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View Full Version : You enter an exotic magic store, what do you find inside?



CombatBunny
2015-09-17, 10:45 AM
You are traveling through a dangerous road in search for adventure, when you suddenly spot a massive cart, three stories high, outside a recently raided dungeon.

You realize that this must be the cart of that legendary group of adventurers that decided to become merchants; now they buy, sell and trade every kind of exotic, interesting, funny and weird things that they find in their adventures.

As you enter this flamboyant and welcoming place, what do you find inside?

I’ll get the ball rolling:

Arranged in a rack I find many strange and funny looking dresses, fitted for races like ogres, kobolds, goblins and many other races but humans. Apparently, some races have tried to mimic human fashion without luck.

I also find an open chest filled with a nice looking arrange of sweets and candy. A sign reads “Dragon candy”. Is this what dragons have as a treat? Are they normal candy with dragon themes? I’m not sure, but I read a warning plaque which says “approach with caution, sweets inside can be very hot and produce harm”.

Finally, I walk to a small round table with some dice made of a shiny purple stone, resting on the center of the table. “Mind flayer’s gambling dice” a bronze plaque reads. As I ask to the attendant what this dices are for, he tells me that whatever is at gamble, the dices make sure that he looser keeps his word or else a lightning bolt will descend from the sky and burn him down to ashes; or so legend says, no one has dared to play with them yet.

Kami2awa
2015-09-19, 09:09 AM
A fishtank with trilobites swimming around inside.

A statue that alway turns to face you when unobserved. It doesn't do anything else but it's exceedingly creepy (it's a security camera).

Klein bottles.

A fire that doesn't emit any heat. Anything placed in it gets extremely cold.

That it's bigger on the inside.

Thrudd
2015-09-19, 09:23 AM
A Mogwai in a little bamboo cage.

Draconium
2015-09-19, 09:32 AM
A parrot that can only speak Spanish. Even though that language isn't from your world.

A sword that has a sign: "Warning: Interaction with this weapon may cause side effects, including swelling, aching, sneezing, itching, and/or death by disembowlment."

Talyn
2015-09-19, 09:32 AM
A barrel full of swords with elaborate hilts. "Unidentified magical swords! Caveat emptor, no warranty," says the sign.

Well, they are all magical, that's for sure, your party wizard can confirm it. And they are an awfully good deal - is the risk of a cursed sword worth the chance of snagging a life drinker +3 for a song?

Sredni Vashtar
2015-09-19, 09:48 AM
An intelligent chess set that will teach you how to play better. (Available in snarky and non-snarky.)

Keltest
2015-09-19, 12:27 PM
A security guard to kick me out, because I have a compelling need to pick things up to examine them.

Flickerdart
2015-09-19, 01:11 PM
Increasingly bizarre codpieces lining the walls. The tags assure you they are magic, but you're not entirely convinced.

Kami2awa
2015-09-19, 05:15 PM
Doors that slide open by themselves as you approach.

Bright white light that comes from the ceiling without lanterns or torches.

Music and voices from nowhere.

Enticing scents blown around, again apparently from nowhere.

Bits of the shop are freezing cold, even in summer.

Everyone working there has a fixed, glazed smile and seems to be following an unseen script when they talk. Before telling you the price of any item, they hold it over unblinking, glowing red eye fixed into the counter.

Every magic shop is exactly like this. Every land you've visited, they are all the same.

... have a nice day!

sktarq
2015-09-19, 05:40 PM
Magic sea shells- the attendant won't tell you what they are for exactly, or how they work. But through the embarrassed mumbling you figure out it has something to do with chamber pots.

+1 dancing ladles

A bright red with silver handle decanter of quench (a must have for the alchemist in your castle)

It looks like a giant African land snail-but their slime casts prestadigitation (cleaning effect) -each comes with a shaker of disappearing spirit salt that will keep them bound to an area.

Moneyboxes that sort coins -pity it is by criteria of a long vanished empire that valued copper highly.

Goggles that can see though linen only.

Quills that cast prestadigitation (colour) on any paper they touch

A pewter rod the size and shape of a chopstick-if stirred in a liquid that liquid will ferment a week per turn.

A veil like cloth that when worn around the shoulder activated an extended magic mouth in a lost tongue. Magical translation shows it to be a fragment of a story hinting about a decent into the underworld but both the begining and end of the story are lost.

A mortar and pestle that will animate and grind apart anything. Will normally destroy anything under hardness 12 but if a lodestone is destroyed it boosts the item to be able to destroy items up to hardness 24. Only works on tiny or fine items.

Mastikator
2015-09-19, 06:42 PM
Three magic sea shells that magically take care of number 2.

ExLibrisMortis
2015-09-19, 07:18 PM
Zombie bonsai trees - potted in gravedust, sprinkle with blood once a week. Decorate your evil lair with eastern style!

Ravens_cry
2015-09-19, 07:53 PM
An animated training dummy with a slider for different difficulty levels. Comes in insulting and non-insulting versions. Using the correct response to the insult gives you a plus to attack and defence for one round equivalent. Giving an incorrect response gives you a negative.

sktarq
2015-09-19, 10:04 PM
A white ribbon that when tied around the head leaves one predisposed to illusions and hallucinations (-2 to saves). A side effect is that the wearer is immune to headaches

A form to create "hangmen candles" created from the harvested tallow of executed murderers. When casting mark of justice may add d minutes to casting time and drizzle the melting candle (causeing 3 points of subdual damage) to gain +3 caster level if the condemned man(or woman) is guilty. If the condemned man was innocent then the spell appears to work but fails 24 hours later (or when the subject wants it to which ever is longer). No save for the caster to realize his error short of a miracle or wish.

An 8" wide 8" high pot with a rare orchid in it. The whole thing radiates magic. Actually only the pot is magical and will simply keep a tiny or four fine plants alive without food, water, sunlight, or air indefinitely.

Cowbell: has odd rune carved into it. When the bell is rung will summon all animals that are branded with identical mark. May be used 3/week.

Unholy, axiomatic flaming burst +1 Iron dagger. If used for a coup de grace or successful sacrifice roll (BoVD) instead teleports the target to a prison cell in the City of Dis.

A mirror that shows the image of someone looking at the mirror 10' in front of it on a command word (can not see through solid objects)-used to see the back of the outfit one is wearing in front of it.

Slippers (in a style for a princess around her chambers and gardens) that grant +4 to dealing with mazes

Chopsticks that never drop food (but let go on mental command)

A small stag hand puppet (sock puppet style) if used within 10' of a fire the shadow of the puppet animates in 2 dimensions under the command of the puppet master.

Dragonbone mugs that keep tea/coffee/hot chocolate hot for 1d4+1 hours

A chess set made from people who have been petrified (one set by a cockatrice one by a gorgon or one by a basalisk one by a medusa-either way different coloured stone) and then had a permanent reduce cast on them.

Two crossed bits of wood-connected by a pin hinge. Four fray ended 15' silk ropes dangle from the endpoints that animate as per the animate rope spell.

Pair of scissors that will animate and try to cut the person who activate's hair. Has a dex bonus of +2 and a skill bonus of +12 but suffers a -20 penalty until it can be repair with its mated comb (or a new one made)

A block of resin dyed light pink - when rubbed vigorously against an object it casts mending. Acts as a 50 charge wand that anyone could use.

Rocking Rock of warmth. Will heat up a if and only if touching humanoid flesh slowly rock backward and forth. If placed on the back of when a character is supine can remove a level of fatigue or exhaustion in one hour. The clerk however doesn't know this.

An animated medium sized harp that breaks into a tirade of insults (perform skill (insult) 20) whenever a person approaches unless they are wearing 3 blue feather (of at least 3 inches in length) on their head (in hat or hair)

A semianimate statue of a waving fox-if placed in place of business the owner or manager gains a +1 bonus to a profession check. This bonus is unstackable.

TheCountAlucard
2015-09-19, 11:54 PM
A withered, mummified monkey's paw.

Regitnui
2015-09-20, 02:39 AM
A cloak made from behir skin; completely resistant to lightning, magical or non-, but the attendant seems oddly evasive when asked if it keeps the wearer protected as well.

A horn carved with a map of an impossibly complex maze.

A deck of wooden cards, said to summon magical spells and creatures when used correctly.

An animated skull that can be commanded to watch an area and report back.

Rainbow-coloured feathers that give you a sense of peace and happiness when held or worn. A nearby sign states "regrets, one per customer."

A two-pronged fork that smells vaguely of sulphur.

A silk scarf woven by an ettercap

The bottle rocks slightly as the sludge inside presses against the glass. AA label declares it to be "a home cleaning and intruder dissuasion system" and to "feed regularly"

Socksy
2015-09-20, 03:09 AM
Several kobold and dragonborn children, attracted by the high concentration of magic in the area, exhausted from their adventure and curled up to sleep amongst the books.

A map of the major cities in the world which changes as the cities do, including tiny people and vehicles moving around.

A psionic item of some kind which showed up very strangely on a Detect Magic spell, and now it's locked in a chest in an antimagic field.

A Common to Undercommon dictionary.

Several other dictionaries translating between two languages.

A crate filled with floating points of light- not enough to see by, but instead designed so a room can have fake stars on the ceiling.

A device which is advertised as "The most convenient item to have around!". It scans your mind to find the name of that actor who, um, it starts with a J... Or a P... He was in that one thing with the horse or something!

Ravens_cry
2015-09-20, 04:12 AM
Several kobold and dragonborn children, attracted by the high concentration of magic in the area, exhausted from their adventure and curled up to sleep amongst the books.

D'awwww~!:smallbiggrin:

goto124
2015-09-20, 10:26 PM
Several kobold and dragonborn children, attracted by the high concentration of magic in the area, exhausted from their adventure and curled up to sleep amongst the books.

'Are these for sale?'

(after getting thrown out) 'What, it was a reasonable assumption!'

Draconium
2015-09-20, 10:34 PM
Assuming that we all don't get caught up in the cuteness of the slumbering children...

A Bag of Holding that's marked 50% off. However, anything you put into it ends up not in the normal pocket dimension, but in the back room of the shop.

A bearskin rug that, when put on the ground outside, will temporarily transform into a bear that will attack your enemies.

A monkey in a cage, with golden fur - literally, his fur is made of gold. If you could afford him, you'd have a constant source of income. However, he's not housebroken, and very hyperactive.

Zale
2015-09-20, 11:49 PM
A bright pink stuffed alligator hanging from the ceiling.

Regitnui
2015-09-21, 02:58 AM
A stream of kobolds who are older siblings to said asleep children, taking them back to the family mine just as the other twelve sneak in to the books.

An animated armour set that asks simple yet disturbing questions like "Can you not feel that creature clinging to your back?"

A clay tablet with patterns behind glass that react to touch.

Seven floating stones that circle any larger object within the vicinity. They currently circle an ordinary piece of glass shaped like a beholder.

A six-armed wolf pup who is very affectionate to any female party members and aggressive to any nonbinary.

JAL_1138
2015-09-21, 04:57 AM
A selection of several dozen items from the "List of Mostly Useless Magic Items" thread (found in the 5e forum, but largely not edition-specific).

Thisguy_
2015-09-21, 09:00 AM
An entire aisle of items with a sign over it reading "Adventure Hooks."

The items each seem to hint casually at the existences of empires, dark powers, labyrinthine lairs, and things as such; you're not sure about anything but at least three of them have been recently acquired and are marked with tags reading "fresh."

Apparently they really DID give up on adventuring.

Telonius
2015-09-21, 11:20 AM
A rack of scrolls and used spellbooks, with a note scrawled "Some assembly required, sold as-is" next to them. They're being sold for just a bit more than the value of their paper. The scrolls and spellbooks don't contain any actual magical spells - yet. They seem to be mainly class notes, prototypes, or unfinished research into new spells.

Beleriphon
2015-09-21, 11:55 AM
A massive key ring with either keys on it, each made of some kind of metal. No amount of force can damage or remove one of the keys. The thing radiates magic strongly of the kind needed to traverse the outer planes. The tag reads: Key Ring of the Nine Hells. One has to wonder if there is a ninth key and if so how it was removed.

ThinkMinty
2015-09-21, 11:59 AM
A plentiful selection of flying carpets. Some of them are even shag carpets, for comfort.

They also have a dagger that spits up other daggers when you swing it real fast that tend to go flying in the direction you slashed or stabbed at. It appears to drool when this happens, for some reason.

JAL_1138
2015-09-21, 12:38 PM
A booklet of warnings and other cautionary statements concerning potion miscibility, given out with every potion or sold for 1gp.

Drascin
2015-09-21, 01:08 PM
A completely indestructible, living plush toy. It says "Hi!" when you pick him up and is very friendly. The owner assures you it's harmless and terribly important, but seems suspiciously eager to push it on anyone ASAP.

JAL_1138
2015-09-21, 01:35 PM
A completely indestructible, living plush toy. It says "Hi!" when you pick him up and is very friendly. The owner assures you it's harmless and terribly important, but seems suspiciously eager to push it on anyone ASAP.

It doesn't happen to look like a spotted green lizard with a yellow underbelly, does it?

ThinkMinty
2015-09-21, 01:41 PM
A completely indestructible, living plush toy. It says "Hi!" when you pick him up and is very friendly. The owner assures you it's harmless and terribly important, but seems suspiciously eager to push it on anyone ASAP.

An indestructible ally, you say? I'mma buy him, then buy him some kinda unisex tunic so he's not running around naked all the time. Maybe even a little magic pouch belt for holdin' stuff if he asks nicely.


It doesn't happen to look like a spotted green lizard with a yellow underbelly, does it?

...is it some kind of personality inverted fun-size SCP-682?

sktarq
2015-09-21, 01:56 PM
Unless the plush toy is a wheaton furred bear with a red shirt who is mostly narcoleptic but when he wakes up acts as an oracle for the dark ones beyond the stars.

JAL_1138
2015-09-21, 02:08 PM
...is it some kind of personality inverted fun-size SCP-682?

I was thinking it might be The Winslow from Buck Godot: Zap Gun for Hire.
The Winslow is indestructible, harmless, phenomenally important, looks like a plush toy (of a spotted green lizard with a yellow underbelly, hence my question), and is extremely friendly and says "Hi!" a lot.

Regitnui
2015-09-21, 02:11 PM
I was thinking it might be The Winslow from Buck Godot: Zap Gun for Hire.
It's indestructible, harmless, phenomenally important, looks like a plush toy (of a spotted green lizard with a yellow underbelly, hence my question), and is extremely friendly and says "Hi!" a lot.

Unless it's really omniscient and masterminding the development of every race in the galaxy for its own amusement. You know, like you do.

Drascin
2015-09-21, 02:11 PM
An indestructible ally, you say? I'mma buy him, then buy him some kinda unisex tunic so he's not running around naked all the time. Maybe even a little magic pouch belt for holdin' stuff if he asks nicely.


It's a plushie animal. Running around naked is not a problem here. Have you never had a teddy bear, man?


It doesn't happen to look like a spotted green lizard with a yellow underbelly, does it?

Indeed it does, my friend.

(Those who don't get it, it's a reference to The Winslow, from the comics of Phil and Kaja Foglio (http://www.airshipentertainment.com/buckcomic.php?date=20090312))

ThinkMinty
2015-09-21, 06:01 PM
It's a plushie animal. Running around naked is not a problem here. Have you never had a teddy bear, man?

I understand that it doesn't have genitalia; it's the principle of the thing. Plus he'd need a way of standing out among other plushes of the same make, and clothes are an easy one.

JAL_1138
2015-09-21, 07:07 PM
I understand that it doesn't have genitalia; it's the principle of the thing. Plus he'd need a way of standing out among other plushes of the same make, and clothes are an easy one.

There's only one Winslow. It's extremely recognizable. To billions of people in the Gallimaufry. It figures prominently in 3/4ths of the galaxy's known religions. And quite a lot of those billions of people will kill (up to and including the planet it's on, since it could simply be collected from the rubble) to get ahold of it. This would presumably be why the shop owner is trying so hard to get rid of it...

JAL_1138
2015-09-21, 07:11 PM
Unless it's really omniscient and masterminding the development of every race in the galaxy for its own amusement. You know, like you do.

We may never know...

Cealocanth
2015-09-21, 09:15 PM
A tiny silver box that, when opened, will release the raw waters of chaos into the ether, spawning a brand new universe directly inside of the current one with dramatically different laws of physics than our own. At least, that's what the label says. The key's been missing for ages.

A large barrel labeled "discount adventuring supplies." It is filled with all manner of spent magic weapons, half-burnt scrolls, spell books with typos in them, and armor damaged beyond use. No idea why it's priced so high, though. The shopkeeper says that it came from a dragon's layer.

An egg. A very special egg, laid by a very special chicken. This egg will never spoil, never crack or tarnish in any way. It cannot be broken open by even the most powerful of tools, and those that would try to eat it would find that they simply cannot swallow it. In time empires will fall, the age of magic will come to an end, and the world as we know it will cease to exist, but this egg will still persist. It will last until the very notion of time comes to an end. That is, assuming, that it doesn't hatch.

A set of vials arranged along the wall simply labeled "colors." These vials contain a dye unlike any dye, and will instantly and permanently change the color of everything it comes into contact with once opened. Apparently, the last time one was opened, an entire kingdom turned a lovely shade of chartreuse.

There is a door that likes to shift it's positioning throughout the entire building. Sometimes it leads to the outside, sometimes it is a trap door leading to the sewers, and sometimes it is a door to the upstairs or a door to the attic. The shifting door itself is for sale, but the shopkeep's not taking the thing off it's hinges for you.

FallenFallcrest
2015-09-21, 09:50 PM
No self respecting exotic magic store would be complete without some enchanted exotic weaponry. I expect wall to wall +3 double swords, double clubs, blow darts, and everything else impractical hilarious that are rarely ever used in real games.

This is a fun topic, but could the creator of this thread please ask a mod to move this to the Message Board Games section? Unless this was specifically set up as inspiration for something you are doing or plan to do in an actual role playing game.

JAL_1138
2015-09-21, 09:56 PM
One large adamantite door, 1" thick. Listed for three times its material value, billed as a souvenir and collectors' item from "Yes, that dungeon." An addendum to the label reads "If you need an explanation, you aren't a buyer, no matter the offer."

Jurai
2015-09-21, 10:11 PM
A tube filled with strange, neon-colored wooden tubes that taper to a point at one end, and have a push-button mechanism on the other end. The label reads 'Thaumaturgical Quills'. When asked, the proprietor says that pushing the button causes a thin rod of carbon to pop out at the tip, and it can be used as a quill.

A vase filled with incredibly beautiful flowers that, upon further inspection, are actually human mouths attached to flower stems. They are capable of holding conversation and singing.

A collection of dice in varying materials. When rolled, they always land on the worst possible result. The label reads 'Checkerex Dice'.

CombatBunny
2015-09-22, 10:34 AM
No self respecting exotic magic store would be complete without some enchanted exotic weaponry. I expect wall to wall +3 double swords, double clubs, blow darts, and everything else impractical hilarious that are rarely ever used in real games.

This is a fun topic, but could the creator of this thread please ask a mod to move this to the Message Board Games section? Unless this was specifically set up as inspiration for something you are doing or plan to do in an actual role playing game.

Oh well,

This whole thread was inspired by a fellow GM who had a problem because one of his players (a big baby as he labeled him) wanted very bad to run a business, given that the whole adventure was planned to be travelling all around the lands and engaging on quests.

So I told him, why don’t you give the whole party a carriage that serves as a place to rest and as a travelling store?

And then it occurred to me that he could turn his adventure concept to a group of adventuring-merchants. Then he could replace all of the gold coins and treasure of the dungeons, with curious and interesting things that they could sell, keep and trade =)

I then posted this thread to have a list of interesting things to populate his dungeons and adventures. No more generic coins and gems; Why not rather find an ever rocking chair that could be sold in 1000gps? I’m sure the characters will find their own treasure, inspecting every bit of the dungeon in search of anything that could be possibly sold.

“Hey wait! Don’t kill the guards; their precious clothes could be damaged.”

=)

In fact, I liked this concept so much, that I will use it for my next party and I think it could be used for any game I GM in the future.

* Hugs

JAL_1138
2015-09-22, 12:58 PM
An ordinary housecat, listed as an anti-wizard security device.

A small wooden dowel that becomes a 10ft pole when the command word is spoken, and returns to small size when another command word is spoken. "Most useful item you'll ever buy!"

A +2 Bohemian Earspoon, for the one Fighter in the world who took weapon specialization in Bohemian Earspoons.

A floating, animated stone, billed as a "pet rock." It follows you around, makes tribble-like noises, and is quite affectionate.

Two recharging Gems of True Seeing, 3 uses per day, set in spectacle frames (magical properties activating when the command word is spoken, otherwise acting as simply clear glass or crystal).

A small red oval, marked with a shield, from which numerous useful implements can extend.

A flower that will only bloom when the world is about to end.

A strange device shaped like a hand-crossbow with no laths or bowstring, said to have been recovered from the Barrier Peaks.

FabulousFizban
2015-09-22, 01:34 PM
nothing, the place was empty when I got here. I swear!

Jurai
2015-09-22, 01:58 PM
Several 1/12 scale miniature persons, unpainted. When attuned properly, they take on the appearance of the person they're attuned to. If a spell is cast upon the miniature, that spell can affect the attuned anywhere, even beyond planar boundaries, but at half of its normal effectiveness.

A container that is flat on the bottom and rounded at the top, with a thinner, hollow shaft sticking out. When the shaft is brought to the mouth, it produces an effervescent, sweet beverage that tastes delicious.

A clockwork canine that calls itself Aibo. It is startlingly realistic.