Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition IV: Just what Doc Ordered

[AdmiralCheez]

Nadarr: Can I roll Knowledge: Backstory: Medusa?


DM: I would slap you if we were in the same state.


Julio: Some musicians drop the bass; I drop the bag on the Medusa.


Aedan: You have no idea how dull this character is since the amnesia wore off, and I never thought I'd say that.


Finley: I have an area attack! It's called I walk into an area and I get attacked!


Nadarr: Did the one I kill die?
DM: ........ Yes.

[DigoDragon]

For months, I RP'd on these forums with color! I colored every piece of speech that came out of my characters' mouth! On mobile!

That's right, I type out the color codes! Manually! On touchscreen keyboards! I memorised X11 colors so I could type every character on mobile! Kids these days...

Well now you're just showing off. :smalltongue:
I lack the patience to type out bb code on my tablet. It has an annoying auto-complete feature that I can't turn off.



It gets funnier when you know that Corey isn't really Canadian. He's actually a Clone Of Ray. The player's phone went off right after he finished explaining such and he unintentionally went: "...eh?" Corey was immediately saddled with being Canadian.

Yeah, that does get funnier. XD


Fighter: *uses keys to open door, then shoves the Warlock through*

Awfully nice of 'em to open the door first. Some players just shove the warlock through the keyhole.



Me, wildly gesticulating in the Warlock's face: Hey! I resemble that comment!

*Snerk* Well, there is some truth to it. ^^;



Aedan: You have no idea how dull this character is since the amnesia wore off, and I never thought I'd say that.

This in the context of the character losing their main quirk/fault? Cause I know how that goes. ^^
Losing a character's driving flaw leaves the character a bit flat if there's nothing new to fill in the gap. Assuming that is what it is.

Heath: “Tragedy is ‘I stubbed my toe’. Comedy is ‘You broke your leg’.”
Michelle: “I thought Comedy = Tragedy + Time?”
GM: “Tragedy tomorrow. Comedy tonight!”

Issac: “Isaac goes to the academy library. If it’s open, he chats with the skeleton library staff (figurative, not literal!)”
Jake: “Skeletons? At the Inquisition library? Time for some good ol'-fashioned purging, boys and girls!”
Issac: “Do you think there might be a context-insensitive commander somewhere in the Inquisition, overreacting to things like that?”
Commander Context: “What? The ship's sailing with a skeleton crew!?” *orders airstrike*
Commander Context: “Ghoulish reporters? Send in the squads.”
Commander Context: “You were harassed by what on an internet forum!?”

GM: “Inquisitors are more like specialized SWAT teams with occasional spy/secret agent duties. At least, that's the current situation...”
Heath: “Cue ominous music.”

GM: “The guys head to the shooting range. It seems you're scheduled for immediate shooting assessment.”
Issac: (rolls poorly) “I apologize in advance if this gets us assignments as Context's personal aides.”
GM: “Well, you got at least one perfect shot with the rifle. A fluke, I'm sure.”
Heath: “I'm going to assume there's a scope on it as a sniper rifle.”
Issac: “Ach! There was a scope?”
Jake: “Sigh, of course the planned pistol specialist utterly botches the pistol rolls.”
Karl: “Yeaa.... I hope I didn't hit anyone with those two [nat] 1's with the AK.”

Issac: “Ah, the running, jumping, climbing and swimming. My other least favorite part of basic training.”

[goto124]

Paladin: I pray to my god for a better way to communicate!
DM: In addition to unintelligible grunts and noises, you may now use hand gestures.
Necromancer: So you've made him Italian?
Me, wildly gesticulating in the Warlock's face: Hey! I resemble that comment!

Are you Italian?

DigoDragon: What is that campaign about, and who are you playing as?

I personally use Hackers' Keyboard, which places the square brackets in a rather convienant location. And now I've revealed my deep dark secret!

[Beacon of Chaos]

In a d&d one-shot in which the players were guards in a medieval city:

So, do we have, like, phones we can communicate with?

[AdmiralCheez]

This in the context of the character losing their main quirk/fault? Cause I know how that goes. ^^
Losing a character's driving flaw leaves the character a bit flat if there's nothing new to fill in the gap. Assuming that is what it is.

Actually, the amnesia was brought on by staring into a magic cloud for too long. His character just keeps being overshadowed by other members of the party (he multiclassed, so is less effective), and is not as much fun to play anymore. Losing his memory temporarily was an amusing distraction, but apparently not enough to save the character. So, we're swapping him out in the next session.

[DigoDragon]

DigoDragon: What is that campaign about, and who are you playing as?

A modern setting where magic exists, is inherently evil, and we're new recruits within a military organization trained to go fight it.
I'm playing as Michelle.


Actually, the amnesia was brought on by staring into a magic cloud for too long. His character just keeps being overshadowed by other members of the party (he multiclassed, so is less effective), and is not as much fun to play anymore. Losing his memory temporarily was an amusing distraction, but apparently not enough to save the character. So, we're swapping him out in the next session.

Ah, I see now. Well it's nice that you're letting him swap out so he can have more fun with a character.

[AdmiralCheez]

Ah, I see now. Well it's nice that you're letting him swap out so he can have more fun with a character.

We've actually been trying to swap him out the past few sessions, but for some reason, the dice wouldn't let him die. Luckily, next week we're at a spot where it makes sense for the character to just simply leave.

[RyumaruMG]

Some highlights from my Exalted career:

Zenith: "I'm going to counterattack ALL OF YOUR TEETH! TWICE."

Me: "You wake up minus pants, hanging out of a barn second-story window.
Night: "Ah, just like when I was a teenager."

Me (to Zenith): "So to tactically temporarily deafen the rest of the party, that'll be a Strength + Medicine roll."
Night: "This is a wonderful idea!"
Twilight: "We'll call it acu-punch-ure."

Dawn: "Goddammit, the mouse is getting more action than I am!"

[AshfireMage]

"Just because it's a blood plant, that doesn't mean it knows sign language"

[ZeroGear]

Terra: "Gods, what is that awful stench?"
DM: As you say that, a large, shaggy thing leaps from the bushes, rushing over to Xaltaer. It lunges at him, pinning him to the ground, before sitting on his chest. Eeveryone make a fortitude save.
Everyone except Terra: *Fails*
DM: With a thunderous blast, the creature releases a cloud of noxious fumes. Everyone except Terra is busy coughing and gagging. Xaltaer, you are unconscious from the smell.
Xaltaer: Thank god.
Terra: I attack it. *20 damage*
DM: The creature shrieks and dashes off, taking Xaltaer with it.
Lance: "*Cough, wheeze* Did we just get robbed by a dutch-ovening Sasquatch?"
Vick: "And it took our caster!"
Samson: "Thank god it wasn't pretty. Or it would have been me."
DM: At that moment, Samson is grabbed by a swooping Harpy and carried off."
Samson: "Not again!"

[Gallade]

Godhand:"Doppelganger!"
Sorceror:"You kill you, and I kill me!"
...
Sorceror:"Wait, I can summon another doppelganger!"
Godhand:"Am I really that easy to rip off? I don't know who I am anymore."
Sorceror:"But the only one who can beat you is one you. Beating one you is easier when we have two yous."
(Zap, smash, biff)
Sorceror:"Sorry, me."
Godhand:"Nooo! You're dead!."
Sorceror:"Don't worry, it wasn't me. Well, it was me but it was the OTHER me."
Godhand:"Ah. Then yaaay, you're dead!"
(Fumble fumble)
Sorceror:"Stop hitting yourself and go back to hitting yourself!"
(After 30 minutes of basically this (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mugc_0BsCks)) (Context: Godhand with 28 AC fighting his doppelganger. The Doppelganger got Electric resistance (All the Sorcerors high level spells are electric) from the Sorceror doppel before it died. And he has the Crane Wing style. They keep missing and/or blocking each other's attacks)
Sorceror:"...empowered Magic Missile. GODDAMMIT forgot I had that."

[CrazyPenguin]

Are you Italian?

Yes, Partly.

[Raven777]

As said by the party's Priest of Sarenrae in a Pathfinder campaign :

"You can loot the sacred crypt of Sarenrae, but you have to do it by the book!"

[DigoDragon]

Zenith: "I'm going to counterattack ALL OF YOUR TEETH! TWICE."

Ouch! That's a really good one-liner to start a fight with. :3


Lance: "*Cough, wheeze* Did we just get robbed by a dutch-ovening Sasquatch?"

Random. O.o


"You can loot the sacred crypt of Sarenrae, but you have to do it by the book!"

They have a book for that?!

Michelle: “So those are the numbers for the ladies to beat? Challenge accepted.”
Issac: “Don't make our mistake, read the rules of shooting!”
Heath: “Or take the challenge and beat us at our own game!”
Michelle: “Wait, so does this mean following the rules is cheating?”
Issac: “Yes. Yes it does.”

GM: “To respond to the request: This is the military. You're really not likely to be able to requisition custom crafted, high quality gear as a cadet.”
Issac: “I was assuming the response would be ‘Hm. Interesting. Now, here's your billy club and cardboard hat’.”
GM: “Oh, come on. You're part of an elite academy training to become the most elite units in the military. Your helmets will at least be plastic.”

Issac: “National history [class], in a military institution? They may as well call it propaganda class…”

Michelle: “Overall, pretty average. Almost as if she's a cadet in her first year. ...oh.”
Jennifer: “That wasn't too bad! Actually outshot Michelle despite being non-proficient.”
Michelle: “The dice roller here has always loved you more.”

Jennifer: “Jennifer congratulates her team on their performance, before heading fire the showers and a change of clothes.”
Michelle: “Ouch, that's a pretty hot way to get clean.”

May: “And besides; if she can't be the best at obstacle-course running, she's damned well going to be the best at academics.”
Jennifer: “Having May and Jennifer in the same group is going to be awesome for so many reasons.”
May: “They're either going to end up fighting or, well... “
Michelle: “...or Michelle is going to be holding their equipment more often while they study?”
Jennifer: “It's a distinct possibility! Although that would also be fraternization and therefore another epic source of drama.”
Michelle: “I'll be in my bunk.”

[goto124]

Speaking of miltary helmets, I heard a man swear they gave -37 to Intelligence when worn, due to its sheer weight...

[DigoDragon]

Speaking of miltary helmets, I heard a man swear they gave -37 to Intelligence when worn, due to its sheer weight...

Possible. Google says the helmet is about 3 pounds, possibly more if you have stuff attached like a camera or night goggles. My wife has 3-pound weights and I imagine wearing that on top of your head gets tiring in short order.


Karl: “Rise and shine people, those warlocks and witches ain't going to inquisit themselves!”

Michelle: “That wasn't some kind of secret code for help right? Let's see, 80 divided by the root of 25 times the natural log of two birthdays...”

Issac: “I was going to celebrate our first day with a trip to the academy library. Does anyone want to join me?”
Jake: “We'll spend enough time there before too long, I'm sure. I see no reason to hasten the inevitable. I'm also not seeing what's so celebratory about reading.”
Issac: “Enough time!? I'm not sure that's possible.”

Issac: “What? There're no courses on heretical science, or cryptobiology? Just how long are they planning on keeping us in the dark?”
Jake: “I want to be a soldier, not an academic... how the hell is literature & composition gonna help me kill demons...”

Heath: “Never seen anyone outrun a 7.62mm.”

Michelle: “I'm here as well. Not particularly busy with anything, just watching. Waiting. Commiserating... say it ain't so, I will not go, turn the lights off, carry me home...”

[ZeroGear]

Vick: "Great, now we gotta go save TWO people!"
*Samson returns, breathing heavily*
Vick: "Samson! You're back! How did you get away?"
Samson: "I don't want to talk about it."
Terra: "Are those tail feathers in your hat?"
Samson: "I really don't want to talk about it."
Lance: "Oh, I see, so you..."
Samson: "Not. One. Word. Lance."

Lance: "So, what the heck got Xaltaer anyway?"
Vick: "It's called a Noxinatcher."
Lance: "A Noxi-what-now?"
Vick: "Noxinatcher. It's name is an amalgam of the words 'noxious toxic snatcher'."
Samson: "Ah, I've heard of those things. Cowardly creatures, usually picking on things they deem weaker than themselves."
Vick: "They use simple run-and-grab tactics, usually going for stragglers or smaller members of the group, or anything conveniently within reach. They tend to flee if confronted, unless encountered in superior numbers."
Samson: "Not to mention that I've heard they are the foulest creatures with fur. They rarely bathe, and often use their overpowering stench to immobilize prey."
Lance: "So they run in, fart-bomb enemies, and run away?"
Samson: "You have a way with words Lance."

Terra: "Samson, how big are groups of those things?"
Samson: "It varies, why?"
Terra: "Look up."
*Group notices swarm of about 15 Noxinatchers*
Samson: "Oh."

Primal Noxinatcher: "Ook! Ook! Crash Party!"
Vick: "Did he just say what I think he said?"
PN: "Ook! Let's get this party started!"
Lance: "Oh gods, he's not gonna..."
PN: "LET'S OOK 'EM IN THE DOOKA!"
Samson: *Grabs Terra's shield and covers his backside*
Terra: "Samson, give that back."

Samson: "I found Xaltaer!"
Terra: "He's unconscious."
Vick: "He smells like he's been buried in wyrm dung."
Lance: "How the heck would you know what that smells like?"
Vick: "Hey, it only happened ONCE!"

Xaltaer: "Thank the gods, I can breath again!"
Samson: "You're going to need a bath."
Terra: "Multiple baths."
Vick: "With tomato juice."
Lance: "Common guys, no need to be in such a foul mood!"
Rest of group: "Shut up Lance!"

[JohanOfKitten]

Dismas : "It may be my lady love, but I pay her as well."



DM : "Ok, so the old cultist mage finally wake up from his knock out, barely to 1 HP."
[questionning him]
Gaïe : "He answered that ? Damn, I kick him in his balls !"
Dismas : "Gaïe !"
Gaïe : " Right, I kick him in his balls without the intent to kill him".



Gaïe : "I spoke to Daisy. She agreed we take horses for the travel, but she want to be in charge."
Dismas : "In charge ?"
Gaïe : "She claimed to be better than them, so she will make clear to them that she's their superior."
Dismas : "Stubborn as a mule... The idiom is quite right !"


Peasant : "Yeah, there are some legends about trolls in the mountain. One or two people claimed seeing them attacking in the last decade. Nothing trully reliable, but there is a lot of unexplained disappearances on the road."
Dismas : "Well, there is a new disappearance today."
Peasant : "Huh ?"
Dismas : "Of trolls."

[Fable Wright]

Michelle: “That wasn't some kind of secret code for help right? Let's see, 80 divided by the root of 25 times the natural log of two birthdays...”

Which two birthdays? This is important.


Issac: “Enough time!? I'm not sure that's possible.”

Issac: “What? There're no courses on heretical science, or cryptobiology? Just how long are they planning on keeping us in the dark?”

This man gets it. He'll either get Uriah'd or an officer's commission in no time, depending on how shady this academy is.

[Necroticplague]

Possible. Google says the helmet is about 3 pounds, possibly more if you have stuff attached like a camera or night goggles. My wife has 3-pound weights and I imagine wearing that on top of your head gets tiring in short order.

Well, football helmets are a bit heavier than that, and I have to say, the weight wasn't a problem (at the time. probably why my neck's funny now, though). However, they let so little air in or out that it was stiflingly hot and humid in those, and that distraction certainly made it hard to think.
Anyway, back to the regular schedule of quotes:

Bruta: I'm not sure which I should be more surprised at: that what happened wasn't perverse, or that you would go to such great lengths to make it sound like it was.

Gene:.....Crap, you're right. If I want to show him s***'s gotten real, I'm gonna have to do a 180. Well, more of a pi over two. Does he have any family with ears, fingers, and tongues that don't live with him?

[DigoDragon]

Samson: "Not. One. Word. Lance."

Samson: "You have a way with words Lance."

Rest of group: "Shut up Lance!"

I see a reoccurring theme here. :3



Which two birthdays? This is important.

I don't remember.



Gene: Does he have any family with ears, fingers, and tongues that don't live with him?

That's a strange question. O.O


Beryl: “...two can play that game.” (Uses Divine Sense)
DM: “The smell of rotting eggs fills Beryl's nostrils. She can sense the foul odor of desecration where the shadowy figure was. Where she stands right now, is the stench of desecration. The repugnant smell off the muddy tracks from where she came from is also desecration. The ground outside all around the village? Desecration.”

Spirit: “So, ice is valuable, huh? This adds a whole new dimension to my scheming...”

DM: “Let's not set off a war until at least 7th level. I got plans before that.”

DM: “Speaking of unfair, how about everyone make me a perception check please?”
Spirit: “Woo failure!” (Rolls a nat 20)
Beryl: “I wanna fail like that, too!” (nat 19)
DM: “Wuuuuuuuut?!”
Frostbite: “Wonder if I can 'fail' too?” (nat 9)

Trace: “Trace won't suggest splitting the party. I mean, we all know he's going to do so anyway. With the above stealth, I’d say it’s time to check upstairs. Spirit can now Pass without Trace if he wants.”
Crossguard: “I wish I could cast Nondetection on that pun.”

Beryl: “I think I'm done. I'd test them, but it'd be rather rude to interrupt Spirit with a Flugelhorn salute.”

Spirit: “Why would the pegasi ever raise cattle instead of making like Vikings and use mountain goats?”
DM: “Alright, goats it is.”

[goto124]

DM: “Speaking of unfair, how about everyone make me a perception check please?”
Spirit: “Woo failure!” (Rolls a nat 20)
Beryl: “I wanna fail like that, too!” (nat 19)
DM: “Wuuuuuuuut?!”
Frostbite: “Wonder if I can 'fail' too?” (nat 9)

Talk about expectations :smallbiggrin:


Trace: “Spirit can now Pass without Trace if he wants.”
Crossguard: “I wish I could cast Nondetection on that pun.”


Not the first time the pun was made, if I remember correctly...

HERE IT IS:


Frostbite: “What happens if we cast Pass Without Trace while Trace is still with us? Does the spell force him to turn around and leave us? What if we cast it on him? Will he vanish?”
DM: “I'll just mimic the same result as throwing a Bag of Holding into a Portable Hole.”

[Rysto]

New headcanon: The Brotherhood secretly cast Pass Without Trace on the Ponaria party after Koldstone.

[DigoDragon]

Talk about expectations :smallbiggrin:

No kidding! It's funny that this scenario happened twice. I guess going in on a roll with the full expectation of failing nets you a good roll.



New headcanon: The Brotherhood secretly cast Pass Without Trace on the Ponaria party after Koldstone.

That makes so much sense with the current adventure that I'm ashamed I didn't think of it first.

[The Fury]

"I THROW THE HUBCAP! YIYIYIYIYI! (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5h4f3NZYuWA)"

[ZeroGear]

I see a reoccurring theme here. :3


Yep. Lance is the little guy (halfling) with the big mouth that everyone loves to tell off. He enjoys that routine as much as he enjoys shoving everything he steals into his Haversack Pants. Admittedly, his player did model him after a very short Guybrush Threepwood, as he keeps introducing himself as "Lance Larson, Master Thief(TM)".

[D.KnightSpider]

Corey: So are we calling that suicide by awesome?
Lisa: (A) I'm not dead yet. (B) For it to be attempted suicide I'd have to have been trying to kill myself.
Corey: ... So are we calling that accidental suicide by attempted awesome?
----

GM: KRACKAPAWOOOIAAAAA!
----

Corey: Hey, how come I didn't get a deus ex machina?
Lisa: Because I took out an insurance policy and you didn't.
Core: But you-- I mean-- Buh?
Lisa: Yeah. The irony hurts, doesn't it?
---

Corey: Relax, doc. The duddette took out the Iron Monger in one shot. I hardly think this flesh wound would kill her.
Hawthorn: *looks at the six feet of empty space between Lisa's torso and legs*
---

Hawthorn: That would be the sounds of the cavalry... hitting Mach 4.
---

Holly: Here I come, out of the wild blue yonder-- spouting green laser attacks! Flipping over into a Barrel-Roll, set G-Diffusers to max! And... that's all of the song that I came up with. But I did rhyme 'max' with 'attacks', so that's got to count for something, right?
---

Holly: Ray! I do declare! Is that you?
Corey: In a manner of speaking, I guess. Who are you, again?
Holly: Oh, don't be coy. As if you could ever forget Paris!
Corey: Uhhhhhhhhhh... Abort! Abort! Bogey at twelve o'clock!
Holly: ?????
---

Corey: I was expecting an epic showdown with some sort of General Grievous. What do I get? Snidely Whiplash in a bad comb-over.
---

Quar'rd: Do you fancy yourself some sort of hero? Is that why you put yourself on the line for this miserable little pile of rubble?
Corey: Hardly. I'm not a hero.
Quar'rd: Then what drives you? Love? Gold? Glory? Some other nonsense humanistic emotion?
Corey: Would you believe... the terms and conditions of an ironclad insurance contract?
---

Quar'rd: *head explodes*
Corey: Nice shot, Holly!
Holly: *cordially* Actually, that was a very poor shot. *angrily* Because I was aiming for your lousy, no-good, two-timing, brain-dead head!
Corey: Oh. Well... I don't know why, but I have the sudden urge to be anywhere but here.
---

Corey: Can I just say this: it is really, really weird flirting with yourself.
Hawthorn: I do believe they make a pill for that.

[AdmiralCheez]

DM: The elemental speaks to you in Terran. It sounds like gravelly boulder-on-boulder action.
Nadarr: THE BOULDER WISHES TO HAVE A WORD WITH YOU!


Nadarr: So... the super-evil, corrupting influence is actually just angry gravel? We can take this, no problem!


DM: Well, the good news is you don't take any fall damage. The bad news is you just swan-dove into a gelatinous cube.

[goto124]

GM: KRACKAPAWOOOIAAAAA!

I googled that word and got this (https://www.ocado.com/productImages/102/10263011_0_640x640.jpg?identifier=35c517a8f544f88c f55c8f94be6430fe).


Corey: Can I just say this: it is really, really weird flirting with yourself.
Hawthorn: I do believe they make a pill for that.

At the beginning, I made two characters. They could've been lovers, but I figured it was pointless to flirt with myself, so I downplayed it to best friends (their relationship rather helped with their characterization, they were foils of each other). One day, another player's PC came along and become boyfriend to one of the characters. Then he flirted with my other character. Then all three PCs became part of a polyamorus relationship, turning all the way back to my two characters flirting with each other XD

Admittingly, I don't get the pill joke.

[somethingrandom]

One from a long time ago I just remembered

"Attack my meaty minions."

[DigoDragon]

Admittedly, his player did model him after a very short Guybrush Threepwood, as he keeps introducing himself as "Lance Larson, Master Thief(TM)".

That kind of makes up for it in my mind.
I'm a fan of the Monkey Island games, so there's a little bias here. ;)


DM: Well, the good news is you don't take any fall damage. The bad news is you just swan-dove into a gelatinous cube.

If he hits it hard enough, he might splat the thing. :D


"Attack my meaty minions."

Mmm, meaty.


Beryl: “So this feels all wrong. Adventures arrive in town and... Prevent it from burning?”

DM: “There is no disadvantage for riding a lion in a crypt unless the space is smaller than the lion.”

Beryl: “Spirit...? Did you or your gator set the tables while I wasn't looking?”

Beryl: “All they have to do is reply with two dings...”
Perform: *Shave and a manecut, on bell!*
DM: “An unseen force smashes the bell flat and punts it across the room. The table then gets flipped over with fury, dishes tossed over and shattering against the floor. The adjacent table then flips, then the next. The line of disaster goes straight to the front door which is then kicked open by the last table, the dishes and utensils flying out into the muddy ground by the same invisible force... And then it goes quiet.”
Beryl: “...everypony's a critic..”
Spirit: “Ha Ha! Oh, this is fun. Completely unforeseen, unseen, and unpredictable. This reminds me of the bad old days.”
Frostbite: “Is everypony alright!?”
Ace: “No, I nearly wet myself over this!”

Beryl: “I've been laughing at that reaction for about a day now. I didn't know there was such a thing as comedic timing in forum posts, but wow. There is.”
Spirit: “I hear giggling at the ghosties has solved bigger problems than one grumpy table-flipper in this setting.”
Beryl: “It's just hilarious to imagine in a cartoonish way. Starting with a cheerful ding. Then a curious one after it got a reply. Then Spirit joins in. Then Beryl hits the bell fifteen times. Then the main hall explodes.”

Beryl: “Well that should be fun if the invisible thing hates mornings as much as Beryl does.”
DM: “Hates mornings and zebra expectations.”
Spirit: “I like this geist. Can we keep him? Please?”

[Necroticplague]

Beryl: “So this feels all wrong. Adventures arrive in town and... Prevent it from burning?”


Oh, poor, naive Beryl........

[CrazyPenguin]

"Brendan has FIV."

[whisperwind1]

Ninja:"I'm great at this in theory!"

[the OOD]

Helvetica's player: I call this spell Make The GM Cry. it targets every object under 100 pounds in a 50-foot radius, the owner(if any) of each object makes a save, on failure, the owner a randomly selected object of the same size within range makes a save, if that fails, the two objects swap positions. roll separately for every object within range. clothing, clips, and bullets are all counted individually.
Markus's player: did you just create OOC Time Stop?
Adam's player: I am so glad you never cast that during the game.:smalleek:

Helvetica: I just referenced Paradise Lost, 80's Australian Rock, and Hellboy in the same sentence. How the F*** did you actually get that joke?

Markus: what is with you and preemptively invalidating boss fights?

Helvetica: (to the GM) now that the plot is over, we're going to take over the multiverse, and there's nothing you can do to stop us.

Mr. T: (dramatic speech announcing his retirement)
Mr. T: *walks away*
Helvetica: wait! I wanted to make you the director of the XCOM project.....:smallfrown:
[beat]
Mr. T: screw it, retirement's over.

Adam: if we need an empty dimension to strip-mine or dump waste in, I killed the draconic plane empty.



"in retrospect, some of the PCs were more horrifically powerful dimension-hopping abominations than the villains ever were"

[McNum]

Oh, poor, naive Beryl........
This post is also very well timed, but for unrelated reasons. But yes, this is one of her flaws. Just got to play it out quite a lot, too. :smallbiggrin:

[ZeroGear]

From a playtest with a system I'm making, working with large bosses,

DM: As you pass through the wall of fog, you enter a large chamber filled with mighty columns. Sunlight streams from high windows, illuminating the room in magnificent brilliance. As you take in your surroundings, you notice a massive being sanding at the far end of the chamber. Sunlight gleams off his golden armor, stylized in the form of a girthy man standing thrice as tall as any of you. By his side is a mighty hammer, almost a match to him in terms of size.
As you watch, another figure, smaller than the first, appears on the balcony above the first figure. He too is clad in elegant golden armor, this one stylized in the form of a noble lion. In his hand, he holds a mighty spear, long an thin with a set cross guard near it's tip.
In an instant, the spear wielder vaults over the balcony, landing at his companion's side with more grace than his armor would suggest, lighting crackling from his readied spear. At the same time, the larger figure hefts his hammer at the ready.
Ecxplorer: Uh...do I know anything about these guys?
DM: Knowledge draw.
Explorer: *Decent number*
DM: *Hands explorer a notecard*
Explorer: *Looks at card*
*Beat*
Explorer: You can't be serious.
DM: *Evil grin*
Explorer: You are sick and demented.
Sorceress: What? Who are we facing?
Explorer: Ornstein and Smogh.
Rest of group: ...F**K.

[Gallade]

DM:"I'm sort of testing this generator that can instantly make a 100x100 tiles dungeon with random enemies and traps where not even I know the way out. Help me. This DM stuff is tainting me."

Barbarian:"I can make the perfect trap, but at the same time I'm too stupid to remember where I put it. This will be fun."

(Seen in a RPTools campaign I randomly joined as Spectator...if anyone wants to claim originality, go ahead)
Rogue:"I do a maneuver to hold his eyelids open."
DM:"Uh...okay?"
(Roll, succeed)
Rogue:"Now, here's the plan. (Warrior), start torturing his companions. Creatively. (Bard), start performing."
DM:"What are you doing?"
Rogue:"We're going to Ludwig the [bleep] out of him!"

[Illven]

Nicky (OOC) If Nicky were a bard, she'd make an IC comment about grappling with the grapple rules.

Michel (OOC) ok, I'm teleporting out of this grapple and as soon as I can I'm getting a constrict attack from somewhere b/c under your interpretation constrict is broken as ****

Shiela (OOC) michel is like: I see your rules lawyering, and i raise you MORE RULES LAWYERING!
Nicky (OOC) [And this is why I need it to be 10000 years for it to be my turn. ]

DM Hirush's thick ass tail wraps around you in a suggestive manner

Michel (OOC) I have his sheet. still no spells prepped listed

Nicky (OOC) [It's going to be more then 45 minutes since the start of game, for it to be my turn. How come the caster, takes the quickest turns?]

Michel (OOC) [Dropping some 2nd level spell, **** if I know what he's got prepped]

Shiela (OOC) geez Nicky why do your turn have to take so long?
Nicky (OOC) Because the dm abandons ship after my first action

DM Come here tasty morsel
Michel "I wouldn't bite into that, you really have no idea where she's been."

DM (OOC) shiela I apologize if this kills you
but blame michel for bailing

Michel "Shiela?! Really, you just got healed, how weak are you?"
Nicky "I don't know what you heard, but I'm not into snakes."
DM "Let's play, beautiful."
Nicky "Unlike Shiela I come prepared"

Nicky "****ing Monk bull****."

Michel "then you're ****ty at feinging death"

Michel (OOC) (shiela killed Hirush before I killed Heerle?!)
Chris (GM): (yea)
Shiela: (git gud scrub)
Michel (OOC) ****, that's embarassing

Nicky [the rumors will have to be discovered next time, on Dragonball Z]

Michel (OOC) (real estate agent: "Now,, I'm required to tell you that...someone died in this house."
Nicky: "Really?! Is the corpse still here?")

[TurboGhast]

Viet: Are handaxes weapons that work underwater?
DM: ... That battle top is now a zombie instead.

DM: Sera's false clerical link has been broken...
Viet:Wait, she was a Cleric? The spells she used felt wizardy because of the Mirror Image spam and the necromancy attacks.
DM: She used Cure Wounds ...

[Inevitability]

DM: Wait, why did you take Fire Bolt? Your dagger is more accurate and deals more damage.
Wizard: Because sometimes I just want to be capable of long-distance pyromania, optimization be damned.

[No-Kill Cleric]

DM: So the dwarf jumps out of the cake at the Captain's son's 5th birthday party.
Dwarf: Candygram!
DM: This kid is going to be so traumatized.
Wizard: He only had birthday pies from then on, until a pixie jumped out of the pie.

DM: So you decide to use your newfound position of power to hunt down the invading army with an in-depth census. How do you plan to enact this?
Wizard: I pull two random servants and tell them that their conducting a census and send them off.

DM: So your assassination attempt on the princess was ruined by a different assassination attempt on the princess...


DM: So you track the succubus to her base on the spaceship.... designed by a pseudo-medieval kingdom.
Dwarf: I knew those ranks in Knowledge(Engineering) were worth it!
DM: I seriously need to calculate how much tax GP went into this project.

Shady Cleric NPC: I've been looking for this young man for many years. Our temple was raided and we were seperated. I managed to run into the woods but he was captured. My years of research suggest he was taken to be sold into the slave trade in our home country. I miss him dearly, he was a friend of mine. A close friend. You have enough influence now to help me find him since you're the new champion of the kingdom. Is there something I can help you with in exchange?
Cleric of Love and Flowers: *as deathly serious as possible* Assassination techniques.
Shady Cleric/DM: *bursts out laughing*

DM: *Wizard's Epilogue* Many years pass, and you rise to the throne as Queen. During your coronation, two rugged adventurers approach you, one riding a griffin. They have obviously been on many great quests. They present you with a sizable amount of scrolls and papers and inform you "We've finished the census."

[goto124]

DM: Wait, why did you take Fire Bolt? Your dagger is more accurate and deals more damage.
Wizard: Because sometimes I just want to be capable of long-distance pyromania, optimization be damned.

You're not a REAL wizard unless you're capable of long-distance pyromania! :smallbiggrin:


Wizard: I pull two random servants and tell them that their conducting a census and send them off.

DM: *Wizard's Epilogue* Many years pass, and you rise to the throne as Queen. During your coronation, two rugged adventurers approach you, one riding a griffin. They have obviously been on many great quests. They present you with a sizable amount of scrolls and papers and inform you "We've finished the census."

Everyone loves a good brick joke!

[DigoDragon]

Trace: “Yikes, I'm totally lost, curse you Wild star. So what's going on?”
Spirit: “Digo is on hold due to daughter's birthday, we reached Koldstone and found it abandoned, Spirit asked Trace to gather lamps and lamp oil (especially lamp oil), and then we tried communicating with the geist inhabiting the inn and found that it had a bit of a temper. Spirit plans to keep poking it for science, and wants to loot it once we know how it works.”

DM: “See, the trouble is that historically dust explosions are quite powerful and have always resulted in the containing building to cease existing. Flour isn't too difficult to make, so it's a troubling thing to figure out the balance between ‘yes you can make a dust explosive with flour’. The best way I can mitigate the rampant destruction of the countryside by errant bakers is ruling that creating an explosion with flour takes time to set up. So in a round-by-round combat you're not really going to get much of a weapon out of it. If you got a day... well if a PC party has a day they can blow up a building in many ways, so why stop flour?”

Beryl: “All this flour bomb talk makes me eager for that future encounter that is not solved because we brought a Paladin, but because we brought a baker.”
Spirit: “...I'm sorry, you've just changed my campaign settings' dwarves forever.”
DM: “Um… you’re welcome?”

Midnight: *opens the closet door*
Crossguard: *follows Midnight, supplying light*
DM: “You both find a dead body.”
Midnight: “Huh. That's not what I was expecting.”

[goto124]

First time I've heard of dust explosives! Apparently you can make them with corn starch, another thing that's probably easy to find in a kitchen.

How was your daughter's birthday?

[DigoDragon]

How was your daughter's birthday?

It went well. Her grandpa took her to EPCOT and she did the fun rides like Mission Space and Test Track.

[Inevitability]

DM: *Wizard's Epilogue* Many years pass, and you rise to the throne as Queen. During your coronation, two rugged adventurers approach you, one riding a griffin. They have obviously been on many great quests. They present you with a sizable amount of scrolls and papers and inform you "We've finished the census."

This is pure hilarity. :smallbiggrin:


You're not a REAL wizard unless you're capable of long-distance pyromania! :smallbiggrin:

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BGtKS5XCYAA7DBd.jpg

[Belac93]

"Can you please heal me? The hole in my chest won't close up, and it's itchy."

[Mutazoia]

First time I've heard of dust explosives! Apparently you can make them with corn starch, another thing that's probably easy to find in a kitchen.

Flour as well...basically any powdered flammable. My Dad was the regional supervisor for OSHA, and growing up, we got to hear about all of the explosions in flour mills because some numb-nuts decided he couldn't wait for a smoke break. This is why the old housewives advice to throw flour on a kitchen fire was quickly squashed as a thing.

[goto124]

This is why the old housewives advice to throw flour on a kitchen fire was quickly squashed as a thing.

Ouch! Aren't you supposed to throw baking powder (sodium bicarbonate), something often used in fire extinguishers?

[ZeroGear]

Ouch! Aren't you supposed to throw baking powder (sodium bicarbonate), something often used in fire extinguishers?

Or sand. Honestly, smothering with a blanket works best.

[DigoDragon]

Or sand. Honestly, smothering with a blanket works best.

I always keep a fire extinguisher in the kitchen. Oddly enough there is a blanket on every couch in the house, so... we got that covered too. Haha, the pun!


Trace: *pulls the drink he pilfered from the temple and offers it to Ace* “Want some?”
Beryl: “You should tell him what it is before he accepts. We don't need a drunk wizard following us if things get worse.”
Ace: *drinks the straight bourbon whiskey from the flask*
Beryl: “...and we probably don't want to eat or drink anything local until we find out how this worked. Who knows if anything is poisoned?”
DM: “Saving throw to not die from poorly timed comment…”
Ace: *rolls a 2*
DM: “Ace spittakes immediately, followed by choking on the burn of hard liquor going down all sorts of wrong places in his throat.”
Beryl: “Gah! Sorry about that. I should have thought of that first!”
DM: “Congrats. You guys nearly killed the wizard.”

Spirit: “Aw. It's sane.”

Beryl: “This has got to be strange for Midnight and Crossguard. They leave a perfectly sane inn and come back to one that's a mess, there's flour all over, and Spirit and Beryl are writing on the floor.”

DM: “I can lead the PCs to adventure, but I can't force them to loot.”

Spirit: “"Poor sap probably hit a fire trap prying the door open. He's not a zombie, so no necromancer here; sounds like an easy road from here. I might not even die tonight! Ha.”

DM: “There is some old writing at the bottom, written in Draconic.”
Spirit: “Of course. Always with the trumped-up lizardspeak. No one ever writes messages in the fundamental language of creation, the lingua franca of ponies in ages past, or the language of the creatures that would maintain and reset their traps. Anyone here read ego-speech?”
Frost: “...I am fluent in that 'ego-speech'.”

[No-Kill Cleric]

I forgot the best one!
DM: So your dwarf REALLY hates elves, have you even killed any elves?
Dwarf:: *in character* Oh yeah, I'ved killed bunches of elves!!
Wizard:: *recalling previous "elf encounters"* Yeah, one butterfly, two chocolate cakes, oh yeah and that wizard actually was an elf!
Dwarf: *OOC* If they says its an elf, I kill the elf!




DM: *Dwarf's Epilogue* 300 years in the future, the Elven Empire of the North is in ruins, its magnificent spires crumbling, its sparkling streets deserted. No one is certain of what caused this powerful empire's collapse, but the elders tell of a fearsome dwarven menace that led to the deaths of countless elves and forced them from their cities. Few dare enter this barren wasteland, and fewer still have returned. As long as the Bane of All Elves remains, the elves shall remain weak and divided in the woodlands. Legend holds that you can still hear the ferocious dwarf's battle cry echo through the streets to this day, reverberating through the tunnels under the city.
Dwarf: I AM A DWARF AND I'M DIGGING A HOLE. DIGGY DIGGY HOLE. I'M DIGGING A HOLE.

[Gizmogidget]

DM: The mighty warrior approaches you, ready to chop off your head
Player 1 (sorry can't remember name): I make a persuasion check!
DM: With your charisma?
Player 1: Yes
DM: Ok roll
Player 1: Nat 20!
DM: Um... what would you like to persuade him to do?
Player 1: I want him to look at the sunset with me!
DM: Okay he looks at the sunset.
Player 1: I run up from behind and attempt to push him off the edge.
DM: Okay. *rolls Acrobatics on the fighter, for a total of 18*
Player 1: Gets a 12 plus 7 for a total of 19 on the Athletics check.
DM: The warrior makes a grapple check. rolls a 20.
Player 1: I rolled an 8.
DM: Okay the party fighter and the warrior tumble to their deaths in the bottom of a ravine.
Player 1: So worth it.

I know it is pretty lame compared to the other ones, but the fact that a few bad rolls on the part of the warrior caused the 1st level fighter to take him out was very amusing to us.

[Roughishguy86]

*"Excuse me kind sir but I must inform you that in the half an hour I have been in your town I have witnessed assault, racism, robbery, sodomy, cold blooded murder, and a gross misuse of power by an officer of the law".

[DigoDragon]

Dwarf: I AM A DWARF AND I'M DIGGING A HOLE. DIGGY DIGGY HOLE. I'M DIGGING A HOLE.

THAT was funny. :D


DM: Okay the party fighter and the warrior tumble to their deaths in the bottom of a ravine.
Player 1: So worth it.

If you're going down, take as many of them as you can with you. :smalltongue:


*"Excuse me kind sir but I must inform you that in the half an hour I have been in your town I have witnessed assault, racism, robbery, sodomy, cold blooded murder, and a gross misuse of power by an officer of the law".

Must be new to the Seattle area, circa 2070. ;)

Beryl: “So, what skill is it to check how old bones are? As in ‘have been here for a while’ versus ‘was a living pony an hour ago’?
Beryl White Text: “…versus ‘Will get up and attack us when we get close’.”
DM: “Medicine would be the ideal skill. Investigation could work as a secondary.”
DM White Text: “For the third option, wave a cleric at it.”

Crossguard: “The mouse is Cherub, who hasn't been seen all that often. He's like the Princess Luna Episode of our game right now.”
Frostbite: “It's sometimes easy to forget. Heck, sometimes I forget we have an alligator travelling with us.”
Beryl: “And thus the legend of Cherub, the alligator riding defender of Mousekind was born.”

Proverb: “Set a gator on fire, and it will be warm for the rest of its life. ...or for however long Protection from Fire lasts.”

Spirit: “...Hm. Flaming gator might not be that terrifying, but bear in a holocaust cloak might be. Saving that one for later.”
Trace: “A few things wrong with the above-- 1) a holocaust cloak was not listed on our list of things we have. 2) Where are we going to find a wheelbarrow at this time of day?”

Crossguard: “Hold on, why are the Primordial speakers so darn specific? If 'Gator' is part of a lexeme, what about, I don't know, 'Friends'? 'Hapless Compatriots in Mad Science'?”

DM: “The gator growls a bit, whining about being in a dungeon and probably rethinking his life choices.”

Frostbite: (Frost stares at the darkness within the maw with suspicion) “I could just... cast a magic missile at it?”

[gmoyes]

Warlock: *is shoved through a door and is immediately surrounded by zombie who take him down to half health*
Ranger: Not so smug now are you?
Warlock: Better smug than dead!

Warlock's (my) thoughts: Phew, there's only a couple of damaged zombies left. While now I've actually been hit, I can still brag that I haven't been knocked out yet.
Warlock: *rolls a nat 1 on a point blank eldritch blast*
DM: You miss and the zombie bites your hand.
Warlock: Of freaking course.

DM: *Sigh* The warlock's eldritch blast hits the ranger's right hand, blasting it clean off. The sword the hand was in misses two of the zombies and ends up hitting the knocked out fighter causing him to start bleeding out again.

DM: Oh, your character stabilizes on a 10 or higher, not anything higher than 10. You're still alive.
Fighter: Too late. *tears character sheet in half*

Warlock: Phew, we cleared out the zombies in this room. The ranger and the fighter are dead, the monk can hardly move, and we've just had to re-kill the fighter. Let's make sure the ranger doesn't also get up again.
DM: You suddenly hear a door to the south break. It is the door you barricaded earlier.
Warlock: Oh come on!
DM: Hey, I've been rolling for them to escape for the last few day. The dice just have great timing.

Warlock and Monk: *Are invisible hiding in a corner and roll somewhat low for stealth*
Warlock: Yeah, I knew with how we were rolling that stealth wasn't that good of an idea. Should've stuck with my idea to pick up the monk and fly over their heads and out of here.
DM: You wouldn't have been able to hold onto the monk for long.
Warlock: Yes, but at least I would've had a higher chance of surviving.

Monk: Hey, you have your familiar right? Could you use it to lead the zombies away?
Warlock: Great idea! Distraction bat, go!

Newly rolled up Barbarian: *Smashes through the door Kool-Aid man style to clear out the room*
DM: He took a while because remember the door farther to the north was jammed by the rogue when you first came in here.
Warlock: So your first character ended up hindering your third?
Barbarian: Yup.

Barbarian: *menacingly approaches the warlock who just lost invisibility by blasting a zombie*
Warlock: Uh, there are more zombies that way. *point out another door*
Barbarian: *charges out that door*
Warlock: Phew.
DM: Annnd now you may have to roll up a fourth character.

NPC guard: *recognizes the barbarian charging towards where a bunch of them were holding off a hoard of zombies* Thank god oh **** thank god oh **** thank god oh ****, move!
Guards: *make way for the barbarian to get to the front lines*
DM: They part like the Red Sea.
(ex) Ranger: Well, they'll be red soon enough.

Warlock: You know, with us being stuck in this building for such a long time and getting our asses kicked, I think I might be developing claustrophobia.
Barbarian: I lost two characters to this building, how do you think I feel?
Ranger: At least your latest death was more interesting than smoke inhalation.

[D.KnightSpider]

I googled that word and got this (https://www.ocado.com/productImages/102/10263011_0_640x640.jpg?identifier=35c517a8f544f88c f55c8f94be6430fe).


That... is, honestly, I'm not sure what. It's both amusing and disturbing at the same time.


Admittingly, I don't get the pill joke.

It was a failed attempt at setting up a running gag. Hawthorne's player was attempting to turn "I do believe they make a pill for that." into his catchphrase/default prescription for everything. It worked about as well as it sounds. I don't expect Hawthorne to surface again.

I think there as also the implication that Corey was mentally unbalanced; I wouldn't rule that particular diagnosis out just yet.

And yeah, playing two PCs with a romantic interest in each other gets downright awkward in a hurry. Can't imagine a threesome.

Corey: Hey, Lisa! The new legs look pretty sweet! And... there's no way I can finish this comment without digging myself in deeper is there?
---

Lisa: Let's get one thing straight. Ray was a goofball idiot who couldn't make a saving throw to save his life--
Corey: What about that time at the circus?
Lisa: -- Okay. Either you remember everything from the past ten years or you don't. Pick one and stick with it.
---

Lisa: As I was saying, let's get one thing straight. Ray was a goofball idiot who couldn't make a saving throw to save his life. But he had heart. He'd have never forgotten an old girlfriend. I know Ray, and you, sir, are not Ray. You're just... some random Canadian wearing his face.
GM: Minus the Canadian part.
Corey: I'm a random nothing wearing someone else's face?
---

Lisa: Did you or did you not do the furry--
Corey: NO!
Lisa: --in your past life as Ray?
Corey: ... Maybe? I'm not too clear on that one.
---

Corey: Do you think she'd buy it if I claimed to be on a ten-year bender?
---

Corey: Stop acting like this is my fault!
Lisa: If you're supposed to be Ray, then one could argue that yes, it is your fault.
Corey: I am, but I'm not, and... I really don't know, okay?!
---

Corey: You blew off my funeral?
Lisa: Well, it's not like you're really dead. Besides, the lab boys were unable to reconstitute you back into your human form. And I'll be danged if I was going to sit there for an hour mourning a horse.
Corey: But you cried over Old Yeller!
Lisa: He was a dog, sport.
---

Corey: I liked this campaign better when we weren't cribbing pop culture references.

[DigoDragon]

Lisa: And I'll be danged if I was going to sit there for an hour mourning a horse.

Ray was a horse? O.o


Ranger: At least your latest death was more interesting than smoke inhalation.

That does seem like a pretty mundane way for an adventurer to die.


Spirit: “Is there a one-word phrase encapsulating the idea of 'I beseech you to not kill me with your breath weapon' in ego-speak?”
Ace: (speaking dragon) “Dreh Ni Naak Dii Zaam!1”
Frostbite: “Perhaps something more humble is in order, Ace?”

Spirit: “Bad news, Ace's password didn't work. Are you sure that was a request to not be breath weapon'd to death, Ace?”
DM: “Ace is unable to answer coherently, only giving a muffled ‘ack kaa bwaak!’ due to the corpse wrapping its hooves around his neck in a choke-hold.”

Beryl: “The edge of the ice, does it stop on the floor or the ceiling first?”
Investigate Check: *Rolls a 2*
DM: “Ice is cold.”

Beryl: “I don't let go, that car is mine now! Bow-whahahaha! Puny humans, this vehicle belongs to Fluffy the Almighty! Fear my bark! Arf! Arf! Ar- Aw nuts.”
Beryl: *sound of dog hitting asphalt at speed*

Beryl: “Of course this does mean we're stuck in a dungeons crawl without a rogue, but we'll just have to wing it. Or have Digo throw us a bone with that.”
Spirit: “...Frostbite does have Stealth and Thieves Tools proficiency, and Spirit can boost him with Guidance. It's not like we're completely rogueless.”
Frostbite: “I had honestly forgotten that. I had completely and totally forgotten. That's embarrassing.”

Beryl: “I mean, yeah, the Con save is a gamble, but I'm willing take a chance against the lasers with [my] AC 18 and the lasers at disadvantage.”
DM: “Disadvantaged lasers go 6dPEWw3?”

1Translation: Do not eat my slave.

[Necroticplague]

"If I had to not go out with anyone who had ever tried to kill me, my dating pool should be too shallow to drown even a cat."

"O.k, I'll be acting as your guide to a safe place in my mind. As the one who's mind it is, let me tell you it is very, very important you don't go anywhere you're not supposed to be."

Bruta: Why are we taking cover in something as hostile as this? Why not the mind of someone with less problems to avoid?
Gene: Even with my help, you barely avoided all the problem in here. How well do you think anyone following us would fare?

[D.KnightSpider]

Ray was a horse? O.o


Not most of the time. He just happened to be a horse at the time of his death.

Ray/Corey and Lisa are inter-dimensional, time-traveling insurance agent 'adjusters'. Their job is to go back-in-time across various dimensions and fix it so that the Addleton Intergalactic Insurance Agency never has to pay out an insurance claim. They do this by altering history so that the claim is never made or changing the present so that the damage is undone. The AIIA is the reason why TV/Movie/Comic Book characters come back from the dead all the time. They have insurance policies with the AIIA; so the AIIA keeps arranging the contrived events that bring them back from the grave.

At the time of Ray's death, he and Lisa had been dispatched to the MLP:FIM universe to prevent Shining Armor's death. In order to blend in, Ray and Lisa were 'rebooted' into ponies (Lisa was not happy about that, BTW, because it removed all of her lethal combat skills). Ray died as a pony and they were unable to 'un-reboot' him before his burial.

They did, as per the terms of his contract, revive Ray as a clone... Ray just forgot to back up his brain any time in the past ten years, so the clone, Corey, has no idea what's going on most of the time (except, y'know, when the OoC knowledge is convenient). Or whether he and Holly were actually a couple.

And, yes, Lisa did take out the Iron Monger in one shot.


Which leads me to the ultimate quote:

Ray: Wait, wait, wait. Let me get this straight. We're the reason that the Joker's immortal?
R: Of course. He's one of our best customers.
Ray: Holy-- We're the bad guys!

[AdmiralCheez]

Julio: Who says cheese-people can't be Kings?


DM: No, it's Stinking Cloud's old, racist granddad.


Mordai: Yes! I shall not be a pineapple chunk this evening!


Finley: Did I just hear someone say they're running around with a bunch of Hot Dogs?
DM: You missed some important context for that joke, which you'll never learn.


DM: You very effectively hit it for very ineffective damage.


Aedan: Not even dead a whole turn and already the paladin is looting my pockets. Well done, everyone. I expected nothing less.
DM: The... paladin.
Tymorel: Well, the rogue is on the ceiling.


DM: It's like you roll all the good-at-beating-people-up parts of Batman, but none of the intelligent, detective parts.

[CleverDragon]

Elodan: (OOC) I want to explore around the altar site (which happens to be an open air temple with a large hole in the middle leading down into the center of the mesa it's located upon)
Me, as GM: Okay. *gives description*
Elodan: *peers down hole and sees a large body of water from rain that has poured through over the years* Hmm, that looks a long way down. Probably not the best idea to go down there just yet.
Elodan (OOC): Do we need to break out the tiles to map this out? (Referring to the dry erase map tiles I use)
Me: No, not unless you do something stupid.
Random: (tiefling named Random Wronghand) (OOC) I jump down into the hole and the water below.
Me: *breaks out tiles to map out the encounter with the thing in the water amidst gales of laughter* That....would be the stupid thing I was referring to.

***a couple of hours later***
Me: So...Brian (Random's player), what will you be playing next? (After his tiefling dies of drowning while trying to fight the thing in the water)

[JBPuffin]

Dwarf: I AM A DWARF AND I'M DIGGING A HOLE. DIGGY DIGGY HOLE. I'M DIGGING A HOLE.

WHY IS THERE NO LIKE BUTTON ON THIS THING?

The closest I can come to (at the moment, may have more a Thursday or two from now) is more like a paraphrase from a Nobilis game...

Xerxes, the Power of BS and Chickens: Pet the chicken.
Chicken That Used to Be a Floor, in Hallucination-Induced English: Do you comprehend the powers you are messing with?
Xerxes: Of course. Peeeeet the chicken.
Chicken: I'm an incantation used to give Excrucians human lives and souls!
Xerxes: PEEEEET the chicken.

[DigoDragon]

"If I had to not go out with anyone who had ever tried to kill me, my dating pool should be too shallow to drown even a cat."

That would concern me about why such a specific group in the pool is out to get that character. :o


[Response/Context]

That is an AWESOME campaign concept! The part about losing her kill skills being a pony is particularly funny. :3


DM: It's like you roll all the good-at-beating-people-up parts of Batman, but none of the intelligent, detective parts.

I tend to have the opposite problems. Pretty good INT/Investigation rolls, terrible combat rolls.


Xerxes: PEEEEET the chicken.

O.o Well that got creepy.


Frostbite: “I wonder if the trap thought that I was being too arrogant for suggesting I could be more humble than Ace?”

Beryl: (rolls Athletics) “I GOT A FOUR!”

Spirit: “Attempting to regain inspiration by risking damage in an experiment.” (sticks his head out from behind 3/4 cover)
Magic Trap: **Crits Spirit in the head**

Beryl: (pokes at the corpse with her mace) “Um... if you're going to get up, could you hurry? We need to get moving.”
Crossguard: “Beryl, be kind to the resting dead. Especially with these Brotherhood lackwits around.”
Beryl: “I know... But the other two attacked when they thawed. I'm just being careful.”
Beryl: “Just stay down, okay? Rest, don't do anything stupid now. Please?”

Frostbite: “We'll have to be careful in the next room. Seems there's some sort of-”
Spirit & Gator: (in adjacent room) *THUD-CRACK*
Frostbite: “-trap there as well. Spirit you idiot!”

DM: “Trivia-- a 1500-meters tall mountain has a hardness of 8 and approximately 1.2 trillion hit points.”

Beryl: “But it is true that D&D has more lose conditions than a classic Lucasarts game.”
DM: “Is now a bad time to mention I just found my Grimtooth's Traps books while cleaning out a closet?”
Crossguard: “Excessively so, good sir.”

DM: *Describes boss encounter in the next room*
Beryl: “Um, hey! I'm looking for a lot of ponies who might be trapped down here. Have you seen them?”

[goto124]

*"Excuse me kind sir but I must inform you that in the half an hour I have been in your town I have witnessed assault, racism, robbery, sodomy, cold blooded murder, and a gross misuse of power by an officer of the law".

I would like to hear more about this society :smallbiggrin:

[Inevitability]

Player 1: You kidnapped my ruler!
Player 2: You're exaggerating: I only spied on him. In order to learn his daily schedule. Which I then used to kidnap him.

[caden_varn]

"How dead is that corpse?"

[ZeroGear]

Giant guard: "The Mountain feels conflicted about fighting such small, frail creatures."
Terra: "Lance, don't you dare..."
Lance: "Sound to me like you're scared!"
Giant guard: "...The Mountain is over his confliction."

[bulbaquil]

Dwarf game:

Warlock to Ranger: "How can you get lost in the hills? WE'RE HILL DWARVES!"

Warlock to angel: "So you're an angel. How could you get eaten by a giant toad?"
Angel: "Rookie hazing ritual! I died only three weeks ago and just got through judgment last week!"

[Jon_Dahl]

"They are just fine. They just commit lots of suicides."

[goto124]

PC describing my PC: Though she looks quite fierce considering the size of her axe and amount of her muscles, her behaviour make one question either her actual age or her sanity.

[Beacon of Chaos]

GM: Josephine is not with you, having decided to take in some of Paris' culture instead. By which I mean the Moulin Rouge.
Edward: I fully expect to see a paper tomorrow with the headline "Strange Victorian Doll Ruins Moulin Rouge".

[DigoDragon]

Beryl: “Looking at the map again, it occurs to me that trying to talk to a character marked with a bolded B on the map may be a bad idea.”

DM: “Trace is off to the side, probably thinking rogue-tactics, such as pondering if elementals have things like kidneys to target.”

DM: “Air Elementals have no inherent physical body. They exist as a dim consciousness and manifest a physical shape only by powerful magics.”
Spirit: “He's not recognizing it as some variety of Sylph or a magical construct?”
DM: “Oh. Then, Spirit has no idea.”
Spirit: “Curse my inexplicable and impossibly high knowledge rolls.”

Crossguard: “I'mma pummel that elemental with a Blitz!”

Ace: *Rolls a 3 initiative*
Spirit: “Ace, I couldn't blame you if you wanted to sit this one out. It's not safe. Just remember that this is what an adventurer does, and that if you don't fight... run while we do.”
Spirit: *Rolls a 2 initiative*

DM: “Competitive multiplayer is pretty much why I don't own competitive multiplayer games.”

Spirit: “...Wait, that's the best you've got?”
Spirit: *Proceeds to miss on 3 out of the next four attack rolls*

Frostbite: “He moves to put the meatshields tanks melee combatants between himself and the elemental, before using another magic missile spell.”

[ZeroGear]

Orc Guard: "What do you want?"
Lance: "Hi! I wanted to know if I could interest you in one of these fine leather jackets?"
Orc Guard: "Oh? Do you have one is size 43?"
Lance: "Let me check...I think I do. Here. Why don't you go change, see if it fits?" *19 Diplomacy*
Orc Guard: "Oh, ok. I'll be right back." *Leaves*
Vick: "...Lance, why do you have a collection of leather jackets?"
Lance: "You have no idea how long I've been waiting to use that line."

Bridge Troll: "None may pass."
Xaltaer: "None at all? Not like, we can pass if we answer three questions or something?"
Troll: "No. Not unless you pay the toll."
Samson: "Ok, what's the toll?"
Troll: "Well, what do you have?"
Lance: "I have this Red Herring!"
Troll: "Ah! Yes. You may pass."
Vick: "...Lance, why are you carrying around a red herring?"
Lance: "You never know when you'll need a red herring."

[Benthesquid]

Baldar: I want to punch the Xill in the **** until it's dead.
Table discussion of Xill procreation and genitalia.
Baldar: I will carve it a ****, and then punch it until we're both dead!

[digiman619]

Baldar: I want to punch the Xill in the **** until it's dead.
Table discussion of Xill procreation and genitalia.
Baldar: I will carve it a ****, and then punch it until we're both dead!

Oh, X-I-L-L. I though it was a roman numeral 13.

[goto124]

Adventurers have great problem-solving skills :D

[ZeroGear]

Adventurers have great problem-solving skills :D

They also tend to have the average attention span of a house cat.

[DigoDragon]

Lance: "You have no idea how long I've been waiting to use that line."

Oh I have an idea. I have a very good idea how long waiting to use THAT line is. :D



They also tend to have the average attention span of a house cat.

Yup, very true!

[goto124]

They also tend to have the average attention span of a house cat.

But they have the killer ability of a house cat!

[Elxir_Breauer]

But they have the killer ability of a house cat!

A house cat on steroids after about level 3, lol.

[DeafnotDumb]

GM: Gerhaldt is just swinging that huge sword of his around wildly at nothing, fighting with thin air.
Faridah: It was really only a matter of time.

GM: The slathering, huge, terrifying beast -
Faridah: Are we talking about Gerhaldt or the werewolf?

[TurboGhast]

Varis: I nonlethally Shocking Grasp the rioter attacking me.
DM: That dealt 4 times the rioter's max HP, you're not sure if he's stable.
Varis: I just leave.

DM: Instead of taking your turn, you punch the ground.
Varis: I'm about to get stunlocked to death.

Varis: Ray of Frost deals 5 damage and reduces the abomination's speed by 10 ft.
DM: I guess it isn't moving this turn.

[DigoDragon]

Guardian Boss: *Attacks Midnight*
Midnight: *uses Wrath of the Storm to counter* “How do you like that, huh?”
DM: “Taking 7 lightning damage as insult did not sit well with it.”

Beryl: “I can't take the story seriously in Dark Souls. ‘In the beginning there was only darkness. It caught fire.’”

Spirit: “Good call on the advantage, Midnight. That should hopefully draw heat off you.”
DM: “Isn't that the point of ice traps in this dungeon though?”

Beryl: “Aw, and there goes my shot at hitting level 3 without taking damage. I should not have given it tactical advice.”
DM: “To be fair, you melee'd it and the Boss wasn't too keen about getting all touchy-feely with Midnight again.”

Midnight: *Crits on the Boss, rolls 2d8+2 for damage*
Crit Damage Total: *5*
Midnight: “And the award for Day's Saddest Crit goes to...”

Guardian Boss: “Finally… release…” *dies*
Ace: “Huh. I expected a bit more cursing.”
Beryl: “...did we do it? Did we save everypony?”
Frostbite: “I'm not sure, really. Do we need to do something else?”
Midnight: “I'm surprised we haven't run into any Brotherhood members. Aside from that dead one, anyway. I thought these catacombs would be crawling with them.”
Ace: “Well they could be, but the paladins frown upon me using those skills.”

Beryl: “By the shiny flank of Queen Emerald!”

[goto124]

From a live streaming of a 5e game I was watching. The party was in a boss battle, where the boss was a really tough homebrew creature named the Chortle Beast. Two PCs were knocked out.

Player: I cast Mass Healing Word!
DM: As you do that, the Chortle Beast opens its humongous mouth and swallows up your spell. All healing has been nullified.
Player: You ****ing ***hole.

[Necroticplague]

Gene: Wait, I thought your clothes turned invisible with you!?
Nesdu: Nope, they don't.
Gene: So this whole time we've been fighting crime together-
Nesdu: Yes. I prefer you keep that train of thought to yourself.

[DigoDragon]

GM: The slathering, huge, terrifying beast -
Faridah: Are we talking about Gerhaldt or the werewolf?

This might be an important point to know for the purpose of targeted spells. ;)


Varis: I nonlethally Shocking Grasp the rioter attacking me.
DM: That dealt 4 times the rioter's max HP, you're not sure if he's stable.
Varis: I just leave.

#Shadowrunners #ForMeItWasTuesday

I admit my street mage did accidentally fry a mook with a Stunball that rolled WAAAY to many successes on the hit. XD


All healing has been nullified.

Ouch! :smalleek:


Gene: So this whole time we've been fighting crime together-
Nesdu: Yes. I prefer you keep that train of thought to yourself.

Sort of like Invisible Boy.

"You may want to put on some pants, if you want to continue fighting crime today."

[eru001]

If there were points for style, you would get all of them, but there are no points for style here.


We few we hungry few, we band of bummers, for he who shares his lunch with me is not a bummer, and gentlemen in taverns, sat a-table shall--- aw who am I kidding, this is never going to work.


having said that now I must take my katana and commit ritual Sudoku.
Don't you mean seppuku?
I do not.

[goto124]

Ouch! :smalleek:

The boss battle cost the party...

... an arm and a leg.

No, really.

[DigoDragon]

If there were points for style, you would get all of them, but there are no points for style here.

Haha, aww. That hurts. ^^;


The boss battle cost the party...
... an arm and a leg.

No, really.

I hope prosthetics are a thing. Or Regeneration. O.o;


DM: “Part of me wants to TV Tropes this campaign. The other part of me punches the first part in the face and settles it.”

Beryl: “Can the dice roller go negative?”
DM: (1d20-20)[-17] “The dice roller can also forsake players and flip the DM the bird. Two of its many free services.”

Beryl: “And today we learn that Beryl could totally run an evil cult if she wasn't such a nice and friendly pony. It's always the nice ones who think up the most horrible things.”
DM: “What a thing to learn about a paladin.”

Spirit: “I'd prefer Ace cast Identify a few times, but last I checked most college students don't just randomly carry giant pearls worth a small house in the countryside.”
Ace: “If I had a giant pearl in my pocket, I wouldn't be adventuring with you all.”

Frostbite: (putting on the magic ring) “Well, let's see how this goes. Please don't be cursed.”

DM: “…Unless they also rolled low, at which point it's Thunderdome-level pvp for mundane puma boots.”

Spirit: “Come on, knowledge check, please have failed me now!”

Beryl: “Well it's not your fault that Beryl is a well-oiled smitin' machine.”

DM: “…edited because the party sorcerer is half-ninja.”
Frostbite: “Shhh (http://img08.deviantart.net/27c8/i/2013/269/6/d/ninja_horse_by_nissandriver217-d6o0hp9.png)!”

[goto124]

I hope prosthetics are a thing. Or Regeneration. O.o;

The GM ruled that the nature of the Chortle Beast they fought was such that any limbs the party lost could not be healed by magic. The campaign's still ongoing...

Hoping for basic prosthetics!


Spirit: “I'd prefer Ace cast Identify a few times, but last I checked most college students don't just randomly carry giant pearls worth a small house in the countryside.”
Ace: “If I had a giant pearl in my pocket, I wouldn't be adventuring with you all.”

Misread that as giant pearls the size of a small house. Was wondering if Ace had Pockets of Holding.


Frostbite: (putting on the magic ring) “Well, let's see how this goes. Please don't be cursed.”

Once in a game, I tried to put on a ring, only for my character to be too large. So I gave it to a friend, who wore it... and turned from male to female :smallbiggrin:

The ring being cursed was randomly rolled, as was the nature of the curse itself. Could've been much worse!

[ZeroGear]

Once in a game, I tried to put on a ring, only for my character to be too large. So I gave it to a friend, who wore it... and turned from male to female :smallbiggrin:

The ring being cursed was randomly rolled, as was the nature of the curse itself. Could've been much worse!

And this is why you always check to see if treasure is "booby trapped".

[Mutazoia]

And this is why you always check to see if treasure is "booby trapped".


"Roy has boobies"

[goto124]

And this is why you always check to see if treasure is "booby trapped".


"Roy has boobies"

Poison Ivy's faces in this comic (http://nebezial.deviantart.com/art/beware-this-gets-real-stupid-552624422) reflect my reaction to you people :smallbiggrin:

[DigoDragon]

The GM ruled that the nature of the Chortle Beast they fought was such that any limbs the party lost could not be healed by magic. The campaign's still ongoing...

Hoping for basic prosthetics!

Egads. O.o I hope there is!
Also, hopefully you don't meet another one of those creatures!


Misread that as giant pearls the size of a small house. Was wondering if Ace had Pockets of Holding.

No pockets of holding, but being a wizard I'm sure he'll think of something. Maybe carry the giant pearl on a floating disk. :3


Poison Ivy's faces in this comic (http://nebezial.deviantart.com/art/beware-this-gets-real-stupid-552624422) reflect my reaction to you people :smallbiggrin:

That face in the fourth panel. Priceless.

[goto124]

Egads. O.o I hope there is!
Also, hopefully you don't meet another one of those creatures!

They have to kill another 3 of those monsters.

DM: By the way, the Chortle Beast you just killed? That was only a baby.
Players: @#$%^&!

[DigoDragon]

DM: By the way, the Chortle Beast you just killed? That was only a baby.

*Curls up in the corner with his PHB* O.o`


Beryl: “Come on canoe! I have no idea what Beryl could possibly want a canoe for... but it's one of those things that you'll want if you suddenly need it.”

Ace: *Puts on magic glasses and stares at Beryl to see if they're x-ray*
DM: “With apologies to Beryl, as Ace's action with the glasses was suggested by a lurker who seems to have a fondness for AceXBeryl shipping.”
Frostbite: “I'm curious about what Ace was expecting from x-ray vision in a society where most ponies are naked anyway. …Or was he hoping for a glance at dem sexy bones, perhaps?”
DM: “That... that's a bit of fridge brilliance for a novice necromancer to do.”

Crossguard: “ELECTRUM? ELECTRUM!? EEELEEECTRUUUUUUUUUUUUUM!!!!!!!”

DM: “Oil of slipperiness, Philter of Love, Potion of Diminution…”
Spirit: “...Do I want to know what the cultists did down here once they got their loot?”
Midnight: “That is, ah, quite the combo.”
Frostbite: “Oh like you've never charmed someone so that they'll let you shrink them down and then grease them up to use them as a bowling ball.”
[Beat]
Frostbite: “...what?”

Spirit: “You seem to avoid casting much.”
Frostbite: “Eh? Since when?”
Spirit: “I’ve only seen you cast Magic Missile.”
Frostbite: “I cast two spells in the dungeon because our only combat encounter lasted two rounds.”
DM: “My bad.”

Spirit: “In my homeland, we'd merely set the stones themselves on fire until this abomination of a tomb burned to the ground.”
Beryl: “It's not our tomb to burn. This is the Trent family's tomb. You could ask them to burn it, but on second thought... don't. Noble families like to keep their dead ancestors around.”

[CrazyPenguin]

*Curls up in the corner with his PHB* O.o`

DM: “Oil of slipperiness, Philter of Love, Potion of Diminution…”
Spirit: “...Do I want to know what the cultists did down here once they got their loot?”
Midnight: “That is, ah, quite the combo.”
Frostbite: “Oh like you've never charmed someone so that they'll let you shrink them down and then grease them up to use them as a bowling ball.”
[Beat]
Frostbite: “...what?”


I found this far more funny than I should have.

And a quote (from a podcast, not one of my games)"
"I diplomasize the horses!"

"Wow, ego much?"
"No , ego COMPLETELY. I'm not sure what you just said, but I'm definitely the best at it!

[Inevitability]

"Wait, so you're telling me he isn't a vampire? I just locked a random person into a room with no food and water?"
"Afraid so."

[eru001]

Fighter: AYE, um, EL, uhh EE,
Wizard: This is taking for ever, its, I L L E G I T I M A T E.
Fighter: DON'T YOU SPELL AT ME!


Halfling fighter: OY, OIM GONNA BIFF YOUR 'EAD ROIT OFF
Wizard: I'd be more threatened if you could reach it.


Person A: Where's the guard captain?
Person B: he's at the Oak Bookseller Tavern, getting sauced.
Person A: But there's a horde of undead attacking, two fugatives hiding in the woods, a bear in my home, contact poison in the shrine, and giant spiders in the tavernkeep's basement
Person B: and now you know why he drinks.

[Zavoniki]

"Your army needs a license for being mind controlled."

This probably makes less sense context.

[goto124]

Barbarian: *hides in a fridge to get away from NPC1*
NPC1: *finally leaves after some time*
Elf: *knocks on fridge door* It's safe now, you can come out.
Barbarian: Well, I'm a bise... er... was that what you meant?

[ZeroGear]

From a one-shot modern game:

Nick: I'm thirsty. I reach into the fridge and pull out a 2-liter.
GM: Ok.
Nick: What? You want me to describe this in detail?
GM: If you insist, I'm not gonna stop you.
Nick: Fine. I open the fridge door, pull out one of the unopened 2-liter sprite bottles, and twist the top off. Happy?
GM: Well, if you put it like that, remembering that unopened bottles are under pressure, you're going to have to make a reflex save to avoid getting the soda everywhere.
Nick: Crap! Uh, right. *Success* I shove the opening of the bottle into my mouth!
GM: ...Now you're going to have to make a fortitude save not to choke.
Trace: Is is sad that I've seen him do this in real life?

[DigoDragon]

"I diplomasize the horses!"

Neigh? Is that anything like supersizing?


"Wait, so you're telling me he isn't a vampire? I just locked a random person into a room with no food and water?"
"Afraid so."

Oops. :smalltongue:


Person B: and now you know why he drinks.

Aye, I'd probably be drinking a lot myself if that was going on around me. :3


"Your army needs a license for being mind controlled."

So... no license means they're punished by being given free will? XD


Barbarian: Well, I'm a bise... er... was that what you meant?

Keep digging deeper. :3


Trace: Is is sad that I've seen him do this in real life?

Kind of yeah.

Spirit: “Oh, hold on to this.” *Gives Ace a skeletal claw-hand of a griffon*
Spirit: “Once we get back to town, I think it's time you make your first minion. The right way, this time, without any uncontrollable spirits interrupting.”
Ace: “I'm allowed minions?!”

Spirit: “Oh, and with regards to the cash? Keep it, at the moment. We can always divvy it later, and someone else might need a lump sum purchase in the future.”
Trace: “Let's not be a complete downer, White-out. If the curse is lifted we could probably use rooms, baths, a little dinner...”
Spirit: “Oh, if you insist. First date, no mandibles. Second date, things get webby.”
Trace: “Snowball, if I weren't jonsing for a bowl of snacks right now, I'd dignify that with a riposte. But instead I'm off to get those snacks. Pinkie, if you divvy out the money, I call dibs on my share. See you at the tavern.” *Abruptly leaves*
DM: “And with that settled (but not really)...”

Beryl: “I might want to talk to [the Knights of the Sun] again myself. I'm pretty sure now that I'm a different... flavor of Paladin.”
Ace: “What flavor? Like cherry or something?”
Beryl: (aloud so everyone hears) “...I'm more of a strawberry, really.”
Ace: **Has no idea how to respond to that**

Spirit: “Ace! One question for you. That being, what did we do wrong in this dungeon?”
Ace: “Well, I think we were trespassing on private ground. But... no one probably saw us so I guess it’s okay?”

[goto124]

Keep digging deeper. :3

She could've went on to mention she's poly, too!

Not sure how she could dig deeper, though... this is from an ongoing PbP and I've yet to get a response.


Spirit: “Ace! One question for you. That being, what did we do wrong in this dungeon?”
Ace: “Well, I think we were trespassing on private ground. But... no one probably saw us so I guess it’s okay?”

But it's a dungeon! It's supposed to be trespassed!

[DigoDragon]

But it's a dungeon! It's supposed to be trespassed!

Ace is new to the heroic job of adventurer. :3

[Florian]

Happened today:

* Doorbell rings - I let Jule in.
Sascha, takes out notes with prepared speech: "Listen up, citizens of Kintargo! Today is the day of Liberation! We will throw of the shackles Throne has imposed on us.... No! You were supposed to fetch him from school and prepare dinner. It´s saturday, we´re in the middle of the gaming session. Eh, Jule! ok, ok, I´ll do it. Play my character for me in the meantime, here´re the notes!"
* Sascha storm off, pretty much pissed.

Jule takes up the notes, look around and...
"Florian! FLORIAN! We had that talk, no beer in my house!"

Me: "Jule? Overreacting a bit? We sit in my garden, playing..."

Jule: "Ah, ****. *******!. Ok, where were we? Listen up, citizens of Kintargo!..."

[digiman619]

Halfling fighter: OY, OIM GONNA BIFF YOUR 'EAD ROIT OFF
Wizard: I'd be more threatened if you could reach it.

As a long-time dwarf, the correct response for the fighter is "It''l be a lot easier to reach when I chop your legs off!"

[Illven]

More Evil campaign quotes

Shiela (OOC) We are having FUN( read, Losing)

Shiela (OOC) DAMN YOU 4TH PLAYER CURSE

Michel (OOC): (need to buy a chariot....)
Shiela (OOC): hence why you are a ****

Michel (OOC) (decapitation by camel stampede is a new way to die

Nicky (OOC) Are the camels magical?

Michel (OOC) (whatever, you're trying to legit kill off vichy b/c you're dropping him from the game, I get it)
Nicky (OOC) He's not trying, he's succeeding. :p

Nicky (OOC) [Should Shiela and I get out, and then just close the pit?

GM (OOC) well he eats the raw damage of a falling camel

Nicky "I really need a different go to spell"

GM (OOC) Nicky should be called "Cataracts"

GM (OOC) what's the plan?
Shiela (OOC): feed the dead to hungry

[Benthesquid]

GM: So.. this isn't about to turn into a campaign where you dodge the assassins sent after you by the Viscomte while dragging around a blissed-out Dwarf?
Theris: Well, we could return the Viscomte's money, with a note saying "Deal's off, signed Theris." I'm group leader now, in this scenario.
Baldar: Baldar would leave the group immediately.
Eisen: So would Eisen.
Baldar: Baldar would actually sign up to work to work for the Viscomte as an assassin. Just for this one job.

[Inevitability]

Shiela (OOC) We are having FUN( read, Losing)

Dwarf Fortress reference?
Losing is fun!

[No-Kill Cleric]

"I just realized I'm your character's Chasity Pet."

"I vote Beyonce for Warhammer 40K's Emperor of Man."

[StreamOfTheSky]

More Evil campaign quotes

Shiela (OOC) We are having FUN( read, Losing)

Shiela (OOC) DAMN YOU 4TH PLAYER CURSE

Michel (OOC): (need to buy a chariot....)
Shiela (OOC): hence why you are a ****

Michel (OOC) (decapitation by camel stampede is a new way to die

Nicky (OOC) Are the camels magical?

Michel (OOC) (whatever, you're trying to legit kill off vichy b/c you're dropping him from the game, I get it)
Nicky (OOC) He's not trying, he's succeeding. :p

Nicky (OOC) [Should Shiela and I get out, and then just close the pit?

GM (OOC) well he eats the raw damage of a falling camel

Nicky "I really need a different go to spell"

GM (OOC) Nicky should be called "Cataracts"

GM (OOC) what's the plan?
Shiela (OOC): feed the dead to hungry


Going to have to add some to this, you missed quite a few this time.
Michel (OOC): you never told us her name
Shiela (OOC): you never told us her name
Shiela (OOC): NINJAD
Michel (OOC): know your place, pirate

Shiela (OOC): in hindsight this may have been a bad idea
Michel (OOC): that's the save she's good at!
Michel (OOC): wanted to get that in before the nat 1
Shiela: *rolls a nat 2; fails*
GM: Shiela pops her head up and see a bunch of camel hooves barreling toward her
GM: she freezes up in sudden realization
Michel (OOC): decapitation by camel stampede is a new way to die

Michel (OOC): incarnate construct is such bs
Nicky (OOC): We're ignoring that

Niasgra: "Wait! Don't kill me!"
Shiela: "chop his ****ing legs off"
Michel: "I won't kill you. I have no control over Shiela, though."
Shiela: "Yo"

Michel: "Sorry, I just can't give you up."
Shiela: "Hey, No rickrolling!"
Michel (OOC): in...character....
Shiela (OOC): shiela is sertifiably insane, im allowed to break the 4th wall

Michel: "Why aren't you shocked I outran a camel?"
"And why did you have to use camels? If they were horses, I could've quipped about the other areas I surpass a horse in. Such a wasted opportunity!"

GM: Vichy hits the cruel serpent man!
GM: I like that this guy in the hole hasn't even retaliated yet
Michel (OOC, controlling absent Vichy): Vichy likes that, too. if he did, Vichy would probably lose

Hunne: "Why are you so determined to kill us? We were not paid to kill you."
Michel: "I was actually trying to take you alive. Like i did Heerle, though I suppose a camel fell on him."
Shiela: "Experience!"
Hunne: "And Hirush?"
Michel: "Well, he was just an *******."
Hunne: "Hirush was a great practitioner of the martial arts."
Michel: "Shiela beat him one on one, he couldn't have been that great."

GM: also I guess the guy in the hole will surrender
Vichy: "I've won the day for us! Their leader has just surrendered to me!"
Michel: "....That's great news, Vichy." *facepalm*

Shiela (OOC): where is the dinkel ****er that stabbed me before?
Michel (OOC): you killed him already

GM: why do you want to mutilate your prisoner?
Shiela (OOC): Shiela: uh lots o reasons: 1 - im insane, 2 - fear and uncertainty, 3 - im angry about bing stabbed alot
Michel (OOC): Poor Shiela suffers from dual problems: A punchable face, but a very stabbable back as well.

[D.KnightSpider]

Ray: So does this make me the Six-Million-Dollar man and you the Bionic Woman?
Lisa: Naw. I consider myself half-Terminator.
----

Lisa(OOC): I'd be paranoid if I knew that either of you were anime fans.
----

Ray: Why am I a jellyfish?
GM: You're actually a Flumph.
Ray: A what?
Lisa: A running gag in a webcomic where a jelly-fish-like creature routinely gets squashed by random falling adventurers.
Ray: What sort of lame comics do you guys read?
---

Ray: Is it too late to requisition a Pinkie Pie?
---

Lisa: Figures. We get sweet new gear and the GM makes us wait to use it.
---

R: Catgirl approaching! Abort! Abort!
---

Gumdrop: Greetings. Would you like a room, hardy traveler? It's only four crumbs a night.
Ray: You mean I could live here indefinitely just off of what's under my couch?
---

Ray: Hi, there! I'm Potato Spud and this is my friend, Muffin Top.
Lisa: Why do I let you pick our aliases, again?
---

Gumdrop: Actually, Gumdrop is my last name. My first name is 'Goody-Goody'. That's why my friends call me '3G'.
Ray I don't suppose that your middle name is 'Two-Shoes', is it?"
Gumdrop: Don't be silly. 'Two-Shoes' is my brother.
---

Lisa: We're gonna zap, zap, zap some poor sap!

[bulbaquil]

- "So let's suppose I'm the Runelord of Sloth. I am Laziness incarnate. The party is coming after me and I can cast Wish. Why wouldn't I try for the easy way out? Just teleport them to the other side of the planet."
- "Or to the Plane of Fire."

[goto124]

Ray: Is it too late to requisition a Pinkie Pie?

---

Ray: Hi, there! I'm Potato Spud and this is my friend, Muffin Top.
Lisa: Why do I let you pick our aliases, again?

---

Gumdrop: Actually, Gumdrop is my last name. My first name is 'Goody-Goody'. That's why my friends call me '3G'.
Ray I don't suppose that your middle name is 'Two-Shoes', is it?"
Gumdrop: Don't be silly. 'Two-Shoes' is my brother.


I like the naming convention! :smallbiggrin:

[DigoDragon]

"Florian! FLORIAN! We had that talk, no beer in my house!"

I never had this rule, but my local group was pretty dry anyway. There was the occasion that I'd get my hands on some Rum & Coke, which leads to me getting a little funny and then making some of the strangest mistakes when I DM. One of my favorites was the time I had the party fighting a dog but was too drunk to realize that I accidentally pulled out the Terrasque stats. So I was fudging dice rolls all over trying not to kill the party, but not realizing WHY this dog was such an unholy terror against the party. XD


As a long-time dwarf, the correct response for the fighter is "It''l be a lot easier to reach when I chop your legs off!"

That is very much a Dwarf thing to say.



GM: So.. this isn't about to turn into a campaign where you dodge the assassins sent after you by the Viscomte while dragging around a blissed-out Dwarf?

Is the Dwarf necessary? And if so, does the party have a wheelbarrow?


"I just realized I'm your character's Chasity Pet."

*Snerk*


R: Catgirl approaching! Abort! Abort!

My local group would have expected me to take one for the team.
...and somehow I would have agreed. :smalltongue:


- "Or to the Plane of Fire."

Hee Hee :D


DM: “In the excitement of getting something useful, Ace gives Frost a big hug.”
Frost: “Oh... um... Y-you're welcome.” (awkward pat (https://derpicdn.net/img/view/2016/4/17/1133884__safe_shipping_straight_animated_cute_spik e_hug_dragon_pixel+art_nervous.gif) on the head)
Ace: “Oh, was I being too forward? Sorry, I uh, don't know how far personal space radiates from someone.”
Crossguard: “Typically, young apprentice, it's a yard.”
Ace: “A yard? Huh, I didn't know that. Back at the college we'd be lucky enough to have 3 inches.”

Spirit: “Give me a pair of warm boots, and I'll be warm the rest of my life. Give me a pair of fast boots, and I'll fashion a kingdom atop blocks of ice.”

DM: “DM takes [9] guilt damage.”

Beryl: “[The Robe of Useful Things] is about as odd as I had hoped. I'm sure it will come in handy at some point.”
DM: “The kicker is that it wasn't until halfway through rolling that I noticed one of the possibilities for a patch is a horse with a riding saddle.”
Beryl: “I would have run with it.”
Spirit: “There's another way to run it?”
Beryl: “You use that patch and a very confused NPC pony appears.”
NPC: “Where am I? Who are you? How long was I in there?!”

DM: “Well if your story is to just tell the honest truth, they should collaborate. If you're planning on twisting the truth... well might want to compare notes.”
Beryl: “Well, it's not so much twisting as it's selectively choosing what part of the truth the common pony needs to hear. We're not lying, we just keep secrets. Paladins can do that.”
White Text: (And Beryl's not even Lawful so she can lie if she wants to.)
Valeris: “A lie?”
Spock: “An omission.”

[goto124]

The pony conudrum has returned! I still remember that Galloping Gala episide where Spike whips the carriage-horse-whip-thingie, only to get scolded by the stallions pulling the carriage. Awkward!

Has anypony used a riding saddle to carry animals or people before?

Also, d20pfsrd (http://www.d20pfsrd.com/magic-items/wondrous-items/wondrous-items/r-z/robe-of-useful-items) says the Robe produces a mule with saddle bags. Mules seem to appear in MLP only when somepony says 'stubborn as a mule'.

[Inevitability]

The pony conudrum has returned! I still remember that Galloping Gala episide where Spike whips the carriage-horse-whip-thingie, only to get scolded by the stallions pulling the carriage. Awkward!

Has anypony used a riding saddle to carry animals or people before?

Also, d20pfsrd (http://www.d20pfsrd.com/magic-items/wondrous-items/wondrous-items/r-z/robe-of-useful-items) says the Robe produces a mule with saddle bags. Mules seem to appear in MLP only when somepony says 'stubborn as a mule'.

I believe Digo is using this (http://www.aidedd.org/dnd/om.php?vo=robe-of-useful-items) version, from 5e.

[DigoDragon]

Correct, I'm using the 5e version.


Spirit: “He's tsundere towards spiders.”

Orc: “And then the tree hit me... WITH A PONY!!”
Other Orc: “Grum, have you been drinkin' trollbrew again?”
Frost: (In Durkon voice) “Ye jus' cannae trust 'em!”

Beryl: “This is the kind of scenario Paladin Bakers were meant for.”

DM: “So are the majority of your spells going to be blasty? Stealthy? Delayed Perception Fireball?”
Frostbite: “Overall? I'm not sure. Mostly combat stuff, with the occasional utility spell thrown in. Seems to be Frost's style.”
Spirit: “Suggestion for turning a brawl into a comedy. Tell the air elemental that having a picnic with us and chatting it out sounds much nicer than fighting!”
Frostbite: “You make a compelling argument for Suggestion there so let's go with that.”
DM: “Suggestion suggestions.”

Beryl: “Yeah, take it from a baker. There's not much of a market for undead flour.”

Spirit: “As for your mother… I doubt she'd welcome me making a volcano to lair in. It'd not end well, really.”

Beryl: “Also, the dangers of undead swarms of Dire Muffins draw closer.”
Spirit: “Tarantula-delivered undead swarms.”
Beryl: “Eh, I'm thinking if you're making a mockery of all that good and yummy, it really needs to be able to fly.”

[goto124]

Orc: “And then the tree hit me... WITH A PONY!!”
Other Orc: “Grum, have you been drinkin' trollbrew again?”
Frost: (In Durkon voice) “Ye jus' cannae trust 'em!”

Other Orc: “Frost, have you been reading that comic again?”


Beryl: “This is the kind of scenario Paladin Bakers were meant for.”

Heretical context please!

[DigoDragon]

Heretical context please!

I actually had to google this.
The party was discussing how much food Beryl could make in X hours, given the meager crafting system of 5e and my wild guess as to how much in raw ingredients are needed to succeed. The discussion focused on the fact that 'by the book', crafting food was a lot slower than the real life counterpart:

Beryl: "Beryl is currently carrying ingredients to make 20GP worth of boring old bread. If this is a famine situation, she's turning that bag upside down, commandeering a kitchen, and making it all."
Spirit: "It would take 4 days to cook enough bread. That's... really not time efficient."
Beryl: "Huh? Where are you getting that from? As far as I know the rules are something like 10GP of materials turns into 20GP of stuff, and since it took about two hours to make 2 GP of cookies, and making travel bread can be done in an hour's short rest, I can't see this be more than 20 hours if Beryl solos the baking encounter. Especially if she can use the inn's kitchen or similar for it. I could honestly see her just bake until she either runs out or collapses from exhaustion. That's if it's a famine situation."
Spirit: "You can turn 2.5gp worth of raw materials into 5gp of finished product over the course of one working day. Covered under downtime crafting, I believe. Digo allowed for smaller times to correspond with smaller doses; you can turn 3 silver's worth of ingredients into 6 silver's worth of pastry over the course of an hour, or make 2 silver's worth of cookies in 20 minutes. How long is a working day? If it's 8-ish hours and Beryl can find three helpers, then they can go through it all by dawn."
Beryl: "My point being, though, that if food is what's needed, Beryl can and will stay up baking bread until fatigue rules says she cannot anymore. This is the kind of scenario Paladin Bakers were meant for.

Edit: In general D&D crafting systems have always been weirdly slow and I generally speed things up in non-magical cases.

[USS Sorceror]

From a convention I did recently:

Cleric: So how much are you going to pay me to fight the undead?
Wizard: -beat- I take out my dagger and stab him.

Cleric: God is good. Gold is good. Therefore, gold is God.

[DigoDragon]

Wizard: -beat- I take out my dagger and stab him.

"Stabby McWizard" seems to be an awfully common type of spellcaster these days. :smalltongue:


Spirit: “Any mage with half a talent can make plates dance and sing with time and money, but to be able to provide such a banquet and coordinated song and dance number to the poor at an affordable cost? That is the real art (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=afzmwAKUppU&feature=youtu.be&t=55s).”

Spirit: “Wat. I don't even. Spirit was right about something? Not just one thing, but two things? I do not comprehend how to respond to this.”
DM: “One thing you were right on, the other I simply stole the idea because it was interesting to play with. I'll leave it to you to figure out which is which.”

DM: “Turns out I incorrectly spoke of Ace's age. I just pulled up his stat sheet to make some adjustments this morning, and it has 15 listed as his age, not 17.”
Frostbite: “Well now you've just gone and ruined everything.”
Crossguard: “GAAAAAASP! Ace is Doctor Whooves!”

DM: “Meanwhile Midnight is dreaming of Rita sitting on his lap, with a table spread full of food Rita cooked for him, and she whispers, ‘Bless me like one of your heretic mares.’”

Beryl: “Did anyone else notice where they told Beryl to go? The Dusk Temple in Arendale. So... the light is the night?”
Crossguard: “Hey, things unfriendly to most ponies tend to dwell in the darkness. Like tax collectors, vamponies, and Jack Thompson.”

Frostbite: “I never Metamagic I didn't like.”

[CrazyPenguin]

Neigh? Is that anything like supersizing?


Not sure what you mean by supersizing, but what happened was the party was escaping monsters on horseback. The DM decided this was a skill challenge, and since they use house-ruled skill challenges, every party member had to do something. When it got around to the warlord,he realized that he had no relevant skills at all, so he tried convincing the DM that it would be possible for him get the horses to run faster by nicely persuading them, using Diplomacy.

Anyhoo (from the same podcast):

"You hear a voice in your head. It says 'Kill your friends.'"

[ZeroGear]

Gotta love it when players aren't in the room.

DM: As [Vick] rounds the corner, you notice a bald man with a large shield and spear looking at something off a nearby ledge.
Vick: I approach and say: "Hello? Something the matter?"
'Trustworthy' NPC: "Oh, hello! Why, was just puzzling about how to get down off this ledge. I mean, I can't get those wonderful treasure down there if I have no way down, can I?"
Vick: "Treasure? Where?"
NPC: "Why, right down there! See?"
Vick: I take a peek.
DM: As you look over the ledge, you are sent flying by a swift kick in the rear.
NPC: *Laughter* "Nothing personal! But the real treasure are the trinkets I'll be selling off your corpse! Take your time starving!"
Xaltaer: *Comes back into room* What'd I miss?
DM: Well, Vick is missing. You want to go look for him?
Xaltaer: Look for our healer? Yes.
DM: *Describes 'Trustworthy NPC'*
Xaltaer: "Hey there! I don't suppose you've seen my friend?"
NPC: "Maybe. I think may have fallen off that ledge there. Is that him?"
Xaltaer: I look over the ledge. "Vick, you down there?"
Vick: "Watch out behind you!
DM: As you hear your friend's warning, you are sent over the edge by a swift kick in the rear.
Samson: *Returns* Anything happening?
DM: Vick and Xaltaer are missing.
Samson: I go look for them. [gets kicked off the ledge]
Lance: *Returns* So, anything new?
DM: You're missing your casters and bard.
Lance: I go look for them. [gets kicked off ledge]
Terra: *Last person to return* So, what's the situation?
DM: You're team's missing.
Terra: Great. I go look for them.
DM: [Describes 'Trustworthy' NPC]
Terra: Detect Evil.
DM: Oh, he's definitely evil.
Terra: "Hey, who's that?"
NPC: "What?" *Turn around*
Terra: *Knocks out NPC* *Looks over ledge* "Anyone down there?"
Samson: "Terra! Watch out behind you!"
Terra: "You mean the scoundrel? Don't worry, he's out cold!"
DM: I was beginning to think no one would catch on.
Terra: No, they're just a bunch of morons.
Everyone else: HEY!

[Fable Wright]

Samson: "Terra! Watch out behind you!"
Terra: "You mean the scoundrel? Don't worry, he's out cold!"
DM: I was beginning to think no one would catch on.
Terra: No, they're just a bunch of morons.
Everyone else: HEY!

Don't worry, he'll show up later and give you some worthwhile loot for your trouble if you remember to hold a grudge.

Unless that KO counts as aggroing him, in which case, better find a shrine to pray at... or perhaps a too-happy priest.

[The Fury]

"You beat my dancing elephant with laser-pointer eyes."

[DigoDragon]

Not sure what you mean by supersizing

Twas a deliberate bad joke~ Diplomasize the horses!
:smalltongue:


Terra: No, they're just a bunch of morons.
Everyone else: HEY!

*snerk*



Unless that KO counts as aggroing him, in which case, better find a shrine to pray at... or perhaps a too-happy priest.

Pretty sure that was aggro. :3


"You beat my dancing elephant with laser-pointer eyes."

That must have been an interesting fight.

DM: *Holds up the journal the party has obtained that gives clues on what the Brotherhood is doing. Might help find a short cut in the chase*
Spirit: “Bad Digo! This is about using player agency to drive the plot instead of using a book of plot coupons. Ten points from Hufflepuff.”
DM: “How in the hell am I still house Hufflepuff in my own campaign?!”

Spirit: “I mean, Spirit's not likely to go turncoat or anything…”
Frostbite: “That sounds like something a turncoat would say.”

Beryl: “Oh, geez. I just got the most horrible idea for Find Steed now. What's the stats of a Crystal Pony foal?”
Spirit: “I believe they are ‘Why would you bring a foal into a combat zone?!’”

Frostbite: “Cherub, I want to try something out. Mind helping me, buddy?”
Cherub: (a mouse) “Squeak?”

Beryl: “Spirit! You broke the cook! Don't do that.”

DM: “Note to self—change the oil in Apparatus of Kwalish”

DM: “I guess you could do that.”
Beryl’s Inner Child: “Yay! I have a mechanic now!”
Beryl: “Should I worry that my character's inner child is beginning to reply for me in the OOC thread?”
DM: “Only if it starts writing replies without need for your physical body to type them.”

Spirit: “I get the feeling that this is soon going to be known as the 'weird pet party'. Spirit with his pet giant spider, Ace with his pet undead griffon claw, Crossguard with (presumably) a sentient bear, Beryl with her pet filly-possessing-a-panther, Frostbite and his magic field mouse... Huh. Could explain why Midnight and Trace are the only two of us able to get dates at the festival.”

[CrazyPenguin]

Twas a deliberate bad joke~ Diplomasize the horses!
:smalltongue:


What do you mean? That was a GREAT joke! I'm just dumb.

Orem: "I need to talk to somebody. I take out my sword."
DM:"It says 'Hey'"
Orem:"What do you think I should do about Ket?"
DM (sword):"Well, is he your friend?"
Orem:"That's kind of up in the air right now."
DM (sword): Well, if he is, you should kill him."

[Bestigle]

Warlock: I want a banana.
GM: Why?
Warlock: I need a banana for my magic.
Rogue: I hand her a pickle. It's a banana.
GM: Roll bluff.
Rogue: I have plus eleven to it already. We're level one. *Rolls something ridiculous*
GM: You take your new 'banana' and happily go on your adventures. Problem solved.

Fortunately, I did not end up getting the party killed by giving our warlock a pickle when she needed a banana. :smallbiggrin:

[AdmiralCheez]

Finley: Well, the pooping one is amazing.


Tymorel: I'm very suspicious of Corlan. He's too overly friendly.
Julio: I'm overly friendly, but you're okay with me.
Tymorel: But we're used to you!
Finley: We were tied up in a jail cell with you; we had no choice but to get used to you.


Mordai: That attack did a third of my hit points!
DM: Okay, but it only did a third of its damage potential.
Mordai: :smalleek:


Tymorel: So the first thing we do in the big, new Dwarven capitol is set fire to their cemetery. Right.
Draven: The correct phrase is "Cleansed it with Fire."
Julio: And then you decapitated the dead right in front of the tour guide.
Tour Guide: ........I'll inform the clergy there's a mess to clean up.

[DigoDragon]

Orem: "I need to talk to somebody. I take out my sword."
DM:"It says 'Hey'"

I was just sideswiped by a blazing Saddles flashback.

"Pardon me while I whip this out."
Crowd: *Gasp!*


Warlock: I need a banana for my magic.
Rogue: I hand her a pickle. It's a banana.
GM: Roll bluff.

This is how all great party friendships started-- built on a lie. XD


Draven: The correct phrase is "Cleansed it with Fire."

Ugh, I once adventurered with a fellow player who had that as his mantra. And he was the party cleric! o.o


Beryl: “Now, Beryl is not a crazy cat lady. Even if I am planning for a part of her mind, which is herself as a foal, to become a big cat in the real world at some point.”
Spirit: “Not crazy, despite rooming with a panther, a giant spider, a bear, a sentient field mouse, an undead claw, four equally crazy ponies, and an insane zebra. Not a cat lady, despite the fact that her inner child always wanted to grow up and be a panther.”
[Beat]
Spirit: “Checks out.”
Beryl: “See? Totally not a crazy cat lady.”

Spirit: “Once upon a time, when the world was first formed, the world was much different. Every bit of land that wasn't covered in boiling oceans was covered in volcanoes.”
Frostbite: “What’s a volcano?”
Spirit: “Oh, you're in for a treat. In a little while, I will build one and show it to you in action!”
Frostbite: “Uh, sure. Sounds good?”

Ace: “Good morning! Care for a song and dance number, or are you just here for the coffee?”
Crossguard: “An impressive number, young minstrel. Perhaps you and Beryl could start a band after our mission is finished. But yes, I'm here for the coffee.”
Ace: *taps a disappointed hoof once on the ground before paying up coin to the band leader on their bet*

Beryl: “Apparently, I've been given glow in the dark powers.”

Spirit: “The second is that a giant spider will be joining us in lieu of our slightly abused gator friend. Ace, be wary around her. She's far smarter than the crocodile, and far less trustworthy.”
Frostbite: “Oh good. Another creature that would happily eat us if it could, only it's less trustworthy. How nice.”

[Lord Torath]

Beryl: “Apparently, I've been given glow in the dark powers.”
At first I read that as:

Beryl: “Apparently, I've been given... dark powers.”

Just what the Paladin wants! (Beryl is the baker/paladin, right?)

[DigoDragon]

Beryl: “Apparently, I've been given... dark powers.”

Just what the Paladin wants! (Beryl is the baker/paladin, right?)

Yes, Beryl is the baker/paladin. And a Dark-Powered Beryl is probably the most dangerous potential villain in the campaign. :smallbiggrin:

[ZeroGear]

Yes, Beryl is the baker/paladin. And a Dark-Powered Beryl is probably the most dangerous potential villain in the campaign. :smallbiggrin:

Come to the dark side...we have cookies...and Pinkie Pie in a cake.

[digiman619]

Come to the dark side...we have cookies...and Pinkie Pie in a cake.

As long as her mane is curly, that sounds great. If it's straight and she offers you cupcakes, RUN!

[somethingrandom]

I heard this stroy from friends who have been gaming a bit longer than I ahave years ago.

Anti-Paladin: *knocks on the door of a temple of veccna* "Let me in"
priest of veccna: who are ya?
Anti-Paladin: I have (long list of impressive and evil thing he has done)
priest of vecna: ye how are ya?
Anti-Paladin's player: Erm I haven't accualty named my chaaracter yet.
GM: Well you'd better do it now then hadn't you/
Anti-Paladin: Fear me for I am the Mighty Anti-Paladin Ian Kent!

[Illven]

Nicky (OOC) [you need heals
[I'm fine. :p

Michel (OOC) you want the DMPC to be better than you?

Michel (OOC) maybe he's the leader b/c he's sane and intelligent and people trust him to command the ship WAY more than they trust you, despite your murder hobo skills

DM (OOC) someone found out that a necromancer was trying to buy it
so they burned it down to try to kick you out of Dah-Surect
you can go hunt them down if you want

Michel (OOC) (I should roll listen, too... even at -10 for sleeping, I have better odds)

Nicky (OOC) [Can't do better then Michel
DM (OOC) you mean than
Shiela (OOC) did seriously spelling nazi him over me?

DM (OOC) and the sounds of the camel's intestines

DM (OOC) They regained consciousness sometime in the night you expect
Michel (OOC) should've hit them harder, then

Shiela: (OOC) (skip)
Michel: (this is probably important)

Michel (as Vichy) "Ugh...just die already, whoever you are. I can't concentrate on writing my bible for the Church of Vichy...."

DM hot, sticky camel breath

Vichy: "Ugh, he hasn't died yet?"
Vichy: "I don't know. Some ******* who won't just be quiet."

Michel (OOC) (I like that my listen check and blndsense meant nothing)

DM (OOC) and your listen pulled you into its trap
haha

Nicky (OOC) are the camels hostile?

Michel (OOC) "You don't look like an all night orgy of naked women, so I'm afraid you're mistaken."

Nicky "Come out, come out whereever you are, or you're about to be short a bastard sibling." They call out singsongly

DM (OOC) ok so Nicky
what you do?
Nicky (OOC) Threaten the hostages

Nicky (OOC) [I need you to take your turn so that Nicky can start executing hostages]
Michel (OOC) [You just said that, so that it would show up in quotes]
Chris (OOC) [I say everything in the hopes that it will show up in quotes.]

Michel (OOC) Michel squirms out, punches the ****er one more time just for ****s and giggles...

Nicky (OOC) Nicky's going to attempt to coup de grace that one. Placing their hand coursing with negative energy, over snakey's head and pounding their fingers into the snake's eyeballs

Michel "Is everything in the desert a coward?"

Nicky "If I don't like what you hear, you die next."

Michel "...Don't kill him, Nicky. Bring him out here as bait."

Nicky (OOC) [We are committing so many war crimes! ]

[CrazyPenguin]

So, since it looks like I probably won't be able to play with my group for a while, just assume any quotes I post are from the podcast I git my last few from unless otherwise stated.

"I'm not a half orc, I'm a three-quarter orc."

"I jump out of the window."

[D.KnightSpider]

GM: At that moment, a Flumph breaks down the front door. He's brandishing a machine gun--
Lisa: Pffft. We've got this.
GM: --in each tentacle.
Lisa: ... On second thought, Ray can have this one.
Ray: Wha-?
Lisa: You! Meatshield! Machine-gun! Chop-Chop!
---

Ray: Sorry about killing your brother, and all, 3G. You're not mad at us are you?
3G: No, not at all. I'm too busy leaving town to be angry.
Lisa: That's a rather... strange reaction to a loved one's death.
3G: Two-Shoes was an enforcer in the mob. He was just gunned down on my doorstep. I doubt anyone will care about the subtle nuance of who actually pulled the trigger
Ray: Your brother was a mobster?
3G: You didn't wonder why he was called 'Two-Shoes'?
---

Ray: Since when do you turn down a chance to kill something?
Lisa: Since I'm not getting paid for it.
---

Lisa: Picture the scariest thing imaginable, and I can promise you that this will be so much worse.
3G: Realizing that you've run out of butter right in the middle of making a grilled cheese sandwich.
Ray: I was going to say 'the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man', but 3G has me beat all hollow.
---

Lisa: It's the Thing! We're up against the THING!
Ray: What? Like Reed Richards, Doctor Doom and the Silver Surfer?
Lisa: No. Like John Carpenter, Kurt Russel and John Campbell!
Ray: .... If I were wearing pants, I would need new ones right about... now.
---

3G: I do not understand, what is this 'thing' you are talking about?
Lisa: A really nasty monster who needs killing.
Ray: So how do you kill the Thing?
Lisa: First you kill it, then you kill it with fire, and then you nuke it from orbit just to be sure.
---

Ray: It's not like we can just pop over to the military instillation next door and ask for a nuke. They're rather stingy with those things.
3G: Besides, possessing the nuclear missile is not enough. The nuke must still be armed, aimed and fired to be effective.
Lisa: *slow, smug smirk*
Ray: You actually have a contingency plan to get a nuke. What is wrong with you woman?
3G: I thought that human males considered foresight to be a desirable trait. Are not you always to be prepared?
---

Ray: So we're going to paradox a paradox to commit a murder to prevent a genocide. I love this job!
---

Lisa: *cornered by the Thing* Well, at least this can't get any worse.
The Thing: *turns black and grows a mouth* We are VENOM!
Lisa: Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh, snap me sideways...
---

Ray: The GM's smiling. We're doomed.

[goto124]

3G: I thought that human males considered foresight to be a desirable trait. Are not you always to be prepared?

What species is she?

[DigoDragon]

Spirit: “If it were easy, would it really be worth doing?”
DM: “That'll heavily depend on what it is to be done. If it were something like putting on a clean pair of underpants, I'd say yes.”
Spirit: “If that is your character's driving motivation, then indeed those must be some tricky, tricky underpants.”
DM: “Do you know how hard it is to get pants on a horse? But it's worse with the undies! I mean, is your horse the boxers or briefs type? Or maybe they're a mare and prefer something a little more... 'less'? Or maybe they're a stallion and want the panties! Hey, I wouldn't judge, just sayin'. This is exactly why I didn't get into designing quadruped fashion.”

Spirit: “Do I smell a potential crossover several years in the making?”
DM: *Sniffs his notes* “I dunno, I'm not smelling anything.”

Midnight: “As for the general party craziness, I feel like I really need to ramp up. I want to play a character who isn't the voice of reason for once!”

Beryl: “I don't suppose you could introduce me next time we get to a Dusk Temple? Makes me seem a little less crazy.”
Midnight: “Yeah, I can introduce you. I can't promise that you'll sound any less crazy, though.”

Beryl: “Then what do we do? Unless the journal says there's a hideout nearby, we can't exact take the fight to the... bees.”

Spirit: “So, Heliodor. What do we do after we get up from this table?”
Beryl: “I don't know what Heliodor would do, but as a baker, I certainly do! If they're baking a Doom Pie, but need a special ingredient, we deny them that! No ingredient, no pie, no doom. Lots of angry Bees, though.”

Beryl: “I know! Beryl has a voice in her head telling her to do stuff. It sounds really crazy! But Spirit can talk to it, directly!”
Spirit: “...I believe that this is the first time that something I've done has been taken as a sign of sanity.”
DM: “Ace gives Beryl a look. This is a look reserved only for when he was watching someone grow a second head from their left shoulder.”

[goto124]

DM: “Ace gives Beryl a look. This is a look reserved only for when he was watching someone grow a second head from their left shoulder.”

A couple of sessions later, some freaking transformation magic happens, making these words ironic...

[digiman619]

DM: “Ace gives Beryl a look. This is a look reserved only for when he was watching someone grow a second head from their left shoulder.”


A couple of sessions later, some freaking transformation magic happens, making these words ironic...

Thatt or they meet Zaphod Beeblebrox...

[TurboGhast]

DM:The steam creature attacks you, (rolls a 1) but he forgot to reform his arm after your attack last turn.

[CrazyPenguin]

"Where do we have to go for this?"
"Our first stop is Murder Town."

[DigoDragon]

Thatt or they meet Zaphod Beeblebrox...

**Gives cookie for getting the reference**


DM:The steam creature attacks you, (rolls a 1) but he forgot to reform his arm after your attack last turn.

If the PC got hit by steam, that could still hurt. ^^;
Hopefully it didn't hit against exposed skin.


"Where do we have to go for this?"
"Our first stop is Murder Town."

I'm going to steal this idea. Name a place "Murder Town", but it's actually a low crime gated community that's fairly quiet. Just to see if PC paranoia takes over. Maybe I'll change it to a different language like Spanish or something to encourage PCs to google it. :smallamused:

(Here in Florida we have a city named Boca Raton. Fun times)

[D.KnightSpider]

What species is she?

3G (Goody Goody Gumdrop) is a male Order of the Stick Flumph. He just hasn't had much prior experience with bipedal creatures. Mostly because his brother, Two Shoes Gumdrop, slaughtered the only other adventurers to come through town.

He kept the shoes. Hence the name.

[SirBellias]

Zed: Hey man, what happened?
Aust: (just woken up in middle of night) zzzzzzz... Oh. Yeah. You're dead... Wait, what?
Zed: Well, I appear to be alive. What happened after I went down?
Aust: *looks up at half mauled face and blood covered visage* Are you sure? Oh well. That dire wolf attacked, as you may know, but we managed to kill it after it got you. It was actually pretty easy. Just get some rest, we'll talk in the morning...
Zed: Oh. Thanks.

Edit: Same session:

DM: As you are about to step out of the way of the donkey, a vine strikes out from near the glowing pool for *rolls dice* 13 damage.
Player (Aimon): I have 9 hp... Maximum....
DM: hmmm. Bummer. Well, I'll give you three options: Number one is to just die, number two is to roll without a 50/50 chance of living or dying, and number three is to let me do something that messes with your character.
Player (Aimon): Uh... Number three?
DM: Okay, so Vena, you see this vine beelining towards Aimon, and before you can react, it tears his arm off and throws it into the pool with the donkey, which is slowly sinking... Aimon, you fall to the ground, unconscious but in game terms you're stable. Don't ask.
Player (Vena): I think my character would honestly scream. Can I call you Stumpy now?

Best. Game. Ever.

[ZeroGear]

Spirit: “If it were easy, would it really be worth doing?”
DM: “That'll heavily depend on what it is to be done. If it were something like putting on a clean pair of underpants, I'd say yes.”
Spirit: “If that is your character's driving motivation, then indeed those must be some tricky, tricky underpants.”
DM: “Do you know how hard it is to get pants on a horse? But it's worse with the undies! I mean, is your horse the boxers or briefs type? Or maybe they're a mare and prefer something a little more... 'less'? Or maybe they're a stallion and want the panties! Hey, I wouldn't judge, just sayin'. This is exactly why I didn't get into designing quadruped fashion.”


Rarity would like to have a talk with you.
Also, it is widely believed that ponies find socks/stockings exciting.

[digiman619]

**Gives cookie for getting the reference**

YAY, COOKIE!!! *goes old-school Cookie Monster on it* NOMNOMNOM

[Taet]

That does it, I am just going to restart the numbers on the wargaming quotes.

P1: *poking P2 with a mini* Cheese! Cheese! Gaming cheese on you! :smallcool:

P1: Well, you know, he's a nerd, he doesn't have much experience talking to women... :smalltongue:
P2: No amount of experience is going to help. :smallsigh:
P3: I keep trying to help with that! :smallsmile:

P4: These things can remove your pants from halfway across the board?! :smallbiggrin:

P5: But they're not carrying shields, how are they shieldmaidens? :smallconfused:
P2: Are you familiar with Oglaf, then? :smallcool:
P5: No?
P2: ...Never mind, don't ask. :smallredface:

[goto124]

One of the early Oglaf comics!

Come to think of it, that shieldmaiden doesn't wear a shield either... just that any wounds made on her appear on the attacker instead. Which is why she wears skimpy clothing - it's advantagous to her.

[DigoDragon]

Player (Aimon): Uh... Number three?

Noooo! Never pick number 3! :smalleek:



Rarity would like to have a talk with you.
Also, it is widely believed that ponies find socks/stockings exciting.

I'll get the tea and cheese crackers out. But stay outta my sock drawer. It's very boring-looking (5 pairs black, 5 pairs white, and one blue with Rainbow Dash printed on them from my Brother's wedding).



P4: These things can remove your pants from halfway across the board?! :smallbiggrin:

:smalleek:

Spirit: “Ace, I'm fairly sure that I'm the only one here who died as a child.”

Cherub (Frostbite’s mouse familiar): “Soo... we're doing what? Shouldn't Midnight do it? He's wearing a can. By comparison we're squishy cheese.”
Frostbite: “Spirit wants me to put on a disguise and pretend to join the Brotherhood. It's a plan that probably won't work and will result in us having to kill whatever vampire decides to show up to this meeting.”
Spirit: “When you put it that way, it sounds like a terrible plan that's horribly unlikely to work. Which... it might be.”

Beryl: Also, if we're going by the recipe metaphor... I do notice that there's parts for most of a pony, plus a horn, plus a wing. Undead Alicorn?”
DM: “Or a shopping list gathered from several bodies. A dedicated necromancer cares about freshness!”

DM: “Yes, sealed bag. Air tight and vacuumed is best. Otherwise it might smell like the pork chops you have in there. Unless you don't have pork chops, in which case you now have something to add to the grocery list.”

Beryl: “I just plan to take the PC to the shop tomorrow and see if they can clone.”
DM: “I should stop reading RP threads at 6 in the morning when I don't sleep well. Somehow my brain assumed you were planning on cloning Beryl and then something something OT3 with only two ponies.”

DM: “I'm so tempted to say Ivy is an Illusionist and the party has her disguise the spider as a cow.”

[McNum]

Beryl: “I just plan to take the PC to the shop tomorrow and see if they can clone.”
DM: “I should stop reading RP threads at 6 in the morning when I don't sleep well. Somehow my brain assumed you were planning on cloning Beryl and then something something OT3 with only two ponies.”
I think this one might need a little heretical context. I had a sudden, unexpected, unrecoverable hard drive failure. You know, the best kind. They could not, in fact, clone it. And I... didn't care, because I had a recent backup, so a weekend later and it was 90% restored to how it was, and the rest was just installing games and applications when I needed them again.

Take regular backups, everyone. You sleep better when your hard drive dies if you have. ...in fact, if it died right now, as you're reading this, how much did you just lose? How much of that can't be replaced? Is that okay with you? If not... do something!

[DigoDragon]

Take regular backups, everyone. You sleep better when your hard drive dies if you have. ...in fact, if it died right now, as you're reading this, how much did you just lose? How much of that can't be replaced? Is that okay with you? If not... do something!

I had just run a backup last night! Your incident inspired me very quickly to make a copy of my files. In fact, I have two separate backups-- one that is basically all-inclusive stuff, and a second flash drive with just the essential system mods and art projects.

[goto124]

... oh! PC as in personal computer, not player character! The player's RL personal computer!

That explains a lot.

[DigoDragon]

... oh! PC as in personal computer, not player character! The player's RL personal computer!

That explains a lot.

And now you know why my tired self came up with such an odd thought. :smallbiggrin:


Frostbite: “Spirit sent a message off to the first creature that could be found that had no breath, right? So most likely a vampire, but not guaranteed to be one. Just a thought.”
Spirit: “First pony that could breathe but had no breath, so yeah. Either we discover a fun new third party, or we get Brotherhood. Either way, not seeing a loss.”
Frostbite: “Vampire probably won't come alone. I know I wouldn't (and indeed won't).”
Spirit: “Granted, but, well... they're kinda chumps.”
White Text: [#FamousLastWords]
Frostbite: “Frost is not going to be comfortable with this and only volunteered because he is kinda desperate.”
Spirit: “Aye. This was intended as a bit of a confidence booster for him to make future social interaction easier. Public speaking is less intimidating when you've successfully cowed a vampire in social combat, right?”
DM: “Having a giant spider probably grants some sort of advantage on cow checks.”

[digiman619]

DM: “Having a giant spider probably grants some sort of advantage on cow checks.”

By "cow checks", do you mean rolls to frighten and intimidate, or to interact with cows? Because in that campaign, the latter is downright feasible.

[SirBellias]

Noooo! Never pick number 3! :smalleek:


But number three is the most fun, and we would never get anything done if everyone went around dying all the time! Ah, good times with murderous plants.

[CrazyPenguin]

"He stands 10 stones high!"
"And he weighs 314 parsecs! In his left hand is an atomic bomb, and in his right, a fish."

"So Old Snake says something super threatening, clashes the hilts of his swords together, and his armor magically appears. At which point Randus [the artificer] rushes past him like 'AAAAHH!'"

"Or, how about a counteroffer:"
*explodes*

[ZeroGear]

(Wow, 48 pages already? We're going to need a new thread soon)

DM: On the wall you see a stone carving of a tusked boar. As you examine it, you notice that the tusks are actually levers.
*Vick and Xaltaer grin at each other and rush over*
Xaltaer: "Pull the lever Vick!"
Vick: I pull the lever!
DM: ...which one?
Vick: Does it matter?
DM: ...let me roll a die to see which one you pulled. *Dice roll* As you pull the right tusk, a trap door opens up under Xaltaer and he falls down a chute.
Xaltaer: "Wrong leverrrrrr!"
DM: Thankfully there is water at the bottom that breaks your fall. Unfortunately, the water is full of crocodiles.
*Later*
*Xaltaer comes trudging up a set of stairs with a crocodile biting his butt*
Xaltaer: "Why do they even have that lever?"

[DigoDragon]

By "cow checks", do you mean rolls to frighten and intimidate, or to interact with cows? Because in that campaign, the latter is downright feasible.

I left that answer open to interpretation. Either result is perfectly valid. :smallbiggrin:


But number three is the most fun, and we would never get anything done if everyone went around dying all the time!

I know, there in lies the problem. Do you want fun, or do you want to live? XD


"And he weighs 314 parsecs!

...


Xaltaer: "Why do they even have that lever?"

*Manly tear for such an awesome movie reference*


(Wow, 48 pages already? We're going to need a new thread soon)

So... we should make suggestions then?

Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?


Cherub: “If you really want to find your parents, you should tap into your strength-- magic. Think of yourself as a mouse, and your parents as cheese. Magic is your nose. ...I forget where I'm going with this metaphor, but I assure you it sounded good in my head.”

Spirit: “Not sure how Shiela would feel about hanging out in the mage college. Worth asking about after we obtain a Holy Bedspread of Don't Panic.”

Spirit: “Anyone want to snag Ace for Frostbite's disguise before he buggers off?”
DM: “Since Spirit has spidered away into a hat shop. …What is the disguise again? I'm assuming not as a member of Kiss.”

Paladin: “That... are you a druid?”
Spirit: “No, I'm a bear in a zebra suit.”

Ivy: “So, tell me what happened! How was your trip? Did you all do... whatever you do? ...what did you do?”
Frostbite: “We had some crazy times. Lifting a curse from a village, fighting an elemental creature, dealing with dead bodies, and now we have a giant spider following us. Good times.”

[CrazyPenguin]

Sekhar: "That does seem to be our usual... I wanna say 'coup de tat' but I know that's not the particular French phrase that I need... Modus Operandi! Wait, that's not even French. Ah well, French, Latin, its all the same."

DM: "All of them have their cool names somewhere on their jackets."
Little Sparkle"So the gangsters are all wearing varsity jackets?
DM: "Uh... Yeah, pretty much."

Sekhar: "To get away from the fire they have to walk directly into my sword."

Sekhar: "I don't see any current strategic value in catching fire, so I shall postpone [the catching fire]."

DM: "Next up is Smart-Puncher!"
Sekhar: "He only punches smarts!"
Randus: "Oh no!"

Sekhar: "31 hits my AC."
DM: "Right so-"
Sekhar:: "OR DOES IT!?!"
*silence*
DM: "I... I don't know does it?"

DM: "That's it for Kickmaster, so that leads us to Lil' Aggravated Assault"

[SirBellias]

DM: So, Vena, you're Aimon's sister, right? How long has it been since you've seen him? Aimon, Zed and Aust are in the pub. How do you enter this scene?
Vena: Yeah, and it must've been at least five years. Okay, so you all see the doors get thrown back against the wall, with me standing in the opening, and I shout "AIMON!" as loud as I can, looking around for him.
Aimon: Yeah, I'm out. As soon as I hear that, I duck down and make my way to the back door. (Stealth roll: 24, crit)
Vena: "OH, COME ON!"

[DigoDragon]

Sekhar:: "OR DOES IT!?!"
*silence*
DM: "I... I don't know does it?"

How does the DM not know? D:


Aimon: Yeah, I'm out. As soon as I hear that, I duck down and make my way to the back door. (Stealth roll: 24, crit)
Vena: "OH, COME ON!"

LOL!

Ace: “Frostbite needs to talk to someone from that Brotherhood group. To find a way to get his parents back. Think you can help with disguises?”
Ivy: “Oh... I guess... um... Yeah sure. My illusion magic isn't very good, but I guess you mean the other thing.”
Ace: “Yeah, that thing. Can you do the thing?”
Ivy: “Okay. For you, I'll do the thing.”
Frostbite: “...The thing?”

Norm the Bartender: “Just... no webbing or eating patrons in my establishment. Please.”

Beryl: “Beryl realizes that she's actually fanfilly-ing over a weapon and decides to reel it in to not look like some deranged assassin.”
Beryl’s head: “Way too late, there...”

Midnight: “So... How did you go from less than lawful to apprentice wizard? The Master Librarian doesn't seem like the type to take ponies in out of charity.”
Ivy: “Well, happened one night when I broke into this place. I figured out how to get past her wards and that seemed to impress her. So, she gave me the choice of applying as an apprentice or being turned into a newt. You can probably guess which path I took.”

Ivy: “But with this [disguise], you'll be able to fool your own mother.”
Crossguard: “Woooooowwwww... Way to twist the knife, Ivy.”

Crossguard: “Greetings, Ivy, Midnight, strange necromancer I couldn't possibly know.”
Beryl: “...is that you, Frost? That is a pretty impressive costume!”
Frostbite: “Nay! 'tis I, uh, Bloodcloak the... Wretched! Tremble before my fearsome gaze, muhahaha!”
Ivy: (thinking) “Praise Solaria for small favors in distraction!”

[CrazyPenguin]

Beryl: “Beryl realizes that she's actually fanfilly-ing over a weapon and decides to reel it in to not look like some deranged assassin.”


"Seeing new weapons is like meeting new people...but...better."

(Alright that's from a show not a campaign but I couldn't resist.)

[DigoDragon]

"Seeing new weapons is like meeting new people...but...better."

(Alright that's from a show not a campaign but I couldn't resist.)

It's still good. :3


Midnight: “Is the Salamander the place where Rita works, or the sketchy place? I can't remember which is which.”
Spirit: “Salamander = Rita's place. Rusty Anchor = Mos Eisley.”

Spirit: “A very cutthroat coin collector community.”
Beryl: “Imagining a bunch of assassins furiously guarding their coin collections, while trying to see if any of the others have one they need. ‘So, HE got a Headless Horse? Well, tomorrow, I'll have a Headless Horse AND his head!’”
Crossguard: “But if there're two Headless Horses, wouldn't that devalue them? That's how it works in Magic: the Gathering.”

Beryl: “I don't know who you are. But I will find you, and I will smite you.”

Midnight: “What do ponies even join the Brotherhood for? ‘Come with us, you'll get to unlive as a vampire forever! Or until we use you as hero bait. So about two weeks’.”

Spirit: “He'd prefer to know something about her, as he really didn't get to know his part-time alligator properly.”

Crossguard: “These are very... disguise-y. Who makes these for you?”
Ivy: “I uh, made most of them. The rest I bought. Legally. With money.”

Beryl: “And then Cherub was a wireless radio.”
Cherub: “Squeaker Squeaker, this is Ice Breaker to Holy Pink. We got ourselves an eight-sixer here. Send in the Ursa-convoy.”
Beryl: “Now I'm wondering how to get a bear in the air...”

[ZeroGear]

Beryl: “Now I'm wondering how to get a bear in the air...”

Fly spell. That's what Xaltaer did with Vick.
Which reminds me of this gem:

Xaltaer: "AIR BEAR ASSAULT, GO!"

[D.KnightSpider]

Ray: That's Lisa. She's the sort to kill you as soon as look at you.
Lisa: That's Ray. He's the sort to photobomb a wedding picture. While wearing a speedo.
----

Ray: Hey, 3G, look at this!
3G: *shrivels up into a ball* Does not that fish understand personal space?
---

Ray: Remember: if we encounter Spock, he's mine.
Lisa: My little Ray clone is growing up. He actually wants to kill something. I just didn't expect you to have such a hatred of Vulcans.
Ray: Kill? Pffft. I just want to see if I can get him caught in a logic loop.
---

3G: Greetings, humanoid creature. You do not know me, but I reside in the universe next door. Would you, perchance, have three spare space suits I could borrow? My friends and I need them to successfully procure a missile with a nuclear warhead.
Random Enterprise Crewman: *looks at Ray and 3G in stunned bewilderment*
Ray: Hi, there! Just a random hallucination waltzing through. Between you, me, and your conscience, you really need to stop huffing paint fumes on your downtime.
---

3G: Cocoa?
---

Ray: If everybody had an ocean-- Across the U.S.A.-- Then everybody'd be surfing-- Like California!!
Lisa: Stop hanging ten off the nuke!
---

Ray: Speedy thing goes in; speedy thing comes out. It's not like this is rocket science.
3G: Actually, when one considers that we are attempting to slingshot a nuclear missile across multiple dimensions at the proper angle and velocity to intercept one single meteor before it deposits the Thing upon my homeworld... one could say that, yes, this is rocket science.
---

[digiman619]

Ray: If everybody had an ocean-- Across the U.S.A.-- Then everybody'd be surfing-- Like California!!
Lisa: Stop hanging ten off the nuke!

I mean c'mon! You need to ride it like a bucking bronco! Bonus points if you get the reference.

[Taet]

It didn't buck that much though. I guess there wasn't much wind that day.


P4: Ha! She strikes them in the groin! :smallcool:
P2: The groin...of a swarm...of spiders...mechanical spiders...? :smalleek:
P4: Yup! :smallbiggrin:
P2: ...And leaves nothing behind but a pile of nuts. :smallyuk:

P4: She smacks him with the whip! :smallamused:
P2: ...And he dies of shame. :smallredface:
P1: Did you get pantsed again? :smallconfused:
P2: Yes. :smallsigh:

P1: I like to think of the spiders like cats...
P2: They try to crawl into bed with you when you're trying to sleep, and sit on your face, and purr?
P1: They can't really purr. It's more of a buzzing sound.
P2: Not a proper purrbox then.

[DigoDragon]

I mean c'mon! You need to ride it like a bucking bronco! Bonus points if you get the reference.

"Gentlemen you can't fight in here! This is the war room!"


Xaltaer: "AIR BEAR ASSAULT, GO!"

That is something fearful to behold.


Ray:[/B] Speedy thing goes in; speedy thing comes out. It's not like this is rocket science.
3G: Actually, when one considers that we are attempting to slingshot a nuclear missile across multiple dimensions at the proper angle and velocity to intercept one single meteor before it deposits the Thing upon my homeworld... one could say that, yes, this is rocket science.
---

If the warhead sits on top of a rocket engine then it automatically qualifies for rocket science. :smallbiggrin:



P1: They can't really purr. It's more of a buzzing sound.
P2: Not a proper purrbox then.

One- nope, not a proper purrbox.
Two- Eww. D:

[Tesla_pasta]

"You know the saying: in the temple, you gotta sneak up on the bookshelves."

[Dragolord]

"So... the zombies are moving along a concentration gradient?"

[Gracht Grabmaw]

"I think I know a way in. We just have to find a window and then the mage can stand on eachother's shoulders so he can reach it."

[dysike]

From the first season of my MonsterHearts campaign:

Fae:"dead things shouldn't be walking around"
Ghoul:"well I am, so **** you"

NPC:"How the hell did you survive that?"
Ghoul:"...um, Irish blood"
NPC:"well I guess that explains the paleness"
Ghoul:"Sure"

Sasquatch:"I will travel and meet the moon wizards"
GM:"there are no wizards on the moon"
Sasquatch:"why must you crush my dreams!"

[digiman619]

"Gentlemen you can't fight in here! This is the war room!"

Now it's my turn to give you a cookie! *gives cookie*

[OctoberRaven]

"I did give you the leftovers of that cup."

"Yes, and the tea will dry up before I can do anything with it. I mean, what do you expect me to do with it? Legend Lore won't work, there's no magic to it seeing as it was used in an antimagic field, even if I knew Gentle Repose it doesn't work on tea. What am I supposed to do? Cast Summon Crime Lab?"

(As a side note, there's no divine casters in this party, so nobody can detect poison)

[ZeroGear]

New thread has been started:
Follow the link Here (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?491848-Campaign-Quotes-No-Context-Edition-V-How-dead-is-that-corpse&p=20905593#post20905593)

[Toric]

From my real-life 5E campaign.

Vincent, gearhead Sorcerer.

Faye, semi-noble elf(?) Wizard.

Benihime, vagrant Monk.

Faye's player: We have her dead babies. We could start throwing dead babies and hope she goes after them.
Vincent's player (Me): Pity Mage Hand has such a low weight allowance, we could make magic dead gator baby marionettes. -Some discussion later- Even so, I'm all for baby grenades.
Faye's player, after more discussion: Now then, do these dead babies float. That's what I want to find out.

Faye's player: Good. This will work swimmingly.
Vincent's player: WRONG ADVERB

Faye's player: You will be missed, Mini-Cube.

Vincent: "What is it with Faye and creating hellish vehicles of brimstone!?"

Benihime: "Look, idiot! The wheel is the baby gators!"

Ship furnace: "Mother, I am so cold. Mother, make me warm. Please mother, it is so cold."