The Nook and Cranny [CLOSED]

[NecroPaladin]

[THE STAFF OF THE NOOK AND CRANNY ARE IN THE PROCESS OF MOVING OUT. WE WILL SET UP SHOP SOMEWHERE MORE PROFITABLE]

If only because I didn't want to send my characters to Sneaks or Trogs, and there's something wrong when the Town has more organized religions than side-dishes.


THE NOOK AND CRANNY

This aged stone building on an antiquated side street has recently been purchased with the intent to make a quaint, semi-formal restaurant. From the outside, it appears to be a tall, thin stone building, its walls echoing the cobblestone at its base. A few steps lead up to the friendly-looking wooden door, which is shaped slightly like a subtle hourglass. A menu is posted to the side of the door, and beyond that a large, open window with a pleasant garden set beneath it. The establishment looks fairly high-class, but welcomes anyone who doesn't cause a total ruckus.

Inside, the restaurant is cozy and has a rather homey feel to it. The ceiling is fairly low, and one can see that there is a back room (for reservations) not visible from the front of the building. The lighting is fairly bright in the daytime due to the large window, but at night the multitude of candles create a more romantic feel. Much of the center of the restaurant is set at a lower level than the entrance, going below ground-level and requiring a few short steps to access. This area is well-carpeted and has a very tea-house feel to it, helped by the bookshelves and round, warm fireplace. From this area the ceiling is also higher, so it may be preferable to the taller guests.

THE MENU:
Is under construction.

For now, simply treat the menu as including the standard fare for most formal or semi-formal restaurants.

THE STAFF:

Dvotia Sturmholst (Ms_Elaneous):
The owner and proprietor of the restaurant. Dvotia is a red-haired, green-eyed ex-adventurer who has taken on a bit of a schoolmarm's attitude over the years. This doesn't mean that she's a dwarf to pass up the opportunity for some fun, though. As the barmaiden, she will sometimes host drinking contests, much to the chagrin of Mathias Wormwood (below). It's a fairly fancy restaurant, but she doesn't often act like it is.

Myrna Sturmholst (Ms_Elaneous):
Dvotia's younger, less experienced sister. She's a proficient spaz and masterful klutz, and trips more often than one would think possible for a dwarf. Her hair, skin, and eyes are similar to her sister's but lighter in tone, giving her a softer look than Dvotia. She is fairly shy, and often is reluctant to talk to customers, despite the fact that she is a waitress.

Mathias Wormwood (NecroPaladin):
A former wizard, now the stately Maitre Di. Mathias is a middle-aged, scholarly human, and is bitter about most everything in life. He looks over his half-moon spectacles and down his nose at many a customer, and often makes a point of using overly verbose language if he thinks that he might be able to tsk-tsk the guest for not understanding it. He denies that he used to go on adventures with Dvotia, although the other members of the staff bring that up every once in a while.

Haull C. Erringsworth (NecroPaladin):
The second waiter of three. This gnome is really rather laid-back about his job, despite what his fancy suit would tell you. He often brags about being a former career burglar, and indeed he wears a multitude of rings which add credence to this claim. He delights in making the other members of the staff mess up on slow days. Except for Myrna; she doesn't need help to make mistakes. And Looms (below)...because he'd have to understand exactly what it is that Looms does before messing him up at it. Haull's one saving grace that stops Mathias from killing him then and there is that he's an extrovert and loves conversation, to the delight of many of the guests.

Beatrice Widdershins (Ms_Elaneous):
The cook. Haull's third cousin, twice removed, Beatrice is surprisingly skinny for her occupation. There's a good reason that she stays in the kitchen. Many, if fact. To start, she is an obsessive perfectionist, and the guests might be a bit off-put by that she does things like count out every grain of salt. Secondly, she sings to herself. A lot. And she's not especially good. And third, she has no social skills to speak of, and yells often. That said, she's a fantastic cook and a delightful person to be around, if you don't mind the crazy.

Mister Looms (NecroPaladin):
The third waiter is the odd duck among odd ducks. He is quite literally one of Mathias' most fancy suits, which sprung to life from some sort of magical essence. Looms doesn't talk, although he understands most basic human gestures like pointing and shrugging (He's able to point because the suit includes gloves). Actually, were it not for the fact that he has no head, he could be mistaken simply for a mute. Oddly enough, he seems to take his orders from Dvotia before Mathias.

Mister Looms has a very strange habit. He will often take small objects and put them where they don't belong, placing the object that once resided there in the former's location. This compulsion was first discovered when Beatrice found that all of the slabs of fish she was using to prepare a filet had gone missing, and were replaced by menus. When she approached Mathias about the menu drawer, he opened it and found assorted slabs of fish. When asked, Looms (who communicates by writing) said that he knew nothing, and left it at that. To date, he does things like this with startling regularity and without bothering to hide his actions, and yet denies them when asked.

More to come...

[The Geomancer]

((You spent time writing this up instead of getting State out and RPin with Czar? *pouts*))

[NecroPaladin]

((Actually, Ms. E and I have been planning this for a while.))

[The Geomancer]

((Yeah, I know. But now that you have finished, what is to stop you from RPin with Czar? *Nudge* *Wink*))

[NecroPaladin]

((And now, the customers that drove me to make this thread, as I didn't really think that the other two or so active restaurants fit them.))

"I knew that this place was a restaurant!"

Revenant's armor dissapates, causing the horse that he arrived on to whirl away into nothingness once more. He lands deftly on his feet, Iris no doubt near (or, if they arrived in her favorite manner, with her arms around his waist). He briefly straightens his collar before smiling happily and adding,

"Looks like a nice place, too."

[Ms_Elaneous]

Iris automatically restraightens his collar, giving him a finishing pat on the shoulder. "There." There'd likely been nothing wrong with it. She just wanted to straighten it herself.

She looks over the building. "Well, a restaurant it is then. You know, it's rather like going out on a date," she observes. "Hm."

[Nevrmore]

A Rocketeer-looking robot walks in, observing the restaurant.

"Serves human sustenance." It notes.

[NecroPaladin]

As Iris, Revenant, and the rocketeer enter, the stately old gentleman in red-tinted half-moon spectacles looks up at them.

Mathias is reading a book entitled: INTELLECTUALISM AND ITS UNDERAPPRECIATION IN TODAY'S WASTEFUL CULTURE.

He seems to make them wait before he puts it down, before mentioning snootily,

"You COULD have made reservations, Sir, Sir, and Madam."

[Nevrmore]

Zeerust (The robot) looks at the man. "You are a strange human."

[NecroPaladin]

"I beg your pardon, metal man? The only thing strange about me is my care for my own mind...unlike every other person around here. Now do you want seats, or not?"

Revenant gives Iris a glance as if to say "it looked friendlier from the outside." He raises his hand.

"Table for two."

[Ms_Elaneous]

Iris returns a look that says "I still have my umbrella..." followed by a sickly sweet smile.

"If it wouldn't tax your superior mind too much, a table would be wonderful." she says to Mathias, obviously not keen on those of the stuck-up variety.

[NecroPaladin]

"Fine, fine. MISTER LOOMS!"

A suit about his size strolls up, putting a glove on its hip and tapping a foot. Apparently, this isn't strange to the Maitre Di, as he simply makes a dismissing gesture at it.

"Table for two."

Mister Looms holds up two fingers to point at Iris and Revenant, before nodding with his shoulders and making the gesture for 'follow me.' He hands them menus as he leads them to a table by the window. He makes another nodding motion, picks up an appetizer plate that they're not using, and places it on the table next to them. From there, he takes the candle from that table and places it on theirs. Not sated yet, he takes their original candle and picks it up, before replacing it with an appetizer dish from five tables away. Apparently satisfied at having achieved nothing, he walks off with a quick wave for "be back in a second."

Revenant looks at the appetizer plate as though there's something special about it he's not getting.

"What just...?"

[Nevrmore]

"Yes, I would like a seat."

[NecroPaladin]

"Alright then."

Mathias sneers at the robot before yelling,

"LOOMS! THE MAN WANTS A SEAT!"

Mister Looms swiftly brings a chair to the front desk, placing it atop the surface in front of Mathias' face. He grabs Mathias' book and walks off, supposedly to put it where a chair used to be.

"No, I said he wants-"

Mathias looks at the 'seat' in front of him with a glare of dawning recognition.

"I hate that suit."

He buries his face in his hands, before pointing to a free table and handing a menu to Zeerust.

"There. Sit there."

And, that done, he pursues Mister Looms.

((Deadtiming for about an hour shortly. Ms E, can you handle the female NPCs?))

[Nevrmore]

Zeerust tosses the menu behind him and instead takes a seat at the original chair provided for him.

"Regularly changing posture assists in regulating oil levels." He explains to no one in particular.

[Ms_Elaneous]

Iris watches the floating apparel, well, float away with rather stunned look. She turns that look to Revenant, "You know, I couldn't tell ya."

She leans forward against the table, putting her arms to her chin like a dreamy teenage girl in a milkshake bar. Sans the doofy expression. Iris is looking just as Iris-y as always.

[Fax Celestis]

A young man--blind from the look of the blindfold around his eyes--walks into the restaurant, approaches the host, and quietly speaks: "I'm looking for a lost cat. Small, grayish, white paws. Have you seen it?" He shakes his head. "No, never mind. Helena will show up sooner or later. I have no money on me, but would you be willing to trade this for a cup of tea?" He pulls a charcoal portrait of a butterfly sitting on an orchid out of a small, apparently homemade, case. "It's not much, I know, but neither is a cup of tea."

[NecroPaladin]

"Of course not," remarks a leering Mathias as he pulls the chair and the man sitting in it to the floor, but Mister Looms has already given him a cup of tea and taken the picture. There's an irony in that Mister Looms doesn't have eyes to see it.

Mathias whines in a futile manner, "Do you just exchange anything for anything else as soon as you get the opportunity? And where did you put my book?"

Looms points to a spot where a chair used to be, and Mathias picks it up, grumbling.

"I'm taking my break now."

That done, Haull climbs onto the front desk and sits on it.

"Awesome! I get to be Maitre Di!"

He looks around with a faux-snooty expression, snorting periodically.

******

Revenant grins at Iris' expression, knowing well what it feels like to be a bit doofy himself.

"The one with the glasses is a jerk, but I like this place's ambience. And it's good to just get out and about for once."

He leans in and says in a slightly quieter voice,

"You look fantastic, by the way."

[Fax Celestis]

Without further comment, the man walks over to a nearby table, sits, and pulls out a piece of parchment and some charcoal. He begins sketching.

[Nevrmore]

Zeerust looks over at Shasta.

"Blind." He states simply.

[Ms_Elaneous]

"What I look like is a woman who has been in need of a little vacation," she counters, not especially good at taking compliments. At least, not ones that threaten to make her blush. That was just unacceptable.

Change of subject in order once more, she recalls something. "You said you were hungry earlier?" The way she says it can mean "Why are you all of a sudden hungry?" or "So, what would you like?" She had intentionally left it open to whatever he was comfortable with.

[Fax Celestis]

Shasta nods. "Yes." He continues drawing. A smooth, humanoid-esque shape is beginning to take shape on the paper.

[NecroPaladin]

Revenant nods, taking it as questioning what he had been unsure of.

"I don't know. I've been experiencing rather human wants recently. Like food, and sleep, and companionship, and...and..."

He doesn't finish this statement, but his face turns red.

"Shepherd's pie. That's what I'll have."

He switches deftly to the other interpretation of the question, deciding not to carry the first further.

[Ms_Elaneous]

The umbrella's eye makes a intrigued sort of shape, considering the implications of that himself. However, this isn't about the umbrella right now. He is just an observer.

Iris caught on to one of those implications and pulls her mouth into a sideways smile. "Um hm..."

For the sake of polite dinnertime conversation, she decides to play along with his quick diversion. "I'm actually thinking any kind of warm soup or a stew would be great."

[Fax Celestis]

The humanoid form Shasta is drawing condenses some more, refining into--at this point--a rather sketchy depiction of Zeerust. He continues working on it, though not very fervently. It's almost as if he's not even paying attention.

[NecroPaladin]

Mister Looms is already at the side of the table. He holds up his pad, which states,

"SHEPHERD'S PIE, CHICKEN STEW, AND HUMAN WANTS.

DRINKS YES NO?"

Revenant looks at it bemusedly and says,

"...um, yes no? I mean, yes. Except, not that human wants part. That wasn't an order.

He heard that?

Revenant appears very confused, but eventually gets around to saying,

"Something light to drink."

[thehothead]

Haydn walks in, followed by 5 automatons carrying longswords and crossbows.

I realize I should have made a reservation, but I've never been here before. Pardon my retinue, but every king needs bodyguards. Will you be able to fit me in?

[Ms_Elaneous]

Iris would say, "Whatever you think goes well with stew" but changes her mind considering who is waiting on them. And what he might just turn up with.

"Ale, if you've got a good stock." She was in a drinking mood. That was always a good way to face doom. With a hangover.

[The Geomancer]

((Looms might be the my favorite out of every character I've seen in town))

[thehothead]

I'm getting rather impatiant...

((Don't get offended, he IS royalty after all, even if it's self proclaimed))

[NecroPaladin]

((Woah! Geomancer, you like him that much?))

Haull gives Haydn a knaveish look.

"Sorry, mister high-and-"

"Of course, sir!"

Mathias butts in front of Haull, always ready to make himself look good by serving royalty. He bows deeply from the waist, and leads Haydn to a spot near the fireplace with a large table.

***

Mister Looms returns with a rather oversized mug of ale. It's a fairly bitter and very heady brew, one of Dvotia's favorites. He serves a rather dainty-looking drink to Revenant, somewhere between a martini and a pina colada. This one is particularly sweet. He also serves them both their food, which is really quite good. Nothing extraordinary, but still worth having twice.

Haull passes by their table as he leaves the front desk, and stops to glance with a curious look at the odd couple. Now this was something he hadn't seen before.

[thehothead]

Thank you, now what do you recomend in the way of food that goes well with fine wine?

[The Geomancer]

((Yes, I do. I really do.))

[Fax Celestis]

Shasta finishes the charcoal drawing, stands, and walks over to Zeerust. "Here. This is...well, it's you," he says awkwardly, then leaves the picture, turns, and returns to his table. He sips his tea and pulls out another drawing. This is of a woman, half-drawn. He tries to continue the drawing, but he doesn't seem to be able to put the charcoal to the paper.

[The Geomancer]

((The thing about these characters that attracts me, is that A)None of them are built around a power, something I do to almost all my characters. B)All of them are pure personality, and thats all they need. Czar is the closest thing I have to that and look at him! A powerhouse. I need to add some more amusing characters to the town.))

[NecroPaladin]

((Well, I wouldn't call him a personality, because everything he does pretty much goes out of the bounds of human personality. The picking things up and switching them thing came from me going "He needs to have one utterly strange trait to accentuate that he isn't human." So I tried to think of something utterly useless and hindering to humans, and yet something that he would find profound meaning in. Thus, he switches objects as he sees fit.))

Mathias bows again, his head almost going limp as he does so. He wears a smile so forced it's painful.

"I would recommend our stuffed mushroom, sir. Of course, nothing could be quite good enough for you."

Mister Looms aimlessly wanders before sitting down at one of the tables and apparently picking up Mathias' book to read it upside-down, legs crossed and foot kicking absently.

[thehothead]

Thank you for the recomendation, I'll have that with some of your finest wine.

As Mathias turns to go he speaks up again
Oh, and PLEASE don't suck up TOO much, it annoys me TERRIBLY when people do that. Did you honestly think that smile looked natural?

[NecroPaladin]

The smile quickly becomes a frown.

"Erk. You...

Well, I don't really smile naturally, anyway. Mushroom it is."

Mathias storms off.

"Looms, give me my book."

Looms reaches out to shake his hand.

"No, really. Give-"

Looms begins shaking his hand.

"Stop it, Looms. I want to read after-"

Looms lets go and shakes his other hand.

"THE BOOK!"

Looms then stands still for a second, before handing him the book and plucking his spectacles off his nose. Looms shakes his hand once, twice, three times more and heads off to the kitchen to fetch that mushroom. The despectacled Mathias blinks.

"Wait..."

((Iris and Revenant have deadtimed for the night, so no interacting with them, just so yah know.))

[thehothead]

Haydn drums his fingers, then sends one of his automaton out the door to get an idea of the layoyt of the town.

[NecroPaladin]

Looms half-strolls, half-floats down to Haydn, and serves him a well-aged, if a bit fruity, wine with a large mushroom stuffed with 4 kinds of cheese.

That done, he takes Mathias' red half-moon spectacles and places them on the tip of the table's festive floral centerpiece, like some sort of ornament. He puts his hands up with two "L" shaped fingers to get a mental picture of it, puts his hand where his chin would be, and then turns the spectacles upside-down. He makes a nodding motion, clasps his hands behind him, and goes back to the kitchen.

Mathias continues to blink.

"Did he just..."

He puts his hand in front of his face, finding it hazy and blurred.

"Dammit."

[Fax Celestis]

Shasta approaches Haydn cautiously. "Excuse me. What...what exactly are these?" he says, indicating one of the guards.

[thehothead]

Haydn eats his food, leaves a ridiculous amount of money, apoligizes to Haull for his demeaner earlier, and is just out the door before being struck by deadtime.

[NecroPaladin]

"MISTER LOOMS! DAMMIT LOOMS, WHERE DID YOU PUT MY GLASSES???"

Looms points to the centerpiece, not really considering that a man without his glasses can't see where he's pointing. He then fetches up the gold and begins placing it directly into the pockets of the other staff members, before carrying the rest of it off to somewhere unknown, presumably some sort of office in back.

Eventually, Mathias does find his glasses, but not without a lot of trouble.

"WHY do we keep him here?"

"Because he's the best waiter who ever lived."

Haull smirks, crossing his arms.

"But that's not even...he's not...GAAH!"

Mathias clenches his fists, and looks for his book only to find it missing again. Rather than chasing after the suit, he just picks a new one:
YOUR VOCABULARY AND THE INCORRIGIBLE PERAMBULATORS THAT IT DISCOMBOBULATES

[Warpfire]

((Vocabulary confuses baby carriages? :smallconfused: ))

[NecroPaladin]

((I meant babies. But yes.))

[Fax Celestis]

Shasta mumbles to himself: "Remarkable, the people here." He shakes his head and rubs is eyes through the blindfold, hands Looms another picture--this one of a swan on a lake--and leaves.

[NecroPaladin]

Looms puts the two pictures up on the wall over the tables. He starts with one upside-down and one sideways, but turns them both right eventually. He then winds down to deadtime himself, along with the rest of the staff.

((This'll be fun to play tomorrow. Been a long time since I made a good thread. Or a good character.))

[Ms_Elaneous]

"Wh-whoa-ah!"

Chink! Chink-chink! Chink-chink...
...Chink-chink! Chink-chink-chink!...

Burdened by a tray of quivering dishes, Myrna stands transfixed in the kitchen doorway, glancing around wide-eyed as though asking if anybody just saw that.

Mmm... nope. Didn't look like it. She exhales a spirited sigh of relief before turning back to see just what tripped her up.

"'INT'LEKSHULISM AND ITS UNDER'PRECIASHUN IN TUH'DAY'S WASTEFUL CULCHURE'... What would that be doing in the middle of the walkw-Ah, right: "Looms."

Apparently there had been a little switch-a-roo with the floor mat.

She lifts her eyes to the ceiling pleadingly, as though it was going to do something about it. It wasn't. Was everything in the cosmos out to make her even more of a klutz? Quite possibly.

[NecroPaladin]

"Nice one, Myr. Next time drop more of them."

Haull laughs derisively, if a bit affectionately, at Myrna and takes a few of the plates for her. He appears to be the only one to have seen, luckily. Looms brushes by the two on his way to Iris and Revenant's table, before writing something in his pad and holding it up:

IS EVERYTHING SATISFACTORY, WOMAN, UMBRELLA, AND HUMAN WANTS MAN?

"'Human Wants' wasn't a title, eith...nevermind."

Revenant sighs, realizing that he can do very little to stop the suit from doing the trivial things it wishes to.

[Ms_Elaneous]

Myrna sighs and her shoulders fall a bit, though she brings them right back up as the tray starts to clatter uncertainly. She'd very much hoped to avoid detection on that one. Alas.

Instead of bemoaning the failed coverup, she trails after Haull. "Th-thank ya," she murmurs, "Ya cheeky little midget." And she could call him that. He was shorter than she was. By a bit...

Back at the table currently attended by Looms: "Yes, ah, thank you very much. Top notch job," Iris says, trying to keep composed with the rather awkward matter of being served by a walking suit.

"Is it like this for you all the time?" she asks Revenant, suddenly struck by the thought that perhaps animated things are just the teensiest bit creepy to other people.

[NecroPaladin]

Revenant takes her lead, and leans in so that Mister Looms cannot (hopefully) hear.

"Well, in a manner, yes. It does get rather odd. Generally your ones have a bit more of understandable personality and motives..."

He looks up to the suit, which is standing perfectly still at the side of the table, still holding his pad up.

"...so I think it was rather a good thing that I had the umbrella to talk to and not 'Mister Looms.'"

At this, Mister Looms kicks his heel, does a little spin, picks up Iris' umbrella, and places it in Revenant's drink like a cocktail decoration before walking/floating off (on close inspection, it is seen that he moves his legs as though walking but his steps seem to settle a few inches above the floor). Revenant is at first startled, but then laughs involuntarily.

A mere moment later, Looms reaches into his breast pocket, pulls out a folded-up floormat, and places it in the bookshelf.

((Deadtime in 12 minutes))

[Ms_Elaneous]

The umbrella flaps indignantly at having been put into a cocktail. Ignoring the fact that it was a cocktail barely deep enough to get its handle wet. It was the principle of the thing.

Shaking itself out rather like a rebellious dog after a forcibly induced bath, to which Iris draws back from in her seat, it flops over the side of the table onto the floor. Where it decides to sulk.

"Oh. Right then, darling," she laughs, though it sounds a bit apologetic. "Well, I guess you'll get used to it..." She starts to wipe away the drops of drink that have splattered onto her face, shooting a slight glare towards the brooding umbrella.

[NecroPaladin]

((Not enough time to write a good post. Be back in 3-4 hours.))

Revenant laughs as well, although in a dismissing manner. Don't worry about it.

"I already have. It's no harder for me to get used to them than for you to get used to me."

He begins to wipe a few droplets off of himself as well, although the bulk of the drink got on Iris. He takes the glass and purses his lips for a small, dainty sip. He seems to twitch a bit, having never had alcohol before, even in small concentrations. However, his particular metabolism stops it from truly affecting him. He looks at the glass, and then at her mug, and asks cautiously,

"You're honestly going to drink all that?"

And, at this, Haull stops by the table again. It was just too weird, looking at these two. His jaw quirks slightly in confusion.

[Ms_Elaneous]

Iris takes a hand around the mug, tilts back her head, and downs half the glass in one drink. Setting it down a bit roughly on the table, the liquid hops up before falling back down into a mild froth.

After wiping her mouth on the back of her wrist and hand (which is something they are incredibly good for) she replies, "Yeah... I rather think I might..."

She nods her head slowly at Revenant, then looks down at the drink trying to get what his point is, then back at him.

[NecroPaladin]

Revenant feels rather confirmed in his position as the feminine one in this relationship. At least in spirit. He notes the wipe with the back of the hand, and smiles with half of his mouth, chuckling when he finds himself daintily dabbing at his own lips with his napkin.

"I'm never going to understand you, Iris. At least, not fully."

Haull finally leans in to speak.

"Um, first off...is everything all right here?"

He raises an eyebrow.

"And, second, if it's not rude to ask, er, what exactly are you to each other? I mean, is he your bodyguard or something?"

His guess is more to emphasize than to go into specifics, and he eyes Revenant warily, as though expecting his head to open up at the scars and bite him or the like.

[Ms_Elaneous]

To be honest, Iris would be the more likely of the two to be doing any of that. Haull needs to get his priorities straight.

Iris tilts her head to the side at the gnome. Clicks her tongue, then, "Oh," realizes what he is talking about. She had darn near forgotten she was wandering around with a dead man.

"He's got to be one of the worst bodyguards ever if that's the case," Iris says with a smirk, "I think I've saved his ass more times than he's saved mine."

She seems to be relaxing her language a little, too. Might be the ale, might just be Iris. You really can't tell.

"And probably the best summary for it is that we're lovers." She makes a dismissive gesture towards the ceiling, shrugging her shoulders.

[NecroPaladin]

Revenant blushes briefly and looks away, but decides that he has to accept the facts and looks back at Iris. Haull, meanwhile, reels back a bit. He slumps his shoulders, laughs slightly without humor, and points out the obvious.

"Lady...he's got no eyes."

[Nevrmore]

Zeerust stands suddenly, making no other movements besides. Obviously, he is regulating his oil levels again.

[Ms_Elaneous]

"He may not have eyes, but he has sex," she says, bringing her drink up for another swig.

What posessed Iris to state such a thing for all ears to hear might just be inconceivable. Might pin it on the beer if you feel like it. Though the truth is, she just would have said that anyway.

[NecroPaladin]

SPLOT.

Thus Revenant's face impacts the remains of his shepherd's pie. The sound of him screaming into it is audible, if muffled, to everyone in earshot. His hands ball into fists.

Meanwhile, Haull takes a step back, mouth wide open.

"Okay, wow. Damn. No offense, Lady, but that is one lucky freak."

He flashes a grin to accentuate the "no offense," but gets the hell out of there as soon as possible for the sake of Iris and Revenant's alone time. Not so much with Mister Looms. He stops at the table, displaying a pad that states,

I SEE YOUR MISTER HUMAN WANTS IS ENJOYING THE PIE. THIS GOOD YES. APOLOGIES MUCH MISS FOR WE DO NOT HAVE SEX NO. MISTER LOOMS IS NOT FAMILIAR WITH THIS SEX, AND SURE NO THAT MISS BEATRICE KNOWS COOKINGS FOR IT. LOOMS HAS ONLY DESSERT. YOU WILL HAVE DESSERT YES NO?

[Nevrmore]

One of the random lights on Zeerust's body blinks, accompanied with a "ding" noise.

"Audio recording complete." He says. The sound akin to a tape being rewound is heard, and then Iris' voice issues from the robot's head.

"He may not have eyes, but he has sex,"

Rewind.

"He may not have eyes, but he has sex,"

Rewind.

"but he has sex,"

Rewind.

"has sex,"

Rewind.

"sex,"
"sex,"
"sex,"

[NecroPaladin]

Mathias looks at Zeerust in disgust.

"WHAT???"

Looms continues to hold up his question, leaving the interpretation to Iris.

And Revenant continues to scream into his shepherd's pie. Unfortunately, his ears are above the surface.

[Ms_Elaneous]

"Dessert? Well, um..." She tilts her head sideways at Revenant, trying to determine if he is still breathing in there. Or if he needs to breathe at all. "Oh, hell. Maybe some cake or something will make him feel better."

Then she hears the recording...

"sex,"
"sex,"
"sex,"

Iris spews her drink across the table, probably onto the shepherd's pied Revenant. She throws her hands over her mouth (perhaps a bit too late) smirking devilishly. It would appear she can't tell whether to laugh or blush now. Maybe both.

[NecroPaladin]

CAKE YES AND SEX REPEATED. WHY IS METAL MAN ORDER THE SEX? I BEFORE THIS TELL THAT MISS BEATRICE NOT COOK SEX NO.

Mathias lets out a shrill scream, before yelling,

"THIS IS A RESPECTABLE RESTAURANT! LOOMS! REMOVE THIS UPSTART!"

Mister Looms hands Zeerust a note written in big red letters.

"SORRY SIR. WE NO SERVE THE SEX, TRY ANOTHER RESTAURANT GOOD DAY YES."

...Before pushing him out of the door, shaking his hand, and giving him a complimentary chair in a gift basket. Without Mathias' permission, of course (it was his chair).

Mathias strolls over to the table just as Revenant begins to wipe his beet-red face off, and smiles painfully.

"Erm, sorry for the trouble. How about we make those drinks on the house?"

[Ms_Elaneous]

"I think that'll be acceptable, darling, thanks," Iris says, still with that impish grin, intending it towards Mathias, but scarcely sparing him a glance from her watch of Revenant. She just coudn't tear her eyes off of that glaring red face.

As for her, her cheeks happen to be a bit, "rosier" than usual, but she still manages to give him a look that says "You see what sex gets you?" Free drinks. Wasn't it supposed to be the other way around?... Ah, nevermind.

[NecroPaladin]

Revenant, once finished cleaning himself off, hastily downs the rest of his drink. His sockets are about the size of the plates they're eating from, and he just stares at her in horror as Mathias stalks off. He somehow manages to put both a growl and a whimper into a weak voice as he asks,

"...why...?"

Revenant's lower lip twitches slightly, involuntarily. Apparently he wasn't quite ready to make this public knowledge, but there's no turning back now. Likely, he hasn't even truly accepted the fact himself. As Haull had aptly demonstrated, he's not as easy to lust after as Iris. Understandably.

[Ms_Elaneous]

Iris looks vaguely taken aback for all of two seconds, trying to figure out what he is talking about. Her mouth forms an "oh" of understanding and she gestures with her hand what would equate to a shrug, "He asked. And it's true. Although, not so much lately, but nonetheless." That was true, too.

She begins to scrape the bottom of her bowl, getting out any stew that she might have missed in the meantime. Offhandedly, pointing a spoon in his direction, "How was the pie?" The sad thing is she seems entirely serious.

[Nightwing]

*Truck skips in*

Hi! got an French anyones? If not I dont want any hair extensions. Yeah and how would you know bub!

[NecroPaladin]

Mathias deftly points 'Truck' to the door.

"No riff-raff."

Revenant's blush slowly dies down. He sighs loudly.

"The pie was quite good. Not too much of it got in my mouth, though..."

He licks his lips to accentuate. He then decides to continue what he was saying, as it is still a topic that he wishes to discuss. Well, and he's at least a bit more verbal now.

"You honestly...you have no problem just..."

Revenant shifts and squirms a bit in his seat.

"...telling people that?"

[Nightwing]

I'm not a rif-raf, I'm a real boy!

[NecroPaladin]

"And children are riff-raff."

Mathias grins cheerily before sneering.

"You don't deserve my attention. So I'll let someone else try to make sense of you."

He waves a dismissing hand and begins reading again.

[Nightwing]

I'm not a child! I'm 24!

(With is true)

*He sits down at a table*

Onions over easy please. Oh, and on whole wheat bread. I'm trying to keep a diet you know.

[Ms_Elaneous]

"Well, ya arn't ta me, sunshine," says Dvotia, just now having come out from behind the bar, realizing that they had a little pest buzzing around her establishment. And that he wasn't listening to Mathias. As much of a stuck-up old goat Mathias is, she wasn't going to tolerate someone disrespecting him. Not under her roof.

"An' these tables 'appen ta be reserved." She looms over Truck (somehow) and displays quite a "no nonsense unless you'd like your head to be ripped from your shoulders then stuffed back into your gullet" look.

Her looks are very expressive.

Across the room, Iris is continuing her conversation with Revenant, "Why would I? I don't have a problem being with you, shouldn't have one admitting it either." She fixes him with a stare that says exactly that.

Before returning to her stew scrapings. This was pretty good stuff. Cooky did good work to be sure, but it needed the recipe for whatever the cook here puts in this stuff.

[Nightwing]

*He smiles at her*

Look lady, just because you are fat, no I dont mean fat! I mean a blimp. just because you are a blimp of a person, does not mean I cant have a diet. Now will you please come to with the mozzarella! And dont mix it in with garlic like last time fatso!

[NecroPaladin]

Mathias realizes that there's only one way to save this thread from failing its IQ test, and summons the Jedi Squirrel.

******


((The cook here...hooboy.))

"Well...but...I..."

Revenant gives up. He sees himself as significantly less desirable, he supposes, than Iris must. As that waiter said, he is one lucky freak. Perhaps that is what goes through his head, albeit more eloquently.

Looms arrives at the table. He writes,

HERE IS MISTER HUMAN WANTS HIS CAKE. I HAVE ASK COOK BEATRICE WHAT SEX IS, AND THEN TO MAKE CAKE. SHE SAY NO SHOW MISTER LOOMS WHAT SEX, BUT ASSURE HIM THAT CAKE IS BETTER. LOOMS WILL SUGGEST THAT THIS MYSTERIOUS DISH BE COMBINED WITH CAKE FOR BETTERNESS GOOD YES.

Looms walks off. Revenant was about to try to explain that sex isn't a food, but is too late. He picks at the cake, eating none yet.

"Consorting with a monster. I don't think anyone could have predicted that you'd find yourself doing that."

[AmberVael]

The door swings open with a bang, and the camera focuses on the doorstep, where there is-
THE SITH SQUIRREL!
It chatters angrily and launches itself at Truck, gnawing, slicing, and shooting lightning at his face.

[Nightwing]

*Truck starts singing a day in the life* as he jumps under the table to avoid the squirrel*


I read the news today, oh boy....

* He sings Beatles songs when every he get worried.

[AmberVael]

The squirrel slices through the table with his lightsaber and keeps after Truck, trying to bite him and chase him out the door.

[NecroPaladin]

((This thread is forever tainted.))

[Ms_Elaneous]

Possessed by the will of her player, Dvotia steps over to Mathias, shaking her head sadly at the defilement of their lovely thread restaurant. "Do ya think hae'll ev'r laern or will 'e fore'er be a thorn in our sides?"


* * * * * * *

Clink!

Iris somewhat tosses her spoon back into the empty bowl, having done all but lick it clean.

"Revenant, we've been over this already," she says, tapping a foot impatiently, though there is nothing but fondness in her gaze. She can understand how hard it is for him to accept. Especially how she feels in regards to yesterday's events.

The umbrella, on the other hand, is highly intolerant to this way of thinking and proceeds to whack him under the table at approximately ankle height.

[The Geomancer]

((I'm sad your thread got tainted, but much more broken up about the taint on an amazing Beatles song thats older then all of us. *Or should be...*))

[NecroPaladin]

((Guh. Sorry for not coming back sooner. I'll have art in the morning as a recompense.))

"Thorn is too dignified a term," Mathias spits out. "Because roses have them. I would rather make the comparison of a rusty nail."


******

"But-GAH!"

Revenant winces as the thing hits his leg, and bares his teeth at the umbrella before sighing loudly and frowning.

"Yes...yes, I suppose we have."

He takes a bite of his cake, and smiles again. Apparently Looms was right about the quality.

"You were right, darling...this is making me feel better."

There it is again. He doesn't realize it, but he's steadily absorbing one of her mannerisms. There's actually something a bit flattering about that, but it's unsure exactly what. He continues to savor the slice of cake, and when he's about half-finished offers her the plate wordlessly (his mouth is still full).

[Shadow of the Sun]

((I'm getting a Fawlty Towers vibe from this thread...))

The Maitre will hear a harsh, grating chuckle, akin to the sound of an angle grinder on steel. This chuckle is followed by an equally grating voice intoning, still with a trace of the angle grinder laugh: Rusty Nail? Nah. Those have more finesse. The grating chuckle returns, no more pleasant.

Should the bitter, cynical man look, he'll find the chuckle originating from a fairly short human scruffily dressed in an incredibly dirty tuxedo over a white shirt with a crimson tie. There are a few unidentifiable stains on the shirt and tie, but most are ominously like the colour of dried blood.

The man is leaning against a wall, smoking a battered cigarette that he evidently rolled himself. Shifting his weight forward, he takes a step which causes a rather loud sounding crunch from his hobnailed boots.

Walking up to Mathias, each step crunching, the man grins at him darkly, his thumbs tucked in his pockets, conveniently close to his gunbelts which contain two massive, antique revolvers which each look like they weigh about 2 kilograms.

Through the grin, and blowing a large amount of smoke into the ex-wizards face, the man finishes his estimation: That man, to me, is no rusty nail. They're too easy too remove. Nope, he's a dum-dum bullet; they hurt like a bastard, are nearly impossible to remove and are banned in war. A slight, subtle movement of his hands and it will be seen that he is no amateur at using the weapons he bears. Want some help removing him? He pauses, and remembers that he actually came in here to buy some food. Oh yeah, I'd like some steak. Blue Rare, thanks. He gurgles that unpleasant chuckle again and looks quite eager at the prospect of removing someone, anyone, from the building by force.

[Nightwing]

*Robbert and Venom the spider fly in on jet packs*

Table for four please.

[metakirb]

Waddle Dee lands outside and runs in with his spider

[Exachix]

A Hooded man enters and just sits at a table, looking at the menu, before ordering a Roast Chicken, and watching...

[Shadow of the Sun]

((Please note: invading the plot that is running will end up with you guys being shot and mutilated. We're being nice, but seriously, don't screw around with a thread which was made so that it could, at least at first, have a plot run in it.

It's basic Town etiquette.))

[Nightwing]

*The two of them sit down ant a table, and what for Waddle and spid to sit down too*


((Dont worry, we are just here for a meal.))

[metakirb]

Waddle Dee jumps onto his chair and sits on his jetpack, so he can actually see the top of the table

[Exachix]

The Chicken arrives and the hooded man begins to eat and sip his drink, watching the other patrons.

[Nightwing]

What are you having?

[metakirb]

um... i'll have some chicken

[Nightwing]

I will have the mozzarella sticks!

[metakirb]

Waddle Dee looks at spid

me and spid will sare the chicken, i won't eat it alone

[Nightwing]

Me and Venom share too!

*The food is brought, and Venom shoots a web from his mouth and pulls a mozzarella stick into his mouth with it*

[Exachix]

The Hooded man finishes his chicken and looks in the dessert menu. Looking through it while watching and listening.

[metakirb]

The chicken placed infront of waddle dee is bigger than him ((not hard when hes 20cm tall)) but he and spid begin to eat it anyway

[Nightwing]

*Robbert tries to eat one but venom webs it out of his hand and eats it*

[metakirb]

Waddle Dee slowly eats small chunks of the chicken, taking his time with each mouthfull, spid on the other hand tries to eat it so fast he gives himself indigestion

[Nightwing]

*Venom webs the plate and dumps all the mozzarella a sticks into his mouth*

[metakirb]

Waddle Dee finishes off his chicken, he lies back against the chairs back and half-dozes for a while

[Exachix]

The man orders profiteroles and looks at the other patrons.

[Nightwing]

((Is spid a boy or a girl? Venom is a boy)


*Venom webs the plate that had the chicken on it and eats the scrapes off of it*

[metakirb]

((Spid's a girl))

Waddle Dee continues to sleep

[Nightwing]

*Venom looks at Spid and makes a sound that kind of sounds like shhhhhh!(as in quite)*


*then he jumps under the table and spites a web at Waddle*

[metakirb]

Spid makes a little spider giggle

[Exachix]

The Man just watches.

[Nightwing]

*Venom laughs as he spays more web at Dee*

Hay dont do tha- *Robert falls asleep*

[metakirb]

Waddle dee begins to roll off his jetpack

[Nightwing]

*He webs Robbert the the wall, grabs his jet pack, and leaves*


((He likes Robber, he just wants to play a trick. He never intends on leaving for ever))

[metakirb]

Waddle Dee lies there on the floor

[Fualkner Asiniti]

Fualkner and Fellus walk into the room.

Why are you guys sleeping?

Shall we wake them up?

Let's cover them with webs.

Fellus, you are definetly my brother.

Fualkner and Fellus cover Waddle Dee and Robert in web cocoons. Fualkner gives the spiked ring to a group of spiders to take back to the Guild.

[metakirb]

Waddle Dee wakes up, breaks the cocoon, grabs his jetpack and leaves, taking the cocoon with him

[Nightwing]

*Robber wakes up and cuts the cocoon with his Knife,, and leaves in search of Venom*

[NecroPaladin]

((Taking brief control of all of the NPCs))

Dvotia folds the entire bar into a small card, which she slips into her pocket. She turns to Mathias, concentrated in the spell that allowed to do that, with a bit of a melancholy feel.

"I always haete hav'n tah pack up raight'n wae git tah a Town..."

Mathias adjusts his spectacles, frowning. Although this time, not out of distaste. Just sadness.

"It's for the best, my esteemed barmatron. We had to move all the time when we were younger."

Haull runs by Myrna trying to get a hot plate back to the kitchen to be packed away, knocking her over in the process. Luckily, she was just carrying a few boxes of bread. She curses to herself until Mister Looms offers her a hand and they pick the bread up together.

Mathias looks like he's about to yell at the waiters, but calms himself down. Dvotia smiles slightly.

"Yah ne'er talk 'bout our past, Math. Whah now?"

"I believe it's apt, m'lady."

Haull sits next to Mister Looms, rubbing his hands together gleefully.

"You s'pose we'll get more money in the next town, Looms? You can never get enough money."

Looms hands him a note.



YOUR HAPPINESS IS EASILY BOUGHT. PERHAPS FOR MORE PROFOUND MEANING YOU MUST FIND A RELATIONSHIP. YOU NEVER SPEAK ABOUT YOUR FAMILY. PERHAPS TRUE HAPPINESS LIES THERE.

Haull stares at the paper Looms has handed him in confusion, then in fear. He raises an eyebrow at the suit and hands the note back.

"Looms...the stress of moving is getting to you. What WAS that?"

Looms crosses out the note and writes in red letters. It is now:



YOUR HAPPINESS IS EASILY BOUGHT. PERHAPS FOR MORE PROFOUND MEANING YOU MUST FIND A RELATIONSHIP. YOU NEVER SPEAK ABOUT YOUR FAMILY. PERHAPS TRUE HAPPINESS LIES THERE.

LOOMS IS WHAT THE COOK SEX? GOOD DAY YES MONEY HAPPY BOOK.

Haull sighs with relief.

"That's better."

Myrna is apparently talking to Beatrice, from the sound of it. The kitchen echoes with:

"MOVE? ALREADY? BUT I JUST GOT OUT MY PEWTER CLAM COLLECTION!"

"Bea, no one cares about your pewter-"

"I CARE!"

"Fine. But Looms would have them hidden in a week, tops."

"YOU MAKE A GOOD POINT. LET'S PACK UP."

"You can stop yelling, Bea."

"BUT YOU'RE ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE ROOM!"

******

Mathias and Dvotia are the first out the door, followed by Looms. Looms appears to be carrying about half of the objects from the entire building, and Haull and Beatrice share the other two quarters of the load. Myrna hammers up a note that Looms wrote for her:


SO SORRY WE CLOSED PERMANENT, OPEN NO, YES APOLOGIES. TOO MANY ASK LOOMS WHAT SERVE THE SEX.

Mathias breaks out of his melancholy to crook his arm and lean over.

"Care to walk together?"

"Mathias, yah old goat. Yer naut twenty anehmahr."

"And I've aged terribly. It doesn't mean that I can't offer you some civility, hag."

Dvotia laughs and takes his arm, and they walk together. Haull makes a gagging motion at Looms, stopping when he realizes that Looms probably wouldn't get what he meant. He shrugs, and keeps walking.

Soon enough, the building is abandoned once more.

[THREAD END]

[The Geomancer]

((Buh-wuh-GAH!!!))

[Rebonack]

((But... I liked these guys. They were funny!

T_T))

[Nevrmore]

Semi-relatedly, Zeerust, who has been standing outside the restaurant, spontaneously explodes.