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View Full Version : Gamer Humor The case of Boromir vs. the killer DM



TheGlen
2015-09-05, 11:15 PM
So after reading a long conversation about Gandalf being an epic level fighter, it has been brought to my attention that Boromir was killed not as a plot device, but because he was getting too close to the DM's girlfriend. The facts are quite obvious for all to see, those in the gaming community have seen it far too often. One PC gets all the DM's favoritism, the closer they are to the DM the more good stuff they get. Poor Boromir got too close to Frodo, so he had to die.

It's apparent Frodo is being played by the DM's girlfriend. All the signs of favoritism are there. Frodo gets picked to be the Chosen One. At level one he's given not just the epic level artifact, but on top of it all he even gets gifted a substantial amount of money in Bilbo's house. So he's now the heir to Bilbo's fortune, who was obviously the DM's old character. After that it's all about Frodo, the Nazgul at the watchtower attack only him, causing drama centered on Frodo as he's rushed to the elves. Once there he's immediately gifted magic armor and weapons by the DM's old character. In Moria he gets a get out of death free card when the DM suddenly remembers that mithril chain would somehow absorb all the force of the troll's spear, where anybody else would have crushed ribs as well. In the final fight, not one Uruk Hai finds and attacks Frodo, despite the rest of the party being swarmed by them.

Now look at poor Boromir. Boromir was the nicest one to Frodo. When Gandalf forgets just because he's a high level fighter with tons of hit points and can survive climbing a mountain without assistance, Boromir points out Frodo's freezing to death. When Gandalf falls to what seems to be his death, again Boromir is there for the Frodo. When Frodo is grieving heavily outside Moria the taskmaster Aragorn wants to keep the party moving to the next encounter, but Boromir wants to give Frodo's player time to roleplay her grief. Finally the DM's had enough. Boromir has to die. The signs start almost immediately. When Galadriel gives out gifts most of the party gets magical weapons or artifacts. Boromir gets a belt. Not even a magical one. Not even important enough to be included in the movie. Sure Gimli gets only three hairs, BUT THAT'S WHAT HE ASKS FOR. Every other member of the party without a magic weapon gets one, except Sam who gets a magic rope which comes in quite useful not to far into the story.

So the party gets to Amon Hen, that's when it all comes to a head. Clearly the DM has been talking to his girlfriend because Frodo is suddenly hostile to Boromir, who has been nothing but supportive this entire adventure and been the shoulder to cry on. When the Uruk Hai finally attack, look at how the monsters are paired against the heroes. About half a dozen each head for Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli, while a full three dozen at least make a bee line for Boromir, Merry and Pippin while none go after Frodo and Sam. You've got at least five dozen Uruk Hai and you give two members of the party a pass in the big fight? That reeks of favoritism. So you've got Boromir facing down forty fighting Uruk Hai with Merry and Pippin along side him. Except none of the Uruk Hai go after the hobbits, they all concentrate on Boromir. The hobbits have to forcibly engage the Uruk Hai because none are attacking them, despite taking fire from the hobbits. No, every single one of them go for Boromir. When Boromir wipes out the entire first wave, he blows his horn to let the others know his situation. This also draw all the other Uruk Hai, which for some reason don't attack Aragorn unless he attacks first. All them go straight for Boromir. Finally after Boromir has completely exhausting himself killing more Uruk Hai than the rest of the party combined, then the boss shows up and easily takes down Boromir as he's low on hit points by this time. Seriously Lurtz? Three straight confirmed criticals? Not suspicious at all.

Once Boromir is down, Lurtz can't hit Aragorn to save his life. Every attack either misses or Aragorn shakes off easily. The fight takes just long enough for Boromir to bleed out, as Gimli and Legolas are still nowhere to be seen. So the DM gets his wish and kills off the character of the one guy that was nice to the DM's girlfriend. The DM then makes sure nobody else will get a chance to be the next Boromir by sending Sam and Frodo off on a side quest, far away from the rest of the party. Boromir's player quits the game in disgust and the party splinters into three groups. The DM made his life so much more difficult out of sheer jealousy.

YossarianLives
2015-09-05, 11:35 PM
I'm pretty sure this is a joke, but it's hilarious and I love it.

legomaster00156
2015-09-05, 11:46 PM
This makes a disturbing amount of sense.

Broken Crown
2015-09-05, 11:52 PM
Given what happens to Frodo in subsequent sessions, I think the DM's relationship with his girlfriend may have hit a rocky spot.

goto124
2015-09-05, 11:57 PM
Uh, DM of the Rings?

Shadowsend
2015-09-06, 08:45 AM
Boromir didn't quit the group, he took the new character sheet of Smeagol. Because Smeagol wasn't as gallant as Boromir, he was more able to survive. I think the DM lost his girlfriend after that.

comicshorse
2015-09-06, 09:35 AM
So after reading a long conversation about Gandalf being an epic level fighter, it has been brought to my attention that Boromir was killed not as a plot device, but because he was getting too close to the DM's girlfriend. The facts are quite obvious for all to see, those in the gaming community have seen it far too often. One PC gets all the DM's favoritism,

Being given an item that slowly destroys you while simultaneously making you the top target for the BBEG's most lethal undead lieutenants is FAVOURITISM ? :smallfrown:

Anonymouswizard
2015-09-06, 09:40 AM
Being given an item that slowly destroys you while simultaneously making you the top target for the BBEG's most lethal undead lieutenants is FAVOURITISM ? :smallfrown:

Makes certain that the plot is centred around them. I'm surprised you didn't notice that. Also, if you build your character correctly you can make a lot of XP off the BBEG's lieutenants, and as long as you have 1 SAN left when you get rid of it there should be minimal consequences.

I think Aragorn is also a good candidate for favouritism, I mean, he gets a magic sword, hot elf love-interest, and a kingdom to rule, plus magical healing powers obviously from a homebrew race. I suspect that the relationship got rocky after Frodo's player started to notice what was going on between Aragorn and the GM. Boromir was obviously killed because he was more awesome than the GM's new crush.

Red Fel
2015-09-06, 10:01 AM
Makes certain that the plot is centred around them. I'm surprised you didn't notice that. Also, if you build your character correctly you can make a lot of XP off the BBEG's lieutenants, and as long as you have 1 SAN left when you get rid of it there should be minimal consequences.

Yeah, think about it. Despite the relic destroying pretty much everybody it touches, this one PC was somehow immune - or at least shockingly resistant - for most of the campaign. And despite the BBEG's lieutenants being ostensibly unstoppable, unkillable, and totally destructive, the PC survives every encounter with them almost entirely intact (except for that one time, but to be fair, it allowed the DM to move the plot forward at an accelerated rate, and in the movie version, permitted the introduction of a new DMPC).


I think Aragorn is also a good candidate for favouritism, I mean, he gets a magic sword, hot elf love-interest, and a kingdom to rule, plus magical healing powers obviously from a homebrew race. I suspect that the relationship got rocky after Frodo's player started to notice what was going on between Aragorn and the GM. Boromir was obviously killed because he was more awesome than the GM's new crush.

Yeah, I think it's safe to say that partway through the campaign, something happened between DM and Frodo!Player, and the DM switched his affections to Aragorn!Player. (Whether she responded is another story.) It's visible, too; more of the story focuses on Aragorn's glorious military campaign, less on Frodo's stealth mission, and it reaches a point where Sam (who is clearly an NPC cohort for Frodo run by the DM) pretty much carries Frodo along, both to keep the plot moving and to point out how weak and useless Frodo is. I mean, at their respective climaxes, Aragorn is leading his army to victory, uniting the disparate nations of the world and wielding a sacred artifact; Frodo, whose player is clearly revolting against the DM at this point, is refusing to throw the Ring into the volcano, attempting to derail the plot out of frustration and anger. The spotlight has most definitely moved at this point.

And side note, as has been mentioned, DM of the Rings.

comicshorse
2015-09-06, 10:02 AM
I've played in campaigns like that (I'll spare you the rant) being centre of the plot doesn't mean anything if you can't do anything to affect it but just get your head handed to you while waiting for the NPC hero (Arragon) to turn up and save you :smallfurious:

Interestingly enough I put Boromir's death down as player having to give up the game and wants to go out in a blaze of glory. Did something very similar in a Shadowrun game where because the player was moving away we worked out a scenario where he ending up dying holding off a hive of insect spirits so the rest of the group could get away

TheCountAlucard
2015-09-06, 10:05 AM
The sexism in this thread is rampant. Why can't Frodo have been the DM's boyfriend? :smallfrown:

:smallwink:

TheGlen
2015-09-06, 10:57 AM
It does become fairly obvious that Frodo's player doesn't even want to play anymore. Frodo gets drug along most of the way, ends up with 2 DMPCs to keep on the straight and narrow. Has to be literally dragged to the quest's conclusion, then when the player just out and out rebels at the very end DM shoves Frodo of a cliff.

YossarianLives
2015-09-06, 10:59 AM
I wonder what Gimli and Legolas' players were thinking during this process.

Red Fel
2015-09-06, 11:10 AM
I wonder what Gimli and Legolas' players were thinking during this process.

I'm guessing one is the DM's buddy (Legolas, note how absurd some of his tricks are) and the other is Frodo!Player's friend (Gimli, notice how unoptimized he is). They take an immediate disliking to one another, probably because they see how bad the DM and Frodo!Player are for each other and attribute those negative qualities to one another. Then, in an almost Shakespearean sequence of events, while watching the relationship between DM and Frodo!Player devolve and simultaneously playing a pair of vitriolic best buddies, they start to develop feelings for one another, reflected in their PCs to a certain extent. (No, I don't ship.)

By the end, they have thoroughly stopped giving two craps about the plot, or DM and Frodo!Player, as they have started dating separate from the rest of the group, and are simply sitting back and enjoying the campaign while it lasts, then planning to get far away from these strange people and their drama.

Eldan
2015-09-06, 03:05 PM
How is Gimli unoptimized? He's a powerful fighter. He's honourable, he's wise (tough a romantic), he's an architect and an engineer, to some degree. Plus he's an educated noble and a bit of a poet. His will is strong enough to overcome Saruman's words.

Plus, you know. He killed 42 orcs with a melee weapon. Legolas got 41 and he had a bow. While on a wall, during a siege.


(He's also my favourite fellowship member.)

SowZ
2015-09-06, 03:54 PM
A power attacking, high Strength fighter with a greataxe isn't what I'd call optimized, but relative to the LOTR campaign, certainly not unoptimized either.

nedz
2015-09-06, 04:37 PM
Boromir didn't quit the group, he took the new character sheet of Smeagol. Because Smeagol wasn't as gallant as Boromir, he was more able to survive. I think the DM lost his girlfriend after that.

Well he obviously decided to roll up a hobbit seeing how awesome they were the DM has a thing for them. Of course the jealous DM gets his revenge by cursing Smeagol the Hobbit into being a monster. The player does decide to try and go for the redemption angle, which is excellent RP, but he gets killed by Deus Ex Machina in the end.

TheThan
2015-09-06, 04:59 PM
I'm guessing one is the DM's buddy (Legolas, note how absurd some of his tricks are) and the other is Frodo!Player's friend (Gimli, notice how unoptimized he is). They take an immediate disliking to one another, probably because they see how bad the DM and Frodo!Player are for each other and attribute those negative qualities to one another. Then, in an almost Shakespearean sequence of events, while watching the relationship between DM and Frodo!Player devolve and simultaneously playing a pair of vitriolic best buddies, they start to develop feelings for one another, reflected in their PCs to a certain extent. (No, I don't ship.)

By the end, they have thoroughly stopped giving two craps about the plot, or DM and Frodo!Player, as they have started dating separate from the rest of the group, and are simply sitting back and enjoying the campaign while it lasts, then planning to get far away from these strange people and their drama.

why does this even have to become romantic, can't these two players see whats going on and decide the others are idiots but that guy is cool, then start hanging out and become really good friends?

Nifft
2015-09-06, 05:37 PM
I wonder what Gimli and Legolas' players were thinking during this process.

"I hope nothing interesting happens while we're out getting pizza."

Louro
2015-09-06, 06:06 PM
And this is supported by the fact that their only motivation in the campaign is to compete each other to level up first, thus counting how many enemies they slain.

nedz
2015-09-06, 06:36 PM
And this is supported by the fact that their only motivation in the campaign is to compete each other to level up first, thus counting how many enemies they slain.

Standard Hack 'n' Slash play-style surely ?

Daws2727
2015-09-06, 09:22 PM
It's crazy how this all adds up...

Nerd-o-rama
2015-09-09, 09:37 AM
A power attacking, high Strength fighter with a greataxe isn't what I'd call optimized, but relative to the LOTR campaign, certainly not unoptimized either.

When all you're fighting is a bazillion Orc Warrior 1's, Great Cleave is the only feat you really need.

Nifft
2015-09-09, 10:12 AM
Aragorn's player: "Hey, DM, buddy. Listen, I just put another +2 in Favored Enemy: Orcs. Can we fight some more orcs?"

illyahr
2015-09-09, 11:36 AM
This is my new headcanon. It's crazy how much sense this makes. :smallbiggrin:

TheIronGolem
2015-09-09, 12:32 PM
I started this post intending to make a counterpoint about how Frodo is a hobbit with no levels in a PC class, instead of some exotic race with an ignored LA and levels in a custom class who's revealed to be the real rightful heir to the kingdom.

Then I realized that the DM's SO is probably the type to play a purposely-weak character because that's What Real Roleplayers DoTM.

Frosty
2015-09-09, 01:04 PM
Someone needs to make this into a campaign! We can take the Mammoth Rider prestige class and capture an Oluphant as a mount!

illyahr
2015-09-09, 01:16 PM
The only other theory I've heard that makes any sense is that only the hobbits are PCs. Everything done by the other characters are cinematic events that the hobbits triggered.

Who brough down Isengard? Merry and Pippin with Bluff and Diplomacy checks to the ents. Who stopped the witch king? Merry crippled him with a called Sneak Attack to the knee. Who stopped a mad steward and saved his son? Pippin navigated a war-torn city to locate Gandalf. Who talked down the ambitious second son before he could stop the quest? The down-to-earth hobbit gardener.

Remember, the adventure continued after Sauron was slain and Aragorn crowned. All the DMPC's were dropped so the hobbits (read: the PCs) could liberate The Shire from Saruman's cronies. Frodo left Middle Earth with Bilbo after that; Sam married the girl of his dreams, had eight kids and then left Middle Earth also; Merry became the master of Brandy Hall, the headquarters of one of the most influencial familes in The Shire, and Pippin became Thane of The Shire (basically head of all law enforcement in the entire region).

Beleriphon
2015-09-09, 04:32 PM
Remember, the adventure continued after Sauron was slain and Aragorn crowned. All the DMPC's were dropped so the hobbits (read: the PCs) could liberate The Shire from Saruman's cronies. Frodo left Middle Earth with Bilbo after that; Sam married the girl of his dreams, had eight kids and then left Middle Earth also; Merry became the master of Brandy Hall, the headquarters of one of the most influencial familes in The Shire, and Pippin became Thane of The Shire (basically head of all law enforcement in the entire region).

Lets not forget that Merry is buried as a hero of Rohan and Pippin as a knight of Gondor

3SecondCultist
2015-09-09, 04:38 PM
Someone needs to make this into a campaign! We can take the Mammoth Rider prestige class and capture an Oluphant as a mount!

Seriously, DM of the Rings. (http://www.shamusyoung.com/twentysidedtale/?cat=14)

Everything you're looking for, right there. :smalltongue:

illyahr
2015-09-09, 04:45 PM
Lets not forget that Merry is buried as a hero of Rohan and Pippin as a knight of Gondor

Ah, yes. I had forgotten. Not only did they come into their own, they were buried as heroes of the realm.

BootStrapTommy
2015-09-09, 05:24 PM
Boromir didn't quit the group, he took the new character sheet of Smeagol. Because Smeagol wasn't as gallant as Boromir, he was more able to survive. I think the DM lost his girlfriend after that. No, Faramir. His letting of Frodo go is a peace gesture to the DM.

Susano-wo
2015-09-09, 06:49 PM
Seriously, DM of the Rings. (http://www.shamusyoung.com/twentysidedtale/?cat=14)

Everything you're looking for, right there. :smalltongue:

except for the sordid tale of GF favoritism and a totally differnt take on the Boromir screw job...y'know, the OP's whole premise :smallamused: (which is brilliant)
And DM of the rings is also brilliant, and I love it very much :smallbiggrin:

Ruslan
2015-09-10, 03:09 PM
So the party gets to Amon Hen, that's when it all comes to a head. Clearly the DM has been talking to his girlfriend because Frodo is suddenly hostile to BoromirI'd interpret it as DM's girlfriend not showing up to that particular session, and Frodo being NPC'ed by the DM.