The return of Jake/Malack

[Luna_Mayflower]

Many of you will have seen the wonderful 2016 calendar staring all the best villains. Now, who did you notice standing with worst-undead Xykon in the corner?! It's undead senpai Jake aka Malack. I know what you're thinking: "What has a non-canon calendar got to do with the main story." I'm going to tell you, and in the process explain how Jake aka Malack will return to us/me.

In the image, Xykon is resurrecting the corpses of poor Azurites that he killed. Clearly, he felt sorry for his act and, seeing as Roy isn't near the last gate, took a vacation and took 13 levels in Cleric. Or Wished for it. He can do that, sadly. So, who else raised corpses from the dead, those killed unjustly and in great number, and felt remorse for such resources going to waste. That's right, our Vampire bessie. Now, familiarity is the source of friendship, as anyone will tell you. Therefore, Xykon is being shown to have a connection to Jake/Malack using the theatrical method know as acting. More over, now that Xykon is a cleric, he needs a god. And who better than the god of death!

Sharing a god with Jake/Malack will allow Xykon to meet the Vampire's spirit during his meditations. During that time, he will learn that having an immortal cleric is much better than having Redcloak, who is green anyway. Only able to cast one half of the ritual, despite being both classes, Xykon needs Malack/Jake. So, using his wrist, he restores the Vampire to unlife. They slay Redcloak and go about joining forces for the final battle! #Prepare

- Luna_Mayflower

[Onyavar]

If this is actually a spoiler from the calendar, Rich has had some bad weed again, like back then when... http://www.giantitp.com/Images/fanart/ootslate1.gif

If it's fan fiction, I can only say that your imagination is a wonderful thing. Honestly, Jake is the last name I expected when seeing that lizard vampire in the announcement. All the other stuff seems plausible though.

[Razade]

If this is actually a spoiler from the calendar, Rich has had some bad weed again, like back then when... http://www.giantitp.com/Images/fanart/ootslate1.gif

If it's fan fiction, I can only say that your imagination is a wonderful thing. Honestly, Jake is the last name I expected when seeing that lizard vampire in the announcement. All the other stuff seems plausible though.

This is just what Luna does. No one knows why and it's been a long time since she's done one. But her "Jake" being Malack is one of her first. She has "prophetic" dreams that haven't been correct even once so it's closer to fanfiction.

[ti'esar]

Ah, Luna Mayflower, long time no see.

For the record, I believe calling Malack "Jake" is a reference to a wrestler that went by (or maybe still goes by; I know nothing about wrestling) Jake the Snake.

[Professor Gnoll]

Luna Mayflower is by far my favourite Order of the Stick analyst. Her in-depth breakdowns of potential set-ups and accurate predictions never fail to amaze.

[137beth]

Luna Mayflower is by far my favourite Order of the Stick analyst. Her in-depth breakdowns of potential set-ups and accurate predictions never fail to amaze.

Agreed on all counts!
So is the MitD on friendly terms with Jake in your vision?

[Emperordaniel]

Oh how I've missed these analyses. :biggrin:

[StLordeth]

Bahaha Luna post ftw.

Malack forever!! Return to us!

[Bulldog Psion]

This looks like fun. :smallsmile:

[Rift_Wolf]

Plot hole: does Xykon still have wrists? Previous comics establish existence of phalanges and at least one finger (guess which one) but unless someone can find a reference, I don't think Liches have wrists.

[Crusher]

Many of you will have seen the wonderful 2016 calendar staring all the best villains. Now, who did you notice standing with worst-undead Xykon in the corner?! It's undead senpai Jake aka Malack. I know what you're thinking: "What has a non-canon calendar got to do with the main story." I'm going to tell you, and in the process explain how Jake aka Malack will return to us/me.

In the image, Xykon is resurrecting the corpses of poor Azurites that he killed. Clearly, he felt sorry for his act and, seeing as Roy isn't near the last gate, took a vacation and took 13 levels in Cleric. Or Wished for it. He can do that, sadly. So, who else raised corpses from the dead, those killed unjustly and in great number, and felt remorse for such resources going to waste. That's right, our Vampire bessie. Now, familiarity is the source of friendship, as anyone will tell you. Therefore, Xykon is being shown to have a connection to Jake/Malack using the theatrical method know as acting. More over, now that Xykon is a cleric, he needs a god. And who better than the god of death!

Sharing a god with Jake/Malack will allow Xykon to meet the Vampire's spirit during his meditations. During that time, he will learn that having an immortal cleric is much better than having Redcloak, who is green anyway. Only able to cast one half of the ritual, despite being both classes, Xykon needs Malack/Jake. So, using his wrist, he restores the Vampire to unlife. They slay Redcloak and go about joining forces for the final battle! #Prepare

- Luna_Mayflower

So... I, um... Yeah.

Ok, sure. Why not?

[Jelly d6]

http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g68/Cats_Are_Aliens/Banners/Malack.png S-s-senpai?..
:xykon: /ignores/

Yes, it'd be brilliant at least because of this.

[Luna_Mayflower]

This is just what Luna does. No one knows why and it's been a long time since she's done one. But her "Jake" being Malack is one of her first. She has "prophetic" dreams that haven't been correct even once so it's closer to fanfiction.

The following is one of my prophetic insights from 2013.



+Belkar dies by falling on spikes.

Mountain rocks are very spiky, after all...

[Keltest]

The following is one of my prophetic insights from 2013.



Mountain rocks are very spiky, after all...

He isn't dead until we see the Xs in his eyes, and knowing these forums, he wont even be dead then.

[Razade]

The following is one of my prophetic insights from 2013.



Mountain rocks are very spiky, after all...

1. As someone else said, we don't know if he's dead.
2. Sharp rocks aren't spikes. You said spikes, not spiky things.
3. Law of Averages. Say ten things. Bound to get one right.
4. If you keep your fever dreams vague enough you'll always be able to spin it to show you're right.
5. Try harder. No business being in the Prophecy game if you don't know how to do #4.

[Professor Gnoll]

1. As someone else said, we don't know if he's dead.
2. Sharp rocks aren't spikes. You said spikes, not spiky things.
3. Law of Averages. Say ten things.
4. If you keep your fever dreams vague enough you'll always be able to spin it to show you're right.
5. Try harder. No business being in the Prophecy game if you don't know how to do #4.
Back off from the Prophet, Razade! I'll defend her visions with everything I've got! Anyone up to join the Cult of Mayflower?

[Luna_Mayflower]

Back off from the Prophet, Razade! I'll defend her visions with everything I've got! Anyone up to join the Cult of Mayflower?

I welcome your praise and defence. I don't claim to know who provides me with these insights, but it's all slowly coming true. Play the long game, and thou shall be rewarded.

Now, while Belkar, green sympathiser (#ihategreenpeople), got the death he deserves, Malack/Jake did not. I don't believe the gods of the western pantheon would be so unjust, or that Rich would be either. Both strip #623 and strip #879 show Rich's strong sense of justice, especially when dealing with Elves and Undead. Therefore, how can Richard S. Williamson allow the killing of Malack to go un-reversed? He won't, and he's telling us all to have faith in him again. He'll strike Redclock from the comic (Not just kill him, I mean go back to the previous strips and remove him digitally) and replace him with the just and dreamy vampire! All in time for the final fight.

[KorvinStarmast]

I welcome your praise and defence. I don't claim to know who provides me with these insights,
Mr Mushroom seems to be your friend.

I don't believe the gods of the western pantheon would be so unjust, or that Rich would be either.
The Sun probably doesn't care. The Sun got Malack. Got him good.


He'll strike Redclock from the comic (Not just kill him, I mean go back to the previous strips and remove him digitally) and replace him with the just and dreamy vampire! All in time for the final fight. How many examples of retcon in the last 1014 strips have you evidence for?

Show your work.

[Professor Gnoll]

Mr Mushroom seems to be your friend.

The Sun probably doesn't care. The Sun got Malack. Got him good.

How many examples of retcon in the last 1014 strips have you evidence for?

Show your work.
You were wrong to question the Prophet! Unfortunately for you, I have solid evidence of a retcon right here (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0988.html), in comic 988! The evidence? The discussion thread (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?417631-OOTS-988-The-Discussion-Thread) for the comic, in which it is revealed that the Giant changed a line dialogue some minutes after posting, in order to fix a continuity problem. This was no mere typo correction, but in fact a full change.
Obviously, this was foreshadowing for Prophet Mayflower(praise be unto her)'s prediction.
Begone, nonbeliever!

[137beth]

Remember, oh Believers of the Great Luna,

The new question is, which one of these is most dangerous/sanity damaging:

+V-Go, the murderous fungus
+Durk On(e), the fanged fishbeard
+Halyakhee, the thieving (not altogether) crow
+Belkur, he who must not live another year
+Roy-Sothoth, the gate guardian
+Elader Thing, his puns are getting old


So how will Durk One, the fanged fishbeard, react to Jake's return?

Also, thou shouldst remember

Here's the kicker: Malack gets a Minigun instead of a Revolver!
(That particular Prophecy was made before the reveal of Jake's true name).
Does Jake still have his minigun after coming back?

[schmunzel]

Back off from the Prophet, Razade! I'll defend her visions with everything I've got! Anyone up to join the Cult of Mayflower?

What kind of spells do you offer at what level?
What about health insurance?
what kind of retirement funds would I have to expect ?
any other perks ??

sch

[schmunzel]

I welcome your praise and defence. I don't claim to know who provides me with these insights, but it's all slowly coming true. Play the long game, and thou shall be rewarded.

Now, while Belkar, green sympathiser (#ihategreenpeople), got the death he deserves, Malack/Jake did not. I don't believe the gods of the western pantheon would be so unjust, or that Rich would be either. Both strip #623 and strip #879 show Rich's strong sense of justice, especially when dealing with Elves and Undead. Therefore, how can Richard S. Williamson allow the killing of Malack to go un-reversed? He won't, and he's telling us all to have faith in him again. He'll strike Redclock from the comic (Not just kill him, I mean go back to the previous strips and remove him digitally) and replace him with the just and dreamy vampire! All in time for the final fight.

Now I understand !!!!

You consort with the Snarl!!!!!!!!1

No way .. Im out

sch

[Professor Gnoll]

What kind of spells do you offer at what level?
What about health insurance?
what kind of retirement funds would I have to expect ?
any other perks ??

sch
We offer the standard range of Divine spells, with a focus on Divination. It should be noted that Mayflower™ Divination spells are up to 60% more accurate than the spells of other deities. In addition, our range of smiting spells are proven to be extra effective on green people.
In terms of weaponry, we ask all followers to equip themselves with miniguns rather than revolvers in honour of Jake.
Other blessings include the ability to easily refute the claims of nonbelievers with quickly sourced obscure forum posts. Never come up with the perfect comeback three days late again!
And as for retirement funds- well, no one retires from the Cult of Mayflower™. No one.

[137beth]

We offer the standard range of Divine spells, with a focus on Divination. It should be noted that Mayflower™ Divination spells are up to 60% more accurate than the spells of other deities. In addition, our range of smiting spells are proven to be extra effective on green people.
In terms of weaponry, we ask all followers to equip themselves with miniguns rather than revolvers in honour of Jake.
Other blessings include the ability to easily refute the claims of nonbelievers with quickly sourced obscure forum posts. Never come up with the perfect comeback three days late again!
And as for retirement funds- well, no one retires from the Cult of Mayflower™. No one.

The extra divination was a bonus for me. I joined the Cult of Mayflower™ to qualify for Her Battle Organizer prestige class (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?292068-The-Ultimate-Battle&p=15687178&viewfull=1#post15687178).

As it turns out, not only can the Lunar Prophet grant divination, She can also grant the normally-arcane-only spell Wish:


Do you believe in magic? Because he can do anything if he wishes hard enough. In fact, time for a new song.

When you wish upon Xykon's eye, be worried, be scared, because he'll make you cry.
He hates children, but loves Ghosts. I've seen him with one, it's gross.
But don't worry, he's a friend after all! Xykon's just a bear, without all the hair.
So grab a plushie, when rIcH 043 builds one. Come on! Friends! Have fun in the sun!

Redcloak can't breath, now he's a colourin'. Jirix can't leave, now he's markettin;.
Forget Oil, rez the mystic theurge, because you know, she has the urge,
to make plushies, oh so grand. Sorry, Belkster, 'bout the sand.
Kill that sand, like it's 1989. Because that elemental, she's just fine!

Forget your friends, forget your dad. You can all suffer, like Belkars 'nads.
Who cares for love, you've got Xykon. No need to get your fight on,
he's not a man, not a gal, so all can love him, even gays y'all.
Oh Xykon, fill out dreams until doomsday. :smallredface:

[Knaight]

The following is one of my prophetic insights from 2013.

[Quote regarding Belkar dying by falling on spikes]

Mountain rocks are very spiky, after all...

We now know that this is outright wrong, both because Belkar is still alive and because this is not a particularly spiky-rocked mountain from the looks of things. I don't know whether you believe your own nonsense, but assuming you don't, this is a classic example of counting the eggs before they hatch, and of overly specific "prophecies" backfiring.

[halfeye]

Plot hole: does Xykon still have wrists? Previous comics establish existence of phalanges and at least one finger (guess which one) but unless someone can find a reference, I don't think Liches have wrists.
They have arms and hands, how can they not have the wrist bones that go between the hand bones and the hand bones? That just wouldn't work.

@Luna: prefered your previous ava, don't exactly remember what it was, but this is a cat, which is okay, but not so weird.

[Emperordaniel]

We now know that this is outright wrong, both because Belkar is still alive and because this is not a particularly spiky-rocked mountain from the looks of things. I don't know whether you believe your own nonsense, but assuming you don't, this is a classic example of counting the eggs before they hatch, and of overly specific "prophecies" backfiring.

Hey, Belkar could very well still die to spikes (for Thor's sake, that thing on the end of the vampire giant's hammer is nearly as large as his head), just not the mountainous spikes...

The Prophecy of Mayflower never specified which spikes Belkar died to, after all. :smallwink:

[Knaight]

Hey, Belkar could very well still die to spikes (for Thor's sake, that thing on the end of the vampire giant's hammer is nearly as large as his head), just not the mountainous spikes...

The Prophecy of Mayflower never specified which spikes Belkar died to, after all. :smallwink:

No. She did however specify that the spike prophecy was proven right, and it clearly wasn't.

[Emanick]

No. She did however specify that the spike prophecy was proven right, and it clearly wasn't.

Misread, the prophecy could have been. :smallwink:

[Emperordaniel]

No. She did however specify that the spike prophecy was proven right, and it clearly wasn't.

Implied, yes. Specified, no. :smalltongue:

[Luna_Mayflower]

@Luna: prefered your previous ava, don't exactly remember what it was, but this is a cat, which is okay, but not so weird.

I have absolved myself of the curse that was placed on me. I suspect green people. Thankfully, I have returned to my true form as a ghost Kobold!


We offer the standard range of Divine spells, with a focus on Divination. It should be noted that Mayflower™ Divination spells are up to 60% more accurate than the spells of other deities.

Scientifically proven using the spell Epic OOTS Prediction*. (*Disclaimer: Spell not actually Epic level.)


In addition, our range of smiting spells are proven to be extra effective on green people.
In terms of weaponry, we ask all followers to equip themselves with miniguns rather than revolvers in honour of Jake.

My holy weapon is a Minigun named Olive Obliterater. Notable features include a heart with "I love Jakie Snakie", a crossed out Goblin, a shred of red cloak tied to the barrel (Trophy taking allowed/encouraged) and a holy laser sight for 100% accurate doom.


No. She did however specify that the spike prophecy was proven right, and it clearly wasn't.

I was merely commenting on how sharp mountain spikes can be. Now, if you have something against mountain spikes, that's fine, but I polish mine every morning and they cry if they're insulted. As for if spikes will be the weapon used to smite down our Halfling friend, that is yet to be seen.