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PoeticDwarf
2015-12-09, 09:58 AM
1: I should have put more points in move silently

2: Finally, safe !!!!!!

3: Even our DM isn't that evil, right?

4: I'm sure we can trust that NPC

5: *Saying to a way too strong enemy* You Shall Not Pass

Joe the Rat
2015-12-09, 10:06 AM
6: I put my head in the green devil's mouth

7: I kiss the prisoner

noob
2015-12-09, 10:48 AM
8: I believed that I would be safe from GM lighting from inside the GM lightning powered central I made.
9: What happens if I graft a rubber duck golem arm to that half clay golem.

Quertus
2015-12-09, 11:23 AM
10. I'll draw from the deck.
11. I'll drink from the fountain.
12. I'm only down a few HP - no need for healing.
13. I wish...
14. I cast Nahal's Reckless Dwoemer.

inuyasha
2015-12-09, 11:41 AM
15. I have to pee...
16. Well...it looks like beef...it probably tastes like it right?

Balmas
2015-12-09, 11:44 AM
Knowing me, last words will include
17: Whoops.

or

18: *expletive*.

Rakoa
2015-12-09, 11:45 AM
19: "Are those goblins really setting up their archers that far away? At that distance, they couldn't hit the broad side o-"

Balmas
2015-12-09, 11:49 AM
20: "No GM would be evil enough to trap three chests in a row, right?"
21: "Look at all the loot!"

DaveSonOfDave
2015-12-09, 11:58 AM
22. Stop checking Perception every tile, just go forward!

braveheart
2015-12-09, 12:00 PM
23. Give my stuff to [replacement character]
24. The only way that fall could kill me is if he rolls max damage
25. I have a high enough AC they can't touch me
26. I have a high enough reflex save, I'll open the chest
27. It's a 1

wumpus
2015-12-09, 12:20 PM
28. We'll meet back here.
29. (In Bushido, a game where characters gain "karma" for "rolling up"* subsequent characters) I'm too young to die. I don't have any karma yet (actually voiced, didn't die).

* not sure if dice were used, but it was from an era when that was expected and the game featured classes with a 1-1 correspondence to D&D.

Thisguy_
2015-12-09, 12:27 PM
30. I made a mistake.

31. RUN AWAY! (*AoO downs*)

Aetol
2015-12-09, 12:28 PM
32. "I charge the boss!" (or the more self-aware version : "Leeeeroy Jeeenkins !!")

Deophaun
2015-12-09, 12:30 PM
33. "Yes." (Preceded by the DM asking "Are you sure?")

noob
2015-12-09, 12:37 PM
34: I have no spell slots left.(very sad stuff who happens when the GM puts too many counters)

Âmesang
2015-12-09, 12:55 PM
35: "They have squirt guns! FLEE!!"

gmoyes
2015-12-09, 01:08 PM
36: "Don't touch that."

37: *Flips the bird skyward* "Up yours gods!"

38: "Let's split up."

39: "What's the worst that could happen?"

Rater202
2015-12-09, 01:10 PM
40: Meh, i can take her/him/it.

noob
2015-12-09, 01:26 PM
41: We could give a giant box of metal with traps triggered from the inside who shoots outside to the flying barbarian so that he can fight better his opponents.
42: One more undead monster for the way.
What my aura of turn undead reduction decrease the amount of HD I control?

nedz
2015-12-09, 01:32 PM
43. Bah, they're only kobolds.

PoeticDwarf
2015-12-09, 01:43 PM
44: IT BURNS, IT BURNS

45: Is that a pit fiend or a balor?

46: I eat it

Pex
2015-12-09, 01:47 PM
47. DM: "My players would never think of this."

48. DM: "My players will think of this."

49. DM: "My players would never do this."

50. DM: "My players will do this."

veti
2015-12-09, 02:23 PM
51: Woohoo! We're all on full hit points for a change!

52: Bite me.

53: How many saving throws?

Segev
2015-12-09, 02:35 PM
54. I shoot the crystal.

55. Hey, lookin' sharp. Wanna go out for drinks? *to the Lady of Pain*

56. Hey, lookin' sharp. Wanna go out for drinks? *to the DM's girlfriend*

Strigon
2015-12-09, 05:46 PM
57: "Come on guys; it's only water!"
58: "My armour will stop that attack!"
59: "... What's with all the dice?"

MrStabby
2015-12-09, 06:59 PM
60) "its fine. I can hold my breath for longer than that!"

61) "Are we rolling for initiative? I'm rolling for initiative"

62) "Odd. All of the clues were pointing to there being a dragon in here. This is a bit of an anticlimax"

63) "it never occurred to me to put the vampiric template on a chicken before"

Traab
2015-12-09, 07:05 PM
64) DM: What did you roll on your spot check again?

65) No problem, so long as I roll above a 2 we win this!

themaque
2015-12-09, 07:13 PM
66) I got this, I only have to not roll a 1.

67) It's okay, I trust you.

Telwar
2015-12-09, 07:15 PM
68) "You wouldn't dare!"

Strigon
2015-12-09, 07:49 PM
69: "He's a fragile old man; what harm could he be?"
70: "She's a lonely little girl; what harm could she be?"

themaque
2015-12-09, 07:51 PM
71: I can't make it next week, anyone want to run my character while I'm gone?

Socksy
2015-12-09, 08:14 PM
72: That's gotta be an illusion, right? I disbelieve!

Cluedrew
2015-12-09, 09:23 PM
73: Watch this!

74: The locals actually believe in this garbage?

Bonus: I leave the rest to you.

p_johnston
2015-12-09, 09:35 PM
75. I open the flask/chest/door/bag.
76. DM: "Wait really? oook"
77. LEEEEEROY JEEEENKINS!!!!
78. To the DM. "you just crited didn't you?"
79. I attack the ooze with my longsword.
80. "Hey guys I just finished my backup character. You know just in case."

Keltest
2015-12-09, 09:36 PM
81. "low is good, right?"

Strigon
2015-12-09, 09:57 PM
80. "Hey guys I just finished my backup character. You know just in case."

82: "You know, I don't think I need a backup character; this is only the first session, right?"

PoeticDwarf
2015-12-10, 11:41 AM
83: The boss is dead, again, of course he isn't going to raise a second time.

Brion
2015-12-10, 01:01 PM
84) We can handle this one without buffing up first.

Rater202
2015-12-10, 01:02 PM
85: It's just a baby dragon. What's it gonna do?

L Space
2015-12-10, 01:14 PM
43. Bah, they're only kobolds.
86. I don't think we're going to have any trouble clearing these goblins out.
87. The goblin rolled a what?!

Edit
88. I bet they keep treasure in there.

LordFluffy
2015-12-10, 01:23 PM
89. The black orb floating above his shoulder must be his source of power. I punch it!

nedz
2015-12-10, 01:30 PM
90. I'll take four cards.

Ruslan
2015-12-10, 01:46 PM
91. Does 11 save?

Strigon
2015-12-10, 01:48 PM
92: Who puts ranks into swim?

hymer
2015-12-10, 02:37 PM
90. I'll take four cards.

Starting with one of a kind?

93: Come on, we can take one more room before heading back!

94: I don't care if it's a negotiation situation. I use [spell X or ability Y which look aggressive].

MrStabby
2015-12-10, 04:02 PM
90. I'll take four cards.

Bwah ha ha haha hah aha ha ha!

Steampunkette
2015-12-10, 04:06 PM
95. BOOOOOOT!

Final word of a red dragon that was sneak attacked in the back of the head.

noob
2015-12-10, 04:27 PM
96. GM:What?
Player:I do not have to declare actions.

braveheart
2015-12-10, 05:20 PM
97. Hey look an unguarded chest in an empty room, I think we finally caught a br-

Rater202
2015-12-10, 05:29 PM
98: I wonder what this button does?

DE5PA1R
2015-12-10, 06:00 PM
99. We're in the city, no need to set night watch

Knaight
2015-12-10, 06:26 PM
100. The airlock isn't that damaged.
101. It's just a bunch of space pirates, how organized could they possibly be?

nedz
2015-12-10, 06:39 PM
102. I Wish ...

MrStabby
2015-12-10, 07:13 PM
103 "did you say eight meters or 8 feet to the other side?"

Techwarrior
2015-12-10, 07:47 PM
104: Guys, it's just a door.

Knaight
2015-12-10, 08:07 PM
105. Run, it's the police!
106. I'm sure they're reasonable people.
107. Relax, we're the only ones here with power armor.
108. Screw you, emperor.

Dienekes
2015-12-10, 08:33 PM
109. I'm gonna stay behind and keep fiddling with the demonic portal.
110. Hah! I dodged the trap door! I wonder where it leads...
111. I'm gonna try to boost my jump by shooting my rocket at the ground while I leap. Should I roll a jump check or an attack roll?

Keltest
2015-12-10, 09:01 PM
112. I pull the lever

Techwarrior
2015-12-10, 09:26 PM
113: I'll hold them off.

Knaight
2015-12-10, 10:04 PM
114. So here's the plan: We start a riot, and...

nedz
2015-12-10, 10:19 PM
115. No, we don't need to rest up yet.

dramatic flare
2015-12-11, 12:59 AM
116. Nah. I bet my armor could block this.

Deophaun
2015-12-11, 02:49 AM
117: "Pazuzu. Pazuzu. Pazuzu."

nedz
2015-12-11, 04:23 AM
118. Polymorph me into a Soda

dargman69
2015-12-11, 02:03 PM
I put my head in the green devil's mouth

slaydemons
2015-12-12, 01:52 AM
120. Well it could be worse.

Deophaun
2015-12-12, 02:56 AM
121: All right. Who packed the torches?

122: I rolled up a kender...

Tarlek Flamehai
2015-12-12, 01:57 PM
123: Watch this!
124: Hold my ale.
125: What?! She's married?
126: (To Amazon Queen) So when I defeat you, you have to marry me -- right?
127: No sweat, I have Resistance to Fire!

slachance6
2015-12-12, 02:27 PM
128. I AM NOT AFRAID TO KEEP ON LIVING, I AM NOT AFRAID TO WALK THIS WORLD ALONE

Sorry, had to

Rakoa
2015-12-12, 03:04 PM
129. "I pick up the amulet!"

MrStabby
2015-12-12, 03:10 PM
122: I rolled up a kender...

Never was a death more well deserved.

Mith
2015-12-15, 09:42 PM
130: "Hmm...this patch of dungeon floor looks remarkably clean. I think there is an oo-..."

*swallowed by ooze*

Fatassfrodo
2015-12-17, 01:40 AM
131: "Have you made peace with your god? I haven't."

slaydemons
2015-12-17, 01:43 AM
132: "I'm too young to die!!"
133: "I'm not but I still don't wanna."

MrStabby
2015-12-17, 06:34 AM
134: meh. its only a flesh wound.

Keltest
2015-12-17, 06:46 AM
135: Silly little bleeder. One rabbit stew coming right up!
136: AAAAUUUGHHH

inuyasha
2015-12-17, 01:38 PM
137: Did you hear that?
138: It's really quiet...
139: It's really quiet...*belch*
140: My hands feel tingly
141: DM: Your hands feel tingly
142: You can't find your sword...
143: Your sword disappears from your hand
144: DM: You feel perfectly fine.

Lvl 2 Expert
2015-12-18, 03:10 PM
145: Down beloooooow!
146: Dodge this.
147: Because I'm a badass mother****ing servant of God!
148: Because I'm a badass mother****ing server of shots!
149: Because I'm a sad faced brother loving surfer on pot!

Esprit15
2015-12-19, 02:43 AM
150) You'll pay for that! (She did not)
151) I'll scout ahead. (He found trouble)
152) I'll be fine. (He was not)
153) Made my save... Made my save... Nope. (It was against death)
154) I'll wrestle him! (He failed)
155) I could kill you. (He could not)
156) They can't hit us from there! (They could)
157) Pft? He won't fight me. (I did)
158) They won't break out of that! (We did)
159) My party will know it's me in disguise. (They did not)
160) Oh shi-