What would you do with a time machine?

[Heliomance]

Hypothetical of the week! You have a time machine and a universal translator. What do you do? Where do you go?

"Become obscenely rich" and "Fix assorted historical atrocities/assassinate Hitler" are boring answers. Less of that please! I'm more interested in what historical events and/or people you'd want to mess with for your personal gratification.

As for me, one of the first things I'd do is introduce Tchaikovsky, Beethoven, and maybe Dvorak to electric guitars and see what they did with them. I'd also want to show some of the great Rennaissance mathematicians and scientists the work that's been built off of theirs. I imagine showing Newton everything that calculus has lead to would be profoundly satisfying.

[Flickerdart]

Don't forget that you can also go forward in time, which means that you would have unlimited money (through investments) and access to future tech for your schemes.

Which means that you could, for example, build some kind of fusion-powered self-heating castle with replicators, plop it in Vinland just before Scandinavians run into it, and thereby guarantee the success of the colony there. Viking North America, yes please!

[Filippo]

Right now go to the next "new comic is up, read it, go a bit back and score first reply! Then repeat. Then the bit about become obscenely rich

[Eldan]

But I would make money. Or at least make money in ways that are also interesting in other ways. Save manuscripts from Bagdad and Alexandria. Drag paintings out of fires before they are lost. Make recordings of historical personalities.

[Kalmageddon]

DINOSAURS!
Dinosaursdinosaursdinosaurs!!!
...
Dinosaurs.

I would go and see dinosaurs. All of them. Take pictures, take samples, record behaviour, put every paleonthologist out of business by giving all the answers.
And then I would do the same with all other extinct life forms, including the various Homo genus that didn't survive to the modern age.

[Kantaki]

Randomly displacing random people through history. Putting cavemen into the far future, dropping off a roman legionary in the 20th century or some guy from the future in medieval times, the possibilities are endless.
What else? Trying to find a way to prolong my life as much as possible and them spend my time enjoying the show. Maybe picking up some companions (that I can drop off at random points of history if they get boring :smallbiggrin:).

I think generally speaking I would use it to have fun. That's much more important than getting rich - not saying I wouldn't but not just to be rich) or changing history (way to risky)

[Dienekes]

As for me, one of the first things I'd do is introduce Tchaikovsky, Beethoven, and maybe Dvorak to electric guitars and see what they did with them. I'd also want to show some of the great Rennaissance mathematicians and scientists the work that's been built off of theirs. I imagine showing Newton everything that calculus has lead to would be profoundly satisfying.

You may destroy my favorite music.

Obvious answer, Library of Alexandria, gonna raid that bugger before it gets burned down. Leave the books at some respectable university or dozen.

Go chat with some of the great figures of history.

Visit Sparta, circa 480 BC, actually verify what we sort of know about them (Spartans didn't write anything down, so most of what we know about them is from Athenians saying they're terrible).

Prevent Van Gogh's suicide, see if he makes a few more masterpieces.

Jump forward a bit and bring back some medicine we're close to, or methods of preventing global warming. Basically, slightly speed up our technological development.

I would try to make a lot of money as well. But I'd probably do it in ways that I don't think would hinder people. Sure I could sell the lost Rembrandt painting I picked up. Or I could give it to a museum for free, and spend a day winning at some casino, horse track, or whatever.

[Bulldog Psion]

Well, first I'd be boring and make myself obscenely rich. :smallbiggrin: Go forward in time to get some kind of longevity treatment, if available, so that I could enjoy the time machine longer. :smallwink:

Then ...

I'd become a Time Tourist of sorts. I wouldn't mess with anything in the past because I figure that unforeseen consequences might happen, but I might mess with the present using the past.

I'd bring back videos of the Battle of Waterloo or Sekigahara (or whatever). Observe the behavior of chalicotheres, mammoths, sabertooths, and so on. Venture back very, very carefully to take a look at the dinosaurs. Witness historic events all over the earth. Watch the first-ever performance of a Shakespeare play.

Then, if I was feeling like I wanted to mess with things a bit, I'd work to bring back the real Age of Mammals to some extent, and not the empty, scraggly version we have now. People in 2016 would be boggled to see herds of actual woolly mammoths in northern Russia and Canada. Joshua trees would start spreading again in the southwest because of a population of Shasta ground sloths. The seven-foot horn-span of Bison latifrons would gleam again on the high plains. Two-ton wombats would amble through the Australian scrub once more.

And if that didn't work, I'd sort through the future until I found a point where I could bring them back, and it would actually stick.

Is that sufficiently weird and different? :smallwink:

(Note: though I said I wouldn't mess with stuff in the past ... I can't guarantee that Varus' legions wouldn't run into Germanic tribesmen on war mammoths, if I could arrange it. Just because. :smallbiggrin: )

(Note 2: the "obscenely rich" part would be mostly used to fund this stuff. I'm assuming here that I'd be able to buy high-tech stuff in the future that would assist me with these plans; for example, highly mobile animal cages and perhaps robot assistants to carry out the "mammoths in Canada" project.)

(Note 3: I'd give at least a 70% chance I'd get killed in some bizarre way trying to do this stuff. After all, being shot by a samurai or eaten by a giant short-faced bear is a pretty weird fate for a 21st century person.)

[thorgrim29]

I don't think I'd be comfortable making big changes to world history, or actually anything that affects me at all. If in the future something catastrophic happens then I'll see but for now I think I'd start with attending shows. Imagine going back to see the greats at their prime. Sabbath, Led Zep, Ozzy with Randy Rhoads, Woodstock, Metallica S&M, the Beatles at the height of beetlemania, Queen, Judas Priest, Elvis, hell so many more. Go back further, see plays at the original Globe, listen to Beethoven and Mozart conducting, etc..

For the rest of the past... Sure there are a bunch of historical figures I'd like to meet, but I'd have to be careful about everything. Say I go have coffee with Voltaire (and how would I manage that anyway?), and let slip that North America might be worth hanging on to for France. The guy might have had enough influence to affect the 7 year's war, France hangs on to Canada and I'm never born.

As for the future... I doubt I'd be able to affect the future even if I knew it (though if I find that something big enough is happening I might try it), but yeah, access to better tech, particularly medical, and knowing the stock market and when and where disasters are going to happen would make me a very wealthy and long-lived man.

[kivzirrum]

I know this is suuuper boring, but I'd want to meet all kinds of historical figures. See what they looked like, how they sounded. I'm a medievalist so mostly people from that era. It would be cool to see how things really were. I'm particularly interested in speaking mannerisms and dress.

Especially when we don't have a lot of records, like sub-Roman Britain, and pre-Christian Ireland. It would be really cool to see how things really were when, truly, we know so little from that time. :smallsmile:

[Telonius]

I'm pretty sure I'd be playing with fire and/or universe-destroying paradoxes from the get-go. The things I'd want to know more than anything, are concerning my biological parents. (Though that one newspaper article does already mention a "mystery person" accompanying her to the hospital, so that could already be me :smallbiggrin:).

[Tyndmyr]

Turn sociology into a real science by running A/B tests on the exact same population.

[Tvtyrant]

Go forward, get invisibility and in corporeality devices, create a society devoted to observing and recording all of history exactly as it happened without disturbing it.

[Hiro Protagonest]

Save the world from Lavos. :smallwink:

[BaronOfHell]

Hypothetical of the week! You have a time machine and a universal translator. What do you do? Where do you go?

"Become obscenely rich" and "Fix assorted historical atrocities/assassinate Hitler" are boring answers. Less of that please! I'm more interested in what historical events and/or people you'd want to mess with for your personal gratification.

As for me, one of the first things I'd do is introduce Tchaikovsky, Beethoven, and maybe Dvorak to electric guitars and see what they did with them. I'd also want to show some of the great Rennaissance mathematicians and scientists the work that's been built off of theirs. I imagine showing Newton everything that calculus has lead to would be profoundly satisfying.

First of all, is it one of those time machines that will rewind particles into a structure that defines a past moment of time and thereby erase all time from after the point of time I want to travel to or is it merely one of those transporting you to an alternate reality that's identical to what you seek out in every way except it's at a former point in time? The reason I ask is the first will remove others, while the other will only remove you..

[Peelee]

I'd go to the beach.

Also the moon.

Maybe a beach on the moon.

[golentan]

Go back to roughly when and where I remember crashing to earth.

[Lord Raziere]

Save the world from Lavos. :smallwink:

Good answer.

as for myself: go into future, if its apocalyptic or dystopian, find out the way it happened, go back and prevent it, repeat until no apocalypse or dystopia, if its utopian, stay there. If its not utopian, dystopian or apocalyptic and is just kind of okay like the present, see if there is any awesome technology I can get by going back and forth between future and my present to give them what they consider antiques, or provide them historical info.

[The Succubus]

I would travel forward in time briefly, pick up a smaller time machine, put it in the larger machine, set one going forwards and one going backwards and have them depart simultaneously. Then as the continuum rips itself asunder, I would welcome the return of the Great Ones through the spatial void that would inevitably appear.

[Coidzor]

See what you can do with timeclones.

[goto124]

First, I would work out how exactly time travel works. Is it a 'the future has already happened' thing a la Harry Potter, or more mutable than that? Which piece of fiction got it right?

I'm not sure how and what sort of (potentially unethical) experiments I would conduct. Any suggestions?

If I wanted to make a change to history that isn't too big (since big changes such as preventing wars tend not to work), I would do this:


https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/urgent_mission.png
Alt text: Sure, we could stop dictators and pandemics, but we could also make the signs on every damn diagram make sense.

[Thufir]

I wouldn't really want to mess with history too much for fear of unforeseen repercussions.
Time touristry, on the other hand, would be great. See Shakespeare and arlowe plays performed in their own time. Go see the original D'Oyly Carte productions of the Gilbert & Sullivan operettas at the Savoy Theatre. While I'm there, rescue the score of Thespis, then return to the present as the hero of the G&S community.
I'd quite like to meet Harpo Marx. He just seemed like such a nice guy based on his autobiography.

I'm sure some other ideas will occur if I keep thinking, but the G&S thing is the really big one.

[danzibr]

I wouldn't travel more than 2 years in the past for fear of a butterfly effect causing my children to not be born. I would, however, travel a short time in the future to get some lottery numbers (boring, I know). And then I'd travel about 10 years in the future and read up on Berserk and Bleach.

[Bulldog Psion]

Oh, yes, and I'd definitely read through the rest of OotS and watch all the coming Star Wars movies if the future already exists. :smallbiggrin: Now there's an abuse of power!!!

[Jay R]

Go back to a specific time and place, and tell myself, "No, don't date her. Date somebody else."

Then this:
https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/urgent_mission.png

[Dire Moose]

DINOSAURS!
Dinosaursdinosaursdinosaurs!!!
...
Dinosaurs.

I would go and see dinosaurs. All of them. Take pictures, take samples, record behaviour, put every paleonthologist out of business by giving all the answers.
And then I would do the same with all other extinct life forms, including the various Homo genus that didn't survive to the modern age.

You beat me to it. Although if you did that, you'd still probably want an actual paleontologist along to identify things you haven't read about, do comparisons to fossils, etc. So if you don't mind, may I join your little expedition?

Well, in addition to observing all these prehistoric creatures, I'd still want to go back to a few weeks ago and make out with my past self.

Although if there was the option to reverse my own personal timeline (reverting to my past self instead of being an outside observer), I'd go back to high school, go to a different university, major in geology from the start, and focus on academics instead of having fun.

[Kalmageddon]

You beat me to it. Although if you did that, you'd still probably want an actual paleontologist along to identify things you haven't read about, do comparisons to fossils, etc. So if you don't mind, may I join your little expedition?

Sure, hop in! :smallbiggrin:

[Svata]

Other than the obvious, advance technology as much as I can, and meet fun historical figures. Also, fix mistakes I've made.

[Crow]

Not sure, but I would I would certainly end up exploiting it for personal gain.

[Velaryon]

I've actually thought more about this than I probably should have.

Step #1 for me: Travel back in time and prevent The Tokens from recording "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" through cajolery, bribery, or if necessary violence. I hate this song so much that I will erase it from existence regardless of potential consequences. To be extra thorough, I will also go back to 1939 and stop Solomon Linda from writing it through whatever means necessary. While I'm at it, I may do the same thing with Don McLean's "American Pie." I'm willing to lose the Weird Al parody if it means I never have to hear the original again.

Once that's done, I'll make myself rich through lottery/stock market foreknowledge, mostly as a means to facilitate my further goals.

Next, I'll pick up Kalmageddon and Dire Moose and go back to check out the dinosaurs. I'll try to get them a means of time travel independent of my own (as long as they both promise not to undo my previously mentioned erasing of songs from existence) so that they can continue observing extinct creatures after I move on to other goals.

I'll save manuscripts from Alexandria, as others have said, and try to save other important writings and works of art from places they were lost.

I'll borrow the founders of certain religions (Abraham, Jesus, Mohammed, Buddha, maybe a few more) from a time near the end of their lives, and bring them forward to the present to see what they think of the religions they started. Then maybe I'll sit them all down for a roundtable discussion - that ought to be fascinating.

I'll also grab Abraham Lincoln from the afternoon he was going to Ford's Theatre and substitute a dummy or something. I'll let him tell a couple of trusted people the truth so that they can help stage his death, then he's coming to the present with me.

I have more ideas that I'll put in another post, but now I have to go to work. :smallfrown:


And last but not least...


Save the world from Lavos. :smallwink:

I'm coming too!

[Traab]

I would go two hours into the future, watch a movies first showing, then go back in time and scream spoilers at everyone in line. In the background would be playing Dennis Leary's famous song and I would dance, dance, DANCE!!!! :smallbiggrin:

I would take refuge in audacity, and create Time Travelers Studios, a multimedia organization that somehow manages to pick up the most talented singers, actors, and movie writers just before their big break. "Hey Tupac, I have an awesome idea for your next rap." "Yo Mr Hanks, ever consider playing the part of a borderline retarded young man who seems to stumble through epic moments of american history?" "So Ms Rowling, I hear you have a book idea you wanted to pitch?" "Hey, Steve, ever consider trying to walk this way?" :smallbiggrin:

[DataNinja]

Go back and meet all those famous people I've always wanted to. Tolkien. Douglas Adams. Tesla. Einstein. And so forth. And hopefully not create any paradoxes.

Go back and play games in the arcades, because I only caught the tail end of that. See the star wars movies in theaters. Heck, see plenty of movies in theaters.

Also, go back and figure out exactly how the heck language developed, because that's always bugged me. :smallbiggrin:

[Alent]

I'd start exploring Star systems and planets, starting with ancient Venus and Mars, because if a time machine can accurately drop me off on a rapidly moving target in 4D space, I should be able to target more than just Earth. :smallbiggrin:

I could mess with the timeline, but... eventually it'd get boring. (Although getting the future tech to make Dr. Who a Reality TV show about me would be fun for a while.)

[Jay R]

I'd take a DVD player and modern TV with me, and watch the Lord of the Rings movies with Tolkien, and the Captain America movies with Joe Simon and Jack Kirby.

Then I'd watch Beauty and the Beast, Toy Story, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, and The Incredibles with Walt Disney. And I might bring Walt forward in time to see EPCOT.

[Killer Angel]

I wouldn't really want to mess with history too much for fear of unforeseen repercussions.
Time touristry, on the other hand, would be great. See Shakespeare and arlowe plays performed in their own time. Go see the original D'Oyly Carte productions of the Gilbert & Sullivan operettas at the Savoy Theatre.

This is fabulous.
So, with a time machine, the first thing I'll do will be to post this idea before Thufir. :smalltongue:

Then, I'll buy a lot of Magic cards. Alpha, Beta and Unlimited. :smallcool:

[ThinkMinty]

1. Find a workaround to causality, and/or find a way to exist outside orthodox space-time, thus giving me enough time and safety to **** around as much as I want/need to.

2. Abuse time loops to become a cyborg and/or android that is also my own autonomous time machine. Hide time machine out of phase for safekeeping.

3. Figure out the exact ethics and of time travel as to not do anything I'll regret on purpose.

4. Prevent a ****ton of casualties from various natural/unnatural disasters, take no credit because eh, altruism.

5. Rescue Alan Turing from the last few years of his life, have him help me with at least #2. Then set him up with a nice gent and give 'em elongated lifespans to spend with eachother, occasionally stopping in to get advice and/or have extra dads.

6. Preserve lost archives, like a techno-organic time-swashing Indiana Jones.

7. Undo that giant scar on my left arm. I don't want it.

8. Invent a comfier alternative to pants that is still as good as pants.

9. Learn some new skills, like martial arts, cooking, and how to draw things.

10. Write a ****ton of fiction. Just, an absolute ****ton. All the things.

11. Feel up Annette Kellerman's butt circa 1916 (with consent). Also, save A Daughter of the Gods for posterity and put it in the Library of Congress.

12. Do a lot of various other time-hookups, if only for bragging rights.

13. Excise a few works (and authors, if they get snippy) from time-space entirely. We're all better off without Ayn Rand.

14. Work out how to polyamory through trial and lots of error.

15. Improve a few other works (by careful arrangement of events or occasionally doing it myself), through trial and error. Make the Star Wars prequels good, throw a few straight-up retcons into comic books to make 'em better, etc. Not to be overdone, and originals would be kept in my fancy time-library for posterity. Then tell no one I did it, as to avoid complaints.

16. Master the art of time-travel to the point of reflex, then go back and teach myself this **** right away. Gotta love time loops.

17. Get a time-travellin' girlfriend or two for companionship. Preferably a brunette or other dark-haired lady, but I'll see how it goes.

18. Think of more stuff to do with time-travel.

19. Legalize all the drugs. That is my freebie to people who like how drugs taste.

Get Hitler into art school, ideally by seducing a saucy Weimar-era lady. Dooms the Nazi Party to obscurity without requiring the memetically-impossible time-murder of Hitler. I'd still probably steal one of his legs, though, as an ******* tax.

[Bulldog Psion]

Get Hitler into art school, ideally by seducing a saucy Weimar-era lady. Dooms the Nazi Party to obscurity without requiring the memetically-impossible time-murder of Hitler. I'd still probably steal one of his legs, though, as an ******* tax.

And by doing so, you just managed to kill me, because I only exist because my grandfather met my grandmother during World War II... :smallbiggrin:

Congrats, O Slayer of Bulldog Psion!

[Icewraith]

And by doing so, you just managed to kill me, because I only exist because my grandfather met my grandmother during World War II... :smallbiggrin:

Congrats, O Slayer of Bulldog Psion!

You'll also poof my wife for the same reasons. Of course, if you do I won't know as I'll never have met her, but if I could be miffed I would be. Better be REALLY sure about that causality protection as without wwII there's suddenly a lot of extra young men around who didn't get killed to screw up romances that were going to happen in their absence, and a bunch of soldiers won't meet women they met or came home with overseas. A bunch of terrible, terrible crap might not happen, but the economic roots of wwII were spawned by wwI so you might get a different war or Red Alert anyways.

I'm in the "minimal interventions in the past" camp. Saving artworks and ancient literature before it gets destroyed sounds good, and +1 to rescuing Alan Turing. Probably need to figure out biological cloning so you can leave a credible corpse to be discovered without arousing suspicions.

Come to think of it, access to a time machine would solidly answer whether or not reality is constrained to one timeline and the probabilities merely collapse, or whether everything actually happens and you'd just gain the ability to hop between branches. In the latter case you'd never be able to get rid of WWII as it happened in your home timeline nor invalidate your own existence, but any interfering you do in other branches might still be able to be altruistic (with the usual unintended consequences caveats).

[Dire Moose]

Look, I know preventing the Holocaust and World War II are what everyone with a time machine wants to do. But you know how these things always happen. Inevitably, you will get one of two results:

1. You fail to prevent it, and it turns out that your time travel attempt was what caused Hitler's rise to power in the first place.

2. You succeed, only to find that the absence of Nazi Germany caused something even worse to happen, and you have to undo your previous time travel in order to set things back.

Also, if you only focus on eliminating Nazi Germany, you still have only prevented half of World War II. There's still East Asia and the Pacific to consider.

[MrConsideration]

Attain future medicine for long-life, travel back in time, become God-King of Ancient Sumeria, massively accelerate mankind's technological advancement, return to future Star Trek utopia, hopefully without creating a paradox that obliterates me from existence making it impossible for me to have existed and bla bla bla...

Make Nazism impossible by killing Charlemagne or Napoleon or Bismarck and massively altering world history.

Or solve historical mysteries like the Princes in the Tower or the Kennedy Assassination.

Japan's actions in Asia wouldn't cause a World War - it'd be a conflict between them and China, or the British Empire or Soviet Union if they were ballsie enough. Without the Axis, Japan's objectives would be completely separate. I think foreign power intervention in China would probably precipitate some kind of war there, which Japan would almost certainly lose.

[Dienekes]

Attain future medicine for long-life, travel back in time, become God-King of Ancient Sumeria, massively accelerate mankind's technological advancement, return to future Star Trek utopia, hopefully without creating a paradox that obliterates me from existence making it impossible for me to have existed and bla bla bla...

Make Nazism impossible by killing Charlemagne or Napoleon or Bismarck and massively altering world history.

Or solve historical mysteries like the Princes in the Tower or the Kennedy Assassination.

Japan's actions in Asia wouldn't cause a World War - it'd be a conflict between them and China, or the British Empire or Soviet Union if they were ballsie enough. Without the Axis, Japan's objectives would be completely separate. I think foreign power intervention in China would probably precipitate some kind of war there, which Japan would almost certainly lose.

Man, do you really want to kill Charlemagne? That could cause ripples so huge we would have no clue how the world would look like now.

I'd be much safer to stop the spread of Nazism by going to the tail end of WWI and telling everyone to either make a peaceful agreement with Germany that leaves them their dignity, or blow them completely to bits so that no military could ever rise from the ashes. Instead of giving them the diplomatic equivalent of a bitch slap and a spit in the eye, and then doing nothing to halt their technological capabilities.

[Icewraith]

Let's face it, the whole thing invariably boils down into a few steps.

1: Get time machine.
2: Amass large sum of money by abusing newfound predictive power.
3: Acquire stealth/cloaking technology from future using resources accumulated in present.
4: Acting Lessons.
5: All of the vaccinations and future medical tech you can get.
6: Arrange extreme sanitization and germ control protocols on time machine to avoid becoming an inadvertent temporal plague bearer.
7: Observe various historical mysteries and events without interfering.
8: Hedonism.

[Velaryon]

I'm in the "minimal interventions in the past" camp. Saving artworks and ancient literature before it gets destroyed sounds good, and +1 to rescuing Alan Turing. Probably need to figure out biological cloning so you can leave a credible corpse to be discovered without arousing suspicions.

You've just reminded me of a wonderful book called The Plot to Save Socrates by Paul Levinson that I think is very relevant to this topic. It starts when a lost Socratic dialogue is found in which someone claiming to be a time traveler speaks to Socrates (after Crito's failed attempt to persuade him to escape execution), and offers to take him away, leaving a soulless clone to die in Socrates' place so that he might live without changing history. I won't say any more in case anyone wants to read it.

[ThinkMinty]

And by doing so, you just managed to kill me, because I only exist because my grandfather met my grandmother during World War II... :smallbiggrin:

Congrats, O Slayer of Bulldog Psion!

My mom got adopted by one of those couples, so I'd be...dunno, different, 'cept I made my existence an absolute point of space-time before going on my adventure like a clever person.

Anyways, for all we know, you'd still exist, just with some of your DNA a little different. Maybe you're half Native Hawaiian now, and you have a puppy that wears hats.

I like to hope that there's a little give in the alterations of the algorithms that compose people before I've time-slaughtered them out of existing by getting a milkshake in the 1930's one time.


Also, if you only focus on eliminating Nazi Germany, you still have only prevented half of World War II. There's still East Asia and the Pacific to consider.

The United States (with an undivided military now), the USSR (without Nazis hassling their wheat), and China, teaming up, can handle that, especially with a warning from a biomechanical polylingual Time Wizard. I'd hopefully prevent Hiroshima and Nagasaki without literally having to do so, which I gladly would if I can't indirectly manipulate those events out of the timestream.

That, or without the rest of the Axis, Japan doesn't turn into the xenophobic expansionist...regime, and skips straight to the now, but with less being nuked. Loss of Godzilla franchise, though. This one's a headscratcher.



and +1 to rescuing Alan Turing. Probably need to figure out biological cloning so you can leave a credible corpse to be discovered without arousing suspicions.

Pff, n'aww. I'm gonna tell the British guys why they don't get to keep Turing. I want to rub their noses in it. Spoiler alert, it's because they were ungrateful bellends to him.


You'll also poof my wife for the same reasons. Of course, if you do I won't know as I'll never have met her, but if I could be miffed I would be. Better be REALLY sure about that causality protection as without wwII there's suddenly a lot of extra young men around who didn't get killed to screw up romances that were going to happen in their absence, and a bunch of soldiers won't meet women they met or came home with overseas.

That, and for all you know you could end up with your wife, plus another lady both of you are in a polyamorous relationship with, due to my time shenanigans. For all y'all know, I could end up making things better with my time-****ery. That, or no one (self included) will remember the difference, thus obviating my guilt anyways.

[Yuki Akuma]

Travel to the future to get the most efficient and powerful time machine that will ever be invented. Then make money. :smalltongue:

[Traab]

If you kill Charlemange we dont get Christopher Lee. Is possibly stopping ww2 really worth the potential of being denied this man?

[Kastor]

I'd record as many vines, viral videos, and the worst cult videos I can think of (Including The Room) and bring them to anthropologists in the distant future, and tell them that these are the best cultural markers of our time.

[Frozen_Feet]

I wouldn't travel to the past at all. I'd stuff the machine full of data from this era, then ask some willing female to accompany me. Then I'd jump forward in time by, say, 25 years, see what the world had turned to, get some more data, and then repeat untill I found a place in time and space comfortable enough to settle and have kids in. And once the kids would be grown up, I'd start again, hopefully being young and fertile enough still to repeat the same trick.

[Ravens_cry]

I'd go into the future, checking out what we humans do with space and looking at advances in transition tech, making enough money to get a good job done and to go into space myself while also funding further efforts.

[Crow]

I wouldn't travel to the past at all. I'd stuff the machine full of data from this era, then ask some willing female to accompany me. Then I'd jump forward in time by, say, 25 years, see what the world had turned to, get some more data, and then repeat untill I found a place in time and space comfortable enough to settle and have kids in. And once the kids would be grown up, I'd start again, hopefully being young and fertile enough still to repeat the same trick.

Funny, I would have gone the other direction.

[Lord Raziere]

ooh, better idea:

paint my time machine blue.

go into a future, the closest thing to a sonic-screwdriver I can.

go back in time, acquire Doctor Who cosplay clothes.

travel through time and space doing cool stuff, saving worlds while calling myself only:

The Fan.

[SaintRidley]

Document Old Norse and Old English while they were alive. Ditto Gothic. Find some manuscripts from each of those languages that have not survived to the modern day and stash them away somewhere that they'll be safe and I can 'discover' them, guaranteeing myself certain employability and eminence in my field.

Also collect coins from all eras of history to be part of my collection.

[Traab]

Document Old Norse and Old English while they were alive. Ditto Gothic. Find some manuscripts from each of those languages that have not survived to the modern day and stash them away somewhere that they'll be safe and I can 'discover' them, guaranteeing myself certain employability and eminence in my field.

Also collect coins from all eras of history to be part of my collection.

Stashing the stuff might work, but it also might cause issues depending on how you stashed them, as wear and tear are generally considered important markers to how authentic these things are. So stash the coins in your safe spot at the time you collect them. Dont grab the (at the time) new coins and bring them to the present, otherwise they will be treated as forgeries.

[SaintRidley]

Stashing the stuff might work, but it also might cause issues depending on how you stashed them, as wear and tear are generally considered important markers to how authentic these things are. So stash the coins in your safe spot at the time you collect them. Dont grab the (at the time) new coins and bring them to the present, otherwise they will be treated as forgeries.

I'm well aware.

[Jay R]

I'd go back to this morning, and say, "Don't spend all day on the internet. You'll be annoyed with yourself this evening if you do."

Every.
Single.
Day.

[Havelocke]

I would not want to be responsible for some sort of universe altering destruction first of all. I would limit myself to the previously mentioned "time tourism". I would have to do so from a safe distance though. Even with a universal translator I would not want to say something wrong and tip of the local populace. I would probably go into the future to see if my loved ones are enjoying life or are they having difficulties? As a parent, I feel compelled to want a good future for my children, and I would ensure that they are not in abusive relationships, crushing poverty, poor health, etc... I suppose I would be terribly selfish with such devices but mostly because of the fear of destroying the space/time continuum through sweeping global changes. Money is nice, but it is not the only thing that is important.

[Jay R]

I'd go read the rest of George R. R. Martin's Song of Ice and Fire series.

[Then I might bring it back, hand him a copy, and say, "Here. Type it all out and publish it already!"]

[Fragenstein]

Go back to a specific time and place, and tell myself, "No, don't date her. Date somebody else."

This is always my big thought for time machines. I'd go back and convince a very young version of myself to write down every major regret in a journal with details on time and place. Then I'd make sure to appear just before those moments with warnings and advice -- don't dart out into traffic, there's a pack of cars coming and people will be hurt.

Financial advice would be included, of course.

That assumes I get to pop back-and-forth, rather than the "Your current mind sent back along your timeline into your younger self". One of my less rational, but annoyingly pervasive fears is that I don't know enough financial history to really cash in if I suddenly back in the 1970s. Sure, I know to buy Google at some point, but there has to be more to it than that.

[Malak'ai]

Well first of all I'd have to make sure that what ever I did in the past didn't cause any paradoxes or irrversable damage to the timeline.

After that, I have a pretty boring list of things.
Go back and prevent my father from injuring his back at work which led to him being laid up for 9 months barely able to move, and in continual pain for the rest of his life (he's still alive). That would also prevent some of the financial problems my parents have faced for the past 27-28 years.

Next I take a hop-skip-and-a-jump a couple of years and save my older brother from a road accident that claimed his life. Might even tan his butt a bit for running away from home just because dad said he couldn't go to a friends house.

Next I'd travel another couple of years ahead and give my primary school all the information I could get my hands on about Dyslexcia and point out that 5yo me isn't an idiot that can't be taught to read and do maths (possibly beat the crap out of the principle late that night... F&%king abusive prick).

Then I'd go 5 years further ahead in time and figuritivly slap some sense into 10yo me, drumming into him that being a lazy little prat isn't going to get him anywhere. Then impose on him the importance actually studying and paying attention in class (Though I think if my primary school actually knew how to teach me, this step might not be nessasary). Also at this time, I'd also teach 10yo me to be more outgoing and confident.

Then I'd jump a head to to stop 17yo me from going on a rugby trip in which I injured my back, preventing me from doing much physical work or exercise properly.

Then I'd stop 20yo me from getting involved with a certain female, saving me from years of physical and emotional abuse.

Then I'd have some fun. Make lots of money and sit back to watch from a distance how my 'new life' turns out.

[AkazilliaDeNaro]

I'm going to make a few assumptions here.


The time machine is tested.
Using the time machine causes me to exist outside of time.
I am immune to paradoxes.
Any changes I make to the timeline that should affect my own memories, instead grants me a copy of them.


With these being true, I would use it to view the beginning of the universe(possibly cause it), ride a few dinosaurs, have a small chat with Vlad the Impaler, kill Jesus(for the lulz), and take over the Mongolian empire, then the Roman empire, then the British empire.

[MorgromTheOrc]

My mom got adopted by one of those couples, so I'd be...dunno, different, 'cept I made my existence an absolute point of space-time before going on my adventure like a clever person.

Anyways, for all we know, you'd still exist, just with some of your DNA a little different. Maybe you're half Native Hawaiian now, and you have a puppy that wears hats.

I like to hope that there's a little give in the alterations of the algorithms that compose people before I've time-slaughtered them out of existing by getting a milkshake in the 1930's one time.



The United States (with an undivided military now), the USSR (without Nazis hassling their wheat), and China, teaming up, can handle that, especially with a warning from a biomechanical polylingual Time Wizard. I'd hopefully prevent Hiroshima and Nagasaki without literally having to do so, which I gladly would if I can't indirectly manipulate those events out of the timestream.

That, or without the rest of the Axis, Japan doesn't turn into the xenophobic expansionist...regime, and skips straight to the now, but with less being nuked. Loss of Godzilla franchise, though. This one's a headscratcher.


Well if you're not doing the alternate timeline thing(in which case nothing affects your timeline) then in order to do real pure time travel back in time, you'd have to either have all the particles in the same place or some kind of place holder. Assuming that you used placeholders and were outside the universe yourself during the reversal of time then no matter what you do it won't affect you at all. Just because the events that constructed you don't happen doesn't mean you'll magically be disassembled, the atoms are already assembled so you don't need it to happen again since you weren't in the universe when it happened. Of course the placeholder atoms you left behind wouldn't wind up in the same place and the likelihood of a version of you being born at all is almost zero but it won't matter to you, the physical state, because you're still there, outside the universe as it progresses and regresses in time.

Of course you'd still screw over anyone else that doesn't come with you but if you feel that bad about it then after you have your fun, or grab what you want, leave placeholder atoms and reverse time again to before you affected it and let it run normal course. Repeat this how you want for all eternity testing out every possible outcome until you unravel the universes infinite possibilities, or you find where you've made a mistake and cause your own death(directly not time "paradox" nonsense).

[TurboGhast]

Give hallucinogens to a person religiously inclined before humans really knew that you could induce hallucinations with chemicals, and see if I created a new religion (or splintered one), for curiosity's sake.

[Jay R]

... and take over the Mongolian empire, then the Roman empire, then the British empire.

Who wants them?

[lio45]

https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/urgent_mission.png
Alt text: Sure, we could stop dictators and pandemics, but we could also make the signs on every damn diagram make sense.


Totally agree with you!! :D

But given the OP:
"Become obscenely rich" and "Fix assorted historical atrocities/assassinate Hitler" are boring answers. Less of that please!


it's this one, not the electrical charge one, that's the xkcd that immediately came to my mind:
http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/kill_hitler.png

[Maryring]

I'd stop my own conception. The consequences should be interesting.

[Shamash]

1. Find a workaround to causality, and/or find a way to exist outside orthodox space-time, thus giving me enough time and safety to **** around as much as I want/need to.

2. Abuse time loops to become a cyborg and/or android that is also my own autonomous time machine. Hide time machine out of phase for safekeeping.

3. Figure out the exact ethics and of time travel as to not do anything I'll regret on purpose.

4. Prevent a ****ton of casualties from various natural/unnatural disasters, take no credit because eh, altruism.

5. Rescue Alan Turing from the last few years of his life, have him help me with at least #2. Then set him up with a nice gent and give 'em elongated lifespans to spend with eachother, occasionally stopping in to get advice and/or have extra dads.

6. Preserve lost archives, like a techno-organic time-swashing Indiana Jones.

7. Undo that giant scar on my left arm. I don't want it.

8. Invent a comfier alternative to pants that is still as good as pants.

9. Learn some new skills, like martial arts, cooking, and how to draw things.

10. Write a ****ton of fiction. Just, an absolute ****ton. All the things.

11. Feel up Annette Kellerman's butt circa 1916 (with consent). Also, save A Daughter of the Gods for posterity and put it in the Library of Congress.

12. Do a lot of various other time-hookups, if only for bragging rights.

13. Excise a few works (and authors, if they get snippy) from time-space entirely. We're all better off without Ayn Rand.

14. Work out how to polyamory through trial and lots of error.

15. Improve a few other works (by careful arrangement of events or occasionally doing it myself), through trial and error. Make the Star Wars prequels good, throw a few straight-up retcons into comic books to make 'em better, etc. Not to be overdone, and originals would be kept in my fancy time-library for posterity. Then tell no one I did it, as to avoid complaints.

16. Master the art of time-travel to the point of reflex, then go back and teach myself this **** right away. Gotta love time loops.

17. Get a time-travellin' girlfriend or two for companionship. Preferably a brunette or other dark-haired lady, but I'll see how it goes.

18. Think of more stuff to do with time-travel.

19. Legalize all the drugs. That is my freebie to people who like how drugs taste.

Get Hitler into art school, ideally by seducing a saucy Weimar-era lady. Dooms the Nazi Party to obscurity without requiring the memetically-impossible time-murder of Hitler. I'd still probably steal one of his legs, though, as an ******* tax.

Oh, sure go on and save the overrated gay guy who did what again? Not invent the computer? Fail at rebuilding his machine? Making a test that makes no sense? Get all media love cause he had a boo boo story? Copy Tommy Flowers and Arthur Scherbius ideas?

In the other hand you want to strip the world of Ayn Rand, one of the greatest philosophers of our time.

Thanks God time travel is not a real thing otherwise you whould ruin the world for futile and silly reasons like drugs and sex.

[Svata]

Go back in time and punch myself in the face every time I was about to do something really stupid.

[Shamash]

Go back in time and punch myself in the face every time I was about to do something really stupid.

Hahahaha too true....

But some many paradoxes. D:

[druid91]

Step 1: Go to future, obtain spaceflight technology, study up on big companies.
Step 2: Go back to present. Invest. Make Money.
Step 3: Assemble a team, go back to the middle ages and use aforementioned spaceflight technology to go to mars.
Step 4: Make the Mechanicum a real thing feeding them future-tech back in the middle ages.
Step 5: ???
Step 6: Profit!

[Grinner]

I'd take a photograph of the beginning of time.

[Eldan]

1. Go to the future. Find surgeon able to do brain-cybernetics-interface.
2. Travel back, find T-rex
3. Put control interface in T-rex
4. Ride down main street
5. No ???? required
6. Why would I need Profit

[Grinner]

1. Go to the future. Find surgeon able to do brain-cybernetics-interface.
2. Travel back, find T-rex
3. Put control interface in T-rex
4. Ride down main street
5. No ???? required
6. Why would I need Profit

Naw. You don't need a time machine to do that. :smallbiggrin:

[Cikomyr]

Go forward in time, find the next time the Montreal Canadiens win a cup, devise method of having tickets for that playoff run.

Hmm.. Try to figure out if i should be optimist for our future. I know i am, but its damn hard. For example, maybe if we invent Cold Fusion, clean up the environment, achieve world prosperity.. Then its not worth it if the Habs never win a cup again :-(

[lio45]

Go forward in time, find the next time the Montreal Canadiens win a cup, devise method of having tickets for that playoff run.

Hmm.. Try to figure out if i should be optimist for our future. I know i am, but its damn hard. For example, maybe if we invent Cold Fusion, clean up the environment, achieve world prosperity.. Then its not worth it if the Habs never win a cup again :-(

Why not simply travel back to the fall of 1955 and enjoy the next few years? Seems a lot less complicated :P

[Sredni Vashtar]

After figuring out anti-paradox stuff, different currencies, and preventing myself from spreading or contracting contagions, I'd go the tourist route.


See Star Wars opening weekend
Visit Pompeii in its prime
See a dinosaur
Eat at the first McDonalds
Take in a Shakespearean play
Cruise on the Titanic (escaping before it sinks)
Watch the Moon Landing live on TV
Attend the Gettysburg Address
Attend an event at the Colosseum
And more...

[Velaryon]

After figuring out anti-paradox stuff, different currencies, and preventing myself from spreading or contracting contagions, I'd go the tourist route.


See Star Wars opening weekend
Visit Pompeii in its prime
See a dinosaur
Eat at the first McDonalds
Take in a Shakespearean play
Cruise on the Titanic (escaping before it sinks)
Watch the Moon Landing live on TV
Attend the Gettysburg Address
Attend an event at the Colosseum
And more...


My eyes blurred these two together and I thought you said "Eat a dinosaur."

[Svata]

Mine did it worse, read it as "eat the first dinosaur".

[Mammal]

Everyone has such grand ideas! I'd be too afraid of messing things up and creating a completely alien present to change much...I'd mostly use it to introduce myself to random historical figures (Walt Whitman would totally roll with me showing up on his doorstep and going "I AM FROM THE FUTURE") and see movies and concerts. I'd also try to prevent myself from breaking my ankle two years ago. It was a pretty severe break requiring surgical repair, and I've had some chronic pain since--it would make my life a whole lot easier if I could take that back!

[Rodin]

Obligatory killing Hitler joke:

http://www.tor.com/2011/08/31/wikihistory/

[Archonic Energy]

Dodo pate.
Mammoth rib
Bison burger

You get the idea.

[Bobbybobby99]

Step 1. Go to the future and become immortal, pretending to be a hillbilly from a backwards planet to explain lingual and cultural differences.

Step 2. Avoid killing Hitler, since otherwise I would have to kill everyone who ever committed genocide (a very long list) and the person that replaced him would probably be even more evil.

Step 3. Save the library of Alexandria.

Step 4. Travel through time, and go on adventures.

Step 5. ????

Step 6. Profit.

[Durkoala]

1) Go far into the future.

2) Look up other Time travellers.

3) Start a time travelling club.

4) Do other stuff in this thread.

3a) Or get arrested by the time police for illegal time travel.

[Sredni Vashtar]

My eyes blurred these two together and I thought you said "Eat a dinosaur."


Mine did it worse, read it as "eat the first dinosaur".

Why not both?

[Arcane_Secrets]

Dodo pate.
Mammoth rib
Bison burger

You get the idea.

You can already get bison burgers though (at least in the US).

As for what I'd do:

1) First establish the limits of the time travel. Is it 'full' time travel where it also positions me elsewhere on the planet...but still (obviously) on the planet? Can I make temporal changes that are lasting without running into the issue of self-correcting temporal changes?

2) Once I've found the limits find ways of 'cluing' myself in about the time travel so even if I messed up time travel royally I would still be able to establish the loop in which I've found time travel (and keeping records of my mistakes).

3) Start out by making a lot of money. Knowing how stocks are going to go up and down in advance and as a related point, buying items of value before they become valuable, will eventually clue people in if it takes place within a lifetime with laws against insider trading or it's possible for people to become more observant that someone's trades and purchases have without fail always staggeringly increased in value. In comparison, money that simply disappears in accordance with a historical event means that nobody's already looking for it-or if they are looking for it, they already have the expectation that they might never find it. Therefore, if you already have it and they never find anything, it never raises suspicions as long as you're not ostentatious.

4) Within the limits of which loops are or aren't self-correcting: "fix" history to my satisfaction-especially in ways that aren't particularly flashy but are highly effective.

[Fragenstein]

3) Start out by making a lot of money. Knowing how stocks are going to go up and down in advance and as a related point, buying items of value before they become valuable, will eventually clue people in if it takes place within a lifetime with laws against insider trading or it's possible for people to become more observant that someone's trades and purchases have without fail always staggeringly increased in value. In comparison, money that simply disappears in accordance with a historical event means that nobody's already looking for it-or if they are looking for it, they already have the expectation that they might never find it. Therefore, if you already have it and they never find anything, it never raises suspicions as long as you're not ostentatious.

A single major lottery win can really set you up. That seems like it would generate the least amount of suspicion...

But I wonder. Does anyone think that all winners of the truly MASSIVE lottery payouts get visits from Time Cops at some point? Just to check? Only, we never hear about it because Time Cops are really good at keeping secrets?

I mean. They'd have to be, wouldn't they?

[Greatest Owl]

Save the world from Lavos. :smallwink:

Or, better yet, use it to NOT waste your time on a totally overrated video that's garbage.

[Jay R]

But I wonder. Does anyone think that all winners of the truly MASSIVE lottery payouts get visits from Time Cops at some point? Just to check? Only, we never hear about it because Time Cops are really good at keeping secrets?

I mean. They'd have to be, wouldn't they?

Actually, I believe that time travel is impossible, because the super-rich people in the world aren't anywhere near rich enough to be time travelers.

[TechnOkami]

I'd just like to mention that every time I see this thread I hear the Klondike Bar Jingle in my head. That is all.

[JBPuffin]

Let's face it, the whole thing invariably boils down into a few steps.

1: Get time machine.
2: Acquire stealth/cloaking technology from future using *epic timewarp thievery powers*.
3: Acting Lessons.
4: All of the vaccinations and future medical tech you can get.
5: Arrange extreme sanitization and germ control protocols on time machine to avoid becoming an inadvertent temporal plague bearer.
6: Hedonism.

Thank you for both saving me from posting this, and from leaving out some bits I probably should've gotten :smallcool:. Just made a few changes...

[Eldan]

A single major lottery win can really set you up. That seems like it would generate the least amount of suspicion...

But I wonder. Does anyone think that all winners of the truly MASSIVE lottery payouts get visits from Time Cops at some point? Just to check? Only, we never hear about it because Time Cops are really good at keeping secrets?

I mean. They'd have to be, wouldn't they?

What if Lotteries were invented as a way to finance time travellers?

Brb, writing down idea: "Voltaire and John Blunt are the first time travellers".

[Cikomyr]

What if Lotteries were invented as a way to finance time travellers?

Brb, writing down idea: "Voltaire and John Blunt are the first time travellers".

Winning at the lottery is hardly an effective way of earning contemporary riches. You need to exist in the system; they wont hand over multi million dollars cash; you will need an ID check and a bank account.

To have these things, you will will funds. Which becomes bootstrapping.

[Jay R]

Yup. The presence of any long-term successful gambling house disproves the existence of time machines, precognition, and any other form of getting information from the future.

I've had statistics students ask me if there is a statistical system for beating the house at Vegas. I reply, "You can judge any proposed system by a very simple test. Is anybody still teaching statistics? If so, then there is no statistical way to win over a long period."

[RandomNPC]

Time travel. Yea.

I would go find the best hi-definition, surround sound, big screen, Awesome McAwesomesauce Entertainment Center with the most comfy couch ever supplied for sitting. I would then go get J.R. Tolkien, and sped a few minuets berating him, "How dare you create this? Do you know what you've done?" things like that. After about the three minute mark I'd finish with "Look what you've done!" Then I'd hit play, and make him watch the extended edition of every movie based on his works, with about twenty pounds of popcorn.

After there would be much to talk about, an apology for the yelling, and quite a lot of a fan asking all kinds of questions fans tend to ask.

[SMEE]

I would send myself back to 1984 to kill Sarah Connor.

[DataNinja]

Yup. The presence of any long-term successful gambling house disproves the existence of time machines, precognition, and any other form of getting information from the future.

I've had statistics students ask me if there is a statistical system for beating the house at Vegas. I reply, "You can judge any proposed system by a very simple test. Is anybody still teaching statistics? If so, then there is no statistical way to win over a long period."

I have proof that there is time travel, and being used on a regular basis. Have you eve noticed that the one thing excluded from your insurance policy is the thing you're claiming for? Or that your warranty always expires one day before the thing breaks? :smallwink:

[Eldan]

Winning at the lottery is hardly an effective way of earning contemporary riches. You need to exist in the system; they wont hand over multi million dollars cash; you will need an ID check and a bank account.

To have these things, you will will funds. Which becomes bootstrapping.

I was more thinking that time travellers would set up lotteries in their own times, then travel back a week or so to obtain tickets. Then they could use the funds from that for bigger investments and bigger time machines.
Hence Voltaire, who made a lot of money by rigging lotteries.

[Cipher Stars]

I'd travel forward into the future, learn about the world. Science. Physics. Medicine. I'd take things back to the Present and sure myself now and generally try not to ruin the normal flow of things but ensuring longevity for me and my family. Age. Disease. None of that.

I'd also try to bring back a good future-computer and some super-amazing games from the future. Whatever tech I could get my hands on really. But yeah.


Also I'd just be curious to see how far we can go as a species, what happens. If there's a defined End in sight I'd probably be a lot more active in my use of the Time Machine. Even to the extent that I'd bring technology back to Pre-History and try to advance the species as a whole from a much much earlier starting point and see if we can't advance far enough to prevent whatever "The End" came. Even if it was something like a Gamma Ray Burst, if we advance enough there's nothing we can't handle. Either by simply not being there (Moving on to new galaxies), or having suitable defensive measures (Planetary shielding?)


But yeah. I'd in general be focused on the future rather than the past. Eventually I might dabble in the past, after the future. Go back and steal historical figures before their deaths and leave a clone dead in their place perhaps, muahahaaa. A Historical Human Zoo. But not a Zoo so much as an isolated establishment where they can all continue to be themselves, perhaps in VR simulations in which they continue to live their previous lives out under watchful curious eyes. Eventually they'd need to know though, so concepts of the present world and beyond could be introduced when they start running out of steam/hitting the end of their roads.

[Unuoctium]

I would take my time machine, go back in time to the time my past self stole a time machine from my future self, slap the sucker with a fish, and produce a stopwatch to time how long a time jump takes both forwards and backwards in time. Then I could go to the future and learn how the time machine functions. Armed with knowledge, a newer, better machine would be crafted: the HTF. This new machine would use the powers of time and space travel to move itself through space via a multitude of small time jumps forwards. At this point, the public would realize *exactly* how time flies. The public educated, scientific analyses gathered, and a good day had, it would be just about time for me to head back to my normal place, give the time machine to my past self, and give my gerbil a good petting.

He's an old fat fuzzy gerbil that enjoys lots of pettings, or is too old and fat to decide fleeing from pettings is worth the effort. Pretty hard to beat that with whatever a time machine offers.

[JacksonTaylor]

If I had a time machine, I would go back the past an take some accent items, take them to the present, and sell. I would earn a lot of money!:smallbiggrin:

[Vizzerdrix]

I'd want to find out if Mars ever had an atmo or not. If so, what happened to it?

I'd save Dr. Who. Most of the original stuff was lost over the years or improperly stored and got damaged.

Oooh! I'd spend a few jumps ambushing sailors that stopped at the Dodo islands and beat THEM with clubs for fun. See how they liked it.

And someplace in all that fun, I'd have to take a trip into my own past and have a good, long talk with my parents. Set them straight on a few things. Maybe spend a day playing LEGOs with myself and letting me know that it indeed IS okay to get into a particular sort of trouble from time to time.

Oh! Most importantly, I'd keep Firefly from getting canceled. Some how. Some way I'd do this miracle.

[Douglas]

Yup. The presence of any long-term successful gambling house disproves the existence of time machines, precognition, and any other form of getting information from the future.

I've had statistics students ask me if there is a statistical system for beating the house at Vegas. I reply, "You can judge any proposed system by a very simple test. Is anybody still teaching statistics? If so, then there is no statistical way to win over a long period."
There used to be one, namely card counting in blackjack. A few people made a pretty good profit off of it for a while, but then the casinos caught on and changed the game in various ways to stop it. Well, first they tried treating the card counters as cheaters and throwing them out, but someone sued over it and got an official court ruling that card counting is a legitimate exercise of skill and not cheating; then they changed the game.

"The house" universally missed a working system once, it's possible it might happen again. Unlikely, sure, but possible.

On the other hand, if you don't insist on beating the house but rather on making a personal profit, there are games where beating the other players is an option. That's a potentially much easier target, depending on the pool those players come from, and has no risk of the house getting mad at you.

[Hiro Protagonest]

Oh! Most importantly, I'd keep Firefly from getting canceled. Some how. Some way I'd do this miracle.

I can only imagine the butterfly effect that would cause...

[SalmaHayek]

Save the world from Lavos. :smallwink:
It's funny. :smile:

[Alent]

I've thought of a new one.

I'll find the person who came up with the expression "The Customer is Always Right" and disappear him before he has a chance to popularize the phrase.

[Chester]

Go back to around 10:00 AM today and prevent my past self from leaving my phone and car keys in my pants pocket before starting the laundry cycle.

[Anuan]

Go back to the 9th century in Scandinavia and find out who the hell Ulfberht is and whether or not they're getting their steel from India, so we can finally have some damn confirmation.

Also I'd swap them some superior modern steel for a couple of their swords, come back and confuse the hell out of the museums.

[Cakesnizzles]

Steal all the books/scrolls from the Library of Alexandria, and then burn it if it doesn't burn. I don't really mess with time too much, haha!

[Chives]

1. Go back to WW2
2. Save Hitler
3. Bring him to the present and tell him that regardless of everything he did everything happened anyway.

If he improves and positively tries to help people, I get to see the most feared and hated man in history function as an altruist. If he snaps I namedrop myself and take him back. He's found gibbering my name in a bunker.

Either way, the outcome would be hilarious.



Edited because I just read through, didn't read the guidelines properly ':D
I guess the big thing I'd do is go back about ten thousand years and watch modern geological formations... form. (I'd have a camera take a picture every two months or so) Being able to see something like that would just be so incredibly cool!

[Jay R]

Having done my research on time travel, I've decided I want to go to the future and get one of those fancy futuristic hoverboards Marty McFly got.

So I'd do the same thing he did. I'd set my time machine for the same date in the future - October 21, 2015. Then I'd go to that futuristic time and ... um ... that is ...

Oh.

Never mind.

[DataNinja]

Having done my research on time travel, I've decided I want to go to the future and get one of those fancy futuristic hoverboards Marty McFly got.

So I'd do the same thing he did. I'd set my time machine for the same date in the future - October 21, 2015. Then I'd go to that futuristic time and ... um ... that is ...

Oh.

Never mind.

Dang it, future. You Always disappoint.

I'd go back in time two hours so I could make that joke first.

[Svata]

Go forward to October 21 2015 and stop judgement day.

[Insane Trystane]

First, I would bring back someone from Colonial America and walk them around DC, answering all their questions and enjoying their awe/horror.

Then I would go forward 200ish years and have someone do the same for me.

Oh, and I'd go to a performance by John Cage. Dude was just crazy, in the best sense of the word. I'd have liked to hear his premiere performance of that twelve radios piece.

[Elskeleton]

Hang out with mini me, 'show her the hacks and hoax of life.

[Lord Gehnvaar]

I'd go back to July 1986 and watch Queen perform at the Wembley Stadium. *sighs* I wish I was born sooner (and had the economic means to travel all around the world to see my favorite bands perform at their peaks :smallfrown:)

[noparlpf]

I'd probably take every other day (perceived time) off because I can't handle "adulthood." A few months in, I get confused by the three other mes in my apartment when I come home from a long day and we kill one of us. We can't figure out when in the timelines that me came from so we go back in time to stop it from happening. Things devolve rapidly.

[Velaryon]

I've thought of a new one.

I'll find the person who came up with the expression "The Customer is Always Right" and disappear him before he has a chance to popularize the phrase.

Harry Gordon Selfridge, the founder of Selfridge's department store in London, to save you a bit of time looking for him.

Maybe you should kidnap him, bring him to the modern day, sit him in front of a computer, and make him read Not Always Right (http://notalwaysright.com/). You'll either change his mind, or drive him insane. Either should work for your purposes. :smallbiggrin:

[PinkMarshmellow]

There is so many things I would do. I would probably travel back to the year 2000 right before people were going nuts over y2k... I was musch younger then. Would be pretty interesting now a days :smallsmile: