GreyBlack
2015-09-11, 12:49 PM
"Hey, guys, remember the characters you played from my last campaign? I have a new adventure for them."
This is a phrase every player wants to hear from their DM, especially relating to high level characters. We have an opportunity to go back and kill BIGGER things? Who wouldn't jump at this chance? What we had were a drug-dealing ninja and a ranger/barbarian who believed he was a bear! Why not go back to this?
So, last night was our first adventure with these old characters, with some new twists due to events in the "Previously on" section, and for a lark, I figured I'd write up, from the player's side, what things are looking like. And, so, without further ado:
THE ADVENTURES OF RRGH AND LOU WEGO!
OUR PROTAGONISTS:
Lou Wego: Alchemical master and high mercenary of the Abyss. Since his adventures on the Material Plane and near-betrayal of his ally, Rrgh, he has spent time fighting for the various lords of the damned and has become known as one of the premier alchemists in the Abyss. Three hundred years have passed since he and Rrgh fought to free the world from the evil dragon Gildas, during which time he has lost his memories and been transformed from a human into a Tiefling.
Rrgh: Formerly a half-orc barbarian/ranger raised by bears, Rrgh always believed himself to be a bear, and was known for telling people such. Known for fighting with naught but his bear hands, he was betrayed by Lou Wego during their final confrontation with Gildas, killed Lou, and fought single-handedly to free the world from Gildas's grip. Following an epic battle with the ancient dragon, Rrgh slew the dragon at the cost of his own life. He was resurrected by the dragon god Bahamut as what he truly believed himself to be: a bear. Imbued with divine power now, Rrgh now fights for the forces of good, mastering a new form of shapeshifting and channeling divine power to restore balance to the world.
PREVIOUSLY IN THE ADVENTURES OF LOU WEGO AND RRGH!
Gildas: Now, I offer you both a choice. You have both fought long and hard, I know you both to be formidable, but you know you cannot hope to defeat me. Now, join me and I shall grant you power beyond your wildest imaginings.
Rrgh: No, I will never join you. I fight to defend my pack, and you only harm them.
Lou: Okay!
Gildas: ... Okay, taken a little aback here. Heroes don't usually take my offer... umm... prove your loyalty by killing your friend?
Lou: Okay! [stabs Rrgh before realizing that Rrgh is immune to sneak attack] Hm. Well. That's not good...
[DISCRETION CUT FROM SEVERE MAULING OF A HUMAN AT THE HANDS OF A HALF-ORC WHO BELIEVES HIMSELF TO BE A BEAR]
Gildas: Well, you have certainly proven your power, now I offer you one more chance...
Rrgh: Bored now. You die. [BROOKLYN RAGE!!1!]
After a long, epic fight including Rrgh's friend, a young Silver dragon, Rrgh finally slew Gildas!
In the depths of hell...
Balor: My, you seem to be powerful. Come, help me to gain power, and I shall grant you even more power!
Lou: Okay!
In the heavens of Elysium...
[A bear stands in a field, as it stands, it looks down at its legs and smiles.]
SOLAR: Welcome, Rrgh, to your new home.
Rrgh: [incoherent bear growling]
Solar: Yes, you freed that plane at the cost of your own life. Now, more battles will come, but for now, rest.
[FEMALE BEAR COMES OVER THE HILLS, RRGH SMILES]
And now, our adventure begins.
The Abyss...
[The scene is absolute bedlam. We see that it is the Abyss's version of a Gentleman's Club. A tiefling sits, enjoying a red drink, perhaps the blood of an infant? He seems particularly enamored with watching one human female dancing, when he feels a tap on his shoulder.]
Lou: [without turning] Whaddya want?
Unseen Individual: The master requires your presence.
Lou: I'm busy. I'll come when I'm done. [continues watching the human female]
Unseen Individual: [becomes enraged and destroys the human female] NOW.
Lou: [turns around and sees a Balor standing behind him] Alright, alright, I'm coming. Where am I going?
Balor: We're going to the Master's tower.
[Lou and the Balor are transported to a massive tower in the Abyss. There is a Demon Lord, who Lou has been working for recently and Lou helped recently achieve his most recent height of power]
Demon Lord: Welcome, Lou, have a seat. Drink?
Lou: Baby blood?
Demon Lord: Certainly. Now, have you heard any rumblings about what's been going on in the Material Plane?
Lou: Not really. I've just been enjoying the high life down here. What's up?
Demon Lord: It has come to my attention that an artifact of great power has been found. I want you to return to the Material Plane and find it for me.
Lou: Well, what am I looking for?
Demon Lord: I am not quite sure. Our scrying has been unsuccessful, and our scouts and forces sent down have been unsuccessful at retrieving it. As such, it falls to you.
Lou: You got it. You know I got it, homie!
Demon Lord: I certainly hope so. You know the price of failure for my underlings. [looks at a human slave in the room, who vaporizes instantly]
Lou: Please, man! Have I ever failed?
Demon Lord: Make sure it continues that way. Now go.
ELYSIUM
[Two bears nestle together, happy as can be. The larger one, with rainbow fur and tusks, rolls over and yawns before noticing a Solar in his presence]
Solar: Lord Rrgh! We request your presence.
Rrgh: [indiscriminate roaring]
Solar: There is an artifact on your home plane of existence. If the forces of darkness get their hands on it, who knows what could happen.
Rrgh: [more roaring]
Solar: And, please, try and keep the Bear God thing a little softer this time? People have been saying and doing some odd things in the name of the Bear God.
Rrgh: [whine]
Solar: Yes, that's part of the mission.
Rrgh: Pssht.
MATERIAL PLANE, a small island in the middle of the ocean. On this island, the mouth of a cave is the only discernible feature for miles. Lou appears and begins scouting the area before a bear appears before him.
Rrgh: [Hello.]
Lou: Hi?
Rrgh: [Why are you here?]
Lou: No reason... [50 bluff check]
Rrgh: [Okay!] [Begins sauntering into the cave. Lou, seeing no reason not to, follows]
Rrgh: [Why are you following me?]
Lou: Well, I'm supposed to be looking for a child, so maybe the child is down here...? [56 bluff check]
Rrgh: [Okay. If I see it, I'll let you know.]
--------------
Me: Okay, hold it. How do I not recognize this guy who literally tried to stab me in the back?
DM: Rule Zero: It's been so long since you've ever seen each other that neither one of you remembers the other.
Me: Fair.
DM: Now, as I was saying... this area feels very familiar to you, Rrgh, and you feel like you've been here before, and you see a faint purple glow from down the hallway...
---------------
Rrgh: ... [I don't trust it.] [Insert casting of major buff spells]
[In the room with the faint purple glow, a violet orb sits upon a pedestal]
---------------
Me: ... Can I use my Shapechange to turn into a hybrid between a bear and a dragon? Stats of a dragon, looks sort of like a bear?
DM: ... I don't see why not?
Me: ... sweet.
----------------
[Rrgh turns into a huge Silver dragon-bear and flies towards the orb, only to be stopped by an Ooze golem!]
Lou: Take this bom--oww! [bomb explodes in his hand] Well, let's try this... damn. [drops shortbow]. Well, maybe this? [another bomb explodes in his hand] ... Hey, bear dude, you got this?
Rrgh: [I'm a giant dragon bear god! What do you think?] [SUMMON NATURE'S ALLY VIII!]
[Rrgh flies at the golem, changing forms of bear and fighting heavily. Eventually, after fighting mightily, Rrgh fells the mighty golem, but not before Lou attempts to steal the orb!]
Lou: Hmm... there's some kind of forcefield here... no matter. *throws a bomb at the forcefield*
------------------
DM: After the bomb explodes, the orb begins to pulsate and radiate a dark power before disappearing. You begin to feel some water droplets on your head, and, looking up, you notice that the ceiling has begun to crack...
Me: God dammit Lou! Alright, I'm going to shapechange into a bear-shark.
DM: ... Please get a job at the SyFi Channel!
Lou's Player: Seriously? The only response I have is Monstrous Physique IV!
DM: Well, good luck with that!
--------------------
Rrgh and Lou swim to the surface, eventually finding their way back to the island. The Solar and Balor reappear.
Solar: Did you find the artifact?
Rrgh: [Yes. It disappeared, then the cave fell in. I don't know what happened to it.]
Balor: Well, isn't that just rich? The great Lou Wego didn't complete his mission! Isn't this convenient...
Lou: Hey, it's just a setback. I'm not done yet!
Balor: You know the price of failure.
----------------------
DM: At this, a violet light shines and a massive eldritch abomination appears. The balor snarls before being grabbed up by this thing and being tentacle drained to death. The solar says to Rrgh, "Run."
----------------------
Solar: This is beyond even your ken. I shall send word and hold it off long enough for you to get out of here, but find help and tell them Gi-saao has returned. YOU! *points at Lou* You shall be the great Rrgh's assistant!
Lou: I'm no one's assistant! I refuse to do such a thing, how could you...
----------------------
Me: Can I turn Rrgh into a giant bear-griffin type thing and just carry him off?
DM: Seriously, apply at SyFi!
Lou's Player: ... I'm not going to resist the grapple. Make your fortitude save, though.
Me: Why?
Lou's Player: Poison skin.
Me: Fair enough. *makes the save*
---------------------
After flying for some time, Rrgh and Lou find their way to a small village. Rrgh lands with pomposity due a bear god, transforming from a bear-griffin into a half-orc.
Rrgh: Hello. I am the bear god. I come seeking aid.
Villagers: ... who?
Rrgh: The bear god. Rrgh? He who slew Gildas?
Villagers: I mean, don't get me wrong, that was all fancy and stuff flying in like a bear, but now you're not even wearing pants!
Rrgh: ...
----------------------
Lou's player: I'm gonna take a swim in the town's water supply!
DM: Why?
Lou's player: Poison skin.
DM: .... fair enough.
-----------------------
Villagers: What's your friend doing to the water supply there?
Rrgh: No idea. I wouldn't touch it for now, though. When I touched him, he almost poisoned me.
Villagers: Fair. Come, make yourselves at home in our inn. We can't help you, but there's a nearby mage who can.
Rrgh: Do you have fish? [CAMPAIGN NOTE: Rrgh's favorite food is fish, especially raw fish.]
Villagers: ... yes?
Rrgh: I will eat them.
Lou: Do you have any hearts?
Innkeeper: ... no...
Lou: Brains?
Innkeeper: No.
Lou: Kidneys?
Innkeeper: No?
Lou: Spleens, you have to have spleens.
Innkeeper: ... where did you say you're from?
Lou: I didn't.
---------------------
DM: Listen, I know you're chaotic evil, but you're gonna get caught by this.
Me: Yeah, and the smell of sulphur and brimstone doesn't help. He does smell like the Abyss still, right? I have scent as a bear.
DM: ... Yeah. Oh, by the way. That night, your mate appears in your room. [CAMPAIGN NOTE: Rrgh's mate is his animal companion.]
Me: ... You don't wanna know what happens.
DM: ... I'm scared to ask?
Me: [graphic description of bear boink until the DM is scarred for life]
---------------------
The next morning, well rested, Rrgh, Lou, and Rrgh's mate come downstairs from the inn.
Guard: What's that bear doing here? How did it get up there?
Rrgh: That's my mate! She's not an "it." She's a she.
Guard: ... I don't know how to respond to that.
As we head out, we come across a statue of a half-bear, half-man, a human, and a silver dragon fighting against a third, significantly larger dragon.
Rrgh: Huh.
Guide: Oh, yes. That's an artistic depiction of a great battle from many moons ago of a hero who slew a great dragon, Gildas.
Rrgh: That's me.
Guide: What?
Rrgh: *transforms into a bear, then back* That's me.
Voice from the crowd: IT IS YOU! Oh, great bear god, I have travelled far and wide looking for you! I am your humble servant! What is it you desire?
Rrgh: Tell my followers I require an army. Gi-Saao has come, and we must be prepared to fight it.
--------------------
DM: I think that's good for tonight...
TO BE CONTINUED...
This is a phrase every player wants to hear from their DM, especially relating to high level characters. We have an opportunity to go back and kill BIGGER things? Who wouldn't jump at this chance? What we had were a drug-dealing ninja and a ranger/barbarian who believed he was a bear! Why not go back to this?
So, last night was our first adventure with these old characters, with some new twists due to events in the "Previously on" section, and for a lark, I figured I'd write up, from the player's side, what things are looking like. And, so, without further ado:
THE ADVENTURES OF RRGH AND LOU WEGO!
OUR PROTAGONISTS:
Lou Wego: Alchemical master and high mercenary of the Abyss. Since his adventures on the Material Plane and near-betrayal of his ally, Rrgh, he has spent time fighting for the various lords of the damned and has become known as one of the premier alchemists in the Abyss. Three hundred years have passed since he and Rrgh fought to free the world from the evil dragon Gildas, during which time he has lost his memories and been transformed from a human into a Tiefling.
Rrgh: Formerly a half-orc barbarian/ranger raised by bears, Rrgh always believed himself to be a bear, and was known for telling people such. Known for fighting with naught but his bear hands, he was betrayed by Lou Wego during their final confrontation with Gildas, killed Lou, and fought single-handedly to free the world from Gildas's grip. Following an epic battle with the ancient dragon, Rrgh slew the dragon at the cost of his own life. He was resurrected by the dragon god Bahamut as what he truly believed himself to be: a bear. Imbued with divine power now, Rrgh now fights for the forces of good, mastering a new form of shapeshifting and channeling divine power to restore balance to the world.
PREVIOUSLY IN THE ADVENTURES OF LOU WEGO AND RRGH!
Gildas: Now, I offer you both a choice. You have both fought long and hard, I know you both to be formidable, but you know you cannot hope to defeat me. Now, join me and I shall grant you power beyond your wildest imaginings.
Rrgh: No, I will never join you. I fight to defend my pack, and you only harm them.
Lou: Okay!
Gildas: ... Okay, taken a little aback here. Heroes don't usually take my offer... umm... prove your loyalty by killing your friend?
Lou: Okay! [stabs Rrgh before realizing that Rrgh is immune to sneak attack] Hm. Well. That's not good...
[DISCRETION CUT FROM SEVERE MAULING OF A HUMAN AT THE HANDS OF A HALF-ORC WHO BELIEVES HIMSELF TO BE A BEAR]
Gildas: Well, you have certainly proven your power, now I offer you one more chance...
Rrgh: Bored now. You die. [BROOKLYN RAGE!!1!]
After a long, epic fight including Rrgh's friend, a young Silver dragon, Rrgh finally slew Gildas!
In the depths of hell...
Balor: My, you seem to be powerful. Come, help me to gain power, and I shall grant you even more power!
Lou: Okay!
In the heavens of Elysium...
[A bear stands in a field, as it stands, it looks down at its legs and smiles.]
SOLAR: Welcome, Rrgh, to your new home.
Rrgh: [incoherent bear growling]
Solar: Yes, you freed that plane at the cost of your own life. Now, more battles will come, but for now, rest.
[FEMALE BEAR COMES OVER THE HILLS, RRGH SMILES]
And now, our adventure begins.
The Abyss...
[The scene is absolute bedlam. We see that it is the Abyss's version of a Gentleman's Club. A tiefling sits, enjoying a red drink, perhaps the blood of an infant? He seems particularly enamored with watching one human female dancing, when he feels a tap on his shoulder.]
Lou: [without turning] Whaddya want?
Unseen Individual: The master requires your presence.
Lou: I'm busy. I'll come when I'm done. [continues watching the human female]
Unseen Individual: [becomes enraged and destroys the human female] NOW.
Lou: [turns around and sees a Balor standing behind him] Alright, alright, I'm coming. Where am I going?
Balor: We're going to the Master's tower.
[Lou and the Balor are transported to a massive tower in the Abyss. There is a Demon Lord, who Lou has been working for recently and Lou helped recently achieve his most recent height of power]
Demon Lord: Welcome, Lou, have a seat. Drink?
Lou: Baby blood?
Demon Lord: Certainly. Now, have you heard any rumblings about what's been going on in the Material Plane?
Lou: Not really. I've just been enjoying the high life down here. What's up?
Demon Lord: It has come to my attention that an artifact of great power has been found. I want you to return to the Material Plane and find it for me.
Lou: Well, what am I looking for?
Demon Lord: I am not quite sure. Our scrying has been unsuccessful, and our scouts and forces sent down have been unsuccessful at retrieving it. As such, it falls to you.
Lou: You got it. You know I got it, homie!
Demon Lord: I certainly hope so. You know the price of failure for my underlings. [looks at a human slave in the room, who vaporizes instantly]
Lou: Please, man! Have I ever failed?
Demon Lord: Make sure it continues that way. Now go.
ELYSIUM
[Two bears nestle together, happy as can be. The larger one, with rainbow fur and tusks, rolls over and yawns before noticing a Solar in his presence]
Solar: Lord Rrgh! We request your presence.
Rrgh: [indiscriminate roaring]
Solar: There is an artifact on your home plane of existence. If the forces of darkness get their hands on it, who knows what could happen.
Rrgh: [more roaring]
Solar: And, please, try and keep the Bear God thing a little softer this time? People have been saying and doing some odd things in the name of the Bear God.
Rrgh: [whine]
Solar: Yes, that's part of the mission.
Rrgh: Pssht.
MATERIAL PLANE, a small island in the middle of the ocean. On this island, the mouth of a cave is the only discernible feature for miles. Lou appears and begins scouting the area before a bear appears before him.
Rrgh: [Hello.]
Lou: Hi?
Rrgh: [Why are you here?]
Lou: No reason... [50 bluff check]
Rrgh: [Okay!] [Begins sauntering into the cave. Lou, seeing no reason not to, follows]
Rrgh: [Why are you following me?]
Lou: Well, I'm supposed to be looking for a child, so maybe the child is down here...? [56 bluff check]
Rrgh: [Okay. If I see it, I'll let you know.]
--------------
Me: Okay, hold it. How do I not recognize this guy who literally tried to stab me in the back?
DM: Rule Zero: It's been so long since you've ever seen each other that neither one of you remembers the other.
Me: Fair.
DM: Now, as I was saying... this area feels very familiar to you, Rrgh, and you feel like you've been here before, and you see a faint purple glow from down the hallway...
---------------
Rrgh: ... [I don't trust it.] [Insert casting of major buff spells]
[In the room with the faint purple glow, a violet orb sits upon a pedestal]
---------------
Me: ... Can I use my Shapechange to turn into a hybrid between a bear and a dragon? Stats of a dragon, looks sort of like a bear?
DM: ... I don't see why not?
Me: ... sweet.
----------------
[Rrgh turns into a huge Silver dragon-bear and flies towards the orb, only to be stopped by an Ooze golem!]
Lou: Take this bom--oww! [bomb explodes in his hand] Well, let's try this... damn. [drops shortbow]. Well, maybe this? [another bomb explodes in his hand] ... Hey, bear dude, you got this?
Rrgh: [I'm a giant dragon bear god! What do you think?] [SUMMON NATURE'S ALLY VIII!]
[Rrgh flies at the golem, changing forms of bear and fighting heavily. Eventually, after fighting mightily, Rrgh fells the mighty golem, but not before Lou attempts to steal the orb!]
Lou: Hmm... there's some kind of forcefield here... no matter. *throws a bomb at the forcefield*
------------------
DM: After the bomb explodes, the orb begins to pulsate and radiate a dark power before disappearing. You begin to feel some water droplets on your head, and, looking up, you notice that the ceiling has begun to crack...
Me: God dammit Lou! Alright, I'm going to shapechange into a bear-shark.
DM: ... Please get a job at the SyFi Channel!
Lou's Player: Seriously? The only response I have is Monstrous Physique IV!
DM: Well, good luck with that!
--------------------
Rrgh and Lou swim to the surface, eventually finding their way back to the island. The Solar and Balor reappear.
Solar: Did you find the artifact?
Rrgh: [Yes. It disappeared, then the cave fell in. I don't know what happened to it.]
Balor: Well, isn't that just rich? The great Lou Wego didn't complete his mission! Isn't this convenient...
Lou: Hey, it's just a setback. I'm not done yet!
Balor: You know the price of failure.
----------------------
DM: At this, a violet light shines and a massive eldritch abomination appears. The balor snarls before being grabbed up by this thing and being tentacle drained to death. The solar says to Rrgh, "Run."
----------------------
Solar: This is beyond even your ken. I shall send word and hold it off long enough for you to get out of here, but find help and tell them Gi-saao has returned. YOU! *points at Lou* You shall be the great Rrgh's assistant!
Lou: I'm no one's assistant! I refuse to do such a thing, how could you...
----------------------
Me: Can I turn Rrgh into a giant bear-griffin type thing and just carry him off?
DM: Seriously, apply at SyFi!
Lou's Player: ... I'm not going to resist the grapple. Make your fortitude save, though.
Me: Why?
Lou's Player: Poison skin.
Me: Fair enough. *makes the save*
---------------------
After flying for some time, Rrgh and Lou find their way to a small village. Rrgh lands with pomposity due a bear god, transforming from a bear-griffin into a half-orc.
Rrgh: Hello. I am the bear god. I come seeking aid.
Villagers: ... who?
Rrgh: The bear god. Rrgh? He who slew Gildas?
Villagers: I mean, don't get me wrong, that was all fancy and stuff flying in like a bear, but now you're not even wearing pants!
Rrgh: ...
----------------------
Lou's player: I'm gonna take a swim in the town's water supply!
DM: Why?
Lou's player: Poison skin.
DM: .... fair enough.
-----------------------
Villagers: What's your friend doing to the water supply there?
Rrgh: No idea. I wouldn't touch it for now, though. When I touched him, he almost poisoned me.
Villagers: Fair. Come, make yourselves at home in our inn. We can't help you, but there's a nearby mage who can.
Rrgh: Do you have fish? [CAMPAIGN NOTE: Rrgh's favorite food is fish, especially raw fish.]
Villagers: ... yes?
Rrgh: I will eat them.
Lou: Do you have any hearts?
Innkeeper: ... no...
Lou: Brains?
Innkeeper: No.
Lou: Kidneys?
Innkeeper: No?
Lou: Spleens, you have to have spleens.
Innkeeper: ... where did you say you're from?
Lou: I didn't.
---------------------
DM: Listen, I know you're chaotic evil, but you're gonna get caught by this.
Me: Yeah, and the smell of sulphur and brimstone doesn't help. He does smell like the Abyss still, right? I have scent as a bear.
DM: ... Yeah. Oh, by the way. That night, your mate appears in your room. [CAMPAIGN NOTE: Rrgh's mate is his animal companion.]
Me: ... You don't wanna know what happens.
DM: ... I'm scared to ask?
Me: [graphic description of bear boink until the DM is scarred for life]
---------------------
The next morning, well rested, Rrgh, Lou, and Rrgh's mate come downstairs from the inn.
Guard: What's that bear doing here? How did it get up there?
Rrgh: That's my mate! She's not an "it." She's a she.
Guard: ... I don't know how to respond to that.
As we head out, we come across a statue of a half-bear, half-man, a human, and a silver dragon fighting against a third, significantly larger dragon.
Rrgh: Huh.
Guide: Oh, yes. That's an artistic depiction of a great battle from many moons ago of a hero who slew a great dragon, Gildas.
Rrgh: That's me.
Guide: What?
Rrgh: *transforms into a bear, then back* That's me.
Voice from the crowd: IT IS YOU! Oh, great bear god, I have travelled far and wide looking for you! I am your humble servant! What is it you desire?
Rrgh: Tell my followers I require an army. Gi-Saao has come, and we must be prepared to fight it.
--------------------
DM: I think that's good for tonight...
TO BE CONTINUED...