View Full Version : TPAY/TPBY D&D Vending Machine XXVIII: Output not guaranteed

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2017-06-12, 03:33 PM
You get six hellhounds.

I insert a bard and a demon lord.

Dire Moose
2017-06-12, 08:16 PM
You get the bard holding a golden fiddle.

I insert 10 gallons of alchemist's fire and a lit match.

2017-06-12, 09:52 PM
You get 10 dead gnomes and a bill for their funeral expenses.

I insert Baileys® Irish Cream, Root Beer, and Vanilla Ice Cream.

2017-06-14, 10:08 AM
You get some chocolate covered strawberries.

I insert a troupe of highly attractive exotic gnome dancers.

2017-06-14, 02:45 PM
You get a troupe of ugly Orc Bards.

I insert myself.

An Amy
2017-06-14, 02:56 PM
The vending machine produces something but you don't know what it is. You're instead trapped in a bin with a ton of dice, some dead low-level adventurers and a bad pun among other random things. Oh, and now you're close friends with...

I insert a pirate with a backscratcher for a left hand.

2017-06-14, 06:55 PM
You receive a ninja with two peg-legs.

I insert three pairs of pants, six blue collared shirts, a suit-jacket and a tie, all soaked in bourbon.

2017-06-14, 07:21 PM
You get one scotch, one beer.

I insert my innocence.

2017-06-14, 10:28 PM
You get a creepy proposition from a stalker.

I insert a live chicken.

Dire Moose
2017-06-15, 12:54 AM
A blonde kid dressed in a green hat and tunic runs out of the machine covered in blood.

I insert an annoying blue fairy.

2017-06-15, 12:05 PM
you get navi

i insert existence.

2017-06-15, 07:03 PM
You get a coffee maker.

I insert an arcade game and a fistful of quarters.

2017-06-15, 11:07 PM
You get a high score.

I insert Giant in the Playground dot com.

Dire Moose
2017-06-16, 06:16 AM
You get insanity.

I insert Cthulhu.

2017-06-16, 06:22 AM
You get Mind-Numbing Chaos.

I insert a friendly lion.

2017-06-16, 02:20 PM
You get a aggressive and deadly puppy.

I insert an escape hatch.

2017-06-16, 06:21 PM
You get a print readout of the Lost numbers.

I insert the ingredients for a chocolate cake, but I forget the eggs.

2017-06-16, 10:51 PM
You get a nasty foreign dessert.

I insert all of my socks without partners.

2017-06-16, 11:52 PM
You get partners who married all the socks.

I insert a baseball team

2017-06-17, 12:18 AM
You get Batboy.

I insert a cut-rate superhero.

2017-06-17, 01:25 AM
You get a cute rat superhero.

I insert a heart locket.

2017-06-17, 09:08 PM
You get a liver pendant.

I insert a llama.

Dire Moose
2017-06-19, 06:45 AM
You get a duck.

I insert a moose.

2017-06-19, 09:06 PM
You get an alaskan malamute.

I insert a llama-dama-ding-dong.

5a Violista
2017-06-22, 05:51 PM
You get an annoying doorbell chime.

I insert a recording of the doorbell chime, in compliance with Code of Civil Procedure section 1161.2.

2017-06-22, 06:18 PM
After several minutes of humming and rattling, the machine spits out a piece of paper: a page copied from the Gnome civil code. "1161.2: Quarters are exempt from this rule."

I insert a 12-pack of colas.

Dire Moose
2017-06-22, 08:51 PM
You get an invitation to a gnomish burping contest.

I insert a frozen mammoth carcass.

2017-06-22, 10:57 PM
You get a hippopotamus with a saddle on it.

I insert a trained kaiju.

2017-06-22, 11:10 PM
Congratulations! :smallbiggrin: You get Mothra.

I insert chicken wings and a buffalo.

2017-06-24, 03:13 PM
You get Dire Moose, but now he has wings and a beak.

I insert pure nothingness.

2017-06-24, 04:08 PM
You get two bags of holding

I insert a hipflask full of vodka and jack daniels.

2017-06-24, 10:42 PM
You get drunk.

I insert the phrase 'hold my beer'.

2017-06-25, 10:00 PM
The vending machine does a backflip into a pool full of sharks. The vending machine disappears for a moment, then reappears back where it was originally standing.

I insert a mimic.

2017-06-26, 09:47 AM
You get a giant glass eyeball and a really confused-looking rust monster.

I insert a potion of Cure Light Wounds.

2017-06-26, 10:38 AM
You get a cleric.

I insert a monk.

Dire Moose
2017-06-26, 11:19 AM
You get a boot to the head.

I insert a rabid Tasmanian Devil.

2017-06-26, 05:14 PM
You get a dust bunny.

I insert the incomplete works of Shilliam Wakespeare.

2017-06-29, 11:57 PM
You get Hamlet, by an infinite number of monkeys.

I insert an infinite number of typewriters, but each one has a single broken key.

2017-06-30, 11:44 PM
You receive an one typewriter with an infinite number of keys, all of which are broken.

I insert a poorly-made counterfeit bill.

Dire Moose
2017-07-01, 10:22 AM
You get a poorly-made counterfeit soda.

I insert a stegosaurus.

2017-07-01, 08:03 PM
You get a happy squeal.

I insert a rug made from the fur of a wooly mammoth.

Grand Arbiter
2017-07-02, 10:28 AM
You receive an elephant which proceeds to sit on you.

I insert a pinch of good cheer

2017-07-02, 09:38 PM
A robot arm extends from the machine and pinches your good ear.

I insert what I insert.

Dire Moose
2017-07-03, 02:07 PM
You get a box. Inside the box is another box. Inside that box is another box. Inside that box is also.... You realize that you're holding an infinite set of nesting boxes. You go mad from the realization and your head explodes.

I insert the scattered exploded head parts.

2017-07-05, 10:27 AM

You get puke. Double Ew.

I insert some pine fresh cleaning supplies. Enough to last the gnomes through several months of nasty substances being inserted into the machine. After a moment of thought, I include a company of attractive gnome maids to go with the cleaning supplies.

Grand Arbiter
2017-07-11, 06:44 PM
You get the entwives.

I insert clam chowder.

Simetra Irertne
2017-07-13, 05:17 PM
You get a can of tomato soup.

I insert a string bean decorated with glitter.

2017-07-13, 06:17 PM

Why did you do that? Why...

I insert a dismembered pair of feet.

2017-07-14, 12:23 AM
You get a letter from the gnomes requesting that all further insertion of dismembered body parts be discontinued due to the practice being unsanitary, disrespectful, gross, and they're just plain getting fed up with it to the point that the next person to insert body parts will have their own equivalent body parts removed forthwith.

I insert a pair of googly-eyed glasses.

V They aren't fooled.

Dire Moose
2017-07-14, 07:50 AM
You get a Google Glass. Everyone laughs at you now.

I insert a severed had and take great pains to ensure the gnomes believe that Crisis21 inserted it.

2017-07-15, 01:27 AM
(Assuming you meant a severed head...) The Gnomes throw out a recently shrunken head.

Lexi inserts a banana.

2017-07-20, 05:20 PM
You get Lexion, evil Arch-druid of Banana trees.

I insert Sparta

2017-07-21, 04:37 PM
You get a small, unfit gnome child with a letter saying "Property of Gnommish Sparta - Do not feed. Do not adopt".

I insert the small, unfit Gnommish child.

2017-07-21, 08:55 PM
He/she comes back later as a 26th level warlock to be the BBEG of your next campaign.

I insert all the Spartan gnomes that die in her/his rampage.

2017-07-22, 07:26 PM
You get Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice.

I insert the Book of the Dead.

Dire Moose
2017-07-22, 08:42 PM
You get a horde of reanimated mummified gnomes.

I insert a high-level cleric of Pelor.

2017-07-22, 11:15 PM
You get CoDzilla.

I insert a first-edition copy of Dante's Inferno.

2017-08-04, 03:08 PM
You get The Manual of the Planes, The Book of Exalted Deeds, and The Book of Vile Darkness.
I insert The Simpsons

2017-08-08, 05:05 PM
You get The Manual of the Planes, The Book of Exalted Deeds, and The Book of Vile Darkness.
I insert The Simpsons
You get a dysfunctional family.

I insert the Dialogues of Socrates.

2017-08-09, 01:13 AM
You get aristotle.

I insert a new cd.

2017-08-10, 10:34 AM
You get an old DVD.

I insert a live chicken, an iron pot and an apple pie.

2017-08-13, 11:00 PM
You get an iron chicken, an apple pot and a live pie.

I insert a ten foot pole.

2017-08-13, 11:45 PM
You get a martial weapon with disadvantage at short range.

I insert the Cinderella Castle from Disneyworld.

Dire Moose
2017-08-14, 12:00 AM
You get thrown into the dungeon full of medieval torture devices operated by Donald Duck and Goofy, located in the basement of the castle with "It's A Small World After All" playing loudly the whole time.

I insert Frankenstein's monster to rescue him.

2017-08-14, 01:04 AM
You get back a smaller flesh golem with Bob McSurly's brain in it.

I insert some Twitch emotes.

2017-08-14, 04:00 AM
You get real corresponding objects for each emote. They are twitching slightly.

I put in the song Russians, by Sting.

2017-08-14, 12:47 PM
You get some Russians. They kill you.

I insert all of my body except my brain. 'cause you know, my brain is in a smaller flesh golem.

2017-08-17, 01:47 AM
You get a halfling-sized flesh golem with Eternis' brain in it.

I insert a broken pair of headphones and a Disney Princess watch.

2017-08-18, 03:26 PM
You get a rolex.

as the detonation device for a nuke.

I insert an internet ad banner

2017-08-18, 10:14 PM
You get a banner with the internet ad on it.

I insert the concept of insertion.

2017-08-19, 04:01 PM
You get a dirty joke.

I insert the Silmarillion.

2017-08-19, 05:11 PM
You get a disk containing the entire archive of a botany journal. They seem to have bookmarked the articles on tree rings.

I insert a bucket of half-dead sardines.

Dire Moose
2017-08-19, 11:49 PM
You get a satisfied-looking walrus.

I insert a starving angry rabid insane dire wolverine.

2017-08-20, 02:58 AM
You get an extensive vet bill.

I insert a willing sacrifice.

2017-09-15, 02:40 PM
You get an active volcano to throw any future sacrifices in.

I insert a piece of paper with a B Sharp on one side, and the letter Y on the other.


2017-09-19, 12:15 AM
You get a chirping cricket, who coughs awkwardly.

I insert some hilarious hijinx.

2017-09-19, 08:11 PM
You get a funny escapade.

I insert persona 5.

2017-09-19, 10:22 PM
You get your identity stolen.

I insert 3gp.

2017-09-24, 12:37 AM
You get three-fifths of a pike.

I insert an English Professor, a linguist, and philosopher.

2017-09-24, 05:11 PM
You get a fully stocked bar.

I insert a sparkly.

2017-09-24, 11:31 PM
You get a spark plug.

I insert a tv.

2017-09-25, 07:13 PM
You get a bar of soap, accompanied by an opera.

I insert the bar of soap.

2017-10-07, 05:30 PM
You get 5 silver pieces.

I insert a chunk of gnome ore (see sig).

2017-10-07, 05:44 PM
You get nothing but heckling laughter.

I insert the heckling laughter.

2017-10-08, 01:24 AM
You get Statler and Waldorf.

I insert Fozzie Bear.

2017-10-12, 12:33 PM
You get a delivery. It's a flower! Wait, did I say flower? I meant flour.

I insert an obscure reference that exactly two people on the planet get.

2017-10-12, 01:37 PM
You get a fuzzy black bee making a lot of assumptions! *Wink* *Nudge nudge*

I insert an orange.

2017-10-12, 02:33 PM
You get an annoying orange and an immediate evacuation of everyone around it.

I insert a phantom.

2017-10-12, 02:45 PM
You get a Tollbooth.

I insert John Knox.

2017-10-12, 06:34 PM
You get Don Knotts.

I insert Psychonauts.

2017-10-12, 06:50 PM
You get psycho nuts.

I insert a scrambled Rubik's Cube.

2017-10-12, 07:33 PM
you receive a solved 1*1 rubix cube.

I insert a D&D Vending Machine

2017-10-12, 09:57 PM
You get a smack upside the head and a three hour long shouted lecture by one of the gnomes that runs the thing.

I insert a +3 Longsword.

2017-10-16, 09:12 AM
you get a +4 longsword

I insert 12.2 kittens.

2017-10-16, 11:02 AM
You get 148.84 awakened kittens.

I insert 148.84 awakened kittens.

2017-10-16, 01:08 PM
you get .84 awakened puppies.

I insert the entrails of my enemies.

2017-10-16, 02:46 PM
You get an intestinal phylactery. (http://torment.wikia.com/wiki/Intestinal_Phylactery) Nifty!

I insert Nice Weather, For Once.

2017-10-16, 03:40 PM
You get rain. All of it.

I insert a dragon egg.

2017-10-16, 10:17 PM
You get a dragon. It eats you. I mean, really, what were you expecting?

I insert the remains of kgato503's carcass.

2017-10-16, 11:39 PM
You ge on. It e t I m , lly, w at we u ex ing?

I insert the remaining letters.

2017-10-17, 02:50 AM
You get the alphabet.

I insert the French language.

2017-10-18, 02:23 AM
You get an unusually clean rat on a cookbook.

I insert the Pixar Lamp.

2017-10-18, 05:18 PM
you get a guy on the moon.

i insert the gifted tv series reality.

2017-10-19, 01:18 PM
You get some rabbit ears.

I insert a nearby person.

2017-10-19, 06:00 PM
You get a perspective-based illusion.

I insert some perspective.

Dire Moose
2017-10-19, 07:36 PM
You get a pair of 3D glasses.

I insert the Death Star.

2017-10-19, 10:10 PM
you get a tie.

i insert a fighter.

2017-10-19, 11:17 PM
You get a boxer (as in the dog).

I insert a munchkin cat.

2017-10-20, 07:20 AM
You get a stuffed animal

I put in a molten SD card

2017-10-23, 01:30 AM
You get the blackmail material previously held on it.

I insert $100,000 USD in non-sequential $100 bills.

2017-10-24, 04:32 PM
you get your son

I insert :smallbiggrin:.

2017-10-24, 06:47 PM
You get :smallsmile:

I insert one dollar

2017-10-24, 09:21 PM
You get a soda. It out of date by nine years.

I insert a young drow.

2017-10-25, 04:24 AM
You get Xihirli, and then you get stabbed with a scimitar, and then you get fireball'd.

I insert a duck.

2017-10-25, 08:27 AM
You get the world's tiniest violin playing the world's saddest song.

I insert a cacodemon.

2017-10-25, 12:29 PM
you get your own doom

I insert discord

2017-10-25, 12:43 PM
You get an email

I insert a quarter

2017-10-25, 07:59 PM
You get five eighths. Such value!

I insert a Dark Magician card.

2017-10-25, 08:30 PM
You get an activated trap!

I insert a quartz crystal.

2017-10-25, 09:20 PM
you get a diamond inside a rock.

I insert a small pony.

2017-10-26, 12:33 AM
You get a large Brony.

I insert 5d8 Dwarves, all with P.C classes.

2017-10-26, 02:15 AM
You get a cheerful mining shanty.

I insert a sick wheelie, yo.

2017-10-26, 07:22 AM
You get a repair bill, man

I insert a mouse

2017-10-26, 08:02 PM
You get a rather beat up gray tom cat.

I insert a fake cucumber.

5a Violista
2017-11-07, 12:12 AM
You get a fake pickle.

I insert a shiny Charizard card.

Dire Moose
2017-11-19, 02:15 PM
You get a red dragon covered in glitter.

I insert a squad of Imperial Stormtroopers.

2017-11-21, 12:13 PM
You get an unrepentant young man with a blue sword.

I put in the wizard.

2017-11-21, 12:18 PM
You get a slightly used fighter

I insert a hamburger.

2017-11-22, 03:24 AM
You get the Hamburglar.

I insert a Ring-Tailed Lemur.

2017-11-22, 04:29 AM
You get the island of Madagascar.

I insert ten hard boiled eggs.

5a Violista
2017-11-22, 12:00 PM
You got a korok seed!

I insert a 5 dollar bill.

2017-11-22, 04:04 PM
You get Abraham Lincoln.

I insert a thank you card.

2017-11-22, 08:08 PM
You get a welcome note.

I insert a cranky old man.

2017-11-22, 11:48 PM
You get a snipe.

I insert a rubber ducky.

2017-11-23, 07:16 AM
You get a duck shaped rubber (eraser for Americans)

I insert a new hope.

2017-11-23, 09:37 AM
You get The Empire Strikes Back

I insert George Lucas

2017-11-24, 02:47 AM
You get Jar Jar Binks

I insert a Sith Lord

2017-11-24, 05:00 AM
You get a black robe.

I insert a vial of semi-precious gem shards.

Dire Moose
2017-11-24, 01:47 PM
You get a bizarre multicolored gnomish lightsaber.

I insert a stereotypical Lawful Stupid Paladin with a stick up his rear end.

2017-11-24, 09:25 PM
You get a stereotypical ex-paladin with a succubus up... you get the idea.

I insert Craft (Disturbing Images).

2017-11-24, 11:38 PM
You get two of your exes going on a date.

I insert some Alignment Wars

2017-11-25, 12:57 AM
You get a Paladin and a Thief bickering like two three-year-olds.

I insert an empty potion bottle.

5a Violista
2017-11-25, 01:07 AM
You get a filled potion bottle!
Try sticking it in again to figure out what's in it.

I insert a dragonfruit seed.

2017-11-25, 10:49 AM
You get two of your exes going on a date.


You get a dragon.

I insert the dragon.

Dire Moose
2017-11-25, 12:59 PM
You get a dungeon.

I insert Gary Gygax.

2017-11-25, 04:42 PM
You get Dave Arneson.

I insert Ed the Hyena.

2017-11-25, 05:01 PM
You get a lion cub with delusions of grandeur

I insert 3 cats, 2 dogs, and 1 guinea pig.

2017-11-25, 05:42 PM
You get an overlooked reference.

I insert the over looker.

2017-11-25, 08:41 PM
You get me.

I insert myself

2017-11-26, 12:06 AM
You get an eye.

I insert Hamlet, Prince of Denmark.

2017-11-26, 12:30 AM
You get Yorick, the Skull.

I insert an over-used trope.

2017-11-26, 02:55 PM
You get a slap for being unoriginal.

I insert Pluto.

2017-11-26, 02:59 PM
You get Mickey.

I insert Disney.

2017-11-26, 04:01 PM
You get 10 top ranking members of the Gnommish Republican Party.

I insert the Gnommish Democratic National Convention

2017-11-26, 07:56 PM
You get a no touching sign (the kind with a pointing hand crossed out).

I insert Megera (the Disney version).

2017-11-27, 04:21 PM
You get a sassy main character.

I insert the schwarts.

Dire Moose
2017-11-27, 09:38 PM
You get the complete set of Spaceballs: The Christmas Ornaments!

I insert a herd of angry hippos.

2017-12-08, 08:14 AM
You get a figurine of an angry Gloria (from Madagascar)

I insert a sandwich

2017-12-08, 08:17 AM
You get Sandra, Witch of the Sands.... An impolite mummy lord seeking to kill everything...

I insert TPBM :smallwink:.

2017-12-08, 11:27 AM
You get a self-aware Post.

I insert 'The Stanley Parable Adventure Line™'.

2017-12-08, 06:13 PM
You get a snarky and zany narrator.

I insert that one thing, you know the one that has all the stuff.

2017-12-08, 08:21 PM
You get the one gal, you know the one who madly tries to balance her time and the few hundred dollars from her low end job while going to college? She seems rather confused as to how the hell she got there.

I insert SomethingNormal, my dreaded foe!

2017-12-09, 02:44 AM
You get yourself...You're not quite sure how.

I insert a random manga volume.

2017-12-09, 06:37 AM
You get a random Anime Adaptation.

I insert a advertisement for the therad 'Picture Me This'.

2017-12-09, 01:35 PM
You get an advertisement for the thread 'Build a story, five words at a time'

I insert the aforementioned advertisement.

2017-12-09, 01:42 PM
You get an adblocker.

I insert a fish.

2017-12-09, 04:34 PM
you get a red haring

I insert an obscene jester

2017-12-09, 09:17 PM
You get The Joker.

I insert Squirt the Turtle from Finding Nemo.

Dire Moose
2018-01-07, 08:02 PM
You get eaten by a Great White Shark.

I insert every animal from my local zoo.

2018-01-07, 09:36 PM
You get an angry letter from your local zoo.

I insert some kobold fingers.

2018-01-08, 01:48 PM
you get a group of angry kobold's who are missing there fingers.

I insert the Dark side of the Force

2018-01-08, 03:08 PM
You certainly get Yoda's attention.

I insert a random collection of things off my desk.

2018-01-08, 07:44 PM
You get a Deck of Many Things From Sef's Desk.

I insert Radians

2018-01-08, 10:03 PM
You get Rodians. (https://www.google.com/search?q=star+wars+rodian&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiT1eis8snYAhUCOCYKHRP9Bs4Q_AUICigB&biw=1536&bih=760)

I insert the third degree. (It's a PhD!)

2018-01-10, 06:20 PM
You get a very confused tortoise wearing a shoe.

I insert a +5 Vorpal Character Sheet

2018-01-12, 06:16 PM
You get the +5 Vorpal Character Sheet to your neck, slicing off your head. Turns out you stuck it in the money slot, and it spit it back out just like regular money...

I put in a baby Tarrasque.

2018-01-12, 09:31 PM
You get a gargantuan adult kobold

I insert a loaf of meatloaf

Dire Moose
2018-01-14, 12:11 PM
You get the complete set of Meat Loaf's albums.

I insert a meter-long sub sandwich.

2018-01-17, 03:07 AM
You get a meter-long sub called The Red November. :smallbiggrin:

I insert a game of Werewolf.

2018-02-01, 10:52 PM
You get a dead villager. Congratulations! :smallbiggrin:

I insert a bowl of cherry gelatin.

2018-02-02, 08:34 AM
You get an ooze.

I insert the ooze.

2018-02-02, 03:53 PM
You get one thousand one hundred xp.
I insert The Comedian Harmonists.

Dire Moose
2018-02-04, 12:44 AM
You get a bunch of stabbed corpses along with an invoice from the gnomes billing you for the costs of healing their badly-injured eardrums.

I insert a Tyrannosaurus rex.

2018-02-04, 01:22 PM
You get a Utahraptor.

I insert a 3-cornered square.

2018-02-04, 04:25 PM
You get a 4-cornered triangle.

I insert Ben Affleck.

2018-02-04, 08:16 PM
You get a white duck that only says "Affleck"

I insert some Crispy Duck.

Dire Moose
2018-02-05, 10:32 AM
You get a rabbit and a duck arguing about whether it is currently duck season or rabbit season.

I insert a lit stick of dynamite.

2018-02-05, 03:50 PM
You get a muffled boom emanating from the machine.

I insert Xanathar

2018-02-08, 12:39 PM
Due to budget cuts, you get a copy of Xanathar's Guide to About Half of Everything. Return it to the nearest library in three weeks.

I insert that bill I got from the gnomes, with a sticky note that says 'fat chance'.

2018-02-08, 02:20 PM
You get a garden gnome flipping you the bird.

I insert A beautiful Duwang

Dire Moose
2018-02-08, 02:35 PM
All your base are belong to the gnomes.

I insert a guide to the proper translation of Japanese into English.

2018-02-08, 03:52 PM
You get an angry Chinese women you doesn't speak a lick of English and beats the crap out out you with her purse.

I insert and angry Chinese women.

2018-02-08, 08:30 PM
You get Grandmother from Mulan.

I insert the cow I mean horse from the same movie.

2018-02-09, 11:55 PM
You get the cow below, in return.

I insert a golden ticket.

2018-02-10, 10:17 AM
You get a copper ticket painted gold.

I insert a 7 dimensional regular polygon.

2018-02-10, 03:07 PM
You get one of each platonic solid, with numbers painted on each side.

I insert a d4

Dire Moose
2018-02-10, 06:05 PM
You get caltrops.

I insert a llama.

2018-02-10, 08:07 PM
You get an evil kitten that is fond of maniacal laughter.

I insert a lever.

2018-02-10, 10:40 PM
You get teeter-totter.

I insert a bag of sour gummy worms.

2018-02-12, 10:44 AM
You get a bag of good-natured gummy worms.

I insert seven and a half fairies. Don't ask about the half.

2018-02-12, 08:22 PM
You get a slip of paper that says "Why half a fairy?"

I insert Zem the mattress

Dire Moose
2018-02-17, 12:16 PM
You get the monsters living under your bed.

I insert Chuck Norris.

2018-02-17, 12:18 PM
You get Jackie Chan

I insert the machine itself.

2018-02-17, 02:14 PM
You get a strange painting by M. C. Escher

I insert Xanathar's goldfish, Sylgar

2018-02-17, 03:46 PM
You get your goldfish, Joe. You didn't know you had a goldfish.

I insert a statue of a gnommish criminal.

2018-02-17, 10:38 PM
You get a steam punk gun.

I insert a package of chicken ramen.

2018-02-17, 11:55 PM
You get a tea pot with a note inside, "We need water."

I insert a statue of a golden kitten. So cute! :smallbiggrin:

Dire Moose
2018-02-17, 11:58 PM
You get an golden dire tiger golem.

I insert a steam train.

2018-02-18, 03:53 AM
You get a steam mephit wearing conductor's overalls.

I insert the entire Tomb of Horrors

2018-02-23, 11:03 PM
You get Grimtooth's Ultimate Traps Book.

I insert The Song That Never Ends.

2018-02-24, 09:04 AM
You get a bunch of toddlers clutching their ears and screaming "Make it stop!"

I insert myself.

Dire Moose
2018-02-24, 05:37 PM
You get pain. Lots of it.

I insert a supermassive black hole.

2018-02-24, 05:39 PM
Nothing comes out.
You get a swordsage, apparently.
I insert a three dimensional Escher painting.

2018-02-25, 01:06 AM
You get a Bev Doolittle Painting.

I insert a reverse blade sword.

2018-02-25, 11:54 AM
You get a dead Gnome, on a stick. Well, a blade actually.

I insert a bottle of water.

2018-02-25, 01:05 PM
You get an Iron Flask with an angry Marid trapped inside.

I insert an Efreet.

2018-02-25, 04:42 PM
You get a nonsentient Marid with an angry intelligent Iron Flask trapped inside.

I insert Michael Jackson's shoes. All of them.

Dire Moose
2018-02-25, 05:00 PM
You get the Comedically Large Boot. Which is attached to a giant's foot and swiftly descending on your head.

I insert a giant d4 to be placed under it.

2018-02-25, 06:47 PM
Too bad the giant d4 is in the machine when it's needed, because you get a giant kick in the face.

I insert a masterwork cold iron dire flail.

2018-02-26, 04:07 AM
You get an injured (and very angry) BalrogBalor

I insert a HobbitHalfling gardener named Sam.

2018-02-26, 09:37 AM
You get the bad ending for The Lord of the Rings. The one where Frodo ends up as spider food.

I pour in 4 ounces of molten bronze.

2018-02-26, 06:13 PM
You get several choice expletives in Gnommish.

I insert a bowtie that is also a live snake.

2018-02-26, 11:34 PM
You get a garter snake...Sorry

I insert a lovely bunch of coconuts.

Dire Moose
2018-02-27, 06:16 AM
You get an argument over how many swallows it would take to carry them.

I insert the One Ring to Rule Them All.

2018-02-27, 07:05 AM
You cause Mount Doom to mysteriously erupt.

I insert the bridge of Kazad-Dum

2018-02-27, 10:34 PM
You get a small check and a receipt.

I insert the Death Star, after using a combining ray on it and a quark.

2018-02-27, 11:33 PM
You get a cartoon duck saying "quack" over and over, taped to a shuriken.

I insert Olympic Curling.

2018-02-28, 10:29 PM
You get a contortionist.

I insert the movie epic.

2018-03-01, 10:48 PM
You get a copy of The Odyssey.

I insert Super Mario Odyssey.

2018-03-02, 11:18 AM
You get a +5 Vorpal Goomba.

I insert feets feats.

Ack, spelling.

2018-03-02, 03:36 PM
You get a 10-ft pole made from 10 feet.

I insert a behir.

2018-03-02, 08:57 PM
You get Gummy Behirs (http://rustyandco.com/comic/level-8-54/).

I insert six hundred sixty-five candles.

2018-03-02, 09:25 PM
You get a scroll of firebawl. No, that's not a misspelling.

I insert Breath of the Wild.

2018-03-22, 05:26 AM
You get Breath of the Garlic

I insert an intern.

2018-03-23, 05:09 AM
You mucho-grande mocha latte with whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles.

I insert a screaming infant.

2018-03-23, 05:11 AM
You get a +1 coffee cup of intelligence.
You get a slightly wet, disgruntled-looking cat.

I insert a spellbook.

2018-03-23, 05:26 AM
You get an insanely overpowered fireball.

I insert my only radiation suit.

2018-03-23, 07:40 AM
You get a chunk of kryptonite the size of your head.

Thinking quickly, I insert Superman.

2018-03-23, 04:01 PM
You get Bizarro, who wants to thank you for rescuing him. In Bizarro world, one thanks another by punching a hole through them. (Ouch)

I insert a portable telescope, a book on making friends and influencing people, 3 grams of lead, and a lit match.

2018-03-23, 04:05 PM
You get a broken lute.

I insert a pair of fuzzy socks.

2018-03-24, 07:49 AM
You get a fluffy white rabbit, which promptly jumps up and bites your head off.

I count "1, 2, 5!" and insert the holy hand grenade of Antioch.

2018-03-24, 09:41 AM
You get a letter reading 'you idiot'.

The fluffy white rabbit gets seconds. As in, it bites your head off too.

Thinking quickly, I insert the fluffy white rabbit. It takes my hand with it, but I consider that a small price to pay.

2018-03-24, 12:35 PM
You get a pair of warm, white, fur-lined boots.

I insert my now-nonexistent head.

2018-03-24, 10:13 PM
You get Bob the Skull. He won't stop talking.

I insert an inaccurate TV Guide.

2018-03-25, 03:44 PM
You get something that you weren't expecting.

I insert something that youwere expecting.

2018-03-25, 04:10 PM
You get an accurate TV guide.
Funny how these things work.

I insert a boullioun cube.

2018-03-26, 06:38 PM
You get a five course chicken dinner.

I insert KFC.

@V: The letter is a nice touch and the LFR is quite delicious.

2018-03-27, 02:05 PM
You get LFR (Luiren-Fried Rabbit) and an emphatic thank-you letter.

I insert 25,000gp worth of diamond dust, the corpse of an adventurer, and a pair of googly-eyed glasses.

2018-03-27, 04:22 PM
You receive a note that says 'I owe you 1 corrupted wish'

I insert a mug of fine ale, a large leg of mutton, and the most popular wench at the brothel

2018-03-27, 04:35 PM
You get bar fight, in which a mimic, a gelatinous cube, and a rust monster defeat a party of adventurers.

I insert a clueless paladin.