Need Help Wording This Item: Electric Recombobulator

[Dralnu]

Electric Recombobulator
Wondrous item, rare (requires attunement)

A scientific triumph of Siegfried’s own design, the electric recombobulator is composed of a geist-tank that is connected via alternator tubes to a power gauntlet which functions as a control panel. The geist tank is typically harnessed to your back, the power gauntlet worn on one hand.
While wearing the recombobulator, you can use an action to transform your body, along with everything you’re wearing and holding, into a lightning bolt; rematerializing at the end of the bolt. You cast the lightning bolt spell, except you can choose to shorten the bolt’s length, and you reappear at the end of the bolt. The recombobulator can’t be used this way again until the next dawn.

Basically you cast lightning bolt + teleport to the end of the bolt. Except I'm not satisfied with how it's worded. Thoughts?

[Debihuman]

Unless you plan on using Siegfried as a major plot line get rid of references to him. It detracts from the item. Find a suitable picture or describe what the parts are. Geist tank? Alternator tubes? Power gauntlet can mean a lot of different things. We can't know what's in your head unless you tell us.

You cannot cast 2 spells in the same round normally.

How long after you teleport (and how far can you teleport?) can you cast the lightning bolt?

Debby

[Prince Zahn]

Electric Recombobulator
Wondrous item, rare (requires attunement)

A scientific triumph of Siegfried’s own design, the electric recombobulator is composed of a geist-tank that is connected via alternator tubes to a power gauntlet which functions as a control panel. The geist tank is typically harnessed to your back, the power gauntlet worn on one hand.
While wearing the recombobulator, you can use an action to transform your body, along with everything you’re wearing and holding, into a lightning bolt; rematerializing at the end of the bolt. You cast the lightning bolt spell, except you can choose to shorten the bolt’s length, and you reappear at the end of the bolt. The recombobulator can’t be used this way again until the next dawn.

Basically you cast lightning bolt + teleport to the end of the bolt. Except I'm not satisfied with how it's worded. Thoughts?
I don't know this Siegfried fellow, but this is strikingly reminiscent of Lightning Leap from 3.5e (DrM) (which was the arcane love child of lightning bolt+dimension door in essence). I like that :smallcool:.
Rather than replicate both spell, it would be better to define it's benefits without mentioning the spells: "using an action, The Electric Combobulator's gauntlet launches the very particles constructing your body through an electric current, and reconstructs them magnetically once it reaches it's destination. The current is a line with a range of X feet to W feet from you, and it deals YdZ lightning damage to all creatures caught within it, of half that damage on a successful reflex save. Your body instantly reconstructs at the nearest unoccupied square to the opposite end of the line, otherwise completely identical in form to before you were dissolved"

Or something. :P best of luck!

[Dralnu]

Unless you plan on using Siegfried as a major plot line get rid of references to him. It detracts from the item. Find a suitable picture or describe what the parts are. Geist tank? Alternator tubes? Power gauntlet can mean a lot of different things. We can't know what's in your head unless you tell us.

You cannot cast 2 spells in the same round normally.

How long after you teleport (and how far can you teleport?) can you cast the lightning bolt?

Debby

Ah sorry, I should've put some context. This is for a free adventure module I'm writing, where Siegfried is the final boss. It's set in Magic: The Gathering's world of Innistrad, which is a mish-mash of gothic European fantasy (I heard it resembles Ravenloft). A geist is a spirit, and a geist tank traps the spirit to be used to fuel glorious science.

This is a dude using a geist tank to make a flame thrower. (http://orig04.deviantart.net/2073/f/2011/263/3/7/mtg__rage_thrower_by_one_vox-d4ag1zs.jpg)

And this would be the inspiration for Siegfried. (http://www.artofmtg.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/Laboratory-Maniac-Art.jpg)

So for the description I want a geist tank, a glove with metal bits on it, and tubes connecting the tank to the glove for no clear reason. Plus pseudo-science terminology to sell it.


I don't know this Siegfried fellow, but this is strikingly reminiscent of Lightning Leap from 3.5e (DrM) (which was the arcane love child of lightning bolt+dimension door in essence). I like that :smallcool:.
Rather than replicate both spell, it would be better to define it's benefits without mentioning the spells: "using an action, The Electric Combobulator's gauntlet launches the very particles constructing your body through an electric current, and reconstructs them magnetically once it reaches it's destination. The current is a line with a range of X feet to W feet from you, and it deals YdZ lightning damage to all creatures caught within it, of half that damage on a successful reflex save. Your body instantly reconstructs at the nearest unoccupied square to the opposite end of the line, otherwise completely identical in form to before you were dissolved"

Or something. :P best of luck!

THAT'S the spell! I thought I was crazy! That's my favorite spell ever and the basis for this item, yes.

So using your new description of what it does, and a bit of Lightning Leap language:


Electric Recombobulator
Wondrous item, rare (requires attunement)

The electric recombobulator is composed of a geist-tank that is connected via alternator tubes to a power gauntlet. The geist tank is typically harnessed to your back, the power gauntlet worn on one hand.
While wearing the recombobulator, you can use an action to launch the very particles constructing your body through an electric current and reconstructs them magnetically once it reaches it's destination. The current is a 5 feet wide line with a length of 10 feet to 60 feet from you, and it deals 8d6 lightning damage to all creatures caught within it, of half that damage on a successful Dexterity saving throw. Your body instantly reconstructs at the nearest unoccupied square to the opposite end of the line, along with any gear worn or carried (up to a maximum of your heavy load limit). The recombobulator can’t be used this way again until the next dawn.


Alternatively, if I follow 3.5 Lightning Leap language more closely:


Electric Recombobulator
Wondrous item, rare (requires attunement)

The electric recombobulator is composed of a geist-tank that is connected via alternator tubes to a power gauntlet. The geist tank is typically harnessed to your back, the power gauntlet worn on one hand. The recombobulator has the power to launch the very particles constructing your body through an electric current and reconstruct them magnetically once it reaches it's destination.
While wearing the recombobulator, you can use an action to transform yourself into a line of lightning, similar to that created by the lightning bolt spell. This line can be of any length from 10 feet to 60 feet, measured in 5-foot increments. You reappear at the end of the line, along with any gear worn or carried (up to a maximum of your heavy load limit). The line deals 1d6 points of electricity damage per character level (maximum 15d6) to anything in its area. A successful Dexterity saving throw halves this damage. The recombobulator can’t be used this way again until the next dawn.

[PotatoGolem]

If your characters know about Siegfried by the time they get the item, I'd keep his mention in the description. It's very cool to know that you're using the BBEG's own weapon against him. Also, I'm so happy that the Laboratory Maniac has a name and a plotline!

[Dralnu]

Oh yeah, they'll have been hunting him down for quite a few sessions at this point. They won't use it against him but they get his trademark item when he's defeated.


Electric Recombobulator
Wondrous item, rare (requires attunement)

A scientific triumph of Siegfried’s own design, the electric recombobulator is composed of a geist-tank that is connected via alternator tubes to a power gauntlet. The geist tank is typically harnessed to your back, the power gauntlet worn on one hand. The recombobulator has the power to launch the very particles constructing your body through an electric current and reconstruct them magnetically once it reaches it’s destination.
Lightning Leap. While wearing the recombobulator, you can use an action to transform yourself into a line of lightning, similar to that created by the lightning bolt spell. This line can be of any length from 10 feet to 60 feet. Your body instantly reconstructs at the nearest unoccupied space at the opposite end of the line, along with any gear worn or carried (up to a maximum of your heavy load limit). Each creature in the line must make a Dexterity saving throw. A creature takes 8d6 lightning damage on a failed save, or half as much damage on a successful one. The recombobulator can’t be used this way again until the next dawn.

[Sindeloke]

Looks good, but you may want to change "next dawn" to "have completed a long rest;" I assume you're balancing as though it's a 1/day spell, and "long rest" language plays better with alternate rest houserules and with latitudes or dimensions where dawn doesn't happen on a 24-hour schedule.