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View Full Version : TPAY/TPBY D&D Vending Machine XXVIII: Output not guaranteed



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JbeJ275
2017-06-12, 03:33 PM
You get six hellhounds.

I insert a bard and a demon lord.

Dire Moose
2017-06-12, 08:16 PM
You get the bard holding a golden fiddle.

I insert 10 gallons of alchemist's fire and a lit match.

Lex-Kat
2017-06-12, 09:52 PM
You get 10 dead gnomes and a bill for their funeral expenses.

I insert Baileys® Irish Cream, Root Beer, and Vanilla Ice Cream.

Crisis21
2017-06-14, 10:08 AM
You get some chocolate covered strawberries.


I insert a troupe of highly attractive exotic gnome dancers.

Iceseer
2017-06-14, 02:45 PM
You get a troupe of ugly Orc Bards.

I insert myself.

An Amy
2017-06-14, 02:56 PM
The vending machine produces something but you don't know what it is. You're instead trapped in a bin with a ton of dice, some dead low-level adventurers and a bad pun among other random things. Oh, and now you're close friends with...

I insert a pirate with a backscratcher for a left hand.

Eternis
2017-06-14, 06:55 PM
You receive a ninja with two peg-legs.

I insert three pairs of pants, six blue collared shirts, a suit-jacket and a tie, all soaked in bourbon.

CrackedChair
2017-06-14, 07:21 PM
You get one scotch, one beer.

I insert my innocence.

Dr.Gunsforhands
2017-06-14, 10:28 PM
You get a creepy proposition from a stalker.

I insert a live chicken.

Dire Moose
2017-06-15, 12:54 AM
A blonde kid dressed in a green hat and tunic runs out of the machine covered in blood.

I insert an annoying blue fairy.

Iceseer
2017-06-15, 12:05 PM
you get navi


i insert existence.

ElFi
2017-06-15, 07:03 PM
You get a coffee maker.

I insert an arcade game and a fistful of quarters.

Crisis21
2017-06-15, 11:07 PM
You get a high score.


I insert Giant in the Playground dot com.

Dire Moose
2017-06-16, 06:16 AM
You get insanity.

I insert Cthulhu.

JbeJ275
2017-06-16, 06:22 AM
You get Mind-Numbing Chaos.

I insert a friendly lion.

Iceseer
2017-06-16, 02:20 PM
You get a aggressive and deadly puppy.

I insert an escape hatch.

Redstick
2017-06-16, 06:21 PM
You get a print readout of the Lost numbers.

I insert the ingredients for a chocolate cake, but I forget the eggs.

Caribou3
2017-06-16, 10:51 PM
You get a nasty foreign dessert.

I insert all of my socks without partners.

Iceseer
2017-06-16, 11:52 PM
You get partners who married all the socks.

I insert a baseball team

Crisis21
2017-06-17, 12:18 AM
You get Batboy.


I insert a cut-rate superhero.

Dr.Gunsforhands
2017-06-17, 01:25 AM
You get a cute rat superhero.

I insert a heart locket.

Eternis
2017-06-17, 09:08 PM
You get a liver pendant.

I insert a llama.

Dire Moose
2017-06-19, 06:45 AM
You get a duck.

I insert a moose.

Crisis21
2017-06-19, 09:06 PM
You get an alaskan malamute.


I insert a llama-dama-ding-dong.

5a Violista
2017-06-22, 05:51 PM
You get an annoying doorbell chime.

I insert a recording of the doorbell chime, in compliance with Code of Civil Procedure section 1161.2.

Dr.Gunsforhands
2017-06-22, 06:18 PM
After several minutes of humming and rattling, the machine spits out a piece of paper: a page copied from the Gnome civil code. "1161.2: Quarters are exempt from this rule."

I insert a 12-pack of colas.

Dire Moose
2017-06-22, 08:51 PM
You get an invitation to a gnomish burping contest.

I insert a frozen mammoth carcass.

Crisis21
2017-06-22, 10:57 PM
You get a hippopotamus with a saddle on it.


I insert a trained kaiju.

Lex-Kat
2017-06-22, 11:10 PM
Congratulations! :smallbiggrin: You get Mothra.

I insert chicken wings and a buffalo.

Xanyo
2017-06-24, 03:13 PM
You get Dire Moose, but now he has wings and a beak.

I insert pure nothingness.

JbeJ275
2017-06-24, 04:08 PM
You get two bags of holding

I insert a hipflask full of vodka and jack daniels.

Crisis21
2017-06-24, 10:42 PM
You get drunk.


I insert the phrase 'hold my beer'.

Eternis
2017-06-25, 10:00 PM
The vending machine does a backflip into a pool full of sharks. The vending machine disappears for a moment, then reappears back where it was originally standing.

I insert a mimic.

ElFi
2017-06-26, 09:47 AM
You get a giant glass eyeball and a really confused-looking rust monster.

I insert a potion of Cure Light Wounds.

JbeJ275
2017-06-26, 10:38 AM
You get a cleric.

I insert a monk.

Dire Moose
2017-06-26, 11:19 AM
You get a boot to the head.

I insert a rabid Tasmanian Devil.

Crisis21
2017-06-26, 05:14 PM
You get a dust bunny.


I insert the incomplete works of Shilliam Wakespeare.

Xanyo
2017-06-29, 11:57 PM
You get Hamlet, by an infinite number of monkeys.

I insert an infinite number of typewriters, but each one has a single broken key.

UberN3wb
2017-06-30, 11:44 PM
You receive an one typewriter with an infinite number of keys, all of which are broken.

I insert a poorly-made counterfeit bill.

Dire Moose
2017-07-01, 10:22 AM
You get a poorly-made counterfeit soda.

I insert a stegosaurus.

Crisis21
2017-07-01, 08:03 PM
You get a happy squeal.


I insert a rug made from the fur of a wooly mammoth.

Grand Arbiter
2017-07-02, 10:28 AM
You receive an elephant which proceeds to sit on you.


I insert a pinch of good cheer

Xanyo
2017-07-02, 09:38 PM
A robot arm extends from the machine and pinches your good ear.

I insert what I insert.

Dire Moose
2017-07-03, 02:07 PM
You get a box. Inside the box is another box. Inside that box is another box. Inside that box is also.... You realize that you're holding an infinite set of nesting boxes. You go mad from the realization and your head explodes.

I insert the scattered exploded head parts.

Crisis21
2017-07-05, 10:27 AM
Ew.

You get puke. Double Ew.



I insert some pine fresh cleaning supplies. Enough to last the gnomes through several months of nasty substances being inserted into the machine. After a moment of thought, I include a company of attractive gnome maids to go with the cleaning supplies.

Grand Arbiter
2017-07-11, 06:44 PM
You get the entwives.


I insert clam chowder.

Simetra Irertne
2017-07-13, 05:17 PM
You get a can of tomato soup.

I insert a string bean decorated with glitter.

Eternis
2017-07-13, 06:17 PM
http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/facebook/001/166/993/284.png


Why did you do that? Why...


I insert a dismembered pair of feet.

Crisis21
2017-07-14, 12:23 AM
You get a letter from the gnomes requesting that all further insertion of dismembered body parts be discontinued due to the practice being unsanitary, disrespectful, gross, and they're just plain getting fed up with it to the point that the next person to insert body parts will have their own equivalent body parts removed forthwith.


I insert a pair of googly-eyed glasses.


V They aren't fooled.

Dire Moose
2017-07-14, 07:50 AM
You get a Google Glass. Everyone laughs at you now.

I insert a severed had and take great pains to ensure the gnomes believe that Crisis21 inserted it.

Lex-Kat
2017-07-15, 01:27 AM
(Assuming you meant a severed head...) The Gnomes throw out a recently shrunken head.

Lexi inserts a banana.

Bob_McSurly
2017-07-20, 05:20 PM
You get Lexion, evil Arch-druid of Banana trees.

I insert Sparta

Xanyo
2017-07-21, 04:37 PM
You get a small, unfit gnome child with a letter saying "Property of Gnommish Sparta - Do not feed. Do not adopt".

I insert the small, unfit Gnommish child.

Bob_McSurly
2017-07-21, 08:55 PM
He/she comes back later as a 26th level warlock to be the BBEG of your next campaign.

I insert all the Spartan gnomes that die in her/his rampage.

GAAD
2017-07-22, 07:26 PM
You get Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice.

I insert the Book of the Dead.

Dire Moose
2017-07-22, 08:42 PM
You get a horde of reanimated mummified gnomes.

I insert a high-level cleric of Pelor.

Crisis21
2017-07-22, 11:15 PM
You get CoDzilla.


I insert a first-edition copy of Dante's Inferno.

Bob_McSurly
2017-08-04, 03:08 PM
You get The Manual of the Planes, The Book of Exalted Deeds, and The Book of Vile Darkness.
I insert The Simpsons

3WhiteFox3
2017-08-08, 05:05 PM
You get The Manual of the Planes, The Book of Exalted Deeds, and The Book of Vile Darkness.
I insert The Simpsons
You get a dysfunctional family.

I insert the Dialogues of Socrates.

Graypairofsocks
2017-08-09, 01:13 AM
You get aristotle.


I insert a new cd.

JbeJ275
2017-08-10, 10:34 AM
You get an old DVD.

I insert a live chicken, an iron pot and an apple pie.

Silent_Interim
2017-08-13, 11:00 PM
You get an iron chicken, an apple pot and a live pie.

I insert a ten foot pole.

Bob_McSurly
2017-08-13, 11:45 PM
You get a martial weapon with disadvantage at short range.

I insert the Cinderella Castle from Disneyworld.

Dire Moose
2017-08-14, 12:00 AM
You get thrown into the dungeon full of medieval torture devices operated by Donald Duck and Goofy, located in the basement of the castle with "It's A Small World After All" playing loudly the whole time.

I insert Frankenstein's monster to rescue him.

Dr.Gunsforhands
2017-08-14, 01:04 AM
You get back a smaller flesh golem with Bob McSurly's brain in it.

I insert some Twitch emotes.

Silent_Interim
2017-08-14, 04:00 AM
You get real corresponding objects for each emote. They are twitching slightly.

I put in the song Russians, by Sting.

Bob_McSurly
2017-08-14, 12:47 PM
You get some Russians. They kill you.

I insert all of my body except my brain. 'cause you know, my brain is in a smaller flesh golem.

Dr.Gunsforhands
2017-08-17, 01:47 AM
You get a halfling-sized flesh golem with Eternis' brain in it.

I insert a broken pair of headphones and a Disney Princess watch.

ViolentViolet
2017-08-18, 03:26 PM
You get a rolex.

as the detonation device for a nuke.


I insert an internet ad banner

Silent_Interim
2017-08-18, 10:14 PM
You get a banner with the internet ad on it.

I insert the concept of insertion.

Bob_McSurly
2017-08-19, 04:01 PM
You get a dirty joke.

I insert the Silmarillion.

Dr.Gunsforhands
2017-08-19, 05:11 PM
You get a disk containing the entire archive of a botany journal. They seem to have bookmarked the articles on tree rings.

I insert a bucket of half-dead sardines.

Dire Moose
2017-08-19, 11:49 PM
You get a satisfied-looking walrus.

I insert a starving angry rabid insane dire wolverine.

Silent_Interim
2017-08-20, 02:58 AM
You get an extensive vet bill.

I insert a willing sacrifice.

Vivee
2017-09-15, 02:40 PM
You get an active volcano to throw any future sacrifices in.

I insert a piece of paper with a B Sharp on one side, and the letter Y on the other.

GET IT?! BECAUSE IT'S A NOTE AND A LETTER! HAHA that's not funny.

kgato503
2017-09-19, 12:15 AM
You get a chirping cricket, who coughs awkwardly.

I insert some hilarious hijinx.

Extrail
2017-09-19, 08:11 PM
You get a funny escapade.

I insert persona 5.

Silent_Interim
2017-09-19, 10:22 PM
You get your identity stolen.

I insert 3gp.

Bob_McSurly
2017-09-24, 12:37 AM
You get three-fifths of a pike.

I insert an English Professor, a linguist, and philosopher.

kgato503
2017-09-24, 05:11 PM
You get a fully stocked bar.

I insert a sparkly.

Extrail
2017-09-24, 11:31 PM
You get a spark plug.

I insert a tv.

Silent_Interim
2017-09-25, 07:13 PM
You get a bar of soap, accompanied by an opera.

I insert the bar of soap.

Bucky
2017-10-07, 05:30 PM
You get 5 silver pieces.

I insert a chunk of gnome ore (see sig).

Extrail
2017-10-07, 05:44 PM
You get nothing but heckling laughter.

I insert the heckling laughter.

kgato503
2017-10-08, 01:24 AM
You get Statler and Waldorf.

I insert Fozzie Bear.

Xanyo
2017-10-12, 12:33 PM
You get a delivery. It's a flower! Wait, did I say flower? I meant flour.

I insert an obscure reference that exactly two people on the planet get.

Ezeze
2017-10-12, 01:37 PM
You get a fuzzy black bee making a lot of assumptions! *Wink* *Nudge nudge*

I insert an orange.

Extrail
2017-10-12, 02:33 PM
You get an annoying orange and an immediate evacuation of everyone around it.

I insert a phantom.

Bob_McSurly
2017-10-12, 02:45 PM
You get a Tollbooth.

I insert John Knox.

rooster707
2017-10-12, 06:34 PM
You get Don Knotts.

I insert Psychonauts.

kgato503
2017-10-12, 06:50 PM
You get psycho nuts.

I insert a scrambled Rubik's Cube.

Extrail
2017-10-12, 07:33 PM
you receive a solved 1*1 rubix cube.

I insert a D&D Vending Machine

Silent_Interim
2017-10-12, 09:57 PM
You get a smack upside the head and a three hour long shouted lecture by one of the gnomes that runs the thing.

I insert a +3 Longsword.

Goaty14
2017-10-16, 09:12 AM
you get a +4 longsword

I insert 12.2 kittens.

Bob_McSurly
2017-10-16, 11:02 AM
You get 148.84 awakened kittens.

I insert 148.84 awakened kittens.

Extrail
2017-10-16, 01:08 PM
you get .84 awakened puppies.

I insert the entrails of my enemies.

rooster707
2017-10-16, 02:46 PM
You get an intestinal phylactery. (http://torment.wikia.com/wiki/Intestinal_Phylactery) Nifty!

I insert Nice Weather, For Once.

kgato503
2017-10-16, 03:40 PM
You get rain. All of it.

I insert a dragon egg.

Bob_McSurly
2017-10-16, 10:17 PM
You get a dragon. It eats you. I mean, really, what were you expecting?

I insert the remains of kgato503's carcass.

Extrail
2017-10-16, 11:39 PM
You ge on. It e t I m , lly, w at we u ex ing?

I insert the remaining letters.

Silent_Interim
2017-10-17, 02:50 AM
You get the alphabet.

I insert the French language.

kgato503
2017-10-18, 02:23 AM
You get an unusually clean rat on a cookbook.

I insert the Pixar Lamp.

Extrail
2017-10-18, 05:18 PM
you get a guy on the moon.

i insert the gifted tv series reality.

Westhart
2017-10-19, 01:18 PM
You get some rabbit ears.

I insert a nearby person.

Silent_Interim
2017-10-19, 06:00 PM
You get a perspective-based illusion.

I insert some perspective.

Dire Moose
2017-10-19, 07:36 PM
You get a pair of 3D glasses.

I insert the Death Star.

Extrail
2017-10-19, 10:10 PM
you get a tie.

i insert a fighter.

kgato503
2017-10-19, 11:17 PM
You get a boxer (as in the dog).

I insert a munchkin cat.

Westhart
2017-10-20, 07:20 AM
You get a stuffed animal

I put in a molten SD card

Silent_Interim
2017-10-23, 01:30 AM
You get the blackmail material previously held on it.

I insert $100,000 USD in non-sequential $100 bills.

Extrail
2017-10-24, 04:32 PM
you get your son

I insert :smallbiggrin:.

Drakeburn
2017-10-24, 06:47 PM
You get :smallsmile:

I insert one dollar

kgato503
2017-10-24, 09:21 PM
You get a soda. It out of date by nine years.

I insert a young drow.

Silent_Interim
2017-10-25, 04:24 AM
You get Xihirli, and then you get stabbed with a scimitar, and then you get fireball'd.

I insert a duck.

Aniikinis
2017-10-25, 08:27 AM
You get the world's tiniest violin playing the world's saddest song.

I insert a cacodemon.

Extrail
2017-10-25, 12:29 PM
you get your own doom

I insert discord

Westhart
2017-10-25, 12:43 PM
You get an email

I insert a quarter

Dr.Gunsforhands
2017-10-25, 07:59 PM
You get five eighths. Such value!

I insert a Dark Magician card.

kgato503
2017-10-25, 08:30 PM
You get an activated trap!

I insert a quartz crystal.

Extrail
2017-10-25, 09:20 PM
you get a diamond inside a rock.

I insert a small pony.

Bob_McSurly
2017-10-26, 12:33 AM
You get a large Brony.

I insert 5d8 Dwarves, all with P.C classes.

Silent_Interim
2017-10-26, 02:15 AM
You get a cheerful mining shanty.

I insert a sick wheelie, yo.

Westhart
2017-10-26, 07:22 AM
You get a repair bill, man

I insert a mouse

kgato503
2017-10-26, 08:02 PM
You get a rather beat up gray tom cat.

I insert a fake cucumber.

5a Violista
2017-11-07, 12:12 AM
You get a fake pickle.

I insert a shiny Charizard card.

Dire Moose
2017-11-19, 02:15 PM
You get a red dragon covered in glitter.

I insert a squad of Imperial Stormtroopers.

VelociRapture12
2017-11-21, 12:13 PM
You get an unrepentant young man with a blue sword.

I put in the wizard.

Westhart
2017-11-21, 12:18 PM
You get a slightly used fighter

I insert a hamburger.

kgato503
2017-11-22, 03:24 AM
You get the Hamburglar.

I insert a Ring-Tailed Lemur.

JbeJ275
2017-11-22, 04:29 AM
You get the island of Madagascar.

I insert ten hard boiled eggs.

5a Violista
2017-11-22, 12:00 PM
Yahaha!
You got a korok seed!


I insert a 5 dollar bill.

Westhart
2017-11-22, 04:04 PM
You get Abraham Lincoln.

I insert a thank you card.

Hageshi
2017-11-22, 08:08 PM
You get a welcome note.

I insert a cranky old man.

kgato503
2017-11-22, 11:48 PM
You get a snipe.

I insert a rubber ducky.

JbeJ275
2017-11-23, 07:16 AM
You get a duck shaped rubber (eraser for Americans)

I insert a new hope.

Westhart
2017-11-23, 09:37 AM
You get The Empire Strikes Back

I insert George Lucas

Hageshi
2017-11-24, 02:47 AM
You get Jar Jar Binks


I insert a Sith Lord

kgato503
2017-11-24, 05:00 AM
You get a black robe.

I insert a vial of semi-precious gem shards.

Dire Moose
2017-11-24, 01:47 PM
You get a bizarre multicolored gnomish lightsaber.

I insert a stereotypical Lawful Stupid Paladin with a stick up his rear end.

Westhart
2017-11-24, 09:25 PM
You get a stereotypical ex-paladin with a succubus up... you get the idea.

I insert Craft (Disturbing Images).

Bob_McSurly
2017-11-24, 11:38 PM
You get two of your exes going on a date.

I insert some Alignment Wars

kgato503
2017-11-25, 12:57 AM
You get a Paladin and a Thief bickering like two three-year-olds.

I insert an empty potion bottle.

5a Violista
2017-11-25, 01:07 AM
You get a filled potion bottle!
Try sticking it in again to figure out what's in it.

I insert a dragonfruit seed.

Westhart
2017-11-25, 10:49 AM
You get two of your exes going on a date.

BLECKBLAUGHBLECK

You get a dragon.

I insert the dragon.

Dire Moose
2017-11-25, 12:59 PM
You get a dungeon.

I insert Gary Gygax.

kgato503
2017-11-25, 04:42 PM
You get Dave Arneson.

I insert Ed the Hyena.

Hageshi
2017-11-25, 05:01 PM
You get a lion cub with delusions of grandeur


I insert 3 cats, 2 dogs, and 1 guinea pig.

Westhart
2017-11-25, 05:42 PM
You get an overlooked reference.

I insert the over looker.

Bob_McSurly
2017-11-25, 08:41 PM
You get me.

I insert myself

rooster707
2017-11-26, 12:06 AM
You get an eye.

I insert Hamlet, Prince of Denmark.

kgato503
2017-11-26, 12:30 AM
You get Yorick, the Skull.

I insert an over-used trope.

Hageshi
2017-11-26, 02:55 PM
You get a slap for being unoriginal.

I insert Pluto.

Westhart
2017-11-26, 02:59 PM
You get Mickey.

I insert Disney.

Bob_McSurly
2017-11-26, 04:01 PM
You get 10 top ranking members of the Gnommish Republican Party.

I insert the Gnommish Democratic National Convention

kgato503
2017-11-26, 07:56 PM
You get a no touching sign (the kind with a pointing hand crossed out).

I insert Megera (the Disney version).

VelociRapture12
2017-11-27, 04:21 PM
You get a sassy main character.

I insert the schwarts.

Dire Moose
2017-11-27, 09:38 PM
You get the complete set of Spaceballs: The Christmas Ornaments!

I insert a herd of angry hippos.

Xenopax
2017-12-08, 08:14 AM
You get a figurine of an angry Gloria (from Madagascar)

I insert a sandwich

Westhart
2017-12-08, 08:17 AM
You get Sandra, Witch of the Sands.... An impolite mummy lord seeking to kill everything...

I insert TPBM :smallwink:.

Generic-Guy
2017-12-08, 11:27 AM
You get a self-aware Post.

I insert 'The Stanley Parable Adventure Line™'.

VelociRapture12
2017-12-08, 06:13 PM
You get a snarky and zany narrator.

I insert that one thing, you know the one that has all the stuff.

Westhart
2017-12-08, 08:21 PM
You get the one gal, you know the one who madly tries to balance her time and the few hundred dollars from her low end job while going to college? She seems rather confused as to how the hell she got there.

I insert SomethingNormal, my dreaded foe!

kgato503
2017-12-09, 02:44 AM
You get yourself...You're not quite sure how.

I insert a random manga volume.

Generic-Guy
2017-12-09, 06:37 AM
You get a random Anime Adaptation.

I insert a advertisement for the therad 'Picture Me This'.

Bob_McSurly
2017-12-09, 01:35 PM
You get an advertisement for the thread 'Build a story, five words at a time'

I insert the aforementioned advertisement.

Westhart
2017-12-09, 01:42 PM
You get an adblocker.

I insert a fish.

Hageshi
2017-12-09, 04:34 PM
you get a red haring


I insert an obscene jester

kgato503
2017-12-09, 09:17 PM
You get The Joker.

I insert Squirt the Turtle from Finding Nemo.

Dire Moose
2018-01-07, 08:02 PM
You get eaten by a Great White Shark.

I insert every animal from my local zoo.

Kevinranch
2018-01-07, 09:36 PM
You get an angry letter from your local zoo.

I insert some kobold fingers.

Hageshi
2018-01-08, 01:48 PM
you get a group of angry kobold's who are missing there fingers.


I insert the Dark side of the Force

Sef
2018-01-08, 03:08 PM
You certainly get Yoda's attention.

I insert a random collection of things off my desk.

Bob_McSurly
2018-01-08, 07:44 PM
You get a Deck of Many Things From Sef's Desk.

I insert Radians

Dr.Gunsforhands
2018-01-08, 10:03 PM
You get Rodians. (https://www.google.com/search?q=star+wars+rodian&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiT1eis8snYAhUCOCYKHRP9Bs4Q_AUICigB&biw=1536&bih=760)

I insert the third degree. (It's a PhD!)

LeMooseImperium
2018-01-10, 06:20 PM
You get a very confused tortoise wearing a shoe.

I insert a +5 Vorpal Character Sheet

CosmicHobbit
2018-01-12, 06:16 PM
You get the +5 Vorpal Character Sheet to your neck, slicing off your head. Turns out you stuck it in the money slot, and it spit it back out just like regular money...

I put in a baby Tarrasque.

Kevinranch
2018-01-12, 09:31 PM
You get a gargantuan adult kobold

I insert a loaf of meatloaf

Dire Moose
2018-01-14, 12:11 PM
You get the complete set of Meat Loaf's albums.

I insert a meter-long sub sandwich.

kgato503
2018-01-17, 03:07 AM
You get a meter-long sub called The Red November. :smallbiggrin:

I insert a game of Werewolf.

Lex-Kat
2018-02-01, 10:52 PM
You get a dead villager. Congratulations! :smallbiggrin:

I insert a bowl of cherry gelatin.

Westhart
2018-02-02, 08:34 AM
You get an ooze.

I insert the ooze.

Bob_McSurly
2018-02-02, 03:53 PM
You get one thousand one hundred xp.
I insert The Comedian Harmonists.

Dire Moose
2018-02-04, 12:44 AM
You get a bunch of stabbed corpses along with an invoice from the gnomes billing you for the costs of healing their badly-injured eardrums.

I insert a Tyrannosaurus rex.

bc56
2018-02-04, 01:22 PM
You get a Utahraptor.

I insert a 3-cornered square.

Lex-Kat
2018-02-04, 04:25 PM
You get a 4-cornered triangle.

I insert Ben Affleck.

kgato503
2018-02-04, 08:16 PM
You get a white duck that only says "Affleck"

I insert some Crispy Duck.

Dire Moose
2018-02-05, 10:32 AM
You get a rabbit and a duck arguing about whether it is currently duck season or rabbit season.

I insert a lit stick of dynamite.

bc56
2018-02-05, 03:50 PM
You get a muffled boom emanating from the machine.

I insert Xanathar

Bob_McSurly
2018-02-08, 12:39 PM
Due to budget cuts, you get a copy of Xanathar's Guide to About Half of Everything. Return it to the nearest library in three weeks.

I insert that bill I got from the gnomes, with a sticky note that says 'fat chance'.

Shulk
2018-02-08, 02:20 PM
You get a garden gnome flipping you the bird.

I insert A beautiful Duwang

Dire Moose
2018-02-08, 02:35 PM
All your base are belong to the gnomes.

I insert a guide to the proper translation of Japanese into English.

Hageshi
2018-02-08, 03:52 PM
You get an angry Chinese women you doesn't speak a lick of English and beats the crap out out you with her purse.


I insert and angry Chinese women.

kgato503
2018-02-08, 08:30 PM
You get Grandmother from Mulan.

I insert the cow I mean horse from the same movie.

Lex-Kat
2018-02-09, 11:55 PM
You get the cow below, in return.
https://vulpesffb.files.wordpress.com/2016/12/img_2415.jpg

I insert a golden ticket.

Xanyo
2018-02-10, 10:17 AM
You get a copper ticket painted gold.

I insert a 7 dimensional regular polygon.

bc56
2018-02-10, 03:07 PM
You get one of each platonic solid, with numbers painted on each side.

I insert a d4

Dire Moose
2018-02-10, 06:05 PM
You get caltrops.

I insert a llama.

kgato503
2018-02-10, 08:07 PM
You get an evil kitten that is fond of maniacal laughter.

I insert a lever.

Lex-Kat
2018-02-10, 10:40 PM
You get teeter-totter.

I insert a bag of sour gummy worms.

Xanyo
2018-02-12, 10:44 AM
You get a bag of good-natured gummy worms.

I insert seven and a half fairies. Don't ask about the half.

bc56
2018-02-12, 08:22 PM
You get a slip of paper that says "Why half a fairy?"

I insert Zem the mattress

Dire Moose
2018-02-17, 12:16 PM
You get the monsters living under your bed.

I insert Chuck Norris.

Mariah
2018-02-17, 12:18 PM
You get Jackie Chan

I insert the machine itself.

bc56
2018-02-17, 02:14 PM
You get a strange painting by M. C. Escher
https://d32dm0rphc51dk.cloudfront.net/ZBr3HFWnHex0Dc4NCIPiXg/larger.jpg


I insert Xanathar's goldfish, Sylgar

Xanyo
2018-02-17, 03:46 PM
You get your goldfish, Joe. You didn't know you had a goldfish.

I insert a statue of a gnommish criminal.

kgato503
2018-02-17, 10:38 PM
You get a steam punk gun.

I insert a package of chicken ramen.

Lex-Kat
2018-02-17, 11:55 PM
You get a tea pot with a note inside, "We need water."

I insert a statue of a golden kitten. So cute! :smallbiggrin:

Dire Moose
2018-02-17, 11:58 PM
You get an golden dire tiger golem.

I insert a steam train.

bc56
2018-02-18, 03:53 AM
You get a steam mephit wearing conductor's overalls.

I insert the entire Tomb of Horrors

kgato503
2018-02-23, 11:03 PM
You get Grimtooth's Ultimate Traps Book.

I insert The Song That Never Ends.

bc56
2018-02-24, 09:04 AM
You get a bunch of toddlers clutching their ears and screaming "Make it stop!"

I insert myself.

Dire Moose
2018-02-24, 05:37 PM
You get pain. Lots of it.

I insert a supermassive black hole.

Xanyo
2018-02-24, 05:39 PM
Nothing comes out.
You get a swordsage, apparently.
I insert a three dimensional Escher painting.

kgato503
2018-02-25, 01:06 AM
You get a Bev Doolittle Painting.

I insert a reverse blade sword.

Lex-Kat
2018-02-25, 11:54 AM
You get a dead Gnome, on a stick. Well, a blade actually.

I insert a bottle of water.

bc56
2018-02-25, 01:05 PM
You get an Iron Flask with an angry Marid trapped inside.

I insert an Efreet.

Xanyo
2018-02-25, 04:42 PM
You get a nonsentient Marid with an angry intelligent Iron Flask trapped inside.

I insert Michael Jackson's shoes. All of them.

Dire Moose
2018-02-25, 05:00 PM
You get the Comedically Large Boot. Which is attached to a giant's foot and swiftly descending on your head.

I insert a giant d4 to be placed under it.

Bucky
2018-02-25, 06:47 PM
Too bad the giant d4 is in the machine when it's needed, because you get a giant kick in the face.

I insert a masterwork cold iron dire flail.

bc56
2018-02-26, 04:07 AM
You get an injured (and very angry) BalrogBalor

I insert a HobbitHalfling gardener named Sam.

Lex-Kat
2018-02-26, 09:37 AM
You get the bad ending for The Lord of the Rings. The one where Frodo ends up as spider food.

I pour in 4 ounces of molten bronze.

Xanyo
2018-02-26, 06:13 PM
You get several choice expletives in Gnommish.

I insert a bowtie that is also a live snake.

kgato503
2018-02-26, 11:34 PM
You get a garter snake...Sorry

I insert a lovely bunch of coconuts.

Dire Moose
2018-02-27, 06:16 AM
You get an argument over how many swallows it would take to carry them.

I insert the One Ring to Rule Them All.

bc56
2018-02-27, 07:05 AM
You cause Mount Doom to mysteriously erupt.

I insert the bridge of Kazad-Dum

Xanyo
2018-02-27, 10:34 PM
You get a small check and a receipt.

I insert the Death Star, after using a combining ray on it and a quark.

Bob_McSurly
2018-02-27, 11:33 PM
You get a cartoon duck saying "quack" over and over, taped to a shuriken.

I insert Olympic Curling.

kgato503
2018-02-28, 10:29 PM
You get a contortionist.

I insert the movie epic.

Crisis21
2018-03-01, 10:48 PM
You get a copy of The Odyssey.

I insert Super Mario Odyssey.

LeMooseImperium
2018-03-02, 11:18 AM
You get a +5 Vorpal Goomba.

I insert feets feats.

Ack, spelling.

bc56
2018-03-02, 03:36 PM
You get a 10-ft pole made from 10 feet.

I insert a behir.

Xanyo
2018-03-02, 08:57 PM
You get Gummy Behirs (http://rustyandco.com/comic/level-8-54/).

I insert six hundred sixty-five candles.

Crisis21
2018-03-02, 09:25 PM
You get a scroll of firebawl. No, that's not a misspelling.


I insert Breath of the Wild.

kgato503
2018-03-22, 05:26 AM
You get Breath of the Garlic

I insert an intern.

Lex-Kat
2018-03-23, 05:09 AM
You mucho-grande mocha latte with whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles.

I insert a screaming infant.

saltstorming
2018-03-23, 05:11 AM
You get a +1 coffee cup of intelligence.
You get a slightly wet, disgruntled-looking cat.

I insert a spellbook.

bc56
2018-03-23, 05:26 AM
You get an insanely overpowered fireball.

I insert my only radiation suit.

Crisis21
2018-03-23, 07:40 AM
You get a chunk of kryptonite the size of your head.


Thinking quickly, I insert Superman.

Korith
2018-03-23, 04:01 PM
You get Bizarro, who wants to thank you for rescuing him. In Bizarro world, one thanks another by punching a hole through them. (Ouch)

I insert a portable telescope, a book on making friends and influencing people, 3 grams of lead, and a lit match.

saltstorming
2018-03-23, 04:05 PM
You get a broken lute.

I insert a pair of fuzzy socks.

bc56
2018-03-24, 07:49 AM
You get a fluffy white rabbit, which promptly jumps up and bites your head off.

I count "1, 2, 5!" and insert the holy hand grenade of Antioch.

Crisis21
2018-03-24, 09:41 AM
You get a letter reading 'you idiot'.

The fluffy white rabbit gets seconds. As in, it bites your head off too.


Thinking quickly, I insert the fluffy white rabbit. It takes my hand with it, but I consider that a small price to pay.

saltstorming
2018-03-24, 12:35 PM
You get a pair of warm, white, fur-lined boots.

I insert my now-nonexistent head.

kgato503
2018-03-24, 10:13 PM
You get Bob the Skull. He won't stop talking.

I insert an inaccurate TV Guide.

Bob_McSurly
2018-03-25, 03:44 PM
You get something that you weren't expecting.

I insert something that youwere expecting.

bc56
2018-03-25, 04:10 PM
You get an accurate TV guide.
Funny how these things work.

I insert a boullioun cube.

Crisis21
2018-03-26, 06:38 PM
You get a five course chicken dinner.


I insert KFC.

@V: The letter is a nice touch and the LFR is quite delicious.

Korith
2018-03-27, 02:05 PM
You get LFR (Luiren-Fried Rabbit) and an emphatic thank-you letter.

I insert 25,000gp worth of diamond dust, the corpse of an adventurer, and a pair of googly-eyed glasses.

ChaoticHarmony
2018-03-27, 04:22 PM
You receive a note that says 'I owe you 1 corrupted wish'

I insert a mug of fine ale, a large leg of mutton, and the most popular wench at the brothel

bc56
2018-03-27, 04:35 PM
You get bar fight, in which a mimic, a gelatinous cube, and a rust monster defeat a party of adventurers.

I insert a clueless paladin.