A Good Creature Backstory? [Futurequest]

[8BitNinja]

NOTE: By good, I do not mean the creature is morally upright, I mean is the monster lore good.

So after I got done with vehicles, among other things, I decided to make a monster list for my game.

I decided to make one of the creature subtypes Experimental, which means that they were created by mortals.

So here is my story for the CAIN Soldier for Futurequest, I might have to edit this post, so I'll tell you when I'm done

An unknown source leaked to the world the application of X-21, a growth hormone, on humans (strictly human) and the effects it gave them. It made them extremely strong, resilient, agile, and intelligent, which of course attracted the different faction military biologists and geneticists to work on a supersoldier. The chaotic factions (Vigilante, Cosmic, Deathwielder) had no interest in it because that would mean working in an orderly manner and having to manage way to much for their chaotic ways. The Lightbringer and Harbinger factions (Lawful Good and Neutral Good) didn't take it on because of the moral implications of weaponizing humans. For people working for peace, they found it wrong to turn humans into nothing but weapons. Empire and Aeon (Lawful Neutral and True Neutral) decided to not take it on because Empire didn't want to fund another project and Aeon doesn't want to disrupt the balance of life and death, and since death had more power, they decided not to. The Mob (Neutral Evil) despite owning entire corporations, couldn't find a way to work in secret, so Overseer (Lawful Evil) decided to exploit this to make an unstoppable army. They named the project CAIN after the first murderer. The problem was found shortly during the experimentation process, and also why X-21 was banned everywhere, it contained a byproduct which deteriorated the Limbic System, which controls emotion. So since the subjects could only feel anger and hate, becoming psychopaths, killed everyone in the facility and then dispersed. Lightbringer heard of the threat and formed an elite task force under the name ABEL. Unfortunately, they didn't read The Bible and CAIN killed ABEL, and now are hiding in seclusion.

The CAIN Soldiers are guys made to singlehandedly take on Mechs, so if you bump into one, prepare to die or get a huge amount of EXP

[noob]

Too much typical.
However if your players does not mind hearing a story told one billion times it is not a problem.

[8BitNinja]

Too much typical.
However if your players does not mind hearing a story told one billion times it is not a problem.

What would be a good idea to change it? Any suggestions?

[noob]

The more details a story have the more you can make it different from others.
If I say that A and B hit each other it is less unique that if I start describing A and B and say the reasons for which they hit each other and how they are hitting each other.
There was a joke about someone having a drama he wanted people to perform.
He then met a theater owner and tried to make a summary of his drama however the owner repetitively said it was a too long summary.
At the end he made a four word summary and the theater owner said "it have already been done" while the drama was unique.
Here you speak of multiple organizations but we know nothing about them while you probably have more data about them and so on.
You story is probably great however we do only have a summary.

[8BitNinja]

The more details a story have the more you can make it different from others.
If I say that A and B hit each other it is less unique that if I start describing A and B and say the reasons for which they hit each other and how they are hitting each other.
There was a joke about someone having a drama he wanted people to perform.
He then met a theater owner and tried to make a summary of his drama however the owner repetitively said it was a too long summary.
At the end he made a four word summary and the theater owner said "it have already been done" while the drama was unique.
Here you speak of multiple organizations but we know nothing about them while you probably have more data about them and so on.
You story might be great however we do only have a summary.

The stories on the factions are long and unique, I am actually going to write a source book just for the factions

The actual story on how the CAIN Soldiers behave and actions are explained in their stat block, despite being brutal killers, they are extremely charismatic and ca hide their identities, specialize in head on combat, and have one crucial flaw of planning in the moment, not really having a particular strategy