Well, my girlfriend left me...

[atemu1234]

So my girlfriend of a few months, and a player in my D&D games for longer than that, left me recently. So I'm left with a quandry; what to do with a character left behind, since she says she won't take part in the group anymore. As a mature enough person, I'm not going to just murder the character, but what should I do?

[Bad Wolf]

Throw her into the Far Realm.

[nyjastul69]

I would just have her character leave the party for reasons.

[ryu]

So my girlfriend of a few months, and a player in my D&D games for longer than that, left me recently. So I'm left with a quandry; what to do with a character left behind, since she says she won't take part in the group anymore. As a mature enough person, I'm not going to just murder the character, but what should I do?

Give an honest effort at DMPCing the character until such a time as the next town/safe area/appropriate livable area, then turn said character into a full NPC having left the party? Work to keep verisimilitude to a reasonable degree while ultimately letting the character go in the most reasonable fashion possible.

[Banjoman42]

Can I sig those two, bad wolf and atemu? That's just hilarious.

In all seriousness , I usually transform them into an NPC I control for a few games until I have a good reason to have them go away.
EDIT: Double ninja'd

[Extra Anchovies]

Have the BBEG paralyze her from the waist down, forcing her to retrain to wizard and help the party by providing divinations and maintaining their stronghold. (http://dc.wikia.com/wiki/Oracle)

Seriously though, providing some in-game reason for her to stop actively adventuring and have her stick around as a helpful NPC.

Unless the rest of the party doesn't like/care about her character. Then you can just feed her to a beholder or something.

[danzibr]

I'd say it depends on how bad the breakup was. I respect that you take D&D seriously and don't want to just murder her character, but then again, it is just a game so maybe you can have some fun with it.

[nyjastul69]

I'd like to add that my response was because I wouldn't be comfortable playing my ex's character as an NPC. If I was, she'd prolly stick around and I'd play the character as I think my ex would.

ETA: I didn't mean to quote danzibr. Quote removed.

[atemu1234]

Throw her into the Far Realm.

I'm not angry with her. A little melancholic, sure, but not angry.

[Saintheart]

Send her character to a nunnery?

[Demidos]

You could use her death to introduce the new BBEG/enemy/magic artifact, and to underline his/its power. That one's a classic, except now you have the golden opportunity to use it on a PC and not a poor random town guardsman!

Sorry to hear that though, hope ya feel better.

[Bad Wolf]

I'm not angry with her. A little melancholic, sure, but not angry.

Then just make her realize she wants to become a nun and runs off.

[Kraken]

Have her fall in love with an NPC and settle down, go adventuring with that NPC, or whatever would be appropriate based on the NPC you marry her to.

[Uncle Pine]

Do what you'd do if another of your players decided to leave the game. I can understand that it's difficult to keep RL emotions outside of the table (especially strong ones), but if you don't hold a grudge against your ex and want to wrap up the situation in a mature way the most sensible thing seems to act neutral. Examine the party composition and define the role of the to-be-removed character. Try to remember if the to-be-removed character had any sort of issues with one or more other party members, maybe some that she kept for herself for the sake of their quest. Question yourself whether or not the to-be-removed character has any reason to think that leaving the party could improve her chances to reach her personal goals. If at this point you gathered enough data to make the separation of the to-be-removed character plausible, proceed. Otherwise, make the to-be-removed character stick to the party until you eventually gather enough data to proceed as described above.

I'll share an example: in one of the 5-players campaign I'm running, one of the players started to show up less and less. We don't usually meet if someone is missing, but after 3 to 4 weeks without meeting we decided to go on without him, with me (the DM) playing his character. The player still played his character when he was present, but otherwise I'd just run him like a DMPC. He hasn't shown up in a couple of months, so even though he has shown no effort to communicate his departure I'm starting to assume that we'll never see him ever again. Thus, I'm planning to retire his character.
The situation: while his Crusader never had any issue with the party, but he had some IC personal psychological problem and during the last 2-3 sessions (in which I played him) he didn't really do much, as the party crossed an underwater segment and he has something like -22 Swim. Also, the Dragonwrought Kobold Totemist just hit 4th level and turned Colossal.
The plan: in the next couple of session the PCs will get to know better an influential NPC noblewoman which is also quite rich before leaving the capital and proceed their quest. I can see how the Crusader could've started to feel outweighed by his party members and decided that his help was no longer needed. Instead of following the party, the Crusader would rather offer his services to the aforementioned NPC noblewoman as the life of a bodyguard in the peaceful capital will give him time to settle his own problems without needlessly risking his own life. Moreover, putting him at the service of a recurring NPC means that I can recycle him if I feel like it.

Also, even though I don't know if the emotional support of a random stranger on the internet can make you feel better, know that I'm sorry for yout loss.

[danzibr]

the Dragonwrought Kobold Totemist just hit 4th level and turned Colossal.
Please elaborate. I'm very curious.

[Uncle Pine]

Please elaborate. I'm very curious.

Be my guest. (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showsinglepost.php?p=19351765&postcount=16)

[Jay R]

No explanation will make anything better. Stop using the character, Don't explain why.

[Socratov]

Then just make her realize she wants to become a nun and runs off.

I hope Atemu's game doesn't hold the equivalent of Julie d'Aubigny

[(Un)Inspired]

Perhaps you could try asking her how aged like the character taken care of? Are you still on speaking terms with her?

[Hiro Quester]

Or if you don't ask her, consider that there is a reasonable chance you'll get/have to tell her what became of her character.

Have a classy story to tell, that shows that you handled it maturely with respect to that character's skills and interests etc.

It will depend on the nature of her PC. It might involve dying a glorious death battling to secure a goal her PC would choose to defend to the death. Or a quiet retirement to pursue non-adventuring interests. Or whatever.

But the main point is that you'd also have a story to tell IRL that shows you treated with respect a PC that is in some sense her property. (Treat it like she'd treat it if she were playing one last game to "retire" her character.)

[Spore]

I saw the word "age" somewhere and this gave me an inspiration. Have some villain/trap/dimensional mishap happen to her so she vanished from the face of the earth for a few days. When she returns a time accelerated plane has aged her body into the venerable age. Her personality is completed warped by decades of wandering around on a (possibly void) plane. As she comes back, the sudden incredible amount of people (after decades of solitude) freak her out. After she calms she will exclaim that human company isn't her thing anymore.

Give the other PCs a chance to say goodbye (you play a weird time-altered character, not her anyway) and then retire her somewhere peaceful and quiet. Give her possibly a pet to relearn contact with other beings (and to keep her from insanity). Bonus points if you build some sort of mini-villain that uses Plane Shift, Curses and similar to age the group.

[Psyren]

No explanation will make anything better. Stop using the character, Don't explain why.

This or the nun thing (or whatever plausible way to quickly put her on a bus you can think of that would fit her character) get my votes. Continuing to use the character in any shape or form would likely just be awkward, and being vindictive to it would be unnecessary/puerile and could easily come back to bite you.

[Rhyltran]

I'll tell you what I've done before. A long time ago I had a guy who played a half orc barbarian. He was a follower of Gruumsh and was definitely into battle. He also told me at some point he wanted to lead armies into glorious battle as an eventuality for his character. Real life happened and he split from the group but not exactly on the best of terms but I handled his character very fairly.

The character decided that he was done adventuring because he had some other ideas about what he wanted to do with his life. That, as one of the most powerful combatants the world had ever seen, he didn't feel much of a need to continue with the party. The party later found out that he tossed out the most powerful Orc Warlord in the region and conquered his tribe. Then he proceeded to lead that tribe into battle and conquered most of the orcs in the region becoming the most powerful and fearsome warlord the orcs had ever seen.

Not only that but since he was more intelligent than the previous orcs he had them more militarized, he made them stronger, and would even put his "people" in more advantageous positions. The party at some point had to deal with him and the bard managed to broker a deal peacefully. It wasn't out of love for the PC that they didn't try to wreck his stuff but out of fear at what the character might manage to accomplish because his orc army had become formidable. I heard later he found out what happened to his character and he actually thought it was awesome.

What was the character in question goals before they met the party? Have they changed since then? Maybe have her character pursue those goals without the rest of the party.

[SecretlyaFish]

{scrubbed}

[atemu1234]

{scrubbed}

This actually disgusts me.

Edit: Wow, never had something scrubbed right as I quoted it before. Neat.

[Taelas]

Unless there is a particular reason to keep verisimilitude intact, I would just have the character disappear -- put on a bus, so to speak. I imagine the rest of your party know about your breakup, so you could just explain that the character won't be around anymore.

That's the simplest way, but it only really works if you're willing to suspend disbelief.

[Heliomance]

Have her be possessed by a malevolent psionic gestalt and attempt to kill the rest of the party.

I totally haven't done this before. Honest.

[Dexam]

I'm not angry with her. A little melancholic, sure, but not angry.

Have her character check in to the Shattered Stag Tavern (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heartbreak_Hotel).

:smalltongue:

[Incorrect]

"Hey guys, Girl and me broke up, and she says that she wont be playing with us again. I don't feel like murdering her character, but on the other hand the character needs to go. How about we say that she just decides to leave, and leave it at that?"

[PrincessCupcake]

OOC to the players: "the following is a retirement of a character whose player will no longer be joining us due to a breakup. I don't feel it's right to kill the character, but I would like to not have her as a DMPC either."

IC: Anything that's urgent, character appropriate, or particularly interesting will work. If you want to invoke the melancholy, maybe she takes an injury in battle that cannot be healed except by special magic, and with a sorrowful heart bids the party adieu to go seek treatment. When they see her next, she's become a grizzled veteran training the city guard, or built an arcane library, or erected a temple, something like that. Still in the world if she decides to come back, but if not has a fitting close to the adventuring chapter.

I have to write out characters all the time.

[LoyalPaladin]

I'd probably just have them leave at the next town for some odd reason. But in this case...


As a mature enough person, I'm not going to just murder the character, but what should I do?

Throw her into the Far Realm.
Throw her into the Abyss!

[Mindtour]

Build and dedicate a shrine to her both IC and OOC. Never let the memory of her and the good times you both had die. Literally. Her NPC is now immortal. Have a full-size image of her printed onto a body pillow and sit it at the table. Better yet, buy or construct a mannequin the sit at the table and play with your group, all the while staring longingly at it. Die a little inside. Never move on.

That's the only way to deal with it.

Or do what any self-respecting male from before the 70s would do in this situation. Bottle it up and keep it inside until alcohol forces it out in self-harm or violence, or a mix of both.

Or just follow any other advice in this thread like a reasonable person. :)

[LoyalPaladin]

Build and dedicate a shrine to her both IC and OOC. Never let the memory of her and the good times you both had die. Literally. Her NPC is now immortal. Have a full-size image of her printed onto a body pillow and sit it at the table. Better yet, buy or construct a mannequin the sit at the table and play with your group, all the while staring longingly at it. Die a little inside. Never move on.
Thank you Mindtour, for the prime example of what should not be done! Haha.


Or do what any self-respecting male from before the 70s would do in this situation. Bottle it up and keep it inside until alcohol forces it out in self-harm or violence, or a mix of both.
Don't worry Atemu, you can take the Paladin with you and we'll both get some ale at the local tavern.

[Banjoman42]

I'd probably just have them leave at the next town for some odd reason. But in this case...



Throw her into the Abyss!
IC and OOC.

[Extra Anchovies]

Build and dedicate a shrine to her both IC and OOC. Never let the memory of her and the good times you both had die. Literally. Her NPC is now immortal. Have a full-size image of her printed onto a body pillow and sit it at the table. Better yet, buy or construct a mannequin the sit at the table and play with your group, all the while staring longingly at it. Die a little inside. Never move on.

To be honest, that seems more like dying a lot inside.

[atemu1234]

Don't worry Atemu, you can take the Paladin with you and we'll both get some ale at the local tavern.

I want to set up a PbP just for this, now.

[Knaight]

Honestly, just killing the character hardly seems "immature". It's a good way to write a character out in plenty of circumstances, and D&D 3.5 is generally a pretty high lethality system where characters die with some frequency anyways. It only becomes "immature" if you do something like describe how the character died in a lot of detail while clearly enjoying it a great deal, and that's not in any danger of happening unless you're way more vindictive than you're coming across.

With that said, it depends a lot on how the game is structured and where it is currently stopped. In an extended dungeon crawl or the like doing anything other than killing off the character is going to be tricky. In a mission based campaign within a larger organization where the current stopping point is home base, they could easily just be reassigned somewhere. The goal is the same as any other time a player quits - get the character gone with the path of least resistance, or in such a way as to emphasize a setting element. If that's killing the character, go for it. If not, go for the superior alternative.

[LoyalPaladin]

IC and OOC.
Did I stutter?


To be honest, that seems more like dying a lot inside.
Seconded.


I want to set up a PbP just for this, now.
Hahaha. "Pubs, Pints, and Paladins" Airing 6pm PST Monday - Friday

[(Un)Inspired]

Whelp, this thread went from advice on how to write a character out of a campaign to LoyalPaladin trying to pick up Atemu1234 on the rebound very, very quickly.

[atemu1234]

Whelp, this thread went from advice on how to write a character out of a campaign to LoyalPaladin trying to pick up Atemu1234 on the rebound very, very quickly.

Hey, I'll take what I can get.

[LoyalPaladin]

Whelp, this thread went from advice on how to write a character out of a campaign to LoyalPaladin trying to pick up Atemu1234 on the rebound very, very quickly.
Whoa. Let's be clear. I'm the wing man. This is now a thread about Red Fel and I making a flawless legal deal with a succubus so that Atemu can have the best of times without any repercussions.


Hey, I'll take what I can get.
Be careful what you wish for. There are Snowbluffs in this thread. Don't kiss the ring. It'll be the end of you. That's all the sage advice I have.

[atemu1234]

Whoa. Let's be clear. I'm the wing man. This is now a thread about Red Fel and I making a flawless legal deal with a succubus so that Atemu can have the best of times without any repercussions.


Be careful what you wish for. There are Snowbluffs in this thread. Don't kiss the ring. It'll be the end of you. That's all the sage advice I have.

This is why I love these forums.

[marphod]

What surprises me is that almost none of these suggestions ask what the character in question is like, what the world-state is, and what the repercussions of the character leaving would be.

I'll re-iterate the advice that you should treat this as if any other player suddenly withdrew from the game. If you've ever had to deal with that. Don't be vindictive or cruel. The rest follows from there.

I was on the other side of this (well, I was dumped, but the DM and my ex-gf were very close, and the players included my ex and two of her BFFs, and so I was 'asked' to leave; yeesh nearly 10 years ago); I'm not sure how my character was written out, but I do appreciate it that the character was left alive. It meant that a few years later, when a prior member of the gaming group visited from where they moved (to another continent), I could be invited to play in a one-shot reunion game with the same characters, which was a lot of fun, if somewhat melancholy.

[Extra Anchovies]

Whelp, this thread went from advice on how to write a character out of a campaign to LoyalPaladin trying to pick up Atemu1234 on the rebound very, very quickly.

I really want to add this to my sig, do you mind if I do so? I'm gonna miss that "Lay your Eyes" line (I'm pretty close to the character limit and even if I wasn't I don't want my sig to be too tall), but this is worth it.

[Psyren]

I really want to add this to my sig, do you mind if I do so? I'm gonna miss that "Lay your Eyes" line (I'm pretty close to the character limit and even if I wasn't I don't want my sig to be too tall), but this is worth it.

You could always make an extended sig and throw the character/build stuff over there.

[Madbranch]

Have the BBEG kidnap (and off-screen kill) her. Your players will have an extra reason to hate BBEG and you get rid of her character.

[phlidwsn]

No explanation will make anything better. Stop using the character, Don't explain why.

Agreed, fade to black, just let the char vanish with your dignity intact.

[LoyalPaladin]

This is why I love these forums.
They are truly a wonderful place.


I really want to add this to my sig, do you mind if I do so? I'm gonna miss that "Lay your Eyes" line (I'm pretty close to the character limit and even if I wasn't I don't want my sig to be too tall), but this is worth it.
I'm going to second Psyren's advice. I made an extended sig and put my quotes in a spoiler. It worked pretty darn well.

[Nibbens]

This is a sticky situation. However, I fall into this camp:


"Hey guys, Girl and me broke up, and she says that she wont be playing with us again. I don't feel like murdering her character, but on the other hand the character needs to go. How about we say that she just decides to leave, and leave it at that?"

I had a similar situation where I had to take care of an NPC. I have a husband and wife team who are playing together. The male got hitched to another NPC in game - she was of minor importance. The wife got upset.

Instead of killing her off in some dramatic way or reversing the marriage or whatever, we just continued playing with no mention of that NPC again, as though it never happened in the first place.

I say you owe it to the PCs to not affect the game with her disappearance in any way possible.

Also, if your still on speaking terms - ask her what she would like. Baring that, the above will work quite well.

[atemu1234]

Well, I found a way to shuffle the character into the background. Long, in-game plot reason why. Thanks for the support, my fellow forumites.

I also noticed I'm getting mentioned by name a bit more... does this mean I'm a forum personality, yet :smallbiggrin:?

[(Un)Inspired]

I really want to add this to my sig, do you mind if I do so? I'm gonna miss that "Lay your Eyes" line (I'm pretty close to the character limit and even if I wasn't I don't want my sig to be too tall), but this is worth it.


Go right ahead my friend.

[ekarney]

In my current campaign I've had about five come in and out, I'll give you the run down on their characters and how I dealt with it in game.

1. Halfling Bard that was horrifically built, the player rolled a new character after the bard passed his disguise check to pretend to be a Goblin then mentioned him no more. I told the party that the character had left the town and live peacefully among the Goblins outside of town now, he's now quite celebrated amongst those goblins.

2. Nezumi Artificer, made by the previous player. The player left about a month after rolling this guy due to travel constraints in that month he'd made quite a name for the character, after he'd left I'd spread some rumours around town of a crazed rat-man who haunts the sewers hunting members of the thieves guild who continually wronged him.

3. Water Orc Barbarian the player retired him mid-quest where he was investigating the presence of a god in town and still couldn't read. He's still in town, he's learned to read and has spent the past 5 years vigorously researching the presence of this god.

4. Dread Necromancer who's race I can't remember, this player was a good friend who was visiting mine as he's from another state so he could only play one session, however his character left a mark on all the current players from his stealing of corpses, bad threatening of merchants and pinning up of said corpses in alley ways. Last any of the characters heard of him he'd wandered off into the forest, he'll become a minor plot point at some point.

5. A pixie ninja or druid or something, the player only played one session before just disappearing forever. Note to fellow DM's, don't recruit players from tinder, I think she got the wrong idea. Anyway, I'd outlined the character creation was level 2, no LA, no homebrew. She kept asking for me to approve these like ECL 6 pixie races from the homebrew section of dandwiki, and we all know how that gets, eventually she managed to slip some LA +0 pixie by me that reincarnated and the only thing that would change was the eye colour and sometimes gender. That had ridiculous bonuses that should NOT be LA +0 because I was in the middle of arguing with one of my regulars about whether we should use spot/listen or perception since he's mostly a pathfinder player.
Anyway she conned several nobles in the game, and once I realised she wasn't coming back I had the local drow queen have her turned to stone and used as a statue. This is the only character who I've done something like that to.

[Aliek]

Depending on how high level the campaign already is, a mundane reason can be sufficient. Say her parents are in some troubled waters and need her by their side. Afterwards she decides not to abandon them again(?) or somesuch.

[Grollub]

Note to fellow DM's, don't recruit players from tinder, I think she got the wrong idea.


lol :smalleek:

[Pluto!]

This is a weird thread.

I'm sure you've had players leave games unannounced for one reason or other and I'm sure you've come up with simple ways to disappear their dudes (or have just ignored them). Just do that.