D&Derps - Chap.1: a new quest

[Probably Pixel]

It is a charming day in the great and thriving nation of Randomia.
A hilly landscape, fit with elvish forests, dwarfish mountains, and great, rolling plains.
It is a land absolutely brimming with heroism. Goblins, Orcs, and other creatures on the low half of the alignment chart roam the land, whilst the underground is filled with horrendous evil's: Drakes, liches, and draco-liches.
A caravan meanders along the windy, snaking road of Randomia, headed towards Iohaven, a city of shine and beauty, known for it's legendary sewage system.

"Lo!" says a soldier of Randomia. "Speak your name and motives, friend!" The trader stands up.

"I am but a simple trader, friend. Here in Iohaven to bring gems and riches!" The soldier looks suspicious.

"From your carry, the truth I know thou speak!" says the guard, in a horrible accent of ancient common. "But what of that foul stench? Be it a poison? Be it an undead beast?"

"No, friend! It is four... flatulent heroes! I know they have a pure of heart and a lot to prove! Despite their... odorous difficulties."

"If heroes lie below that tarp , stand up, yes, and speak!"
The merchant turns to the hero and awaits their response.

<Now what, great heroes?>

[moomoo]

Reji walks up to the soldier, parts of a cow that was very delicious still hanging around his mouth.
Me Reji. Problem?
He booms.

[Probably Pixel]

Reji walks up to the soldier, parts of a cow that was very delicious still hanging around his mouth.
Me Reji. Problem?
He booms.


The indiscriminate Randomian guard is taken aback by the sheer force of Reji's voice.

"No problem, troll friend! But i'm kind of hoping for a non-monstery reply?" He says meekly.

[Elbeyon]

"What!? No." Cerb peaks his head out from under the tarp before crawling down the wagon backside to the guard. "That wasn't me. That was the crappy crapomancer.

http://i1302.photobucket.com/albums/ag124/Elbeyon/Tokens/cat2_zpsmmohn8u2.jpg

I actually bath."

He walks way up to the groups positioning. "It's a practically bad today. Closed confined areas are the worse place to be with 'em. Gladly, or sadly that's the worst part about her. Like a nice brie underneath all that disgusting nasty, unforgettable filth the group is in fact quite good. Not the best, but good. We look to make a name for ourselves in Iohaven. Deeds worthy of fame."

[Zmeoaice]

Foeta turned to the cat, It's called fecalmancy and is a very well respected form of magical art!

Foeta conjured up a piece of poo and began to move it around like an Earthbender.

[Elbeyon]

http://i1302.photobucket.com/albums/ag124/Elbeyon/Tokens/cat3_zpsrxxfevzv.jpg

"Yeah. Fecalmancy." He holds his nose. "I prefer respected forms of magic dry and odorless." He groans. "Oh crap. I'm not talking about this."

[Probably Pixel]

"If ye are truly heroes, then stinky heroes truly are ye!" He says, tripping over his own grammar.
"But why should I, in my noble heart allow thou stink into this great city?" :smallconfused:

The merchant appears flustered. "If you do not want them in your great city, I could kick them out!" :smalleek:

"No!" the guardsman refuses. "They, and your fair cart, have been tainted! Tainted I say!" :smallyuk:

The merchant turns to the heroes and speaks angrily. "If you goof this up, I will pay people to
rip down whatever mud holes you came from! You hear me!" :smallmad:

PS. Since I am new to this whole "DM" thing, I appreciate criticism and comments. :smallsmile:

[moomoo]

Hahahahaaa, funny guys
Reji bellows, spit and pieces of cow flying around.
He was always amused when Foeta performed his tricks and he had totally forgotten about the guard already

[neriractor]

Thulius leaves the cart trying to wave the smell aside, he directs to cerb and states: "at least you didn't sit besides her."

[Probably Pixel]

The guardsman says "Your friends show arguing and discomfort!
I see no reason to let you inside this city!"

The merchant, who is likely overemotional, begins to cry. "Please!
I'll do anything!"

"No, sir! This city is a place of cleanliness! A place we cannot allow filth such
as ye!" He signals for the gated to be locked.

[Zmeoaice]

We shall pass! Foeta exclaimed. She caused all the guards who were closing the gates to have explosive diarrhea, with the smelly brown liquid covering their legs. She turned to the guard Now let us in if you don't want to have the same fate!

[Elbeyon]

http://i1302.photobucket.com/albums/ag124/Elbeyon/Tokens/cat4_zps3av6zqpz.jpg

"Wha!?!"

http://i1302.photobucket.com/albums/ag124/Elbeyon/Tokens/cat5_zpsuyj3wkcr.jpg

"Why would you do that?! Ah!" Cerb flourishes his hand towards the yelling merchant's cart turning it into a card in his hand. "Run!"

He starts a mad dash for the closing doors.

[Zmeoaice]

Foetida ran after the cat into the city as the guards cried in humiliation.

[moomoo]

Huh, what?
Reji starts running after the others, not sure what is going on.

[Probably Pixel]

Everyone begins screaming.

"Oh my gods, raise the alarm, raise the bridge, raise the taxes, raise everything!!!!" A giant horn begins ringing. "Oh lord, it's rolling down my leg!" the guard yells.

Cerb: The merchant cart suddenly starts glowing. It suddenly morphs into a card, which flips into your hand. Upon it you see it's statistics, hit points, and abilities (none
whatsoever). The merchant makes it off in time.

With haste, Cerb, Reji, and Foeta make it inside the town before the doors fully close.

OoC: Unless the characters say otherwise, I will assume they run inside the town also.

[neriractor]

Thulius runs behind the rest, freezing the door open and allo wing for safe passage.

[Elbeyon]

Cerb shivers at the chill at the gate. The entrance already a trouble Cerb tries to make the guard's situation more troublesome by throwing the cart up in doorway. Putting something between the heroes and the evil knights.

http://i1302.photobucket.com/albums/ag124/Elbeyon/Tokens/cat5_zpsuyj3wkcr.jpg

"Oh. Crap! What do we do? We're fugitives now. We'll need to hide. Where do we go? God. We'll be hanged for sure."

OoC: We have an OoC thread here (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?459301-Dungeons-and-Derps-behind-the-scenes).

[Probably Pixel]

The first thing one would notice about Iohaven is simply how shiny it is. Every metal polished, every timber shined, the city is so bright that it is practically blinding.

But then you get used to the glitter, and you begin to see other things, how the buildings get taller and taller near the centre, the walks and pathways up the buildings, the giant steaming mechs that roam the streets, and the glorious, imperial airship fleet marauding through the skies.

The four noble heroes enter the city from the wet side, into a loud and sprawling marketplace. A guard sends up a flare, whistling and bursting into a brown firework. One of the mechs begins it's approach. As it leers towards the heroes, they notice it's form; four legs, front-facing cannons, and the flag of Randomia flying above it. It slowly moves towards you, over the markets and civilians, now less than a hundred metres away, it's cannons nearly in range.

[Zmeoaice]

Yes, yes, it's absolutely magical. Moving along.

[moomoo]

Reji looks around and shies away from all the glittering.
After he gets used to it a bit, he starts moving toward the mech, not realizing entirely what it represents.

[Probably Pixel]

Reji looks around and shies away from all the glittering.
After he gets used to it a bit, he starts moving toward the mech, not realizing entirely what it represents.

The following will be in regi-speak.

Mech go clunk.
Mech go clonk.
Mech come close.
Mech aim.
Mech go boom.

Regi fly.

[moomoo]

Reji flies through the rest of the party towards the wall, where he lies unconcious for a bit, until his regenerative capacities kick in and he wakes up.
What this? Grrr
As he moves back towards the mech.

[neriractor]

Thulius taps Reji in the shoulder "go get them big guy" and inadvertently he creates an ice armor to protect Reji from the machine.

[Probably Pixel]

The mech stands no more than 15 metres from the frost armoured troll.
Clunk.
It's three man crew is in full motion. They aim and march towards Reji
Clonk.
A few people notice the scene and begin to chant "fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
Clunk.
An airship appears overhead. From it you hear "Hello, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Rock Ridgers, presenting to you a serious fight that's about to go down.
Fight! Fight! Fight!
Clonk.
Fight! Fight! Fight!
Clunk.

Reji states the following battle cry:

[moomoo]

Wraaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
Reji charges the mech and hits it with a slam.

[Probably Pixel]

Wraaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
Reji charges the mech and hits it with a slam.

The mech buckles under the slam, but quickly regains its balance.
It walks away from regi, and begins firing at the giant beast.

[moomoo]

Grrrrrr
Reji starts charging after the mech, determined to make it pay, delivering another slam with his full force when he can reach it.

[Probably Pixel]

Grrrrrr
Reji starts charging after the mech, determined to make it pay, delivering another slam with his full force when he can reach it.

Regi must quickly dodge three shells to get to the mech.

Meanwhile, a 10 man cohort of soldiers (armed with pole-axes) are closing in on the heroes.

[Probably Pixel]

*Humming* *Whistling*