Best & Funniest uses of Diplomancy/Intimidate

[Xalos]

Hello all Diplomancers and Intimidators!
I wish to know some of the best and funniest ways use diplomacy and intimidate! I know the giantitp forums are filled with evil geniuses, campaign destroyers, and general nuisances.... I wish to call upon all these, and everyone else to help me build an epic list! Ill start it out!

1. Convince a person that they simply don't exist (Diplo)
2. (stolen from Skyrim) Make someone think they are invisible (Diplo)
3. Make the King crap his pants in public (Intim)
4. Make the BBEG rethink his lifestyle, and make him into a model citizen (Intim or Diplo)
5. Barbarian + Dazzling Display + Gory Finish + Hurtful + Cornugon Smash (Intim)
6. Convince the local governor or king into giving you his castle (Intim or Diplo)

[Uncle Pine]

These are both from the same player, over the course of a couple of sessions:
7. Make a bunch of taers attack him instead of his injured friends by swearing against "da Snow". (I wasn't sure if it would've been Diplo or Intim, but it was a natural 20 regardless and the character had a good Cha)
8. Make two mountain trolls drop him on top of a wooden platform on the back of the female troll to fight against a crossbow-wielding owlbear instead of eating him. The trolls helped him, but they found him so cute that they brought him to the their nest after the fight to keep him as a pet. (Diplo)

[MisterKaws]

(Exemplar+Escape Artist) Enter the tarrasque's butt and make him treat you as a god for doing such a feat of greatness.

I really didn't believe you forgot to mention ArsePlomancy™.

[Manyasone]

Hello all Diplomancers and Intimidators!
I wish to know some of the best and funniest ways use diplomacy and intimidate! I know the giantitp forums are filled with evil geniuses, campaign destroyers, and general nuisances.... I wish to call upon all these, and everyone else to help me build an epic list! Ill start it out!

1. Convince a person that they simply don't exist (Diplo)

Classic Sign of One :smallannoyed:

[Uncle Pine]

(Exemplar+Escape Artist) Enter the tarrasque's butt and make him treat you as a god for doing such a feat of greatness.

At least for a Medium or smaller creature, wouldn't entering the tarrasque's butt be as easy as walking through a giant gate? Just wondering.

[Geddy2112]

I was a diplomancer bard, and we were in an ancient castle that was guarded by the previous owners pet dragon. The owner was gone,but we woke up the dragon, which asked us the password. Fortunately, we had the password on a map of the general area,but it was in an ancient mix of draconic and another language. I did not speak draconic, but the wizard did. So while the wizard is translating, I am using diplomacy to convince the dragon not to kill us until he has heard of all our greatest exploits,as the dragon has all the time in the world, and he might as well get a show with dinner.

I rolled several 18-20's in a row, stalling just long enough for the wizard to pass a linguistics check to say the password correctly. IIRC he was preparing to breathe fire as the wizard succeeded.

[MisterKaws]

At least for a Medium or smaller creature, wouldn't entering the tarrasque's butt be as easy as walking through a giant gate? Just wondering.

I think you're underestimating the strength of that thing's sphincter.

[Inevitability]

At least for a Medium or smaller creature, wouldn't entering the tarrasque's butt be as easy as walking through a giant gate? Just wondering.

Fun fact: the tarrasque has no butt. Dragon 359 gives some info on its digestive system and apparently everything it consumes just gets absorbed by it.

[MisterKaws]

Fun fact: the tarrasque has no butt. Dragon 359 gives some info on its digestive system and apparently everything it consumes just gets absorbed by it.


Throw a really strong spear at its 'butt'
Enter the newly-formed 'butthole' before it closes
???
Profit!!!

[Bullet06320]

I had a low level rogue that was wearing a robe to look like a wizard and had a couple painted sticks to look wands, we got ambushed by sum brigands, I jumped up on our wagon, pulled out the wands and threatened to blast 3 of them if they didn't surrender, "I roll intimidate" and toss a 20. DM laffs so hard, he says don't bother, they surrender, it was too funny not to work, lol

in an epic game, another character was a fighter/rogue build, don't recall exactly, but had intimidate maxed out and optimized, we where in a conversation with Bane that was starting to turn the wrong way, well this player hadn't said a word during the entire conversation, just stood there staring. well Bane gets mad and threatens us, he finally pipes up just says "I wouldn't do that" and then glared. "I roll Intimidate" lol, by the numbers, he punked down Bane, it was awesome, DM just kinda had a blank stare on his face when he saw the results of the check, and finally decided that's what Bane did in response, the negotiations when better for us after that, lol

[Inevitability]

Throw a really strong spear at its 'butt'
Enter the newly-formed 'butthole' before it closes
???
Profit!!!


That would be difficult enough on a 'normal' giant monster. Trying it on a monster with insane regeneration and natural armor is doomed to fail.

[MisterKaws]

That would be difficult enough on a 'normal' giant monster. Trying it on a monster with insane regeneration and natural armor is doomed to fail.

A Diamond Mind Martial Adept could open a hole for quite a while with Sapphire Nightmare Blade, at least enough to do a non-rushed attempt at entering it, and we don't even need to worry about rushing if we use nanobots.

[Uncle Pine]

Fun fact: the tarrasque has no butt. Dragon 359 gives some info on its digestive system and apparently everything it consumes just gets absorbed by it.
Ancient, ageless and poopless. Indeed tarrasques are fascinating creatures.

[Krobar]

I had a sorcerer that cast Aura of Terror, walked into a tavern, Intimidated the bartender making him Frightened, and then chased him around the place trying to order a drink.

YOU! I WANT A DRINK!

[John Longarrow]

Player in one of my games maxed intimidate and took feats to use intimidate against groups. On a ship he stared down the entire crew and beat the captain in front of them. Really funny, but really lopsided.

[Ferronach]

I was playing a warforged juggernaut in a low magic world where warforged were the stuff of nightmarish legends. My character was 9 feet tall and around 1000 lbs (still medium though by DM ruling).
When entering a village, my party members had me wear a big cloak and hide myself in it, basically looking like a halfblood of some monstrous variety.
They went around town shopping and I was left in the the house that we were staying in. My character only understood the core warforged commands listed in the Eberron book and a few words in common (long story).
One of the player somehow go into some sort of trouble involving a burly half orc who threw him out of a shop and was getting ready to kill him.
The player used a houseruled "hero point" to shout incredibly loudly for my character.

Hearing a party member in distress I burst through the wall of the house and began running down the street. The party member laughed when the horc heard the pounding of my running their way and the horc was curious and a little intimidated. I rounded the last corner and came up behind my party member (some of the others were showing up now too) and asked "what do?"
At this point the horc got mouthy and tried to laugh me off as some overgrown pet or other. My party member in distress pointed at the horc and said "points rush north" aka wf for kill that dude.
I threw my cloak off jumped over my party member and landed in front of the horc. I then intimidated/roared in his face, rolling a 20 in the process.

Seeing a towering spiked giant resembling a nightmare legend wielding a large sized dwarven war axe and hearing him roar at him in a truly intimidating manner, the horc proceeded to poop his pants, curl up on the ground crying and he lost enough sanity points (another houserule) to go insane temporarily.

My party managed to cover me back up and calm me down before I killed anyone etc. just before the guards came running. The horc was taken away and locked up for harassing my party member.

Later that night we were arrested for some reason or other (I think we were framed for something).
Unfortunately for the now insane horc, we were placed in the one and only cell in the town cop shop...
Somehow, he lost a few more sanity points and his temporary insanity became permanent.... XD

[Xalos]

Convince the local guard that your warforged rogue, that just stole from the local shops, is not the droid they are looking for

[atemu1234]

Seduction. Just... Seduction.

[Thealtruistorc]

So one of my players created a dazzling display-based character who eventually upgraded to the feat that enables you to frighten targets when you intimidate them. The party was fighting a group of earth elementals and since the rest of the party had trouble overcoming their DR, they turned to him.

"I intimidate the earth elementals!" (rolls a natural 20)

(I, as the DM, stare dumbfounded)

"The monster literally $#!*s bricks"

It was at this line that the whole group started laughing. At the end of the encounter they made a little hut out the excrement.


I have one other awesome and terrifying diplomacy story to tell, but I fear that it may give you all nightmares. Do you still want to hear it?

[Uncle Pine]

I have one other awesome and terrifying diplomacy story to tell, but I fear that it may give you all nightmares. Do you still want to hear it?

Obviously yes.

[Xalos]

I have one other awesome and terrifying diplomacy story to tell, but I fear that it may give you all nightmares. Do you still want to hear it?

thats why this here!

[Thealtruistorc]

Obviously yes.

You asked for it.

Sensitive eyes look away
Let me tell you about Stu.
Stu's full name is Stuirkenondatpart (I asked for the character's name and he mumbled "Still working on that part", so the title stuck). He's a half-orc barbarian with max investment in charisma and one level of bard so that he gets more skill points and diplomacy as a class skill.

When Stu first appeared (his unconcious body was found in the desert), the first thing he did was start snorting the sand like cocaine. Literally the first NPC he saw (a wizard who wanted to help them) was forcibly coerced into anal with Stu's high diplomacy modifier (did I mention I really hate that skill?), which he flavored as whipping out his ginormous orc **** and waving it around in the guy's face. Even applying every type of penalty I could image he still made the check to seduce him. The rest of the party watched uncomfortably as Stu copulated with this random stranger.

The first encounter we had was against a group of Daemons, and Stu once again used his stupidly high ****plomacy to tame them. He ended up riding around on them one by one before coup de grace-ing them with a greatsword through the head. I wanted to stop him, bit the rest of the party kept egging him on and I didn't want to ruin their fun. The freaked-out and frankly violated wizard responded by teleporting them all to the air above an active volcano, and how they got out of that one is a story for another day (I will say that D&D's version of PETA certainly wouldn't approve).

It was later that they found themselves trapped on a lava floe with only a rock between them and the hot flowing semisolid. Stu had equipment that made him resistant to fire, so in a strange tactic he asked that the party bard use him as a paddle. Somehow he survived, and the party reached the shore. Afterwards they were attacked by some sort of fireproof golem, and Stu spent the whoke fight crawling around trying to find the thing's ****. After it was destroyed it let loose a swarm of bees (it was a variant of the beeforged), and Stu decided to put his high Cha to use in the strangest way possible by INTIMIDATING THE BEES ONE AT A TIME. Somehow (likely because I couldn't access the swarm rules without severely slowing down the game) it worked, and the angry horde of bees ran from Stu and his massive charisma.