On being judged for your hobbies....

[Melross]

This week, over the course of small talk, I told my boss that I have a group of friends over on the weekends to play D&D. And his reaction… well, if you didn’t know better, you’d think I just said I eat babies. “Isn’t that the game with all the dice and the magic?” There's a million things I might have said to smooth things out in the moment, but none of them came to be and I just kind of stood there stammering. Now he avoids casual conversation with me. If I start to mention something outside of work—anything from hiking to my stepmother’s cooking--he laughs nervously and finds an excuse to leave the room. Excuse my french, but uh.... wtf??

I know that, on the grand scale of humans being unfairly judged, this is pretty mild. But still... I work in a physics laboratory for crying out loud! If I can’t talk about something as trivial as polyhedral dice and fantasy battles in a place of science without scaring people, then I can only imagine that a hefty percentage of my community would also consider me anathema.

I’m curious about the rest of the play ground’s experience with this. Have you encountered people who mistake you for some kind of social blight for enjoying a little table-top gaming? Have you found yourself in the awkward position of trying to explain yourself to someone who thinks role playing is something that it’s not (and couldn’t care less about your take on it?) How should one best respond? I wish there was a way to shed insight on such an occasion, but how do you do that when someone has already made up their mind?:smallannoyed:

[The Succubus]

I feel that way all the damn time about most of my hobbies - wargaming (Malifaux), online games, reading sci-fi or fantasy stuff, anime.... -.-

[Red Fel]

I’m curious about the rest of the play ground’s experience with this. Have you encountered people who mistake you for some kind of social blight for enjoying a little table-top gaming? Have you found yourself in the awkward position of trying to explain yourself to someone who thinks role playing is something that it’s not (and couldn’t care less about your take on it?) How should one best respond? I wish there was a way to shed insight on such an occasion, but how do you do that when someone has already made up their mind?:smallannoyed:

Short version? Read the audience.

If you mention D&D, and the listener immediately recoils as if encountering fire for the first time, then the door is closed. This is not a person who will be receptive to further conversation or explanation on the subject, and pushing will just be wasted effort. And, frankly, a friend who would close the door on you (metaphorically) simply because of an otherwise harmless hobby really wasn't much of a friend to begin with, don't you think?

If, on the other hand, you mention the subject, and your listener's response is one of confusion or ignorance, the door is still open. This is where you need to tread carefully. Get too passionate, and it's not unlike a sports fan trying to excitedly tell me about the 76ers starting lineup, and this one guy's sportsball record and this other guy's recruitment range and - I'm a mathlete, not an athlete, friend, and you're losing your audience. Don't be that guy. Instead, offer broad, friendly terms. "It's a social game, like board games. We all hang out, have some snacks, and talk, and roll some dice and stuff." The phrasing is general and broad, and you're not scaring people off talking about dragons or magic or what have you.

It's not a lie. For many of us, the hobby is social in nature. Whether it's D&D, or wargaming, or pokemon cards, it's about the social interaction element. So presenting it in that way - like a more sophisticated game of Clue or Sorry! or Monopoly - is a fair and accessible way to do it.

After that, keep reading the listener. If there is interest, compare it to a cross between a board game and improvisational theater. Talk about the fun of writing a character's history, the escapist enjoyment of playing a character like in a book or movie, except that you control the action. And so forth.

But yeah. When someone has already made up his or her mind, trying to change it isn't just futile, it's making matters worse. Think of everyone who has tried to force an opinion on you, like telling you that Twilight is the best literary franchise in history, or Andrew Lloyd Webber the best playwright of our generation. The more they push it, the more you want to push them. Down a flight of stairs, if available. It's not worth the effort.

[tomandtish]

After that, keep reading the listener. If there is interest, compare it to a cross between a board game and improvisational theater. Talk about the fun of writing a character's history, the escapist enjoyment of playing a character like in a book or movie, except that you control the action. And so forth.


Some excellent advice by Red Fel (as usual). You can also use a movie/TV analogy. *** "Have you ever seen the Lord of the Rings Movies? Well, imagine a game where we're playing characters like those". It may be overly simplistic, but gets the idea across.

***I do NOT suggest using Game of Thrones as an example when having this initial conversation with someone. That creates a whole lot of ... unfortunate... associations.

[BannedInSchool]

Excuse my french, but uh.... wtf??

You're a witch!

[Giggling Ghast]

You're a witch!

Burn the witch!

[BannedInSchool]

Burn the witch!

Although seriously he could consider it to be some freaky (to him) supernatural/religious thingy. Maybe he thinks they're all trying to commune with fairies through the dice and magically multiply eight slices of pizza into sixteen.

[DataNinja]

...multiply eight slices of pizza into sixteen.

That's called slicing each piece in half... :smallconfused:

[factotum]

Although seriously he could consider it to be some freaky (to him) supernatural/religious thingy.

He wouldn't be the first, and probably not the last either. Can't really add much after Red Fel's excellent essay on the subject (seriously, man, you're making the rest of us look bad, stop it :smallsmile:), but certainly your boss's reaction sounds a bit more extreme than "Oh, my colleague plays silly games in his free time".

[Killer Angel]

Although seriously he could consider it to be some freaky (to him) supernatural/religious thingy. Maybe he thinks they're all trying to commune with fairies through the dice

Or even worse, that we're in league with satan. :smallsigh:
Better to leave the argument here.

Back on track.the hard prejudice to overcome is that our kind of hobby is a childish game, not appropriate for grown up men. Active sports are ok, so are hobbies like fishing,anything related to cars or motorcycles, or even games like chess ... but hobbits, elves, magic and dragons are for children.
Ignorance is the dark matter that shapes prejudice.

[Talar]

It is unfortunate that this particular stigma still exists within society even though nerd culture is somewhat more main stream nowadays, which creates other issues. But I understand this feeling. When I was in seventh or eighth grade I brought a 3.5 monster manual to school because I always found myself with free time so I thought I would populate some dungeons to pass the time. This was sadly my mistake because my teacher of course confiscated the book and flipped through it winding up at the demons and devils...she immediately thought I was in some sort of evil satanic cult that ate babies in villainous sex orgies in a graveyard...things were sort of awkward there for awhile. It did not help much that I went to a private Catholic elementary school.

[Thufir]

If you mention D&D, and the listener immediately recoils as if encountering fire for the first time, then the door is closed.

https://s3.amazonaws.com/hallofbeorn-resources/Images/Cards/The-Treachery-of-Rhudaur/The-Door-is-Closed.jpg
(My mind just goes there automatically from that phrase, I can't help it)

More on topic and getting away from my inability to take my mind out of my hobbies, I've never encountered a reaction like that. In fact, I can't think of many occasions I've encountered a really negative reaction, but at the same time, I don't generally talk about my hobbies to people who aren't my friends.

[Crow]

villainous sex orgies in a graveyard...

Sounds like a good time to me!

[Killer Angel]

Sounds like a good time to me!

I tend to prefere sex orgies in other places, but those are personal tastes. :smalltongue:

[DJ Yung Crunk]

I too am often mocked and chastised for my preference. The only difference is, I totally understand it. Music nerds are giant *******s. And no one knows that more than other music nerds. Walk up to a trendy record store and ask for a vinyl copy of Led Zeppelin IV and you will receive a look like you went to a bar in Harlem and accidentally called the barkeep "boy".


villainous sex orgies

As opposed to those model train orgies?

[Talar]

As opposed to those model train orgies?

Well you know those model train orgies sometimes go off the rails, but I prefer to think of my orgies as heroic :smalltongue:

Also what's wrong with Led Zeppelin IV?

[DJ Yung Crunk]

Well you know those model train orgies sometimes go off the rails, but I prefer to think of my orgies as heroic :smalltongue:

Also what's wrong with Led Zeppelin IV?

You'd have to ask them.

Though, speaking for myself, I'm not a fan either.

[Bobbybobby99]

You'd have to ask them.

Though, speaking for myself, I'm not a fan either.

Sacrilege! Blasphemy! You're almost worse than the teacher I had that said she hated the Bohemian Rhapsody!
But in all seriousness, it's absurd how few young people appreciate classic rock these days. I mean, come on! It's automatically better than modern music because it's been selectively bred for generations! It's the Anatolian Shepherd to the modern Boston Terrier!

I don't recieve much flack for talking about DnD, but that's mostly because I've carefully cultivated an image of my 'nerdishness' as being adorable, rather than satanic. It helps that I'm short, thin, and have to wear glasses to read anything more than 4 feet away.

[DJ Yung Crunk]

Sacrilege! Blasphemy! You're almost worse than the teacher I had that said she hated the Bohemian Rhapsody!
But in all seriousness, it's absurd how few young people appreciate classic rock these days. I mean, come on! It's automatically better than modern music because it's been selectively bred for generations! It's the Anatolian Shepherd to the modern Boston Terrier!

I can't tell if you're joking.

[Serpentine]

Huh. I've mentioned my LARPing at work a few times (because how can I NOT mention that I saw a guy get knocked right the **** out by a giant foam "javelin" yesterday?), and one of my colleagues has asked if she can come take photos of it for uni. The most I've ever gotten is maybe funny looks, jokes, a bit of making fun of me (but not in a mean way)... That's about it.

[BannedInSchool]

That's called slicing each piece in half... :smallconfused:

What devilry is this? WITCH!


When I was in seventh or eighth grade I brought a 3.5 monster manual to school because I always found myself with free time so I thought I would populate some dungeons to pass the time. This was sadly my mistake because my teacher of course confiscated the book and flipped through it winding up at the demons and devils...

My handle here comes from being told to not bring D&D books to school in fifth grade. I don't remember having any idea why, but afterwards I thought it might have been the "gambling" aspect. It wasn't until later that I ran across the "you shouldn't be playing with magic" objection. Heh, I guess that year of school was about the year I spaced my Boy Scout induction because I was playing D&D and forever afterwards the dark side dominated my path, BWAHAHAHAHAHAA! The scout ceremony would have been in the basement of a church, and then that whole thing sounds like some freaky cult brainwashing children if you were someone in another culture unfamiliar with them. Now in Cub Scouts my troop brought a ballista to a catapult competition, won, and got called cheaters, but the dictionary suggested ballistae were a kind of catapult, so SUCK IT! :smallbiggrin:


Also what's wrong with Led Zeppelin IV?

Obviously that's when they sold out, man!

[MrConsideration]

I don't talk about D&D at work (apart from with the lovely Reprographics woman who's a big roleplayer) because I simply can't be bothered to explain what TTRPGs are and to explain that it isn't some sort of sexual fetish or infantile wish fulfilment or devil-worship or whatever else.

I'll talk about it with my non-D&D friends who at least feign interest even if they're not receptive to playing themselves :P

[Bulldog Psion]

I tend not to tell anyone. It seems easiest that way. :smallwink:

[Bobbybobby99]

I can't tell if you're joking.

That's completely intentional, and I'm completely serious at all times, with no exceptions ever.

[Jay R]

I know that, on the grand scale of humans being unfairly judged, this is pretty mild. But still... I work in a physics laboratory for crying out loud!

You work in a physics lab? I'd have been tempted to say, "Yes, it's the game the physics professors on The Big Bang Theory play."

Having said that, it's one of my hobbies that I haven't mentioned at work in the programming, telecommunications, and statistics fields.

[Solamnicknight]

I had a fellow student in high school freak out and think I was a cultist because I read D&D books. Never got in trouble for bringing them though. I was lucky in that regard. Especially that one time me and a friend were giggling like school girls at the nude succubus at the back of the AD&D DMG. Fortunately the teacher was preoccupied. :smallbiggrin: As for work I don't talk about my hobbies, I mean I'm working a summer job landscaping in a rural area so I don't bring it up ever. I only talk table top gaming with people I know are receptive to table top gaming.

[MrZJunior]

My coworkers were receptive and even encouraging. I'm not sure how much they understand, but talking about my LARP character's goal to become President of Earth they became excited and insisted that I had to achieve that goal, no excuses.

[DataNinja]

My coworkers were receptive and even encouraging. I'm not sure how much they understand, but talking about my LARP character's goal to become President of Earth they became excited and insisted that I had to achieve that goal, no excuses.

:smalleek:

Erm... I'd be a bit worried about your coworkers... :smallbiggrin:

[Crow]

My coworkers don't seem to understand that Historical European Martial Arts is not SCA or LARPing; and apparently LARP is a bad thing, and is interchangeable with SCA.

[Grinner]

My coworkers were receptive and even encouraging. I'm not sure how much they understand, but talking about my LARP character's goal to become President of Earth they became excited and insisted that I had to achieve that goal, no excuses.


:smalleek:

Erm... I'd be a bit worried about your coworkers... :smallbiggrin:

I have to agree. The amount of support they seem to be giving you stretches plausibility.

Watch your back.



:smalltongue:

[valadil]

I work near MIT. I can mention D&D casually to just about anyone and they'll talk to me about it. Having to ask what D&D is makes you the awkward weird one around here.

But nerds can be judgy too. I love pro wrestling. I've watched it since I was in diapers. I'm watching it right now. And I can't talk about it with my geeky friends. To them, it's the least intellectual thing out there and even watching it for a second while channel surfing is regarded as some kind of moral failure. Any time wrestling comes up, it's open season on poor old valadil. You'd think I admitted to watching Nascar or something ;-)

[Jay R]

But nerds can be judgy too.

Yup. One lesson we should learn from this is that people have their own tastes, and if we reserve the right to like what we like, we should defend other people's rights to like what they like.

My wife and I once made a peace treaty stating that I would not sneer at soap operas if she would not sneer at comic books.

[AvatarVecna]

I find that, with D&D, as with a lot of things (like wrestling...or NASCAR *shoots glare upwards*), the thing itself can be very enjoyable if the product itself appeals to you; where things can become problematic is where people project an assumed stereotype onto the product because of its fans, such as someone with a developing, more casual interest comes across a hardcore fan, and...well... (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mQScjlXbBE)

EDIT: There's a bit of language in that video, so uh...if that's an issue for work reasons or something, at least use some earbuds or something.

[Jaycemonde]

I would've just owned up and said, "Yup, you caught me. I use it to practice an oddly rigid and unbending take on neo-paganism where I have to argue with my DM if I want to play as anything 'out of season' or not immediately identifiable as a chick or not." Followed closely by "No, really, it's a lot better to just be Satanic and engage in magick and orgies on your own terms. Write your own history, because your current track record is pretty mote. Polyhedral dice are cool but Shadowrun is where it's really at. Peace, see you on Monday."


I mean, where's the fun in trying to save face when you can try to coax your coworkers over to the dark side?

[DJ Yung Crunk]

Obviously that's when they sold out, man!

I don't think it has the same focus as I, II or even Houses of the Holy. A lot of Physical Graffiti was like that, too, but the difference is that there was enough genuinely great content on Physical Graffiti to constitute a whole album and its highs peaked higher than IV.

On its own merits IV feels like it's caught between the elaborate instrumentation of progressive rock and the gritty verve of blues rock. It's this weird sort of nega-zone and I'm not entirely convinced they pull it off. "Black Dog" is a ****ing monster, though, I'll give it that.

[MrZJunior]

I have to agree. The amount of support they seem to be giving you stretches plausibility.

Watch your back.



:smalltongue:

Nah, one particular coworker just gets really excited by things. I also have very different tastes than my coworkers and they were probably very surprised to find something that excited me.

[Killer Angel]

But nerds can be judgy too.

And they can be maniacally nitpicking (for example, debates on the differences between LOTR movies Vs books)

[Eldariel]

I’m curious about the rest of the play ground’s experience with this. Have you encountered people who mistake you for some kind of social blight for enjoying a little table-top gaming? Have you found yourself in the awkward position of trying to explain yourself to someone who thinks role playing is something that it’s not (and couldn’t care less about your take on it?) How should one best respond? I wish there was a way to shed insight on such an occasion, but how do you do that when someone has already made up their mind?:smallannoyed:

This seems to be a common response to any number of things. For instance, I have a couple of circles of friends around various hobbies (childhood friends, dance-related friends, linguistics-related friends, philosophy-related friends, psychology-related friends, video gaming -related friends, tabletop-related friends, Japanese-related friends, classical art -related friends would probably be the logical groups). There's a lot of overlap between the various groups, but there are lots of people who are certainly not in some or the other. I've found that especially tabletop & videogaming and contemporary Japanese media (anime/manga/light novels/visual novels/etc.) are topics where people have strong preconceptions and some have decided they are of an opinion of the topic and it can't be changed.

As an example, many of my study/dance/art-related friends lack common ground to talk about various kinds of gaming with me and I often just encounter positions that are too problematic to approach without an elaborate, deep introduction to the field. As such, I've found I just can't talk about those topics with those people even if I were interested and they might be too. In these circles, video games get an empty response and tabletop is often "what kind of nonsense is that"-sort of a topic where my explanations don't really mean anything to them. While not similarly prejudiced, some fields are problematic in that they make for empty conversations with people not into the field; while it touches reality, any thicker layers of philosophy makes some people just roll their eyes, and talking about dances beyond "Sounds great!" requires for the conversation partner to have a background in the field - often I end up having a monologue while introducing my hobby (though luckily, the field is pretty large so while people might not have partner dance experience, there's at least the academical dances, folk dances, solo dances or such that might offer a topic for conversation).


Luckily some topics are more universal; everyone can talk about languages at least to the point of their native language even if they understood nothing of the field, and appreciating art doesn't really require understanding it. And while not everyone is a dancer, basically everyone tends to have something to say about music and it's possible to have a dialogue from rather distant view points on the topic. As such, in larger circles and with new friends those tend to be safe topics to bring into conversation - they enable us to have a conversation with hopefully everyone having the means to contribute. But yeah, I definitely censor myself and kinda just prod around to find the other party's interests and see if we have any overlap when dealing with new people, particularly people in a position of authority towards me (a prospective boss, a professor, etc.).

[8BitNinja]

Hello Everyone

I have been reading this thread and I believe I may be able to bring in some help people see

I see one of the problems that comes up is that they criticize it for being satanic

I'm one of those right wing super christian nutcases people always make fun of, and I love tabletop gaming, I even design and make them myself

I found that explaining how magic works is very different from actual pagan rituals. There is no actual instructions to cast spells and that arcane magic comes from the fabric of creation and that stuff all D&D players know

Also, If it is the violence that bothers them, make sure the DM doesn't get graphic. Combat can contain more colors than red

Illicit sex is a huge criticism, try to stay away from that, probably a flirting barmaid should be your very worst

Also, the idea of being evil could bother them, so if it does, play as good aligned characters only, besides, many people find being good more fun

Also suggest that they play something like Paladin, Cleric, or Ranger, being a champion of the faith is actually very fun and gives the feeling of being a true hero

This is the advice I can give you, If you need more, just tell me or someone else who knows about this subject, above all, be respectful, some people get offended by things much easier than others, I like to watch movies that involve war or a similar conflict, but others find that watching those certain types of movies abhorrent

[BWR]

I don't generally volunteer my interests, whatever they are, in social settings of any sort where I don't know people very well. I answer honestly if they ask but my response to listing RPGs as a major hobby is mostly a stiff-faced puzzled look and some variant of "...oh. That's nice." possibly followed by some gentle query about what roleplaying is.
Basically, around here people fall into two camps: those who have no idea what we do ("Is that like improv theater?") or those who know enough to not have much by the way of wrong ideas of it. The former group is far larger than the latter. The D&D Satanic scare of the US never really made an impact here.

Whether people make much by the way of judgements, I don't know. I have never experienced anyone criticizing my choices or noticed any change in behavior after revealing my hobbies. The closest I come to criticizing others' hobbies, when the subject comes up, is saying I have virtually no interest in sport (and could they please stop talking about last night's game as if I know what they're talking about or have the slightest interest in it).

[8BitNinja]

I don't generally volunteer my interests, whatever they are, in social settings of any sort where I don't know people very well. I answer honestly if they ask but my response to listing RPGs as a major hobby is mostly a stiff-faced puzzled look and some variant of "...oh. That's nice." possibly followed by some gentle query about what roleplaying is.
Basically, around here people fall into two camps: those who have no idea what we do ("Is that like improv theater?") or those who know enough to not have much by the way of wrong ideas of it. The former group is far larger than the latter. The D&D Satanic scare of the US never really made an impact here.

Whether people make much by the way of judgements, I don't know. I have never experienced anyone criticizing my choices or noticed any change in behavior after revealing my hobbies. The closest I come to criticizing others' hobbies, when the subject comes up, is saying I have virtually no interest in sport (and could they please stop talking about last night's game as if I know what they're talking about or have the slightest interest in it).

For the first camp, they probably just don't want to play, either that, or they are uncomfortable, I found from a friend that Star Wars D20 is a good one to play

D&D, Pathfinder, Call of Cthulhu, and Traveler are not ones to get people into RPGs

[BWR]

For the first camp, they probably just don't want to play, either that, or they are uncomfortable, I found from a friend that Star Wars D20 is a good one to play

D&D, Pathfinder, Call of Cthulhu, and Traveler are not ones to get people into RPGs

I never mentioned trying to get anyone to play or wondering why they didn't want to, and unless I missed something that wasn't the point of this thread. I'm not sure what your point is.

[YossarianLives]

To be rather blunt, I'm not at all interested in proving to people who think I'm a satanic cultist or some crap that my hobby is worthwhile and morally-sound.

[Lord Cuvis]

Yup. One lesson we should learn from this is that people have their own tastes, and if we reserve the right to like what we like, we should defend other people's rights to like what they like.

My wife and I once made a peace treaty stating that I would not sneer at soap operas if she would not sneer at comic books.

My girlfriend and I have a similar understanding. I don't sneer at her football, and she doesn't sneer at my wrestling. We're both into the geeky fantasy stuff, so we have that at least. (She's not a D&D player, but has shown interest)

[FinnLassie]

Honestly, a lot of my friends thought D&D and roleplaying games were sexual hobbies. Took me about four weeks of convincing and showing videos to them that it's not that. Not surprised, but still... I don't go assuming that my friends' hobbies are full of dem smex.

[8BitNinja]

I never mentioned trying to get anyone to play or wondering why they didn't want to, and unless I missed something that wasn't the point of this thread. I'm not sure what your point is.

I'm sorry, I thought that they were actually going to try to get people to play, I messed up


To be rather blunt, I'm not at all interested in proving to people who think I'm a satanic cultist or some crap that my hobby is worthwhile and morally-sound.

As long as people don't bother you about it, you won't have to


Honestly, a lot of my friends thought D&D and roleplaying games were sexual hobbies. Took me about four weeks of convincing and showing videos to them that it's not that. Not surprised, but still... I don't go assuming that my friends' hobbies are full of dem smex.

I wonder what would happen if they were right and at the beginning, and your monk took a vow of celibacy

WHERE DID THE GAME GO?????

[lurkmeister]

When I was a teen I was generally closefisted about my hobbies and interests. I was afraid of being judged. The downside of that is ... unless you show some vulnerability, let others in, you're never going to be able to find others who share the same hobbies as you.

And I've learned to take rejection with a shrug. Wasn't easy, but I learned it.

When I'm at work, the way I see it is, I'm there to do my job. I don't care if our interests don't align, though I am conversant enough in nearly any subject that I can convincingly out-nerd the nerdiest nerd simply because of how fast I see the connections. Which is probably piss-poor advice, but: Why do you care if your boss thinks your outside interests are weird? Everybody's a geek about something, everybody's judgy about something ... As long as you do what you're there for, do they have anything critical to say about you?

[Pyrous]

Which is probably piss-poor advice, but: Why do you care if your boss thinks your outsourcing interests are weird? Everybody's a geek about something, everybody's judgy about something ... As long as you do what you're there for, do they have anything critical to say about you?

They get to decide if you get a pay raise.

Now, if they don't want to give a raise to a Satan worshiper, or if they are afraid of not giving the raise, that's another question...

[DJ Yung Crunk]

To be rather blunt, I'm not at all interested in proving to people who think I'm a satanic cultist or some crap that my hobby is worthwhile and morally-sound.

What if one of them was really hot?


Honestly, a lot of my friends thought D&D and roleplaying games were sexual hobbies. Took me about four weeks of convincing and showing videos to them that it's not that. Not surprised, but still... I don't go assuming that my friends' hobbies are full of dem smex.

You need better friends. Ipso pronto.

[8BitNinja]

To be rather blunt, I'm not at all interested in proving to people who think I'm a satanic cultist or some crap that my hobby is worthwhile and morally-sound.

I forgot to mention this, but if you are being judged based off of this, it's probably helpful to help them understand that the game is morally sound

[goto124]

"We're not the satanists, we're the good knights in shining armor fighting the evil demons!"

Does that work?

[fyleisch]

Nobody really cares that I play D&D and I'm happy to admit it, but I can still remember when I came out to my girlfriend about writing fan fiction. The judgement is real.

[Taet]

I feel that way all the damn time about most of my hobbies - wargaming (Malifaux), online games, reading sci-fi or fantasy stuff, anime.... -.-
...You kind of brought that one on yourself. :smallyuk: I work at a game store and I still circled far far far away from the Malifaux table for a few months before I got Ok enough with the creepy themes to go look at the less creepy themes. On a day when the Neverborn player was not there. :smallannoyed: (And then I learned to like the game system and got set up with it. With Guild. NOT with anything creepy.)


My coworkers don't seem to understand that Historical European Martial Arts is not SCA or LARPing; and apparently LARP is a bad thing, and is interchangeable with SCA.
Too late to wint hat one I think. :smallsigh: HEMA-SCA is Ok but now that they already have SCA and LARP mixed up you are doomed.


I would've just owned up and said, "Yup, you caught me. I use it to practice an oddly rigid and unbending take on neo-paganism where I have to argue with my DM if I want to play as anything 'out of season' or not immediately identifiable as a chick or not." Followed closely by "No, really, it's a lot better to just be Satanic and engage in magick and orgies on your own terms. Write your own history, because your current track record is pretty mote. Polyhedral dice are cool but Shadowrun is where it's really at. Peace, see you on Monday."


I mean, where's the fun in trying to save face when you can try to coax your coworkers over to the dark side?
I like this. I like this a lot. :smallbiggrin:


Honestly, a lot of my friends thought D&D and roleplaying games were sexual hobbies. Took me about four weeks of convincing and showing videos to them that it's not that. Not surprised, but still... I don't go assuming that my friends' hobbies are full of dem smex.
I am certainly surprised! Where in the world did anyone get the idea that our hobby was full of sex?!?!?!??! :smallconfused: :smallconfused: :smallconfused:

[BannedInSchool]

I am certainly surprised! Where in the world did anyone get the idea that our hobby was full of sex?!?!?!??! :smallconfused: :smallconfused: :smallconfused:

I think when many people hear of "roleplaying" it's either therapeutic or sexual. If you're getting together with a bunch of people to have some fun with a roleplaying game that would put it as the latter. Calling it a "Fantasy Roleplaying Game" doesn't help with that either. Or maybe not even "tabletop". :smallbiggrin:

[8BitNinja]

I think when many people hear of "roleplaying" it's either therapeutic or sexual. If you're getting together with a bunch of people to have some fun with a roleplaying game that would put it as the latter. Calling it a "Fantasy Roleplaying Game" doesn't help with that either. Or maybe not even "tabletop". :smallbiggrin:

Yeah, the word roleplay can get tossed around a lot, because it was taken by a bunch of jerks from a nerd and they are now playing keep away

[BannedInSchool]

Yeah, the word roleplay can get tossed around a lot, because it was taken by a bunch of jerks from a nerd and they are now playing keep away

Ooh, ooh! And then there are those people who think that the roles being played in roleplaying refer to "Tank", "DPS", "Healer", and "CC". :smalltongue:

[Velaryon]

I work near MIT. I can mention D&D casually to just about anyone and they'll talk to me about it. Having to ask what D&D is makes you the awkward weird one around here.

But nerds can be judgy too. I love pro wrestling. I've watched it since I was in diapers. I'm watching it right now. And I can't talk about it with my geeky friends. To them, it's the least intellectual thing out there and even watching it for a second while channel surfing is regarded as some kind of moral failure. Any time wrestling comes up, it's open season on poor old valadil. You'd think I admitted to watching Nascar or something ;-)

I was going to bring up the wrestling comparison too. I think these days wrestling has an even worse reputation than D&D. All but the most clueless or ultra-religious people pretty much know by now that it isn't a Satanic thing. If anything, I think the stereotype D&D players have to contend with is the "socially inept perma-virgin geek."

Wrestling fans, on the other hand, are somehow still often treated like complete idiots. "You know it's fake, right?" is a refrain that literally every wrestling fan has heard at least once, as if they're some gullible nitwit who thinks that watching guys run into cables to build up momentum or jump off of the corners of the wrestling ring is actually real combat. Despite all the WWE's attempts to become child-friendly and rebrand themselves as "sports entertainment," wrestling has never fully gotten away from the "idiot redneck" stereotype.

[8BitNinja]

I was going to bring up the wrestling comparison too. I think these days wrestling has an even worse reputation than D&D. All but the most clueless or ultra-religious people pretty much know by now that it isn't a Satanic thing.

Hey, I would consider myself ultra religious, and I love D&D

[Scarlet Knight]

Honestly, a lot of my friends thought D&D and roleplaying games were sexual hobbies. Took me about four weeks of convincing and showing videos to them that it's not that. Not surprised, but still... I don't go assuming that my friends' hobbies are full of dem smex.

I hope they weren't interested in D&D and then lost interest when they realized it wasn't like Family Guy:

Lois Griffin: [flashback] Oh, I need a spankin'. I'm a bad, bad girl.
Peter Griffin: I'm a Paladin with 18 charisma and 97 hit points. I can use my helm of disintegration and do one D4 damage as my half-elf mage wields his plus-five holy avenger.
Lois Griffin: Paladin's can't use the helm of disintegration.
Peter Griffin: Oh. Then, I'm a black guuuuy.

[An Enemy Spy]

I've never felt much stigma toward my nerdy activities. At work I talk openly about LotR, Star Trek, D&D and MtG all the time and everyone is either interested in those things or just indifferent without any judgement. Really, i'd feel more uncomfortable bringing up the fact that I'm a diehard Seahawks fan at the nerd table, for fear of being treated like I was dumber than everyone else.
I don't know. Maybe it comes from living where I do, but the whole "Nerds are bad" mentality just seems really outdated to me. I mean, who doesn't love superheroes and fantasy in this day and age? They're as mainstream as you can get now.

[SaintRidley]

Hobbies are tricky. I find it easiest to wait until I know a bit more about the person before revealing any of my more esoteric hobbies.


That's called slicing each piece in half... :smallconfused:

That's dividing eight slices into sixteen, not multiplying them.

[RVallant]

I do reveal my hobbies, and I use them to decide who I should waste my time with.

I bumped into this lady in the pub the other day, I was with an older mate (he's 60, he outdrinks 20 year olds on shorts for crying out loud!) and my girlfriend. And we got chatting cos I was trying to sort the wi-fi out on my mobile phone.

She asked what I was into, and I said 'video games', and she hit back 'oh get a life'.

Right, cos watching television is any better. /sigh.

There's a lot of that ridiculous attitude, as if you're somehow wasting your life, or doing something inherently 'bad' for not conforming to whatever they're interested in. But, having seen the opinions thrown around on the internet, about all sorts of stuff, from hentai, to anime, to video games, I'm not entirely surprised that some people are that closed minded. I usually try and hold some form of discourse with them, in fact a few of them even get into those hobbies once they try them out, but I know not to waste my time with those that would have their minds barred and locked.

[Frozen_Feet]

In my experience, for any given hobby there's a crowd of people with bizarre prejudices regarding it. For some hobbies it's worse but even for the mainstreamest of mainstream hobbies like going to the gym or bicycling, there are people who consider you a plague on Earth for being so invested in it.

Now, tabletop RPGs, being a really niche hobby, has perhaps weirdest rumours surrounding it, much thanks to various ideological nutjobs throwing a fit because game content offends them. Thankfully, unlike the Heavy Metal scene which also had its own Satanic panic, tabletop games don't have an actual wing of ideological Satanists and Neo-Pagans who go around burning churches, at least in my knowledge. (Thank you, Black Metal, for making it that much harder to explain how Heavy Metal is totally not work of the Devil. Thumbs up!)

I think the most annoying prejudices I've encountered have not been about RPGs, they've been about more common hobbies which are completely wholesome like Scouts and Martial Arts, yet some people are just stupid about them. Like, some people seriously think Scouts are like Wolf Cubs from Donald Duck. It's made worse because a lot of these stupid people were actual Wolf Cubs as kids, but somehow can't imagine any continuity from that to adult Scouts.

As a teenager, when I began leading my own scout patrol, guys in the Vocational Institute made a running gag of me liking little kids in a wrong way. It pissed me off, but at least I knew they were just trying to piss me off and didn't honestly believe that. Then, as twenty-something, I revealed I was leading a patrol of Girl Scouts (we have mixed troops here in Finland) to a female acquitance, and she was just shocked. Because apparently a young man supervising little girls is a crime against humanity. (How do teachers manage these days?)

(Of course, because Girl Scouts are adorable little angels, they too made a running gag of me liking kids in the wrong way. Thankfully, at least other Scouts knew they were doing it just to piss me off.)

[BWR]

I'm sorry, I thought that they were actually going to try to get people to play, I messed up

Misunderstandings all around. Must be a day that ends in-y on the internet. :smallwink:

[Featherstone]

It took a while to explain my family RPGs didn't equate to satanism. True story o.o

[goto124]

Because apparently a young man supervising little girls is a crime against humanity. (How do teachers manage these days?)

(Of course, because Girl Scouts are adorable little angels, they too made a running gag of me liking kids in the wrong way.

Do I laugh, cry, or both?

[Seto]

Mentioning D&D sometimes gets me weird looks, but it turns out okay.

However, mentioning that I'm writing a master's thesis in philosophy on Buffy the Vampire Slayer systematically triggers one of two things :
- Man, that's awesome ! (there have been a lot more of those than I expected, for which I'm thankful)
- ...Huh ? But isn't that the show with the... you know, and the... In philosophy ??! So, this is for fun but next year you'll work on something serious, right ?

But one of the side effects of reading books and writing a thesis on the show is that I'm getting less embarrassed and better at explaining why it holds academic interest, so that's nice :smallbiggrin:

[Frozen_Feet]

Do I laugh, cry, or both?

You do it like this. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=teOxtBfy7GY)

[Durkoala]

Hey, guys. Is there room for one more?

I found a Wallace & Gromit DVD today and brought it home. My parents' reaction was 'Shouldn't you grow up?' Never mind that I have a job, bank account, credit card, etc and a love of animation and Aardman, it's time I stopped being a child and put away the things that are obviously not real.:smallannoyed:

[factotum]

My parents' reaction was 'Shouldn't you grow up?' Never mind that I have a job, bank account, credit card, etc and a love of animation and Aardman, it's time I stopped being a child and put away the things that are obviously not real.:smallannoyed:

C.S. Lewis said it best: "When I became a man, I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up".

[Durkoala]

C.S. Lewis said it best: "When I became a man, I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up".

I know that, I just wish somebody would tell them. Or to be more precise, that they'll understand the advice of a fantasy writer instead of dismissing it as 'Your weird stuff*'.

* A category that includes most classic fantasy, most science fiction, most mythology and anything with LGBT characters.

[T-Mick]

I know that, I just wish somebody would tell them. Or to be more precise, that they'll understand the advice of a fantasy writer instead of dismissing it as 'Your weird stuff*'.

* A category that includes most classic fantasy, most science fiction, most mythology and anything with LGBT characters.

In times like this, it becomes better to describe Lewis as an academic, literary critic, theologian, and Christian apologist. Take your pick. "You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar."

On a side note, I hold the unpopular opinion that we should all be judged hard for our hobbies. You get thick skin, and a new perspective on your life. What's not to like?

[lenon3579]

I never had much trouble with that... I talk about it to anyone who bothers to listen and people in general are mostly curious.

But if someone would look bad at it I have ready answers to them.

"Is like watching television, or a movie... but instead of being passively brainwashed you are an active part of the creation of the piece"

"Is like playing football or any other sports... but instead of exercising the muscles we exercise the brains"

"Is like doing theater... but the plays are improvised, and with rules to improvisation"

Not great deal.

[BannedInSchool]

I found a Wallace & Gromit DVD today and brought it home. My parents' reaction was 'Shouldn't you grow up?'

Showing them some "Adult" SF/Animation probably wouldn't help, eh? Hey, it's at least for teenage boys. :smallwink:

[BWR]

On a side note, I hold the unpopular opinion that we should all be judged hard for our hobbies. You get thick skin, and a new perspective on your life. What's not to like?

The idea that people should have to be looked down on for harmless hobbies simply because they aren't familiar to other people?

[Red Fel]

The idea that people should have to be looked down on for harmless hobbies simply because they aren't familiar to other people?

To play my advocate for a moment, there's a difference between judging a person's hobbies from a place of understanding, and judging them because they're unfamiliar.

I agree that expressing distaste for something simply based on a lack of knowledge is, by definition, ignorant. But once I know what your hobbies are about? I will readily judge the crap out of them, thank you very much. Could be good, could be bad, but darn right I'll judge. After I know.

Have a fondness for Twilight? I will mock you openly. Enjoy opera? I dig it. Think that Andrew Lloyd Webber is the be-all and end-all of musical theater? Dishonor on you, dishonor on your cow. Take part in kundalini meditation? I have no idea how that works, let me use Google as a verb and get back to you. Enjoy an edition of D&D of which I disapprove? We shall have strong words.

That's all exaggeration, of course. Except for the Twilight bit. But the point is, I'm not opposed to judging hobbies. What I'm opposed to are (1) judging from a place of ignorance, as opposed to a place of being informed, and (2) judging people based on their hobbies. I will come down on my friends who read Twilight for appreciating sub-literate garbage, but they are still my friends.

There is nothing wrong with introspection. Nothing wrong with looking at what you like and wondering why you like it, appreciating it warts and all. There is nothing wrong with pointing out those warts to your friends, as long as it comes from a place of love and understanding.

And there is nothing wrong with mocking Twilight. Except that it's so easy.

[BBDuc 2E]

There's a big difference between mocking people's hobbies and mocking the people, though. In OPs case for example, it seems like the boss is presuming that OP is a wierd guy because he plays roleplaying games.

"You love twilight? Dude, it's so extremely ridiculous!" Is a lot different from actively running away from someone liking twilight.

[Winter_Wolf]

I'm the kind of guy that takes a bad situation and makes it worse, usually by choice. People think I'm the devil, I constantly have to fight the urge to throw out the horns and stick out my tongue while grinning maniacally.

Because I'm a terrible person and I'll absolutely mock people who try to look down on me from their high horse. Rarely an issue these days, since I'm older and "wiser" and possibly a sociopath in the clinical sense. :D

[Wilko]

C.S. Lewis said it best: "When I became a man, I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up".


Love the quote I think XKCD said it clearer :smallbiggrin:

"We're Grown-ups now and it's our turn to decide what that means..."

Personally i've never gone out of my way to mention geeky hobbies to anyone but i've also never hidden them, I can't say i've ever run into anything as extreme as the OP on here but i've definitely had the mick taken. I find you just have to be prepared to give as good as you get, point out how their hobbies could be considered weird from an outside perspective, just try to avoid it turning into an argument

[Frontier]

I just say everyone's different. Nobody likes the same things and that's OK. Some people may like backgammon. i don't. I like chess. But I know that they like backgammon the way I like chess. People just need to be more mature.

[Evandar]

I don't mention D&D and having tried MUDs to people that aren't 'friends'. If someone is just a casual acquaintance, it's not worth having to convince them I'm not a total weirdo. I've never had a friend that found those two things particularly off-putting.

[goto124]

I find that MUDs come off as intimidating because they're all text, with no visuals or images that many people are so used to seeing.

[Evandar]

I find that MUDs come off as intimidating because they're all text, with no visuals or images that many people are so used to seeing.

I don't even bother inviting people to play MUDs. I was really into some for a while, but I found the playerbase was disproportionately attracting people who were using it as an escape for horrendous problems in real life. It seemed very unhealthy to me sometimes, and messed with my head at some points.

[goto124]

I find that Aardwolf is a newbie-friendly MUD that doesn't have such toxic problems. Even if it does, much of the toxicity happens only in closed circles and is easy to avoid. It also have a lot of players (200 online players at a time) for a MUD.

Which means I can find and build friendships with non-toxic players I meet on global channels.

[FinnLassie]

I'm actually glad that I get to use RPGs and LARP as a method in my field of work. :smallcool:

[Bulldog Psion]

On a side note, I hold the unpopular opinion that we should all be judged hard for our hobbies. You get thick skin, and a new perspective on your life. What's not to like?

Yes, because being berated and sneered at is a great way to relax with people. I don't know why I haven't thought of this before -- after a day of struggling with clients, worrying horribly about bills, stressing out over my wife's and my medical problems, trying to keep my old vehicle running, the absolute best thing to do to unwind is to go hang out with some people who will call me a loser, a fool, and an imbecile on the basis of my hobbies. How could I ever build character without it, since the rest of my life is so frickin' comfortable and easy and lazy?

And by the same token, why don't I do that at work in particular? Why don't I invite the people who are paying me, which is allowing me to survive -- literally -- to think of me as a weirdo, a devil-worshiper, or a manchild? Absolutely nothing bad could come from losing the good opinion of people on whose cash I depend to eat, pay the rent, and stay afloat, I'm sure.

You're perfectly right -- considering all the problems I have to deal with all the time involuntarily, the best thing for me to do is to voluntarily choose more problems!

And by the same token, those people are just lovely for being willing to harass and/or look down on someone else for daring to have a hobby different from themselves.

I could play that game, too. I could come up with some pretty nasty comments on people who participate in the hobbies I don't like, which are numerous -- watching soaps, baseball, racing, dirt bike driving, lying on a beach and baking their skin into a cancerous mass, whatever.

But I don't take jabs at them or judge them for their hobbies, because I extend the courtesy of assuming that they are fairly decent, average people to them and that it's none of my frickin' business what they do for relaxation/enjoyment, assuming that it isn't some form of cruelty to some other person or entity, even if it's something that you couldn't pay me to be interested in.

Honestly, is it so much to ask that other people extend courtesy and basic respect to me, and assume that I'm a fairly decent, average person despite them not liking my particular hobbies? Is that really a burdensome thing to ask? Or is there something particularly detestable about people who enjoy RPGs or other geeky stuff that means we are fair game for uncivilized treatment, while we need to treat the baseball fans and bungee jumpers of the world with kid gloves?

Personally, I think we should all treat each other with basic respect and courtesy, and not rag on one another about various harmless hobbies. And "gosh, I'm really just helping you get a thicker skin by sneering at you boorishly" is a really lousy excuse for a lack of basic courtesy and respect for other people.

[Jay R]

Honestly, is it so much to ask that other people extend courtesy and basic respect to me, and assume that I'm a fairly decent, average person despite them not liking my particular hobbies? Is that really a burdensome thing to ask? Or is there something particularly detestable about people who enjoy RPGs or other geeky stuff that means we are fair game for uncivilized treatment, while we need to treat the baseball fans and bungee jumpers of the world with kid gloves?

People have been asking some version of these questions for thousands of years.

The simple answer is that it's too much to expect. The world is not what we wish it to be. It is what it is.

So react to the actual world, as it really is. I do not discuss RPGs, SCA fencing, or comic books with co-workers until I know them well enough to expect them to be interested. I don't discuss them with strangers at all, except in a venue (like this one, or a convention, or a comic book store) where I can expect people to be interested.

But that's just treating my hobbies like I treat every other aspect of my life. I don't discuss statistics with people with no interest in statistics. I don't discuss online scheduling algorithms with non-mathematicians. I don't discuss the content of my telecom patents with non-engineers. I don't discuss the Dallas Cowboys with non-football-fans. I don't discuss my wife with people who don't know her.

Discussing anything with people not interested in the topic will get the kind of comments that you normally get from people not interested in the topic. If you don't want that kind of comments, don't invite them.

The best advice my mother ever gave me was this. "Always tell the truth. But don't always be tellin' it."

[ChristianSt]

Honestly, is it so much to ask that other people extend courtesy and basic respect to me, and assume that I'm a fairly decent, average person despite them not liking my particular hobbies? Is that really a burdensome thing to ask? Or is there something particularly detestable about people who enjoy RPGs or other geeky stuff that means we are fair game for uncivilized treatment, while we need to treat the baseball fans and bungee jumpers of the world with kid gloves?Discussing anything with people not interested in the topic will get the kind of comments that you normally get from people not interested in the topic. If you don't want that kind of comments, don't invite them.

The best advice my mother ever gave me was this. "Always tell the truth. But don't always be tellin' it."

I don't really think this is really an answer to Bulldog's point (or even really to the topic of the thread itself). Yes, you should be only talk about topic the intend group wants to talk about.

But the underlying problem that is talked about (and what Bulldog rightfully complains about) is that seemingly enough people get problems if they say they play RPG. (Guess I'm lucky I don't have to deal with it myself: I know my department head for several years playing Magic The Gathering before starting work :smallwink:)

I guess you could stretch your advice to "Even if asked about what hobbies you have, do not tell them that it is RPG", but if that really is your advice then there is imo certainly something wrong with people treat other people's hobbies. (Or unless you want to go as far "Do not talk about hobbies at all", which doesn't sounds great either - because what is wrong about showing basic interested with what co-workers or other peoples do? Especially since you never know which person might share hobbies with yourself.)

[Red Fel]

But the underlying problem that is talked about (and what Bulldog rightfully complains about) is that seemingly enough people get problems if they say they play RPG. (Guess I'm lucky I don't have to deal with it myself: I know my department head for several years playing Magic The Gathering before starting work :smallwink:)

I guess you could stretch your advice to "Even if asked about what hobbies you have, do not tell them that it is RPG", but if that really is your advice then there is imo certainly something wrong with people treat other people's hobbies. (Or unless you want to go as far "Do not talk about hobbies at all", which doesn't sounds great either - because what is wrong about showing basic interested with what co-workers or other peoples do? Especially since you never know which person might share hobbies with yourself.)

I think Jay R's point wasn't to avoid mentioning that you play RPGs, but more that you should be aware of your audience.

Look, I love meat. I'm an obligate carnivore. If it bleeds, I can cook it, and I will only eat it if it had a face and a mother. And if I make those remarks around my friends, I'll get a laugh. And if I make those remarks at a vegetarian event, I'll get shouted out of the room. What is appropriate and humorous in one context is tasteless or offensive in another.

And that's the point. Read the audience. If you expect that you should be able to walk up to any given person and tell them that you play RPGs and not receive any negative judgment from anyone, your expectations are unrealistic. That's not to say that you should never tell anybody, or that you should assume everyone hates you and finds your hobbies revolting. Rather, it's to say that there are people out there who will judge you unreasonably for your hobbies. There are also people who will judge you reasonably. There are also people who won't judge you. There are also people who don't care, who don't know, who want to know, or who don't want to know.

"s it so much to ask that other people extend courtesy and basic respect to me, and assume that I'm a fairly decent, average person despite them not liking my particular hobbies? Is that really a burdensome thing to ask?" Yes. The world owes us nothing. Now, in a fair society, the respect and civility you extend to others is returned to you. But that's not always the case. So, like any subject, be it RPGs or delicious murder, you have to decide whether your audience is interested and receptive. Otherwise, you have no right to tell a judgmental person something for which they would otherwise judge you [I]and expect that they won't because you're a nice guy after all.

World doesn't work like that.

[Winter_Wolf]

So there's apparently a few ways to read "delicious murder" and I didn't immediately recall the stuff immediately preceding that in the same post.

And I wasn't horrified by where my mind went. Then again I've read enough Red Fel posts on alignment and whatnot that it seemed like the natural thing. Then also again, if revenge can be sweet, defeat can be bitter, why can't murder be delicious?

[Red Fel]

And I wasn't horrified by where my mind went. Then again I've read enough Red Fel posts on alignment and whatnot that it seemed like the natural thing. Then also again, if revenge can be sweet, defeat can be bitter, why can't murder be delicious?

It can and it is, Little Sally, it can and it is.

[AMFV]

But yeah. When someone has already made up his or her mind, trying to change it isn't just futile, it's making matters worse. Think of everyone who has tried to force an opinion on you, like telling you that Twilight is the best literary franchise in history, or Andrew Lloyd Webber the best playwright of our generation. The more they push it, the more you want to push them. Down a flight of stairs, if available. It's not worth the effort.

But it's not that much effort, I mean it's just a shove, then gravity does most of the work...


I work near MIT. I can mention D&D casually to just about anyone and they'll talk to me about it. Having to ask what D&D is makes you the awkward weird one around here.

But nerds can be judgy too. I love pro wrestling. I've watched it since I was in diapers. I'm watching it right now. And I can't talk about it with my geeky friends. To them, it's the least intellectual thing out there and even watching it for a second while channel surfing is regarded as some kind of moral failure. Any time wrestling comes up, it's open season on poor old valadil. You'd think I admitted to watching Nascar or something ;-)

I think that I've found this to be more true than the reverse, my career aspirations are often judged pretty harshly by geeks or nerdy types. I've also seen a lot of geeky people act fairly judgemental about other people's hobbies, particularly if those hobbies fit into the kind of hobbies that preppy popular kids were into. For example during football or baseball season, most of my geeky friends on Facebook go out of their way to point out that they don't actually have any interest in those sorts of things, which always seemed odd to me.

[RandomNPC]

My boss used to play AD&D so I got off lucky there.

Nobody I work with has ever heard of mideval combat groups, I was a boffer a while back and still have my stuff. I can dumb it down as much as you want, I've described it like someone who spars in martial arts for exercise, and in armor it is a workout, but I always get that look. That dreaded "You're a weirdo" look. Once I get that look it either takes months of acting normal to get someone to treat me human, or I immediately throw my old buddies to the wolves and call them crazy to level out my current situation. (I've never tossed my old friends out like that)