View Full Version : I give it to you

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2015-10-11, 09:15 PM
In this game, you come up with something to give to the person below you, and then the next person describes what they'd do with the thing they were given, before coming up in turn with something of their own, and so on.

Person 1: I give you a live chicken.
Person 2: I place it in a catapult and launch it across the Atlantic.
Person 2: I give you a lightsaber.
Person 3: I use it to stab Xihirli.

And so on...

I give you a live chicken.

2015-10-11, 09:19 PM
I use it to stab Xihirli.

TPBM, I give you a rowboat.

2015-10-11, 10:09 PM

I give you a running gag.

2015-10-12, 02:54 PM
I complain that it hasn't ever been funny, isn't funny right now, and won't ever be funny.

I give you a potato.

2015-10-12, 03:25 PM
I pass it to the chicken.

I provide a cheesecake

Prince Zahn
2015-10-12, 03:53 PM
I thank you for it and eat it, only to complain about my weight gain the next week.

I give you a box of expensive candy.

2015-10-12, 04:33 PM
I give the candy to trick-or-treaters, but only the ones wearing costumes.

I give you a monster truck.

2015-10-13, 07:19 AM
I use it to squash Xihirli.

I give you a magic potion.

2015-10-13, 01:04 PM
I feed it to Xihirli to see what happens.

I give you a toy.

2015-10-13, 02:44 PM
I try to determine what kind of toy it is.

I give you a owlbear plushie.

2015-10-13, 04:32 PM
I eat it to get rid of the taste of the potion.

I give you dog vomit.

2015-10-13, 05:06 PM
I use the chicken to clean it up.

I give you a toaster

2015-10-14, 01:47 AM
I'm selling it.

I give you gold dracon.

Prince Zahn
2015-10-14, 06:04 AM
I take good care of it.

I give you a paper of pins, for that's the way true love begins...

2015-10-14, 09:07 AM
I put it with the others.

I give you a ginormous stereo-speaker system.

2015-10-14, 08:07 PM
I buy a good set of earplugs, aim the stereo speakers at my enemies and turn them up to 11, and then move to the other side of the house.

I give you a dissected frog.

2015-10-15, 07:04 AM
I throw it away. It's a dead amphibian, what do you expect me to do with it?

I give you a knitted sweater

Prince Zahn
2015-10-15, 09:04 AM
Thank you! I put it in my closet. I'll wear it in the winter, but it's just too hot right now :smalltongue:

I give you a bowl full of almonds.

2015-10-15, 09:41 AM
I extract Cyanide and use it to poison someone.

I give you Happiness.

2015-10-16, 12:34 PM
I am thankful for it.

I give you a closed timelike curve.

2015-10-16, 08:11 PM
I use it to stab someone.

I give you a time wound.

2015-10-16, 08:39 PM
I summon Reapers (http://tardis.wikia.com/wiki/Reaper).

I give you nothing!

Insane Trystane
2015-10-16, 11:11 PM
I asphyxiate, but am glad the clutter's out of my living space.

I give you all my worldly posessions.

2015-10-17, 12:43 AM
I donate them to charity.

I give you a nice hat.

Prince Zahn
2015-10-17, 04:57 AM
Thanks! I always wanted to be a hat person!

I give you some fresh, tasty bread - I baked it myself.

2015-10-17, 07:19 AM
I make sandwiches and share them with you.

I give you some sandwiches, too.

Dire Moose
2015-10-17, 11:32 AM
I eat them.

I give you a hand grenade a few seconds after I've removed the pin.

Insane Trystane
2015-10-17, 01:47 PM
I eat it.

I give you the humorous video footage of my belly poofing up like a cartoon explosive.

Prince Zahn
2015-10-17, 02:44 PM
I don't believe my own eyes. It has to be special effects... Right?

I give you front row tickets to that concert you wished you could go to but didn't want the trouble from the "your wish granted, with a twist" thread. No, I'm afraid I can not turn your tickets into diamonds. Don't look the gift horse in the mouth.

2015-10-27, 05:09 PM
I go to the concert. But, in a not-unexpected twist, I end up slightly deafened.

I give you a brand new black tee-shirt with that one really cool band's name on it.

2015-10-27, 06:07 PM
I wear it quite often.

I give you a fake dragon skull.

2015-10-28, 04:09 PM
I adorn my secret lair with it.

I give you a train ticket.

Prince Zahn
2015-10-28, 05:26 PM
I ride the rails and go on a less amazing journey than what is romanticized in fiction.

I give you a set of silk pajamas.

2015-10-28, 06:44 PM

I give you a drow law book.

2015-10-28, 07:58 PM
After some intense studying and impressive cosmetic surgery, I become a drow lawyer.

I give you summons to appear in court.

2015-10-28, 08:12 PM
Unless you know my full name, can draw my Sigil and place my 3 items above it I won't show up.

I lend you an Anarchist Cookbook.

2015-10-29, 11:25 AM
No way I'm going to do what a book tells me to do.

I give you "irony".

2015-10-29, 06:30 PM
I use it only for good. Or was that sarcasm?

I give you a book by an author you've never read before.

Prince Zahn
2015-10-30, 03:30 AM
I tell you I'll gladly read it later, but I never get to it.

I give you a slinky.

2015-10-30, 01:13 PM
I send it down the most steps the world has to offer.

I give you a pineapple.

2015-10-30, 02:17 PM
I stab Xihirli.

I give you a pregnant, three-legged moose.

2015-10-30, 03:38 PM
I... Donate it to the nearest zoo?

I give you a very difficult maths problem.

2015-10-30, 04:36 PM
I smash Doritos on it. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GE1QbgJCdus)

I give you a million hypothetical dollars.

2015-10-30, 09:22 PM
I buy a hundred hypothetical cars.

I give you a face.

Prince Zahn
2015-10-31, 06:30 AM
I FAAACE someone with it the next time I get hurt.

I give you a funny fridge magnet.

2015-10-31, 09:30 AM
I bemoan my lack of metal fridges, and instead put the magnet on the radiator.

I give you some spinach.

2015-11-01, 01:19 AM
I eat it and become a super strong sailor man.

I give you a cup of earl grey

2015-11-01, 12:05 PM
I am grossed out by the cup of dead person.

I Give you a Hamburger.

2015-11-03, 12:11 PM
I eat it and is a bit dissapointed at how fat my thighs look afterwards.

I give you a bowl of nachos, except the chips are razor blades.

Prince Zahn
2015-11-03, 01:08 PM
Noticing the shining metal through the cheese, I slap you upside the head. Honestly, why must ruin those expensive shaving blades, and more importantly why you would waste all that precious cheese?:smallmad:

I give you a hug.

2015-11-26, 07:31 PM
I use it to stab Xihirli.

I give you a pet raptor.

2015-11-26, 10:08 PM
I give it to Dina.

I give you a toy monkey. One of those creepy-looking ones with the cymbals in their hands.

2015-11-27, 01:53 AM
I start a rockband with it.

I give you fire in a bottle.

2015-11-27, 02:06 AM
I drink it while everyone else in the forum yells "CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!"

I give you a 5" by 5" by 1" slab of white space.

2015-11-28, 12:05 PM
I place it in front of someone I really don't like.

I give you an area of magical Silence.

Prince Zahn
2015-11-28, 04:20 PM
I sit ans and read in it for a while, ignoring my push notifications.

I give you a hug.

2015-11-28, 04:33 PM
I act surprised.

I hug you back.

2015-11-29, 12:35 AM

I give you a scroll.

2015-11-29, 01:06 AM
I read it and my flesh turns to stone.

I give you your pound of flesh. My flesh, to be precise.

2015-11-29, 05:09 AM
I sell it to an ogre.

I give you the ogre's club.

Prince Zahn
2015-11-29, 11:03 AM
I use it to troll the ogres and knock them out.

I give to you a generous portion of my profits, even though you took no part in trapping the ogres nor trolling them.

2015-11-29, 12:18 PM
I Meteor Swarm you and take ALL of your valuables and possessions, then promptly throw them away.

I throw all of Zahn's valuables at you.

2015-11-29, 01:09 PM
I sell them and build myself a nice place to live.

I give you a glass of grape juice.

2015-11-29, 03:41 PM
I drink it. Grape juice is delicious!

I give you a few slime molds (http://nethack.wikia.com/wiki/Slime_mold).

Prince Zahn
2015-11-30, 02:16 AM
I burn it :smallyuk: I want nothing to do with your soylent green conspiracy.

I give you a generic quality Firestone, which ironically doesn't combust :\

2015-11-30, 08:34 AM
I set it on fire


give it to you

2015-11-30, 04:06 PM
I shove it down your throat.

I give you a corpse.

2015-11-30, 04:22 PM
I get it to a morgue.

I give you the MitD's true identity.

Prince Zahn
2015-11-30, 05:24 PM
I laugh at what I think must be speculations. There's no way that can be right!

I give you a set of Kunai with C-4 sticks professionally attached to them. I lost my detonator in another thread though. If you can find it, it's yours.

2015-12-01, 02:52 AM
I make a new detonator


Throw the Kunai at you, before triggering the detonator

2015-12-01, 09:40 PM
I explode.

My colon lands on you.

2015-12-02, 02:34 PM
I try to get it off, shower, douse the spot where your colon touched me in holy water, shower again, and scour the skin with acid. Only then do I feel safe again.

I give you a vial of acid.

Prince Zahn
2015-12-03, 01:22 AM
I fake being pleased and thank you, and get rid of it when you're not lookin'. If you really liked me, you would have gotten me Alchemist's fire.

I give you a limited-edition collector's tinderbox for the fire-enthused gentleman or lady. It is gilded with small, white gold embellishments, as well as your initials etched on it.

Now THAT'S a gift:smallcool:

@vNerp you won't. I'm fire immune like that, you know. :smalltongue:
You can give me anyway, I'm just not dead nor crisped.

2015-12-03, 03:24 AM
I thank you and set you on fire. That's a great gift.

I give you Prince Zahn's heavily burned body.

2015-12-03, 07:14 AM
Me and Zahn team up to hunt down Xihirli.

I give you a life sentence in the Abyss, poster below me who is most likely Xihirli!

2015-12-03, 04:00 PM
Hey everyone, it's been some time since i last visited this thread and OH GOD WHY OH WHY THE PAIN IT HURTS SO BAD NO DON'T PUT THAT UP MY URETHR... AAAAAAAAARGH!

I give you a stern look of disappointment. Be more careful when handing out eternities of damnation, will you?

2015-12-03, 05:38 PM
Who, me? When have I ever... ugh. FINE.

I give you a get-out-of-eternal-damnation-free card.

Prince Zahn
2015-12-03, 06:38 PM
I merrily accept your get-out-of-eternal-damnation-free card. Thank you, Xihirli! Wow!!! That might be the nicest thing you've ever done for me, remind me to give you something nice too later:smallsmile:

I give you a few pieces of chocolate. It's the good stuff, though!

2015-12-04, 12:22 AM
I get really happy, eat it and become even happier.

I give you a barrel of toffees.

2015-12-04, 04:46 PM
I share with everyone I know, because I'm such a kind and nice person and totally not because I dislike toffees.

I give you a dragon egg.

2015-12-04, 07:42 PM
I find its mother and destroy the egg in front of her.

I coat you in the innards of a dead dragon fetus and push you at a dragon before running away.

2015-12-05, 09:00 PM
I jump in the dragon's mouth before it can eat me. (not that any dragon I know of would eat another's innards)
^ because it can't eat me if I'm already in it. Maybe I should have thrown the chicken in?
I give you a pet rock.

Prince Zahn
2015-12-06, 09:24 AM
I trade you a bowl of Sea monkeys for it.

I give you a second head, because magic!

2015-12-07, 03:04 PM
I have lengthy discussions with it, then despair and wonder if there are any clinics specializing in the removal of unwanted heads. I and the other head start plotting against each other, careful to not let the other notice, and eventually manage to kill each other at the same time.

I give you a professional maid/butler.

2015-12-07, 03:42 PM
I use their blood to paint pretty pretty pictures.

I give you a pretty pretty picture.

2015-12-07, 04:59 PM
I use it to bash you over the head with the canvas ... Three Stooges fashion.

I provide (1) AT-AT walker. Unfortunately, it still has its Imperial command crew in it.

2015-12-09, 01:43 PM
I dodge their shots (shouldn't be to hard) and hijack it.

I give you a half finished deathstar.

Prince Zahn
2015-12-09, 02:27 PM
I build the rest out of Legos.

I give you a long enough cleaver and a fulcrum upon which to coup-de-grace with it.

2015-12-09, 03:04 PM
I cut you open.

I sue you.

2015-12-10, 01:20 AM
I defend myself on Judge Judy.

I give you a hand.

2015-12-10, 05:33 AM
I make it my servant

I give you a cemetary

Prince Zahn
2015-12-10, 05:48 AM
I rent it out to zombies and lich teens who REALLY jist want to freak out the locals and randomly generated groups of adventurers.

I give you a cup of hot tea and some these really good cookies... Made with cricket flour!

2015-12-10, 11:58 AM
I eat the cookies. I'm not a tea person, though. Guess you could say it isn't my cup of tea.

I give you this horrible pun.

2015-12-10, 02:21 PM
I groan.

I give you Jake. aka Malack

2015-12-10, 02:58 PM
Oh, Jake from accounting? Screw Jake from accounting!

I give you an accountant. Who is not Jake.

2015-12-10, 10:57 PM
Screw the accountant!

I give you a video. Of me and the accountant.

2015-12-10, 11:42 PM
I see if it's flammable and film it burning.
I give you the remains. Don't forget to like, comment, and subscribe.

2015-12-11, 02:23 AM
I like and comment, but forget to subscribe.

I give you a tank with two fish in it.

2015-12-11, 05:41 AM
I return a tank with 3 fish in it, one of which is a shark

I give you a whale

2015-12-11, 08:51 AM
I take it to the amusment park. I have a whale of a good time.

I give you my awful awful pun.

2015-12-11, 02:21 PM
I take it to the wordsmith, and he forges it into a bon mot.

I give you some bonbons.

2015-12-11, 04:54 PM
I hold them every night before I go to sleep.

I give you a disturbing mental image.

2015-12-11, 10:17 PM
I shrug, think I've seen far worse on YouTube, and file it away with the rest of the unpleasant thoughts.

I give you a live electric eel. You're welcome. :smallwink:

@V: Technically that would be four fish, none of which is actually an eel. Mind blown yet?

2015-12-11, 11:04 PM
I put it in the tank with the two fish and the shark.

I give you a tank with two fish, a shark, and an electric eel.

Prince Zahn
2015-12-12, 04:17 AM
I sell it to the Sushi place down the block.

I give you the money and the invoice of said transaction. You didn't get it from me, got it?

2015-12-12, 07:20 AM
I spend them on sushi.

I give you my change.

2015-12-12, 12:42 PM
I pelt you with quarters.

I give you a picnic.

2015-12-12, 08:28 PM
I eat it and thank you, while surreptitiously downing every poison antidote in my possession.

I give you a soundtrack.

Prince Zahn
2015-12-13, 01:35 AM
I listen to it, enjoy it, get addicted to it's new sound, but I'll never admit I like it.

I'll give to you a dress of red,
Stitched all around in a golden thread.

2015-12-13, 05:14 AM
I put it on and look fabulous.

I give you a cheesecake.

2015-12-13, 10:56 PM
I feed it to the chicken and give it tea to drink.
Cheese cookies?
I give you a chip bag, without the chips, and air from my lungs.

2015-12-14, 03:29 PM
I throw the bag away.

I give you a strain of a humanity-destroying plague.

2015-12-14, 06:10 PM
I immediately release it into the nearest convenient city.

I give you a vaccine full of lice.

2015-12-14, 07:10 PM
I shave my head, because darnit, the threat of smallpox is far more dangerous.

I give you my shorn locks.

2015-12-15, 12:01 PM
I use them to clone you.

I give you three Backwaterj clones.

2015-12-16, 12:22 AM
I use them to make mischief while maintaining bizarre alibis.

I give you several sacks of ill-gotten gold.

2015-12-16, 01:57 PM
I spend them on a massive christmas dinner.

I give you an invitation to the Christmas dinner.

2015-12-17, 02:23 AM
I show up and have a great time.

I give you some leftover candy from the party.

2015-12-17, 03:37 AM
I eat some and put the rest in a closet to save for later, forget about them, and eventually rediscover it a long time later, by which point it is no longer edible.

I give you a set of earplugs.

2015-12-17, 10:07 AM
I thank you, while secretly thinking who I can pass them on to.

I give you a gift which may or may not be ear plugs

Prince Zahn
2015-12-17, 12:01 PM
I thank you and give them to a hobo as soon as your back is turned.

A hobo shares his used wax-filled earplugs with you, as well as his bread.

2015-12-17, 05:57 PM
I thank him, repackage them, sell them to you (heh heh, sucker), and make myself scarce.

I give you AIDS pills hobo-wax-encrusted earplugs...

2015-12-18, 02:04 AM
I thank you profusely as they're much better than my current pair.

I give you this thing in my pocket. I think it used to be a grocery list . . . or a cough drop . . .

2015-12-18, 04:26 AM
I gingerly take it to the trash.

I give you the Object.

2015-12-18, 05:06 AM
I lick it, coming to the conclusion that it's deffinately not a cough drop.

I give you the non-coughdrop thing.

Prince Zahn
2015-12-18, 07:07 AM
Oh, thank you!
*puts the object back in it's thread where it belongs*

I arrange for you a blind date.
I give you a blind date (https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/73/4c/a4/734ca439da50d7fbf33ca29036acd497.jpg)

2015-12-18, 11:43 AM
I hit it off with her and find myself back at her place overnight ... if you know what I mean ... :belkar:

I give you a cologne bottle filled with people pheromones

2015-12-18, 02:18 PM
I apply it to myself. Now nobody can tell that I'm not a- wait, I am a human. So now I'm a human who smells extra human-y? What would that even mean?

I give you a legion of acapella singers.

2015-12-18, 04:18 PM
I create an empire with the greatest anthem ever

I give 5 of my empires currency

2015-12-18, 05:16 PM
I use it to play the currency trading game and make 10 million in Zimbabwean dollars.

I give you RZ$ 10,000,000.
I apply it to myself. Now nobody can tell that I'm not a- wait, I am a human. So now I'm a human who smells extra human-y? What would that even mean?

It means you are now a memetic sex god :belkar:

2015-12-18, 11:19 PM
I take the single banknote and add it to my collection of foreign currencies.

I give you an iron giant.

2015-12-19, 06:39 AM
I have some extremely large clothes that need ironing, so I put him to good use.

I give you some neatly-pressed size 428L slacks.

2015-12-19, 07:55 AM
I politely refuse them.

I give you the common cold.

2015-12-19, 08:25 AM
I give you AIDS.

I give you the cure to cancer.

2015-12-19, 10:26 AM
I sell it and use the money to build a castle.

I give you a spare trebutchet because I ordered one too many.

2015-12-19, 04:26 PM
A trebuchet?! Christmas has come early! My heart's one desire has been fulfilled!

I set it up in my back yard and start randomly flinging large rocks, crates, livestock, and Volkswagens at the neighbors (they never liked me much anyways).

I give you a Volkswagen on a ballistic trajectory toward your residence.

Prince Zahn
2015-12-19, 05:01 PM

I drive my residence 20 feet to the left. It makes me that much more grateful for living in a mobile home:smalltongue:

I give you a mighty ding in your car as I attempt this almost brilliant maneuver. Along with an apology.

2015-12-20, 02:20 AM
I debate whether to sue you for damaging my car or congratulate you for that brilliant maneuver.

I give you a green gemstone.

2015-12-20, 05:13 PM
I realize it's the finest emerald seen in a hundred years and sell it to some daft old lady for a mint.

I give you 10% of the profits.

2015-12-20, 05:24 PM
My breath is now precisely 10% fresher.

I give you a secret Masonic handshake.

2015-12-21, 07:45 AM
I don't recognize it as such.

I give you the set of all sets that do not contain themselves.

2015-12-21, 05:36 PM
My brain implodes.

I give you an undead ninja.

2015-12-21, 09:34 PM
It turns me into one of the walking dead.

I go all nom nom nom on you. You fight me off, but I've given you zombie sickness.


I give you the set of all sets that do not contain themselves.
I thought that sounded familiar... (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Russell%27s_paradox)

2015-12-21, 11:42 PM
Great! When the apocalypse comes, I'll be on the winning side! . . . Now about those brains, my good fellow . . .

I give you the losing side in said zombie apocalypse.

2015-12-22, 05:44 AM
I take part in a doomed effort to protect mankind. Shopping malls are good places for that right?

I give you a ticket to our last stand

2015-12-22, 05:54 AM
I bring popcorn and watch.

I give you a dramatic orchestral piece.

2015-12-22, 08:50 AM
I listen to it on the toilet.

I give you a frozen turnip.

2015-12-22, 11:48 AM
Thanks?! Well, I guess I needed a good doorstop.

I give you a Christmas musical.

2015-12-22, 12:10 PM
I defrost it and cook it and realize Christmas musicals aren't turnips. Then I try to put on a show and make money.

I give you two (2) tickets to my Christmas musical extravaganza.

2015-12-23, 01:30 PM
I take TPBM to the musical.

I give you a ticket to the musical.

Prince Zahn
2015-12-23, 04:16 PM
I thank you and say I'll be there and merry Christmas!

I give you my ticket to Lurkmeister's Christmas musical extravaganza.

2015-12-23, 05:19 PM
I can't go. I'm very sorry about it.

I give you a note of apology

2015-12-23, 06:13 PM
No need to apologize. lurkmeister cashed in on my idea. Also, can I have your ticket?

I give you a glass of a substance that is almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea.

2015-12-23, 08:49 PM
Lipton ice green tea, huh? I toast to your health and chug the dichotomous substance with haste.

I give you a sword, with a note attached that says 'Raise into air and shout 'by the power of Grayskull!'"

2015-12-23, 10:48 PM
I do so and enjoy my fifteen minutes of superhero fame. Then Skeletor pwns me.

I give you one (1) Skeletor-controlled Earth.

2015-12-24, 04:20 AM
I defeat him and gain control of the world.

World domination bores me, so I give the control to you.

Prince Zahn
2015-12-24, 07:14 AM
I screw it up by turning the world into a democracy.

I nominate you for vice president of Earth.

2015-12-24, 08:39 AM
I accept the nomination.

I give you a large bribe and ask you to vote for me.

2015-12-24, 02:22 PM
I accept your bribe and vote for Stephen Colbert.

I give you Stephen Colbert as president of Earth.

2015-12-24, 06:12 PM
I reply with a shrug. "Could have been worse."

I give you a concentrated potion of worseness.

2015-12-24, 07:48 PM
I pour it onto some wurst.

I give you the worst wurst.

2015-12-25, 01:26 AM
I cut it up, mix some "filler" into it, get some casings, and prove that there's no such thing as "worst" wurst :belkar:

I give you some of my worser wurst.

2015-12-25, 01:35 AM
Worse comes to wurst, I eat the worst wurst with Worchestershire sauce.

I give you a thread that sounds eerily like Dr. Seuss.

2015-12-25, 02:03 AM
I sew the thread into my clothes.

I give you a partridge in a pear tree.

2015-12-25, 03:19 AM
I put them with the 5 gold rings, 4 calling birds, 3 French hens and 2 turtle doves. My house is now very full

I give you the spirit of christmas

2015-12-25, 04:26 AM
I split it into the spirits of Christmas past, present, and future.

I give you a bunch of chains and tell you that Marley needs a stunt double.

2015-12-25, 04:34 AM
I nod, wrap the chains around me and leaps off a cliff.

I give you a chained ninja falling at high velocity.

2015-12-25, 04:36 AM
I invent a new prestige class, the Chained Plummeter!
(Actually, giving serious thought to making this an actuality. Something involving spiked chain proficiency and charging rules. With Sudden Strike as prereq, of course. :smallwink:)

I give you the confusion of how you're supposed to balance the Chained Plummeter with existing rules, whilst simultaneously keeping your players happy.

2015-12-25, 06:03 AM
I decide Chained Plummeters are all from a single, isolated monastery in the far north, and a DC 30 knowledge check is required to have heard about them at all.

I give you a trash can.

Prince Zahn
2015-12-25, 08:49 AM
I clean it up, paint it yellow, blue and black, and use it as a big vase for my glass orchids.

I give you the aforementioned piece of modern folk art.

2015-12-28, 02:11 AM
I pass it off as a genuine Warhol in the Chinese art market and make a killing. At least, until the torches and pitchforks come out.

I give you one unscrupulous art dealer being run out of town...

2015-12-28, 03:14 AM
I charge said art dealer a king's ransom to smuggle him safely to *rolls d%* British Columbia.

I give you a captive king mysteriously missing his ransom money.

2015-12-28, 04:40 PM
I release the king in exchange for being given a place in his court.

I give you a pair of dancing knights.

2015-12-29, 04:51 AM
I watch them dance.

I give you an electronic guitar.

2015-12-29, 05:44 AM
I try to play it. It goes poorly.

I get some materials to learn how to play it. (I'm an autodidact at heart.) Eventually, I learn to play it well.

Then I get some friends together and we form a garage band.

I give you a free garage-band concert.

2015-12-29, 05:54 AM
My contentment level goes up 23% and I start promoting a tour of all the neighborhood bands around all the neighborhood garages.

I give you two (2) tickets to Garagapalooza.

2015-12-29, 08:09 AM
I bring a friend.

I ask if you want to be my friend.

2015-12-29, 01:09 PM
I befriend you.

I give you a vinyl record of the soundtrack of The Empire Strikes Back.

2015-12-29, 11:58 PM
I listen to it while writing this thing that I should be writing ...

I give you the keys to my heart apartment.

2015-12-30, 12:07 AM
I water your mail, check your dog, and take your plants out every day for a walk. That was what you asked me to do, right?

I give you some well-watered mail.

Prince Zahn
2015-12-30, 01:06 AM
Thank you kind sir or madam. I have a spell that'll fix it right up. Just bear in mind I prefer my mail soaked in kerosene better, it's easier that way to burn the paper mache afterwards :smalltongue:

I give you a combustible pinata full of fireworks, with instructions to light it only when the ball drops.

2015-12-30, 11:05 AM
I hang it from my ceiling and construct a Rube Goldberg machine that will ignite the pinata precisely one minute before midnight, just to spite you.

I give you some spiteful Sprite™.

2015-12-31, 07:57 AM
I smite everything in sight.

I give you a smiting.

2015-12-31, 04:41 PM
As I have the total absence of all alignment, your smiting . . . is pretty much a normal attack. And given my 18ish Constitution score . . . keep doing that, it kind of tickles.

I give you a smitten smithy.

2015-12-31, 10:46 PM
Aww the smithy is in lurv ... Wait, how can a smithy be in lurv? It's a building! Does that mean buildings have souls? Gah!

I fob off on give you a vexing metaphysical problem.

2015-12-31, 11:06 PM
I contemplate it for a bit, then go do something else. Browse the internet, probably.

I give you a hundred bottlecaps.

2016-01-01, 01:52 PM
I try to stack them as high as possible. I then get bored and throw the bottlecaps away.

I give you the wonderful gift of honesty.

2016-01-01, 09:54 PM
I give you my honest opinion about it. "It's a terrible gift."

I give you a halfhearted insult.

2016-01-02, 01:17 AM
I should countertroll you but I find I halfheartedly couldn't care less.

I give you a box.

2016-01-02, 02:11 AM
I use it as a receptacle for some of the clutter around my place.

I give you a box full of useless clutter special keepsakes.

Prince Zahn
2016-01-02, 09:55 AM
I give it all to a hobo, and suggest he could sell what still works.

I give you a homeless person who needs food and shelter while he gets his life together. I hope you don't mind or anything!

2016-01-04, 02:54 PM
I recruit him as the first member of my army of hobos. He can be general

I give you a barrage of litter

Dire Moose
2016-01-09, 10:02 AM
I dispose of it properly.

I give you a live, very hungry Tyrannosaurus rex.

2016-01-09, 10:11 AM
I leash him and take him to the park.

I give you the intimidating sight of a ninja with a tyrannosaurus pet.

2016-01-09, 10:34 AM
I roll to disbelieve.

I give you a dollar.

2016-01-09, 11:14 AM
I buy the world.

I give you the world.

2016-01-09, 10:31 PM
I throw it away.

I give you a very full trashcan.

Prince Zahn
2016-01-10, 07:50 AM
I dump it out on Sesame Street.

I give you Bert and Ernie while I'm already there.

2016-01-10, 08:43 AM
I put 'em up on eBay.

I give you 10% of the profits.

2016-01-10, 03:10 PM
I buy an Ed-209.

I give you a loyal puppy.

2016-01-10, 10:33 PM
I eat it give it a good home.

I give you a suspicious-looking plate of what might be puppy bones.

2016-01-11, 12:33 AM
I throw it on the ground to scry my future.

I give you bones on the floor of your apartment.

2016-01-11, 12:39 AM
I chase after you with a broomstick that may or may not be a shotgun. "Get back here and clean up this mess, whippersnapper!"

I give you a mid-life crisis.

2016-01-11, 06:04 PM
I decide the cure must be Meteor Swarming more people.

I give you a meteor swarm. In the face.

2016-01-11, 07:05 PM
I die.

I give you bitter dark chocolate. With nuts.

2016-01-11, 10:02 PM
I die happy.

I give you a corpse with a huge smile on its face.

2016-01-12, 12:57 AM
I start a legion of cheerful dead.

I give you the army once I'm bored with it.

2016-01-12, 06:27 AM
I use it to conquer the world with a cheerful smile on my face.

I give you one world controlled by an evil cheerful necromantic overlord.

2016-01-12, 06:30 AM
I, for one, welcome our new cheerful overlord.

I attend the new overlord's press conference and invite TPBM.

2016-01-12, 08:48 PM
I attend, and heckle him with questions about who he's appointing to what office.

I give you the decisions of who to appoint to what office under Our Most Benificent and Amicable Evil Overlord's dominion.

2016-01-13, 12:49 AM
I don't need to make the decision since I am rich from all the stocks I had in Lurkmeister.

I give a 5% share if you can sing me a cheerful tune.

Prince Zahn
2016-01-14, 05:37 PM
I whistle magnificently while my accomplice Knicks your valuables and bank information.

I hire you as my accomplice, paying you with my last 20$ and everything you can knick from ninjaman, (this time, it's personal.:smallmad::smalltongue: nah I kid you know but I always wanted to say that, guess I failed again!)

2016-01-16, 12:25 AM
I kill everyone.

I throw a knife at you.

2016-01-16, 01:00 AM
I catch the blade with my spork, causing them to fuse together.

I give the ultimate eating utensil to TPBM.

2016-01-16, 08:14 AM
I never use any other eating utensil again, unless I lose or misplace this one.

I give you some delicious brownies.

2016-01-16, 08:37 PM
I eat them furiously.

I give you the crumbs leftover from my ineffective eating technique.

2016-01-17, 08:29 PM
I eat them spuriously.

I give you a napkin.

Prince Zahn
2016-01-18, 07:31 AM
Thanks but I use my handkerchief. I do enchant it though.

I give you a +1 napkin of sneezing.

2016-01-18, 09:16 AM
I sneeze into it and...

... give it to you.

2016-01-19, 11:35 PM
I set it aflame.

I give you a burning ball of snot.

2016-01-20, 12:06 AM
Dudeons used Hydro Pump! It's super-effective!

I give you a Master Ball.

2016-01-20, 02:20 AM
I shoot some hoops with it.

I give you a very dizzy and disgruntled pokemon.

2016-01-20, 06:51 AM
I cook it.

I give you a very exotic steak.

2016-01-21, 03:44 AM
I poke it with my fork.

I give you 1010 things.

2016-01-22, 08:06 PM
I use them to

throw 1010 things at the person below me.

2016-01-22, 08:30 PM
I dodge 994 of the things, deeming the other 16 worthy of sprucing up my lair and ingesting them for later.

I give you a divan covered in greenish goo.

2016-01-23, 11:20 AM
I tent it and when it's completely de-gooed I have a nice divan.

I give you a bowl of my chili. Made with very exotic steaks!

2016-01-31, 09:31 PM
I feed the chili to a hungry wanderer.

I give you a set of humming darts.

Prince Zahn
2016-02-01, 08:23 AM
I play with them and make them hum every day.

I give you. . . This thing, I don't know what it is, but you'll probably be able to use it better than I can.

PBM received 1 Real Something-Something.

2016-02-01, 05:36 PM
I try to figure out what it is and what it's for.

I give you two peanut-butter-and-banana sandwiches and two cheese-and-banana sandwiches.

2016-02-01, 06:42 PM
I eat them.

I give you bat guano.

2016-02-01, 08:08 PM
I make explosives. Because other than decorating Bat-Caves, what else is that stuff good for?

I give you a ticking time-bomb.

2016-02-02, 10:41 AM
*installs a snooze button*

Trog gives you a coffee mug as big as your head.

2016-02-02, 12:58 PM
I will it with much much coffee.

I throw the scalding hot coffee at you.

2016-02-02, 01:31 PM
I absorb it into a cake.

I give you coffee cake (now with REAL coffee!)

2016-02-02, 08:16 PM
I consume it, increasing my caffeine-based superpowers exponentially!

What?! I have those! It just doesn't come up much!

I give you a java-flavored wave of mutilation.

Prince Zahn
2016-02-03, 03:21 AM
I reject it. It's not compatible with Android.:smallfrown:

I give you a 3 Bishops - A chesspiece, a high ranking servant of the faith, and a Bangaa.

2016-02-10, 05:51 PM
I complain that the collection did not include a homicidal android.

I give the person below me a rash.

2016-02-10, 08:02 PM
I use it as a weapon to murder my asthma.

I give TPBM the corpse of my asthma.

2016-02-11, 02:13 AM
I reanimate it.

I send it after you.

Prince Zahn
2016-02-11, 10:16 AM
I use command undead disease


I give it directions to your house.

2016-02-11, 05:01 PM
I realize the only viable way to combat the corpse of Xihirli's asthma is by enlisting the help of Miasma Corp.*

I give you a mass marketing campaign for foul odors.

*Miasma Corp: the overpowering stench of tomorrow, today!

2016-02-16, 01:39 AM
I use it to become a millionaire and send you a thank you card.

I give you a big bonus for your marketing campaign.

2016-03-02, 12:05 AM
I blow it all at casino card tables.

I give you an IOU for $2.13 million, payable to the Las Vegas Chamber of Commerce.

Prince Zahn
2016-03-14, 02:29 PM
I cash it in the next time I need a HUGE favor from you.

I give you a dragon's egg.

2016-03-18, 01:14 AM
I make a killer omelet.

I give you the rest, as it's too much for me to eat.

2016-03-18, 03:00 AM
I eat it.

I bring you fire.

Disc Lorde
2016-03-18, 04:20 AM
I use it to toast marshmallows.

I give you an SUV.

Prince Zahn
2016-03-18, 02:01 PM
I use it for my next raffle.

I give you crushing despair, in the form of a handy, single use spell scroll.

2016-03-18, 04:43 PM
I eat the scroll. Mmmm, tastes like emo music.

I give TPBM emo music.