Things I May No Longer Do while Playing VIII: Why is the PLOT on fire?

[Anonymouswizard]

* May not pick a chess piece as my character.
** Especially if playing the cleric.
*** I do not have to move diagonally when on duty.

[Oberon Kenobi]

*I may not create brain-flavored cookies for Illithids.
**Regardless of any intent to create good will between humanoids and aberrations, taste-testing the product will result in an alignment hit.
***May not market the results under the brand name Squamous Amos.

[Reltzik]

******** I can not combine the power of my virginity with the power of the other virgins of the world.


********* ???
********** Gno Gnomes!

(Sorry, had to be done.)

(.... okay, it didn't, and I'm not sorry.)

[Anonymouswizard]

* A gnome virgin is not one who has never touched a spanner.
** Gnomish courtship does not involve jetpacks, jackhammers, and accidentally ripping space in two.
*** Gnomish sex definitely doesn't.

[noob]

****gnomes does not use fusion followed by body outside body then cut a part of the copy and put it in quintessence then kill the copy and use the clone spell on the part.

[JAL_1138]

*Gnomes do not choose mates based on whose steam-and-clockwork devices explode most spectacularly.
**Gnomish marriage rituals do not require a dowry of giant space hamsters be paid to a spouse's parents.
***Gnomish wedding cakes are not small pastry-golems at least one spouse [typically but not necessarily the bride in heterosexual weddings] must shoot with a ballista.

*Gnomish attempts to invent prophylactics did not inadvertently result in the creation of the Purple Worm.

[Mandark]

...Actually, are Lekku prehensile? I'll bet you could fight somebody with those. But quadruple-wielding lightsabers is cheating unless you're General Grievous. :smalltongue:

Lekku are not prehensile. They have muscles that let them twitch, but are mainly sensory.

[noob]

*You can not summon eldritch horrors in dnd to prove that your character should be able to make his character summon eldritch horrors
**You can not craft a gun in front of your gm to prove your dnd character can craft guns.
**No dnd into dnd.
***No real life in dnd.
***trying to import technology from real life to dnd is not going to work.

[JAL_1138]

*My gnome should never, ever, under any circumstances, have access to large quantities of radioactive isotopes.
**Not even Carbon-14.

[Reltzik]

* My skill rank is not high enough to construct a hand-cannon out of six large lead pipes attached to a crossbow stock and a fuse splitting into six trails.
** My skill rank is, in fact, zero.
*** No, affixing six longswords as bayonets does not make it fire better.
**** No, putting it on a steady wheeled tripod mount doesn't make it more accurate.
***** Okay, fine, I can quickdraw it out of a bag of holding that's been magically rendered cut-proof, as a move action, AFTER I've lit the fuse as a standard, but it STILL won't fire.
****** .... yesokayfineitdoesgiveacircumstancebonustointimidat e.
******* BUT ONLY ONCE PER VICTIM!
******** After the third time, the BBEG will simply scowl, put his hands on his hips, and show that he's calling my bluff by walking right up to the muzzles and standing there, flatfooted, with my fake BFG pointed at his gut as the fuse burns down to nothing in an ultimate and inevitable demonstration of my weapon's complete impotence. (Yes, the DM actually did this.)
********* .... I only get to apply sneak attack damage versus flatfooted ONCE to that 6d6 stab. NOT SIX TIMES.
********** Gno gnomes!

[5ColouredWalker]

******** After the third time, the BBEG will simply scowl, put his hands on his hips, and show that he's calling my bluff by walking right up to the muzzles and standing there, flatfooted, with my fake BFG pointed at his gut as the fuse burns down to nothing in an ultimate and inevitable demonstration of my weapon's complete impotence. (Yes, the DM actually did this.)
********* .... I only get to apply sneak attack damage versus flatfooted ONCE to that 6d6 stab. NOT SIX TIMES.

That, just there. Ultimate payoff ever.

[Reltzik]

The DM was reluctantly impressed. So impressed he wouldn't let the BBEG die. No, he got a face worse than death: demoted from BBEG to Chew Toy (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TheChewToy) in subsequent encounters.

I guess it was like "you have failed me for the last time" taken so far that it looped around the opposite side.

[goto124]

*You can not summon eldritch horrors in dnd to prove that your character should be able to make his character summon eldritch horrors

** No playing DnD in DnD.
*** No recursion!

[Anonymouswizard]

* My not name my character Serious.
** Or Hungry.
*** ****ing Angry is right out.
**** Cannot name my character 'Oh My God He's Heavy'

[Steampunkette]

I may no longer immediately attack gnomes, nor create characters with a strong gnomophibic nature.

[Anonymouswizard]

* Gnomes are not invaders from the 'kinda far but not so much as the far' plane, no matter how much sense it makes.
** They have not accidentally destroyed the world eight times.
*** Gomeland is not the local version of Australia.

[noob]

You can not intimidate/control gnomes with the gnome domain.

[Steampunkette]

Naming a horse or other burden animal any of the following names is grounds for the druid to slap me.

Emergency Rations
Bait
Fodder
Supper
Trapfinder
Distraction

Horse Devours is worth 1 slap from each player and 2 from the DM.

[DigoDragon]

Horse Devours is worth 1 slap from each player and 2 from the DM.

Okay, this one got a pretty loud laugh outta me. :smallbiggrin:

[JAL_1138]

Naming a horse or other burden animal any of the following names is grounds for the druid to slap me.

Emergency Rations
Bait
Fodder
Supper
Trapfinder
Distraction

Horse Devours is worth 1 slap from each player and 2 from the DM.

*"Elmers" is right out.

[Anonymouswizard]

The following campaign ideas are banned:
-Mechwarrior, but with submarines
-Mighty Morphin' Catholic Rangers
-Call of Cthulhu, with sheep
-Anything set in Wales
-Torchwood, but in Whales
-Star Trek, with real science

[noob]

You can not do a campaign about the rise of adventurers thanks to the omnipotence of RAW diplomacy.

[goto124]

Also banned:

- Star Wars, but with real science.

[TeChameleon]

* Pfft, sure, you can play gnomes with real science. No gnomish death rays, no Spelljammers, no accidental planar rifts somehow caused by clockwork-and-steam contraptions... *shrug* Why not?
** You could have told me you had a copy of the Anarchist's Cookbook...
*** Combining Realscience (tm) Gnomes and a wizard with Greater Creation is a bit unfair, isn't it?
**** Fine, the BBEG's castle is a glowing crater and the world has been dominated by the Gnomish Realscience Empire. Roll up your new characters and have fun trying to survive the horrors you've unleashed.

***** GNO GNOMES!!!!!

[Anonymouswizard]

* Cannot combine Gnomes, real science, OOC knowledge of electronic and software engineering, and a ridiculous bonus to knowledge (Engineering) in order to build a sentient supercomputer 1000 years ahead of schedule.
** Mana no longer flows in the same way as electrons, and I'm a bad person for making the GM agree that it did.
*** Can no longer polarise materials in order to make magical capacitors, diodes, transistors, thyristors, logic gates, operational amplifiers, RAM, computers....
**** However I want mana to work, it doesn't.
***** If I get a wish, it cannot change the way mana works.
****** gno gnomes.

[noob]

* I may not have a helm of continuous delayed fireball even if it does nothing.
** I may not use helms of alignment changes on evil people even if it is exalted good.
*** I can not change the alignment of someone with five casts of hypnosis.
**** I may not poly-morph fiends into non evil aligned exteriors for converting them.
***** I should not summon an eldritch horror in real life to prove my character can do that because it is not physically possible.
****** I should not use gate to summon the GM of real life "because he have 5 hd at most"

[JAL_1138]

*If the arquebus is included in the game, my gnome may not invent breech-loading cartridge firearms.
**May not invent fully-automatic weapons.
***Especially not belt-fed weapons.
***May not argue that doing so gives me one attack per second, at minimum.
****Even if that's very slow RoF for semi-autos, to say nothing of full autos.
*****Gno guns.
******Gno gnomes.

[Princess]

* Gnomes are not invaders from the 'kinda far but not so much as the far' plane, no matter how much sense it makes.
** They have not accidentally destroyed the world eight times.
*** Gomeland is not the local version of Australia.

****May not play a Gnomish super model with an Australian accent named "Jessica Gnomes"

*Stop assuming every Dungeon will have a Dragon in it somewhere.
**No, they don't need to change the name of the game to avoid a false advertising lawsuit.
***My character's attempt to become politically important will not be helped by promising supporters "A Dragon in every Dungeon."
****No, Bahamut will not finance my campaign if I support the interests of "Big Dragon."
*****Lobbying Tiamat is right out.

[noob]

*I may not theory-craft the perfect band of BBE made of 8 level 11 casters.
**Having them destroy the material plane in one round is out of question.
***No divine ranks does not make gods infinitely dumber even if it would be the only physically possible explanation of why gods are so much useless and acting in a so much bad way.

[Anonymouswizard]

*If the arquebus is included in the game, my gnome may not invent breech-loading cartridge firearms.
**May not invent fully-automatic weapons.
***Especially not belt-fed weapons.
***May not argue that doing so gives me one attack per second, at minimum.
****Even if that's very slow RoF for semi-autos, to say nothing of full autos.
*****Gno guns.
******Gno gnomes.

I might get to be part of my friend's 'Gunhammer' campaign, which uses GURPS to say 'what would happen if the Empire actually went into that industrial revolution they're less than 100 years away from' (subject to interpretation, I argue about 50 years, I've known people to argue everything from 'dude, steam tanks, they are in it' to 'It'll take the better part of a century to get away from the social problems).

As far as I know the backstory involves the Empire, Dwarfs, and High Elves beating chaos soundly with pre-19th century firearms before shipping a lot of greenskins to the north pole and giving them machine guns (or the best equivalent for mid-late TL 5). The main problem now is the Skaven, who have come out of hiding now they have the capacity to give every troop a gun at least as good as WWI models (the empire is still in Victorian technology).

Why is this story relevant?

Because I've agreed with the GM that, if I play, I can play an Empire engineer from 'the old artisan class' (social class not rigorously agree on, but I didn't want to be a noble and we might have a police officer with a completely different attitude, and the GM will prefer it to a noble or peasant) who's goal is to bring rifle technology forward one step (he begins with the best rifle the GM will let me buy, and he will spend a lot of this downtime trying to build a better one, from paper cartridges to metal jackets, or from a single-shot rifle to a reliable repeater, or from a repeater up to firing at least two shots a second).

The thing is that if I devote enough time towards it the character will actually be able to pull it off, and if not by the end of the campaign he'll be pulling the equivalent of a barrel on wheels filled with rifles and ammunition behind him. The full build will be decided on in the char gen session if I do get invented, but he'll either be the team mechanic making sure all the tech keeps working, or the team sharpshooter if nobody else goes for a rifles build.

* Cannot carry more copies of a weapon than there are party members.
** Despite being completely legitimate by the wording on the Extra Attack advantage and the Fast-Draw skill, I cannot draw one rifle, shoot it, drop it, draw another rifle, and shoot it in the same turn, all while primarily using my dominant hand in order to avoid the -4 off-hand penalty.
*** Cannot combine this with the Shtick: Baton Twirls Rifles perk to create a character with as silly a fighting style as the pathfinder 'draw pistols, shoot, twirl, reload, stow, repeat' gunslinger build.

[Rater202]

*I can not play as a sentient animated lawn gnome.

[Anonymouswizard]

*I can not play as a sentient animated lawn gnome.

** Cannot reflexively react with a gno Gnomes joke. :smalltongue:

[JAL_1138]

** Cannot reflexively react with a gno Gnomes joke. :smalltongue:

***Or an Old Man Henderson joke.

[DigoDragon]

**** Or that there's gno gnu gnome jokes these days. Kids just don't gno the struggle.

[GPuzzle]

*Old Man Henderson is not a gnome.
**Or a gnu gnome.

[Anonymouswizard]

* GNU does not stand for Gnomes Not Unwanted.
** Or Gnome is Not Unix.

[Milodiah]

*Even if the RPG we're playing is silly enough to make one of the gnomish racial traits the ability to bend their sight around corners, not allowed to just focus on extreme armor-piercing capability with my sniper and call it a day.
**Even if the build (and several hilarious ones like it) meshes together so well that one would think the designers wanted this to happen, still not allowed.
***Any sniper who receives the moniker "Hypotenuse Man" is automatically banned.
****If the actual game devs' faces go ghost-white when our group pulls out our character sheets at the con, not allowed near the characters nor the system anymore.
*****Just because nearly half of the game's errata is directly or indirectly linked to my group of players, not allowed to request special mention in the credits as testers.



Although interestingly enough we're now actual alpha testers for the next game one of the former employees are working on, so...things worked out?

[Anonymouswizard]

*Even if the RPG we're playing is silly enough to make one of the gnomish racial traits the ability to bend their sight around corners, not allowed to just focus on extreme armor-piercing capability with my sniper and call it a day.
**Even if the build (and several hilarious ones like it) meshes together so well that one would think the designers wanted this to happen, still not allowed.
***Any sniper who receives the moniker "Hypotenuse Man" is automatically banned.
****If the actual game devs' faces go ghost-white when our group pulls out our character sheets at the con, not allowed near the characters nor the system anymore.
*****Just because nearly half of the game's errata is directly or indirectly linked to my group of players, not allowed to request special mention in the credits as testers.



Although interestingly enough we're now actual alpha testers for the next game one of the former employees are working on, so...things worked out?

...what game was this from?

[5ColouredWalker]

...what game was this from?

Seconded.
/10Char

[JBPuffin]

...what game was this from?

Agreed. Share with us, Milodiah. O.O

[Milodiah]

This is Tephra. Steampunk RPG with a really weird proprietary system, which seemed not to have been very rigorously edited before being sent to the publisher...company's gone belly-up now, so not much chance of a fix.

To give an example of "not very rigorously edited", there is a specialty (totally not feats) that allows for extra damage while charging on a horse, and there is one to allow for extra damage when just charging on foot.

Charging on a horse is a fixed damage addition, up to +4 on a weapon that probably does from 6 to 10 damage.

Charging on foot has a formula to give more damage per five feet of extra movement speed, and there are a lot of ways to increase movement speed...we're looking at around 12 extra damage while on foot, versus 4 on a horse. You can do more damage by lancing off of a stick-horse than off of a real one.

[Ksheep]

* The motto of the local hospital isn't "You might not die"

[Anonymouswizard]

This is Tephra. Steampunk RPG with a really weird proprietary system, which seemed not to have been very rigorously edited before being sent to the publisher...company's gone belly-up now, so not much chance of a fix.

To give an example of "not very rigorously edited", there is a specialty (totally not feats) that allows for extra damage while charging on a horse, and there is one to allow for extra damage when just charging on foot.

Charging on a horse is a fixed damage addition, up to +4 on a weapon that probably does from 6 to 10 damage.

Charging on foot has a formula to give more damage per five feet of extra movement speed, and there are a lot of ways to increase movement speed...we're looking at around 12 extra damage while on foot, versus 4 on a horse. You can do more damage by lancing off of a stick-horse than off of a real one.

* Cannot build a character who fights off of a stick horse.
** He's not just sickly, he's a quarterstaff with a hay-filled sack attached to one end.
*** If I do get an actual horse I may not swing it like a club.
**** May not cause a sonic boom or explode the sun.

* May not iron heart surge away horses because my legs are sore.
** If I use iron heart surge because of chafing, I am to check if this character wears undergarments.

[GPuzzle]

*The dungeon crawl can no longer be described as "Takeshi's Castle with zombies", "Takeshi's Castle with dragons" or "Takeshi's Castle On Ice against Gods."
**The Dark Heresy campaign can no longer be described as "Takeshi's Castle WITH HERESY."
***The Call of Cthulhu campaign shall not be described as "Takeshi's Castle with the Elder Gods as narrated by Roger Moore."

[Socksy]

-Call of Cthulhu, with sheep
-Anything set in Wales

* Call of Cthulhu magic consists of more than just shouting the names of local towns, even if those towns include Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysilio gogogoch



* Cannot build a character who fights off of a stick horse.
** He's not just sickly, he's a quarterstaff with a hay-filled sack attached to one end.


*** He's pining for the Fjords!

[Anonymouswizard]

**** Cannot derail the sketch by giving a refund.


*The dungeon crawl can no longer be described as "Takeshi's Castle with zombies", "Takeshi's Castle with dragons" or "Takeshi's Castle On Ice against Gods."
**The Dark Heresy campaign can no longer be described as "Takeshi's Castle WITH HERESY."
***The Call of Cthulhu campaign shall not be described as "Takeshi's Castle with the Elder Gods as narrated by Roger Moore."

* The Tomb of Horrors is not 'The Crystal Maze with an archlich'.

[Reltzik]

*** He's pining for the Fjords!

**** A were-squirrel given the suggestion to "go home" that promptly runs away from us across a creek is not "fording for the pines".
***** And my Bard cannot give the party a combat bonus by saying it.
****** No longer allowed to take Perform (Comedy).

[Milodiah]

*Just because the retainer rules state that my hireling is built exactly like a PC except with fewer points, not allowed to give the retainer dots in retainer.
**The retainer's retainer cannot have dots in retainer.
***The retainer's retainer's retainer cannot have dots in retainer.
****Must, at one point, realize it would probably be easier for everyone if I just spend the points to be a regimental commander or something.
*****"Employment by infinite recursion" is not an acceptable force-building procedure.

[JAL_1138]

*Waterdeep is not "only a model."
**Nor Mulmaster.
***Nor the Keep on the Borderlands.
****Nor Castle Greyhawk.
*****Sigil isn't either and the Lady will Maze me if I suggest it is.

*Rabbits' teeth do not have the vorpal property.

*My sorcerer is not required to cast Burning Hands, Fire Bolt, and/or Fireball repeatedly when introducing himself.

*May not turn to the Paladin and say "Message for you, Sir!" when I get shot by an arrow from stealth.

*May not say "Go away or I shall taunt you a second time!" when using Dissonant Whispers after having previously used Vicious Mockery.
**May not quote the French Taunter when using Vicious Mockery.

*May not insist that another castle will soon be built over the sunken Zhentarim tower outside Mulmaster, and that it'll be the fourth one on that spot.

*May not use fish as an improvised weapon, whether against trees or while dancing.

*If I am a member of the Cloaks in Mulmaster, may not make constant Spanish Inquisition references.

*May not bring coconuts to the table for whenever we travel overland.

*If at one HP, may not insist that I'm not quite dead, am getting better, or that I think I'll go for a walk.

*My Charlatan's cover identity may not be as an official of the Ministry of Silly Walks.

*Comprehend Languages does not result in Hungarian Phrasebook situations.

*Casting Magic Weapon does not require a version of the Holy Hand Grenade speech tweaked to the weapon in question.
**Smites don't either.
***Can't apply any of the few ranged Smite spells to a flask of Alchemist's Fire just for Holy Hand Grenade jokes.

*May not suggest we build a large hollow wooden rabbit.

*My bard may not perform any of the songs by Sir Robin's minstrels.

*May not name my snake familiar Monty.

[Rater202]

*The Grieving Alien Warrior Monkey Woman should probably be comforted by someone other than the biologically and emotionally 14 and chronologically 4 bio-mechanical killing machine who was born and raised in a laboratory owned by an evil army and tended to by sociopaths.
**Seriously, it's a miracle that he's not more screwed up than he already is. He should not be the one trying to comfort her.
***Even though he's the only one who can bring back the Monkey Woman's fiance back from the dead and was only trying to explain how it was possible. And getting pissed off that she's being stubborn, because of course he is, he has no social skills.
****And of course the fight that this almost led to scared the resident eldritch abomination.
*****So from now on, Emotional issues go to the orphaned Cyborg Killing Machines who can't remember their own names.

*My "Weak But Skilled" Character should not be an eldritch abomination.

[Anonymouswizard]

*Waterdeep is not "only a model."
**Nor Mulmaster.
***Nor the Keep on the Borderlands.
****Nor Castle Greyhawk.
*****Sigil isn't either and the Lady will Maze me if I suggest it is.

*Rabbits' teeth do not have the vorpal property.

*My sorcerer is not required to cast Burning Hands, Fire Bolt, and/or Fireball repeatedly when introducing himself.

*May not turn to the Paladin and say "Message for you, Sir!" when I get shot by an arrow from stealth.

*May not say "Go away or I shall taunt you a second time!" when using Dissonant Whispers after having previously used Vicious Mockery.
**May not quote the French Taunter when using Vicious Mockery.

*May not insist that another castle will soon be built over the sunken Zhentarim tower outside Mulmaster, and that it'll be the fourth one on that spot.

*May not use fish as an improvised weapon, whether against trees or while dancing.

*If I am a member of the Cloaks in Mulmaster, may not make constant Spanish Inquisition references.

*May not bring coconuts to the table for whenever we travel overland.

*If at one HP, may not insist that I'm not quite dead, am getting better, or that I think I'll go for a walk.

*My Charlatan's cover identity may not be as an official of the Ministry of Silly Walks.

*Comprehend Languages does not result in Hungarian Phrasebook situations.

*Casting Magic Weapon does not require a version of the Holy Hand Grenade speech tweaked to the weapon in question.
**Smites don't either.
***Can't apply any of the few ranged Smite spells to a flask of Alchemist's Fire just for Holy Hand Grenade jokes.

*May not suggest we build a large hollow wooden rabbit.

*My bard may not perform any of the songs by Sir Robin's minstrels.

*May not name my snake familiar Monty.

* Stop quoting Monty Python or I'll throw you out of the thread.
** I meant game!

[Steampunkette]

Right. Stop that. Too Silly.

[Sith_Happens]

Right. Stop that. Too Silly.

No it's not.

[Anonymouswizard]

* I cannot base a character around attacking people with fresh fruit.
** Or point ed sticks.

* No, they cannot say it in a higher register.
** If at any point the party sounds like the 'I wish to report a burglary' sketch we are to stop rolling up partially deaf bards.
*** Especially if the party's goal is 're-enact the Princess Bride'.

[Lord Raziere]

*****So from now on, Emotional issues go to the orphaned Cyborg Killing Machines who can't remember their own names.


* The fact that you can seriously say that the most normal and sane people in the group are two time-traveling snarky teenage orphan Cyborg Killing Machines who can't remember their own names, with PTSD no less, should let you know that you have serious problems
** Said Cyborg killing machines should not play "You're Not Me" as the Killer Android's theme music
*** Nor should play any form of the Doctor Who theme or "Doctor Chala" for the alien scientist.
**** The alien scientist can no longer try to take away the killer android's toys
***** Or start referring to everyone around him as apart of his family
****** Or turn himself into a moon-crazed killing machine in a misguided attempt to protect everyone else thus blowing himself up in the process
******* GNO TUFFLES

[Rater202]

** Said Cyborg killing machines are not allowed to make "Trollface Surprise"
*** The "surprise" cannot be that it tastes horrible

****May not point out you've done these two already.

[Lord Raziere]

****May not point out you've done these two already.

* Did what two already?
** May not orwellian edit something then pretend I didn't.

[goto124]

* My character's first reaction to the surname of a newly introduced PC should not be 'Are you from a line of necromancers?'
** Not even if my character is a dumb barbarian.
*** Especially when the new PC doesn't have an ounce of magic in him.
**** He looks like a chef, not a necromancer!

[Anonymouswizard]

* If playing the big stupid fighter, my name cannot be William Featherstonehaugh-Smythe the Smashy.
** Especially if the party wizard is called Bob the Arcane.
* The party cannot consist of 'Aries, John, Dave, Geoff, R'l'th, and Xŭe'.

* Cannot exile the party to 'the chav estate'.

* Despite real life precedent, my character cannot have a different accent to everyone they grew up around.
** Despite real life precedent, they cannot have had this accent all this life.

[Steampunkette]

* I cannot base a character around attacking people with fresh fruit.
** Or point ed sticks.

* No, they cannot say it in a higher register.
** If at any point the party sounds like the 'I wish to report a burglary' sketch we are to stop rolling up partially deaf bards.
*** Especially if the party's goal is 're-enact the Princess Bride'.

I cannot play a Gumby, ever again.

Singing "England's Mountains Green" in the tea chest is not the password to open the magically sealed door.

[JAL_1138]

*The spell Tasha's Hideous Laughter does not in any way involve the words "Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!"
**May not research a save-once-or-full-duration damage-over-time version called "Scribbler's Lethal Jest" that does.
***May not use the line for Vicious Mockery either.

[Anonymouswizard]

*The spell Tasha's Hideous Laughter does not in any way involve the words "Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!"
**May not research a save-once-or-full-duration damage-over-time version called "Scribbler's Lethal Jest" that does.
***May not use the line for Vicious Mockery either.

**** The counterspell does not begin with 'two peanuts were walking down the road...'

* Under no circumstances is anything my only line.
** Especially if what I'd just said was 'throw the dynamite down the well'.
*** Under no circumstances is John Cleese the eldritch abomination.
**** Cannot end the adventure in the first hour by attacking Michael Grade, even if he is obviously an eldritch abomination.

[FlumphPaladin]

No it's not.

What we need is something decent, something military! Some precision drilling!

[Wookieetank]

What we need is something decent, something military! Some precision drilling!

There's something going on here, isn't there?

[FlumphPaladin]

There's something going on here, isn't there?

What? Where? You didn't see anything, did you?

[Cazero]

What? Where? You didn't see anything, did you?
*barges in with a bazooka*
Not so fast ! (https://xkcd.com/16/)

[DigoDragon]

The following encounters are henceforth banned from the 9 circles of Hades:

Viking armoire soldiers
Flying dwarves thrown like ninja stars
Chest burster hell hounds
Rich Uncle PennybagsTM
Vegetarian Mazes
Cows of Springing & Striding
Vampire Buicks

[GPuzzle]

*Upon confronted with a "What's In The Box?" situation, may not reenact the scene from Se7en.
**Or pull out the "**** in the box" sketch from SNL.

[Reltzik]

* May not completely derail the GMs intended story by having a character pass an obscenely high Repair skill check in a genre not designed for repair skill checks.
** May not point out that the GM should have taken my skill ranks into account before using "the train breaks down in the country side and you have to wander away from it" as a plot concept.
*** May not then go on to claim that technically I was RErailing the plot.
**** Or that it was all tied together.
***** Okay, fine, maybe I put a spike in it.

[Anonymouswizard]

* Cannot expect the players to use technology skills in a sci-fi game.

No, I've seriously encountered this outside of 40k, to the point where my homebrew system is getting a line in character creation saying 'it is useful to spend one or more of your 40 skill points on some sort of technology skill'.

* If one of the negative traits in my homebrew system is 'light hitter', cannot be surprised when everyone takes it and sticks to laser rifles1.
** 'Plain looking' and 'Attractive' only go together in a community of supermodels.
*** The psionic way of doing something should not be 'just better' than the normal way, especially if it only costs one of your 3 free traits.
**** Cannot respond to this by removing psionics and the Esper trait from the rules.
***** If regeneration technology exists, Slow Healer is expected to be a 'free' trait, not provide the exact same effect just with a different interval.

1 In this revision of the rules actually pretty poor weapons, but they have a good enough accuracy modifier that anybody with skill ranks can probably hit someone who isn't in cover.

[JAL_1138]

*When DMing 5e, may not show up with AD&D 2e books and DM screen instead.
**When DMing 2e, may not show up with the 1e books instead.
***When DMing AD&D 1e, may not show up with all five BECMI boxes instead.
****When DMing BECMI, may not show up with Holmes Basic instead.
*****When DMing Holmes Basic, may not show up with White Box instead.
******When DMing White Box, may not show up with just Chainmail instead.
*******When refereeing Chainmail, may not show up with the Kriegsspiel rules and table instead.

[Sith_Happens]

There's something going on here, isn't there?

No there isn't.

[Steampunkette]

No there isn't.

Look, here, I wanted to have an argument!

[Anonymouswizard]

* It's a Gnome's life in the Faerun Dental Association.
** Right, that's it, I'm shutting this post down.

[FlumphPaladin]

pull out the "****
I see what you did there, and I approve wholeheartedly. Clever.

Also, this one from my first time gaming:

I may not attempt to haggle by re-enacting the hotel front-desk scene from Borat.

[Steampunkette]

* It's a Gnome's life in the Faerun Dental Association.
** Right, that's it, I'm shutting this post down.

And now for something completely different. A Man with three buttocks.

[Anonymouswizard]

* I'm not a lumberjack and I've just been stabbed repeatedly by the big bad, so I'm not okay.
** I do not sleep all night and work all night.
*** No longer allowed to buy women's clothing.

[JAL_1138]

*If asked to investigate the creepy old abandoned house, may not invent a large long-range slingshot and purchase several flasks of alchemist's fire instead of going inside.
**Gno gnomes.

[GrayGriffin]

* No longer allowed to act so lovey-dovey that the DM himself breaks the fourth wall to tell us to stop it.

[Jay R]

* I am no longer allowed to sneer at the D&D version used by the DM until he tells us what version he is running.

[Rater202]

*Under no circumstances am I allowed to have the PCs be recruited for a special mission by the time patrol.
**I can not make them train for this mission by splitting them up into groups of 1-3 and having them fight alt timeline duplicates of movie, filler, GT and video game only villains from the official dragonball franchise.

[TurboGhast]

* I'm not a lumberjack and I've just been stabbed repeatedly by the big bad, so I'm not okay.
** I do not sleep all night and work all night.
*** No longer allowed to buy women's clothing.
Joke+
**** Even if female.
***** Especially for swimsuits!
Based on actual events, but didn't go as far as ****
* Can't play a character with a lithp.
** Ethpecially if I do the replacement on the character theet.
*** Doubly tho if your character can't pronounce their name correctly thince it has a ''S'' in it.
**** Your teamate is not to blame for the outburst that killed you. Your charithma dump thtat is.

[Milodiah]

*No longer allowed to play hockey with tactical nuclear weapons.
**Even especially in Rifts.
***Not allowed to identify other player characters simply because they, too, brought assault weapons to the cafeteria.
****Seriously, though, this is Rifts. That merely constitutes rational behavior.
*****Need to designate an official first mate, not just "whomever is currently demanding the title at gunpoint".
******Primarily because the title has changed hands five times in the last hour because I allow the above to happen.

[Anonymouswizard]

* If I have more firepower then the rest of the party combined, I should be taking part in the mission, not feeding my cat.
** Even if I'm from an ex-Liao family, cannot name my cat General Meow.
*** Cannot campaign to get him promoted to Chairman Meow.
**** Kittens are not 10 times more adorable than puppies, and I'm a bad person
***** Even if it's true.
****** How are kittens twice as adorable as kittens!?
******* Can't bring baby bunnies into this.
******** No baby pandas!

[Lord Raziere]

*Under no circumstances am I allowed to have the PCs be recruited for a special mission by the time patrol.
**I can not make them train for this mission by splitting them up into groups of 1-3 and having them fight alt timeline duplicates of movie, filler, GT and video game only villains from the official dragonball franchise.

*** If this ever comes to pass, the two Androids are not allowed to troll Future Trunks by bringing along the Bio-Android and then run around screaming "AAAAAAAH HE IS GOING TO EAT US! SAVE US BEFORE HE TRIES TO ATTAIN HIS PERFECT FORM!"
**** Especially as that version of Trunks has canonically successfully killed at least one version of Cell
***** May not go up to Vegeta and give him an Android 18 style beatdown on general principle
****** Speaking of 18, may not try to persuade an alt version of her into a lesbian threesome.
******* May not ask Cooler if there are Arcosians named "Hotter" or "Warmer" somewhere out there
******** Finally, may not go up to an alt-Beerus, yell "KITTY!" while hugging him, then escape to another timeline before he destroys that version of Earth.

[goto124]

****** How are kittens twice as adorable as kittens!?
******* Can't bring baby bunnies into this.
******** No baby pandas!
********* Get those baby penguins (http://www.zooborns.com/.a/6a010535647bf3970b01a3fcbcf09a970b-800wi) off the table.

[JAL_1138]

********* Get those baby penguins (http://www.zooborns.com/.a/6a010535647bf3970b01a3fcbcf09a970b-800wi) off the table.

**********Baby Dohwar (sentient Ferengi-like space penguins) are right out.
***********D'awww, little K'Kaaaw is negotiating his first interplanetary trade agreement with a 20% markup! ^_^

[Anonymouswizard]

* Cannot run Call of Cthulhu in a hack and slash group.
** I cannot run Call of Cthulhu, period.
*** Cannot make the solution to the mystery logical, just to mess with my players.
**** Especially if it's only purpose is to hide the real mystery.
***** Cannot force the PCs to destroy the internet in order to save humanity.
****** 4chan is not a mythos deity in disguise.
******* Cannot feature an epic chase scene through the server back to the portal.

[JAL_1138]

*Cthulhu did not retreat from Earth in horror after discovering 4chan.

[GPuzzle]

*May not play a Dwarf Rogue that acts like James Bond.
**May not play a Dwarf Cleric that acts like William of Baskerville.
***May not play a Dwarf Artificer that acts like Dr. Henry Jones.
****Not all dwarfs sound like Sean Connery!
*****Especially the women!

[Wookieetank]

********* Get those baby penguins (http://www.zooborns.com/.a/6a010535647bf3970b01a3fcbcf09a970b-800wi) off the table.

*********.a These baby penguins (http://i.ytimg.com/vi/1y_kfWUCFDQ/maxresdefault.jpg) aren't even allowed in the room.

[Rater202]

*** If this ever comes to pass, the two Androids are not allowed to troll Future Trunks by bringing along the Bio-Android and then run around screaming "AAAAAAAH HE IS GOING TO EAT US! SAVE US BEFORE HE TRIES TO ATTAIN HIS PERFECT FORM!"
**** Especially as that version of Trunks has canonically successfully killed at least one version of Cell.
*****May not point out that, as far as anyone knows, the PC Bio-Android has already achived his perfect form
******Furthermore, the andoids in question are mostly mechanical cyorgs. Bio-androids can only absorbe cyborgs that are mostly organic.
*******And the Bio-Android has issues related to being forced to absorb someone alive and that he confessed this in confidence to one of the androids, so making jokes about that is one hell of a jerk move.

****** Speaking of 18, may not try to persuade an alt version of her into a lesbian threesome.
*******Especially in front of her husband

******** Finally, may not go up to an alt-Beerus, yell "KITTY!" while hugging him, then escape to another timeline before he destroys that version of Earth.

*********No amount of pudding will calm him down after this.

[noob]

**I may not say that great ancients are protectors of humanity because else the necromomicon would be everywhere on internet and all humanity would be crazy because "2 words in a row makes you crazy" and that if someone have the necronomicon there is a risk his madness makes him create a spam bot spamming the words of the necronomicon then have plenty of people becoming crazy and further transmitting the words of the necronomicon everywhere in internet and in the cities.

[Lord Raziere]

*****May not point out that, as far as anyone knows, the PC Bio-Android has already achieved his perfect form
******Furthermore, the andoids in question are mostly mechanical cyorgs. Bio-androids can only absorbe cyborgs that are mostly organic.
*******And the Bio-Android has issues related to being forced to absorb someone alive and that he confessed this in confidence to one of the androids, so making jokes about that is one hell of a jerk move.

*******Especially in front of her husband


*********No amount of pudding will calm him down after this.

* May not try to persuade the Bio-Android to help come up with alternate plan for trolling Future Trunks together

[Rater202]

I don't think those jokes are board appropriate.

[Lord Raziere]

kay, edited out.

[TeChameleon]

**** Kittens are not 10 times more adorable than puppies, and I'm a bad person
***** Even if it's true.

... ORly? (https://scontent-ord1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpf1/t31.0-8/11053358_789189174511038_8982457074481253157_o.jpg ) :smalltongue:

* May not terrorize one of my players by having the Mr. Johnson the Shadowrunner team is meeting with have an overly-affectionate and -enthusiastic Pomeranian, given that I know perfectly well that he's kind of phobic about small dogs.
** The rest of the group would appreciate it if the mission wasn't derailed before it even started because he panicked and shot the contact's beloved pet, thanks.

[Rater202]

* May not try to persuade the Bio-Android to help come up with alternate plan for trolling Future Trunks together

**May not suggest just over powering him and giving him a swirly instead.
***Seriously, we don't want to piss these people off.
****Because Dumplin works for them, and none of my characters want to go into the "F" Box.
*****And, as we all know, Dumplin is the larval form of Abridged Mr. Popo.

[JohnTheSavage]

**May not suggest just over powering him and giving him a swirly instead.
***Seriously, we don't want to piss these people off.
****Because Dumplin works for them, and none of my characters want to go into the "F" Box.
*****And, as we all know, Dumplin is the larval form of Abridged Mr. Popo.

****** May not point out that, as things are now, they wouldn't even need to call Dumplin, seeing as Trunks could overpower all our PCs without breaking a sweat.

[cavalieredraghi]

****** May not point out that, as things are now, they wouldn't even need to call Dumplin, seeing as Trunks could overpower all our PCs without breaking a sweat.

******* Even the one who went Kamikaze

[JAL_1138]

*May not play a character named Johnson in Shadowrun and perpetually act confused and/or insulted when the group asks to meet with the Johnson or speaks ill of the Johnson.
**I'M RIGHT HERE!

[cavalieredraghi]

* Never try to have your character have a panick attack the other PCs will not notice or care till you bring it up.

[JAL_1138]

*May not play a paranoid craven coward always trying to talk the group out of doing anything dangerous (like, say, going anywhere near water, dungeons, etc.), checking for traps every few steps, insisting on a watch rotation even in a Leomund's Tiny Hut, behaving as if badly phobic of pretty much anything in the Monster Manual, etc., up until the point combat starts--and then in combat play a frenzied lunatic with no sense of self-preservation (and probably an outright death-wish) who will readily sacrifice himself rather than let another party member be harmed.

[Anonymouswizard]

... ORly? (https://scontent-ord1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpf1/t31.0-8/11053358_789189174511038_8982457074481253157_o.jpg ) :smalltongue:

GIVE ME THE KITTIES!


* May not terrorize one of my players by having the Mr. Johnson the Shadowrunner team is meeting with have an overly-affectionate and -enthusiastic Pomeranian, given that I know perfectly well that he's kind of phobic about small dogs.
** The rest of the group would appreciate it if the mission wasn't derailed before it even started because he panicked and shot the contact's beloved pet, thanks.

That's... Awesome.

* Cannot create a character with the sole purpose of being able to tank an assault cannon shot.

[Rater202]

*We can not make a running gag of the Bio-Android coming into conflict with and killing tyrannical God-Kings" who inevitably turn out to the evil bastard offspring of the local Sun God.
**Especially if the end result is always(and that's how I became the King of *X City State*)
***At no point in time should I ever have to say "Alright, if you want me to keep killing your kids, Sunny Boy, I'm going to need some compensation."
****I can not study martial arts, mysticism, and spiritualism as well as refine my habits inorder to purefy my soul and become an enlightened god, then bribe the God who oversees and/or rules this quadrant of the universe into making me his official apprentice for life, just so I'll technically outrank the Sun God.

No, we haven't actually done this.

[Wookieetank]

*Despite how accurate it might be, portraying friend computer as a Cave Johnson expy in Paranoia is right out.
**Not allowed to DM a Paranoia/Portal crossover.

[Anonymouswizard]

* My belt should not have higher INT than the party barbarian.
** Even if it's magical and allows me transform.

[noob]

***I should not have a familiar smarter than me while I am a wizard.
****I should not have a familiar with an int superior to the sum of the int of all the members of the team.
*****If it is smarter than the smartest god then there is a problem.
******If its int is superior to the sum of all the gods int then the GM should have thrown books at me a lot sooner.
*******If it is also completely impossible to kill then this familiar should not be my servitor but rather the master of the universe.

[Anonymouswizard]

* Shadowrun Superheroes only sounds like a good idea at first.
** Especially when you only own 5e.

[JAL_1138]

* Shadowrun Superheroes only sounds like a good idea at first.
** Especially when you only own 5e.

*Especially if that's 5e D&D, not 5e Shadowrun.
**Or 5e Call of Cthulhu.
***Or 5e (ok, really 2nd, but they called their 1e 4th) Hackmaster.

[Lord Raziere]

* Shadowrun Superheroes only sounds like a good idea at first.
** Especially when you only own 5e.

*** But not when you own M&M3e!
**** Thats why I'm allowed to play my orc technomancer who dual-wields machine guns while kicking ass in a brawl in M&M3e....but not in actual Shadowrun

[Anonymouswizard]

*Especially if that's 5e D&D, not 5e Shadowrun.
**Or 5e Call of Cthulhu.
***Or 5e (ok, really 2nd, but they called their 1e 4th) Hackmaster.

**** How the heck did you get Legend of the Five Rings 5e?

[JAL_1138]

**** How the heck did you get Legend of the Five Rings 5e?

*****Editions of the L5R card game don't count! And they're not numbered!

[Anonymouswizard]

*** But not when you own M&M3e!
**** Thats why I'm allowed to play my orc technomancer who dual-wields machine guns while kicking ass in a brawl in M&M3e....but not in actual Shadowrun

***** May not point out that I find M&M to be unbearably samey when compared to GURPS.
****** GURPS Shadowrun, while an improvement over standard Shadowrun, is only arguably an improvement over M&M3e Shadowrun.
******* GURPS may do the Matrix better than M&M, but at least the M&M adepts, magicians, and Street Samurai are relatively balanced.

[Sith_Happens]

* Despite what the nWoD 2e rules say, being an alcoholic does not give my character significantly more XP than the rest of the party.

[Anonymouswizard]

* Addiction: Adventuring is banned.
** Addiction: Sex will be allowed when I no longer traumatise the GM.

[JAL_1138]

*My bard has never even heard of "Inna-Gadda-Da-Vida."

[Milodiah]

*If my World of Darkness Hunter takes on the mannerisms of a 40k Inquisitor, he's probably banned. Probably.
**Even if this is an alternate-earth setting, not allowed to request an empire be added simply to allow the battlecry "For Emperor and Imperium".
***"For Emprah and Imperium" is right out.

[Princess]

* Despite what the nWoD 2e rules say, being an alcoholic does not give my character significantly more XP than the rest of the party.

I need to know which exact book and page number implies this. For... reasons.


*If my World of Darkness Hunter takes on the mannerisms of a 40k Inquisitor, he's probably banned. Probably.
**Even if this is an alternate-earth setting, not allowed to request an empire be added simply to allow the battlecry "For Emperor and Imperium".
***"For Emprah and Imperium" is right out.

What about "For Oprah and Imperium!" as a battlecry?

*Every single one of my Changeling characters cannot be another version of "Catgirl with the power of Friendship"
**Switching over to recreating characters from My Little Pony is not an improvement.
***Making Barbie, and having every single non-combat skill trained, is only a slight improvement.
****"Wait, she was a doctor, a supermodel, and an astronaut before becoming a Changeling? Nevermind."

[Milodiah]

Look, buddy, our game has a grimdark version of Winnie the Pooh. With that in mind none of that stuff seems so ridiculous.

*Even if I am a horse shifter named Mr. Ed, still breaks the Veil to talk while in horse form.
**Not allowed to pass it off as peanut butter in my mouth and an excellent ventriloquist nearby either.
***Nor can a bear shifter get away with riding a motorcycle in bear form by "being from the circus".
****Unicycles and juggling are right out.

[Sith_Happens]

I need to know which exact book and page number implies this. For... reasons.

It's not in the core book, but most of the splat books have "Intoxicated" as a Condition. One of the ways to resolve it is by sleeping it off (the other way is to face a breaking point). Combine with Addicted and you're in Beat City. Just do your best to avoid having to roll Dexterity or Wits very often or you're gonna have a bad time.:smalltongue:

[Eldan]

After last gaming session, where I played a trickstery charismatic fast-talker:

*I may no longer convince the rest of the party that the rich NPC was my dear uncle and I'm his heir.

*I may no longer use my inheritence to pay a wizard to animate random items in said NPC's household.

*I may not use said animated items to convince the inquisition that my enemies are telekinetic.

*I may no longer take the forgery skill.

*I may not tell the doomsday cult that I'm their new replacement high priest who just arrived from the capitol.

*Especially not when I have the guy who assassinated the last high priest with me.

*"Booze and gold" are not the main creed of my church.

*I may never again claim to be a "personal" friend of Wee Jas.

Edit:
*Sixty barrels of alchemist's fire labelled "ale" are not a legitimate way to "cover my tracks".

[Eldan]

And from a different game:

*When chasing a monster in a sewer, we may not decide that "this looks dangerous" and call the police instead.

[JAL_1138]

After last gaming session, where I played a trickstery charismatic fast-talker:

*I may no longer convince the rest of the party that the rich NPC was my dear uncle and I'm his heir.

*I may no longer use my inheritence to pay a wizard to animate random items in said NPC's household.

*I may not use said animated items to convince the inquisition that my enemies are telekinetic.

*I may no longer take the forgery skill.

*I may not tell the doomsday cult that I'm their new replacement high priest who just arrived from the capitol.

*Especially not when I have the guy who assassinated the last high priest with me.

*"Booze and gold" are not the main creed of my church.

*I may never again claim to be a "personal" friend of Wee Jas.

Edit:
*Sixty barrels of alchemist's fire labelled "ale" are not a legitimate way to "cover my tracks".


A player after my own heart. I award you a bardic hat. *proffers an expensive-looking but rather silly Renaissance-era hat*

[Rater202]

*The time travelers and the pony should not argue about how time travel works.

[cavalieredraghi]

*The time travelers and the pony should not argue about how time travel works.
** may not see the cross over of Dragon Ball and My Little Pony, and not come up with an episode idea because of it.

[GPuzzle]

*George R. R. Martin isn't on the Hitler scale of "people killed".
**The DM isn't on it as well.

[Anonymouswizard]

* If we have a troll face and an elven tank, it's time to reconsider our characters' life choices.
** If my character is an extremely unsubtle ork Decker, Mirrorshades is probably a poor choice of alias.
*** Just because I can build a 6 year old troll girl with 10 Strength and 10 Body doesn't mean I should.
**** If the unaugmented 6 year old girl can tank damage better than the heavily cybered 30 year old Street Samurai, I should probably stick to the archetypes.
***** Mirrorshades the ork Decker should not have a higher physical initiative then the Street Samurai.
****** Cannot play a combat Decker with no weapon skills.
******* If I have just built matrix-enhanced 'x-ray' glasses I cannot test them by going to the gym.

[Spore]

Look, buddy, our game has a grimdark version of Winnie the Pooh. With that in mind none of that stuff seems so ridiculous.

Isn't the Disney interpretation of Winnie the Pooh already pretty gritty? A boy dreams up his various mental issues and projects them onto his stuffed animals.

[Rater202]

Only if you accept fan theories as canon.

[Reltzik]

* Not allowed to be on friendly-banter terms with the world's oldest red dragon.
** I should not push said dragon's biggest "piss me off" button.
*** Not allowed to survive just because a party member rolled 43 on an emergency diplomacy roll.
**** Not allowed to completely resolve the red dragon's angst button through researching a spell that completely solves all his problems, restores his legacy, and makes him at peace with the idea of dying without laying a major city to waste.
***** QUIT TURNING VILLAINS INTO FRIENDLY NPCS!

[Rater202]

*We probably should not be discussing cannibalism in front of the herbivorous species.
**Especially since a lot of the food animals on this planet resemble sentient species on her home planet.
***Related, any plan that involves maiming myself repeatedly should probably not be done in front of anybody who doesn't know that my severed limbs and destroyed organs will grow back.

[Anonymouswizard]

* No matter how cute, an ork does not work as a secondary face.
** Cannot prove them wrong by playing a Decker with 4 cha, 4 negotiation, 4 impersonation, and arranging an invitation to the corp ball.
*** Especially if, unlike the face, I have multiple sets of formal wear plus the money for another outfit if neither of my current ones fit the occasion.
**** "The most adorable ork Decker around' is no longer a valid character concept.

[DoctorFaust]

*I may no longer use Noble Phantasms during pillow fights.

*If in a high fantasy setting, may not play characters with the knowledge and ability to create gunpowder.
**Or anything that begins with meth- or ends with -ane.
***Or but-.
****And definitely not prop-.
*****Anything that contains the word azide is right out.
******This applies doubly if it contains multiples of the word azide.
*******I may no longer have any compound containing nitrogen.
********I am formally disallowed from bringing chemistry textbooks to the table.

[Eldan]

To be fair, chances are that the rule about multiple azides applies in real life too. (http://pipeline.corante.com/archives/2013/01/09/things_i_wont_work_with_azidoazide_azides_more_or_ less.php)

[Spore]

In the words of my former anorganic professor:

"Normally we have a show experiment for every group of anorganic chemicals. But I am not risking my limbs for your entertainment."

[Anonymouswizard]

*I may no longer use Noble Phantasms during pillow fights.

** Even if they can survive it easily, Excalibur will never be flirting.


*If in a high fantasy setting, may not play characters with the knowledge and ability to create gunpowder.
**Or anything that begins with meth- or ends with -ane.
***Or but-.
****And definitely not prop-.
*****Anything that contains the word azide is right out.
******This applies doubly if it contains multiples of the word azide.
*******I may no longer have any compound containing nitrogen.
********I am formally disallowed from bringing chemistry textbooks to the table.

* Magnetomotive force is banned from the gameworld.
** Unless we are playing Shadowrun any device that requires more than two Electronic and Electrical Engineering textbooks to explain is banned.
*** Cannot render a suit of powered armour nonfunctional by shooting it with an electrolaser.
**** Cannot point out that, if the suit is well designed, the pilot will now die from his life support shutting down, not the electricity, unless the suit can be manually removed.
***** Can no longer abuse the breakdown region.
****** Cannot submit a 'mech design that consists of the strongest fusion generator possible, an electrolaser, and as many heat sinks as I can get my hands on.
******* Shutting down the 'mech's systems by blowing all the transistors does mean we can use the 'mech if we replace the damaged components. We can only interrogate the pilot if we reach him in time.

With enough power you can basically destroy any electronic system with one blast, although you might melt the object. The trick is that semiconductor devices break at a surprisingly small amount of power, and most sci-fi authors forget surge protectors. Even then, destroying the surge protectors is almost as useful, so you just need more power.

[Hiro Protagonest]

** Even if they can survive it easily, Excalibur will never be flirting.

If only Gil would realize that... :smalltongue:

[Rater202]

*I may not, under any circumstances,use lasers to blind non-hostile NPCs.
**Nor may I use charm/domination spells or diplomacy checks to force/convince them to sing "blinded me with science" with me as a duet after the fact.

[Socksy]

*I may no longer use Noble Phantasms during pillow fights.

*If in a high fantasy setting, may not play characters with the knowledge and ability to create gunpowder.
**Or anything that begins with meth- or ends with -ane.
***Or but-.
****And definitely not prop-.
*****Anything that contains the word azide is right out.
******This applies doubly if it contains multiples of the word azide.
*******I may no longer have any compound containing nitrogen.
********I am formally disallowed from bringing chemistry textbooks to the table.

********* No longer allowed to play anything with access to Conjuration or Metacreativity.

[Eldan]

In the words of my former anorganic professor:

"Normally we have a show experiment for every group of anorganic chemicals. But I am not risking my limbs for your entertainment."

That said, I'm wondering how you'd ever get there in a pseudo-mediaeval world where even the rawest of raw ingredients are far from pure and you don't have access to even simple tools like scales, good heat sources or glassware, never mind things like spectrometers or chromatography.

[ryu]

That said, I'm wondering how you'd ever get there in a pseudo-mediaeval world where even the rawest of raw ingredients are far from pure and you don't have access to even simple tools like scales, good heat sources or glassware, never mind things like spectrometers or chromatography.

What's stopping all manner of creation spells from making pure ingredients?

[DigoDragon]

* Banned from making head shots with land mines.



* "The most adorable ork Decker around' is no longer a valid character concept.

Challenge Accepted.

[Eldan]

I dislike that kind of rule. Playing against stereotype makes for more interesting characters and is hardly ever disruptive.


What's stopping all manner of creation spells from making pure ingredients?

*I may no longer use Major Creation to make chemicals my character has never heard of.
**My character has never been to the Pseudoelemental Plane of Nitrates.
***There is no Ab-elemental Plane of Azides.

[JAL_1138]

*Already mentioned that I can't invent thermite.
**If I invent thermite anyway, I may not throw a glue-coated bag of it onto the villain so the wizard can cast Burning Hands or any other Fire spell.
***Nor may I attempt to drip it onto someone from above by letting it burn through the pestle I made it in.
****May not make a very large quantity of it, put it in a burlap sack, stuff a flask of alchemist's fire in the sack, and launch it out of the Couillard (smallish trebuchet, mentioned previously) that I'm not allowed to build either.
*****Gno gnomes!

[Rater202]

*May not secretly install a mater replicator permanently set to "fresh baked muffin" in one of the cyborgs.

[Ksheep]

* I may not rob the same four shops over and over again
** No, they do not magically restock all their money and goods each day
*** I cannot level grind by terrorizing the same neighborhood of this city for months on end
**** Even if I am not detected while I do it
***** ESPECIALLY if I am not detected while I do it
****** Going in loud, attracting all the town guards, and murdering them all isn't any better

[Princess]

* I may not rob the same four shops over and over again
** No, they do not magically restock all their money and goods each day
*** I cannot level grind by terrorizing the same neighborhood of this city for months on end
**** Even if I am not detected while I do it
***** ESPECIALLY if I am not detected while I do it
****** Going in loud, attracting all the town guards, and murdering them all isn't any better

That level of Extreme Murder Hobo is best left for Elder Scrolls games :)

[Anonymouswizard]

I dislike that kind of rule. Playing against stereotype makes for more interesting characters and is hardly ever disruptive.

I know, I'm hoping to play in a game at some point so I can actually use Mirrorshades (15 year old ork Decker with 5 Logic and 4 Charisma). It's just I can optimise to such an extent that occasionally I'm better at my secondary role than the character meant to have it as a speciality (this isn't the case for Mirrorshades, she just has high enough impersonation and con to be annoying.


*I may no longer use Major Creation to make chemicals my character has never heard of.
**My character has never been to the Pseudoelemental Plane of Nitrates.
***There is no Ab-elemental Plane of Azides.

**** Cannot patent any of it.

[DCraw]

I dislike that kind of rule. Playing against stereotype makes for more interesting characters and is hardly ever disruptive.



*I may no longer use Major Creation to make chemicals my character has never heard of.
**My character has never been to the Pseudoelemental Plane of Nitrates.
***There is no Ab-elemental Plane of Azides.

**** "I create 20 cubic feet of Plutonium" is right out.
***** Even if I can calculate how big the blast would be to within an order of magnitude.
***** As is responding to an incoming fireball spell with "You call that a foof? This (http://pipeline.corante.com/archives/2010/02/23/things_i_wont_work_with_dioxygen_difluoride.php) is a FOOF!"

[Anonymouswizard]

****** 20 cubic feet of francium is oh so banned.
******* Especially if I have protection from radiation up and create water memorised.

* Protection From Radiation has more uses than selling it to rich woman so they don't tan.
** Selling it to vampires so they can survive the sun is not it.
*** May not cast it on a noble every day for six months, then use his pale skin to get him arrested as a vampire.

* If the party consists of a Chinese Ork, Japanese Elf, Korean Dwarf, and Indian Troll question number one is why we are all in London.
** Must stop making female Chinese Orks with 4-6 charisma.
*** Cannot point out that Orks only appear to have bigger busts due to their chest muscles.

[DCraw]

****** 20 cubic feet of francium is oh so banned.
******* Especially if I have protection from radiation up and create water memorised.


... Protection From Radiation and Create Water aren't going to help you deal with 20 cubic feet of plutonium. Plutonium (specifically Pu-239) has a critical mass of approximately 11kg (meaning that more than that will undergo an uncontrolled fission reaction - ie a nuclear explosion). 20 cubic ft of plutonium weighs roughly 13 tons...

The only spell that would help is an appropriately worded Contingency: Plane Shift. Teleport is also an option, but the kaboom would probably be literally earthshattering (I haven't done the maths on that one).

[Anonymouswizard]

... Protection From Radiation and Create Water aren't going to help you deal with 20 cubic feet of plutonium. Plutonium (specifically Pu-239) has a critical mass of approximately 11kg (meaning that more than that will undergo an uncontrolled fission reaction - ie a nuclear explosion). 20 cubic ft of plutonium weighs roughly 13 tons...

The only spell that would help is an appropriately worded Contingency: Plane Shift. Teleport is also an option, but the kaboom would probably be literally earthshattering (I haven't done the maths on that one).

The francium and protection from radiation come in after plutonium is banned. From my experience people don't realise that francium reacts really violently with water, or that it's radioactive, so you get a surprise bomb. Works less well with sodium, though next time I play D&D I plan to give a king one sodium dinner set (enchanted not to tarnish on exposure to air).

And technically a material's critical mass depends on it's shape, try summoning your plutonium as a flat plane, you'll get a smaller boom.

[DCraw]

The francium and protection from radiation come in after plutonium is banned. From my experience people don't realise that francium reacts really violently with water, or that it's radioactive, so you get a surprise bomb. Works less well with sodium, though next time I play D&D I plan to give a king one sodium dinner set (enchanted not to tarnish on exposure to air).

And technically a material's critical mass depends on it's shape, try summoning your plutonium as a flat plane, you'll get a smaller boom.

I was assuming a sphere-like lump, in order to avoid needing to make a craft roll. The exact shape doesn't matter, anything that could be described as a (big) clump will produce an explosion in the high-petajoule to low-exajoule range. For reference, the bomb dropped on Hiroshima released approximately 63TJ of energy (roughly 1,000,000 times weaker than the hypothetical major creation bomb).

That said, the francium trick is interesting.

[Oberon Kenobi]

*No making up polearms.
**Or deities.
***Or party members.

*May not convince the other two players to play a Human Elf-Poser and an Elf Ork-Poser when I'm playing a Human-Looking Ork.

[JAL_1138]

* If the party consists of a Chinese Ork, Japanese Elf, Korean Dwarf, and Indian Troll question number one is why we are all in London.


I don't see why it would be; it's London, one of the planet's major cities. You can find humans of those ethnicities and a dozen more without even looking hard just by walking around for a few minutes. Or by Googling a few restaurants. While I don't know what percent of the population became metahumans, it can't be very uncommon, either.

[Lord Torath]

... Protection From Radiation and Create Water aren't going to help you deal with 20 cubic feet of plutonium. Plutonium (specifically Pu-239) has a critical mass of approximately 11kg (meaning that more than that will undergo an uncontrolled fission reaction - ie a nuclear explosion). 20 cubic ft of plutonium weighs roughly 13 tons...

The only spell that would help is an appropriately worded Contingency: Plane Shift. Teleport is also an option, but the kaboom would probably be literally earthshattering (I haven't done the maths on that one).You will need 2.24 x 1032 (http://physics.stackexchange.com/questions/56633/how-much-energy-would-it-take-to-blow-up-the-earth) to blow up the earth. 13 tons of Pu-239 is roughly 1000 critical masses (emphasis on roughly), which is presumably less than the amount contained in the world's 17,000 nuclear weapons. So not enough to explode the planet by about 14 orders of magnitude (assuming a class E spherical earth body roughly equivalent to the Earth, like Krynn, Oerth, or Toril. Mystara, with its hollow center, will be much easier to crack). Certainly enough to leave a huge crater, but still about 5 orders of magnitude less than the blast from the dinosaur killing asteroid 65 million years ago.

[Anonymouswizard]

*May not convince the other two players to play a Human Elf-Poser and an Elf Orc-Poser when I'm playing a Human-Looking Orc.

** May not play a Human-Looking Troll Ork Poser (okay, that's illegal, but Elf is fine).


I don't see why it would be; it's London, one of the planet's major cities. You can find humans of those ethnicities and a dozen more without even looking hard just by walking around for a few minutes. Or by Googling a few restaurants. While I don't know what percent of the population became metahumans, it can't be very uncommon, either.

I personally use 40% human to 20% ork 15% Dwarf 15% Elf 10% Troll.

Also I meant the nationalities, but I can't walk around campus without meeting two Chinese students, so I understand what you mean, the idea is more 'at least 1 PC should have experience with the setting'.

[JAL_1138]

I personally use 40% human to 20% ork 15% Dwarf 15% Elf 10% Troll.

Also I meant the nationalities, but I can't walk around campus without meeting two Chinese students, so I understand what you mean, the idea is more 'at least 1 PC should have experience with the setting'.

You can get reasonably familiar with London with internet access, half a week, a Tube map, and an Oyster card, though. Unless you were all literally right off the boat/plane and didn't habla Inglés, there shouldn't be an issue.

Nifty on the percentages, I might have to yoink that.

[DigoDragon]

You will need 2.24 x 1032 (http://physics.stackexchange.com/questions/56633/how-much-energy-would-it-take-to-blow-up-the-earth) to blow up the earth.

* I'm forbidden from collecting 1803208379168165d6 to make this damage roll attempt.

[elonin]

That level of Extreme Murder Hobo is best left for Elder Scrolls games :)

No looking for merchant chests or trying to use a plate to walk through walls either

[elonin]

Not able to throw random body parts
*at anyone
**even just at random
***not allowed to make a build that involves throwing anyone
****even if they're my cohort/hireling

Also, not allowed to make a build based on being eaten
* not allowed to take ranks in profession/craft cooking
**especially not allowed to try eating all the monsters we come across
***summons are straight out
****even as a druid

[Anonymouswizard]

Not able to throw random body parts
*at anyone
**even just at random
***not allowed to make a build that involves throwing anyone
****even if they're my cohort/hireling

****** May not make a random body part table.

[JAL_1138]

****** May not make a random body part table.

*******That includes both uses of the word "table," so may not craft a table from random body parts, either.

[Lord Torath]

* May not acquire the lower-armored, heavier-winged variant of the Elven Man-O-War, then top it out and thicken the hull to have a 60-ton ship with Maneuverability Class A, and the same armor as the normal version.

[Princess]

Also, not allowed to make a build based on being eaten
* not allowed to take ranks in profession/craft cooking
**especially not allowed to try eating all the monsters we come across
***summons are straight out
****even as a druid

I had a GM who was very accommodating of my Cleric/Mage constructing the Omnomnomicon.

[Socksy]

* The Underdark is not a series of tubes.

* Not allowed a set of axes and a cosh on the same character.

[DigoDragon]

* The Underdark is not a series of tubes.

It's not the 'net? Cause isn't it full of interwebs? :smallbiggrin:

[Bard1cKnowledge]

No longer allowed to let the fighter press strange stone buttons
*no longer allowed to leave fighter unsupervised
**no longer allowed to cast fog cloud as a dwarf

[Draconium]

*If the characters catch me pre-session looking at a dragon-related thread on this website and taking notes, I will be asked to step down as the DM immediately.

**I am not allowed to save those notes until the next time I get the opportunity to DM, and expand on them in the process.

***If I do that, I will be expected to dodge the onslaught of books, pencils, and dice that follow once the players realize what I've done.

[noob]

* I should never use the artificial creatures creation rules.
** The same for plant creation rules.
*** A level 17 wizard splitting into 2 level 17 wizards each time it is hit is not a valid concept even if it can be done.
**** I should not use city creation rules and manage to make a city in which everybody with one skill rank produce 6 po per day.
***** I should never ever get my hands on something removing materials components.
****** If I create a trap summoning djiins summoning food then it means I am using trap creation rules wrongly.
******* It is even more true if I create a Dalek with those.
******** No I can not use fortress creation rules.
********* I should not use guards and wards to create an giant helicopter and I should not start letting fall 500 grams super wide nets to "cartoon reduce in parts" cities.
********** No I can not start using iron heart surge to cancel the decisions of the GM

[elonin]

*I'm not allowed to take any actions while the DM is reading his spheal
**Not allowed to waylay the attempted quest giver before the DM starts his spheal
***I'm not allowed to harass the quest giver after the quest was given but before he has betrayed us
****As a matter of fact even if my character has an above average intelligence and is a cynic he has to trust the quest.
*****I'm not allowed to be upset if the DM has practically made the quest giver "essential" (a la video games) not allowing me to reveal that he's some undead horror

[Rater202]

*I may not introduce my self with threats to ignite the rest of the party if they piss me off.

[elonin]

*I may not introduce my self with threats to ignite the rest of the party if they piss me off.

**I'm not allowed to introduce the rest of the party as though they were my lackeys.

[GPuzzle]

*No longer allowed to make a character based off Pit from Kid Icarus.
**Especially Pit from Kid Icarus: Uprising.

[IZ42]

*There is no decent explanation for Half-Dragon Half-Giants.
**Please don't play races with powerful build.
***No using Prodigious TWF in a build.
****For the love of Abaddon, don't combine Prodigious TWF and Powerful Build.
*****How is dual-wielding two 8 ft. long bastard swords (estimated, of course) even possible?
******At least it's gnot gnomes.

EDIT: Spheal?
http://img04.deviantart.net/6594/i/2012/343/b/a/happy_spheal_by_stayeend-d5nhk3i.png

[goto124]

*If the characters catch me pre-session looking at a dragon-related thread on this website and taking notes, I will be asked to step down as the DM immediately.

**I am not allowed to save those notes until the next time I get the opportunity to DM, and expand on them in the process.

***If I do that, I will be expected to dodge the onslaught of books, pencils, and dice that follow once the players realize what I've done.

**** May not mis-read this as Draconium reading the Dragon Magazine.

[Sith_Happens]

* Protection From Radiation has more uses than selling it to rich woman so they don't tan.
** Selling it to vampires so they can survive the sun is not it.
*** May not cast it on a noble every day for six months, then use his pale skin to get him arrested as a vampire.

** Vitamin D deficiency is not a practical assassination method.


*There is no decent explanation for Half-Dragon Half-Giants.

You see, when a dragon and a giant love each other very much...

[Draconium]

**** May not mis-read this as Draconium reading the Dragon Magazine.

*****That is still applicable. :smalltongue:

[Anonymouswizard]

* Humans are not actually half Elf/half Dwarf/half Gnome/half halfling/half orc/half dragons.
** Bards do not have to roll to see if any given NPC is in their family tree.
*** Cannot insist my soldiers do the pillaging and burning before 'enjoying the spoils'.

[TheTeaMustFlow]

* May not acquire the lower-armored, heavier-winged variant of the Elven Man-O-War, then top it out and thicken the hull to have a 60-ton ship with Maneuverability Class A, and the same armor as the normal version.

*Those ship creation rules in one of the splats? They're not for you.
**And there aren't any cheap Mind Flayer artisans you can hire to get the -2 bonus to AC, anyway.
***Nor does the Rock of Bral have any Series Major Helms, Artifurnaces, or the thing Vulkaran uses in stock.
****No, there is no way I am getting a Tsunami or an Armada. I will have my Shrikeship and like it.
***** Since the Vodoni Empire does not operate under Klingon succession rules, I am not the new emperor, nor do I own either all those rather nice ships, or all those diamonds.
****** Cutting a deal with the Neogi and Flayers to try and change this fact may result in alignment changes, pvp, and sudden stabbing pains in the back.
******* I should not consult the Medicus about this, because she was the one who put the axe there.

[Lord Torath]

* I may not steal the double-range vodoni weapons from the ship we captured.
** Only the Vodoni know how to make and use them.
*** No, I cannot charm one into revealing the secrets of their construction.
**** Or use illusions to fool the captured vodoni into revealing how they work.
***** The Int 19 Elven Fighter/Mage with weaponsmithing cannot reverse-engineer their construction.
****** THEY'RE ONLY FOR THE VODONI, DANG-IT! LEAVE IT ALONE!

* May not steal the Wonderseeker's 45-ton Vipership.
** Even though it's more maneuverable than a Flitter, has better armor than a Hammership, and has a minimum crew of 1 (the helmsman).

* I cannot feed captured slavers to either of the Giant Space Hamsters in the Gnomish Sidewheeler
** Launching Gnomish Spell Deflectors via catapults at the enemy ships to reduce their speed is not permitted.
*** Neither is following up with bombard shots to cause the spell deflectors to explode.

* I may not fill the Gnomish Water Cannon with Lemon Pudding.

[goto124]

* In a party consisting of a vampire, an elf, and a human, the vampire cannot be the only one who's fertile.
** Not even when the explanation behind their fertility (or lack thereof) is essentially 'evolution'.
*** Nevermind that it's a fantasy world, that's probably not how evolution works.
**** May not mention that the vampire is male.
***** Or that the human is female.
****** Or even that the elf is 'sexfluid'.
******* Bisexuality does not cause the elf to constantly change sex.
******** Neither does genderfluidity.

* In a party consisting of a vampire, an elf, and a human, the vampire cannot be the only one who wants to get married and have kids.
** Why is the vampire more human than the human and the elf?

The relationship between the three people was rough at spots.

[Anonymouswizard]

* Cannot solve the problem of who gets to marry the princess by campaigning to legalise polyamory.
** If the above happens, she should get impregnated by a man, wizard, or cleric.

Planned plot idea for a fantasy game.

* 'Round Robin marriage' is not a party concept.
** Neither is 'sex dungeon'.
*** We can have a normal group marriage.
**** I should remember that it's my fault that the law includes an article on 'marrying alternate universe duplicates'.
***** The entire party marrying their AU duplicates will gain us the name 'narcissism guild'.

[JAL_1138]

*May not make players roll for the quality of street food when they go looking for something to eat.
**Rolling a 1 does not result in CMOT Dibbler selling them a sausage-inna-bun or meat pie.

[Mandark]

That level of Extreme Murder Hobo is best left for Elder Scrolls games :)

*Extreme Murder Hobo is not "like regular Murder Hobo, but on roller blades"
**Extreme Murder Hobo is not the new reality show on ABC.
*** Because it's probably on TLC or Syfi

[Wookieetank]

**Extreme Murder Hobo is not the new reality show on ABC.
*** Because it's probably on TLC or Syfi

****Not to pit the winners from EMH against American Ninja Warrior champs.
*****Even if it would be hilarious.

[Anonymouswizard]

* Cannot minmax psychiatric help to end up one humanity after all my augmentations.
** If playing a Netrunner, I cannot turn the WiFi on my 'deck on.
*** The Solo will not be happy when he learns that the bill for my ceular 'deck goes to his account.

[DigoDragon]

* No longer allowed to "accidentally" mix them up with the Emergency Medical Hologram.

[Princess]

* Cannot solve the problem of who gets to marry the princess by campaigning to legalise polyamory.
** If the above happens, she should get impregnated by a man, wizard, or cleric.

Planned plot idea for a fantasy game.

* 'Round Robin marriage' is not a party concept.
** Neither is 'sex dungeon'.
*** We can have a normal group marriage.
**** I should remember that it's my fault that the law includes an article on 'marrying alternate universe duplicates'.
***** The entire party marrying their AU duplicates will gain us the name 'narcissism guild'.

*Upon hearing that two or more of the male PCs are brothers, I may not make a female character from a mountain culture that practices fraternal polyandry (The very real practice of a woman marrying a group of brothers all at once)
**Cannot make a Princess just to get the male Nobles to compete over who gets to marry her without explicit pre-approval from the GM.
***Carrying around plans for a dream wedding in an identical book to my spell book is cheating if I don't explain this to the GM in advance.

*When world building, including actual real world practices more disturbing than fantasy torture is apparently prohibited under The Ur-Rule of Gaming.
**This includes the Death Penalty via Endocannibalism, Penile Subcision in any context, and so on.

[JAL_1138]

*May not use a bagpipe for the Song of Rest bardic ability.

[Vercingex]

* I may not bring a Paladin to the pirate campaign
**No, not ever, backstory be damned

*I may not commit multiple, indiscriminate mass murders to lure out the Jedi.

[Anonymouswizard]

*Upon hearing that two or more of the male PCs are brothers, I may not make a female character from a mountain culture that practices fraternal polyandry (The very real practice of a woman marrying a group of brothers all at once)
**Cannot make a Princess just to get the male Nobles to compete over who gets to marry her without explicit pre-approval from the GM.
***Carrying around plans for a dream wedding in an identical book to my spell book is cheating if I don't explain this to the GM in advance.

*When world building, including actual real world practices more disturbing than fantasy torture is apparently prohibited under The Ur-Rule of Gaming.
**This includes the Death Penalty via Endocannibalism, Penile Subcision in any context, and so on.

*** Banned from making every other man at the table wince at once.

A friend did that. The words 'home circumcision kit' were involved.


*May not use a bagpipe for the Song of Rest bardic ability.

** Bagpipes do not give +2 to intimidate.
*** They do not turn 'inspire courage' into 'inspire fear'.

[Socksy]

*May not use a bagpipe for the Song of Rest bardic ability.

** Cymbals are right out.


* Doesn't matter what the book says, it takes more than a move action to get out the subcontrabass.

[Bard1cKnowledge]

*May not use a bagpipe for the Song of Rest bardic ability.


** Cymbals are right out.


* Doesn't matter what the book says, it takes more than a move action to get out the subcontrabass.

***Theremins are also excluded from sing of rest

[Socksy]

***Theremins are also excluded from sing of rest banned completely

FTFY :smallbiggrin:


* No longer allowed to "accidentally" mix them up with the Emergency Medical Hologram.
** If I'm going to seduce something, it at least has to be corporeal, dammit!
*** There is no Half-Hologram template
**** Not allowed near the holograms any more.

[noob]

I should not manage to use a beguiler to make a god dance.

[Anonymouswizard]

* 'Dragon on Ork' probably exists on the internet, but I cannot set it as a bias for a random site generator.

* I should take an augmentation that does something other than improve my reflexes.

* 'Washed up 40 year old Solo relying on his skills' is not a reason to make a character with 10 reflexes, 10 intelligence, and 2 in every other score.

* No more abusing lifepaths for fun and profit. Must pick one of the two.

[Rater202]

*There is no such thing as a half-orc dragon.
**I can not use template stacking to turn an orc into a better dragon than any of the true dragons.

[Oberon Kenobi]

*There is no Half-Kirk template.

[Reltzik]

*** Cannot use template stacking period. No more than one template per character.
**** ... Actually, cannot use templates at all, and my current character will be allowed to retire to a paradisaical demiplane of his own design if he just promises not to hurt the DM.

[GPuzzle]

*No longer allowed to base my characters off AC/DC songs.
**Or Metallica songs.
***Or Sabaton songs.
****Or Hammerfall songs.
*****Or Weird Al songs.
******Or The Lonely Island songs.

*No longer allowed to base my characters off songs.
**Especially the bards.

[JAL_1138]

*My bard should never be the party's primary single-target and AoE damage-dealer in 5e.
**He shouldn't be the primary healer either.
***Especially if we have a Fighter, Ranger, and Cleric in the party.
****Especially if I'm a level behind everyone else, and too low-level to be decent at much of anything except the couple of skills with Expertise.
*****I don't understand how this happened either.

[goto124]

** May not ask for the build.
*** Or the entire character sheet, backstory and personality included.
**** Or JAL's tactics during (and out of) combat.

[JAL_1138]

** May not ask for the build.
*** Or the entire character sheet, backstory and personality included.
**** Or JAL's tactics during (and out of) combat.

It really came down to my damage dice being on fire, rolling good on heals, and my d20s doing ok, while the rest of the party either rolled abysmally low damage or studied at the Imperial Stormtrooper Marksmanship Academy, and enemies made saves they really shouldn't have and wasted the cleric's slots (which were also wasted on Inflict Wounds with low damage--like, 7s and 8s on 3d10). It was a shock since my dice had been cursed pretty badly lately before then.

EDIT: Also, nobody had Extra Attack yet (levels 3 and 4) and neither martial took optimal weapons or -5/+10 feats at 4th level.

[Anonymouswizard]

* Cannot build a character that deals more damage with a lazily thrown pebble than with a guass rifle.

[noob]

** May not use a guass rifle nor a gauss rifle nor play a game where someone can be so scary with pebbles
*** Can not try to imagine the above user character is a halfling.

[Anonymouswizard]

** May not use a guass rifle nor a gauss rifle nor play a game where someone can be so scary with pebbles
*** Can not try to imagine the above user character is a halfling.

Me? Mate, I'm an Ork Decker, I was referring to the Troll in the group.

(No I am not playing Shadowrun, this fills me with shame. I also don't tend to play halflings in D&D, due to not knowing how to optimise thrown weapons)

[Oberon Kenobi]

*Tibbit does not have wares if you have coin.

[Wookieetank]

*** Banned from making every other man at the table wince at once.

A friend did that. The words 'home circumcision kit' were involved.


My brother pulled it off with one word: Cheesegrater

[JAL_1138]

My brother pulled it off with one word: Cheesegrater

Not one word, in all of these, but single objects or spells...

Bronze-bristle bore brush.

Angle-grinder.

Belt sander.

Dremel.

Vegetable-peeler.

Heat Metal.

VISE-GRIP® locking pliers.

X-Acto® hobby knife.

[Anonymouswizard]

* It doesn't matter how much alphaware I've bought, I cannot have 0.001 Essence.
** Cannot play a cyberzombie.
*** Cannot play 'a cyberzombie, but using deltaware so I have positive Essence'.
**** I must have at least some biological components left.

* It doesn't matter how good my roll was, I cannot negotiate for the president of Ares to let me buy stock at 1/100000 of the market price.

* 'A rat shaman, dog shaman, cat shaman, and shark shaman walk into a bar' is not a good basis for a campaign.

* Cannot take Magic B (Conjurer Shaman) and Resources A in Shadowrun 3e if I'm just going to buy 90 level 2 contacts, a pistol, an armour jacket, a summoning fetish, a fake credstick, low lifestyle, ammo, and as much booze as I can afford.
** No taking Resources A and blowing it all on booze.
*** Cannot use Resources A to buy one month's worth of high lifestyle, a pistol, and as much stock in a Megacorporation as I can.
**** Cannot spend 1,000,000 nuyen on stock in megacorporations, take a street lifestyle, and whine at the GM for a timeskip.
***** Cannot take resources A and only buy my lifestyle and as many weapons as possible.
****** Even if I am an arms dealer.

* 'Knife' is not a valid hacking specialty. (badum tish)

[Reltzik]

* Not allowed to stalemate a doomed encounter by making the DM laugh so hard that he can't speak and maintaining this state for the rest of the evening.
** No longer allowed to take Perform: Comedy.
*** NO MORE BARDS!

[Mandark]

*Extreme Murder Hobo is not "like regular Murder Hobo, but on roller blades"
**Extreme Murder Hobo is not the new reality show on ABC.
*** Because it's probably on TLC or Syfi


****Not to pit the winners from EMH against American Ninja Warrior champs.
*****Even if it would be hilarious.

****** Putting an American Ninja Warrior Course in a dungeon is mean.
******* Especially when you make the people who fall into the water roll a swim check to see if they can stand up.
******** Filling the areas under the balance obsticals with swarms is horrible.
********* Failing to climb up the warped wall in three attempts should. Just disqualify you. Not fireball you.
********** Spiderclimb is banned.
*********** The fighter in full plate should have a much harder time climbing the salmon ladder than the skinny Mage.
************ The prize at the end of all this should be more than smoke and a victory buzzer.

[Rater202]

*May not suggest playing bridge if the GM doesn't know how to play Bridge.

[JAL_1138]

*My bard does not know where to buy any of the following:

accordion
concertina
Sousaphone
tuba
krummhorn
sackbut
trombone
bassoon
contrabassoon
oboe
English horn
French horn
soprano saxophone
alto saxophone
C-melody saxophone
tenor saxophone
baritone saxophone
bass saxophone
contra-bass saxophone
sweet-potato
slide-whistle
glockenspiel
marima
xylophone
glass armonica
hydraulophone
one-man band
drum kit
ukelele
hammered dulcumer
autoharp
banjo
gitjo
banjolele
tenor banjo
dobro
digeridoo
theremin
Tannerin
otamatone
concert harp (or any other harp also large enough it must be played with the harp on the floor)
grand piano
upright piano
player piano
pipe-organ
water-organ
calliope
electric piano
synthesizer
Hammond organ
cello
mandocello
double bass
electric bass
acoustic fretted bass
tympani
steel drum
jaw harp
trumpet with Harmon mute, plunger mute, or derby mute
washtub-bass/gutbucket
maracas
castanets
guiro
any variety of sitar if I'm just going to play "Paint It Black" and "Norwegian Wood"
bass drum
Gibson EDS-1275 through a Marshall stack
any other electric guitar and amplifier
The Great Stalacpipe Organ (lithophone) of Luray Caverns

[DigoDragon]

* No talking in rhyme.
** Or with dirty Limericks.
*** No Haiku either.

[Anonymouswizard]

*May not suggest playing bridge if the GM doesn't know how to play Bridge.

** The same goes for Chess, Poker, Draughts, Diplomacy, and Mao.

* If playing a mage, may not pick 'ritual: sex' as a geasa without consulting the GM.
** Even if playing a bunny shaman.
*** May not play a bunny shaman.
**** Specifically, an elven prostitute bunny shaman.

[JAL_1138]

*"Diplomacy" is not the name of my greatsword.
**"Force" is not the name of my lute.
***If I have so named the aforesaid implements, may not say "If Diplomacy fails, I shall have to use Force."
****May not point out that while it looks like I've named them backwards, weapons can be used nonlethally, but Fireball (for which I use my lute as a spell focus) can't.

[DigoDragon]

*May not point out that while it looks like I've named them backwards, weapons can be used nonlethally, but Fireball (for which I use my lute as a spell focus) can't.

Don't have the Nonlethal spell metamagic eh? :smallbiggrin:

[JAL_1138]

Don't have the Nonlethal spell metamagic eh? :smallbiggrin:

a) Not as a single-classed 5e bard
b) Not in 5e even if I was a Sorcerer (only 5e class that can use metamagic), since that particular metamagic no longer exists.



*At no point in the climactic battle for the fate of the city should my bard play Turkey in the Straw on the fiddle.
**At no point in the game should my bard play Turkey in the Straw whatsoever.

[Rater202]

*No number of power points will make my hair a TARDIS.

[Anonymouswizard]

* Stunbolt is not the answer to everything.
** Must cast another spell at some point.
*** My Street Shaman should know at least one other spell.

* Even if playing a rat shaman, I cannot spend all my spell points on Force 5 Physical Mask, Force 5 Confusion, Force 5 Phantasm, Force 5 Detect Magic, and Force 5 Heal.
** Even if it's a more optimal loadout than a combat mage.
*** Cannot use Physical Mask to blame the run on the campaign villain.
**** Cannot make a custom illusion spell that creates a dragon to intimidate foes.
***** If my custom illusion spell is so frightening it deals stun damage, it's probably a combat spell in disguise.

[JAL_1138]

*There are more third-level spells than Hypnotic Pattern.
**Even if ended every encounter in the session in the first round, between the three casters spamming it.
***The next adventure will consist of nothing but fey and fey-ancestry creatures that are immune.
****Should probably tell the DM we all have Fireball too.

[Corey]

* After Levitating our ranger to avoid a rockslide, I may not attach a block and tackle to her to move the rest of our gear over the slide.
** Even if I do attach a block and tackle to the ranger, I may not subsequently refer to her as a blimp.
*** Even if she made the "blimp" joke first.

[JAL_1138]

*May not have a Headband of Intellect if my casting stat is Charisma.
**Even if it makes me so much better as a skillmonkey.
***May not sew it to the inside of a hat and refer to it as my "thinking cap."

[DigoDragon]

* No longer allowed to hide Easter Eggs in my dungeons.
** Or in my posts when explaining why I'm no longer allowed to do things.

[goto124]

*** Especially not literal Easter eggs (http://img.gawkerassets.com/post/4/2012/04/easter_eggs.jpg).

* May not bug Digo to start posting Campaign Quotes from the Fallout Equestria PbP game he's in.
** Especially when they've just finished a battle against a killer flying robot that wielded far too many guns and lasers that melted snow and pony flesh alike, and brought Moonshadow down to the negatives.
*** Must not say that 'Stellar demostrated stellar performance in that battle'.
**** Not even since she showed her LIGHTNING POWERS?!
***** May not claim that I'm not stalking the game, I'm following it.

[Anonymouswizard]

*** Especially not literal Easter eggs (http://img.gawkerassets.com/post/4/2012/04/easter_eggs.jpg).

**** Easter is not the traditional Christian holiday celebrating chocolate.

* Easter Eggs in 2060 only have a 1 in 10 chance of exploding if I prepare them.
** Can no longer combine Negotiation, Leadership, Explosives, and Interest: Chocolatier to kill megacorporation personnel.
*** The following Interest knowledge skills are banned:
-Chocolatier
-Cooking
-Baking
-Scale Models
-Carpentry
-Metalworking
-Corporate Policy
-Anarchist's Cookbook

[DigoDragon]

* Especially when they've just finished a battle against a killer flying robot that wielded far too many guns and lasers that melted snow and pony flesh alike, and brought Moonshadow down to the negatives.

** May not induce the team doctor's player to curl up in fetal position whenever the description of a Mr. Handy with a clown face comes up in the future. :smalltongue:



*** Must not say that 'Stellar demostrated stellar performance in that battle'.

**** I should not be deriving nourishment from puns.

[Rater202]

*I should make sure that I have a high enough pain tolerance to not keel over in pain from a little bit of almost dying if my plan involves me almost dying several times.
**I should double check how much energy my regenerative healing factor uses up.

[Corey]

* May not confront Great-Uncle Gerard of Amber in unarmed combat
** No matter how powerful my signature magic item is
*** Confronting Great-Aunt Fiona in an exchange of spellfire is also verboten
**** May not make a magic item that powerful anyway, due to subsequent rules modifications

* May not boost INT to 20X the usual maximum
** Even if that's how Alchemy works
*** May not create an item whose sole purpose is to summon Golden Saints so that I may kill them and fill my soul gems.
**** May not use potions that let me fly at high speed over the landscape ...
***** ... because the XBox crashes if I try ...
****** ... and because all of those possibilities were left out of the next installment in the Elder Scrolls series anyway.

[Telwar]

*May not have a Headband of Intellect if my casting stat is Charisma.
**Even if it makes me so much better as a skillmonkey.
***May not sew it to the inside of a hat and refer to it as my "thinking cap."

****Definitely not allowed to make an unslotted luck bonus item as my "Lucky Boxer Shorts".

[Anonymouswizard]

***** The thong of shielding will only work if I'm a) attractive and b) female.

[Grim Portent]

* Just because I can eat most plot centric NPCs whole, does not mean I should eat most plot centric NPCs whole.

[Anonymouswizard]

* Cannot bring a sheet of paper explaining why Adam Jensen would lose to an average Street Samurai to the first session of a Shadowrun campaign.
** Corporate Security should not be, on average, faster than the Street Samurai. Article number 1 on the list, and because my players will drop the initiative boosting augmentations because of the high Essence cost.

* Cannot play anybody who wears as little clothing as possible. This includes, but is not limited to:
-Rat Shaman
-Tribe member
-Extremely poor decker
-Barbarian
-High Priestess of the Goddess of Lust
-Druid

[Rater202]

*I may not travel to the fan-fiction dimension and kill every Mary Sue, Marty Stu, Jerk Sue, Villain Sue, and Possession Sue characters, as well as the Leather Pants wearing Dracos and the Death Eater Rons for every fic of every fandom I know and care about in order to absorb their powers.

[JAL_1138]

*At no point should my bard do more damage with a weapon in a surprise round than the Assassin rogue.
**My bard should not be causing as much AoE damage as the wizard.

[Hiro Protagonest]

there powers.

As opposed to here powers? :smalltongue:

*In FATE, my character's high concept cannot be "the protagonist"
**It does not give bonuses and penalties at "any dramatically appropriate moment"
***"The antagonist" is also out

[Corey]

* May not have my bard explain to the bad-tempered fighter how he could beat him 1-on-1 ...
** ... even when the DM allows the bad-tempered fighter to announce plans to murder my bard.
(I left a game over that one.)

* May not insult a paladin who is continually insulting my CG bard ...
** ... if the paladin's player is a friend of the DM and I'm not.
(I got booted from a game over that one.)

[Lord Raziere]

*I may not travel to the fan-fiction dimension and kill every Mary Sue, Marty Stu, Jerk Sue, Villain Sue, and Possession Sue characters, as well as the Leather Pants wearing Dracos and the Death Eater Rons for every fic of every fandom I know and care about in order to absorb their powers.

** May not follow to try and persuade the following characters to join me in a vast lesbian harem: Ryuko, Mako, Homura, Esther, Hinata, Yang Xiaolong, Erza, Yoko, Nyarko-san, all the girls from Love Hina, Sailor Mercury, Ashley from EGS, Korra, Asami, Nanoha and Fate, Shirley, CC, Kallen, Milly, and of course: Secret.
*** May not tick off the Oogakari Clan while I'm there for kicks and giggles. Their wrath can end multiverses y'know.
**** May not try to obtain Spiral Power devices to put into my own cybernetics.

[Corey]

*My bards must learn a song to perform other than "You Bash the Balrog" ...
** ... and "Bashing the Balrog".
*** Further, I shall not adapt for a fantasy setting "The Freshmen Down At Yale".

[DoctorFaust]

*When playing a character with Accelerator's powers, may not remember that Coulomb's Forces are a thing.

*When playing a character with Shiki Tohno's powers, may not list "the Tohno gland" as one of them.

*When playing a character based on The Undertaker, may not claim that I can only be defeated a bear in a man suit.

*I am no longer allowed to mention "Unlimited Blade Works"
**I am no longer allowed to use the words "Unlimited", "Blade", and "Works" in the same sentence
***I am no longer allowed to use the words "Unlimited" or "Works" in the same sentence.
****I am no longer allowed to use the word "Unlimited".
*****I am never to mention the word "Drills" again.

[JAL_1138]

*When playing a character based on The Undertaker, may not claim that I can only be defeated a bear in a man suit.


*That's just asking for the DM to put Lesnar in the game. Using, of course, a beefed-up version of the Tarrasque's stats.

It's been toned down to the point where they're not even really doing it anymore, but I loved how meta they got with Brock there for a while prior to (and during) the 'Taker and Cena matches. The entire gimmick was basically that nobody told the UFC guy that wrestling is fake, and so he just kills people.

[Q'telun]

*I am not allowed to make characters with dark backstories and dead eyes
**I am not allowed to arm said characters with Thompson Contenders

*I am not allowed to use guitars as a weapon
**This goes double for bass guitars

*I am not allowed to make, modify, or sell drugs as a mage.
**I am definitely not allowed to give the low wisdom Mage 50 ml of acid
***I am not allowed to talk to the city's vampires.
****I am not allowed within 200 ft of the Changelings
*****I am not allowed to ally with the Balehounds to make a Wound to increase my profit factor

*My Rogue Trader concept must have more depth than the Fresh Prince Theme song

*I cannot take life mastery just so I can make squittens

*I am no longer allowed to play a Mage

[Rater202]

** May not follow to try and persuade the following characters to join me in a vast lesbian harem: Ryuko, Mako, Homura, Esther, Hinata, Yang Xiaolong, Erza, Yoko, Nyarko-san, all the girls from Love Hina, Sailor Mercury, Ashley from EGS, Korra, Asami, Nanoha and Fate, Shirley, CC, Kallen, Milly, and of course: Secret.
*** May not tick off the Oogakari Clan while I'm there for kicks and giggles. Their wrath can end multiverses y'know.
**** May not try to obtain Spiral Power devices to put into my own cybernetics.

*****May not point out that this was in a discussion for a different game.
******Nor may I point out that this character is male, asexual, and homo-romantic.

[GPuzzle]

*No longer allowed to have the Bard break into "Be a Man" from Mulan during the training montage when the team is in the army's drill camps.
**Or the theme from Rocky Balboa, "Gonna Fly Now".

[Rater202]

*No longer allowed to have the Bard break into "Be a Man" from Mulan during the training montage when the team is in the army's drill camps.
**Or the theme from Rocky Balboa, "Gonna Fly Now".

***Or "Eye of the Tiger"

[Draconium]

** May not follow to try and persuade the following characters to join me in a vast lesbian harem: Ryuko, Mako, Homura, Esther, Hinata, Yang Xiaolong, Erza, Yoko, Nyarko-san, all the girls from Love Hina, Sailor Mercury, Ashley from EGS, Korra, Asami, Nanoha and Fate, Shirley, CC, Kallen, Milly, and of course: Secret.

I'm trying to figure out a faster way to get killed a million different ways at once than this. And failing.

[goto124]

* Not allowed to keep asking, and escalating, questions on why the people in Kill la Kill have to wear fanservicey clothing.
** My response to 'their Life Fibers give them combat powers, but must be worn sparingly to avoid getting consumed by the Life Fibers entirely' should not be 'why not wear normal clothes OVER their Life Fibers?'
*** Or 'why not design the Life Fiber clothes such that they're not so provocative? What and how they cover is just as, if not more important than, the amount of skin they cover!'
**** Kill la Kill weaves their story around the fanservice, is that not good enough for you considering how few writers do that?