Much Ado About Nothing [IC]: A merry war

[Elanorin]

Much Ado About Nothing

A Pony Production




DRAMATIS PERSONÆ

Anarion as Claudio and Dogberry
TheAmishPirate as Don John and Leonato
Thanqol as Beatrice and Don Pedro
Elanorin as Benedick and Hero (Antonio, Balthasar, Borachio, Conrade, Margaret, Ursula, messengers, attendants, watch, etc. as needed)

SCENE: Maresina

OOC Thread (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?454931-Much-Ado-About-Nothing-OOC-A-double-meaning&p=20033811#post20033811)


ACT I



Leonato was nothing if not a generous pony. This ball had been suddenly announced upon the unexpected but welcome arrival of Don Pedro and his entourage, leaving but little time for preparation, but nopony could tell. It was truly a ball fit for a prince; bright colours, warm fires, bountiful tables and a startling generosity with honest-to-goodness alcohol, just don't ask where it came from.

Although outdoors, the courtyard and its little gardens had been so richly furnished and warmed it felt almost like a great banquet hall ball with a roof of starlight rather than a garden party. On the right, the steps to the orangery were covered in pillows and cushions for plentiful seating overlooking the party. By the herb garden the great fire pit was ablaze, complete with roasting vegetables and meats above it, sending light, warmth and delicious smells through the dancing couples on the courtyard and mingling with the sweet scents of the little rose garden with its blossoming arches. All around stood big fire cauldrons atop heavy iron posts, carrying the warmth and light from the fire pit to the whole of the great courtyard, each reflecting and glistening in the windows of the manor that shielded this merriment from the world outside. Beyond the courtyard, down a few stone steps also scattered with blankets and pillows, lay the famed leafy Maze of Maresina and above were naught but starlight and the face of a giddy moon.

A small jazz band was playing, filling the ball with gentle but catchy music and on top of a huge black piano that had been brought outside, sat Hero, wearing a sleek sparkly dress over her dangling hooves. She sang in to a large microphone in her hoof; a soft voice that barely rose above the music, her pale grey face mostly hidden behind her white mane.

Sigh no more, fillies, sigh no more
Colts were deceivers ever,
One hoof in sea and one on shore,
To one thing constant never...

Ponies from all over Maresina had been invited and it was a truly merry gathering, chatting, drinking, eating laughing and dancing was all around when either of the hosts and honoured guests arrived through the wide open glass garden doors of the manor's entrance hall. Now, even to those who knew the town and its ponies well it was a sea of strange faces, for this was a masked ball and all wore faces not their own tonight.

[Thanqol]

"Leo-nato," expressed the most supremely worthy and deserving of all of the ponies, "Fie to thee! Not only hast thou marred this garden with the corpulently twisting forms of every pony whos name ever pass't through thy skull but, perhaps through a failure to appropriately wash thy hooves when sending out the invitations, we have developed the contagion known Benedick! I can not make him through the crowd but already I feel his symptoms o'ercoming me - with nausea least among them! Why hast thou allowed this!?" Her coat was, of course, fine silver (and not, as the simple might suggest, dull grey), and her mane held a shock of vivid violet, fading swiftly to a cleaner sort of white. Her mask was a (tastefully exotic!) modified series of diamonds and amethysts sourced from foreign Araby; and indeed, were her features not entrapped by an entirely reasonable foreboding of impending illness she would no doubt be the belle of this (and every!) ball. She was Beatrice; you may applaud.

*

"Ever seen anything like this, lads?" said Don Pedro, expansively throwing his hooves about the withers of both Benedick and Claudio and dragging them in close. "It's a fawkin' ball, is what it is! A fawkin' party! Full of all kinds of noble..." he made a sort of grasping motion with his hooves, "mares."

"Now it occurs to me," he continued, "that you lads have done me good. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for each of you. So I'm taking it upon my head, as my fawkin' godfatherly duty, to get each of you hitched with one of these gorgeous dames. How's that sound!?"

[TheAmishPirate]

"Leo-nato," expressed the most supremely worthy and deserving of all of the ponies, "Fie to thee! Not only hast thou marred this garden with the corpulently twisting forms of every pony whos name ever pass't through thy skull but, perhaps through a failure to appropriately wash thy hooves when sending out the invitations, we have developed the contagion known Benedick! I can not make him through the crowd but already I feel his symptoms o'ercoming me - with nausea least among them! Why hast thou allowed this!?" Her coat was, of course, fine silver (and not, as the simple might suggest, dull grey), and her mane held a shock of vivid violet, fading swiftly to a cleaner sort of white. Her mask was a (tastefully exotic!) modified series of diamonds and amethysts sourced from foreign Araby; and indeed, were her features not entrapped by an entirely reasonable foreboding of impending illness she would no doubt be the belle of this (and every!) ball. She was Beatrice; you may applaud.

And who was this most worthy and deserving of ponies speaking to? We may never know. For while her companion was indeed the host with the most - money? alcohol? good times? all of the above? - none could discern this mysterious party-thrower's identity beneath the wondrous mask he wore. Like a phantom in the night, he appeared, only to vanish into the herd, leaving naught but good times and booze in his wake. Friend to the poor and great alike, if only his name could be known, that he may go down in the history of party-makers!

Of course, the giant 'LEONATO' on his mask spelled out in emeralds may have been a bit of a giveaway.

"Ohhh, my dear, dear Beatrice!" Leonato's laughter spilled out like wine from a freshly burst cask. "A party's not a party without lovely ponies to share it with. Good thing you're here! You are most lovely this evening; wonderful choice of dress, suits your mane, simply wonderful! " He sipped at a glass that never seemed to go empty, and Beatrice found a glass in her hoof too. "What's that now? Benediction? No, no, there's no ponies of the cloth here this evening, but why don't you track down Signor Benedick instead? I saw he was working with the honorable Don Pedro, and I simply had to invite him over too. It's been quite a while since he's been by, I must admit I've completely lost track of what the stallion's been up to."

************


"Ever seen anything like this, lads?" said Don Pedro, expansively throwing his hooves about the withers of both Benedick and Claudio and dragging them in close. "It's a fawkin' ball, is what it is! A fawkin' party! Full of all kinds of noble..." he made a sort of grasping motion with his hooves, "mares."

"Now it occurs to me," he continued, "that you lads have done me good. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for each of you. So I'm taking it upon my head, as my fawkin' godfatherly duty, to get each of you hitched with one of these gorgeous dames. How's that sound!?"

“I like mares.” Don John huffed to his cronies, flicking some imaginary dust off his flawless suit. “But does my dearest brother, my own half-flesh and blood, want to get me hitched? Can't even spare a thought for Johnny here. I tell ya, I get no respect, see? And after I generously let him walk away with all four off his kneecaps intact after our little dance at the waterfront.”

"Didn't Pedro give you a spanking there?” Borachio piped up. "Or was that a different time?"

“What sort of low-grade stooge brings that sort of talk to a fancy shindig like this?" Don John cuffed him about the ears. "You’re lucky they don’t throw you out on your posterior, see? Like I was saying, it'd be hard times when I take one of Pedro’s floozies. I’m a stallion of wealth and taste, see? Neeh.” And this stallion of wealth and taste was going to avail himself of a few fancy cocktails from a passing platter. "Keep an eye out, boys," he said, passing the drinks to himself. "It's high time somebody knocked that high horse off his high horse, see?"

[Anarion]

"Ever seen anything like this, lads?" said Don Pedro, expansively throwing his hooves about the withers of both Benedick and Claudio and dragging them in close. "It's a fawkin' ball, is what it is! A fawkin' party! Full of all kinds of noble..." he made a sort of grasping motion with his hooves, "mares."

"Now it occurs to me," he continued, "that you lads have done me good. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for each of you. So I'm taking it upon my head, as my fawkin' godfatherly duty, to get each of you hitched with one of these gorgeous dames. How's that sound!?"

Claudio, his haunch adorned still with his tan soldier's saddle and pack full of canned beans, sighed as his boss took him hoof in hoof. His gaze never turned to Don Pedro, but lingered upon the stage, the sparkle of lovely Hero's dress reflecting in his moonstruck eyes. "Boss, boss, there's only one dame for me. Oh I could say I've seen her before, but I was too busy polishing my gun to tell it true, boss. Now that the war's done, I'd give anything for that dame up there at the piano."

He sighed again, and let Don Pedro bear his weight, for he knew with certainty that his hopes would never be realized.

****************

Sheriff Dogberry straightened up his heavy field overcoat, pulling the collar up so that it held the wind from his mane and nearly touched the tip of his heavy black fedora. The coat fell over his back so that you could barely see his constable's cutie mark. He sniffed loudly and looked at the two cops behind him.

"Alright boys, which one'a you's goin to be the big cheese tonight? I need somebody to make the rotundas tonight and I want the cat's meow for the job."

[Elanorin]

"Ever seen anything like this, lads?" said Don Pedro, expansively throwing his hooves about the withers of both Benedick and Claudio and dragging them in close. "It's a fawkin' ball, is what it is! A fawkin' party! Full of all kinds of noble..." he made a sort of grasping motion with his hooves, "mares."

Benedick had entered close to Don Pedro's side, as always. He was eyeing the festivities with enthusiasm, especially the wine fountain. Despite the fact that the drink in his hoof was almost full still, he was quickly intent on making a beeline for it when a hoof was thrown around his neck and pulled him close. He nearly spilled his drink.


"Now it occurs to me," he continued, "that you lads have done me good. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for each of you. So I'm taking it upon my head, as my fawkin' godfatherly duty, to get each of you hitched with one of these gorgeous dames. How's that sound!?"

Benedick looked up from having narrowly saved his drink, up at Don Pedro with shock. "Have I truly served you thus, sir? Have I caused some grave ill that will plague you for the rest of your years that you would cast me in iron and banish me to a life as the betrayed fool; ever laughed at behind my back? Whatever I did, sir, it was unintentional and I beg you to reconsider your sentence.


Claudio, his haunch adorned still with his tan soldier's saddle and pack full of canned beans, sighed as his boss took him hoof in hoof. His gaze never turned to Don Pedro, but lingered upon the stage, the sparkle of lovely Hero's dress reflecting in his moonstruck eyes. "Boss, boss, there's only one dame for me. Oh I could say I've seen her before, but I was too busy polishing my gun to tell it true, boss. Now that the war's done, I'd give anything for that dame up there at the piano."

He sighed again, and let Don Pedro bear his weight, for he knew with certainty that his hopes would never be realized.

Benedick looked across at the sighing Claudio but did not follow his gaze towards Hero.

"Now there is the face of a stallion facing life in misery but has resigned to it, such is his loyalty," he pointed at Claudio. "Have a heart, look at him. Pale with lacklustre and depression. Rather have us against the wall and pull the trigger if you must and acquit us quickly, cleanly, and with honour intact, than cutting our knees, lobotomising our minds and enslaving us to serve our life sentences in marriage." Benedick sneered at the word.

*


Sheriff Dogberry straightened up his heavy field overcoat, pulling the collar up so that it held the wind from his mane and nearly touched the tip of his heavy black fedora. The coat fell over his back so that you could barely see his constable's cutie mark. He sniffed loudly and looked at the two cops behind him.

"Alright boys, which one'a you's goin to be the big cheese tonight? I need somebody to make the rotundas tonight and I want the cat's meow for the job."

Verges, an Earth pony that never seemed to leave the Sherriff's shadow appeared from behind and piped up,

"Oatcake, sir. Or Seacolt. They can both read and write," he nodded with a big grin as if he found this supremely impressive.

*

Converting all your sounds of woe

Hero's brilliant violet eyes looked up from under her heavy silky mane and fell on Claudio, over by the steps. She clearly hadn't expected to see him there and she froze for a moment and missed her beat for the next line. The band awkwardly drew out the note.

Uhm, eh, into hay nonny nonny

She finally managed, her cheeks flushing a brilliant red that neither her coat nor her mane succeeded in hiding. She smiled to the dancers, put down the microphone and shrunk off the piano. She slipped away from the stage without much notice, the band was professional and already firing up the next dancy jazzy tune, clearly a little relieved.

Hero made a ridiculously long detour around the courtyard and bumping through dancing couples to reach her father and her cousin, just to avoid passing Don Pedro and his two friends.

"I didn't think they'd join us quite this early," she said when she finally came up to Leonato and Beatrice, unable to resist casting constant tiny glances Claudio's way. "I'm not sure I would have taken the stage if- well... it's done now." She fussed at her dress a little, half of a mind to go up to her room and change it.

[Anarion]

"Now there is the face of a stallion facing life in misery but has resigned to it, such is his loyalty," he pointed at Claudio. "Have a heart, look at him. Pale with lacklustre and depression. Rather have us against the wall and pull the trigger if you must and acquit us quickly, cleanly, and with honour intact, than cutting our knees, lobotomising our minds and enslaving us to serve our life sentences in marriage." Benedick sneered at the word.


"Ah, Marriage." Sighed Claudio. "Marriage to Hero, truly that would be the sweetest life. What do you think of her, Benedick? Really, what do you think of her, tell me, be honest, I want to know."




Verges, an Earth pony that never seemed to leave the Sherriff's shadow appeared from behind and piped up,

"Oatcake, sir. Or Seacolt. They can both read and write," he nodded with a big grin as if he found this supremely impressive.


"Well, ain't that somethin, boys. Seacolt, the lord flavors you with bein the big cheese tonight. Readin and writin and looks ain't half bad, neither. Now don't interrupt, you've been called out as the fattest pony for the job and that means you take this lantern..." Dogberry hefted a lantern off his back and handed it to Seacolt, "and you go walkin the city tonight. You're gonna ascurtain all the homeless ponies and all the plastered ones, even the plastered-of-Paris and tell them to stand in the name of the law and good common decency, you got that flyboy?"

[Thanqol]

"Ohhh, my dear, dear Beatrice!" Leonato's laughter spilled out like wine from a freshly burst cask. "A party's not a party without lovely ponies to share it with. Good thing you're here! You are most lovely this evening; wonderful choice of dress, suits your mane, simply wonderful! " He sipped at a glass that never seemed to go empty, and Beatrice found a glass in her hoof too. "What's that now? Benediction? No, no, there's no ponies of the cloth here this evening, but why don't you track down Signor Benedick instead? I saw he was working with the honorable Don Pedro, and I simply had to invite him over too. It's been quite a while since he's been by, I must admit I've completely lost track of what the stallion's been up to."


Hero made a ridiculously long detour around the courtyard and bumping through dancing couples to reach her father and her cousin, just to avoid passing Don Pedro and his two friends.

"I didn't think they'd join us quite this early," she said when she finally came up to Leonato and Beatrice, unable to resist casting constant tiny glances Claudio's way. "I'm not sure I would have taken the stage if- well... it's done now." She fussed at her dress a little, half of a mind to go up to her room and change it.

"Oh, believe me, darling, I wouldn't have come either were I not mislead as to the audience's composition," said Beatrice. "But our prince can become both deaf, senile and a terrible judge of character within the span of two drinks, which would be a trick far more tolerable if he did not greet the sun with four. Alay, for we have an evening of loutish compliments and insufferably dull conversations ahead of us and the knives are all too dull for suicide."


Benedick looked up from having narrowly saved his drink, up at Don Pedro with shock. "Have I truly served you thus, sir? Have I caused some grave ill that will plague you for the rest of your years that you would cast me in iron and banish me to a life as the betrayed fool; ever laughed at behind my back? Whatever I did, sir, it was unintentional and I beg you to reconsider your sentence.


"Ah, Marriage." Sighed Claudio. "Marriage to Hero, truly that would be the sweetest life. What do you think of her, Benedick? Really, what do you think of her, tell me, be honest, I want to know."

"Lad, Ben, if you've got a chip on your shoulder, go ahead and tell us what it is," said Don Pedro.

[TheAmishPirate]

"Oh, believe me, darling, I wouldn't have come either were I not mislead as to the audience's composition," said Beatrice. "But our prince can become both deaf, senile and a terrible judge of character within the span of two drinks, which would be a trick far more tolerable if he did not greet the sun with four. Alay, for we have an evening of loutish compliments and insufferably dull conversations ahead of us and the knives are all too dull for suicide."

At this Leonato's smile soured, and he shook his head. "My niece, my niece, would you finally enjoy a party if you were the only one there? You'll be hard-pressed to find a friend who can brave your fog, much less a suitor."

Note to self: Solo party. Is it actually possible? Must investigate later.


Hero made a ridiculously long detour around the courtyard and bumping through dancing couples to reach her father and her cousin, just to avoid passing Don Pedro and his two friends.

"I didn't think they'd join us quite this early," she said when she finally came up to Leonato and Beatrice, unable to resist casting constant tiny glances Claudio's way. "I'm not sure I would have taken the stage if- well... it's done now." She fussed at her dress a little, half of a mind to go up to her room and change it.

"That is the mark of a gentlepony, my dear. Punctual, peppy, and primed for a party. Never you mind the extra eyes; you were a hero on the stage." He chuckled, deeply pleased with himself, his family, and the vintage he'd selected for the evening. It went quite well with masks, you see.

[Elanorin]

"Ah, Marriage." Sighed Claudio. "Marriage to Hero, truly that would be the sweetest life. What do you think of her, Benedick? Really, what do you think of her, tell me, be honest, I want to know."

Benedick made a double take, no, a triple take, before he reluctantly, directed his glance towards Hero over by her father. His eyes tempted to slip off the little pony's form in favour of her cousin stood next to her.

"She's... ...short," was all that came to mind, and having said even that little he rushed his attention back to his two friends with relish. "I don't see how anypony could form any more opinion of her than that. She's too grey for a colourful praise, she's too coy for a bold praise and she is too little for a great praise. Her cousin there would outshine her like the day does the night were she not possessed by a Fury. Hero is our good Leonato's daughter and she does him credit, that is all I can say on the subject. Why? What do you think of her, Claudio? And tell me you're not about to let yourself be bullied in to turning husband. Are you?" His voice nearly broke at those last two words they were spoken so high.


"Well, ain't that somethin, boys. Seacolt, the lord flavors you with bein the big cheese tonight. Readin and writin and looks ain't half bad, neither. Now don't interrupt, you've been called out as the fattest pony for the job and that means you take this lantern..." Dogberry hefted a lantern off his back and handed it to Seacolt, "and you go walkin the city tonight. You're gonna ascurtain all the homeless ponies and all the plastered ones, even the plastered-of-Paris and tell them to stand in the name of the law and good common decency, you got that flyboy?"

Seacolt looked at his friend Oatcake like he was about to cry but eventually nodded with such fervour he made himself dizzy. He took the lantern with pride and held it high like a badge of office.

"Sir, sir, I- uh- yes. Sir." He nodded again and cleared his throat. "Sir."

"And if they won't? Sir? Do we get to arrest them? Slap their hooves in chains? Yes?" Oatcake asked enthusiastically, packing extra manacles in to his saddlebags.


"Oh, believe me, darling, I wouldn't have come either were I not mislead as to the audience's composition," said Beatrice. "But our prince can become both deaf, senile and a terrible judge of character within the span of two drinks, which would be a trick far more tolerable if he did not greet the sun with four. Alay, for we have an evening of loutish compliments and insufferably dull conversations ahead of us and the knives are all too dull for suicide."

"Shhh, Beatrice," Hero whispered, "keep your voice down, somepony might hear you. This gathering is not so unworthy. I think you might even enjoy it," she smiled. "There are- uhm- some ponies here that, uhm, are quite nice to talk to. I've been told." She couldn't help but steal a glance towards Claudio again who seemed to be looking at her and it made her blush again.


"Lad, Ben, if you've got a chip on your shoulder, go ahead and tell us what it is," said Don Pedro.

"Gladly!" Benedick exclaimed. "Marriage is for blinded fools and the romantic fairytales of foals. It has no use or purpose to a stallion of sound mind and judgement unless he has some dying urge to be cheated on and made a laughing stock. No. Mares have many good qualities and I owe my deepest gratitude to she who bore and raised me but no other shall linger on my mind. But I have not a hard heart! I will not offend any single mare by slighting her or refusing her my trust, I treat all as equals, bestowing my good opinion to none despite being loved by so many." He downed his entire drink.


At this Leonato's smile soured, and he shook his head. "My niece, my niece, would you finally enjoy a party if you were the only one there? You'll be hard-pressed to find a friend who can brave your fog, much less a suitor."

"That is the mark of a gentlepony, my dear. Punctual, peppy, and primed for a party. Never you mind the extra eyes; you were a hero on the stage." He chuckled, deeply pleased with himself, his family, and the vintage he'd selected for the evening. It went quite well with masks, you see.

"Thank you, Father," Hero said with a smile. "I hope you are not alone in that opinion. Don't worry about my cousin though, I shall be only too happy to be her company for this evening."

[Anarion]

"
"Lad, Ben, if you've got a chip on your shoulder, go ahead and tell us what it is," said Don Pedro.


And tell me you're not about to let yourself be bullied in to turning husband. Are you?" His voice nearly broke at those last two words they were spoken so high.


"I couldn't ask for a better bully." Claudio sighed again and rested his head upon his hand, his gaze drifting to Hero. He thought for a moment that he caught her eye staring into his across the room, and his heart fluttered, his attention rapt for he could not believe that such good fortune and blessings might favor him. Without tearing away his gaze, he spoke his heart "Oh if I could have her, boss. I'd marry her in a second, I'm so goofy in love. It's like the whole world's changed, now the war's over. I see her for the first time and I tell you, I'd give anything to make Hero my wife. Anything at all. But she's too good for me. She's a mayor's daughter, what's a soldier like me ever going to get a chance for that? But if I could have her, if she could be mine, I'd never let her go, I tell you, boss, never."



Seacolt looked at his friend Oatcake like he was about to cry but eventually nodded with such fervour he made himself dizzy. He took the lantern with pride and held it high like a badge of office.

"Sir, sir, I- uh- yes. Sir." He nodded again and cleared his throat. "Sir."

"And if they won't? Sir? Do we get to arrest them? Slap their hooves in chains? Yes?" Oatcake asked enthusiastically, packing extra manacles in to his saddlebags.


"Well then let them be and get on with your business. If they won't stand in the name of the law, then sure as shootin they ain't law-abidin ponies and none of the mayor's ponies neither. And you don't want to be mixing about with the wrong kind of folk, I'm sure. On top of that, you're to be policing the mayor's ponies and if they're none of his, then they're none of your business. And for that matter, don't be going around too noisy in the streets. The city watch shouting about is entirely cheerful and disgusting, you know."

[Thanqol]

At this Leonato's smile soured, and he shook his head. "My niece, my niece, would you finally enjoy a party if you were the only one there? You'll be hard-pressed to find a friend who can brave your fog, much less a suitor."

Note to self: Solo party. Is it actually possible? Must investigate later.


"Shhh, Beatrice," Hero whispered, "keep your voice down, somepony might hear you. This gathering is not so unworthy. I think you might even enjoy it," she smiled. "There are- uhm- some ponies here that, uhm, are quite nice to talk to. I've been told." She couldn't help but steal a glance towards Claudio again who seemed to be looking at her and it made her blush again.

"And if barrenness is the price I must pay for speaking my mind I pay it gladly," said Beatrice. "And spinistership seems better than the dreary oppression of oafs. I was curs't with wit and I do not feel inclined to couple with those who do not possess it. No, hear me Hero, you will not find two cerebral hemispheres to rub together in this collection of soldiers; they who have made their lives in violence carry that violence through to their ends."


"Gladly!" Benedick exclaimed. "Marriage is for blinded fools and the romantic fairytales of foals. It has no use or purpose to a stallion of sound mind and judgement unless he has some dying urge to be cheated on and made a laughing stock. No. Mares have many good qualities and I owe my deepest gratitude to she who bore and raised me but no other shall linger on my mind. But I have not a hard heart! I will not offend any single mare by slighting her or refusing her my trust, I treat all as equals, bestowing my good opinion to none despite being loved by so many." He downed his entire drink.

"But don't you get, you know," said Don Pedro making another kind of weird grasping gesture. "Urges? You weren't unmanned in battle, were you?"


"I couldn't ask for a better bully." Claudio sighed again and rested his head upon his hand, his gaze drifting to Hero. He thought for a moment that he caught her eye staring into his across the room, and his heart fluttered, his attention rapt for he could not believe that such good fortune and blessings might favor him. Without tearing away his gaze, he spoke his heart "Oh if I could have her, boss. I'd marry her in a second, I'm so goofy in love. It's like the whole world's changed, now the war's over. I see her for the first time and I tell you, I'd give anything to make Hero my wife. Anything at all. But she's too good for me. She's a mayor's daughter, what's a soldier like me ever going to get a chance for that? But if I could have her, if she could be mine, I'd never let her go, I tell you, boss, never."

Don Pedro took a long, hard drink. Then a gleam came into his eye and he pulled Claudio in conspiratorially. "I have a plan, son. I have a brilliant plan. See, if the problem is that you don't know how to talk fancy to a fine lady like that, I will go up to her, pretend to be you, flirt with her on your behalf, and then - presto! All the hard work is done and it's straight to the wedding. What do you think? Pretty cunning, eh?"

[Anarion]

Don Pedro took a long, hard drink. Then a gleam came into his eye and he pulled Claudio in conspiratorially. "I have a plan, son. I have a brilliant plan. See, if the problem is that you don't know how to talk fancy to a fine lady like that, I will go up to her, pretend to be you, flirt with her on your behalf, and then - presto! All the hard work is done and it's straight to the wedding. What do you think? Pretty cunning, eh?"

"Oh boss, thank god you can see it, I know I don't have to explain nothin to you. But I dunno, what if it comes on too strong, you going up there all of a sudden like that? Don't you think I should take longer or something? Romance her a bit?"

[Elanorin]

"But don't you get, you know," said Don Pedro making another kind of weird grasping gesture. "Urges? You weren't unmanned in battle, were you?"

These grasping gestures were starting to unsettle Benedick a little and he gently moved a little away from Don Pedro.

"What? No! I assure you, I am as intact a stallion as ever there were, be assured, sir! And whatever... urges you speak of, what kind of useless character would I be if I let something like that get the better of me? Pah! Mares and urges. Tell me you do not think so little of me. I assure you I am made of sterner stuff than brittle glass or bendy water reeds. It's nothing a good brisk 20-mile canter can't set straight, or an afternoon spent polishing the..." Benedick realised his words seemed to fall on deaf ears as Don Pedro and Claudio were whispering conspirationally.

Benedick shoved his head in to the huddle and inserted himself uninvited in to the intimate conversation.


"Oh boss, thank god you can see it, I know I don't have to explain nothin to you. But I dunno, what if it comes on too strong, you going up there all of a sudden like that? Don't you think I should take longer or something? Romance her a bit?"

"Aye!" Benedick exclaimed, "take longer! So as to buy yourself time to come to your senses and untangle yourself before irrevocably maimed and fettered!" Benedick interrupted. "Goofy indeed," he rose back up, out of the huddled conference, "that is a good word, for I have never seen you so out of good sense as now, old friend. A mare too good for you; an honest stallion and a soldier?! Where?!" Benedick made a great show of looking out over all mares at the party before them, including Hero. "I can see yet without spectacles and I see no such beast," he snorted.


"Well then let them be and get on with your business. If they won't stand in the name of the law, then sure as shootin they ain't law-abidin ponies and none of the mayor's ponies neither. And you don't want to be mixing about with the wrong kind of folk, I'm sure. On top of that, you're to be policing the mayor's ponies and if they're none of his, then they're none of your business. And for that matter, don't be going around too noisy in the streets. The city watch shouting about is entirely cheerful and disgusting, you know."

Oatcake frowned a little confused at this, then opened his mouth but was subtly kicked on the shin by Seacolt.

"You are nothing if not merciful, generous and above all wisely, sir," Verges said with conviction. "I always say."

"We'll be quiet as sleeping mice, sir, Sheriff, sir," Seacolt confirmed with a nod.


"And if barrenness is the price I must pay for speaking my mind I pay it gladly," said Beatrice. "And spinistership seems better than the dreary oppression of oafs. I was curs't with wit and I do not feel inclined to couple with those who do not possess it. No, hear me Hero, you will not find two cerebral hemispheres to rub together in this collection of soldiers; they who have made their lives in violence carry that violence through to their ends."

"Do- do you really think so? Violent?" Hero's eyes were distracted from her dear cousin to Claudio's party who seemed in deep conversation across the courtyard and more than a few glances seemed to come her way. She blushed again and started to worry what they were talking about. "Even... Claudio?" This dress was stupid, why had she picked this stupid dress? It was far too revealing and sparkly. She should heve worn that wolly grey one. Yes. She should go change. Maybe she could bump in to somepony holding a glass of wine or something-

[Anarion]

"Aye!" Benedick exclaimed, "take longer! So as to buy yourself time to come to your senses and untangle yourself before irrevocably maimed and fettered!" Benedick interrupted. "Goofy indeed," he rose back up, out of the huddled conference, "that is a good word, for I have never seen you so out of good sense as now, old friend. A mare too good for you; an honest stallion and a soldier?! Where?!" Benedick made a great show of looking out over all mares at the party before them, including Hero. "I can see yet without spectacles and I see no such beast," he snorted.


"And yet I see Hero, and fear that she will never be mine. Boss, Don Pedro, please, I need your advice. I don't want things to seem too fast, but I trust your judgment. Tell me what to do, please, I beg you!"



Oatcake frowned a little confused at this, then opened his mouth but was subtly kicked on the shin by Seacolt.

"You are nothing if not merciful, generous and above all wisely, sir," Verges said with conviction. "I always say."

"We'll be quiet as sleeping mice, sir, Sheriff, sir," Seacolt confirmed with a nod.


"Ah, good, boys, good. Ain't no problem with quilted sleeping, that makes you good dishonest cops. Oh and for that matter, thieves ain't pert, upstanding citizens of the law either, and since you're uptight and well-dressed police, the lesser you have to deal with the filth of the world, the better oaf you'll be."

[Thanqol]

"Oh boss, thank god you can see it, I know I don't have to explain nothin to you. But I dunno, what if it comes on too strong, you going up there all of a sudden like that? Don't you think I should take longer or something? Romance her a bit?"

"And yet I see Hero, and fear that she will never be mine. Boss, Don Pedro, please, I need your advice. I don't want things to seem too fast, but I trust your judgment. Tell me what to do, please, I beg you!"

"Calm your britches, son," said Don Pedro. "Just enjoy the party. Mingle! I'll take care of everything. This isn't my first fancy," he made the grasping gesture again, groping for a word "rodeo."


These grasping gestures were starting to unsettle Benedick a little and he gently moved a little away from Don Pedro.

"What? No! I assure you, I am as intact a stallion as ever there were, be assured, sir! And whatever... urges you speak of, what kind of useless character would I be if I let something like that get the better of me? Pah! Mares and urges. Tell me you do not think so little of me. I assure you I am made of sterner stuff than brittle glass or bendy water reeds. It's nothing a good brisk 20-mile canter can't set straight, or an afternoon spent polishing the..." Benedick realised his words seemed to fall on deaf ears as Don Pedro and Claudio were whispering conspirationally.

Benedick shoved his head in to the huddle and inserted himself uninvited in to the intimate conversation.

"Hurr hurr hurr, like polishing your spear do you boy?" said Don Pedro. "What do you say that while I'm at seducing Hero for Claudio I seduce some fine dame for you?"


"Do- do you really think so? Violent?" Hero's eyes were distracted from her dear cousin to Claudio's party who seemed in deep conversation across the courtyard and more than a few glances seemed to come her way. She blushed again and started to worry what they were talking about. "Even... Claudio?" This dress was stupid, why had she picked this stupid dress? It was far too revealing and sparkly. She should heve worn that wolly grey one. Yes. She should go change. Maybe she could bump in to somepony holding a glass of wine or something-

"Claudio? He's probably a serial killer," sniffed Beatrice. "Did thou read that book I gave you? Bluebeard? Enlightening, was it not?"

[TheAmishPirate]

"Do- do you really think so? Violent?" Hero's eyes were distracted from her dear cousin to Claudio's party who seemed in deep conversation across the courtyard and more than a few glances seemed to come her way. She blushed again and started to worry what they were talking about. "Even... Claudio?" This dress was stupid, why had she picked this stupid dress? It was far too revealing and sparkly. She should heve worn that wolly grey one. Yes. She should go change. Maybe she could bump in to somepony holding a glass of wine or something-


"Claudio? He's probably a serial killer," sniffed Beatrice. "Did thou read that book I gave you? Bluebeard? Enlightening, was it not?"

"That's enough, Beatrice." Leonato said sternly, putting his hoof down. "It is poor form to gossip about our guests, and even poorer to terrify your cousin with wild stories. Apologize to Hero, and speak no more of such things." He tapped his hoof expectantly. "Killers-indeed! As if I would invite a troupe of violent thugs into such a place as a party? I'll have you know, Hero, that your father has a good eye for this sort of thing. Not a single murderer on the guest list, I assure you."

[Elanorin]

"And yet I see Hero, and fear that she will never be mine. Boss, Don Pedro, please, I need your advice. I don't want things to seem too fast, but I trust your judgment. Tell me what to do, please, I beg you!"


"Calm your britches, son," said Don Pedro. "Just enjoy the party. Mingle! I'll take care of everything. This isn't my first fancy," he made the grasping gesture again, groping for a word "rodeo."

Benedick rolled his eyes so hard he nearly made himself dizzy. He hung his head low to the ground and muttered a heartfelt, "Spare me. By all things good and true, shall I never see a bachelor stallion of threescore again?" He closed his eyes and hid them behind a hoof.


"Hurr hurr hurr, like polishing your spear do you boy?" said Don Pedro. "What do you say that while I'm at seducing Hero for Claudio I seduce some fine dame for you?"

Benedick's eyes were wide open in an instant and his head shot back up from the floor. "Aye! Please do! And while you're at it, shoot me through my head with your sidearm for I am in just as grave a need of a hole in my head as a wife. And- also- I don't- I- he who would pun would pick a pocket, sir!" Benedick exclaimed, a little flustered. He raised a hoof in surrender. "Enough of this. I have not the stomach for roses and bleeding hearts! Behold! My glass is empty!" Benedick threw the content of his glass over his shoulder with a flourish. "I shall go forth to replenish it and trade you two hobbyhorses for some merry company. My friends and lords, I leave you to your wickedry." Benedick walked off with a swish of his tail, headed straight for the wine fountain, hooves clopping in time with the music.


"Claudio? He's probably a serial killer," sniffed Beatrice. "Did thou read that book I gave you? Bluebeard? Enlightening, was it not?"


"That's enough, Beatrice." Leonato said sternly, putting his hoof down. "It is poor form to gossip about our guests, and even poorer to terrify your cousin with wild stories. Apologize to Hero, and speak no more of such things." He tapped his hoof expectantly. "Killers-indeed! As if I would invite a troupe of violent thugs into such a place as a party? I'll have you know, Hero, that your father has a good eye for this sort of thing. Not a single murderer on the guest list, I assure you."

Hero frowned and looked over at Claudio again, then shook her head as she returned her attention to her cousin. "I don't believe he could harm anypony." she said with a voice that was both soft yet full of conviction.

She smiled with great relief when her father reassured her that there were no murderers here (mostly because that meant Claudio wasn't one).

"Good!" she said, her cheerful mood returning. "Come cousin, I think I know what will put you in a laughing mood; you need a drink." Hero placed her elaborate silver feathery mask over her face and hooked a hoof with Beatrice and nudged her along.


"Ah, good, boys, good. Ain't no problem with quilted sleeping, that makes you good dishonest cops. Oh and for that matter, thieves ain't pert, upstanding citizens of the law either, and since you're uptight and well-dressed police, the lesser you have to deal with the filth of the world, the better oaf you'll be."


"We can do that without trouble, sir!" Oatcake said with a salute.

Seacolt looked a little less convinced but mustered a sharp nod in agreement and saluted with a torch in his hoof.

"You have our orderlies, good ponies. Go!" Verges added with pomp. "If- uh- that is alright? Sir?"

[Thanqol]

"That's enough, Beatrice." Leonato said sternly, putting his hoof down. "It is poor form to gossip about our guests, and even poorer to terrify your cousin with wild stories. Apologize to Hero, and speak no more of such things." He tapped his hoof expectantly. "Killers-indeed! As if I would invite a troupe of violent thugs into such a place as a party? I'll have you know, Hero, that your father has a good eye for this sort of thing. Not a single murderer on the guest list, I assure you."

"No killers, then?" said Beatrice snarkily, "So thou imply that every one of these soldiers is a coward? Hardly better, but if thou insist it to be so I shall not argue!"


Hero frowned and looked over at Claudio again, then shook her head as she returned her attention to her cousin. "I don't believe he could harm anypony." she said with a voice that was both soft yet full of conviction.

She smiled with great relief when her father reassured her that there were no murderers here (mostly because that meant Claudio wasn't one).

"Good!" she said, her cheerful mood returning. "Come cousin, I think I know what will put you in a laughing mood; you need a drink." Hero placed her elaborate silver feathery mask over her face and hooked a hoof with Beatrice and nudged her along.

"Drinking. That seems as good a way as any to pass a few of these interminable moments," said Beatrice, following along with her cousin with a haughty toss of her mane.


Benedick's eyes were wide open in an instant and his head shot back up from the floor. "Aye! Please do! And while you're at it, shoot me through my head with your sidearm for I am in just as grave a need of a hole in my head as a wife. And- also- I don't- I- he who would pun would pick a pocket, sir!" Benedick exclaimed, a little flustered. He raised a hoof in surrender. "Enough of this. I have not the stomach for roses and bleeding hearts! Behold! My glass is empty!" Benedick threw the content of his glass over his shoulder with a flourish. "I shall go forth to replenish it and trade you two hobbyhorses for some merry company. My friends and lords, I leave you to your wickedry." Benedick walked off with a swish of his tail, headed straight for the wine fountain, hooves clopping in time with the music.

"Ha! Young Benny speaks truth, it is time for wine and wickedry!" said Don Pedro to Claudio. "Now just stand back and watch how a professional seduces the," he groped about for a word, "Chickadees. Right?"

[Anarion]

"We can do that without trouble, sir!" Oatcake said with a salute.

Seacolt looked a little less convinced but mustered a sharp nod in agreement and saluted with a torch in his hoof.

"You have our orderlies, good ponies. Go!" Verges added with pomp. "If- uh- that is alright? Sir?"

"Yes indeed boys. Go out, be silent, if anything cemetery occurs give me a ring and be on your way. Oh, and one more thing boys. Keep a watch on mayor Leonato's door, aye? I've heard rumors there's to be a wedding tomorrow and that means all the dames and gents up in a tazzy, so keep your eyes open and your heads on crooked." Now off you go, skedaddle."



"Ha! Young Benny speaks truth, it is time for wine and wickedry!" said Don Pedro to Claudio. "Now just stand back and watch how a professional seduces the," he groped about for a word, "Chickadees. Right?"

"As you say boss. I'm leaving it up to you, and if I can be with Hero tomorrow I'll be eternally in your debt."

[Elanorin]

"Drinking. That seems as good a way as any to pass a few of these interminable moments," said Beatrice, following along with her cousin with a haughty toss of her mane.


Hero led Beatrice towards the little blossoming rose garden. She paused by a waiter pony balancing a tray of filled glasses and after a few awkward attempts at getting their attention finally managed to grab a glass each of something pale golden and sparkling. She sat down under one of the rose arches and beckoned her sister to join her by patting the empty space next to her.

"Oh, look, isn't that Signor Benedick over there by the fountain?" she asked brightly, peering between rose branches across the party. She was much more relaxed and content now that she wasn't out in the open so much anymore and felt elated enough by the atmosphere around her to set the stage for Beatrice to give one of her trademark glares. "I hear he is close to Claudio," she continued as innocently as she could, sipping her drink.


"Yes indeed boys. Go out, be silent, if anything cemetery occurs give me a ring and be on your way. Oh, and one more thing boys. Keep a watch on mayor Leonato's door, aye? I've heard rumors there's to be a wedding tomorrow and that means all the dames and gents up in a tazzy, so keep your eyes open and your heads on crooked." Now off you go, skedaddle."

The two ponies hurried off after a bit of fumbling with saddlebags, torches and excessive salutes but they were soon well out of sight to pretty much anypony.

[TheAmishPirate]

Watching his daughters trot into the throng of partygoers, Leonato shook his head. Then emptied his glass. Then shook his head some more, just for good measure. How could one daughter turn out so lovely and sweet, and the other so bitter and grumpy? He had done his level best with Beatrice, but there was only so much an adoptive father could do.

...what I need. He thought to himself. Is backup.

Letting the thought float about his head, Leonato glided through his party, mingling and spreading cheer wherever he went. Stick-in-the-mud daughters would have to wait; he had a party to throw!


"Ha! Young Benny speaks truth, it is time for wine and wickedry!" said Don Pedro to Claudio. "Now just stand back and watch how a professional seduces the," he groped about for a word, "Chickadees. Right?"


"As you say boss. I'm leaving it up to you, and if I can be with Hero tomorrow I'll be eternally in your debt."

Word passed from ear to mouth to ear to mouth to ear of one Don John.

"Boys, I think we may have ourselves a golden opportunity, see?" The stallion grinned fiendishly, and waited for Pedro's chief goon to be all by his lonesome.