What to do with ~400000 pounds of apples?

[Deadasadoor]

Due to some weird rolling on loot tables, we were given a bag of holding filled with large bags of apples. The bag was ruled to ignore the weight of apples because why not. We have ~8000 bags of apples, worth 5g each, and they weigh 50 pounds each.

So my question is: is there any type of apple-based shenanigans we can get up to? One player is a 11 druid, and the other is an Eldritch Theurge.

[Rebel7284]

Make some cider?

[Necroticplague]

Just to be clear: are the bags 50 pounds, or are the apples 50 pounds each?

[Jack_Simth]

So my question is: is there any type of apple-based shenanigans we can get up to? One player is a 11 druid, and the other is an Eldritch Theurge.
As far as I'm aware? Not unless you count things like "sell them", "eat them", "make a craft(Cider) check", and similar.

Edit: Well, OK, I suppose you could invert the bag over someone's head to smother them in apples.

[Kelb_Panthera]

Just about all you could do is make it into quite a lot of apple based alcohol. You certainly couldn't sell 200 -tons- of apples before they spoiled.

As for mechanical things to do, fruit can be used as an alternate vessel for potions per complete arcane and there -may- be a few druid spells for which a fresh piece of fruit might be involved. Nothing else comes quickly to mind though.

[Deadasadoor]

Just to be clear: are the bags 50 pounds, or are the apples 50 pounds each?

The bags are 50 pounds each.


Edit: Well, OK, I suppose you could invert the bag over someone's head to smother them in apples.

I like this

[AvatarVecna]

According to the rules in the back of Complete Warrior, an object weighing 50 lbs can be wielded as a two-handed improvised weapon by a Medium creature. Furthermore, if you think a bag of apples counts as soft and malleable, it deals half normal damage and it's all nonlethal, so it would deal 1d6 nonlethal damage. But it's a way to power attack while dealing non-lethal damage, so I guess that's something.

Alternatively, an individual apple (using the same rules) could be wielded as a light weapon dealing 1 point of nonlethal damage (half of 1d3, and it's not that close to 2 lb anyway). You could dual-wield apples...or you could fly above your enemies and tip the bag over, carpet-bombing them with apply goodness. I'd probably rule it as an (Ex) AoE effect, calling for a Reflex save and dealing a bag's worth of damage to a square per round (~100 damage, half on a successful save).

[Bronk]

Oooh, I saw that GI Joe episode! According to leading Joe scientists, you can shoot them into a giant ooze with machine guns and cannons to trick it into being slowly poisoned!

I'd bet you could make a lot of scumble with that, too. That's apples! Well, mostly apples...

[legomaster00156]

Plant them. Grow an orchard. Hire an Awakened orange pony with a southern accent as your steward and main farmpony. Make millions of bits gold.

[Strigon]

Plant them. Grow an orchard. Hire an Awakened orange pony with a southern accent as your steward and main farmpony. Make millions of bits gold.

No; find two shady-acting twin awakened cream ponies to make you cider. Get even more!

Alternatively, this thread can teach you how to weaponize them! (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?443954-A-level-20-wizard-vs-a-commoner-with-10-million-GP/page2&p=19851894#post19851894)

[Mystral]

Go search for a villain with a medicine shtick. Throw them at him like garlic.

[Jack_Simth]

Go search for a villain with a medicine shtick. Throw them at him like garlic.
Only one a day, though.

[SwordChucks]

If you do dump the lot of them on some one, make sure to say "How do you like THEM apples!"

[DrMotives]

I can't believe I'm the first to say this. Apple golem. Heck, you seem to have enough to make a matched set of green apple & red apple golems, still with enough to make cider & pie and whatever else with apples too.

[Deadasadoor]

I can't believe I'm the first to say this. Apple golem. Heck, you seem to have enough to make a matched set of green apple & red apple golems, still with enough to make cider & pie and whatever else with apples too.

I thought about apple golems, but as far as I know there aren't any rules on custom golems. A flesh or some type of plant golem might work, just refluffed.

[legomaster00156]

I can't believe I'm the first to say this. Apple golem. Heck, you seem to have enough to make a matched set of green apple & red apple golems, still with enough to make cider & pie and whatever else with apples too.
Getting your ass kicked by your daily source of dietary fiber and antioxidants.

[unseenmage]

In Savage Species there's a spell called Minor Servitor that can animate a volume of material. Other than that it works just like Animate Objects except the resulting construct is free-willed and sentient. It has a mind of its own but us still friendly towards you.

There are several spells that grow plants fast. Use them to grow an apple tree labyrinth.

Trade apples for mules (Arms and Equipment Guide should help with the exchange rate) then use mules to ship remaining apples to every settlement around.

Use them to bribe an extra planar entity from the Spirit Plane (MotP) into dropping their mystical killing curse bestowing book nearby.

[FocusWolf413]

There's cyanide in apple seeds. Maybe you can extract and concentrate it.

Ask your DM if you can make animated apples cook apple pie, make apple sauce, etc.

Establish a small town named Appleton.

[SangoProduction]

Use them to bribe an extra planar entity from the Spirit Plane (MotP) into dropping their mystical killing curse bestowing book nearby.

You.....Stop it...

[Senshi Akai]

Is there someone in your party with insanely high Bluff modifier? You could convince the beings in the Elemental Plane of Air that trees produce more air/purify air/something of the sort, and they could plant the seeds to have their own trees. You could sell the apples and some dirt so they can plant themselves a nice little forest.

On a more serious note, there is rules for alcohol poisoning in Arms & Equipment Guide, if I recall correct. You could poison your enemies with cider, maybe? Or make pies with poison inside?



There's cyanide in apple seeds. Maybe you can extract and concentrate it.

Ask your DM if you can make animated apples cook apple pie, make apple sauce, etc.

Establish a small town named Appleton.

Do animated apples have feelings? :smalleek:

"But I don't wanna cook my brother!"

[AvatarVecna]

Do animated apples have feelings? :smalleek:

"But I don't wanna cook my brother!"

It rubs the cider on its skin,
or else it gets the knife again.

[Arc_knight25]

Apple sauce B****.

From Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. Good Will Hunting 2

[DigoDragon]

Plant them. Grow an orchard. Hire an Awakened orange pony with a southern accent as your steward and main farmpony. Make millions of bits gold.

No; find two shady-acting twin awakened cream ponies to make you cider. Get even more!

*Snerk* I like the direction this is going.


I dunno much in the way of apple-based shenanigans. I suppose the easiest thing to do is sell them and raise money for better resources with which to do crazy stuff with.

[warper]

Flood a dungeon with apples, so many apples that everything dies because just apples doesn't have enough water and nutrition value to survive alone.

Alternatively, crush all the apples to get their juices and flood said dungeon with juice, drowning everything in it.

[unseenmage]

Flood a dungeon with apples, so many apples that everything dies because just apples doesn't have enough water and nutrition value to survive alone.

Alternatively, crush all the apples to get their juices and flood said dungeon with juice, drowning everything in it.

Would a wave of applesauce function at all like a wave of molasses? And can we create said wave by dropping large quantities of apples from great height?


Also, find the Mines of Moria. Drop apples into the black depths instead of a stone. Crush those stupid orcs and balrog with apple-ey goodness long before they march up to kill you your mithral armor.


Seriously though, now I want to solve movies with apples. Godzilla? Placated with apples. Harry Potter? Timeturner back and crush the BBEG with apples. The Dungeons and Dragons movie(s)? Console all those defrauded moviegoers with consolation apples.

[Senshi Akai]

Seriously though, now I want to solve movies with apples. Godzilla? Placated with apples. Harry Potter? Timeturner back and crush the BBEG with apples. The Dungeons and Dragons movie(s)? Console all those defrauded moviegoers with consolation apples.

That's actually a good idea. With that much apples, could you build an apple mecha-golem? Think about wrestling the tarrasque with a giant robot made entirely of apples! :smallbiggrin:

[unseenmage]

That's actually a good idea. With that much apples, could you build an apple mecha-golem? Think about wrestling the tarrasque with a giant robot made entirely of apples! :smallbiggrin:

Hmmm, the best 3.x pre-industrial era giant mecha rules I know of are DragonMech but those take forever to build unless you already have nigh infinite gp/labor.

[Strigon]

Create a plane in which time moves faster than on the material plane.
Using a decanter of endless water, set up a sprinkler system and keep the ground fertile.
Plant your apples.
Wait for them to grow into trees.
Whenever you need assistance in fighting, go to your plane of apple trees.
Animate the apple trees.
Bring your new reinforcements into battle.


Alternatively, just plant the seeds and use Plant Growth + Enlarge Person + Brambles to have a giant wielding a spiky apple tree as a weapon.

Finally, just plant them all over and use Transport via Plants whenever you need to get somewhere.

[Theodred theOld]

Apples release pectin when cooked. Pectin acts like gelatin when cool. Possible apple napalm?

[jiriku]

With 200 tons of apples in that bag, I am fairly certain that you could do all of these things at once.

I vote for opening a restaurant selling apple-themed foods, with apple golem cooks and apple bogun waitstaff. Naturally the building will be constructed of apple wood, and supplied by a massive apple orchard. Call it "The Big Apple."

[unseenmage]

Create a plane in which time moves faster than on the material plane.
Using a decanter of endless water, set up a sprinkler system and keep the ground fertile.
Plant your apples.
Wait for them to grow into trees.
Whenever you need assistance in fighting, go to your plane of apple trees.
Animate the apple trees.
Bring your new reinforcements into battle.


Alternatively, just plant the seeds and use Plant Growth + Enlarge Person + Brambles to have a giant wielding a spiky apple tree as a weapon.

Finally, just plant them all over and use Transport via Plants whenever you need to get somewhere.

This. Plant Growth plus Awaken. Mobile seasonal food source and backup firewood.

[Strigon]

With 200 tons of apples in that bag, I am fairly certain that you could do all of these things at once.

I vote for opening a restaurant selling apple-themed foods, with apple golem cooks and apple bogun waitstaff. Naturally the building will be constructed of apple wood, and supplied by a massive apple orchard. Call it "The Big Apple."

Kind of like this (http://www.thebigapple.ca/)?

[GungHo]

I'm happy I wasn't the only one to remember GI Joe.

[Senshi Akai]

Ok, I did some math just for the lulz...

If you place the apples in line (supposing they are small, i.e 2 1/2 inches), you would have ~67.894 miles. You could, potentially, cover ~8.223 square miles with apples. A druid could cast Animate Plants multiple times and create an army of tiny monstrous apples. That raises the question, can the apples plant themselves to grow into trees?

Alternatively, do the above (so the apples are now creatures) and have a wizard cast/buy a scroll of Detonate on them when needed. A bit high level, I suppose, but it would be fun!

[Seerow]

According to the rules in the back of Complete Warrior, an object weighing 50 lbs can be wielded as a two-handed improvised weapon by a Medium creature. Furthermore, if you think a bag of apples counts as soft and malleable, it deals half normal damage and it's all nonlethal, so it would deal 1d6 nonlethal damage. But it's a way to power attack while dealing non-lethal damage, so I guess that's something.

Alternatively, an individual apple (using the same rules) could be wielded as a light weapon dealing 1 point of nonlethal damage (half of 1d3, and it's not that close to 2 lb anyway). You could dual-wield apples...or you could fly above your enemies and tip the bag over, carpet-bombing them with apply goodness. I'd probably rule it as an (Ex) AoE effect, calling for a Reflex save and dealing a bag's worth of damage to a square per round (~100 damage, half on a successful save).

Are we all just going to ignore this suggestion that dropping a 50 pound bag of apples should deal 100 damage to a target?

[Deadasadoor]

Create a plane in which time moves faster than on the material plane.
Using a decanter of endless water, set up a sprinkler system and keep the ground fertile.
Plant your apples.
Wait for them to grow into trees.
Whenever you need assistance in fighting, go to your plane of apple trees.
Animate the apple trees.
Bring your new reinforcements into battle.


Alternatively, just plant the seeds and use Plant Growth + Enlarge Person + Brambles to have a giant wielding a spiky apple tree as a weapon.

Finally, just plant them all over and use Transport via Plants whenever you need to get somewhere.

I like the idea of an army of apple treants. The issue is creating the plane.

This thread is going places.

[Strigon]

I like the idea of an army of apple treants. The issue is creating the plane.


If that's too much of an issue, you could always go to a pre-existing plane and try to set up defenses for your barracks orchard.

Edit:
And yes, perhaps defeating a T-rex with 2 bags of apples, each weighing 50 lbs is a bit absurd.

[Nibbens]

Finally, just plant them all over and use Transport via Plants whenever you need to get somewhere.

One of my players has done something similar - using speak with plants often and setting invisible Arcane marks on their roots (with their permission, of course). She and the party have an amazing teleporting ability using transport via plants.

Army standing between you and the town you need to go to: "Should we risk teleport?" "Nah, I've got an apple plant there. No reason to roll the mishap dice for something like this."

[warper]

I love this thread.
you would have ~67.894 miles Wow.... that is absolutely ridiculous. 67 miles of apples = win

I once had a villain in my campaign who was supposedly just a bandit leader, when the party met him he was on a large boulder next to the road munching on an apple. When they found his hideout, he had a couple barrels of magically preserved apples. I thought that was a little ridiculous....

[elonin]

I like the flim-flam and applejack references. Don't think they'll go bad as long as they are in the bag of holding. Did the dm specify if they are bitter or sweet apples?

[Strigon]

Honestly, I'm shocked nobody here in the playground has put together a super-cheesy cider squeezy applomancer build.


*Snerk* I like the direction this is going.


Having just rewatched Call of the Cutie, certain scenes are very applicable to this thread.

[rockdeworld]

Nothing particularly cheesy comes to mind (in part because they're not dairy).

You have nigh-infinite targets for Polymorph Any Object into Treant with permanent duration (same kingdom/same class/related), but that's really more in the druid's interest than the Eldritch dude's.

[Ruethgar]

Quick and easy plane, Hole of Hiding in a Portable Hole, Bag of Holding might work as well but Portable Hole definitely should. It can hold an infinite number of non-person things-1 rope. Doesn't have a time trait to work with though. Use Dark Sun Druid spells to fertilize, Nurturing Seeds is a powerful orisin to that end. Clear Water, Plant Growth:Enrichment, and Revitalize I think it was would get you 3.38 or 2.66 times the yield depending on multiplication ruling. If you can coerce the use of 3rd party Pathfinder, Spheres of Power with Nature Sphere: Plant will let you insta-grow things. Do note that Plant Growth doesn't actually mature plants, just makes them difficult terrain or makes them produce more. Bestow Curse on Animate Wood trees can actually age them if you want that.

[ICN]

Extort the local farmers by selling the apples for impossibly cheap prices. Threaten to continue doing this forever until they agree to pay a yearly stipend/send bounty hunters for experience and free loot.

Run for political office on the platform 'an apple a day!'

[Deadasadoor]

Run for political office on the platform 'an apple a day!'

Funnily enough, in the campaign they're trying to overthrow a corrupt king. The druid wanted to gain the peoples support by running for office. As entertaining as that would be, giving a character the resources of an entire kingdom is a little much for this campaign. I'll be taking over DMing soon (we do a rotating DM system since we have a small group, so that everyone gets a chance to both DM and play), so I feel like I will probably stat out apple golems and work from that. I'm not keen on letting them sell it all because we're already horribly over WBL, but anything that can be done to manufacture or use them is fine, save for just dropping them from the sky and instantly killing most enemies.

[atemu1234]

Get a Magic Notebook from a God of Death?

[unseenmage]

Get a Magic Notebook from a God of Death?

Already suggested it (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showsinglepost.php?p=19862490&postcount=17) but I was much more subtle.

[ekarney]

Oh boy am I glad I read this thread.

if that's 67 miles of apples then what you could do, is join half of them together into a big lump-based object, drop it in a dam, and use the rest to build a fort on top of apple island.

"but what's the defensive capabilities of an apple fort? Sure stone is more effective!"
Is it? You know that the man inside a brick stone fort is capable of rational thinking. But the man in an apple fort? nobody knows what the hell he was thinking. Are you sure you want to mess with the people who not only acquired 200 tonnes of apples, but had the drive and idea to turn them into a fortress island?

Alternatively, animate ALL of the apples. All of them, overthrow humanity and become BBEG's. Rebel against the apple overlords by wearing their skin.