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goto124
2015-05-11, 09:18 PM
Welcome, one and all to the eighth episode of this illustrious thread series on exactly how best to make your DM cry. As usual, we are always willing to lend a kind ear to your frustrations on things that have been banned, vetoed or just plain killed off at your table. Previous threads are listed below:

[Any] Things I may no longer do while playing. (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=175909)
Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=207015)
Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=228707)
Things I May No Longer Do While Playing IV: The Decanter of Endless Bad Ideas (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=257965)
Things I May No Longer Do While Playing V: Pun & Pun, Rules-Attorneys at Law (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=293087)
Things I May No Longer Do While Playing VI: This Isn't A Checklist We Swear! (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?335782)
Things I May No Longer Do While Playing VII: No, Not Even Then (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?370856-Things-I-May-No-Longer-Do-While-Playing-VII-No-Not-Even-Then)

Note: if you're going to use numbers, please keep the numbering in order. This means:
1) don't add sub-rules to previous numbers--people will think that number is the current one
2) look to make sure that the last post isn't a sub-rule to a previous number

Asterisks are highly recommended, though.

Rater202
2015-05-11, 10:19 PM
*My Technomancer may not be disappointed when the currently mouse sized prince defeats the final encounter of the episode by himself because of one very good roll.

Almarck
2015-05-12, 12:05 AM
* just because your DM somehow manages to acquire a bunch of game books for normally unrelated d20 games does not mean that if is a smart idea to to use then all at the same time.
** not even if they all happen to be all different editions of d&d.
*** not even if the goal is to use the 4e fighter to replace the 3.5 one.
**** yeah 3.5s fighter is terrible but 4e's fighter is incompatible.
***** the fact that 4e fighters go up to 30 while 3.5e fighters go up to 20 should be a hint. Not to mention the fact that no one else is using the healing surges or the bloodied condition. Nor does the game system we use predominantly have daily, at will, or encounter powers.




************ alright at this point it is permissible to stage a coup to take over being the dm.

IZ42
2015-05-12, 12:08 AM
*Stepnophobia should not be a thing that happens in DnD.
**Especially for 8 foot tall Goliaths that regularly do life threatening things.
***Should not be unconcerned about an undead Megalodon disappearing.
****Pants soiling is appropriate in such a situation.

YossarianLives
2015-05-12, 12:42 AM
* I may no longer take the feat 'fell drain.'
** I am no longer allowed to destroy the entire army occupying a city with only two people employing guerrilla warfare.

GrayGriffin
2015-05-12, 04:01 AM
* No longer allowed to make fake dating sim screenshots starring my character.
** No matter how much the other players approve.

* No longer allowed to attempt to invoke maternal guilt on another player's character.
** Especially since you still don't know if he's actually your son or not.

DigoDragon
2015-05-12, 06:55 AM
*My Technomancer may not be disappointed when the currently mouse sized prince defeats the final encounter of the episode by himself because of one very good roll.

** No longer surprised when said pint-sized prince has the bard's birth mother arrested for escaping prison.
*** Banned from the inevitable gut-punch ending when the bard's current mother is also arrested for assisting the birth mother's escape.
**** And for brewing illegal potions to cover up the conspiracy. And taking out the guards' memories. And blackmailing the town mayor.
***** No longer allowed to show the life lesson that sometimes the right thing is the most depressing ending to a story.

Edit:
Yes the plot here is about to be set on fire.

Hypername
2015-05-12, 07:06 AM
*I am no longer allowed to go in against a Sicillian
**No, not even when death is on the line.

Lacco
2015-05-12, 07:23 AM
*My 1st level fighter may not confront an illiterate member of city guard by pretending they work for the duke, shouting "Hand me the scroll", taking a random cleric scroll from the cleric, pretend that it is a formal letter from the duke and force him and his squad to run away from the town to exile .
**Even if I roll natural 20 on a Bluff.
*** Twice in a row.

New GM, good rolls and crazy idea. Oh, the city guard was the only "clean" organization which was not an in the conspiracy and was supposed to be our ally...

Anonymouswizard
2015-05-12, 08:51 AM
* I may not play an alchemist with Profession (Businessman).
** May not start a surgery.
*** May not undercut the local temple for healing spells.
**** May not charge people a monthly fee in exchange for free healing.
***** May not employ clerics of the god of business.

The character I plan to run if I ever plat 3.P again

Godie1803
2015-05-12, 10:10 AM
* May no longer claim that all computers/electronic device's keys/keyboards make sounds when pressed
** May no longer play Funky Town on said keyboards
*** May no longer call myself a Funky Marine

Rater202
2015-05-12, 10:21 AM
*** Banned from the inevitable gut-punch ending when the bard's current mother is also arrested for assisting the birth mother's escape.

Seriously, please don't do that. We don't need two ruined birthday episodes in a row.

DigoDragon
2015-05-12, 10:32 AM
Seriously, please don't do that. We don't need two ruined birthday episodes in a row.

Given who the second mother is, it would depend on how much effort the prince puts on towards the arrest. >.>

illyahr
2015-05-12, 10:34 AM
*I am no longer allowed to go in against a Sicillian
**No, not even when death is on the line.

This made me chuckle. :smallsmile:

Rater202
2015-05-12, 10:38 AM
Given who the second mother is, it would depend on how much effort the prince puts on towards the arrest. >.>

So the birth mother would not finger the real mother as her accomplice? She's not gonna snitch... If her memories come back?

King of Casuals
2015-05-12, 11:59 AM
*I may not create a lawful evil sorceress with incredible bluff that tries to manipulate the party
**Not even if the rest of the good-neutral aligned party acts more evil than me
***Not even if our samurai is about to attack a terrified wizard who could make rocks fall and everyone die, and the only way to stop him is mind control.

King of Casuals
2015-05-12, 12:18 PM
*I may not create a habitual liar with an incredible bonus to bluff
**I may not convince the Sense Motive impaired party that I'm a prince and create a long, unpronouncable name for them to say every time they speak to me
***I may not fail my knowledge checks then lie about information vital to the plot to the rest of the party

DigoDragon
2015-05-12, 01:09 PM
So the birth mother would not finger the real mother as her accomplice? She's not gonna snitch... If her memories come back?

* Not allowed to snitch on my accomplice of near 12 years.
** Next time a grand scheme is hatched that requires nearly two decades of execution, will not leave non-essential evidence unburned.

Anonymouswizard
2015-05-12, 02:18 PM
* If I know my players won't read the house rules before the first session, I may not slip in 'engineering solutions require ranks in the appropriate craft skill' and 'player X cannot take mechanical engineeri'.
** Even if he's ruined two games before with it.

Rater202
2015-05-12, 02:53 PM
*I may not offer to fake an alibi for the bard's mother.

*I may not get smug when I outsmart God.

Yukitsu
2015-05-12, 04:35 PM
*We're no longer allowed to make Cannibalism our plan B until we've made a plan A.
* *If we have to get an NPC to make our plans for us, it can't be a hallucination.

Rater202
2015-05-12, 05:38 PM
*Just because God got all bitchy when we refused to fix his palace without being paid and physically assaulted my brother is no excuse for me to shoot him in the groin.

Anonymouswizard
2015-05-12, 05:56 PM
* May not point out that it takes at least decades, if not millennia, to form a tribe, if doing so ruins the GM's plot.
** Especially if I point out that one Caern does not make a tribe.
*** May not insist on only referring to the new Tribe as a 'freak Ronin sept'.
**** May not point out that the sept is a threat to the Garou Nation, and offer to put in a good word with the Children of Gaia if they want to try and join.
***** Cannot point out the ridiculousness of wanting to start a new tribe when the Children of Gaia would gladly except them.

My GM for this Werewolf game is going to hate me for knowing the fluff.

TurboGhast
2015-05-12, 06:02 PM
Just a joke.

* Tourist is not a character class in D&D.
** Your luggage doesn't have a mind of its own.
*** Or teeth.
**** Stop standing on the sidelines of the opening bar fight miming taking pictures.

TeChameleon
2015-05-12, 07:47 PM
* Tourist is not a character class in D&D.
** Your luggage doesn't have a mind of its own.
*** Or teeth.
**** Stop standing on the sidelines of the opening bar fight miming taking pictures.

Very nice Sir Pterry reference, 10 points :smallbiggrin:

Also, yay, my thread title suggestion was used. I'm absurdly pleased by that.

* I am no longer allowed to creep my players out so badly that they recoil in horror from the unexpected discovery of a small pink teddy bear.
** If one of my players is making nervous jokes about burning his daughters' toys, I might want to tone it down a little.
*** No, the room with 'Don't Blink' scrawled in blood over and over and over and over all over the walls doesn't count as 'toning it down'.
**** If you don't want your plots dying in a fire, don't creep your players out so badly that the extremely heavily-armed PCs want to essentially nuke the site from orbit by running for the surface and turning the entire underground complex into an inferno behind them.
***** Congratulations, you have now had five battle-hardened, combat-ready Shadowrunners traumatized for life by a bunch of animate children's toys.
****** This isn't even a horror game, if you keep this up, we're going to get someone else to GM a Call of Cthulhu game so we can relax a little.

Rater202
2015-05-12, 07:58 PM
Very nice Sir Pterry reference, 10 points :smallbiggrin:

Also, yay, my thread title suggestion was used. I'm absurdly pleased by that.

* I am no longer allowed to creep my players out so badly that they recoil in horror from the unexpected discovery of a small pink teddy bear.
** If one of my players is making nervous jokes about burning his daughters' toys, I might want to tone it down a little.
*** No, the room with 'Don't Blink' scrawled in blood over and over and over and over all over the walls doesn't count as 'toning it down'.
**** If you don't want your plots dying in a fire, don't creep your players out so badly that the extremely heavily-armed PCs want to essentially nuke the site from orbit by running for the surface and turning the entire underground complex into an inferno behind them.
***** Congratulations, you have now had five battle-hardened, combat-ready Shadowrunners traumatized for life by a bunch of animate children's toys.
****** This isn't even a horror game, if you keep this up, we're going to get someone else to GM a Call of Cthulhu game so we can relax a little.

...
...
...
...
Wut? More please.

razorfloss
2015-05-12, 10:16 PM
Very nice Sir Pterry reference, 10 points :smallbiggrin:

Also, yay, my thread title suggestion was used. I'm absurdly pleased by that.

* I am no longer allowed to creep my players out so badly that they recoil in horror from the unexpected discovery of a small pink teddy bear.
** If one of my players is making nervous jokes about burning his daughters' toys, I might want to tone it down a little.
*** No, the room with 'Don't Blink' scrawled in blood over and over and over and over all over the walls doesn't count as 'toning it down'.
**** If you don't want your plots dying in a fire, don't creep your players out so badly that the extremely heavily-armed PCs want to essentially nuke the site from orbit by running for the surface and turning the entire underground complex into an inferno behind them.
***** Congratulations, you have now had five battle-hardened, combat-ready Shadowrunners traumatized for life by a bunch of animate children's toys.
****** This isn't even a horror game, if you keep this up, we're going to get someone else to GM a Call of Cthulhu game so we can relax a little.

For the love of god pls give tips

TeChameleon
2015-05-12, 10:35 PM
...
...
...
...
Wut? More please.

It's a bit of a long story... longer than I have time for right now. I will, however, endeavour to get it onto these boards in the next few days one way or another.

unseenmage
2015-05-13, 08:55 AM
* May not use a combination of Plane Shift, Spelljamming, and the Create Portal feat to actually set the DM's plot on fire.

Anonymouswizard
2015-05-13, 09:22 AM
* May not use a combination of Plane Shift, Spelljamming, and the Create Portal feat to actually set the DM's plot on fire.

** Cannot do so by taking a lighter to the DM's notes either.

illyahr
2015-05-13, 09:29 AM
It's a bit of a long story... longer than I have time for right now. I will, however, endeavour to get it onto these boards in the next few days one way or another.

Please do. I have to know what you did to make Call of Cthulu the preferable option. :smallbiggrin:

Rater202
2015-05-13, 09:55 AM
*When asked why we didn't break into the post office to investigate the crime, may not point out that the last time we did that we were told we were technically breaking the law and asked to cut it out.

DigoDragon
2015-05-13, 10:35 AM
*When asked why we didn't break into the post office to investigate the crime, may not point out that the last time we did that we were told we were technically breaking the law and asked to cut it out.

** Banned from trying to be reasonable PCs for once. :smalltongue:

Anonymouswizard
2015-05-13, 11:11 AM
* May not join the ESA and go to the moon just to use a cliomancy spell to make everyone forget that a specific politician was born.
** May not use Cliomancy to make people think that we were always at war with Eurasia.
*** Or Eastasia.
**** May no longer use Cliomancy to: pull petty pranks, change my appointment slot, get away with shoplifting, steal someone's girlfriend, change the charge on an electron to positive, make people forget the moon exists, stop annoying people from knowing me...

Rater202
2015-05-13, 12:02 PM
** Banned from trying to be reasonable PCs for once. :smalltongue:

***May not act like middle school students in the one Episode that's being written with intent for us to be our normal murderhobo selves.

I love how my grammar check recognized murderhobo but my spellchecker done'st recognize TARDIS.

Inevitability
2015-05-13, 02:13 PM
*Not allowed to talk a random encounter into servitude.
**Not allowed to talk to random encounters at all.
***This includes battle cries and subsequent Intimidate attempts.
****Not allowed to acknowledge the existence of random encounters.
*****When a random encounter happens, I mysteriously disappear into hyperspace.
******NO MORE RANDOM ENCOUNTERS!
*******Not allowed to complain when we end up under-leveled because of this.

illyahr
2015-05-13, 02:47 PM
*Not allowed to talk a random encounter into servitude.
**Not allowed to talk to random encounters at all.
***This includes battle cries and subsequent Intimidate attempts.
****Not allowed to acknowledge the existence of random encounters.
*****When a random encounter happens, I mysteriously disappear into hyperspace.
******NO MORE RANDOM ENCOUNTERS!
*******Not allowed to complain when we end up under-leveled because of this.

********Not allowed abuse Diplomancy to break WBL in order to compensate.
*********No, the Queen does not keep you on retainer for being her favorite "advisor."

DigoDragon
2015-05-13, 03:02 PM
*Not allowed to talk a random encounter into servitude.

This happened recently. XD
One of our PCs now has a butler.

CantigThimble
2015-05-13, 05:32 PM
*May no longer convert entire armies of dragon cultists with one speech.
**Even if I have a dragon
***Especially if the dragon is tiny.
****Even if they're kobalds.
*****Even if their current half-dragon leader is groveling at my command.
******Especially if I'm first level.
*******Even if I rolled 3 consecutive 20s for persuasion.
********May not complain when every dragon cultist I meet for the rest of the campaign knows my name and hates my guts.

Sith_Happens
2015-05-13, 11:22 PM
This happened recently. XD
One of our PCs now has a butler.

One of my parties won't stop doing this. At latest count we have a helmsman for our magic yacht, three PCs with their own butlers, a lobotomized marut, a legendary bear, and the BBEG's mother.

Rater202
2015-05-13, 11:38 PM
*My 12 year old PC is not allowed to recruit the other PCs for help making sure that his first date with his boyfriend goes perfectly.
**Even though otherwise there won't be an episode.

Kazyan
2015-05-14, 02:19 AM
*Not allowed to get another PC killed with my sub-par tactical decisions and enemy HP underestimation while the player isn't there.

Anonymouswizard
2015-05-14, 06:54 AM
One of my parties won't stop doing this. At latest count we have a helmsman for our magic yacht, three PCs with their own butlers, a lobotomized marut, a legendary bear, and the BBEG's mother.

* May not ask if you mean Butler or Valet.

DigoDragon
2015-05-14, 07:04 AM
* May not ask if you mean Butler or Valet.

** Also banned from pestering the BBEG's mom if she could bake the party some cookies before they go attack the BBEG's lair.

TurboGhast
2015-05-14, 08:22 AM
For all posts I will state whether this segments have bearing in reality (I actually was told be the DM no, or was the DM and said no) or not.
All these have basis in reality.
* You can't bring the pillar of life with you.
** Not even in your bag of holding.
*** Or a handy haversack.
**** Even if you did move it that would make it stop working.

* Can't shoot the shopkeeper because he demanded to know why you made a bow out of the antlers of a goldenly fleeced doe.
** Even if the pain would demonstrate that the bow is a magic item.

Lord Torath
2015-05-14, 01:15 PM
* Can't shoot shopkeeper because he demanded to know why you made a bow out of the antlers of a goldenly fleeced doe.
** Even if the pain would demonstrate that the bow is a magic item.Golden-fleeced reindeer? Only deer with female antlers. :smalltongue:

illyahr
2015-05-14, 01:24 PM
Golden-fleeced reindeer? Only deer with female antlers. Only female deer with antlers. :smalltongue:

Fixed that for you. :smallsmile:

Rater202
2015-05-14, 07:17 PM
*May not use dragonfire to light the grill.
**Not even if I'm cooking steaks made of genuine kobe beef.

goto124
2015-05-14, 09:37 PM
*** Not even if I'm grilling genuine kobe beef IRL.

Rater202
2015-05-14, 10:04 PM
*** Not even if I'm grilling genuine kobe beef IRL.

****I have to explain how I got Dragonfire to light the grill IRL.

JAL_1138
2015-05-15, 04:16 PM
*May not bring my dice in a large cantilever tackle box because of the space it takes on the table.
**May not bring my dice in eight Crown Royal bags containing a half-pound each.
***I must restrict myself to one (1) Crown Royal bag of dice.
****I must use a normal, fifth-sized Crown bag and not use a half-gallon-sized one filled to the brim.
*****I may not carry more than half-a-pound (1/2 lb) of dice in my one (1) Crown Royal bag.
******When the group sees that my liquor cabinet is entirely devoid of Canadian whiskey, I may not subsequently reveal that I don't actually drink Crown because I consider it to be bland, and so I got all but one of the bags from various bars.
*******Why the heck doesn't Wild Turkey sell Rare Breed in felt bags?
********I must acknowledge that it's better for both my wallet and my liver that they don't.

*I may not delay the game trying to figure out which die looks lucky.

*I may not interrupt play for a cigarette break.
**I may not interrupt play for a cigarillo break.
***I may not interrupt play for a cigar break.
****I may not interrupt play for a pipe break.
*****A hookah break is right out.

Rater202
2015-05-15, 10:30 PM
*In a Freeform RPG, I am not to be surprised when my second character, meant to be an antagonist, get's heel/face turned in his first fight.

Lord Raziere
2015-05-16, 01:01 AM
*In a Freeform RPG, I am not to be surprised when my second character, meant to be an antagonist, get's heel/face turned in his first fight.

** Nor may I be surprised when my first two attempts at a fight with my character in a freeform rpg of a series about fighting end up with no fighting at all because I'm too reasonable.

Beige
2015-05-16, 06:28 AM
*May not make a character who's focused on ensuring the random catacylsmic/horrible event rules get their proper use
**Making my character's personality so said failure states would be more embarrassing and thus amusing for her is not acceptable
***Goshdanggit, the overcharges and magical mishaps are supposed to be the consequence/bad ending, not the characters main goal

*My version of the tank class cannot be the most fragile member of the party
**Even if she does hit like several freight trains
***Especially if I still insist on trying to tank with her
****Even more so if I succeed at tanking with her
*****May not point out to the DM I chose the build because I can overcharge like crazy in one action

* If the first thing I do when a freind suggest call of cthulu is look up the insanity rules and/or say I could use a break from serious games, I'm not allowed to play call of cthulu

Anonymouswizard
2015-05-16, 07:13 AM
* Stepping sideways is not the solution to every social problem.
** Despite what the text says, Brother's Scent does not allow me to sneak a heavy machine gun into PM's question time.

Ksheep
2015-05-17, 08:38 AM
* May not send a Lycanthropic Half-Troll/Half-Wyvern at the party
** Honestly, I'm not sure if it being a lycanthrope really adds much to it
*** Just because a mad scientist wizard created it, doesn't mean I need to make it as absurd as possible

Anonymouswizard
2015-05-17, 09:10 AM
* Isambard Kingdom Brunel, but as a biologist! is not an acceptable character concept.

JAL_1138
2015-05-17, 11:02 AM
*I may not try to make the 18-CHA Half-Elf bard roleplay.
**I may not try to make the 6-CHA Dwarven fighter actually use his guisarme-voulge or his morningstar for once instead of trying to solve things diplomatically.
***I may not accuse them of doing this just to mess with me.
****Even though they admitted it.

*I may not host the game during goose hunting season, since due to a quirk of local laws it's legal for people to hunt them right from their back yards, and consequently it sounds like World War III in the morning around here for a week or so.

*I may not host the game outdoors on a wooded, uninhabited, small island in the middle of a lake to add atmosphere.
**It was a good idea, but when scoping out the island to see if it could work, I discovered it to be home to enough mosquitos to blot out the sun, enough spiders to make Lolth arachnophobic, quite a large number of hornets, and an extremely territorial nesting goose.

*Despite real-life precedent, may not make a first-level encounter of an extremely territorial nesting goose (with slightly-reduced Swan stats--AC9, 2HP instead of 1-2 hit dice, 1/1/1 instead of 1/1/1-2, THAC0 still at 19--since I couldn't find goose stats in the monstrous compendium).
**It killed the Thief. Won initiative and flogged him. One round.
***What? He had two hit points!

dramatic flare
2015-05-17, 01:20 PM
This happened recently. XD
One of our PCs now has a butler.

Actually managed to do that to a forest drake in my pathfinder campaign right now. Our castle now has a knighted drake.

goto124
2015-05-17, 08:26 PM
*I may not host the game during goose hunting season, since due to a quirk of local laws it's legal for people to hunt them right from their back yards, and consequently it sounds like World War III in the morning around here for a week or so.

** May not play a war game during goose hunting season.
*** Not even if it 'adds to the atmosphere'.


Our castle now has a knighted drake.

* May not knight a male duck.
** Not matter how colorful he is.

Erth16
2015-05-17, 08:34 PM
*My character may not have the Reading Steiner.
**Especially not it and a portable phone Microwave(Name Subject to Change).
***Not to use my powers to avoid ambushes after the fight goes badly.
****Especially not to use my power to make us all suddenly dig a hole because there are walking snowmen after us.

*My power is not to be the power to explode penguins.
**I am not to mind control them either.
***Not to avoid freezing to death in a blizzard by gathering 6000 penguins to cuddle with me for warmth.
****Not to try and kill snowmen by blowing up all those penguins.
*****Not to question why I got a text message saying dig a hole.

*I do not use elemelons as my weapons, and they are not magical watermelons that have bending powers.

Anonymouswizard
2015-05-17, 08:40 PM
* Even if running a Viking game, even if running on Thor's day (Thursday), wenches and mead is not something that must be supplied.
** Even if it fits the atmosphere.

* The following battle cries are banned:
-For Science!
-Wenches and Mead!
-I'm bored!
-I want more stuff!
-Step 3: PROFIT!
-Set it on fire!
-I took pyromania!
-Belkar with shoes!
-Dinner's arrived!
-I'm a Malkavian, boo!
-I think I left my sword at home...

Rater202
2015-05-17, 08:52 PM
*I'm not allowed to tell the tuffle that his race is extinct in my time.

goto124
2015-05-17, 09:22 PM
***Not to avoid freezing to death in a blizzard by gathering 6000 penguins to cuddle with me for warmth.

**** If I were the DM, I may not demand the players collect 6000 baby emperor penguins and bring them to me IRL.
***** No matter how cute they are.
****** Not even if the players can join the mass penguin cuddling (http://cesshereandthere.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/Emperor-penguins-creche.jpg).

JAL_1138
2015-05-17, 11:24 PM
*Despite precedent (http://m.xkcd.com/231/), proximity to a (non-hostile) cat does not give penalties to INT.

Rater202
2015-05-17, 11:44 PM
*I am not to expect a conversation to happen when aPC initiates such a conversation between the other PCs.

Sith_Happens
2015-05-18, 06:32 AM
* No matter how well I roll on Wall of Blades, I cannot block lightning with my sword.
** Especially not when I'm deliberately using my sword as a lightning rod.

Sgt. Cookie
2015-05-18, 09:27 AM
* My Bard cannot use Perform: Oratory to Fascinate people any more.
** Especially when I simply read from the dictionary in a monotonous voice.

JAL_1138
2015-05-18, 09:45 AM
* My Bard cannot use Perform: Oratory to Fascinate people any more.
** Especially when I simply read from the dictionary in a monotonous voice.

***Bardic performance may not involve William Shatner impersonations.

DigoDragon
2015-05-18, 10:58 AM
* The heavily armed and armored streetsam is not to be surprised when he catches a cold from a hospital run.
** I will not continue to take runs and show up to the Johnson meeting heavily drugged on NyQuil.
*** No longer allowed to make the hacker paranoid that my sneezing will cause his deck to BSOD.
**** Even if he's gullible enough to buy it. Pfft, haha.
***** Banned from taking more Nyquil on the run itself, because when has that ever been a good idea?
****** Nyquil tequila shots with the night watch during a B&E job is like, really bad idea. you know?
******* Figured full-auto would negate drunk penalties from the meds. guess not.
******** no officer, i have no idea how the guard ended up in my wheel well. prolly lookin' for donuts.
********* there were like... three gangers. i no shoot them both. shooting nyquil though.
********** dang stuffer shack soy-caf be all cold and- twenty dollars? get outta here...
*********** Zzzzzzz....

JAL_1138
2015-05-18, 11:34 AM
*Cannot play a drunk drunken-master monkey-style awakened monkey monk.

toapat
2015-05-18, 12:36 PM
*If i roll a druid, I am incapable of casting fimbulwinter
**Even if everyone else in the party has it as a prepared spell
***even if i prepare it in every slot i can
****the likelyhood of my ability to cast Fimbulwinter goes down by the factor of the number of times i can cast wall of iron in my natural lifespan, including retroactively
*****Nailed to the Sky is not a spell i know how to cast
******Nor is the sun a valid definition of which sky im nailing the target to

Anonymouswizard
2015-05-18, 02:02 PM
*Cannot play a drunk drunken-master monkey-style awakened monkey monk.

* All character concepts that are tongue twisters are banned.
** Except the Berber Bear Beer Barber Barbarian.

JAL_1138
2015-05-18, 02:07 PM
*My ranger's pet dire wolf is not named Buddy and treated like a beloved family dog, complete with "D'AWW PUPPY WHOSA GOOD BOY" and cuddles.
**Especially not when the wolf is covered in gore and has pieces of a bandit's face stuck in his teeth.
***Especially not when the bandit is still alive and I'm interrogating him.

razorfloss
2015-05-18, 02:19 PM
*My ranger's pet dire wolf is not named Buddy and treated like a beloved family dog, complete with "D'AWW PUPPY WHOSA GOOD BOY" and cuddles.
**Especially not when the wolf is covered in gore and has pieces of a bandit's face stuck in his teeth.
***Especially not when the bandit is still alive and I'm interrogating him.
but thats half the fun

JAL_1138
2015-05-19, 07:30 AM
* All character concepts that are tongue twisters are banned.
** Except the Berber Bear Beer Barber Barbarian.

***Even the Beer Bar Bear Bard Bear Barbarian? (Beer-brewing bar-bouncer awakened-bear bard / bear-totem barbarian multiclass) ?

This one's actually good advice and not at all silly:
*In 5e, may not call for two or more successful checks to do a single thing unless it's supposed to be unlikely to succeed. Adjust the DC to make it harder, not the number of successes needed.

This one's entirely silly:
*May not get too distracted by someone's cat doing something cute to remember it's my turn and attack the monster. That goes double if it's in-game.

Anonymouswizard
2015-05-19, 08:40 AM
* I may not make a search check to find the plot.
** Even if we've just spent two hours bugging our superior's office.
*** Or following up the lead given by the ninja's critical failure.

That actually happened, but I didn't have the search skill.

* If playing 2e, may not point out that it is easier to fail to qualify for any class than to qualify for either ranger or paladin.
** Even if I ran the numbers.
*** When I roll STR<8, DEX<8, INT<8, and WIS<8 I am to ask for a new character sheet, not play someone who 'wanted to be a fighter, but is allergic to weapons'.

Socratov
2015-05-19, 08:48 AM
* I may not make a search check to find the plot.
** Even if we've just spent two hours bugging our superior's office.
*** Or following up the lead given by the ninja's critical failure.

That actually happened, but I didn't have the search skill.

* If playing 2e, may not point out that it is easier to fail to qualify for any class than to qualify for either ranger or paladin.
** Even if I ran the numbers.
*** When I roll STR<8, DEX<8, INT<8, and WIS<8 I am to ask for a new character sheet, not play someone who 'wanted to be a fighter, but is allergic to weapons'.

eh, how about play a 3.5 warlock instead :smallamused:

Anonymouswizard
2015-05-19, 09:02 AM
eh, how about play a 3.5 warlock instead :smallamused:

Sorry, I was playing off the 'fancies himself a ranger but is allergic to trees' from the 2e DMG.

I did forget one:
* May not accidentally name the GM's campaign setting.
** Especially when I might not even get to play in Gunhammer.

Wookieetank
2015-05-19, 09:27 AM
*When faced with a new DM and adamantine Rails, not allowed to mess with the DM by my character having no sense of danger.
**Even if its entertaining watching the DM put more effort into keeping my character alive than I am.
***Especially if on the one occasion I do play things safe, the DM has to try even harder to keep me alive.
****Only allowed to play tanks from here on out.

JAL_1138
2015-05-19, 10:47 AM
*When faced with a new DM and adamantine Rails, not allowed to mess with the DM by my character having no sense of danger.
**Even if its entertaining watching the DM put more effort into keeping my character alive than I am.
***Especially if on the one occasion I do play things safe, the DM has to try even harder to keep me alive.
****Only allowed to play tanks from here on out.

I protest the "not allowed" and propose it be changed to "must." That's the sort of railroad that needs derailed early before it becomes a bad habit for a new DM. And if it's an experienced DM, they should know better. Some railroading is ok; it's just one tool of many, but when they're not even letting you die, they should just write a novel instead.


*
* If playing 2e, may not point out that it is easier to fail to qualify for any class than to qualify for either ranger or paladin.
** Even if I ran the numbers.
*** When I roll STR<8, DEX<8, INT<8, and WIS<8 I am to ask for a new character sheet, not play someone who 'wanted to be a fighter, but is allergic to weapons'.

Ah, the good ol' Inkeeper Rule (character goes off to do some mundane job instead). I've revived it for 5e when someone rolled a character with 7, 7, 11, 9, 6, 3 using 4d6b3.

EDIT: I also recommended new dice. That was their best array out of four.

Wookieetank
2015-05-19, 11:14 AM
I protest the "not allowed" and propose it be changed to "must." That's the sort of railroad that needs derailed early before it becomes a bad habit for a new DM. And if it's an experienced DM, they should know better. Some railroading is ok; it's just one tool of many, but when they're not even letting you die, they should just write a novel instead.


It thankfully wasn't a long lived group. Its not so much that the DM wouldn't let me die, it was that the DM was putting in way more effort than I was keeping my character alive. I was having a grand old time using my teeth as a primary weapon and wearing not much more than rags (blah blah blah, captured put in an arena, blah blah blah). A dwarf forced to become a paladin by his parents, but who felt like a barbarian at heart, might have had some anger issues, even before the railroad of doom. :smallwink: Kik'n Dor, named after the legendary paladin Kik'n Hed, you deserved a better campaign.

JAL_1138
2015-05-19, 12:19 PM
It thankfully wasn't a long lived group. Its not so much that the DM wouldn't let me die, it was that the DM was putting in way more effort than I was keeping my character alive. I was having a grand old time using my teeth as a primary weapon and wearing not much more than rags (blah blah blah, captured put in an arena, blah blah blah). A dwarf forced to become a paladin by his parents, but who felt like a barbarian at heart, might have had some anger issues, even before the railroad of doom. :smallwink: Kik'n Dor, named after the legendary paladin Kik'n Hed, you deserved a better campaign.

Descended from the fabled Kik'n Arz, who adventured with the great dwarven loremaster Täk'n Nämz, and was famously and perpetually out of gum?

Madara
2015-05-19, 01:17 PM
*I may not loot the iron bar puzzle maze of all its iron bars
**Not even if it's a commoner one-shot game
***We may not then proceed to buy soarwhales
****Nor can we use these flying whales to raid local villages

Wookieetank
2015-05-19, 01:21 PM
Descended from the fabled Kik'n Arz, who adventured with the great dwarven loremaster Täk'n Nämz, and was famously and perpetually out of gum?

He is now! :smallbiggrin:

*When playing smaller races, not allowed to out DPS the Minotaur Barbarian.
**Using magical items is not cheating, shush you.

illyahr
2015-05-19, 01:29 PM
It thankfully wasn't a long lived group. Its not so much that the DM wouldn't let me die, it was that the DM was putting in way more effort than I was keeping my character alive. I was having a grand old time using my teeth as a primary weapon and wearing not much more than rags (blah blah blah, captured put in an arena, blah blah blah). A dwarf forced to become a paladin by his parents, but who felt like a barbarian at heart, might have had some anger issues, even before the railroad of doom. :smallwink: Kik'n Dor, named after the legendary paladin Kik'n Hed, you deserved a better campaign.


Descended from the fabled Kik'n Arz, who adventured with the great dwarven loremaster Täk'n Nämz, and was famously and perpetually out of gum?

Everybody? This is now a thing. Add this to every campaign you play. :smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin:

TurboGhast
2015-05-19, 06:28 PM
Sorta jokey, sorta relevant.

* May not point out that not doing something accidentally is extremely tough.
** Especially if it relates to something already on this list.

Anonymouswizard
2015-05-19, 09:32 PM
* May not know the rules better than the GM.
** Especially if that comes from a ten minute skimming through the book and reading the Wikipedia article.
*** Should consider the above before being surprised when the GM does not know how XP works.

No, seriously, the above all happened. I took one look at the XP chart and said 'so XP is basically like in World of Darkness'. As far as I can tell the guy read as little of the rulebook to get that it was similar to 'D&D with a d10' and how to create zombies. He then failed to communicate what sort of campaign it was, and then didn't let my character have the resources required to use his skills.

* When said GM tries to use being dyslexic as an excuse, may not bring up my dyslexic friend who is a doctor of physics.
** Even if the doctor not only understands at least three systems, but has also written his own.
*** Especially when I'd sympathise with 'I haven't had time to read the rulebook yet', having been in that situation when running a game before.

Sorry to any dyslexics, the guy is really self entitled, believing that his shelf stacker job makes him better than me, due to me being unemployed due to my degree, as well as getting annoyed when I accidentally selected a deck good against his in magic. The worst bit is that he uses his disability as an excuse to get out of as much reading and writing as possible, compared to the three other dyslexics I know who actually make an effort (as I do with my autism).

Rater202
2015-05-19, 11:17 PM
Sorry to any dyslexics, the guy is really self entitled, believing that his shelf stacker job makes him better than me, due to me being unemployed due to my degree, as well as getting annoyed when I accidentally selected a deck good against his in magic. The worst bit is that he uses his disability as an excuse to get out of as much reading and writing as possible, compared to the three other dyslexics I know who actually make an effort (as I do with my autism).

Dear Celestia I hate people like that.

*Yes, I can rip off preexisting characters as long as I don't make it obvious. I mean, it is really hard for an original concept nowadays.
**"Merged with a totemistic animal spirit" is a pretty common origin, but okay, we can work with that.
***A Spider Spirit? Okay...
****Wall Crawling? Well, okay.
*****Superhuman strength and speed are kind of requirements for non casters, and I guess toughness couldn't hurt.
******Short Ranged Clairvoyance to simulate a spiders ability to look in multiple directions at once? Okay.
********Webs? Can't be a spider without that, I guess.
*********Poisonous stingers? Dark vision? You know this is starting to sound an awful lot like that one Spider-Man storyline.
**********I can not have the opening theme to any Spider-Man television show as my theme song.
***********Not even Live Action Japanese Spiderman.
************I can not claim to be an alternate dimension version of Peter Parker.
*************Especially if I look nothing like him, act nothing like him, and my name is not any possible variation.
**************I can not break the fourth wall and bitch that they left me out of Spider-Verse.
***************Especial since I didn't exist until afterwards and I'm not an official character.
****************"They Let in Live Action Japanese Spiderman" is no excuse for whining.
*****************Besides, you know how many Spider-Men were killed in that mess.

*May not use the dimensional gate to go to the various Marvel Comics universes to stop Marvel vs Capcom Spider-Man, Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends Spiderman, Spider-Man Reign Spider-Man, and Spider-Man Unlimited Spider-Man from being killed.

Both of these were hypothetical discussions. The first for Dresden Game, the second for the current Freeform game I'm in IRL.

Ksheep
2015-05-20, 07:51 AM
* I may not roll out a "patch" every 3-5 sessions with new house rules
** Even if these patches do add new content, including a new region to explore, new playable races, new weapons, etc.
*** I don't care how many cool new things are added, nerfing Clerics is poor form
**** You didn't need to rebalance the classes, they were unbalanced enough as it was

PrinceOfMadness
2015-05-20, 01:13 PM
*****Not allowed to attempt to charge the players for access to said patches.

Anonymouswizard
2015-05-20, 01:20 PM
****** May not release a new patch a week later with the sole purpose of fixing all the bugs the old patch introduced.
******* The new patch will, of course, be hastily put together and bug ridden.

* Gilgamesh is not a valid superhero concept.
** Especially Fate/Prototype Gilgamesh.
*** May not catch villains by stripping naked. Even with maximum ranks in attractive.
**** The police would prefer it if I didn't kill worthless criminals.

I'm ready for a mutants and masterminds game.

JAL_1138
2015-05-20, 01:41 PM
*When asked for either a) tips on how to roleplay a bard, or b) what my character concept for my current bard is, I may not simply pull up "You're Gonna Go Far, Kid" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ATcOm-NTr_0) (NSFW, language) and call it a day.

arclance
2015-05-20, 02:51 PM
*Not allowed to talk a random encounter into servitude.
(Not my character)
** May not intimidate a Mimic into being a pet.
*** May not have it replace my severed hand.
**** May not have it pretend to be my backpack.
***** Feeding it pieces of broken adamantine armor does not help.

In a recently started game after finding a floor of magic item creation

Players
* I may sacrifice sand to the floor.
** I may sacrifice more sand the floor.
*** I may sacrifice a brick to the floor.
**** I may sacrifice random junk to the floor.

? Ninja
* I may not roll around on the floor.
** The sand on your clothing may not be turned into Monks Robes by the floor.

Goblin Druid (Me)
* I may not cut off my finger with the unlosable plot device ring on it and sacrifice it to the floor.
** Especially if I wave my stump around to get better blood coverage.
*** The floor may not create a Rod of Thunder and Lightning and grow my finger back.
**** This will drain the power from every other section of the magic floor that is still active.
***** I will not complain when the NPCs become hostile.
****** It is my fault the ceiling and walls are getting closer.

Dhampir Fighter
* I may cover a large area of the floor with sand and get a double size haversack with regenerating supllies.
** I may not sacrifice several objects and somehow get 3 pairs of Gloves of Storing.

* I May loot a brick off one of the hostile NPCs from the magic floor room.
** I May determine the brick is hollow by its weight.
*** I May not find one of the master rings that can remove and track the unlosable plot device rings inside.
**** I May not remove several peoples rings and put five on one hand and put the rest on a string to make a bracelet for that hand.
***** Just because the rings make the finger they are on grow back does not mean you should cut your hand off to see if the bracelet does that for you whole hand.
****** The hand is a separate creature now and may be hostile.
******* Not to figure out I can command my severed hand monster and have it reattach to my arm.

DM
* May not roll random items again.
** Especially if I use that table for Lv.1 PCs.
*** Must select or create all magic loot myself in the future.

JAL_1138
2015-05-20, 07:52 PM
*May not ban crossbows in 5e just because I'm sick of people whining about not being able to dual-wield crossbows or not being able to fire them as rapidly as a longbow or shortbow.

**May not suggest that weapon use have any basis in plausibility and/or real life on an internet forum.

***There is thread upon thread of people complaining about that but NOBODY IS BOTHERED BY THE FACT THAT YOU CAN'T STAB SOMEONE WITH THE SPEARPOINT ON A HALBERD OR STAB WITH A MEDIÆVAL HAND-AND-A-HALF SWORD

Almarck
2015-05-21, 01:14 AM
**** or the fact that swords cannot cause bludgeoning damage by using pommel strikes.

goto124
2015-05-21, 03:33 AM
***** May not implement sunder rules for using bludgeoning strikes with swords.
****** Not that kind of sword.

JAL_1138
2015-05-21, 06:57 AM
**** or the fact that swords cannot cause bludgeoning damage by using pommel strikes.

*****Fencing manuals--plural--of the day referred to the pommel strike as the murder-blow, after page upon page of how to stab, slash, or disembowel someone, so that should say something about the effectiveness of the technique.

Anonymouswizard
2015-05-21, 08:39 AM
*****Fencing manuals--plural--of the day referred to the pommel strike as the murder-blow, after page upon page of how to stab, slash, or disembowel someone, so that should say something about the effectiveness of the technique.

* When someone tries to bring realism into the game, I should decide if it makes the game more or less balanced.
** May not replace the wizard's spells with card tricks.

Wookieetank
2015-05-21, 09:06 AM
* When someone tries to bring realism into the game, I should decide if it makes the game more or less balanced.
** May not replace the wizard's spells with card tricks.

***May not use sleight of hand and flash paper as a bard to convince people I'm a wizard.

JAL_1138
2015-05-21, 09:35 AM
***May not use sleight of hand and flash paper as a bard to convince people I'm a wizard.

****Why not? You're a bard! Bluffing and fake identities are what you do!

Anonymouswizard
2015-05-21, 11:04 AM
* May not bitch about the ugly white space at the top and bottom of my character sheet.
** I mean seriously, they manage to make good use of the width.
*** What do you mean 'not designed for A4'! It's the standard paper size!
**** International paper size!

* May not give my character's dimensions in Cubits, Hands, Fingers, Kilometers, Light Years, or loaves of bread.

Wookieetank
2015-05-21, 11:48 AM
****Why not? You're a bard! Bluffing and fake identities are what you do!

Edit: ***May not make a more convincing wizard than the actual party wizard with only flash paper and sleight of hand as a bard.

Better? :smallwink::smalltongue:

Rater202
2015-05-21, 12:05 PM
*When using Bardic Music to calm down and boost the mood and confidence of my allies, I may not sing out loud IRL.
**Also, my bardsong is not allowed to be the theme from Fraggle Rock.
***Not even if it works in real life.

illyahr
2015-05-21, 12:05 PM
Edit: ***May not make a more convincing wizard than the actual party wizard with only flash paper and sleight of hand as a bard.

Better? :smallwink::smalltongue:

Raistlin Majere totally did the whole Sleight of Hand/Flash Paper thing before it was cool. Does that make him a hipster?

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/fa/ee/aa/faeeaa64f9951a0b43505b92a9580be8.jpg

JAL_1138
2015-05-21, 12:05 PM
Edit: ***May not make a more convincing wizard than the actual party wizard with only flash paper and sleight of hand as a bard.

Better? :smallwink::smalltongue:

No, that's completely viable. You're a bard, you can take a hit and are pretty decent in a stand-up fight compared to the squishy wizard. So you pretend to be the wizard--wearing armor under your robes--and the wizard dresses up like a random schmuck with a weapon (or even as a commoner). Maybe even going so far as to keep a shield slung across their back, depending on edition, since that gave better AC against getting attacked from behind in 2e and arguably didn't count as armor (although I may be misremembering how or if it impacted spell failure chance).

Then, when the enemies are trying to mob you instead of the real wizard, or when the nobles or merchants or whatever are distracted by your wizard impersonation, the wizard (who looks like some random schmuck) casts a spell and catches them completely off guard.

EDIT: Also, yup. Worked for Raistlin, although he was an actual wizard pretending to be a better wizard.

Ksheep
2015-05-21, 07:32 PM
* May not give my character's dimensions in Cubits, Hands, Fingers, Kilometers, Light Years, or loaves of bread.

** Beard-Seconds is right out

JAL_1138
2015-05-21, 08:24 PM
** Beard-Seconds is right out

***That goes double for Smoots.

Anonymouswizard
2015-05-21, 08:41 PM
* I cannot use Dominate Monster to get a date.

* If a player wants to play an elf, I should mention what they look like before the game begins.
** When the player gets confused at my description is not the best time to show them a picture of a Chinese woman.
*** I can no longer have Asian elves, they must be super white.

DigoDragon
2015-05-21, 08:48 PM
* I cannot use Dominate Monster to get a date.

What about raisins?

JAL_1138
2015-05-21, 10:29 PM
* If a player wants to play an elf, I should mention what they look like before the game begins.
** When the player gets confused at my description is not the best time to show them a picture of a Chinese woman.
*** I can no longer have Asian elves, they must be super white.

****...not gonna call the player a racist, but...that's kinda racist?

Anonymouswizard
2015-05-22, 06:38 AM
****...not gonna call the player a racist, but...that's kinda racist?

Hasn't actually happened, although something similar happened with druids. I haven't had a chance to run a game since I came up with that setting, but in the group I'd likely play it in I'm the only one who has ever played a non white character, so I totally expect it if I force them to play a character that doesn't look like what they want.

There will probably be accusations of me having a thing for Asians. It's actually true, but that's not the reason I'm doing it.

The setting is also a backlash against every race in D&D being presented as white, so my humans have a middle eastern look and culture, the elves are very Chinese, and I'm still working out where to put the others, although I'll probably end up with Russian dwarves.

Wookieetank
2015-05-22, 07:45 AM
Russian dwarves.

In Mountainhome, ore mines you. :smallwink: I approve of this so hard.

As DM
*Not to send a low level party into a dungeon to retrieve magical rings, they're just going to keep them.
**Not to fill the dungeon full of cursed rings outside of the requested rings just to spite them.
*When the party is captured by elves and taken to their treetop village, not to be surprised when they still try to break free.
**Putting them into hanging jail cells that one must not jostle too much or risk falling to their doom, while hilarious for me, will earn me my players' ire.
***Not to be surprised by the inevitable jailbreak despite the odds stacked against the party.

JAL_1138
2015-05-22, 09:51 AM
Hasn't actually happened, although something similar happened with druids. I haven't had a chance to run a game since I came up with that setting, but in the group I'd likely play it in I'm the only one who has ever played a non white character, so I totally expect it if I force them to play a character that doesn't look like what they want.

There will probably be accusations of me having a thing for Asians. It's actually true, but that's not the reason I'm doing it.

The setting is also a backlash against every race in D&D being presented as white, so my humans have a middle eastern look and culture, the elves are very Chinese, and I'm still working out where to put the others, although I'll probably end up with Russian dwarves.

In one of my settings, all naturally-occurring humanoids (and natually occurring monstrous humanoids, at least where they aren't furred) are Ambiguously Brown, with slightly almond-shaped eyes and dark hair. If you saw one of the setting's humans on Earth, they could be practically any race with no real way to tell but asking outright. Species difference between the Big Five is mostly in height, build, ear shape, proportions, etc.

ryu
2015-05-22, 02:48 PM
What about raisins?

Are you talking about using dominate monster to obtain raisins or using raisins to obtain a date?

Ksheep
2015-05-22, 03:23 PM
Are you talking about using dominate monster to obtain raisins or using raisins to obtain a date?

I believe he was making a pun, reading date as "date palm", specifically the fruit of the date palm, which looks kinda like an oversized raisin.

DigoDragon
2015-05-22, 04:05 PM
Are you talking about using dominate monster to obtain raisins or using raisins to obtain a date?

I believe he was making a pun, reading date as "date palm", specifically the fruit of the date palm, which looks kinda like an oversized raisin.

I meant the pun that Ksheep mentions above, but the thought of using raisins as some odd pickup line to get a date sounds like a weird challenge one of my past players would attempt. :smallbiggrin:

Anonymouswizard
2015-05-22, 04:13 PM
I meant the pun that Ksheep mentions above, but the thought of using raisins as some odd pickup line to get a date sounds like a weird challenge one of my past players would attempt. :smallbiggrin:

That was an attempt at a scene at a theatre summer school I attended. Didn't make it into the final performance though. :smalltongue:

JAL_1138
2015-05-23, 10:03 PM
*May not base PC stats on the results of a six-shot group at 15 yards at the shooting range.
**Especially if some of them apparently flunked out of the Imperial Stormtrooper Marksmanship Academy and one of them could shoot the wings off a fly at twenty paces.
***Must refrain from using excessive southernisms.

*May not play the a-guard-has-spotted-you "!" sound effect from Metal Gear Solid when someone fails a stealth check.

Rater202
2015-05-23, 10:57 PM
*There is not a system in existance with grappling rules capable of letting me recreate the Kinniku buster*

*Or Muscle Buster, for those of you who are only familiar with Kinnikuman through Ultimate Muscle, the only good 4kids dub**.
**It was Kinnikuman Nisei in the original japanese

goto124
2015-05-24, 01:37 AM
*May not play the a-guard-has-spotted-you "!" sound effect from Metal Gear Solid when someone fails a stealth check.

http://i.imgur.com/B505mfM.png

Vizzerdrix
2015-05-24, 02:19 AM
I've gained quite a list since the last time I posted in one of these.

*I am still banned from using shapesand.
**Even if the DM gives said sand to the party.
***Even if it is the only way around a puzzle.
****No means no.

*I'm not allowed to have the following items in any form on any character (or in person) regardless of system or position as player or GM:
-Broom
-Mess kit
-flour
-Over the counter medical supplies
-Small animals
-T.V. sets larger than 38 inches
-household cleaning supplies
-toys from quarter machines
-Spell component pouches
-Anything I can find in an adult themed store.
-household appliances on a case by case basis.
-Any form of watercraft. Magical or otherwise.

*I am no longer allowed to torture other players or their characters psychologically.
**Even IF the rest of the group is sick of their "Special Snowflake" syndrome.
***Especially if it involves making them accept carnal acts from my zombies to save their life.

*As a GM I may NOT make up the Shadowrun campaign entirely based off of objects I see in the room.
**I may not drop hints that The Usual Suspects is one of my favorite movies.
***Even if everyone in the room has seen the film.
****I am no longer allowed to make the group of combat heavy players afraid to fight anything.

*As a GM I may no longer give overly detailed descriptions of the following:
-Animal processing plants/ slaughter yards
-unsanitary butcher shops
-the contents of stew
** Especially if it is my turn to bring food.

*I am banned from picking any lock at the table to prove a point.
**Even valid points.

*If the game isn't D&D, I must play a human.
**No cyber dogs in ANY system.
***And house plants are right out.

Anonymouswizard
2015-05-24, 06:28 AM
* May not correct the GM's electrical engineering.
** Especially if he works at Tesco.
*** In revenge for not allowing me to have a railgun, I may not make batteries with equipment that has survived the apocalypse.
**** May not question why I'm allowed to make difficult devices but not one I can design in my head.

Following on from the 'dyslexic GM' list:
* May not make the GM laugh by telling them about 'dyslexic GM'.
** Especially when the current GM is dyslexic, a doctor of physics, and is running a game he wrote himself.
*** Especially when what I said was 'he refused to do a writing game'.
**** May not name the current GM 'awesome GM, for he be awesome'.

* May not have a character for aGM's next campaign planned out, especially when I might not be around.
** May not fanboy him, even if he be hot and writing a totally cool game.

JAL_1138
2015-05-24, 07:40 AM
*Gnomes+ have not invented a steam-powered air raid siren.
**The city does not practice dragon-assault drills.
***The Sky Watch do not strap themselves into their anti-flying-monster seige weapons so they can't be frightened away.

+I am still not allowed to have Tinker Gnomes in my campaign.

JAL_1138
2015-05-24, 03:04 PM
*I may not bring my own whiskey if I don't intend to share it.
**Even if that $#!% was expensive.
***Apparently "bring your own booze, everyone" means "JAL supplies the booze for everyone and doesn't get paid back" despite the literal meaning of the phrase.

Rater202
2015-05-24, 04:01 PM
*There are a limited number of situations where setting a fellow PC's boyfriend's arguably emotionally abusive mother on fire is an appropriate response.
**Particularly since she wasn't violent before this.

*As a GM, I should probably ask for possible triggers before doing stories like that in the future.

Wartex1
2015-05-24, 04:25 PM
*I am no longer allowed to knock an ally unconscious so we pass our Stealth checks
**I am also no longer allowed to poison an ally so we pass our Stealth checks
***I am no longer allowed to participate in group Stealth checks

JAL_1138
2015-05-24, 05:02 PM
*I must not expect players to read the house rule document and the list of banned spells and feats I gave them two weeks before Session 1 and not show up with characters built around spells and RAW exploits/alternate interpretations nixed in the houserules document.
**I must not expect players to show up with non-evil characters if I have repeatedly told them evil alignments are banned and included it in 20-point bold italicized underlined font as the first line of the houserules document.
***I must not expect a player not to whine about a class and/or race being gone from the new edition even though I put homebrew versions (from these forums) or Unearthed Acana versions thereof in the houserule document and told them I had done so, and the player immediately rerolled their character when I pointed it out in the houserule document in person.
****I must not assume that giving out physical copies and emailing .rtfs to each player is sufficient access to the houserules document.

PrinceOfMadness
2015-05-24, 07:54 PM
*****Not allowed to express skepticism about players having read the handouts.
******Even if they've never read anything I've handed out previously.
*******Definitely not allowed to give a player 5 free levels just for reading one of the handouts.
********Not allowed to sob quietly when this still fails to motivate players to read the handouts.

JAL_1138
2015-05-24, 09:25 PM
*****Not allowed to express skepticism about players having read the handouts.
******Even if they've never read anything I've handed out previously.
*******Definitely not allowed to give a player 5 free levels just for reading one of the handouts.
********Not allowed to sob quietly when this still fails to motivate players to read the handouts.

You are most certainly allowed to sob quietly at that. Or loudly, if you want. *internet hug* I feel your pain. They just...won't...read.

Telonius
2015-05-24, 11:56 PM
*I may not demand that the Assassins' Guild institute a return policy.
**Or suggest that a well-placed Flesh to Stone would do their job with less of a chance the target would come back.
***Or describe the process using the term "carbonite."

Adrastos42
2015-05-25, 11:10 AM
*I may not demand that the Assassins' Guild institute a return policy.
**Or suggest that a well-placed Flesh to Stone would do their job with less of a chance the target would come back.
***Or describe the process using the term "carbonite."

****May not see this as a business opportunity, and sell my services as a consultant to help the Assassin's guild add "Resurrection Prevention Plan" as one of many optional add-ons for the base assassination product.
*****Other optional extras do not include such things as Public Death, Enemy Framing, Painful Death and Will Alteration. Do not contact your local Assassin's guild representative for more details and a free quote.
******No, they do not offer a Buy One Get One Free deal on certain weekends.
*******Ancient assassin orders with a long and storied history, deep cultural significance and their own strong, if twisted sense of honour should not be franchised!

Ksheep
2015-05-25, 11:16 AM
* I may not make a custom torch-lighting spell which summons a small red dragon, has it breathe fire on the torch, and then dismiss the dragon
** Nor may I make a custom Acid Splash that summons a small black dragon to spit a bit of acid at the target
*** The same goes for alternate versions of Cone of ______ spells
**** Or an alternate Flight spell which summons a dragon to carry me around
***** No, I cannot make an entire catalogue of alternate spells which summon dragons for just long enough to fulfill a single task
****** Especially when most of these are Standard actions

Anonymouswizard
2015-05-25, 11:33 AM
* May not remove the existence of electronic computers but making a slight alteration to the timeline.
** May not create a spell that removes a specific property from an area as a 'computer nuke spell'.
*** May not make a spell that makes electrons flow from positive to negative.
**** Cannot upgrade my computer nuke spell to render all electronics in an area useless by removing a different property.
***** This cannot have a long range and radius of 20ft.
****** Cannot point out that this missing property should have horrendous side effects.
******* Cannot try to shut down people's brains by removing charge.

Erth16
2015-05-25, 05:21 PM
* When given the ability to magically enhance a boat before going to explore uncharted waters, I am not to magically enhance my caravel to be similar to a submarine.
** Or a battleship.
*** An aircraft carrier is right out.
**** So is an aircraft.

Rater202
2015-05-25, 06:01 PM
*I am not allowed to suggest that problems involving a disapproving father in law to be solved by getting him so drunk he can't see straight then tricking him into signing a legally binding contract making the PC in question his sole legal heir and establishing his approval over the marriage.
**Nor may I suggest using spells or drugs to modify his memory so that he thinks he sign the contract sober and of his own free will.
***Seriously, I'm not even in that game.

JAL_1138
2015-05-25, 06:30 PM
*I am not allowed to suggest that problems involving a disapproving father in law to be solved by getting him so drunk he can't see straight then tricking him into signing a legally binding contract making the PC in question his sole legal heir and establishing his approval over the marriage.
**Nor may I suggest using spells or drugs to modify his memory so that he thinks he sign the contract sober and of his own free will.
***Seriously, I'm not even in that game.

****May not point out that contracts signed while blind drunk are not enforceable against the impaired party so the spell-related memory tweaking is the only way that could work, in which case why bother getting him drunk and just use Charm Person or Dominate (and tweak his memory about that if it's 5e and he'll know he's been charmed when it wears off).

DigoDragon
2015-05-25, 07:01 PM
* No longer allowed to show up to the group drunk and singing dirty carols after I've gone drinking with the enemy in a tavern slated for demolition that evening because I got myself engaged to the foreigner whose father is general of the military and goes by the name Ragnarok.

Hiro Protagonest
2015-05-25, 07:03 PM
* No longer allowed to show up to the group drunk and singing dirty carols after I've gone drinking with the enemy in a tavern slated for demolition that evening because I got myself engaged to the foreigner whose father is general of the military and goes by the name Ragnarok.

...Are you talking in-game or IRL? :smalltongue:

When I was reading that first part about showing up drunk and singing, I thought you actually were talking IRL. :smallamused:

Rater202
2015-05-25, 07:08 PM
****May not point out that contracts signed while blind drunk are not enforceable against the impaired party so the spell-related memory tweaking is the only way that could work, in which case why bother getting him drunk and just use Charm Person or Dominate (and tweak his memory about that if it's 5e and he'll know he's been charmed when it wears off).

*****May not point out that this is apparently a Fallout Equestria game, and thus things like "law" are a bit laxer than in reality.
******I should probably direct people to Digo Dragon for details, since he's the actual person playing in this game.

DigoDragon
2015-05-25, 07:26 PM
...Are you talking in-game or IRL? :smalltongue:
When I was reading that first part about showing up drunk and singing, I thought you actually were talking IRL. :smallamused:

The first part I've done in real life (well, I wasn't really drunk. More just buzzed, but I was definitely signing). :smallbiggrin:

JAL_1138
2015-05-25, 07:33 PM
*****May not point out that this is apparently a Fallout Equestria game, and thus things like "law" are a bit laxer than in reality.
******I should probably direct people to Digo Dragon for details, since he's the actual person playing in this game.

*Speaking of ponies, may not suggest that the being we know as "Pinkie Pie" is actually nothing more than the physical avatar of an eldritch chaos-god far older and more terrible than Discord. And possibly Azathoth.

Anonymouswizard
2015-05-25, 07:36 PM
* 'Whenever someone performs a standard action, take a shot' does not sound like a reasonable idea.
** When GMing, 'whenever the players do something I didn't plan for, take a shot' never leads to good adventures.

razorfloss
2015-05-25, 08:47 PM
*Speaking of ponies, may not suggest that the being we know as "Pinkie Pie" is actually nothing more than the physical avatar of an eldritch chaos-god far older and more terrible than Discord. And possibly Azathoth.

that makes a lot sense and would explain alot

goto124
2015-05-26, 12:31 AM
* No longer allowed to show up to the group drunk and singing dirty carols after I've gone drinking with the enemy in a tavern slated for demolition that evening because I got myself engaged to the foreigner whose father is general of the military and goes by the name Ragnarok.

** May not ask how marriage and its laws work in the Fallout Equestria setting.
*** Is there at least one contract to sign?
**** Does it involve the father?

* May not ask if it's still shipping when both ponies are engaged.
** Also may not what the foreigner plans to do now that they're engaged.
*** Especially in a manner that suggests the engagement was part of some sort of plan.
**** A plan that could be beneficial or detrimental to the stallion PC.
***** May not wonder if said foreigner is seriously, really, actually the PC's wife yet, legally or otherwise.
****** You're not even in the game, I'm sure the player himself has thought of all the above, plus a thousand other things you did not think of.

Rater202
2015-05-26, 01:00 AM
** May not ask how marriage and its laws work in the Fallout Equestria setting.
*** Is there at least one contract to sign?
**** Does it involve the father?
*****May not tell others off for piggybacking on similar ones I already did.

* May not ask if it's still shipping when both ponies are engaged.**May not point out that until the characters are burried in his and hers graves with "beloved, loving, and dedicaed spouse" carved on the headstone, all improvements in relationship status mean is that they've been upgraded to express shipping.

Spore
2015-05-26, 03:25 AM
* If my NPC allies are in danger and we have found a vanara (monkey folk) smuggler willing to show us the way in for free, may not delay for some "rp funsies".
** Pulling the hair of said monkey is in poor taste. Pulling the tail is not nice.
*** May not think out loudly which parts of said monkey are suitable for alchemical solutions.
**** Any and all talk about lucky monkey paws are right out.
***** Stop it, you are scaring the monkey pirate.

HOLY CRAP DID I REALLY JUST NOW REALIZE THE MONKEY ISLAND PIRATE PUN MY DM MADE?!

JAL_1138
2015-05-26, 03:45 AM
*My neutral druid+ may not develop such a horrifying reputation for interrogation that a demon begins screaming "OH GODS NO PLEASE I'LL TELL YOU ANYTHING!" the minute it sees me with a knife.
**No longer allowed to conduct interrogations.

+I am still not allowed to play druids.

Dexam
2015-05-26, 03:55 AM
*I must not expect players to read the house rule document and the list of banned spells and feats I gave them two weeks before Session 1 and not show up with characters built around spells and RAW exploits/alternate interpretations nixed in the houserules document.
**I must not expect players to show up with non-evil characters if I have repeatedly told them evil alignments are banned and included it in 20-point bold italicized underlined font as the first line of the houserules document.
***I must not expect a player not to whine about a class and/or race being gone from the new edition even though I put homebrew versions (from these forums) or Unearthed Acana versions thereof in the houserule document and told them I had done so, and the player immediately rerolled their character when I pointed it out in the houserule document in person.
****I must not assume that giving out physical copies and emailing .rtfs to each player is sufficient access to the houserules document.

*****Not allowed to express skepticism about players having read the handouts.
******Even if they've never read anything I've handed out previously.
*******Definitely not allowed to give a player 5 free levels just for reading one of the handouts.
********Not allowed to sob quietly when this still fails to motivate players to read the handouts.
On a similar note:

* No longer allowed to demand that players physically sign** a "I have read and understood these handouts, and accept the conditions therein, before creating a character for this game" contract.1
** In blood, with a witness.
*** No longer allowed to threaten to not DM when players create characters that still breach the read-and-accepted conditions.2


1 = I have actually done this.
2 = This too.

goto124
2015-05-26, 04:04 AM
*** May not attempt blood magic IRL.
**** Especially not to make players follow tabletop game contracts.

DigoDragon
2015-05-26, 07:47 AM
**** Does it involve the father?

***** Banned from involving any father-in-law warlord with the name of 'Ragnarok' into any contractual agreement. :smallbiggrin:



****** You're not even in the game, I'm sure the player himself has thought of all the above, plus a thousand other things you did not think of.

******* No longer allowed to plan marriages via the Indiana Jones method of planning.
******** Should not hijack a sea captain for sealing a marriage proposal without informing said captain of what he's actually supposed to be doing.
********* Not allowed to take up the tavern owner's offer to find a priestess in order to make the marriage more official when we've only been engaged for 3 minutes.
********** Especially when the only priestess available worships a dark goddess of the night. :smalltongue:



**May not point out that until the characters are burried in his and hers graves with "beloved, loving, and dedicaed spouse" carved on the headstone, all improvements in relationship status mean is that they've been upgraded to express shipping.

*Snerk*

goto124
2015-05-26, 08:03 AM
********** May not insist that a dark goddess of the night is 'close enough'.
*********** May not ask how Digo knows it's 3 minutes and not, say, 5 or 10 minutes of in-universe time.
************ May not ask what the 'Indiana Jones method of planning' is.
************* May not stalk both the IC and OOC threads.

************** May not repeat my question on how marriage laws work in Fallout Equestria.

* May not admit I can't spell Equestria, and keep using google to get the correct spelling.

Anonymouswizard
2015-05-26, 08:06 AM
* My bard should not be visiting the whorehouse to gather information.
** Especially if he's celibate.
*** Bards should not be celibate, isn't that in the job description?
**** When I meet the fighter in there, my first reaction should not be 'I'll tell the cleric to be on standby'.

* My character cannot propose to every woman he meets.
** Or every man he meets.
*** Surely the incubus should have stopped me from playing bisexual characters.

* My alchemist cannot dilute potions of remove disease and then head to the red light district.

Lord Torath
2015-05-26, 09:12 AM
****May not point out that contracts signed while blind drunk are not enforceable against the impaired party so the spell-related memory tweaking is the only way that could work, in which case why bother getting him drunk and just use Charm Person or Dominate (and tweak his memory about that if it's 5e and he'll know he's been charmed when it wears off).******May not get him to sign a form refusing his permission forever, and use Mistaken Missive to reverse the meaning of the document.

Anonymouswizard
2015-05-26, 09:57 AM
******May not get him to sign a form refusing his permission forever, and use Mistaken Missive to reverse the meaning of the document.

******* May not use this as an example when arguing that a devil does not own my soul to imply that I own the devil's soul.
******** May not try this with archdevils.

JAL_1138
2015-05-26, 10:07 AM
******May not get him to sign a form refusing his permission forever, and use Mistaken Missive to reverse the meaning of the document.

*May not point out that mistake can be grounds for a recission of a contract under certain circumstances, and changing the terms once signed is outright fraud. Best to use persuasion-based (not bluff or intimidate based) diplomancy, or charm/dominate + modify memory (so they believe they signed it of their own free will and it will show up that way to Detect Lie or Zone of Truth).

*May not neglect to tell players I'm a lawyer before they try contract shenanigans.

Rater202
2015-05-26, 01:33 PM
************ May not ask what the 'Indiana Jones method of planning' is.*************May not point out that that it's "make it up as you go along"

Lord Raziere
2015-05-26, 02:41 PM
* I may not be an expert at the Indiana Jones method of planning
** even if its true.

DigoDragon
2015-05-26, 02:47 PM
************** May not repeat my question on how marriage laws work in Fallout Equestria.

*************** Not allowed to assume that they're more just guidelines than laws.
**************** Even if courts aren't a thing in post-apocalyptic settings.
***************** Also banned from cheeky comments that my character is riding such a high that he'd dance on command.
****************** Because the GM will totally call me out on it and I'm not allowed to burst into The Dance of My People.
******************* Also banned from table dancing, the Tango, the Macarena, and Flash Mobbing.

Erth16
2015-05-27, 09:05 PM
* Not to have the crypt containing the wrathful souls of the world's greatest heroes guarded by a single skeleton of a commoner.
** The world's greatest hero should not be a master of dual wielding lacerating dirks.
*** The world's greatest heroes should not have fused their souls inside a massive suit of armor, wielding a longsword and a dirk
**** The suit of armor is not to throw away the longsword and begin quad wielding dirks, as the greatest hero was a half elf dual classed ranger- two weapon fighter.
***** He is not to later just say screw the dirks and turn into a rakshasha.
****** Especially when he was only damaging his opponents while wielding the dirks.
******* He should not have had 450 hp either, against a party with no form of spell casting whatsoever.
********But no man, he's like, really good with those dirks, is not a valid excuse for him having 3 turns per round.

*The final boss for said party should not be a dracolich with 600 hp and two turns per round.

Ksheep
2015-05-27, 09:46 PM
* I should not challenge the rough-and-tumble bar fighter/gunslinger to a duel with swords
** Even if he has never seen a sword before in his life and I am very well versed in swordplay
*** I should not be surprised when he manages to use his bar fighting tactics to get the upper hand and beat me
**** I should be grateful that he decided to only stab me in the stomach (twice) instead of killing me outright

* When I come to a backwater town and find that I'm a folk hero due to a botched heist I tried to pull years ago, I shouldn't try to take advantage of it
** Especially if the target of the heist is still around and in charge of the town
*** I shouldn't be surprised when my (former) partner (whom I turned on during the heist) is also still around
**** Especially if I left him for dead in my escape
***** Shouldn't be surprised when said former partner and target of my heist team up to try and kill me for my past deeds

* When planning a heist, it's standard procedure to make sure everyone is fully briefed on their plans, disguises are in place, cover stories are settled, and everyone gets training in how to bluff
** When the DM just skips through the scene that I'm a part of without prompting me to use my cover story, I shouldn't go ahead and tell everyone anyway
*** Especially if we've already been admitted by security

* After being tortured by the BBEG, breaking free, and confronting him, it's perfectly acceptable for me to ask my party members to assist
** No, seriously, this isn't something I have to do on my own
*** I've been tortured to within an inch of my life continuously for the past three days, do you really think I have the strength to beat him on my own?

* No grenades

CantigThimble
2015-05-27, 09:49 PM
* When I come to a backwater town and find that I'm a folk hero due to a botched heist I tried to pull years ago, I shouldn't try to take advantage of it
** Especially if the target of the heist is still around and in charge of the town
*** I shouldn't be surprised when my (former) partner (whom I turned on during the heist) is also still around
**** Especially if I left him for dead in my escape
***** Shouldn't be surprised when said former partner and target of my heist team up to try and kill me for my past deeds

The hero of canton, the man they call Jayne!

GrayGriffin
2015-05-28, 02:21 AM
* No longer allowed to make fake dating sim screenshots starring my character.
** No matter how much the other players approve.

*** No longer allowed to make fake text messages starring my character and another player's character.
**** Again, no matter how much he approves.
***** Especially not allowed to call back to said fake dating sim screenshots in the texts.

Rater202
2015-05-28, 03:01 AM
*Any plan that ends in one of my characters being reduced to smoking limbless torso is to be classified as a "failure"
**Just because I can regenerate and come back stronger does not mean I can retroactively claim that this was my plan all along.

Anonymouswizard
2015-05-28, 06:05 AM
* I should not challenge the rough-and-tumble bar fighter/gunslinger to a duel with swords
** Even if he has never seen a sword before in his life and I am very well versed in swordplay
*** I should not be surprised when he manages to use his bar fighting tactics to get the upper hand and beat me
**** I should be grateful that he decided to only stab me in the stomach (twice) instead of killing me outright

***** Yes, they can take the sky from me.

JAL_1138
2015-05-28, 07:20 AM
*May not let my hair out of a bun in the presence of the strange lobotomized girl.
**Or the war-veteran first mate.
***I am putting the hair away now.

Lord Torath
2015-05-28, 09:37 AM
****It won't help. She will still know it's there.
I didn't get the Firefly reference until Failed Heist/Folk Hero bit. Then it occurred to me that the previous bit was from Mr. Wing's perspective.

JAL_1138
2015-05-28, 11:14 AM
****It won't help. She will still know it's there.

*****Waiting.

TurboGhast
2015-05-29, 08:29 AM
*Any plan that ends in one of my characters being reduced to smoking limbless torso is to be classified as a "failure"
**Just because I can regenerate and come back stronger does not mean I can retroactively claim that this was my plan all along.
Joke furthering.
***Even if you know the villains are totally doing this.

DigoDragon
2015-05-29, 08:50 AM
* No longer allowed to suggest dating an NPC big enough that they can climb like a tree.

Anonymouswizard
2015-05-29, 09:07 AM
* No longer allowed to suggest dating an NPC big enough that they can climb like a tree.

** May not work out a way to consummate the resulting marriage.
*** With dragons, the word has an s.
**** Droit du seigneur does not extend to the local dragons.

goto124
2015-05-29, 09:19 AM
** May not suggest Enlarge Person or Enlarge Pony.
*** Do those spells even exist in the setting?

DigoDragon
2015-05-29, 10:06 AM
*** With dragons, the word has an s.

**** Forbidden from taking a guess at that word. :smallbiggrin:


** May not suggest Enlarge Person or Enlarge Pony.
*** Do those spells even exist in the setting?

**** If magic is insufficient in resolving the obstacle, I will not suggest 'Science!'

JAL_1138
2015-05-29, 11:14 AM
**** If magic is insufficient in resolving the obstacle, I will not suggest 'Science!'

*****Especially if I'm playing a tinker gnome.
******Not allowed to play a tinker gnome.
*******Not only am I forbidden from including tinker gnomes in any way shape form or fashion in my own setting, this now applies to Greyhawk, Planescape, Spelljammer, Dragonlance, Ravenloft, Dark Sun, Mystara and Forgotten Realms whenever I'm a player. They do not exist. Ordinary gnomes are ok.
********Cannot play an ordinary gnome like a tinker gnome.

*Despite what the rules imply, the world does not respect and fear the mighty halfling military's armored archers and light skirmishers.

Wookieetank
2015-05-29, 12:01 PM
Not mine, but all pulled off by one of my brothers while I was DM.

As a tinker gnome:
*No longer allowed to invent mechs
**May not then equip my settlements' military with mechs
***Proceeding to then build the first railroad is right out.
****Having grown bored of land transportation methods, not to begin with airborne transportation.
*****Upon creating a flying saucer of doom and spinning blades, not to take it out dragon hunting.
******May not 1-shot a red dragon with a ballista, even with appropriate magical aid and superior crafted ammo.

Was a lot of fun to DM that group.

JAL_1138
2015-05-30, 11:28 PM
*May not cast Heat Metal on an armored opponent's codpiece again.

Ksheep
2015-05-31, 12:28 AM
* I may not bill the campaign as "It's like Lord of the Rings, but with Tinker Gnomes"
** Nor is it "Like Harry Potter, but with Tinker Gnomes"
*** Anything described as "Like _____, but with Tinker Gnomes" is vetoed
**** Except maybe Artemis Fowl, but only because they'd fit right in there.

goto124
2015-05-31, 02:12 AM
*May not cast Heat Metal on an armored opponent's codpiece again.

** May not make lame jokes about the opponent being 'hot'.
*** He easily overheats without your magical help anyway!
**** May not point at real-life evidence to support the above statement.

omnitricks
2015-05-31, 05:56 AM
*I may no longer throw money (or promise a big payday) at NPCs to try and draw out their 200%
**I may no longer make PCs who are good at photography in order to blackmail everyone
***I may no longer make PCs who think they are extremely good spellcasters which use explosives as their materials/focus
****I may no longer have my PCs running around shouting anything which remotely resembles "Viva la revolution!" for no good reason
*****I may no longer play the theme of Pacific Rim on my phone when my GM introduces an enemy which is a lot larger than us
******I may no longer shoot the BBEG in the face before he even introduces himself as the BBEG just because he dresses up like a goth
*******I may no longer have my PC bring little kids along with him as adventure apprentices which are actually meat shields against paladins
********I may no longer investigate the plot until the party has sufficiently grinded levels so the BBEG has no reason to move up the calendar
*********I may no longer solve all interparty conflict with a dance off especially when everyone including myself has no dancing skills
**********I may no longer have a PC which is good at weaving. No, nets cannot be weaved. Just no! And stop saying only real men weave.

Anonymouswizard
2015-05-31, 06:33 AM
* I can no longer be more attractive than the bard.
** May not be true in-game either.
*** My magician cannot offer to make the bard hotter.
**** The ideal spell for this is not burning hands.
***** Or fireball.
****** Or Delayed Delayed Blast Fireball.

goto124
2015-05-31, 07:57 AM
* I can no longer be more attractive than the bard.
** May not be true in-game either.
*** My magician cannot offer to make the bard hotter.
**** The ideal spell for this is not burning hands.
***** Or fireball.
****** Or Delayed Delayed Blast Fireball.

******* May not make the bard's player hotter.
******** Especially not with the techniques mentioned above.
********* You'll burn the house down, which sadly is much less fun IRL.


*********I may no longer solve all interparty conflict with a dance off especially when everyone including myself has no dancing skills

********** May not apply this to RL.

JAL_1138
2015-05-31, 08:32 AM
*A 5'6" scrawny half-elf in a ridiculous hat and foppish clothes tuning up a lute should not be the single most intimidating thing a hulking 7ft tall half-orc brute has ever seen.

Anonymouswizard
2015-05-31, 08:50 AM
*A 5'6" scrawny half-elf in a ridiculous hat and foppish clothes tuning up a lute should not be the single most intimidating thing a hulking 7ft tall half-orc brute has ever seen.

** No, that would be terrifying.

* May not flirt with the GM.
** Especially if I know they are the wrong orientation.
*** Especially if I know they would be creeped out.
**** Especially if they think I'm straight.

Spore
2015-05-31, 09:07 AM
*A 5'6" scrawny half-elf in a ridiculous hat and foppish clothes tuning up a lute should not be the single most intimidating thing a hulking 7ft tall half-orc brute has ever seen.

Once I set this puppy to POWER RIFF you're gonna have a bad time.

On a slightly more boring note: Spellcasting is scary in its own right. If he is a bard, even Dominate Person or similar effects are scary. Loss of body control is immensely scary.

JAL_1138
2015-06-04, 03:03 PM
*May not invent the harmonica and harmonica-holder so my bard can cast material-component spells with both hands full.
**May not invent a version of the harmonica-holder adapted to panpipes if I can't invent the harmonica.
***May not demonstrate that the basic premise can work with my guitar and harmonica. That's entirely different than sword-and-shield.
****May not demonstrate that the basic premise would work with my harmonica, a trash-can lid, and a smallsword.
*****May not bring my smallsword.

braveheart
2015-06-04, 05:06 PM
*May not have the youngest party member become the first to commit murder in a lighthearted Pokemon campaign
**need to have said young trainer keep his party of sweepers in check to keep npc's alive.
***may not have 10 year old child decide that he likes watching his enemies die, and embrace murder

Erth16
2015-06-04, 05:17 PM
*I may not repeatedly insist to my players that they are being sent to explore an area similar to Central America by the Portuguese when they are actually exploring the Fire Nation.
**Repeatedly saying nothing when they assume the natives have a best a large canoe to fight their warships off is simply misleading.
***The entire campaign may not be based around causing everything to change when the Fire Nation attacks.
****The Portuguese do not kill and eat Grippli on sight, no matter how much I hate the race.
*****They do not do the same to Alchemists, no matter how much I hate the class.

JAL_1138
2015-06-04, 05:49 PM
*I may not repeatedly insist to my players that they are being sent to explore an area similar to Central America by the Portuguese when they are actually exploring the Fire Nation.
**Repeatedly saying nothing when they assume the natives have a best a large canoe to fight their warships off is simply misleading.
***The entire campaign may not be based around causing everything to change when the Fire Nation attacks.
****The Portuguese do not kill and eat Grippli on sight, no matter how much I hate the race.
*****They do not do the same to Alchemists, no matter how much I hate the class.

Why not just ban alchemists and grippli? The Banhammer is sometimes better than IC justification.

Anonymouswizard
2015-06-04, 06:50 PM
Why not just ban alchemists and grippli? The Banhammer is sometimes better than IC justification.

* May not enchant the banhammer.

DigoDragon
2015-06-04, 07:19 PM
No longer allowed to look up the Chet Atkins version of Yakety Sax on YouTube.

JAL_1138
2015-06-04, 07:30 PM
* May not enchant the banhammer.

*Nor the clue bat.
**The clue bat is not St. Cuthbert's cudgel from back when he was Lawful Good and advocated manually inserting common sense into people via hitting them over the head with a club.

JAL_1138
2015-06-04, 07:37 PM
No longer allowed to look up the Chet Atkins version of Yakety Sax on YouTube.

Why not? :smalltongue:

For those curious, Yakety Axe. (http://youtu.be/CvY7JPVX8mU)

DigoDragon
2015-06-04, 09:14 PM
Why not?

My daughter started singing the tune endlessly for the rest of the evening. :smalltongue:

JAL_1138
2015-06-04, 09:35 PM
My daughter started singing the tune endlessly for the rest of the evening. :smalltongue:

D'aww :smallsmile:

There's also a version with lyrics (http://youtu.be/Xu5JDoMgY44).

Erth16
2015-06-04, 11:43 PM
I did just ban them, but not Alchemists. The killing and eating thing was an in story joke about how I banned them.

*May not dread the upcoming character creation session because it means teaching people who can't remember power attack rules magic item creation rules.

Anonymouswizard
2015-06-05, 05:04 AM
* Despite real world precedent, cannot pull 3 Thai university students by talking about engineering.
** Even if I have 23 Charisma.

* Cannot put off research for my setting.
** Cannot replace research with 'in dwarfhome, ore mines you'.
*** Cannot have dwarves breed like rabbits.
**** Cannot base the campaign setting off of China, Russia, India, and the middle east without warning the players.
***** Cannot veto any PCs with a skin colour above tan.
****** Cannot start the campaign at the border of a human kingdom and the elven empire.
******* Elves can have more hair colours than black.
******** If none of the players took Elvish (northern dialect) as a language I cannot speak Mandarin at them.

Erth16
2015-06-05, 10:48 AM
*Upon Quelling the Super Aztecs/Fire Nation, my campaign is not about the Portuguese colonizing Siberia.
**Not allowed to help the Super Aztecs conquer India so that these days Indians would be called "The Other Native Americans."
***Do not explain why the Portuguese are in Mexico, just claim that the Treaty of Tordesillas is an urban legend Portuguese mothers tell their children to get them to behave.
****I shouldn't have to remind the players that Portugal colonized Brazil, and not the other way around.

JAL_1138
2015-06-05, 11:22 AM
*I may not play a clip of the "Now dance f***er dance" line from "You're Gonna Go Far, Kid" whenever I cast Otto's Irresistable Dance.

*I may not use bullets as minis for bulettes.
**Or anything else.
***I may not use a Bulleitt bourbon shotglass as a mini for a Bulette either.
****Seriously, neither one's the right scale.

*I may not play the tune from the Whistle in the first Legend of Zelda game on a recorder or tin whistle whenever I cast teleport spells.

*I may not be on such good terms with the DM's housecat that it ignores him in favor of me for the duration of the game.

*I may not wear apparel with my favorite college basketball team's logo now that I live in an area home to a school with which we have a long and bitter rivalry.
**That goes triple on game day.

*I may not reschedule the game so I can go to a gun show.

*I may not keep playing characters who are massively hydrophobic because water is evil in D&D if I got to the DM's house on a jet ski.

unseenmage
2015-06-05, 12:10 PM
*I am never to bring a slide whistle to an IRL game ever ever again.

JAL_1138
2015-06-05, 12:16 PM
*I am never to bring a slide whistle to an IRL game ever ever again.

** Especially not for "falling objects/characters," "*yoink*", and "leaving/arriving quickly" sound effects.

Anonymouswizard
2015-06-05, 01:51 PM
* Cannot bring a swaney whistle and kazoo to the game.
** May not convince others to bet on 'the great game' mornington crescent.
*** Cannot buzz during the BBEG's monologue to catch him for repetition.
**** This does not let me talk about the subject 'my master plan'.
***** I am not the host, and even if I was I cannot have every one of my responses delivered as dry as possible.
****** Perform (BBC radio 4 comedy) is no longer legal.

JAL_1138
2015-06-05, 02:25 PM
*Throwing fireballs and other damage spells while flying does not require my bard to play "Ride of the Valkyries."
**Especially if I'm not the one flying or throwing damage spells.

A Tad Insane
2015-06-06, 02:09 PM
*I'm allowed to play a half orc wizard
**Sure, he can be a gish
***Never increasing my intelligence past 12 will get me weird looks
**** No one will ever refer to him as "arch-high-mage-sage Thrunsky of the 4 tower eyeball"
***** Hitting things good isn't proof of my arcane mastery
****** Setting fire to my staff and hitting people with it isn't any kind of fire spell
7* Not even from any of the dragon magazine, trust me, the dm has them all on his computer
8* No more gishes

Spore
2015-06-06, 02:46 PM
*May not have the youngest party member become the first to commit murder in a lighthearted Pokemon campaign


** No matter how bad-ass the mangas are. Pokemon should not be used as deadly weapons.

http://files.umwblogs.org/blogs.dir/7524/files/2014/11/02203223/Chap14p12Arbok.jpg

RogueishScholar
2015-06-07, 02:18 PM
*May not keep trying to open the obviously trapped door labeled "Treasure Room"
**Even if it looks like it's a dead end and there's nowhere to go but through the door
***Even after the claw door handle already tried to rip the paladin's arm off
****May not trick the claw into grabbing multiple things in order to then try turning it
*****Seriously, it's just going to let everything go in order to grab the living hand it senses
******May not be surprised when we eventually find the actual treasure room that has even deadlier traps

JAL_1138
2015-06-07, 02:36 PM
*May not employ the Lower Water spell (and/or the reverse of the Lower Water spell) to invent the cannon.
**Or the water rocket.
***For the last time, NO GNOMES.

Rater202
2015-06-07, 03:04 PM
*May not spend the better part of several days arguing that Beasts are not all unrepentant monsters and that Heroes don't deserve sympathy.
**It doen'st matter that people seem to be ignoring everything in the document that proves their positions wrong.
***May not ask why people keep trying to apply black and white morality to a game that's supposed to be light-gray VS dark-gray.

JAL_1138
2015-06-07, 04:38 PM
*May not insist that no matter what the book for the current edition says, St. Cuthbert is Lawful Good and advocates pounding sense into people's heads with a club because that's how it was back in my day, dagnabbit, now git off my lawn you dadgum whippersnappers.

Anonymouswizard
2015-06-07, 05:24 PM
* Despite the hilarious cannon defilement already in the game, cannot convince the werewolf hunters to embrace me.
** Cannot offer to become a ghoul for discipline access while retaining the ability to learn gifts.
*** Cannot use an artefact to learn path magic.
**** If my endgame is to use three different power sets to ascend as an unaligned spirit (not tied to any of the triat) I should inform the Storyteller about it.
***** If my plan eclipses the big bad's in sheer ramifications for the setting, I should not succeed.
****** If I succeed, may not ask if breeding with humans results in shifters.

JAL_1138
2015-06-07, 06:07 PM
*May not call players who are older than me "dagnabbed whippersnappers" because they never THAC0'd.

Ksheep
2015-06-07, 11:44 PM
* I may not drop the following items as loot:
- A shield made of meat
- A cannon made of glass
- A construct that can cast Heal
- A monkey with a bunch of skill points

Anonymouswizard
2015-06-08, 03:19 AM
* May character cannot be 'Jeff the engineer'
** His cohort is not a Warforged Cleric with 3 INT. I may not name it the Healtron 5000.
*** This is not what the party meant when they said I should build a healbot.
**** Cannot only memorise Repair X Damage spells with which to heal the Healtron 5000.

Socratov
2015-06-08, 06:13 AM
*I will not call my artificer "Engie"
*Nor will I call my rogue "Spy"
*Neither will I use other appropriate concepts as names for characters, so Scout for a scout, Sniper for a ranger, Heavy Weapons Guy for a fighter, Pyro for a kineticist and Medic for a cleric are right out. I may not even start thinking about building a class capable of being a Soldier or Demoman.
**They are not to be colour coded and part of Rapid Excavation Demolition or Builder's League United.
***I am playing Dungeons and Dragons, not Teams and Fortresses.

Wookieetank
2015-06-08, 08:00 AM
* I may not drop the following items as loot:
- A shield made of meat
- A cannon made of glass
- A construct that can cast Heal
- A monkey with a bunch of skill points

- A shield generator, as in a machine that creates wooden/metal shields
- A cloak invisibility that makes enough noise that a bull in a glassware shop sounds quite in comparison.
- A bag of many things, containing (but not limited to): various mundane items, several magical items/artifacts, 1 or more dragons just to keep things interesting when the players decide to test their luck.
-* Not to be surprised when the bag is used as a means of dealing with dragons, by adding them to the list of things in the bag.

Socratov
2015-06-08, 09:33 AM
- A shield generator, as in a machine that creates wooden/metal shields
- A cloak invisibility that makes enough noise that a bull in a glassware shop sounds quite in comparison.
- A bag of many things, containing (but not limited to): various mundane items, several magical items/artifacts, 1 or more dragons just to keep things interesting when the players decide to test their luck.
-* Not to be surprised when the bag is used as a means of dealing with dragons, by adding them to the list of things in the bag.

-Not to make a 'Bag of much gold' forthe express purpose of always having enough gold to make a transaction (actually, that would be a funny item)

Sith_Happens
2015-06-08, 07:15 PM
** No matter how bad-ass the mangas are. Pokemon should not be used as deadly weapons.

http://files.umwblogs.org/blogs.dir/7524/files/2014/11/02203223/Chap14p12Arbok.jpg

Maybe I heard wrong, but doesn't that Arbok somehow get better?


and that Heroes don't deserve sympathy.

How don't they? I've only read through chapter three so far but nothing there suggests in any way that people choose to become Heroes, rather they're forcibly corrupted by magic nightmares. Sure that's both the only thing sympathetic about them and somewhat blunted by the fact that only people with Integrity 0-4 are susceptible in the first place, but it's still something.

Rater202
2015-06-08, 07:50 PM
How don't they? I've only read through chapter three so far but nothing there suggests in any way that people choose to become Heroes, rather they're forcibly corrupted by magic nightmares. Sure that's both the only thing sympathetic about them and somewhat blunted by the fact that only people with Integrity 0-4 are susceptible in the first place, but it's still something.

It boils down to one of three common arguments, none of which have much in the way of validity.

The first is "You can lose integrity from abuse/bullying/being raped/your wife cheating on you/seeing the supernatural:" however, Going from integ 7 to 4 from just mundane abuse or bullying is statistically unlikely, one breaking point isn't going to take you from 7 to 4, and the book flat out states that getting down to four from contact with the supernatural is unlikely and inappropriate for the game's tone. It also mentions that bullies and abusers are likely to become heroes.

The second is It's the Beasts Fault that the hero is a hero/The Hero became that way because of a Beast's predations. That's not the case. The Hero is a hero, in general, because he was so broken, or narcissistic, or psychopathic, or sociopathic enough that having a particularly vivid nightmare was enough to give him a new purpose in life, and a case of bad luck that he just so happens to be in range of a Beast who just so happens to have not fed for a few days or weeks, and whose souls just so happened to pick the integ 4-person to ravage, and just so happened to either screw it up or do it too well. As the Beast's soul is in itself a semi-autonomous entity and the Beast has no control of its actions when it goes soul ravaging, the Beast is in no way culpable-in other words, the existance of a hero is an accident.

Heroes have no free will: False. Heroes have the choice to resist their urges and try to control them, the same way Beasts do. Except they almost never do, even when they dive them to do something morally reprehensible. There are cases of Heroes just stopping after they kill a Beast, and it's possible for Hero to gain integrity and stop being a hero. All three of these statements are factual, and all require the hero to have free will.

There's also the manner of the difference between a Sympathetic character and an unsympathetic character with a sympathetic origin. The first deserves sympathy. The second does not.

Hiro Protagonest
2015-06-08, 07:53 PM
Maybe I heard wrong, but doesn't that Arbok somehow get better?

Yeah, I guess Koga's Arbok is special and can regenerate if its head is intact.

That manga still gets pretty intense for something where the most a villain can muster in their internal dialogue is "darn".

Erth16
2015-06-08, 09:08 PM
*The French Pirates should not scuttle their ships at the slightest hint of danger.
**Even if it would give the pcs even more than the 2*wbl they started with.
***If one of the players asked me for a class that could use cannons and make them very destructive, and I tell them siege mage only to be told wizards are annoying, I am not to give the french an 11th lvl siege mage on their ships to blow a 10ft hole in his adamantine plated boat.
**** Even if he would think it funny.

JAL_1138
2015-06-08, 09:55 PM
*May not be late to the game because the cat was being cute.
**No matter how adorable it was.
***May not be distracted by cuteness midsentenD'AAWWW
****May not then play my character as completely and utterly terrified of cats because he's a wizard and saw what happened when a fellow apprentice mage accidentally stepped on a housecat's tail.
*****My recollection of the event may not include "Poor b-----d didn't even have time to scream. He was dead before he hit the ground. I can still—I can still see the look in his eyes when he heard it yowl. He knew. He knew he was dead, right then and there. There was...there was so much blood...*sobs inconsolably*"

DigoDragon
2015-06-09, 07:13 AM
* When mind-swapped with others, no longer allowed to interrupt the ensuing discussion on reversing the effect just to check myself out.

JAL_1138
2015-06-09, 08:21 AM
*Despite d4 HP rolled at first level, no CON bonus, no armor, and instant death at 0 HP, my wizard has not seen apprentice mages die in droves to even the most ludicrously-minor injuries, not just housecats.
**Wizard school is not a blood-soaked hell littered with the bodies of wizards who bit their tongues while eating, tripped on the stairs, annoyed the cat, cut themselves shaving, nicked themselves while sharpening a quill, burned their tongues on soup that was too hot, etc., etc., so on and so forth, and that's before even beginning to learn magic, which left many, many, many more dead.
***The experience has not left him a traumatized wreck afraid of everything.
****Low-level wizards are not brittle-boned, tissue-paper-skinned hemophiliacs with heart conditions, high blood pressure, and ready-to-burst aneurisms, despite what the rules imply.

Anonymouswizard
2015-06-09, 10:43 AM
* When mind-swapped with others, no longer allowed to interrupt the ensuing discussion on reversing the effect just to check myself out.

** May not check out my new body either.

Below is my plan A for the GM running time travel campaigns:
* If the GM provides us with a time machine he expects us to use it, not for me to destroy it because I don't want to think through the metaphysics involved with time travel.
** May not point out that no author has come up with a truly through set of rules for changing the past without using alternate dimensions.
*** May not use the time machine to undo my destruction of the time machine.
**** May not put off stopping the big bad in order to use time travelling apples to work out the trick that powers the time machine just to invent faster than light travel and teleportation.
***** May not point out that we have all the time in the world.

DigoDragon
2015-06-09, 10:54 AM
***** May not point out that we have all the time in the world.

****** No longer allowed to assassinate the other players with a van full of armed Libyans.

illyahr
2015-06-09, 12:29 PM
****** No longer allowed to assassinate the other players with a van full of armed Libyans.

*******Libyans are not angry that they got a "bomb" made out of pinball machine parts rather than a nuke powered by plutonium.

Rater202
2015-06-09, 02:27 PM
* When mind-swapped with others, no longer allowed to interrupt the ensuing discussion on reversing the effect just to check myself out.
** May not check out my new body either.

***Especially when all of the PCs are like, 11-12 years old
****May not make statements along the lines of "Everypony eventually learns they want to ride the *PC's Name*" when the PC in the technomancer's body is being carried around by the Pc in my PC's body.

goto124
2015-06-10, 04:27 AM
***Especially when all of the PCs are like, 11-12 years old

**** May not ask if that's adult age in the setting.

Rater202
2015-06-10, 05:06 AM
**** May not ask if that's adult age in the setting.

*****May not clarify that our PCs are middleschoolers.
******Speaking of which, mine still hasn't told his therapist that he builds guns in his basement.

Spore
2015-06-10, 05:52 AM
Yeah, I guess Koga's Arbok is special and can regenerate if its head is intact.

That is a pretty bland Deus Ex Machina move imho. If it at least had some backup in form of a special Pokémon move, but no.

* If the native tribes have misjudged the group's combat prowess and attacked them, using my high tech rifle on the archer is not considered "parley".
** Doubly so if I shot a second time just to be sure to blow his head off.
*** Even if we manage to capture the other three axe swinging idiots instead of killing them, we can't praise ourselves on being merciful just because we didn't slaughter them all.
**** Trying to get passage now is a thing about our limited bullets vs. a whole tribe of fanatic bushfolk.

Just to get preemptive: This is a fictional tribe in an post-apocalyptic game set in middle europe. I know this disclaimer is probably useless but somehow I feel this has to be said. Otherwise someone will take offense in my uses of words such as: tribal, fanatics, bushfolk.

JAL_1138
2015-06-10, 08:01 AM
*The bulette is not a giant armored hamster breed.
**FOR THE LAST TIME, NO GNOMES.

Anonymouswizard
2015-06-10, 08:29 AM
*****May not clarify that our PCs are middleschoolers.
******Speaking of which, mine still hasn't told his therapist that he builds guns in his basement.

******* May not ask if they are wearing clothes.
******** If the answer is 'no' or 'partially', may not freak out.

For the next game I'm GMing:
* It is bad form to send newly minted Scions against a legend 5 creature.
** Especially if it has more Epic Intelligence than the entire combined.
*** Cannot have a TPK at the entrance to the lair.
**** This cannot stem from the doorbell.

RogueishScholar
2015-06-10, 02:35 PM
*The Druid is no longer allowed to transform into spiders after causing the Evoker to become arachnophobic
**The Mage may not research "phantom spider spells" in order to freak the Evoker out
***Not even a "spider steed" spell
****Even if we are constantly climbing mountains and cliffs that we are in constant danger of falling off of.
*****That's it, no more giant spiders in this campaign!

Rater202
2015-06-10, 03:03 PM
******* May not ask if they are wearing clothes.
******** If the answer is 'no' or 'partially', may not freak out.
*********May not respond with "well, one of the girls wears a skirt."
**********May not wait until after the freak out to point out that it's a My Little Pony game, and thus most races don't normally wear clothes.

Anonymouswizard
2015-06-10, 04:31 PM
*********May not respond with "well, one of the girls wears a skirt."
**********May not wait until after the freak out to point out that it's a My Little Pony game, and thus most races don't normally wear clothes.

************ Wondering if Ponies have anything to cover with the skirt.
************* May not theorise about Pony reproduction.
************** May not theorise about Brony reproduction.

* May not play a Scion of Princess Celestia.

* If the party includes a Uratha, a Cainite, a Videomancer, a Paladin, a Decker, and a Pony, it's probably time to work out what system we're using.
** May not suggest Fate.

Rater202
2015-06-10, 04:48 PM
* May not play a Scion of Princess Celestia. Epic Streangth, Episc Dex, Epic Stamina, Epic Intellegence, Earth, Sky, Magic, Sun. Maybe fertility is you want to push it.


* If the party includes a Uratha, a Cainite, a Videomancer, a Paladin, a Decker, and a Pony, it's probably time to work out what system we're using.
** May not suggest Fate.

***Even though Fate is the only setting that you can do all of that.

DigoDragon
2015-06-10, 04:58 PM
* If the party includes a Uratha, a Cainite, a Videomancer, a Paladin, a Decker, and a Pony, it's probably time to work out what system we're using.
** May not suggest Fate.

***Even though Fate is the only setting that you can do all of that.

**** Not allowed to point out that I did (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showsinglepost.php?p=17015788&postcount=1050) this in GURPS over (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showsinglepost.php?p=17022949&postcount=1059) a year (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showsinglepost.php?p=17030044&postcount=1063) ago. :smallbiggrin:

Rater202
2015-06-10, 06:22 PM
*Not allowed to have an innuendo filled conversation with an other PC only to approach an other PC as an "expert" and reveal that the conversation was just about when it's okay to touch a pegasus's wings.
**Especially since the oldest PC is 12.

One Tin Soldier
2015-06-11, 08:03 AM
Epic Streangth, Episc Dex, Epic Stamina, Epic Intellegence, Earth, Sky, Magic, Sun. Maybe fertility is you want to push it.



***Even though Fate is the only setting that you can do all of that.

****May not remind people of the existence of Dungeons: the Dragoning 40k 7th Edition

DigoDragon
2015-06-11, 08:54 AM
* May not play a Scion of Princess Celestia.

** May not play a luchador of Princess Celestia.
*** My special moves do not include The Solar Plexus, Dawn Breaker, and The Sun Blocker.
**** Not allowed to scale my damage output in degrees of sun tan.
***** At no point should my presence be enough to vaporize vampires.
****** Nor staring at my abs cause blindness without eye protection.
******* Hugging opponents should not cause spontaneous combustion.
******** 30 SPF? Please, you might as well be wearing cooking oil.

Lord Raziere
2015-06-11, 10:51 AM
****May not remind people of the existence of Dungeons: the Dragoning 40k 7th Edition

***** May not remind people that D:t40k7th isn't actually a universal system and can't model all that? :smallconfused:

JAL_1138
2015-06-11, 11:16 AM
*Despite real-life precedent (and my gallon of coffee to get through the game awake), housecats do not have a 50% chance of making it impossible to gain the benefits of a long rest.

*May not replace the alignment system with the Virtues from the Ultima series.

*May not invent the steel-bodied dobro so that my bard can be El Kabong.

*May never utter the line "Let me axe you a question" while holding a bloody hatchet.

*My club is not a "Greyhawk Slugger."
**A Louisville Slugger is right out.

*My bard has never even heard of the instrument known as the sackbut.
**Even though it's just a baroque trombone.
***May not play the trombone.
****My bard has never heard of the krummhorn either.
*****Nor the flugelhorn.
******Banjolele is right out.
*******The guitjo is likewise banned.
********The cümbüş (Turkish oud-banjo) shall not even be named.

*May not create a kilt-wearing, bagpipe-playing Tavern Brawler Monk/Bard whose primary melee attack is the headbutt. Especially not with Flurry of Blows.
**His battle cry is most certainly not "Ach! Tak a faceful o' heid!"

Anonymouswizard
2015-06-11, 12:19 PM
* The party cannot consist of:
-an awakened monkey monk with a size changing staff.
-an awakened pig monk with a rake
-a kappa monk with a monk's spade
-a human priest
-a dragon under a baleful polymorph into a horse
** We cannot abandon the quest to go to India.
*** No singing!
**** He knew every magic trick under the sun...

GPuzzle
2015-06-11, 06:03 PM
*May not make a puzzle whose solution is up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, A, B.

BootStrapTommy
2015-06-11, 06:19 PM
*My life's goal cannot be "die in a big, fiery explosion"
**Sociopath is not a playable class

unseenmage
2015-06-11, 06:27 PM
*My life's goal cannot be "die in a big, fiery explosion"
**Sociopath is not a playable class
*** American psycho is also not a playable class.
**** No ranged attacks with thrown chainsaws either.

JAL_1138
2015-06-11, 06:36 PM
*My life's goal cannot be "die in a big, fiery explosion"
**Sociopath is not a playable class

They're either the Fated, the Doomguard, the Revolutionary League, the Sign of One, or the Xaositechs, depending on how you interpret faction philosophies, and there are kits for them.

Sith_Happens
2015-06-11, 06:48 PM
*My bard has never even heard of the instrument known as the sackbut.

** At the very least he must be able to tell the difference between a sackbut and a hackbut.

JAL_1138
2015-06-11, 06:52 PM
** At the very least he must be able to tell the difference between a sackbut and a hackbut.

That would be a very important distinction. :smallbiggrin: Attempting to use one as the other has a strong chance of being lethal.

Mandark
2015-06-11, 08:19 PM
.
* May not play a Scion of Princess Celestia.

** Princess Celestia is not Captain Planet.

Geodude6
2015-06-11, 08:23 PM
* In gestalt games, may not play a Venerable White Dragonspawn Dragonwrought Kobold Cleric/Mystic Theurge//Wizard/Psion.
** May not play psions, period.