D&D Vending Machine XXVIII: Output not guaranteed

[Crisis21]

You get Colonel Mustard in the Library with the Wrench.


I insert Mr. Green in the Billiards Room with the Rope.

[ChaoticHarmony]

You get a green 8 ball tied to a string

I insert the homebrew artifacts I thought of

[kgato503]

You get a home made microbrew beer.

I insert a bucket of purple paint.

[bc56]

You get a very surprised purple dragon, which breathes flaming lightning at you.

I insert a cubic gate.

[ChaoticHarmony]

You get a spherical fence

I insert the 4th Wall

[Crisis21]

You get Breadpool. It's like Deadpool, but made out of bread.


I insert Negasonic Teenage Warhead.

[Korith]

You get her angry screams, as she hates being put in a box. Fortunately, the vending machine transcends space and time, and is immune to her assaults.

I insert two Daleks and a singing and dancing frog.

[bc56]

You get confused when nothing comes out of the machine.

I insert a flux capacitor.

[kgato503]

You get Fluxx the card game.

I insert a pixie.

[Crisis21]

You get a lifetime supply of pixie dust.


I insert an accredited fairy godmother.

[ChaoticHarmony]

You get an Ogre and a talking donkey

I insert a prince with a Napoleon complex

[bc56]

You get Napoleon with a prince complex. Don't ask me what a prince complex is, I don't know.

I insert the lyrics to Bohemian Rhapsody.

[ChaoticHarmony]

O boy! You hit the jackpot with this one
You got a landslide, a reality trap, a poor boy, a triggered gun, a dead body, a clock, a spine, a silhouette, thunderbolt and lightning, an ancient astronomer, a devil, a rock, an drooling eyeball, a plane ticket, and finally a gentle breeze

Phew, I put in a glass of water

[Crisis21]

You get Earth, Wind, & Fire. Live in concert.


I insert Norman Osborne.

[Korith]

You get General Thaddeus E "Thunderbolt" Ross. No, wait, where did he go? It's the RED HULK!

I insert the Gamma Cannon

[kgato503]

You get the Beta Gun. Results may vary.

I insert Hogan's Heroes.

[ChaoticHarmony]

You get Hulk Hogan

I insert JOHN CEEEEEEENAAAAAA"bah danaNaaaaa..... bah danaNAAAAAA"

[bc56]

You get RKO'D OUT OF NOWHERE!!

I insert this thread.

[Korith]

You get a ball of yarn

I insert the Monolith from 2001: A Space Odyssey

[Crisis21]

You get one of those cymbal-clashing toy monkeys.


I insert Leroy Jenkins.

[Extrail]

You get a hairy bumpkin

I insert jerry seinfeld.

[ChaoticHarmony]

You get the king of queens

I insert the Disney Channel

[Korith]

You get the complete video collection of Walt Disney's contributions to the World War II propaganda machine on LaserDisc.

I insert an umbrella, a speedo, a jacket, and some earmuffs.

[Crisis21]

You get the color chartreuse.


I insert the full collection of A Monster For Every Season.

[kgato503]

You get the D&D Monster Manuals. All of them.

I insert The Muppet Show.

[ChaoticHarmony]

You get the Moppets

I insert Sesame Street

[Korith]

You get Portabello Road, Portabello Road
Street where the riches of ages are stowed
Anything and everything a chap can unload
Is sold off the barrow in Portobello road
You’ll find what you want in the Portobello road

I insert mushrooms - a Portabella, a Crimini, and a mutant flesh eating one.

[Extrail]

You get a monstrous mushroom pizza

I insert a wallet i found on the street.

[Crisis21]

You get your wallet.


I insert a fire truck.

[ChaoticHarmony]

You get an ice cream truck

I insert Da Fourth Flava

[bc56]

You get the four ninja turtles.

I insert all the turtles that are more notorious as artists according to this chart.

https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ninja_turtles.png
source (https://xkcd.com/197/)

[Extrail]

You get the other ninja turtles you didn't insert

I insert the artist's Leonardo Da vinci, and Raphael.

[Crisis21]

You get Venus's hand in marriage. She cheats on you before you even finish saying your vows.


I insert a box's worth of Cheerios. One at a time.

[Lex-Kat]

You get your hand slapped after the fifth cheerio.

I insert a lit firecracker.

[ChaoticHarmony]

You get a spicy Ritz

I insert boring old cheese

[Extrail]

You get stale dull crackers

I insert universe 42

[Korith]

You get a book of commonly asked questions.

I insert the universes's collective longing to be loved.

[Westhart]

You get the entirety of the universe's remorse and its shattered fragments of regret.

I insert a serving of the lovely dinner I had last night.

[ChaoticHarmony]

You get intestinal cancer

I insert the cure for the common cold

[bc56]

You get a virulent and uncommon disease with all the symptoms of a cold. Doctors call it "The uncommon cold."

I insert some medicine for Chaoticharmony

[Crisis21]

You get a prescription for forty days and forty nights of bed rest.


I insert a comfy chair.

[Extrail]

You get a homey tutor.

I insert a cozy administration.

[ChaoticHarmony]

You get an overly touchy regime

I insert this strange looking bear that's holding a child

[Korith]

You get a legion of anime girls who appear to be very young but insist that they're all 18 or over.

I insert a portable hole (what could go wrong?)

[Extrail]

You get a rift to the astral plane.

I insert a bag of holding.

[Simetra Irertne]

You receive a bag of tricks.

I insert a +1 mystic badger.

[ChaoticHarmony]

You get a +3 Divine Honey Badger

I insert the care the Honey Badger doesn't have

[Extrail]

you get an uncaring honey badger.

I insert a fresh lama.

[Korith]

You get a rotten alpaca.

I insert the 1980s into the vending machine.

[bc56]

You get a Lego brick made in 1980. Just one.

I insert The Lego Movie and a Blu-ray player.

[Extrail]

You get the original lego film and a vhs.

I insert the vhs.

[ChaoticHarmony]

You get the letters A D Q R T and U. You also get a note telling you how to use them

I insert the rest of the Alphabet

[Crisis21]

You get the tower of Babel. It falls on you.


I insert a can of soup.

[bc56]

You get the same can, empty, and with a string on the back of it going into the machine.

I insert the words "Hello down there!" into the can-string apparatus.

[Extrail]

You get "hello up there"
I insert a telephone number.

[Korith]

You get a phone call! It's from a telemarketer. Funny how they called you even if it wasn't your number you put in there.

I insert a dire bearskin rug, a keg of ale, and the complete works of Celine Dion.

[Crisis21]

You get the Nutcracker Suite in the original Vulcan.


I insert a disappearing act.

[Extrail]

You get a see invisibility, and hidden scroll

I insert a reappearing act.

[ChaoticHarmony]

You get to see the invisible assassin sneaking up on you

I insert the Complete collection of Weird Al Parodies

[Amiria]

You receive an astoundingly musical whoopie cushion.

I insert a folding shovel.

[bc56]

You get a clown car. Inside are more shovels than could possibly fit.

I insert a mol of moles.

[Extrail]

you get a cent of sense


i insert a blue fox.

[ChaoticHarmony]

You get a yellow trout

I insert the Naked Mole Rap

[Crisis21]

You get a monster 50-foot wave to surf. Hope you brought your board!


I insert Ready Player One.

[Extrail]

you get a creepy teenager, and a vive.

i insert old memories.

[Korith]

You get a VHS recording of the Great Old Ones Reunion Show, wrapped in caution tape.

I insert twelve monkeys, the twelve days of Christmas, a clock face, and a calendar.

[ChaoticHarmony]

You get the numbers 13, 7, and 3

I insert a rabbit's foot, a four leaf clover, a penny, and the song 'I'm walking on sunshine'

[bc56]

You get exceptionally lucky.

I insert Sauron, Xanathar, Polyphemus, and any other eye-themed villains I can think of.

[Extrail]

EYe'm is always watching you now. that's what you recieve

I insert human innocence.

[Crisis21]

You get hope. Treasure it.


I insert my clinical depression.

[ChaoticHarmony]

You get False Hope. Pretend to Treasure it.

I insert all the evil unleashed from Pandora's Box

[bc56]

You get the box itself. Too bad it's empty.

I insert nothing in particular.

[Dire Moose]

You get everything that was ever inserted into the machine. You are crushed under a gigantic pile of stuff.

I insert a legion of spiiiiiiiiiders!

[Crisis21]

You get Mac Gargan, the Scorpion.


I insert J. Jonah Jameson.

[Extrail]

You get Peter Pettigrew And Peter Parker.

I insert myself.

[ChaoticHarmony]

You get nothing, instead you are thrown on top of the pile that is crushing bc56

I insert a fishing line

[Korith]

You get a tug! And another one! And then pulled in to magical vending machine land, where you are surrounded by singing gnomes and apocalyptic artifacts.

I insert a 50-million-year-old frog sealed in amber.

[Crisis21]

You get a chain of theme parks containing cloned dinosaurs.


I insert a stegosaurus.

[bc56]

You get a Stegodon, which is definitely not the same thing.

I insert the Lich King.

[Extrail]

You get the lion king

I insert the angel of death.

[ChaoticHarmony]

You get the same angel back, only dead

I insert a nickel that has been soaked in the blood of the dead angel

[Crisis21]

You get arrested on suspicion of murder.


I insert ChaoticHarmony's defense attorney.

[bc56]

You get Jones and Rodriguez, the best lawyers on the Southern Continent.

I insert the giant boot.
"If the boot doesn't fit, you must acquit."

[Korith]

You get Bigfoot with a stubbed toe.

I insert a hot air balloon and fifteen Kobolds trained in its operation.

[ChaoticHarmony]

You get a submarine with 4 insectoid bards singing about its color

I insert a rebel who is yelling at his sister's white betrothal ceremony

[Extrail]

You get a member of the royal army, and a fur suit.

I insert a demon.

[Crisis21]

You get a phone number and a message that says 'for a good time, call Lilith'.


I insert a case of diet 7-up.

[bc56]

You get a Daemon, a Yugoloth, and a Tanar'ri (or however you spell that last one)

I insert a dracolich of a dracolisk

[ChaoticHarmony]

You get a lot of hard feelings as the wordplay didn't continue

I insert a puzzle box, a piece of quintessence, and the constellations

[Extrail]

You get jigsaw, poltergeist, and Hades.

i insert a fruit rollup.

[Korith]

You get Bubble Tape.

I insert a Football Stadium, 20,000 fans, and a rubber duckie.

[bc56]

You get something completely unrelated.

I insert it.

[Crisis21]

You get ni.


I insert a falsely-accused witch. You know, to save her from the lynch mob.

[ChaoticHarmony]

You get the lynch mob, and they arent happy you rescued a witch

I insert an open-minded jury and a perfectly unbiased judge

[kgato503]

You get a solid gold statue of Justice.

I insert a Fire Dragon Slayer.

[Dire Moose]

You get a pile of ashes and a note reading "Nice Try!" in Draconic.

I insert a stampeding herd of elephants.

[Korith]

You get a tap-dancing herd of rhinoceroses. They bring the house down.

I insert the heart of a quasar.

[Alandra]

You get lots of rapidly expanding matter. A galaxy of it.

I insert a big bang.

[ChaoticHarmony]

You get several nerds and some beautiful women in a reality tv show

I insert a talk show featuring a lesbian woman

[Dire Moose]

You get a bunch of jerks trying to shut it down.

I insert a Blue Whale.

[kgato503]

You get a boat load of krill, all fleeing for their lives.

I insert some duct tape (of various colors and patterns).

[Extrail]

you get covered tape.

I insert the covered tape.

[bc56]

You get covered IN tape. It shoots out of the machine and tangles all over you.

I insert Extrail, covered in tape.

[Crisis21]

You get a VHS player.


I insert a video tape.

[Dire Moose]

The machine makes a horrible grinding sound and you get the tape all warped and wrinkled and shredded. You realize why everyone switched to disks now.

I insert an original copy of Duck Hunt.

[kgato503]

You get Rabbit Season. FIRE!

I insert some mini-M&Ms.

[Extrail]

you get some large sized nukes

i insert a firedog.

[Crisis21]

You get a police officer.

I insert a hot nurse.

[Dire Moose]

You get a hot dog.

I insert a Great White Shark.

[kiapet]

You get a bigger boat.

I insert my incomplete senior thesis.

[kgato503]

You get a mountain of research material to sift through.

I insert a hamster.

[Crisis21]

You get a giant stone wheel.


I insert a stone-age automobile.

[Dire Moose]

You get an F on Archaeology.

I insert a mummy.

[Korith]

You get a note that reads "Ankh you very much" accompanied by a piece of fine Egyptian Jewelry.

I insert a book of puns too horrible for human minds to handle.

[Extrail]

you get an abomination that only anwsers to the puns listed in the book.

I insert time.

[Crisis21]

You get a molten chocolate cake dessert.


I insert my dinner order.

[ChaoticHarmony]

You get a garbled teenager's voice asking "Do you want fries with that?"

I insert a Glad meal, which is totally not a rip off of the McDonald's specialty meal for young children

[bc56]

You get a Stupid Meal, which definitely isn't a blatant copy of the same thing.

I insert my +2 knifehat. (The +2 is in knives)

[kgato503]

You get a +2 pocket knife (the +2 is in the pocket).

I insert a fossilized elephant bird egg.

[Extrail]

you get a fozzilized dragon egg.

I insert an elephant bird.

[ChaoticHarmony]

You get a pigeon pachyderm

I insert a copyrighted invention

[Crisis21]

You get sued.


I insert a patent lawyer.

[kgato503]

You get a large boot...

I insert a fan (the kind that moves air).

[Extrail]

You get a fan of a very famous movie star. hey wait a minute it's the same fan.

I insert hope.

[Dire Moose]

You get dope.

I insert soap on a rope.

[Crisis21]

You get the pope.


I insert a hefty dose of Nope.

[Extrail]

You get a sniper scope.

I insert a stethoscope

[Korith]

You get a periscope.

I insert a heliotrope kaleidoscope.

[ChaoticHarmony]

You get the end of this trend

I insert a peck of pickled peppers freshly picked

[Extrail]

you get clam cream in a clean cram can

I insert a big envelope.

[Crisis21]

You get a small number.


I insert a harem comedy series.

[Dire Moose]

You get some really disturbing fanfiction.

I insert a loot box.

[ChaoticHarmony]

You get a Xob Tool, a very handy device whenever dealing with Xobs

I insert an Oozy Rat in a Sanitary Zoo

[Extrail]

you get rat goo. you don't want to know what it's made of.

i insert the horrifying truth.

[Warchon]

You receive a comforting lie.

I insert the madness that lurks beneath it all.

[Dire Moose]

You get the primordial chaos beyond the universe itself.

I insert my dirty laundry, some detergent, a couple of gp, and set the machine on “extra rinse”.

[Crisis21]

You get a torrent of water, and are thoroughly rinsed by the time it ends.


I insert an order form for a giant robot.

[ChaoticHarmony]

You get the same form back, with the words 'RETURNED FOR POSTAGE' stamped on it in big red letters.

I insert my dignity(which doesn't exist)

[jwhouk]

I insert my dignity(which doesn't exist)

You get back a Santa hat.

I insert a Confederate dollar from the US Civil War.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

You get an fresh, untanned deer skin.

I insert a portrait of what looks like a large pile of ash.

[Crisis21]

You get a live vampire.


I insert an order form for a giant robot, and this time include postage.

[Dire Moose]

You get a giant robot air-dropped to you. It lands directly on your head and crushes you.

I insert a live tiger.

[LeMooseImperium]

You get a cheeseless cheeseburger and exactly 2.9810343 fries.

I insert my signature.

[Samba Mentality]

You get a map of Faerún etched on a 23 strips of balsa wood, if arranged correctly.

I insert Neil Gaiman.

[jwhouk]

You get Ilen the Magian.

(bonus points for those who get the reference)

I insert a bottle of Mountain Dew Baja Blast.

[Crisis21]

You get a private beach.


I insert Generation 1 Megatron.

[rooster707]

You get a private beach.


I insert Generation 1 Megatron.

You get Metatron 1.
(https://killsixbilliondemons.com/comic/wielder-of-names-2-24-incarnate/)METATRON LIVES
I insert a single iron feather.

[Samba Mentality]

You get a small book of Hercules’ 12 tasks.

I insert Herman Melville.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

You get a one-sided loop of paper and a raisin pudding.

I insert a large red brick.

[jwhouk]

Nothing comes out.

I insert a gold piece.

I get a nicely written letter thanking me for my donation to the Thieves' Guild in the name of Haley Starshine.

I insert a copper piece.

I get a "cease-and-desist letter" from the local constabulary.

I insert a silver piece.

The brick that Dr. Gunsforhands put in falls out of the machine, wrapped with a note: "NICE BRICK JOKE."

---

I insert one can of Mountain Dew - the regular stuff.

[Samba Mentality]

You get the mountain dew back, just in 12 perfectly equal glasses.

I insert a printout of all 30 pages of this thread.

[Dire Moose]

The vending gnomes insert something into you. It turns out to be a hand grenade with the pin removed.

I insert whatever is left of Papaya101.

[Samba Mentality]

What comes out is a hybrid tortle-halfling named Paldo.

I insert 23 strips of balsa wood that, if arranged correctly, makes a map of Faerún.

[Crisis21]

You get five pounds of pocket lint artfully sculpted into the shape of a treasure chest.


I insert the ashes of the 'Twilight' series of books.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

You get a refurbished copy of 50 Shades of Gray.

I insert a torn tennis ball.

[Samba Mentality]

You get 14 groundhog skeletons.

I insert a DVD of The Truman Show.

[Username2]

You get a tv to watch it on but you don’t have the disc anymore


I insert my hand

[Samba Mentality]

You get 6 fingernails.

I insert a pair of windshield wipers.

[Username2]

You get rain

I insert a fingernail
If I insert another fingernail will I get the same thing?

[Flyingbooks42]

You get a shark tooth
If you inserted another finger, you would've heard a shark choking on fingernails

I insert a proof that 1=0

[jwhouk]

You get it back with a big red "F" circled in the corner and a "SEE ME AFTER CLASS" note written below.

I insert a tube of muscle pain relief cream (aka "Ben-Gay").

[Samba Mentality]

You get a chessboard with pieces glued on in random locations of the blank side of the board.

I insert an orange bowler hat with a purple ribbon tied around the base.

[jwhouk]

You get a pair of windshield wipers.

I insert two tickets to Hamilton: The Musical.

[Dire Moose]

You get shot by Aaron Burr.

I insert my dog.

[kgato503]

You get a cat.

I insert a computer's Recycle Bin.

[Crisis21]

You get a soft drive.

I insert an elder dragon.

[Flyingbooks42]

You get a toothless dragon shouting "Get off my lawn, you whippersnappers!"

I insert myself

[Samba Mentality]

Well, what comes out is the Monster House, but you don’t get it.

[kgato503]

*Interprets the lack of input into the machine as a literal insert of nothingness*

You get a quark. It gets misplaced before you can prove it was there.

I insert some black tourmaline crystals.

[Crisis21]

You get some neon lime green quartz crystals.


I insert :smallredface:

[Samba Mentality]

You get :smallfurious:.

I insert :xykon:.

[jwhouk]

You get "FRICKIN LAY-ZERS."

I insert some "air quotes".

[Dire Moose]

You get an air-to-air missile.

I insert a nuclear bomb.

[kgato503]

You get the 50's.

I insert a gaming laptop.

[CapedLuigiYoshi]

You get some old PC games. So old that they're on floppy disks. Probably couldn't use those with the laptop even if you did still have it.

I insert a lemon.

[jwhouk]

You get a pitcher of +1 CON Lemonade.

I insert a stick.

[Crisis21]

You get an order for three cheeseburgers and a bucket of fries.


I insert seven gallons of root beer.

[Samba Mentality]

You get Shrek.

I insert Donkey.

[jwhouk]

You get a MUMFORD HIGH SCHOOL PE DEPARTMENT T-shirt.

I insert a label maker.

[Samba Mentality]

You get labeled.

I insert the Black Pearl upside down.

- - - Updated - - -

You get labeled.

I insert the Black Pearl upside down.

[Archeoaevis]

You get labeled.

I insert the Black Pearl upside down.

- - - Updated - - -

You get labeled.

I insert the Black Pearl upside down.

You get a white pearl right-side-up.

I insert 1d4 ghouls.

[Aeyamar]

You get an average of 750XP (expected value)

I insert 20 d20s

[Crisis21]

You get an omnihedron.


I insert the Heckadeck (http://www.morelies.pub/shop/heckadeck).

[Flyingbooks42]

You get a deck of many things and a receipt from a magic item maker for 100,000 GP

I insert a vending machine.

[Samba Mentality]

You get a lot of chips and chocolate bars.

I insert an electron piece.

[jwhouk]

You get a Tesla Roadster. (The older, original version.)

I insert a VW Beetle.

[kgato503]

You get a mold monster (bonus points to anyone who gets the reference).

I insert a Fu Dog.

[jwhouk]

You get Egypt Station.

I insert an already-maxed-out credit card.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

You get your card back! I guess they just left in the normal routine for that one.

I insert a king size mint chocolate candy bar.

[Samba Mentality]

You get 3 quarters of a peso.

I insert my hand (with my body attached).

[Crisis21]

You get a cool hook to replace your now no-longer-attached hand.

I insert an itsy-bitsy teeny-weeny yellow polka-dot bikini.

[SunderedWorldDM]

You get nothing but a creeping sense of loneliness and regret. And an annoying song stuck in your head.

I insert Mjolnir.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

You get Reshiram.

I insert my reputation.

[SeverineHalo]

You get a gold star sticker.

I sent 3d4 electrum...

[Vivee]

You receive 1d4 of gold and 1d6 of silver.


I insert an apology note.

[SunderedWorldDM]

You get a politician in a box.

I insert a dead god's crown.

[Crisis21]

You get the Crayons of Time.


I insert a copy of Good Deeds Gone Unpunished.

[SunderedWorldDM]

You get a copy of the Wicked playbill scribbled over in red crayon.

I insert my sandwich-posting.

[Dire Moose]

You get clobbered with the Banhammer.

I insert a gorilla.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

You get a pre-assembled bamboo hut.

I insert an old 128MB stick of RAM.

[Crisis21]

You get a black sheep.


I insert Red Dragon Inn (http://slugfestgames.com/games/rdi/).

[kgato503]

You get a wench telling you to stop messing with the drinks (you also find the gambling pot mysterious missing after her visit).

I insert the Firefly board game.

[jwhouk]

You get a cancellation notice.

I insert a Rubik's Cube.

[Vivee]

You get a blank Rubik's Cube and the stickers that go on the Rubik's Cube. Well, that's one way to solve it.

I insert a coupon for One Free Reroll™

[Crisis21]

You get a d20 with '1's on all sides.


I insert a two-headed coin.

[kgato503]

You get a three-armed monster.

I insert a horde of mini-dragons.

[alberozuko]

You get a miniature of a dragon's hoard.

I insert a scroll of Heal Wounds.

[jwhouk]

You get a picture of Weal Hounds.

I insert a birthday cake.

[Crisis21]

You get a SURPRISE!



I insert orange quiddity.

[SunderedWorldDM]

You get an ochre jelly.

I insert a fresh-out-of-the-box black pudding.

[alberozuko]

You get a box-shaped black spud.

I insert a spellbook.

[Rollin]

You get back a neatly calligraphed parchment scroll reading, “This page intentionally left blank.”


I insert a bar of soap.

[redjinx]

You get a feeling of moral righteousness. (Get it?)

I insert a copy of Small Gods.

[jwhouk]

You get a signed copy of How Much For Just The Planet? signed by Jon M. Ford with a preface of "To Ilen, thanks for the inspiration."

I insert a tricorder.

[alberozuko]

You get three pieces of green cord. For some reason they are each three times as long as the last one.

I insert a golden triangle.

[Crisis21]

You get a giant boar.


I insert a trident.

[kgato503]

You get a piece of gum.

I insert a job hunt.

[Quiddle]

You get an inside job.

I insert an outside job.

[alberozuko]

You get a scroll of Summon Planar Ally.

I insert a Metamagic Rod: Quicken.

[Flyingbooks42]

The vending machine's screen shows "Thanks for the upgrade!" It now works much faster.

I insert a metaphor.

[ChaoticHarmony]

You receive a quandary

I insert a mechanical defect

[Crisis21]

You get a visit from Miko Miyazaki. She's searching for treasure type O and thinks you drop it. *slashslashslashslashslashslashslashslashslashslas hslashslash.....*



I insert Dark Lord Mandolin

[SunderedWorldDM]

You get Mediocre Lord Viola.

I insert a tenure packet.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

You get a Suppository of Water-breathing.

I insert a single Tarot card, The Moon, which I found on the ground. It's been stepped on. Not by me.

[ChaoticHarmony]

You receive the Angry Sun from Super Mario 3. It isn't happy to see you

I insert a copy of every Sonic the Hedgehog videogame that will ever exist

[alberozuko]

You get a scroll of Haste, a blue spiked ball and a Ring of Protection.

I insert a lockpick.

[jwhouk]

You get a cease-and-desist letter from the Masterlock Corporation.

I insert some hand sanitizer.

[SunderedWorldDM]

You get a gelatinous cube.

I insert an empty mechanical pencil with an unused eraser.

[kgato503]

You get some bars of lead.

I insert a kiwi (the bird, not the fruit).

[Crisis21]

You get a hamster in a ball. He has a doctorate in agriculture, specializing in tropical fruits.


I insert a box containing 10,000 Lego pieces.

[ChaoticHarmony]

You get a viral video of a giant LEGO boulder chasing a guy down a city street

I insert a can of bisque

[jwhouk]

You get a bowl of soup.

I insert a school bus. (International 3800 series diesel)

[alberozuko]

You get a group of Engineer students and a can of gas. They seem confused.

I insert an ankle of translocation.

[Crisis21]

You get a ticket for the Orient Express dated January 1st, 1934.


I insert a pumpkin pie.

[SunderedWorldDM]

You get a turkey with three heads.

I insert italics.

[jwhouk]

You get back Comic Sans MS.


I insert a SuperSavers card from my local grocery.

[alberozuko]

You gain a supernatural ability that gives you +1 on all saves, but gives you strange compulsions to buy unneccesary trinkets.

I insert a scroll of Holy Word.

[SunderedWorldDM]

You get a hospital bed with a crucifix on it.

I insert your mom.

[Crisis21]

You get a cease and desist order banning you from ever using 'your mom' jokes and/or insults ever again.


I insert the Spider-Buggy.

[Flyingbooks42]

You get a full, happy spider.

I insert whatever is left of the bug with a note saying "please ressurect" on it.

[SunderedWorldDM]

You get a Scroll of Holy Word, which you remember becomes a hospital bed with a crucifix on it when inserted into the vending machine.

I insert a hospital bed with a crucifix on it.

[ChaoticHarmony]

You get a local priest who reads you your last rites.

I insert a plate of spaghetti with googly eyes

[alberozuko]

You get a Whip made out of monster eyes, and a plata mail made of dry pasta.

I insert a flask of Holy Water.

[Samba Mentality]

You get a shriveled up beholder corpse. One of its eyes still seems to be slightly alive, though.

I insert the Swiss Alps.

[SunderedWorldDM]

You get a small pile of dog poo.

I insert a Tamagotchi.

[ChaoticHarmony]

You get a Digivice with an Agumon in it

I insert a video of Mario and Sonic fighting to the death, hosted by Wiz and Boomstick

[Crisis21]

You get challenged to a Death Battle by Pac-Man.


I insert a quarter.

[SunderedWorldDM]

You get a hacksaw.

I insert a handful of diamond dust.

[Dire Moose]

You didn’t insert enough for a full Resurrection, so all you get is a severed hand flailing around and trying to grab things.

I insert a legion of spiders.

[alberozuko]

You get legionaire's armor made of spider silk. looks durable, but makes you weak to fire.

I insert an orange Ioun Stone.