Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition IV: Just what Doc Ordered

[goto124]

And yes, Viridia did that (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?441544-Fallout-Equestria-Grits-And-Ghouls&p=19941458&viewfull=1#post19941458). Even rolled a crit-success which totally derailed everyone there for a moment. XD

I tried to bring in the relevant parts here:

Viridia nodded with Doc's introduction and stood there being beautiful.

Dice: (1d10)[1] vs 10

DM: Stitchheart looked over at Viridia with a pleasant smile. Meanwhile, for whatever reason, Fan Knife decided to cover her face with her fedora. "I suppose you wouldn't mind if I checked over your injuries?" Stitchheart said, somehow not making that sound like a pickup line.

Stellar explains whilst trying her utmost to keep the heat out of her cheeks. There should be laws against ponies being so effortlessly hot.

Doc focused on his conversation with Stitchheart in order to counter Viridia's hot bod, but it was still getting warm in this room. He mentally noted to go roll around in the snow outside after this.

Moonshadow said [unrelated], staring at Luapula to offset Viridia's sexiness.



How are you people still adventuring with wounds like those? O.o`

Remember the phrase "mildly impaled"?

[Necroticplague]

How are you people still adventuring with wounds like those? O.o`

With incredible tenacity!

Resistance, Survival, and Malfean Charms help.

[Magentawolf]

With incredible tenacity!

Resistance, Survival, and Malfean Charms help.


They're filled with DETERMINATION!

[Gallade]

Quickie.
"Yes, for the sake of puns, you CAN cast Bowstaff on a violin."

[D.KnightSpider]

Ray: I resent that. I was never charged with public indecency.
Lisa: Newsflash: you being allowed in public is an indecency.

-----

Lisa: I said make a distraction, not be a distraction!

-----

Lisa: *in one motion, grabs a sword-swallower's sword, whips it out of his throat and slices a strongman's cigar in two*
Sword-swallower: :smalleek:
Strongman: :smalleek:
Lisa: Any else have any objections?

-----

Ray: I passed that acrobatics check so hard, the ringmaster wants to hire me full time.

-----

Ray: It's called "rinoplasty", I plastered the rhino. With booze.

-----

Ray: Quick, do that thing!
Lisa: What thing?
Ray: The thing! That thing!
Lisa: Repeating the words don't make them clearer.
Ray: That thing where you pull an impossibly large weapon out of an impractically small piece of clothing!
Lisa: You're never going to let that go, are you?
Ray: I have a partner who once pulled a minigun out of a miniskirt and we're surrounded by zombies. What do you think?

-----

Ray: Maybe now I can get some respect around here.
NPC Girl: Look, Mom! It's the potty-dance-Man!
Ray: ....... Not. One. Word.
Lisa: Whatever you say, P.D.

[USS Sorceror]

A couple more I remembered.


Fighter: I roll to save vs child support!

Bard: I roll for Diplomacy. That's a...33.
DM: The owner of the bar has heard of your music before and offers you a very good price. He also offers you his daughter's hand in marriage.

DM: As you're performing, a rock is thrown onstage. It has a pair of women's underthings attached, troll sized.
Bard: There's a troll in here? I hope she's not the barkeep's daughter.

Fighter: If you can find my father, tell him he's an a**hole.
Spirit Medium: -channeling, in a deep voice- YOU'RE AN A**HOLE!
-later-
Fighter: Wait, it's my mother who died.
Magus: No, I'm pretty sure that was your mother.

[goto124]

Fighter: I roll to save vs child support!

Heretical context please!

[DigoDragon]

Remember the phrase "mildly impaled"?

With incredible tenacity!

They're filled with DETERMINATION!

We are such geeks. :smalltongue:



Ray: I resent that. I was never charged with public indecency.
Lisa: Newsflash: you being allowed in public is an indecency.

Oooh, burn. XD



Heretical context please!

Maybe the fighter pulled a 'Bard'? :smallamused:

[USS Sorceror]

Heretical context please!


The fighter bedded a member of the Thieve's Guild who is now the new guild master. He found out last session he got her pregnant.

[goto124]

Maybe the fighter pulled a 'Bard'? :smallamused:

You figured it out! How did you know? :smalltongue:

[DigoDragon]

You figured it out! How did you know? :smalltongue:

I know how to 'Bard'. :smallbiggrin:
(Though never had a GM confirm that I've ever gotten a lady pregnant. Yet)


GM: “The youngest Moss sibling seemed eager at the mention of delicious sugar-water, and gave Doc a look that could only be described as 'concentrated puppy'.”

GM: “In Viridia's mane, Andante began to snore.”
Viridia: “Viridia pulled out Martha (a switchblade) and poked her until she stopped. With the blunt part, for now.”

Doc: “Alright, let me see your apple stock.”
Donkey: “Follow me.” (already leaving the room)
Doc: *Shrugs* “Seems Legit.”

Andante: “I would be pleased to know the name of this esteemed gang leader who has somehow managed to establish a base within Stitchheart's domain while having absolutely no taste whatsoever.”
Viridia: “Armoise Blanche.”
Andante: “Oh my god you just dealt with armchair bleach.”

Andante: “I am surprised that you decided to undergo a deal with the leader of the Children of Nightmare without a second thought.”
Viridia: “They need guns. We had guns. We need money. They had money. Bada bing, deal's done, no need to compare our notes on the Necronomicon.”

[Inevitability]

Death Master: Strangely, I'm much better at creating antagonists than protagonists.
Me: 'Strangely' indeed.

[Necroticplague]

"You can't grandfather paradox me out of existence! I already am going to have had ontological paradoxed myself into existence!"

[the OOD]

"You can't grandfather paradox me out of existence! I already am going to have had ontological paradoxed myself into existence!"

Exalted is a great game.

[Lord Raziere]

Exalted is a great game.

.....But you can't time travel in Exalted, thats one of the only things that impossible-impossible in it... not as if it matters for peoples individual games anyways but.....still. sounds more like a Mage: The Awakening or Ascension thing at high levels of Time to me.

[AmbientRaven]

"Gulth the Breaker does not want little gulths, he too wants to drink the no baby tea"

[DigoDragon]

Andante: “Oh, damn it, who cares. Go and make money for your marefriend. Play nice with the Nightmare Moon cultists and don't kill Sithchearht…” (passes out, snoring)

Doc: “The harshest part of the cold is the wind, something that doesn't show up in the basement unless you're operating a wind tunnel.”

GM: “The jack diplomatically replied.”
Viridia: “I didn't know we could do this. If I add ‘Viridia said diplomatically’, will ponies stop committing suicide on her?”
Moon: “No, they'll counter by committing suicide politely.”
GM: “It was that one time, jeeze.”
Viridia: “Technically twice, if you count the Imperator delivery-griffon.”
GM: “She had a name!”
Doc: “Yeah, which got pasted all over the floor along with her liver, spleen, and most of the left kidney because she blew herself up.”

GM: “Armchair Evilcorn did say to follow him, right?”
Viridia: “He didn't say anything like that. He said he's going to fetch his boyfriend and that I should consider who my enemies are, along with that weird verbal tic he has.”

[goto124]

Andante: “don't kill Sithchearht…”

Theory confirmed: Stitchheart is a Sith.

[Rater202]

ST: Okay, you're looking for hooker to feed on. What kind of hooker?
Ventrue Ex Cop: I want a middle aged asian prostitute.
Guy in the next room: HHHHHRUUUUGHHR!!!!
Ventrue Ex Cop:And it'll sound like that.

[Anonymouswizard]

GM: yours sincerely/yours faithfully is now defunct.
Skaven: like your gaming table. Now you've vetoed the Take That, it's defunked.

Me: doesn't that mean dwarves are naturally more attractive than elves?

[Necroticplague]

Exalted is a great game.


.....But you can't time travel in Exalted, thats one of the only things that impossible-impossible in it... not as if it matters for peoples individual games anyways but.....still. sounds more like a Mage: The Awakening or Ascension thing at high levels of Time to me.
Razier's right. That was an Arc of Time and Life informing a lesser mage that he was horribly outclass.

[AdmiralCheez]

DM: Okay, the gods have decided to rotate the planet's magnetic field 90 degrees, because who writes maps with North facing right?


Julio: Are we really going to rob this poor spirit right after we put it to rest?
*Tymorel pockets a bunch of rubies*
Julio: Apparently we are.


DM: Has anyone ever accidentally created a Sphere of Annihilation before?
PCs: No... No... No... No...
Finley: Yes.
DM: Okay. Wait... what?


DM: Who gets to hold the Bag of Holding?
Nadarr: Well, if it gets hit, it explodes, so who doesn't get hit?
*Tymorel (the rogue) raises her hand.*
Nadarr: How about someone that hangs in the back in a fight? Away from the danger.
*Tymorel waves her hand.*
Nadarr: How about the cleric? He's trustworthy.


Finley: You know... when we have to fight the... uh... big octo-monkey s**t-a-ma-jigger.

[digiman619]

Me: doesn't that mean dwarves are naturally more attractive than elves? Hmm... Muscley guys with lifting heavy armor and weapons, or lanky androgynous guys... Choices, choices.

[the OOD]

*starts playing I'm Going Slightly Mad on repeat.*
Helvetica: I wonder how long it's going to take for this to get incredibly annoying.
[two hours later]
Helvetica: ok, this is incredibly annoying.

[Anonymouswizard]

Hmm... Muscley guys with lifting heavy armor and weapons, or lanky androgynous guys... Choices, choices.

Oh, the women as well.

This was mechanically true, as dwarves got +2 to Health, which the Sex Appeal skill is based off. Unfortunately the GMhas declares cross-racial modifiers.

[digiman619]

Oh, the women as well.] A) Androgyny works both ways, dude; and B) Just because you can't handle strong women... ^_^

[Anonymouswizard]

A) Androgyny works both ways, dude; and B) Just because you can't handle strong women... ^_^

My character has been established to like Dwarven women (although not quite as young as the one in the party), and the Dwarf engineer has been propositioned twice as much as the elf shadow dancer (think Bard) so far.

For the record, although most of the people I'm attracted to are relatively thin (and Chinese, but that's beside the point) I have no problem with strong women being attractive, heck I'm attracted to both genders/sexes, although I don't particularly like 'bodybuilder physiques' personally, so tough looking ladies are just as hot.

[DigoDragon]

[two hours later]

Egads, that's a long time repeating just one song. I had a GM attempt it once and I was murdering his MP3 player after 20 minutes. D:


DM: Okay, the gods have decided to rotate the planet's magnetic field 90 degrees, because who writes maps with North facing right?

That 'N' didn't happen to resemble more closely a 'Z' did it? :smallbiggrin:



Choro: “Hats. You could sum up all of magical history with hats. Back in the old days, ponies weren't sure about magic. And as such, they weren't sure about what sort of hats to wear while doing magic. Some ponies wore hoods, some people wore big fancy headdresses. But then Starswirl the Bearded came with his pointy hat, and all the other wizards who followed him who also wore pointy hats. Some wore slightly different sorts of pointy hat, big brim, little brim, some preferred a more rounded sort of hat, but the basic idea was in place. Fancy but not over-fancy marked a wizard. But then Twilight Sparkle came along, and decided that hats weren't really important for magic. Which was true, but kinda depressing…”

[goto124]

I had a GM attempt it once and I was murdering his MP3 player after 20 minutes. D:

Well the GM was murdering his players, so it's all fair :D


Choro: “hats weren't really important for magic. Which was true, but kinda depressing…”

Why did I (http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/632/704/f39.png) decide to look up 'tf2 mlp hats' (http://iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/181453%20-%20animated%20apple_bloom%20engineer%20gmod%20hat% 20mod%20team_fortress%20Team_Fortress_2%20tf2.gif) ?

[AdmiralCheez]

That 'N' didn't happen to resemble more closely a 'Z' did it? :smallbiggrin:

That would have been hilarious, but alas, it was not so. The mapmaker just wanted to fit it in portrait orientation, I guess.

[DigoDragon]

Why did I (http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/632/704/f39.png) decide to look up 'tf2 mlp hats' (http://iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/181453%20-%20animated%20apple_bloom%20engineer%20gmod%20hat% 20mod%20team_fortress%20Team_Fortress_2%20tf2.gif) ?

OMG, I want a cute pony hat now. XD


That would have been hilarious, but alas, it was not so. The mapmaker just wanted to fit it in portrait orientation, I guess.

Aww. Missed opportunity I guess. Or maybe use the idea as a call back later on? ;)

[Cazero]

Why did I (http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/632/704/f39.png) decide to look up 'tf2 mlp hats' (http://iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/181453%20-%20animated%20apple_bloom%20engineer%20gmod%20hat% 20mod%20team_fortress%20Team_Fortress_2%20tf2.gif) ?

I blame the Amazing Soldier (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7_LMJ1U-A3U).

[AdmiralCheez]

Aww. Missed opportunity I guess. Or maybe use the idea as a call back later on? ;)

The best part is that that is something our DM would do. I can totally see him just not reading it right.

[PoeticDwarf]

Me: doesn't that mean dwarves are naturally more attractive than elves?

We already knew that:smallconfused:

[GAAD]

DM: So did you guys go FULL murderhobo, or PARTIAL murderhobo?
Me: Chuck Norris Hobo. Obviously.

Me: How many skill points did you put into Perform: Burning Bodies anyway?
Werewolf: Good question.

Me: Does this count as an improvised weapon?
Werewolf: Your FACE is an improvised weapon.
Paladin: Yes. Yes it is. Please let go of me.

Doppelganger: Call me Lynn
Paladin: Well, Lynn and Lloyd.
Me (Lloyd for the time being): I ship it.
Bard: I'm Liam.
DM: You are the "L" squad.
Werewolf: That's it, I'm changing my name to Larry.
Me: We are the Lovely Lads!

Bard: *pulls out a nelodaca (cross between piano and kazoo)*
Bard: *starts playing the Mii Plaza theme*
Paladin: WHY DID YOU BRING THAT?

Me: A raging, town-destroying fire?
DM: That you set. And everyone is panicking.
Me: Awesome. I got a 17. That good enough?
DM: For what? What did you roll for?
Me: Craft (S'mores).

DM: You find 75 silver coins.
Me: I'll be sure to give that to "charity". Charity is my middle name, so technically...

DM: The fire is approaching. What do you do?
ME: *rolls a 1* What fire?

[Rysto]

DM: So apparently when [[the fighter]] bought her shortsword, she didn't notice that the big curve in the blade made it a scimitar instead.

[Illven]

Evil campaign quote time.

Nicky (OOC) "We brutally wail on them for 10 turns. The end."

Michel (OOC) What happened is Nicky solo'd another encounter. But no, I'm the overpowered one

Michel (OOC) (when will I learn to stop clicking shiela's links?)

Nicky (OOC) "It's like charades, but here if you don't get it right, you might die"

Michel (OOC) "so the sink hole acts up the SECOND we finish off the undead guy"

Shiela (OOC) "WHO ******* TOUCHED THE RUBY"

Nicky (OOC) "Turn even being struck into a victory I say!"

Shiela "you ..uhm have my attention"
Michel "You....you saw I was helpless and you tried to leave me...TO DIE!"

[Inevitability]

DM: Am I the only one worried about telling John what happened his character this session?
Player: How so?
DM: Because 'someone else took over your character for today and he's an emotionless wreck now' might rub him the wrong way?

DM: The bodies of your fallen teammates are right where you left them, apparently undisturbed.
Rogue: That has to be a trap. Do I see anything else?
DM: You can see a small mouse skittering about.
Rogue: Obvious trap. I stay in hiding.
DM: The mouse squeaks and starts moving away.
Rogue: I leave cover... no wait, I don't! I won't fall for your traps!
DM: Moments like these remind me why I love being a DM.

[the OOD]

Sarah: we could appropriate a predator drone.
Adam: and rig it to drop Adam.
Helvetica: get ready for an ADAM BOMB!!!

Sarah: God is in heaven because He is afraid of our superior firepower.
Sarah: and then we nuked him.

Helvetica: TERMINUS: saving the world by quibbling about mathematics!

GM: at terminal velocity, it takes him one minute to hit ground.
Albert: I play elevator music from Adam's phone.

Helvetica: [the Incursion boss] just saw you willingly jump out of a UFO to take near-orbital drop into a sea of napalm, and the only thing that changed was your attacks gained the fire subtype. it probably knows that it can't hurt you.
Adam: fair.

Mr. T: Adam's birthday cakes are national wildfire situations.

Murdermonster: *hits Mr. T with massive HP and Con damage*
Helvetica: god frigging dammit, I really wanted Mr. T to survive this campaign.:smallfrown:
MR. T: my armor soaks some of that.
Owen: it's not going to be anywhere near enough.
MR. T: *does math* actually, the con damage doesn't kill me.
Adam: but it will lower your HP a lot, and you are taking normal damage...
Helvetica: you'll be dead but reviveable! YES!
Adam: *looks at Mr. T's sheet* actually, he might only be in negatives and bleeding.
Owen: wut.
Adam & Mr. T: *do math*
Mr. T: I'm conscious at 3 HP and 9 CON. next turn, I'm going to Saitama punch it to death.:smallcool:
Players: *cheering and applause*:smalleek::smallbiggrin:




the line "God is in heaven because He is afraid of our superior firepower." perfectly describes our campaign.

I think I need to make stickers with that on it.(or maybe t-shirts.)

[GrayGriffin]

Crane: "You knew of this did you?" Crane looks around, "...No, this is definitely a comic book scenario. Or a movie scenario. And I'm the antagonist here...or villain."
Alivia: "Yep. You're a villain, and it's a long fall to a family friendly death! So you'd better step down before things get ambiguously messy!"

* Lydes shoots Crane with a longbow, spending Stunt Points to push him back.
Lydes: "Force translated into movement instead of damage. A fair tradeoff."
* Crane is knocked back 2-meters off the tree.
Crane: "Mmf!! Oh Shhiiiiiiiiii---!!!"
Enzo: "...Aw."
Alivia: "E-eh!? I- I didn't mean seriously!"

[Necroticplague]

Gene:No. Bullets have names on them. Explosives are simply labelled "to whomever it concerns...."

[somethingrandom]

What I can remember form the various groups and games I'm been in since I Started RPing over 10 years ago. Some were said by me some were not
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I drive the fire engine strightthought the window do you want a stealth roll

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Remember that image of quiet dignity you were hoping for? Splund happened
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
PC:We're going to stop them
NPC:How are you going to stop them?
PC: Violence mostly
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Scecurity Guard: Why aren't you in uniform?
Thog: Thog forget uniform.
Scecurity Guard:Why do you have a sword?
Thog Thog remembber sword.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The unbridled unsweatened horror.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
He's my second cousin twice removed once physically.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'll post more if/when I remember them.

[Gallade]

"The rat starts bouncing off the walls, floors and ceiling before settling down with a splat. That's what happens when you crit with a pebble.What next?"
"...I hit the other with its corpse. Telekinesis rules."

Stripper:"I have nothing for you as long as you keep those clothes on."

[DigoDragon]

He's my second cousin twice removed once physically.

*Snerk* I have to remember that line for another time. XD



DM: You find 75 silver coins.
Me: I'll be sure to give that to "charity". Charity is my middle name, so technically...

How to properly Rogue?


Doc: “Was there bar soap? Wasteland ponies probably don't bathe often, but it would be nice to have soap if [Doc] needed to wash his hooves after saving colts from poking glowing dead bugs.”

GM: “But there was plenty of perfectly fine, normal, artificial soap for Doc.”
Doc: (thinking) “Gotta find where the natural tree-growing soaps come from.”

Choro: “I got lucky though! Only one crazy giant monster thing tried to kill me before I left.”
Viridia: “Ah, it's not that bad! Then again, in the last month I've seen at least four abominations. Five, if you count Armoise's decor.”

GM: “A green mare with a brown mane was standing behind [the gun cases], and was currently fiddling with a large pistol of some kind.”
Choro: “Hello! Good evening to you, ma'am. I am Dichoro the Magnificent; wizard, sage and traveler! It is a pleasure to meet you.”
River: “Yeah, it is. Uh, are your parents around?”
Viridia: “Surprise! I adopted a stable pony. We're not allowed to feed her after midnight.”

[goto124]

Viridia: “Ah, it's not that bad! Then again, in the last month I've seen at least four abominations. Five, if you count Armoise's decor.”

Mimics are a thing in FO:E? :smalleek:

[Fable Wright]

Mimics are a thing in FO:E? :smalleek:

Mimics are probably a thing in regular Equestria. In FO:E, you're more likely to find Dire Mutant Mimics that disguise themselves as vertibirds. And houses. And hills. Gazebos are usually safe, though.

[DigoDragon]

Mimics are a thing in FO:E? :smalleek:

Egads I hope not. D:

There are enough mutants and gangers pointing their weapons at our party. I'd hate to worry about getting attacked by furniture too.

[Inevitability]

Rogue: Help! I'm being attacked by a dryad-ghost-thingy!
Fey Lord: Don't worry, young one. All you need to do is forge a... pact with me and I'll heal your friends and kill your assailant. It'll be so easy; just take my hand...
Barbarian: Make the pact!
Cleric: Don't make the pact!
Rogue: Will you guys let me think?
DM: Should I mention the dryad-ghost is getting closer?

[Asahel24601]

"Will someone please eat that stormtrooper?"

[Mutazoia]

Omar: So when are you going to put the moves on the Elf wench?
Jerran:What do you mean when? Every time I try you and your brother pop up like some magical, ****-blocking jack-in-the-box! I swear, if you two were DEAD, and Anala and I were alone, trapped in a pocket dimension that was warded against any and all magical transport, the moment the mood turned even slightly romantic, you two would appear in a thunder of flatulents and off-color jokes. It's like you've taken 10 levels in "mood killing d**k-wad"!

[ZeroGear]

From the Ruins of old Valkyris game at a recent convention:

"Pelor hates me! Why? Because I wanted to sacrifice his cleric to the undead!"

"There are many undead about, and we're the guys to do something about it. Common, let's get hyped!"

"Not only am I being looted, I am being sexually harassed too!"

"I'm going to try healing again; both hands this time!"

"So you have roast pig in the middle of the street."
"I'm going to eat that."
"How long are you going to spend eating that?"
"10 minutes."
"You realize it isn't fully cooked. And there's fur in the way."
"...I walk away."

"Can you use sense motive on the barrel?"

"The Barrel is board."

"Tentacle p*rn in a barrel!"

"Oh god, we have a barbarian riding a barbarian!"

"[The halfling barbarian] is the shortest orc you have ever met."

"How did you get hurt in the first place?"
"I got crushed by a giant bush."

"There is a reason level 1 groups should not antagonize shield guardians."
"Oops."

[DigoDragon]

Every time I try you and your brother pop up like some magical, ****-blocking jack-in-the-box!

A bard in my former group used to go out of his way to create magical doubles of himself in order to lead the party away and prevent this.


"Will someone please eat that stormtrooper?"

Stormtroopers are so rarely eaten. Not for trying, and I'm sure gourmet dragons have been experimenting, but there's always something... missing in the flavor.
#NotSorry


Gizmo: “I bet I'm missing a whole bunch of awesome nature based science up there right now.”
Reuben: “I dunno about nature, but there was a really good lesson on gravity happening [top deck].”

Gizmo: “If you give a Gizmo a machine, he will likely ask for a hug. Since no one is nearby to ask, he just gleefully opens the box and sets up the pumps.”

GM: “I'm not sure who to ship with who anymore.”
Reuben: “Gizmo with a self-thinking clockwork pony, trying to solve the mystery of her disappeared creator.”
Gizmo: “Don't I get a say in who you ship my character with?”
Reuben: “I don't think that's how shipping works.”
Autumn: “Careful. We're already running enough risk of shipwreck.”
Reuben: “Today is a good day to write down more quotes.”

Reuben: “Did you watch Teen Titans? I'm envisioning a villain like Mad Mod who puts us all in strange detention classrooms. Autumn gets stuck in a boring history exam. Gizmo and Morning in P.E.”
Gizmo: “I can see the look on Gizmos face when they start the dread sport-- Dodgeball. Only instead of Red Rubber Spheres of Death they throw pies because ponies.”
GM: “Ah, the nightmare of every egghead. At least he'll have something to eat while being showered in pain and humiliation.”
Mad Mod: "Now my little duckies, prepare for the humiliation of Dodge- ...oi, where all the pie ammo went?"
Reuben: (*In the corner*) "NOM NOM NOM"

[Gallade]

DM:"The giant worm grapples her."
Assassin:"Can I use telekinesis to pull her back?"
DM:"It only works on unattended objects. And while your definition of a woman as an object depends entirely on your degree of chauvinism, the fact she is neck-deep in worm coils makes her all but unattended."
Assassin:"Should have prepared Grease."
Stripper:"As a professional, I agree."

[goto124]

Fey Lord: Don't worry, young one. All you need to do is forge a... pact with me and I'll heal your friends and kill your assailant. It'll be so easy; just take my hand...
DM: Should I mention the dryad-ghost is getting closer?

Backstory for a Rogue/Fey Warlock?


A bard in my former group used to go out of his way to create magical doubles of himself in order to lead the party away and prevent this.

Well-prepared :smallbiggrin:

[Asahel24601]

Stormtroopers are so rarely eaten. Not for trying, and I'm sure gourmet dragons have been experimenting, but there's always something... missing in the flavor.
#NotSorry


The best part about it was, that was the GM talking.

[Gallade]

Guard: "The only thing you should know about the owner of that house is that you definitely don't want to mess with him."
Stripper:"...I wanna mess with him."

DM:"You retreat, leaving your companion behind. Not all of her, you still have some clumps in your clothes, hair and under your soles. Regardless of your intention or lack thereof of getting acquainted with her innards, you are now very intimate with them."
Assassin:"...I think he means she's dead."
Stripper(OOC):"I'll miss myself."

[Elxir_Breauer]

Stormtroopers are so rarely eaten. Not for trying, and I'm sure gourmet dragons have been experimenting, but there's always something... missing in the flavor.

You know, it's probably the armor. It's too plastic for most Dragons, tends to get stuck in the craw and kinda wrecks the rest of the taste.

[Professor Gnoll]

DM: Alright, you're now married to the Gibbering Mouther.
Player: ....Do I have to consummate?

[D.KnightSpider]

Lisa: This is revenge for that “M.L.P. is really spelled L.S.D.” crack,isn't it?
---

Ray: Amazingly, his insurance policy does cover slips, trips and falls caused by loose banana peels.
---

Lisa: My entire skill-set revolves around solving problems with violence.We're in a reality where it's impossible to solve problems with violence. If this isn't hell, it's darn close.
---

Ray: Hi, there! I'm Glib Gypper and this is my friend, uuuuuuuuuhhh, Cube! Companion Cube!
---

Ray: That probably explains the guillotine Cutie Mark.
---

Lisa: There. Day saved. Can we go now?
---

DM: Oh, wow... um... any last words?
Ray: I'm pretty sure that “AAAAAAUUUGH!” was my last word.
DM: I mean of the dramatic variety.
Ray: Forsooth! The rock hath fallen, and I art dead.
DM: ...
Ray: It was either that or "Behold, the power of rock!"
---

Lisa: Congratulations. Now I have to find a way to strangle you without having hands.
---

Nightshade: I thought his name was Glib Gypper?

[Necroticplague]

DM: Hey, where's Gene?
Bruta: She said she'd be....indisposed for the next 15 minutes, and that this tape can play for her while shi's gone.
tapeplayer: O.k, to start off with, yes, I am dead serious. *pause*
DM: O.k, mr wizard, are you gonna step out from behind the curtains? Where's the mic on this?
tapeplayer: No, I'm not screwing with you using a two-way radio. Even if this had such capability, I'm currently.....unable to talk. Nice neckties, by the way. *Pause*. No, trust me, you really don't want to know. *pause*
DM: Holy crap, you're actually serious about this.
tapeplayer: Well yeah, that's the first thing I said, wasn't it? I, as in, the tape, not me as a person.

[DigoDragon]

The best part about it was, that was the GM talking.

Ha! That is funny. :3



Assassin:"...I think he means she's dead."

Most sincerely so. That's death on a Rasputin level. o.o



You know, it's probably the armor. It's too plastic for most Dragons, tends to get stuck in the craw and kinda wrecks the rest of the taste.

Think of them like pistachios. Crack open first to eat. :smallbiggrin:



tapeplayer: Well yeah, that's the first thing I said, wasn't it? I, as in, the tape, not me as a person.

Serious for realsies did this happen? :D


GM: “I'm wondering if Reuben would have any problem with this villain at all, considering how much time he spends at school with Maleficent already.”
Reuben: “With his well-rounded stats, Reuben would be the difficult one to torture. Maybe some kind of Iron-Chef contest in Home-Ec class, using unconventional ingredients and... No, Reuben would probably enjoy that challenge too. Maybe if the ingredients weren't edible?”
Chairman Takeshi Kaga: “Secret ingredient-- Cardboard!”

Reuben: “Because giving a +4 bonus to a friend makes Reuben a walking Buff God.”

Reuben: “Uh, what do you call a repetitive oscillating ocean that's about to wash over the deck?”
NPC Pegasus: “I dunno, what?”
Reuben: “Rogue Sine Wave!!”

Reuben: *Rolls a 7 – falls off the mast* “Guess after all those hanging jokes and moments on the edge, Reuben's luck finally gives out. At least the quote posts will be... decked out.”

GM: “Note to self: Threaten Gizmo's life more often.”

Gizmo: “That moment when you realize you just go to McDonald's just for the WiFi, and you realize it’s faster than Starbucks, and the Starbucks WiFi is a once only type deal for a DS.”

Reuben: (Impersonating Autumn) “I am Autumn Gale, scourge of Meteorology. Gaze upon my wings and despair!”
Gizmo: “Yes hello, I heard the mating call of my people-- wings.”
Autumn: *Cuffs them both*

[GanonBoar]

DM: You walk in on a group of ten evil wizards.
Bard: I cast Fireball!
DM: One of the wizards casts Counterspell.
Bard: I Counterspell his Counterspell!
DM: The one next to him Counterspells your Counterspell.
Wizard(Party): I Counterspell that Counterspell!
DM: The only person in the party who can Counterspell and still has a reaction left is the Sorcerer, whereas all of the other wizards can. Are you sure you want to keep this up?

[digiman619]

DM: You walk in on a group of ten evil wizards. Bard: I cast Fireball! DM: One of the wizards casts Counterspell. Bard: I Counterspell his Counterspell! DM: The one next to him Counterspells your Counterspell. Wizard(Party): I Counterspell that Counterspell! DM: The only person in the party who can Counterspell and still has a reaction left is the Sorcerer, whereas all of the other wizards can. Are you sure you want to keep this up? Ah, someone's playing blue...

[GanonBoar]

Ah, someone's playing blue...
I have to admit, not entirely sure what you mean.

[Necroticplague]

I have to admit, not entirely sure what you mean.

Magic the Gathering has 5 main splits of cards by color. Blue is the color often associated with Control decks, which reduce what the enemy can do by dispelling, unsummoning, countering, and forcing discards. In fact, in this game, Counterspell is a blue spell. Two control decks going against each other can frequently end up with results not dissimilar to the situation you show occurring.

[GanonBoar]

Magic the Gathering has 5 main splits of cards by color. Blue is the color often associated with Control decks, which reduce what the enemy can do by dispelling, unsummoning, countering, and forcing discards. In fact, in this game, Counterspell is a blue spell. Two control decks going against each other can frequently end up with results not dissimilar to the situation you show occurring.
Oh, right. Apologies, it's been quite a while since I've played Magic.

[digiman619]

Oh, right. Apologies, it's been quite a while since I've played Magic. But, Counterspell was a staple from Alpha to, like, 8th Edition... :smallconfused:

[GanonBoar]

But, Counterspell was a staple from Alpha to, like, 8th Edition... :smallconfused:
I meant that I couldn't recall it.

[ZeroGear]

I meant that I couldn't recall it.

Thankfully, it hasn't been reprinted in core sets as of late. Counter anything for 2 blue? That's a little OP. Especially if someone sticks it on an Isocoron Scepter.
(Personally, I prefer the tried and true Terror).

[TurboGhast]

Sera (NPC): Eputki trained his entire life to be able to wield greatswords underwater unimpeded, but never got to use it because I ended it!

Varis: 10 to hit the flying spear.
DM: The metal shaft of the spear deflects the attack. Clearly, this spear was made to be animated.

I just realized that the flying spear in this battle is more of a swimming spear.

[DigoDragon]

GM: “There's a small explosion of splinters and electricity, and a large burning log of wood begins a quick descent towards Reuben, of all ponies.”
Reuben: “Timber!!” *Rolls a 6*
GM: “The burning mast falls quicker than he can react, crushing him before he can even finish his clever punchline…”

Morning: “Morning grunts under her breath through clenched teeth. She squints against the driving rain, and nearly falters when she hears Reuben's cry...”
Reuben: “Reuben isn't crying, that's liquid pride! ...no wait, that is crying. From the pain.”

Reuben: “Apparently it's hard shouting orders with a broken leg while in the middle of a typhoon.”

Autumn: “Morning, steady the ship!”
Morning: “I will try!” *Once again out of her comfort zone, latches on to the wheel for dear life and hoping she can keep it steady*
Dice Roll: *Maximum possible result*
Morning: “lmao what.”
Reuben: “That was the best timing ever to roll boxcars.”

Reuben: “Well, I'll be a much better photographer now. I'm my own tripod.”

Reuben: “The ship has a doctor, right? Or someone who at least can fake the position?”
Gizmo: “You have Gizmo, who can probably make a splint out of a sail and loose wood. And rope.”
GM: “The ship has a doctor, albeit not a very good one. He's competent, but for a simple splint Gizmo Macgyvering something up may very well be the better choice.”
Reuben: “Gizmo, if you save my leg, I will totally hook you up on a blind date with my sister!”
Morning: “I wonder if magic used to set and heal a broken bone is within Morning's capabilities...? And if so, how much more would it hurt than just letting it heal on its own?”
Reuben: “Good point. Okay, guess I can set Morning up on the blind date with Reuben's sister.”
GM: “Well, there already is healing magic in the book, so there is some precedence. Too bad you don't have Chaos Magic anymore, [Morning,] by the way. I could have a lot of fun with that on a spell like this (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yyMUA9kj8QQ).”

[goto124]

GM: “Note to self: Threaten Gizmo's life more often.”

LATER...

GM: “The burning mast falls quicker than [Reuben] can react, crushing him before he can even finish his clever punchline…”

Wrong pony! :smalltongue:


GM: “Too bad you don't have Chaos Magic anymore, [Morning,] by the way. I could have a lot of fun with that on a spell like [that Harry Potter scene].”

To laugh or to scream in fear, that is the question!

[Anonymouswizard]

Skaven's Player: that would be like shaving one of your legs, no, it would be like shaving just your knee.

'I sneak up on him.'
'The traditional skaven courtship begins.'

[Rakoa]

Me, as DM, last game: "You had parents. I couldn't have that. They had to go."

[goto124]

Skaven's Player: that would be like shaving one of your legs, no, it would be like shaving just your knee.


http://i.imgur.com/zQoNq0d.jpg
Alternate title: How to spot a female video game protagonist

[Inevitability]

DM: The dryad's possessions are few, but you do find a hair bag.
Player: Well, it's obviously her bag. Can you describe it?
DM: No, I said hair bag. As in: a bag made out of human hair.
Player: ...I drop it.

[Beacon of Chaos]

New game, new quotes. This game takes place in 1920s London, the players are supernatural investigators.
Scamp: Pyrokinetic street urchin.
Edward: Rich businessman who made his fortune using luck manipulation magic. Being watched closely by the cops.
Dante: Private investigator who's parents mutated him into a blood magic monstrosity. Basically a vampire without the weaknesses.
Josephine: A living victorian doll. ~5ft high and has super strength.
A Severe case of mistaken identity

Scamp: "I'll go talk to the strongman, mention that we could help each other, seeing as how we're both lower class."
GM: "No, that was the boxer. The strongman was the drunkard who yelled at you."
Scamp: "Oh, yeah. Not talking to him then. Screw that guy."

Edward: "So the Boxer was seen trying to break into the caravan..."
GM: "No, that was the Strongman."
Edward: "Dammit, okay..."

Josephine: "Well we heard you (the boxer) was seen trying to break into the acrobat's caravan last night-"
GM: "No you didn't. That was the strongman."
Josephine: "NEVERMIND."

[Anonymouswizard]

http://i.imgur.com/zQoNq0d.jpg
Alternate title: How to spot a female video game protagonist

We were talking about Skydd's evil twin, Ddyks, when I asked 'does your evil twin shave his chin?'

Skydd is our Skaven, by the way.

P.S. I hate those trousers.

[DigoDragon]

Wrong pony! :smalltongue:

Reuben was abused soooo much in that last adventure. XD
I think at end of it if this were a cartoon he'd be in one of those full body casts.


Me, as DM, last game: "You had parents. I couldn't have that. They had to go."

Sounds like a Disney executive board when reviewing applications for their next princess. ^.~



Alternate title: How to spot a female video game protagonist

*Snerk* Especially with JRPGs and their unusual fashion sense.



DM: No, I said hair bag. As in: a bag made out of human hair.
Player: ...I drop it.

Eww. O.o`



A Severe case of mistaken identity

Egads did your group get any identities correct? XD

[goto124]

*Snerk* Especially with JRPGs and their unusual fashion sense.

I'm not sure if WRPGs are any better actually...

[Beacon of Chaos]

Egads did your group get any identities correct? XD
Those two were confused for each other several times simply because they were two muscular men who were in the circus. Literally everyone in the party confused them at least once. :smalltongue:

[DigoDragon]

I'm not sure if WRPGs are any better actually...

*Thinks* Hmm, you might be right.


Literally everyone in the party confused them at least once. :smalltongue:

Heh, that must of been awkward. ^^;


Reuben: “Reuben took nothing but fortitude damage that scene, and I think solely due to gravity.”

Autumn: “Autumn will be sleeping between now and the dive,”
Reuben: “I think Reuben's going to be resting as well until we get to the dive site.”
Gizmo: “Gizmo is going to be skulking doing manly pushups resting below deck. The machines understand him.”

Gizmo: “Are sails not made of waterproof material? If not we can always look for some spare leather.”
GM: “Gizmo can find some spare sales which are indeed (somewhat) water-resistant on the ship.”
Reuben: “Sales? Normally those things cost you a leg!”
GM: “If we played it realistically, they probably would once you went diving.”
Reuben: “Well, if we played it realistically we'd have to split the party at this juncture. Also, I'd not have this bundle of magic seaweed hair.”
Gizmo: “And we would not be Technicolor talking equines.”
GM: “And you wouldn't be fighting the ghost of a ten-thousand year old serpent queen with powers to control the oceans who is currently possessing the body of your yeah this joke has gone too far.”

GM: “As you dive further and further, a whole field of floating, crooked, impossibly thin mirrors opens up in the water below you, spanning a barn in length.”
Open: “By Celestia's beard.....What is this?”
Reuben: “Maybe the Leviathan left this for us to follow? You know, as in 'This way toward trap' kind of thing.”

[digiman619]

Open: “By Celestia's beard.....What is this?” Since when does Celestia have a beard? :smallconfused: If Celestia's transitioned, shouldn't he be calling himself Solaris at this point?

[Necroticplague]

Serious for realsies did this happen? :D
Yep.

Gene: Well, I have good news and bad news. Good news: I managed to cure him, and he's not going to die.
FATHEROFVICTIM: And the bad news is?
Gene: Well, let's see, this is the best way I can explain this-
Gene: *Pulls out a copy of Futaba-kun Change!*
Gene: Here, take this. It shouldn't be too much of a problem for now, but this is gonna make his teen years Hell.

[Beacon of Chaos]

Since when does Celestia have a beard? :smallconfused: If Celestia's transitioned, shouldn't he be calling himself Solaris at this point?
It's a reference to this comic (http://thestoicmachine.deviantart.com/art/No-25-201444878), which was inspired by the fact that MLP canonically has a spell that can make anypony grow a beard, regardless of age or gender.

[Anonymouswizard]

'If she was going to be assassinated she'd look at the assassin then they'd be "I'll just go."'

[goto124]

It's a reference to this comic (http://thestoicmachine.deviantart.com/art/No-25-201444878), which was inspired by the fact that MLP canonically has a spell that can make anypony grow a beard, regardless of age or gender.

How dare you make me laugh out loud IRL :smallbiggrin:

[USS Sorceror]

DM: The dealer notices you pulling an extra card, but says nothing.
Ranger: Really?
Fighter: He's probably just surprised it's taken you this long to start cheating.

Half-Orc: I've never met a human who can drink me under the table.
Fighter: I've never met an Orc I liked, but I like you.
Half-Orc: It's because I'm only half-Orc!

[ZeroGear]

Samson: "How do I keep ending up in these situations?"
Succubus: "Who knows. Anyway, the safe word is 'banana'."

Samson: "Oh...ow...ak...oof...oooh..."
Lance: "Need some help there?"
Samson: "Shut up and get Vick."

Messanger: *unrolls a scroll* "To the Marauders of Mayhem: your presence is requested by His Excellence Duke Rothford, ruler of the Southern Isles, lord of the Green Hills, brother to the Dragons of Everstone, and reagent of Silver Lake."
Xaltaer: "Huh, wonder what that is about."
Messanger: "You and your companions are invited to the weeding of princess Selibell Rothford and Samson Eversong."
Samson: "Wait, what?"
Lance: "Oh, this is going to be fun."
Samson: "Shut up Lance."

[bulbaquil]

Hackmaster game:
Player - "Do the bandits have any weapons or honor we can loot?"
GM - "I don't think you can loot honor."

[DigoDragon]

Gene: *Pulls out a copy of Futaba-kun Change!*

...I don't want to Google that, do I?


Gizmo: “Understanding the true purpose of the mirrors and light via mind roll-- [14]. If skill training applies-- [18].”
GM: “Gizmo's skill training does not apply. However, if Autumn wants to help, her Biology skill training would.”
Autumn: “Lead Pony: +1, Harmony Bonus: +2, Skill Training (Biology): [6]. Gizmo and Autumn just got a 21 together. I'd better prepare the anti-shipping torpedoes.”
Gizmo: “Wings and brains...........I'm gonna stop right there.”

Reuben: “Oookay, that's really good. Reuben is probably not needed to beat the dead-no wait, don't want that either.”

Morning: “What I think is funny is that the major Heart character is not the one flaunting her assets.”
Reuben: “Is Morning conserving ammo on her 'secret weapon'?”
Morning: “Possibly. Or it may be because using it could disrupt the planet's balance of power and spawn another Ice Age! And no one really wants to see another one of those, the story's been run into the ground and beaten to death.”
Reuben: "Dang it's a hot day today. Morning, could you flick your mane once? Should drop temps a good 10 degrees."

Reuben: “Would have been useful to become a mermare. Merstallion?”
GM: “SEAPONY. The terminology is quite important.”

[goto124]

...I don't want to Google that, do I?

I googled it for you. NSFW. So you're right.


Morning: “What I think is funny is that the major Heart character is not the one flaunting her assets.”
Reuben: "Dang it's a hot day today. Morning, could you flick your mane once? Should drop temps a good 10 degrees."

Shouldn't she be heating this up instead? :smallbiggrin:


GM: “SEAPONY. The terminology is quite important.”

Please explain why? *filly eyes*

[DigoDragon]

Shouldn't she be heating this up instead? :smallbiggrin:

I don't know how it works, but I'm sure Reuben would feel the heat. :3



Please explain why? *filly eyes*

I think the GM was just being pedantic for humor's sake, as Seaponies were a thing in older My Little Pony cartoons, but mermares were not.

[Dexam]

"I would say 'live and learn' if I weren't already dead."

[goto124]

How about 'unlive and learn'?


I think the GM was just being pedantic for humor's sake, as Seaponies were a thing in older My Little Pony cartoons, but mermares were not.

In the sense that they were called seaponies instead of merponies?

[gmoyes]

Warlock: *casts Faery Fire on a batch of zombies*
DM: What does the fire look like?
Warlock: I pictured it like those targeting arrows from Zelda.
DM: Well it's described as more of a highlighting it.
Ranger: So like V.A.T.S.?
Warlock: Sure, let's go with that.

NPC Guard and Zombie: *Critically fails to hit each other and somehow end up killing one another*
Everyone: Welp.
Warlock: He should have been more genre savvy.
DM: What do you mean?
Warlock: Well didn't you say he was about to be promoted to captain next week?
*beat*
DM: Dear god I signed his death warrant!
Everyone: *breaks out laughing for several minutes*
Ranger: Is his shirt red under his armour?
DM: I guess it is now.

Rogue: *unlocks door after a couple of failures*
Ranger: We may want to lock it after us. Don't want zombies coming after us.
Rogue: *roll 5 checks at once with 3 successes*
DM: You lock, then unlock, then lock the door again. The rogue has now developed OCD.

Rogue: *gets hit by a zombie* Ow! These guys keep hitting me!
Monk: At least you aren't getting critted like I usually am.
DM: *rolls the next zombie's attack* Oh no. You just had to say that.
Monk: Seriously?!

Warlock: *after critically fails on attacking with an eldritch blast and being blown across the room* Ugh, what I'd do to piss of my patron this time? Last time I pissed her off I woke up in a town 100 miles away tied to a flagpole butt naked.

DM: Ok, the monk almost died again, the rogue went down, the ranger is out of spells and lost some of his weapons and the warlock-
Warlock: Has a sh!t-eating grin as I've yet to be hit.
Ranger: You get first watch!

[Necroticplague]

...I don't want to Google that, do I?


I googled it for you. NSFW. So you're right.

Main part key to the event: main character suffers from a condition that causes them to spontaneously change sex when aroused.

[DigoDragon]

"I would say 'live and learn' if I weren't already dead."

How about 'unlive and learn'?

In some game systems, that is a perfectly viable concept. XD



In the sense that they were called seaponies instead of merponies?

Something like that, yeah.



DM: *rolls the next zombie's attack* Oh no. You just had to say that.
Monk: Seriously?!

The dice can hear those kind of statements! D:



Main part key to the event: main character suffers from a condition that causes them to spontaneously change sex when aroused.

...alllllrighty then. That explains it all. :smalltongue:

[digiman619]

Main part key to the event: main character suffers from a condition that causes them to spontaneously change sex when aroused. Ah. I'll stick with Ranma 1/2 if I'm in the mood for such shenanigans.

[Inevitability]

Me: Come to the lawful side, we have modrons.

[DigoDragon]

Me: Come to the lawful side, we have modrons.

Are they edible?


Autumn: “Leviathan's beaten us here though! Come on, we've got to stop it! LEEEEEROY JENKIIIINS!”
GM: “By the by, are you really sure you want to directly engage the thing that has chaos magic, took down a train, and is currently in Calamity Mane's body while you are on its home turf, namely the ocean?”
Reuben: “OOC answer—Heck no. IC answer—‘But GM, this Leviathan has been pushing me, and pushing me and I am sick of it!’ [/NightAtTheMuseum]”
Autumn: “OOC, no I don't really want Autumn to get demolished like a train. But going to immediately investigate is what she'd do.”
Reuben: “Though with the way you've been rolling, it'll look like watching two trains collide.”

Reuben: “Maybe we can find something not rusted away? Say... a helmet? Oh riiiiight. We gotta find that.”
Morning: “So we're here to find a piece of equipment to help us take down a big boss and have to engage in a difficult event prior to said boss fight to obtain it? Alright, let's do this. LEEROOOOOOOY--”

Gizmo: “Gizmo is too busy being swept away by the rapid realization that before him potentially lies the biggest historical/scientific find of the century.”
Reuben: “Yes, it is a deluge of sights to take in.”

GM: “Open Oceans in particular seems excited to come up with a variety of strange magical vaults that it could be hidden behind, with increasingly outlandish security measures.”
Open: “....and to open the 23rd lock, you need to insert one of Hurricane's own hairs into the eleventh lock, and put the silver key into the....”
Open: “......and there it is, on a mountain of dragon skulls! Of course, they are all enchanted to swarm and attack those who would want to take it.....”

[goto124]

And now the party is near water D:

[Inevitability]

Are they edible?

Unless you're a Rust Monster, probably not.

[DigoDragon]

And now the party is near water D:

We're actually underwater! :D
The party is using magic potions and some fantasy gadgetry to survive and get around to search the ruins for the helmet containing the leviathan's power.


Unless you're a Rust Monster, probably not.

Well that does put a damper on things. My loyalties go to the side offering free snacks. :smallbiggrin:

[Beans]

Me: "Neiz leads the townsfolk in evacuation procedures with a cheerful bunny song."
Me: *links a Touhou song*
Me: *rolls like 11 successes or something*
---
Jeff: "I am the only one fighting the final boss, and I am a backpack."
---
Jeff's Player: "Yes, I am trying to convert the criminal to my worldview with jazz hands."
Me: "... Two stunt dice."
---
DM: "Gerbil Goebbels screams propaganda at you through his Nazi Megaphone."
Me: "What weapon template is it, by the way?"
DM: "Shotgun."
---
Gerbil Goebbels: "... Vait. You did vhat?"
Victory: "I threw around some ice cream."
Gerbil Goebbels: "ZAT COSTS MONEY, YOU KNOW!"
---
DM: "Crocodile Castro shoots his Cuban Crisis Missile at Kamen Rider Obama."
Conus: "GET DOWN, MISTER PRESIDENT!"
DM: "A true American hero."
---
Me: "Neiz tries to research to find evidence that their best lead is not Ten Stripes."
Me: *botches*
ST: "Neiz is convinced it is totally Ten Stripes, and that Ten Stripes also has terrible fashion sense."
Neiz: "Tacky Stripes confirmed for problem."
---
Maxx's Player: "Can I roll Stealth to hide in the vampire dust?"
---
Carina's Player: "So how does my lady arrive?"
Me: "... A hole opens in the ceiling of the tunnel. Carina falls out of it."
Presto's Player: *rolls Support*
Presto's Player: "I catch her, turn to the others, and put her down while like... jazz-handsing at her. Like a visual 'ta-dah'."
---
ST: "The Underworld Elemental Dragon of Air hides under the blanket with a startled squeak."
Carrion: "I'm gonna marry that woman."
---
Me: "Carrion works for a few weeks at making an information network entirely out of the housewives who come to the tea shop."
ST: "Oh, that's cool."
Me: "She calls it the Milfia."
Other Player: "CARRIE NO"

[Beacon of Chaos]

Dimir: I just have one more question for the dog?
Dog: Yes?
Dimir: Who's a good boy?
Dog: Uh. Is it me?
Dimir: Yes!
Dog: Hooray!

[Inevitability]

Me: I'm kind of sad the campaign has ended. There were all those plot twists you'll now never get to know.
Player: Such as?
Me: Remember archfey-antler-guy? He's your character's father.
Player: You have to b... wait. My character's a cat, how does that even work?

[Christopher K.]

I've got two players who tend to bring out the dumbest quotes from each other.

Player A: "Christopher, next thing you know, you're going to make us fight an ocean that.. Turns babies into gold"
Player B: "an ocean turning babies to gold? That's better than abortion!"

---

Player B: "uh, so do you think Jimmy neutron would work for Marvel or DC?"

---

Player B: "look, you can't say that taking slaves is evil, religious people did it all the time"
Player A: "that was the Crusades, and it was wrong"

---

And one from my sister's games for good measure:
"I'm here to get my sandwich neutered"

[Inevitability]

Me: Owlbears: they're my blessing; they're my curse.

[DigoDragon]

I've got two players who tend to bring out the dumbest quotes from each other.

It's like getting a free side show with your RP. :3
I do like when players have strange back-and-forth dialog like that though.


Dog: Hooray!

I like this dog. ^^



Other Player: "CARRIE NO"

*Snerk* That was bad, but I laughed.


Autumn: “I don't have much idea what to roll here. I think her brashness still applies, but if Reuben's helped her is that harmony? Skill training (biology) to mimic seaweed? Really not sure.”
GM: “Skill training to mimic seaweed? Eh, sure, why not? It's absolutely insane, but I'll take it.”
Autumn: *Rolls poorly* “Well that’s not good.”
Reuben: “So Autumn spies on Leviathan, but moves too much [for stealth].”
Leviathan: “Hmm, what was that?”
Autumn: *sneaks away quietly*
Leviathan: “Must have been the wind.”
[Beat]
Leviathan: “Wait...”

Leviathan: “You? Why are you here? Haven't you learned anything from our last encounter? From the storm I conjured up for you?”
Autumn: “Don't be too proud of that meteorological terror you created! The ability to conjure a storm was insignificant next to the power of the Gale!”

Autumn: “You know what this calls for? A chase scene!”
Reuben: “Is Autumn going to bring 'the party' to us?”
Autumn: “I'm imagining the shark scenes from The Little Mermaid and Finding Nemo. Also be glad it was only a Star Wars reference. I was tempted to launch into a musical Beelzeboss number!”
Reuben: “I'm curious as to how you would censor that.”
Autumn: “Oh she'd swear.”

Gizmo: “It was too late for those books. Whomever did this is truly a MONSTER!” :smallfurious:

[Noyoki]

Autumn: “Don't be too proud of that meteorological terror you created! The ability to conjure a storm was insignificant next to the power of the Gale!”

Well, that's a priority. I don't know if it's the right one to have at the moment, but it certainly is one.

Binirit:(OOC) So how much acidic damage would a dragon's stomach do anyways?
GM: with the way my damage rolls are going tonight? I'd be more worried about dying from asphyxiation if I were you.

[cavalieredraghi]

Viscious (Black Dragonborn Rogue): I am going to sneak up to the goblins.
Piper (Human Bard): I throw a Dagger at the goblins *rolls 1*

DM: You hit Viscious in the back roll damage.

*rolls max damage*

Viscious player: Well I am down again.

DM: You also get hit right when you were in the stream, not only are you bleeding out you are drowning.

[Inevitability]

NPC wizard: Now sir, just lower your weapon and calm down. I'm sure we can talk this out like reaso...
Player: I attack!
DM: Wait, what?
Player: Every time you say "I'm sure we can talk this out like reasonable people.", it's followed by a surprise attack.

[DigoDragon]

Well, that's a priority. I don't know if it's the right one to have at the moment, but it certainly is one.

Autumn is many things. Meek is not one of them. :smallbiggrin:



DM: You also get hit right when you were in the stream, not only are you bleeding out you are drowning.

Dang, when it rains...



Player: Every time you say "I'm sure we can talk this out like reasonable people.", it's followed by a surprise attack.

Is it possible to be too genre savvy?


GM: “Should you by then still be decided not to go anywhere else, stuff is still gonna happen. Most of it for Autumn. Because the RNG demands sacrifices.”

Autumn: “Autumn's down.” :smalleek:
Gizmo: “Hello, mien name is Gizmo Stein. You sidelined the mare I have a crush on. Prepare to die.”

GM: “We really are in desperate need for one of Gizmo's insane theories that turn out to be true in the end. And maybe a little bit of reason from Morning. Dunno.”
Gizmo: “Oh. MY. GLOB. I know what transpired here. Paranoia engine at full power! Full speed ahead!”

Reuben: “We're stumbling around like a kid in a laundry basket tumbling down stairs.”

GM: “Also here's Mettaton as a pony (http://pre15.deviantart.net/5d7c/th/pre/f/2015/349/d/e/mettaton___mlp_by_grimdark_graveyeard-d9k8lu1.png) because I like Mettaton. Even Autumn ain't as sexy as him.”
Reuben: “Oh wow, that's... good. But sexier than Autumn? Part of me wants to accept that challenge and see how sexy I could draw Autumn without breaking a PG rating.”
Autumn: “Bring on the sexy Gale.”
Reuben: “Aww man, my ice cream melted (http://orig06.deviantart.net/c966/f/2016/031/a/6/sexy_autumn_by_digoraccoon-d9q1fab.png).”
GM: “....Risqué. Though to be entirely honest, it kinda was my intent to goad you into drawing something like this.”
Gizmo: “All I have to say is Gizmo is fumbling for words of that pic. Fumbling.”
Gizmo White Text: “Smart sexy Autumn Gale.”

[Beans]

More Beansy goodness!
ST: "How are you going to distract the wedding guests, the groom, and his retainers?"
Me: "Carrion breaks into a song about the companionship and bonds between men and how they're super manly and how great it is to bone dudes all the time."
---
Jeff's Player: "Do I get stunt dice for vividly describing the All-Star Breakfast?"
---
DM: "You've all noticed the smell, certainly... alright, roll Awareness and try to tell what it is."
Obama's Player: *rolls low*
DM: "You think it smells... smoky? And like wood? You don't really know."
Me: *rolls high*
DM: "You've smoked a cigar in your time, and you recognize the scent easily."
Maxx's Player: *botches*
DM: "... You... don't know what cigars are."

[goto124]

Reuben: “Aww man, my ice cream melted (http://orig06.deviantart.net/c966/f/2016/031/a/6/sexy_autumn_by_digoraccoon-d9q1fab.png).”
GM: “....Risqué. Though to be entirely honest, it kinda was my intent to goad you into drawing something like this.”
Gizmo: “All I have to say is Gizmo is fumbling for words of that pic. Fumbling.”
Gizmo White Text: “Smart sexy Autumn Gale.”

A thing was done... a THING!


Jeff's Player: "Do I get stunt dice for vividly describing the All-Star Breakfast?"

Do I get to hear the description?

[Beacon of Chaos]

GM: "No! The bones are not moving! Stop asking!"

GM: "No! There are no invisible people! Stop asking!"

Two seperate games, same GM.

[Necroticplague]

"Hmmm.....it appears you have a severe case of chronic pyrrhic victory. If you keep this up, you'll be massive, but won't have the strength to move. I prescribe a light treatment of stricter draft regimenting, and selling off some peripheral territories."

[AdmiralCheez]

NPC: He calls himself "the Pudding King."
Julio: Very well. We will conquer your fairy tale dessert for you.


Nadarr (singing): He came in like a fiiiiiireball! He just wanted to buuuurn them all!


DM: It's a literal ocean of oozes.
Aedan: Yeah.... no.


DM: No, what you described I can only classify as "daintily peeling the outer layer off of a hand grenade."

[DigoDragon]

A thing was done... a THING!

Yes, yes it was. ^.^



DM: "... You... don't know what cigars are."

*Snerk* DM creativity with botched knowledge checks are always fun. :D



DM: No, what you described I can only classify as "daintily peeling the outer layer off of a hand grenade."

That... is interesting.

Gizmo: “I think some quick thinking and wordplay is in order. And by that I mean begging. Lots and lots of begging. And pleading. And a ruthless efficiency.”
Reuben: “And so the Leviathan asks what could possibly be waiting for you that you'd beg with her, and you say ‘true love’. It was true love that interested her. So the leviathan took Gizmo in as an underling on her adventures of chaos and destruction. ‘Good night Gizmo, I'll most likely kill you in the morning...’ No wait, wrong movie.”

Reuben: “That twist hit me like a Calamity buck into a train car. Wow. I... I think that would make M Knight a bit jealous.”
Gizmo: “.....you know, now I'm curious about Tybit. He seems to show up...well....everywhere. The Rodeo, Las Pegasus, Under Da Sea. I think a special agent Sweetie Drops situation is happening.”

GM: “By the way, I'm noticing that you are referring to the Leviathan as though that was her name. That's only what Twilight described her as.”
Reuben: “Reuben and I needed a name for it in our conversations. OOC I could call it the BBEG or the ‘villain’, but it sounds too meta/vague for Reuben to say it IC. Thus, we adopted Leviathan as her name since it is convenient. Plus, makes for fun nicknames like ‘Leviathing’.”

GM: “Reuben's attempts to remove the rubble, even with help from the other two ponies, are tragically met with failure. Reuben takes 10 Light Fortitude damage from exertion.”
Reuben: “Ugh… Come on, why couldn't this be heavy damage like falling off a ship's mast? Would of hurt less...”

Morning: “Rolling to convince Open Oceans to help us bust in there and bust some ghosts, because bustin' makes me feel good.”

Autumn: “Autumn shrinks further into the weeds and shakes her head. Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope! Stop drawing attention to me!”

[somethingrandom]

One I have remembered from many years ago
"The gnomes on fire you say?"
"Yup"
"but doesn't seam bothered by it?"
"yup"
"Right, Stick, Masmellow, Chase!"

[Christopher K.]

(Imagine the exit interviews from Pawn Stars)

"I came to the pawn shop to sell my government-issue shield generator. I was looking to get $400 for it, but Rick and the shop were engulfed in nerve gas, so in the end I guess I got what I wanted. *a-gurgle-gurgle-gurgle-die*"

[Gallade]

DM:"You, a kineticist whose main method of attacking is hurling rocks, have leapt out of your cover and forsaken your height advantage, before your companion could cast any defensive spells on you, to go toe to toe with the hulking monstrosity who was just wondering how he was going to get up to you. He looks grateful."
Assassin:"How screwed am I?"
DM:"The wererat is wielding a large, crude warhammer."
Assassin:"How large and how crude?"
DM:"Cooking-pot-on-a-long-pole-filled-with-rocks level of large and crude."
Assassin:"...errors have been made."

[Inevitability]

DM: And that's how you get a half-mind flayer turkey.
Player: Wouldn't it be a half-mind flayer half-turkey?
DM: No, because it's parents are still both turkeys. Trust me, I have a degree in illithogenealogy.

[userpay]

Man all these pony no contexts makes me want to get into another pony game of somekind... Here's one of the few ones I remember from a battletech one I was in.

GM: Aaaand somehow Brazen Hoof is up on the ceiling fan.

[Illven]

More evil campaign quotes


Michel (OOC) And how often does the interest compound?

(GM) (OOC) yea it's not a bad deal, but the economy shifts a lot
(GM) (OOC) due to pirating
Michel (OOC) glares at shiela (the pirate)

Nicky (OOC) Can Nicky have her undead horde take her spot on the line in case she needs the bathroom?

Michel (OOC) (GM turned dungeons and dragons into stocks and bonds)

Nicky (OOC) Nicky would like to request a loan. The purpose of the loan will be necromancy.

[StreamOfTheSky]

More evil campaign quotes


Michel (OOC) And how often does the interest compound?

(GM) (OOC) yea it's not a bad deal, but the economy shifts a lot
(GM) (OOC) due to pirating
Michel (OOC) glares at shiela (the pirate)

Nicky (OOC) Can Nicky have her undead horde take her spot on the line in case she needs the bathroom?

Michel (OOC) (GM turned dungeons and dragons into stocks and bonds)

Nicky (OOC) Nicky would like to request a loan. The purpose of the loan will be necromancy.


Also when the GM said the judge's name was Derik Guile and Michel asked if he could find him in his office or if he was at home being a family man.

[goto124]

GM: Aaaand somehow Brazen Hoof is up on the ceiling fan.

Is the pony stuck there?

[userpay]

Is the pony stuck there?

Gravity did its work eventually. More the fact that he was an earth pony and based around a Clydesdale...

[CrazyPenguin]

"So, just to recap: last time the bard fell down a well, the rogue robbed the town blind, and the paladin bought a butt plug."

Artificer:"I pelvic thrust the door open"
DM:"You miss and slam your crotch into the wall a foot to the left. The whole building shakes."
Me:"You do know [the only female party member] was looking through the keyhole of that door, right?"
Artificer: "So"
Me: "You pretty much just tried to pelvic thrust her through the door."

"If all else fails, heal the s*** out of it."

"I kick down the door."
"Roll for it."
*Rolls badly*
"Well, on the plus side the door disintegrates, revealing that you are on top of a heavily wooded hill. On the down side, you totally weren't expecting that, so you fall down the hill on your face. Take a point of damage."

"This is Rocko Strongarm, the paladin. On the one hand, he's near unkillable, extremely wise, super handsome, and so strong that its actually not technically humanly possible to be as strong as he is. On the other hand, if we killed him and let [the necromancer] reanimate him as a zombie, his Int wouldn't change."

"I AM THE MOONLORD"
"Alright Moonboob."

DM: "You open the door, and there is a blinding flash. When you regain your vision, there are marks carved into the floor."
Me: "Does it look like if some liquid, say, oh, i dunno, blood, were to be poured into a part of the carving it might maybe flow through the whole carving until the entire thing was full of this hypothetical liquid."
DM: "Why yes it does!"
The Cleric: "I cut my hand open and let the blood fall onto the carving."
Me: "WHAT! NO! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!"
Cleric: "I want to see what happens."
Me: "I THOUGHT CLERICS WERE SUPPOSED TO BE WISE!"
DM: "Yeah, but, its funnier this way. Besides, how wise can any character be when its played by [the cleric's player]."

"My name is Piston."
"Right then, Piss!"
"But-"
"Your name is Piss now."

"I only now realize my error in giving the horrible tentacle monster the nickname "Princess Molestia."

"My name is Doctor Phil, and I like to help people."

Fighter: "I run across the room and punch [the artificer] in the face."
Artificer: "What! Why?"
Fighter: "Because you tried to pelvic thrust me through a door!"
DM (to the fighter): "Make a Dexterity check."
Fighter: *rolls badly*
DM: "Right, you slip in the puddle of cleric blood that now covers most of the floor and run face first into the wall. Take 4 points of damage from the impact. Also, the whole building starts to fall apart.

"How does Detect Evil work?"
"You cast it and then you can tell if things are evil."
"How?
"Evil things glow when you look at them. The eviler the brighter."
"Alright. I use Detect Evil and look at the mysterious black fog."
"Make a Con save against blindness."

"I cast Cure Wounds."
"Alright. Roll some percentile dice."
*rolls*
"Alright. Well. You go into a coma."

[Beans]

"What the ████ did you just ████ing do, you little █████? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the courts of the Deathlords, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on the Realm, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in oratorial warfare and I’m the top preacher in the entire Underworld armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the ████ out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before in Creation, mark my ████ing words. You think you can get away with being a confusing house? Think again, ████er. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the North and your location is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your construction. You’re ████ing dead, house. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can yell at you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare voice. Not only am I extensively trained in deathly oration, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Underworld and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ███ off the face of the continent, you little ████. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little 'clever' shapeshifting was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your ████ing tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will ████ fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re ████ing dead, house thingy."

[Belac93]

DM. "If you drink the rum, you have to make a DC 5 constitution saving throw or be poisoned."
Dwarf Barbarian Pirate (me). "Rum!? Gimme here!"
Proceed to roll with advantage on my saving throw, roll a 1 and a 2.
Dwarf. "Thank god for high constitution modifiers."

[Gallade]

DM:"Will save against Frightening Presence."
Godhand:"Fear not, I don't fear this abomination..."
(Sorceror rolls okay, Godhand rolls poorly)
Godhand:"Wait...I do! I FEAR THIS UGLY SCARY THING!"

Sorceror:"So, he's been coming back to try and torture you every day for years? I think both of you have a bit too much free time."
Godhand:"STOP TALKING ABOUT THE UGLY SCARY THING AND HELP ME FIGHT THE UGLY SCARY THING!"
Donlaan, aka Ugly Scary Thing:"Rude, I'm trying to flay you alive here. Least you could do is give me some attention."

[DigoDragon]

Gravity did its work eventually. More the fact that he was an earth pony and based around a Clydesdale...

That's one strong ceiling fan!



Artificer:"I pelvic thrust the door open"

This is one of those times where just one line can sum up what kind of PC you're reading about. O.o



[In which an Abyssal yells at a Manse]

Was the Abyssal drunk? I hope it was drunk. Otherwise I don't even.



Proceed to roll with advantage on my saving throw, roll a 1 and a 2.

I know this pain.

[userpay]

DM: Welcome to Team 3 - The 'We Get One Person Less Because We Have A Dragon' Team!
Me: (as said dragon): To be fair my sword will end up being the fifth
DM: ...that is actually a very good point.
Another player: Once again, because Dragon... Who happens to be a magus.

[Christopher K.]

"We could [to make money in real life] put the kidney into a cooler with ice and sell it at a flea market to someone who really likes coolers."

"Hey, wanna buy a kidney? Better hurry before someone buys the cooler it's in!"

[ZeroGear]

Duke Rothford: "AH! Welcome my future son-in-law! And to you his dear companions!"
Samson: "Hello your grace. Um...pardon my ignorance, but is why is it you planned a wedding between me and your daughter? I mean no offense, yet I can't hep but feel I may be the wrong person for the job."
Duke: "Oh it is no trouble. It's mostly formalities, I assure you. I can't very well entrust my entire fortune to some mercenary can I? No, my daughter will inherit my position in time."
Lance: "Ah. So he's just going to be the trophy husband who looks nice and sings pretty songs. Sounds like a good deal there Samson."
Samson: "Shut up Lance."

Duke: "Bring out the cake!"
Vick: "Ooooh, cake..."

Terra: "But aren't you worried that he's going to cheat on you while out adventuring?"
Selibell: "Oh no. I could never wish to tie him down. Yet, I can't help but wish him to stay for a while, with me..."
Lance: "In Bed!"
Terra: "Shut up Lance."

Xaltaer: "Lance, what are you doing?"
Lance: "...nothing?"
Xaltaer: "Is that a silver candle holder you're shoving into your pants?"
Lance: "...maybe?"

Assassin: "Prepare to die usurper!"
Samson: "Oh no! I see where this is going! You barge in here, ruin MY wedding, try to kidnap MY future wife, and try to kill ME in front of her? I DON'T THINK SO! I may not have planned for this, heck, I'm not entirely sure how to feel about being shoe-horned into this situation, but you know what? Right now, I don't care! I may have only been with Selibell for a small time, but I have never met a more kind, loving, caring, and passionate girl in my LIFE! And as a man of the ladies, THAT'S SAYING SOMETHING! So I won't stand for some third-rate MORON just barging in here and ruining what should be the happiest day in her life! Think me vein, think me pompous, think whatever the nine hells you want of me, but you DO NOT MESS WITH HER!
And you know what? You did just that. So I am going to make your punishment the most excruciatingly painful experience you have ever felt in your LIFE! Not for my honor, not for my dignity, not for the grief you are causing me. No, THIS is for HER! HAVE AT THEE INFIDEL! THE SONGS OF THY DEFEAT SHALL BE LEGEND!"

[DigoDragon]

Morning: “Look at this room! A tragic loss, these furnishings... sacredieu.”
Reuben: “What is my life that I'm in a ruin at the bottom of the sea standing before a door made of solid cloud?”

Reuben: *Reading an ancient private diary for clues*
Morning: “Even in these dire times, it feels wrong to look through somepony else's diary...”
Reuben: “Easier to ask forgiveness than permission... ‘cause I dunno how to ask a dead pony for anything.”

GM: “Reuben (*Rolls a 12*) is reasonably certain that 'Private' is not actually part of Private Pansy's name, and is merely her title as used by the ancient pegasus army.”
Reuben: “I'm... more enamored that you rolled well for me than the tidbit of info that came with that.”

Reuben: “Morning, your eyes are a genius!”
Morning: “Mes yeux... une génie?”
Reuben: “I don't know how that works, but apparently Heterochromia Iridum gives you muse-like super powers!”

GM: “Reuben manages to loosen the Reuben from its socket…” [Beat] “Sheesh, I really need to start proofreading my posts better.”
Reuben: “LOL! I don't think Reuben is that limber anyway.”

GM: “Darn. I had such a FUN consequence in mind for you barely failing that task.”
Reuben: “'Fun' in all caps seems so scary.”

[Gtdead]

We need to ask a group of hardened criminals for information about a friend of theirs.

Me: I ask the bouncer to give me a nod when I que him. I give him a piece of gold.
DM: Bouncer agrees.
Me: I need everyone to stand behind me and look real threatening
Everyone agrees

Me as Paladin, I sit at their table: Hello, I'm here to tell you that if you thought your day was ****ty, you've seen nothing yet. I've got three bloodthirsty elves, standing behind you and ready to stab you in the neck, and a mountain blocking the way to your escape (the bouncer gives a nod as instructed).

DM: Roll intimidation.
DM: Wait no, roll deception?
DM: Naah, **** it.
DM as Criminal #1: Please sir! Don't hurt us, we will do whatever you want!

[CrazyPenguin]

DM: *leaves to use the bathroom* *comes back*
DM: "Alright, I know you did something while I was gone. What was it. Did you look at my notes?"
PC 1: "Noooo...."
DM: ¨What was it?"
PC 2: "[Me, being graceful as usual] spilled water all over his character sheet. We put it in the microwave to dry it off.
DM: "What."
Me: "Yeah, it worked pretty well until the second page caught fire."

DM: "You're all heathens."
PCs: "What?"
DM: "Look at you eating your pizza cold. Heathens."

"Just a reminder that it has been canonically stated that the wizard is wearing a pointy hat with stars taped to it."

[digiman619]

DM: "You're all heathens."
PCs: "What?"
DM: "Look at you eating your pizza cold. Heathens."

If your DM can't enjoy the taste of cold pizza, then he clearly lacks the judgement required to be in charge of the game.

[TheTeaMustFlow]

If your DM can't enjoy the taste of cold pizza, then he clearly lacks the judgement required to be in charge of the game.

Heathen! I bet you drink coffee too.

[CrazyPenguin]

If your DM can't enjoy the taste of cold pizza, then he clearly lacks the judgement required to be in charge of the game.
I mean, at least he didn't put a character sheet in the microwave to dry it off.

[Diachronos]

"What about the blog post spells?"
"Those are the obscure spells."
"Yeah, you need at least a couple ranks in Hipster to take those."

[Gallade]

Godhand:"Think he's still alive?"
Sorceror:"I think your punch just removed him from existance altogether. And given this is a simulation, you could argue he was never real to begin with"
Godhand:"It's so much more interactive. Wonder why they don't just leave them this way and make money off of them.
Sorceror:"Because that woman got mauled by virtual lions and almost died for real."
Godhand:"That would be a plus in my book."

(Being offered a reward)
Godhand:"Oh no, you shouldn't, it was my duty and yada yada, there I did the whole Lawful Good shtick, give it here."

[ZeroGear]

DM: Hey, who's holding the crown?
Samson: I'm wearing it ring now, why?
DM: Oh, well, ever see a falcon snag a rabbit form a dive?
Vick: Yeah, why?
DM: Well, picture that, except with Samson as the rabbit, and the falcon being a great green dragon.
Xaltaer: "Cool!"
Samson: "Aaaaaahhhhhh! Get me down from heeeereeeee!"

Samson: "Hey, uh, good dragon, what a, uh, lovely lair you have here."
DM: The dragon rears up, snarling at you with teeth the size of your arm.
Samson: "And, uh, what lovely teeth you have!" *nat 20 diplomacy*
DM: The dragon pauses, tilting it's head to the side curiously. Give me an intelligence check.
Samson: 16
DM: *rolls dice* Judging by the longer lashes, wider hips, and slight heart shape the of the tail, you realize the dragon is female.
Samson: I keep complimenting it in the hopes that it won't eat me. *rolls very high*
DM: After considering your remarks for for a bit, you see her eyes soften, before giving you a look of fondness.
Samson: *beat* Did I just pull a Donkey?
DM: Take a guess Mr. 22 charisma.

[DigoDragon]

Samson: *beat* Did I just pull a Donkey?
DM: Take a guess Mr. 22 charisma.

*Snerk* I thought that was where it was going. :D
What 'class' was Samson? Curious, cause the only time I saw a PC pull off this kind of thing, he was a fighter.


Godhand:"Oh no, you shouldn't, it was my duty and yada yada, there I did the whole Lawful Good shtick, give it here."

Heehee. No evil done in accepting a reward. :smallbiggrin:
(Even pallys gotta eat)


Heathen! I bet you drink coffee too.

*Is holding a cup of coffee* D:



"Just a reminder that it has been canonically stated that the wizard is wearing a pointy hat with stars taped to it."

This describes many PC wizards I've seen come to my campaigns...


Morning: “Do I need to reserve a spell slot for Twilight's spell? Or can we cast that as a group without anyone in particular needing to save a slot?”
GM: “One pony in your group with spellcasting ability will have to save a slot for this spell, if you want to cast it.”
Reuben: “Aww snap. Reuben is out of slots.”
Morning: “Morning has one slot left... I was going to teleport us out, but I just wanted to be sure. So I guess we're going to hoof it!”
Reuben: “Dear sweet Celestia, if we win this day it's going to be so close by the skin of our teeth that Twilight is going to have kittens when she finds out.”

Reuben: “If the Leviathan is here, then where is Autumn?”
Morning: “Oh no, you are right...! Where is Autumn?!”
Reuben: “Gizmo too! Dang it, I should of stopped him before he swam for the cloudessium! I'm a terrible friend. He's probably getting all the wing-cuffs from Autumn. Wing-cuffs for days!”

Reuben: “Firecracker, Firecracker
Zip Boom Bah!
Autumn Gale! Autumn Gale!
Rah! Rah! Rah!”
Autumn: *rolls the maximum possible dice result* “That couldn't really have gone better...”
GM: “Goshdarnit, the dice really want Autumn to be badass. Not that I mind.”
Reuben: “I want to believe my cheer above somehow helped.”

Reuben: “That would have been a really embarrassing thing to fail-- getting crushed under clouds.”

Gizmo: “So what have I missed aside from getting our collective flanks handed to us?”
GM: “Autumn kicking flanks, mostly. Gizmo got to watch and tell her what to do. Pretty much his dream, really.”

Reuben: “How long until the two parties see each other?”
GM: “Actually, not until I know what Morning does in this situation.”
Reuben: “So it would seem that our destruction is postponed until dawn, for we must... wait until Morning.”
Background: “YEEEEAAAHHH!!”

[goto124]

DM: *rolls dice* Judging by the longer lashes, wider hips, and slight heart shape the of the tail, you realize the dragon is female.

To be honest, considering how they're of different species, I think their sexes don't really matter :smalltongue:


Reuben: “That would have been a really embarrassing thing to fail-- getting crushed under clouds.”

How is MLP cloud magic modeled in this game?

[DigoDragon]

To be honest, considering how they're of different species, I think their sexes don't really matter :smalltongue:

And even if it does, many dragons are know for their shapechanging abilities.



How is MLP cloud magic modeled in this game?

Mostly by unwritten rules and GM judgement. We were using a very simple system.

[ZeroGear]

@Digo
Samson is a human bard geared towards social interactions and party support. He also has a tendency to get into compromising situations.

[DigoDragon]

He also has a tendency to get into compromising situations.

Well, he's a bard. That goes without saying. :smallbiggrin:


Shopkeeper: "Uh, can I help you?"
Changeling: "No, I'm just looking."
Shopkeeper: "But you're staring at me."
Changeling: "Yeah, I know."

[digiman619]

Heathen! I bet you drink coffee too.

Hey! There's no need to be so hurtful...

[goto124]

Believe it or not, I'm even worse. When I drink coffee, I have it...


... with more cream and sugar than the coffee itself!

[Rater202]

Believe it or not, I'm even worse. When I drink coffee, I have it...


... with more cream and sugar than the coffee itself!

I drink my coffee off-white.

Like, completely serious, not joking. I don't take milk with my coffee, I sometimes take coffee with my milk.

[AdmiralCheez]

I drink my coffee off-white.

Like, completely serious, not joking. I don't take milk with my coffee, I sometimes take coffee with my milk.

A tall glass of milk with a splash of coffee? That's just how I like it! (On the rare occassion I actually have coffee.)

[goto124]

Just when I was about to post in the Confessions thread!

[DigoDragon]

... with more cream and sugar than the coffee itself!

I sometimes take coffee with my milk.

A tall glass of milk with a splash of coffee? That's just how I like it!

I'm on the opposite end-- I drink my coffee straight black. At best, I might show it a picture of a creamer can.

[ZeroGear]

I tend to dump about a tablespoon or two of sugar in mine, then use the milk to cool it off a bit.

[Gallade]

Only Espresso for me. None of that freeze-dried watery slop.

[Inevitability]

Not much of a coffee drinker myself.
*cough*post title*cough*

[userpay]

Mostly black with just a dash of creamer.

[CrazyPenguin]

DM:"How does a shardmind play the saxophone? He doesn't have lungs. Or... a... mouth, even,"
PC 1:"My narwhal familiar plays it for me."
DM:"HOW DO YOU HAVE A NARWHAL FAMILIAR."
PC 1: "I hollowed out my chest, see 'cause I'm made of crystal. Then I filled it with water and put my narwhal in it."
DM: "How... how does it fit?"
PC 1: "Its a miniature narwhal. Duh. See now I can sing while I play sax. It solves so many problems."
Me: "Well, this character seems like he'll fit right in."

[Gallade]

Godhand:"BOTH of the turrets jammed at the same time? Just blow up that tank and teleport us to the Plane of Gummy Bears already. The dice clearly show we deserved that."

[CrazyPenguin]

DM: "You look down the hill and see nothing but dense fog."
PC 1: "Oo! Maybe there's treasure down there.
PC 2: "No, its probably death."

[Drakeburn]

I don't drink coffee at all. But I'm a huge fan of Mexican hot chocolate.

[Necroticplague]

Adventures in loophole abusing:

"I made two promises: that I would shed no blood, and I would strike nobody. Technically, strangling someone to death follows the letter of both of those."

"I only said I would bring you the head of a dragon. I was very quiet as to whether the rest of the dragon would still be attached. And informed of your plans."

"My geass required that I try and kill you. I did try, albeit halfheartedly. Thus, you don't need to worry about me anymore."

[Padca0]

DM: In the room you see five doors: the one you just came out of, one on the wall to your left, two on the wall to your right and one across the room.

Player: I roll a spot check to detect secret doors.

[rolls a high number]

DM: You are now aware of the door above you.

Player: Seriously?

[Inevitability]

DM:"How does a shardmind play the saxophone? He doesn't have lungs. Or... a... mouth, even,"
PC 1:"My narwhal familiar plays it for me."
DM:"HOW DO YOU HAVE A NARWHAL FAMILIAR."
PC 1: "I hollowed out my chest, see 'cause I'm made of crystal. Then I filled it with water and put my narwhal in it."
DM: "How... how does it fit?"
PC 1: "Its a miniature narwhal. Duh. See now I can sing while I play sax. It solves so many problems."
Me: "Well, this character seems like he'll fit right in."

Shardminds are great, aren't they?

[Mutazoia]

DM: In the room you see five doors: the one you just came out of, one on the wall to your left, two on the wall to your right and one across the room.

Player: I roll a spot check to detect secret doors.

[rolls a high number]

DM: You are now aware of the door above you.

Player: Seriously?

Personally, I would question why a spot check would be used to search for a secret door, let alone succeed with the character just standing around in one "spot" (no pun intended) no matter how high the roll)

[DigoDragon]

DM: You are now aware of the door above you.

This just reminded me of the tesseract mansion I mapped out for a D&D adventure that never came to pass. It works correctly, where all six surfaces of each room had a door, which includes floor and ceiling. Maybe I should dig that out for one of the games i'm currently running?


GM: “By the way, did we mention to Gizmo that the Leviathan is actual Babylonian Tiamat? Because she is totally Tiamat.”
Reuben: “Really? Huh, seems less leviathan-y serpent when I think of that version. I'm always partial to the original Final Fantasy one.”
GM: “Hush. That depiction doesn't even have her udder. Because she has one in the Enûma Elish, I'll let you know.”

Autumn: “... can't believe you just wandered right in...” *Cuffs Gizmo upside the head*
Autumn: “That's for being an idiot!” (Leans in and pecks him on the cheek) “And that's for, y'know, everything else.”
Gizmo: *Stunned and Speechless*
GM: “Darn it, why the feels? That is beyond adorable.”
White Text: “That's not what I meant when I said Autumn would go out with a bang!”

Reuben: “Spending last two points of Valor in case Leviathan has one last truck up her... uh... is Calamity even wearing sleeves?”
GM: “In case it should ever matter, right now she should be wearing the tattered remains of a very torn business suit. Whether that means there are trucks to come remains to be seen.”

Morning: *Successfully casts the spell with the party’s help to destroy the evil Macguffin ruby*
Reuben: “Yes! Yes! Yes! Go Morning!! Great speech to go with it!”
GM: “Yay big friendship speeches! And what a roll, too. This is really awesome, even if there still is a Tiamat literally 5 times as powerful as this one and not trapped in a gemstone walking around.”
Reuben: “But because we successfully cast the spell, we... ...oh, right. Uh oh (http://41.media.tumblr.com/f180da9828db1decc5256971c5773928/tumblr_inline_nveen29o901qlnqc0_400.jpg).”

Reuben: “Is Morning getting drunk off magic power? That is adorable.”

[Inevitability]

Autumn: “... can't believe you just wandered right in...” *Cuffs Gizmo upside the head*
Autumn: “That's for being an idiot!” (Leans in and pecks him on the cheek) “And that's for, y'know, everything else.”

Tsundere ponies?

[Gallade]

Godhand:"I get it, Paladins are *******s. Raven's girlfriend? Stolen by a paladin. Terry? Paladin scratched up his sword. Dezel? Got invited to a Paladin's birthday party and he gave him a smaller slice of cake on purpose. "

[Rakoa]

Me: "I pickpocket the baby."
DM: "Okay...you find a loincloth....what were you expecting to find?"
Me: "No, no, no, I don't want to pickpocket from the baby. I want to pickpocket the baby.
DM: "....roll."

[CrazyPenguin]

Me: 'How can you be Rhubarb II when you are a shardmind and Rhubarb I was an elf in a completely different setting?"
Rhubarb II: "I'm adopted."
Me: "But we're not even in the same version of reality as the first Rhubarb!"
Rhubarb II: "Details. Also Rhubarb I was actually the second Rhubarb, see his father was Rhubarb 0."
Me: "This character is so ridiculous it almost makes sense."

[Rysto]

Anthracite: "Discord! Show yourself and feel the bite of my blade!"
Macabre: "Huh? I don't see a mouth on your sword.. how does it bite?"


Anthracite: "I don't know what you're playing at, Discord, but I am not amused."
Macabre: "I knew Amused. She was a rather grumpy pony."

[ZeroGear]

There's a reason why I love characters with diverse language pools. Also, DM's passing notes with translations.

DM: As you turn the corner, the tunnel widens into a cave. Although it's not exceptionally bright, enough light is filtering in from above that it's decently well lit. In the middle is a rather sizable pile of coins, mostly gold, among other treasure. You also spot the dragon form earlier. It's curled up on the horde, much like you would expect from an oversized cat. What you didn't expect, however, is that Samson's also there, with the dragon snuggling around him. Also, he looks scared.
Vick: "Samson, hey! You alright over there?"
Samson: "Help...me..."

Xaltaer: "Hold on, I think we can settle this peacefully."
Samson: "I'd like to see you try."
Terra: "That monster's got our friend! And I would like to remind you that he's your friend too!"
Xaltaer: "I know. And I don't think she wants to hurt him."
Lance: "Nah, looks more like it wants to cuddle him to death."
Samson: "Not helping Lance!"
Terra: "Right and...wait, 'she'?"
Xaltaer: "The dragon's female."
Samson: "I can verify this!"
Terra: "...Samson, you didn't..."
Samson: "Not willingly!"
Xaltaer: "Anyway, achem, mrs. dragon, could you please let go of our friend?"
DM: Who here speaks draconic?
*Xaltaer raises hand*
DM: *scribbles on note, hands it to Xaltaer* You hear it say this. Everyone else just hears: [insert dragon noises].
Xaltaer: I promise we're not going to attack. Or run, I just want to talk.
Dragon: [more dragon noises]
Xaltaer: Yes, I understand. She can be like that. Anyway, let's start over: my name is Xaltaer. The one you are holding is Samson; the lady in armor is Terra, the guy in green is Vick, and the short one is Lance."
Lance: "I'm not short, I'm travel-sized!"
Xaltaer: "Anyway, what is your name?"
Dragon: [more dragon sounds]
Xaltaer: "'Emerale' hun? Nice to meet you miss Emerale."
Samson: "That's a nice name."
Terra: "Is this really the time?"
Xaltaer: "Anyway, miss Emerale; I see you're a bit fond of our friend. Now, I can understand that you may not wish to let him go. Unfortunately, we kinda need his services. Is there maybe a way we can come to an understanding? Maybe we can figure out a way he can keep traveling with us, but will still be able to visit you from time to time?"
Emerale: [thoughtful dragon noises]
Xaltaer: "Ok, I'll ask him. Hey Samson, do you know of any nearby caves with easy access?"
Samson: "Let me think." *25 on a geography check* "I think there are some unused mines almost directly under my wife's castle."
Dragon: [curious dragon sound]
Xaltaer: "Well, yes, he's married. Not that that's too much of a problem. They have a rather open relationship."
Lance: "Hey Xaltaer, do you think the Duke would consider keeping a dragon as a guard? You know, a guardian of the royal treasure and all that?"
Xaltaer: "You know, that's a great idea. Let's go ask him!"
Samson: "Hey!" What about me?"
Xaltaer: "Just hang on until we get back."
Lance: "Not that he has much of a choice."
Samson: "Shut up Lance!"

DM: The harpy swoops down and [dice rolls] grabs Samson by the shoulders and carries him off.
Samson: "NOT AGAIN!"

Samson: "Grumble, grumble, grumble."
Vick: "What's stuck up his butt?"
Lance: "Well..."
Samson: "Shut up Lance!"

Terra: "Great, what else can go wrong?"
Lance: "Well..."
Terra: "Don't. You. Dare."

Vick: "Interesting."
Xaltaer: "What?"
Vick: "This passage seems to have been worn smooth my some kind of large beast. Or, more accurately, multiple large beasts. I think we've found the biannual migration path of Dracostags*."
Xaltaer: "Why is that interesting?"
Vick: "Well, if memory serves, it should be close to their migration time."
Terra: "What's that rumbling sound?"

Samson: "Dammit! It's as if all my choices seem to come back and bite me in the butt!"
[Beat]
Samson: "Shut up Lance!"
Lance: "I didn't say anything."
Samson: "You were about to."

*Dracostags are Dire Elk with the draconic template.

[Mutazoia]

This just reminded me of the tesseract mansion I mapped out for a D&D adventure that never came to pass. It works correctly, where all six surfaces of each room had a door, which includes floor and ceiling. Maybe I should dig that out for one of the games i'm currently running?


You DO realize that a tesseract "map" would just be 8 squares (rooms) in the shape of a cross, right?

http://www.fybertech.com/4get/13373130061707.png

[goto124]

Reuben: “Spending last two points of Valor in case Leviathan has one last truck up her... uh... is Calamity even wearing sleeves?”
GM: “In case it should ever matter, right now she should be wearing the tattered remains of a very torn business suit. Whether that means there are trucks to come remains to be seen.”

That reminds me of a thread from the Friendly Banter section (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?485176-I-have-been-moderately-irked-by-humanity)...

[DigoDragon]

Tsundere ponies?

Not truly, but they have occasional moments in -dere territory. ^^;



Got invited to a Paladin's birthday party and he gave him a smaller slice of cake on purpose. "

THE FIEND! :smalleek:



You DO realize that a tesseract "map" would just be 8 squares (rooms) in the shape of a cross, right?

I am aware, but that isn't the only solution. I mapped mine out as a ring (http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/28265015/images/1384470592774.jpg), which shows the connections much better for both myself and the players to visualize. I found two of the rooms in my notes, so I can rebuild this. :smallbiggrin:


That reminds me of a thread from the Friendly Banter section (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?485176-I-have-been-moderately-irked-by-humanity)...

I remember weird tests like that from 2nd grade, not 8th. o.o Ours was about a penguin and a submarine though.

GM: “Tybit, meanwhile, just gives her a quiet but determined nod, somehow realizing that his usual volume is not the answer here.”
Reuben: *Liquid Pride* “Our little NPC stalker is growing up.”

Autumn: “I've just realized the inspiration for Autumn's little speech was Tony Stark.”

GM: “Though even if the resulting willpower damage knocks him out of the fight, remember that Morning still has all 6 of her Balor points and Leadership.”
Reuben: “Morning has Balors? Dang, why didn't she bring those demons to the fight? They on union break?”

Reuben: “Some queen of the sea! More like Chicken of the Sea, like the tuna melt served at my pop's shop every day of the week. Except Wednesday, cause that's Prince Spaghetti Day.”

Autumn: “I'm proud of this team effort, and that we overcame this challenge using friendship rather than verbal or physical fighting.”
GM: “… … …”
Reuben: “We didn't just jump the rails, we tore the tracks off the foundation.”
GM: “Heh. Don't worry. Tiamat's heart isn't just suddenly gonna melt from the sheer friendship and become besties with you.”
Reuben: "Okay look, Tiamat, I know you totally want to hang out, but could you please stop possessing my love interest just to go bowling with me? It gets really awkward.”

GM: “Calamity, meanwhile, is still held by Gizmo's string device, and unable to move. She is looking very annoyed about this.”
Gizmo: “It helps if you don't struggle against it. I modeled it after a prank.”
Reuben: “I'd hate to see what I'd be tangled in if you were mad.”

[goto124]

PENGUINS!!! *bounces*


GM: “Though even if the resulting willpower damage knocks him out of the fight, remember that Morning still has all 6 of her Balor points and Leadership.”
Reuben: “Morning has Balors? Dang, why didn't she bring those demons to the fight? They on union break?”

The Typomaster strikes again!


Reuben: “We didn't just jump the rails, we tore the tracks off the foundation.”

... I need to know the context.

[DigoDragon]

... I need to know the context.

So the party was in the final fight of the campaign against Tiamat, queen of the seas. We successfully destroyed the MacGuffin she was going to use to increase her power, but there was no way we could fight her physically. Instead, we went for a mental assault, using Intimidation and Persuasion checks to get Tiamat to back down. Not only did this succeed, thanks in part in to really good dice rolls, but we managed to roll the equivalent of a legendary critical success to get Tiamat to give up the fight and join us.

The GM did not expect us to go full "Magic of Friendship" and offer her ours like that. Although Tiamat didn't commit to being our friend, she stopped her plans of conquering Equestria to mull over ideas of living in harmony with ponies. It was an appropriate way to win that encounter even if it wasn't something anyone had planned. :D

[goto124]

In full FiM style!

Right?

How does the "friendship is magic" thing work in FiM, anyway? Google isn't telling me. Again.

[Cristo Meyers]

Back to Old Republic again.

"Crush me with an instant-death pillar once, shame on you. Crush me with an instant death pillar twice..."

"That's... a big droid."
"DIBS!"
"DI... dammit!"

"No, she was there. Spent the whole time giggling like it was some private joke."
"So they knew something was going to happen."
"No, that's normal for her. The fact that she was there at all told them something was going to happen."

"Want my help?"
"Oh no, not this time. Darth Kool-Aid Man is mine..."

Must've been a light couple of sessions, usually there's more. Only other thing I can remember was a dated Old Spice Guy routine...

[Rysto]

In full FiM style!

Right?

How does the "friendship is magic" thing work in FiM, anyway? Google isn't telling me. Again.

Tactical Rainbow Strikes (http://friendshipisdragons.thecomicseries.com/comics/92/), mostly.

[goto124]

Back to Old Republic again.

"Crush me with an instant-death pillar once, shame on you. Crush me with an instant death pillar twice..."

Star Wars has resurrection magic Force powers?

[Cristo Meyers]

Star Wars has resurrection magic Force powers?

The Old Republic MMO. Most of this is inter-player banter with the actual game dialogue taken out.

[DigoDragon]

Tactical Rainbow Strikes (http://friendshipisdragons.thecomicseries.com/comics/92/), mostly.

Our group never got to that point, but we figured out how to weaponize friendship. Usually where one PC rolls the social skill check and everyone else provides a bonus with the aid action. Result is a number high enough that it breaks the scale. And not surprisingly a number of opponents. :smallbiggrin:

[CrazyPenguin]

Tactical Rainbow Strikes, mostly.
Why did I not know of this comic already?

Anyway:

"You lose your footing on the stair and tumble down to the second landing, taking [some unimportant number] damage. [the rogue], on the other hand, casually walks down the whole flight of stairs."
"Well then I guess its not that hard."
*rolls another check to make it the rest of the way down* *fails dismally*
"You get up, dust yourself off, puff out your chest, and casually walk off the wrong side of the landing, falling 30 feet straight down."

[ShadowFighter15]

I drink my coffee off-white.

Like, completely serious, not joking. I don't take milk with my coffee, I sometimes take coffee with my milk.

You pretty much just described half the coffees you get at a cafe - things like a mocha, latte or cappuccino just have a single shot (as in a shotglass worth) of coffee and the rest is heated milk. Granted; it's a strong shot of coffee, but you get my point.


Gryf (Bloodrager): "We're making good time, it's been quite quiet always... let's hope that is a good sign."
Friday (Ranger): "Since you have stated the obvious it will now most certainly be not."
Xel (my Arcanist's raven familiar): "Oh gods, don't start on that 'jinxing it' nonsense. What next? Applying the laws of narrative causality to real life?"
Friday: "Sure, why not?"

[AdmiralCheez]

DM: So that deals 7 damage and raises a few questions within the party.


Julio (staring down the angry incoming fists of an earth elemental): I made some enemies today.


Finley: So what did I miss?
Aedan: Julio got smashed by an earth elemental and found religion.


Julio: Eat me, Jello! If you can!
*Gets crit by a gelatinous cube*
Julio: Julio, why must you tempt fate!?


DM: Hmm... I think I'm going to get the backup character sheets set up.

[gmoyes]

NPC Guard: *is surrounded by zombies, throws something and runs out the door*
Warlock: Grenade! *Dives out a different door along with monk and ranger*
Rogue: Ball! *tries to catch it*

The rogue can shapeshift into a wolf so...

DM: Ok, the room to the north is on fire, the door to the south is barricaded and zombies trying to break it down. What do you do?
Rogue: I hide. *rolls a nat 1*
DM: Your idea of hiding is to stand on a crate in the middle of the room.

Monk: I look through the keyhole in the door to the north.
DM: You can't see anything through the smoke. Make a Con save.
Monk: *passes* What would have happened if I failed?
Warlock: You would've gotten a sunburn the shape of a keyhole over your eye.

DM: Everyone make a con save.
Everyone: *Fails*
DM: *sigh* Everyone passes out due to the heat and smoke.
Warlock: Everyone do the flop! *flop*

Ranger: Wow. I can't believe that in the middle of a zombie attack, after surviving a grenade with 2 hp left, the rogue dies to something mundane as smoke inhalation.
Warlock: And I still haven't technically been hit with an attack!

Ranger: By the way, do you know the guard that firebombed the storeroom?
NPC Guard Captain: Yeah, that was Corporal Jenkins. We've always troubles with him and we'd get rid of him if we didn't need another sword.
Warlock: His first name wouldn't happen to be Leroy would it?
Captain: Actually, it's Roy. Roy Lee Jenkins.
Warlock: Nice.

[DigoDragon]

Why did I not know of this comic already?

You are one of the lucky 10,000! It's a good comic, pretty interesting take on the series.



Julio (staring down the angry incoming fists of an earth elemental): I made some enemies today.

When picking your enemies, always pick the slower ones. ;)



Rogue: Ball! *tries to catch it*

The rogue can shapeshift into a wolf so...

*Snerk* Amusing. ^^

Morning: “We should go.”
Calamity: “You're right, Miss Star. Let's get out of here. I've got amends to make.”
Tybit: “MA'AM! DOES THIS MEAN I CAN HAVE MY POSITION AS SECURITY GUARD BACK?!”
Calamity: “Not for even one second, Tybit.”

GM: “It took a while for me to figure out Calamity's reaction. Congratulations, though. You managed to do what only a demonic dragon-monster has done thus far. You made Calamity Mane, the no-nonsense businessmare and overall badflank, cry.”
Autumn: “Morning and Reuben deserve wing-cuffs.”
Reuben: “I never thought I'd see the day that Morning would get a wing-cuff.”

Reuben: “How illegal is cloning in Equestria?”
GM: “Not sure whether you are trying to determine if this is the real Calamity, or whether you're planning to make a second Reuben. Either way, it is pretty dang illegal.”

Reuben: “Dear Princess Autumn,
My work on building a harem has come back to bite me in the flank.
Sincerely,
Reuben Rye.”

Morning: “If you guys can do the Calamity X Reuben thing in the next 11 hours, then go for it.”
GM: “11 hours?!”

Reuben: “Get out!” *promptly grabs his reflection, kicks the kitchen door open, and throws his reflection out of the kitchen before slamming the door closed to return to his work. Ugh, nerve of some reflections!*
Reuben: “What others see when Reuben throws out his reflection from the kitchen is left open to your interpretation.”
Drunken Sailor: *Quits drinking, cold turkey*

Gizmo: “Dummkopf, dummkopf, a yeti? Why did I think yetis are romantic? Perhaps I should have gone with the Breezy proposal instead.”
Reuben: “I do feel a bit bad for Gizmo as well. Still, there are other fish in the sea as they say?”
Gizmo: “That fish being a Sea Witch I presume? Or a giant queen of the ocean?”

[Inevitability]

Me: So you're telling me HP gain over time is really just a representation of clotted blood from past wounds?

[goto124]

You are one of the lucky 10,000! It's a good comic, pretty interesting take on the series.

As is xkcd (https://xkcd.com/1053/)! Don't forget to check out the mouseover.


Reuben: “How illegal is cloning in Equestria?”

I misread that as “How illegal is clothing in Equestria?”


Reuben: “Dear Princess Autumn,
My work on building a harem has come back to bite me in the flank.
Sincerely,
Reuben Rye.”

Don't try, and it'll come to you eventually!

Source: My PCs, who weren't trying and didn't even have to wait that long :smallbiggrin:

[digiman619]

I misread that as “How illegal is clothing in Equestria?” Oh, my god.... Rarity's a criminal mastermind!!! :smallyuk:

[userpay]

Oh, my god.... Rarity's a criminal mastermind!!! :smallyuk:

Also makes for interesting connotations for the Gala.

[DigoDragon]

I misread that as “How illegal is clothing in Equestria?”

Oh, my god.... Rarity's a criminal mastermind!!! :smallyuk:

Also makes for interesting connotations for the Gala.

Pffftahaha, I love this thread and everyone in it. :smallbiggrin:

[CrazyPenguin]

"You know its gonna be a good session when you're only ten minutes in and you've already had to put a player in a headlock."

[Asmodean_]

Amnestria: I think I'd better take a closer look at this door. Search check: 2
DM: After a few minutes elapse, having searched every nook and cranny of the surface, you decide with almost absolute certainty that you have noticed a door.
Vergil: Wherever would we be without you(?)
Tristan: On the other side of the door, that's where.

Vergil: The goblins... and the orcs... indulge in the cardinal sin... of paperwork?

Amnestria: You said no witnesses! I distinctly remember the words no witnesses coming out of your mouth!
Vergil: I meant that we should try to stay hidden, not massacre everybody in the village!
Amnestria: Well why didn't you say that then?
Vergil: Apart from Samath, I've never been in the company of anyone who would use that sentence to get to that conclusion.

Vergil: If we can't get close enough to just carry [the necromancer's sword without taking constitution damage], then I'll just put it in a bag, tie a rope around it and drag it behind us. (Rolls 3 on a use rope check)
GM: You rather spectacularly fail to tie a rope around a bag. Roll for a fortitude save.

[Elxir_Breauer]

Amnestria: You said no witnesses! I distinctly remember the words no witnesses coming out of your mouth!
Vergil: I meant that we should try to stay hidden, not massacre everybody in the village!
Amnestria: Well why didn't you say that then?
Vergil: Apart from Samath, I've never been in the company of anyone who would use that sentence to get to that conclusion.

To be fair, that tends to be the logical conclusion: to eliminate all witnesses, and those who witness said elimination...

[goto124]

Oh, my god.... Rarity's a criminal mastermind!!! :smallyuk:

Well, in Friendship Is Dragons, Rarity is more or less a criminal mastermind.



Amnestria: You said no witnesses! I distinctly remember the words no witnesses coming out of your mouth!
Vergil: I meant that we should try to stay hidden, not massacre everybody in the village!

To be fair, that tends to be the logical conclusion: to eliminate all witnesses, and those who witness said elimination...

http://i.imgur.com/Ix50joi.png

[DigoDragon]

Galley Cook: “Bah! Fancy landlubbers, with their 'seasoning' and 'spices'. This needs more lard!”

Calamity: “That's what I wanted to hear. Because with or without your permission, I will buck your face so hard no mare's ever gonna give you a second glance if you pull a move like that again. Now go to her, you big doofus. You've got my blessing, even if I'm still jealous as all heck.”
Reuben: “The stallion gulped down a bit at the threat. After all, he had personal experience with getting bucked hard by her already, in the most unfavorable meaning of the word.”

Morning: “She scans the sailors, masts and the surrounding seascape for signs of the pegasus, calling her name. ‘Autumn? Are you out here?’”
GM: “Morning, wat r u doin? Morning. Stawp.”

Morning: “I like [Reuben]. Why did I wait so long...? I still feel wrong for hurting Madame Calamity...”
Autumn: “That was honestly the most painful part of it. I couldn't believe he'd be so... no actually I can believe it; this is Reuben we're talking about after all.”
Morning: “The best I can do is try to apologize to Calamity, and go forward with Reuben.”
Autumn: “Yeah, you're going to owe Calamity a few apologies. But look, the important part is that he'll be yours. ...and you know... if you ever any want any Reuben tips I've got all the goss'.”
Morning: “Thank you, Autumn. Though, you will have to share some of the 'goss' with me, fille-amie.”
Autumn: “Go get him, tiger! I'll tell you all his secrets over coffee when we get back to Ponyville.”

Reuben: “How to confuse a Digo: say ‘go get em, tiger’ when your own avatar is a tiger.”
GM: “If there is one thing I've learned over the course of this last episode, it is that Autumn has essentially become a terrifying mixture between a falcon and a ferocious tiger. So I can't exactly blame you for getting things mixed up.”

[Rysto]

To be fair, that tends to be the logical conclusion: to eliminate all witnesses, and those who witness said elimination...

Uh-oh. This is turning into one of those plans. You know, the kind where we kill everybody that notices we're killing people. And you know how those alway end.

[Necroticplague]

Uh-oh. This is turning into one of those plans. You know, the kind where we kill everybody that notices we're killing people. And you know how those alway end.

The dirigible is in flames, everybody's dead, and I've lost my hat. And any plan where I lose my hat is a bad plan

[ZeroGear]

The dirigible is in flames, everybody's dead, and I've lost my hat. And any plan where I lose my hat is a bad plan

Especially when it comes to Jägermonsters, any plan that involves losing hats is bad.

[Elxir_Breauer]

Especially when it comes to Jägermonsters, any plan that involves losing hats is bad.

Hyu gots it, Meester!

[Illven]

Nicky (OOC) where's my house you ****ing *******! :p

Michel (OOC) (can actually communicate w/ animals and vermin, too)
Shiela (OOC) laaaaaame do you speak squirrel?
Michel: (OOC) (course, shiela doesn't know that, so when a horse kicks her in the face later on, in character she'll have no idea why)

Shiela "First, No, human are icky and die to quick, and second i already have a love interst"
Nicky ".... That was tmi."

Jeremy: "Please, don't die."
Michel: "We'll try."
Shiela: "ill be honest there is like a 60% chance this place is on fire in teh next 10 mintues"

Shiela (OOC) i beat mihel yay
Michel (OOC) (you get to contribute nothing before my turn instead of after my turn! yay!)

Michel (OOC) (well, don't threat to kill my character if you want functional teamwork)
Shiela (OOC) dont be adick and i wont
Nicky (OOC) I can just taste the team spirit)

Nicky (OOC) finally.
After ten thousand years it is my turn

michel (OOC) silly me, trying not to murder someone

[eru001]

Sir Luca Stavros: Sir Pikebreaker, you know that I am on you side, right?
Sir Matthew Pikebreaker: Sir Stavros, I am sworn to speak the truth, I know no such thing.

[DigoDragon]

The dirigible is in flames, everybody's dead, and I've lost my hat. And any plan where I lose my hat is a bad plan

Haha, I got that reference! ^^;


Reuben: “Good morning, uh... Morning...” *mentally slaps self*

Morning: “I never meant to ruin anything for you or hurt her, but by the end, I thought you at least deserved to know, non?”
Reuben: “Morning, all this time I... I was on an adventure with the one mare I do have feelings for, and that is you. I just didn't see it sooner and I feel awful about it.”
Morning: (Leans against him) “Reuben... you silly stallion. You big, silly, lovable, brave stallion… We are a good match, you and I... we are both such silly ponies. We did not even see what was right in front of us until it was almost too late.”
Reuben: “Yeah, a couple of silly little ponies. And this one would like nothing more than to be your special somepony.”
Morning: “I think I would like that. As long as I get to be yours, as well.”
Reuben: “I would love nothing more.”
GM: “Aaaawwww... Happy pones are best pones.”
Autumn: (through the door) “Just kiss already!”

Reuben: “Time to draw cute snuggles? Time to draw cute snuggles (http://digoraccoon.deviantart.com/art/Morning-and-Reuben-602527816).”
Morning: “D'awwww :3 the snoogles are impossibly cute!”
GM: “theoboldi.exe has stopped working”
GM: “fatal cuteness overflow detected”
GM: “rebooting....”

[goto124]

Autumn: (through the door) “Just kiss already!”

This is why my PCs install proper soundproofing on the walls and doors of their inn/nightclub! Both magic (https://www.reddit.com/r/Pathfinder_RPG/comments/2j2e9y/are_there_any_spells_for_soundproofing/?) and mundane (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soundproofing) types.

That reminds me, I probably should dig up posts of how the trio got together...

... Wait, what exactly happened with Reuben/Calamity/Morning?


GM: “theoboldi.exe has stopped working”

I suppose that's the DM's name?

[Theoboldi]

I suppose that's the DM's name?

Indeed it is.



Calamity: “That's what I wanted to hear. Because with or without your permission, I will buck your face so hard no mare's ever gonna give you a second glance if you pull a move like that again. Now go to her, you big doofus. You've got my blessing, even if I'm still jealous as all heck.”
Reuben: “The stallion gulped down a bit at the threat. After all, he had personal experience with getting bucked hard by her already, in the most unfavorable meaning of the word.”


By the way, thanks for reminding me how much fun I had playing Calamity during those last few scenes. Though you should have brought up the two consecutive wingcuffs she gave Reuben. :smalltongue:

[goto124]

Indeed it is.

https://derpicdn.net/img/2012/6/29/24545/full.gif


Though you should have brought up the two consecutive wingcuffs she gave Reuben. :smalltongue:

And I just found them! Alongside the OOC note :smallbiggrin:

[Theoboldi]

https://derpicdn.net/img/2012/6/29/24545/full.gif
Goodness, I'm not that big of a deal... :smallredface:



And I just found them! Alongside the OOC note :smallbiggrin:

Guess I'd best post it now, shouldn't I?

Calamity: "Reuben..." She slowly walks up to him, her face utterly unreadable in how many emotions it shows. With a last few heavy steps, she comes a halt at his left side, her face averted from him. A moment of a silence ensues, and just as the situation becomes even more awkward than it already is, one of Calamity's wings smacks against the back of Reuben's head. "That's for being an idiot." Another one, this time more heavily. "And that's because Autumn hasn't given you one yet."

OOC Note: Reserving the right to cuff Reuben freely since for combat purposes he is at 0 willpower and sidelined.
Actual quote from the week prior: For now, assume that if a fight breaks out he is sidelined from having 0 willpower. Otherwise, we are pretty much at the ending anyways, so let's not get tangled up in applying damage anymore.

[Gallade]

Godhand:"Anything noteworthy in this room?"
DM:"You hear a loud rumble from the wall to the north."
Godhand:"Can you point it out?"
DM:*Draws a rhombus on the wall[1]*
Godhand:"You did NOT."



[1]: "Rumble" and "Rhombus" are written and spelled the same in Italian.

[CrazyPenguin]

"Does the innkeeper have anything to drink?"
"He pulls out a bottle of wizard's brew."
"Ooooo what's that."
"Well at some point this one guy thought it would be a good idea to bottle and sell all the weird byproducts of the wizard's guild near his house. So its basically magic toxic waste. If you drink it, no one can say what will happen."
"Gnomes are related to dwarves, right? Hey! [Gnome artificer]! Drink this! It'll be awesome!"

[Necroticplague]

"When you say he's 50 degrees, did you mean celcius or farenheit-wait a second, that's bad either way! Just in different directions!"

[Inevitability]

"When you say he's 50 degrees, did you mean celcius or farenheit-wait a second, that's bad either way! Just in different directions!"

50 degrees fahrenheit doesn't seem so bad... Mildly chilly, at the very worst.

[Fable Wright]

50 degrees fahrenheit doesn't seem so bad... Mildly chilly, at the very worst.

He's talking about internal temperature. When you stick a thermometer under your tongue and it turns up 50 degrees, you've either done something wrong or are in deep, deep trouble.

[goto124]

"When you say he's 50 degrees, did you mean celcius or farenheit-wait a second, that's bad either way! Just in different directions!"

http://i.imgur.com/7t8xL2z.png

[Gallade]

http://i.imgur.com/7t8xL2z.png

Unless you got some cat or reptilian DNA in you, bending a spine at those angles is bad news either way.

[Lateral]

Isaac: "This bloody fog is as thick as Mum's pea soup."
Aswin: (eyes wide, looking horrified) "Pee soup?"

[JohanOfKitten]

Dismas : Hum... There's something strange about the mule today.
Gaïe : Oh, yeah. Eudora found Daisy really lovely and interesting. Awakes her.
Dismas : Awakes ?
Gaïe : she's got an improved soul and she's intelligent now.
Dismas : Int... So she's understanding what we say.
Daisy : hee-hawww


Gaïe : if we let you go, you will goo back to hell ?
Imp : Yes. Us go. But Us not know how. Us try.
Gaïe : On the way, you will not hurt humans.
Imp : But that be funny.
Gaïe : you can have fun with vampires, zombies and werewolf but not humans.
Imp : What be werewolf ?
Gaïe : *sight* It's like a human, but with much more fur at special times.
Imp : Ok, we hurt human only with hair.


Gaïe : So, we know there must be a walled passageway in this cellar. I inspect the walls.
*Roll. Natural 20 on investigation check
GM : Ok. I need paper and pen. Here, that's the room. You can identify different layers of stones, of differents periods. [blabla] And that must be a wall done to divide the space as you can see the changes in the corner [blabla] And for this part, it was a really bad mortar used, clearly not done by a professional masson.


Dismas : Ok, Thank you Silvia. Now we need to hurry and see the captain if we want to avoid having an angry mob by tonight.
Gaïe : Before we go, Do you sell good oats ?
Dismas : Oats ? I can't wait.
Gaïe : I promised oats to Daisy after running to the city. I want to avoid an angry mule by tonight.

[DigoDragon]

... Wait, what exactly happened with Reuben/Calamity/Morning?

By the way, thanks for reminding me how much fun I had playing Calamity during those last few scenes. Though you should have brought up the two consecutive wingcuffs she gave Reuben. :smalltongue:

This was all my clever ploy to lure the GM ut of hiding and into the spotlight for his 15! :D
Not really, but it sounded like a good excuse in my head.


[1]: "Rumble" and "Rhombus" are written and spelled the same in Italian.

Ah one of those jokes. ^^ Those are fun.

Like how the Italian words for cookie and Disco are similar.
Or the Japanese words for glove and sleeping bag.


So its basically magic toxic waste

x.@ Eww.
I wouldn't drink that for a million gp.


Aswin: (eyes wide, looking horrified) "Pee soup?"

*snerk* Speaking of mistaking same or similar-sounding words...


Gaïe : I promised oats to Daisy after running to the city. I want to avoid an angry mule by tonight.

That is a sensible bit of advice to follow. :3

GM: “Junkcrab's ship sails into the harbor and drops anchor.”
Junkcrab: “Alright, we're back. Just....Just get off of my ship.”

Calamity: “I've read your notes, Miss Oceans. You did not have a heroic stand-off against me that lasted several hours. I threw a rock at you and you w-”
Open Ocean: “Details! Who cares?”

Kana: “But what about the monster itself? Has it left?”
Reuben: “Funny thing about that. We got Tiamat to surrender. Gizmo and I explained the futility of opposing us and then Autumn and Morning convinced her to just live in harmony with ponykind and get a job... or something.”

Reuben: “Huh, good job in hindsight to Gizmo. No one knows how to weaponize friendship the way ponies do.”

GM: “Just to remind you of what Kana said, releasing the smoke into the air would cause it to disperse into nothingness. It's too unstable to stay around in such small amounts.
Reuben: “Ah, so it behaves like money in my wallet.”

Reuben: “Who knew a little jar of cloud would be so difficult to deal with? If we hold on to the jar, it might get lost or something. There's so many jars of pickled produce parked in my kitchen that I'd hate to accidentally make a PB&Tiamat sandwich.”

Calamity: “Well, there's a few things I've gotta set straight once we've met with Princess Twilight. Like apologizing to everypony I beat up and endangered while being possessed.”
Reuben: “Oh I think she and Reuben are even as it is. Possibly overpaid...”
GM: “Say that in-character. I dare ya. I double-dare ya.”

[goto124]

This was all my clever ploy to lure the GM out of hiding and into the spotlight for his 15! :D
Not really, but it sounded like a good excuse in my head.

From what I gather, Reuben... flirted?... with Calamity, who didn't like his advances? And Morning felt... something?... about this?


Reuben: “Who knew a little jar of cloud would be so difficult to deal with? If we hold on to the jar, it might get lost or something. There's so many jars of pickled produce parked in my kitchen that I'd hate to accidentally make a PB&Tiamat sandwich.”

Sequel to the campaign.

[DigoDragon]

From what I gather, Reuben... flirted?... with Calamity, who didn't like his advances? And Morning felt... something?... about this?

What happened was that after Tiamat took Calamity, Reuben started up this idea in his head to play the roll of the 'knight in shining armor' to rescue her. When the party saved Calamity in the end, he was still in this mindset of thinking himself the big hero and flirting with her like a claimed love prize. It was when Morning professed to Reuben (albeit with poor timing) that she liked him for reals that Reuben snapped out of his fantasy and realized he actually liked Morning as well. This 'hoof-in-mouth' moment got him into trouble, as his fantasy flirting hurt Calamity's feelings. She was mad at him for it and rightfully so.

Reuben talked to Calamity in private to ask forgiveness for what he did. Calamity delivered two hard wing-cuffs and Reuben took the lumps, fully believing he deserved it for what he had done. Calamity forgives Reuben for being an idiot, but warns him that if his feelings for Morning are not true, she will break his face for it. Reuben promises that he will never ever play with the feelings of others like he did earlier.

Then Reuben and Morning talk in private and find that they did like each other very much, but with all the adventuring to save Equestria that went on, they had to put aside their feelings for so long. Saving the world nearly cost them their true love! However, things worked out alright in the end.[/QUOTE]


Sequel to the campaign.

I can't imagine eating an evil sandwich would be healthy. :o

[Magentawolf]

I can't imagine eating an evil sandwich would be healthy. :o

Time Bandits has shown us that putting Evil in a toaster oven is quite unhealthy.

[Asmodean_]

http://i.imgur.com/7t8xL2z.png

https://www.explainxkcd.com/wiki/images/e/ec/degrees.png

[Gallade]

"You're now wrestling the siege tank. It's like a rodeo, if the bull you were riding was copulating with another bull, they both were trying to get you in on the action, and were made of metal. If you want a mental image of that...look up Greek mythology, it should have something up that alley."

[ZeroGear]

Vick: "When I get my hands on that that bloated bag of bramble's I'm going to..."
DM: *sends a text to everyone except Vick*
Everyone else: *Stare at Vick*
Vick: "What...He's right behind me, isn't he?"
Giant Ent: "Please, do go on."

Vick: "I AM THE LORD OF SHRUBS!"

DM: Aaaand...the ent carries Vick off into the woods.
Samson: "Yes! It's not me this time!"

[Necroticplague]

"You're now wrestling the siege tank. It's like a rodeo, if the bull you were riding was copulating with another bull, they both were trying to get you in on the action, and were made of metal. If you want a mental image of that...look up Greek mythology, it should have something up that alley."
.....
goddang, that mental image is refusing to leave my brain, no matter what I do.

[DigoDragon]

Time Bandits has shown us that putting Evil in a toaster oven is quite unhealthy.

I have a theory that toasters are just inherently evil by design.
You can't build a non-evil toaster.


If you want a mental image of that...look up Greek mythology

Sign the waiver form first. :smalltongue:



DM: Aaaand...the ent carries Vick off into the woods.
Samson: "Yes! It's not me this time!"

I'm starting to feel sympathy for Samson.

Reuben: “Hey, no long faces, okay? We're all friends here. Don't think of this as the end, but just that space between chapters.”
Morning: “Oui; though the parting is sad, there may be many more adventures ahead of us together! Though, hopefully, they will not involve engaging with train-sized eels or angry sea queens...”

Twilight: “I can't believe it! You actually managed to make the Leviathan surrender, and tried to make her a friend? That's better than anything I could have hoped for!”
Reuben: “It was far better than I could ever imagine. Still, despite the challenge I think our friendship was the winning factor in this quest; trust, teamwork, and... Um, those little contraptions that Gizmo invents.”

Twilight: “You did save Equestria, and make a powerful ally in the process. You are all heroes, and you deserve a reward for it. Pinkie Pie is going to throw a party in your honor, but is there any other way we can pay you back?”
Reuben: “Well, it would be nice if you can assure those affected, that Calamity isn't at fault for the things Tiamat did while in control.”
Morning: “I am sure we would all appreciate it greatly if you could clear the air, so to speak, of the things Tiamat had done through her - that Calamity herself is innocent of them. And, ah, maybe one of those fancy stained glass windows in the castle...?”

Twilight: “What about you two, [Autumn and Gizmo]?”
Autumn: “Er, I did promise Captain Junkcrab a rather large amount of bits...”
Twilight: “Oh, it can't be that bad. After all, it is for a good cause, so a couple of bits won't be too much to ask for. How much did you promise him?”
Autumn: (winces) “I may have promised the sea captain... five... thousand bits. Plus breakages... ...there were a few...”
Twilight: “Fi-.....Fi-....Fi....Five thousand?” *Jaw hits floor*

GM: “Either way, for all of you, peace has returned to Equestria. At least, for now. Truly, deep down, you figure it won't be too much longer before trouble of some sort visits Ponyville again. And after that, who knows what other horrific monster may appear, trying to take over the world? But really, you aren't worried. So long as there are ponies like you around, these dangers just come and pass. The end? Yup.”
GM: THE END (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T0xq2giUFN8).

[McNum]

Did that campaign actually end with Twilight's jaw hitting the floor? Because that just seems like a perfect moment to end on before doing epilogues or similar.

[DigoDragon]

Did that campaign actually end with Twilight's jaw hitting the floor? Because that just seems like a perfect moment to end on before doing epilogues or similar.

Just about did. There was a second jaw drop when the extra expenses of the adventure came in, doubling the figure, but pretty much the campaign ended on that lovely high note of humor. :smallbiggrin:

The epilogue after that was sweet, describing what becomes of the heroes, but I definitely wanted to add the last couple lines before 'The End' because it just felt like a crowning finish to the story.

[goto124]

GM: THE END (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T0xq2giUFN8).

*tears of joy* (https://mlpforums.com/uploads/post_images/img-3161002-2-464866__safe_solo_pinkie+pie_animated_crying_too+m any+pinkie+pies.gif)


Just about did. There was a second jaw drop when the extra expenses of the adventure came in, doubling the figure, but pretty much the campaign ended on that lovely high note of humor. :smallbiggrin:

So, what about the sequel to the campaign, where the ponies work to repay their 10k bits debt? :smalltongue:

[Asmodean_]

So, what about the sequel to the campaign, where the ponies work to repay their 10k bits debt? :smalltongue:

Must. Obtain. Lucre.

[dramatic flare]

Witch Doctor: Oh snap! I can detonate my horse.


Skald: Wizard, why are you purchasing twelve goats?
Wizard: Hmm? Oh, no particular reason. Mostly an experiment.
(twelve days later)
Skald: Wizard, why is there a cigar box with twelve tiny goat statues in it?

GM: Okay, whose on guard around *rolls* midnight?
Rogue: Me, in the tree in front of the cave.
GM: Ah, cool, well the tree moves suddenly and rapidly and you *rolls* are turned into a burrito by your own blanket.

Summoner: So, wait, they're escaping on horseback? Nah. Cheetah cannons.
magus: Cheetah cannons?
Summoner: *Summons two cheetahs who take off at a 400ft straight charge.* Cheetah cannons.

[JohanOfKitten]

DM : "People shout in the street and some throw at you some bad tomatoes at Siegfried, so to you too."
Dismas OOC : "I fire a bolt on one tomatoe."
*roll* 25
DM : "What? Oh, ok, a tomatoe is pinned on the wall. Some contestents are impressed."
Dismas : *made his serious look and bold voice* "It's petty and useless. Let this man be judged."
Gaïe : "Showoff."



Markus : "Siegfried is not a lost soul, I didn't forget he saved my life."
*sit up* "I vote for the death by hanging."
*sit down*
Gaïe : "What!? Markus! Why?"
Markus : "Why what ?"


Flora : "Damned, the artefact is missing."
Dismas : "They must have use the distraction during the trial to steal it."
Gaïe : "Good thing it was not the real artefact but a fake one."

Dismas : "So I overheard Rodolphe and the Millers after the trial. It was a lot of mundane, but said that things went well today and they had... You know... a connivance, like when we often do."
Gaïe : "So that's no good."


Dismas : "So, Captain, I may have enter in the Millers house and discover a a strange message hidden in the musicbox they exchange with the Botlers..."
Levi : *frowning* "Enter in? You mean break in ?"
Dismas : "Technically, it's not break in if they let the window opened."

[cavalieredraghi]

Playing Daemon touched students in high school in 5e

Thomas (bard): Sunset where did you go. (out in office lobby)
DM: I can see you Sunset noble effort, but...
Sunset (barbarian):Oh. Well can you give me a hand here? (climbing through Principal's window)
DM:"You... You expect me to help you in? Are you serious?" (DM helps out)

Sunset then picks up the Principal's desk and runs out the room, Thomas playing music as a distraction.





Thomas: "SUNSET I DON'T HAVE CONTROL OVER MY OWN BODY!"



DM: And Friend's is up
"Yeah Alright.....Wait a minute Wait a minute Wait a minute Wait a minute!"

Thomas: "And RUN!!!"

Sunset: WHAT DID YOU DO!?

[ZeroGear]

Vick: "Allow me to introduce you, they are as follows:
The Lord of Linden, the Earl of Evergreens, the Duke of Deciduous, the Countess of Conifers, the Baron of Birch, the Scion of Shrubs, the Monarch of Mushrooms, the Viscountess of Vines, the Reagent of Roots, and the King of Canopies."
Samson: "...I'm going to walk that way and pretend I didn't hear this."

Vick: "I welcome you all to the first royal gathering of the woods!"
Lance: "Great, a bunch of saps sitting in a circle."
Vick: "Shut up Lance."

King of Canopies: "I thank the again for your help, child of elm. May your branches grow long, and your roots dig deep."
Lance: "Great. Now let's make like a bunch of trees and leaf."

[DigoDragon]

So, what about the sequel to the campaign, where the ponies work to repay their 10k bits debt? :smalltongue:

Must. Obtain. Lucre.

Ha! There's a campaign idea. ^^



Witch Doctor: Oh snap! I can detonate my horse.

I can't think of any reason why you'd want to. D:



Gaïe : "What!? Markus! Why?"
Markus : "Why what ?"

Classic adventurer loyalties, eh?



Sunset then picks up the Principal's desk and runs out the room, Thomas playing music as a distraction.

Sunset must be ripped to pick up one of those huge desks. o.o



Lance: "Great, a bunch of saps sitting in a circle."
Vick: "Shut up Lance."

I like Lance already. XD

May North: “And when they say 'dorm room', how large are they talking? I may have to end up sending a bag or two home, depending.”
Michelle Carter: “I don't mind if the space is small. I'll just fold my stuff teeny-tiny. It'll be like back home.”
May: “I mean, there are some things you can't fold, like shoes. I only brought a dozen pairs, I'm not one of those girls, but they've got to go somewhere, right?”

GM: “Please ignore the obvious errors on this next one. I just quickly threw together existing images to make it.”
Michelle: “Ignore the errors? You mean the two single-bed rooms don't connect through a window?”

Issac Krastaca: *pulls out an unusual twenty-sided die made from white plastic* “If anyone is interested in the single room, I'd suggest we roll a die for it. It's easier than drawing straws.”
Heath Craft: “Roll for it, huh? I can live with that.”
Jake Silver: “What kind of die needs 20 sides? And why carry one of those around?”

Heath: “I'm just off for a midnight train ride for work.”
Michelle: “This sounds like it should be an Aerosmith song title...”
Heath: “Yeah, Aerosmith just wishes they were half as cool as me sitting on a train.”

May: “From what I've seen, Personal Firearms Proficiency is pretty close to being a required feat. Is that a mistaken assumption?”
Jennifer Johansen: “Two circumstances when you wouldn't: Melee character. Total non-combatant.”
May: “Looks like it's guns for me, then.”

Heath: “Who knows, maybe after a while, our characters will actually have some money! .... or be dead. You know. Something along those lines are likely.”

[JohanOfKitten]

Classic adventurer loyalties, eh?

More a NPC lunacy.
Gaïe (PC) slept with Markus (NPC) few hours before and he told her he thought Siegfried might be saved. He followed this line during the trial, but when he had to give his verdict, he changed his mind...
And didn't seem to understand why it upset Gaïe.

DD5E suggestion spell with triggers up to 8 hours : I love it ! :smallcool:

[Tentreto]

Healer: So today we have learned that if you want to defeat an Eldritch Horror beyond comprehension, able to turn allies on each other, face it alone with only a knife...
The rest of the party, currently dead: ...

[dramatic flare]

I can't think of any reason why you'd want to. D:




1. I said horse, not magical pony.... thing.

2. Context! Pathfinder, and only works on summoned creatures. Each explosion was based on character level, but "Mount, Communal" summons a good number of horses could then, well, detonate. or ghouls, since that was also an option. Reasons to do so range from "hilarious betrayal options" to, "surrounding a foe with ghouls and then fireballing the whole lot, causing the ghouls to explode and then explode again for 1d6 negative energy damage on death, per the spell."

[D.KnightSpider]

R: Do you get the feeling that he's compensating for something?
Lisa: Like being Canadian?
---

Corey: So as it turns out, Ray was really bad about regularly backing up his brain.
---

Corey: BIONIC ARM!
---

R: I don't even want to know how much he paid for that.
---

GM: You know, I hate it when you do that.
---

Lisa: You're in the mood to help. I'm in the mood to kill something. It's win-win.
---

Quar'rd: It's nothing personal. But some things are much more important than a few lousy lives.
---

Corey: *grapnels an alien dragon out of the sky, slams it into the ground and performs a four-story elbow-drop to crush its throat*.
Lisa: Okaaaaay... I now have competition in the "Being Awesome" department. Good to know.
---

Lisa: Some things are more important than my lousy life.
---

Corey: ADRIAAAAAAN!! No, wait. Wrong setting. LIIIIIIIISSSSSAAAAA!
GM: Is it even possible for you to take someone's dying words seriously?

[goto124]

Issac Krastaca: *pulls out an unusual twenty-sided die made from white plastic* “If anyone is interested in the single room, I'd suggest we roll a die for it. It's easier than drawing straws.”
Heath Craft: “Roll for it, huh? I can live with that.”
Jake Silver: “What kind of die needs 20 sides? And why carry one of those around?”

Wait, the die was in-universe?

[DigoDragon]

1. I said horse, not magical pony.... thing.

2. Context! Pathfinder, and only works on summoned creatures. Each explosion was based on character level, but "Mount, Communal" summons a good number of horses could then, well, detonate. or ghouls, since that was also an option. Reasons to do so range from "hilarious betrayal options" to, "surrounding a foe with ghouls and then fireballing the whole lot, causing the ghouls to explode and then explode again for 1d6 negative energy damage on death, per the spell."

1. I kind of figured regular horse. Still, no context made for an amusing double-take on my part. ^^

2. That's a lot of exploding. ...I could like that tactic. XD


R: Do you get the feeling that he's compensating for something?
Lisa: Like being Canadian?

My office here has this kind of rivalry with our Canadian office counterpart. It's amusing to see both sides go at each other. :smallbiggrin:



Wait, the die was in-universe?

Yup!

Michelle: “I remember that Super Mario Brothers movie. Baaaad.”
Heath: “This article (http://www.cracked.com/article_23130_6-true-stories-that-explain-why-famously-bad-movies-sucked.html) actually helps explain that movie. It still sucks, but it is understandable why now.”
GM: “I think the fungus wants me to take it.”
Michelle: “I found that the best way to watch the movie is with some friends, a bottle of vodka, and a made-up-as-you-go drinking game.”
Kelly Rojas: “Fun fact, copious amounts of alcohol was exactly how Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo were able to stomach working on that movie.”
Jake: “I feel like I've missed some major piece of cultural history, because I had not heard about that movie at all before googling it now.”
Michelle: “I don't know that missing it would necessarily be a bad thing with this movie.”

Jennifer: “I'm not using any speech color. It's a pain to add on a mobile.”
May: “Just pretend your speech color is black, and we'll play along.”

Issac: “Does D&D exist in the setting, or would it be considered beyond the pale? Because Isaac would be on board if anyone wanted to have a game of AD&D IC.”

Karl Weiss: “I don't mind the middle of the road roll I got, but if I'm going to be the group's only medic, I should probably be good at it.”
Michelle: “Yes please. No ‘pummeling’ teammates back to health.”
Heath: “Aww.... but flaming fists of healing are so much fun!”

Jake: “Feels like nobody on the guys' team is all that hot for the leader position, while the girls' team has multiple aspirants.”
May: “I find that perfectly natural.”

[goto124]

Jennifer: “I'm not using any speech color. It's a pain to add on a mobile.”
May: “Just pretend your speech color is black, and we'll play along.”

For months, I RP'd on these forums with color! I colored every piece of speech that came out of my characters' mouth! On mobile!

That's right, I type out the color codes! Manually! On touchscreen keyboards! I memorised X11 colors so I could type every character on mobile! Kids these days...

[D.KnightSpider]

My office here has this kind of rivalry with our Canadian office counterpart. It's amusing to see both sides go at each other. :smallbiggrin:

It gets funnier when you know that Corey isn't really Canadian. He's actually a Clone Of Ray. The player's phone went off right after he finished explaining such and he unintentionally went: "...eh?" Corey was immediately saddled with being Canadian.

Quote Tax:
Corey: Seriously? How come I never realized she was black?
GM: Failed a spot check, you have.

[gmoyes]

Warlock: Well, I think we should get to know our new party member.
*beat as everyone glances over at the new fighter*
Warlock: My new familiar Opal the bat!

Ranger: If you don't stop being smug about not getting hit, we're gonna shove you through doors first.
Warlock: Good thing I know Mirror Image then.

DM: *Rolls another crit on the new dwarven fighter* Man, these zombies really like short people.
Halfling Monk: Hey if they're hitting you they're leaving me alone.
Warlock: Hmm, it looks like I'm the tallest one in the party so you may be on to something.

Fighter: *uses keys to open door, then shoves the Warlock through*

Running Gag: Could've been a crit.

[CrazyPenguin]

Paladin: I pray to my god for a better way to communicate!
DM: In addition to unintelligible grunts and noises, you may now use hand gestures.
Necromancer: So you've made him Italian?
Me, wildly gesticulating in the Warlock's face: Hey! I resemble that comment!