Can I get an idea of how good my poem is?

[Mr. Moon]

I showed it to my friends, and they all seem to like it. I even entered it in the contest to get into the year book. With only two other entries, it shouldn't be to hard. :smalltongue:

By the way, this is copy-righted by me. I don't want to see if anywhere else online without my permision.



Atlantis




Farther than man has been,
Farther than ever machine,
Deep beneath the ocean blue,
Is the place that no one’s seen!




In the land where Dragons dwell,
Where Elves sing of creatures fell,
Deep down in the darkest cave,
There are stories there to tell!




Take me there O song of mine,
To the place that knows no time,
To the place inside my dreams
Take me to the forests pine!




Deep inside the dungeon dark,
Hellhounds shout their booming bark,
But have no fear, don’t run or hide,
Your weapons always hit their mark!




So notch your bows, unsheathe you swords,
Take no fear of Goblin hordes,
Spells and magic, swords and bows,
You shall prevail, hear these words!




I wish to go there, can’t you see?
Atlantis is were I long to be,
Wind and fire, earth and water,
Take me there, oh set me free!



So what do you think?

[Vaynor]

I like it, but this line confuses me.


Farther than ever machine

Other than that it's great.

[Abacab]

Ooooh... it sounds like something a bard might sing. Good luck in getting it your yearbook.

The "Farther than ever machine" could be changed to "Farther than any machine"

[Brickwall]

Hmm...

Your rhyme scheme is good for some lines, but really messes up the way other verses flow.

Good: Take me there O song of mine,
To the place that knows no time,
To the place inside my dreams
Take me to the forests pine!

Bad: So notch your bows, unsheathe you swords,
Take no fear of Goblin hordes,
Spells and magic, swords and bows,
You shall prevail, hear these words!

Also, the line "Wind and fire, earth and water" should be in a different order. I recommend. "Earth and fire, water and wind," or "Water, fire, wind and earth."

[DArKandEViL]

I'm no critic, but thats a really good poem.