View Full Version : TPAY/TPBY D&D Vending Machine XXVIII: Output not guaranteed

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Grand Arbiter
2016-08-01, 05:03 PM
You get one of those magnetic cranes used in junkyards.

I insert a rather angry ancient blue dragon.

2016-09-02, 06:49 PM
You get a happy baby orange-tiger kitten.

I insert a handful of sunflower seeds.

5a Violista
2016-09-03, 04:55 PM
Over the next ten minutes, half-chewed sunflower husks are spit out of the vending machine.

I, on the other hand, insert lyrics to a new song.

Prince Zahn
2016-09-04, 04:00 AM
you get sued for copyright infringement.

I insert a Chaotic-good lawyer.

2016-09-04, 06:48 AM
You get a Lawful Evil blue-collar worker.

I insert the Monster Manual.

2016-09-04, 06:10 PM
You get all the monsters in the manual. All of them.

I insert the Undertale Trash Bin with me inside of it.

2016-09-05, 12:26 AM
You get you back. Sorry, we don't accept you as payment.

I insert a pair of oversized bat wings.

Dire Moose
2016-09-05, 01:54 AM
You get an oversized bat.

I insert a Triceratops.

2016-09-05, 06:54 AM
You don't get anything, but somewhere, someone named Elan is happy.

I insert me, trying to ride a bike indoors of the machine.

2016-09-05, 11:45 AM
You get spit back out with a broken bike. The gnomes are very upset that you broke their water cooler.

I insert a new water cooler.

Black Socks
2016-09-05, 04:33 PM
You get a cold glass of water and a thank-you card from the gnomes.

I insert a snow globe.

2016-09-05, 10:28 PM
You get an angry Ice Elf, who slaps you in the face and runs away.

I insert a butterfly.

Prince Zahn
2016-09-06, 04:32 AM
You get a golden toad (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Golden_toad). Take good care of it, okay?

I insert a buffalo.

Grand Arbiter
2016-09-06, 07:17 AM
You get an angry buffalo, and a letter from the gnomes saying that buffalo are not an acceptable form of payment.

I insert a tin of delicious cookies for the gnomes, along with a note asking the gnomes if I can come inside to examine their wondrous machine.

2016-09-06, 08:12 AM
You get a tray of gnomish cookies, all of which have "NO" spelled on them in chocolate chips. Still delicious, though.

I insert a tengu thief.

2016-09-06, 10:21 AM
You get a bloody and broken tengu thief along with a note that says "Nice try."

I insert the Lorax (http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-eShTt6i74ig/Uh7PMIKWDSI/AAAAAAAABvY/LenTBbD_g40/s400/trees.png). (He speaks for the tees.)

2016-09-06, 11:54 AM
I he also get kicked out. He brocke the watercoller whit the pot of a pottet plant to put the plant on the watersource.

I insert a bunch of empty 'thank you'-cards. They clearly running out of it. And one filled out for the amuseing therad.

2016-09-06, 12:47 PM
You get a bundle of empty "You're welcome" cards. :smallconfused:

I insert all my old memories of when I lived in SMBG. *crosses fingers*

Black Socks
2016-09-06, 03:37 PM
You get a Pensieve (http://harrypotter.wikia.com/wiki/Pensieve) that you can use to relive those memories.

I insert $42.

2016-09-06, 03:55 PM
You got a single Coke, only 0,2l...

I insert jkhero73. AGAIN!

2016-09-06, 04:06 PM
I pop back out, with a sticky note attached to my forehead that reads "NO. He is not our problem."
"Sooo, what now?"

I insert a wi-fi router.

2016-09-06, 04:31 PM
You lost connection...

I insert a note: "Better idea where to put him? Undertale doesn't offer spots anymore and his papers are outdatet."

Black Socks
2016-09-06, 04:36 PM
You get a pamphlet advertising Arborea Acres Retirement Home for Chaotic Good People.

I insert a :smallbiggrin: smiley.

2016-09-06, 04:44 PM
You got one of the 'Thank you' cards.

I insert a pice of cake.

Dire Moose
2016-09-08, 09:57 PM
You get a bunch of nomming sounds from the machine, and you get a note reading "More?"

I insert a boot to the head.

Grand Arbiter
2016-09-09, 11:45 AM
You get an arrow to the knee.
The machine apparently doesn't like your taste in shoes.

I insert a bundle of brand new appliances for the gnome's break area. (Including another water cooler since it was broken again :smallannoyed:)

Black Socks
2016-09-09, 03:00 PM
The gnomes give you a free cup of water as a thank-you gift. They informs you that they are installing security measures around the water cooler this time....

I insert OotS comic #384.

2016-09-10, 12:39 AM
You get OotS comic #384 back, with a sticky note on it. "Already read it. But thanks anyway."

Placing three buttered popcorn flavored rice cakes into the machine.

2016-09-10, 09:30 AM
You get three rice cakes back. Somehow they are not buttered popcorn flavor any more.

I feed my entire stash of dice into the machine one by one. This includes 6 d20s, all different colors.

Grand Arbiter
2016-09-10, 08:57 PM
Three panels on the machine spin and shows three lemons.

After an ominous rumbling sound, you get alot more dice back out of the machine at you.

By alot, I mean 3-4 times as many as you put in.

The vending machine scores a six critical hits as it returns your d20's.

I insert a casino token I found on my way here.

2016-09-21, 05:06 PM
You get an entire roulette wheel.

I insert half of my broken three post rule.

Black Socks
2016-09-21, 05:49 PM
You get a lecture on the importance of the three-post rule, but only every other word is said. "The ~ rule ~ important ~ it ~ critical ~ maintaining ~ functioning ~"....

I insert the Bee Gees' 1977 hit Stayin' Alive.

2016-09-21, 06:55 PM
You get your very own John Travolta, circa 1977.


I insert Birthday Bear (from the Care Bears).

2016-09-24, 06:01 AM
You get a cake baked to look like the vending machine.

I insert 630 kuo-toa. (The 5e design, not the earlier one.)

Grand Arbiter
2016-09-24, 12:14 PM
630 kuo-toa come running back out of the machine, being chased by a gnome wearing a chef's hat. The gnome is wielding a knife and a cookbook titled 1001 Ways to Prepare Frog.

I insert a wedge of fine cheese, some fresh fruit, and some (not-too-salty) crackers.

Black Socks
2016-09-24, 01:27 PM
You get a note:
Thanks for the toppings, but if you could get me one of those frogs that would be great. -The Chef

I insert a stunned and incapacitated kuo-toa for the chef.

2016-09-25, 07:52 AM
One of my players always wants to eat the kuo-toa I send for the group to fight.

You get sent to jail by a leader of a kuo-toa tribe.

I insert the Dungeon Master's Guide of every edition of D&D.

2016-09-25, 11:22 AM
You get a used first edition of GURPS.

I insert a She-Ra "action Figure".

2016-09-26, 12:52 PM
You get a pamphlet advertising Arborea Acres Retirement Home for Chaotic Good People "But I'm not old enough to retire!"

You get the She-Ra "figure" back, with a note. No.

I insert my overly complicated backstory.

2016-09-27, 07:44 AM
You get the character sheet of Old Man Henderson.

I insert a game of Red Dragon Inn.

Grand Arbiter
2016-09-27, 10:58 AM
You wind up in a red dragon.

I insert my college textbooks.

2016-09-27, 06:35 PM
You get a thank-you note from a young gnome who will go to college next year.

I insert the entire archives of Order of the Stick.

Dire Moose
2016-09-27, 10:07 PM
You get mostly positive reviews from the gnomes, although some are pretty critical of them.

I insert an army of 10,000 orcs.

2016-09-28, 07:53 AM
3872 run back out, covered in blood. A note is then spat out of the machine, saying "Thanks for the XP!"

I insert a ninja pirate robot zombie.

2016-09-28, 11:02 AM
You get two throwing stars, fifty shillings, a used gear, and a rotten arm back.

I shove a stolen TARDIS through.

2016-09-28, 02:44 PM
You get the TARDIS back, with a note that says "Your brakes are jammed."

I insert an Animal Crossing (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Animal_Crossing) Trading Forum (https://www.reddit.com/r/ACTrade/)

2016-09-28, 02:45 PM
You receive the inside of the vending machine.

I insert a chimpanzee and a great sword.

Ninja'd by jkhero.

Grand Arbiter
2016-09-28, 09:38 PM
You get a monkey-wrench. Wielded by a rather perturbed Capuchin, no less.

I insert a 3 books; a compendium of Garfield comics, a book of Calvin and Hobbs, and a biography on Mr. Scruffy.

Dire Moose
2016-09-29, 09:09 AM
You get the badly mangled corpses of several level 1 commoners, as well as a level 1 wizard or two.

I insert an elephant.

2016-09-29, 09:31 AM
Ninja'd by jkhero.
No need for such formality! Call me jk.

I insert an elephant.

I insert animal crackers.

2016-10-02, 10:23 PM
You get an animal cracker zoo.

I insert warm and fuzzy feelings.

2016-10-02, 11:23 PM
You receive a gently-microwaved tennis ball.

I insert a salt shaker full of pepper (or perhaps a pepper shaker full of salt, I'm not sure which).

2016-10-03, 07:44 AM
You get a Dalek miniature.

I insert an eldritch abomination.

Grand Arbiter
2016-10-03, 08:06 AM
You get a polymorphed warlock.

I insert 1d4d4d4d4d4d4 pennies. The chain of d4's isn't a typo. It would result in anywhere from 1 to 4096.

2016-10-03, 03:33 PM
The average for that comes out to either 216 or 244, so you get a 2 dollar bill and either 1 dime, 1 nickel, and 1 penny or 1 quarter, 1 dime, 1 nickel and 4 pennies. Roll d2 to find out which.

I insert one kilogram of kiwi fruit seeds.

2016-10-03, 10:18 PM
You get a highly-productive kiwi orchard... until the Audubon Society finds out it!

I insert a "cease and desist" order.

Grand Arbiter
2016-10-04, 10:06 AM
A cartoon mallet come out of the machine and hits you on the head.

Speaking of mallets, I insert copies amounts of Warner Brothers' Looney Toons and Animaniacs shows.

2016-10-04, 09:50 PM
The machine suddenly speaks. "Oooookay lady, I love you, buh-bye!"

I insert a turducken.

Black Socks
2016-10-05, 02:42 PM
You get an empty, slightly greasy plate, with a note that says 'Tasty. Can we have another one?'

I insert the second book in a trilogy.

2016-10-05, 05:02 PM
You get a highly-productive kiwi orchard... until the Audubon Society finds out it!

Fruit. Kiwi fruit.
You get the other two.

I insert the Skofnung Sword and its Stone.

Grand Arbiter
2016-10-05, 08:34 PM
Fruit. Kiwi fruit. I think that was crystal clear, and believe that's precisely why Chunklets' response was about the bird. :smallwink::smalltongue:

I insert the Skofnung Sword and its Stone.
You get assorted smithing tools, raw materials, and a blast furnace.

I insert Black Socks, Chunklets, Dire Moose, jkhero73, Lex-Kat, Sniccups, Syldar, Thiassi, and myself into the machine along with party supplies.

2016-10-06, 01:29 AM
You get a... :eek:

I insert an angry princess.

2016-10-06, 07:46 AM
You get her back, along with a note that says "NOPE."

I insert a jack-o-lantern.

2016-10-06, 04:23 PM
You get a Saw Horse.

I insert everyone who has posted in this thread.

Grand Arbiter
2016-10-09, 07:58 PM
We all have a wonderful time. Who knew gnomes could be such gracious hosts? A couple of bags of holding full of gold helps....

I insert the mildly annoying headache I have right now. :smallsigh:

2016-10-11, 04:35 AM
You get a specific set of psychic powers; Telekinetics, but you are only able to affect the direction of mild air currents with it.

I insert my someone else's hand.

2016-10-11, 08:53 PM
You get slapped by the owner of said hand. You hear applause from within the machine.

I insert a Final Fantasy Fanboy.

2016-10-11, 09:08 PM
You get slapped by the owner of said hand. You hear applause from within the machine.

I insert a Final Fantasy Fanboy.

You receive a Dragonquest fanboy

I insert a Russian and a large bottle of Vodka.

2016-10-11, 10:44 PM
You get some spectacularly beautiful ice hockey.

I insert three 'C's and and 'P.'

Grand Arbiter
2016-10-11, 10:59 PM
You get C-3PO.

I insert a rather angry Sith in a stasis pod and run for the hills.

2016-10-22, 09:52 PM
You get balance in the force.

I insert a piece of heart from Legend of Zelda.

2016-11-16, 06:52 PM
You get a chewy piece of candy that tastes of artificial banana.

I insert a letter thanking the Vending Machine Gnomes for all their hard work.

2016-11-22, 10:32 AM
You get a chewy piece of candy that tastes of artificial banana.

I insert a letter thanking the Vending Machine Gnomes for all their hard work.

You receive a note that says "no thanks required".

I insert an iPhone.

2016-11-23, 02:31 PM
You get a Galaxy Note 7 with a fuse.

I insert a "pressure vessel design handbook".

2016-11-28, 07:45 PM
You get a note that reads, "Congratulations! You're now on a list."

I insert a wizards' staff.

2016-11-29, 08:51 AM
You get this. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Oe7Q8OCm5I)

I insert condensed eeeeeevil.

Grand Arbiter
2016-11-30, 11:14 AM
You get a delivery of ACME equipment and some instructions.

I insert Nodwick & Co. into the vending machine via a potable hole.

Dire Moose
2016-12-19, 09:31 PM
They get violently ejected from the Bag of Holding it ended up inside.

I insert a big ugly troll.

2016-12-20, 02:40 AM
You get three goats, a rock, and a potato.

I insert three dollars and the potato.

Laughing Dog
2016-12-20, 11:24 PM
You get a bag of potato chips.

I insert Kozilek, the Great Distortion.

2016-12-21, 03:26 AM
You get a Doom Trooper booster back. Oh man that game was awesome back when I was 12 or something

I pour in some sand.

Dire Moose
2016-12-22, 08:32 PM
You get a horrendously bad speech from a Jedi Apprentice about how much he hates it.

I insert Santa Claus.

2016-12-30, 12:47 PM
You get a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.

I insert a dragon.

Grand Arbiter
2017-01-15, 06:22 PM
You get an angry sounding note written in gnomish. The machine was kaput for half a month, and the gnomes are mad.

I insert 6 pence and a paladin's honor.

2017-01-16, 10:10 PM
You get an angry letter from the paladin's mother, a thank-you note from a devil, and a receipt from the paladin.

I insert TPBM's immortal soul.

2017-01-18, 07:35 AM
You get back a very unhappy pixie. :smallannoyed:

I insert three quarters and a nickel.

2017-01-18, 01:27 PM
You get Fifty Cent and Nickleback. The other quarter was for fees.

I insert a piping hot cup of coffee.

Laughing Dog
2017-01-19, 12:41 AM
You get a thank-you note from the gnomes.

I insert a sword made from Aluminum.

2017-01-19, 02:35 PM
You get a Battle Cry in a bottle. Don't ask.

I insert 17 ounces of frozen fire(it makes great firestarter!).

2017-01-24, 02:43 AM
You get a magical item!! :smallbiggrin: The Ice/Fire Shield.

I insert tears of sadness.

2017-01-24, 02:53 AM
You get a slightly used paper tissue.

I insert a toothbrush.

Grand Arbiter
2017-02-03, 04:49 PM
You get clean dentures.

I insert Wile E. Coyote and a truckload of ACME supplies.

2017-02-05, 01:22 AM
You get a picture of a roadrunner with the words "The One That Got Away" written on it.

I insert 42 copies of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

Dire Moose
2017-02-05, 08:54 PM
You get a towel.

I insert my dog.

Laughing Dog
2017-02-05, 09:06 PM
*pops out of the vending machine*
"What the...?"

I insert a tree.

2017-02-06, 11:27 PM
You get a number 2 pencil, with a bad eraser.

I insert a gremlin.

2017-02-06, 11:30 PM
You get two gremlins and a cup of water.

I insert the poster below me's wallet.

Grand Arbiter
2017-02-12, 12:03 AM
You get a pair of handcuffs and a ride to the police station. :smallamused:

I insert a certain green-clad halfing with a pair of daggers and violent tendencies.

2017-02-12, 02:57 AM
Half-eaten candy bar, eight fingers and an ear comes out of the machine. Then something which looks like... chunky salsa?

I insert a spoonful of honey.

5a Violista
2017-02-13, 07:44 PM
You get a spoonful of sugar, instead, to help the medicine go down.

I insert tuppence.

2017-02-14, 01:15 AM
You get Tupperware.

I insert a bad fanfiction.

2017-02-15, 12:24 AM
You get a long, angry letter from a gnome critic and fan of the story you fanfict'd.

I insert TPBM.

Laughing Dog
2017-02-15, 01:05 AM
"oh crap..."
The dog from earlier comes out of the vending slot.

I drag Xanyo with me into the machine.

2017-02-16, 01:03 AM
You get a two-headed imp/ice king that can't stop bickering with one another.

I insert ear plugs, both for the gnomes within the machine, and for myself.

Grand Arbiter
2017-02-16, 11:08 PM
Your get their gratitude and a $50 gift card to your favorite store.

I insert a ritual for summoning Red Fel.

2017-02-17, 06:14 PM
You get a small gnome paladin and inquisitor. He's not happy with you.

I insert the arcane half of Redcloak's ritual.

2017-02-18, 03:33 AM
You cease to exist for fourteen seconds, then appear again somewhere else. No one who knew you before remembers who you are anymore.

I insert a piece of my rhubarb meringue cake.

An Amy
2017-02-18, 11:28 AM
You get back the meringue and a rude note.

I insert a used tire swing.

2017-02-19, 03:49 AM
You get a brand new car!! Too bad it's a 1987 Yugo Sport.


I insert a covered glass of milk and oatmeal cookies.

Dire Moose
2017-02-19, 09:36 AM
You get nothing but nomming sounds from the machine.

I insert an AT-AT.

2017-02-19, 09:56 AM
You get nothing but nomming sounds from the machine.

I insert an AT-AT.

You get a boot.

I insert Mario "jumpman" Mario. Yes... the person.

Grand Arbiter
2017-02-20, 12:57 AM
You get a mallet to the noggin.

I insert Pete Puma.

An Amy
2017-02-20, 02:37 PM
You get back an orange fur coat. Its pockets are filled with raw meat...

I insert a bottle of water.

2017-02-20, 03:32 PM
You get an empty bottle.

I insert some random gnome I found.

2017-02-20, 03:41 PM
You get a different gnome back, with an attached note saying "finally we can fire him!"

I insert a copy of Baldur's Gate.

An Amy
2017-02-20, 06:55 PM
You get back a used copy of Balder's Gate. Like three years later. Dude borrowed it for ever.

I put in a pillow in an over-sized pillow case.

2017-02-20, 10:27 PM
You get arrested for trying to launder evidence from such a large, nationally televised case.

I insert my immortal sole.

2017-02-21, 07:25 AM
You get arrested for trying to launder evidence from such a large, nationally televised case.

I insert my immortal sole.

You get an immortal shoe.

I insert a lack of sleep.

Grand Arbiter
2017-02-21, 07:41 AM
I insert a lack of sleep.
You get a deranged individual who keeps saying "groggy" over and over again before passing out.

I insert a shave and a haircut.

An Amy
2017-02-21, 12:30 PM
Out comes a barber asking for his money. He's been nice and let you tab up the last four times. But he needs to know you'll pay up. Like now.

I put in a whole bottle of extra virgin olive oil.

2017-02-21, 07:46 PM
You get a pamphlet on the use of virgins in sacrifices. It's signed "Orcus".

I insert the Holy Grail.

2017-02-22, 09:09 AM
You get a python named Monty.

I insert a skull.

An Amy
2017-02-22, 03:34 PM
You get it back. But it now has a fitted horned helmet, vampire fangs, a left eye made of crystal and an awakened rat setting up shop in the cranium. The rat's name is Jake. He says he can do about anything.

I put in a mad half-ling.

Dire Moose
2017-02-26, 10:47 PM
You get a pair of daggers lodged firmly in your back.

I insert my boss.

Grand Arbiter
2017-02-26, 11:00 PM
You get the gnomes' angry boss, and she/he would like a word with you.

I insert Daffy Duck.

An Amy
2017-02-27, 04:56 PM
You get a down feather pillow +2.

I insert a weak opinion.

2017-02-27, 09:56 PM
You get an advertisement for an opinion gym.

I insert nonsense.

2017-03-25, 02:08 AM
You receive Battlefield Earth, special edition.

I insert wintergreen gum.

2017-03-25, 12:10 PM
You receive Battlefield Earth, special edition.

I insert wintergreen gum.

You get pine tree sap

I insert the sword in the stone

2017-03-25, 12:48 PM
You get a tiny kingdom and half a princess.

I insert my true name, written on a parchment.

An Amy
2017-03-25, 08:50 PM
You get $13.50 CAD.

I put in two pieces of French toast.

2017-03-26, 10:34 PM
You get a check and a tip of $12.75 USD.

I insert a Vortex Manipulator and the Doctor's spare hand.

Dire Moose
2017-03-29, 12:23 AM
You get a Wallmaster from Zelda.

I insert Neptune.

2017-03-30, 06:39 PM
You get Uranus.

I insert a thumb drive.

2017-03-31, 12:08 AM
You get a data upgrade.

I insert all the fire. All of it.

2017-04-02, 03:55 PM
The vending machine emits a thin stream of smoke for a few seconds before making a sound that resembles a burp and dispensing a stream of lava and ash.

I insert 20 pounds of fancy gourmet gummy bears.

Grand Arbiter
2017-04-02, 06:20 PM
You get a giant gummy worm, and it wants to eat you.

I insert my homework.

2017-04-02, 10:31 PM
You get a dog dressed as a teacher. It attempts to chide you for not doing your homework, but it's a dog.

I insert a long list of Monty Python and Princess Bride quotes.

2017-04-02, 10:51 PM
You get a Vorpal Rabbit Of Unusual Size. Run.

I insert a scream of abject terror.

Simetra Irertne
2017-04-05, 07:19 AM
You get a vial of pure liquid pain. And a candy bar of your choice.

I insert the equivalent of 5000gp. In cp. 3 hours later...

2017-04-05, 10:35 AM
The coins are shot back out at you, machine-gun style. It even makes the dakkadakka sounds.

I insert a talking skull.

2017-04-05, 12:47 PM
You get a gagged talking skull and a note saying: "Take it back! We don't want it!"

I insert Elvis Presley.

Simetra Irertne
2017-04-05, 01:16 PM
You get the severed tentacle of a mind flayer, 2 electrum, a snake intestine, a sheet of crystal, and a microphone. Also, keys that appear to be for a tank. Hmm... Maybe it's broken.

I insert an owlbear.

An Amy
2017-04-05, 01:44 PM
You get back a gruffalo. What's a gruffalo? You don't know?

I insert a confused tub of cream cheese.

5a Violista
2017-04-05, 02:28 PM
Three months later and after extended therapy, you get back a tub of cream cheese that is very confident in its own appearance.

I insert the bill for the above therapy.

Simetra Irertne
2017-04-05, 07:29 PM
You hear a ripping noise and get a bunch of shredded paper. And a shredded candy bar of your choice.

I insert a vending machine.

2017-04-05, 07:51 PM
You get a sixty-four pack of mocha-cola.

I insert a can of carbonated coffee.

Dire Moose
2017-04-05, 08:34 PM
You get a scalding explosion after it's been shaken enough.

I insert a Romulan Warbird.

2017-04-06, 07:40 AM
You get a hug from a cake-bearing pixie.

Oh, and you also get a Klingon D-7 class battlecruiser.

I insert a piece of crushed onion.

An Amy
2017-04-06, 07:53 AM
You get back the same onion with its brand new relationship partner (a nice spring onion). It's totally over the last breakup.

I insert a rigid length of clear tubing. (May or may not be the straw for my cup)

2017-04-06, 09:16 AM
You get a needle with a side of haystack.

I insert a roll in the hay.

2017-04-06, 09:57 AM
You get a very confused farmer. He's also rather hungry, so he eats the roll.

I insert a Lonely Assassin.

Simetra Irertne
2017-04-06, 10:13 AM
Congratulations! You've killed the vending machine. Game Over!

I roll to restore the vending machine.

I insert a post in the wrong thread. Also, a glass of water.

An Amy
2017-04-06, 01:32 PM
You get back stabbity death and a corrupted wish. And fire.

I insert one of those characters in the epic unlimited challenge, lvl 100 pentastalts.

2017-04-06, 05:45 PM
You get a level 0 half ewok.

I insert a hag of bolding.

2017-04-06, 06:56 PM
You get a handbag of hag-skin. It's dyed bright pink and quite bold.

I insert 5a Violista's left foot.

2017-04-07, 03:52 PM
You get a +5 Vorpal Longshoe.

I insert gibberish.

Dire Moose
2017-04-07, 04:57 PM
You get a Gibbering Mouther.

I insert a nuclear bomb set to go off in 10 seconds.

Simetra Irertne
2017-04-07, 07:05 PM
You get dead. A lot of dead. A lot of very much dead. In any other circumstance, I would tell you to enjoy your dead. Except that you are dead. Dead.

I insert the person who went before me. He, unfortunately for his heath, got back a bunch of dead. Poor guy.

5a Violista
2017-04-07, 08:10 PM
You get a zombie moose back, obviously.

I insert 5a Violista's left foot.
Oh, yeah? Well, I put in Lex-Kat's cake!

An Amy
2017-04-07, 09:47 PM
You get a 4-year old with a sugar twitch to his hands and a broad, hyper, frosting-coated smile. And an overnight bag.

I put in an empty cup of hot chocolate.

2017-04-07, 10:56 PM
You get a card good for free hot chocolate anywhere that serves it.

I insert piffles and wits.

Grand Arbiter
2017-04-08, 10:54 AM
You get nooks and crannies.

I insert Pinky and the Brain.

Simetra Irertne
2017-04-08, 11:48 AM
You get a gibbering mouther and a satisfied illithid. And a glass of water.

I insert a zyqxuwy.

2017-04-08, 02:21 PM
You get an evil-looking internet fish thingy.

I insert tvtropes. All of it.

5a Violista
2017-04-08, 05:14 PM
The vending machine doesn't respond, as it continuously follows links on that site.

I insert a pokemon card titled "Bill"

2017-04-08, 11:15 PM
You get a Parliament.

I insert Reddit.

Simetra Irertne
2017-04-09, 09:09 AM
The vending machine doesn't respond, as it continuously follows links on that site. Wait...

I insert a complex problem in an attempt to nerd-snipe the machine.

2017-04-10, 01:49 AM
You get an overly simple answer: No.

Oh, yeah? Well, I put in Lex-Kat's cake!

:smalleek: You... You didn't!!

:smallannoyed: I insert 5a Violista's favorite viola.

5a Violista
2017-04-10, 07:34 PM
You get $50 and a certificate from the pawn shop the vending machine sent it to.
. . .

In revenge, I insert the cake tin.

2017-04-10, 11:15 PM
You get cake to the face.

I insert a hotion of pealing.

Simetra Irertne
2017-04-11, 05:33 AM
You get the motion of peeling.

I insert a fish eye, 20 gp worth of diamond dust, a chunk of sword-quality steel, and a vial of imp poison.

2017-04-11, 08:09 AM
You get a scroll of "toxic animated dagger".

I insert a glory-hound skeleton who sucks at being evil.

An Amy
2017-04-11, 10:05 AM
You get back a skeleton with monk levels who found inner peace and no longer cares about being evil. It just wants zen.

I put in a couple packets of hot sauce.

2017-04-11, 01:01 PM
You get a fire department consisting of elves.

I insert a police department consisting of dwarves.

V: Isn't that a bit redundant?

Simetra Irertne
2017-04-11, 05:40 PM
You get a phone call from a telemarketing company consisting of devils.

I insert a bag of imps.

Dire Moose
2017-04-12, 10:29 PM
You get a box of chimps.

I insert an antidisestablishmentarianistic humuhumunukunukuapua'a.

An Amy
2017-04-14, 11:27 AM
You get back fish bones with a message from the democrats: "Delish."

I put in 50 euros.

Simetra Irertne
2017-04-14, 01:11 PM
You get a small piece of paper that reads "Thank you for your donation."

I insert a note that says: "Give me the money or the hostages die".

2017-04-15, 03:00 AM
You get your own severed head.

I insert a meck of dinner things.

2017-04-16, 02:31 AM
You receive a Turkey Mech.

You get $50 and a certificate from the pawn shop the vending machine sent it to.
. . .

In revenge, I insert the cake tin.
:smalleek: Oh no you...

I return the $50 and the certificate for 5a Violista's favorite viola to the vending machine. I'm sorry. :smallfrown:

5a Violista
2017-04-16, 02:37 AM
You get the cake tin back!
Everything is right with the world, now.

I absentmindedly insert my credit card.

2017-04-16, 12:37 PM
You get my credit card.

I insert everything that was.

Simetra Irertne
2017-04-16, 04:47 PM
You get everything that will be.

I insert my left arm.

Dire Moose
2017-04-16, 05:43 PM
You get a bloody stump where it used to be.

I insert a shark.

2017-04-17, 09:59 PM
You get a week.

I insert the alignment system.

2017-04-18, 11:44 AM
You get Lex-Kat's cake on an evil platter.

I insert someone with pneumonoultramicroscopiscsilicovolcanoconiosis.

No, I didn't have to Google the spelling.

2017-04-18, 12:35 PM
You get a bucket full of coal.

I insert the java standard library.

Grand Arbiter
2017-04-20, 07:46 AM
You get the Museum of Homologous Coffee

I insert a log.

Dire Moose
2017-04-20, 12:36 PM
You get the Captain's Log from the USS Enterprise.

I insert Captain Jean-Luc Picard.

2017-04-20, 06:42 PM
You get an evil clone.

I insert a paradox. (a paradox! a paradox! a most ingenious paradox!)

2017-04-21, 08:25 AM
You get the Doctor. He's even giftwrapped!

I insert the Dewey Decimal System.

Simetra Irertne
2017-04-23, 12:44 PM
You get a million digits of pi.

I insert the vending machine...into itself.

Dire Moose
2017-04-24, 01:55 PM
You get everything that was previously inserted into the machine flung out in all directions at light speed.

I insert a giraffe.

2017-04-24, 02:25 PM
You get a 105 mph fastball. To the face.

I insert a gremlin, a cracker, and a glass of water.

2017-04-24, 10:25 PM
You get a bowl of popcorn and Critters on DVD.

I insert a witty remark.

2017-04-25, 12:32 AM
You get a 101 books about jokes.

I insert a box of hair coloring product.

Simetra Irertne
2017-04-25, 06:57 AM
You get a bowl of colored hair.

I insert a universe.

2017-04-25, 09:03 AM
You get an Elder Evil. It burps.

I insert Lex-Kat.

2017-04-25, 10:31 PM
You get a felinoid Lex Luthor. :smalleek:

I insert the legendary stabby stabber of stabbiness.

Dire Moose
2017-04-26, 12:03 AM
You get a knife planted very firmly into your heart. What, were you expecting something else?

I insert a humongous mecha.

5a Violista
2017-04-26, 12:59 AM
You get a Kaiju back

I insert a baby Kaiju

Grand Arbiter
2017-04-26, 12:43 PM
You get 4d6 dire chihuahuas.

I insert a wookie.

An Amy
2017-04-26, 02:21 PM
You get a bad feeling about this.

I insert a d20 with all 20's on its sides.

Simetra Irertne
2017-04-26, 05:51 PM
You get a piece of paper that reads: "You roll a 1"

I insert a bar of chocolate

2017-04-26, 07:15 PM
You get the best chocolate cake you could possibly imagine!

I insert a baby Kaiju

You get 4d6 dire chihuahuas.
:smalleek: I waaannt!!

I insert a baby Kaiju.

*Waits patiently for my dire Chihuahuas*

Dire Moose
2017-04-26, 07:56 PM
You get Godzilla. He stomps on you.

I insert my car.

2017-04-26, 09:30 PM
You get a hovercraft full of rabid eels.

I insert a Monty Python reference.

@V :smallconfused: *Looks at what I gave TPAM* I thought the reference was somewhat obvious.

Simetra Irertne
2017-04-27, 07:33 AM
What type of reference? A swallow reference or a hand grenade reference?
You get thrown off a bridge.

I insert a balor, a goblin, a monk, and a bar.

2017-04-28, 07:18 PM
The Balor gets a headache. The Goblin gets the giggles. The Monk gets nothing at all.

But you... You get a bad joke that makes you weep tears of joy whenever you read it.

I insert Cthulu.

2017-04-28, 10:56 PM
You get a beautiful face (http://drmcninja.com/archives/comic/23p76/).

I insert a long list of terrible puns.

2017-04-29, 07:37 AM
You get a dire wherepun. It's around here somewere...

I insert a dire moose.

Dire Moose
2017-04-29, 05:49 PM
Help! Help! Get me out of here!

You get a really angry dire moose charging at you.

I insert Crisis21.

2017-05-02, 10:45 PM
You get a milk carton with crisis21's picture on a missing person notice.

I insert my boredom.

2017-05-03, 04:47 PM
You get nothing. What did you expect when you inserted something so boring? A drill?

I insert everybody's left shoe.

2017-05-03, 08:39 PM
You get everybody's smelly left sock.

I insert an Arby's Roast Beef Classic Sandwich.

2017-05-04, 01:29 AM
You get the meats.

I insert the veggies.

Simetra Irertne
2017-05-04, 07:07 AM
You get a small bag of catnip.

I insert a kitten.

2017-05-05, 12:13 AM
You get a ferocious, man-eating chihuahua. I know it don't make sense. Live with it.

I insert telepathy.

2017-05-05, 04:42 AM
You get apathy.

I insert the hipster who sneered at me for drinking, and liking, instant coffee.

2017-05-06, 12:15 AM
You get a metric tonne of non-dairy creamer and a road flare.

I insert an air cannon.

2017-05-08, 08:23 AM
You get blasted in the face with air.

I insert a balrog.

Simetra Irertne
2017-05-08, 11:22 AM
It does not pass.

I insert a hall pass.

2017-05-14, 09:21 PM
You get a vending machine. It steals your hall pass and runs away. Look out for the hall-police.

I insert a citation.

2017-05-17, 12:14 AM
You get Eliza Slander.

I insert a puzzled expression.

2017-05-17, 01:59 AM
The machine solves it for you.

I put in some crushed soda cans.

2017-05-18, 07:24 PM
You get a receipt for 50 cents.

I insert a bag of fresh gummy bears.

2017-05-19, 04:00 AM
You receive an oversized canvas sack of fresh *grizzly* bears. Fresh from hibernation. They're hungry...

I insert 50 cent (the rapper).

Simetra Irertne
2017-05-19, 07:02 AM
You get a penny. It's a shiny penny. Oooh, what a shiny penny!

I insert a fireball.

2017-05-19, 08:06 AM
You get a steaming pile of guano.

I insert Breath of the Wild.

2017-05-19, 03:56 PM
You get a magic IPad.

I insert a nuclear umbrella.

2017-05-20, 03:58 PM
You get a slightly radioactive parasol

I insert a yak.

Simetra Irertne
2017-05-22, 07:10 AM
You get an angry kobold and a bloodthirsty halfling.

I insert eternal happiness.

2017-05-24, 07:36 PM
You get immediate gratification.

I insert an iron hand-shaped backscratcher the size of a polearm with bladed fingernails. (Also known as a Zhua)

2017-06-01, 09:33 PM
You receive the corpse of a gnome who thought it really was a backscratcher. There is much grumbling from inside the machine.

I insert sunshine and happiness.

2017-06-01, 10:22 PM
You receive rain and depression

I insert all scps.

Dire Moose
2017-06-05, 10:45 AM
The vending machine becomes a sentient life form.

I insert a gorilla.

2017-06-07, 10:35 PM
You get the Guerilla your dreams.

I insert a bad pun.

2017-06-08, 12:11 AM
You get a pile of chicken bones.

I insert a toothbrush.

2017-06-08, 12:48 AM
You receive a list of excuses for not brushing.

I insert all the days since I last posted on this thread.

Dire Moose
2017-06-08, 08:40 AM
You get a disappointed sounding letter from Forum Game Addicts Anonymous.

I insert my inner demons.

2017-06-08, 09:42 AM
You get a guardian angel.

I insert 9000 dice of varying shapes and sizes.

2017-06-09, 01:32 AM
Your army slaughters twenty-eight thousand eight hundred civilians in the city of Rockhaven. Congratulations. You have succeeded in overtaking this one city.

I insert a fake viking helmet.

2017-06-10, 05:01 PM
You get spam. Don't ask why, and don't tell the gnomes you don't like it, either.

I insert the Oriental Adventures supplement book.

Dire Moose
2017-06-11, 03:58 PM
You get a genuine katana that you can cut slabs of solid steel with and can completely bisect a knight.

I insert a Lawful Stupid paladin with a stick up his rear end.

2017-06-11, 06:24 PM
You get the stick and a bill from the Rectal Stick Removal Service.

I insert two platinum and an electrum.

2017-06-12, 05:42 AM
You get an angry elemental

I insert three characters who died at level one.

2017-06-12, 08:33 AM
You receive a vinyl record, made from their ashes mixed with the plastic, that plays the Chopin's Funeral March (https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=chopin%27s+death+march&view=detail&mid=47E821B149275B18981947E821B149275B189819&FORM=VIRE).

I insert three roman candles (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roman_candle_(firework)).

2017-06-12, 10:36 AM
You get three level one Roman fighters, who immediately die and get turned into a record.

I insert circular logic.

2017-06-12, 03:29 PM
You get circular logic.

I insert one of those leftover dire Chihuahuas.