Could Garfield kill Heathcliff? Like, if he really had too?

[Loki_42]

This is not a versus thread. We all know who would win, in a fair fight between Garfield, aka The Fuzzy Dynamo, versus Heathcliff, aka The Dynamic Fuzzo. This thread is about whether Garfield, after pinning Heathcliff, and realizing that the fate of the world depended on the murder of another cumin (cat-human) being, in cold blood, if he could commit. If he could look Heathcliff in his soulless orange eyes and slash the beasts throat before tearing its heart out through the hole, and then annoint himself in the blood in penance for his years of sinning against Jon, the holy virgin?

Me? I think the garf could do it. He's got the stripes of a killer.

rip&tearrip&tearrip&tearrip&tearrip

[Killer Angel]

I don't recall Garfield killing any cat, so I'd say no.

[Lizard Lord]

Garfield can't even kill a mouse and that's his job.


On the other hand he is pretty vicious to that spider....

As a side note; this is the weirdest thread I have read on these forums.

[Kitten Champion]

Doesn't Garfield show a rather causal apathy for the lives of others beyond what affects his personal comfort? In other words, isn't Garfield a cat?

So, yes, down go the claws.

[Lurkmoar]

But Garfield isn't real. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mR2nM4-ki5A)

Jokes aside, Garfield is a cat and they are killers. So yes, I think Garfield could bring the claws down.

[Fri]

He doesn't kill mice just because he's lazy. If he realizes the fate of the world and all the lasagna in it definitely depends on him killing, he'd do it.

[Gnome Alone]

I told you no one should terrorize the neighborhood

[Ranxerox]

Could he bring himself to do it? Sure, no problem. Would he succeed? Not bloody likely. Heathcliff is much better shape and gets in a lot more fights than Garfield. He would tear Garfield to shreds.

[Telonius]

It depends. Does the fight go down on a Monday?

[Traab]

He doesn't kill mice just because he's lazy. If he realizes the fate of the world and all the lasagna in it definitely depends on him killing, he'd do it.

No, he also doesnt kill mice because he finds the idea of killing and eating mice to be disgusting. Ive got about 30-40 of his old books on one of my shelves. There are plenty of times when jon tells garfield to go kill the mice that he has a look of disgust on his face.

[danzibr]

That penultimate line of the OP was super weird.

Anyway. Ironically I'm eating lasagna as I type this.

[Loki_42]

I don't recall Garfield killing any cat, so I'd say no.

It's in the expanded universe.


Garfield can't even kill a mouse and that's his job.


On the other hand he is pretty vicious to that spider....

As a side note; this is the weirdest thread I have read on these forums.

In the end times, equivocating will not be tolerated.


Doesn't Garfield show a rather causal apathy for the lives of others beyond what affects his personal comfort? In other words, isn't Garfield a cat?

So, yes, down go the claws.

Fejoice! You will be rewarded for your devotion.


But Garfield isn't real. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mR2nM4-ki5A)

Jokes aside, Garfield is a cat and they are killers. So yes, I think Garfield could bring the claws down.

Please don't joke about serious matters.


He doesn't kill mice just because he's lazy. If he realizes the fate of the world and all the lasagna in it definitely depends on him killing, he'd do it.

Whoop! Whoop! Fah-Muh-Lee!!!


I told you no one should terrorize the neighborhood

False Prophet.


Could he bring himself to do it? Sure, no problem. Would he succeed? Not bloody likely. Heathcliff is much better shape and gets in a lot more fights than Garfield. He would tear Garfield to shreds.

Heretic.


It depends. Does the fight go down on a Monday?

All days are mondays in Ragnarok.


No, he also doesnt kill mice because he finds the idea of killing and eating mice to be disgusting. Ive got about 30-40 of his old books on one of my shelves. There are plenty of times when jon tells garfield to go kill the mice that he has a look of disgust on his face.

Books?! You're in possession of... books? You better hope Beloved Leader Nermal doesn't find out about this. I wouldn't wish that fate even on you.


That penultimate line of the OP was super weird.

Anyway. Ironically I'm eating lasagna as I type this.

Ah, the agnostic approach. Admirable, but useless.

[Traab]

Pfft, whats nermal going to do? Bat his eyelashes at me? Doesnt change reality in that garfield is more than capable of cruelty, but he rarely goes past minor injuries, and even the spiders he attacks manage to survive generally. Nermal and odie get bonked on the head or booted off tables, sometimes rolled into a carpet and shipped to abu dhabi, but killed? Nope, he doesnt have what it takes to look into another sentient beings eyes and watch as the light fades away behind them. Too feel that last shuddering breath as his enemy exhales for the last time and goes limp. To see the comprehension of his own approaching death on his victims face, and the look of betrayal as one who called him friend realizes who was responsible. To... err wait sorry, kinda had a flashback there, disregard those last bits.

[Bulldog Psion]

There once were two cats of Kilkenny
Each thought there was one cat too many
So they fought and they fit
And they scratched and they bit
Till instead of two cats there weren't any!

[Giggling Ghast]

Garfield beat Heathcliff on Robot Chicken. And then he had a heart attack.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KsCgV-XTKlo

[Raimun]

I'm sure Garfield could do it if the fight was on monday and he was out of lasagne.

But of course he ultimately wouldn't because he's a very lazy cat and the last of his energy went to pushing that stupid Odie out of the table.

Phew, I think I just did all of the jokes in Garfield, didn't I?

[Telonius]

I'm sure Garfield could do it if the fight was on monday and he was out of lasagne.

But of course he ultimately wouldn't because he's a very lazy cat and the last of his energy went to pushing that stupid Odie out of the table.

Phew, I think I just did all of the jokes in Garfield, didn't I?

He'd mail the remains to Abu Dhabi. (I'm pretty sure that's all of them).

[Lizard Lord]

In the end times, equivocating will not be tolerated.





If its the end times what the hell do I care whats being tolerated? :smallamused:

[Giggling Ghast]

Wait a minute, is this another one of those Garfield doomsday cults? Not another one! :smallsigh:


If he could look Heathcliff in his soulless orange eyes and slash the beasts throat before tearing its heart out through the hole, and then annoint himself in the blood in penance for his years of sinning against Jon, the holy virgin?

Your religion is founded on lies. Didn't Jon eventually hook up with that vet Liz?

[The Troubadour]

He couldn't. He knows it would cost him Kathy's love.

[Ebon_Drake]

He couldn't. He knows it would cost him Kathy's love.

Came here expecting a Wuthering Heights reference.

Thread delivers.

[Fawkes]

"Can't you see, Nermal? I AM Heathcliff!"

[No brains]

Why fight and kill each other? The two of them could join forces and kill commoners to their heart's content! Cast off the surly bonds of the three daily panels and ascend into the eternal grid of tabletop gaming! I'm even 100% certain that there is some piece of Garfield merchandise that could be used to D&D scale and if a second is melted a little under a magnifying glass, it could be Heathcliff too!

[Marillion]

I don't know, maybe. I mean, he IS fairly ill in the head (http://gunshowcomic.com/427).

[Rodin]

In terms of whether Garfield could kill or not, it seems pretty clear that he could. He has killed a lot when he's trying to eat stuff, from plants to fish to birds and even possibly a live pig (he went on a pet talent show and ate the competition, but the strip ended before he could lay hands on the pig). There was also the time when the ghosts of everything he ate came back to haunt him and a COW was among the bedsheeted ghosts, although it's not clear if that was just the spirit of all the hamburgers he's eaten. Oh, and he's killed at least one mailman, although that one was accidental.

Mice are just an odd blind spot he has in an otherwise murder-filled existence.

[tomandtish]

Pfft, whats nermal going to do? Bat his eyelashes at me? Doesnt change reality in that garfield is more than capable of cruelty, but he rarely goes past minor injuries, and even the spiders he attacks manage to survive generally. Nermal and odie get bonked on the head or booted off tables, sometimes rolled into a carpet and shipped to abu dhabi, but killed? Nope, he doesnt have what it takes to look into another sentient beings eyes and watch as the light fades away behind them. Too feel that last shuddering breath as his enemy exhales for the last time and goes limp. To see the comprehension of his own approaching death on his victims face, and the look of betrayal as one who called him friend realizes who was responsible. To... err wait sorry, kinda had a flashback there, disregard those last bits.

When debating whether Garfield can kill or not, remember this...

Lyman's body has never been found.....

[SaintRidley]

Best to just shoot them both to be absolutely sure.

[Kris Strife]

When debating whether Garfield can kill or not, remember this...

Lyman's body has never been found.....

He met his end at the hands of a /different/ orange and black striped feline.

And also a six year old boy.

http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/candh/images/9/93/Unclemax.png/revision/latest?cb=20120212174728

[Zrak]

Does Heathcliff also know that the fate of the world hangs in the balance? I mean, is he looking up in Garfield's eyes, trying to choke back his fear like the coldest hairball he's ever had, and yelling that he added Monday to the calendar and he'd do it again a thousand times if he had to, that he mixes his litter into ricotta to ruin lasagna out of spite, that he always knew Odie was the smart one, not because it's true but just to make it easier. Because for once in his life, once in all their lives, a Heathcliff is going to suck it up and do the right thing?

[Aotrs Commander]

Does Heathcliff also know that the fate of the world hangs in the balance? I mean, is he looking up in Garfield's eyes, trying to choke back his fear like the coldest hairball he's ever had, and yelling that he added Monday to the calendar and he'd do it again a thousand times if he had to, that he mixes his litter into ricotta to ruin lasagna out of spite, that he always knew Odie was the smart one, not because it's true but just to make it easier. Because for once in his life, once in all their lives, a Heathcliff is going to suck it up and do the right thing?

Huh. That image is actually sort of nearly touching...

[Loki_42]

http://i.imgur.com/POnnrt9.png

Yes, spread the word my wonderful children, and usher forth the new era.

[Zrak]

Huh. That image is actually sort of nearly touching...

I kind of imagine it like the scene in those movies where a kid gets a supernatural or exotic pet, but can't keep it once it's grown because it's not right and/or the world isn't ready, so has to hurl one tearful invective he doesn't mean after another to convince it to leave, because really what is growing up but learning to lie for the right reasons.

[Raimun]

He'd mail the remains to Abu Dhabi. (I'm pretty sure that's all of them).

You're a funny man. :smallsmile:

[Lord Shardok]

This is not a versus thread. We all know who would win, in a fair fight between Garfield, aka The Fuzzy Dynamo, versus Heathcliff, aka The Dynamic Fuzzo. This thread is about whether Garfield, after pinning Heathcliff, and realizing that the fate of the world depended on the murder of another cumin (cat-human) being, in cold blood, if he could commit. If he could look Heathcliff in his soulless orange eyes and slash the beasts throat before tearing its heart out through the hole, and then annoint himself in the blood in penance for his years of sinning against Jon, the holy virgin?

I have no idea whether or not he could do it, but now I'm imagining the two having to raise armies in order to have a glorious final battle. The battle that will herald the Gods back down to Midgard for the glorious happening that is Ragnarok.

[Aquillion]

What method are we talking about? Like, could Garfield give the order to have Heathcliff killed? Could he push a button that would make Heathcliff die in another room? Or are we talking about Garfield having to slowly crush Heathcliff's throat with his own paws?

Has Heathcliff done anything to deserve it in this scenario? At least according to to Garfield's admittedly idiosyncratic moral compass -- it's not clear that there's anything Garfield would believe to be deserving of death, but he could have some reason to hate Heathcliff, or not. For instance, maybe Heathcliff murdered Odie or Jon.

How certain is the doom facing the world if Heathcliff is not killed? Is Garfield absolutely certain of it? It makes a difference; if a recognized authority figure like Pooky is telling Garfield that Heathcliff must die, it's different if he's hearing it from, say, Nermal.

[Bulldog Psion]

How certain is the doom facing the world if Heathcliff is not killed? Is Garfield absolutely certain of it? It makes a difference; if a recognized authority figure like Pooky is telling Garfield that Heathcliff must die, it's different if he's hearing it from, say, Nermal.

Ah, a chuckle for Friday morning. Thank you!

An authority figure like Pooky, indeed. :smallbiggrin: