Are tabletop games just not for me?

[Drayco84]

This isn't an easy question to ask, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to get a lot of responses trying to convince me otherwise. (Well, this IS a message board for players, and therefore fans of the genre. Seriously, I'd be surprised if I don't.) But I'm seriously starting to wonder if I'm somebody that just "doesn't get it" or if the universe really is out to make me miserable in any and all things tabletop-gaming related. So, let's start from the beginning... I'm just not one of those people that finds it easy to make friends. I'm usually initially painfully shy, and it takes quite some time to really open up to others. To make things worse, I tend to be overly paranoid when it comes to friendships (IE assuming I've offended someone or that they dislike me.) and I have a stupidly long memory when it comes to wrongs, both ones done to me, but ESPECIALLY ones I've inflicted on others. For me, forgiving is easy, forgetting is so much harder, and there's (even minor) things that happened YEARS ago that I still literally cannot forgive myself for.
So anyway, first adventures with tabletop gaming, found a place within a webcomic forum that happened to have a few D&D 3.5 players who eventually invited more 3.5 players, even if they didn't care for said comic all that much. This was my first foray into 3.5, and my first game that lasted more than one session took place in Eberron. (Yeah, brand-freaking-new to actually PLAYING in 3.5, and I wound up in Eberron, where all D&D cliches were fed through a few consecutive woodchippers before being splattered on a sidewalk.) Oddly enough, I managed and the game lasted for some months before the DM burned out due to trying to run three damn games a week. (This group REALLY liked their games.) Went through a few with this group, but I tended to notice a problem. Said group loved their roleplay, and that culminated in one campaign (PF, TYI.) as sitting around and shooting the breeze IC for session after session, after session, after session, if they could help it. Me, I usually play games for the storyline, and I usually miss one game out of every month, which caused some frustration as I didn't know if anything that actually MOVED said plot along would be happening during that one game I wasn't there. During this time I was also trying out my very first rogue, and completely SUCKED at it. (Previous experiences were a Sorcerer and a mid-level Warlock. Yeah, I didn't and still don't have too many character classes under my belt.) I tried talking to the other players about how session after session in the game felt like nothing really was happening, but I was the only one who felt it was a problem. (Despite SOME of the other players alt-tabbing out during the game and playing other games while not much of note was happening in session... Oh, the wonders of online tabletop clients...) So, I left the game, and a few months later, the DM had to end it because RL kicked him in the balls.
Some months after that, I felt that I was drifting away from the group and tried to start some other multiplayer game during a day no 3.5/PF games were happening. Something, just ANYTHING to try reconnecting again. Nobody was really interested, and I didn't have much of an interest in any of the other ongoing games. (See above paragraph, and the group was just big enough to have a decent-sized pool of players, but not big enough to have two different games the same day.) Feeling like I was losing connection to everyone else, I left the group and tried to find players in Roll20...
And some of you out there are prolly laughing your asses off right now... Well, you're not wrong...
I've tried several times to join groups, and each has been met with nothing short of DISASTER. My first game lasted all of two sessions, had a GM that tried putting level 3 characters in a module/dungeon meant for level 7s. (It's always a bad sign when the only way in is LITERALLY via hacking apart the hinges to a, literal, giant-sized door.) The next was a campaign that the DM role was passed around as a shared experience and had been going for a few years before I got in. I had one minisession, and the campaign literally fell apart among the players on the day of the next session. Same guy (And he's a pretty cool guy.) Makes a campaign, invites some people in, and it literally dies after one session as well. (Two left, another annoyed the GM on purpose and got kicked out, I was left, GM recruited more people, and they didn't care enough to warn others that they were going to be absent that session until the day OF the session. It died painfully due to lack of interest.)
Most recent attempt in Roll20 was an In the Company of Dragons + PoW and SoP (Path of War and Spheres of Power, respectively.) with some Kingdom Building elements. Sounded awesome, until I found out that if you want offense in SoP that doesn't eat all your SP, you have to be a blaster (Maybe some other builds, but there's no guides out for it yet and I kinda suck at figuring out new things.) and blasters get a MAJOR shafting with In the Company of Dragons because the size increases (Up to Gargantuan or Colossal.) give Attack penalties AND penalties to Dex. (A whopping -11 or more, and even with Gestalt Draconic Exemplars/PoW or SoP class levels which granted a full BAB progression, that's still a hefty penalty.) So, after trying to build an blast-focused Incanter, I had to scrap that and wanted to try the Magus Archetype since the Taninim race pretty much only supports melee focus, but that was blocked since the DM was only allowing SoP classes. The DM then kicked me out because he was tired of my whining (Having nearly no dex at higher levels can VERY MUCH be a problem.) and to be fair, I did voice concerns about a lot things. (Also tried to see if I could get away with a bit of slightly OP ****, but this IS PF...) I'm not trying to call out that DM, he wanted to run the game with the rules he wanted, but I am upset about being called "close-minded" about the whole thing...

What I just want to know is, I know I had some pretty good times with 3.5/PF early on. It offered more freedom and a greater RPG experience than any videogame or even online game EVER could. My problem is... It's VERY much a social game, and I've always sucked at the social portion of things. I don't know where to find like-minded people, and I don't know how to find people with a similar playstyle, nor do I even know where to BEGIN with that. Plus, it's always felt like such a risk and a hassle to try joining one. Yeah, the potential rewards are great, but I'm not even sure why I was playing them in the first place any more. Are these kinds of games not for me? Am I cursed? Because right now, I just want to give up on the whole damn thing and walk away, but something keeps trying to drag me back. (Prolly a masochist streak... I keep trying to beat it out, but that just doesn't seem like it's working...)
BTW, RL games aren't an option. I can't get transportation to said places and they're well over half an hour away via car, (No bus service to house, and haven't been able to get a car.) and I'm even more awkwardly shy in person.

[Forum Explorer]

I see. Well, something you might want to give a shot is PbP (Play by Post) games. The social aspect is greatly reduced, as you aren't physically there talking to people, and there is a lot less stress about coming up with something on the spot. Similarly, there is less annoyance when people are just talking or being social, since the game requires much less time and attention (from a player's perspective at least).

Plus it's easy to play in 3-4 of them at once, so even if one game is moving slow, you have another game to keep your attention. Downside? They die really frequently, almost to the point where you should aim to join 5-6 because over 50% of them will stop early.

[Extra Anchovies]

Sometimes when you're getting frustrated with something that's meant to be an enjoyable pastime, the best option is to take a break from it for a while.

Maybe you'll try tabletop RPGs again in a few months/years and end up finding a really good game, one that moves along at a decent clip and produces an interesting story with some memorable roleplaying.

Maybe you'll find other (hopefully healthy) ways to enjoy yourself and leave tabletop RPGs behind as a temporary interest.

Either one is fine.

[Firest Kathon]

Have you tried to find a real-life gaming group? From the sound of it, you might enjoy playing Pathfinder Society (Paizo's organized play campaign for Pathfinder). It's easy to find games (check out the event list (http://paizo.com/pathfinderSociety/events) or contact your regional coordinator (http://paizo.com/pathfinderSociety/about/regionalCoordinators), who might know more games not posted online) and you can be sure that the story will progress during the 4-5 hours of playtime. It's also a good contact point to find other roleplaying gamers, to maybe find a private group to join.

[TiaC]

Have you tried to find a real-life gaming group? From the sound of it, you might enjoy playing Pathfinder Society (Paizo's organized play campaign for Pathfinder). It's easy to find games (check out the event list (http://paizo.com/pathfinderSociety/events) or contact your regional coordinator (http://paizo.com/pathfinderSociety/about/regionalCoordinators), who might know more games not posted online) and you can be sure that the story will progress during the 4-5 hours of playtime. It's also a good contact point to find other roleplaying gamers, to maybe find a private group to join.

Honestly, I wouldn't recommend PFS. Leaving aside any issues with rules and adventure design, its inability to filter players often causes problems. Many areas will have some very difficult players. Often, the only group that will accept their issues is PFS, which in turn drives away more normal players. I've seen some really messed-up PFS games.

[Drayco84]

Have you tried to find a real-life gaming group? From the sound of it, you might enjoy playing Pathfinder Society (Paizo's organized play campaign for Pathfinder). It's easy to find games (check out the event list (http://paizo.com/pathfinderSociety/events) or contact your regional coordinator (http://paizo.com/pathfinderSociety/about/regionalCoordinators), who might know more games not posted online) and you can be sure that the story will progress during the 4-5 hours of playtime. It's also a good contact point to find other roleplaying gamers, to maybe find a private group to join.

First, I'm not exactly fond of PFS because they use rules intended to keep "balance" but instead just make the damn game even more unbalanced. Second, and more important, RL gaming isn't even an option due to lack of transportation. (No car, and closest bus pickup is half an hour away via car.)

[goto124]

Speaking of play by post, this forum has sections dedicated to PbP. Just head to the Forum main page and take a look.

Also, hello Moonshadow!

[Nibbens]

Sounds like you're having a bad run at finding games - and the ones you do find seem (from your perspective) to be kinda "meh."

I'd suggest keep plugging at it until you find a group/dm/story that works for you. Table-top gaming is a lot like trying on clothes; some fit, some don't, and the ones that do may or may not be your favorite color or style.

... SO yeah, I guess I turned out to be one of those "keep playing" guys. Sorry. :/

[sakuuya]

If trying to find and befriend IRL D&D players isn't an option for you, you can always try the inverse: Teach your current friends how to play. That way, you don't have to deal with strangers, and hosting the game at your place means no travel. Of course, you'll have to DM, but being the DM means that you'll have more control over the pace of the game.

[ComaVision]

I've only tried playing an online D&D game once and it was lackluster enough that I haven't tried again. I play with my friends and it makes a ton of difference. If you're already friends with someone, there's a better chance you're in to the same sort of play-style.

[Drayco84]

If trying to find and befriend IRL D&D players isn't an option for you, you can always try the inverse: Teach your current friends how to play. That way, you don't have to deal with strangers, and hosting the game at your place means no travel. Of course, you'll have to DM, but being the DM means that you'll have more control over the pace of the game.

BUT I DON'T HAVE ANY RL FRIENDS!
Making some isn't really an option as I don't go to school. At my age, that would be more than a bit creepy, and college felt like a waste of time and money. (Took one year of an Associate of Arts degree. Turns out, I wasn't wrong.) And at work, there's nobody there that I think would even be interested.

[BowStreetRunner]

I'm just not one of those people that finds it easy to make friends. I'm usually initially painfully shy, and it takes quite some time to really open up to others. To make things worse, I tend to be overly paranoid when it comes to friendships (IE assuming I've offended someone or that they dislike me.) and I have a stupidly long memory when it comes to wrongs, both ones done to me, but ESPECIALLY ones I've inflicted on others. For me, forgiving is easy, forgetting is so much harder, and there's (even minor) things that happened YEARS ago that I still literally cannot forgive myself for....I'm not even sure why I was playing them in the first place any more....I just want to give up on the whole damn thing and walk away, but something keeps trying to drag me back. (Prolly a masochist streak... I keep trying to beat it out, but that just doesn't seem like it's working...)
First off, absolutely everything you just described here sounds very familiar to me. :smallsmile: I've suffered from Social Anxiety all my life and have known other people who have also been burdened with the same issue. I was also drawn to role-playing games from the very first time I encountered one. For someone with social anxiety, it can be an enormously liberating experience. You can be in control of your character in ways you never felt you could ever be in control of yourself.

While I still experience the feelings of social anxiety, I overcame the most crippling aspects a long time ago. There were may factors involved, but surprisingly one of the most useful ways to overcome it was, believe it or not, through techniques developed through role-playing. In a way, you learn to role-play a better version of yourself. (If you ever get a chance, watch NCIS Season 12, Episode 23. Agent Dorneget - who appears very much to suffer social anxiety throughout the series - actually uses this technique in the episode.)

My advice would be to keep looking for a game in which you can feel at home. There are a lot of different types of players out there, so not every game will be for your, but it is something that can actually help you in real life as well as being a fun outlet too. Maybe check the game stores nearest you - many will have a bulletin board with games looking for players and players looking for games. Don't limit yourself to one system either. There may be a game other than 3.5 D&D that would have the right mix of players.

[Pex]

http://plausiblydeniable.com/opinion/gsf.html

Might be of use. I've had to learn to appreciate them.

[Gabrosin]

BUT I DON'T HAVE ANY RL FRIENDS!
Making some isn't really an option as I don't go to school. At my age, that would be more than a bit creepy, and college felt like a waste of time and money. (Took one year of an Associate of Arts degree. Turns out, I wasn't wrong.) And at work, there's nobody there that I think would even be interested.

I know you probably feel you don't have any control over it, but it sounds like your social anxiety is contributing to your negative gaming experiences.

You spent a lot of your post detailing what was "wrong" with the games you joined. The plot wasn't moving fast enough. Your character wasn't effective enough. The players spent too much time socializing. I suggest you examine some of these feelings, because if you can't get past them, you're right: tabletop gaming may not be for you.

D&D is not a video game. In a video game, you are the center of every story; in D&D, there are a bunch of players who have different motivations for playing and a DM who has to work on behalf of everyone. Sitting around socializing in character can be the source of some of the most memorable D&D moments, way more than defeating the demilich or escaping from the dragon or whatever. Don't concern yourself with plot progress or even your character's effectiveness. Don't take it too seriously. Don't treat it like a video game. When you want a video game, you can go play a video game. And if you can't find enjoyment in the social side of D&D, you're not likely to be satisfied with it, because that social component is the biggest differentiator from what video games already offer.

I second the suggestion to join a PBPost game. They move slow, but you can put in as little or as much effort as you want, at whatever times are convenient to you. If you have hours to spare providing an in-depth discussion of how much of a badass your swashbuckler was when he cut that orc's head off, you can do it, and your party members will applaud you for it. If your participation level dwarfs that of your party members, it's much easier for your DM to "sidequest" you into something that advances your character and the plot; doing this at a real/virtual table results in a lot of people sitting around watching, which is rarely fun, so it has to be kept to a minimum.

If you have a good experience or two at PBPost, then seek out another live adventure.

[Red Fel]

I'm going to second others on several points, and add one of my own.

One, you've been comparing TTRPGs to video games, and it's not an apt comparison. A video game is something you can pick up or put down at your leisure. Your character has only as much depth as you choose to put into it. Even in an MMO, your interaction with other players can be minimized, your obligations to them nonexistent. (Sorry, LoL fans, but it's true.) TTRPGs aren't like that - you aren't the center of the story, it moves whether you're ready or not, and you have to collaborate to get anywhere. You need to adjust your expectations, and stop thinking of a TTRPG as a video game, if you're going to get full enjoyment out of it.

Two, it seems clear that social anxieties are an issue for you. And that's fine, you aren't alone. But TTRPGs are necessarily a social game; with the exception of a minority of very hardcore "serious business" gamers, most treat it as a social experience. Now, certainly, they wouldn't necessarily spend most or all of their precious gaming time on social interaction, but a large part of the fun is shooting the breeze. Again, it's important to adjust your expectations.

Three, Pex mentions the Geek Social Fallacies. Admittedly, the reference is a bit flippant, but it's useful. Some things to take away from that. You do not need to game with your friends. You can have friends, acquaintances, and colleagues, but need not game with them. You do not need to be friends with the people at your table. You should be friendly, certainly civil, but you don't have to see them outside of the game if you don't want to.The point is, if you don't come into this expecting to make friends with everybody or, failing that, to be exiled, you should feel a lot more comfortable.

So, where do you go from there? I echo the suggestion of trying a play-by-post on these forums. There are plenty of them recruiting. Go into the relevant forum section and find one that interests you. Get into the flow of a game - play a little, chat in the OOC thread a little, play a little more. Get a feel for how it can be both a game and a social experience.

And then, and here's my addition, try real life. If you have a gaming store near you, there's a good chance there are people recruiting there. Even if you don't, social websites like Meetup often list gaming groups in the area. And before you get anxious about playing with strangers, remember that many of these real-life options - gaming stores or Meetup groups - have social components separate from the game, so you can meet the people and then decide if you want to play with them.

[Honest Tiefling]

I'm going to say...No. I too, am a painfully shy person. I have problems taking to cashiers and waiters. (Yay, social anxiety). And yet, I still love the hobby. My best friend is also quite shy and she is the one who got me into the hobby. Being shy and wanting to hang out with some people or play games with them are not thing that are opposed to one another.

As for the RL friend thing...This might be a weird question, but do you WANT more social interaction in your life? If your problem is being shy, and yes you do, I am sad to say that the only option is to push yourself out of your comfort zone.

If you are good where you are, then I suggest wandering over to the pbp section and looking something up. There's some nice people there and you might have some luck. I ain't going to lie, your chances are better if you want to DM. Which weirdly, might be good for you, since you will have people beating down the door to get into your game. Many will be sympathetic to a new DM. Also, I think you should seriously consider if you do want to push your boundaries if you view your shyness as an impediment.

It sounds like you got one good game you enjoyed, and the rest have been...Duds. Personally, I like the chit-chat between player characters to a small degree, because it is hard to have a rag-tag group of heroes fight the whatever when they have no idea who each other ARE. But I do understand the frustration of it dragging out to the point where you are no longer heroes! TTRPGs and videogames are certainly very much the same in that what will work for one person will not work for another. Just because the other players enjoy a game does NOT mean it is the only way to play, nor the best. You just sometimes want something different.

I hoped that helped.

[Gabrosin]

I'm going to say...No. I too, am a painfully shy person. I have problems taking to cashiers and waiters. (Yay, social anxiety). And yet, I still love the hobby. My best friend is also quite shy and she is the one who got me into the hobby. Being shy and wanting to hang out with some people or play games with them are not thing that are opposed to one another.

As for the RL friend thing...This might be a weird question, but do you WANT more social interaction in your life? If your problem is being shy, and yes you do, I am sad to say that the only option is to push yourself out of your comfort zone.

If you are good where you are, then I suggest wandering over to the pbp section and looking something up. There's some nice people there and you might have some luck. I ain't going to lie, your chances are better if you want to DM. Which weirdly, might be good for you, since you will have people beating down the door to get into your game. Many will be sympathetic to a new DM. Also, I think you should seriously consider if you do want to push your boundaries if you view your shyness as an impediment.

It sounds like you got one good game you enjoyed, and the rest have been...Duds. Personally, I like the chit-chat between player characters to a small degree, because it is hard to have a rag-tag group of heroes fight the whatever when they have no idea who each other ARE. But I do understand the frustration of it dragging out to the point where you are no longer heroes! TTRPGs and videogames are certainly very much the same in that what will work for one person will not work for another. Just because the other players enjoy a game does NOT mean it is the only way to play, nor the best. You just sometimes want something different.

I hoped that helped.

One note to consider on this suggestion: being a DM requires a decent degree of social skills. It requires having a thick skin, because sometimes you will screw up and sometimes your players will be upset at you, rightly or wrongly. It requires a certain level of empathy with your players, to understand what they're getting out of the game and tailor scenarios and adventures to their desires, not to yours. Many of the DM horror stories posted to these boards start with DMs who only focus on themselves and DMs who treat D&D like a video game: railroading players, treating them all the same, focusing on "winning" against the party. This is not to say that the OP should definitely not DM; give it a shot, if it means having a steady game where you have some level of control over the content and pace. But exercise patience and solicit feedback from your players. If you get a good group, they'll be willing to work with you to make the adventure more enjoyable for everyone.

[Drayco84]

My advice would be to keep looking for a game in which you can feel at home. There are a lot of different types of players out there, so not every game will be for your, but it is something that can actually help you in real life as well as being a fun outlet too. Maybe check the game stores nearest you - many will have a bulletin board with games looking for players and players looking for games. Don't limit yourself to one system either. There may be a game other than 3.5 D&D that would have the right mix of players.

Half of my problem is where to even START looking for it. Most Roll20 games were notorious for not even telling what the hell the plot was about, no to mention all the other details that could make or break a game. And I've tried PF, which I actually prefer over 3.5, but I feel like it's not worth the time and crap to learn another system when it's the whole social aspect itself that's breaking things.


You spent a lot of your post detailing what was "wrong" with the games you joined. The plot wasn't moving fast enough. Your character wasn't effective enough. The players spent too much time socializing. I suggest you examine some of these feelings, because if you can't get past them, you're right: tabletop gaming may not be for you.

D&D is not a video game. In a video game, you are the center of every story; in D&D, there are a bunch of players who have different motivations for playing and a DM who has to work on behalf of everyone. Sitting around socializing in character can be the source of some of the most memorable D&D moments, way more than defeating the demilich or escaping from the dragon or whatever. Don't concern yourself with plot progress or even your character's effectiveness. Don't take it too seriously. Don't treat it like a video game. When you want a video game, you can go play a video game. And if you can't find enjoyment in the social side of D&D, you're not likely to be satisfied with it, because that social component is the biggest differentiator from what video games already offer.

I'm painfully aware that TTRPGs are a collaborative effort. If one or more players aren't willing to put in the effort, the whole game can and prolly will collapse like a house of cards. As for the social side, I've NEVER enjoyed socializing. Yeah, if I have something to talk about, you can't shut me up or if I'm in a co-op game I'll usually relax my guard enough to actually, possibly make some decent conversation, but it's never been something I actually enjoyed.


So, where do you go from there? I echo the suggestion of trying a play-by-post on these forums. There are plenty of them recruiting. Go into the relevant forum section and find one that interests you. Get into the flow of a game - play a little, chat in the OOC thread a little, play a little more. Get a feel for how it can be both a game and a social experience.

And then, and here's my addition, try real life. If you have a gaming store near you, there's a good chance there are people recruiting there. Even if you don't, social websites like Meetup often list gaming groups in the area. And before you get anxious about playing with strangers, remember that many of these real-life options - gaming stores or Meetup groups - have social components separate from the game, so you can meet the people and then decide if you want to play with them.

I've tried PBP games before, not d20-based things but still PBP. I've had even MORE negative experiences from those than TTRPGs, and much fewer positive ones. Also, I'm not really sure I could stand getting excited about a game, only to watch it die due to lack of interest in maybe a month or so. (I've had enough of that with TTRPGs, and even with multiplayer video games back with my first group.)
As for real life, it's very much NOT an option due to lack of transportation. Plus, don't usually have that much in the way of income, so it'd be hard to set aside gas money for somebody, even IF I could find somebody willing to give me a ride. (And going via bus isn't an option, I live in a rural area and the closest bus stop is a half-hour drive.)


As for the RL friend thing...This might be a weird question, but do you WANT more social interaction in your life? If your problem is being shy, and yes you do, I am sad to say that the only option is to push yourself out of your comfort zone.

It sounds like you got one good game you enjoyed, and the rest have been...Duds. Personally, I like the chit-chat between player characters to a small degree, because it is hard to have a rag-tag group of heroes fight the whatever when they have no idea who each other ARE. But I do understand the frustration of it dragging out to the point where you are no longer heroes! TTRPGs and videogames are certainly very much the same in that what will work for one person will not work for another. Just because the other players enjoy a game does NOT mean it is the only way to play, nor the best. You just sometimes want something different.

Weird question, but I have to admit it's a valid one. To be brutally honest, I'm not really sure. Something internal keeps bugging me to reach out for some social interaction, but I'm starting to wonder if it's just related to the animes I've been watching and some of the games I've been playing. Seriously, it's hard to find ones that DON'T have some sort of "You need friends!" or "Friendship is wonderful!" message.
I'm not against chit-chat between PCs, hell it's nice to have so that there's a REASON these murderhobos are skipping across the countryside together, but when it became something that went on for session after session after session after OH MY ****ING GOD, WHY ARE WE STILL IN THE SAME MOTHER****ING TAVERN/INN?! IT'S BEEN THREE REAL LIFE MONTHS ALREADY! It tends to get dull after a while. (Especially if your character has no social skills because you ****ed up epically via socializing with the last one and it's NOT like the rest of the party wasn't aware... The saddest thing is, I might be undercutting how long they spent on that, too.) And again, I'm the only one that felt this was a problem enough to vocally object.


One note to consider on this suggestion: being a DM requires a decent degree of social skills. It requires having a thick skin, because sometimes you will screw up and sometimes your players will be upset at you, rightly or wrongly. It requires a certain level of empathy with your players, to understand what they're getting out of the game and tailor scenarios and adventures to their desires, not to yours. Many of the DM horror stories posted to these boards start with DMs who only focus on themselves and DMs who treat D&D like a video game: railroading players, treating them all the same, focusing on "winning" against the party. This is not to say that the OP should definitely not DM; give it a shot, if it means having a steady game where you have some level of control over the content and pace. But exercise patience and solicit feedback from your players. If you get a good group, they'll be willing to work with you to make the adventure more enjoyable for everyone.

Yeah, let's see... Poor social skills here, CANNOT take criticism well, poor empathy skills, serious lack of actual game experience, so about the only thing I got going for me is realizing that this is a collaborative effort. Yeah, I think I'll pass on the DMing.



So yeah... I'm fairly certain that these kinds of games just aren't for me. They require too much personal investment and take too much out of me when the whole ****ing thing collapses for the potential reward. Thanks for trying, though. At least I've found an issue I should try to either work on, or get good at faking competence at.

[Pex]

Three, Pex mentions the Geek Social Fallacies. Admittedly, the reference is a bit flippant, but it's useful. Some things to take away from that. You do not need to game with your friends. You can have friends, acquaintances, and colleagues, but need not game with them. You do not need to be friends with the people at your table. You should be friendly, certainly civil, but you don't have to see them outside of the game if you don't want to.The point is, if you don't come into this expecting to make friends with everybody or, failing that, to be exiled, you should feel a lot more comfortable.


I was being sincere.

I was enslaved to the first fallacy - the need to be friends with everyone and anyone regardless of their personalities. It was hard to break, but I eventually learned it's ok not to put up with other people's annoyances despite others having considered me the annoyance in the past. Not taking it so personally anymore was an emancipation. I have my own social circles to enjoy.

[Pluto!]

Social games aren't for you.

Draw your blinds, turn on the animes and hunker in your basement with a good hermit hobby like taxidermy or scarecrow-making.

[marphod]

Drayco84: Where in the world are you located? (To whatever degree of accuracy you feel like sharing; city/county would be most helpful, but less accurate is still useful.)

Odds are that someone on the board knows someone in your general area that plays RPGs.

[nyjastul69]

Social games aren't for you.

Draw your blinds, turn on the animes and hunker in your basement with a good hermit hobby like taxidermy or scarecrow-making.


Pretty much this. Social interactions always have a personal cost. If you are not willing to pay the cost, choose not to interact.

[Crake]

I've not really tried my hand at roll20 games as a player, since my timezone seems to make it practically impossible to find a game running at a reasonable time, however, I've recently started a game as a DM on roll20, and I think I've identified some of the key issues, based on the way people expected things to go. Since DMing almost always guarentees you a game to play in, if you're interested in running a game, here's what i've found:


DMs don't screen players, it's just first come first serve. - I went through about 20 or so players PMing me, and shaved that down to 5 by asking them for their character ideas, gauging their interest, and of course, double checking if they could actually play at the given time (a surprising amount don't actually check that, and thus would never show up for a game).
DMs start before everyone is ready - I had players pushing to play right away, but i firmly reminded them that not necessarily everyone was ready. I ran solo introductory sessions to keep the eager players interested, slowly tying in other players until everyone was ready. That also helped, since everyone had gotten to know eachother and chat in the weeks coming up to the game, everyone was comfortable.
Not engaging players between sessions - Roll20 offers a the ability to have a campaign specific forum. Every week I post a thread asking for feedback and encouraging players to discuss ideas and plans for the coming session. This is important, because a week can be a long time to players, and if you aren't close friends, the lack of interaction will eat away at them.

I'm getting ready to run my third session next week, so maybe I'm saying this all a little premature, but my players all seem pretty eager, and I'm not seeing any signs of the game falling apart.

Edit:

Yeah, let's see... Poor social skills here, CANNOT take criticism well, poor empathy skills, serious lack of actual game experience, so about the only thing I got going for me is realizing that this is a collaborative effort. Yeah, I think I'll pass on the DMing.

Do you want to improve? You can't actually get better at these kinds of things in a vaccuum. If you're worried about losing friends, running a game with people you've got no attachment to means you have no reason to worry if you mess up at all, just take it in stride. Worst case, the game falls apart, because you're a horrible DM, just examine the wreckage, see what went wrong, and try better next time. Those are all poor character traits to have, get rid of them and you'll be better for it, and yes, they are actually all things you can change.

If you can't bring yourself to look at things rationally, then yeah, maybe you should just take Pluto's advice, because it sounds like you either dont care enough to change, or don't really want to change in the first place.

[Drayco84]

Just wanted to drop off a last response since I had to wrestle with some internal conflicts. That, and work was being a pain...

I'm actually finding out that it's a great relief that I'm not alone on this. Apparently, it's somewhat common but most don't really talk about since, well, something to do with social interaction. Thing is, I've NEVER done well in groups. I've always felt like the odd one out, and no matter what I do, I just don't feel like I fit in or "belong". Hell, back when I frequented GameFAQs (Settle down, this was the late 90s, early 2000s.) I'd just frequent the boards for the games I was playing or had recently completed and toss out tips/help to those that needed it. (And participate in an outtakes thread, if there was one.) But, then I'd move on to another board for a different game without feeling like I'd really lost anything.
Yeah, I frequent quite a few web comics (OotS is just one out of over a dozen.) But I usually don't care for the boards and typically won't frequent them. Even when I was playing L4D2 with my IRC group, I felt more tired than anything else when all was said and done. Not excited, not energized, not celebratory after finishing through a challenge, just tired and drained.

EDIT:I suppose that was half my problem with 3.5 and PF, I'd psych myself up ready to rock and throw down and try to make the session as awesome as possible, but then get seriously bummed out when nobody else felt the same. Might have more to do with the fact that I'm still fairly new to the whole deal, but everyone else had been playing for years and had already done most of the stuff into a routine I was excited about doing for the first time. Moot point now, I suppose...

I, seriously, just don't really care for the social interaction. Yes, I can function and co-operate within a group, and I'm actually pretty damn good at playing the diplomacy game (Two and a half years in Tech Support, wouldn't have been in it that long if I wasn't. Oddly enough, it didn't even feel that draining when talking to people. Granted, the bull**** the company heaped on it's employees was far, far worse...) but I just don't care for being IN one and would much rather be on my own. The weirdest thing is, I'm at peace with that. I can move at my own pace and don't need to worry about leaving somebody behind or keeping up with the rest. I can make rapid-fire choices and not worry about others belittling them or trying to steer me towards their choice.

Then again, it could just be my desire for independence overwhelming my desire for social contact and this might change with time. Who knows? I certainly don't have the funds needed to see a competent psychologist that's more willing to work with issues rather than just throwing pills at the problem until it goes away. Or, perhaps the whole breakdown started when I reached a critical point with realizing pretty much all JRPGs are the same and without a means of doing my solo gaming, it just took out far more than I was getting back.


Social games aren't for you.

Draw your blinds, turn on the animes and hunker in your basement with a good hermit hobby like taxidermy or scarecrow-making.

Well, I appreciate the attempt at reverse psychology, obvious trolling, or blunt honesty. In any case, I have some indie and old-school single-player RPGs to get to.

[Honest Tiefling]

If that's what makes you happy, then go for it. I don't even see why you would bother with a therapist, you seem happy and aren't hurting anyone.

However, I must suggest some creative pursuits. Perhaps writing your own adventure or drawing characters might suit you, even if the game they are a part of is only has yourself in it.

[Ninja_Prawn]

However, I must suggest some creative pursuits. Perhaps writing your own adventure or drawing characters might suit you, even if the game they are a part of is only has yourself in it.

So much this. I spend most of my free time alone & being creative, and it is a life saver. Perhaps you'll even find that spending more time alone improves your psychological health to the point that you can enjoy tabletop games?

[killem2]

BUT I DON'T HAVE ANY RL FRIENDS!
Making some isn't really an option as I don't go to school. At my age, that would be more than a bit creepy, and college felt like a waste of time and money. (Took one year of an Associate of Arts degree. Turns out, I wasn't wrong.) And at work, there's nobody there that I think would even be interested.

Are you in the omaha NE metro area?