpowder) in an attempt to create a synthetic ivory-replacement to make billiard balls out of.
**STILL may gnot play a tignker gnome.

[Ksheep]

* When passing by some playing kids, I may not make the wizard suddenly make a Spellcraft check
** If the check succeeds, it should not transpire that one of the kids is trying to cast Power Word: Kill on him
*** Even if it's actually just a play magic word that sounds a lot like Power Word: Kill
**** This is a great way to make the wizard paranoid

[Sith_Happens]

* Iron Heart Surge is not a substitute for Regenerate.

[Rater202]

*I am not allowed to make other players think that my PC's child has become a deity.
**Even if it's by accident.

[Anonymouswizard]

* Iron Heart Surge is not a substitute for Regenerate.

** Nor is it a substitute for armour.
*** *insert protection joke here*
**** Cannot use Iron Heart Surge to end syphilis, AIDS, or any other STI.
***** The common cold as well, for that matter.

[Reltzik]

***********May not point out that A) that wouldn't lend itself to an El Kabong joke with a terrible pun in it ("Elf Kabong"), and B) that [i]Complete Scoundrel[i] is for an edition I don't play (3.5 rather than 2e or 5e).

************ May not further memetically mutate this to "Elf Kaboink".
************* Nor say that they are "banging lutes".
************** Nor "necking".
*************** When the bouncers pull them apart, not to observe that "barding is such sweet sorrow".
**************** Dammit, stop inventing bad puns to make the obscene string of asterisks longer!
***************** May not encourage the other posters in the thread to make the obscene string of asterisks longer.
****************** Saying I may not do it counts as doing it! Quit it!

[Anonymouswizard]

************ May not further memetically mutate this to "Elf Kaboink".
************* Nor say that they are "banging lutes".
************** Nor "necking".
*************** When the bouncers pull them apart, not to observe that "barding is such sweet sorrow".
**************** Dammit, stop inventing bad puns to make the obscene string of asterisks longer!
***************** May not encourage the other posters in the thread to make the obscene string of asterisks longer.
****************** Saying I may not do it counts as doing it! Quit it!

******************* May not continue it for you.
******************** When Elf Kabong has killed the other bard, I may not lute it.

[Lord Raziere]

******************* May not continue it for you.
******************** When Elf Kabong has killed the other bard, I may not lute it.

********************* may not dismiss you as a wimp because I made the beer bear barbarian asterisk pyramid.
********************** may never build anything like the beer bear barbarian pyramid ever again.

[Anonymouswizard]

* May not create a post-apocalyptic D&D setting lacking the sun, oceans, magic, royalty, and civilisation due to Warblades abusing Iron Heart Surge.
** The Iron Heart discipline is not the equivalent of a lost superweapon.

[5ColouredWalker]

*Cant use spells to create Helium gas around the monologuing BBEG.

[JAL_1138]

*Cant use spells to create Helium gas around the monologuing BBEG.

**Can't create sulfur hexaflouride either.

[Wookieetank]

********************* may not dismiss you as a wimp because I made the beer bear barbarian asterisk pyramid.
********************** may never build anything like the beer bear barbarian pyramid ever again.

***********************Seriously, that pyramid was just unbearable. :smallwink:

[illyahr]

***********************Seriously, that pyramid was just unbearable. :smallwink:

************************We will have to bear with this.
*************************Some people are bearly hanging on to their SAN.

[JohnTheSavage]

*************************Some people are bearly hanging on to their SAN.

**************************You could say these puns are driving them bearserk

[illyahr]

**************************You could say these puns are driving them bearserk

***************************Not to point out that the word 'berserk' comes from a scandinavian phrase that means 'bear shirt'

[Wookieetank]

***************************Not to point out that the word 'berserk' comes from a scandinavian phrase that means 'bear shirt'

****************************Not to wonder what a bare bear shirt would look like.
*****************************Not allowed to wear a bare bear shirt that bares my bear arms while playing as a beer bear barbarian

[Anonymouswizard]

****************************Not to wonder what a bare bear shirt would look like.
*****************************Not allowed to wear a bare bear shirt that bares my bear arms while playing as a beer bear barbarian

****************************** Under no circumstances should I point out that Americans do not technically have the right to bear arms.
******************************* Give the arms back to the rest of the bear.

[Razanir]

It's like Spoony, the greatest swordsman in the world, but a whole party! The barbarian wizard is a shoo-in.

Muscle Wizard? (http://ihititwithmyaxe.tumblr.com/post/46007651740/breaking-dd-35-the-muscle-wizard-or-how-to)

[Ksheep]

* I may not give the Fighter a potion of Reverse Gravity and claim that it's a potion of Featherfall
** If the fighter survives, I may not try to pull the stunt on him again

[Rater202]

*Any plan to forge a weapon that involves summoning demons must be thought through carefully.
**Especially if that plan involves cutting myself with a knife we stole from God.

[Sith_Happens]

* No matter how much sense it makes, Scientology is not a front for a massive, international God-Machine cult.

* The local Command and Control Infrastructure is not two angels playing Magic: The Gathering.
** Even if there exists at least one Turing-complete game state (http://www.toothycat.net/~hologram/Turing/).
*** I may not destroy the Infrastructure by patching a judge certification into one of my Covers and issuing a slow play warning.
** It most certainly isn't four angels playing Commander.

[Anonymouswizard]

* A plan what begins with the line 'We go to my MP and throw mud at him' will be vetoed.
** The same goes for 'we remove our clothing and do the time warp'.
*** Cannot point out that the Mechwarriors would be more comfortable if they just went to R&D and asked for a full body cooling suit.

* I cannot name a void Shugenja Exdeath.
** Cannot play:
-A Shiba Bushi who has spent all their experience points on increasing their Void Ring.
-A Hida Bushi who has focused on heavy weapons.
-Either of the above without clothes underneath their armour.
-Anybody without underwear.

[goto124]

*** May not complain about chafing when I don't wear underwear.
**** May not proceed to wear no outerwear either.
***** You derserve the lack of protection from swords, daggers, maces, fires, and brambles.

[Anonymouswizard]

****** I must wear more than bracers of armour.
******* They protect against damage, nor immodesty or embarrassing situations.

* While technically true, my archer is not 'wearing no clothes beneath my armour' while in a full kimono.

[Oberon Kenobi]

* No matter how much sense it makes, Scientology is not a front for a massive, international God-Machine cult.

* The local Command and Control Infrastructure is not two angels playing Magic: The Gathering.
** Even if there exists at least one Turing-complete game state (http://www.toothycat.net/~hologram/Turing/).
*** I may not destroy the Infrastructure by patching a judge certification into one of my Covers and issuing a slow play warning.
** It most certainly isn't four angels playing Commander.Demon definitely has the best capacity for villains who are thinly-veiled or not-veiled-at-all sucultural references. *slowclap*

And speaking of World of Darkness:

*When playing Changing Breeds, no matter what the rules say, I may not play a were-corgi.
**Nor may my character pitch be "If Hardison from Leverage and Ein from Cowboy Bebop were the same character."
***No matter how many dots in the Aww!!! aspect I have, I can not charm the GM into forgetting that dogs can't type.

*My witch and her familiar do not have a Sith-style master/apprentice relationship.
**Especially if the analogue for The Force in this scenario is "Tentacle Karate."

[Anonymouswizard]

*When playing Changing Breeds, no matter what the rules say, I may not play a were-corgi.
**Nor may my character pitch be "If Hardison from Leverage and Ein from Cowboy Bebop were the same character."
***No matter how many dots in the Aww!!! aspect I have, I can not charm the GM into forgetting that dogs can't type.

This reminds me of when I finally got to play in a Werewolf: the Apocalypse game. Me and the other first two players created fun characters that, even if they didn't fit into the setting, didn't break it (one of our number disguised himself as a mangy stray, and we decided that as long as he acted friendly people would believe he was just a big do).

The another player came and decided he was a Labrador. And that the most important part was deciding what breed of dog you were, not how you fit into Garou society (my two characters, the first of which was retired when I realised that this was essentially going to be a canon-light game retaining only the most important aspects of the war against the wyrm, fit in well and would not have been cast out, at least compared to the 'Labrador'), while making fun of my favourite WoD setting.

In the second session where he played I snapped and said that while he didn't care, I actually liked the setting, so could he please stop saying stupid stuff and making fun of it so I could enjoy the game as well.

'It's just a bit of fun, stop overreacting Wizard.'

:smallmad:

Bare in mind, this guy also thinks I overreact when I suggest that maybe he doesn't have to go to every Magic tournament within 10 miles. Or when I say that the games story should be more important than killing stuff and feeling awesome (which he and two others share, and managed to make this how games where run despite 5/8 group members preferring a story).

[GPuzzle]

Demon definitely has the best capacity for villains who are thinly-veiled or not-veiled-at-all sucultural references. *slowclap*

And speaking of World of Darkness:

*When playing Changing Breeds, no matter what the rules say, I may not play a were-corgi.
**Nor may my character pitch be "If Hardison from Leverage and Ein from Cowboy Bebop were the same character."
***No matter how many dots in the Aww!!! aspect I have, I can not charm the GM into forgetting that dogs can't type.
****The Queen is not a were-corgi.

[Cazero]

**Especially if the analogue for The Force in this scenario is "Tentacle Karate."
...I shouldn't be, but I'm curious. What would the Light Side of Tentacle Karate be?
(I can imagine the Dark Side fine, thank you very much (http://www.nuklearpower.com/2009/05/07/episode-1125-unexpected/). What were you thinking?)

[arclance]

* My mage may not harness the negative psychic energy of the "It's a Small World" ride.
** Especially to use as a weapon.
*** No using it to make a "Crippling Depression Gun" is not okay.

[Sith_Happens]

Bare in mind, this guy also thinks I overreact when I suggest that maybe he doesn't have to go to every Magic tournament within 10 miles.

That's because you are wrong about that.:smalltongue:

[One Tin Soldier]

* We are no longer allowed to spend our first two months of a new game doing nothing but making sex jokes.
** You do not have a Seduction specialty in every skill.
*** Seriously, some of them don't even make sense. Larceny? Computer? Animal Ken?
****May not come up with justifications for how Seduction applies to all of those skills.
**Ectoplasm is now officially green, not white.
***Why on earth did the game developers specify that ectoplasm is salty?
Geist: the Sin-Eaters, from anyone wondering. The same campaign where I threw a vampire into space.

[Anonymouswizard]

* We are no longer allowed to spend our first two months of a new game doing nothing but making sex jokes.

Thus isn't standard operating procedure? Games have taught me more about sex than school ever did.

[Socksy]

Thus isn't standard operating procedure? Games have taught me more about sex than school ever did.

I read this as "Games have taught me more about sex than sex ever did", and was briefly confused and concerned.

* Not allowed to ride the boss battle.
** No, especially not in that way!

[Milodiah]

*Even if my character was in the correct unit of the German air force in both World Wars, not allowed to point out that the unexploded ordnance on the castle grounds were probably his fault.
**Even though history supports my backstory, not allowed to have beaten up Hitler in 1923.
***Yes, my character has lived through five governments. No, this does not entitle him to five sets of pension.
****I do not impose a negative to Medicine rolls made on me from the absurd cocktail of medication I take to survive.
*****No longer allowed to play octogenarian characters.

[JAL_1138]

*When playing an octogenarian, may not complain, in-character, that fighters these days have it easy because back in my day it was so much more complicated and unintuitive to figure out if we'd managed to hit anything.

[Ksheep]

*Even if my character was in the correct unit of the German air force in both World Wars, not allowed to point out that the unexploded ordnance on the castle grounds were probably his fault.
**Even though history supports my backstory, not allowed to have beaten up Hitler in 1923.
***Yes, my character has lived through five governments. No, this does not entitle him to five sets of pension.

**** If I do manage to get five sets of pension, may not complain that the pensions are paid in the currencies of the respective governments
***** Especially if the pay rate is in pre-inflation currency
****** Seriously, what am I supposed to do with a pension of a few thousand Papiermarks when a stamp cost 5 billion marks before they were replaced?
******* Same goes for the late-war inflation of the Reichsmark

[noob]

I should not build an infinite castle with one cast of PAO even if it is RAW.

[DigoDragon]

I read this as "Games have taught me more about sex than sex ever did", and was briefly confused and concerned.

*Buries his face in a pillow so he doesn't awaken the wife with laughter*

[cavalieredraghi]

Socksy needs to play CAH with us Digo. :smalltongue:

[noob]

*Knowledge(BBEW) is not a skill you can learn even if it would be the most used skill.(together with knowledge(bid bad evil priests))
**You can not be omniscient just because you have 600 int and have put one point in each knowledge skill.

[Oberon Kenobi]

...I shouldn't be, but I'm curious. What would the Light Side of Tentacle Karate be?
(I can imagine the Dark Side fine, thank you very much (http://www.nuklearpower.com/2009/05/07/episode-1125-unexpected/). What were you thinking?)Hmm... probably basically the same thing, only it would let you substitute a grapple check for a diplomacy check instead of an intimidate check:http://moonbunnycafe.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/octopus.jpg

...Actually, are Lekku prehensile? I'll bet you could fight somebody with those. But quadruple-wielding lightsabers is cheating unless you're General Grievous. :smalltongue:

[Anonymouswizard]

I read this as "Games have taught me more about sex than sex ever did", and was briefly confused and concerned.

Well, it is technically true, and I was considering putting it instead of what i did.

* If there is only one virgin among the players, they should not be telling the dirtiest jokes.

* Our plan should never rely on making an intentional awkward unintentional grab.

[goto124]

** May not ask if the virgin is a male or female.
*** May not build a character powered by hir virginity.
**** May not build a character powered by the player's virginity.
***** May not ask which system supports virgin powers.
****** May not ask which system has mechanics for sex(uality).
******* May not ask which decent system has mechanics for sex(uality).

[Anonymouswizard]

** May not ask if the virgin is a male or female.

*** May not respond with 'male, and possibly the only group member on GiantITP'.


*** May not build a character powered by hir virginity.
**** May not build a character powered by the player's virginity.
***** May not ask which system supports virgin powers.
****** May not ask which system has mechanics for sex(uality).
******* May not ask which decent system has mechanics for sex(uality).

******** May not mention the Book of Erotic Fantasy.
********* May not play a tantric mage in the same group as a virginity fueled character.

[Oberon Kenobi]

********* May not play a tantric mage in the same group as a virginity fueled character.********** May not point out that 3.P has at least three stackable vows of chastity so that could totally happen.

[JAL_1138]

*If I'm playing the character as an "anything that moves" Jack Harkness wannabe, may not balk if the DM has something sapient but completely nonhumanoid, not even from the waist up, get interested in him.

[Rater202]

** May not ask if the virgin is a male or female.
*** May not build a character powered by hir virginity.
**** May not build a character powered by the player's virginity.
***** May not ask which system supports virgin powers.
****** May not ask which system has mechanics for sex(uality).
******* May not ask which decent system has mechanics for sex(uality).

********Despite Precedent (http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/vaajin_boru_3869.jpg), I can not combine the power of my virginity with the power of the other virgins of the world.

Link is safe. I have no idea where the hell it's from, though.

[Anonymouswizard]

********* Cannot play a Paladin of Virginity.

* If the ritual requires a virgin sacrifice I am to put it down, not raid the local primary school.

[GPuzzle]

*No longer allowed to play any character based on a Terry Crews character.
**That includes his Old Spice persona.

*No longer allowed to play a Goliath Brawler Fighter/Dreadnought/Ceaseless Guardian called André.
**He is a Goliath, not a Giant!

[JAL_1138]

*No longer allowed to play a Goliath Brawler Fighter/Dreadnought/Ceaseless Guardian called André.
**He is a Goliath, not a Giant!

*"The Big Show" is right out.

[Oberon Kenobi]

*No longer allowed to play a Goliath Brawler Fighter/Dreadnought/Ceaseless Guardian called André.
**He is a Goliath, not a Giant!***May not change his race to Half-Giant, give him ranks in Heal and call him Dr Dré.

[Rater202]

When questing to find our fellow children of the gods proclaimed by prophesy to be more powerful than their parents even while still mortal, I may not refer to them as "The Legendary Super Scions."

[Sith_Happens]

********Despite Precedent (http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/vaajin_boru_3869.jpg), I can not combine the power of my virginity with the power of the other virgins of the world.

Link is safe. I have no idea where the hell it's from, though.

Default first guess is Gintama.

[Oberon Kenobi]

*"I bought everything I needed already" is not a valid excuse to spend the remainder of my starting money on thousands of carrier pigeons.

[Anonymouswizard]

*"I bought everything I needed already" is not a valid excuse to spend the remainder of my starting money on thousands of carrier pigeons.

** Under no circumstances do I need thousands of carrier pigeons.
*** Okay, except for conquering Trafalga Square.
**** Put down the transdimensional teleporter.
***** GNO GNOMES!

Fun fact, my spare phone corrects that to FBI gnomes.

* Even if the PCs brought spare Morphs with them, the TIRANS did not build the Tomb of Horrors.

[Lord Raziere]

* Even if the PCs brought spare Morphs with them, the TIRANS did not build the Tomb of Horrors.

** May not misspell TITANS
*** May not make forks of myself to inhabit morphs made to look like various different DnD races so that they will be my harem of mes
**** My goal as an Eclipse Phase PC is not "found a colony populated entirely by forks of myself inhabiting various different morphs who are all hot and female to live out all my fantasies in my own little world."
***** You know its all going to end with all the clones wanting to be original anyways because they don't want to play one of the bit parts in one of your grand stories and thus causing a great rebellion anyways, right?
****** May not try to start all over again, but with complete virtual reality this time. Thats just asking for the TITANS to hack you into being their servants.

[Anonymouswizard]

* The PC does not consider marriage a two week commitment.
* If my first thought when encountering a rampaging TITAN death machine should not be 'does that always happen when I push the button?
** The same applies to Prometheans.
*** And proxies.
**** Especially if the button is labeled 'hang up'.
* If my uplift friend is about to be hung, my first priority is to save him, not wonder if hanged is correct.

[GPuzzle]

***May not change his race to Half-Giant, give him ranks in Heal and call him Dr Dré.
****May not point out that I was playing 4e and Goliaths are considered Half-Giants according to the Dark Sun Campaign Setting.
*****May not point out that you're trained in a skill for a +5 bonus to that skill, not "have ranks on it".
******May not, despite the nitpicking, build a character around that concept.

[JAL_1138]

*May not roll my jumbo dice on the really shaky table at the game store just to knock the minis down and aggravate the DM.
**May not insist that another player's d20 has betrayed him and that he needs to switch dice if he wants to make his last death save.
***May not say "I told you so" when his character dies on a nat 1.