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Fus.Weapon 1337
2007-05-05, 03:01 AM
Welcome to AMEN



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No good Deeds allowed, to thank someone, you could merely just not kill them.
If a individual is assassinated by means of trout, and has now known heirs, the assassin inherits all the person's belongings and debt.
Never reveal the secret forum's easy to uncover address.
Stabbing is allowed and encouraged.
Twister, on the other hand, is not.
My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.
My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.
Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.
I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.
When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."
After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.
I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.
I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.
I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.
One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.
The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.
I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.
I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."
When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.
I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.
I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.
Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.
I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.
No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.
I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.
I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)
No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.
No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.
I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.
My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.
I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.
All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.
All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.
I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.
I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.
I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.
I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.
I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.
If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.
If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.
If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.
I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.
Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.
When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.
I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.
I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.
I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.
If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor.
If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.
I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.
If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.
My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.
If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.
I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.
If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.
I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.
The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.
My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.
Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual.
If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.
I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.
My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords.
If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?", I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.
I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.
Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.
I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.
If I must have computer systems with publically available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.
My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.
No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.
I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.
All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild.
When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.
If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.
If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable superweapon on them.
I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.
When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk.
I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.
If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)
If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutentant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.
I will not tell my Legions of Terror "And he must be taken alive!" The command will be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical."
If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited-edition commemorative coins.
If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.
If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.
I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure.
If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.
I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.
I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of "Push the button."
I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.
My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.
If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again.
After I captures the hero's superweapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.
I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.
I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.
If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say this his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)
If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an underling who failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the hero is scheduled to go first.
When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.
My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look.
My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.
My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unravelled.
If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstance have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.
Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size.
Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.
I will not order my trusted lieutenant to kill the infant who is destined to overthrow me -- I'll do it myself.
I will not waste time making my enemy's death look like an accident -- I'm not accountable to anyone and my other enemies wouldn't believe it.
I will make it clear that I do know the meaning of the word "mercy"; I simply choose not show them any.
My undercover agents will not have tattoos identifying them as members of my organization, nor will they be required to wear military boots or adhere to any other dress codes.
I will design all doomsday machines myself. If I must hire a mad scientist to assist me, I will make sure that he is sufficiently twisted to never regret his evil ways and seek to undo the damage he's caused.
If my supreme command center comes under attack, I will immediately flee to safety in my prepared escape pod and direct the defenses from there. I will not wait until the troops break into my inner sanctum to attempt this.
Even though I don't really care because I plan on living forever, I will hire engineers who are able to build me a fortress sturdy enough that, if I am slain, it won't tumble to the ground for no good structural reason.
Any and all magic and/or technology that can miraculously resurrect a secondary character who has given up his/her life through self sacrifice will be outlawed and destroyed.
I will see to it that plucky young lads/lasses in strange clothes and with the accent of an outlander shall REGULARLY climb some monument in the main square of my capital and denounce me, claim to know the secret of my power, rally the masses to rebellion, etc. That way, the citizens will be jaded in case the real thing ever comes along.
I will not employ devious schemes that involve the hero's party getting into my inner sanctum before the trap is sprung.
I will offer oracles the choice of working exclusively for me or being executed.
I will not rely entirely upon "totally reliable" spells that can be neutralized by relatively inconspicuous talismans.
I will make the main entrance to my fortress standard-sized. While elaborate 60-foot high double-doors definitely impress the masses, they are hard to close quickly in an emergency.
I will never accept a challenge from the hero.
I will not engage an enemy single-handedly until all my soldiers are dead.
If I capture the hero's starship, I will keep it in the landing bay with the ramp down, only a few token guards on duty and a ton of explosives set to go off as soon as it clears the blast-range.
No matter how much I want revenge, I will never order an underling "Leave him. He's mine!"
If I have equipment which performs an important function, it will not be activated by a lever that someone could trigger by accidentally falling on when fatally wounded.
I will not attempt to kill the hero by placing a venomous creature in his room. It will just wind up accidentally killing one of my clumsy henchmen instead.
Since nothing is more irritating than a hero defeating you with basic math skills, all of my personal weapons will be modified to fire one more shot than the standard issue.
If I come into possession of an artifact which can only be used by the pure of heart, I will not attempt to use it regardless.
The gun turrets on my fortress will not rotate enough so that they may direct fire inward or at each other.
If I decide to hold a contest of skill open to the general public, contestants will be required to remove their hooded cloaks and shave their beards before entering.
Prior to kidnapping an older male scientist and forcing him to work for me, I will investigate his offspring and make sure that he has neither a beautiful but naive daughter who is willing to risk anything to get him back, nor an estranged son who works in the same field but had a falling-out with his father many years ago.
Should I actually decide to kill the hero in an elaborate escape-proof deathtrap room (water filling up, sand pouring down, walls converging, etc.) I will not leave him alone five-to-ten minutes prior to "imminent" death, but will instead (finding a vantage point or monitoring camera) stick around and enjoy watching my adversary's demise.
Rather than having only one secret escape pod, which the hero can easily spot and follow, I'll simultaneously launch a few dozen decoys to throw him off track.
Prison guards will have their own cantina featuring a wide variety of tasty treats that will deliver snacks to the guards while on duty. The guards will also be informed that accepting food or drink from any other source will result in execution.
I will not employ robots as agents of destruction if there is any possible way that they can be re-programmed or if their battery packs are externally mounted and easily removable.
Despite the delicious irony, I will not force two heroes to fight each other in the arena.
All members of my Legions of Terror will have professionally tailored uniforms. If the hero knocks a soldier unconscious and steals the uniform, the poor fit will give him away.
I will never place the key to a cell just out of a prisoner's reach.
Before appointing someone as my trusted lieutenant, I will conduct a thorough background investigation and security clearance.
If I find my beautiful consort with access to my fortress has been associating with the hero, I'll have her executed. It's regrettable, but new consorts are easier to get than new fortresses and maybe the next one will pay attention at the orientation meeting.
If I am escaping in a large truck and the hero is pursuing me in a small Italian sports car, I will not wait for the hero to pull up along side of me and try to force him off the road as he attempts to climb aboard. Instead I will slam on the brakes when he's directly behind me. (A rudimentary knowledge of physics can prove quite useful.)
My doomsday machine will have a highly-advanced technological device called a capacitor in case someone inconveniently pulls the plug at the last second. (If I have access to REALLY advanced technology, I will include a back-up device known as a battery.)
If I build a bomb, I will simply remember which wire to cut if it has to be deactivated and make every wire red.
Before spending available funds on giant gargoyles, gothic arches, or other cosmetically intimidating pieces of architecture, I will see if there are any valid military expenditures that could use the extra budget.
The passageways to and within my domain will be well-lit with fluorescent lighting. Regrettably, the spooky atmosphere will be lost, but my security patrols will be more effective.
If I'm sitting in my camp, hear a twig snap, start to investigate, then encounter a small woodland creature, I will send out some scouts anyway just to be on the safe side. (If they disappear into the foliage, I will not send out another patrol; I will break out the napalm.)
I will instruct my guards when checking a cell that appears empty to look for the chamber pot. If the chamber pot is still there, then the prisoner has escaped and they may enter and search for clues. If the chamber pot is not there, then either the prisoner is perched above the lintel waiting to strike them with it or else he decided to take it as a souvenir (in which case he is obviously deeply disturbed and poses no threat). Either way, there's no point in entering.
As an alternative to not having children, I will have lots of children. My sons will be too busy jockeying for position to ever be a real threat, and the daughters will all sabotage each other's attempts to win the hero.
If I have children and subsequently grandchildren, I will keep my three-year-old granddaughter near me at all times. When the hero enters to kill me, I will ask him to first explain to her why it is necessary to kill her beloved grandpa. When the hero launches into an explanation of morality way over her head, that will be her cue to pull the lever and send him into the pit of crocodiles. After all, small children like crocodiles almost as much as Evil Overlords and it's important to spend quality time with the grandkids.
If one of my daughters actually manages to win the hero and openly defies me, I will congratulate her on her choice, declare a national holiday to celebrate the wedding, and proclaim the hero my heir. This will probably be enough to break up the relationship. If not, at least I am assured that no hero will attack my Legions of Terror when they are holding a parade in his honor.
I will order my guards to stand in a line when they shoot at the hero so he cannot duck and have them accidentally shoot each other. Also, I will order some to aim above, below, and to the sides so he cannot jump out of the way.
My dungeon cell decor will not feature exposed pipes. While they add to the gloomy atmosphere, they are good conductors of vibrations and a lot of prisoners know Morse code.
If my surveillance reports any un-manned or seemingly innocent ships found where they are not supposed to be, they will be immediately vaporized instead of brought in for salvage.
I will classify my lieutenants in three categories: untrusted, trusted, and completely trusted. Promotion to the third category will be awarded posthumously.
Before ridiculing my enemies for wasting time on a device to stop me that couldn't possibly work, I will first acquire a copy of the schematics and make sure that in fact it couldn't possibly work.
Ropes supporting various fixtures will not be tied next to open windows or staircases, and chandeliers will be hung way at the top of the ceiling.
I will provide funding and research to develop tactical and strategic weapons covering a full range of needs so my choices are not limited to "hand to hand combat with swords" and "blow up the planet".
I will not set myself up as a god. That perilous position is reserved for my trusted lieutenant.
I will instruct my fashion designer that when it comes to accessorizing, second-chance body armor goes well with every outfit.
My Legions of Terror will be an equal-opportunity employer. Conversely, when it is prophesied that no man can defeat me, I will keep in mind the increasing number of non-traditional gender roles.
I will instruct my Legions of Terror in proper search techniques. In particular, if they are searching for escapees and someone shouts, "Quick! They went that way!", they must first ascertain the identity of this helpful informant before dashing off in hot pursuit.
If I know of any heroes in the land, I will not under any circumstance kill their mentors, teachers, and/or best friends.
If I have the hero and his party trapped, I will not wait until my Superweapon charges to finish them off if more conventional means are available.
Whenever plans are drawn up that include a time-table, I'll post-date the completion 3 days after it's actually scheduled to occur and not worry too much if they get stolen.
I will exchange the labels on my folder of top-secret plans and my folder of family recipes. Imagine the hero's surprise when he decodes the stolen plans and finds instructions for Grandma's Potato Salad.
If I burst into rebel headquarters and find it deserted except for an odd, blinking device, I will not walk up and investigate; I'll run like hell.
Before being accepted into my Legions of Terror, potential recruits will have to pass peripheral vision and hearing tests, and be able to recognize the sound of a pebble thrown to distract them.
I will occasionally vary my daily routine and not live my life in a rut. For example, I will not always take a swig of wine or ring a giant gong before finishing off my enemy.
If I steal something very important to the hero, I will not put it on public display.
When planning an expedition, I will choose a route for my forces that does not go through thick, leafy terrain conveniently located near the rebel camp.
I will hire one hopelessly stupid and incompetent lieutenant, but make sure that he is full of misinformation when I send him to capture the hero.
As an equal-opportunity employer, I will have several hearing-impaired body-guards. That way if I wish to speak confidentially with someone, I'll just turn my back so the guards can't read my lips instead of sending all of them out of the room.
If the rebels manage to trick me, I will make a note of what they did so that I do not keep falling for the same trick over and over again.
If I am recruiting to find someone to run my computer systems, and my choice is between the brilliant programmer who's head of the world's largest international technology conglomerate and an obnoxious 15-year-old dork who's trying to impress his dream girl, I'll take the brat and let the hero get stuck with the genius.
I will plan in advance what to do with each of my enemies if they are captured. That way, I will never have to order someone to be tied up while I decide his fate.
If I have massive computer systems, I will take at least as many precautions as a small business and include things such as virus-scans and firewalls.
I will be an equal-opportunity despot and make sure that terror and oppression is distributed fairly, not just against one particular group that will form the core of a rebellion.
I will not locate a base in a volcano, cave, or any other location where it would be ridiculously easy to bypass security by rapelling down from above.
I will allow guards to operate under a flexible work schedule. That way if one is feeling sleepy, he can call for a replacement, punch out, take a nap, and come back refreshed and alert to finish out his shift.
Although it would provide amusement, I will not confess to the hero's rival that I was the one who committed the heinous act for which he blames the hero.
If I am dangling over a precipice and the hero reaches his hand down to me, I will not attempt to pull him down with me. I will allow him to rescue me, thank him properly, then return to the safety of my fortress and order his execution.
I will have my fortress exorcized regularly. Although ghosts in the dungeon provide an appropriate atmosphere, they tend to provide valuable information once placated.
I will add indelible dye to the moat. It won't stop anyone from swimming across, but even dim-witted guards should be able to figure out when someone has entered in this fashion.
If a scientist with a beautiful and unmarried daughter refuses to work for me, I will not hold her hostage. Instead, I will offer to pay for her future wedding and her children's college tuition.
If I have the hero cornered and am about to finish him off and he says "Look out behind you!!" I will not laugh and say "You don't expect me to fall for that old trick, do you?" Instead I will take a step to the side and half turn. That way I can still keep my weapon trained on the hero, I can scan the area behind me, and if anything was heading for me it will now be heading for him.
I will not outsource core functions.
If I ever build a device to transfer the hero's energy into me, I will make sure it cannot operate in reverse.
I will decree that all hay be shipped in tightly-packed bales. Any wagonload of loose hay attempting to pass through a checkpoint will be set on fire.
I will not hold any sort of public celebration within my castle walls. Any event open to members of the public will be held down the road in the festival pavilion.
Before using any device which transfers energy directly into my body, I will install a surge suppressor.
I will hire a drama coach. The hero will think it must be a case of mistaken identity when confronted by my Minnesota accent (if everyone sounds American) or my Cornwall accent (if everyone sounds British).
If I capture an enemy known for escaping via ingenious and fantastic little gadgets, I will order a full cavity search and confiscate all personal items before throwing him in my dungeon.
I will not devise any scheme in which Part A consists of tricking the hero into unwittingly helping me and Part B consists of laughing at him then leaving him to his own devices.
I will not hold lavish banquets in the middle of a famine. The good PR among the guests doesn't make up for the bad PR among the masses.
I will funnel some of my ill-gotten gains into urban renewal projects. Although slums add a quaint and picturesque quality to any city, they too often contain unexpected allies for heroes.
I will never tell the hero "Yes I was the one who did it, but you'll never be able to prove it to that incompetent old fool." Chances are, that incompetant old fool is standing behind the curtain.
If my mad scientist/wizard tells me he has almost perfected my Superweapon but it still needs more testing, I will wait for him to complete the tests. No one ever conquered the world using a beta version.
I will not appoint a relative to my staff of advisors. Not only is nepotism the cause of most breakdowns in policy, but it also causes trouble with the EEOC.
If I appoint someone as my consort, I will not subsequently inform her that she is being replaced by a younger, more attractive woman.
If I am using the hero's girlfriend as a hostage and am holding her at the point of imminent death when confronting the hero, I will focus on her and not him. He won't try anything with his true love held hostage. On the other hand, the fact that she has been weak, slow-witted, naive and generally useless up to this point has no bearing on her actions at the moment of dramatic climax.
I will make several ludicrously erroneous maps to secret passages in my fortress and hire travellers to entrust them to aged hermits.
I will not use hostages as bait in a trap. Unless you're going to use them for negotiation or as human shields, there's no point in taking them.
I will hire an expert marksman to stand by the entrance to my fortress. His job will be to shoot anyone who rides up to challenge me.
I will explain to my Legions of Terror that guns are ranged weapons and swords are not. Anyone who attempts to throw a sword at the hero or club him with a gun will be summarily executed.
I will remember that any vulnerabilities I have are to be revealed strictly on a need-to-know basis. I will also remember that no one needs to know.
I will not make alliances with those more powerful than myself. Such a person would only double-cross me in my moment of glory. I will make alliances with those less powerful than myself. I will then double-cross them in their moment of glory.
During times of peace, my Legions of Terror will not be permitted to lie around drinking mead and eating roast boar. Instead they will be required to obey my dietician and my aerobics instructor.
All giant serpents acting as guardians in underground lakes will be fitted with sports goggles to prevent eye injuries.
All crones with the ability to prophesy will be given free facelifts, permanents, manicures, and Donna Karan wardrobes. That should pretty well destroy their credibility.
I will not employ an evil wizard if he has a sleazy mustache.
I will hire an entire squad of blind guards. Not only is this in keeping with my status as an equal opportunity employer, but it will come in handy when the hero becomes invisible or douses my only light source.
All repair work will be done by an in-house maintenance staff. Any alleged "repairmen" who show up at the fortress will be escorted to the dungeon.
When my Legions of Terror park their vehicle to do reconnaissance on foot, they will be instructed to employ The Club.
Employees will have conjugal visit trailers which they may use provided they call in a replacement and sign out on the timesheet. Given this, anyone caught making out in a closet while leaving their station unmonitored will be shot.
Members of my Legion of Terror will attend seminars on Sensitivity Training. It's good public relations for them to be kind and courteous to the general population when not actively engaged in sowing chaos and destruction.
I will not, under any circumstances, marry a woman I know to be a faithless, conniving, back-stabbing witch simply because I am absolutely desperate to perpetuate my family line. Of course, we can still date.
All guest-quarters will be bugged and monitored so that I can keep track of what the visitors I have for some reason allowed to roam about my fortress are actually plotting.
If my chief engineer displeases me, he will be shot, not imprisoned in the dungeon or beyond the traps he helped design.
I will not send out batalions composed wholly of robots or skeletons against heroes who have qualms about killing living beings.
I will not wear long, heavy cloaks. While they certainly make a bold fashion statement, they have an annoying tendency to get caught in doors or tripped over during an escape.
If a malignant being demands a sacrificial victim have a particular quality, I will check to make sure said victim has this quality immediately before the sacrifice and not rely on earlier results. (Especially if the quality is virginity and the victim is the hero's girlfriend.)
If I ever MUST put a digital timer on my doomsday device, I will buy one free from quantum mechanical anomalies. So many brands on the market keep perfectly good time while you're looking at them, but whenever you turn away for a couple minutes then turn back, you find that the countdown has progressed by only a few seconds.
If my Legions of Terror are defeated in a battle, I will quietly withdraw and regroup instead of launching a haphazard mission to assassinate the hero.
If I'm wearing the key to the hero's shackles around my neck and his former girlfriend now volunteers to become my mistress and we are all alone in my bedchamber on my bed and she offers me a goblet of wine, I will politely decline the offer.
I will not pick up a glowing ancient artifact and shout "It's power is now mine!!!" Instead I will grab some tongs, transfer it to a hazardous materials container, and transport it back to my lab for study.
I will be selective in the hiring of assassins. Anyone who attempt to strike down the hero the first instant his back is turned will not even be considered for the job.
Whatever my one vulnerability is, I will fake a different one. For example, ordering all mirrors removed from the palace, screaming and flinching whenever someone accidentally holds up a mirror, etc. In the climax when the hero whips out a mirror and thrusts it at my face, my reaction will be "Hmm...I think I need a shave."
My force-field generators will be located inside the shield they generate.
I reserve the right to execute any henchmen who appear to be a little too intelligent, powerful, or devious. However if I do so, I will not at some subsequent point shout "Why am I surrounded by these incompetent fools?!"
I will install a fire extinguisher in every room -- three, if the room contains vital equipment or volatile chemicals.
I will build machines which simply fail when overloaded, rather than wipe out all nearby henchmen in an explosion or worse yet set off a chain reaction. I will do this by using devices known as "surge protectors".
I will explain to my guards that most people have their eyes in the front of their heads and thus while searching for someone it makes little sense to draw a weapon and slowly back down the hallway.
All giant serpents acting as guardians in underground lakes will be fitted with sports goggles to prevent eye injuries.
All crones with the ability to prophesy will be given free facelifts, permanents, manicures, and Donna Karan wardrobes. That should pretty well destroy their credibility.
I will not employ an evil wizard if he has a sleazy mustache.
I will hire an entire squad of blind guards. Not only is this in keeping with my status as an equal opportunity employer, but it will come in handy when the hero becomes invisible or douses my only light source.
All repair work will be done by an in-house maintenance staff. Any alleged "repairmen" who show up at the fortress will be escorted to the dungeon.
When my Legions of Terror park their vehicle to do reconnaissance on foot, they will be instructed to employ The Club.
Employees will have conjugal visit trailers which they may use provided they call in a replacement and sign out on the timesheet. Given this, anyone caught making out in a closet while leaving their station unmonitored will be shot.
Members of my Legion of Terror will attend seminars on Sensitivity Training. It's good public relations for them to be kind and courteous to the general population when not actively engaged in sowing chaos and destruction.
I will not, under any circumstances, marry a woman I know to be a faithless, conniving, back-stabbing witch simply because I am absolutely desperate to perpetuate my family line. Of course, we can still date.
All guest-quarters will be bugged and monitored so that I can keep track of what the visitors I have for some reason allowed to roam about my fortress are actually plotting.
If my chief engineer displeases me, he will be shot, not imprisoned in the dungeon or beyond the traps he helped design.
I will not send out battalions composed wholly of robots or skeletons against heroes who have qualms about killing living beings.
I will not wear long, heavy cloaks. While they certainly make a bold fashion statement, they have an annoying tendency to get caught in doors or tripped over during an escape.
If a malignant being demands a sacrificial victim have a particular quality, I will check to make sure said victim has this quality immediately before the sacrifice and not rely on earlier results. (Especially if the quality is virginity and the victim is the hero's girlfriend.)
If I ever MUST put a digital timer on my doomsday device, I will buy one free from quantum mechanical anomalies. So many brands on the market keep perfectly good time while you're looking at them, but whenever you turn away for a couple minutes then turn back, you find that the countdown has progressed by only a few seconds.
If my Legions of Terror are defeated in a battle, I will quietly withdraw and regroup instead of launching a haphazard mission to assassinate the hero.
If I'm wearing the key to the hero's shackles around my neck and his former girlfriend now volunteers to become my mistress and we are all alone in my bedchamber on my bed and she offers me a goblet of wine, I will politely decline the offer.
I will not pick up a glowing ancient artifact and shout "Its power is now mine!!!" Instead I will grab some tongs, transfer it to a hazardous materials container, and transport it back to my lab for study.
I will be selective in the hiring of assassins. Anyone who attempts to strike down the hero the first instant his back is turned will not even be considered for the job.
Whatever my one vulnerability is, I will fake a different one. For example, ordering all mirrors removed from the palace, screaming and flinching whenever someone accidentally holds up a mirror, etc. In the climax when the hero whips out a mirror and thrusts it at my face, my reaction will be "Hmm...I think I need a shave."
My force-field generators will be located inside the shield they generate.
I reserve the right to execute any henchmen who appear to be a little too intelligent, powerful, or devious. However if I do so, I will not at some subsequent point shout "Why am I surrounded by these incompetent fools?!"
I will install a fire extinguisher in every room -- three, if the room contains vital equipment or volatile chemicals.
I will build machines which simply fail when overloaded, rather than wipe out all nearby henchmen in an explosion or worse yet set off a chain reaction. I will do this by using devices known as "surge protectors".
I will explain to my guards that most people have their eyes in the front of their heads and thus while searching for someone it makes little sense to draw a weapon and slowly back down the hallway.
I will have a staff of competent detectives handy. If I learn that someone in a certain village is plotting against me, I will have them find out who rather than wipe out the entire village in a preemptive strike.
I will never bait a trap with genuine bait.
If the hero claims he wishes to confess in public or to me personally, I will remind him that a notarized deposition will serve just as well.
If I have several diabolical schemes to destroy the hero, I will set all of them in motion at once rather than wait for them to fail and launch them successively.
I will not procrastinate regarding any ritual granting immortality.
Mythical guardians will be instructed to ask visitors name, purpose of visit, and whether they have an appointment instead of ancient riddles.
Parts of the list don't apply to AMEN.
Life has no meanin', meatbag. Only machines 'ave significance, on a cosmic scale.
The Previous Rules really don't matter

"That other one really, really ticked me off."


*Sends bombs to destroy base, migrates to new thread*

/EastERROR. "EAST" IS INCORRECT COMMAND.

Castaras
2007-05-05, 03:34 AM
What other directions are there to go in then?

/Not Dennis

V Junior
2007-05-05, 04:09 AM
Oh dear. That was a serious mistake, Fus.

Junior, taking advantage of the fact that Fus is distrcted, blows him up with a meerkat grenade, the gets the meerkats to eat his remains. Then she destroys anyone who would destroy her for killing Fus.

See what I mean?

((Fus' player, go and sit in the corner with the 'I annoyed Junior!' hat on!))

Castaras
2007-05-05, 04:18 AM
Oh look, the game master is offline.

Castaras sneaks away from the games and resummons the base again, newly repaired, just how it was before the massive explosion. She sits on one of the sofas and goes back to reading.

Lord Magtok
2007-05-05, 08:57 AM
Magtok A completely ordinary and unsuspicious robot enters the new thread, followed by all the other robots made by Magtok. There are some standard humanoids, some giants, some titanic monsters of steel and doom, and some robo-death assassin squads in the group.

Castaras
2007-05-05, 09:02 AM
Castaras turns a page in her book.

A conga line of mangos, pineapples, apples and oranges start their slow progress out of the kitchen and round the base.

Lord Magtok
2007-05-05, 09:38 AM
The completely unsuspicious robot heads to the new thread's new labs, and begins trying to rebuild Magtok.

Castaras
2007-05-05, 09:57 AM
The conga fruit line carries on round the base, while Castaras carries on reading.

Lord Magtok
2007-05-05, 10:00 AM
A while later, the robot continues mocking elves, until an elf NPC smacks him in the face with this link. (http://www.nuklearpower.com/daily.php?date=030227)

Castaras
2007-05-05, 10:03 AM
Castaras, hearing the mockery of elves, and clicks her fingers. The conga line stops, and wanders over to her. She whispers something in foodish, not looking up from her book. The fruit grow to 7 feet tall, with cartoony arms carrying massive swords and shields. These fruit then wander around the base.

Lord Magtok
2007-05-05, 10:10 AM
The robot wisely decides to shut up, and heads to the labs in an attempt to ressurect Magtok.

Castaras
2007-05-05, 10:11 AM
The fruit watch the robot shut up, before carrying on wandering randomly. Castaras smiles slightly and turns another page in her book.

Lord Magtok
2007-05-05, 10:29 AM
The robot toils for hours on rebuilding Magtok, but trips on a wire, and scres up everything. Magtok is reborn, but something doesn't seem quite right.

http://i70.photobucket.com/albums/i91/Darkcorax/MagtokWorm.png

Castaras
2007-05-05, 10:32 AM
One of the mangos sees the new Magtok, and blinks. It guestures to the other fruits, and they all go to stare at the worm-cyborg.

Vespe Ratavo
2007-05-05, 10:34 AM
Vespe rushes through the base, hollering something about The Meatcarvers are after me! Nooo! Must get to Ironforge!
Vespe hops onto the robots head and places a slice of bread on top of himself.
Shhh. You will say nothing. The aggros will find me....ooh... but I will beat them! I will level up!
Vespe begins beating the robot with a stick that says "+3" on it.
Suddenly Vespe is bathed in a golden light.
Level up! Now I can turn into a bear!
Vespe turns into a bear and rushes back outside.

Lord Magtok
2007-05-05, 10:36 AM
Why is everyone looking at me? When did everyone else get so tall? What the hell is with Vespe? And where did my feet go?

Castaras
2007-05-05, 10:40 AM
Castaras puts the book down with a sigh.

Seems the peace and quiet is ov...

She looks at Magtok, shaking with barely suppressed laughter.

Lord Magtok
2007-05-05, 10:46 AM
What the hell is so funny, Cassie?

Castaras
2007-05-05, 10:48 AM
Don't worry, "Maggot". You'll *snicker* find out soon enough, you worm. :smalltongue: :smallbiggrin:

Lord Magtok
2007-05-05, 10:58 AM
What the hell is that supposed to mean? Are you suggesting that-

Magtok looks into a mirror some NPC left lying on the ground.

Noo! I can't be! I'm a spineless worm?!? This is terrible! I really hope Saur and MC don't show up before I get this problem fixed!

Castaras
2007-05-05, 11:01 AM
Castaras smirks and goes back to the sofa, still laughing a little, picking up the book again, before trying to go back to reading.

PirateMonk
2007-05-05, 11:08 AM
PM permanently Polymorphs Magtok into an elf.

Lord Magtok
2007-05-05, 11:13 AM
Hey, I'm taller now! But what the hell happened to my ears?

Castaras
2007-05-05, 11:15 AM
Castaras carries on reading, ignoring the chaos that is sure to happen.

The fruit army goes back to wandering again.

Lord Magtok
2007-05-05, 11:22 AM
Hold on a second...I've suddenly become a blonde, blue-eyed person with a belief in racial superiority...either I'm an elf now, or PM just turned me into a member of a certain WW2-era German political party.

Castaras
2007-05-05, 11:59 AM
I'd say you're an elf. You're being logical.

Castaras carries on reading, not looking up.

Saurous
2007-05-05, 12:03 PM
Saurous walks in with an injured minion walking next to him.

"And now you know that you shouldn't stick your hand into a Barghest's mouth to test if it is dead or not."

The minion runs off, and Saurous turns to Magtok. He says nothing, but is obviously trying to not burst out laughing.

Lord Magtok
2007-05-05, 12:07 PM
Elves? Logical? You must be kidding, Cassie.

Now how the hell am I going to turn human again? Being a magical being with razor sharp ears is already bugging me. I think I preferred being a worm.

Castaras
2007-05-05, 12:10 PM
Castaras shrugs.

Eh. Be a worm then.

She fires a polymorph spell at him, before turning back to her book.

Lord Magtok
2007-05-05, 12:18 PM
After being turned into a worm, Magtok tries to best to squirm as far away from Saurous's foot as he can.

Saurous
2007-05-05, 12:20 PM
Saurous sighs, and bends over. He picks up the maggot Magtok up off the floor by it's tail.

"Now Maggot, how could you think I would squish you? You being a worm is much more enjoyable to watch than your death."

Castaras
2007-05-05, 12:23 PM
Castaras puts down her book, watching Saurous and Magtok.

Lord Magtok
2007-05-05, 12:32 PM
If you have ever played a Worms videogame before, or even Earthworm Jim, you should have the sense to put me down and let me go before I use one of these weapons on you. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Worms_weapons,_tools,_crates_and_objects)

Castaras
2007-05-05, 01:09 PM
Castaras sighs, picks up her book, and heads down into the kitchen. The fruit army group together and march in after her, shrinking to normal size.

Exachix
2007-05-05, 01:27 PM
A Small Fox pokes it's furry nose into the Thread...

Rex Idiotarum
2007-05-05, 01:28 PM
Rex flies into the new AMEN.
"What the Fu-dge? First, why are there two AMENs, second, why are they of people I really don't care for? C'mon Fus, couldn't even give it a parody title. I mean, I think you're realating it to the Real World, but it isn't close enough. How about 'The Real World: AMEN HQ VIII'?"

Castaras
2007-05-05, 01:32 PM
There's a fox here...

Castaras peers out of the kitchen.

A new person?

Exachix
2007-05-05, 01:32 PM
The Fox watches the owl.

"I don't know."

Lord Magtok
2007-05-05, 01:35 PM
Magtok the worm squirms his way out of Saurous's grip, and then welcomes the wolf with the traditional soul-binding membership contract written in legalese.

Exachix
2007-05-05, 01:37 PM
The Fox, at being called a wolf, lashes out at Magtok.

Castaras
2007-05-05, 01:38 PM
Ooo, look, Magtok's getting attacked again. :smallamused:

Castaras summons some popcorn.

Lord Magtok
2007-05-05, 01:42 PM
Aaugh! Don't blame me for that, it was my stupid player's fault! I'm just an innocent little spineless worm!

Rex Idiotarum
2007-05-05, 01:44 PM
Does anyone actually need a reason to attack Maggot?

Exachix
2007-05-05, 01:49 PM
The Fox stops and lays down, tail twitching. Staring at Maggot.

Castaras
2007-05-05, 01:51 PM
Castaras munches on the popcorn, watching.

A fox v a worm...hmm...

Saurous
2007-05-05, 01:53 PM
"I don't think so, Rex."

Saurous begins to say more, but is suddenly attacked by the Venom, Carnage, and Hybrid symbiotes.

Lord Magtok
2007-05-05, 02:01 PM
Castaras munches on the popcorn, watching.

A fox v a worm...hmm...

Not just amy kind of worm, Cassie. The kind of worm from the Worms turn-based strategy games. I've got bazookas, exploding sheep, and concrete donkeys at my disposal. There's no way a fox can beat that. :smallamused:

Castaras
2007-05-05, 02:03 PM
Meh. I do know Worms you know. And my player has a fan created version of something like worms. Sorta.

She munches on some more popcorn.

Exachix
2007-05-05, 02:09 PM
The Fox however... is a suicidal Worms player.

A crate lands near him, and he gets it.

"Armageddon, sucker."

Lord Magtok
2007-05-05, 02:15 PM
That won't stop me. We have plenty of ground underneath us, and I got a Freeze tool with me.

Exachix
2007-05-05, 02:16 PM
The Fox Smirks.

"True... truce?"

Nekulor
2007-05-05, 02:17 PM
*Nekulor walks in with a box and an evil grin. Also, he isn't wearing a robe for some reason.*
Who wants to play twister!!?

Saurous
2007-05-05, 02:20 PM
Saurous pulls out a Plot Devi- I mean...a sonic weapon from his pocket. He presses a button on it, and it lets out a loud burst of sound, and the symbiotes retreat.

He looks at Nekulor in horror.

"Oh dear gods, no."

Castaras
2007-05-05, 02:21 PM
...Has Nekulor turned into Ayya? :smalleek:

Castaras moves to retreat back to her kitchen.

Lord Magtok
2007-05-05, 02:26 PM
Who wants to play twister!!?

What an wonderful time to be tiny and legless.

Exachix
2007-05-05, 02:27 PM
The Fox backs off slowly.

Saurous
2007-05-05, 02:34 PM
"Don't mention that name, Castaras! You may summon her back!"

Saurous thinks for a moment, as Happiness walks in.

"Hey, guys!"

Saurous grins, and pushes Happiness towards Nekulor.

"Nekulor, Happiness wants to play."

Mr. Moon
2007-05-05, 02:42 PM
Moon Called walks in, and, upon seeing Magtok, bursts out laughing. "This totaly makes up for my player having a cold."

Upon seeing Nekulor, the half-drow, half-elf shivers, and looks pointedly away. Better Happieness then her...

Saurous
2007-05-05, 02:47 PM
"What?! I don't want to play Twis-"

"Play the game so we don't have to. Failure to cooperate will result in instant death to this bunny rabbit, 'k?"

Saurous holds up a rabbit by the ears, and points his finger at the bunny. A small fireball forms at the end of his finger.

"...I'll cooperate..."

"Good."

Castaras
2007-05-05, 02:49 PM
Castaras munches on popcorn, trying not to laugh.

Exachix
2007-05-05, 02:50 PM
The Fox sees the bunny and looks up at it.

Mr. Moon
2007-05-05, 02:51 PM
"What?! I don't want to play Twis-"

"Play the game so we don't have to. Failure to cooperate will result in instant death to this bunny rabbit, 'k?"

Saurous holds up a rabbit by the ears, and points his finger at the bunny. A small fireball forms at the end of his finger.

"...I'll cooperate..."

"Good."

"That's... *ACHOO!* ... low. Ugh."

Moon Called steps out of the way as a large glob of yelowish liquid lands where she was just standing. "Ew. She just sneazed on her keyboard again."

Saurous
2007-05-05, 02:53 PM
Saurous places the rabbit onto the floor, and it scampers away. He looks at the giant glob of...nasal mucus.

"...well, that's...disgusting."

Exachix
2007-05-05, 02:54 PM
The Fox dodges the mucus and looks at Moon Called, then the sky.

Castaras
2007-05-05, 02:54 PM
Castaras decides to ignore the nasal mucus, while her player falls off her chair laughing, for some reason.

Mr. Moon
2007-05-05, 03:04 PM
Castaras decides to ignore the nasal mucus, while her player falls off her chair laughing, for some reason.
"That's *cough* not funny... Ow. My *cough* throat."

Moon Called walks away from the mucus, pretending like her player isn't making a fool of herself. Again.

Saurous
2007-05-05, 03:08 PM
"Actually, I'd have to say that it is very funny."

Saurous's player chuckles, but otherwise tries to avoid laughing.

Meanwhile, Saurous is suddenly attacked by the Venom symbiote again, whom he grabs at the point that seems to be it's "face" and hurls it at a wall. It splatters against it.

Castaras
2007-05-05, 03:08 PM
Aww, don't worry about it Saphire. I've had colds like that before, but haven't sneezed into my character's world before...:smalltongue:

Castaras mutters something about stupid players and heads down into the kitchen.

Cyrano
2007-05-05, 03:13 PM
Ah yes, Moon_Called, patron saint of stupid.

Exachix
2007-05-05, 03:13 PM
The Fox just watches Saurous.

Lord Magtok
2007-05-05, 03:13 PM
Magtok uses a ninja rope on the ceiling, moves himself directly above Moon Called, and drops an exploding sheep on her head.

Mr. Moon
2007-05-05, 03:15 PM
Saphire glares at Saurous' character, and sneazes again. This time, however, she manages to turn her head away from the computer in time.

"Ugh."

Moon Called finds an MP3 player, and puts it's earphones on, turning it up loud enough so she can't here her player any more. She mutters something about a wimp and her sword.

She gets up and walks away about three seconds before the sheep lands on her.

Rex Idiotarum
2007-05-05, 03:18 PM
Wow, Deja Vu.
What was that?
Deja Vu, Moon Called's player said something, then said it again.
Crap
What?
It's a glitch, it means they changed something

Mr. Moon
2007-05-05, 03:22 PM
"It means my internet *ACHOO!* connection's lousy." Saphire mutters.

Saurous
2007-05-05, 03:25 PM
"Aw, I'm just messing with you."

Saurous's player smirks at Saphire.

Saurous glares up at Magtok, and points up at him.

"There. There's something easy yet satisfying for you to kill."

The symbiote slides up the wall, and lunges at Magtok.

Exachix
2007-05-05, 03:25 PM
The Fox nodds as his player talks.

"I know how you feet. Internet Connections suck."

Castaras
2007-05-05, 03:26 PM
Ah, lousy internets. That's bad.

And a cold? You must be having bad luck there, Saph.

Rex Idiotarum
2007-05-05, 03:27 PM
*Wonders if MC had seen the Koga's story *

Fus.Weapon 1337
2007-05-05, 03:29 PM
What other directions are there to go in then?

/Not Dennis


YOU ARE BACK AT THE CRATER. OBVIOUS EXITS ARE NORTH, SOUTH, AND DENNIS.

Castaras
2007-05-05, 03:30 PM
Hmm. So while my player goofs off I'll just go do this.

Hey!

/South

Lord Magtok
2007-05-05, 03:30 PM
*Wonders if MC had seen the Koga's story *

Can't wait to see her reaction. Hehehehehe...

As the symbiote lunges for Magtok, he cuts the ninja rope and parachutes to the floor, dodging the freak by a mere millimeter.

Fus.Weapon 1337
2007-05-05, 03:31 PM
Hmm. So while my player goofs off I'll just go do this.

Hey!

/South

THERE IS NOTHING INTERESTING HERE. OBVIOUS EXIT IS NORTH.

Rex Idiotarum
2007-05-05, 03:32 PM
I'll head...
/Down

Castaras
2007-05-05, 03:32 PM
*Wonders if MC had seen the Koga's story *

Ah yes, that story. :smallamused:

/North

Fus.Weapon 1337
2007-05-05, 03:33 PM
I'll head...
/Down

ERROR. "DOWN" IS INCORRECT COMMAND.

Exachix
2007-05-05, 03:33 PM
The Fox looks around.

/look.

Rex Idiotarum
2007-05-05, 03:33 PM
Hmm...
/End

Fus.Weapon 1337
2007-05-05, 03:34 PM
The Fox looks around.

/look.

THERE IS NOTHING INTERESTING HERE. OBVIOUS EXIT IS NORTH.

Fus.Weapon 1337
2007-05-05, 03:34 PM
Hmm...
/End

I'M AFRAID I CAN'T DO THAT, REX.

Exachix
2007-05-05, 03:35 PM
The Fox hmms again.

/shapeshift.

Fus.Weapon 1337
2007-05-05, 03:35 PM
Ah yes, that story. :smallamused:

/North

YOU ARE BACK AT THE CRATER. OBVIOUS EXITS ARE NORTH, SOUTH, AND DENNIS.

Rex Idiotarum
2007-05-05, 03:36 PM
**** That!
Atl+Ctrl+Delete

Fus.Weapon 1337
2007-05-05, 03:36 PM
The Fox hmms again.

/shapeshift.

ERROR. "SHAPESHIFT" IS INCORRECT COMMAND.

Fus.Weapon 1337
2007-05-05, 03:37 PM
**** That!
Atl+Ctrl+Delete

ERROR. SEQUENCE IS WRONG.

Castaras
2007-05-05, 03:38 PM
Hmm. Time to get out of this place.

/Dennis

Rex Idiotarum
2007-05-05, 03:39 PM
Really? I believe you can.
Alt+Ctrl+Delete
Alt+Ctrl+Delete
Alt+TAB
Alt+Esc
Alt+F4
Alt+F4

Exachix
2007-05-05, 03:39 PM
The fox shifts to an Elf, and hmms.

Run Hack(Hal).
Running Hack... Target: Hal.

Fus.Weapon 1337
2007-05-05, 03:41 PM
Hmm. Time to get out of this place.

/Dennis

DENNIS IS STANDING AROUND IDLY. OBVIOUS EXIT IS NOT DENNIS.

Fus.Weapon 1337
2007-05-05, 03:42 PM
Really? I believe you can.
Alt+Ctrl+Delete
Alt+Ctrl+Delete
Alt+TAB
Alt+Esc
Alt+F4
Alt+F4

BLUE SCREEN

Rex Idiotarum
2007-05-05, 03:43 PM
Sweet.
* Hits PowerSwitch, starts it up agian, this time with the RXOS *

Castaras
2007-05-05, 03:43 PM
/Talk to Dennis

Mr. Moon
2007-05-05, 03:45 PM
*Wonders if MC had seen the Koga's story *


O.O

Saphire whimpers. Moon Called gets a funny look on her face and walks away, her expresion one of sheer horrer.

Lord Magtok
2007-05-05, 03:48 PM
DENNIS IS STANDING AROUND IDLY. OBVIOUS EXIT IS NOT DENNIS.

What if you tried /Not Dennis?

Castaras
2007-05-05, 03:50 PM
Already tried. Goes back to crater.

Exachix
2007-05-05, 03:52 PM
The Elf hmms, hoping.

Subroutine.Settings.Hack.Target = Fus
Subroutine.Settings.Hack.Initiate

Mr. Moon
2007-05-05, 03:55 PM
/Kill Dennis

Vespe Ratavo
2007-05-05, 04:10 PM
/Pull out sword
/Decapitate Fus, Saurous, and Magtok for no apparent reason
/World of Warcraft.exe

Saurous
2007-05-05, 04:12 PM
/Point out the fact that Fus is no longer online in an attempt to stop this silly game format

Fus.Weapon 1337
2007-05-05, 04:13 PM
/Talk to Dennis

DENNIS IS STILL HAPPY THAT YOU HAVE FOUND HIS PEARL.

OBVIOUS EXIT IS NOT DENNIS.

Fus.Weapon 1337
2007-05-05, 04:14 PM
/Point out the fact that Fus is no longer online in an attempt to stop this silly game format

PWNED!!!!!

Castaras
2007-05-05, 04:14 PM
/Ask Dennis if he knows how to finish the game.

Lord Magtok
2007-05-05, 04:15 PM
/Pull out sword
/Decapitate Fus, Saurous, and Magtok for no apparent reason

Ha! I'm a worm! Large sharp objects only halve my health! I'm still alive!

Rex Idiotarum
2007-05-05, 04:15 PM
Hey, wait a second, I'm not on either.... Holy- *poofs into smoke*

Exachix
2007-05-05, 04:15 PM
The Elf Turns back into a fox and hmms.

Fus.Weapon 1337
2007-05-05, 04:15 PM
/Ask Dennis if he knows how to finish the game.

HE REMINDS YOU ABOUT THE RABID TABLE, AND THAT HE GAVE YOU A HACKSAW.

OBVIOUS EXIT IS NOT DENNIS.

Castaras
2007-05-05, 04:16 PM
/Not Dennis

And after that

/North
/Attack Rabid Table

Exachix
2007-05-05, 04:16 PM
The Fox tries to look in it's inventory.

/Inventory

Fus.Weapon 1337
2007-05-05, 04:17 PM
/Not Dennis

And after that

/North
/Attack Rabid Table

YOU ATTACK THE RABID TABLE WITH THE HACKSAW. IT FALLS APART. +2 SCORE!

OBVIOUS EXITS ARE SOUTH AND EAST.

Castaras
2007-05-05, 04:18 PM
Hmm.

/East

Fus.Weapon 1337
2007-05-05, 04:18 PM
The Fox tries to look in it's inventory.

/Inventory

YOU HAVE NOTHING.

Vespe Ratavo
2007-05-05, 04:19 PM
/Get ye flask.

Fus.Weapon 1337
2007-05-05, 04:23 PM
/Get ye flask.

YOU CANNOT GET YE FLASK.


Hmm.

/East



GAME END.

FINAL SCORE: 5/5
PERFECT!

Fus. goes over to a wall and pulls down a lever, causing the crater-y area to disappear, and the standard AMEN base to reappear.

"Well, that game is done."

Fus. goes over and pulls down another lever next to the other lever, causing the AMEN base to disappear, and an enormous tower made of rubies appears in its place.

"And that game is done too."

Castaras
2007-05-05, 04:25 PM
And perfect timing.

Castaras heads back down to the kitchen. Her player slumps on the keyboard, snoring.

Vespe Ratavo
2007-05-05, 04:25 PM
Vespe walks over to Fus. and begins poking him with a rapier.
Get ye flask.
Get ye flask.
Get ye flask.
Get ye flask.
Get ye flask.
Get ye flask.

Fus.Weapon 1337
2007-05-05, 04:26 PM
*departs to tower, casts anti-magic area*

Exachix
2007-05-05, 04:27 PM
The Fox-Hmms and looks around as his player goes away.

Vespe Ratavo
2007-05-05, 04:28 PM
Vespe teleports to the top of the tower through a plot hole.
Get ye flask.
Get ye flask.
Get ye flask.
Get ye flask.
Get ye flask.
Get ye flask.
Get ye flask.
Get ye flask.
Get ye flask.

Lord Magtok
2007-05-05, 04:31 PM
Magtok burrows into the ground and eats some dirt.

Saurous
2007-05-05, 05:49 PM
"Even though Magtok has even more of a grasp on using random weaponry that can be used to destroy everyone around him, I actually think this worm thing is an improvement. I don't know how, it just is.

...and I'm talking to myself again, aren't I?"

Lord Magtok
2007-05-05, 05:59 PM
Magtok drops a Concrete Donkey on Saur to let him know that he isn't alone.

Rex Idiotarum
2007-05-05, 06:00 PM
* Rex's player is not online. Surprisingly, he is. *

Saurous
2007-05-05, 06:02 PM
Saurous takes one step to the right, avoiding the donkey.

"Forget everything I said previously about the Magtok to Maggot topic."

Lord Magtok
2007-05-05, 06:27 PM
Magtok can't think of what weapon to use next, so he skips his turn.

Mr. Moon
2007-05-05, 06:31 PM
Moon Called bashes Magtok with a good old-fashoned Smite Evil.

Lord Magtok
2007-05-05, 06:36 PM
Magtok puts a bunch of girders between MC and himself, and then unleashes the horror that is the banana bomb (aka "the soft fruit of doom").

Saurous
2007-05-05, 06:37 PM
Saurous sighs, and casts Dispel Fruit-like Weaponry on the banana.

Mr. Moon
2007-05-05, 06:39 PM
Moon Called begins throughing Mario-style bombs at the girders, which her player assumes is a kind of wall.

Lord Magtok
2007-05-05, 06:41 PM
Magtok hides behind his girders, and fires a Super Sheep at Saurous.

(Basically, its an exploding sheep with a cape. It flys around and can be steered to its target.)

As MC begins to weaken the girders with bob-ombs, Magtok uses the freeze tool and puts himself in an indestructible block of ice.

Mr. Moon
2007-05-05, 06:43 PM
Moon Called casts Burn, from FFIX on Magtok. (Basicly, if he makes an action in the next 3 rounds, he gets an Instant KO.)

Saurous
2007-05-05, 06:43 PM
Saurous uses a decoy, placing Happiness in his place in the way of the sheep. He then tosses a Holy Hand Grenade at Magtok.

Mr. Moon
2007-05-05, 06:46 PM
Saurous uses a decoy, placing Happiness in his place in the way of the sheep. He then tosses a Holy Hand Grenade at Magtok.

"Wait! Did you count to five- I mean three?"

Lord Magtok
2007-05-05, 06:47 PM
Moon Called casts Burn, from FFIX on Magtok. (Basicly, if he makes an action in the next 3 rounds, he gets an Instant KO.)


He then tosses a Holy Hand Grenade at Magtok.

Thankfully, the ice is indestructible, and forces Magtok to do nothing for a turn.

Saurous
2007-05-05, 06:49 PM
"Wait! Did you count to five- I mean three?"

"Yes, yes I did."



Thankfully, the ice is indestructible, and forces Magtok to do nothing for a turn.

Saurous summons a large zombie, who picks up the frozen ice block, takes it to the nearest boat, and ships it to Antartica.

Mr. Moon
2007-05-05, 06:49 PM
Thankfully, the ice is indestructible, and forces Magtok to do nothing for a turn.

Moon Called curses, and uses an Ether, returning her MP to full.


Saurous summons a large zombie, who picks up the frozen ice block, takes it to the nearest boat, and ships it to Antartica.

"That... works to."

Saurous
2007-05-05, 06:51 PM
"That... works to."

"I take pride in thinking outside the box."

Saurous smirks.

Mr. Moon
2007-05-05, 06:54 PM
"Oh shush." Moon Called mutters. "Burn is a tried and true method of killing everything execpt Bosses."

Lord Magtok
2007-05-05, 06:55 PM
When Magtok's turn resumes and he realizes he's in Antartica, he takes out his white flag and surrenders.

Saurous
2007-05-05, 06:57 PM
"I see...

Would surrendering be considered an action enough for Burn to take effect?"

Mr. Moon
2007-05-05, 06:57 PM
Moon Called grins and makes the mandatory victory pose while the FF Victory theame plays in the back ground.


Would surrendering be considered an action enough for Burn to take effect?"

"Let's see... If Zidane used Flee while effected by Burn... He'd get an Auto KO, so yeah. It would." Moon Called watches Magtok on a hologram.

Saurous
2007-05-05, 06:59 PM
Saurous slaps his forhead.

"Where the hell did that music come from?"

Mr. Moon
2007-05-05, 07:01 PM
"I think Saphire's playing FF again." Moon Called shrugs.

((And on that note, Mom's kicking me off. See ya later.))

Lord Magtok
2007-05-05, 07:09 PM
The next Magtok clone shows up, still a worm. Magtok screams KAMIKAZE, puts on a red headband, and flies into Saurous, making an explosion when he crashes into the necromancer's face.

Saurous
2007-05-05, 07:13 PM
Saurous falls backwards to the floor, his face covered in burns and is bleeding badly.

"Ouch..."

Lord Magtok
2007-05-05, 07:48 PM
Magtok's next wormy clone shows up, and shouts HADOKEN as it firepunches Saurous.

Saurous
2007-05-05, 07:51 PM
Saurous catches Magtok's fist.

"Alright, that is where I draw the line."

Saurous casts Horrid Wilting on the Magtok, and also blasts a massive fireball at the cyworm's cloning chambers.

Lord Magtok
2007-05-05, 07:58 PM
The worm is wilted horridly, and the cloning chambers were in an anti-maigic field.

Fus.Weapon 1337
2007-05-05, 08:14 PM
*is watching omnipotently from ruby tower*

Saurous
2007-05-05, 08:42 PM
Saurous sighs, mumbles something about a certain cybernetic worm that just needs to stop attacking him, and walks off.

Vespe Ratavo
2007-05-05, 10:18 PM
Vespe runs in, dancing the Macarena.

Exachix
2007-05-06, 01:35 AM
The Fox Wakes up and begins to wander around, trying to find the worm...

Castaras
2007-05-06, 01:42 AM
Castaras comes out of the kitchen, a long line of fruit following her. She heads out of the base and sends the fruit off towards some unknown spire like thing in the distance, before heading back in. She takes a large roll of wire, secures one end to the cooker, and climbs up the chimney, the wire trailing behind her. She comes out onto the roof, and looks up. A flying pie comes down, takes the wire, and flaps off towards the spire. Castaras gets rid of the dirt on her clothes and then heads back down to slump on one of the sofas.

Exachix
2007-05-06, 01:47 AM
The Fox jumps on another sofa and stares at the TV.

Castaras
2007-05-06, 01:51 AM
Castaras picks up a book and goes back to reading, switching the TV to some epic movie thing.

Exachix
2007-05-06, 01:57 AM
The Fox goes to find the remote, takes it where he was sitting before, and begins to channel hop.

Vespe Ratavo
2007-05-06, 01:59 AM
Vespe walks in from his room.
So then there was the pineapllle...
You know what? Forget it man. It's 2 AM! I'm going to bed.
Aww, come on!
No, it's too late...
Carlos curls up and goes to sleep on top of the TV.
Vespe sighs and sits down on the couch.

Castaras
2007-05-06, 02:01 AM
Castaras turns a page in her book, zapping the TV, trying to get it to stay on one channel.

Exachix
2007-05-06, 02:02 AM
The Fox whines slightly and tries to change it to something else.

Vespe Ratavo
2007-05-06, 02:04 AM
Wait a minute, if my players asleep, how am I still here?
Vespe shrugs and proceeds to put on an Emeril outfit.
Suddenly the TV pops up on a pit of charcoal.
Now, we just cook it, and BAM!
Vespe fires off a Meteor Swarm, after which the TV is destroyed.
Ohshi-
Vespe flees to his room and bolts the door shut.
Carlos continues to sleep on the pit of charcoals.

Castaras
2007-05-06, 02:07 AM
The TV switches to the childrens channel. Cute music blasts out from it. Castaras groans and disintegrates the TV. before resummoning it and going back to reading.

Exachix
2007-05-06, 02:08 AM
The Fox hmms, changes the channel to something good, like a classic Rock channel, and casts Anti-Magic Shell on it.

Castaras
2007-05-06, 02:12 AM
Castaras smiles slightly, and turns a page in her book.

Exachix
2007-05-06, 02:15 AM
The Fox watches it, smiling, tail twitching.

V Junior
2007-05-06, 02:49 AM
Junior wakes up.

Umm, anyone seen Magt- oh. Well, that's my job done for me. Maggot, did you know that meerkats eat worms? EAT MAGGOT, MY ARMY!

A whole group of meerkats attack Maggot, while Junior drops to the ground, overcome with laughter. Her player is also laughing.

((turns out I didn't need those pot- wait a sec.))

Junior pours Potion of Trasformation- Worm on the fox, and commands her meerkats to attack. She then does the same to the offline body of MC.

Tee Hee!

Exachix
2007-05-06, 02:52 AM
The Worm-Fox hmms and casts Dispell on him, before frowning at Junior.

Lord Magtok
2007-05-06, 10:09 AM
Magtok uses an exploding old lady to scare off the meerkats.

Out of curiosity, does anyone else know the lyrics to the Worms theme song?

Castaras
2007-05-06, 10:12 AM
No...

Castaras turns another page in her book.

Exachix
2007-05-06, 10:14 AM
The Fox looks over.

"Why?" He tries to change the channel again.

Lord Magtok
2007-05-06, 10:15 AM
If you have Worms 3D, you can just watch the credits and you'll finally understand all that talk about Boggy B in the Wormapedia. To be honest, my player just happened to accidently stumble across the song while he was bored.

Magtok rereads V Junior's post, and wonders what a worm-MC would look like.

Saurous
2007-05-06, 10:21 AM
Saurous walks in, reads Juniors post, thanks the gods for the fact that he wasn't hit with one of the transmutation potion, and also wonders what a Worm-MC would look like.

Castaras
2007-05-06, 10:21 AM
Amazing what players find when they're bored, eh?

Vespe Ratavo
2007-05-06, 10:26 AM
Carlos suddenly disappears and walks in carrying a book.
Hey everyone, look what I found! It's called the....Necronominon. Looks like a good read.
Carlos opens it up and Cthulhu pops out.
Ah...sh-
[roll0]
1d3 investigators per round, and Carlos is the first one.

Castaras
2007-05-06, 10:33 AM
And amazing how much chaos can happen in such a small amount of time.

She sighs, putting her book down.

Exachix
2007-05-06, 10:46 AM
The Fox looks at Carlos, before hmming and looking as Castaras.

"To True."

Saurous
2007-05-06, 12:14 PM
Saurous grabs a megaphone, and shouts into it.

"THREAD BUMP!"

Castaras
2007-05-06, 12:26 PM
Castaras turns to Saurous, amplifying her voice.

NO NEED TO SHOUT! I CAN HEAR YOU FINE!

She turns back to her book.

Exachix
2007-05-06, 12:27 PM
The Fox shifts to elf and casts Silent Image.

It says:
"I can't hear anything any more."

Saurous
2007-05-06, 12:32 PM
"Dear gods, my ears..."

One may now notice the fact that Saurous's ears are bleeding.

Castaras
2007-05-06, 12:35 PM
Castaras smiles and adjusts the earphones she's got in, and turns a page in her book.

Vespe Ratavo
2007-05-06, 01:19 PM
Vespe runs in and bolts the door shut.
The zombies! They're invading!
Indeed, outside there is an army of zombies.
Get to da choppa!
Vespe hops into a helicopter and flies outside to continue shooting at the zombies.

Mr. Moon
2007-05-06, 01:23 PM
"'Da Choppa?'" Saphire repeats, then, after a sneaze, gets a look of inspiration. "It's the Orks! Man the Hive Fleet! We have a planet to conqure!"

"Wrong Choppa." Moon Called mutters.

Saurous
2007-05-06, 01:24 PM
Saurous slaps his forhead.

"For the love of all that is unholy, what is wrong with you people?"

Vespe Ratavo
2007-05-06, 01:26 PM
Vespe flies the helicopter down into the base.
Gads! It's the necrophiliac! He'll betray us all to the zombies!
Vespe opens fire with three machine guns, and throws a large choppa (as in an Ork axe) at Saurous.

Castaras
2007-05-06, 01:26 PM
Castaras ignores everything else, listening to her music, turning a page in her book.

Saurous
2007-05-06, 01:30 PM
Saurous catches the Choppa, and hurls it back at Vespe.

"I'm not a necrophile."

Vespe Ratavo
2007-05-06, 01:33 PM
Vespe dodges the Choppa.
Gads! He is obviously a witch! I know what I must do!
Vespe steals Saurous' ruby slippers and throws them into Mount Doom.

Mr. Moon
2007-05-06, 01:35 PM
Moon Called watches Vespe for a few minutes, before returning to ignoring him.

Saurous
2007-05-06, 01:39 PM
"Okay, that made absolutely no sense.

...just like everything else around here."

Saurous sighs, pulls an MP3 player out of his pocket, and then plugs earphones into it. He walks off, trying to ignore Vespe.

Castaras
2007-05-06, 01:42 PM
Castaras carries on listening to her music, reading her book.

Vespe Ratavo
2007-05-06, 01:43 PM
Vespe sighs and snaps his fingers. Suddenly all the windows, doors, air ducts, manholes, and anything else that could be used by someone to get into the base blast open and zombies pour through them.

Vespe simply walks over into the kitchen and pours concrete over all the entrances to it, then teleports inside.

Castaras
2007-05-06, 01:45 PM
HEY! :smallmad:

Castaras blasts a hole through the concrete and drags Vespe out of the kitchen by an ear.

Out!

Saurous
2007-05-06, 01:46 PM
Happiness runs about screaming, and then hits the "Lockdown" button on one of the computers. All doors, air ducts, and any other opening on the exterior or interior of the building slam shut. The lights dim, and the intercom system blares "Lockdown! This is not a drill!". Saurous sighs.

"Wonderful."

Vespe Ratavo
2007-05-06, 01:48 PM
Ow.
Vespe stands up and turns into a bear, then leaps out through a window.

Mr. Moon
2007-05-06, 01:49 PM
Moon Called looks at the undead invaders for a second, then sighs. "Must I do everything?" She picks up her sword, and begins to dismember the zombies left and right.

"Carefull. What if they *achoo!* come back to life on you?"

"What do you think spells are for?"

"Oh."

Castaras
2007-05-06, 01:53 PM
Castaras mutters something about insane people, goes back to the sofa, picks up a book, and goes back to reading.

Fus.Weapon 1337
2007-05-06, 02:20 PM
Fus. goes over to the omnipresent SNES and pops in a FF3 cartridge.

"Does anyone other than me know that FF3 is two-player?"

Saurous
2007-05-06, 02:34 PM
"Can't any turn-based RPG with more than one controllable character be considered two-player if you can alternate the controller between players?"

Rex Idiotarum
2007-05-06, 02:34 PM
Actually, up until two months ago, I hadn't realised that FF2-FF6 existed. I always assumed they started on VII, jumped, and did a retro version of for I, and then went to VIII.

Castaras
2007-05-06, 02:36 PM
Castaras picks up her mp3 player, and shakes it.

Blast.

She stands up and goes down to the kitchen.

Fus.Weapon 1337
2007-05-06, 02:38 PM
"Can't any turn-based RPG with more than one controllable character be considered two-player if you can alternate the controller between players?"

"No, I mean, there's a thing so one person can control some characters and the other person can control the other characters."

Saurous
2007-05-06, 02:40 PM
"Oh, well then, no.

Can I play?"

Mr. Moon
2007-05-06, 02:41 PM
"FFIX has that too. It really screws up the stratagy."


Moon Called sighs and continues to battle the zombies, muttering, "Oh, don't worry about me. I'm fine. I don't need any help at all. I'll have these guys gone in a minuit."

Saurous
2007-05-06, 02:45 PM
Saurous looks over at the zombies, and sighs. He casts Mass Command Undead, and they all stop fighting.

"Eh, heh. Sorry, I thought those things were gone when Vespe left."

Mr. Moon
2007-05-06, 02:47 PM
Moon Called sighs, putting her sword away. "Of course. I'd just let a massive amount of XP fade away, would I?"

Vespe Ratavo
2007-05-06, 02:51 PM
Vespe comes back and stands on Saurous' head and pulls out a stick labeled "+3" and starts beating Saurous with it.
Hold still! It's for a druid quest!

Saurous
2007-05-06, 02:52 PM
Saurous reaches up, grabs the stick out of Vespe's hands, slides out from under him, and then begins beating Vespe with it.

"I really couldn't care less, Vespe."

Vespe Ratavo
2007-05-06, 02:53 PM
Ahh! +3 stick! Why have you betrayed me!
Vespe activates his hearthstone, and ends up 15 feet away at the entrance to his room, and runs in.

Saurous
2007-05-06, 02:55 PM
Saurous hurls the stick at Vespe's room, embedding itself in the door

Vespe Ratavo
2007-05-06, 02:56 PM
Vespe ducks out of his room, grabs the stick, and pops back in, muttering something about ****ing aggros.

Castaras
2007-05-06, 02:59 PM
Castaras comes back out of the kitchen, carrying a packet of batteries. She sits back down on the sofa and summons another book. She begins reading.

Saurous
2007-05-06, 03:08 PM
A group of the commanded zombies walk up to Saurous, holding a piece of paper.

"Sir, we are going on strike for poor living conditions and a lack of care. We also dislike the fact that your...friend...over there killed most of us before you hired us."

"You've been in my employment for all of what? Ten minutes?"

"Exactly."

"And do you know what I have to say about this?"

"What?"

Saurous raises a hand, and a zanbatō appears in it.

"Run, my pretties! RUN!"

The zombies run in different directions, and Saurous chases after then, swinging the oversized piece of Japanese weaponry.

Mr. Moon
2007-05-06, 03:10 PM
"That's what you get for attacking." Moon Called mutters, sharpining her sword's blade.

Rex Idiotarum
2007-05-06, 03:11 PM
Oversized Japanese weapons is it?
*summons Masamune*
You cannot beat that.

Vespe Ratavo
2007-05-06, 03:11 PM
Vespe rides in on Mecha Godzillas back.
Now what's all this about oversized Japanese weaponry?

Castaras
2007-05-06, 03:13 PM
Castaras turns a page in her book. The fruit come out of her kitchen, doing the conga.

Vespe Ratavo
2007-05-06, 03:16 PM
I'm bored.
Suddenly, due to Vespe saying he's bored, the base explodes, leaving everyone in a space station swarming with zombies and an anti-god modding field around it.

Mr. Moon
2007-05-06, 03:19 PM
Moon Called kills any of the zombies that get to close, looking rather bored.

Saurous
2007-05-06, 03:21 PM
"Well, this is getting tiresome."

Saurous tosses the japanese sword into the middle of the zombie horde, and it explodes for some reason.

Happiness runs about, bumping into things. He eventually bumps into the off switch for the Artificial Gravity. Saurous crosses his arms as he floats about.

"I hate you, Happiness."

Rex Idiotarum
2007-05-06, 03:22 PM
Antigod-mod fields. Hm, this one can be tricky, but I can take care of it by having it attack itself.
*turns to the barrier *The town defines godmodding as:

Godmodding: What it is and How to Avoid it

Godmodding: Taking control of someone else's character without their expressive permission. This term applies to any extent of control, especially including any reactions to something you have done.
So, it would be safe to say, that by preventing us from godmodding, you in yourself are godmodding worse than any of us?

Lord Magtok
2007-05-06, 03:22 PM
The Amazing Repost-man swings into the thread, fights with the Green Munchkin and wearing a new black symbiote suit.

Gods, I hate my player. He could've just said he just saw the third Spider-Man movie, but instead he has to add even more chaos to this insane place.

Exachix
2007-05-06, 03:22 PM
The Fox wakes back up and watches as it floats around.

Castaras
2007-05-06, 03:24 PM
Eh. My player isn't really that interested in seeing Spiderman 3. Seeing some of the reviews for it, anyway.

Castaras turns a page in her book.

Mr. Moon
2007-05-06, 03:26 PM
Moon Called grins. "Fighting in zero G? Much more fun!"

Rex Idiotarum
2007-05-06, 03:29 PM
Quick, the godmod field is down, now, using a combination of forthwall breaking and godmodding, Rex summons up the text that proclaims the base to be repaired and the field to be removed.
The base becomes repaired and the field is removed.
There we go.

Saurous
2007-05-06, 03:29 PM
"The one bad thing about this is, I can't steer my projectile spells in zero G."

Saurous fires off a fireball spell, and it spirals off in a random direction before falling apart.

"Ooh! Ooh! I always wanted to try this!"

Happiness floats off towards the bathroom, and comes back out with a tube of toothpaste, and squirts it out into the air. It floats around as a mass of toothpaste. Saurous sighs.

Vespe Ratavo
2007-05-06, 03:30 PM
Noooo! My one attempt at actually getting us to do something! Ah well, time to go work on the AMEN RPG.
Vespe leaves, muttering.

Exachix
2007-05-06, 03:30 PM
The Fox is inverted above a sofa and so falls down onto it.

Castaras
2007-05-06, 03:31 PM
Castaras sighs, turning a page in her book.

The fruit conga carry on congaing around the base.

Rex Idiotarum
2007-05-06, 03:32 PM
Rex Enters the room with forty kids in red and black flash suits.
Remember, the enemy's gate is down!
Everyone suddenly finds themselves wearing flash suits of their own.

Mr. Moon
2007-05-06, 03:35 PM
Moon Called silently wonders what a flash suit is while slicing a zombie in half with an elegent, midair sweep of her blade.

Exachix
2007-05-06, 03:35 PM
The Fox shifts to an Elf.

"Red and Black... neat"

Lord Magtok
2007-05-06, 03:36 PM
Rex Enters the room with forty kids in red and black flash suits.
Remember, the enemy's gate is down!
Everyone suddenly finds themselves wearing flash suits of their own.

I hate Ender and I'm scared to ask why Rex has forty kids in tight suits.

Saurous
2007-05-06, 03:36 PM
Saurous looks down at the suit.

"Okay...what is this for?"

Castaras
2007-05-06, 03:37 PM
Castaras looks down at her suit.

Hmph.

She turns back to her book and music.

Mr. Moon
2007-05-06, 03:39 PM
Moon Called wonders if she needs to be a little less subtle with her freinds allies.

Lord Magtok
2007-05-06, 03:41 PM
MC, go read Ender's Game. In that book lies the answer to all your questions about Rex's reference.

Rex Idiotarum
2007-05-06, 03:42 PM
*Lunges off a star, bounces off a wall, swings along a teammate, and Freezes Magtok *
Noob.

Mr. Moon
2007-05-06, 03:46 PM
"Oh. That book. My brother has it, I think. I started it, can't say I like it."

Moon Called slices another zombie, this time into thirds.

Saurous
2007-05-06, 03:46 PM
Saurous wonders if he should actually do something worth mentioning right now, when Sheogorath suddenly appears and smashes his staff into Saurous's flank.

"Sup?"

"You know everything has gone to hell when the Madgod appears and beats you with his staff.

You die now, Sheo."

"Gotta catch me!"

Sheogorath floats down to the floor, and runs off. Saurous bounds off a wall after him.

Rex Idiotarum
2007-05-06, 03:47 PM
*Freezes Moon Called.*
He's still the smartest protagonist, in a realistic sense, that I have seen in a long time. But to each their own.
^ Fool, There is no floor, there is only, over there.

Castaras
2007-05-06, 03:49 PM
The fruit conga breaks up and drags Castaras back into the kitchen.