The Depression Thread

[Xykon_Fan]

Wow. I'm sorry ZRS; you seem like a pretty decent guy and I don't think it sounds like you're completely getting what you deserve. I guess not many people do though.

Anyway, you do still have money, and if it's enough to buy a new guitar, you may be able to dip into it if things get really bad. I realize (being a fellow guitar player) the scale of "guitar" vs. "life" is hard, but keep in mind that you don't necessarily have to have that new guitar right now.

That all said, I wouldn't suggest sticking around for too long if you don't have to. You know your situation better than I do, but having limited access to everyone, and especially the one person who usually makes you feel better, seems harsh. I really hope your luggage turns up soon; maybe they offer some sort of compensation for losing it for that long?

I know this seems horrible right now, but try to remember that it probably will be very different looking back on it. So long as nothing permanently bad happens, this will be an adventure you can look back on...man, that sounded so cliche.

Either way, I'm sure things will eventually turn up for the better (and I tends towards pessimism). The question is really what you make of this experience. If you can, try to have at least one good meal, or at the very least, understand that some of the anxiety and stuff that you're feeling could be partly hunger and lack of blood sugar.

I hope any of that helps...sorry about your situation.

Bryant

[sktarq]

My little selfishness: My Canadian friend isn't talking to me at all, <snip> even when things are otherwise good.

*I don't believe I'm about to type this*

There are lots of reason why people suddenly seem to drop out of contact. By the sounds of it Justin's may well fall into the whole "Pride" catagory. He knows he wronged you and is sorta hoping that if he ignores it long enough it will all just go away somehow. Particularly if he feels he already messed up once (with the whole trip cancelation). It's totally selfish, but human brains are preverse that way. (well at least mine is; I'm not so sure about the rest of this "humanity" business). It could be he found a someone and it played hell with, perhaps unbroached, affection issues he had for you. It could be he is hoping you have forgotten him or moved on and that contact will just make things worse
I can totally understand his place to be honest.

[Serpentine]

I knew he had a someone, an American lass who came to visit him once or twice when we were still talking. He never seemed to have any real issues talking to me about her or anything, and I was happy enough to talk to him about my someone... It was one of the nice things about our friendship, having someone not directly connected to complain and gloat to.
If you understand his place, does that mean you have any ideas of what I could do?
By the way, the 2nd friend he introduced me to is still talking to me. Huh. And he just sent me a photo of Justin. So he's still alive, but put on a lot of weight and not looking too healthy... ah, this is muchly goodness, he's being awful helpful ^_^ (or possibly malicious, it's hard to tell with Kiegan...) He's given me Justin's Facebook thingy, which is very tempting to post here :smallamused: But I won't, cuz I'm nice. He's also pointed me in the direction of his phone number, which is nice (or again, possibly malicious).

edit: So he's talking to me again. Three cheers for emotional rants that include threats to call from overseas! He was "busy" :smallannoyed: Of course, seeing as a large part of that busy was going to funerals and hospitals for family and looking after his aunt and doing lots of work, I now feel bad for bothering him. And apparently he sent that parcel, but I didn't get it. >sigh< Well, I guess that's me out of here, then...

[smellie_hippie]

Serpentine: Glad to hear that you are starting to speak with your friend again. Unless I misread that edit...:smalleek: in which case I'm sorry he's being an unreachable jerk.

ZRS: Have faith my friend. Your Jazzmaster will wait for you. Learn from the hippies who go on strange camping excursions (following touring bands). Invest in bread, peanut butter, honey, and ramen noodles. Oh... and vitamins. You can survive on them, just not very likely to thrive.

[TigerHunter]

I suppose doing this couldn't hurt.
None of you know me, so I'd probably start there. I'm 15, and a pretty good student. I only have one person I'd call a friend, although there are a lot of people that I feel close to.
I've been in the hospital twice in the past month for depression/aggression. The first time was because I smashed a window, a chair, and a few other inanimate objects, the second because I slapped my mother.
The first time, they put me on Lexapro, which didn't work and made the situation worse. They claim it shouldn't have had any effect, but I noticed that I became impulsive and less calm while on it, so I convinced them to discontinue it.
Then my second admission came around, and I they agreed that if I didn't want drugs, it was my right to refuse. However, after discharge, I finally admitted that I was depressed, and they recommended Prozac, which I'm currently taking.
It hasn't kicked in yet, though, and I'm still depressed. I even know the source of the problem, I'm just too stupid to stop. I spend too much time on the computer. I don't even enjoy it--I'd much rather go for a hike, read, or hang out with somebody, but I lack the motivation to even leave the house. All week, I've been planning to fill my backpacks with books, ride out to the forest preserve, and find a nice, isolated spot to read in, but I've kept opting to play stupid games that I don't even enjoy.
To add to that, my hospitalizations prevented me from doing either my term paper or taking my final exams, so I've got those hanging over my head, which doesn't help matters.
And my friend seems reluctant/too busy to get together with me, and I feel like calling up anyone from school would be awkward. I can't wait for school to start again, which... just isn't right.

Thanks. I think typing this really helped. :smallsmile:

[smellie_hippie]

*snip*
Thanks. I think typing this really helped. :smallsmile:

QFT. Sometimes just spitting it out there to complete strangers can be all you need. Sorry to hear about your struggles. Some medications work well for some teens... some don't. Here's something that you might try to help with your motivation. Go ahead and pack your backpack with your supplies for a forest refuge of reading and relaxation. You don't have to go, or feel that packing means you need to finish the excursion. You can still sit down and play a video-game after you finish getting ready to go.

Hippie

[Sulenth]

You don’t know me.. and this is probably going to sound idiotic... but I saw your post and it struck a chord with me... So here I am.. Newly registered.

I’ve been in the same spot you are... Back in 2004 (14 at the time) I was depressed as hell and hospitalized in an institution because of it... I was suicidal and to the point of hearing of voices... Tried to kill myself no less than three different times... Depression is hell.. Plain and simple. “grins wryly” But I don’t need to tell you that...

While I can’t offer a magical cure. What I can say is this. The most important thing you can do is not give up. Keep fighting and don’t give in to the grimness... It’s an uphill battle.. but you can win it.

Why? Because there is a light at the end of the tunnel... It’ll get better and though it might not seem like it... Life will get back to the way it was. It always does... There is hope.. and though might seem like its impossible at times. Depression CAN be beaten. Finding the right medication can be a pain.. (Oh lord.. The memories..) but with a little luck.. You’ll find the right one(s) and begin the road to getting back to normal

Good luck and Godspeed!

[Katonta]

I finally admitted that I was depressed, and they recommended Prozac, which I'm currently taking.
It hasn't kicked in yet, though, and I'm still depressed.


The meds need time to work. None works overnight, often taking up to six weeks for their full effect to be noticed.
*snip*
Also, there are many different medications out there. You need to try a few before you find the one (or ones) that works.

HA! I made a post without saying a word! Wait, Doh!:smalltongue:

But, on the semi-serious side, Bor always has good things that you can quote.

Also, I second everything Sulenth said.

[Serpentine]

An incidental note on my Canadian friend: he reads OotS, but has no interest in foruming.

[Dallas-Dakota]

girl I like, doesnt like me,has a secret boy friend .


edit : that was just ment as a big dot. and serpentine......get out of her youre to happy!

[Katonta]

Boy, Dallas, seems like you've had some rough days lately. Not being able to pass with a class that you liked to be with, not being able to ask the girl you like out on a date, etc. Although there may be not much I can do, I can offer my sympathy, second the thought that Hippie said and see if you can catch those classes up during the summer, so that you can pass with the class you like, and give you some of the local currency, "*hugs*".

P.S. No one can be too happy for anywhere. Sure this may be a depression thread, but that doesn't mean we don't need those people that are happy to cheer us up. Besides, if we kick out all the happy people, I would be gone and then where would we be? :smalltongue:

[Serpentine]

Oh. Well... okay.
>scuffs foot. Walks slowly away hands in pockets. Looks back wistfully... scuffs foot again. Sigh, single tear, slow shuffle away...<

snip'd cuz belongs in RW&A

[The Great Skenardo]

Oh. Well... okay.
>scuffs foot. Walks slowly away hands in pockets. Looks back wistfully... scuffs foot again. Sigh, single tear, slow shuffle away...<

snip'd cuz belongs in RW&A

And with that, you once again 'qualify' to be here. :smallwink:

[Serpentine]

Huzzah! ^_^ Wait... crap.

[The Great Skenardo]

Catch-22, eh what?

But seriously, everyone is welcome here. Just like on the boards itself. :smallsmile:

[Dallas-Dakota]

...sleepy...

ehm, everybody is welcome here.
and, hyper people are forbidden in my room, unless I am hyper.

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

Wow...Miss a few days of having internet access and this thread just fills up, don't it?

I had me a little adventure on Tuesday night that is sure to become an ongoing Bor story. It invloves me, a nineteen-year-old neighbor, and a gun. :smalleek:

I was coming home from the market when I saw her tearing apart her car. That is, the inside of the car is a disaster, and she was literally throwing trash out in search of - get this - a baby bird! She was going to take it to an animal rehabilitation center when the bird seemingly vanished. (She later found it in an air duct.) But during her search, she shined a flashlight under her passenger seat and said, "What is THAT?" This question was followed by her answering herself, "Oh my G-d, it's a loaded gun! There's a loaded gun in my car!"

Calmly, I said, "Let me see it."

She pulled it out, and sure enough, it was a big 9 mm semiautomatic pistol. Thinking quickly, I grabbed a bag, carefully placed the gun inside, and brought it back to my apartment. I did this for several reasons. First, while I may not be the most emotionally stable person on the planet, she is less so. Second...Well, the first point actually creates a list of reasons. The fear that she might hurt herself or someone else, or do something as dumb as try to pawn a gun she didn't own was disconcerting. Finally, I knew what the right thing to do was, while she might foolishly keep it.

For added stress and fun, the gun was placed inside a plastic bag. In all honesty, I wanted no contact with the thing, and my neighbors certainly didn't need to see me carrying it. So what happens? The gun's barrel pokes through the bottom of the bag, and I'm forced to actually handle the gun. This becomes even more nerve-racking, as I don't know for sure if the gun is loaded, and have no idea if the safety is on! :smalleek:

Once inside, I called the police with the basic message, "Please come get this thing away from me!" Alas, since all they were going to do was pick up a possibly stolen object, with no suspects on hand, they were in no rush to come get it. I waited just over three hours for the police to arrive.

Now, for those who are new or have not been following along, I suffer emotional difficulties. Mental illness adds a whole slew of new and exciting thoughts to my beliegered head. I kept flashing back to when I had been robbed at gunpoint. Another thought was of the gun falling off the shelf where I'd put it, discharging, having the bullet ricochet around my apartment, and then hitting me - not somewhere fatal, but where it would hurt me for the remainder of my life. And that long list of dumb things my neighbor might do? I considered them.

The cops that arrived at my door were an unlikely pair. He was a towering six feet, about 200 pounds. She was all of five foot, six, maybe 130 pounds. (And REALLY cute!) While she took the report, he collected the gun...which he almost dropped! The gun WAS loaded. He unloaded it. Once they took my statement, they had me call my neighbor to have her discuss how the gun ended up in her car.

I don't know. Maybe it's the generational gap. As my neighbor told her tale, the most common word used was "like." "My friend would, like, run away a lot. And she took the gun and was like, 'I'm gonna, like, pawn it,' and I was all like,..." And I looked at the tall cop and asked, "Can you see why I didn't ask for the details?" He nodded his understanding. I asked if he understood any of this, and he claimed he did. I asked if it was s second language skill, and he replied, "When you've been doing this as long as I have, you get used to it."

The point of all this is that I'm upset. When real, verifiable violence enters my life, my nerves become frayed. My PTSD does aweful things to me, and I truly wish such instruments of death and destruction didn't exist. I truly wish there was peace of Earth and goodwill toward all, not just during the holidays, but throughout the year.

[Narmoth]

Meh. I failed my exam again. This has become a ******* tradition for every ******* year of my university education. last year I took the exam again in the end of the summer and then passed, so I was able to continue on the study (medicine if anyone wonders) and that's what I'm going to do this time also.
I mean, I'm think I'm actually going to pass the exam when I take it again in August, but it's just so ******* frustrating to do this every ******* year.
Also, I loose my summer vacation again, and I don't get to work and earn money this summer either, something that would be wery much helpfull, as I don't get any studying stipend/loan in the summer months. It is so much ******* ruining all m ******* plans for this ******* summer.

Guess I need to cut back on the cursing, the last sentence has almost more
" ******* " than it has actuall words.

--------
(Yeah, the "***" is by me, so it's less work for others to sensor my writing. )

[gooddragon1]

I tend to sleep a lot, and yah. Depression I guess, but the sleeping does help.

[Vhaidara]

My gecko died, and my other one isn't eating. I've been sad for a while before I found this, mostly because I wasn't sure what to do to let people know. Let us pray that Spot enjoys heaven, and that Speckle eats again.

[Narmoth]

I had me a little adventure on Tuesday night that is sure to become an ongoing Bor story. It invloves me, a nineteen-year-old neighbor, and a gun. :smalleek:

The point of all this is that I'm upset. When real, verifiable violence enters my life, my nerves become frayed. My PTSD does aweful things to me, and I truly wish such instruments of death and destruction didn't exist. I truly wish there was peace of Earth and goodwill toward all, not just during the holidays, but throughout the year.

Well, guns don't fire of themselves. There are usually a safety <I don't know what it's called in english but it's a kind of lever on the guns holding end> that keeps it from firing that has to be released before you can actually shoot it. Of course, it doesn't allways work, but if you keep you hands away from it, and point the gun to the ground, nobody should get hurt.
You also have to ready it before shooting in addition to the safety hatch or whatever it'ss called.

Still, getting a situation you don't feel you control on your hands is allways unpleasant. I've been there myself, finding an unconcious drunk person on the street as I was going home from a party.
And of course a gun, especially if you have bad experience with it, is extremely unpleasant.

[The Great Skenardo]

My gecko died, and my other one isn't eating. I've been sad for a while before I found this, mostly because I wasn't sure what to do to let people know. Let us pray that Spot enjoys heaven, and that Speckle eats again.

-_-

It's very sad when familiar and favorite pets shuffle off this mortal coil. My sympathies.

[zeratul]

Hi, I'm in a horrible mood today. Aside from my MP3 wacking out, my sister, who is normally nice, and just got a boyfreind she likes is acting like a rude jerk. One of my other sisters who has an ocassionally annoying sense of humor was getting on my nerves as well. I was perfectly nice to them. I practically destroyed my punching bag a minute ago. I need to de-stress.

[The Great Skenardo]

@Zeratul

Punching bags is a good step. Another is to get away and send your mind elsewhere. If you can, taking a walk or a long bike ride is a good way to de-stress, if traffic isn't a real problem where you live.

Sisters, eh? :smallamused: Well, I know from several years' experience of being a pesky younger brother that we can be a pain in the britches at times.

[zeratul]

They're all older sisters actually. Seems like im the only mature one now though

[The Great Skenardo]

They're all older sisters actually. Seems like im the only mature one now though

Just a point of curiosity; you said the sister got a new boyfriend she likes and is acting like a jerk in the same breath. Does that mean you think the two are related? :smallconfused:

[zeratul]

No I was just saying I think it's surprising. Her becoming a jerk happened this week though.

[The Great Skenardo]

No I was just saying I think it's surprising. Her becoming a jerk happened this week though.

Ah. Well, yeah, that happens. Sometimes people go through a swelling and ebbing of jerkiness; Unless she's picked up bad habits, I'm sure you'll see her return to civility fairly soon.
Although if it persists, you might want to make sure your brotherly ears are perked up to detect any problems she might be struggling with.

Good luck with your de-stressing (note: not 'distressing')

[Serpentine]

Bor, I think all I can offer there is >huggles<

Bookboy, any idea whether geckos mope? It might be worth seeing if getting another companion, maybe... don't know much about the psychology of reptiles.

[Vhaidara]

Wow, that coming from someone with "Serpent" in her screen name doesn't surprise me for some reason. and FYI: they were both female.

[Serpentine]

Well, I was seriously considering getting into herpetology for a long time, and I'm still thinking about going to the Australian Reptile Park for work experience :smalltongue: 'course, doesn't mean I actually know anything... Still, even if they were both females, there's plenty of evidence of various animals getting depressed after a companion dies. None of geckos, specifically, so far as I know, but still... Guess it depends whether she stopped eating before or after the other died.

[Dragonrider]

@Zeratul
Although I have no sisters, I do claim the dubious right to being big sis to three brothers, and I have quite a bit of experience with them all conspiring to be annoying at once. Usually it's in a moment when there's something else completely going on with me, and they (a) are totally oblivious of my current emotional state, or (b) something they've been doing for a long time has built up and finally I explode.

Usually this results in ME getting in trouble, or feeling guilty for sounding like a whiner, etc., etc. I've learned to deal with it by sequestering myself in my bedroom when I feel the mood on me, and adie from the additional problems this causes when they enter without knocking, it seems to work. When I'm stressed usually some "alone time" helps me deal.

What's the worst is when I think I'm being reasonable and then I look back and realize that they were RIGHT.

Punching things can help. But make sure it's not a living thing or you will be in trouble. With my parents at least, slamming doors is also a big no-no. So I have to be careful. :smalltongue:

[The Great Skenardo]

Update on my own situation

:smallbiggrin: :smallbiggrin: :smallbiggrin:
Things are going great now between myself and my lady-friend. We just celebrated our two-year anniversary, and we're working on plans to take a trip together.

Thanks again to everyone fort he hugs and support. :smallsmile:

[Yiel]

Update on my own situation

:smallbiggrin: :smallbiggrin: :smallbiggrin:
Things are going great now between myself and my lady-friend. We just celebrated our two-year anniversary, and we're working on plans to take a trip together.

Thanks again to everyone fort he hugs and support. :smallsmile:

Very good to hear Skenardo! :smallbiggrin:

[Katonta]

I agree, Congratulations TGS! Happy Anniversary! :smallbiggrin:

[LurkerinthePlaygnd]

I also just celebrated an anniversary of sorts, Skenardo. Yesterday marked three years clean and sober for me. Even so, it's still "one day at a time."

[zeratul]

Hi guys. I'm depressed/obsessing over the situation i mentioned in relationship woes.

[Serpentine]

Zeratul, as there's nothing you can really do unless you call her or go round to her place, I suggest you do something you can be really absorbed in to take your mind off it. Read a riveting book, watch a favourite movie, play a game, visit a friend...

[ocato]

I finally got ahold of my academic advisor and it seems I applied to the wrong subschool. It might be too late to apply to the other school and he pretty told me to figure out what classes to take by myself. At my old school you got to sit down with an advisor and they'd help you figure it out. This school is bigger and more complicated--and no one cares? Geez. Also, I might not be able to change my application to the right subschool-- and I pretty much might not get to go now.

What am I going to do?

Honestly, at this point I think that if I have to abandon the prospect, I can at least muster enough tact and grace to do so with dignity. I'll just bail. Live where I want, do what I want, hurt the people I don't like and sing the songs I wanna sing. Go off into the world and disappear. I can't believe I so royally screwed this up.

[The Great Skenardo]

@Octao

This is for university, right? So you applied to the wrong college, if I have this right, and it's very late in the game? or did you apply to the wrong campus?

[ocato]

Right College, wrong 'school'.

[The Great Skenardo]

So, for example, you applied to the school of engineering instead of the school of liberal arts and sciences, yes? Is it all part of one campus?

[ocato]

Yeah, pretty much.

[Call_me_Fate]

Is it really that hard to switch schools within that college? Where I go, it was very easy to get myself into the business school even after I had applied to the college without selecting a school. In the university I went to before this, it was also very easy for me. I was originally a computer major, and I switched to accounting my second year. It was no trouble. I jsut went to speak with the people at the college.

Also, your first year should be many of the same classes no matter what school you are in. It is relatively easy to switch arround your first year in college without costing you too much time wasted with the wrong classes.

That is, unless this is a different case of course, which I'd bet it is. :smallfrown:

[The Great Skenardo]

Hmm. I don't see as that's too much of a problem. I know a fellow who went to UMichigan but accidentally got into the wrong school; He'd wanted the meteorology program, so he applied and was accepted to the college of sciences. Turned out to be in the college of engineering.

So, what he did was to kick back and fufill some university requirements that he had to take anyways, and then transferred into the correct college (either at the semester or the end of the school year; I don't remember which).

Any particular reason that this wouldn't work for you?

[ocato]

It hopefully will. But I am still freaking out as deadlines approach like a marching army.

[The Great Skenardo]

Heh, I can understand that.
Luckily, so long as you got the right university, the rest is recoverable. It's unlikely that your cirriculum for your first year will contain school-exclusive classes. So long as you keep your grades up, you shouldn't have trouble transferring to a different one with the help of an advisor.

So: Don't worry, be happy :smallsmile:

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

*snip*

So: Don't worry, be happy :smallsmile:
May you die a thousand painful deaths for planting the damnable song in my head for the day! :smallyuk:

@ Ocato: It's been a long time since I did anything college-esque, so I could be wrong, but don't most degrees require a bit of liberal arts courses? Why not knock those out? In fact, I'm wondering if it's possible to go to a part-time status, if only to remain in the school, and maybe get a part-time job on top of it. Grab some English, math, and history, and send in your application to the right school for the next semester. It may slow your progress, but it will be progress nonetheless.

Once again, I may not know what I'm talking about...but I get credit for trying. :smallwink:

[The Great Skenardo]

May you die a thousand painful deaths for planting the damnable song in my head for the day! :smallyuk:


Well, at least the burning seething hatred's keeping your mind off your troubles, eh? :smallwink:

[ocato]

Well, I've been at my original school for 2 years. I've done math and science and english to death. As far as I know, I have 90% of my nonmajor cirriculum taken care of. Things aren't as bad as they could be, but I'm getting a lot of 'do you know yet?' pressure from my folks, and on top of other personal problems (see crazy rant from a few pages back) I am getting some pressure cracks.

[smellie_hippie]

Pressure from the folks can be rough. I still remember the quote from my father about my lacsidasical attitude of submitting my applications...
"I'm the first in my family to go college, and I'll be damned if you're going to make me the last as well!"
Chock it up to the teenage angst of not being able to communicate with my folks, or their inability to understand that sometimes kids need a friggin break! Anyways Ocato... you have most of the "generic coursework" out of the way... you'll have some answers from the university department soon. Rest back on some of your accomplishments, and blow off some steam to prevent more stress fractures. If you blow up, everything you have worked for could go with it. :smalleek:

[Dallas-Dakota]

can I do anything right......damn even my keyboard is doing weird to me.

[The Great Skenardo]

can I do anything right......damn even my keyboard is doing weird to me.

I feel as if we're hearing your problems only piece by piece...until I get a better understanding of how you're feeling and why, I can only say this;
Of course you can do things right. Screw-ups happen to everyone in some degree or another, but failures (no matter how often repeated) are not a reason to despair. You'll succeed at things in the future :smallsmile:

[EmeraldRose]

can I do anything right......damn even my keyboard is doing weird to me.

I agree. It's as though you float through the boards dropping hints about how upset you are without ever really saying anything, only asking for sympathy (which we WILL give) or asking for help without coming out and saying it.

Please give us some indication of what is troubling you so that someone can give you advice or words of comfort.

[sktarq]

can I do anything right......damn even my keyboard is doing weird to me.

Isn't it annoying that we remember mistakes, screwups, and failures (both our own and others) so much more easily than our successes?

Next question: What did you do right today that you already forgot about?

[Dallas-Dakota]

Isn't it annoying that we remember mistakes, screwups, and failures (both our own and others) so much more easily than our successes?

Next question: What did you do right today that you already forgot about?

Yes, and uhm need to remember....I guess I did well on my arts and history tests.

Thanks TGS

Emerald Rose.
I posted the whole situation somewhere on this thread or on relationship thread.

but I will repeat.
I just found out that the girl I like doesnt like me and already has a (secret) boyfriend.
my grades are bad, it is likely I am going to another school.

Its just that I try my best,and I just dont see good succesion.
i´m not upset,just really really frustrated.
kind of looking for sympathy but more like understanding and advice.

short said,ofcourse there are detais.
but I´m trying to stay on this school,need to go to bed now.bye

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

Yes, and uhm need to remember....I guess I did well on my arts and history tests.

Thanks TGS

Emerald Rose.
I posted the whole situation somewhere on this thread or on relationship thread.

but I will repeat.
I just found out that the girl I like doesnt like me and already has a (secret) boyfriend.
my grades are bad, it is likely I am going to another school.

Its just that I try my best,and I just dont see good succesion.
i´m not upset,just really really frustrated.
kind of looking for sympathy but more like understanding and advice.

short said,ofcourse there are detais.
but I´m trying to stay on this school,need to go to bed now.bye
It's somewhat hard to give sympathy/empathy/advice when the problems seem to drip in.

This thread, as the one before it, has a problem, in that the posts tend to be rather long. Reading back to find out what the problem is can take a lot of time, and - damnit! - we have a lot of posting to do in dozens of other threads. :smalltongue: What's more, the seemingly random posts you made after your lengthier explanation made no reference back to the original. Thus, a post like "I lost my cookie" appears to be more nonsense than anything else.

I made the original Depression Thread as a support network for those with serious mental illness. I'm talking about depression, OCD, paranoia, etc.

Now, I need to confess that I'm a bit of a snob. Issues that are temporary, such as educational issues and broken romances, were not on my list of things to handle. Unless a doctor has diagnosed you with a genuine problem, what people suffer in these circumstances is a temporary setback. A brief case of "the blues" or anxiety, in my mind, just didn't belong here.

But who am I to dictate what is real or imagined suffering? Whatever the case may be, the person posting is experiencing pain, and I feel it's my duty to help them through it as best I can. Besides..."the blues" and anxiety, however seemingly temporary, may be signs of something bigger.

[The Great Skenardo]

I made the original Depression Thread as a support network for those with serious mental illness. I'm talking about depression, OCD, paranoia, etc.

Now, I need to confess that I'm a bit of a snob. Issues that are temporary, such as educational issues and broken romances, were not on my list of things to handle. Unless a doctor has diagnosed you with a genuine problem, what people suffer in these circumstances is a temporary setback. A brief case of "the blues" or anxiety, in my mind, just didn't belong here.

But who am I to dictate what is real or imagined suffering? Whatever the case may be, the person posting is experiencing pain, and I feel it's my duty to help them through it as best I can. Besides..."the blues" and anxiety, however seemingly temporary, may be signs of something bigger.

Aye, that may have been your original intent, but will you say that the troubles of the people who have posted about the blues are illegitimate? I know you wouldn't. You know far better than I that misery is not a competition; you need not win the title of Most Wretched to feel legitimately sad and in need of advice, or even a sympathetic word.

I know I appreciated the displays of sympathy that I got when I had lady troubles, and it made me feel better. I wouldn't think to feel guilty about being sad even though other people's problems are far more serious or even deadlier than my own.

In summary, I think everyone is welcome here.

[Rex Idiotarum]

When the world seems to hard, and you're try to roll that rock up the hill with all your might, Sisyphus, maybe all you need is a bit of perspective. What if you're goal isn't to get the rock on top of the hill, but onto the other side? Then, why not push it around the hill.

When you have a problem, look at it from another angle. The girl doesn't care for you, why bother with her? Make her a friend, keep your options open, and maybe she'll come to you. Put her rock on the other side of the hill.

So, you're feeling like a loser, and you're going to a new school, well, now you have a chance to right your wrongs and fix your mistakes. Put that rock on the other side of the hill, and you may find, it'll roll up to the top of the hill itself.

Change things you can. Don't mull over that which you cannot.

And Bor, people under stress may need a new perspective to look at things with. I know when I was feeling down, it took a few talks with a few friends for me to understand what was wrong, and how for me to fix it. I think this is the best place for that.

[Dallas-Dakota]

well I´m a bit crazy and a bit paranoia.
But the only thing the doctor diagnosed me of a year back was of ADHD.

The matter of : I lost my cookie.
Was just purely why I was a bit sad at the moment....

[Niasen]

Well, I'm assuming by cookie you mean a confectionary snack commonly bought in stores (so don't blame me if I missed a euphimism here, I'm socially inept ok? :P), so thats something easily rectified...heck, get a whole case if you want, I just suggest eating in moderation otherwise you'll end up like me during junior high, with people asking if I ate a twin brother or something:smalltongue:

As for your worries about switching schools...well I'm just guessing that part of your academic problems might be associated with a bit of your depression, I sure as heck remember when I was in school it was REALLY hard to concentrate or study when I was feeling lower than the scum they scraped off the cafeteria floor...don't know why I used that metaphor, but I did...
Anyway, the point of that slightly disgusting comment was that perhaps a change of schools could be a small blessing in disguise. One of the most common factors of depression is getting stuck in "the routine" or a rut basically. Feeling like you'll always see the same people who won't like you, or things never change, you'll always have that one teacher that hates you, blah blah blah. I'm not saying going to the new school is going to be all kicks and giggles and shiny pathways filled with butterflies or anything, but you might be able to try to make a few new friends and even try a few new approaches to socializing/interacting with people you like...and maybe even people you don't like. (I was originally going to say "A few new things" however that came out VERY wrong).

As for your relationship problem....I think I'm not really a good person to give advice on that one, I just had my first girlfriend break up with me in a rather nasty way and....well lets just say I'm still trying to get through that myself.

[Iron_Mouse]

Not sure if I should do this...however, talking to complete strangers on the internet did help in the past, so well...can't get much worse right now, anyway.

Not exactly sure what's happening right now. But due to the fact that I haven't left my home for a week now (and totally lack any urge to do it), that I have serious trouble even getting out of bed or eat, that I have this odd pain in the stomach region and, of course, that unhealthy fascination about my own death again...yeah, probably depression. Again.

I'm so sick of it, I hate this. I suffered from depression as well as suicidal thoughts since I was 12 or so (maybe earlier, but I have some trouble remembering). Now I'm 27 and it feels like nothing has changed, although a lot has changed. I should feel better now, but I don't.
I originally planned to kill myself with 24. After more than ten years of agony, I didn't felt strong enough to endure all this pain anymore while having virtually no hope. Really, it was that bad.

But I decided not to do it, yet, while thinking about my family (mostly my mother) and some other people who would be sad. Instead I took what was left from my strength and tried to change my life...more or less completely...sort of.
That process took me three or four years now. All the time, I had this little hope that "everything will be good" one day. I started a therapy, got Trevilor (venlafaxine hydrochloride) and other treatment and a lot of help and support from many people. And it actually got better, at least I thought so.

But now I'm getting to the point where this process is almost over and, well...it isn't "good". It improved, yeah. Like, from "outright horrible" to "bad". And from time to time, I would even call it "almost bearable". Still far from "good" I feel. And there isn't much left that I could do.

Now I'm breaking apart again. I don't know, I just keep hating this life. I'm not happy and when I think about it, I can't remember that I ever were. There just don't seem to be any positive things in this life, no matter where I look.

I don't seem to have any talents...whatever I try, I suck at it. My education is crap and I don't have a job. Guys avoid me and I can't even blame them for that.
I hate the fact that there's nothing I can do, or that I have, or that I am, which I could be...proud of, or something. I just feel that I'm "loosing" all the time, in every aspect of life. Love? I think I don't even know what that is.

But...I think first and foremost I hate this body. Why do I even got it? I hate this face, this voice, this skin, my size, the overall shape...even just my hands or feet and so many things more, I can't stand them. I wish all of this would just be gone. I wish I could leave this ugly thing and hack it to pieces with an axe, really. I noticed that I found the thought of, like, sawing off my arm or a foot, or cutting out an eye and stuff like that (think Saw and the like) to be quite...fascinating? This seems so wrong when you think about it, but it doesn't really bother me. Maybe I'll even do it one day, I don't know.

I feel so pathetic. All I'm apperantly able to do is wasting my time on the internet playing online games I don't enjoy anymore and lurking on forums, reading topics I don't even care about. What was supposed to be a "new start" seems to have failed. Again, I wish all of this would just stop. Again, I need a lot of my strength to fight the urge to MAKE it stop. The hope I had for a time is mostly gone. And the people I had in mind when I stopped myself past then? They're not here. I'm alone like I've always been.

I don't know what to do and I doubt anyone around here does. Sorry for bothering, but I had to write this out. I apologize for bad english.
I get the feeling that there are more things to say but I can't recall them right now. My eyes are burning and I want to try getting some sleep now.

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

Howdy, Mouse...Welcome to our little loony bin. Those of us who drop in on this thread often will do what we can, but quite a bit relies on you.

From what you've said, without being very specific as to what you've done to change your life, you can pat yourself on the back for having made the effort. Going from terrible to bad is a step in the right direction. It's not a spectactular step, but a step nonetheless.

I'm not big on how anti-depressants work. I'm not a doctor, and I'm of a notion that if the meds work, I don't question them too much. It was a different case with my diabetes, as taking insulin eventually had some unhappy effects on me, and I was forced to learn more.

From my personal experience, depression can taint the way we think about something. Though we are loved and cared about, some part of us can't see our value to others, let alone ourselves. My guess would be that it's time for a change in medication. I tried several before I found what works for me. It would be helpful if I could get myself a therapist, but the healthcare system here in the States isn't exactly rushing to my aid in that regard. I suggest you talk to whomever prescribed the meds and see if perhaps there isn't something else to try. And remember, it takes four to six weeks for these meds to take full effect, so try to be a patient patient. :smallsmile:

[The Great Skenardo]

Not sure if I should do this...however, talking to complete strangers on the internet did help in the past, so well...can't get much worse right now, anyway.

Not exactly sure what's happening right now. But due to the fact that I haven't left my home for a week now (and totally lack any urge to do it), that I have serious trouble even getting out of bed or eat, that I have this odd pain in the stomach region and, of course, that unhealthy fascination about my own death again...yeah, probably depression. Again.

I'm no doctor, of course, but I might suggest that the not eating and the stomach pain have some relationship to each other. If you think your health is backsliding and that you can't muster the effort to care for yourself, it may be time to check yourself into a hospital for a short time; this will enable you to begin to get a hold on your current situation.



I'm so sick of it, I hate this. I suffered from depression as well as suicidal thoughts since I was 12 or so (maybe earlier, but I have some trouble remembering). Now I'm 27 and it feels like nothing has changed, although a lot has changed. I should feel better now, but I don't.
I originally planned to kill myself with 24. After more than ten years of agony, I didn't felt strong enough to endure all this pain anymore while having virtually no hope. Really, it was that bad.

*sympathetic nod* I believe it. Chronic depression is, unfortunately, chronic. I'm sorry you're in such bad straits...but I have a question: when you talk about the ten years of agony, is it physical or mental agony?



But I decided not to do it, yet, while thinking about my family (mostly my mother) and some other people who would be sad. Instead I took what was left from my strength and tried to change my life...more or less completely...sort of.
That process took me three or four years now. All the time, I had this little hope that "everything will be good" one day. I started a therapy, got Trevilor (venlafaxine hydrochloride) and other treatment and a lot of help and support from many people. And it actually got better, at least I thought so.

Can I just mention that I'm extremely impressed? Many people who have these sorts of problems never muster the effort to do something about it. That you took matters into your own hands speaks a great deal to your courage and will, and that you kept with it for so long is even more impressive. Are you still doing therapy and keeping up with your meds?



But now I'm getting to the point where this process is almost over and, well...it isn't "good". It improved, yeah. Like, from "outright horrible" to "bad". And from time to time, I would even call it "almost bearable". Still far from "good" I feel. And there isn't much left that I could do.

Do you feel that the things you've been doing are no longer having an effect? Or is it just that things haven't been improving any?


Now I'm breaking apart again. I don't know, I just keep hating this life. I'm not happy and when I think about it, I can't remember that I ever were. There just don't seem to be any positive things in this life, no matter where I look.

I don't seem to have any talents...whatever I try, I suck at it. My education is crap and I don't have a job. Guys avoid me and I can't even blame them for that.

:smallfrown: I'm really sorry to hear that. But here's a thought for you; Perhaps happiness lies in the future? You may laugh hollowly at that, but hear me out here. Happiness comes with varying ease to different people. Some people are lucky enough to find joy in the simplest things and contentment even with a miserable lot. Some however, find happiness an uphill climb; a boulder that never reaches the top of the hill, but just crushes them each time they try for it.
I think part of this is inherent, and part of it is acquired. Never forget that you have an actual medical case of depression; you've been struggling against cruel disadvantages for a while, but you've made some headway towards contentment.

But it is going to be work. Pride and skill are two things that can both be acquired; No one is doomed to be failure forever, and this much, at least, is within your power.




I hate the fact that there's nothing I can do, or that I have, or that I am, which I could be...proud of, or something. I just feel that I'm "loosing" all the time, in every aspect of life. Love? I think I don't even know what that is.

It's definitely something you have to work for. But With the self-image problems you have described below, it shouldn't come as a surprise to you that your own virtues are completely invisible to yourself. I think the first step may be to accept on faith that you have some redeeming features. Anything at all. You might not be able to list any of them (as it sounds like self-loathing will try and quash any gratifying thoughts you may be having), but just to believe that you have some may be a good place to start.

Also: friends? Family? You say that you got a lot of support in the past...isn't that an expression of love?



But...I think first and foremost I hate this body. Why do I even got it? I hate this face, this voice, this skin, my size, the overall shape...even just my hands or feet and so many things more, I can't stand them. I wish all of this would just be gone. I wish I could leave this ugly thing and hack it to pieces with an axe, really. I noticed that I found the thought of, like, sawing off my arm or a foot, or cutting out an eye and stuff like that (think Saw and the like) to be quite...fascinating? This seems so wrong when you think about it, but it doesn't really bother me. Maybe I'll even do it one day, I don't know.

This is a serious problem, and it actually makes me very very concerned. I think most people at some point or another idly consider self-harm, but from what you say...
It sounds as if you've genuinely picked up self-loathing. I personally have no doubts that your body is nowhere near the aesthetic abomination you make it out to be. I hesitate to comment further without knowing more...but I wonder if you consciously realize that your perception of your own appearance may be tainted by your current mental state? That is, there may be a difference between what you see wrong with yourself physically, and what is actually wrong.
Even supposing your own perception is all that matters in this case (and it is very important), What use is there in feeling shame about your own body?
(I know feeling better isn't as simple as that, of course.)
You talk of 'leaving this ugly thing,'... but I would ask you this; would having a 'perfect' body really make you feel any better? I think what I'm trying to suggest here is that if you can't find contentment with how you are (or how you can become), you should look beyond the shallow perception of your physical form as the major definition of your worth. You've clearly already realized that you have worth far beyond what is tied up in flesh and bone; now all you must do is realize that you have worth in flesh and bone as well, and you'll be on the path towards self-appreciation, I think.



I feel so pathetic. All I'm apperantly able to do is wasting my time on the internet playing online games I don't enjoy anymore and lurking on forums, reading topics I don't even care about. What was supposed to be a "new start" seems to have failed. Again, I wish all of this would just stop. Again, I need a lot of my strength to fight the urge to MAKE it stop. The hope I had for a time is mostly gone. And the people I had in mind when I stopped myself past then? They're not here. I'm alone like I've always been.

I hate to point out the obvious, but if you're dissatisfied with how you're spending your time, there's only one person that can change that. You have to realize that you're making yourself unhappy with how you're spending your time because you feel it is being wasted. The solution? change how you spend your time. In your own self-interest, you might consider rousing yourself from bed and going in search of a job. Often if you have some work or some project that occupies your time and your mind, you keep yourself from picking at the mortar in your mental wall. The less time you spend stewing over things while doing nothing, I think you'll see that you denigrate yourself less.

As to the "New Start"...why are you so certain it has failed? I sincerely would like to hear.

I'd like to give you this piece of advice as well; place your priorities in their appropriate time frame. You will not wake up tomorrow and find that you suddenly are a friend to all and feel the warm glow of contentment, and you shouldn't relegate the issue of getting help or managing your time to 'someday.'
I think you ought to focus on what you can change immediately, and what you need to address first. First, for example, you might make it a goal to get up out of bed and go outside for a while for a walk. Then, since you might see that your problems with depression are keeping you from making any major changes to your lifestyle, you might look into getting some professional help, or even just going to the hospital.
Leave for the future the issue of finding a boyfriend; without some kind of firmer mental standpoint, it would only be an even worse weight to carry.
Leave for the future the problem of having friends; Once you've earned yourself some measure of self-confidence in your own eyes, I think you'll find that making friends is much easier than it would have been otherwise.

In summary, First Things First. Get up outcha chair and get help, if you haven't already. Then look into getting a job to support yourself, once you think you could hold one down. From there...you can work on changing other, more major things. It won't be easy, and I don't know if you'll ever truly vanquish depression, but you may win victories and know happiness.


I don't know what to do and I doubt anyone around here does. Sorry for bothering, but I had to write this out. I apologize for bad english.
I get the feeling that there are more things to say but I can't recall them right now. My eyes are burning and I want to try getting some sleep now.

*hugs* Never feel guilty for feeling sad. Even Bor will agree that this thread was created especially for people like you, and we'll help and support you all the way. :smallsmile:

[Narmoth]

Iron_Mouse, a big hug to you. I'm really sorry you feel this way.
I think that your medication can have stopped working. Are you taking the same type and amount of it as, let's say 5 years ago?
It might be helpfull to consult your doctor about your medication, as it seems to me that you need some different medication than what you are using now. Are you going to some terapy? I would suggest trying different types of therapy, maybee group therapy and see what you feel most helpfull.
I'm shure that your condition will improve with the right treatment. :smallsmile:

[DarkLightDragon]

I think my WoW shirt helped give me a confidence boost! :smallbiggrin:
Still got a long way to go before feeling comfortable around other people, but I think its starting to improve.

@Iron_Mouse: *hug* Hang in there! You can do it!

[Sye216]

Geez, with all this really bad stuff, my mental problems seem inferior.....


I suffer from anxiety disorder, and it has often affected my sleeping patterns very badly. I watched a scary movie last night, so I woke at 2:00 a.m. this morning and have been awake since. I had to load up on caffeine to stay awake because I was so scared. This happens to me a lot, because my room makes a lot of weird noises, which keep me up half the night.

I also suffer from depression, and I used to take meds a while back because of it. I know the pain of missing meds, and I did it quite frequently, making my mood even worse. This also poorly affected my grades, and I barely inched passed in school with a big round of Cs, not impressing my mom. I went through therapy for a while before they took me off the meds, but I still get really depressed once in a while. That's usually when I lock myself in my room and blast some Evanescence until I feel better. That has come to annoy my family, and I need a new source of comfort. (For a while it was eating until they took me off the meds)


So, that's my problems. It may seem small compared to some really nasty depression cases, but it's enough to drive me up the wall often enough. If you want to give advice, I will heed it, but if you want to help someone else, I don't care.

[Narmoth]

That's usually when I lock myself in my room and blast some Evanescence until I feel better. That has come to annoy my family, and I need a new source of comfort. (For a while it was eating until they took me off the meds)

So, you need a new source of comfort. Well, try Sonata Arctica (old), Dark Tranquillity (new) and Iced Earth (with Matt). Might also be an idea to use headphones.
When it comes to your room, try to soundisolate it better. But a thick carpet on the floor, check that the door and window frame aren't leaking air in in the room (source of creepy noice number one) and put magnets on the doors of the wardrobe so they stay together. You might also want to have a not to bright lightsource to turn on when trying to sleep.
Hope some of my suggestions prove helpfull

[The Great Skenardo]

Geez, with all this really bad stuff, my mental problems seem inferior.....


I suffer from anxiety disorder, and it has often affected my sleeping patterns very badly. I watched a scary movie last night, so I woke at 2:00 a.m. this morning and have been awake since. I had to load up on caffeine to stay awake because I was so scared. This happens to me a lot, because my room makes a lot of weird noises, which keep me up half the night.

I also suffer from depression, and I used to take meds a while back because of it. I know the pain of missing meds, and I did it quite frequently, making my mood even worse. This also poorly affected my grades, and I barely inched passed in school with a big round of Cs, not impressing my mom. I went through therapy for a while before they took me off the meds, but I still get really depressed once in a while. That's usually when I lock myself in my room and blast some Evanescence until I feel better. That has come to annoy my family, and I need a new source of comfort. (For a while it was eating until they took me off the meds)


So, that's my problems. It may seem small compared to some really nasty depression cases, but it's enough to drive me up the wall often enough. If you want to give advice, I will heed it, but if you want to help someone else, I don't care.

Like I say, misery is not a competition; if you've got troubles, we'll listen.

I'm glad to hear you've got a coping mechanism worked out; a lot of people with depression simply never find anything that makes them feel better except the passage of time. If you need another one, may I humbly suggest getting out of the house? Assuming you're in an area where this is at all viable, a great way to take your mind off of your troubles is to go on a nature hike at a state or national park or forest nearby.
Bike rides are even better, if there are back roads away from the highways you can take.

[Starla]

I went to an seminar that included a class about depression. I learned a lot. Some of the things that they recommended before medication was to exercise regularly (aerobic is the best), eat regular, healthy, balanced meals, get regular, adequate sleep and avoid drugs and alcohol. Also, improving interpersonal relationships, participate in wholesome recreational and pleasurable activities, make time to do service for church or community and maintain balance in your life.

I find that these are effective even if it isn't always possible to maintain a schedule that includes all those things. Also, I learned that everyone gets mildly depressed and it is serious if you don't pull out of it on your own within 2 weeks. I was surprised to learn that depression in guys may not be recognized because it can cause anger more often and that emotion is not usually associated with depression.

Now for my own problem and reason for posting. My husband and I are struggling together against his own problem with a form of depression. It affects me too. He is trying to exercise with a friend in the morning, but the friend sleeps in too often and afterwork is not an option with him either. Also, my husband created a family website and forum so he could get more interaction with his family (11 siblings, a couple still at home, some at college together and some are married). His sisters wanted to start and RP thread. He liked the idea, but when he tried to join in he was harassed by the sister that until now has never really interacted with us when we visited. He felt so hurt and unwelcome by her attack that he sent her a personal message to ask what he had done to offend her and she replied that he must not know her very well because that was her way and essentially she would not apologize for it. Considering that he created the forum for his use and to invite family and friends and now does not feel welcome there really hurts him and by association me. Part of me wants to chastise his sister for her actions, but another part of me feels that would make it worse. I just want my husband's family to stop being so...Anti-social with each other. They are always eager to displease or be displeased with each other it is frustrating.

[Niasen]

Now for my own problem and reason for posting. My husband and I are struggling together against his own problem with a form of depression. It affects me too. He is trying to exercise with a friend in the morning, but the friend sleeps in too often and afterwork is not an option with him either. Also, my husband created a family website and forum so he could get more interaction with his family (11 siblings, a couple still at home, some at college together and some are married). His sisters wanted to start and RP thread. He liked the idea, but when he tried to join in he was harassed by the sister that until now has never really interacted with us when we visited. He felt so hurt and unwelcome by her attack that he sent her a personal message to ask what he had done to offend her and she replied that he must not know her very well because that was her way and essentially she would not apologize for it. Considering that he created the forum for his use and to invite family and friends and now does not feel welcome there really hurts him and by association me. Part of me wants to chastise his sister for her actions, but another part of me feels that would make it worse. I just want my husband's family to stop being so...Anti-social with each other. They are always eager to displease or be displeased with each other it is frustrating.

Yea, I have some family (even friends) like that and it's never good to get that out of the blue. Usually it's really never something you "should know about", its just an excuse for them to get angry at you for some past injustice they feel they never got closure on. But your right, chastising them DOES NOT WORK, trust me, it doesn't, all it does is somehow make them feel they were 'justified'...don't ask me how. One way to help is that since your technically an outsider to the family, YOU can ask what the offence was and find out what her problem is. I realize this is a bit of pandering to the annoying one as it were, but honestly, to get close to all the family thats been apart for a long time and probably has a lot of pent up feelings...there's going to have to be a LOT of pandering and such before everyone starts realizing that no hard feelings were meant on any side. As for the friend...alarm clock gift?

My reason now for posting...well...yeesh, who knows anymore, I probably get depressed everytime the wind changes and then get happy when it stops. Admittedly I just got my first girlfriend who just became my first ex in a rather nasty manner.
I may seem weird, but I actually would have accepted her saying she was no longer interested in me, a relationship, or suddenly interested in a guy down the street than what she said to me. See, I'm good at very FEW things in life, but one thing I pride myself in is that I protect my friends and family in any aspect, whether its physical, mental, or even financial if I can. I've proved it time and time again with my friends and even with her on all those by protecting her from some rather nasty guys with some less than pristine intentions, helping her through depression, and when we couldn't find a job anywhere else for her, I finnessed it to where she could work for my family...mostly due to my wheedling since they didn't like some of her worktime attitude.
After a while I began to notice she started being rather disinterested in me, she was terse with me and rarely wanted to hang out. Only times I saw her were when she was working or when she wanted to see a movie or when some of her other friends were about. I don't think she was cheating on me or anything (mostly cause her friends were MY friends to and I trust THEM) but it struck me as odd, but I shrugged it off. Then of course she got into this spat with my mother while I was asleep for my nightshift and she basically charged into my room and wanted me involved suddenly. I have no idea whats going on at all and my mother's surprised as hell at this time, so she takes her back out and shuts the light back out. I hear them argue a bit in my half-daze and headache, and then I hear the door slam and my mother comes back and apologize, and she's holding her wrist like it hurts. Understand my mother is getting on in years and has previous injuries to her back, wrist, hand, and just about every bone except her leg bones, so I'm a little worried that she might be hurt but she says she's ok and Thats pretty much all I can stay awake for (I'd been up for over 23 hours before).
Next time I see my GF, she comes returning a gold necklace I gave her sayiing she feels I wouldn't protect her ever and that fight was proof, that I'd probably just go back to sleep if she was about to get raped...am I the only one who thinks thats a bit much?

[Starla]

No I think she was not communicating well. Girls tend to be afraid of confrontation (not excusing her behavior, but putting in a well known cliche) and can be very indirect when they are hoping the guy will get the hint (or whomever the target of their intended message is). I have heard time and again that it is hard for girls to be direct and it is very often the case. I remember when I had to end a relationship with a guy and I kept telling him that I couldn't hang out with him anymore and he just would not listen to me. My husband's brother wants to write a dating book that you could read like a choose your own adventure book, not from cover to cover but from question to question. I asked him what I did wrong when I could not communicate to the guy the answer no. He said I should have told him that I had no interest in dating or marrying him. If I did not include both date and marry then there was room for him to argue. He gave more proof for the answer, but I don't need to go into that here, I have already sidetracked enough.

Anyway, from your end of the story it sounds like she already felt the need to move on, but didn't know how to break it off and thought she needed a good excuse to make it your fault the relationship ended. Since it sounds like you have helped her cope with other bad relationships, you would know better if that is how she usually ended them. If so, then it probably was the only pattern she knew and therefore felt she must follow.

[The Great Skenardo]

While the above explanations have their merit, Note that it's also possible she was being a big jerk.
:smallwink:

[Iron_Mouse]

Well...thanks for the replies, guys. Thanks for your effords to help me.
I'll try my best to answer some questions.

I'm no doctor, of course, but I might suggest that the not eating and the stomach pain have some relationship to each other. If you think your health is backsliding and that you can't muster the effort to care for yourself, it may be time to check yourself into a hospital for a short time; this will enable you to begin to get a hold on your current situation.
Not sure about the hospital part...I think I'll consider it, when this here takes longer.
Oh, and no, the pain is not related. I kind of know it, I have it every time. It's psychosomatic or something, the mental pain seems to manifest itself physically. Eating doesn't help. Not eating, up to the point where the hunger gets painful, does help. Odd but true.

*sympathetic nod* I believe it. Chronic depression is, unfortunately, chronic. I'm sorry you're in such bad straits...but I have a question: when you talk about the ten years of agony, is it physical or mental agony?
Entirely mental. Well, almost...I got heavily mobbed and bullied a lot, also physically. But it's the mental pain that hurts the most and goes away so slowly, if at all.

Do you feel that the things you've been doing are no longer having an effect? Or is it just that things haven't been improving any?
Well, it's a bit difficult to explain without going into details (which I hoped I could avoid, I don't want to discuss this in public). I had the hope that, after all this "changing", I would find at least a little happiness. This hope wasn't very big, though, and there was always this evil voice with me which told me "this isn't going to work, forget it". Now the change is almost complete and - guess what, there is no happiness here...so, does it mean that the voice was right? Suddenly, all my efford seems to be wasted (at least, mostly). I could have ended this long ago, after all. Would have saved me a lot of trouble and time, in that case.

I'm really sorry to hear that. But here's a thought for you; Perhaps happiness lies in the future? You may laugh hollowly at that, but hear me out here. Happiness comes with varying ease to different people. Some people are lucky enough to find joy in the simplest things and contentment even with a miserable lot. Some however, find happiness an uphill climb; a boulder that never reaches the top of the hill, but just crushes them each time they try for it.
About that happiness in the future part...I thought this when I was 12. And when I was 18. And when I was 24. I'm kind of sick of waiting. I *am* in the "future" now, but here isn't any happiness. Really, how long does it take?
One day, all will be good is what they said, and what I told me all the time. But I start to think that this day isn't supposed to come, ever. Not for me.

Also: friends? Family? You say that you got a lot of support in the past...isn't that an expression of love?
Yes, this is true. I'm lucky that I got these people, without them, I would be gone long ago. And while I'm really (really) grateful for this, I keep asking myself...this can't be everything, or? I mean, living for them. There has to be another purpose in life than just that...but I can't find it.

This is a serious problem, and it actually makes me very very concerned. I think most people at some point or another idly consider self-harm, but from what you say...
It sounds as if you've genuinely picked up self-loathing. I personally have no doubts that your body is nowhere near the aesthetic abomination you make it out to be. I hesitate to comment further without knowing more...but I wonder if you consciously realize that your perception of your own appearance may be tainted by your current mental state? That is, there may be a difference between what you see wrong with yourself physically, and what is actually wrong.
Even supposing your own perception is all that matters in this case (and it is very important), What use is there in feeling shame about your own body?
(I know feeling better isn't as simple as that, of course.)
You talk of 'leaving this ugly thing,'... but I would ask you this; would having a 'perfect' body really make you feel any better? I think what I'm trying to suggest here is that if you can't find contentment with how you are (or how you can become), you should look beyond the shallow perception of your physical form as the major definition of your worth. You've clearly already realized that you have worth far beyond what is tied up in flesh and bone; now all you must do is realize that you have worth in flesh and bone as well, and you'll be on the path towards self-appreciation, I think.
I don't even want a "perfect" body...I would be quite glad if I just had a "normal" one. Look, I'm 1,99m tall, that's about...6'6'' I think. And I totally HATE it, I can't even tell you how much.
Yeah, many people told me that this isn't "such a big issue" and that it's fine and all that, but it isn't. I think these people don't understand what it means. Strangers look at me, and totally not with the kind of look you actually want to get. It actually happend that people saw me and immediatly started laughing. I can not ignore this.
While I don't have real social phobia yet, I hate to go to places where too many people can see me and I try to avoid it whenever I can.
I will not even start with the problems getting clothing I like and everything.
I also totally hate my voice. This means, I actually try to avoid talking to people, unless I really have to.
And then there's my face and all of this.

I can't "get over" this. I tried for many years now, I just can't. And it's not something that can be fixed somehow.

In your own self-interest, you might consider rousing yourself from bed and going in search of a job. Often if you have some work or some project that occupies your time and your mind, you keep yourself from picking at the mortar in your mental wall. The less time you spend stewing over things while doing nothing, I think you'll see that you denigrate yourself less.
It's not easy to get something here, in these times. I lack any training and when I tried to get some, I always failed. But what matters is, I still don't know what I really want. For the few things I might be interested in, I lack the qualification. Most of the things I might be qualified for, I don't want to do.

That said, I thought about joining the police lately, I would even be qualified. However, I fear that I'm not stable enough (mentally).


About my meds and therapy, I stopped taking my pills a few months ago. I had the feeling that they stopped working on me anyway and they made me feel dull and mentally slow. Most importantly, however, I thought I wouldn't need them anymore. I felt stable, and for a time it really worked just fine. For the same reason, I didn't went to my therapist for quite a while (and I had some other things to do, too).
But now I got this relapse, and what worries me, I got it while thinking about my life. How broken all of this is and how little I can do to improve it. There are things who strongly pull me down and it's literally impossible to get rid of them. Simply ignoring them is possible for a while, but this takes much strength and it doesn't work forever. When I can't ignore them anymore I break apart, like now. It's something that happened to me in the past but that was supposed to NOT happen anymore, now. But it did happen and now I'm screwed.
Seriously, I don't want to live like that forever, I just can't.

Oh well, whatever. I got an appointment for my doctor at 12. july and I will try talking to her. I somewhat doubt that she knows a solution but who knows.

[Starla]

Hey, I have an idea! If you have a chance come by to Dean's "another birthday alone" thread and have some cake and ice cream and wish him a happy b-day. Sometimes a good way to fight depression is trying to cheer someone else up. I made him a chocolate cake and he is already feeling a bit better. Anyone have some decorations? Balloons, streamers, party hats? C'mon over!

[The Great Skenardo]

@ The Iron Mouse:
Hm. I note what you say about how things seemed to be getting better, and how the relapses are 'not supposed to happen,' but if your illness truly is chronic, then it might be that it will take a great deal more time and work to get to the point where you no longer need meds to prevent this kind of breakdown.

Before we get any further, I advise this; start taking your Meds again. Then, after taking them, reconsider the things you've typed here. Not all of them will have changed, of course, but...see if your perspective has changed any.

[Niasen]

(side note, I HATE borrowed computers for posting, especially malfunctioning ones)

But anyway, To IronMouse:
I hear ya on the feeling of "The future should be NOW," I got that a lot...ah who am I kidding, I STILL get that at times, heck lately I've even begun to question a few things that even I thought were "unquestionable truths" and my own morals lately due to how my life's going. However, there IS a few things I think we should think about when we're at our lowest.
1. Laws of Probability and averages say that there's a good chance that our lives GOTTA get better sooner or later, if just to even out the books in life.
2. We DO have loving family at the moment (Sorry if I'm making an assumption on ya for that one, but I'm taking it from a previous post) who could probably supply us with a few good memories...if not a few good laughs anyway.
3. As starla said, sometimes it's better to actually try and cheer someone ELSE up then have them try and cheer YOU up for depression. Sounds silly I know, but I'll be danged if it doesn't actually work from time to time.
4. Oh, and last and possibly least (depending on people's viewpoints to this), do You REALLY want to tick off your DM in the boards THAT much by taking sabaticals due to bad moods? I'm sure the poor dear loses enough hair from frustration as it is. :smallbiggrin:

Yes, that last one was a pathetic attempt at a joke...I know. I'm going to be flogged for that at a later time, don't worry.

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

One birthday turned to crap, coming right up! :smallfrown:

I knew the call would be coming. I knew my father would call to wish me a "happy birthday." In the process, I knew he'd manage to make some kind of comment that would make me feel like garbage. What I didn't know was that it would turn into a tearful plea for him to come to grips with the fact that I. AM. SICK!

He really poured it on this time, reminding me that I'm alive 40 years and have nothing to show for it. No girlfriend, wife, children, job, money, etc. He chose TODAY to remind me that a college degree in absolutely nothing. And when I try to explain that these things are not easy for me, he wants to know what's so damned hard. To quote him, "You just go out and do it."

That set me off.

"When are you and the rest of the family going to understand that I'm mentally ill? I'm afraid to go out and meet people! I'm not just afraid of getting hurt again; I'm TERRIFIED! A day when I go out to get food at the market is a day of bravery for me. But my entire family seems to think I'm faking all of this. Do you honestly believe this was part of some grand scheme of mine when I was a teenager? That I wanted to lack what the world considers a 'complete' education and live in poverty? Do you really think I had an early dream of living in a boarding house with people even sicker than myself, only to have a drunken roommate crack my skull open with a club while I slept? I get the same thing from [my brother] as I do from you; that if I just get a job, I'll be cured. When are any of you going to come to grips that this is not a game for me...that I'm not on some kind of extended vacation?"

Those are the basics. A few other things were said that none of you would understand unless you were a direct member of my family. And all the while, tears fell onto my shirt.

They're still falling.

Happy Birthday, Bor.

[The Great Skenardo]

Ah, the curse of having a down-to-Earth parent when you yourself have mental illnesses. I know that thinking well: "If you ain't bleeding or dying of typhoid, then shake it off!"

It can be practical advice, but it's rarely helpful :smallannoyed:

Still, I hope you manage to cheer up a bit; you're probably the playgrounder with the greatest cult following here, from what I've seen (with the possible exception of Cobra_Ikari). It might not mean much in RL, but it's gotta count for somethat that literally hundreds of people online think you are Premium Stuff.

I wouldn'd be telling you anything new if I tried to give advice, so I'll settle for working the job of an OP-AMP

Input:

Happy Birthday, Bor
Output:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BOR!

And Be Well, you great big axe-swinging meditative. :smallsmile:

[smellie_hippie]

Sometimes, words are not enough.

*I'm there for you hug*

just for you Bor.

Be well.

[Skippy]

Hey, I know it stinks, sometimes all the awful things "stack". They keep coming. I know I'm not physically there, but you can count on me too, Bor

Hope the day ends up better...

[Hoggy]

:smallfrown:

Hmmm. I have a tricky family too. But I can't really suggest how to deal with it, seeing as ignoring them isn't going too well. I wish I could give a better bit of advice, seeing as what I just said could be interpreted differently in our different ways, considering our different situations.

But I can't think of a lot else to say. I'm not too good at this advice thing. Sorry. :smalleek:

[Khantalas]

Ignoring them works plenty well - as long as you have the money, the contacts, and the courage to get help on your own.

Me, not having any of the three, have to not ignore them.

Ah well. This wasn't about me, was it?

*glomps Bor*

Happy birthday Rob. We know how hard it can be, even if your parents don't. Cause sometimes sane people can be so insane. Talking to people, right.

And if I sound insincere or sarcastic, it's because I suck at conveying emotions. Stupid limited text. *kicks limited text*

[Katonta]

That's it Bor, where do these parents of yours live? Its time we give them a stern talkin' to! I'll bring the chips if everyone else can supply a car that can travel over water in short amounts of time. :smalltongue:.

As I said in the other thread, Happy Birthday, Bor! Your family doesn't deserve to be related to someone like you. :smallwink:

[Trog]

Trog Update:
I have made only one major new depression-related breakthrough that I feel the need to pass along...

Excessive Adult Beverages and Depression Medication Do NOT mix well.

Go out. Drink to excess. Arrive home in some taxi. Pass Out. Wake up with hangover. Take meds in morning and go to work... meds increase effect of alcohol and make you inebriated once again... only at work. :smalleek: I... uh... left early. :smallredface: :smallfrown:

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

Thanks, folks. Sometimes the sentiments behind the words work wonders. :smallsmile: I'll work on the whole 'be well" part for myself, just as long as you're all doing the same for yourselves and others.

+Rob

[Rex Idiotarum]

@#$% birthdays, besides Christmas, they are the most @#$%ing depressing time of the year.

Don't let them get you down.

[Dr._Weird]

Aww, happy birthday Bor! I hope it gets better.

[AdrianoIank]

Trog Update:
I have made only one major new depression-related breakthrough that I feel the need to pass along...

Excessive Adult Beverages and Depression Medication Do NOT mix well.

Go out. Drink to excess. Arrive home in some taxi. Pass Out. Wake up with hangover. Take meds in morning and go to work... meds increase effect of alcohol and make you inebriated once again... only at work. :smalleek: I... uh... left early. :smallredface: :smallfrown:

I´m having sporadic medication to keep anxiety and stress at a workable level (stress have blown up through the roof, straight into Mars. Got uncomfortably close to a heart attack again :smallannoyed:).
I made the mistake of mixing hard alcohol with it this weekend (saturday lunchtime, up to 2 PM). Got conscience back sunday, around 9:00 AM. With a hangover fit for Dionysus.
So, yes, I concur. Alcohol does not mix well with psychiatric medication.

For Bor: I cannot say much, just that you have my sympathy, and I hope your relatives will eventually understand you. I really hope. Nobody deserves something like that.

[Narmoth]

Bor, I think I really would like to meet your father and advice him to make a career in medicine. Just imagine him as a doctor:

A person lies on the ground after an axident, status: unconsious and not breathing.
Doctor "dad of bor" arrives
Looks at the patient on the ground and says, while holding his smoke in one hand and making lectionning gestures with the other:
What's wrong with you? Can't you just breathe as everybody else? It's not that hard, I do it all the time!
Looks at the patient (jepp, the unconsious and not breathing one. He has 7/10th of oxygen reserve left.
Hey, are you listenning at all? I said that you should breathe! So why aren't you doing it! It's for your own ******* good! Is this some childish show of will or something?
6/10th of oxygen reserve left.
Well, if you aren't willing to do things for yourself, I'm sertainly won't do them for you.
So you better start breathing, you ***** *******, for I'm sertainly won't be breathing for you.
Doctor "dad of bor" leaves.
The patient has 5 minutes of oxygen left before imminent death. Brain damage will start in a minute.
If you wan't to give this a happy ending, you can tell yourself that a paramedic arrived and started artificial respiartion.

Well, this was a little long, but I think everyone get's the point and a laugh.

[Eldpollard]

I am not a person who generally feels depressed, quite often I don't feel happy either though. At the moment however I have been feeling depressed.

A friend of mine died on Sunday, the details of his death I won't go into but it has hit us all rather hard. This death has caused me to really evaluate life, he died at 19 and has really shown me how fragile life is and has caused me to evaluate mine. It has seemed lacking.

It feels as though I'm not really living my life, instead I'm merely existing, going day to day the same repetitive task, there's nothing that makes me feel alive. I need to do something with my life so that it's more than just banality. We don't know how long we have to live so I feel I should make the most of it, at the moment I am not. If I were to die what would I have to show for me existence?

This coupled with the grief of the death has not left me in the best of sorts. My thoughts are with his family.

[Thes Hunter]

Not sure about the hospital part...I think I'll consider it, when this here takes longer.
Oh, and no, the pain is not related. I kind of know it, I have it every time. It's psychosomatic or something, the mental pain seems to manifest itself physically. Eating doesn't help. Not eating, up to the point where the hunger gets painful, does help. Odd but true.


Have you considered that this not eating helping the pain go away might actually have a physical origin, and not a pychosomatic one?

Like that you might have a problem with the muscles in your intestine not moving food, or a paracite, or some other issue not related to depression?

I would certainly ask your primary care doctor about it, and see if they want to refer you to a GI specialist.



One birthday turned to crap, coming right up! :smallfrown:

I knew the call would be coming. I knew my father would call to wish me a "happy birthday." In the process, I knew he'd manage to make some kind of comment that would make me feel like garbage. What I didn't know was that it would turn into a tearful plea for him to come to grips with the fact that I. AM. SICK!

He really poured it on this time, reminding me that I'm alive 40 years and have nothing to show for it. No girlfriend, wife, children, job, money, etc. He chose TODAY to remind me that a college degree in absolutely nothing. And when I try to explain that these things are not easy for me, he wants to know what's so damned hard. To quote him, "You just go out and do it."

That set me off.

"When are you and the rest of the family going to understand that I'm mentally ill? I'm afraid to go out and meet people! I'm not just afraid of getting hurt again; I'm TERRIFIED! A day when I go out to get food at the market is a day of bravery for me. But my entire family seems to think I'm faking all of this.

If only we had the power to walk a mile in each other shoes. All War and suffering would end.

I am sorry Bor, that your family does not give you the support you require.

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

It should be noted that, despite my father's efforts to make yet another birthday a crappy event, certain parties have evendevoured to make it otherwise. The two of note: Lord Herman and Narmoth.

LH has given me a kind of coupon for one free avatar of my choice, which, as we know, is highly prized here on GitP. :smallsmile:

Narmoth did something very much unexpected. He e-mails me an MP3 file of some blues music he recorded just for little old me. And suddenly, my life is like a credit card commercial.

Computer bought when you had money: $1800.
Internet service per month: $21.99.
Hours spent surfing the net for humans with brains: Endless.
Finding friends who care that much, despite living thousands of miles away: Priceless.
For some things in the world, there's Mastercard. For everything else, there's Giant in the Park. :smallsmile:

[Alarra]

Aww, that's sweet. And makes me smile :smallsmile:
I love the people here. Hmm...*notices that she seems to be saying that a lot lately, not that it makes it any less true or anything...*

[Serpentine]

Well, Bor, at least you can find comfort in the fact that you live in the state with the coolest name in the WORLD. :smallwink:
I can understand that it'd be frustrating for your dad if he doesn't quite get what you're going through. Still, it doesn't exactly sound like he's trying to get it, and having a go at you on your birthday seems pretty damn harsh :smallconfused:
>hugses! Also a comforting pat on the shoulder<

Alarra: Don't worry, the awww-gas will wear off eventually, and everything will be back to its sarcastic normal :smallamused:

[The Great Skenardo]

Alarra: Don't worry, the awww-gas will wear off eventually, and everything will be back to its sarcastic normal :smallamused:
However, it won't be for about two months. :smallbiggrin:


(Cookie for the unfortunate soul who gets the pun.)

[Starla]

Today I got to start seeing my therapist. I hope my husband makes an appointment with his soon. He is nervous about therapy because he has never done it before. I was trying to explain how it should work and I realized the best way to explain it today.

A good therapist will help you:

Think about the things you think about in order to improve your thinking.

Really she let me ramble on a lot, but she asked my questions that directed my focus not on my thoughts, but what my thoughts were about and how I was feeling. The thing is that my husband sees me crying and doesn't know why and when I try to tell him it doesn't work. He thinks I am sad. The truth is I am frustrated. When I thought about all the things that I think about when I cry, it is feelings of frustration not sadness that overcome me. Anyway, I told her I just needed someone to talk to let my frustration out, but I don't want to hurt my relationship with my husband or someone else who knows him to judge him from my feelings.

I do have hope that things will work out for us. I hope he will do his part to make it happen. It is frustrating to wait though.

[Quincunx]

Pen and paper, Starla. Keyboard and screen. Spoken words are choked off when the breath is diverted into tears; the written words wait. The paper will send you into tears again. Don't burn it, don't delete, don't let those words get choked off in ways you could control.

[Dallas-Dakota]

I'm leaving behind the great class i'm in.
there are a few options :
1 I will go to another school,but still go to next class(from 1 to 2),which sucks becouse I am in a really great class,that is great for myself and I wont get to see them anymore,the girl I like is in that class to.
2 I will do class over again,I will be in a diffrent class,I will see my 'old' classmates steadily,though not as much then. But There will be an age gap with some of my 'new class' around 3 a 4 years.

And a few other ones,but they are very,very small....

just needed to get this out......

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

I'm leaving behind the great class i'm in.
there are a few options :
1 I will go to another school,but still go to next class(from 1 to 2),which sucks becouse I am in a really great class,that is great for myself and I wont get to see them anymore,the girl I like is in that class to.
2 I will do class over again,I will be in a diffrent class,I will see my 'old' classmates steadily,though not as much then. But There will be an age gap with some of my 'new class' around 3 a 4 years.

And a few other ones,but they are very,very small....

just needed to get this out......
DK, I understand where you are and what you're feeling to my own extent. You see, there's a part of my high school years that I have, essentially, blocked out. But I spent 9th and 10th grade in a special education school because of all my hospitalizations for diabetes. There was simply no way for me to keep up, so someone had the goofy idea that a slower learning pace might be better for me.

Alas, the teaching rate was very, very, VERY slow. The teachers would spend a week giving a lesson that I'd picked up on day one. My new educational issue beacme taking naps in class. The staff didn't like that.

I was sent back to the public school system here in the States, but the education rate at the other school left me behind my peers. Thus, I repeated the 10th grade.

It was awkward at first. I'd see friends my age that were a year ahead of me in terms of schooling, and I managed to feel shame. The funny thing was, NO ONE brought it up. I was the only one bringing on the negative feelings about what had gone on. Instead, they brought up all of the petty concerns that affect teenagers; the very concerns that mean nothing the moment you graduate and everyone goes their separate ways.

No matter what choice you make, you will deal with the pettiness. If you go with your first option, you will technically start with a clean slate in every regard. Number two offers the chance to stay in touch with your friends easier, and if they are TRUE friends, they won't care about your class repetition. Personally, I'd go with choice two, as I wouldn't have to go through the social fuss of making new friends.

[Dallas-Dakota]

I'm going to a new school now.
On the bright side,ehm difficult to explain....Well I'l explain it this way :

I'm going from gymnasium 1 to Havo 2(class 2), The first classes were divided into : havo/vwo and havo/vmbo,so my class will be made of two different ehm sections,so not everybody will know eachother.......

My (old) classmates made me a map with that they'l miss me and stuff,that was really nice of them:smallsmile:

[I'm da Rogue!]

I want my exams to end. NOW.

[sktarq]

I'm going to a new school now.
On the bright side,ehm difficult to explain....Well I'l explain it this way :

I'm going from gymnasium 1 to Havo 2(class 2), The first classes were divided into : havo/vwo and havo/vmbo,so my class will be made of two different ehm sections,so not everybody will know eachother.......:

Okay I'll bite. What is Havo 2, vwo, and ehm mean?

[Namaste123]

I need advice here. My stepmother is stealing things from me and damaging my stuff, and I don't know how to deal with it.

[The Great Skenardo]

I need advice here. My stepmother is stealing things from me and damaging my stuff, and I don't know how to deal with it.

I assume you're absolutely certain it's her...:smalleek:

A few quick questions to shape our advice;
how much can you rely on your father/ other guardian to believe you if you told him/her?
Any idea why she's stealing from you? (i.e. she hates your guts/has gambling problem/whatever)
Are you living at home, or away at University?
How well did you and she get along prior to this, and how long has it been going on?
What kind of things stolen/broken? just money? personal effects?

This sounds like a real problem, but also one that has to be handled carefully.

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

I need advice here. My stepmother is stealing things from me and damaging my stuff, and I don't know how to deal with it.

My solution involves a sturdy chair, 50' of nylon rope, a gallon of gasoline...

Oh, wait...We're here to help address and relieve mental health issues...Not help them along. Never mind, then. :smalltongue:

[Thes Hunter]

I need advice here. My stepmother is stealing things from me and damaging my stuff, and I don't know how to deal with it.

I completely agree with the Great Skenado, and well, Bor as well... including that it's not a realistic solution. :smallsmile:

But key question is why, and what can you do to secure your items.

It is likely that your father won't believe you. It might even be happening to him, and people who steal tend to also be very manipulative to cover for their activity and bringing suspicion on others.

For this reason you should be absolutely sure that it is your stepmother, and not someone else who is causing the problem. And know that when you try to talk to others about it, you might be trying to bring suspicion on yourself, since the person who doing it, is trying to shift blame from themselves. They will use the fact that those are stealing do try to shift blame by implicating you, since you are making accusations. They will never make as much as a direct accusation, but will try to plant the idea in other peoples head that someone else is doing the stealing.

For example, You might say out loud "Wow it looks like money is missing from my wallet." There response is "You too?! Who could it be." and they will let you supply the answer.

Also remember whoever is stealing may try to set other people up for the fall for their behavior. So again I say be very careful trying to discuss this with others. It is going to cause a lot of suspicion between you and everyone else in the house, and isn't good for anyone.

But figuring out exactly how to deal with the situation is tied to finding out why the person is doing it, is it gambling?, Drugs?, jealousy?

But that will take time. For now try to secure your items the best you can. And if anyone questions why you are securing your items, and makes some sort of stink about it, and says anything along the lines of "Ohh... if you are protecting your stuff from being stolen, you must be a thief, because only thieves think like thieves." It's messed up logic, but I have seen it before used by the thieves to direct attention from themselves, and put blame on you. But that line of reasoning is a good sign that you have found the real thief.

[Dea_al_Mon]

I think a direct confrontation (with witnesses, of course) would be the best bet, once you are sure beyond doubt that it was her. If you were to be wrong, it would be...embarrassing. But if you play the cards right, during the confrontation you can get her backed into a verbal corner where the "explanations/excuses" start to unravel and trip on each other. After that, the fun begins!

[DarkLightDragon]

@Namaste123: I don't have anything to add, but the other posts contain good advice.

Anyway, I start meds soon... bit nervous about it...

[Katonta]

Anyway, I start meds soon... bit nervous about it...
You have a reason to be nervous, as meds can be a pretty scary thing when you go on them for the first time. All you need to do is trust the pharmacist that hir will do hir best to make sure that you get the meds you need, same thing for your doctor and psychiatrist, if you have one.

Also, DLD, I recently bought City of Heroes:Good vs. Evil Edition, and if your ever on Virtue, drop me a line, maybe you could help me or something. :smallwink:

[DarkLightDragon]

Also, DLD, I recently bought City of Heroes:Good vs. Evil Edition, and if your ever on Virtue, drop me a line, maybe you could help me or something. :smallwink: If I had that game... :smallamused:

[Narmoth]

I need advice here. My stepmother is stealing things from me and damaging my stuff, and I don't know how to deal with it.

If you can put a webcamera or something in the room, so you have proof, this would be easier. I suggest confronting her when you have solid proof. :smallcool:

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

Y'know, I honestly don't know how I do it. I think that, given a million dollars, I could dig a financial hole that is exceptionally deep.

Allow me to explain. With all of my medical issues after surgery, I found myself spending far more than I'd thought I could. For a guy who goes nowhere and does almost nothing to start with, spending money isn't easy. Especially when there's no money to start with.

Ah, but I met a saint. This saint was a philanthropic individual who would actually send me money via a PayPal account, as long as I could justify the spending. Over four or five months, this person sent me close to $2000! I mean, that's a STUNNING amount of money, and I cry every time I think of what this person has done for me. Just when I thought this person's help would get me in the green, I landed in the red by needing MORE medical supplies.

At last, I'm on the road to being almost completely healed. Still, I'm playing catch-up. I overdrew my checking account by $336 last month. But the third arrived and my direct deposit paid that off. I paid my rent with the very last of my money, including a wee bit of birthday money...and was left with nothing. No worries...I'll just overdraw again to get my needs, but keep it lower than $200. I was thinking I may even have to overdraw next month to continue getting back toward my normal spending habits...

Nope. Overdrawn by a mere $100, the bank has shut me down. I went to buy food and medications yesterday, and I was denied all purchases. I called the bank and asked why. I mean, they let me be a bad boy before, and they are ALWAYS paid by the third of ever month via direct deposit. And they make money off me with every purchase! $35 per overdraw. Did they not want extra money from me? When I told them what I was using the money for, they basically shrugged (over the phone) and said, "Sorry about that." :smallfurious:

*sigh*

Wanna see me sink, and sink fast? Give me money issues. Meds or no meds, I feel like my life is going down the toilet at a rapid rate. I tend to panic, need more meds, etc. when I get like this. And with all the help I've received, I also feel shame. :smalleek:

Yeah...I'm in a bad place right now. And my apolgies if this seems like whining, but I needed to vent. :smallfrown:

[The Great Skenardo]

You've got a good friend and a sponsor in this person, indeed. The plain fact of it is that you can't really be held to blame for your own medical needs; if you did that, you'd be acting precisely like your father tends to do (and we know that ain't right).

You've got my sympathy on your financial woes, definitely; when you can't hold down a job because of expensive medical problems, money's gonna be tight.

Good luck getting things together.

-TGS

[jazz1m]

Overdrawn by a mere $100, the bank has shut me down. I went to buy food and medications yesterday, and I was denied all purchases. I called the bank and asked why. I mean, they let me be a bad boy before, and they are ALWAYS paid by the third of ever month via direct deposit. And they make money off me with every purchase! $35 per overdraw. Did they not want extra money from me? When I told them what I was using the money for, they basically shrugged (over the phone) and said, "Sorry about that."

Don't know if this is possible or not, but have you heard of prosper.com? Basically if you have the need, real people will lend money out to you. Of course you have to return it (it's still a loan) but it'll help you pay off whatever bills you need, etc. and help get you back on your feet. I don't know how easy or hard it is to set up, but maybe you could check it out?

In terms of advice, I don't really have a lot. It's hard to keep yourself in the green when you do have a lot of medical payments and have to pay for meds, which is why the US health system sucks. I guess I can't get into a full on rant since it'll be political, but suffice it to say that the US government doesn't take care of the people that need to be taken care of. I know people who don't go to the hospital or need to decide whether to call an ambulance or not because they can't afford to...and that in itself is very sad.

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

Oh...my...G-d!

"What's that, Bor? You're inhured? Hey, let's add some insult!"

I have ONE luxury. I play World of Warcraft these days. $14.99 a month really doesn't make a serious dent in my non-existent finances, and I don't have cable, a cell phone, or even an energy-draining microwave. So I'm overdrawn and my bank won't let me buy food...but apparently they WILL pay for my online game?!? :smallconfused:

As I'm staring at this unbelievable occurrance online, my father calls. Not thinking very clearly, I told him about what had come to pass. Was there an offer to help? Nope. Was there any helpful suggestions? Nope. His sage advice was, "You have to get your finances in order." That was it. Like I didn't already have this nugget of information. I'd like to see him receive $700/month, pay $450 rent, and then see how his finances do. :smallmad:

I'm in some kind of financial Twilight Zone. :smalleek:

[Namaste123]

I completely agree with the Great Skenado, and well, Bor as well... including that it's not a realistic solution. :smallsmile:

But key question is why, and what can you do to secure your items.

It is likely that your father won't believe you. It might even be happening to him, and people who steal tend to also be very manipulative to cover for their activity and bringing suspicion on others.

For this reason you should be absolutely sure that it is your stepmother, and not someone else who is causing the problem. And know that when you try to talk to others about it, you might be trying to bring suspicion on yourself, since the person who doing it, is trying to shift blame from themselves. They will use the fact that those are stealing do try to shift blame by implicating you, since you are making accusations. They will never make as much as a direct accusation, but will try to plant the idea in other peoples head that someone else is doing the stealing.

For example, You might say out loud "Wow it looks like money is missing from my wallet." There response is "You too?! Who could it be." and they will let you supply the answer.

Also remember whoever is stealing may try to set other people up for the fall for their behavior. So again I say be very careful trying to discuss this with others. It is going to cause a lot of suspicion between you and everyone else in the house, and isn't good for anyone.

But figuring out exactly how to deal with the situation is tied to finding out why the person is doing it, is it gambling?, Drugs?, jealousy?

But that will take time. For now try to secure your items the best you can. And if anyone questions why you are securing your items, and makes some sort of stink about it, and says anything along the lines of "Ohh... if you are protecting your stuff from being stolen, you must be a thief, because only thieves think like thieves." It's messed up logic, but I have seen it before used by the thieves to direct attention from themselves, and put blame on you. But that line of reasoning is a good sign that you have found the real thief.

Well, I am ABSOLUTELY sure it's her, and I have no clue why. It's stuff she can't even sell, like the reciever for my wireless mouse, but she left the mouse. I can't get any solid proof though.

[The Great Skenardo]

Well, I am ABSOLUTELY sure it's her, and I have no clue why. It's stuff she can't even sell, like the reciever for my wireless mouse, but she left the mouse. I can't get any solid proof though.

If you have a webcam, you can set it to monitor your room, at least. Have you tried asking her where your stuff is? I'm not suggesting accusing her right out at the moment, but rather that you ask if she knows where your wireless reciever went, for example. If so, what does she say?

[Alarra]

Bor....
You play WoW? I thought you played CoH.....hmm

(granted that is not at all the point of your post, and sorry it was the part that happened to jump out at me)

I'm sorry Bor. Financial difficulties always throw me into really bad days too. And money is really hard to manage well.

I'd have to think that there's some way around medical expenses for people that can't afford them. But having never had a major medical expense that wasn't covered by insurance, I haven't looked into them. It's something you might want to do though.

*hug* It's really nice that you've got a benefactor to help you out though at times. *sighs, wishing I had any extra money of my own so that I could help you out too.*

Hmm.....speaking of money problems.....due to the complete lack of getting anything at all from my family for my birthday....maybe I can talk them into buying my plane ticket to gencon...that would sure help a lot. (sorry, random aside of thoughts in my head) And no...I guess I got something from them. A cinderella figurine (which I didn't want), and a small makeup mirror (which I gave back), and oh...a cute dress (which was on clearance, and I would have gotten even if it hadn't been my birthday)....I think they forgot about it truthfully and these are things they just happened to have picked up at an auction and would have given me anyway...in any case, not on par with what I usually expect from my parents on birthdays. [/end ramble]

[Namaste123]

If you have a webcam, you can set it to monitor your room, at least. Have you tried asking her where your stuff is? I'm not suggesting accusing her right out at the moment, but rather that you ask if she knows where your wireless reciever went, for example. If so, what does she say?

I don't have a webcam, and I have asked her, all she says is no, and leaves the room right after I ask.

[The Great Skenardo]

Is it possible for you to lock your room when you leave? And if she can't sell whatever it is that's missing, do you ever see any of those things again?

[Namaste123]

Is it possible for you to lock your room when you leave? And if she can't sell whatever it is that's missing, do you ever see any of those things again?

It is possible for me to lock my room, but then that would raise suspicion around my house, as in, "What's he hiding?", or something of that nature. I have never seen any of the stolen things ever again.

[The Great Skenardo]

It is possible for me to lock my room, but then that would raise suspicion around my house, as in, "What's he hiding?", or something of that nature. I have never seen any of the stolen things ever again.

May I ask...who else is in the house? You, your father and your stepmother?
Surely you've complained to your father that some of your stuff is missing?

[Namaste123]

May I ask...who else is in the house? You, your father and your stepmother?
Surely you've complained to your father that some of your stuff is missing?

Me, my father, my stepmother, and my 2 sisters. I have mentioned it, and he doesn't believe me.

[Alarra]

Why don't you just tell people...."I'm not hiding anything, just making sure that no more of my stuff walks off" and lock the door.

I mean, frankly, I'd rather have people think my behavior is slightly suspicious than have to worry about all my stuff being taken.

[jazz1m]

Oh...my...G-d!

"What's that, Bor? You're inhured? Hey, let's add some insult!"



I hope that wasn't directed to me, but to your dad and your bank letting you play WoW...if it was me, sorry!

And yeah, that is weird about the bank...maybe since it's on a recurring cycle the charge was able to go through for some reason...

[Namaste123]

Why don't you just tell people...."I'm not hiding anything, just making sure that no more of my stuff walks off" and lock the door.

I mean, frankly, I'd rather have people think my behavior is slightly suspicious than have to worry about all my stuff being taken.

Yeah, that's my view on it as well, however, my dad would decide to figure out who it is, leading to the conclusion that it's my stepmother. As much as it pains me to say this, my dad needs my stepmother, for help with parenting and money management, and just plain watching the children. So if he breaks up with her, my life is royally screwed until I move out.

[The Great Skenardo]

Yeah, that's my view on it as well, however, my dad would decide to figure out who it is, leading to the conclusion that it's my stepmother. As much as it pains me to say this, my dad needs my stepmother, for help with parenting and money management, and just plain watching the children. So if he breaks up with her, my life is royally screwed until I move out.

Hm. Then maybe endure a little suspicion and lock your room?

[Namaste123]

Hm. Then maybe endure a little suspicion and lock your room?

Yeah. Thanks for the advice.

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

Bor....
You play WoW? I thought you played CoH.....hmm

(granted that is not at all the point of your post, and sorry it was the part that happened to jump out at me)

*snip*

Actually, Alarra, I did play CoH. But it's one or the other, never both. Both cost about $15/month, and I'll only spend that much to play a game...certainly not $30. (My global, for those who play CoH and are interested, is "Adjective Noun".) Alas, I'm not playing that game right now. My game for the time being is WoW.

Mayhap I'll alternate games from month to month in the future. Y'know...live on the edge...push the envelope...take risks no mortal man would contemplate...

Yeah...My life is truly an adventure. :smallconfused:

[Trog]

Trog Update:

These meds aren't working as well as they once did. :smallfrown:

This happened to me with my last medication that I was on. I took it. It helped. The effect started fading. They upped the dose, same thing but more bad side effects. So much so I decided to switch. Now the good effects of these are fading too. *sigh*

Has anyone had any experience like this and what did you do about it? I plan to talk to my doctor about it but I am looking for advice from those who have been through it if possible. :smallfrown:

[Alarra]

Well, over time the body does develop a tolerance to any substance, thus requiring higher dosages to get the same effect. This is true with many medications, among other things. There's probably no way to combat that aside from upping dosages and/or changing brands.

[EmeraldRose]

@ Trog...this has happened with my migraine meds. I've been through three different cycles of meds since I started being treated for migraine, and I see the neurologist next week (a new doc) and the first thing I will tell her after a lengthy history explanation will be that I believe my meds have lost their effectiveness....again!

It's either time for new meds, or time for a new type of treatment. I've become accustomed to this as part of my condition.

With long-term meds of any type, for any condition, I think this is a part of life. Talk to your doctor and try not to give up hope. :smallsmile:

*hugs*

[PhoeKun]

Trog Update:

These meds aren't working as well as they once did. :smallfrown:

This happened to me with my last medication that I was on. I took it. It helped. The effect started fading. They upped the dose, same thing but more bad side effects. So much so I decided to switch. Now the good effects of these are fading too. *sigh*

Has anyone had any experience like this and what did you do about it? I plan to talk to my doctor about it but I am looking for advice from those who have been through it if possible. :smallfrown:

You will find, I'm afraid, that this will be a recurring trend. The good news is that it does tend to work in a loop of sorts, and a return to an older medication at some point will produce renewed results. However, it is also possible that your body will simply develop a resistance to drugs in general, to the point where most anything will have difficulty affecting you, at least in the doses doctors seem comfortable prescribing.

The most important thing you can do is keep communicating with your doctor. Keep him posted on your condition, tell him how the medications are working, and above all, make sure he's writing everything down. It won't help you come to grips with the constant need for medication (although if it helps, I can vicariously sympathize with your situation through my mother), but it will prevent the situation from deteriorating into something much worse: you being labeled as "drug seeking".

Aside from that, I think ER has the right idea. Don't despair, o Troglodyte! Remember the other parts of your life. Those are pretty good, right?

[SMEE]

I'm... feeling down right now.

There was a major aircrash in Sao Paulo, Brazil.
At least 200 people might have died, and for what I know, there might be two friends of my brother among the victims, and a few people I know as well.

What worries me the most is that no official list was released, so we're currently unaware of the situation of our friends.
Hopefully, they'll be alive and well. :smallfrown:

[SDF]

I'm... feeling down right now.

There was a major aircrash in Sao Paulo, Brazil.
At least 200 people might have died, and for what I know, there might be two friends of my brother among the victims, and a few people I know as well.

What worries me the most is that no official list was released, so we're currently unaware of the situation of our friends.
Hopefully, they'll be alive and well. :smallfrown:

Yeah, that crash is terrible. My dad used to fly in and out of that airport all the time when he was working in Brazil. I can only hope your friends are okay, but I feel horrible for anyone that was on that plane.

[Yiel]

Trog, are all these meds you have tried within the same chemical branch? (SSRIs etc). Sometimes, switching to another branch of meds can actually prolong their effectiveness. (The transition period is not so fun though :smalleek: ). One of my close friends was having this issue, but has now been on the same one (same dose too) for almost a year and has not found any issues with it. Her time jumping from med to med was quite messy though, and I spent many nights in those few years keeping watch over her.

Hopefully the addition of the natural therapy called "Thes-hugs" will help just that little bit more no matter what you decide. :smallsmile:



/hugs for SMEE. I hope your friends are safe.

[Trog]

Trog, are all these meds you have tried within the same chemical branch? (SSRIs etc). Sometimes, switching to another branch of meds can actually prolong their effectiveness. (The transition period is not so fun though :smalleek: ). One of my close friends was having this issue, but has now been on the same one (same dose too) for almost a year and has not found any issues with it. Her time jumping from med to med was quite messy though, and I spent many nights in those few years keeping watch over her.

Hopefully the addition of the natural therapy called "Thes-hugs" will help just that little bit more no matter what you decide. :smallsmile:

Yes they are all from the same branch (SSRIs) And the transition wasn't that bad from one to the other. Not like starting to take SSRIs. :smalleek: And yeah I don't think I would much enjoy coming down off of these completely and then waiting for the new batch to kick in. :smallfrown: Though that may be a step I need to take in the future.

Hearing that this is a cycle in other meds is good to know. So I suppose I can clycle between different drugs if I need to. As long as they keep working, I'm fine with it. :smallsigh: Er... without the side effects.

TMI on Side Effect Ahead. Read at your own risk. :smalleek:
Okay my specific issue with the first batch of meds I went on was that it... :smalleek: er... made me... er... last too long in the sack. :smallredface: :smallredface: My doc (who looks like Jimmy Kimmel I swear) was suprised that this caused a "problem." But... well see it wasn't a problem before so... er... *kicks rock with toe* yeah... anyways Citalopram is also used for erectile dysfunction. Which I didn't have... and then had the... er... opposite problem. Aaaaaaaaanyways. Yeah. Citalopram baaaaad. Unless you have E.D. in which case I can attest that that stuff works. :smalleek: :smallredface: :smallredface: :smallredface: :smallredface:
And I'm trying not to despair. Though some days are very very tough. :smallsigh:

Thes-hugs are indeed a miracle cure for most things. :smallsmile: <3

[Katonta]

If I had that game... :smallamused:

Hubuduh... Zubuduh... Hubu Wait, this is getting me no where, talking in gibberish like this. Oh well, I could have sworn you had either CoH or CoV. Well, let me move on to my next topic. :smallredface:


I'm... feeling down right now.
There was a major aircrash in Sao Paulo, Brazil.
At least 200 people might have died, and for what I know, there might be two friends of my brother among the victims, and a few people I know as well.

What worries me the most is that no official list was released, so we're currently unaware of the situation of our friends.
Hopefully, they'll be alive and well.
Wow... and to think, the only thing big that's happened around here was a huge Brush(Wild?)fire that had my Dad called in at 9:00 PM even though it was about 1 hour to 1 and a half hours away. He'll be on call for 72 hours Straight! The good news is, that's 72 hours of straight overtime at about 45$/hour on top of the 20 hours he's already got. I hope your friends and your Brother's friends get out safely.

Rats, I was hoping to end this on a funny mark, but I got nothing.

Edit: Aha! I defy the lack of a Multiquote button! I am teh Ub3r L337! :smalltongue:

[Alleine]

Its nighttime... thats kinda bad for me. I stay awake longer each night for no reason I can think of, and nighttime has adverse affects on me. It ignores my meds a lot of the time:smalleek:.

*curses inability to help other people on the boards*
All of you have worse stuff going on than some minor depression issues, I'm hoping it can all be fixed soon. Wish I could do more.

For what its worth, *hugs all around*

This board rocks my world.:smallsmile:

[DarkLightDragon]

Hubuduh... Zubuduh... Hubu Wait, this is getting me no where, talking in gibberish like this. Oh well, I could have sworn you had either CoH or CoV. Well, let me move on to my next topic. :smallredface: I have WoW. Just noticed Bor's post saying he has it too.

I *really* wish I could be more helpful right now.

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

Trog Update:

These meds aren't working as well as they once did. :smallfrown:

This happened to me with my last medication that I was on. I took it. It helped. The effect started fading. They upped the dose, same thing but more bad side effects. So much so I decided to switch. Now the good effects of these are fading too. *sigh*

Has anyone had any experience like this and what did you do about it? I plan to talk to my doctor about it but I am looking for advice from those who have been through it if possible. :smallfrown:
Trog, I don't recall anyone experiencing anything like what you're describing. Not at the rate you are, anyway. But I may have a clue as to what's going on, and I ask that you correct me if I'm off.

I take Zoloft. There reaches a point when all is well, I'm not happy, but not depressed...and then I become forgetful. I start missing doses, and before I know it, I'm off them completely and have to start taking them from scratch. I have to work my way up to the proper dosage. As I do so, I ride a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. I'm up; I'm down; I'm neutral...I'm all over the danged place as my brain adjusts to the proper chemical levels. Because it takes four to six weeks to get me to the right dose, I can tell you it's just loads of fun. :smallconfused:

I'm wondering if something similar isn't happening to you. You start the meds. Your brain does an emotional jig. And once your brain has adjusted, it says, "Nah...I don't like this one." Then you're off to try a new medication.

You also need to remember that medication alone doesn't do the trick. Think of the medications as a pair of crutches that are needed to help you get walking again. Once you're up and about, you can do those things you were incapable of doing without the meds. You may need therapy, as well.

Circumstances also play a part. Your recent adventures with Thes can't have been happy ones. I don't know what else is going on in your life, but these things will conspire against the meds. (See posts one and two of the last three I made here to see mine.) "Happy pills" don't make you obliviously happy...they usually just help to make you not be depressed all the time.

Also - and I'm completely unsure about this on your part - but alcohol and psych meds simply DO NOT mix. As far as I know, even a relaxing beer at the end of a hard day's work can mess up the works. If you drink, even casually, stop it.

That's all I got. Hope it helped.

[smellie_hippie]

It might also be pertinent to remember the following information as well.

Psychotropic medications which reduce depressive symptoms, also lower some of the euphoric/happy feelings. What you're getting is kinda like getting off the crazy wild roller-coaster with multiple loops, and settling back down into a more comfortable ride. It still has it's ups and downs, but you know the brakes work.

[DarkLightDragon]

It might also be pertinent to remember the following information as well.

Psychotropic medications which reduce depressive symptoms, also lower some of the euphoric/happy feelings. What you're getting is kinda like getting off the crazy wild roller-coaster with multiple loops, and settling back down into a more comfortable ride. It still has it's ups and downs, but you know the brakes work. And the side effects don't take very long to kick in. :smallconfused:

Started meds this morning. Felt a bit funny for a while, but I knew that was coming. I'm already finding it much easier to think of and keep positive thoughts. :smallsmile:

[Ego Slayer]

Nothing much at all. Just something that caught me off guard, today.

A certain family member pointed out the fact I'd failed to make eye contact when I should have. Grocery store, we "know" this one guy who works there because he's been there a long time, he'd handed me something. Appropriate response: Look at him, smile, say "thanks," blahblah... Mine: Say nothing, look at the floor, or my hand, or a random object behind him. I was gotten down on because it, apparently, came off as "rude."

Somehow "I can't even make eye contact with my friends!" does nothing in my defence. :smallsigh:

[Rex Idiotarum]

You think that's bad? Today, I ran an order out to someone who was getting really impatient. I hand him his food, and I go to hand him his receipt, and he just ignores it, looking at his food. After standing there for about a minute, I toss the receipt at him, and walk away. He yell "@#$% YOU!" at me, and without turning my head, I reply. "Have a Nice day, SIR" in a really aggressive tone. He peeled out of there.

People shouldn't order more than two sandwiches in Drive Tru. At least, don't complain when you're six Big Macs make you wait.

[SDF]

Nothing much at all. Just something that caught me off guard, today.

A certain family member pointed out the fact I'd failed to make eye contact when I should have. Grocery store, we "know" this one guy who works there because he's been there a long time, he'd handed me something. Appropriate response: Look at him, smile, say "thanks," blahblah... Mine: Say nothing, look at the floor, or my hand, or a random object behind him. I was gotten down on because it, apparently, came off as "rude."

Somehow "I can't even make eye contact with my friends!" does nothing in my defence. :smallsigh:

Eye contact is very interesting, you can innately know moods and emotions by pupil size. It is neat how different cultures interpret it. Your family member probably looks down on a lack of eye contact as "shift-eyed" as it is often seen as a sign of honesty(which is funny because a psychopath with no empathy will often look you in the eye and be as dishonest as they feel) It is also a sign of aggression and assertiveness. And without being too presumptuous or judgmental I can say I don't think you are a very aggressive person, so it is a normal reaction for you to not want to cause conflict by staring someone in the eye. In Islamic and far eastern cultures eye contact is often avoided out of various forms of respect. And even in the west prolonged eye contact, as I'm sure most people know, can come off as a bit creepy or awkward. I often find myself staring too much at someones eyes and usually cause them to avert eye contact from me. When I meet someone new it is one of the first things I notice because I find it indicative of someones personality, and am therefore able to communicate better with them. So when a family member tells you to make eye contact they are telling you to behave in a way that is characteristic of traits they find desirable. Where as, I'm sure everyone here can attest, we like you for you.

[DarkLightDragon]

One of my cousins works at a fast-food place, and she tells stories of similar things that go on. She seems to like telling them, and I remember one incident in particular that she seemed to find funny when she was talking about it.

I hope that doesn't happen to you too much, Rex. *hugs*

[Rex Idiotarum]

I love the adrenalin rush from it. The screeching tires, the anger, such display of Emotion. Too bad the guy's going to die of a heart attack, what with that much anger and McDonald's food.

[Cyrano]

I have a problem with eye contact. The only time I can do it is when I'm trying to make someone look away in a contest of wills. Luckily, however, I have the air of an absent-minded head-in-the-clouds guy who will just stare into space, thinking about....
Luckily, people don't know what I'm thinking about. So far, no one has called me untrustworthy, which is shocking, because I'm actually quite a good lyer. I don't know why, it just comes to me. Freaky, really.

PS, Rex, I'm sure you brighten up their days! Actually, having one of them employees SWEAR at me once in a while would be nice...goddamn, they seem so fake polite. Just say "@#$@ you, order already" please. So, THANK YOU.

[Rex Idiotarum]

I like to look just right of a person, it shows I really don't care what they say, I'm not really paying attention. Just speak already. Yeah. I'm a horrible people person. They shouldn't keep me up front. It also doesn't help that I just like to screw with people.

[DarkLightDragon]

Had sleeping problems the last few nights. Suckyness. I'm pretty sure its got something to do with my nose. Lots of mucus in my nose. I use tissues often and... ew. I also end up snorting it sometimes (I try not to, but sometimes I can't help it :smallfrown:) so sometimes my nose hurts 'cause I'm trying to get rid of the mucus by doing that. It feels like its always there though. :smallannoyed:

Anyway, as I've said, this has been keeping me awake at night. There is stuff I can take for this, but as I've just started meds I'm not going to be taking other stuff for a while. :smallsigh:

[Jibar]

Something incredibly silly has got me depressed today, and it's not one of my usuals.
But, I have like many finished Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.
And that's why.
It struck me upon finishing just how much this silly book series meant to me. I've often mentioned how overhyped it all was, and how stupid some peoples' reactions have been but... well, Potter has been one of the few... two passions I've really had.
And it's over. And I've sort of run out of things to do, period. Nothing really seems to matter now, like some little but of purpose has faded away.
It's rather silly. Really. But I can now fully appreciate just what effect a lack of Potter will have on me.

[Sir_Norbert]

Really now..... my reaction to finishing Deathly Hallows was exactly the opposite -- elation and deep satisfaction. (Um, I should start off by saying, this post will NOT contain spoilers.) I'd been really stressed and nervous beforehand because I accidentally saw one of those stupid fake spoilers and I was really really hoping it would turn out to be fake. Not only did that happen, but the book enveloped me in so much mystery and intrigue that for most of it I wasn't really thinking about who would or wouldn't die in the end, I wanted to see how the mystery would be resolved. Then as the climax approached, something happened that made it certain the fake spoiler wouldn't happen, so in the end it did me no harm at all -- apart from a few sleepless nights leading up to release day -- but I think that only made it all the more pleasurable when the book did arrive.

[Rex Idiotarum]

O! God, you people... So much stress, could I possibly say, "It's just a children's storybook?"

I would, but angry fans will wave their wands at me. As far as the book goes, I'm hoping to get it.

[Sir_Norbert]

Say anything you want. I could in principle say "The moon is made of green cheese", but just saying it doesn't make it true.

[Rex Idiotarum]

No, a proper equivalent would be, "We did land on the moon."

So sects will get really angry at that.

[Jibar]

O! God, you people... So much stress, could I possibly say, "It's just a children's storybook?"

I would, but angry fans will wave their wands at me. As far as the book goes, I'm hoping to get it.

I know it's just a children's book. I've always said that. And when I started reading them, I was a child.
But they've just affected so much of my life without me realising, I don't know what I'll do now.

[PhoeKun]

I know it's just a children's book. I've always said that. And when I started reading them, I was a child.
But they've just affected so much of my life without me realising, I don't know what I'll do now.

Read something else? Watch the movies? Read the books again? Run a mouse over your hands? Plot to take over the world? Bake a cake?

The possibilities are endless, Jib. J.K. Rowling just wants you to think your life has revolved around her...

[Xykon_Fan]

On the whole eye-contact thing...

First off, I have the same problem. I don't particularly prefer prolonged eye contact with people unless, like D'anna, I'm in a staring contest (which I've won against pretty much everyone but this one girl...she was taken...I checked :smallamused: ).

Second, it's actually a symptom of a lot of the social disorders, etc. I'm not saying you guys have that problem. It's just kind of a useless fact. Autism, aspergers (can also swing the other way to not knowing when to stop looking at someone's eyes), etc. can have lack of eye-contact as a symptom. As long as you can make eye-contact if you wanted to, I think you're okay.

Third, SDF, is it a bad thing if I can look at someone, and completely without empathy, look them in the eye and be as dishonest as I can possibly be and get away with it? Apparently I'm a psychopath...:smallamused:

[ForzaFiori]

Something incredibly silly has got me depressed today, and it's not one of my usuals.
But, I have like many finished Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.
And that's why.
It struck me upon finishing just how much this silly book series meant to me. I've often mentioned how overhyped it all was, and how stupid some peoples' reactions have been but... well, Potter has been one of the few... two passions I've really had.
And it's over. And I've sort of run out of things to do, period. Nothing really seems to matter now, like some little but of purpose has faded away.
It's rather silly. Really. But I can now fully appreciate just what effect a lack of Potter will have on me.

i get that same problem every time something that i've been waiting for ends. when i finished Deathly Hollows, after every christmas, after every birthday, its wierd. and this small depressed fealing will stay there until i find something new to wait for or something amazing happens in my life. (currently hoping for option #2). But i've found that if u just find something else to do, the fealing gets smaller.
try taking up baking/cooking, not only is it fun, but it will impress the opposite sex. :smallbiggrin:

[Castaras]

Nothing much at all. Just something that caught me off guard, today.

A certain family member pointed out the fact I'd failed to make eye contact when I should have. Grocery store, we "know" this one guy who works there because he's been there a long time, he'd handed me something. Appropriate response: Look at him, smile, say "thanks," blahblah... Mine: Say nothing, look at the floor, or my hand, or a random object behind him. I was gotten down on because it, apparently, came off as "rude."

Somehow "I can't even make eye contact with my friends!" does nothing in my defence. :smallsigh:

Hey, don't worry about it Ego.

I can't make eye contact with my friends. I can do staring contests, I can stare at people rather than make eye contact, but I can't do eye contact, except with my family, and even then I sometimes find it difficult.

It really doesn't matter. Just ignore them and carry on with life. If they can't understand you, so what? Many other people will understand and respect you for it. Don't let it put you down.

[sktarq]

About eye contact in general. Generally it's a good thing to be able to do. If you find it difficult enough that you have to think about it/focus on it etc you may want to work on it. In part because this will mess up relationtions with many people. And not just because they think you are impolite but because they are relying on you looking at their faces by which they are comunicating all sorts of stuff. One of my friends detested eye contact to a degree that was unreal. If someone tried to maintain eye contact for more than a second or two she would hit them. Personally I found it rather cute and endearing (she couldn't hit very hard and I have both high pain tolerance and absorbant hair) and over time we got her to relax about it. It really isn't very hard once you go for it....the trying is generally the hard part.
Also a goodly percentage of others (but by no means all) will take it as a lack of confidence (even if it is not) and think of it as a green light to walk all over you socially-or not listen to your imput on a project-or not give you a raise-or an equal say in a relationship-etc etc. AKA There are serious pros to learning to boost the amount of eye contact you are willing to make.

[Rex Idiotarum]

But then people think you care about them or what they have to say. If not looking at someone, could I look through them?

Hm... I guess the best way to describe my life right now is "Only Half Full," not "Half Empty" or "Half Full." I feel as though everything is fine, but what is good? I'm in a stagnant pond, working at an okay job, living at an okay home, eating okay things, and hanging with okay people. Where are the greats? It's that point in life where I'm waiting for something to happen, a new challenge, a new journey, something... better or worse. It's that hope, somewhere in the back of my mind, that I get hit by a car. Not killed, but certainly crippled for a month or so. I want a new job, a new home, new things to eat, and new friends to hang around with. I want adventure, stories to tell people besides what I mopped up at work. I need to get out of here, I'm afraid my brain has already left.

[DarkLightDragon]

Well... I recently found out that I might have ADD. I'm really not sure what to think about that.

[Xykon_Fan]

Eh, I think I'm ADD. My parents might disagree, but I think I have a fairly mild case. Just try to make sure you stay focused on something. I know that it helps to enjoy whatever your doing at that time. I have a fun mix of OCD and ADD which makes for real interesting decisions...:smalltongue:

It's honestly not that bad. Just make sure that you have a lot of things to keep yourself occupied and productive with. For instance, I usually have about 5 books going at any one time. When I lose focus on one, I pick up another.

Oh, and stay away from stuff like caffeine, cough syrup, etc. If you do have ADD, then those things will typically reverse their effects on you. Cough syrup will make you chipper, and caffeine will dull you a bit. Not always, but sometimes.

@V: Oh, I thought it applied to coffee as well. In that case, drink away! If you need an energy drink, but don't have anything important, try taking some cough syrup and see what it does. I've heard that it makes ADD's bounce off the walls. :smalltongue:

[SweetLikeLemons]

DarkLightDragon, I was diagnosed with ADD when I was 17, and it actually turned out to be a really good thing. Many of the problems I'd been having were suddenly explained, and while just getting diagnosed didn't make them go away, it did give me a new perspective on them, and some new ways to deal with them.

Here are a couple of books that are worth checking out:

Driven to Distraction (http://www.amazon.com/Driven-Distraction-Recognizing-Attention-Childhood/dp/0684801280/ref=pd_bbs_2/103-4609342-0396623?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1185389533&sr=8-2) and

Delivered from Distraction (http://www.amazon.com/Delivered-Distraction-Getting-Attention-Disorder/dp/0345442318/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/103-4609342-0396623?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1185389533&sr=8-1)

The second one especially has been really helpful to me, and it is the one I lend to people who ask me about ADD. It has tons of information on ADD in adults instead of in children, and ways to cope with it at school, work, in relationships, etc. Another plus? The guy who wrote it actually has ADD, so he has a really positive way of looking at it.

Oh, and the coffee thing? Caffiene is a stimulant, just as many ADD and ADHD medications are. I never found that it "dulled" me or made me sleepy, I found that it helped me focus. I drank it almost constantly in high school for that reason, and found out later that I had been essentially self-medicating without even realizing it.

Anyway, I'm not a psychologist or anything, but I have dealt with ADD for years now, so if you have any questions about it, feel free to PM me, and I may be able to help. And remember, ADD has some positive sides to it, and it is being recognised more and more as an adult disorder, not just what you call the kid who can't stop climbing the walls.

[Narmoth]

The problem with coffe is that caffeine release dopamine in the brain. So you can get addicted to it as you can get addicted to drugs. :smallbiggrin:
If you overdo it, that is. A cup or 2 don't hurt, but 20 cups will.

[Trog]

Trog, I don't recall anyone experiencing anything like what you're describing. Not at the rate you are, anyway. But I may have a clue as to what's going on, and I ask that you correct me if I'm off.

*snippity*

That's all I got. Hope it helped.
That could very well be, Bor. Though I can say that I have only missed two individual days since starting medication. I have been in therapy since before going on meds. Though I am beginning to question his methods or lack thereof. :smallconfused: And I do my part in the chemical/behavior modification process. And as to the alcohol thing I do not drink, even casually, very often at all. I have found out in the past year there are many recovered alcoholics in my birth family which has done nothing but steel my resolve in staying sober since I may be genetically predisposed to alcoholism. Thankfully I have never fallen to that addiction. Just had a bad night here and there throughout my life.

And Hippie that's interesting. I have actually noticed that. It may have also played a bit of a part in recent Thes-related difficulties. When the happy feelings fade a bit you wonder what it's from. I can say for certain that the meds DO take the edge off both depression and happiness. Considering how depressed I can become it is a small price to pay. Let's just say that recently there have been some VERY bad times for me. But now things are looking very up. I have a Thes and a kitty and a fish at the house and *manly gasp of shock* cooking utensils?!? :smalleek: And anyways I have rarely been as happy as I have been in the past few days. Here's to that lasting a long, long time. :smallsmile: <3

[ForzaFiori]

i'm gonna both briefly revive this topic, and rant. yay for multitasking!

anyone ever started working for something, and then a whole bunch of stuff goes wrong? thats how i feal. At the end of last school year, i signed up for my schools Cross-Country team, and was planning on training over the summer. However,2 weeks into the summer, i pinched a nerve in my back, no running for a week. 2 weeks after that, i went to a summer camp, where my time for running was greatly reduced. then, monday, i twisted my knee, and i cant run currently. Practice starts next monday, and i can't run now, and when i get back to running, i'll be at way lower than my usual endurance, which wasn't the best to begin with. the sporatic running over the summer has done almost nothing to help, instead of the huge boost to endurance i should have gained! Its so frustrating knowing that i'm gonna have to tell my coach i cant even run the 3 miles we run in a meet right now. GAH! i guess i just gotta hope i can go injury free until our first meet.

[DarkLightDragon]

@Xykon Fan and SweetLikeLemons: Thanks. I'll keep in mind some of those ideas. And the books look interesting. It hasn't been confirmed whether I actually have ADD, but I have autism, which I was diagnosed with in 2001. Yay for social disorders! :smallamused:

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

Is it just me? Am I monumentally stupid? Or is my emotional heart, already manfunctioning, too big for my mere mortal form?

*sigh* Yes, it's Bor story time. But instead of an event of the past, we will visit this very day.

With two dollars and 50 cents to get me through until the 3rd of next month, I realized the time had come to sell more of what little I own. I've been scavanging my DVD collection. Alas, the place that buys them will only take that which has no scratches whatsoever. Even a tiny mark on the very edge is grounds for rejection. Thus, I went through what I still owned and found four that I could still sell. That was it. I now own a mere 20 DVDs, some of which I never watch, still here.

"Awww...Poor Bor." Whatever. That's not the point of the tale at all.

On my way to sell them, I see one of my neighbors, "Doc," talking to a homeless couple. I overheard some of what was being said, and realized one key thing: my neighbor was DRUNK. Forget about walking straight...he couldn't sit straight. :smalleek:

I drop off my DVDs and go back outside to get the full story of what's going on. Well, at first I'm not sure, because Doc is going on and on about the homeless couple being Americans, and some political tripe about the government being stupid, etc. Once he gets past this, we're onto what's really happening. Doc wants to help them feed themselves and feed the dog they have with them. Well, despite Doc being whacked out, at least his heart is near the right place.

We all chat it up a bit, and I discover that this couple can't get any kind of aid because of the dog. While they consider the dog part of the family, no one else does. Since I understand the deep, abiding love for an animal, I can understand that they don't want to give her up.

I go and get what little I could for the DVDs. All of $10. This will get me a few days worth of food. I then go off to chase after to Doc, who has stumbled his way to the market. This is where I find Doc at the cash register, his debit card being denied repeatedly. Doesn't matter what amount is put in; they won't let him buy food for the couple and their dog. Heck, his bags were filled with more for the dog than for them.

As Doc tries to wheel and deal with people who know him at the market, I go back and report the problem to the couple. And as I say, "I would help, but I really need to buy food for myself," I find myself feeling somewhat petty. A goofy thought flits through my head, "How DARE you eat when others have nothing, not even a roof over their heads?"

Okay, that thought was a bit silly, but it was there. And it bothers me that I'm simply in no position to save the world. When I try to do a good deed that involves money, I find myself regretting it come the end of the month. It breaks my heart that I can't do as much as I would like. I start questioning everything I do with money. The DVDs I've sold were bought when I had the money to spend. Was my "need" for entertainment bigger than the needs of someone alone and hungry on the streets? The one and only luxury I pay for now is World of Warcraft. Is that money well spent, in an effort to keep my mind occupied? Or is wasted funds?

I need saving from myself. :smallconfused:

[Hell Puppi]

Yeah...being a person with a heart, but poor, is hard.
I have heard of this problem before though. Many homeless shelters won't let dogs in, but for many people it's their only companionship, so their only choice is to get rid of the dog or tie it up somewhere and hope nothing happens to it.
If I had all the money in the world (or even enough), I'd put it towards this: I'd start a shelter for older and homeless animals. I think if I could do something like that I would be happy, but here I am stuck, working full-time, taking an occasional college class and barely scraping by. All I've been told is to get a 'career' and put some money towards my dream, but eh. There's nothing else I'd really like to do.
Least I know someone else who's as lost about what to do as I am.

[Narmoth]

Yeah...being a person with a heart, but poor, is hard.
I have heard of this problem before though. Many homeless shelters won't let dogs in, but for many people it's their only companionship, so their only choice is to get rid of the dog or tie it up somewhere and hope nothing happens to it.
If I had all the money in the world (or even enough), I'd put it towards this: I'd start a shelter for older and homeless animals. I think if I could do something like that I would be happy, but here I am stuck, working full-time, taking an occasional college class and barely scraping by. All I've been told is to get a 'career' and put some money towards my dream, but eh. There's nothing else I'd really like to do.
Least I know someone else who's as lost about what to do as I am.

Ask the coca cola or pepsi for funds, letting them use the shelter for advertising films and making themselves good PR as a community caring multinational corporation. (I'm not trying to be funny, this could actually work)

[smellie_hippie]

Bor,

Your heart is in exactly the right place. Nevermind that you may not have the ability (financially) to help those in need... just consider that there are many who can definately afford to help, but choose to ignore this problem.

Pats on the back may not feed or clothe us... but they hopefully warm the heart.

*smellie_hippie pats Bor on the back*

[PhallicWarrior]

Alright, the ole' PW is going into vent mode now, so stand back:


I spent last weekend in Pennsylvania, at regional youth gathering (for Lutherans.) While there I met what would hands down have to be the most beautiful girl I have ever met. A killer body, smooth dark skin, slightly frizzy black hair... Every physical attribute I love about hispanics but nothing I didn't like. I spent the whole weekend dropping complements, taking advantage of random opportunities (picked a bug out of her hair.) but when it came down to actually asking her to come to the late-night party, I froze. I couldn't bring myself to risk failure, that she would say no, and I turned away. I feel like the biggest coward on earth.

[Gitman00]

Alright, the ole' PW is going into vent mode now, so stand back:


I spent last weekend in Pennsylvania, at regional youth gathering (for Lutherans.) While there I met what would hands down have to be the most beautiful girl I have ever met. A killer body, smooth dark skin, slightly frizzy black hair... Every physical attribute I love about hispanics but nothing I didn't like. I spent the whole weekend dropping complements, taking advantage of random opportunities (picked a bug out of her hair.) but when it came down to actually asking her to come to the late-night party, I froze. I couldn't bring myself to risk failure, that she would say no, and I turned away. I feel like the biggest coward on earth.

Well, all may not be lost. Do you have her contact info, or any way of finding her?

[Serpentine]

Bor, I'm sure they appreciated simply being acknowledged and spoken to. Maybe if there's a butcher that gives free dog bones you could get one for them (by the way, I've read that they're good for making beef stock with, and soups can be made using various scraps and bits of leftover food - moneysaving idea for you, maybe?), and if you felt comfortable doing so you could perhaps offer yourself as someone they can turn to if they need (non-financial) help. You always have to look after yourself first, however, and from the sound of it you're only a step or two away from their situation, yourself, with the added burden of medical needs - tipping yourself over the edge will hardly help them.

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

Bor, I'm sure they appreciated simply being acknowledged and spoken to. Maybe if there's a butcher that gives free dog bones you could get one for them (by the way, I've read that they're good for making beef stock with, and soups can be made using various scraps and bits of leftover food - moneysaving idea for you, maybe?), and if you felt comfortable doing so you could perhaps offer yourself as someone they can turn to if they need (non-financial) help. You always have to look after yourself first, however, and from the sound of it you're only a step or two away from their situation, yourself, with the added burden of medical needs - tipping yourself over the edge will hardly help them.
Thanks, Serpie.

I have to say, big-hearted though I may be, I am not a fool. I have been tempted on numerous occasions to offer non-financial help, but it comes in two forms.

Advice: I have been homeless. I have fought for the nearly non-existent income that I have through goverment disability. When I try to point people in the direction they need to go, it's usually forgotten by the time I'm walking away. It crushes my heart to see the same homeless guy I spoke to weeks ago, standing around and still holding out his hand for money...money that he will probably use to gain a substance he's addicted to. :smallfrown: But advice is free. I give it, and then I'm on my way.

The OTHER help: There are times when I want to ask someone to come back to my place, take a shower, maybe crash for a night on my couch. (Just inheritted a couch from a neighbor who was simply going to throw it away.) But inviting a stranger into my home has all kinds of drawbacks, including my potential death, followed by the theft of things I can't use while dead.

There's only so much help that anyone can offer. And it represents that which happens on this thread. We give the help we can, then pray the person we're addressing will take action for themselves.

[PhallicWarrior]

Well, all may not be lost. Do you have her contact info, or any way of finding her?

Alas, nay. If I had any chance of seeing her again I would have posted this in the relationship woes thread.

[Maryring]

22nd August, in the year 2005. I'm 16 years old, and about to begin my first day at my new school. I know none of my new classmates. I'm thinking to myself that it will be a fresh start. A new beginning. A change of pace. You name it, because whatever the name is, the meaning is clear. I was hoping for things to get better.

Unfortunately, that was not how things turned out to be. You see, my class mainly received applications from two different classes, so everyone in my class would already have a network of associates and friends to be with. Everyone except me, and her.

In order to keep personal information a secret, I'll call her "Angel".

On that first day of school, as fate would have it, we chose seats beside each other. I worked up courage I've never had before, and did something I spent the summer practicing on. I introduced myself to her. And she introduced herself to me. And we got to know each other. Now not only did she give me the impression that she was happy to meet me, but it would turn out that we had a lot in common. We had even both worked at the same theatre. And I was happy.

A few days later, we both got to know a different person, a boy who I will call "him". To begin with, I think we got off on a good tangent. At least "him" and "Angel" did. A week later, "him" invites "Angel" and me to the movies. I have to work at that time though, so I cannot join them.

The next time I see them, they're... whatchamacallit? Lovers? I don't know. I'm not even sure that there is a word for it, but I am sure my rambling makes it clear what I mean. Anyway, that is great news. "Angel" is a wonderful girl. She deserves a boyfriend whom she is happy with, and I am pretty certain that she was happy. At least for a time. Unfortunately, "him" and "Angel" being together meant that they were REALLY together. In other words, neither had any time for me. But that's okay. We could still talk from time to time. She wasn't ignoring me, and we still had a lot in common. Sure, "him" would rather not have me around, but "Angel" and I would still talk from time to time. We'd argue, fight, laugh etc. But no matter how loudly we yelled at each other, or whatever "bad" things we told one another, we both knew that it was not meant to hurt. It was just frustration, and it would always be a well meaning attempt to improve the other person.. And what is even better, she would respect that I did not want to drink, smoke or have sex. She would respect that I'd rather study than party, and she would respect that I had problems with "friends". (I later learned that she actually viewed things similar to how I did.) Sure, she would joke about it, and often she’d tell me that I should be a lot less perfect, or prude, as she’d call me when she was annoyed. But at the end of the day, no matter how cold, nasty or cruel I or she could appear, we both knew that the intention was good. And that would be our relationship during the first year of school. I’d be a stalwart and trustworthy partner she could speak to about anything she wanted, and she was a source of inspiration to me.

However, during the second year, I noticed things were not exactly as they would appear to be. As time went on, she changed. She became less and less outgoing, and I knew that it was something that was bothering her, though I could not find out what. We spoke together a lot less, and she would be absent from school for long periods. I wanted to help, I really wanted, but I was powerless. Or at least I felt powerless, because I could never get to speak with her because we rarely had classes together at school, and she’d vanish during recess and after school. And… I don’t know. Perhaps I actually could have helped her, and perhaps I actually could have stopped what she was going to do. Perhaps if I could’ve been a better partner, if I could’ve made her realize during that time that she meant a lot to me and that I was willing to help her in any way I could, perhaps things would’ve turned out different. She never told anyone. And though I suspected that she was a lot more wounded and tired than she let on, I would never guess that… After Easter vacation, she didn’t come back… one day before the 10th of May…

“Angel” was home alone, struggling with several difficulties, and to top it off, her boyfriend had recently left her. The same boyfriend she had been with for 1.5 years, the same boyfriend who had meant so much to her and been the key element to her new social network. Without him, I was the only one at school she could be with… While she was home alone, she would steal medicaments, mix them with alcohol and then drink the lethal concoction…

Suicide is a very selfish choice. The person experiencing the problems may have it tough, but the pain that those left behind has to feel… No one should have to feel that. No individual should be made a “murderer”. The feeling that someone dear to you have died, and that you failed to prevent it, you failed to even notice that the pain of the individual was so great that he or she was willing to throw away the most precious gift we have been given. It… that pain… it is intense. One of the greatest pains there is.

I don’t believe in destiny, nor do I believe in fate, but I do believe that it was no coincidence that “Angel’s” mother came home early that evening. Whatever you call it, I call it a miracle, because her time on earth was not yet over. They pumped her stomach, and even then it wasn’t certain that she’d make it. But she did… she actually did. A few minutes later, and she would have died, but she lived. And I was happy. I was relieved. But… I was also frightened. She lived, but her problems were not solved. It could happen again. It would happen again. I was certain of it. But… it didn’t. She finally spoke to me about her problems. She wasn’t receiving any help from the official health care system, and she was tired, an emotional wreck. So I would support her as best as I could… and later, while we were discussing the topics of friendship, it became clear. We were friends. Through all of what had happened, our bond had developed, evolved, it had become stronger, making us friends. I was still a bit worried. She was not receiving any help while we were attending school, and when I gave her my parting gift, since I was going to change schools, I was worried that it would be the last I saw of her.

But I was wrong. I’ve spoken to her again. I’ve seen her, and… she is okay. Her dull, tired look was gone. She had gone back to the healthy, compassionate and happy girl that she was. Things had worked out for her. Her depression was gone, she told me. Her fear of being outside, and her fear of meeting others, had finally gone away, so that she could live her life again. We spoke together, shared our dreams and hopes. And I could relax, and just be happy without having to will myself happy. What we spoke about, I won’t share, but… I had helped her become better. That, I am certain of.

Through all of this, I haven’t been able to shed a single tear, but at least I know that maybe… just maybe… I was wrong in believing in my inability to help others…

[EmeraldRose]

Maryring...I'm glad that things have begun to work out for your friend! I hope it continues to go well for her and for you! :smallsmile:

EDIT: I know that this seems very short compared to what you wrote, but I am at work and don't have a huge amount of time to write back...please feel free to PM me if you want to.

[smellie_hippie]

Maryring: I'm sorry that you had to go through such an ordeal. It's terrible to think that soemone we care about could feel so low that suicide is the only viable option. I'm grateful that "Angel" survived, and that you two have been able to recover and grow from the experience. I'm also grateful that you have a living example that bolsters your confidence to help others.

*pats on the back*

[The Great Skenardo]

Through all of this, I haven’t been able to shed a single tear, but at least I know that maybe… just maybe… I was wrong in believing in my inability to help others…

A Heartening story indeed! But you know, I think I understand your original belief. When you see that something's going wrong with someone you care about, there's an aching fear you get; You feel like you ought to do something, but you don't know what you can do. For fear of making things worse, you forebear. And even when it comes to moral support, the words can get twisted on your tongue and silence prevails where there ought to have been words.

Yes, I know that feeling. But I'm glad that you've found the courage to act on your desire to help in the interest of a friend. A true friend. That's what's really important, isn't it? Help when you can, do what you ought, and maybe a little more besides.

Now, get out there and keep on being awesome! :smallsmile:

[Hell Puppi]

Suicide is a very selfish choice. The person experiencing the problems may have it tough, but the pain that those left behind has to feel… No one should have to feel that. No individual should be made a “murderer”. The feeling that someone dear to you have died, and that you failed to prevent it, you failed to even notice that the pain of the individual was so great that he or she was willing to throw away the most precious gift we have been given. It… that pain… it is intense. One of the greatest pains there is.


To be totally completely and horribly honest, the only reason I'm not dead is because of the pain it would cause my family and friends. You have no idea how much it helps a person struggling to have a friendly ear.

If they don't look like they want to talk, drag it out of them. I say this because of my own tendency to bottle things up. Because it's my own problem, I should be able to fix it...and the longer you go on the worse the problem seems and the better suicide sounds. It makes you think 'well, if I do this, then I won't be a problem anymore! I won't have to bug my family or friend with my troubles!'.

I know it's hard to see the signs, but just try and be a good friend (like it seems you have been).

[Maryring]

Thanks everyone. This past six months have been incredibly difficult for me, though if I were to guess, no one has noticed (hopefully). In addition to her, I've had a lot of problems with my school, enough to warrant a change, and some... unpleasant discoveries. I can't stand it when my so-called "friends" secretly hate me. In those instances, I so loathe being right.

But... that's none of your concern. What is of your concern is... that I would like to thank you for that concern. Thank you for the responses you've given me.

[Dragor]

Hi, it's Dragor again. I regularly view this thread, but I've only ever made one post (if any of you remember it- about my brother with Aspergers).

Well, he was extremely good for about 4 months. He was less paranoid- we were closer than ever. We regularly played video games together- and he laughed for the first time in around a year. He smiled and understood jokes.

Well, at college, his only friends have all moved on. My brother has never really had any friends- friends which have stayed with him- and one friend turned into a bully at secondary school and beat him up on a regular basis (he was punished later on). This has kind of scarred him. He's very touchy with his old friends now, all of which understand his condition.

He's been very down the past few months and we were beginning to conflict in anything and everything. What I could touch on is our religious backgrounds, but that would be in breach of forum rules (I think) so I won't. This isn't saying that I would, it's just it would help you understand. We conflict regularly with religious matters- I'll leave it at that.

I'm worried how I can communicate with him- at all- when we suffer from these differences. I really love my brother, a lot, and I'll do anything I can to help him. He's extremely disillusioned with the world at the moment- and, goddamn my big mouth, I told him I wanted to pursue a career in Journalism. Big mistake on my part. My brother thinks all journalists are scum, ever since he read a Times article being extremely prejudiced towards children with disabilities. It angered him beyond belief and his mind tarred all journalists with the same brush, so to speak, and labeled them all under the same status.

Sorry. Just wanted to get that out. :smallredface:

My brothers psyche is quite complex. I don't know how to explain his mind pattern.... he is quite random. What worried me most, however, was this.

Me: Do you want to get Brain Training? It's getting rave reviews.
Brother: I don't want to train my brain.
Me: *laughing* Neither do I. It just sounds fun.
Brother: I don't want to 'train' my brain. If I had the brain size of an amoeba, I'd be happy. From what I've experienced Tom, knowledgeable and intelligent are more rude, hurting and spiteful than the people with little intelligence at all. I wish I was like them.
Me: *slightly aghast* Knowledge and intelligence can be used for good too, you know.

And so we argued. A lot. I apologized a few days later and so did he. We agreed not to talk on the matter again, but I felt incredibly guilty for bringing this up- I still do. His medication began increasing highly, and it didn't seem to have much effect.

Can't carry on typing now. My wrist is killing me.

Tom out.

[Arameus]

I can sum mine up pretty simply.

All of my dreams are impossible because I have no ambition or motivation. Thus, I essentially have no future to which to look forward. My present is exactly as bleak. My parents split, my brother is a drug-fueled time bomb, and I have no friends, and I mean none. The last time I received a social phone call was five years ago. My extreme intelligence, musical capability, and excellence at writing are all squandered and serve as no consolation. I have never done well at school despite a borderline-genius IQ of 145. In fact, my capable mind serves only to enhance my ability to examine all my failures and misfortunes. And that's what really hurts: that even what should be my good traits are destroying me.

I don't believe I have depression. My problem is simply unhappiness. I do not, however, pity myself, and I definitely do not hate myself. However, I have become as meek as a mouse (in person, anyway) and although I have a long fuse, the bomb it sets off is tremendous.

The real mockery of it, of course, is that the forum is my natural element. I can collectedly record my thoughts at my leisure, in a mood in which I believe I am really myself, a state which would improve my life dramatically if I could exhibit even a trace of it in person. However, as a result I become addicted to the forum and it consumes all my time that I should even now be spending on other things. This is why I have avoided forums (fora?) for years, despite its arguably therapeutic effect.

I think covered most of it.

[Rex Idiotarum]

You Win Arameus! Welcome to life. You have to just realize that it isn't a Railroaded RPG. Get out there, do something rash and impulsive, and watch as life changes around you. At least it worked for me... Life is good, look for it in the simple things, don't overload yourself on the steps. Right now, you only need to move five feet forward. When you get there, repeat. then repeat again. I know, since you sound a lot like me, you feel that life can overwhelm you. Just stop thinking about everything, and think in the moment. What will you do next?

Dragor, I think my response in an arguement like that would be a heavily sarcastic, "Ha! Ignorance is bliss, laughing all the way down the hill, unkowing about the sharp rocks below... Have fun."

[SweetLikeLemons]

@Arameus: I know you don't think you have depression, but please, please get yourself checked out. Even if you don't have depression, it could be something else. If you do have something, remember, there is nothing wrong with that, and finding out what it is could get you some help dealing with it.

As for the forums, if they help you, I would say don't give them up entirely. Just be careful. Keep track of how much time you spend on them. And make sure it isn't your only outlet. My advice, for what it's worth, is to find groups that tie in with your interests and talents. You said you are a good writer. Is there a literary center near you? That could provide both motivation to keep writing, and a way to meet new people. Or you could try to find a musical group to join. Or take a class. Or volunteer somewhere. Start small, but find things that interest and engage you.


@Dragor: My heart goes out to you. Your brother is really lucky to have you as a brother and a friend, and I'm sure on some level he knows that.

I don't know if this will be helpful at all, since you may want to try to keep the argument from coming up again, but if you are looking at a career in journalism I imagine it will be hard if his feelings about journalists stay the same. Autism and Aspergers have been in the news a lot lately. I'm sure there are articles out there with a much more positive outlook on it. Would it be helpful for him to see some?

Anyway, I wish you the best. Hang in there!

[The Great Skenardo]

Another possibility is to give him a manuscript of The Jungle, for example, or some of the other historical Muck-raking journalists' work. I seem to recall that paranoia was one of his major issues. Might help him to know that some journalists past and present have been struggling to say the unpopular truths.

[Hell Puppi]

Heh to be honest half of what I tell you people (I mean that in a good way) I wouldn't dare tell anyone else.
Soi yeah, I feel for you Arameus, and even if it sounds rough go talk to a professional about it. I don't mean to be mean, but what I thought was mild depression in myself turned out to be something much worse, and luckily because of the help I've received it's just turned into a mild anxiety problem. Sometimes it's not so much knowing what a problem is, but learning how to overcome the problem and change it.
You know, before it eats you. Don't let the depression wyrm (as I refer to it) do that.

[Arameus]

I think I should also make it clear that, despite these problems, I maintain a genuinely upbeat attitude about most everything and I try my hardest at everything I do, and even if it doesn't work out, knowing I tried makes me feel good, because, really, what more can you do than your best?

Fortunately, I don't think seeking help is any sort of need for me. The loneliness only becomes noticeable in summer when I'm not around other people as much, and I go back to school Tuesday. :smallbiggrin: Past that, I have a father to which I honestly can tell anything. And, as he is a Methodist Minister (as are both of his parents), it's really been his life's work to help people. One thing of which I've always been very thankful is that, however difficult it may be, I have been supplied with all the help I need.

[Rex Idiotarum]

I want to create a character named after a Psychiatric Medication so bad. Biston, Cylert, Dozic, Geodon, Luvox, Orap, Serax, Sirtal, Tafil, Xanax, Xanor, and Zeldox.

Just for fun, see what characters you can find in your medication's name.


Well, Arameus, sounds really good for you.

[Hell Puppi]

Err I would say something but it sounds horribly depressing so I'm not.


Also:

Hehe sad thing is Rex I think those could easily pass for fantasy names as long as know one caught on. Then hopefully they'd just find it entertaining:smallbiggrin:

[Rex Idiotarum]

Spill it, horribly depressing things is what this thread is about.

[Hell Puppi]

Well it's more of advice than my own problem, and I don't want to create a problem where there ISN'T one, it's simply what I went through a long while ago. Arameus' reply sounded a lot like a few things I've said in the past, but I'm not him (or her), and can't make assumptions.
That being said:
Sometimes believing your happy and being happy are entirely different things. If you didn't have problems you wouldn't want to share them, and again I'm merely saying this because before I had a major breakdown I went through a routine of being alternately depressed and feeling fine, thinking I could hold it off on my own.
And I'm only saying this because a few thing have echoed my own problems, anxiety, loss of what to do, ect. I'm not saying what you're doing won't bring you out of it, I'm just saying that if gets worse or you feel you need help GET IT. I should say this to everyone and not just direct it at one poster, but there is no shame in it.
Sorry if I sound like a douche, I just don't want someone going through what I went through.

Wow now that I've proved my own un-stabability I may go hide for a while....

[Rex Idiotarum]

I think it is good advice. Yes, people, talk to someone if you are feeling depressed. Sometimes talking about things can really help out.

[SDF]

Sorry if I sound like a douche, I just don't want someone going through what I went through.

Wow now that I've proved my own un-stabability I may go hide for a while....

You are speaking out of compassion, and that is like the opposite of personified feminine hygiene products. ;P The mind is strong and if you think you are happy you can make yourself feel that way, but that isn't to say you don't have other underlying problems. I can attest to random fits of instability, occasionally feeling extreme dread. Sometimes when there is a reason and sometimes when there isn't. Today for instance I had a really good time downtown. Met a mime and some random people, but when I came home I felt really lonely. Iuno, it's the way it goes.

[Arameus]

It's circular logic. On the one hand, I admit I have problems, but believe I maintain quite well in spite of them. On the other hand, this could be denial and I'm making the problem worse. Meaning as I feel worse and worse I'll pretend harder and harder.

However, I would take the awareness of such a concept and the lucidity to describe it as proofs that such is not the case. I do, however, appreciate your words very much.

[MethodicalMeat]

I'm not sure where to go with this one...my family is out of the question, I can't tell them, and I honestly don't trust the part-time counselors here in my hometown. There isn't a real psychiatrist for miles, cities even. And I can't talk about it here, people I know in real life frequent this forum...

[Rex Idiotarum]

Private Message someone. I know quite a few people are willing to listen to the troubles of others, myself included, if they were PM'd about it.

[MethodicalMeat]

I'd feel guilty about dumping my problems in a complete stranger's lap, and then there's my trust issues, and the fact that this problem is particularly embarrasing...

[Gitman00]

This will probably be very dull, but I really need to vent.

I hate my job. Or rather, I hate what it's become. When I first took this job, I was put in charge of my section, and given responsibility for its success or failure. The nature of the job changed, and the level of responsibility increased dramatically, as the number of people that fell under my jurisdiction effectively doubled, and I was now reporting to a colonel instead of a lieutenant colonel (I'm a staff sergeant [E-5] in the Air Force, if anyone cares). No promotion for me, mind you, just more work and more brass scrutinizing me. No problem, just some good-natured griping about how I should get another stripe or two on my sleeve, and I took the extra workload in stride, secure in the knowledge that I was making a difference. We got a new staff sergeant in the office who was placed under me, my superiors were happy, and things were going pretty well.

Well, long story short, I spent a certain 14-hour day with no lunch break populating massive amounts of data for a spreadsheet that was due the next day. I made a mistake in the formatting, and I was suddenly missing a big chunk out of my ass. I fixed the mistake in a half-hour, and the deadline was only slipped a couple hours. In that time, though, I was replaced by the new staff sergeant; we'll call her "Sergeant Smith". The superintendent rationalized it by explaining that Sgt Smith outranked me (she'd been a staff sergeant longer) and so she should be in charge of the office. My BS detector went off, because if that were really the reason he wouldn't have waited until I made a mistake to replace me.

Next came the response to the infamous spreadsheet. Since Sgt Smith was my new boss, I had sent the fixed product up the chain through her. In short order, I was CC'd on an e-mail heaping praise on Sgt Smith for a job well done. That she was given credit for my work while I was fired for it was bad enough, but CC-ing me on that e-mail had no purpose except to deliver a personal twist of the knife.

Since then (this was a couple months ago) I've tried to bear my fate with as much dignity as possible, but I've been shunted to the position of scapegoat. "Something went wrong? Must be Sgt Gitman's fault!" It's been a steady downward spiral ever since, especially since that initial kick in the guts effectively destroyed my motivation. I'm a firm believer that one should concentrate on what one does rather than what happens to him, but it's a lot harder in practice than in theory.

Today I found out that Sgt Smith has been systematically dripping poison in all my co-workers' ears about how incompetent I am, ever since the spreadsheet incident. This partially explains why it's been so much harder for me to get anything accomplished recently, since my job depends very heavily on dealing with other people. It also fills me with mind-numbing rage, because she's been sabotaging my ability to work effectively, and then blaming me when things don't get done on time. :smallfurious:

Part of her propaganda campaign has involved making subtly contemptuous remarks about me in front of my subordinates. I confronted her directly about this today, since it's extremely unprofessional and destroys my credibility, and she told me straight out, "I don't really care how you feel about it. And if you want to go to our superintendent about it, go right ahead. I have plenty of ammunition to use against you, because I've talked to him every time I've had an issue with you, which has been a lot." Needless to say, she never brought a single one of these "issues" up with me.

So, now I know that she's been consolidating her power base and poisoning our superiors against me, too. If this has been going on ever since she came into the office, without my knowledge, my credibility is gone, without me even seeing it go. As much as I hate to admit it, I feel helpless against that level of malice. Especially since I can't even understand her motives for it.

Yes, we have office politics, even in the military. Now I think I understand why C.S. Lewis, in the Screwtape Letters, imagined hell as a bureaucracy. My job satisfaction is at an all-time low, my stress is at an all-time high, I have no immediate hope of escape, and I have a headache as I'm writing this. :smallsigh: At least it's Friday.

Thanks for listening, if you got this far. It's been a trial to say the least.

[zeratul]

Guys something hit me really hard today. One of my closest friends basically just rejected me. It had to do with me being gothish, and I opened up to him. Told him about how I'm depressed, feel like an outcast, hat most of the people in our school system, and this was not going to change, even though I wish it would. Then he basically said goodbye for good. I'm really really hurt by this.:smallfrown:

[Rex Idiotarum]

Wow, what an ass, you're better off without him.

[zeratul]

Well also, back when everyone else hated this kid for being an outcast, not liking people, and seeming really emo, I stood by him, through also his mental duress. Now during a time when I need support, hes just severing the ties.

[EmeraldRose]

Gitman, as a former AF spouse, I can tell you that I think your next step is to take things up the ranks.

You have now spoken to your "supervisor". That it what this sgt. is supposedly, and you've gotten an answer. It was a load of BS, and now you have been given her permission to take it up the ranks. Next is to take it to her supervisor. If that person, has as she has put it, ammunition against you, I recommend you talk to your Shirt first. It sounds like this has become a serious issue, and is not something that is going to go away.

You always have the option of bringing your Shirt in at any point. Don't let this fester up because it will only hurt how you work and how you function in your flight.

If this person is truly "twisting the knife" in your career, you have to ask yourself...what are your EPR's going to look like if she is the one putting in the recommendations to your flight commander?

Try to manage this before it get's out of hand! Talk to your Shirt!!!

[zeratul]

Also guys I'm kind of worried now he'll tell other people not to consort with me. Hopefully though this won't affect my real friend. But if he were to twist my words, say im in a worse mental state than I am. People might start avoiding me.

[CurlyKitGirl]

I got your PM and was understandably concerned so I checked the thread, and then I saw the last few post you made. To add to it:

Zer, if your true (other) friend hears about this from him, he will understandably be worried. If you feel is is a true, and unshakeable frind talk to him first befor the rumour mill sarts up.
Secondly, if he does tell others how you're feeling and twists it you know exactly why he was your friend. He didn't really care; he just wanted to be able to whinge to someone. You were a convenience to him. As Rex said, be glad he's gone.
Just take the advice I, and the other Forumites gave you. It should help.

Furthermore, if people do avoid you it won't be your fault. Never feel as if it's your fault. Ever! It's his fault. I don't believe people will avoid you because if they treated him as an outcast before then they will probably ignore what he says.
Teenage years are some of the worst in your life, no matter what they say. Your ego, and feelings are on show, and how peolpe see and act towards you now will change you yourself. Please don't take him or any possible repurcussions of a bold, brassy blabbermouth spouting what you entrusted to him in confidentiality to others seriously.
I'm here if you want to talk.

The same goes for anyone who needs to talk. Sometimes talking to an objective stranger, or someoone who doesn't personally know you is best.

[Rajhiim]

Gitman,

Remind Sgt Smith "black books" are illegal. She cannot stockpile "ammunition" on you without paperwork... (IE. documented counseling). Otherwise, she is black-booking which will get her in trouble.

Next - I would review your initial feedback, mid-term feedback (if your supervisor did one) and see if you are "meeting expectations." If you are not, then you are indeed "incompetent." If you are, as I suspect you are, then she is indeed working in an unprofessional manner. I would reccomend a Sgt to Sgt talk, with another NCO present -- preferrably a SNCO -- where you basically bring up the "undermining my NCO authority by ridiculing me in front of my subordinates..."

If your supervisor, or supervisor's supervisor cant solve the problem (of course I am sure there is more than I know about the problem)... Go visit the Super or the First Sgt.

If after all of that you aren't satisfied, inform them you will be filing an IG complaint as a result of ineffective leadership and fear of reciprocity.

If you want to PM more details - I may be of more help.






This will probably be very dull, but I really need to vent.

I hate my job. Or rather, I hate what it's become. When I first took this job, I was put in charge of my section, and given responsibility for its success or failure. The nature of the job changed, and the level of responsibility increased dramatically, as the number of people that fell under my jurisdiction effectively doubled, and I was now reporting to a colonel instead of a lieutenant colonel (I'm a staff sergeant [E-5] in the Air Force, if anyone cares). No promotion for me, mind you, just more work and more brass scrutinizing me. No problem, just some good-natured griping about how I should get another stripe or two on my sleeve, and I took the extra workload in stride, secure in the knowledge that I was making a difference. We got a new staff sergeant in the office who was placed under me, my superiors were happy, and things were going pretty well.

Well, long story short, I spent a certain 14-hour day with no lunch break populating massive amounts of data for a spreadsheet that was due the next day. I made a mistake in the formatting, and I was suddenly missing a big chunk out of my ass. I fixed the mistake in a half-hour, and the deadline was only slipped a couple hours. In that time, though, I was replaced by the new staff sergeant; we'll call her "Sergeant Smith". The superintendent rationalized it by explaining that Sgt Smith outranked me (she'd been a staff sergeant longer) and so she should be in charge of the office. My BS detector went off, because if that were really the reason he wouldn't have waited until I made a mistake to replace me.

Next came the response to the infamous spreadsheet. Since Sgt Smith was my new boss, I had sent the fixed product up the chain through her. In short order, I was CC'd on an e-mail heaping praise on Sgt Smith for a job well done. That she was given credit for my work while I was fired for it was bad enough, but CC-ing me on that e-mail had no purpose except to deliver a personal twist of the knife.

Since then (this was a couple months ago) I've tried to bear my fate with as much dignity as possible, but I've been shunted to the position of scapegoat. "Something went wrong? Must be Sgt Gitman's fault!" It's been a steady downward spiral ever since, especially since that initial kick in the guts effectively destroyed my motivation. I'm a firm believer that one should concentrate on what one does rather than what happens to him, but it's a lot harder in practice than in theory.

Today I found out that Sgt Smith has been systematically dripping poison in all my co-workers' ears about how incompetent I am, ever since the spreadsheet incident. This partially explains why it's been so much harder for me to get anything accomplished recently, since my job depends very heavily on dealing with other people. It also fills me with mind-numbing rage, because she's been sabotaging my ability to work effectively, and then blaming me when things don't get done on time. :smallfurious:

Part of her propaganda campaign has involved making subtly contemptuous remarks about me in front of my subordinates. I confronted her directly about this today, since it's extremely unprofessional and destroys my credibility, and she told me straight out, "I don't really care how you feel about it. And if you want to go to our superintendent about it, go right ahead. I have plenty of ammunition to use against you, because I've talked to him every time I've had an issue with you, which has been a lot." Needless to say, she never brought a single one of these "issues" up with me.

So, now I know that she's been consolidating her power base and poisoning our superiors against me, too. If this has been going on ever since she came into the office, without my knowledge, my credibility is gone, without me even seeing it go. As much as I hate to admit it, I feel helpless against that level of malice. Especially since I can't even understand her motives for it.

Yes, we have office politics, even in the military. Now I think I understand why C.S. Lewis, in the Screwtape Letters, imagined hell as a bureaucracy. My job satisfaction is at an all-time low, my stress is at an all-time high, I have no immediate hope of escape, and I have a headache as I'm writing this. :smallsigh: At least it's Friday.

Thanks for listening, if you got this far. It's been a trial to say the least.

[zeratul]

Gah, guys, I do want to just go up to him and say, your closed minded screw you, and walk away. But I'm kind by nature. It'd be hard for me to do it.

[Sean92k]

Gah, guys, I do want to just go up to him and say, your closed minded screw you, and walk away. But I'm kind by nature. It'd be hard for me to do it.Some times you just have to go against your nature and do what you need to. I'm shy and quiet by nature but I have shouted at enough jerks to know shy and quiet doesn't get stuff done. Good luck with what ever you decide to do

[Hell Puppi]

Gah, guys, I do want to just go up to him and say, your closed minded screw you, and walk away. But I'm kind by nature. It'd be hard for me to do it.

Okay, I'm going to relate this to a story of mine that happened rather recently.

I was pissed at someone, for good reason, and had not talked to said person in over a year. I saw him working at a store very close to my own work (in the mall, you can can run into anyone there) and decided to give him a piece of my mind.
I walked in the store, and as soon as he said hi, what did I do? I wussed out. I acted friendly and even said if he wanted to talk I was free.
Then I get backstabbed. Hard. I'm not going to relate the entire incident, but I'm just saying to matter how nice you are please summon the courage to say exactly what you feel and not what your own kindness dictates you should. Maybe he'll snap out of it and realize his own selfishness if you do.
Not saying you swear at him or anything, but give an open appraisal of how you feel. If anything it'll make you feel better in the long run that you did everything you could.

[sktarq]

I'd feel guilty about dumping my problems in a complete stranger's lap, and then there's my trust issues, and the fact that this problem is particularly embarrasing...

Well. There are several people here who'd probably be happy to try at least. Several of us have INVITED such acts-so it is not exactly a "dumping" of your issues on the colective our laps. Pick someone whose advise you've seen here (and like) and PM just them if you want.

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

I thought I was doing okay. Medical problems, while in the foreground, have not been nearly as major as they could be. Mentally...well, I remain a bit fragile after certain issues, but I'm getting back to where I should be...

Sp today, I am minding my own business, sitting at my computer, delving into WoW...and there it is, in my right eye. A dark spot growing larger by the minute, snaking it's way into my vision, a strange three dimensional shadow that that moves with every movement of my eyeball.

It's a hemmorhage. Another one, mere months after having laser therapy to repair the last bleed. These leaking blood vessels are a part of diabetic retinopathy. The vessels that are supposed to be working have sealed themselves off. My eyes are craving blood, oxygen. So new vessels spring into place...but they don't belong there. They're not as strong as the originals. So they burst.

What was once tiny dark spots in my vision have become much larger in the last year. It's as though my eyes are desperate to shut down and be done with looking at the world.

Too late to call the eye doctor. They'll do nothing for me at an emergency room. I have to wait until morning.

I'm just so freaking scared right now. And all I can do is sit here and cry, as I worry myself silly about my world literally going dark.

[Xykon_Fan]

Wow...I was thinking about posting something here about being stressed out by my dad's expectations of me for college...but now it seems so trivial. I'm really sorry this is happening to you Bor...you seem like way too nice of a guy to deserve all the crap that happens to you. Ah well...through trials you build character and become complete. Maybe that's why you easily seem like one of the nicest, honorable people ever.

Bor: Be Well...Be Well :smallsmile:

[Alarra]

I....oh....*hugs Bor*

I'm sorry that you have to go through all the difficulties that you do. I have no idea what to say or of anyway I could possibly help, but I would, if I could. Your post actually brought tears to my eyes. I know what it's like to have your vision go black and think you're going blind and it is scary as hell and I wish I could help at all.

*hugs again*

[PhallicWarrior]

*thinks of hugging Bor, decides that a pat on the back is more appropriate, then does so*

In all seriousness, I'm going to build a better human. Eyes, ears, muscles, bones, all the internal organs, I've got ideas for all of it. The tech already exists, so I'll get you some eyes with nightvision ASAP.



*Hugs Bor anyway*

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

Thank you, those who've posted thus far...Understand that what I was looking for is exactly what you've been giving. Words of sympathy and caring work synergistically with Xanax. I'm calmed some, and even felt a little warmth overtake the cold terror that was gripping my heart.

Thank you.

[DarkLightDragon]

I wish I could say something useful to all the people having problems here...

*hugs everyone. and another hug for Bor*

[Serpentine]

Well. There are several people here who'd probably be happy to try at least. Several of us have INVITED such acts-so it is not exactly a "dumping" of your issues on the colective our laps. Pick someone whose advise you've seen here (and like) and PM just them if you want.
I'm one of those. Though I should point out that I probably don't have all that much "life experience"... I'm pretty empathetic, though? I should also direct you to my last post in the Relationships thread where I outline some of my inherent bias. Hm. Not a good advertisement for being PMed with problems... I'm told I'm a good listener?

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

Wow...I was thinking about posting something here about being stressed out by my dad's expectations of me for college...but now it seems so trivial. I'm really sorry this is happening to you Bor...you seem like way too nice of a guy to deserve all the crap that happens to you. Ah well...through trials you build character and become complete. Maybe that's why you easily seem like one of the nicest, honorable people ever.

Bor: Be Well...Be Well :smallsmile:
Okay...Emergency appointment set up, and I'm awaiting the doctor to receive a faxed approval from insurance. I'm glaf people started jumping through hoops for me when I explained that that which wasn't dark in my right eye is now extremely blurred. With the help of anxiety meds and the soothing care of friends, I'm a bit calmer today.

Now, XF, as to your issues, without having details, you must understand a parent's point of view. They want the best for their children. My father is in the habit of reminding me that I'm a failure. Oddly, I recognize this as his way of showing love. It hurts like heck and stresses me to no end, but I know it stems from love, which is why I still love him.

Take te comments and demands in stride. Head to college with the intent of doing your best. Keep the partying to a minimum, focus on your education, and come back with the best grades you possibly can. After a semester or two of what can only be success, (as you will have done your best, right?), you can show your dad the transcript of your grades and tell him to relax.

Hey, it's a possible plan. I can only pray you don't experience what some of my friends did when they went to college. They discovered various substances were much more easily obtained in college, and their educations became a blurred memory in the haze of illegal garbage. :smalleek:

[Lord Herman]

*Bor-huggity*

Why does bad stuff always have to happen to good people :smallfrown:

[smellie_hippie]

I... he... we should... I thought he'd just........:smalleek:
Damn Bor. You win. :smallfrown:

I have no words for your natural ability to be there for others despite what you are going through at this very minute!:smalleek: I tip my hat to you sir. Feel free to be humbled and embarrassed at the spectacle, but trust me.... you deserve it!:smallamused: I hope things all work out well for you. I hope your already having gone through this procedure will make it a little easier to tolerate.

Gitman: I think you have already gotten the best advice out there. If the accusations are unfounded, it's criminal for someone to keep a "black book" against you. Take it right up the ladder man.

Zeratul: I do not envy you being put into a position of such discomfort. Just bear in mind that if you pull yourself out of it the hard way, you are the bigger person.

*hugs for everyone*

[MountainKing]

To begin... In short, I've displayed symptoms of depression since I was four (when I started kindergarten), anti-social/defiance disorders since I was seven (though being anti-social started sooner), and I was actually diagnosed with depression when I was twelve. The doctor wanted to put me on anti-depressants, but my dad had done his homework, and absolutely refused.

I got put on St. John's Wort instead, and after about six months, life was livable again. Fast forward through a relatively rocky middle-high school life where a lot of change happened extremely fast (a decade of unlearned socio-psychological learning and ability, to be brief), and here I am today. For the most part, I've sort of adjusted to having depression (which is kind of sad, and a little weird to say). It kind of works out on its own on a day to day basis. Some days are normal (because my neutral state is depressed and hiding it), and then other days are fantastic because I have things in my day to keep my mind busy.

It's pretty much why I enjoy writing so much. I'm an emotional, even moody, person, and with depression to fuel my creativity, I can focus on something I enjoy without feeling my usual undercurrent of garbage.

I guess that's kind of my point; that reading and writing have helped me get through my entire life, along with my love of theatre that started a few years ago. So my advice would be to find something to use as a creative outlet; something that is both fuelable and a focus. It's rewarding, and I know it helped me through a lot.

[Xykon_Fan]

Okay...Emergency appointment set up, and I'm awaiting the doctor to receive a faxed approval from insurance. I'm glaf people started jumping through hoops for me when I explained that that which wasn't dark in my right eye is now extremely blurred. With the help of anxiety meds and the soothing care of friends, I'm a bit calmer today.

Now, XF, as to your issues, without having details, you must understand a parent's point of view. They want the best for their children. My father is in the habit of reminding me that I'm a failure. Oddly, I recognize this as his way of showing love. It hurts like heck and stresses me to no end, but I know it stems from love, which is why I still love him.

Take te comments and demands in stride. Head to college with the intent of doing your best. Keep the partying to a minimum, focus on your education, and come back with the best grades you possibly can. After a semester or two of what can only be success, (as you will have done your best, right?), you can show your dad the transcript of your grades and tell him to relax.

Hey, it's a possible plan. I can only pray you don't experience what some of my friends did when they went to college. They discovered various substances were much more easily obtained in college, and their educations became a blurred memory in the haze of illegal garbage. :smalleek:

Thanks, Bor. I actually started feeling a lot better when my mom was talking to my brother and (through a train of thought too long to really flesh out unless you really want me to) I realized that my dad is kind of one of those people who's forgotten how to have fun. Once I realized that, I decided my mom and older brother's advice was probably closer to the ideal than his.

See, he told me that what he wanted me to do was "Work really hard, keep on working, and when your work is all done...work some more." (Man, even thinking about it and re-hearing the memory gets my heart rate up and my stress levels inordinately high.) It looked as though I wouldn't have any time whatsoever to rest and recuperate. I even adopted this way of thinking, but after nearly having a meltdown yesterday as I thought about the practicality of how that would work, I started to realize that my plan, in my own words, was to "Burn myself each semester, come home on breaks for a slight rest, and burn all the way through myself the next semester." Needless to say, I didn't think it healthy. I realize his motives are to keep me from making some of the mistakes my older brother made early on in his college life, since my parents are pouring a ton of money into me so I can go to this particular university. I also realize that what he's suggesting prevents me from ever looking around at the wonderful university I'm going to. My college days, like your friends', would be a blur, but not because I had done drugs, because I had wasted myself in the effort for perfection and then some.

Thanks for your comfort. I'm really glad you're getting somewhere and feeling better. You really are a great guy, and you deserve everything anyone on this board has said about you. (Oh, and I don't think you're a failure. You have succeeded in areas it seems many...including your father...have not.)

[Hoggy]

Whilst I am not going blind or am about to kill myself or anything, I'm in a sufficiently bad mood that I want to post here because so many small things keep coming up that they've made like a katamari and gone all colossal like, so I'm going to kvetch for a bit. And yes, kvetch iz my noo feyvrut wurd seence I adopt'd it.

For the past couple months, my exzema has resurfaced. It started around when pressure for my exams really built up, so I put it down to that, and assumed that it'd be gone after that, got on with life, has a fun time, so on so forth.

Skip to last couple of weeks, which physical-pain wise, have been hell. Neck, arms and back are all covered in weeping sores because I cannot stop scratching. I will wake up in the middle of the night already scratching, I don't sleep much as it is, but I assume that over the last couple of weeks of gone from about 4 hours a night to about 1, maybe 2. This has made me very irritable and drawn.People have commented on me as such, though I try to hide it.

It hurts to wear even a tshirt, and for the last couple weeks I've been staying away in my room wearing nothing but a towel/a pair of shorts, unless I have work or band. I cannot fully strecth my arms/neck without them hurting. The three new steroids I've been prescribed have done nothing yet, making it worse if anything.

Despite it being summer, and the weather being awesome the last couple of weeks, I have not been out once, because of shame. My friends are a bunch of *******s and will take the piss, and my temper is too frayed right now to deal with it, plus I'd have a load of tourists gawking at the scars. I hate tourists, and would probably end up assaulting one of them. I certainly feel like it.

My TV exploded today, another £100 for a new one that I don't have. I'm in debt to various people as it is. Yay.

As I mentioned above, hurts to move my arms/neck. Which is ****ing brilliant because my driving test is next week, and I need to be able to drive. I live in the middle of nowhere. But it's gonna be hard to pass a test, when it takes a lot of efforet and endurance just to look behind me.

I was gonna ask out the girl who I'm still in love with, but I don't think I'll bother right now. I've not changed in one aspect, and got a lot worse in another, so there goes that plan.

I hate my life. It might seem petty, there are people worse off, I don't care. Mine could still be better.

Kvetch over.

[Siwenna]

Exzema sucks. I used to get it on my upper lip and around my nose every winter. Oddly enough, my skin has actually improved since I became a teenager. I used some sort of antibiotic ointment, which helped a lot. Skin moisturizer also helped sooth my skin, so I didn't scratch as much. I'm really sorry you have to deal with that.

Don't get another TV now, if you don't have the money. I've never really watched TV, so maybe I just don't know what I'm missing, but it sounds like you'll be better off saving the money.

Bor, I'm so sorry that you have to deal with everything you're dealing with. You sound like such an amazing guy. I really hope everything works out with you're vision and that your overall situation improves. I envy your ability to cope with, and remain unresentful towards, life. Good luck!

[Serpentine]

For heaven's sake Hoggy, see a doctor. Well, you're taking drugs for it so presumably you've already seen one... But if you've been on them for a while and it's not helping see a new one, or go to the old one and tell them it's not working! I only ever got exzma on the inside of my elbows, but that alone was bad enough. Can't imagine how horrible it'd be to have it all over...
Can't you reschedule your driving test?

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

Okay, folks. The doctor's visit brought both a sigh of relief and a groan of irritation.

The good news: the bleed in my eye is small. Very small. Not even worth warming up the laser. The doc said everything in my eye looks good from the last time I had laser therapy. (532 hits for the right eye, 528 for the left; I only remember those numbers because they're so close!) Doc says that which is disrupting my vision should fade in short order.

The bad news: the bleed is just over my retina, so it APPEARS to be huge. This is causing my right eye to try and focus on it, while the left is trying to focus on the rest of the world. Let the headache begin! The solution: patch it in such a way that my eyelid stays closed. Needs to be dark in there, too, otherwise I can still see it and I'm still trying to focus on it. Alas, my dreams of being a pirate won't be fulfilled, as the only patch I found was convexed and tilts my glasses. Thus, for the next few days, I'll be taking gauze patches to my face so I can properly focus with at least one eye.

The potential bad news: if this bleed does NOT fade, well, I might need me a wee bit of surgery to remove it. He was rather vague, but I think he was referring to...well...ummm...Remember that shtick from when you were a kid? "Swear to G-d, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye." Yeah...It might be that last part. :smalleek: (This is what I get for reading a pamphlet while waiting!) A laser would cauterize the leaking vessel, but it's that needle that would be used where the blood has gathered and been stubborn enough not to leave. We shall see.

Meanwhile...

@ Hippie: Helping others the way I do is theraputic for me. I feel better for having done a good deed for good's own sake. It's what I've been trying to promote here on the boards since I arrived. So I took meds to keep me calm, saw someone whom I could give advice to, and gave what I could. It distracted me nicely from what I'm going through at the moment. :smallsmile:

@ Hoggy: Serpentine is right: get thee to a nunnery...ummm...doctor! While I don't know YOUR pain, I know mine. Diabetic neuropathy can make me fear taking a shower, as the impact of water on parts of my legs, chest, and arms actually causes pain. This pain is in my skin, so all skin related actions can cause a swell of agony; this includes getting goosebumps! (G-d bless the man who discovered the non-narcotic analgesic that allows me to move!)Physical pain can become psychologically debilitating. Get the meds for your skin, discuss immediate pain management for the sores, and THEN work on tackling petty issues like a television. (Remember that if your computer has a DVD ROM, you can at least watch a movie on your computer when the urge strikes.)

Okay, all. I'll let you know when my panic rises anew. Meanwhile, I believe we can all relax about my current crisis.

[zeratul]

On the upside

Goddbye Bor
Hello Pirate Bor

Glad, it's not that serious, who else would be our advice man?

[MethodicalMeat]

First: Thank you everyone, for your support, empathy, and willingness to listen to a crazy stranger!

Second: E-hugs for everybody who's feeling down.:smallsmile:

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

I... he... we should... I thought he'd just........:smalleek:
Damn Bor. You win. :smallfrown:

I have no words for your natural ability to be there for others despite what you are going through at this very minute!:smalleek: I tip my hat to you sir. Feel free to be humbled and embarrassed at the spectacle, but trust me.... you deserve it!:smallamused: I hope things all work out well for you. I hope your already having gone through this procedure will make it a little easier to tolerate.

*snippified*

*hugs for everyone*
Y'know, at first, this post made me feel good. As the panic continues to be replaced by irritation at the "horseshoe is my eye," I'm starting to see new meaning in what you've said, Hippie. So...I deserve to be humbled and embarrassed, eh? Think I could use a little emotional punishment, do you? Well...[wicked witch impression] "I'll get you, my hippie! And your little dog, too!" [/wicked witch impression] :smalltongue:

To be perfectly honest, I have come back to read this very part of your post several times. What you said, combined with the "hugs for everyone" at the end...well, it equates to a hug and a hearty pat on the back, all in one. It's not that I feel I deserve it, but I sure could use it.

And I think - THINK, mind you - that the horseshoe is starting to fade. Ah, but that needs an explanation. When the bleed in my eye finished doing its wee bit of damage, it looked as though someone had laid a horseshoe in my vision, with its open ends directly aimed at me. Yes, this bizarre, 3-D image has been painted into my line of sight rather sloppily in blood. My irritation comes from the fact that my right eye keeps trying to focus on it, while the left is still doing the proper work of focusing on the world around me. It is literally head-ache inspiring. And the gauze patches aren't helping. Not dark enough. Light comes through and I can still see that horseshoe in my vision. Thus, I work to see past it as best I can.

As is my nature, however, I try to put a positive or humorous spin on such things, once I'm past the trauma of them. This may well be a chance to pick up women! "Hi. I'm slowly going blind, and MUST see as many beautiful women scantily clad, if not naked. Would you like to volunteer?" :smallbiggrin:

Hey...Can you blame a guy for trying? :smalltongue:

[PhallicWarrior]

I can't, and I think that is a perfectly reasonable thing to do. :smallbiggrin:

[Rex Idiotarum]

I lost internet for a day, and my entire social life disappeared. I was bored and angry.

[sktarq]

I lost internet for a day, and my entire social life disappeared. I was bored and angry.

Coffee shops, student Unions, theatres, FLGS's, and activity centres beckon....get the out of the digital age and into the original social scene! It's wild out there. I swear it...much fun. Even went to B-Day party last night where people had emotional honesty just about all the time....Highly recomended as part of your daily recomended allowence...Find yours.

[Talen IV]

Sigh, this year i managed to somehow make my social life implode...

I somehow convinced the girl i fancied to ask someone else out without realising...
...which annoyed someone else who fancied me and now tries to make my life hell, and he has his girlfriend to help him (who is probably better at it)...
...he convinced my now ex-best friend that i was excluding him from the social scene, so my ex-best friend is now spilling everything i ever told him to everyone...
...including some lies sprinkled in amongst the truth...

I'm losing all my friends, and made an enemy or two who hate me, with a vengeance. To the point a while back i slipped and tumbled down a flight of stairs, and one of them just stood there laughing themselves stupid.

They've hacked one of my games and got my account deleted and once prank called me at 1 in the morning ten days straight.

Compared to some of the stuff i've read here this seems really petty, but it doesn't let up, and i feel alone sometimes...

[Thes Hunter]

As is my nature, however, I try to put a positive or humorous spin on such things, once I'm past the trauma of them. :

My all time favorite movie quote is:

"A laugh can be a very powerful thing. Why, sometimes in life, it's the only weapon we have."

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

Sigh, this year i managed to somehow make my social life implode...

I somehow convinced the girl i fancied to ask someone else out without realising...
...which annoyed someone else who fancied me and now tries to make my life hell, and he has his girlfriend to help him (who is probably better at it)...
...he convinced my now ex-best friend that i was excluding him from the social scene, so my ex-best friend is now spilling everything i ever told him to everyone...
...including some lies sprinkled in amongst the truth...

I'm losing all my friends, and made an enemy or two who hate me, with a vengeance. To the point a while back i slipped and tumbled down a flight of stairs, and one of them just stood there laughing themselves stupid.

They've hacked one of my games and got my account deleted and once prank called me at 1 in the morning ten days straight.

Compared to some of the stuff i've read here this seems really petty, but it doesn't let up, and i feel alone sometimes...
Talen, don't diminish your problems simply because people have larger issues. Yes, it helps put things in perspective, but it doesn't change the fact that you are suffering emotionally.

In your case, however, the source is external. Many of the problems presented here are external. But even if they were internal, as with my diabetes or my depression, it's a matter of "take action or take the punishment." I'll use the closest example I have on hand: myself.

I am not a morning person by any means. It's over seven years since I've had a job, and almost seven years since the official date my disabilities were proclaimed. On Monday evening, after doctor's hours, my right eye decided it was time to bleed internally. Panic and depression ensued.

Now, I had a choice right there. I could A: let the problem overwhelm me and leave me a blubbering basket case that curls up in a corner and cries, or B: do something about it. The first choice would leave me with issues that would grow inside my mind, prey on whatever positive feelings hide deep within me, and devour my body. (I mean that literally! To get seriously upset is to lose control of my diabetes. My body would turn to body fat for energy, turning it into acetone instead. Yes, I'd lose some body fat, wich is not a bad thing, but the poison in my veins IS a bad thing.) Thus, it was the second choice for me.

I was up by 8:30 the next morning. Before I did ANYTHING, I was on the phone with my insurance company, then the doctor's office, and back and forth I called until the appointment was all set up. I was examined, given peace of mind, and, while I still have those pesky spots in my vision, was able to move forward again.

Being placed into traumatic situations often has us thinking...odd thoughts. One of the first things to run through my head when this bleed occurred was, "I'm not ready to go blind yet." Well, DUH! Who *IS* ready to go blind??? (Got my friend Julie laughing pretty good with that one.) It's important not to let those strange thoughts overwhelm us.

Talen, I know little about you. I sense all of this is happening at a grade school level. If that's the case, then you need to harden yourself to the petty social politics that often occur there. Why? Because as Gitman has demonstrated in the last few pages, it can happen ANYWHERE. If you can spot a way to fix that which is broken, then do so. If not, walk away as best you can and move on with your life. Certain people are not worth the time, effort, and pain. No matter what, you will have taken SOME KIND of action instead of merely sitting there and taking the punishment.

@Thes: That quote is somewhat familiar. What movie is it from?

[Thes Hunter]

Bor, it's a movie about a bunny with problems, who has a wife, that isn't bad, she is just drawn that way. :smallwink:

[sktarq]

Bor, it's a movie about a bunny with problems, who has a wife, that isn't bad, she is just drawn that way. :smallwink:

And if it is the one who I am thinking of she is a damn fine looking woman....er picture of...er...that compgen chick from Maxim winning prettiest girl of the year...er...our society may have issues


*Opens mouth then inserts foot

[Pyro]

Sigh, this year i managed to somehow make my social life implode...

I somehow convinced the girl i fancied to ask someone else out without realising...
...which annoyed someone else who fancied me and now tries to make my life hell, and he has his girlfriend to help him (who is probably better at it)...
...he convinced my now ex-best friend that i was excluding him from the social scene, so my ex-best friend is now spilling everything i ever told him to everyone...
...including some lies sprinkled in amongst the truth...

I'm losing all my friends, and made an enemy or two who hate me, with a vengeance. To the point a while back i slipped and tumbled down a flight of stairs, and one of them just stood there laughing themselves stupid.

They've hacked one of my games and got my account deleted and once prank called me at 1 in the morning ten days straight.

Compared to some of the stuff i've read here this seems really petty, but it doesn't let up, and i feel alone sometimes...

This sounds exactly what was happening to alot of kids I knew 2 years ago. Somehow almost every social circle blew apart at one point. Beginning of next year everyone who "hated" each other was at least on speaking terms again. Admittedly, these kids are far more malicious than the ones I knew, but give it time and soon everyone will forget about it. If not then try to find a new group of friends. Those previous ones seemed to be real jerks on the inside.

[Maryring]

Talen, my advice may not be all that good. I've only had real friends for the past two years, and even then, two live in cities far away from home, and one is pretty recent (We've "hanged out" once before).

Anyway, I think that it would be a good idea to speak out with your "ex-best friend". If he once were your best friend, repairing relationships should start with him/her. Don't fight the bad things they do to you. Instead, try to reconcile with them, find out what beef they have with them and try to sort things out. Don't grant cruelty what ignorance can explain.

Also, I lost my first patient today. Ironically, it would be at the end of my summer job. My last day at work, and I lose a patient. Deliciously ironic don't you think? Still, I knew for a long time that she was just getting weaker and weaker but... I don't know. I was sorta hoping she'd get better you know.

[Cade]

I just don't know what to do...

I've posted here on an incarnation of this thread thread before, but I don't have a link.

Basically, I met a girl at the beginning of the last school year. I was, and am, 15, in freshman year, and she was a 17 year old junior. I didn't know it at the time, but she was seducing me to make the guy she liked jealous. Unfortunately, I didn't learn this until I was way in over my head. She said she was sorry and really did like me, even though she was vaugely repulsed before. I stayed with her. She continued to use me, because while she liked me, she loved the guy who's attention she wanted. Things got worse. We'd break up several times a day, but after each time things were stronger on both sides. She said she loved me, and meant it at the time. We text-messaged all day and all night, until finally I couldn't stay awake past ten anymore. I lost friends, for various reasons all related to this. Her last time using me was to take my virginity, as an experimentation (I still cry about that sometimes). Then one day she was taken away, put in a special school because of extreme bipolar disorder. For several weeks I stayed at the same school, a private school, but things deteriorated and I left to go to a public school that i finished out the year at.

For nearly half a year I haven't spoken or made any sort of contact with her, until tonight. Somehow, she reached a pay-phone and called me, only to tell me she didn't love me after all, but I was her best friend in the world. She only has one friend at the special school, and things for her are worse then for me. That alone causes more pain then I can function with.

Because I love her. I still love her, and can't stop it. I would die for her, and right now, live for her. I almost certainly won't have any contact for 8 months, when she comes home. Even that date isn't a certainty.

So, yeah, I don't know what to do...

I have no one else to come to, and i lurk here, so...

Yeah.

[Xykon_Fan]

Wow. I am so sorry that that all happened to you. I really don't have much to say right now because all I could say was that I'm sorry this is happening over and over again...so I'll leave this unposted until I can come back to it and think clearly.

Alright...here we go.

I've already offered my condolences, so I'll get to the advice: Don't talk to this girl until you're over her completely. She is both mentally unstable and abusive to you, though perhaps unintentionally. No matter what she has said, says now, or will say in the future, the relationship you just described is not a relationship at all, and no one who loves someone else acts that way toward them. I'm sorry if this is hard to hear, but you really need to understand all that.

I know what unrequited love feels like, because I felt that way for a girl for about two whole years. It's wonderful and horrible, but you need to realize that an actual relationship where both feel the way you did for her is so much better.

I'm sorry to say this, but you can stop loving her. I know what it's like to try 5,000 times (Probably literally too), and still fail the 5,000th time, and even to feel greater affection. One of these days though, you'll get it. Telling yourself that you can't is also the surest way to never get to that point, but it is possible. Don't think about her, remind yourself of why she is bad for you, and remind yourself that a relationship between you is, and probably never will be, healthy for either of you.

Now, as much as I know this will come as a surprise, you come first right now. If she tries to talk to you again, tell her that you can't, because it's all too painful for you and brings up too many issues you're trying to deal with. She has people to look out for her, and they'll do their job. You need to fix yourself before you can help anyone else though.

I hope all that helps you. I'm sorry if I've offended. I've done the best I can with such a difficult problem.

As someone very wise and great would say...Be Well :smile:

[Cade]

That's good advice, and the only problem is....

I don't want to be over her, not yet. It would be easy to move on, I know how, I just can't convince myself that I should.

In fact, I'm not really looking to move on. That's an option I would hate to do. I'm afraid I may have to just cut my losses and try to recover. There are days I don't begrudge anything that's happened, and I'm happy and content just to have known her and changed her maybe for the better.

This just isn't one of those days, although now it's getting there.

[Rex Idiotarum]

Love is a drugs with many perks and side effects. Consult your doctor before use.

[Xykon_Fan]

Love is a drugs with many perks and side effects. Consult your doctor before use.

*Will sig this when MI week is over*

Alright, if you don't want to be over her, then the only help for you is venting your feelings like you just did. Hope you turn out well... (I know the feeling of not wanting to let go of that feeling, or the special person)

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

@ Cade: My friend, part of the problem is that the girl is bi-polar. She may love you one moment, want to be friends the next, and then hate you in the moment following that. You are putting your emotional health at great risk by keeping your attachment to her.

This isn't to say it's impossible to love someone with a bi-polar condition, or be loved by them. But you're 15, and probably have enough on your emotional plate right now. Your body is a field of raging hormones, and your mind will often have no choice but to respond to them. If associating with her is "killing" you, then my recommendation is to sever your ties with her as best you can.

It's survival of the fittest, young man, and you need to work on your mental fitness.