Who's on worst, and other comedic miscommunications

[kieza]

So, the campaign I’ve been running recently brought the PCs into “Der Schwartzeisenwald,” a region of the world populated by mad scientists and screaming villagers in roughly-equal numbers. As a result, the forests here are chock-full of rampaging monsters and terrible engines of destruction. Also, everyone there has a humorously strong German accent, which is what led to this wonderful, unscripted exchange between one of the players and the guard captain NPC I was playing at the time. (In the interest of authenticity, I have attempted to reproduce the guard’s accent in writing.)

The PC saw the guard hurriedly closing the town gates, and so he ran up to ask their captain...

PC: Hey, there, captain! What’s the matter out there?
Captain: Terrible news! Ve’ve sighted de vorst engine in the woods near town!
PC: ...Why’s it the worst?
Captain: Vell, hyu’d haff to ask de guy vot built it, und he vos the first vun dot de vorst engine vent for. Plus, he vos crazy—de vorst kind of crazy.
PC: No, I mean, what makes it the worst?
Captain: Vot, hyu not listenink? De vorst engine makes it de vorst.
PC: Look, what’s so bad about the worst?
Captain: Hyu tink I ektually tried enny? Vot sort of crazy hyu tink I am? (beat) Hy know vun guy vot says he tried some, and all he said vos dot de vurst vos pretty bad.
PC: ...Just “pretty bad?”
Captain: Vell, hy tink dot must be pretty awful, coz he vos from Schmatzborg, und hy tried some of de vorst dey haff dere. Dot vos bad enuff.
PC: All right, hy tink...I mean, I think that we’re suffering from a failure to communicate here.
Captain: Ja, hy tink so too, cuz hyu’re asking some pretty schtupid qvestions.
PC: ...What exactly does the worst engine do?
Captain: Hy told hyu, hyu eediot! It makes de vorst! Vot vit all de choppers, und de grinders, und de pipple screaming vhen it shoves dem in de hopper...
PC: ...Are you talking about sausage?
Captain: Hy dunno. Vot’s a “sausage?” Und is it ennyting like a vurst?

Hey there, captain! What's the matter out there?
Captain: Terrible news! We've sighted the worst engine out there!
PC: ...Why's it the worst?
Captain: Well, you'd have to ask the guy what built it, and he was the first one that the worst engine went for. Plus, he was crazy--the worst kind of crazy.
PC: No, I mean, what makes it the worst?
Captain: What, you not listening? The worst engine makes it the worst.
PC: Look what's so bad about the worst?
Captain: You think I actually tried any? What sort of crazy you think I am? (beat) I know one guy what says he tried some, and all he said was that the worst was pretty bad.
PC: ...Just "pretty bad?"
Captain: Well, I think that must be pretty awful, 'cause he was from Schmatzborg, and I tried some of the worst they have there. That was bad enough.
PC: All right, hy tink...I mean, I think that we're suffering from a failure to communicate here.
Captain: Yeah, I think so too, 'cause you're asking some pretty stupid questions.
PC: ...What exactly does the worst engine do?
Captain: I told you, you idiot! It makes the worst! What with all the choppers, and the grinders, and the people screaming when it shoves them in the hopper...
PC: ...Are you talking about sausage?
Captain: I dunno. What's a "sausage?" And is it anything like a wurst (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wurst)?


A few years back, a village butcher asked his neighbor, a mad scientist, to make him a machine that would help with the sausage-making. It went as badly as it possibly could, resulting in a machine that now stalks the forest and raids small towns for...well, raw meat.

What's the best unintended comedy you've had in a campaign?

[Nerd-o-rama]

Hyu been dealin' vit de Schmott Guys und de Jaegermonsters, Hy tink.

[mikeejimbo]

Hyu been dealin' vit de Schmott Guys und de Jaegermonsters, Hy tink.

I was just about to ask the same.

[goto124]

Meanwhile, in a PbP.

PC1: Would you be mad if I smoked one here?
Me: Smoked one? What do you mea- oh! *grins widely* No dear, I won't, otherwise I wouldn't be so silly as to bring you here, of all the more normal bars I could take you!
Me (OOC): I nearly thought you'd meant smoking a cigarette.
PC1 (OOC): Yes, I'd meant smoking a cigar(ette).
Me (OOC): .... oh. :smallredface:
PC1 (OOC): What did you think I meant?

I thought it meant flirting and doing 'it' with another person. To be fair, this was a night club, and the PCs were lovers.

Even better, this was how they ended up with a polyamorous relationship.