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ZeroGear
2015-11-26, 12:16 PM
Prior Threads Here (1) (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?280469-Campaign-Quotes-NO-CONTEXT-EDITION!), Here (2) (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?350188-Campaign-Quotes-No-Context-Edition-II-We-all-want-to-be-the-Majestic-12), and Here (3) (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?409318-Campaign-Quotes-No-Context-Edition-III-Now-with-50-more-DigoDragon)

"Don't Eat that!"
*Munch, munch* "Huh?"
"Too Late."

DigoDragon
2015-11-26, 12:51 PM
Viridia: “I'm gonna roll Intelligence and Barter for knowledge of Kingdom Kuntakinte.”
Rolls: *Success*
Doc: “Looks like you have knowledge of her... Roots.”

Doc: (Starts playing with the cyber-surgeon pod) “Don't worry, Baqir. Just looking at the specs here. You keep on relaxing in your little pod.”
Viridia: “You know what you have to do, Doc. Give him breast implants.”

Doc: *Looks through the cybernetic unicorn horns*
GM: “The level of realism ranged from ‘Vaguely an antennae’, to 'If he got caught holding this somepony would think he's a sociopath'.”
Doc: (Looks at the cyberwings too) “Now there's a prank idea. Too bad Everfrost knows nothing about alicorns.”

GM: “’Get your little friend to knock her while her back is turned,’ Cassidy whispered in Viridia's ear, sounding serious.”
Viridia: “Viridia blinked and wondered whether she could flirt with the third voice in her head.”
GM: “Haha, whoops! Also, Cassidy looks suspiciously like Viridia's and Tirkes's hypothetical love child.”
Viridia: “Hate is a special kind of love.”

GM: “At a certain point, Doc heard a 'poof' sound that came from right behind him. Then a small blue filly with longish dark green hair fell from the ceiling, followed by a small black ball of fluff. The filly landed on what seemed to be a large butt implant about as wide as the filly was tall, however, so she happened to land on the only thing that could be considered a safe landing in the room.”

Stitcheart: “I thought I told you not to let anyone just prance their way in here!”
Doc: “Well technically, they teleported.”

Rater202
2015-11-26, 01:53 PM
Gear:Yes Adepha, we've already Established that I accidentally married you and Spark to each other and you've been dragon married since we were like, eleven.

Aran nu tasar
2015-11-26, 04:22 PM
"As the moral center of this party, I should be the one who decides whether or not we summon Satan."

Necroticplague
2015-11-26, 05:18 PM
DM: Why do I feel like even hearing these conversation occur is slowly making me a worse person?

goto124
2015-11-26, 07:55 PM
The filly landed on what seemed to be a large butt implant about as wide as the filly was tall, however, so she happened to land on the only thing that could be considered a safe landing in the room.”

Not hindquarters or flank? :smalltongue:


Stitcheart: “I thought I told you not to let anyone just prance their way in here!”
Doc: “Well technically, they teleported.”

Not that Doc could've have stopped them!

DigoDragon
2015-11-27, 08:33 AM
Gear:Yes Adepha, we've already Established that I accidentally married you and Spark to each other and you've been dragon married since we were like, eleven.

Hurrah for loopholes?



"As the moral center of this party, I should be the one who decides whether or not we summon Satan."

Uh yeah, that sounds like an important decision best left to the moral center. XD



DM: Why do I feel like even hearing these conversation occur is slowly making me a worse person?

Because PCs do corrupt one another. :smallamused:



Not hindquarters or flank? :smalltongue:

I don't know, but given the cost of these implants, I guess they can call it whatever they want. :D

DaveSonOfDave
2015-11-27, 02:22 PM
DM: "You see a guard standing outside the gate."
Halfling Barbarian: "How tall is he?"
DM: "About six feet."
Halfing Barbarian: "I'm going to jump over him!"

Necroticplague
2015-11-27, 02:54 PM
Shibu: There are several different types of mechanical difficulties and I'd think I'd rather not know what type you're referring to.

Anonymouswizard
2015-11-27, 04:01 PM
Me: have I been sold, or is a new character sheet not required?

cavalieredraghi
2015-11-27, 11:00 PM
Hurrah for loopholes?


Spark: Yes Hurrah Digo, Why wouldn't be. :smalltongue:

DigoDragon
2015-11-28, 08:34 AM
Doc: “I'm going to have to keep Stitch from experimenting on Captain Jack, aren't I?”
Viridia: “She can do what she likes with the mutt. His betrayal shall never be forgiven.”
Doc: “Ah. Then the dog will probably just have to blink his way out of trouble. Doc is more concerned for the orphaned filly who can't teleport anyway.”
Viridia: “More NPCs for the love-wagon. Let's pry Andante off the whiskey and christen this bad boy.”
Doc: *Snerk* “That what we're calling it now? Well if is going to stick around, I suppose [S]Doc could adopt her Seaweed could adopt Doc.”

GM: “Soon, the answer as to why Andante is entirely and utterly useless shall be answered!”
Viridia: “This Sunday night at suuuuuuuuperslam!”

GM: “For a few moments, it looked like Andante had simply vanished, but then a tiny bug thing came into Viridia's line of sight. Her legs were a little longer and she looked a little thinner overall, but otherwise it was still clearly Andante Shine.”
Viridia: “I thought she was a freaky fish pony. But that's Breezie, right?”
GM: “Yep!”
Viridia: “You... You're... You're...” (howling with laughter)

Stellar: “Stitchheart's just downstairs. Come on, [Cassidy], let's get you seen to.”
Strawberry: “Hey, you cut her up and now you're taking her downstairs? What kind of crazy pony are you? Do you think you can just take my stuff?”
Moon: “She's the sort of crazy that'll kill to protect a stranger she's never even met.”
Stellar: “Uh... thanks, I guess?”
Moon: “And yeah, I think we can do whatever we want because you certainly aren't going to stop us, and Fan Knife isn't going to object.”

Moon: “I'm trying to think of a non-lethal way to kneecap someone with lasers.”
Doc: “I’d just shoot them in the knee. They'll live. …Or maybe take an aimed attack and pistol-whip her?”
Moon: “Moonshadow can't hit things physically. Seaweed would be better at it then her.”
Doc: (Checks stats) “Moonshadow has Unarmed 14, Melee 8, and Doc has Unarmed 12, Melee 9. So Doc and Moon can get themselves into a drunken brawl against each other, and end up not even touching one another?”

goto124
2015-11-28, 09:29 AM
I didn't even know Breezies are an MLP race!

Erm... explanation for the last joke please?

DigoDragon
2015-11-28, 10:15 AM
I didn't even know Breezies are an MLP race!

It caught us all by surprise. Though In-Character only Viridia knows this secret.



Erm... explanation for the last joke please?

Basically Moonshadow and Doc have the lowest melee and hoof-to-hoof fighting skills in the team. The numbers I read off were the percentages to hit a target. So if those two fought each other in melee, they's probably miss a lot. :smallbiggrin:

Tentreto
2015-11-28, 10:38 AM
In a masquerade setting within two minutes of starting the campaign.

GM: The old man takes a blue pyramid from his bag and throws it to you.

Bartender "Err, do I need to roll to catch this?"

GM ... While it would be fun to break the Mcguffin within two minutes, you are not quite that incompetent.

ZeroGear
2015-11-28, 01:08 PM
*in Sing-song voice* "Heeeey, come baaaack! I just want to play 'hide the grenade!"
"You Win! You WIN! Just Keep That Away From Me!"
*still sing-song* "But we haven't gotten to the good part yet."
"I AM NOT PLAYING ANY GAME THAT INVOLVES ME TAKING OFF MY PANTS!"

BlackestOfMages
2015-11-28, 02:40 PM
I'm impressed taking off your pants is the main reason you don't want to play that game :smallbiggrin:

DigoDragon
2015-11-28, 03:09 PM
GM ... While it would be fun to break the Mcguffin within two minutes, you are not quite that incompetent.

My old local group did that once. XD
I let them, and then they had to figure out a way to make a fake because they realized after the fact it would have been a really good bargaining chip.


"I AM NOT PLAYING ANY GAME THAT INVOLVES ME TAKING OFF MY PANTS!"

Well, I can think of one game. :smallwink:

ZeroGear
2015-11-28, 03:50 PM
I'm impressed taking off your pants is the main reason you don't want to play that game :smallbiggrin:

You don't know where she intended to hide the grenade.



Well, I can think of one game. :smallwink:

This is not "smuggle the sausage".

Necroticplague
2015-11-28, 05:08 PM
Gene: Wait, if we get caught, we're probably getting a death sentence, right?
DM: Correct.
Gene: So it's impossible to punish us even worse....
DM; Why do I not like where this is going?
Gene: .....so we have no reason to not take any and every action to avoid capture......
Gene: So logically, we should be war criming even harder now!
DM: I just signed this setting's death warrant, didn't I.

Bard1cKnowledge
2015-11-28, 05:21 PM
Elven sounds like such a poetic language, that is until you know what's actually being said. Seriously, its the opposite of German.

bulbaquil
2015-11-28, 09:12 PM
Stonelord: "Why would I allow you to mess with my weapon?"
Alchemist: "I have Magical Tinkering."
Stonelord: "I have Craft (weapons)."
Alchemist: "But I want to add a steam-powered engine to your hammer!"
Stonelord: "THAT I will allow."

Druid: "Okay, so I'm going to start the game with five siege engines... but I'm too weak to push them!"

Warder: "I'm an elf dwarven defender."

GM: " 'What's a veh--v--'... He vomits."
Stonelord: "Stinking half-elf!"
Warder (OOC): "I've never heard anyone vomit on a 'v'."
Alchemist (OOC): "You haven't been on 4chan in a while."

Druid: "At the very least I can stop [the dwarf] from procreating... for ten hours."

goto124
2015-11-29, 06:50 AM
Elven sounds like such a poetic language, that is until you know what's actually being said. Seriously, its the opposite of German.

Related. (http://www.awkwardzombie.com/index.php?page=0&comic=112607)

DigoDragon
2015-11-29, 09:14 AM
DM: I just signed this setting's death warrant, didn't I.

Yep, you did.


Alchemist (OOC): "You haven't been on 4chan in a while."

You're not missing much. :smallbiggrin:


Gizmo: “I'm still trying to figure out if this is a monster attack or a friendship emergency as is the norm in Ponyville.”
Reuben: “If the latter, we should have it wrapped in in 30 minutes, right?”
Morning: “I dunno, I'm getting a 45 minute feeling from this one. Is there a weird box with six keyholes or pseudo-Marxism involved?”
Reuben: “Oh Celestia... losing his ability to cook would devastate Reuben.”
Gizmo: “Rueben's got it bad? What will happen if Gizmo loses his big, beautiful, sexy brain?”
Reuben: “Scary to think of Reuben being ‘equally smart’ to Gizmo.”
Morning: “And Morning Star would lose... her desire to inspire ponies to be better and help them? ...Would the cutie unmarking make her EVIL?”

GM: “Guess what time it is? It's time for the once-a-season exposition dump by a princess and attack of some ancient hellspawn!”

Gizmo: “What do you suppose will happen if we put the helmet on with the ruby still intact?”
Reuben: “I'm not a smart science pony, and even *I* think that's not a good idea.”
Gizmo: “But you cannot throw away the fact that we might learn more of the gem’s purposes if it is still intact in the helmet.”
Reuben: “Okay, but... evil is not a fashion accessory! Don't wear it.”
Twilight: “Autumn, I was told by Rainbow Dash that you are a reliable pony. Could you please make sure that nopony tries to get themselves possessed by pony-knows-what?”
Autumn: *Cuffs Gizmo upside the head with a wingtip*

Reuben: “I will Bits-&-Bobs a stale loaf of Prench bread and beat the chaos magic out of Gizmo.”

Reuben: “Reuben is calculating how flammable he is, and whether he has any recipes he could modify to use as a distracting snack.”

Gizmo: “Theory number three—Ancient Equestrian Lasers!”

goto124
2015-11-29, 09:33 AM
Was that in or out of character when people started talking about 30-minute marks?

DigoDragon
2015-11-29, 09:37 AM
Was that in or out of character when people started talking about 30-minute marks?

Out of character. If it were In character that 4th wall would have been destroyed. :D

RCgothic
2015-11-29, 11:27 AM
Heh. Gizmo frequently requires cuffing. But I'd forgotten about this one practically on the order of the princess. :smallbiggrin:

Anonymouswizard
2015-11-29, 11:41 AM
Droid Mechanic: I make a fake copy of myself. *rolls*
GM: it looks like a child's idea of a robot.

Droid Mechanic: one of your secret identities owns me.
Spy: I have to figure out which one.

DigoDragon
2015-11-29, 12:22 PM
Heh. Gizmo frequently requires cuffing. But I'd forgotten about this one practically on the order of the princess. :smallbiggrin:

This one is by far the crowning one. :smallbiggrin:



Droid Mechanic: one of your secret identities owns me.
Spy: I have to figure out which one.

That's funny. :3

Anonymouswizard
2015-11-29, 02:03 PM
Droid Mechanic: I know what's in a box, Darth Darth Binks!

GM: nobody would trust one with a lightsaber!

Spy: no, this is serious business, I'll save the pickup lines for later.

Inevitability
2015-11-29, 03:14 PM
News flash: The death knight? (still not sure what class that guy was) and bard have left the party and have been replaced by a gnomish wizard and elven druid.

Me: When you saw spider fight demon, you not helped. The spider became me, and then you helped. Why?
Pirate: Well, because I don't want to help a scary giant spider.
Me: Why you think spider is scary?
Pirate: Because they hunt and kill gnomes?
Me: But gnomes hunt and kill spider, too. But spider not afraid of gnomes. Why, you think?
Pirate: I... Okay, someone else can have this conversation. I'm outta here.

Me: Okay, so I wildshape into a giant tarantula, walk over the ceiling, while the other characters stand on my belly and get carried along?
DM: The worst part about this is that it works.

Wizard: I create an illusion of a rock to provide cover!
DM: Look, you're creating an object out of nothing. People are logically going to assume it's an illusion.
Me: Rule one of being an illusionist; always shout out loudly you're going to summon something right before creating an illusion.
Wizard: SUMMON BIGGER ROCK!

Jay R
2015-11-29, 06:55 PM
DM: You finish with the giants. Returning to the caravan, you see that two guards are dead and several more are wounded.
Player: Are they burying them?
DM: Not the live ones.
Me: That's ... good to know.

GrayGriffin
2015-11-30, 03:35 AM
* Coriander lets Viktoria keep holding on to her, before pausing and brushing some of her hair away, then leaning down to kiss her on the forehead.
* Viktoria blushes and mumbles a "thanks". By now, Edward has abandoned his battle post and is watching intently.
Coriander: "Um...you know, when I said I found you pretty, I didn't just mean it platonically." Cori pulls back a little, blushing. "I...I might be a little attracted to you as well." She watches to see what Viktoria's reaction will be.
* Viktoria goes bright red. If it was physically possible, steam would be coming out of her ears.
Viktoria: "I- you- what- me-"
Coriander: "Yeah...I guess I like you that way. But, um...I like Kenta that way too. But neither of you more or less!" Cori is also flushing redder. "So...um...I really wanttokissyouonthelips. If you're okay with all that." Cori is rubbing her arm nervously.
* Viktoria suddenly presses her lips against Cori's... and we'll leave it off here for now. Suffice to say that eventually, she sends you up on the elevator to join the others. I'll let you decide what happens in between.
* Mille-Feuille is totally nudging Edward out of the scene, btw.
Edward: "Vhat? I vant to vatch. Is not every day you are seeink human mating patterns, no?"

goto124
2015-11-30, 03:48 AM
Is Edward a vampire?

Aren't vampires ex-humans?

Necroticplague
2015-11-30, 05:04 AM
"Man, do any of us have rooms that smell normal?"

Anonymouswizard
2015-11-30, 05:41 AM
Bounty Hunter: I disassemble something in my sleep.
Droid Mechanic: not the droid! Droid's room is behind a bulkhead!
GM: you're not even on the ship.

GM: I now have to roll to see how competent the local police force is.

GM: The chairs all feel weird, because somebody removed all the screws.
Droid Mechanic: X8D-T3CJ replace faulty chairs with boxes!

Commandant: you're droid has been in here three times today, and we have videos of you telling him to commit crimes.
Bounty Hunter: he was acting on his own.

The bounty hunter is correct, I just have high enough Computers to edit my own memories.

DigoDragon
2015-11-30, 11:03 AM
Player: Are they burying them?
DM: Not the live ones.
Me: That's ... good to know.

Hee hee.



"Man, do any of us have rooms that smell normal?"

Probably a good time to invest in some Fabreeze?



Pirate Believe me, I can find loot anywhere, and then I mean anywhere.

Spoken like a true PC.
I miss having loot. :3


Stellar: “You got jumped because Stitchheart sent me to investigate a gunshot and I found you plotting to murder, steal, and incite racial violence.”
Strawberry: “Oh yeah. Heh. We were just planning those first two, but if we could fit in them fighting each other that could work out.”
Moon: “Let’s just dump these two with Stitchheart and be done with them.”
Strawberry: “Hey, are you from the Enclave?”
Moon: “I was from the Enclave, yes. Now get moving.”
Strawberry: “I bet you think you're better than me, huh?”
Stellar: “I think she's better than you because she's not a drug-addled junky picking stupid fights because she hasn't got her fix!”
Strawberry: “I bet you think you're all high and mighty, don't you, you little runt! I bet you've never had a hard day in your life!”
Cassidy: (Whispering to Stellar) “For the love of Celestia, just punch Strawberry in the mouth.”
Stellar: “Isn’t she your sister?”
Cassidy: “Yep. She's also being an idiot. I'm such a good sister, aren’t I?”
Stellar: “Ready aimed unarmed bare-hooves attack if Strawberry assaults her or Moonshadow.” (Rolls a crit for 27 damage)
Moon: “Moonshadow pulls her gun out and shoots Strawberry in leg when she gets ‘distracted’ by Stellar.”
GM: “Strawberry let out a cry when Moonshadow kneecapped her, and she fell on her side, wings twitching lightly and muttering things best left untyped. Cassidy seemed distinctly unpitying.”

Stellar: “I'm amused that Moonshadow's shots are individually less damaging than that punch Stellar is holding.”
Doc: “I hereby change Stellar's middle name to 'Crits-a-Lot'.”

Doc: “Huh. Captain Jack musta rolled a 1 when he tried to explain what Andante was. Though... not sure why Andante has a taste for prepackaged mice.”
Viridia: “I know, right? Not to mention Snowflake's one-winged angel form, the unusual fate of Penny, and Glorious Dawn's non-ghoul immortality. Seems like almost every major NPC in Oakville has some kind of transformation.”
Doc: “Apparently! We need to get in on this.”

Doc: “Learning some magic would be a cool ability [for Viridia]. Maybe get an ability to turn into other pony types? It would go great with V's ability to copy voices.”
Viridia: “How about the power to kill a yak, from two hundred yards away? With mind bullets!”
Stellar: “That's Telekinesis, Kyle! How 'bout the power, to move you?”
[Beat]
Stellar: “Oh wait, Viridia can do that already.”

Doc: “Maybe Doc should have bled some more on Shade’s nice robe? Evil dark magical ponies like blood donations, right?”

Andante: “Well, I can make fairy dust every so often.”
Doc: “There we go, the answer on how to make Doc fly.”

Cristo Meyers
2015-11-30, 11:30 AM
...GM: “Strawberry let out a cry when Moonshadow kneecapped her, and she fell on her side, wings twitching lightly and muttering things best left untyped. Cassidy seemed distinctly unpitying.”

Sometimes the best course of action for a loved one is to let them reap the consequences of their own stupidity.

GrayGriffin
2015-11-30, 01:23 PM
Is Edward a vampire?

Aren't vampires ex-humans?

Ghost Pokemon, actually.

Inevitability
2015-11-30, 01:58 PM
GM: I now have to roll to see how competent the local police force is.

Been there, done that.

the OOD
2015-11-30, 02:35 PM
GM: the researcher is cold, injured, and looks like he has had a long day.
Owen: it's the arctic, each day is six months long.
GM: a very long day.

Forum Explorer
2015-11-30, 02:49 PM
Posting mostly to track this thread, but I feel guilty not adding anything so... enjoy!


Nick-Knack the Invincible!: Indeed it is! But we have not come so you can bask in my reflected glory, but to challenge the one known as Goultard, Slayer of the Seekers of Hot Sauce! Do you know where he can be found?

Goultard: Ah, come to challenge me, have you? Be warned-I won't hold back, he says. Do you need any time to ready yourselves?

Jeff: "Do we!? DO WE?" Jeff leans towards his nearest compatriot "Do we?"

Nick-Knack the Invincible!: You are Goultard? You are hardly as impressive as the legends would have me believe! Why, I almost think I could take you on myself! But no, I am generous to a fault, and I shall allow my companions to share in the credit of your defeat! I am ready at any time, but perhaps my companions need some time to prepare.

Jeff: Jeff nods. "He's Nick-Knack the Invincible, y'know. With an uppercase I and everything."

Goultard: Looks can be deceiving, my young friend. Though I confess, such kindness brings a tear to my eye, he says with an overdramatic wiping of his eyes. For that, you might be the last to die, he adds with a hearty chuckle.

Nick-Knack the Invincible!: *to Jeff* You forgot the exclamation mark. *to Goultard* Of course it means I'll be the last to die! That's what Invincible means!

Goultard: So you know you're going to die? Well, glad you knew that coming in-I hate having to sort out affairs afterward. Paperwork, family members yelling... Much easier to just get a favor from Feca and resurrect the dead.

Nick-Knack the Invincible!: Is there a lot of paperwork in the afterlife? After all, I shall be dying after you, of course. And the rest of reality.

TheFamilarRaven
2015-11-30, 05:03 PM
Damian: "Can I have a few of your slaves?"
Drow: "wh - no!"
Damian: "I mean, just like, 1 or 2"

Horned Devil: "Whatever it is your here for, you're too late. And now you will perish!"
Farhod: "Hah! Been there, done that!"

Damian: "Z-Team! Assembooooooool!"
Farhod: "Can we roll a listen check for that?"

*Aramaith fumbles, breaks masterwork longbow
Aramaith: "Piece of **** masterwork!"
*Drow fumbles, breaks masterwork crossbow
Drow: "Piece of **** masterwork!"
Aramaith: "I know, right?"

Damian: "Hey, check it out, Zaren sent us a letter!"
*passes it to Farhod
Farhod: "Sweet!" *beat* "What's it say?"
*passes it back

Steampunkette
2015-11-30, 05:15 PM
Rogue: "One more mushroom fart and the rabbit gets it."
Wizard: "Flopsy! Noooooooooooooooooo!" *fffffrrrrrppppt*

TheTeaMustFlow
2015-11-30, 08:10 PM
Horned Devil: "Whatever it is your here for, you're too late. And now you will parish!"
Farhod: "Hah! Been there, done that!"
*passes it back

Ah, the cleric of the group, I presume?

TheFamilarRaven
2015-11-30, 10:42 PM
Ah, the cleric of the group, I presume?

Lol, no. Totally didn't catch that typo :smalltongue:

goto124
2015-11-30, 11:47 PM
What was Strawberry on, and are the things that Strawberry's on supported by FO:E mechanics?


Sometimes the best course of action for a loved one is to let them reap the consequences of their own stupidity.

Speaking from experience? :smallamused:

Oh, hello FE! I hope you're alright.

Forum Explorer
2015-12-01, 12:44 AM
Oh, hello FE! I hope you're alright.

Hi, and no worries.

RCgothic
2015-12-01, 03:36 AM
What was Strawberry on, and are the things that Strawberry's on supported by FO:E mechanics?



Rage, Dash and Mint-als I believe. She's taking at least -2 to PER, and -1 to END, CHA & AGI. More if she's more than one level addicted to each.

goto124
2015-12-01, 05:05 AM
Glad to hear, FE!

Hello Stellar RCgothic! As you may have guessed, I love reading up on that one campaign!

New thing learned today #1: FO:E has mechanics for addiction
New thing learned today #2: There's a stat called END OF THE WORLD! Dum dum duuum!

... what does END stand for?

RCgothic
2015-12-01, 06:21 AM
It uses Fallout's stat system. Everyone is SPECIAL!

Strength
Perception
Endurance. <- END
Charisma
Intelligence
Agility
Luck

DigoDragon
2015-12-01, 08:01 AM
Sometimes the best course of action for a loved one is to let them reap the consequences of their own stupidity.

This is why I'm such a good sibling to three others on this planet. XD



Nick-Knack the Invincible!: Is there a lot of paperwork in the afterlife? After all, I shall be dying after you, of course. And the rest of reality.

Dying after? But... thught he was invincible. It's in the name! :smallbiggrin:



Rogue: "One more mushroom fart and the rabbit gets it."
Wizard: "Flopsy! Noooooooooooooooooo!" *fffffrrrrrppppt*

Few things are funnier than a well-timed fart.



GM: “One of the few advantages of weighing several grams is that one's liquor budget can be reduced significantly.”
Doc: “The downside being that she has to wrestle the worm for a drink.”
Viridia: “...‘wrestle the worm’, Digo?”
Doc: “I wasn't thinking of it that way, but now can't unthink that.”
George Takei: “Oh Myyyyyyyy!”

Strawberry: “Aah I'm gonna be crippled for life, oh **** of **** oh ****!”
Stellar: “Oh get up. You'd have been worse off if I'd punched you.”
Cassidy: “You could give me a healing potion, and then we could all forget about this. I'll pay for it, if you want.”
Stellar: “Fantastic, right up until the part where we have no healing potions. Sometimes happens when you fight building-sized murder-bots.”
Cassidy: “Excuse me for asking, then. I'll be quiet and bleed to death.”
Strawberry: “Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow!”

Stellar: “Note that Stellar physically cannot react slowly enough to lose to Flagon's pitiful 6 .”
Doc: “I'm a little sad the encounter happened where it did. I feel like there should be an interesting story behind why Doc and Flagon look so similar.”
Stellar: “It depends. If Stellar can move Moonshadow without difficulty, then Flagon isn't going to be a priority. If she can't, then she has to destroy him.”
Viridia: “What's with the sudden loathing for this guy?”
Stellar: “Isn't shooting Moonshadow in the back enough?”

Doc: “Assuming Moonshadow is okay with us rushing her to Doc for treatment, we'd want to quickly find the other NPCs before Flagon gets a stupid idea.”
Viridia: “Too late!”

GM: “The initial plan, in fact, was to give Doctor Flagon the [I]Black Stallion perk, in order to encourage the two Doc's to work out their differences in a shooty way.”

Necroticplague
2015-12-01, 08:10 AM
Gene: I thought you said you were a goddes of wastelands!
OLD FLAME: A goddess of renewing wastes. I'm in charge of seeing how life-
Gene: Metagoas-dammit, that's just another type of fertility goddess!

Cristo Meyers
2015-12-01, 09:48 AM
Speaking from experience? :smallamused:

Let's just say I learned rather quickly that there's no stopping someone who's bound and determined to do something like stick a penny in a lightsocket.



This is why I'm such a good sibling to three others on this planet. XD.

It's half the fun of having siblings.

Well, for me it was more my friends than siblings, but still.

--

Rook: Do you always hiring mercs that kicked your ass?
Stone: Hell of a job interview.
Rook: Okay... what about ones that were trying to kill me?
Medium: Rook, if we excluded everyone that wanted to kill you we'd only be using the people in this room.
Stone: And not even all of them...

Rook: (looking at Medium's hand) Oooh, nice fight-bite. Should probably wash that out, Stone's probably weaponized his spit.

Rook: So just what is the threshold for 'robbing the cradle', anyway?

goto124
2015-12-02, 02:29 AM
As opposed to robbing the tomb, I presume?

... I just googled "robbing the cradle". I think my ignorant statement is now even funnier.

Rater202
2015-12-02, 02:47 AM
As opposed to robbing the tomb, I presume?

I think you mean "robbing the casket."

DigoDragon
2015-12-02, 08:36 AM
Viridia: “What's Viridia, chopped liver?”
GM: “More of a prime rib.”
Doc: “With a brown sugar glaze?”
Viridia: “Viridia isn't ghetto enough for that title.”
Doc: “Aww. Well if brown sugar glaze is ghetto, then Doc is gonna have to get street.”
GM: “No.”
Doc: “I suppose it's for the best. Doc's too smart and nerdy to rap about drugs, sex and shooting your best friend ‘cause he owes you a fifty and snorted it at the club last night.”
GM: “Well, it's not hard. Money, money, sex and nose candy, money, money bubbly money, phat girls and purple drank money, money, cars music money money. Moneh.”
Doc: “Nope. The hard part is avoiding gang-related shootings. Doc's got a challenge as it is avoiding normal related shootings.”
Viridia: “Yet another reason he shouldn't marry Mirror. Ragnarok loves the hip hop.”
Doc: “Sorry Mirror, but my heart belongs to rock n roll.”
GM: “Ragnarock probably prefers the sound of the laminations of women and the sound of civilizations being torn down under iron hooves, along with the sound of iron collars being placed on slaves and the sound of axe pummels hitting noisy children. …So, he's more of an alternative guy.”

GM: “Bringing rock music to the Viking unicorns might not be a good idea, on that note.”
Doc: “I think the only good idea is just not going to the island.”

QUOTE: “Ragnarock probably prefers the sound of the laminations of women...”
Viridia: “I'm a fax girl, myself. When those ink cartridges come in, oh baby...”

Doc: “Look at that, all high rolls. At least the perk is [having] a high initiative so that Doc gets to fail first in combat.”

Doc: “Let me know what you think would be a better peeve for him to have.”
Viridia: “People who wear socks with sandals?”

goto124
2015-12-02, 08:46 AM
Your groups seems to love going on tangents and analogies :smallbiggrin:

PoeticDwarf
2015-12-02, 09:58 AM
Spark: Yes Hurrah Digo, Why wouldn't be. :smalltongue:

This colour really hurts my eyes

DigoDragon
2015-12-02, 12:23 PM
Your groups seems to love going on tangents and analogies :smallbiggrin:

I probably would take a lot of that blame. Especially when the analogy involves food.


Reuben: “Headcanon—putting the ruby in Gizmo's hat turns it into the evil Bowler Hat from Meet the Robinsons.”
Gizmo: “....I know my next edge.”
Reuben: “Uh oh. I gave him an idea.”

Reuben: “Dang it, GM! I'm a sandwich maker, not an investigator!”

Reuben: “Being Hispanic, I can vouch that there is no volume of Spanish music other than loud.”

Gizmo: “If there is anyone that can really help in this situation its Discord. Either that or he's the cause.”
Reuben: “When in doubt, blame Discord?”
Gizmo: “I'm just saying, if a large number of chaos magic events are happening, wouldn't you enlist the guy who is pure chaos to help? Who happens to have tea with one of your friends every Tuesday?”

GM: “And since you last met, she seems to have buffed up a little, too. While she was toned before, she seems almost comparable to Autumn right now.”
Reuben: (Grabs Gizmo and points up to the sky) “Wing measurements. Wing measurements everywhere!”

Gizmo: “Let me guess, there are a multitude of theories, but at this point it’s...” (puts on twenty pairs of sunglasses) “…up in the air?”
Background Theme: “YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

Past Endeavor: “Do you want me to give you a tour?”
Autumn: “Actually, we're on an important mission from Princess Sparkle.”
Reuben: “Whoa, are we just spilling the beans to them? …Mmm, beans.”

Taet
2015-12-02, 12:25 PM
P1: Wi-fi Doritos? :smallconfused:
P2: GIANT Wi-fi Doritos. :smallcool:

Overheard at the game shop:
DM: (booming DM voice) We are now entering the lovely village of...This Town. :smallcool:

Different DM: Here's your character sheet, your status cards, your piece of scenery to chew on... :smallsigh:

Cristo Meyers
2015-12-02, 12:40 PM
As opposed to robbing the tomb, I presume?

... I just googled "robbing the cradle". I think my ignorant statement is now even funnier.

The context makes that one completely mundane, unfortunately.

Rook's giving Medium grief for being A) the youngest member of the group (20) and b) being in a relationship with another character, Grace, who's 27-ish.


Gizmo: “Let me guess, there are a multitude of theories, but at this point it’s...” (puts on twenty pairs of sunglasses) “…up in the air?”
Background Theme: “YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”


They got a Gibbs-cuff for that, right? Tell me they got a Gibbs-cuff...

--

NPC: So he turns into a crow, his ex-boyfriend a fox, she's a cat, and you're a coyote? What, do all of you shapechangers go to the same convention or something?
Medium: You try explaining to a normal person what it's like to shed every summer.

Rater202
2015-12-02, 12:57 PM
Reuben: “Dang it, GM! I'm a sandwich maker, not an investigator!”

Sandwich maker named Reuben? (http://disney.wikia.com/wiki/Reuben) Intentional?

One Tin Soldier
2015-12-02, 01:15 PM
Sandwich maker named Reuben? (http://disney.wikia.com/wiki/Reuben) Intentional?

He's a pony, of course it's intentional.
Sadly, I have no quotes to share at the mall moment.

The Fury
2015-12-02, 01:17 PM
"Sit in the teacup, Annie."

DigoDragon
2015-12-02, 01:18 PM
P2: GIANT Wi-fi Doritos.

Oooookay. O.o



They got a Gibbs-cuff for that, right? Tell me they got a Gibbs-cuff...

Possibly. Gizmo getting a Gibbs-cuff is a running gag to the point where I lost count. :3



Sandwich maker named Reuben? (http://disney.wikia.com/wiki/Reuben) Intentional?

Well, intentional for the original reference (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reuben_sandwich), with the added pun that Equestrian Reuben sandwiches use corned-beets. Bonus points that the names of Reuben's family are Texas Rye (dad), Caraway Rye (mom), and Winter Rye (sis).

Bard1cKnowledge
2015-12-02, 01:30 PM
Sadly no Gibbs cuff for Gizmo there, for that was ooc. And it was still funny (you need to know the context)

TheTeaMustFlow
2015-12-02, 04:32 PM
CN Beguiler: You guys have no respect for human rights.

Cleric: You know, just once I'd like to have a theological discussion without it devolving into a swordfight or penis jokes. Just once.

The Fury
2015-12-02, 04:57 PM
Nick-Knack the Invincible!: Is there a lot of paperwork in the afterlife? After all, I shall be dying after you, of course. And the rest of reality.

I guess that would make sense. To enter the afterlife you have to die, dying is entering the legend, legends are written in books, and books are made of paper. So naturally the afterlife will have loads of paperwork.

GrayGriffin
2015-12-03, 01:55 AM
Jericho: "IT SPAWNS MONEY!"

* Surolam smiles as she manages to keep up with the much faster and somewhat random pace of Jericho’s dance. When they stop, she pauses, and after a while, as if driven by some instinct, raises his hand to her lips to kiss it.
* Travelling Maiden Huala absent-mindedly leans on Yin’s head and watches.
Travelling Maiden Huala: “…She’s a charmer, ain’t she?” *gives a cat-like grin, and blushes slightly*
Sacara: “No impure thoughts on the journey, Huala.” *She gives a gentle psychokinetic bap to her Trainer.*
* Jericho goes red as she kisses his hand and hurriedly pulls it away. “I- uh… You ladies and your Kirlia helped too. It’s only fair we share the money with you.”
* Surolam pauses, then blushes as well, realizing the actual context of the scene before drawing back.
Altair Azure: “Jericho, are you feeling all right?”

Surolam: *thinking* "Goddamnit, if we're related, this will make things so much more awkward."
Altair (OOC): sounds like Star Wars
Jil (OOC): between the fact that it's the pokemon world (and you clearly have strong poke-lineage), the fact that suro's nobility, and a couple other factors... may not be that awkward.
Surolam (OOC): Of course, eventually the fact that he's technically 7 will come up...
Jil (OOC): again, pokemon and nobility... and if we're getting into that technicality, jil's worse

DigoDragon
2015-12-03, 07:53 AM
"Sit in the teacup, Annie."

This one leaves a lot to the imagination. I like it. :3


Flagon: “Ah'm sorry for the trouble. Couldn't help myself. If you just keep calm, Ah'll step away and we can all forget this happened. Make ah move, and Ah'll blow her brains out. This place is big enough for the both of us, Ah'd think.”
Doc: “I've had folks cause me trouble, telling me to keep calm. I've been ignored by bartenders just ‘cause I'm a stallion. I've been threatened twice by unicorn iceholes who suffered superiority issues. I've been locked in a blood-filled cave without lights as a prank. But here we are, and you've just shot my friend. How calm do you think I'm supposed to be? Right now I'm not very, and if Moon suffers any kind of permanent damage cause of you, I'm going to make a certain dead unicorn wet herself with jealous when I apply that suffering on your face.”

DaveSonOfDave
2015-12-03, 11:24 AM
Chris: "Should I just leave?"
Alex: "No, start walking towards John, because we're going to need someone to take the book off his dead body."
John: "What?"

Madbox
2015-12-03, 07:39 PM
Fighter: Basically, Jesus just elbow-dropped me, so I'm feeling a lot beter now.

AdmiralCheez
2015-12-04, 12:15 AM
Feng (Half-Orc Barbarian): You guys are all horrible people.
Julio (Bard): Not I, for I only played my lute to calm them down.
Feng: I say again, you are ALL horrible people.


Julio: How deep is your deep father?


DM: I love Franch Dressing!


DM: Skiddlyboop? Sloobudooblop? God, I hate Kuo-Toa names.
Mordai (Tiefling Fighter): Sounds like a scat song.


Julio: The sea goddess's name... you know... Oobaloobaloobamooba.
Dravin (Sorceror): Floobadoob?
DM: Close enough.


DM: No, Ploop is different from Bloop. Bloop is the son of Blop, who is someone different.
Nadarr (Dragonborn Paladin): It all sounds like a toilet to me.


Julio: I am glad you have enjoyed this performance! Spread the name of Julio Mandara across the Underdark!
Ploop (NPC): We shall tell tales of the legendary Blooblee'oh Manoodoora!


Aedan (Trickster Cleric)(to rescued prisoner): Come with me if you want to live.
Dravin: We should rename the escape boat "Choppa."


DM: An oily, black tentacle rises out of the water.
Nadarr: Oh, not this guy again! I thought we ditched him in the last campaign!
Julio: You also see a WW2 tank flying out of the water, firing high explosive rounds.
Aedan: And one of the Kuo-Toa is wearing a trench coat.

GrayGriffin
2015-12-04, 01:44 AM
Mako: "I still can't believe you said you'd fight a shadow monster over the ocean."

Nira: "Sorry for the awkwardness." She ruffles Celestia's feathers. "Someone forgot about the human nudity taboo."
Celestia: "I'm still not quite sure what you define as 'nudity.' After all, you wear less than that on beach trips."
Nira: "Technically, Mako does."
Mako: "Yup!"

Celestia: "And here I was thinking your love would always be the ocean, like your father..." *puts on a fake-wistful look*
Mako: *grumps for a bit before smiling* "I mentioned the sea being my mistress ONCE only!"

RCgothic
2015-12-04, 03:05 AM
DM: Skiddlyboop? Sloobudooblop? God, I hate Kuo-Toa names.


I think I've had this exact conversation.

goto124
2015-12-04, 08:36 AM
Sweet Celestia, is that who I think she is?

DigoDragon
2015-12-04, 08:40 AM
Alex: "No, start walking towards John, because we're going to need someone to take the book off his dead body."
John: "What?"

Yikes. :3
I'd be all "What?!" myself.



DM: Skiddlyboop? Sloobudooblop? God, I hate Kuo-Toa names.
Mordai (Tiefling Fighter): Sounds like a scat song.

Julio: The sea goddess's name... you know... Oobaloobaloobamooba.
Dravin (Sorceror): Floobadoob?
DM: Close enough.

Just looking at those names makes my head hurt.

I once named the villain Illithid in a D&D campaign as "Lord Skl'skith Sk'eth" or something like that. Players didn't even try and nicknamed him "Lord Squiggle-f***". Did not endear the villain to them. At all. XD



Mako:Celestia: "I'm still not quite sure what you define as 'nudity.' After all, you wear less than that on beach trips."

This Celestia isn't a pony, is she?


GM: “Flagon took a bullet to the chest, which seemed to take some wind out of him, making him groan in pain. Then Stellar's wingblade met the side of his face. There was a small explosion of electricity, and Flagon's lower jaw was entirely separated from the rest of him. Most of it landed in front of the other Doc.”

Viridia: “...so, what happened?”
Doc: “I found Moonshadow lying in a pool of blood and Flagon telling me he shot her. Before that... dunno. Stellar had left a while earlier to investigate prior gunfire.”
Stellar: “The first gunshot was Flagon's friends neglecting their gun safety.”

Doc: “Stay with me, soldier. Enclave didn't raise no sissy!”

Stellar: “Stellar moves up to the sleeping mare and stamps the floor in front of her face. And if that doesn't work she'll be getting an electric shock in the rump.”

Cassidy: “So, are you taking us to the doctor who probably killed our doctor, or the doctor who we were going to steal from?”
Stellar: “Oh no, that was me. Doc Wagon just shot him a little.”
Doc: “How to intimidate two NPCs and downplay a teammate in one line.”
Stellar: “Terrified of me is better than terrified of their doctor.”
Doc: “They might take it as the doctor being harmless.”
Stellar: “More fool them!”
Doc: “Except that he kind of is at the moment.”
Viridia: “Don't be so hard on Doc. His kill:death ratio is fantastic.”

GM: “Best bet is probably to aim for the head, where most don't have armor unless specifically stated otherwise. Of course, that's incredibly unhelpful advice when it comes to using guns in general.”

goto124
2015-12-04, 08:58 AM
Doc's clone is now dead.

[Doc can add Flagon's Lower Jaw to his inventory.]

I don't seem to understand the last quote though. Is it because it's harder to actually land a shot on the head?

Cristo Meyers
2015-12-04, 09:01 AM
Doc's clone is now dead.

[Doc can add Flagon's Lower Jaw to his inventory.]

I don't seem to understand the last quote though. Is it because it's harder to actually land a shot on the head?

Significantly.

Landing a shot, at range, on someone's chest can be difficult enough. The head is much smaller.

Basically the only reliable way to shoot someone in the head is to press the gun to their temple.

goto124
2015-12-04, 09:01 AM
That's IRL. FO:E (and Fallout) mechanics are different I imagine.

Should've looted Flagon's Pipboy! Or is it Pipbuck?

DigoDragon
2015-12-04, 09:09 AM
Doc's clone is now dead.

I'm still a tiny bit sad that Flagon died so quickly, and not by Doc's actions. Nothing came of the fact he and Doc Wagon looked alike.
Missed story opportunities I guess.



[Doc can add Flagon's Lower Jaw to his inventory.]

Um... eww? :smallbiggrin:



I don't seem to understand the last quote though. Is it because it's harder to actually land a shot on the head?

Significantly.
Landing a shot, at range, on someone's chest can be difficult enough. The head is much smaller.

In game terms, there is a -30% penalty to hit the head with a ranged weapon. That is a significant amount that is not easily compensated for. The highest bonus Doc can muster from an Aim action is about 21%.



Should've looted Flagon's Pipboy! Or is it Pipbuck?

Viridia got his sweet hat and Stellar has the pipbuck and his weapon. Doc and Moonshadow are the only two who have yet to gain any loot from this.

goto124
2015-12-04, 09:15 AM
Strawberry: "His hat is sweet? Can I eat it?"

I like what's happening to Flagon now though :smalltongue:

Stealth check: 1d100

Whoops, looks like dice rolls don't work outside the PbP section. Does that count as a fail?

AdmiralCheez
2015-12-04, 09:59 AM
Just looking at those names makes my head hurt.

I once named the villain Illithid in a D&D campaign as "Lord Skl'skith Sk'eth" or something like that. Players didn't even try and nicknamed him "Lord Squiggle-f***". Did not endear the villain to them. At all. XD

Normally our DM gives us a hard time when we don't remember important NPC names, but with the Kuo-Toa, not even he can keep them straight. So, every time a name comes up, the session turns into a scat song.

The worst part is we have all of the names written down in the officially published campaign setting, but no one wants to go through the hassle of trying to pronounce them correctly!

DigoDragon
2015-12-04, 11:20 AM
Strawberry: "His hat is sweet? Can I eat it?"

I like what's happening to Flagon now though :smalltongue:

Strawberry did want the hat... but yes, she's a hilarious druggie. :smallbiggrin:



Whoops, looks like dice rolls don't work outside the PbP section. Does that count as a fail?

Probably?



Normally our DM gives us a hard time when we don't remember important NPC names, but with the Kuo-Toa, not even he can keep them straight. So, every time a name comes up, the session turns into a scat song.

The worst part is we have all of the names written down in the officially published campaign setting, but no one wants to go through the hassle of trying to pronounce them correctly!

Official modules seem to have stranger names than most anything else. I guess being paid to write them means actually looking up obscure words! I just try not to get that far into names. If I can't remember it 15 minutes later, I know my players won't. :3

RCgothic
2015-12-04, 12:33 PM
In game terms, there is a -30% penalty to hit the head with a ranged weapon. That is a significant amount that is not easily compensated for. The highest bonus Doc can muster from an Aim action is about 21%.

To clarify, to hit someone in the head with a ranged weapon is -30 to your skill and in this system you need to roll under your skill to hit. At this stage of the game, unless you've gone all-in on guns skill, you probably have about a skill of 60. Thus aiming for the head halves your chances.

It's less difficult for Stellar because in Melee all to-hit penalties are halved. And as thanks to weapon special rules and perks most of her damage happens when she rolls under 40 anyway, she tends to go for head shots because it doesn't cost her much if her miss is in the 40-65 range.

DigoDragon
2015-12-04, 12:52 PM
At this stage of the game, unless you've gone all-in on guns skill, you probably have about a skill of 60.

It's worse than that for Doc; his gun skill is only a 45 because he's thrown a lot of skill points behind Medicine and now Science. On the other hoof, that investment has really saved the team (and many NPCs) several times over, so it is a valuable investment. Doc just needs some equipment to catch up in the combat skill category.

GrayGriffin
2015-12-05, 03:55 AM
This Celestia isn't a pony, is she?

She is. This is from a semi-crack side RP featuring me and The Other Pony Fan in the group.

ZeroGear
2015-12-05, 09:12 AM
From the first Alpha Test of my own system that uses a playing-card generator mechanic (instead of dice):

"...being a horny teenager."
"Well, APART from being a horny teenager..."

"~I'm a lumberjack, and I'm oookay~!"

"So voodoo or Santeria or..."
"The voodoo that you do!"

"A kodak camera comes flying at you."
"Now that's what I call a Kodak moment."

"Were they blinking? I had TVs blinking at me today."
"I HAD BODIES! Cold, blank bodies."

"There's costumes or animatronics or SOMETHING that will kill us!"
"I'm perfectly sane. My mother had me tested."

"We'll probable be beaten to death by [adult toys]."

"Burn the building down!"
"We're still inside!"

"The shelf fell down, so it can't get back up to get us."
"Wanna bet?"
*beat*
"No."

"Do you continue to resist?"
"Um...no."

"It's dark inside [the room]."
"[The light-switch] is beside the door."
"I don't want to reach in!"

"I'm not dying! Not dying!"

"Then there's nothing sacred! Not even clothing!"

"Is there an AP system..."
"PA system."

"So there's a microphone I can..."
"ATTENTION KMART SHOPPERS!"

---

Form a CoC game I played

"Optimus Prime is not Jesus!"

"Did you hear something?"
"No."
"No."
"No."

"You going to force the door?"
"I'm standing ready with the shotgun."
"I'm standing behind the guy with the shotgun."

"The ground starts to shake."
*Everyone simultaneously* "Wesley!"

"You know the puzzle-box because Ryan has been obsessing over the Hellraiser series. He was also gloating about winning an exact replica [of the puzzle-box] on Ebay."
*Everyone facepalms*

"I just hears 'Dan Radcliffe's delicious a**hole'."

"You shove the keyhole though the eyeball."

"YOU'RE GOING TO TRUST A GUY WITH NO SKIN??!!"

DigoDragon
2015-12-05, 10:10 AM
She is. This is from a semi-crack side RP featuring me and The Other Pony Fan in the group.

Neat!! :D


"Burn the building down!"
"We're still inside!"

This does not stop some. :smallbiggrin:


Gizmo: “We are going to need sonar, und sextants. Heh. Funny word. Sextants.”

Autumn: “And I know a lot about beating bushes.”
George Takei: “Oh myyyyy.”

Gizmo: “Princess Sparklebutt has Spike, Past has Calamity, and Gizmo has Autumn. Why must there be a force that hinders us eggheads?”
Reuben: “Does Spike really hinder Twilight that much, you think?”
Gizmo: “I count snarky comments and quick asides as hindering.”

Reuben: “Gang, are you pondering what I'm pondering?”
Gizmo: “Maybe, but how are going to get fifty seahorses to ride jet skis?”

Reuben: “I think this comparison is breaking down slightly. Or maybe you're just trying to get Gizmo shipped with the white-haired beauty.”
GM: “Would that be the ancient monster dragon in this case?”
Reuben: “Aww snap.”

Morning: “Ever wanted the perfect posterior, but didn't have the time on your hooves to work out? Well, Morning Star is here with her miraculous PLOT-BUSTING SPELL, guaranteed to give you the most radiant rump you could ever hope for! Whether you want big buns or a petite patootie, Morning Star's PLOT-BUSTING SPELL can do all you need!”

Necroticplague
2015-12-05, 10:21 AM
Stalter:Perhaps we shouldn't put someone who doesn't breath in charge of making sure everyone can breath.
Stares-into-void: Nonsense, I know what I'm doing.
Stares-into-void:......
Stares-into-void: H2SO4 contains twice as many Oxygen molecules as O2, so it's twice as breathable, right?

Gracht Grabmaw
2015-12-05, 01:55 PM
"Did you just Dragonball an actual dragon?"
Said after my monk knocked it prone in mid-air with an Open Hand Technique strike (it makes the DC or it drops, basically) and sent it crashing to the ground.
Monks in 5e are pretty rad, especially if you've can get a pair of winged boots on one.

GPuzzle
2015-12-05, 02:16 PM
DM (OOC): "[Walker's Player] is in a perpetual state of always being in the game and never being in the game."
Valanae (OOC): "Schrodinger's Cleric!"

Odin's Eyepatch
2015-12-05, 02:33 PM
*From underneath the pile of beard*

Rogue: Let's agree to never EVER do that again!

GPuzzle
2015-12-05, 05:03 PM
DM (OOC): "You're in a world where giant mechas powered by magic exist and people are turned into zombie abominations with tentacles for hands by psyker Powerpuff Girls, and you draw the line at saunas in apartments?"
Valanae (OOC): "Yes."
*some time later*
Solera: "Let's go back to our flat."
DM: "Technically it's an apartment."
Valanae (OOC): "Oh, it's a flat, not an apartment? In that case, I revoke my objection."

There was no sarcasm in that, surprisingly.

bulbaquil
2015-12-06, 08:24 AM
Slayer: "Here I am, trying to draw a picture to have the priests look at it, and suddenly our crossbowman comes running down the stairs screaming!"

Medium: "I yell at the babau, 'Your mother was a respected member of society!'"

Paladin: "So the cleric is Tifa."
Bolt Ace: "But she doesn't punch things or run a bar."
Medium: "But she *does* set things on fire."

Inevitability
2015-12-06, 10:06 AM
Me: You just created an Orcish Sheldon Cooper, didn't you?

Player: I re-assert that I am definitely a vegetarian. Then I take another bite of rat.

Me: I just realized you're just as charismatic as your pet.

Pseudodragon: Do you have any shinies? I like shinies.
Player: Alas! For a fortnight ago I buried my valueable and unbelievably shiny treasure here, which I stole from the vengeful undead hands of Lord Greybeard the pirate, fearsome in life but unstoppable in death. After this harrowing battle, I hid the coins here, not knowing these lands were yours... How wrong could I have been? Now what was once mine is rightfully yours, my friend. Please be content with what has passed from me to you, and do not bother me. I merely wish for safe passage across your kingdom so that I may reach lands were I can be alone with my grief.
Player (OOC): Bluff roll! I... got a zero.
Me: Morale of the story; when you're trying to lie, don't be the guy who dumped charisma.

DigoDragon
2015-12-06, 08:59 PM
Stares-into-void: H2SO4 contains twice as many Oxygen molecules as O2, so it's twice as breathable, right?

I saw that one coming. ^^;



DM (OOC): "[Walker's Player] is in a perpetual state of always being in the game and never being in the game."
Valanae (OOC): "Schrodinger's Cleric!"

I had one of those players before. A really great player, but you never know if he was there or not.



Valanae (OOC): "Oh, it's a flat, not an apartment? In that case, I revoke my objection."

If a giant mecha stepped on it, it would be a flat. :smallbiggrin:

DigoDragon
2015-12-07, 06:10 PM
Viridia: “Everything goes with a hoodie, Pokonic. It's laundry day chic.”
GM: “Society may be in ruins, but that doesn't mean that Viridia can't keep her dignity.”

Stellar: “Just wait until the GM introduces Doc Bacon at the canning factory!”
Viridia: “I'd have gone for Doc Bagon, the PonyMon trainer.”

GM: “However, instead of sweet guns, Viridia just saw a sweet bod.”

Doc: “Hey Moonshadow, do they have all these old drugs up in the Enclave? Pain-B-Gone, NeighQuil... I've only read about some of these. Oh, they got Vicodin!” *Squee*

Stellar: “Survival check, 48 or less, plus modifiers I hope.”
Percentile Dice: *Rolls a 2*
Stellar: “Did I say modifiers? Critical Success.”

GM: “After a good and proper loot, Stellar would soon track down Doc, who was also in the middle of a proper looting session.”

Doc: “Well to be fair, some of these supplies are being used immediately for the plethora of pained pegasi by the party... physician (dang, out of sharp P words).”

Doc: “Hey Moonshadow, do you think anyone in the Enclave would be jealous that I get to treat so many pretty pegasi? There's you, Viridia, and Stellar to start. Flagon had... two? Three? Can't remember if a number was mentioned. Yeah, all the pretty mares want to hop on Doc's wagon of—wait, that came out wrong.”

Necroticplague
2015-12-07, 09:45 PM
INVESTIGATOR: O.k, now let me here what happened.
Gene: well, where do I even start, I mean-
INVESTIGATOR: Just start from the very beginning.
Gene: The very beginning? O.k. First, there was t=0. The sheer gravity at that point in time made speculating as to what the physics were like difficult, due to inadequacy in current theory. However, it was expanding, that's for certain. At that point, the decreased density allowed for energy to decay into the first things we would recognize as matter-
INVESTIGATOR: Not that very beginning.

goto124
2015-12-07, 11:59 PM
Digo, what's the mare:stallion ratio so far? Excluding foals, fillies and colts.

GrayGriffin
2015-12-08, 02:14 AM
"Well, this session can pretty much be described as 'everyone is out of a loop of some sort and there has been a criminally negligent lack of information-sharing'."

Fern: "Oh I see! This is what you mean by 'compensating for something'!"

Looker: "We're too late!"
Geronimo: "Oh sure, you had to have that last donut. It was really important."

Coriander: "How do we stop that? And bring Archie back?" Cori pauses. "And Wallace, I guess."

Ryouta: "So we gotta fight our inner demons... I don't know what mine are but I'm sure I could beat them with just one punch!"
Geronimo: *headtilts* "But you're not bald or wearing a cape."

RCgothic
2015-12-08, 02:28 AM
Digo, what's the mare:stallion ratio so far? Excluding foals, fillies and colts.

It feels like about 3 or 4 to 1.

DigoDragon
2015-12-08, 07:06 AM
Digo, what's the mare:stallion ratio so far? Excluding foals, fillies and colts.

It feels like about 3 or 4 to 1.

About 4 to 1 by my estimates.


Gizmo: “It’s not every day a pony gets to hunt down lost artifacts. Und all the things I can learn as well. It's just so... eindrucksvoll.”
Reuben: “Eindrucksvoll? That's not an anxiety medication, is it?”
Gizmo: “It means awesome.”

Autumn: “I don't think there's any reasonable way for Autumn to aid this [spell].”
Reuben: “Maybe lending strength, or encouragement? Maybe Autumn uses her wings like a barrier to block out sound and distractions for Morning's spellcasting?”
GM: “While I do agree with Reuben there, and nonmagical ponies helping with the orbital friendship canon magics is an established part of canon, you already beat the DT so much you got a critical success. There's no need to push the poor thing further.”

Gizmo: “…So not only do I get to hunt down an ancient treasure, possibly study a forgotten beast, but discover a lost city as well? Excuse me... I need to... express my joy.”
Reuben: “Forgotten beast? Dang, you know those get forgotten for a good reason, right?”
Gizmo: *Too busy screaming for joy in the halls*

Reuben: “I ate green beans today. That's about as close to apple cider as I've had all month.”

Gizmo: “I think it’s best to pick up a book on dead languages, if this is truly an AtLE themed adventure. You might need an expert in gibberish.”
Reuben: “For Reuben, three-quarters of the Prench and Germane languages Morning and Gizmo speak are gibberish.”

goto124
2015-12-08, 07:25 AM
Does Rueben or Rueben's player need to get some apple cider?

Not that there's anything wrong with green beans...

ZeroGear
2015-12-08, 07:43 AM
About 4 to 1 by my estimates.


Gizmo: “It’s not every day a pony gets to hunt down lost artifacts. Und all the things I can learn as well. It's just so... eindrucksvoll.”
Reuben: “Eindrucksvoll? That's not an anxiety medication, is it?”
Gizmo: “It means awesome.”


Wrong word.
Eindruksvoll means 'impressive'. The word you are looking for is 'Wahnsinn'
(Trust me, I'm a native speaker). Although i guess a different joke can be made here.

DigoDragon
2015-12-08, 08:21 AM
Ryouta: "So we gotta fight our inner demons... I don't know what mine are but I'm sure I could beat them with just one punch!"
Geronimo: *headtilts* "But you're not bald or wearing a cape."

I get that reference! :D



Does Rueben or Rueben's player need to get some apple cider?
Not that there's anything wrong with green beans...

Reuben's player, and he did eventually get a small glass of it. :3



Wrong word.
Eindruksvoll means 'impressive'. The word you are looking for is 'Wahnsinn'
(Trust me, I'm a native speaker). Although i guess a different joke can be made here.

I do not believe Gizmo's player natively speaks German. I don't either so I'm not one to say anything about it. As it is I'm supposed to be fluent in Spanish and I still make tons of mistakes. :smallredface:

goto124
2015-12-08, 08:33 AM
Is Gizmo the character fluent in German either?

RCgothic
2015-12-08, 09:28 AM
Is Gizmo the character fluent in German either?

Fluent in germane, yes.:smallsmile:

TheFamilarRaven
2015-12-08, 01:36 PM
Chieftain: "You're a dead man!"
Vein: "Technically, I'm a drow."

Eine: "What're you, a justice man?"

Arch-devil Avatar "Why are you here, mortals?"
Micah: "Well, you see, we kinda took a wrong turn a few floors up."
Arch-devil Avatar: "Insolent fool!" *doors slam shut* "I have no patience for
games! I'll ask once more, why are you here?"
Micah "Well now we're here 'cause you wont let us leave..."

Vaith: "Alright, our code phrase will be ... 'you dropped the sake, you scrub lord!'"

Eine: *kills mook #3, "You're next!" *points to mook #1
*Kills mook #2 'You're next!" *points to mook #1
* kills mook#4 "You're next!" *points to mook #1
*Kills mook #1 "See? I told you that you'd be next!"

MintyNinja
2015-12-08, 03:40 PM
"I will drown the next one of you that calls me a fish!"

Water Genasi Tempest Cleric / former sailor not getting along with a party.

Rater202
2015-12-08, 09:15 PM
Spark: Oh I see it is a role play device. You and Monkey gosh
Gear: *Blushing*no, it's not that, um.
Spark: I was just joking, was it really used for that?
Gear: No! It's just something I made one day because I got the idea and it wouldn't leave me alone. Trust me, I would not more show you guys something like that than I would explain wh... Never mind!
Gear: So, who wants to change the subject? Anypony?

Milodiah
2015-12-08, 11:04 PM
PC1: "So, I guess you'll want me to do the legwork for this one?"
PC2 (in wheelchair): "YOU ****!"

PC3 (walking into bar): "Are you sitting down somewhere?"
PC2: "I'M ALWAYS SITTING DOWN YOU *******!"


PC1: "I suppose we should get off our asses, men!"
PC2: "I'LL ****ING KILL YOU!"

goto124
2015-12-09, 03:10 AM
PC2 is really angry over his/her disability.

TheTeaMustFlow
2015-12-09, 03:48 AM
PC2 is really angry over his/her disability.

http://i.imgur.com/xKMV8.jpg

DigoDragon
2015-12-09, 08:29 AM
Micah "Well now we're here 'cause you wont let us leave..."

Pffft, haha XD
Some baddies seem to just cause themselves more problems.


Doc: “Andante could probably even give me a list; 'Top ten not-crazy ponies Doc could ask out' it would be titled. The first five even have most of their teeth and only minor drug problems!”

Stellar: “You're talking to Moonshadow? That means she's going to be okay, right?”
Doc: “Of course she'll be okay, she's in my care. I may not be a sexy shoeless goddess of war, but Death won't take a single one of you without asking me first.”

Stellar: “Cassidy Grey, Strawberry Surprise; Doc Wagon.”
Doc: “Judging by the head wound and leg burn on them, I'm going to guess they met the business end of you and Moonshadow?”
Stellar: “Yeah, we left them a little worse for wear. Any chance you could have a look at their wounds?”
Strawberry: (Pointing to Moonshadow) “Hah, she met Flagon's business end!”
Doc: *Ignores Strawberry's comment about Moonshadow, as his only civil response would be a left hook*

Moon: “On the other hand it does bring our Pegasus count up to 5, proving the saying ponies of a feather flock together.”
Doc: “That or Doc is inadvertently putting together his own Enclave. ...the Funclave.”

Stellar: “Can you do anything for [Strawberry]’s addictions?”
Doc: “I can put Strawberry on a detox regimen. I'm sure this hospital will have the resources for it.”
Strawberry: “Nu-uh! I'm fine!”
Doc: “Well I can't force ya, but if you keep taking dash like it's candy, yer brain is gonna end up looking like Fan Knife's face.”
Viridia: “Please. The only reason Doc isn't interested in Fan Knife is because she can speak Equestrian properly.”
GM: “A scared, sheltered girl from a repressive society, stranded in a strange and violent country whose language she barely understands? Jackpot.”

DaveSonOfDave
2015-12-09, 11:03 AM
DM: You have one more turn before you hit the ground after a two thousand foot fall. Is there anything you want to do?
Alex: I inflate my water wings!

Bard1cKnowledge
2015-12-09, 01:42 PM
Wrong word.
Eindruksvoll means 'impressive'. The word you are looking for is 'Wahnsinn'
(Trust me, I'm a native speaker). Although i guess a different joke can be made here.

I use Google translate, that was the word I got, the limit of my German speaking capabilities are und, mien, Herr, Fraüline, and the one part of 99 red balloons as done by Goldfinger.

goto124
2015-12-09, 11:36 PM
Moon: “On the other hand it does bring our Pegasus count up to 5, proving the saying ponies of a feather flock together.”
Doc: “That or Doc is inadvertently putting together his own Enclave. ...the Funclave.”

All it needs now is a unicorn!


GM: “A scared, sheltered girl from a repressive society, stranded in a strange and violent country whose language she barely understands? Jackpot.”

There we have it :smallamused:

Elxir_Breauer
2015-12-10, 02:19 AM
Grok: Can Grok fit in box?
Have two Groks
More singing
All-Grok music group!
But then Grok have learn other instruments
Grok a capella?
Grokapella!
Grok see a little sillueata of a Grok! (high) Mama mia! (low) Mama mia! (high) Mama mia! (low) Mama mia!
Mama mia Grokero!

Taet
2015-12-10, 03:58 AM
P3: And now your robot kitty is all drugged up. He's probably just sitting and watching the sparkly lights. :smallwink:
P5: No, no, he's chasing the sparkly lights! Like a laser pointer! He's running around in circles chasing his own tail! /spins finger around :smallbiggrin:

P5: This is how you tell the difference. You take a little hammer, and you hit it. If it goes 'clang', it is probably a construct. Move the hammer a little and hit it again. If it ever at any point says 'ow', it is probably living. :smallsigh:

P3: [derpy voice] Now I'm going to do lots of damage to you...
/game breaks for a minute while P3 & P5 get the giggles

P2: I just want to burn things! :smallbiggrin:
P5: But this table is made out of metal-- :smallconfused:
P2: There's terrain on it. That's flammable. :smallwink:
P3: And there's plywood on top of it. :smallcool:
P5: Oh, that's a relief. If you were talking about melting the metal I'd have to question your choice of accelerant. :smalleek:

P1: I don't mind if you chew the scenery, as long as you repair and repaint it afterward... :smallsigh:

DigoDragon
2015-12-10, 08:07 AM
All it needs now is a unicorn!
There we have it :smallamused:

Hee hee. The GM got a good one right there. :3



Grok: Can Grok fit in box?

If Grok fits, Grok sits?



P5: This is how you tell the difference. You take a little hammer, and you hit it. If it goes 'clang', it is probably a construct. Move the hammer a little and hit it again. If it ever at any point says 'ow', it is probably living. :smallsigh:

This sounds exactly as one of my players would. :3


Morning: *Pulls out accessories from a chic saddlebag, nearly identical in color, though one is obviously scarlet and the other is most definitely crimson. She pulls out another scarf, this one a deep Tyrian red*
Morning: “I have brought everything that I think I will need - a scarf... a shawl... and another scarf... you know, it is true what they say: you can never have too many accessories.”

Gizmo: “Gizmo is going to pick up a few books, a few on dead languages (you never know, ancient city of alicorns and all) and some on marelantis (if they have the Shepard's Journal I want it).”
GM: “You do realize that the archive is essentially a library, right? They're not gonna let you cart out an entire wing worth of books, even if it is for the sake of Equestria.”

Gizmo: “Genealogy is a fun subject, und you can learn a lot about your family from it.”
Reuben: “Genieology? Like, the wish-granting kind?”

Gizmo: “"How do you suppose it sank all those centuries ago?”
Autumn: “I imagine Windsoar sank in the usual way. It crashed into the ocean and didn't float.”

Reuben: “Since it'll be supper soon, how about I cheer you up with something home cooked? As in, a more homely dish.”
Calamity: “A homely......dish.....?”
Reuben: “The fancy food the train serves is quite nice, but sometimes a simple dish brings about a joy you simply cannot find in an expensive meal.”
Calamity: *Looks past Reuben, directly at Autumn, with an expression that seems to ask 'was he just trying to hit on me?'*
Reuben: *Pokerface.jpg*

Gizmo: “I think even Twilight would say you have enough books.”
Reuben: “I would be worried if Twilight ever said that.”

RCgothic
2015-12-10, 08:14 AM
Gizmo: “"How do you suppose it sank all those centuries ago?”
Autumn: “I imagine Windsoar sank in the usual way. It crashed into the ocean and didn't float.”


Hehe. These are fun to be reminded of. :smallsmile:

goto124
2015-12-10, 10:29 AM
Gizmo: “I think even Twilight would say you have enough books.”
Reuben: “I would be worried if Twilight ever said that.”

Any relation to the Twilight series?

RCgothic
2015-12-10, 10:48 AM
Any relation to the Twilight series?

Nope.
http://40.media.tumblr.com/2df83df8511ad6c68d9cbb396243ff6b/tumblr_nbrb8udpwp1tlj9ipo1_500.png

DigoDragon
2015-12-10, 11:54 AM
Hehe. These are fun to be reminded of. :smallsmile:

They really are. Plus, it helps me remember little things I may have forgotten, like certain names or places, that might show up again. ^^



Any relation to the Twilight series?

We did encounter a vampire once (vampony?)... didn't sparkle though.

GrayGriffin
2015-12-10, 01:21 PM
Jericho: “Ha ha! Villians in the night, consider yourselves warned! You are surrounded by me, the great Sniper King, and my eight thousand followers!”
Mike: * As your words echo out, you hear gasps of surprise, and the bushes just erupt in immediate, hurried conversation.
Mike: “Should we run?” “No, you idiot, he’s bluffing!” “B-but eight thousand men!” “Like he’s got even eight!”

Jericho: “You cannot run from justice and his eight thousand followers!”

Surolam: “You should really have listened to what my dear King had to say.” Surolam steps out, walking as regally as she can, raising her hands so that her clawed nails are clearly visible. “You are hardly worth the time it would take for him to eliminate you.” She bares her teeth at Thief 1 all of a sudden. “I suppose we shall have to do it in his stead.”
Rook Gunner 1: “Uh, guys, is she gettin’… pointier?”

Milodiah
2015-12-10, 08:04 PM
PC1: "Hey, buddy, ya seen a vomitin' gangster round here?"

PC1: "There ya are, Mike! What happened?"
PC2: "I read dis book, an' I jus' started pukin'. Plus mah mind is merged with tha infinite!"
PC1: "That sounds bad for ya."
PC2: "Yeah...BLUUUUUUUUGH!"

AdmiralCheez
2015-12-10, 11:02 PM
Nadarr: Well, we don't have any paddles, but we have a few obnoxious warhammers. That's close enough, right?


Julio: When I say "No hitchhikers," I mean it!
DM: Except now it's skewered to the deck and can't move.


Nadarr: Yes, let's take out our junk in the Lake of Eats Everything.
(beat)
Nadarr (OOC): Oh, sorry mom, I forgot you were in another voice channel.

DM: Your glowing bar of soap now purges invisibility.

kopout
2015-12-10, 11:56 PM
Party: Do you know why the hobgoblins were after you?
White dragon: I duno, I prolly ate someone I shouldn't of.


[Telepath attempts to contact the dragon]
Dragon: Oh, ****, the voices are back.

JohnTheSavage
2015-12-11, 04:02 AM
"I'm starting to consider the bizarre idea that I'm not perfect!"

DigoDragon
2015-12-11, 07:02 AM
GM: “Cassidy just has enough responsibility in her to cover for both herself and her druggie of a sibling.”
Viridia: “Give [Strawberry] to Viridia. She knows how to handle druggies.”

GM: “Doc could probably crib some sweet medical gear from Stitchheart if he just asked, given that she's convinced he's a nurse of some kind.”
Doc: *Glare*

GM: “Fan Knife is easily the most dangerous of those options, for the record.”
Viridia: “Yeah, but she's also the most vulnerable to tentacles.”

Doc: “Well, I expect a ton of fights as I go hunt down some loot for myself in the backwater hallways. Addendum-- Not as in ‘I want a ton of fights!’ More like ‘Oh no, a ton of fights’.”

Doc: “Net Result—The GM finally gets that Doc/Stitchheart fanfic ship he's always wanted. Wait a minute...”

Doc: “Viridia in a lab coat with hair up in a bun?”
Viridia: “That'd be Stellar.”
Stellar: “I'm sure Stellar would play sexy-scientist dress-up if Viridia asked her nicely. Or crudely.”

GM: “DM'ing a game with all the rules on Google Docs without the rules would be sort of awkward for everyone.”
Doc: “But... you're the GM. Aren't the rules more like guidelines for you?”
GM: “I prefer the term 'first citizen'.”

Doc: “Sketched Stellar in a lab coat and Viridia with her new hat. And Doc in a penguin costume (http://orig03.deviantart.net/56ca/f/2015/330/b/4/pancakes_2_by_digoraccoon-d9i3rq2.png). For some reason.”
Stellar: “Why wouldn't Doc be in a penguin costume?”

goto124
2015-12-11, 09:27 AM
GM: “Doc could probably crib some sweet medical gear from Stitchheart if he just asked, given that she's convinced he's a nurse of some kind.”
Doc: *Glare*

So it is a Gender Is No Object world! Nope, not linking to TVTropes.


Doc: “Sketched Stellar in a lab coat and Viridia with her new hat. And Doc in a penguin costume (http://orig03.deviantart.net/56ca/f/2015/330/b/4/pancakes_2_by_digoraccoon-d9i3rq2.png). For some reason.”
Stellar: “Why wouldn't Doc be in a penguin costume?”

Obligatory (http://worth1000.s3.amazonaws.com/submissions/354500/354522_ccc4_625x1000.jpg).

DigoDragon
2015-12-11, 10:32 AM
So it is a Gender Is No Object world!

Eeyup! Doc's annoyance is purely because his profession is of a doctor.



Obligatory (http://worth1000.s3.amazonaws.com/submissions/354500/354522_ccc4_625x1000.jpg).

Pffft, well I didn't expect that. XD



White dragon: I duno, I prolly ate someone I shouldn't of.

This seems to be a common issue with white dragons. I had one in a campaign I ran long ago that ate an NPC he shouldn't have.

dargman69
2015-12-11, 01:57 PM
Yes Adepha, we've already Established that I accidentally married you and Spark to each other and you've been dragon married since we were like, eleven.

Anonymouswizard
2015-12-11, 03:30 PM
GM: you pick the statue up, and drop it. Everyone else roll theology (skaven). *various rolls* You (elf) think it's not important, you (priest) know it's important, you (skaven and alchemist who broke it) know it's the primary shrine of the Horned Rat in the area.

GM: guy knows how to grovel.

Priest: *note* I'm leaving a note to my Lictor saying that (alchemist) is probably a witch.

bulbaquil
2015-12-11, 06:08 PM
This seems to be a common issue with white dragons. I had one in a campaign I ran long ago that ate an NPC he shouldn't have.

And white dragons wonder why adventurers hunt them...

Necroticplague
2015-12-11, 08:24 PM
Gene: I'm not sure which is sadder: that the only people who've been contacting my skype are turing-incomplete chatbots, or that I still respond to them.

Anonymouswizard
2015-12-11, 08:31 PM
Dwarf: The Skaven is the only one I don't have a grudge against!

Priest: I'm going to take the punch.
GM: You take three damage.
Priest: My breastplate absorbs it.
Dwarf NPC: ow, I'm punching you in the face next time.

Draconium
2015-12-11, 09:59 PM
Me: "What did you do in D&D today?" Well, we kidnapped a Paladin...

GAAD
2015-12-12, 03:46 AM
P1: I need some way to stall the Folded Dragon. I roll for Trapmaking.
Me: You're not trained in that skill.
P1: It doesn't matter. How hard can it be?
...
:smallfrown:
...
:smallannoyed:
...
:smallmad:
...
:smallfurious:
...
:smalleek:

P2: So I'm locked out from our base with an avatar of Greed hot on my tail?
Me: Yup.
P2: So in order to escape I have to run through [P1]'s gauntlet of improvised traps?
Me: Yup.
P1: This should be fun...:smallamused:

P3: I ask the bartender what he knows about the rampaging lizardman.
P2: The term is Lizardfolk.:smallcool:
P1: I thought [GAAD] said he was a Folded Dragon.:smalltongue:
Me: Wait. Aren't we in the middle of a chase scene? Since when did you get to a bar?:smallconfused:
P3: Offscreen.:smallbiggrin:

P3: I tell him Hekka Vainoe sent me.
P2: No that wasn't his NAME, I just couldn't remember!:smallsigh:

P2: I make a spot check.
Me: Well, good. You find one of [P1]'s traps.
P2: But I didn't roll yet.
Me: Not that hard to miss a dangling morningstar right in front of you.:smallwink:

Me: Well. It looks like you finally got hit by one of [P1]'s traps. Tripwire, poison dart that... [P1], will you do the honours? What does it do?
P1: I dipped the arrow in the closest potion I could find. I was in a hurry.
Me: So, top of your character sheet then?
P1: Sure. Why not.
Me: [P2], the arrow hits you, deals 4 damage, and... :smallsigh:restores you for 6.
P2: Awesome.
P1: Oh. So THAT's what a healing potion looks like. Good to know.

Me: Oh. This one's finally something dangerous! Here we go. The blade swings wildly, randomly careening towards... [roll] [P1]. REALLY? Man, these dice are against you today.
P3: Nah, the healing trap was all skill. No luck involved.:smallamused:

P1: Oh come on! I wanted to play as an awesome D&D inventor, not as the coyote from the freaking Roadrunner cartoons!
P3: Well, maybe you should have thought of that before rolling three natural 1's in a row on your Trapmaking checks earlier.:smalltongue:
P2: Meep meep! *bweeew*

P2: Wow, I managed to accidentally kill a huge nerd who was no threat to anyone.:smallfrown:
P3: For the tremendous achievement of building a mini dungeon full of traps that did nothing but eventually destroy himself, I nominate [P1]'s character for a Darwin Award.:smallcool:

P1: Hey, that was a great session. Can my new character be a cleric of my last one?
Me: Only if you take the Destruction and Healing domains.:smalltongue:

DigoDragon
2015-12-12, 09:25 AM
Gene: I'm not sure which is sadder: that the only people who've been contacting my skype are turing-incomplete chatbots, or that I still respond to them.

But can they beat you in a Turing test? That's the real mark of sadness. :3



Me: "What did you do in D&D today?" Well, we kidnapped a Paladin...

#ButForUsItWasTuesday



Me: Not that hard to miss a dangling morningstar right in front of you.:smallwink:

Heh, so much for those traps.


Reuben: “I swear Reuben wasn't staring below the face, LOL.”
GM: “With that total on a Heart roll, she probably wouldn't even mind.”
Gizmo: “If looks could kill... I'm sure Gizmo would have been sidelined by Autumn.”
Reuben: “I wouldn't discount Morning though. Those petite legs alone would be worth at least 6d6 damage.”

Gizmo: (Impersonating Calamity) “This not food from Calamity’s home! This pony food! CALAMITY SMASH!”

Gizmo: “What? Stop looking at me like that. Just because Gizmo has a big mouth and no filter doesn't mean he's going to spill the beans. ...or what's left of them anyway.”

Reuben: “So I'm partially at the mercy of the other PCs for privacy on this little dinner activity?”

Morning: “What? Star hasn't fully captivated Reuben yet?! OPERATION: S.A.B.o.T.A.Ge engage!”
[Beat]
Morning: “Am I serious or am I joking? Dun dun DUUUNNN…”

Gizmo: “Wait, so we’re seeing how we can mess with Reuben's fake out date? Count me in.”
Reuben: “Hey, there's nothing fake about Reuben's Veggie Stew.”

GM: “Feel free to have Reuben return to the first class car now and invite Calamity to the date totally platonic cheering up meal. Rolls are required.”
Reuben: “Innuendo roll to convey to his friends that Reuben is looking to get a moment alone with Calamity.”
Dice: *Rolls a 2*
GM: “The one thing I have realized in my one year as a GM is that no matter what, your players will always be their own greatest challenge. Thanks for proving that to me again.”

Calamity: “I....well, this is pretty sudden. I had no idea you, uh, were interested. Well, you did go through the trouble of making this stew for me. The....feeling's not exactly mutual, but I do appreciate the gesture.”
Autumn: *Commiserating grimace with Reuben when his date is declined*
Gizmo: “Of course if someone were to leave Reuben alone with Morning and Calamity, just to make things funny/awkward, that's cool.”
Reuben: “You mean it’s not already awkward?”
Autumn: “But on the plus side, tasty stew for dinner!”

goto124
2015-12-12, 11:38 AM
What species is Calamity?


Reuben: “I swear Reuben wasn't staring below the face, LOL.”
GM: “With that total on a Heart roll, she probably wouldn't even mind.”

Wait... would ponies have their equivalent to My Eyes Are Up Here?

Theoboldi
2015-12-12, 11:56 AM
What species is Calamity?

She's a very grumpy pegasus pony, actually.



Wait... would ponies have their equivalent to My Eyes Are Up Here?

Though Digo didn't quote that part of the conversation, her not having anything to look at there was lampshaded. Maybe he just really liked her legs?

GPuzzle
2015-12-12, 02:53 PM
Solera:"Your plan is, at the moment, to infiltrate the convoy and release the three frightened girls we met from earlier. This much, I like."
Nae: "Oh, that's what you wanted clarified. I'm all ears."
Solera: "However, the rest of it hinges on persuading these three terrified, likely inexperienced girls, with powers that we currently know nothing about, and expecting them to unleash hell on a military convoy."
Nae: "Phase two could use some optimisation, but that was the first thing that came to mind."

Solera: *to the tune of "Keep On Rockin' in the Free World"* "Gonna keep on walkin' through a warzone."

DigoDragon
2015-12-12, 03:50 PM
She's a very grumpy pegasus pony, actually.

It was one of those on-a-whim kind of things that Reuben attempted to ask her out. ^^;
But perhaps in hind-sight, the 'opposites attract' theory works here? Reuben would soften her sour attitude and be more cheerful while Calamity would keep him on task and responsible. Who knows? I sure don't. That's part of the fun.



Though Digo didn't quote that part of the conversation, her not having anything to look at there was lampshaded. Maybe he just really liked her legs?

Strong legs, strong wings... we know Gizmo is a 'wings stallion'. :smallbiggrin:

..ZZ Top song now stuck in my head.

kopout
2015-12-12, 11:51 PM
DM:... but let's face it, you're covered in spiders and just set yourself on fire. So, happy birthday?

GrayGriffin
2015-12-13, 01:09 AM
OOC Quote Roundup! (Mostly in reverse chronological order)

"Altair gets achievement: First one of Surolam's suitees she was mistaken for a couple with"
"And nothing can take that away from him. Heck, the NPC thought Surolam might have been pregnant. That gets bonus points in someone's books, though I have no idea whose."
"Meanwhile, jil managed to Swipe the First Dance with Surolam."
"Jericho got the first chest-touching"
"By 'Accident', but... well..."

"Hm, that's interesting. There are only 3 moves with Kiss in the name, and Lunar Hope will end up grabbing them all."

"So he gropes people to drain their energy?"

"'Okay, you know what? We'll leave you alone to do your thing if you just make this plant grow right away.'"

"Also, I kind of ship Molly/Surolam just for a 'belling the cat' joke"

"...gray stop shipping characters"

Inevitability
2015-12-13, 07:00 AM
Me: Nature is bigger than a squirrel.
Player: How about a cow? It can't possibly be bigger than a cow, can it?

DigoDragon
2015-12-13, 10:41 AM
DM:... but let's face it, you're covered in spiders and just set yourself on fire. So, happy birthday?

That is... one heck of a birthday party. :smalleek:



"...gray stop shipping characters"

Does Gray have a chart? You know it's serious businesswhen they actually write out a shipping chart.



Me: Nature is bigger than a squirrel.
Player: How about a cow? It can't possibly be bigger than a cow, can it?

A little bigger than a cow. :3


Viridia: “...River is going to get a short, sharp visit from the smack fairy.”

Viridia: “Have the party in generic Japanese gear (Schoolgirl outfit, samurai armor, and so on) with Fan Knife looking on like ‘Filthy Gaijin’.”
GM: “Fan Knife's reaction would likely be more along the lines of 'Roll Initiative'.”
Viridia: “You mean ‘Nyoro~n! Roll initiative desu ne!’”
GM: “In addition, in case anyone thinks of making Stitchheart their waifu, they might need to worry about getting the knifu.”
Viridia: “That significantly shortens one's lifu.”

Stellar: “The thing about paying mercenaries is that you need to pay reasonably. That price is there for your protection! If you get hit you want them to come to your rescue. ‘Damnit, I'm not losing my 500 caps!’ Rather than ‘Huh, there goes my 50 caps.’”

Moon: “Oh, and Moonshadow does not approve of this reckless money spending. She'd be disagreeable about letting the two of them tag along for free, let alone paying them for it.”
GM: “It's a good thing that Cassidy might as well have the phrase 'Element of Reasonability' tattooed on her forehead, then.”

Doc: “You'll like Viridia. She's pretty level-headed and responsible...”
Viridia: “Heh. Oh, wait. You're serious? Let me laugh even harder.”
Doc: “Also, a pretty pegasus.”
Viridia: “The prettiest pegasus.”

Viridia: “Although she seemed to recall Diamond Dazzle being in that area, which probably wouldn't be the best way of gaining allies. ‘Hey baby, we banged at a drugged-up party. Help me take care of my eight-strong entourage?’”

Doc: “We'll need to grab Flagon on the way. I want to put his head on some ice.”
Strawberry: “Oh, hey, we can get his drugs now!”

goto124
2015-12-13, 10:55 AM
That is... one heck of a birthday party. :smalleek:




Does Gray have a chart? You know it's serious businesswhen they actually write out a shipping chart.




A little bigger than a cow. :3


Viridia: “...River is going to get a short, sharp visit from the smack fairy.”

Viridia: “Have the party in generic Japanese gear (Schoolgirl outfit, samurai armor, and so on) with Fan Knife looking on like ‘Filthy Gaijin’.”
GM: “Fan Knife's reaction would likely be more along the lines of 'Roll Initiative'.”
Viridia: “You mean ‘Nyoro~n! Roll initiative desu ne!’”
GM: “In addition, in case anyone thinks of making Stitchheart their waifu, they might need to worry about getting the knifu.”
Viridia: “That significantly shortens one's lifu.”

Stellar: “The thing about paying mercenaries is that you need to pay reasonably. That price is there for your protection! If you get hit you want them to come to your rescue. ‘Damnit, I'm not losing my 500 caps!’ Rather than ‘Huh, there goes my 50 caps.’”

Moon: “Oh, and Moonshadow does not approve of this reckless money spending. She'd be disagreeable about letting the two of them tag along for free, let alone paying them for it.”
GM: “It's a good thing that Cassidy might as well have the phrase 'Element of Reasonability' tattooed on her forehead, then.”

Doc: “You'll like Viridia. She's pretty level-headed and responsible...”
Viridia: “Heh. Oh, wait. You're serious? Let me laugh even harder.”
Doc: “Also, a pretty pegasus.”
Viridia: “The prettiest pegasus.”

Viridia: “Although she seemed to recall Diamond Dazzle being in that area, which probably wouldn't be the best way of gaining allies. ‘Hey baby, we banged at a drugged-up party. Help me take care of my eight-strong entourage?’”

Doc: “We'll need to grab Flagon on the way. I want to put his head on some ice.”
Strawberry: “Oh, hey, we can get his drugs now!”

Did Cassidy ever reveal her cutie mark? Can ponies get more than one cutie mark?

Do tell me about Diamond Dazzle :smallamused:

Wait, which kind of ice? Not Strawberry ice cream (http://www.twopeasandtheirpod.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/strawberry-ice-cream4.jpg), right?

DigoDragon
2015-12-13, 01:48 PM
Did Cassidy ever reveal her cutie mark? Can ponies get more than one cutie mark?

Do tell me about Diamond Dazzle :smallamused:

Wait, which kind of ice? Not Strawberry ice cream (http://www.twopeasandtheirpod.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/strawberry-ice-cream4.jpg), right?

I do not believe the GM has mentioned their cutie marks yet, so they're probably still covered by armor or such. I don't think you can get more than one. :3

Diamond Dazzle was a mare Viridia met waaaaay back at Abbaas' party. She did drugs (moon dust I think?) and they had a little bedroom fun. Dazzle told Viridia to stop by her place if she ever passed through Ministry Row.

I hope not. Chilled pony brains doesn't sound like a tasty dessert.

GrayGriffin
2015-12-13, 03:49 PM
Does Gray have a chart? You know it's serious business when they actually write out a shipping chart.

Of course I do! Wouldn't be complete without it.

ZeroGear
2015-12-13, 10:02 PM
I hope not. Chilled pony brains doesn't sound like a tasty dessert.

As opposed to what, chilled monkey brains?

From some games at a Con I was at:

"You're a fisherman, you know morse code!"

"You win some, you lose some. Are you feeling lucky?"
"I am resolved not to move from this spot."

"Good luck!"
"Said from 10ft away."
"15!"

"Mine's bigger."
"It's not the size that matters."
*Kills 3 mooks*
"...Maybe it is the size that matters."

"I am going to violate that child with my rapier!"

"I need to switch up my god. Apparently I'm not going to be healed if I worship Kanye West."

"Who put that stalagmite there?"

"I'm trying to swim in 3ft of water."

"Oh great, another pointy-eared f***er."

goto124
2015-12-14, 03:05 AM
Something something half-elves.


Diamond Dazzle was a mare Viridia met waaaaay back at Abbaas' party. She did drugs (moon dust I think?) and they had a little bedroom fun. Dazzle told Viridia to stop by her place if she ever passed through Ministry Row.

Was that before or after the Reaver thing?

RCgothic
2015-12-14, 04:41 AM
Just before. Viridia got lucky skills.

DigoDragon
2015-12-14, 06:58 AM
Of course I do! Wouldn't be complete without it.

Hee. Now that's pro.



As opposed to what, chilled monkey brains?

One of my cuisine rules is never to eat any part an animal used for thinking. XD



"Mine's bigger."
"It's not the size that matters."
*Kills 3 mooks*
"...Maybe it is the size that matters."

I could see this conversation happen in those D&D games my wife plays in. She'd be the one killing the 3 mooks.



Just before. Viridia got lucky skills.

Luck is one of her skills. :D


Doc: "By the way, Stellar, Moon-- I had gotten a message from Nightcore. She might pay us a visit later. Said she had some info for us."
Stellar: “Stellar quirks an eyebrow at that last bit of news. How has Doc gotten news from Oakville?”
Doc: “Night got creative on how to reach us, with Captain Jack's 'special skills'.”
GM: “Strawberry slowly raised a hoof, looking like she was about to say something especially stupid.”

GM: “Cassidy looked confused too, but she wasn't gaping like a fish or anything like that, probably because she wasn't currently on drugs.”
Stellar: “Oh, um. Let me explain... No, there is too much. Let me sum up.” (Sums up the entire campaign adventure to date)
Doc: “Ah Stellar. When Doc needs to dance around a bush to paint his group in a good light so as not to cause concern or paranoia in potential allies, leave it to Stellar to set that bush on fire.”

Doc: “You gonna be alright, or did we scare you with our past adventures?”
Cassidy: “I'm just trying to figure out who in this city you haven't managed to antagonize.”
Moon: “A Reaver believe it or not. Apparently the main group did not appreciate the public image the one we fought was giving the ghoul community.”
Doc: “Yeah. The one that delivered the bounty said as much. So, brownie points for us with the Reaver faction.”

goto124
2015-12-14, 07:16 AM
But... what was Strawberry about to say?

ZeroGear
2015-12-14, 08:11 AM
"Ok, you need to take a left here."
"I can't take a left, it's a one-way street."
"But you need to take a left."
"I want to, but I can't. All the steets are one-way!"
"But we need to turn left!"
"What the hell do you think I'm trying to do!"
"Turn left?"
"I'M TRYING!"

DigoDragon
2015-12-14, 08:17 AM
But... what was Strawberry about to say?

Dunno, she never said it. I imagine it was going to be dumb though. she's still out of her mind from the drug high she came off of.

Necroticplague
2015-12-15, 06:45 AM
DM: Wow. I never knew it was possible for this to happen, but you've managed to overflow the sinfullness scale to it wraps right around to sainthood. It's like every one of your sins cancels out a different one.

AI: Technically, I'm not self aware. I just act like I am.
Gene: What's the difference?
AI: And that's one for philosophers to argue over.

DigoDragon
2015-12-15, 08:19 AM
Gizmo: “Guess who is hunting a lost treasure in a forgotten city? Me. Your rival, Doctor.......no that sounds stupid. Professor Stien. Much better.”

GM: “Oh look. Those consequences are here early. Probably should have mentioned that.”
Reuben: “Uh oh.” :smalleek:

Autumn: “Well that was weird. I'm going for my evening flight. And if that happens to take me past Calamity's window, then that would just be coincidence, right?”

Autumn: *Spies on Calamity – Rolls a 20*
Reuben: “She’s like an Autumn breeze.”
Gizmo: *Whistle* “Dem wings.”
Autumn: “I am a leaf on the wind! Watch how I soa- uh, on second thought, walking is fine.”

Gizmo: #Possession, #CalledIt

GM: “[Calamity’s] wide, purple spheres have been seemingly replaced with decidedly un-ponylike eyes, with crimson irises that match the dark red aura around her and thin, vertical, almost reptilian pupils.
Autumn: “NOT. GOOD.”
GM: “Feel free to hand wave Autumn returning into the car so she can tell her friends about this at the beginning of your next post. The rest of you, feel free to panic.”

ZeroGear
2015-12-15, 09:59 AM
"I examine the bodies."
"Heal check to determine c.o.d."
"16."
"You can't tell much from the skeletons, aside from the fact that they appear to have cracks in their pelvic bones."
"Interese."
"Also, they seem to be cracked from the inside."
"Ok...wierd."

*Later*

"A dark shadow looms at the end of the hallway. The monstrous form of a beastly creature lurches into view."
"That sounds bad. What does it look like?"
"Large, bulbous, with one malicious eye and oily black skin. You can hear wet slapping sounds as it pulls itself along the ground with long. Grasping tentacles."
"Wait, what was that last part?"
"That it has Long, Grasping, Tentacles?"
*girly screams of horror as entire group flees back down the hallway collectively yelling "NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE!"*

Necroticplague
2015-12-15, 10:51 AM
"I examine the bodies."
"Heal check to determine c.o.d."
"16."
"You can't tell much from the skeletons, aside from the fact that they appear to have cracks in their pelvic bones."
"Interese."
"Also, they seem to be cracked from the inside."
"Ok...wierd."

*Later*

"A dark shadow looms at the end of the hallway. The monstrous form of a beastly creature lurches into view."
"That sounds bad. What does it look like?"
"Large, bulbous, with one malicious eye and oily black skin. You can hear wet slapping sounds as it pulls itself along the ground with long. Grasping tentacles."
"Wait, what was that last part?"
"That it has Long, Grasping, Tentacles?"
*girly screams of horror as entire group flees back down the hallway collectively yelling "NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE!"*

Ow. Never before has mere implication made me physically cringe this much.
Incidentally, it's the rest of the description that seals the deal more than the tentacles. One-eyed, bulbous, wet slapping....

ZeroGear
2015-12-15, 11:17 AM
Ow. Never before has mere implication made me physically cringe this much.
Incidentally, it's the rest of the description that seals the deal more than the tentacles. One-eyed, bulbous, wet slapping....

It's always better when the PCs let their own imagination be their worst enemy.

Anonymouswizard
2015-12-15, 02:27 PM
Priest: to be fair, taking an elf *points to shadowdancer* and two humans *points to self and alchemist* anywhere is a bad idea.
Dwarf Engineer: hey!

GrayGriffin
2015-12-15, 07:40 PM
Fern: "What kind of human courting ritual is this?"
Coriander: "It's a pun."

Diachronos
2015-12-15, 08:56 PM
"Why would you take 'attempted murder'? Not only does that mean that you're evil, it means you suck!"

"The most evil think I can think of, and I made a lawyer."
"I think he really did go off the deep end, Dan."

Inevitability
2015-12-16, 02:00 AM
Me: Don't take it seriously; it's a satire.
Player: A satyr?
Me: Yes, a satire.
Player: A satyr? Really?
Me: Yes! It's a satire!
Player: Okay, I'm lost.

goto124
2015-12-16, 02:29 AM
How was the confusion eventually cleared up?

DigoDragon
2015-12-16, 08:35 AM
It's always better when the PCs let their own imagination be their worst enemy.

For real. :D That was thehighlight of my time running Expedition to Castle Ravenloft. I had put together some lovely descriptions of sounds and shadowy sights. Few if any were from actual monster/undead encounters. Those that were though... :smallbiggrin:



Me: Don't take it seriously; it's a satire.
Player: A satyr?
Me: Yes, a satire.

Haha, I love where this is going.


Strawberry: (Cradling Flagon’s head) “Alas, poor Flagon! I knew him well!”
Doc: “Yes, a pony of infinite jerk, of most excellent dumbass.”

Viridia: “If they do have a skywagon, can we fly over the radiation?”
GM: “You would be able to avoid most of it.”
Moon: “So much for Fan Knife's secret plan to turn Viridia into a ghoul.”

GM: “Doc could see Flagon's pistol laying on the ground, although the stallion was laying on top of it, at the moment.”
Doc: “This a different gun than the one Stellar looted?”
GM: “...What gun? Ah, wait, there was some sort of duplication bug with Flagon's items. The next patch should fix it.”
Viridia: “The gun is his p****.”
GM: “Spoiler alert: Flagon's already had cyber-surgery.”
Viridia: “Doc ‘Hot Load’ Flagon.”

Doc: “To quote the GM, ‘I think the party getting completely plastered after a fight should be a party tradition.’”
Viridia: “Won't make us vulnerable at all.”
Doc: *Shoots opponent in the leg, opponent falls over helpless*
Stellar: "Nice shooting!"
Doc: *slurred words* "I was aiming for his head."

Viridia: “A very accurate prediction. If said opponent were a radroach.”
Doc: “Or Strawberry Surprise.”

Moon: “Hmm, Stealth Check. Cool, I passed. Now I've successfully lost track of where I am.”
Stellar: “With Stellar, Doc, Strawberry, Cassidy and the late Dr. Flagon.”
Moon: “Regardless, I'm way too amused by not knowing where my character is.”
Doc: “That means the Vicodin is working.”
GM: “Moonshadow traveled with the rest of the group, and is with Doc and Stellar and the two misfits of the month.”
Moon: “But I wanted to be quantum!” *Rarity-whine* :smalltongue:

cavalieredraghi
2015-12-16, 08:46 AM
Doc: “To quote the GM, ‘I think the party getting completely plastered after a fight should be a party tradition.’”
Viridia: “Won't make us vulnerable at all.”
Doc: *Shoots opponent in the leg, opponent falls over helpless*
Stellar: "Nice shooting!"
Doc: *slurred words* "I was aiming for his head."


DOC IS JANE NOW!!! hehe i love that.

PoeticDwarf
2015-12-16, 08:48 AM
Me: Don't take it seriously; it's a satire.
Player: A satyr?
Me: Yes, a satire.
Player: A satyr? Really?
Me: Yes! It's a satire!
Player: Okay, I'm lost.

I still don't know what a satire is:smallwink::smallannoyed:

PoeticDwarf
2015-12-16, 08:49 AM
How was the confusion eventually cleared up?

I said after that, how can a satyr ever do that, and Dire said that he means another kind of satyr/satire

RCgothic
2015-12-16, 09:05 AM
As Digo, you missed out the other firefly references.:smalltongue:

goto124
2015-12-16, 10:17 AM
GM: “Doc could see Flagon's pistol laying on the ground, although the stallion was laying on top of it, at the moment.”
Doc: “This a different gun than the one Stellar looted?”
GM: “...What gun? Ah, wait, there was some sort of duplication bug with Flagon's items. The next patch should fix it.”
GM: “Spoiler alert: Flagon's already had cyber-surgery.”

All I have to say about this: Brilliant :smallbiggrin:

DigoDragon
2015-12-16, 11:33 AM
DOC IS JANE NOW!!! hehe i love that.

Heh, I wish I was that cool. :smallbiggrin:



As Digo, you missed out the other firefly references.:smalltongue:

D'oh, I missed some? Point 'em out to me and I'll add them.

RCgothic
2015-12-16, 11:48 AM
Doc: “To quote the GM, ‘I think the party getting completely plastered after a fight should be a party tradition.’”
Viridia: “Won't make us vulnerable at all.”
Doc: *Shoots opponent in the leg, opponent falls over helpless*
Stellar: "Nice shooting!"
Doc: *slurred words* "I was aiming for his head."

After a few:
Stellar: We're not gonna die. We can't die, Viridia. You know why? Because we are so very pretty. We are just too pretty for Luna to let us die.

Later:
Stellar: You've got the light.. from the console.. keep you, lift you up. They shine like... ...little angels...
Moon: Did she just go crazy and fall asleep?

Dr TPK
2015-12-16, 04:11 PM
"So you're saying that feeding PCs and cohorts to a T-Rex so that it goes away with a full belly means that you overcame the challenge and earn XP for it, right?"

Diachronos
2015-12-17, 03:24 AM
"We're off to fight the Whispering Way. Care to join us? Gold, glory, b****es..."

DigoDragon
2015-12-17, 08:09 AM
After a few:

*Adds to his master document*



"So you're saying that feeding PCs and cohorts to a T-Rex so that it goes away with a full belly means that you overcame the challenge and earn XP for it, right?"

The next challenge is dodging dice thrown at 'em from the other players. :smalltongue:



"We're off to fight the Whispering Way. Care to join us? Gold, glory, b****es..."

And somewhere at the bottom of the list as an afterthought, 'saving the world'. ;)


Moon: “That ring might just be Mirror Armor's way of admitting to herself that she's never going home and she needs to start planning on building a new life her on the mainland. ...or it's how they mark their slaves on psycho unicorn island. I don't know.”

Moon: “Combat theft would be pretty cool I guess. Stealing people's weapons...”
Viridia: “Sometimes called ‘Disarming’.”
Moon: “Pretty much, but something kinda ridiculous like this (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZ8t_7OII0k).”

Doc: “Let me just stitch up the neck a little so [Flagon]’s not dribbling a bigger mess than he already did.”
GM: “Zebra headhunters probably couldn't do it better. ...Well, they probably could, but at least Doc got Flagon's head to stop leaking everywhere.”

GM: “The morgue actually was not far away at all, barely a few turns away. Unfortunately, it looked like it was currently locked.”
Doc: “Hmm, guess we'll have to see Stitchheart first, Moon.”
Moon: “Maybe.” *Picks the lock, opens the door*
Doc: “...or we could do that.”

Moon: “Got any idea what the oven is for?”
Doc: “If it's like the one back home, probably for cremation. With some tinkering Stitch could bake some pies with it.”
Stitchheart: “Hmm? I did not get my doctorate when I was fifteen so I could bake pies.”

Stitchheart: “So, I guess that was just a false alarm, earlier?”
Moon: “Depends what you're talking about. If it was the gunshots, then that was me getting shot repeatedly in the back by a now corpse. Doc took care of it though, so I'm still alive somehow.”

GM: “The two of them looked at Viridia with mild surprise. Neither looked like they wanted to speak first, possibly because Viridia had a three-foot long sword at her side.”

goto124
2015-12-17, 09:52 AM
Moon: “Combat theft would be pretty cool I guess. Stealing people's weapons...”
Viridia: “Sometimes called ‘Disarming’.”

Adding on:

Doc: I wonder what the skill check is for a literal disarming (https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-HIwUNSaOjOM/Vj9E4cxuZMI/AAAAAAAAAjw/bbCS0MWwLes/w800-h800/give_it_back__by_vector_brony-d7ks11c.png) of cyberlimbs?


GM: “The morgue actually was not far away at all, barely a few turns away. Unfortunately, it looked like it was currently locked.”
Doc: “Hmm, guess we'll have to see Stitchheart first, Moon.”
Moon: “Maybe.” *Picks the lock, opens the door*
Doc: “...or we could do that.”

I saw what happened afterwards. It seems to be a rather strange consequence of lockpicking to enter a room. And that's before Moon mentioned the biological inaccuracy!


Moon: “Got any idea what the oven is for?”
Doc: “If it's like the one back home, probably for cremation. With some tinkering Stitch could bake some pies with it.”
Stitchheart: “Hmm? I did not get my doctorate when I was fifteen so I could bake pies.”

Not shown: Stitchheart sneaking up on them.

Necroticplague
2015-12-17, 10:13 AM
Bruta: Wait, who's in charge of making a distraction?
Shibu: I think Gene was.
Bruta:Did xe ever mention how?
Shibu:..........crap.
ST: And right on ironic cue, you guys see what appears to be a tornado moving in from the other direction. Except most tornadoes aren't flaring their animas totemic.
Gene: SUBTLETY, HO!!!!!

goto124
2015-12-17, 10:54 AM
Shibu: I think Gene was.
Bruta:Did xe ever mention how?

Have the players talked about what pronoun to use?

Necroticplague
2015-12-17, 11:02 AM
Have the players talked about what pronoun to use?

Yeah. Normally, it's 'she' to match my appearence, but she's used enough to 'he' that it doesn't particularly bother her. It's just a bit of a running gag started by her to randomly switch between she and random third-person neutral pronouns not commonly used (xir, shi, hir, zir, ect.)

goto124
2015-12-17, 11:13 AM
I'd had a character who was (and may still be) gender-identity-confused, not helped by how they was* able to sex-change at will. I went from "she" to "sie" to "xie" to "ze" and now I'm rewording everything to avoid the use of pronouns at all. It's complicated.

Heck, I describe my pets (so far, a few penguins and a red fox) with "it". I also had my PC attempt to figure out the sex of a penguin, only to realise it's a penguin.

* I have not read up on the proper use of the singular 'they', just flying by the seat of my pants.

DigoDragon
2015-12-17, 11:42 AM
I saw what happened afterwards. It seems to be a rather strange consequence of lockpicking to enter a room. And that's before Moon mentioned the biological inaccuracy!

It's alright though. No lasting harm done by an infected room. We did get a free shower (http://digoraccoon.deviantart.com/art/Hit-The-Showers-578261652) out of it. :smallbiggrin:
Plus, we're gonna make some caps on the body! And maybe more on the head!

Socksy
2015-12-17, 11:46 AM
Ref 1: I thought we fixed him?
Ref 2: No, we turned him into a werewolf!

DigoDragon
2015-12-18, 09:57 AM
GM: “But what exactly is your plan here?”
Ray Stantz: “Get her!”

Autumn: “Point of information - Autumn is a park ranger. She's only a reserve weather pony.”
Gizmo: (Impersonating Autumn) “First I'm going to kick Calamity's flank, then I'm going to range the heck out of that park.”

Reuben: “Fly up, buck once, let out a cheer
To let me know the sky is clear
Don't want nothing to be wrong with weather pony
If she's with me I'll give no flak
To let her know I've got her back
For me and you, my weather pony”
[Part Time Lover by Stevie Wonder]

Gizmo: “[Gizmo] just walks up to the door, slaps the Door Maker on it, and gets behind Autumn, letting her lead the charge.”
Autumn: “The moment the portal is up Autumn is moving through it, ready to restrain Calamity.”
GM: “You hear a heart-dropping 'BZZZZ', indicating that something is malfunctioning. The device that created [the door] drops the ground where smoke and sparks begin to emerge from it. Due to this, none except for Autumn make it through.”
Reuben: “Ack! Gizmo, your door went dud!”
Gizmo: *In shock*
Reuben: (Pulls out some bobby pins) “Ha! Thank you mom for washing my clothes with my sister’s!”
Morning: (Pawing at the door) “Ouvre la porte, ouvre la porte!”
Reuben: “Yes, yes, I'm ouvring the porte as fast as I can!”

Possessed Calamity: “How dare- ...Autumn? What are you doing in here?”
Autumn: “Sorry. I guess I just find glowing eyes, wild manes and magical auras really attractive in a mare.” (Bucks the door hard)
Reuben: “Crap, did I just get a face full of door? Or Autumn’s hooves? Pretty as she is, not sure if want.”

Diachronos
2015-12-18, 10:35 AM
And somewhere at the bottom of the list as an afterthought, 'saving the world'. ;)[/SPOILER]


It's a little sad, actually. This was an OOC thing our DM said after one of the party members asked my kobold to join the group. IC, he didn't know that this kobold was formerly part of the same group...and the only member of the original group that hadn't fallen to the Whispering Way yet.

Inevitability
2015-12-18, 11:11 AM
Me: So... you are worshipping the apparently True Neutral concept of Hunger and War, whose favored weapon is... a greatsword?
Player: It makes perfect sense! Basically, he's only a deity of hunger most of the time, but he gets angry whenever someone tries to steal his food.
Me: Where does the greatsword come in?
Player: He gets really angry.

goto124
2015-12-18, 12:07 PM
What device is that?

What did Rueben roll for Lockpick? Moonshadow passed hers easily!

DigoDragon
2015-12-18, 01:58 PM
What device is that?
What did Rueben roll for Lockpick? Moonshadow passed hers easily!

Gizmo has the ability to create 3 minor one-use magic items. The device he used was essentially a "Portable Door". Stick it on a wall, it expands to door size.

This game's system only has stats (Body, Mind, Heart). Like Tri-stat. I forget what Reuben rolls for lock-picking. I think it's body (which encompasses dexterity and strength).

Gracht Grabmaw
2015-12-18, 02:08 PM
"I wanna roll a Sense Motive to see if that deer really is a deer."

Now to bei fair, it literally walked up into our camp, wished us a good morning and asked us in Common if we could spare some tea.

arclance
2015-12-18, 02:36 PM
"I wanna roll a Sense Motive to see if that deer really is a deer."

Now to bei fair, it literally walked up into our camp, wished us a good morning and asked us in Common if we could spare some tea.
I my group this would be a possible explanation

GM: When collecting firewood you missed that some of the logs had a hallucinogenic fungus growing on them.

Bard1cKnowledge
2015-12-18, 03:32 PM
Gizmo has the ability to create 3 minor one-use magic items. The device he used was essentially a "Portable Door". Stick it on a wall, it expands to door size.

This game's system only has stats (Body, Mind, Heart). Like Tri-stat. I forget what Reuben rolls for lock-picking. I think it's body (which encompasses dexterity and strength).

I get 6 actually, my mind score is that good :p

DigoDragon
2015-12-18, 04:32 PM
I get 6 actually, my mind score is that good :p

Oops, sorry. It is indeed 6!


GM: “Autumn slams her hooves into the mahogany door with the kind of energy only she can muster, knocking it off its hinges and sending it flying across the room. Which, as it turns out, is a rather bad course of action for her friends. Reuben, who is currently completely focused on picking the door's lock gets a sudden and very painful smack of mahogany to his face, and after a short moment of flight he ends up sandwiched between a door and hard place, namely the wall. Morning is only barely missed by the door, it passing by right in front of her muzzle.”

goto124
2015-12-19, 01:22 AM
But how much damage was that?

Inevitability
2015-12-19, 07:22 AM
Player: My character's primary goal is to triple in weight as soon as possible.

EvilestWeevil
2015-12-19, 07:58 AM
Gnome Rogue: So the puzzle piece is in the purple worms stomach?
DM: Yes
Gnome Rogue: I taunt the purple worm and yell "EAT ME"!

DigoDragon
2015-12-19, 09:01 AM
But how much damage was that?

GM: “Welp. Dice roller screwed up again. Nothing to see here, just rolling for damage. Reuben takes 11 Fortitude.”
Reuben: “First blood!”
GM: “Autumn takes 6 Willpower.”
Autumn: “Willpower 24/30. Shields down to 80% and holding. Monster must try harder!”
Reuben: “Please don’t encourage the monster.”

Gizmo: “’My love! I will save you und your wings from that smoke!’ ...Is what is going through Gizmos mind.”
Reuben: “What went through Reuben's mind was probably ‘Why must mahogany be so solid?!’”

Autumn: “Also, don't worry about the hull breach on deck 2, there's nothing important there, just crew quarters and docking ports.”
Reuben: “Considering I was referring to Reuben's snout, the 'docking ports' comment made me spit up my drink a little with giggles.”

GM: “Within seconds, the smoke begins filling the entirety of Calamity's room, and begins to fill the corridor of the car, with several innocent passengers still inside.”
Autumn: “I'll be so amused if the first solid object to throw is Gizmo's portable door device.”
GM: *Rolls – It is!*
Autumn: *Grabs the broken magic door device and smashes it through a window*

goto124
2015-12-19, 09:31 AM
Is 11 Fort a lot?

Where was Gizmo when Reuben got smacked by the door?

DigoDragon
2015-12-19, 09:42 AM
Is 11 Fort a lot?

There are two damage tracks, Fortitude and Will Power (for physical and mental injuries). Reuben has 45 total Fort points, so taking 11 damage is almost one-fourth his Fort capacity. So yes, it is a lot.



Where was Gizmo when Reuben got smacked by the door?

Not in the way of the door. XD
I think he said he stepped back to let Reuben try picking the lock.

Inevitability
2015-12-19, 11:04 AM
Player: Greetings, pitiful serf! What services can we perform for you?
Farmer: Er... hello? What do you mean by 'services'?
Player: You know; slaying dragons, finding lost treasures, stopping wars... all for an appropriate price, of course.
Farmer: Well, there's this ankheg that's been eating my sheep... Could'ya go kill it for me?
Player: How can you pay us?
Farmer: Er... beets?
Player: Maybe a sheep? Think logically; a single sheep isn't much compared to the multiple sheep you would lose if we don't kill the ankheg.
Farmer: Well, allright th...
Player: No, wait! Throw in some beets too!
Farmer: How about five?
Player: Six!
Farmer: Fine. One sheep and six beets.
Me: Ah, level-one quests; you gotta love them.

PoeticDwarf
2015-12-20, 10:57 AM
Illusion of the wizard: Most important, you can trust the wizard, he is a really nice guy y'know
Monk and me: (laughing) That is so funny
me: He will never believe your illusion


Me: So you run to Demogorgon and you cast ray of frost on it, as a level 3 wizard?
Wizard: Sure
Me: That reminds me of your other gnome wizard:smallmad:
Wizard: 25 !!!, maximum roll, he gets 4 damage
Me: Urgh:smalleek:


Me: The kuo-toa child runs too you and throws a spear, shouting, you killed my whole family!
Me: He also has a baby kuo-toa with him
Monk: I get the spear and throw it back
Monk: 20, oooh nice damage
Me: you killed the child, wait, are you seriously CG?


Me Well, if you are bored, you can just do something, attacking, talking, roleplaying
Pirate I attack the wizard
(later when the Pirate is down)
Wizard Why did you do this
Pirate's player OOC (pointing at me)


Me Why do you guys roll insight all the time
Druid Nobody is gonna believe that kuo-toa give milk to their children


Monk: I will to you talk in language of you this
Druid:Stop talk to like this me
Monk:I'm just nice to be trying

Zejety
2015-12-20, 12:06 PM
NPC mother, tears in her eyes: "Son, is it true? We heard that you have been approached by [the black coach that takes everyone ne who sees it never to return]“
PC son: "Nope."
NPC mother: "Oops, alright then."

A natural 20 may have been involved.

PoeticDwarf
2015-12-21, 02:02 AM
Monk That's cool
Me No undead here:smallannoyed:

DigoDragon
2015-12-21, 07:47 AM
Me: Ah, level-one quests; you gotta love them.

Did the PCs get paid in sheep and beets?



Wizard: 25 !!!, maximum roll, he gets 4 damage
Me: Urgh:smalleek:

So, how much damage did Demogorgon do in return? :smallbiggrin:


Autumn: “I heard wings!” (Dives out the broken window after Possessed Calamity)
Reuben: “Dang! And I failed flight school.” (Decides to climb the side of the moving train car instead of jumping out the window)
Dice: *Rolls a 6*
Reuben: “THANK CELESTA I didn't decide to jump out the window.”
Autumn: “That would have been significantly more painful than a mahogany door to the face!”
Reuben: “High speed road rash, except on a coarser bed of gravel that train tracks are usually laid upon. Ouch.”
Autumn: “You know falling off the train might have the same effect, with a roll like that!”
Reuben: “Shh, don't give the GM ideas! I think Autumn is going to be the death of Reuben.”

Gizmo: “Would a half empty wine bottle work? Surely chaos possessed or not, Calamity enjoyed the finer things.”
GM: “Yeah, that sounds about right. You'll likely be able to find a bottle in Calamity's room or in the common room.”
Reuben: “Reuben may or may not assist by clearing the other half [of the bottle] depending on how this scene ends.”
Autumn: “I think Autumn will be buying when she sees what she's done to Reuben's muzzle! I wonder if the bar carriage has any maple whisky?”
Reuben: “Oooooh, I like how you think!”

GM: “Due to the motion of the train, Reuben suddenly stumbles, not quite managing to hold onto something in time. He falls backwards, only barely managing to grip onto the railing with one hoof. Underneath his other hooves, a track of gravel runs by with blistering speed.”
Reuben: “Holding on to the train is definitely something high on Reuben's priority list!”
GM: “Don't worry, Digo. I'm sure you can get out of this one. Reuben just has to… hang in there.”
Reuben: *Climbs back onto the train*
GM: “Whew. Reuben's situation really put me on edge… okay that was the last one in my system.”

ZeroGear
2015-12-21, 06:44 PM
Dammit Digo, now I want to read the "Crazy Adventures of Reuben and Co." in comic form!
...That is, after I read both versions of the "Wasteland Heroes" comics you have about your characters...if you ever decide to put them in comic form in their entirety.
...Maybe you can do that instead of and/or in addition to writing a campaign journal? (I would pay to own a set of those...if they existed)

TurboGhast
2015-12-21, 06:52 PM
DM: You gain on the minotaur.
Veit: How am I gaining on it while running away?

erradin
2015-12-21, 07:57 PM
Flint: I'm a strong, independant man who don't need no lamp.

DigoDragon
2015-12-21, 08:03 PM
Dammit Digo, now I want to read the "Crazy Adventures of Reuben and Co." in comic form!

I'd totally read that too, even though I'm in it. ^^;



...That is, after I read both versions of the "Wasteland Heroes" comics you have about your characters...if you ever decide to put them in comic form in their entirety.
...Maybe you can do that instead of and/or in addition to writing a campaign journal? (I would pay to own a set of those...if they existed)

Oh wow, I'm actually taken back by that. In a good way of course. Well there was a short little comic-ish thing (http://fav.me/d8jpzjr) I did a while back for Doc, and I'm doing another one (http://fav.me/d9kuk1y) recently. I don't know if I have the time to do a full on comic of Blood & Pancakes as a comic, but maybe as sporadic images within a journal. Or maybe one with Reuben and Company. Either one is good.

Diachronos
2015-12-21, 09:00 PM
DM: *Opening narration for Way of the Wicked*
P1: "Even if I am 'forsaken' I'm pretty sure the law firm will take me back."

Necroticplague
2015-12-21, 09:40 PM
Gene:Well, if this is the apocalypse....quick, time to go loot a bra store!
DM: That's your first thought? Not something like a gun shop, or a grocery store, or a pharmacy?
Gene: Clearly, you'r someone who doesn't know how hard or expensive that type of shopping is. There will always be weapons, food, and medicine to be made. That crap can wait.

ZeroGear
2015-12-22, 12:02 AM
Oh wow, I'm actually taken back by that. In a good way of course. Well there was a short little comic-ish thing (http://fav.me/d8jpzjr) I did a while back for Doc, and I'm doing another one (http://fav.me/d9kuk1y) recently. I don't know if I have the time to do a full on comic of Blood & Pancakes as a comic, but maybe as sporadic images within a journal. Or maybe one with Reuben and Company. Either one is good.

Why do I feel like these would make a cool audio dramas if it were put into story form?

Eno Remnant
2015-12-22, 12:04 AM
DMPC: "I should point out, I'm not constrained by the fourth wall."


Player 1: "So they're sort of evil furniture?"


DMPC: "Well duh. What did you think Eno would do if he gained plenopotentiary powers? Something practical?"


DMPC: "Welcome to France, a dozen-odd centuries ago. Though, also technically not France. It's confusing, and I know everything about it."


Player 1: Finally! I look at the Heartless in front of Mei. This takes my swift action to Mark it, and my standard action to Kill It With My Brain.
*Rolls natural 1*
Except. I glare impotently. Good fight, I retire.


Player 1: "But how do they know that if they're mindless? I'm so confused."
DMPC: "It's in the statblock and the KH lore. You got a problem, take it up with Square Enix."


Player 2: Free action to put on sunglasses.
DM: I'll allow it.
Player 2: "It's time to drop the BEARSE"
DM: Nope. That I won't allow.
Player 2: Aw.


DMPC: "Wait a second. This isn't true to the game at all. Gotta be fair to the giant monstrosity."


Player 3: On the bright side, Xaldin's carrying capacity is nerfed to hell.


Player 1: I will use my last reroll. Come on RNG gods. MAKE THIS GLORIOUS.
*Rolls natural 1*
YES! CALLED IT! I SO ****ING CALLED THAT!


DM: And so everyone gets tableflipped to death.



DM: Gygax is rolling in his grave.


DM: So Mal's dead. That's... unfortunate. On the plus side, you successfully dealt with the lightning trap. With your bodies.


Player 1: Ahri expends a cast of that spell whose name is too long to spell properly in order to make a thing that fits the hole perfectly.
Player 2: Abra Kadabra?
Player 3: Prestidigitation.
Player 4: Avada Kedavra? KILL THE WALL! KILL IT!


Player 3: God let me check the doors. I mean, pit pit pit LAVA.
*Further down the hall, at the lava trap*
WHAT DID I SAY, PIT PIT PIT LAVA!


DM: You hear joyful singing and laughter emanating from beyond the door.
Player 2: Uh oh.
Player 4: "Guys, there's a demon beyond the door."

Diachronos
2015-12-22, 05:14 AM
DM: "Congratulations, you just successfully talked your way out of prison."

Professor Gnoll
2015-12-22, 05:21 AM
"Alright, now we need to eat Suzy."
"Sucromancer, we need you down stairs pedal-powering the giant's head. We don't have much time left".
"Make a roll to avoid being seduced by the Gibbering Mouther. 4? Yeah, that's a fail."

Inevitability
2015-12-22, 05:46 AM
Did the PCs get paid in sheep and beets?

They got themselves killed.

Druid: I can't believe you let my character die!
Cleric: I was out of heal spells! I did all I could!
Me: Actually, this is 3.5. As long as you have a spell slot left, you can exchange it for a heal.
Cleric: Yeah, but I didn't feel like doing that.

Me: Aaaaaand, that's four damage. You're down and get eaten next round. Campaign's over, I guess?
Cleric: Okay. You see, I knew freeing the ghoul was bad news, but it just seemed to predictable to be true. So, as you enjoy playing with alignment and such, I deduced that freeing the ghoul was actually a good idea!
Me: Morale of the story; sometimes, the ancient life-sucking corpse is an ancient life-sucking corpse.

DigoDragon
2015-12-22, 11:29 AM
Gene: Clearly, you'r someone who doesn't know how hard or expensive that type of shopping is. There will always be weapons, food, and medicine to be made. That crap can wait.

As a married man who knows the pain my spouse feels when bra shopping, this rings so true. XD



Why do I feel like these would make a cool audio dramas if it were put into story form?

Hmm, that might be pretty cool. Don't know that I'd sound like a good Reuben. Always imagined he had a voice similar to Casey Kasem. Mine is a bit nasally to pull it off.



Player 1: "So they're sort of evil furniture?"

I've thrown so many encounters of animated evil furniture at players that it could probably be part of a drinking game. XD



"Alright, now we need to eat Suzy."

Uh... O.o



Cleric: Yeah, but I didn't feel like doing that.

And this is where I'd expect the Cleric to get cuffed by every member of the party.


Possessed Calamity: “Are you kidding me? You're actually trying to chase me?”
Autumn: “Hadn't you heard? Chasing after ponies is basically what I'm known for!”

Possessed Calamity: “How well are you gonna do when you have to fight me without your friends?”
Autumn: “Well you know what makes it impossible to fly at high speed? Wind shear. Well prepare to eat tundra, demon!”
Autumn's Dice: *Rolls Awesome*
Autumn: “That awkward moment when you roll a natural 20 on 2d6.”
Possessed Calamity: *Spiked like a football*

Reuben: “GM, is it okay if Reuben leaps at Calamity as he casts his mind Restoration spell?”
GM: “I'd only have a problem if [Reuben] tried to do calculus while transforming apples into oranges.”

Autumn: “Chalk up a DC20 on that tackle roll. Autumn and Reuben make a serious team!”
GM: “They are the best tag team. We'll need to have a wrestling-based episode somewhere down the line.”
Reuben: “I just realized how dangerous pairing those two on Body checks are. Awesome.”
Autumn: “Reuben's got reach, Autumn's got flexibility? They should bang.”
GM: “Calamity's gonna be so jelly.”

Reuben: “I'm okay with that. Never had a character lose virginity by headcanon before.”

Inevitability
2015-12-22, 01:17 PM
And this is where I'd expect the Cleric to get cuffed by every member of the party.

Minor issue: the party consisted of the cleric, the druid, the druid's wolf, and the druid's other wolf.

goto124
2015-12-22, 06:30 PM
How do you roll a 20 on a 2d6?

Who was on top?

bulbaquil
2015-12-22, 09:25 PM
How do you roll a 20 on a 2d6?

Could be exploding dice.

DigoDragon
2015-12-22, 09:31 PM
Minor issue: the party consisted of the cleric, the druid, the druid's wolf, and the druid's other wolf.

Ah. Well, then the two wolves hold 'em down while the druid does the cuffing. :smallamused:



How do you roll a 20 on a 2d6?

Could be exploding dice.

Not exploding dice, but in fact Autumn has a +6 Body score, plus an additional +2 in other bonuses. So she rolls a 12 and the total hits 20. :D



Who was on top?

This is an exercise best left to the imagination of the readers. ;)

Bard1cKnowledge
2015-12-22, 10:52 PM
This us not from Digos games, those are his property and I don't want to step on his hooves.

Note that I am the paladin in the next bits.

Gm so amongst your assets are a scroll of blight, a scroll of bless, a potion of Frost Giansts strength, and various character bonuses
Paladin Do we have a wheelbarrow?
Gm I was getting to both that and the Holocaust cloak.

Fighter I tell the dragon I screwed his mother, and he (the paladin) svrewed his sister.
Paladin I am quite literally too good for that

Paladin I'm going to blow my load all over your insides.
Dragon *gurgle*
Paladin No homo *holy smite*

One Tin Soldier
2015-12-23, 02:03 AM
In a giant alien library in a Scion game:
GM: You reach the top of the stairs, and sitting on a chair is a little girl. In one hand, she's holding a book, in the other hand she's holding a lolipop, and in the other hand she's holding a teddy bear.
Me: Oh, so that's the race that N64 controllers are designed for!

DigoDragon
2015-12-23, 07:30 AM
This us not from Digos games, those are his property and I don't want to step on his hooves.

Well, technically they're our quote property. I couldn't have the funny without my friends. :smallbiggrin:


Autumn: “Autumn’s actions for this round have already been posted. I blame Reuben. She saw him go for it and jumped right along after. Brashness is her flaw after all!”
Reuben: “Reuben will be eternally grateful for Autumn jumping in to help pin Calamity down. Reuben is a medium weight pony and Calamity is more in Autumn's bruiser weight.”
Autumn: “You're saying what about Autumn's weight?”
Reuben: “Weight class, like in boxing? Not the other kind of weight that would end with Reuben in a headlock. ...or maybe Reuben is getting in that headlock regardless.”
Autumn: “Even in boxing it refers to physical weight. I think Reuben's destined for that headlock anyway.”

Autumn: *Drops like an anvil and plows into Calamity for a pin maneuver*
GM: “So, just to make sure I understand this correctly, Autumn Gale is gonna ram into Calamity and smash her onto the ground to pin her? Just checking.”
Reuben: “Well, by ‘plow’ I'm pretty sure Autumn isn't starting a farm, so I'd guess she means to pin Calamity. Also, dropping like an Anvil.”
GM: “I myself just wanted to point out the innuendo there with ‘Plow’.”

Morning: “WE WILL NOT BEND TO YOU!”
Reuben: *Grabs Calamity and casts Mind Restoration to end the possession*
GM: “With a strong boost of magical energy coming from Morning, the spell stops Calamity right in her tracks.”
Possessed Calamity: “What are you d-?”
GM: “Reuben feels something in Calamity's mind breaking free, like a light suddenly shining through the darkness.”
Reuben: *Big joyful smile*
GM: “Only to immediately disappear. The next thing that happens is that Calamity suddenly flares up her wings to throw off the stallion on her back, before smacking him away in one painful blow.”
Reuben: *Slammed against the side of a train car* “Oww… her love is like a truck.”

goto124
2015-12-23, 09:29 AM
GM: “I myself just wanted to point out the innuendo there with ‘Plow’.”

I have not heard of it, admittingly.

Theoboldi
2015-12-23, 11:02 AM
I have not heard of it, admittingly.

To be fair, in the unabridged version I really did only ask if Autumn wanted to be as violent with her attack as she was describing, since Calamity was possessed. And then I found it strange that, out of all the possible alternate meanings of plow, Digo made a joke about farming. Usually our game isn't that clean. :smalltongue:

Sorry for adding context, having some quotes to make up for it.

GM: She took down a train! A TRAIN!

Homeless Man: Do you know what happened to our friend?
Fighter: I'm afraid he won't be coming back.
Bard: -Because he found work elsewhere!
Wizard: Yeah, in another city!
Bard: He's already on the boat for a 20 month journey!
Dice: *Utter Failure at Deception*

Fighter: Thank you for the information, sir. We'll let you get back to your work.
Bard: Is this the part where we give him shiny coins?

GrayGriffin
2015-12-24, 01:24 AM
Minerva: “Ohhh don’t worry about that. I’m sending you on Ice Wall; if you wanted to buy a new fridge, she could manage it.”
Surolam: “Ice…fridge…did you intend to make a pun?” Surolam is trying to recall any ice-associated dragons.
Minerva: “…Well, I wasn’t, but I should’ve.”
Mr. Hotei: “Never miss an opportunity for a good pun, dear. I should take a point off you for that.”
Minerva: “Wait, what points?!”

* Jericho looks at Present #3… he picks it up, listens in… examines the box in detail trying to figure out if there are any traps or hidden mechanisims that may spell death for him… then slowly and carefully unwraps the box and opens the lid…
(Turns out to be a normal present)
Minerva: “Shoulda put a pie trap in there…”

"It fits. She sits."

Surolam: “I hope you won’t be too surprised to hear that…my affections…my romantic affections…do not just lie with one member of our party.”
Jericho: *blinks* “I’m not sure if I should be turned on or terrified.”

Eno Remnant
2015-12-24, 01:58 AM
P2: Between inevitable death and inevitable death. Just the way I like it.


P3: "Transfer the chains to my allies and the rest to me. Fail your saves, everyone."


P4: There are 5 wolves, a fox, a cat, a sharn and a human in a tiny ass room.
DM: And the human is looking through everyone's eyes.


P4: Apparently Dustin's alignment is now Chaotic Good Square.


DM: It's Lawful cancer.


P3: Mal follows with his pack of evil dogs who he's conned into believing their interests coincide.


P1: Ahri: "I draw a line at tentacles."
DM: Ahri swears she can hear somebody say "Before or after them?"
P1: *Winks*


DM: This has never happened in the history of Tomb of Horrors. I'm not even sorry.


P2: ELEMENTALS ASSEMBLE


P1: FOUR THOUSAND MOVE ACTIONS


P3: I DISBELIEVE THE AIR!
DM: Mal begins suffocating.


DM: Helm descends from the heavens to defend his masculinity.



Me: Ysander feels a craving for blood. Then he remembers he's not the necromancer, and the feeling goes away.


Me: I ponder my morningstar, wondering if I can fell myself with one good crack to the head...


P3: "Allow me to consider that."
*Jumps out the window*


Me: I WILL CAST CURE LIGHT WOUNDS ON YOU. DON'T MAKE ME DO IT.


P2: I'm planning for Major Image. Gigantic, roaring fire.
Me: I will add a circumstance bonus. I call that bonus Flame Strike.


P3: I begin stabbing my eyes out.


P4: "You should really be more cautious, holy man. Don't walk up to your random floating metal discs."

DigoDragon
2015-12-24, 12:51 PM
DM: This has never happened in the history of Tomb of Horrors. I'm not even sorry.

What, that the party succeeded in surviving the tomb? :smalltongue:



GM: “At that moment, Calamity slowly is turning a sickly, poisonous green, as she looks at you in an increasingly panicked fashion and tries to hold onto Reuben.”
Evil Dark Voice of Sinister Evil: “Remember. I am the creator of all serpents, and queen of the ocean. And I will reclaim my ruby, no matter what you do.”
GM: “Then, Calamity's body suddenly segments and dissolves, as the red aura around you disappears. Mouths and eyes magically appear from out of nowhere on the individual segments, turning them into a huge, writhing and biting swarm of snakes. They swarm onto the nearby Autumn and Reuben, nearly covering them in an instance, some of them slithering towards Morning.”

Reuben: “We secretly replaced a liked NPC with a pile of snakes. Let's see if the Players notice.”

Reuben: “Damage dealt to Reuben's anguished little mind: 19 Willpower.”
Reuben: “Current Willpower available before damage is applied: 18.”
Reuben: “Breaking the heart of a stallion by dissolving a possible love-interest into a pile of snakes: Priceless.”

Autumn: “Autumn's down to -1 Willpower and thus sidelined. Only Morning left standing?”
GM: “[Yes]. And would you look at that! It's the perfect opportunity to use Morning's newest Edge! Hooray for Leadership!!”

Passenger 1: “Did you hear? Some mare in first class got possessed!”
Passenger 2: “That thing could breathe fire! If not for them, the whole wagon would have burned down!”
Conductor: “And then that earth-pony cast a spell. I swear, that's what happened.”

Reuben: “I think I went from ‘needing a drink’ to ‘I need three’.”

Diachronos
2015-12-25, 12:00 AM
"I'd like to point out that the sergeant is still naked."

"So the party bluffed their way out of prison, bluffed their way back in, systematically wiped out the guard, branded the sergeant with the mark of shame, locked him in a cell (naked) and left papers proving his theft from the prison just out of his reach, then left with their new ogre."

Necroticplague
2015-12-25, 12:54 AM
ALIEN:What kind of savages do you take us for? This is not an anal probe.
party: *sighs of relief*
ALIEN:This is a urethral probe! Much more useful information that way!
Gene+Shibu:*Cringes uncomfortably*

goto124
2015-12-25, 02:56 AM
How did Reuben survive? :smalleek:

ZeroGear
2015-12-25, 03:41 AM
ALIEN:What kind of savages do you take us for? This is not an anal probe.
party: *sighs of relief*
ALIEN:This is a urethral probe! Much more useful information that way!
Gene+Shibu:*Cringes uncomfortably*

Reading that, I'm cringing. That's a whole new level of evil.



Hmm, that might be pretty cool. Don't know that I'd sound like a good Reuben. Always imagined he had a voice similar to Casey Kasem. Mine is a bit nasally to pull it off.


That's what they invented youtube for. I'm sure that if you put the games into story form you could find volunteers to do a voiceover, like they did with "The Bride of Discord", "The Daughter of Discord", "Fallout: Equestria", "Princess Trixie Sparkle", and "The Heroic Tale of the Heroically Heroic Heroes".

RCgothic
2015-12-25, 05:45 AM
How did Reuben survive? :smalleek:

It's a very non-lethal system. Losing all your FORT or WILL just means you're unconscious or running terrified.

DigoDragon
2015-12-25, 09:31 AM
"I'd like to point out that the sergeant is still naked."

Uh... perhaps they'll want to put on some pants if they want to continue fighting evil today. XD



ALIEN:This is a urethral probe! Much more useful information that way!

Reading that, I'm cringing. That's a whole new level of evil.

Ditto. I squirmed a bit just reading it. ^^;



That's what they invented youtube for. I'm sure that if you put the games into story form you could find volunteers to do a voiceover, like they did with "The Bride of Discord", "The Daughter of Discord", "Fallout: Equestria", "Princess Trixie Sparkle", and "The Heroic Tale of the Heroically Heroic Heroes".

A couple nights ago I came up with a neat short story idea. Will have to get permission and some feedback with the other players before I write it.



It's a very non-lethal system. Losing all your FORT or WILL just means you're unconscious or running terrified.

An NPC turning into snakes was definitely terrifying. :D

goto124
2015-12-25, 10:47 AM
Uh... perhaps they'll want to put on some pants if they want to continue fighting evil today. XD

Lots of female protagonists don't wear pants, why would he need any?


An NPC turning into snakes was definitely terrifying. :D

Looks like someone forgot Rule 34 of Peter's Evil Overlord List (http://www.eviloverlord.com/lists/overlord.html).


I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.

DigoDragon
2015-12-25, 11:24 AM
Lots of female protagonists don't wear pants, why would he need any?

Okay, fine. At least some form of underwear then. Dungeons can get drafty. ;)





Looks like someone forgot Rule 34 of Peter's Evil Overlord List (http://www.eviloverlord.com/lists/overlord.html).

Huh... guess this leviathan creature didn't read it either. :smallbiggrin:

Inevitability
2015-12-27, 01:02 PM
New campaign, new characters...

Wizard is the guy who played a rogue and a 'pirate' before.
Paladin is the guy who played a paladin and a monk before.
Barbarian is the guy who played a wizard and 'doom knight' before.
Rogue is yours truly.

Wizard: So there's three of us now? Should be enough to take on those bugbears.
Paladin: Perhaps one more should join us, to increase our odds of victory?
Wizard: Hm... You are right *grabs random passer-by*
Rogue: Why are you grabbing me? Could you please let me go?
Wizard: Nope, you're coming with us.
Rogue: Someone please help. I'm being kidnapped by complete strangers who are dragging me off into a forest filled with horrible beasts who are going to eat, kill, and attack me in roughly that order.
Barbarian: DID YOU SAY SOMETHING? *Intimidates*
Rogue: Help me...

Rogue: You can't just drink that! What if it gives you magical cancer?
Wizard: There is no such thing.
Rogue: That must be the magical cancer talking.

PoeticDwarf
2015-12-27, 02:25 PM
Paladin: (surrounded by goblinoids) that bandit should really stop. This is no place for murdering, backstabbing and stealing creatures

Me: are you aware you just described goblins?

Gracht Grabmaw
2015-12-27, 05:26 PM
"I've never done it with leather before but I'm always willing to try new things."
Our fighter (the party armorer) offering to fix the wenchy elf's leather cuirass.

DigoDragon
2015-12-27, 06:18 PM
Reuben: “Um... maybe don't let any of the passengers into Calamity's room in the fist class car?”
[Beat]
Reuben: “Fist class? Ugh, only thing worse than a typo is a correctly spelled typo.”

Autumn: “Autumn, sensing [Reuben’s] emotional state, takes up a shovel and begins helping him stoke the boiler. Sympathy via heavy physical labor.”

Reuben: “The stallion looked around the docks. The daunting task of finding Open Oceans quickly was a bit of... pier pressure.”
GM: “Reuben feels a great disturbance in the port, as if millions of comedians suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced.”

Reuben: “Reuben isn't entertaining the offer, he's ready to seek the bar. Just waiting to see if either of the mares want to indulge the deal or ask them something.”
GM: “It's not like you haven't used seduction to get what you want before.”
Reuben: “True, but my last attempt ended in injury. Trying it here may be bad for Reuben's health.”

Reuben: “Okay, then Reuben will continue with the offer to buy Open a drink and usher the discussion to be at that corner, unless someone else has a better idea, or any idea, or wants to lead with the talking points because Reuben isn't sure how to tell Open ‘so we're racing an ancient relic pegasus-possessing demon to a helmet...’ without sounding crazier than she is.”

Gizmo: “Was hoping for an attack the darkness style joke, but then I thought those were over done.”
Reuben: “Dude. We did attack the darkness. It kicked our flanks in response!”

Taet
2015-12-27, 10:03 PM
Overheard at the game shop:
"Note to self. In Infinity, facing matters."

"And flying characters WILL NOT be flying--"
"Well, :smallfurious: me." :smallsigh:

"I went with 'healthier living through repression', instead. I can work with that."

AuthorGirl
2015-12-27, 10:13 PM
These are unrelated, mostly. But real!

"No, Calvin, you cannot turn mayonnaise into radiant energy."

"How long does my nostril eye last?"

"What kind of a paladin of cheese pizza are you?"

"The dwarf carefully reads over your love note. Three times. After a long, awkward pause: you know I'm a dude, right?"

"I want to drench my kuo-toan army in mayonnaise!"

"I hold up a gold coin!" *everyone screams*

"I am the god of kuo-toa!"
"Not a sexy shoeless god of war?"
(you can tell we read OOTS)

"How's the sexy kobold doing?"
"Uh - Gah! I'd forgotten that . . ."
"By the way, when are you coming back?"
"Er . . ."

"I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY I KILLED THEM! IT WAS A MISTAKE!"
"It was cowardice and stupidity."
"THAT TOO!"

"The fuse looked too big to cut."

"What material is this rope?"
"Hemp."
"I smoke it."

"MAKE NEW DOOR!"

"I bounce on the bed."
"You embed yourself in the ceiling."

"You reach through the portal and touch yourself."

"*my name*, think this through. What is going to happen?"
I did it anyway.

"Yes, the cure is to burn yourself to death."

"Let's play halflingball!"

"NOOOO! MY SLAVE!"

"If those are ropers there, are those things with hooks on their hands hookers?"

"No, my backstory is more depressing!"
"Oh, yeah? How many people die in yours?"

"First the quest card, now this."
"*my name*, help me think of ways to kill him."

"Do that and you'll be called Stumpy."
"I already lost a hand."
"No, the head."

AuthorGirl
2015-12-27, 10:17 PM
DM: Why do I feel like even hearing these conversation occur is slowly making me a worse person?

Because it is!

Yuki Akuma
2015-12-27, 10:49 PM
Druid: I cast Conjure Eight Goddamn Wolves.

Bard: Did I just insult a bugbear to death?
DM: You just insulted a bugbear to death.
Bard: Awesome. Bonus action, Fighter gains an Inspiration die from how awesome seeing that was.
Fighter: Sweet.

Ranger: Okay, I'll try to sneak into the room. I'm at disadvantage, but my modifier is pretty good, so... *natural 12 and natural 4*
DM: You trip and land on your face. Your eleven goddamn weapons how are you even carrying that many make a loud clanging noise. Roll for initiative.

Out of the Ranger's eleven melee weapons, he still doesn't have a single source of blugeoning damage. He resorts to punching skeletons when they show up.

Necroticplague
2015-12-28, 12:29 AM
Gene: Wow. The exact minimum amount of information required to technically tell the truth, while being completely and utterly misleading. It's nice to see a protege grow so well.....
DM: Your approval fills me with great shame.

goto124
2015-12-28, 12:31 AM
"The dwarf carefully reads over your love note. Three times. After a long, awkward pause: you know I'm a dude, right?"

May I know what happened next? Please?

*puppy eyes*