PDA

View Full Version : Corrupt a wish



Pages : [1] 2 3 4 5 6 7

Douche
2016-03-01, 04:04 PM
Popular forum game... Lets add a twist!

State a wish that you'd make in-game - using the Wish spell - and the next poster will monkey paw it. I'll start

I wish I could shoot fireballs from my eyes

gfishfunk
2016-03-01, 04:09 PM
Wish #1 Corruption: You have no immunity to the fire damage, and the fire originates at the center of your eyes: you are immediately blinded.

Wish #2: I wish for the current eldest princess of Forlond's freely given hand in marriage.

tieren
2016-03-01, 04:14 PM
Wish #1 Corruption: You have no immunity to the fire damage, and the fire originates at the center of your eyes: you are immediately blinded.

Wish #2: I wish for the current eldest princess of Forlond's freely given hand in marriage.

Corruption Wish #2: Princess' hand falls off and becomes a crawling claw which is perfectly willing to marry you.

Wish #3: I wish I were a real boy

Ace Jackson
2016-03-01, 04:15 PM
Wish #1 Corruption: You have no immunity to the fire damage, and the fire originates at the center of your eyes: you are immediately blinded.

Wish #2: I wish for the current eldest princess of Forlond's freely given hand in marriage.

Corruption the second: You are wed to the princess's hand. She is off to visit a cleric for a regeneration. The king expects you to pay the bills for the wedding, reception, and regeneration.

Wish 4, I wish for immunity to lightning damage.

Ninja'd

Corruption of the above, you are reduced in age, no bartenders will serve you, all adults fail to take you seriously, and you get to endure being a teenager a second time.

Biggstick
2016-03-01, 04:23 PM
Wish 3, I wish for immunity to lightning damage.

Corruption Wish 4: You become a rock.

Wish 5: I wish to be a god of thunder.

supergoji18
2016-03-01, 04:26 PM
Corruption Wish 4: You become a rock.

Wish 5: I wish to be a god of thunder.

Corruption 5: you're immediately deafened by the sounds of your powers

Wish 6: I wish for Kate Upton to be my girlfriend

gfishfunk
2016-03-01, 04:26 PM
Wish 4: I wish to be a god of thunder.

Corruption 4: You are hereby granted the title of god of thunder. There are no additional benefits. You sometimes hear prayers, though. If you wish to answer them, its all on you.

Edit - Corruption 5: Done. She has not been transported to you nor you to her. She has been informed that she is your girlfriend and that this is a magically binding predicament. she has no further obligation towards you on this matter, and may refuse to see you.

Wish 7: I wish that I were continuously perceived as incredibly handsome to all sentient beings of my own species.

Douche
2016-03-01, 04:36 PM
Wish 6: I wish that I were continuously perceived as incredibly handsome to all sentient beings of my own species.

Ooooh, good one. I like how you added the "my own species" qualifier to try avoiding complications. Unfortunately, I've seen this one played out before. You become irresistible and you are constantly hounded by rabid admirers, and simultaneously become unable to achieve any form of sexual arousal.

Wish #8(?) - I wish to become the worlds strongest fighter.

Keltest
2016-03-01, 04:43 PM
Ooooh, good one. I like how you added the "my own species" qualifier to try avoiding complications. Unfortunately, I've seen this one played out before. You become irresistible and you are constantly hounded by rabid admirers, and simultaneously become unable to achieve any form of sexual arousal.

Wish #8(?) - I wish to become the worlds strongest fighter.

Very well. Your strength score becomes... some arbitrarily high number who's exact value depends on what world you are in. Your muscles swell up to massive size, and your heart gives out from the sudden strain. Oops.

Wish #9 (I think)

I wish for a perfect duplicate of myself with the understanding and acceptance that it is a duplicate intended do the things I don't want to/cannot do for various reasons.

FightStyles
2016-03-01, 04:56 PM
Very well. Your strength score becomes... some arbitrarily high number who's exact value depends on what world you are in. Your muscles swell up to massive size, and your heart gives out from the sudden strain. Oops.

Wish #9 (I think)

I wish for a perfect duplicate of myself with the understanding and acceptance that it is a duplicate intended do the things I don't want to/cannot do for various reasons.

Wish #9: Once you have your duplicate do something for you, you are unable to do that for the rest of your existence. This compounds with previous actions.

Wish #10: I wish one of my arms becomes 5 cm longer than the other so I can go around and show everyone that one arm is longer than the other.

Mongobear
2016-03-01, 04:57 PM
Very well. Your strength score becomes... some arbitrarily high number who's exact value depends on what world you are in. Your muscles swell up to massive size, and your heart gives out from the sudden strain. Oops.

Wish #9 (I think)

I wish for a perfect duplicate of myself with the understanding and acceptance that it is a duplicate intended do the things I don't want to/cannot do for various reasons.

Wish #10 (Hopefully)

Your clone does everything in its power to undermine your life choices, including, but not limited to commiting crimes, and willingly sabotaging tasks it is sent to do. Also, your living expenses are now doubled for food, hygeine, clothing, transportation, etc.

I wish to know the answers to any/all questions asked of me.

Aelyn
2016-03-02, 05:48 AM
Wish #10: I wish one of my arms becomes 5 cm longer than the other so I can go around and show everyone that one arm is longer than the other.
Granted. Clothes.now fit badly, unless you are happy to pay an additional 50% more for specialist items.

... A minor spoil for a minor wish.

I wish to know the answers to any/all questions asked of me.
Granted. From now on, no being is capable of asking you a question to which you don't already know the answer.

(Those are how, as a DM, I would grant those wishes, FWIW)

I wish for the most powerful sword in the land to be in its scabbard on my belt, and legally recognised as belonging to me.

KuReshtin
2016-03-02, 07:37 AM
I wish for the most powerful sword in the land to be in its scabbard on my belt, and legally recognised as belonging to me.

Granted.
However, the sword, a 2-handed great sword, cannot be removed from the scabbard and the scabbard cannot be removed from your belt, making it terribly inconvenient since it keeps dragging along the ground behind you because of it's size.


I wish to be financially stable enough to be able to clear all of my and my immediate family's debts and to provide a comfortable financial situation for myself, my parents, my sister and my brother until we die of old age.

PeteNutButter
2016-03-02, 09:49 AM
Granted.
I wish to be financially stable enough to be able to clear all of my and my immediate family's debts and to provide a comfortable financial situation for myself, my parents, my sister and my brother until we die of old age.

Granted, yet now you are plagued by such a constant assault of beggars and nobles alike asking for hand-outs and investments, that you are forced to retire and spend full time managing your estate. Your money now rules you more than you ruling your money. (Seriously too easy with all the lottery horror stories.)

I wish to life a long, healthy, and peaceful life, full of life and joy.

Aelyn
2016-03-03, 09:25 AM
I wish to life a long, healthy, and peaceful life, full of life and joy.
Granted, though "long" is a matter of perspective. You're now a mayfly. Look on the bright side - you get to live 30 hours instead of 24!

I wish that across the world, all merchants, barmen, shopkeepers and all other people who sell goods or services would give me a 20% discount in perpetuity.

KuReshtin
2016-03-04, 03:41 AM
Granted.
Although, the merchants decide that to cover for your discount, they hike the prices by 20% for everyone, so that you still pay the same price as before and everyone else pays 20% more. This results in the rest of the population resenting you and to readjust the prices back to original levels, a group of vigilantes take action and you are found dead in an alleyway on a dark and cold March morning.


I wish for a simpler life where people live in harmony and aren't so hung up on having the latest gadgets.

Medival Wombat
2016-03-04, 06:39 AM
Granted, you now live in the stone ages, with the mind and memory of a cavemen. Enjoy your simple, dirt-eating live.


I wish, that I am able to read the thoughts of other people at will, while able not to do if I desire

Aelyn
2016-03-04, 08:17 AM
I wish, that I am able to read the thoughts of other people at will, while able not to do if I desire
Granted. I hope you know where Will is, as you can't read other people's thoughts unless you're reading them at him.

I wish that, without my form transmuting, I will be immune to spells and damage for the rest of my life.

FightStyles
2016-03-04, 08:47 AM
I wish that, without my form transmuting, I will be immune to spells and damage for the rest of my life.

A barrier forms around you for the rest of your life that nothing can escape or enter, not even air. You live a life being suffocated and starved for the rest of your life. (Although this doesn't kill you as it doesn't do you any damage.)

I wish to be able to instantly attune and unattune to any and all magical items without a limit to how many items I can attune to, whenever I choose, forever.

dancrilis
2016-03-04, 09:05 AM
A barrier forms around you for the rest of your life that nothing can escape or enter, not even air. You live a life being suffocated and starved for the rest of your life. (Although this doesn't kill you as it doesn't do you any damage.)

I wish to be able to instantly attune and unattune to any and all magical items without a limit to how many items I can attune to, whenever I choose, forever.

The first you attune to erases you from all possible existences.

I wish that any corrupting (or other) affect that applies to any wish (or other agent of change) I (or others) make now, in the past, in the future or outside of time would not negatively affect me, either directly or indirectly - where negatively is defined as anything that I would view as negative at the time immediately prior to it occurring if I had full knowledge of what the impact would be.

zubb
2016-03-06, 01:22 PM
I wish that any corrupting (or other) affect that applies to any wish (or other agent of change) I (or others) make now, in the past, in the future or outside of time would not negatively affect me, either directly or indirectly - where negatively is defined as anything that I would view as negative at the time immediately prior to it occurring if I had full knowledge of what the impact would be.

Wish granted. If you had any wishes left, they wouldn't screw you over.

I wish for a dinari to buy a hamburger.

Mister Tom
2016-04-04, 02:06 AM
I wish for a dinari to buy a hamburger.

Wish granted. You hamburger has sand in.

I wish for the permanent undispellable ability to cast at will any sixth level spell for full effect, without having to suffer the constraint of any material, experience, aging or any other cost against myself on other benign third parties that may be defined either in this wish or later by myself in subsequent addenda to this wish.

Professor Gnoll
2016-04-04, 05:58 AM
Wish granted. You hamburger has sand in.

I wish for the permanent undispellable ability to cast at will any sixth level spell for full effect, without having to suffer the constraint of any material, experience, aging or any other cost against myself on other benign third parties that may be defined either in this wish or later by myself in subsequent addenda to this wish.Wish granted. You may now cast any sixth level spell. But only if it's targeted 'at Will', in this case meaning William Kidd, famed pirate, who has unfortunately expired and decomposed into nothingness long ago. Have fun with those spells you can't use.

I wish for a pet Dire Camel.

Dr.Gunsforhands
2016-04-04, 07:50 PM
It bites your head off. I didn't even need to corrupt your wish for that; camels are just jerks.

I wish not to have any more wishes.

Elandris Kajar
2016-04-06, 07:39 AM
This removes all things with wish in them from your like- you cannot form the word, wishbones are gone, so in. Make of that what you will.

I wish for a taco.

Mister Tom
2016-04-06, 04:17 PM
A taco roughly the size and shape of a Nimitz class aircraft carrier appears directly above you.

I wish for a medium sized plate of delicious, nutritious, healthy falafels.

Skald
2016-04-09, 01:40 AM
The 'medium' plate has a diameter equal to the average medium sized creature's height, you are crushed beneath it's weight.



I wish to know the location of the nearest planet capable of supporting human life.

Darth Paul
2016-04-09, 02:04 AM
I wish to know the location of the nearest planet capable of supporting human life.

You're standing on it.


I wish that the dragon sitting on that treasure hoard would have an immediate and fatal cardiac arrest.

GreatWyrmGold
2016-04-09, 06:53 PM
Wish #1 Corruption: You have no immunity to the fire damage, and the fire originates at the center of your eyes: you are immediately blinded.
Only blinded?


I wish that the dragon sitting on that treasure hoard would have an immediate and fatal cardiac arrest.
His lair is one of those that collapses once the boss is killed. And since you're close enough to the hoard to point at it...


I wish for the genie to leave me alone without changing anything in the universe.

Skald
2016-04-09, 11:37 PM
You find yourself alone, in a null space. Your purgatory is only made worse when you wonder 'How is the universe unchanged if I am removed?' and come up with the only logical conclusion: Your existence- or lack there of- has no effect on the universe, thus is the breadth of your insignificance in this incomprehensibly vast universe.
Madness soon overtakes you, but even this matters not, for you are alone in this void.


I wish for a good idea.

Mister Tom
2016-04-10, 03:34 AM
Why not help others? That's what good alignment characters do loads of.

I wish that I am, and remain, entirely satisfied with how this wish ( which is for a fully functioning bag of holding containing 4,000gp) is carried out.

Professor Gnoll
2016-04-10, 04:24 AM
The capacity of your brain to feel anything but satisfaction is entirely removed, leaving you with a blisteringly stupid proto-brain that cannot comprehend any feeling beyond mild satisfaction. Your new inability to feel pain will soon cause you to die an ignominious death as you fail to feel fear at that rapidly approaching bus, or perhaps starve due to your newfound lack of hunger. But at least you'll die happy...
I wish for a GITP with only rational, fair debate and high quality play-by-post roleplaying games.

GreatWyrmGold
2016-04-10, 04:15 PM
Granted. Hey, wasn't there a webcomic here?

I wish for the genie to transform one milligram of nitrogen into one gram of oxygen.

Dr.Gunsforhands
2016-04-10, 05:00 PM
Well, I could take the extra mass from certain molecules in your brain and give you a prion disease or something, but I won't do that. Instead, I'll just have the atomic reactions take place inside of your left eye. The sudden flash and pop will certainly blow out that eye and probably give you cancer in the other, but you will be able to see the released photons firsthand, so you can't accuse me of not granting your wish. :smallsmile:

Challenge! I wish I knew more about chemistry and nuclear physics, actually.

Darth Paul
2016-04-10, 07:25 PM
His lair is one of those that collapses once the boss is killed. And since you're close enough to the hoard to point at it...

Aah, a load-bearing boss (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/LoadBearingBoss), eh?




Challenge! I wish I knew more about chemistry and nuclear physics, actually.

You'll certainly learn a great deal about them from your position here at the heart of this reactor core. The fact that you'll only enjoy your knowledge for a few nanoseconds, or that your learning will be mainly "how fast does a person disintegrate inside a nuclear reactor?" are merely irrelevant details.


I wish the Star Wars prequels had been better. Especially Episode I.

GreatWyrmGold
2016-04-10, 08:15 PM
Well, I could take the extra mass from certain molecules in your brain and give you a prion disease or something, but I won't do that. Instead, I'll just have the atomic reactions take place inside of your left eye. The sudden flash and pop will certainly blow out that eye and probably give you cancer in the other, but you will be able to see the released photons firsthand, so you can't accuse me of not granting your wish. :smallsmile:
One milligram of nitrogen has the same mass as one of oxygen, so there wouldn't be any matter to remove or energy to be released. That's why I said "milligram" and not, say, "milliliter" or "millimole".

Ahem.

The Star Wars prequels are as good as the originals. The original trilogy, however, is as bad as the Christmas Special, so almost no one ever sees any of them.

I wish that my water bottle was filled with clean, perfectly normal water, with no corresponding loss of energy or matter being removed from anything within several light-years of any inhabited planet.

Darth Paul
2016-04-10, 09:36 PM
Ahem.

The Star Wars prequels are as good as the originals. The original trilogy, however, is as bad as the Christmas Special, so almost no one ever sees any of them.


That hurt.

That hurt BAD. :smalleek::smallfrown::smalleek:

Dr.Gunsforhands
2016-04-11, 06:09 AM
One milligram of nitrogen has the same mass as one of oxygen, so there wouldn't be any matter to remove or energy to be released. That's why I said "milligram" and not, say, "milliliter" or "millimole".


I wish for the genie to transform one milligram of nitrogen into one gram of oxygen.

I guess this is why they say to word your wishes carefully. But, hey, if what you got wasn't what you wanted, I'll be happy to re-do it in your water bottle. I can't guarantee that the water we put in there is, 'perfectly normal,' anymore, though.

...alright, that tears it. It's clear to me now that you genies are incapable of doing this with any modicum of responsibility. Thus, my only demand is that you relinquish your powers forthwith!

Professor Gnoll
2016-04-11, 06:27 AM
Done. Great job, you killed a fun thread. Nice going, jerk.

That's it, everyone. Thread's over. Dr. JERKforhands here just hates everyone else having fun, apparently. Wait, what's this? A lamp? Yes! One last wish!
Quickly! I wish for the genie power to return!

Darth Paul
2016-04-11, 08:55 AM
Done. Great job, you killed a fun thread. Nice going, jerk.

That's it, everyone. Thread's over. Dr. JERKforhands here just hates everyone else having fun, apparently. Wait, what's this? A lamp? Yes! One last wish!
Quickly! I wish for the genie power to return!

Very well, but I warn you... every wish granted will be corrupted in some horrible way.

Must be a defective lamp.

anjxed
2016-04-11, 09:15 AM
Hey you didn't wish. Does it mean i get to start?

Very well, I wish for the power of the sun at the palm of my hand (bonus for guessing where it's from)

Mister Tom
2016-04-11, 03:23 PM
Very well. You have the power of the sun in the palm of your hand.

The power of the sun is around the 3.8 x10^26 watts mark.

This power is applied to a small area in your hand for a period of oh, let's say a picosecond, because I rather like your planet. This gives the same energy input as a medium sized fission warhead.

The survivors from the next valley name the resultant crater after you.

I wish for sentient beings to be kinder to each other.

Black Socks
2016-04-11, 04:21 PM
Sure! However, you didn't specify which sentient beings or what form the kindness will take. Result: over in Romania, a child picks up a book that another child dropped.
BEEP! Stand by for unoriginal wish! BEEP!
I wish for another wish.

anjxed
2016-04-11, 06:02 PM
Granted but you die first.

I wish for benevolent alien contact

Professor Gnoll
2016-04-11, 06:21 PM
I'll choose to take that as meaning 'Belonging to a foreign country', which is in fact the first definition given in my dictionary. Your country is absolutely flooded with well-meaning, benevolent refugees, who nevertheless come in such a vast quantity that the country suffers from huge overpopulation issues, after which its economy is irreparably shattered. Mass starvation ensues.

I wish only for your love. Let's leave this terrible place and elope!

Darth Paul
2016-04-11, 07:39 PM
I'll choose to take that as meaning 'Belonging to a foreign country', which is in fact the first definition given in my dictionary. Your country is absolutely flooded with well-meaning, benevolent refugees, who nevertheless come in such a vast quantity that the country suffers from huge overpopulation issues, after which its economy is irreparably shattered. Mass starvation ensues.

I wish only for your love. Let's leave this terrible place and elope!

Since your reply was to anjxed, you have only his love; the two of you leave his overcrowded & starving country (made thus by the wish you granted) and elope to a tropical island paradise. However, having only his love, you have no money, no food, no passports, and no clothes. The police pick you up for vagrancy and indecent exposure and toss you in jail. Having no bail money and unable to prove your identity or afford legal counsel, you're found guilty and sentenced to hard labor. The corrupt judicial system loses your paperwork and as a result, you're effectively sentenced to a lifetime of servitude. :smalleek:


I wish I were so happy that I had no need to wish for anything else.

Dr.Gunsforhands
2016-04-11, 10:35 PM
I'm torn between doing nothing and giving you a massive overdose of morphine. Hmm... Tell you what, I'll just give you this syringe. If you ever feel unhappy enough to make a wish, this'll clear that riiiight up.

I wish to solve world hunger!

Darth Paul
2016-04-11, 11:12 PM
After the world is shattered by an asteroid the size of our Moon, and its molten remnants sucked into the Sun... there will never be a hungry creature on this planet again.

I wish the lovely and talented Jewel Staite, Gina Torres, Morena Baccarin, and Summer Glau of Joss Whedon's Firefly were performing an exotic dance for my pleasure, right here as I relax on my couch, after which they will all please me in whatever intimate manner I see fit.

anjxed
2016-04-12, 08:45 AM
Wish granted but they were just a figment of your imagination to be forgotten immediately and you remembered being a sad lonely man.

I wish to be content with life

Darth Paul
2016-04-12, 10:46 AM
You are 100% content with Life (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Life_(magazine)), an American magazine published from 1883 to 2002.

I wish my computer would load this page faster.

Mister Tom
2016-04-12, 12:41 PM
1+d3 kobolds steal your computer and take it to their cave, which has unrivalled broadband.

I wish for a permanent +5 rise in my DEX attribute.

Elandris Kajar
2016-04-12, 02:43 PM
A massive Dex book, sized for the tarrasque, appears over your head.

I wish I would find a dollar on the street tomorrow.

anjxed
2016-04-12, 05:10 PM
You find exactly 1 Zimbawean dollar in the street.

I wish eternal happiness

Darth Paul
2016-04-12, 07:37 PM
1+d3 kobolds steal your computer and take it to their cave, which has unrivalled broadband.


So that's how the Oracle gets his "predictions", he's just downloading faster than everyone else.



I wish eternal happiness

The genie chooses the next moment when you're happy, then teleports you to the end of the universe, before you have time to become unhappy again... your happiness lasted for eternity.

I wish for all people currently alive to live in health, wealth, and peace until the end of their natural lifespans.

Dr.Gunsforhands
2016-04-12, 09:22 PM
Oh! Okay, I'll just throw together a one-day care package for everyone, then do the same thing you did for the world hunger wish. (Meteors count as natural phenomena, right?)

At this point, I just wish for Earth to keep being a planet capable of supporting life, for at least a billion more years.

Professor Gnoll
2016-04-13, 01:51 AM
It remains capable of supporting life. However, said life purely consists of a single, long-lived bacteria. All other life is utterly wiped out by natural phenomena.

I wish I was a punk rocker.

Mister Tom
2016-04-13, 08:23 AM
Granted with a will, although I'm guessing the punk rocker you had in mind had talent and fame. You do however now have hair like a psychedelic toilet brush, an electric guitar (in a setting with no electricity grid), a singing voice like the drawn out death cry of a dire camel, and an addiction to painkillers.

I wish that all good aligned humans in this setting, who do not already have the required class levels which would allow the, to cast the spell, gain the permanent ability to cast the cure moderate wounds spell once per day at the same level of effectiveness as would a 8th level living cleric of a benevolent deity. And I'm already dreading this one.

Professor Gnoll
2016-04-13, 08:41 AM
Granted with a will, although I'm guessing the punk rocker you had in mind had talent and fame. You do however now have hair like a psychedelic toilet brush, an electric guitar (in a setting with no electricity grid), a singing voice like the drawn out death cry of a dire camel, and an addiction to painkillers.
Dude, that's awesome! That's, like, maximum punk!

As for your wish, well, Cure Moderate Wounds sure is great in the D&D setting, huh? It's shame you've specifically summoned it to 'this' setting, presumably being the modern world. And uncontrolled healing in the hands of those looking to do good but without the knowledge to use it, and all too morally fallible, well...
At first, it seems amazing. Cuts, bruises, scrapes- even broken bones and headaches can be nicely cured with just a touch! And it didn't even get into the hands of those nasty criminals and tyrants!
Of course, it has the initial and immediate effect of segregating all of society into two halves- a superior race of auto-healers and a slave underclass incapable of casting those spells. Shame you didn't stipulate that an alignment change would take away that power and that it's completely permanent.

Then comes the true horror- healing spells that create amazing new tissue, improperly applied, create new tissue where tissue doesn't need to be. Horrible cancerous blights are easily inflicted, and the once-Good tyrants, having lost some of their number to the magically induced cancer, soon learn to weaponise this fault and turn their powers against the rest of the world. The Magic Cancer wars scour the earth and slaughter much of the population in gruesome ways, the terrible hegemony being enforced by magic wielders who can't seem to be put down by mere bullets. With a glow of light, they stand up and walk towards you again, palms outstretched, terrible mutating light pouting from their fingers. Stay away! Don't- don't get closer! No- the light- I'll- I'll shoot- I'll- gragruruauuuugugggggg....

As the Cancer Mages slowly start to die of old age, unable to cure time with their magic, a rebellion of the underclass forms to overthrow them. A second, equally bloody war ensues, and much of the world is destroyed in light and flame. A scarred, charred Earth, ruined by the nuclear warfare to which the tyrants turned, can no longer support civilisation. What few vestiges of humanity are left are driven underground to live scabrous, scavenging lives away from the sun.
And that's how Cure Moderate Wounds created the apocalypse.

Dr.Gunsforhands
2016-04-13, 02:43 PM
Geez, it's just apocalypse after apocalypse around here, isn't it? Whatever happened to subtlety?

I wish to at least run one adventure in Cancer-mage world before just throwing it out.

Professor Gnoll
2016-04-13, 06:19 PM
You run a game, but as it turns out one of your players mother just died of cancer. He gets really upset at you. (See? Subtlety!)

I wish for my hands to be safely replaced by guns that are completely under my conscious command and cause no damage to my body in the process of being attached. These guns are to be 9mm pistols with an unlimited ammunition supply. (My continued ability to manipulate objects is irrelevant. I don't need to be able to pick up things once I can just shoot them.)

CrackedChair
2016-04-13, 08:57 PM
Your guns are stuck on safety. Hey, you wanted them to not cause any bodily harm to yourself!

I wish that Yu-gi-oh was just as popular as Magic.

Belac93
2016-04-13, 10:54 PM
Granted. They are now both as popular as one of your dirty socks.

I wish to never have to wait for a long time to play D&D again.

Dr.Gunsforhands
2016-04-13, 11:25 PM
Granted, but you'll want to take the wish back after a few years of people constantly pestering you to post, calling you at work to schedule sessions, and begging you up down and sideways to DM for them. What, you thought this would let up when you wanted to take a break from gaming, or attend a funeral, or sleep? Haha, NOPE.

I wish for some non-poisonous medicinal mushrooms. Growing in a small garden, please.

Laydralae
2016-04-14, 12:19 AM
You wake up the next morning to find non-poisonous medicinal mushrooms in your garden. However upon cultivating them you learn they are sentient creatures and by using them you have declared war between your species.

I wish I was in secession of a Girdle of Gender Swapping.

Professor Gnoll
2016-04-14, 02:48 AM
You wake up the next morning to find non-poisonous medicinal mushrooms in your garden. However upon cultivating them you learn they are sentient creatures and by using them you have declared war between your species.

I wish I was in secession of a Girdle of Gender Swapping.
Secession? You want to remove yourself from a Girdle of Gender Swapping? ...Okay, wish granted. You'll never see it again. It's abandoned you for ever.

I wish to be in possession of a Girdle of Masculinity-Femininity.

Black Socks
2016-04-14, 07:24 AM
Granted! And right now we have a special deal: buy one GoM/F, get one Sovereign Glue free!
In other words, the Girdle is permanently stuck to you with Sovereign Glue.

I wish for absolutely nothing.

CrackedChair
2016-04-14, 08:01 AM
(Insert name of deity here) punishes you for your lack of creativity.

I wish for a whole meteorite of Starmetal.

anjxed
2016-04-14, 08:20 AM
Granted and the meteor crashes into your house killing all your loved ones and leaving you barely alive.

I wish for a nice car that would run and won't have sentience, won't kill me or put me in an accident. Plus it must be given to me for free and I own it

Dr.Gunsforhands
2016-04-14, 09:01 AM
Granted! I'm not even going to corrupt it this time. Aren't I nice?

Oh, wait, I just remembered - the OP said that these wishes were taking place in a D&D campaign, using a wish spell. I guess you could take this noisy clunker on some of the more well-used dirt highways, at least... but, where are you going to get petrol? Maybe you could conjure it, or just dig for oil and pay an alchemist to brew something up? Okay, sure. There are no shortage of villains willing to kill for your new, 'artifact,' and it's still strictly worse than teleporting, but it will make you wealthy indeed if you play your cards right. Your curse will be the knowledge that your life is now centered on a momentary fad based on a discovery that was kind of a sham.

...I wish to make a ton of money exploiting a temporary fad.

Laydralae
2016-04-14, 05:31 PM
Granted you! Are now the proud owner of 100 gazillion Zimbabwe dollars!

I wish I had a Decanter of Endless Coffee.

CrackedChair
2016-04-14, 06:44 PM
Granted, but it's the kind you'd find at Burger King. Ick.

I wish for the script of The Order of the Stick.

Pyrous
2016-04-14, 07:44 PM
Granted, you get the script of one OotS's strip (it is one wish, you know), let's say #33.

Oooo, tough luck, a wizard made it disappear. Have this mail call (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0033.html) instead. I think it's a good deal to you, as it reveals the gateway to ULTIMATE COSMIC POWER.

I wish to watch the world BURN!

Professor Gnoll
2016-04-14, 11:06 PM
Done. You are trapped in a tiny pocket of spacetime, completely immobile and unable to communicate or do anything but watch the world from a distance of a few light-minutes. You'll stay in there for a few billion years, until the sun consumes the Earth, therefore allowing you to watch the world burn.

I wish for a balanced, fun 5E Ranger class.

CrackedChair
2016-04-15, 06:33 AM
Granted, and then everybody at your table showed up as a knockoff of Drizz'l. And at a local game store. Pretty much everywhere, people are playing as a knockoff of the Drow ranger.

I wish for an Immovable Rod

Black Socks
2016-04-15, 02:44 PM
Granted! It appears on the ground in front of you. Unfortunately you can't move it.

I wish for the ability to time travel at will.

Mister Tom
2016-04-15, 04:31 PM
You may now move forward through time at one second per second, at will. You may also dispel the effects of you own time stop spell,at will.

I wish to successfully make my next ten saving throws.

Belac93
2016-04-15, 04:44 PM
Granted. You make your next 10 saving throws, in a D&D game. As you are in a D&D world, D&D does not exist.

I wish to write a best-selling book.

Mister Tom
2016-04-24, 12:59 PM
Apologies for the breach of the three poster bed rule, but no one else seems to want to pick this one up. So...

About a century in the future your campaign diaries are discovered by a halfling bard with an uncle in the nascent printing industry, and become a massive posthumous bestseller - in the manner of Cervantes' Don Quixote (but with added apocalyptic log). No one ever realises they are not a work of deconstructionist parody, and the bard gets all the fame and royalties.

I wish for the ability- fully under my control- to make anything taste of bacon.

Aegis013
2016-04-24, 08:24 PM
Granted, but anything you eat that tastes of bacon (including regular bacon, and other pig products) is one billion times more potent at causing heart disease and other health problems than an equal amount of bacon by weight or volume, whichever is worse.

I wish for all things to proceed in such a way that they would not have been any different had I not made this wish.

Black Socks
2016-05-01, 05:00 PM
Certainly! While grocery shopping one week and two days from now, you get run over by an out of control shopping cart filled with apple cranberry granola bars. That's what would have happened naturally, so you can't complain!

I wish to know the meaning of life.

Aegis013
2016-05-02, 06:01 PM
Certainly! While grocery shopping one week and two days from now, you get run over by an out of control shopping cart filled with apple cranberry granola bars. That's what would have happened naturally, so you can't complain!

Except you replied to my wish at all, thus failing to grant it. :smallamused:

Black Socks
2016-05-03, 07:18 AM
So sorry about that. Here you go, a proper corruption-
Instead of being run over by a shopping cart, you are run over by a clown car. At least your demise was humorous....
Happy now?:smallwink:

Aegis013
2016-05-03, 01:54 PM
It's too late, it's impossible to successfully grant my wish. Since you responded to it, all things did not proceed as if I hadn't made the wish. That was something that proceeded as if I had made the wish, thus, how can you corrupt a wish you explicitly failed to grant at all? :smalltongue:

Black Socks
2016-05-03, 07:15 PM
A fair point. However, the effect of wish is to alter reality. Therefore, I can alter reality so that I did grant your wish, and the corruption on that wish would be that your wish is also corrupted, thus fulfilling both criteria...
Wait, what? Even I don't understand what I'm talking about anymore...:smallbiggrin:
Anyway, the point is: I both granted and corrupted your wish, let's move on :smallsmile:

backwaterj
2016-05-05, 04:09 AM
*Ahem*


I wish to know the meaning of life.
It really is forty-two.

I wish all wishes from henceforth will keep the thread alive by not being inherently un-grantable.

Mister Tom
2016-05-06, 03:44 AM
It's too late, it's impossible to successfully grant my wish. Since you responded to it, all things did not proceed as if I hadn't made the wish. That was something that proceeded as if I had made the wish, thus, how can you corrupt a wish you explicitly failed to grant at all? :smalltongue:

I was prevented from initially granting your wish by the divine 3 post law. But as you insisted, fine.

The underlying nature of reality is not set, but rather a collapsed series of probabilistic balls of timey wimey... Look, it's not so Important right now. Point is had you not made this wish you could and indeed probably would have made a different one. The subReality ( you don't have a better word for it) conditioned on you not choosing this wish is still a valid reality under a rescaled probabilistic metric, and what is more trying to think about this is giving me a headache.

Anyway, all that needs to be done is to rewind reality a short way and choose you an alternate wish from within the sample space of a priori wishes, and then corrupt that.

You wished for a free frogurt.
The frogurt topping contains potassium bromide.
That's bad.

plazeebo
2016-05-16, 01:04 AM
I wish I had a way to unload my potassium bromide on a hapless and unsuspecting public while at the same time being able to bring smiles to children's faces everywhere.

Asmodean_
2016-05-16, 01:33 PM
You get your wish, no strings attached.
It was impossible to corrupt it further.

I wish that Donald Trump has been joking all the time.

Black Socks
2016-05-17, 03:32 PM
Granted!
All that "Build a wall" stuff was just a front. He's actually A SPACE ALIEN SENT TO ANNIHILATE HUMANITY IN ORDER TO HARVEST THE PRECIOUS MINERALS IN OUR PANCREASES!!!!!
(And the corruption was that he gets a giant mecha robot to help with his mission.)


I wish to know EVERYTHING!

CrackedChair
2016-05-17, 03:41 PM
Granted. After gaining knowledge of everything in the known multiverse, your mind is deprecated from your physical body and is thus sent off to the far realms.

In short, you are an eltritch horror.

I wish for a pristine sword of sharpness.

plazeebo
2016-05-18, 12:20 PM
Granted! The pristine - still blazing from the magical forge - sword of sharpness appears above you accompanied by the sounds of an angelic choir.
It promptly drops down and slices you in twain like ...well a hot sword of sharpness.

I wish for the magical ability to to pass through any solid/liquid/gaseous object harmlessly & unharmed without that whole "sucked to the center of the earth by gravity" gotcha nonsense.

Kantaki
2016-05-18, 12:29 PM
No Problem. you get your phasing power. Unfortunatly clothes, food and other people count as objects for your phasing. Oh, and you can't switch it off.

I wish for good weather tomorrow. Good by local Standards, not by those of some alien plane or planet.

backwaterj
2016-05-18, 01:12 PM
Granted, you have the best weather tomorrow you or any of the other locals can even conceive of. Too bad about that sudden apocalypse front coming through the following day and lasting for the rest of eternity.

I wish for the ability to travel back in time to prevent the death of my comrades.

Asmodean_
2016-05-19, 12:33 PM
Three words: Life Is Strange.

I wish my computer would finally upgrade to windows 10

Libro
2016-05-20, 09:17 AM
Granted, your computer just finished its update a few seconds ago. Unfortunately, your hard-drive is wiped clean by the process and your motherboard is fried.


I wish for cheese. I was out of ideas...

Kantaki
2016-05-20, 08:36 PM
Granted. A cheese wheel the size of Texas with your name and adress on it falls from the sky next to you.

I with for a perfectly normal, free, edible, freshly baked pizza spaghetti for one human and nothing on or in it that would be unusual for a pizza to be delivered to my home while I'm there without something happening to be, the delivery guy or anyone else.

backwaterj
2016-05-20, 08:55 PM
Granted, it happens when you're asleep and the delivery guy can't rouse you so he eats it. He leaves you a nice thank-you note though!

I wish for Pong to make a comeback.

ribblle
2016-05-26, 01:21 PM
Pong comes back, al other games fade away into obscurity as people lose interest with inferior products.

I wish cities were greener.

Kantaki
2016-05-26, 01:36 PM
Granted. Everything within all cities in the world is now coloured in a monocrome green-tone. This makes orientation much more difficult and causes countless accidents because all traffic lights always show green.

I wish had the ability to fly-and to land- out of my own power, with complete control over said ability, without loosing any of the normal capabilities of my body.

Black Socks
2016-05-26, 04:53 PM
Granted, but you can only reach a maximum height of 3.74 cm off the ground. On the bright side, you can now cross a gravel road barefooted without having to worry!


I wish for the person I love to love me back.

Asmodean_
2016-05-27, 12:35 PM
She loves you back. I mean damn son she loves your back.
You feel disheartened that your love only reciprocates your feelings for her at your spine.

I wish I could operate on only 4 or so hours of sleep a day without going crazy. (again)

backwaterj
2016-05-27, 05:59 PM
Granted, the earth's rotation greatly increases, shortening the span of a day to six hours. You feel like you're wasting your life sleeping, but you're still quite sane.

I wish to understand the sports fanatic mentality, in such a way as to not become personally ensnared in it.

flat_footed
2016-05-27, 07:37 PM
Granted. Your favorite teams perform brilliantly all season long only to lose in spectacular fashion in the post season. Everyone knows it's your fault for having the teams become jinxed.

I wish to be able to pause and unpause time.

Kantaki
2016-05-29, 07:54 AM
Granted. Unfortunately time stops for you as well, making you unable to do anything but to unpause it.

I wish it wasn't so cold outside.

Asmodean_
2016-05-29, 11:04 AM
::lights kantaki on fire::
You're not cold now, are you.

I wish I had the motivation to get my revision done.

LastCenturion
2016-05-29, 01:07 PM
You are motivated ONLY to get your revision done, and cannot do anything else unless somebody else forces you to do it. You can't tell people about your wish, so the only thing you do for the rest of eternity is finish your revision.

I wish to never again be perceived of as rude by any sentient being, including myself, no matter what I do.

flat_footed
2016-05-29, 05:24 PM
Granted. You were never born.

I wish I could read people's minds and implant suggestions.

Aegis013
2016-05-30, 08:23 PM
Granted. Any written words or text you see is replaced by a really really bad fanfic titled "People's minds" about a series you don't know and every time the word "suggestions" or any form thereof comes up, you are expected to insert that word somehow before continuing. This includes text written and/or read on your behalf by someone or something. Including all computer code. Enjoy the same old drivel every day forever!

I wish a single particle of space dust, no larger than a typical earthly grain of sand, somewhere no less than a hundred million light years away from me was transposed two micrometers in a random direction from its current location.

LastCenturion
2016-05-30, 09:59 PM
Granted. The particle shifted out of orbit around its star and set off a chain reaction causing a supernova. The 12 life-bearing planets orbiting that star are now gone. You've killed trillions. Congratulations.

I wish for the poster below me to have a long and generally satisfying life, measured relative to the standards of their society.

backwaterj
2016-05-31, 01:25 AM
Granted. Since the closest I have to a "my society" is orcish culture, I marry a large woman, have a litter of children and grandchildren, and die in glorious battle atop a pile of elf corpses at the venerable age of 37.

...I wish I didn't just wish-grant myself to death two years ago, thereby creating a space-time paradox of Terrasquian proportion. :smalleek:

Kantaki
2016-05-31, 11:09 AM
Granted. The resulting paradox tears apart time and space causing the universe to have never existed.

I wish the moon was made of cheese.

The-lost-Byte
2016-05-31, 12:49 PM
GRANTED!!! Anyone try to land ther will sink in by the heat of thrusters. Or die by radioactiv poisening if they eat the cheese...

I wish to ride a bike indoors in pokemon, but the passage-buildings doesnt count.

Rater202
2016-06-01, 05:54 PM
I wish to ride a bike indoors in pokemon, but the passage-buildings doesnt count.

You can, but the bike is slower than normal walking now.

I wish I owned all magical artifacts

Mister Tom
2016-06-01, 06:23 PM
Hmmm. I guess I could just destroy them all... Nah.
Okay, how about this?

Here is a legally notarised bill of ownership for all magical items, in your name, As certified by the president of gobbotopia. Best of luck getting them back from those who stole them from you. Why not start with those Paladins over there? They love law and justice.

I hope the curses you are now subject to as a result of your ownership of some of the more... pathological items on this plane don't inconvenience you too much.

I wish for all of the evil aligned dragons on this plane to be immediately teleported to the bottom of the ocean at a depth of at least two miles below sea level and at a minimum distance of three thousand miles form my current location.

backwaterj
2016-06-02, 04:01 PM
Ah, I see you too are tired of these monkey-fighting dragons on your monday-thru-friday plane!

Very well, per your request they have all been teleported to the specified location.

Um, by the way, you did know that all the evil dragons on your plane are sea-dragons capable of surviving extreme depths and with a swim speed equal to their fly speed (about 3,000 miles per hour), right?

So now that you've roused the ire of every evil dragon on your plane, enjoy your hour of prep time before they retaliate.

-----

I wish for the ability to perfectly impersonate any person of my choosing at any time of my choosing, and cease said impersonation likewise at any time of my choosing.

Benthesquid
2016-06-02, 04:20 PM
I wish for the ability to perfectly impersonate any person of my choosing at any time of my choosing, and cease said impersonation likewise at any time of my choosing.

You can cease said impersonation any time you like- but only by your death.

.sdrawkcab shiw siht depyt t'ndah I shiw I.

LastCenturion
2016-06-02, 04:25 PM
.lamron epyt ruoy gnikam suht ,sdrawkcab won si txet llA. detnarG

I wish to be constantly under the effects of the Read Magic spell.

Mister Tom
2016-06-03, 03:49 PM
Under the effects, eh? Fine. Any time you write magic on yourself, anyone else will be able to read it.

Would be quite a useful gift, if you had more pages.

I wish for all my past present and future wishes to remain uncorrupted.

Rater202
2016-06-03, 03:55 PM
Under the effects, eh? Fine. Any time you write magic on yourself, anyone else will be able to read it.

Would be quite a useful gift, if you had more pages.

I wish for all my past present and future wishes to remain uncorrupted.

Granted, but you cuase a chrono-paradox becuase your past wishes, having already been corrupted, are uncorrupted, thus preventing you from having a need to make this wish, which in turn means that your past wishes were corrupted, which means you did make this wich, and so on, and so forth, and so on, and so forth, ad infinitum.

I wish the Chrono-paradox is resolved in a way that doesn't destroy time, space, the omni-verse, or anything else.

Kantaki
2016-06-04, 11:46 AM
Granted. However, to undo the damage everything got reset to starting conditions, making all existence begin anew. Who knows how things will look this time around.

I wish I had a good idea for a wish.

LastCenturion
2016-06-04, 11:52 AM
Granted. You have good ideas for a wish, but you can never make a wish using an idea this wish gave you.

I wish for my dog to stop trying to kill my chickens, but to not be changed in any other way, including being changed to nonexistent.

Rater202
2016-06-04, 12:46 PM
Granted. You have good ideas for a wish, but you can never make a wish using an idea this wish gave you.

I wish for my dog to stop trying to kill my chickens, but to not be changed in any other way, including being changed to nonexistent.

Granted, but now the chickens are trying to kill your dog.

I wish that no more wishes going foreword will be corrupted.

The-lost-Byte
2016-06-04, 03:38 PM
granted... if you meaned forword, you typo kills the whis.

i wish for fish.

Asmodean_
2016-06-04, 03:54 PM
You get fihs. Seriously guys, check your posts for typos before sedning them.

I wish you wish we all wish for ice cream.

The-lost-Byte
2016-06-05, 06:55 AM
You get fihs. Seriously guys, check your posts for typos before sedning them.
But i didn't made a typo! -_-
not in my wish.


I wish you wish we all wish for ice cream.
I wish we all wish for icecream tasteing like rotten flesh! `w {I am evil!)

backwaterj
2016-06-06, 04:50 AM
For some reason we all wish for that. Fortunately the genie has better taste and does not grant this wish.

I wish genies actually tasted good, and people had no ethical stigmas about hunting and eating them.

Rater202
2016-06-06, 11:35 AM
For some reason we all wish for that. Fortunately the genie has better taste and does not grant this wish.

I wish genies actually tasted good, and people had no ethical stigmas about hunting and eating them.

Granted, but one genie immediately wishes that another genie would undo it, and the second genie deliberately doesn't corrupt that wish.

I wish people would stop wasting wishes.

Mister Tom
2016-06-06, 01:32 PM
Fine. Now any human asking me for a wish gets temporarily and egregiously polymorphed before they can finish.

it's a good thing I'm a mind flayer, as the song goes. I wish for a working bouncy castle. Bouncy castles are nice.

backwaterj
2016-06-06, 08:24 PM
Granted, you get a full-sized medieval castle, made of solid granite stones, that will not stop bouncing around in a flubber-like trajectory. Oh, and it's got an Illithid-seeking enchantment on it. But it works great!

As a fellow non-human, I can safely wish the following:

https://sp.yimg.com/ib/th?id=OIP.M1065afbead60e5bf6eeec7a834f923a8o0&pid=15.1&rs=1&c=1&qlt=95&w=135&h=102#inline

Kantaki
2016-06-07, 11:54 AM
Granted. However, the same cataclysmic event that kills off humanity wipes out everything else- be it alive, undead, construct or something else- as well.

I wish I could create perfectly normal ice cream in any flavor I want, in any amount I want, whenever I want.

Xihirli
2016-06-07, 01:36 PM
Granted, but I also stab you.
Not ironic, just mean.

I wish to go to the festival.

Rater202
2016-06-07, 05:07 PM
Granted, but I also stab you.
Not ironic, just mean.

I wish to go to the festival.

Granted. At the festival, you get stabbed.

I wish I was stab proof.

ode
2016-06-07, 08:42 PM
Granted: you are now stab proof. Unfortunately, the wish granter prefers the spelling "stab-proof" and interpreted the wish as "I wish I was proof of a stabbing having happened" and not "I wish I was unable to be harmed by stabbing." So, you're been stabbed -- and harmed by it.

I wish I was the funniest comedian alive.

LastCenturion
2016-06-07, 10:06 PM
Granted. All comedians funnier than you die suddenly. You are the only humanoid left on Earth/the Material Plane.

I wish I could have friends.

Xihirli
2016-06-07, 11:23 PM
I'm sorry, but that's just not possible. I can grant wishes, but some things are just too far outside of the realm of possibility.

I wish for the world to burn in the great name of Lolth.

Rater202
2016-06-08, 12:02 AM
I'm sorry, but that's just not possible. I can grant wishes, but some things are just too far outside of the realm of possibility.

I wish for the world to burn in the great name of Lolth.

Granted. Lolth perishes when the flames spread to her own demonwebs.

I wish the world was back, but not Lolth or the Demonweb pits.

Kantaki
2016-06-08, 11:04 AM
Granted. But the vacuum left by Lolth is filled by something worse.

I wish for peace on earth, without everyone dying or being comatose or something like that.

Asmodean_
2016-06-08, 01:42 PM
Peace on earth.

Is rapidly broken because you've put seven billion humans on a planet with no reasonable way out and they're stuck together and you expect them to get along?

I wish for one venti mocha from Starbucks for free.

Xihirli
2016-06-08, 08:49 PM
Granted. Down your shirt.

I wish for unlimited power.

Rater202
2016-06-08, 09:16 PM
Granted. Down your shirt.

I wish for unlimited power.

Granted. You are transfigured into one of Doctor Gero's Perpetual Energy Generators.(From Dragon Ball)

I wish for a butterscotch candy.

The-lost-Byte
2016-06-09, 12:53 AM
granted. Ok if also cinnamon is inside it, is it ok?

I wish to have the best bad time of my life...

backwaterj
2016-06-09, 03:01 AM
Granted, you now have The Time of My Life from Dirty Dancing stuck in your head in an endless feedback loop.

I wish someone would stab Xihirli. It's been at least five minutes.

Libro
2016-06-09, 06:10 AM
Granted, Xirhili is stabbed and you are arrested by the local authorities as the head of a murder-conspiracy plot.

I wish for a 3-D printer.

LastCenturion
2016-06-09, 06:12 AM
Granted. You are now in possession of a printer, but the printer has height, width, AND depth.

I wish I never had to use the bathroom, but I was still completely normal in all other respects, including being alive.

Kantaki
2016-06-09, 12:33 PM
Granted. However your anomaly gets discovered very soon and you are vivisected by scientists.

I wish the sky had a different colour every day.

Rater202
2016-06-09, 05:02 PM
Granted-the color changes are caused by radical shifts in the chemical composition f the atmosphere and everything on earth dies.

I wish everything on earth was back.

backwaterj
2016-06-09, 07:25 PM
Granted, everything that had left earth and escaped the total extinction event is now back on the planet. Since the same atmospheric conditions prevail, they join their rotting corpse brethren.

I wish all organisms on earth were restored to their appropriate living state, after and only after earth's atmosphere returns to a survivable state.

LastCenturion
2016-06-10, 07:29 AM
Granted. Everything that ever lived on Earth is now alive. Including dinosaurs (the big ones too; not just birds [birds are totally dinosaurs, I will fight you.]) and every other ex-extinct organism. Everything quickly dies again from interspecies mass murder or a lack of food sources.

I wish to be able to convince myself to do things.

Hollow
2016-06-10, 09:15 AM
I wish to be able to convince myself to do things.

You can always convince yourself to act in anyway you see fit, however the knowlage of how to perform the desired action(s) is always stripped from your mind befere it can be enacted.

I wish for the ability to levitate 2 meters over the ground.

Xihirli
2016-06-10, 09:33 AM
Granted. Kids shoot you with BB guns everywhere you move and you can't get inside doorways anymore.

I wish for everyone but me to turn into a newt.

The-lost-Byte
2016-06-10, 09:38 AM
-gravity turned of!

i want a cookie, the last i had was stolen...

Rater202
2016-06-10, 02:46 PM
Since two people granted the same wish, I'm gonna cover them both to get back on track.
Granted. Kids shoot you with BB guns everywhere you move and you can't get inside doorways anymore.

I wish for everyone but me to turn into a newt.
You turn into a fly instead, and the newts are hungry.

-gravity turned of!

i want a cookie, the last i had was stolen...

The cookie pulls a knife and stabs you from the inside after you eat it.

I wish I had perfect immortality with no downside and nothing bad happening to me personally as a result of this wish or the corruption there off.

backwaterj
2016-06-11, 04:20 PM
Granted. Your immortality is obtained by the grisly and irreversible sacrifice of every sentient life form in the multiverse, in front of your eyes, starting with your loved ones. Ah, wandering an empty universe alone with your remorse. Good times, good times.

Hmm, I wish I left myself alive to wish something. :smallconfused:

Xihirli
2016-06-11, 05:03 PM
Granted! But that means Rater's not immortal anymore, and so all that was lost was for naught.
You may be surprised, but that tends to make a person want to stab you. A lot.

I wish for the cheat codes for life.

WorldMaster
2016-06-11, 09:21 PM
Granted! Sadly you cannot use these cheat codes since you are not the one in control, but it's nice to know what nasty stuff the one that's actually in control can do to you.

I want to beat Dark Souls, just never have the time to get through it.

Rater202
2016-06-14, 03:09 AM
Grsnted. you now know how to 100% complete Dark Souls and be perfect at every aspect of the game. Good luck developing the level of skill needed to put you're knowledge to use-you still don't have the time to actually play, after all.

I wish that the universe bubble would pop.

Conradine
2016-06-14, 08:45 AM
I wish that the universe bubble would pop.

It does, then reform as it were before.


I wish to be totally happy for all eternity, completely oblivous of anything exept the feeling of happiness.

Xihirli
2016-06-14, 09:40 AM
Granted. You are forced to endure all the pain of life, being constantly stabbed, and feeling nothing. Nothing. You can do nothing but laugh as we execute your loved ones in front of you, and they will beg for you to help them, to look at them, to NOTICE them.
But you will only laugh and smile as they are strangled with their own large intestines.

I wish for a chocolate milkshake.

Mister Tom
2016-06-14, 03:34 PM
It brings all the boys to the yard.

Your yard is quite small, so you suffer an horrific death by suffocation along with countless screaming children.

I wish I could think of corruptions that aren't so utterly dark; you are all deserve better

backwaterj
2016-06-15, 02:39 AM
Granted. You stab Xihirli. Then I stab you for being unoriginal.

I wish this thread will not become Stabbity Death (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?297638-Stabbity-Death-LXXI-Whetstone-your-appetite!).

Xihirli
2016-06-15, 06:09 PM
Granted, it remains the Corrupt a Wish thread. So your wish is corrupted to make you stabbed. A lot.

I wish to be immune to all damage.

Sianthus
2016-06-16, 01:51 AM
Granted, but you're still not immune to the tides of time. You live a long and unfulfilling life, wishing there had been some actual tension of life and death in your adventures.

I wish for angels to sing me to sleep!

Black Socks
2016-06-16, 07:06 AM
Granted. They sing so horribly that you pass out.

I wish for a masterwork lute.

LastCenturion
2016-06-16, 09:48 AM
Granted. A Colossal-sized masterwork lute appears directly over your head, then drops and kills you.

I wish I could play every instrument well (as judged by an average member of my species), but still be able to function as a normal human besides this quirk.

Xihirli
2016-06-16, 02:13 PM
Granted, but your hometown is flooded.

I wish for an ironic twist to my wish instead of one that's just mean.

Captain Raveman
2016-06-16, 04:36 PM
Granted, but the irony is that you now can't tell the difference between irony and sincerity.

I wish to be shot out of a cannon to a land of mermaids and fantastic adventures

Rater202
2016-06-16, 04:43 PM
Granted. Unfortunately, the mermaids are rather dark interpretation of the mythological beings, being man-eaters. They kill you, and they butcher you, and they eat some of you, and preserve the rest to make field rations while they go on adventures on their own.

I wish that nobody was immune to stabbing and the thread devolved into stabbity violence.

Mister Tom
2016-06-16, 05:56 PM
It did, Very briefly, then it got back on track. Ironically, you survive your stabbing, but drown six months later when you mistake your stab proof vest for a life jacket.

I wish for the ability (fully under my control) to compel any sentient being to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. And I can already see how this isn't going to end so well.

Xihirli
2016-06-16, 09:45 PM
Granted! But every time you use it, the target stabs you.

I wish for peace, land, and bread.

LastCenturion
2016-06-16, 10:06 PM
Granted. You are now completely peaceful. Nobody else is, just you. You also have land. Nobody will respect your claim to it, or acknowledge any deeds you may have, but you have it. Finally, you're made of bread. You quickly get stabbed, sliced up, spread with butter, and eaten.

I wish Xihirli was never turned into bread, because he tasted horrible.

backwaterj
2016-06-17, 02:47 AM
Granted. He was turned into rice cakes.

RICE CAKES!!

...Are you happy now? :smallmad:

-----

I wish rice cakes tasted better than actual dead drow.

Mister Tom
2016-06-17, 01:07 PM
Mmmkay. A physiological change in the drow now makes Dead drow taste even worse- and live drow even more powerful and sadistic as a side effect.

I wish for a small bag of valuable rubies, that did not exist prior to the granting of this wish, at room temperature.

Black Socks
2016-06-17, 01:46 PM
OK, but they're the crown jewels of a powerful kingdom. If you can fight off the bounty hunters, thieves, and massive army, the rubies will be quite valuable on the black market.

I wish to immediately learn what the last panel of OOTS will be.

Xihirli
2016-06-17, 02:02 PM
Granted. It's the current one. The Giant canceled OOTS two seconds ago.

I wish for that not to happen.

LastCenturion
2016-06-17, 03:30 PM
Granted. It will be another five years before the next update, but there will be one!

I wish that I could have a nice cup of rootbeer.

Mister Tom
2016-06-17, 04:03 PM
I'm going to use the archaic definition of nice, which is "scrupulously exact". The roots of the bitter cassava plant grown in drought contain elevated amounts of hydrogen cyanide: the beer made from them will of course have been prepared to my exacting standards.

I wish for sufficient dexterity to be able to juggle at least seven balls ( while retaining my current number of hands, limbs and other appendages)

OMG PONIES
2016-06-18, 07:12 AM
Granted, you are provided sufficient dexterity and you get to keep your current number of hands, limbs, and other appendanges. However, to make sure you're not accused of min/maxing your stats, we had to drop your CON to zero to make up for it. Rest in peace.

I wish that I had already wished for what I will wish for tomorrow.

Asmodean_
2016-06-18, 08:52 AM
You've already wished it - and so you can't wish for it tomorrow. Instead, you wish for something else, which means today you wish for that something else instead of what you wished for tomorrow, meaning you can wish for the wish which you wanted to wish for tomorrow, so you wish for that tomorrow, but that means today you wish for the original wish - and so you can't wish for it tomorrow. Instead, you wish for something else, which means today you wish for that something else instead of what you wished for tomorrow, meaning you can wish for the wish which you wanted to wish for tomorrow, so you wish for that tomorrow, but that means today you wish for the original wish - and so you can't wish for it tomorrow. Instead, you wish for something else, which means today you wish for that something else instead of what you wished for tomorrow, meaning you can wish for the wish which you wanted to wish for tomorrow, so you wish for that tomorrow, but that means today you wish for the original wish - and so you can't wish for it tomorrow. Instead, you wish for something else, which means today you wish for that something else instead of what you wished for tomorrow, meaning you can wish for the wish which you wanted to wish for tomorrow, so you wish for that tomorrow, but that means today you wish for the original wish - and so you can't wish for it tomorrow. Instead, you wish for something else, which means today you wish for that something else instead of what you wished for tomorrow, meaning you can wish for the wish which you wanted to wish for tomorrow, so you wish for that tomorrow, but that means today you wish for the original wish - and so you can't wish for it tomorrow. Instead, you wish for something else, which means WHY ARE YOU STILL READING THIS today you wish for that something else instead of what you wished for tomorrow, meaning you can wish for the wish which you wanted to wish for tomorrow, so you wish for that tomorrow, but that means today you wish for the original wish - and so you can't wish for it tomorrow. Instead, you wish for something else, which means today you wish for that something else instead of what you wished for tomorrow, meaning you can wish for the wish which you wanted to wish for tomorrow, so you wish for that tomorrow, but that means today you wish for the original wish etcetera etcetera

I wish the wish TBAM wished he could wish for (which day doesn't matter) was wished successfully without circular wish logic.

Xihirli
2016-06-18, 04:09 PM
Granted, he wishes for the world to turn into a cookie.

I wish for some lemonade to go with.

Mister Tom
2016-06-18, 04:54 PM
Granted but you were part of the world so were turned to cookie too. The lemonade spills on you. You feel it soaking into your doughy flesh ,weakening and deforming it, the bubbles masking your silent scream.

Your life and firm crust end here.

I wish for the ability to manipulate dice rolls without being tpdetected or suspected.

LastCenturion
2016-06-18, 05:08 PM
Granted. You can only manipulate rolls in a way that causes your character to die, and you can't stop using this ability. Nobody will ever know why your characters meet untimely fates every time you fight a mosquito.

I wish to get married, have a couple kids, buy some stuff, retire to Florida, and die.

Black Socks
2016-06-18, 05:15 PM
Ok, but you die first and do all the other stuff in the afterlife.

I wish to be immune to tickles.

OMG PONIES
2016-06-18, 06:32 PM
Granted. However, this involves dampening your sense of touch so as to avoid the subtle touch of a tickle. You are also immune to taps, hugs, caresses, slaps, handshakes, high fives, or sensing temperature of any sort. You accidentally place your hand on a stovetop, don't feel it, and immolate yourself. But hey, no more tickling!

I wish to be.

dancrilis
2016-06-18, 07:25 PM
I wish to be.

You are - however soon you will not be.

I wish I had infinate wishes.
Please note the below:



I wish that any corrupting (or other) affect that applies to any wish (or other agent of change) I (or others) make now, in the past, in the future or outside of time would not negatively affect me, either directly or indirectly - where negatively is defined as anything that I would view as negative at the time immediately prior to it occurring if I had full knowledge of what the impact would be.
Wish granted. If you had any wishes left, they wouldn't screw you over.

LastCenturion
2016-06-18, 07:43 PM
Granted. Your can make any number of wishes. Every wish must be that you had a hand with which to pet a dog, but you can wish it as much as you want. To your previous wish, who can say that having hands and petting dogs is negative? (Unless you're allergic, in which case I meant cat. If you're allergic to cats as well, then I actually said something soft that you aren't allergic to. You have a lot of allergies and I feel sorry for you. Dogs are awesome.)

I wish for the gift of emotion.

Xihirli
2016-06-18, 11:07 PM
YOU ONLY GET SORROW! AAAAAHAAAAAHAAAAAHAAAAAAHAAAAAAA!

I wish for another X chromosome... to the face.

Mister Tom
2016-06-19, 12:53 PM
Granted; but you now look like Deadpool's maiden aunt and your charisma score can be counted on Captain cook's bad hand. To the face, indeed.

I wish for the Genie to place a geas upon itself not to corrupt either this wish nor any of the three wishes it will subsequently grant me.

Rater202
2016-06-21, 07:39 PM
Granted, however a stampeding heard of 100 Elephants and one Baby Zebra run over and crush you to death as soon as yo've made your third wish.

I wish that all wishes for uncomfortable wishes would be undone.

FlurryOfPosts
2016-06-25, 07:57 AM
Your wish makes the gods uncomfortable by calling the wishes they grant uncomfortable. They undo your wish first.

I wish to be the most interesting man in the Plane.

backwaterj
2016-06-25, 10:36 AM
Granted, you are now the only (ergo most interesting) person on a 747 at 33,000 feet with three, oops make that four exploded engines. Note that the many poisonous snakes with you, while quite a bit more interesting, do not technically count as men.

I wish for a simple, honest, and rewarding life.

Dr.Gunsforhands
2016-06-25, 11:08 PM
Okay! You're a dog now. I've placed you in the care of a reasonably attentive owner who gives you treats when you're good.

I wish for a good gift for an upcoming family member's birthday.

Rater202
2016-06-26, 04:22 PM
Okay! You're a dog now. I've placed you in the care of a reasonably attentive owner who gives you treats when you're good.

I wish for a good gift for an upcoming family member's birthday.

Granted-they lose all of their worldly possessions in a freak accident, but are thankful to have the gift of family in such a dark and trying time.

I wish for all wishes for uncorruptible and untwistable wishes to be undone.

Xihirli
2016-06-26, 11:24 PM
Granted. Everyone dies.

I wish for life.

OMG PONIES
2016-06-27, 08:29 PM
Granted. Life in prison is yours.

I wish that I would never sweat again.

FlurryOfPosts
2016-06-28, 12:20 AM
Granted! You become an ooze.

I wish for more wishes!

Mister Tom
2016-06-28, 01:16 PM
You wish for more wishes? You shall have wishes in abundance...

You start involuntarily making wishes. You don't have control over them and can't stop. Even the surviving PCs chopping your jaw off doesn't help; you [REDACTED FOR PURPOSES OF SANITY]

I wish for the ability to persuade any sentient being to agree with any statement I voluntarily make.

Rater202
2016-06-28, 01:24 PM
Granted. You can't turn it off, so everyone interprets every word you say as the literal truth, no matter how figurativly you mean it.

I wish I was immune to Mister Tom's newly acquired "everyone thinks I', telling the truth" power.

backwaterj
2016-06-30, 03:08 AM
Granted, you are now convinced that everything Mister Tom says is a lie. Heck, the genie's feeling generous so you're convinced everything anyone says is a lie. I'd tell you there's a sale on tinfoil hats at Wal-Mart, but you wouldn't believe me.

I wish Wal-Mart actually sold tinfoil hats.

Asmodean_
2016-06-30, 11:59 AM
They do. Consequently, they stop selling tinfoil tinfoil.

I wish they had enough tinfoil to sell both.

Mister Tom
2016-06-30, 12:36 PM
They do. Thanks to this DEADLY PLAGUE! :smallsmile:

I wish I had the ability to successfully predict die rolls ( without this actually impacting the results of die rolls).

FlurryOfPosts
2016-06-30, 10:33 PM
You are forever haunted by the fact that your next roll will be a 1 no matter what you do.

I wish for the perfect gaming group.

Xihirli
2016-06-30, 11:32 PM
Granted, but you don't make the cut.

I wish to be perfect.

RelentlessImp
2016-07-01, 04:28 AM
You are immediately euthanized, injected with enough botox to strip you of your wrinkles, and frozen. You never specified a perfect what - and now you're the perfect corpse.

I wish to be a God.

Asmodean_
2016-07-01, 12:01 PM
You become a god.
Nobody believes in you and they think you're high/drunk/trolling/etc.

I wish to become a god with demonstratable proofs of existence, as well as that of omniscience and omnipotence (and the ability to deal with the stuff that comes with it).

Mister Tom
2016-07-01, 02:35 PM
You become the God of being repeatedly pummelled in the happy sacks by a rusty hammer. You demonstrably exist, and the demonstrable proof is sufficient that most people are convinced that you are omniscient and omnipotent. Specifically, the words "hurt me plenty" appear in mile high letters of fire above your temple. So you must want this, right?

I'm choosing to interpret " the ability to deal with the stuff that comes with it" as a pair of permanently regenerating trouser kiwis.

.... funnily, it's been a while since I was asked to DM.

I wish I could grant uncorrupted wishes to good aligned characters,, if I choose to do so.

Black Socks
2016-07-01, 04:13 PM
Ok, but you look like an eldritch abomination. Good luck finding any heroes to grant wishes to who won't go insane upon perceiving you.

I wish for the ability to influence others' emotions.

RelentlessImp
2016-07-01, 05:15 PM
Granted. You now make everyone around you uncontrollably angry. Unfortunately, that anger is directed towards your presence.

I wish to become the greatest sorcerer in all of existence.

GravGunner
2016-07-01, 05:46 PM
Granted, you are now the greatest of sorcerers in existence. Seeing you just gained the power and are very inexperienced with it you fumbled your first spell and turn yourself into an ordinary frog, and without access to a voice you cannot magic yourself back.

I wish for cookies.

Vivee
2016-07-02, 03:49 PM
You get cookies.
Cyanide!

I wish for you to sign this contract (http://walloftext.co/wishescontract).

LastCenturion
2016-07-02, 07:15 PM
Granted. I signed it with your name, then had it notarised. You're now unwillingly thrust into a legally binding contract, which I also rewrote to say "I agree to die painfully, and soon". Have fun with you imminent and agonizing death. I signed it though.

I wish for death. Mine or somebody else's, as long as someone dies because I made this wish. (Note how killing me doesn't corrupt the wish)

Rater202
2016-07-02, 07:49 PM
Granted. I signed it with your name, then had it notarised. You're now unwillingly thrust into a legally binding contract, which I also rewrote to say "I agree to die painfully, and soon". Have fun with you imminent and agonizing death. I signed it though.

I wish for death. Mine or somebody else's, as long as someone dies because I made this wish. (Note how killing me doesn't corrupt the wish)

Granted, every last specimen of MRSA dies, down to the very last germ.

I wish I could sleep in every day.

Vivee
2016-07-03, 01:20 PM
You are now in a coma. Congrats!

I wish for him to no longer be in a coma.

Black Socks
2016-07-03, 06:40 PM
You are in the coma instead.

I wish to have groovy dance skills.

OMG PONIES
2016-07-04, 11:49 AM
Granted, but in doing so I had to remove all groovy music from the world, rendering your new skill useless. :smallfrown:

I wish to foretell the future for the fortunate and unfortunate alike.

Libro
2016-07-06, 06:52 AM
Granted, you are now one of those magic 8-ball thingies.


I wish to have more free time.

Asmodean_
2016-07-06, 12:40 PM
You're fired.

I wish that I had a competent Biology teacher who wouldn't just go off on a tangent every time any of the students* says anything slightly funny so that we could cover more than ten minutes of work every lesson and maybe finish the syllabus by the time I have to do the GCSE.

LastCenturion
2016-07-06, 01:21 PM
Granted. Your teacher no longer realizes that students exist. It's hard to be distracted by something you refuse to perceive, isn't it? Your teacher no longer bothers saying anything during his class because it's empty (to him), but your wish was granted.

I wish to discover that the real treasure was the friendships I found along the way.

GravGunner
2016-07-06, 03:49 PM
Granted, just before you die you find out that all your friends(whom are also long dead by now) were the real treasures in your life.

I wish I could shapeshift at will.

Mister Tom
2016-07-06, 04:08 PM
Granted... But you find the shape you shift in is never entirely fit for purpose - to paraphrase Douglas Adams, when facing a grapple attack you are liable to shapeshifte into a creature wth much longer arms, but that is nevertheless quite incapable of wearing plate mail.

The subtle dissatisfaction this causes manifests itself as a sort of polymorphic nervous tic, causing you to grow dorsal feathers or an extra nostril where a normal person might bite their nails. Shunned by your adventuring party, you eventually join a drow travelling circus as a freak exhibit. Your admittedly spectacular rise to stardom is extinguished all too soon by a fatal accident involving a stepladder, a bucket of whitewash, and a Mumak.

I wish for no adverse side- effects from this wish to become a more accomplished swordsman.

Vivee
2016-07-06, 04:51 PM
I wish for no adverse side- effects from this wish to become a more accomplished swordsman.
No cheating.



I wish for a literal wooden nickel.

Xihirli
2016-07-06, 11:30 PM
Granted, you are pelted to death with wooden nickels.

I wish for my own religion.

Stormbow
2016-07-07, 02:01 AM
I wish for my own religion.
Granted. You're a member of a religion for which there are no other members because who else but you would worship silkworms?!?

I wish for 100 more of my favorite incense: kush!

OMG PONIES
2016-07-07, 06:55 AM
Granted, 100 more micrograms. Good luck trying to sense that, puny human.

I wish that everyone on earth instantly grows 1/16" taller.

LastCenturion
2016-07-07, 12:40 PM
Granted, but immediately prior to the granting of this wish, an inch is redefined as the twice the circumference of Earth's orbit, measured relative a non-rotating spot near the center of the sun. Have fun trying to breathe when you stretch nearly half the distance to the sun.

I wish to be able to shoot fireballs at will, being able to freely choose exactly when and where I shoot fireballs, originating in a place that can't be immediately harmful to my body.

Mister Tom
2016-07-07, 01:08 PM
normally I'd say fine, if you see a Fireball, you can shoot it. But you deserve better than that :smallsmile:

The fireballs originate in a place that can't immediately harm you- ie from inside the trousers of a random companion. (You don't want to know what happens if you're alone.) Also, these aren't fireballs like the fireball spell- the fire isn't very hot for very long- most of the time it's only the unfortunate companion can actually be harmed by them beyond superficial burns.

I wish I could unerringly distinguish fakes from the genuine article.

Black Socks
2016-07-07, 06:25 PM
I choose to interpret 'article' as newspaper article. Whenever you read the paper, you can tell if any articles have been plagiarised.

I wish to like the taste of spinach.

Rater202
2016-07-08, 03:00 AM
Granted, but you become violently ill if you eat anything other than raw spinach. Good luck with that.

I wish I could weave a cocoon to sleep in, that I won't suffocate in and won't metamorphosize while I'm sleeping in it.

FlurryOfPosts
2016-07-08, 07:52 AM
Granted. You are now a spider.

I wish that all the money in the world be evenly split between all people.

Mister Tom
2016-07-08, 12:05 PM
Ok. I'll just get my shears and my microscope, and....

There are now several billion microscopic shards of precious metal sticking into you, and indeed into everybody else.

I wish that I could make any blessed or uncursed change size to fit me perfectly just by touching it. (Which will be fun to use in combat:smallbiggrin: )

Black Socks
2016-07-08, 06:30 PM
Ok, but you also get acid on your fingers. Result: anything you touch, you disintegrate upon contact.

I wish to know if there is life on other planets.

OMG PONIES
2016-07-09, 07:13 AM
Granted. You know the truth on this issue with perfect clarity. However, this knowledge is too horrifying for any human to handle, and it breaks your soul into pieces. Your brain is the first thing to go, as you don't know what else is true or untrue. This has an impact on your relationships, as who wants to be around a crazy paranoiac? The isolation is the hardest to deal with, though, and you find yourself living merely a shell of a life. You know if there is life on other planets, but you have nobody to share that knowledge with and it has come at the cost of all of your other knowledge. Hope it was worth it.

I wish it had been worth it for TPAM.

Xihirli
2016-07-09, 07:33 AM
Granted. TPAY gets to watch you die.

I wish for my wish backlash to hit someone else.

LastCenturion
2016-07-09, 11:18 AM
Granted. I'll choose to interpret "someone" as "everyone" and take the chance to kill off 99% of the Earth's population. Due to rounding errors, this includes 100% of the people with the necessary skills to produce food, so have fun starving to death trying to get into a drugstore. If only you hadn't also lost all of your belongings, and both of your hands as part of this wish, you might be able to break in and find some food. Oh well.

I wish for everyone to come back to life and start producing food again.

Mister Tom
2016-07-09, 11:34 AM
Granted. But they only grow things you hate.

I wish snake venom no longer had an averse affect on people due solely to a change in the composition of the venom.

CrackedChair
2016-07-09, 04:12 PM
Granted. It's chemical changes gave it medical properties that save lives!... and it's also addictive, and has hallucinatory properties. And people need it. BAD.

I wish for a level in Monk.

Xihirli
2016-07-09, 04:15 PM
Granted. You become a level one monk.

I wish for a billion levels in mage.

Rater202
2016-07-09, 06:43 PM
Granted, you become a billion level one mages... The genie has a hearing problem.

I wish to undo all the wishes.

Mister Tom
2016-07-10, 02:58 AM
i undo all the wishes.

Finishing with yours. And we're back where we were!

I wish I had the range and variety of colour vision of a peacock mantis shrimp (http://theoatmeal.com/comics/mantis_shrimp), without actually being one.

Black Socks
2016-07-10, 07:46 AM
The brain is not capable of comprehending such sights.... The sheer amount of colour causes you to go insane.

I wish to be able to alter the flavour of foods at will.

Xihirli
2016-07-10, 08:00 AM
Granted. You can make anything taste like rocks.

I wish for a cambrian explosion.

Vivee
2016-07-10, 08:36 AM
Granted, you are pelted to death with wooden nickels.
I died being pelted with what I love.

Done. Everybody else has become a superior race, and you are the black sheep, hated by everyone, even your own parents.



I wish to not be dead inside.

Asmodean_
2016-07-16, 12:23 PM
You're dead outside now.

I wish Skyrim would finish downloading.

Xihirli
2016-07-16, 12:59 PM
Granted. It finishes after you die.

I wish for a pet.

Mister Tom
2016-07-16, 01:19 PM
You're dead outside now.

I wish Skyrim would finish downloading.

It finishes. On my machine.

I wish I had the ability to choose to know any facts I desire to know.

Rater202
2016-07-16, 11:51 PM
Granted. It finishes after you die.

I wish for a pet.
Granted, you get a pet vorpal rabbit. It proceeds to act ferrociaous, and you can't get rid of it, but only attacks to defend itself until the fact that it hanst killed you yet despite clearly wanting to drives you mad as you wonder which second will be the second it kills you.

Then you get stabbed by a random guy with no relationship to the rabbit.
It finishes. On my machine.

I wish I had the ability to choose to know any facts I desire to know.

Granted unfortunately you don't actually get to know the facts you've chosen.

I wish that If I post part of a Simpsons quote, somebody will complete the quote in timely manner.

Black Socks
2016-07-22, 06:57 PM
They finish it with a profanity. You and them are both banned, since you worked together to swear.

I wish that whenever I play a choose-your-own-adventure book, I will always know which path to take to win.

Xihirli
2016-07-22, 07:18 PM
Granted, all books become broccoli so that you can best them.

I wish for economic infrastructure that allows broccoli farmers to stay in business.

NotADragonYet
2016-07-24, 05:00 AM
Granted. No other farmers can stay in business though. Hope you like broccoli!

I wish I was immune to extreme temperatures.

Mister Tom
2016-07-27, 01:12 PM
IT IS DONE! You are immune to extreme temperatures.

Even more extreme, in fact, than any you will subsequently encounter and still, as it turns out, be susceptible to.

I wish I could tidy a room ( without adverse side effects including but not limited to causing breakages, disappearances, allergic reactions, sensory impairment, premature mortality or morbidity or the inability to click my fingers) just by clicking my fingers.

Cerefel
2016-07-27, 02:22 PM
Granted. Any possessions within the room are removed and placed in a storage unit, the location of which is unknown to you.

I wish I could choose my appearance