View Full Version : Summarize your experience with an RPG in three sentences or less!

2015-11-14, 05:12 PM
I'll start.

RIFTS: I'm confused. Why are there all these character class that AREN'T dragons, again?

Shadowrun: Job 1: Get paid. Job 2: Survive to spend your pay. Customer satisfaction comes in at around Job 5, possibly even later.

AD&D: "Okay, you've attacked, so now you should consult tables 1-A, 2-B, the phase of the moon diagram, and- wait, come back, there's a flowchart!"

Ars Magica: I'm shocked I didn't guess until I played this that if "taking turns" works for kindergartners, it will probably work for RPG enthusiasts.

Burning Wheel: This system is actually quite good at using mechanics to create a story! Shame the author felt the need to cudgel everything into a frequently-tortured, always-unnecessary, "wheel on fire" analogy.

2015-11-14, 05:25 PM
RIFTS: So many useless classes, so little time.

D&D 3.5: Another day, another dragon.

Tunnels and Trolls: What's a play test?

The Game That Shall Not Be Named: Not named, and for good reasons.

Exalted: Why don't we just play Mythender?

Mythender: Why are we playing this?

TOON: Anvils, TNT, an excuse to use them, and unrepentant idiocy. What more could you want?

2015-11-14, 05:25 PM
Tephra: I'm a gnome. I see you. KaBlam!
Savage worlds: I see a threat. I grab my trident. Why won't you die!?
Shadowrun: so many drugs.... Chemist at the ready! I just killed him with teargas again didn't I?
Rifts: who wants to see a trick? Crowd surfing dinosaurs rocks! Where'd your hand go?
Rifts three galaxies: hey, captain, PLASMA FLAMER! Oh god oh god we are all gonna die! How about we quit while we are ahead and start up a space Wendy's?

Freelance GM
2015-11-14, 05:52 PM
Dark Heresy
GM: "The Cultist with the cyber-legs jumps out the spire window, and uses his claws to run down the side of the building."
Party Face: "I jump out the window and try to tackle him."
Me: "I sprint to the elevator."

Me: "My character finger-guns another Lightning Bolt down the hallway."
I reach for my dice....
DM: "Don't bother rolling the damage. They all die."

D&D 5E
Player: "So what does Advantage mean?"
Me: "You roll twice and take the highest result."
Player: "...That's it?"

Edge of the Empire
Pilot Player: "Commence Operation Wookie Drop."
Me: "What?"
Wookie Player: "I open the ship's entry ramp..."

Age of Rebellion
Me: "We named our squadron Danger Squadron."
GM: "So is your hangar called the..."
All players: "DANGER ZOOOONE!"

2015-11-14, 06:49 PM
AD&D 2e: "I'm chaotic Neutral" is not an excuse to be evil anymore, guys
3,0/3.5: lots of mechanics that got boring after a few years
PF: guess I was wrong about the mechanics thing
Ars Magica: teleportation is banned. horny Greeks don't really fit the setting. Oddly, "'Allo 'allo" makes for better quotes than MPQftHG
TOON: Xerox machines are cool
Paranoia: player: "Thank God" (ZAP!), "OMG" (ZAP!) "OMG, guys!" (ZAP!) "The hell?!?"
L5R: The Crab ruin the setting, even if they are the coolest. Racism and caste systems are ok, gender inequality is bad.
VtM: This (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_uYgpOqBP8). with extra helpings of fecal matter in the fan.
Kult: World of Darkness is more like "Slightly Dim World"

2015-11-15, 02:05 AM
Danger Patrol: "Since I'm playing a robot, I launch my head at the evil space-shark overlord to keep it busy while the Atomic-powered cyborg Flyboy plummets down the crevasse to stop the moon from exploding while we're on it, and the Daredevil gets into a fistfight with the World Eater from the Fifth Dimension. Thankfully, we've already defeated the Martian bionic gorillas."
(This actually happened in today's game. Much fun was had.)

Rolemaster: (GM) "Oh, you rolled a fumble? BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA~!"

Exalted: (Player) "I attack the deathknight using my dreaded Raging Torrent Offensive Technique, as I flash back on the lives he's taken, screaming in rage as I cleave through the stone pillars on either side of him to hem him in while I aim for his neck, that's a 2-die stunt... 27 dice to roll." (GM) "Doesn't matter, Perfect Defense."

Savage Worlds: Spend Bennies Or Die.

2015-11-15, 02:48 AM
Paranoia: "Seriously, can't I use the bathroom ONCE without a secret murder pact being formed?" This has become a running gag in my group's occasional Paranoia games. every time a player, especially one who hasn't had it happen to them before, leaves the room to use the bathroom, so does his character- and he can expect concentrated laser fire on his return.

7th Sea: "Let me get this straight- NONE of you spent points on a ship?" "We needed those points for sorcery!"

2015-11-22, 02:06 PM
D&D 3.X: So, the 9th-Level Spell casters are saving us yet again. Man, I am glad I contribute. You know--when they don't feel like it.

D&D 4e: We're all the same!

Pathfinder: Being all the same is worse than being terribly stratified.

Star Wars: Saga Edition: D&D IN STAR WARS!

2015-11-22, 02:18 PM
All systems

2015-11-22, 02:35 PM
GURPS: It doesn't actually require calculus. Well, not most of the time.

2015-11-22, 03:37 PM
Everquest: Find a group of monsters. Kill them for 12 hours straight. Find next group of monsters that are higher level.

World of Warcraft: Solo to max level. That was easy. Now how do I raid?

(Now for video game rpgs)

FF6: Kefka Sucks. Dinosaurs are worth lots of exp. Kill Kefka.

FF7: Who is my character, really? Poor Aerith. Stab Sephiroth, like, alot.

Legend of Legia: Magic tree creature bonds with you. Destroy mist. Save world.

Breath of Fire 3: Get sucked into an adventure. Turns out you are a dragon. No, really.

2015-11-22, 03:58 PM
"Okay, we've got a combat cyborg with dual heavy particle cannons on his arms, a power armor with a jetpack, giant railgun minigun, and rocket launchers, and a high magus throwing level ten plus spells around. Me? I take potshots with this sniper rifle sometimes."

"You hacked the security node, neutralized the guards, disabled the alarms, banished the spirit, got the door open, hitched the illegal military-grade prototype drone to the back of your truck, erased the camera feeds, and drove off. You forgot your Step 7, 'throw a tarp over the drone'. Now Lone Star is gunning for you."

2e AD&D:
"What do you mean I either hit him with a haymaker or a bear hug? Screw the unarmed combat system, I've drawn my greatword and cleft him in twain!"

Werewolf: The Apocalypse
"I'm a Homid Ragabash Glasswalker. I don't remember the last time I shifted forms, and the last time I used Rage was for percussive maintenance on my dishwasher."

"Wait, the pilots of the MAC-II and the Gladiator are cute? NEW OBJECTIVE, PROTECT THE PRETTY LADIES BOYS!"

Don't Rest Your Head:
"I eat the spent shell casings and s**t out a fireman's pole. Quick, everyone down!"

Everyone is John:
"I'm fulfilling my obsession twice, actually. I licked an armed robber and a dead body."

D&D 3.5:
"I'll defeat the nebulous evil crime syndicate with SOCIAL ACTIVISM AND URBAN RENEWAL PROJECTS!"

"Screw medicine, we're gonna run the embargo on this war-torn planet to sell them guns and drugs!"

Call of Cthulhu:
"If the problem can't be solved by a shotgun, mankind is probably f***ed."

Delta Green:
"Don't trust anyone. Your teammates, your bosses, your contacts, yourself, or even the Chinese takeout you're eating. Especially not that Chinese takeout you're eating."

Twilight 2000:
"I thought this was supposed to be a resource-management survival game...why can every PC start with 4000+ rounds of ammunition? And why are old people so incredibly dangerous?"

D&D 5e:
"Oh, so you're both 1st level fighters? Trade character sheets, can you tell the difference? Me neither."

Mage: The Awakening:
"Why is the Forces mage using his powers to decapitate this guy with an elevator? I have a machete right here..."

"My gnome can see around corners. My armor-piercing super-heavy rifle can't. This is why they call me 'Hypotenuse Man'."

2015-11-23, 01:18 AM
D&D 3.5:
"I'll defeat the nebulous evil crime syndicate with SOCIAL ACTIVISM AND URBAN RENEWAL PROJECTS!"

"Screw medicine, we're gonna run the embargo on this war-torn planet to sell them guns and drugs!"

Wait, are these correct?

2015-11-23, 03:03 PM
DM: "No! You can't buy centipedes!"
"Give me one reason why a centipede farmer is economically feasible."