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View Full Version : Am I a Party Leader or Just Too Talkative?



Centik
2015-05-23, 06:32 AM
Hey there everyone,

My group and I are still pretty new to DnD and roleplaying in general. We've played nearly 10 campaigns and each of them ended short due to some issues with players(story for another day). Each time we'd play, my character wouldn't be exactly built toward leadership, but I'd always be the one talking to npcs, conversing with my DM about our plans or just talking whenever there was too long of a silence. Since I'm generally very talkative and love interacting with people, this trait carries over into tabletop gaming as well. I'd think that, since these guys have been my friends for years, they would tell me if I wasn't allowing them their fair shot at said interactions, but maybe they just see me as the party face and delegate their decisions to me. I always take into account their feelings and views on the decisions "I" make, but I feel like the spotlight is always on me.

So, have any of you fine ladies and gents run into this problem? Has my group just not had long enough to get into the minds of their characters due to the constant campaign hopping, or am I just a prick who needs to shut up?

Yora
2015-05-23, 07:02 AM
That always happens naturally whenever you have a group working or something or making descisions. In small groups it's generally not a problem, but for some reasons of the human brain, the magic number for a group of people who all participate seems to be 6. Once you have 6 or 7 people in the group, you always have some stepping back and pretty much leaving the field entirely to a few people who naturally take on active roles.

As I see it (as someone who almost always is one of the most active people in a group), the problem are not the people who naturally tend to take an active role, but those players who have a tendency to step into the background and leave the field to others. For those players I find it the most helpful to have a group below the 6 people threshold. Having one or two people who really dominate happens almost always, but as long as everyone else gets to participate as well in a smaller role that's not a problem. I think there isn't even anything you could do about it if you wanted to. If you want to get some players to participate specifically, then directly ask them on their input on any current issue. Even if they don't have a meaningful contribution at that moment, it still forces them to say something and give some thought to the solution instead of waiting it out.

Maglubiyet
2015-05-23, 08:10 AM
As Yora said, it's totally normal for it to shake out the way you describe. One or two people usually emerge naturally as the "face" or leadership of the party. What's interesting is what happens when the group composition changes, how different people will step forward.

As long as you're a democratic-style leader, taking everyone's position into account, I don't see a problem. Go with it. The problems usually come when one person dominates the action to the exclusion of everyone else.

A good test to see whether you're stifling others would be to watch how the dynamic changes when your PC is out of action -- injured, at another locale, etc. If the players still look to you for your input OOC, it's probably a good sign. If they're like, "you're not even there, I can do what I want now", that might be a warning sign that your approach has been too heavy-handed.

Vitruviansquid
2015-05-23, 05:55 PM
This is a situation where I would say there is no problem unless someone in your group tells you there is a problem.

Entertain the possibility that your other players don't want to do a lot of the talking, so it is actually a relief to them that you are willing to talk for them. And that's fine, as being pushed into the limelight will probably make them uncomfortable. Now, if your fellow players *do* want to do a lot of the talking, but you are somehow stifling them, they should let you know - much easier this way than making everyone play guessing games.

I'd maybe bring it up with the other players, and ask them if you're talking too much, and rein it in a bit if they answer affirmatively.

goto124
2015-05-23, 08:44 PM
This is a situation where I would say there is no problem unless someone in your group tells you there is a problem. (snip) they should let you know - much easier this way than making everyone play guessing games.

The second part is right, but what if the players are too shy/underconfidant/whatever to speak up and tell the truth even if confronted? It's why a test such as below can be useful:


A good test to see whether you're stifling others would be to watch how the dynamic changes when your PC is out of action -- injured, at another locale, etc. If the players still look to you for your input OOC, it's probably a good sign. If they're like, "you're not even there, I can do what I want now", that might be a warning sign that your approach has been too heavy-handed.

Vitruviansquid
2015-05-24, 04:22 AM
The second part is right, but what if the players are too shy/underconfidant/whatever to speak up and tell the truth even if confronted? It's why a test such as below can be useful:

If people don't want to say anything, then you should respect that rather than try to read their minds.

Centik
2015-05-24, 05:53 AM
If you want to get some players to participate specifically, then directly ask them on their input on any current issue. Even if they don't have a meaningful contribution at that moment, it still forces them to say something and give some thought to the solution instead of waiting it out.

I've been trying to do this as much as I can. Sometimes even OOC, just talking to the person from a top-down perspective on the situation to try and goad them into talking tactics with me. When our next (and I hope first real/long) campaign begins without those problem players and with just four of us who enjoy the story over the combat, I hope to see them start to come out of their respective shells.

Maglubiyet
2015-05-24, 08:52 AM
I've been trying to do this as much as I can. Sometimes even OOC, just talking to the person from a top-down perspective on the situation to try and goad them into talking tactics with me. When our next (and I hope first real/long) campaign begins without those problem players and with just four of us who enjoy the story over the combat, I hope to see them start to come out of their respective shells.

I think that's good, especially with newer players. Sometimes there is hesitancy and fear of "doing it wrong" which goes away with experience. I wouldn't push it too far though -- for whatever reason, some people seem to prefer a more passive role.

Everyone gets their own thing out of RPG's.

For example, I only go to game night to sit and stare at the dice. The regular shapes help anchor me to this reality and drown out the screaming non-Euclidean geometries howling in my brain.

Honest Tiefling
2015-05-24, 11:59 AM
Honestly, you just sound like a considerate dude. If you really worry, talk it over with the other players and see how they feel. Heck, ask if one of them wants to be the face! Maybe they just want to relax, or cannot figure out what to say, or even believe that their character would be quiet. I wouldn't worry as long as you feel that the other players will bring issues to you.

And best of luck with the new campaign!

Hawkstar
2015-05-24, 12:03 PM
That always happens naturally whenever you have a group working or something or making descisions. In small groups it's generally not a problem, but for some reasons of the human brain, the magic number for a group of people who all participate seems to be 6. Once you have 6 or 7 people in the group, you always have some stepping back and pretty much leaving the field entirely to a few people who naturally take on active roles.

... I step back at 3.
If people don't want to say anything, then you should respect that rather than try to read their minds.They want to say something, but may not know how to, or they don't want to interrupt someone else, or hold the game up for everyone else.

It is a very frustrating affliction.

Keltest
2015-05-24, 12:32 PM
I think the big thing here rests on whether or not you are presenting your ideas and accepting criticism/comments from the other players when they arise (up to and including sitting back when someone else rises up) or if youre just stating something and ignoring the other players. The first is being a leader, so long as you are clear about your ideas and allowing that they aren't going to be immediately perfect. The second is being pushy and talkative.

If your other players just aren't speaking up, they either agree with you or do not feel compelled to speak up against you enough to break their silence. Having said that, you presumably know your friends pretty well. Ask the consistently quiet ones for their ideas sometimes, especially if they look like they have something to say.

Centik
2015-05-24, 02:37 PM
Honestly, you just sound like a considerate dude. If you really worry, talk it over with the other players and see how they feel. Heck, ask if one of them wants to be the face! Maybe they just want to relax, or cannot figure out what to say, or even believe that their character would be quiet. I wouldn't worry as long as you feel that the other players will bring issues to you.

And best of luck with the new campaign!
Thanks and thanks! Yesterday I talked to one of the other players and he told me that, without those other players, he was happy at how much everyone was able to rp and talk in the few 1-shots we've done with our smaller group (which was not a lot in my eyes, but I guess a 5 minute period without me saying at LEAST hello to someone is weird for me).

Jay R
2015-05-25, 09:48 AM
Also, don't limit your options. It's quite possible to be both the party leader and Just Too Talkative.

Centik
2015-05-25, 07:53 PM
Also, don't limit your options. It's quite possible to be both the party leader and Just Too Talkative.

Touche, sir. Touche.

LibraryOgre
2015-05-26, 10:23 AM
It's fine unless you're being a jerk about it. As others have said, it's not uncommon for one player to take a bit of a lead, and early D&D even had a specific job of "caller"... the person who told the GM what everyone was doing in a round.

While you might be taking the lead, definitely let other players have input, and solicit their opinions if they're not forthcoming. IMO, a good player encourages others to engage, but is also willing to do the things that others might not like too much (i.e. talking a bunch, when the other people are just up to kill things).

VincentTakeda
2015-05-26, 07:55 PM
My personal philosophy on the easiest way to answer if you're a party leader or just too talkative is pretty simple.

Does anyone follow your lead?

If they do, then you're a leader!

Jay R
2015-05-27, 10:19 AM
You're asking the wrong people. Ask the other players.

If you talk, and they follow, and they have fun, then you are the party leader, and an asset.

If you talk, and they follow, and they don't have fun, then you are the party boss, and an annoyance..

If you talk, and they ignore you, you are just too talkative.

Deaxsa
2015-06-08, 10:16 AM
Sometimes when I think I'm too loud, I'll just take a step back myself (when the occasion is right, I wont just go randomly quiet). This way, the other players are pushed into the spotlight. A little rude, I suppose, but every once in a while I find myself being damn near the only person making decisions. Which is incredibly frustrating.

Segev
2015-06-08, 10:37 AM
In one game I'm in, we have a player who, even with everybody waiting quietly for him to ask a question, make an observation, suggest a plan of action, or simply decide to do something, even when his character's the only one "on screen," he sits in silence for upwards of a minute (usually ending because somebody else gets impatient and prompts him that we're waiting on his input or decision).

Part of it seems a paralytic anti-desire to make a choice. But even coming up with ideas to answer a question as simple as "what mode of transport do you choose to take from City A to City B" results in silence, followed (after prompting) with "I don't know." Every step seems to require a list of multiple-choice options from the other players, and even that engenders decision-paralysis. I often worry that making suggestions too forcefully will result in playing his character for him, but...

I honestly do not know how to draw this player out any more than the group already tries. Even my usual advice to a GM with this kind of issue - let the player's next scheme turn out well, no matter how cockamamie (because that way he has at least a "good" outcome from a decision rather than feeling like he was punished for making the wrong one) - won't help if the player can't even come up with an action.

neonagash
2015-06-08, 11:22 AM
Tell your player to quit being a putz and make a decision.

I'm in sales and this decision paralysis thing is our biggest problem.

You just have to give this type of person a good hard shove sometimes. And embarrassing them about over thinking things doesn't hurt either.

If more people did it in thier lives they would learn to get over it.

Segev
2015-06-08, 11:24 AM
Tell your player to quit being a putz and make a decision.

I'm in sales and this decision paralysis thing is our biggest problem.

You just have to give this type of person a good hard shove sometimes. And embarrassing them about over thinking things doesn't hurt either.

If more people did it in thier lives they would learn to get over it.

Oh, we do. Every time.