Best. Line. Ever.

[Vespe Ratavo]

What the title says. What, is in your opinion, the best line ever, be it from a video game, movie, tv show, comic book, etc.

For me? It'd have to be this.



My blood cries out for the vengeance of my peoples blood, which can only be repaid with twice as much blood, maybe three times as much! Like if you went to hell and it was full of blood and that blood was on fire and it was raining blood, then maybe that would be enough blood! But probably not.

Which is why Vespe (my avvie) is now dressed up as a Blood Mage. :smallbiggrin:

[smellie_hippie]

Off the top of my head, I'd have to go with...
"Snooch to the Mutha F-ing Nooch!!"

That is all. :smallamused:

[lacesmcawesome]

Yippee-kay-aye-motherloving-elephants - Die Hard

Classic.

I could also probably think of about fifty thousand lines from Monty Python's Holy Grail. Let's just say that entire movie is the best quote ever.

[Jorkens]

OTTOMH
"Reginald gave a brief shudder, such as an Italian greyhound might give in contemplating an approaching ice age of which it personally disapproved, and resigned himself to the discussion of politics."

From one of the stories in Reginald in Russia (I can't remember which one) by Saki.

[Kitya]

I just discovered this webcomic, but at the moment, my favorite line comes from Two Lumps...

I'm-a go on a liquid diet!
White Russians don't count oleo-butt.
DO TOO!!

[zeratul]

"Give up, did you think the A on my for head stands for france?!?!"

Captain America

[MeklorIlavator]

"Give up, did you think the A on my for head stands for france?!?!"

Captain America

Where did he say that? Because thats just awesome.

But for pure win:
:sneeze: Sorry, I'm allergic to Bulls@@@.
-Will Smith, I, Robot

anything from Princess Bride. Of course, that may be the best movie ever, so its not entierly fair.

[YohanLeafheart]

I agree that Monty Python is a great quote from beginning to end, apart of that, right now I go with:

"Don't mess with Mother-in-law, MOther Nature, and Motherf***** Ukraines" - Pete the skinny, "Italian Job"

[Gavin Sage]

Where did he say that? Because thats just awesome.

Its from The Ultimates, the version of the Avengers from the Marvel's Ulitmate line. Cap is much more G.I. Joe there then his normal version.

[BanjoTheClown]

Sit your ass down in that chair and drink your goddamn TEA!- Cid From FFVII

[Stick_Ninja]

"Don't mess with Mother-in-law, MOther Nature, and Motherf***** Ukraines" - Pete the skinny, "Italian Job"

I have to second that.

But there's also many, many lines from Firefly and Serenity, far too many to name.

[Shadow of the Sun]

Imprisoned for ten thousand years. Banished from my own homelands...and you dare enter my realm? You...are not prepared.


You are not prepared!
-Illidan, from the World of Warcraft: The Burning Crusade cinematic.

[Setra]

This is sickening! You sound like chapters from a self-help booklet!
This line is made of win.

[Serpentine]

I'm sure there are others I like more, but having watched Labyrinth just yesterday I'm gonna have to go with Jareth's rantyspeech near the end. I can't do the whole thing justice, but it culminates with: "Every thing I've done, I've done for you." And of course there's the accompanying "Fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."

Also, Setra, I protest your sig. I protest your sig so much I may eventually have to start a thread about protesting your sig! I was loving dragons when you were... well... you don't have an age posted so I can't really say what you were doing, but it was a long time ago!

[Saithis Bladewing]

I'm with Serpentine on this one.

As for the best line ever...

:elan: I GOT A 4!

[MinusInnocence]

Frank Langella as Skeletor from the Dolph Lundgren version of Masters of the Universe had a great one. As he's sitting down on the throne in Castle Greyskull, he looks around and says, "I win." THAT IS PURE VILLAINY.

Enjoy your win, Skeletor. Enjoy it hard.

[Dispozition]

But for pure win:
:sneeze: Sorry, I'm allergic to Bulls@@@.
-Will Smith, I, Robot

Yeah...I'm going to agree with that...That line is made of win...Win and awesome...Win awesome and...well...stuff...

Also, the monty python spanish inquisition sketch opening...very win...

[Icewalker]

Got some Futurama: Professor Farnsworth

"Sweet zombie Jesus!"
"Yes, most videotapes from that era were wiped out in 2441, during the second coming of Jesus."
"My computer heard us saying the word 'Fry' and it found a movie about Philip J. Fry for us. It also opened my calender to Friday and ordered me some french fries."

Peons from WCIII: "I'm not that kind of orc!"

I also agree with Monty Python and the Holy Grail being the best quote ever. ("She turned me into a newt!
...I got better...")

[Tengu]

"If you take sexual advantage of her, you're going to burn in a very special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater." - Shepherd Book, Firefly

[Serpentine]

Peons from WCIII: "Me not dat kinda orc!"

Fixed it for you :smallwink:
Also, same game, knights: "I do not say "ni"."

[Rawhide]

Q - Star Trek: The Next Generation finale, All Good Things
May whatever god you believe in, have mercy on your soul.

[Krimm_Blackleaf]

"If you look 'idiot' in the dictionary, what will be next to it?"
"...A picture of me?"
"No, the deffinition of the word 'idiot', which you f--king are!"

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

[Gygaxphobia]

"You want the truth? You want the Truth? You can't handle the Truth!"

- Jack Nicolson, A Few Good Men.

[JabberwockySupafly]

LORD, WHAT CAN THE HARVEST HOPE FOR, IF NOT FOR THE CARE OF THE REAPER MAN?
-Death, from Terry Pratchett's Reaper Man (my favourite Pratchett, and the one i happen to be currently re-re-re-re-reading...again)


In terms of Monty Python, though, my favourite quote (that I think of right now) would probably be from the Upperclass Twit of the Year Award, and that would be "Nigel Incubator-Jones, his best friend is a tree, and in his spare time he's a stockbroker."

[Shadow of the Sun]

I commend my soul to any god that can find it.

[dehro]

this was actually an exchange of letters between Victor Hugo and his publisher.
the first wanted to know how sales where going on his newest book, "les miserables" and since he was away from France (in exile if I remember correctly), he sent the folowing letter:

?


since the sales where going exceedingly well and beyond the best expectations, the publisher's anwer was:

!

absolutely brilliant..and also guinnesbook of records material, I guess

[Mr the Geoff]

Virtually anything from Withnail and I

We've gone on holiday by mistake
There must, and shall, be aspirin
I call this the Camberwell Carrot. This is bacause I invented it in Camberwell, and it looks like a carrot!


etc.

[Gygaxphobia]

Virtually anything from Withnail and I

We've gone on holiday by mistake
There must, and shall, be aspirin
I call this the Camberwell Carrot. This is bacause I invented it in Camberwell, and it looks like a carrot!


etc.

YES! Fantastic :)

"What are you doing Withnail? You don't drive!" "I'm making time."

[MandibleBones]

"If you take sexual advantage of her, you're going to burn in a very special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater." - Shepherd Book, Firefly

Seconded, along with the Book follow-up: "Well, isn't that... special?"

[The New Bruceski]

"You want the truth? You want the Truth? You can't handle the Truth!"

- Jack Nicolson, A Few Good Men.


You want answers?
I think I'm entitled.
You want answers?
I want the truth!
YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!

[Toastkart]

"Your journey will not end well" minor boss as she dies.

"If I had some sand for every time someone said that to me... oh, apparently I do!" Prince of Persia (From Two Thrones)

[Setra]

"Don't blame me, blame yourself... or God"

[lacesmcawesome]

ooh!

Star Trek: TNG, where Q has been turned into a human by the continuum.

Q: "What can I do to prove I am a human."
Worf: "Die."

That line always gets me.

[Veli]

"Did lots of people driver cars in New York?"

"Nah, nobody drove cars. There was too much traffic."

From the Futurama episode where they first meet Flexo.

Gets me every time.:smallbiggrin:

[Joran]

A linked couple:

If wishes were fishes, we'd all cast nets - Gurney Halleck (Dune)

If wishes were horses, we'd all eat steak. - Jayne (Firefly)

[BlackStaticWolf]

Oh... there's such a font lines that I love... I don't even know where to begin.

From my favorite books/TV series (Dexter):

Lt. Maria Laguerta: So then he must have already had the head with him in the front seat. Huh, that's weird. Why would he keep it there?
Dexter Morgan: I don't know. So he could use a carpool lane?

Angel Batista: [about the body found on the ice of a hockey arena] What do you think he's trying to tell us?
Dexter Morgan: That hockey's a violent game?

Dexter Morgan: I can't kill Dr. Meridien yet. I still need another therapy session.

Vince Masuka: Hey Dexter, better bundle up.
Dexter Morgan: I like the cold.
Vince Masuka: You know, hypothermia can easily sneak up on you.
Dexter Morgan: Yeah, so can hypochondria.


From good ole Futurama:

Professor Farnsworth: Tax write-off nothing! Take one nap in a ditch in the park and people start declaring you this and that!


From Rome:

Titus Pullo: Here I come, girls! I'm gonna drink all the wine, smoke all the smoke and **** every whore in the city.
Lucius Vorenus: Show some dignity. You're under the standard.
Titus Pullo: Well, talk to him!
[Points toward Marc Antony, who is having sex in uniform with a young girl alongside the road]
Lucius Vorenus: He's not... under the standard.

[maskimus]

The GREATEST closing line of all time!!!

"I may be a sqwewy wabbit, but I'm not goin' to Alkatwaz!!"

From the cartoon Bunny Hugged.

[faerwain]

Yeah! A Few good men! Full of good quotes(I like especially the definition of a trial:""It's a vendor contest..)". One of my favourite movies.

Okay, to present something that is new for most..
I always giggle when I think about a scene at a popular german police series(Großstadtrevier.):

Female police officer to colleagues at the lunch room:
Okay, we are doing a razzia on a private casino tomorrow night. Any volunteers?

-Deep silence-

Ah, come on! When we were busting the illegal sex club last month I had to hang out waitlists!

[PirateMonk]

"Psychic, though? That sounds like something out of science fiction."
"We live on a spaceship, dear."

-Wash and Zoe, Firefly

From the Simpsons, Season VI:

Maggie (in deep masculine voice, after killing Groundskeeper Willie with an axe): This is indeed a disturbing universe.

Mayor Terwilliger: The truth? You want the truth? You can't handle the truth! No truth handler are you! I deride your truth-handling capabilities!

[rollfrenzy]

From Army of Darkness:
"Good? Bad? I'm the guy with the gun!"

From Simpsons

"MMMM..... unprocessed fish sticks"

From Red stripes commercial:

"Boo unexpected room of EVIL!!! Hooray BEER!!!"

From Douglas Adams: (can't recall right now which book)

"Sorry for the inconveniance" God's last message to the universe.

From Night of the Comet:
" I'm not CRAZY, I just don't give a F---!"

[dehro]

:smallsigh: :belkar: sooo many quotes

from 'allò 'allò:

"good moaning"
"listen carefully, I shall say this only once"
"you stupid woman"
"it is I, leclerc"

[Gygaxphobia]

"arrr, ze flashing bed-knobs!"

but the one that had me and my dad in hysterics for ages:

"listen very carefully, I shall say thees only wonz... my bum is on a thistle."

[Vonriel]

Seconded, along with the Book follow-up: "Well, isn't that... special?"

You forgot even later in the episode.. "Ohh, I'm going to the special hell.."

And then there's the exchange where Jayne wants to trade Vera for Saffron. :smallbiggrin:

[Dr. Bath]

'When I say jump, you say.... what colour?!' Men at arms by Terry Pratchett

[Kitya]

"Are you going to do something, or just stand there and bleed?"

TombStone

[zeratul]

Father give me the Bull of Heaven,
So he can kill Gilgamesh in his dwelling.
If you do not give me the Bull of Heaven,
I will knock down the Gates of the Netherworld,
I will smash the doorposts, and leave the doors flat down,
and will let the dead go up to eat the living!
And the dead will outnumber the living! ~Ishtar

The epic of Galgamesh

[PlatinumJester]

I'm gonna take you to the bank, the blood bank - Stephen Segal

Yippee Kai Yay Mother ****er - Diehard

Did you see? Did you see how well I fought? - Elder Scrolls 4

Say what againg, SAY what again! I dare you, I double dare you mother ****er - Samuel L Jackson

Oh ****, I shot marvin in the face - John Tavolta (great way to point out the obvious)

[Lyesmith]

I change my mind.
CATS Said Death.
CATS ARE NICE

[asqwasqw]

Mmmmm, fallout 2. Just on the top of my head, from Dave:
"When I was five, my uncle was decapitated by a watermelon."
And the horrors of tech support:
"Oh, I answer all sorts of stupid questions."
"What sort of stupid questions?"
"Oh, like: 'Why can't I use a sword or a chainsaw on my monitor?'"

[Green Bean]

"Magrat says a broomstick is one of them sexual metaphor things."*

*Although this is a phallusy

-Nanny Ogg, Lords and Ladies

[Xian]

Girl Genius has a whole host of 'em.

First, DuPree (http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/cgi-bin/gg101.cgi?date=20070418):
"So! You look like you think you're smart! Who's in charge here?"
"Er - you are."
"Wow! You're so smart - I'll just slap this guy around instead!"

Then, Krosp (http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/cgi-bin/ggmain.cgi?date=20060125), Emperor of All Cats
Maxim - "I dun understand vy he iz like dis. He hef no problem gun into de sewer."
Lars - "I don't think he knew what a sewer was."
Maxim - "Ho ho! Vell I guess he knows know! 'Specially ven he fall in!"
Lars - "Yes, he seemed fine until then."
Maxim - "No, he vos fine 'til hyu say he vould need a bath."
Dimo - "No, it vos ven hyu say he could giff himself a bath."
Maxim - "Oh yah! Dot vos it! 'Cause he iz a kitty!"
Krosp - "........KILL ME!"
Lars - "Can't blame him really."

And the (http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/cgi-bin/ggmain.cgi?date=20070207) jager (http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/cgi-bin/ggmain.cgi?date=20070214)monsters (http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/cgi-bin/gg101.cgi?date=20060203)
Marie - "Oh yes, it was remarkably easy to steal. But then, who would be fool enough to try?"
Oggie - "Hey! Iz like hyu vife iz callink hyu a fool vit-out ektually...."
Payne - "You cannot possibly be as stupid as you act."
Oggie - "...ken if I vants to be!"

Oggie - "Hey Dimo! Hyu make it up dot ladder real fast vit only vun hend.
Dimo - "Ha! Dot's 'cause I use my brains."
Oggie & Maxim - "Eeew! Messy!"

Gorb - "Vell, let's just keel her."
Andre - "Gorb. Dis iz turnink into vun of dose plans....hyu know - de kind vere ve keel everybody dot notices dot ve's killin' people?"
Gorb - "It iz?"
Andre - "Uh huh. And how do dose alvays end?"
Gorb - "De dirigible iz in flames, everybody'z dead, and I've lost my hat."
Andre - "Dot's right! Und any plan vere you lose you hat is?"
Gorb - "A bad plan?"
Andre - "Right again!"

[Setra]

"Darkness called... But I was on the phone, so I missed it. I tried to star-69 Darkness, but his machine picked up. I yelled 'PICK UP THE PHONE, DARKNESS!', but he ignored me. Darkness must have been screening his calls."

"I'll attract the enemy with my human call. I'm so wasted! I'm so wasted!"

[Aston]

Friend of mine's short story/serial thing.

"Why do old people see themselves as the guardians of law and order when they have trouble finding their teeth in the morning?"

Best line I have found recently is:

"We're running low on skin. I suggest we harvest another lesbian." from Jesus Christ Zombie Hunter. Which sounds like an awesome movie....

More seriously this was my sigline on another forum I revisited after a long break:

"Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light, for I have loved the stars to dearly to be fearful of the night." Can not remember where I found that. :(

[BanjoTheClown]

Cake is Delicous.

[Shadow of the Sun]

I am going to burn out so brightly that history staggers and stumbles blindly in my wake!

Me, on one of my worse days.

[Khantalas]

"There are two secrets to being succesful:

1) Don't tell everything you know."

[Rigel Cyrosea]

"The rider stronde towards him, black cloak billowing and feet making little clicking sounds on the cobbles. They were the only noises - silence clamped down on the square like great drifts of cotton wool.
The impressive effect was rather spoilt by a patch of ice.
OH, BUGGER."
-Mort, by Terry Pratchett

"You want a piece of me, BOY?!"
-Terran Marine from Starcraft

"There is no spoon."
-Kid from the Matrix

[Shadow of the Sun]

This! Is! Mah! Boomstick!!!

[Imrahil]

Now this is my kind of thread. I have over 50 pages of my favorite quotes saved in a document, but the first one that comes to mind is from the greatest pilot ever:

“Start with the part where Jayne gets knocked out by a 90 pound girl cuz...I don't think that's ever getting old.” - Hoban Washburne, Serenity

[Imrahil]

A question that many have asked, and few have answers for:

“How much firepower do you think is necessary to embed a cherry in an acoustic ceiling tile?” - Niles Crane, Frasier

[Yo_Landa]

"It doesn't matter if you spell it vertically or horizontally!"

-From the Bleach: Saien Musical

Sado was trying to find Rukia, so he basically tried to ask these two crazy Shinigami guys who were, obviously, afraid of him. So he's like, "Ku-chi-ki, Ru-ki-a" spelling it up and down.

"I can hear you!"
"Ku-chi-ki, Ru-ki-a" (horizontal)
"It doesn't matter if you spell it vertically or horizontally!"
"Ku-chi-ki Ru-" (in a box xD)
"STOP!"
"...Ru-ki-a".
"He's making fools out of us!"

[Not a Paladin]

All sorts of quotes come to mind with a topic title like that.

I was originally going to say something about not including Monty Python quotes here, but I need at least 3, and I couldn't come up with 3 without including Monty Python quotes.

Anyway here are some of my favourite quotes:

"I cut down trees,
I skip and jump,
I like to press wild flowers.
I put on women's clothing,
and hang around in bars!" - from the Lumberjack Song

'It is with these tow happy-go-lucky rogues, that our story begins...for it is they who are run over by...[on and on]" - the narrator, the opening of "The Light Entertainment War"

"I'm a...CIVIL SERVANT! [dramatic music begins playing]" - Watanabe, Excel Saga

The following sequence from Cardcaptor Sakura (no, there is absolutely nothing creepy about my reasons for reading Cardcaptor Sakura. I mean, besides the fact that I'm a male high school student and the manga was originally meant for female elementary school students.):

Yamazaki: [jumps in during some plot development] "Hey, relax! We're playing badminton today! Why don't we settle this on the court? (not that I actually know what's going on...)"
Li: "Let me go! Why do we have to settle it with badminton?"
Yamazaki: "Oh, didn't you know? Badminton originated as a proper dueling sport. [so far, so plausible] It dates all the way back to ancient Rome. The person who lost was in really deep trouble back then. [never mind]"
Sakura: "Really?"
Chiharu: "Nah, he's full of it."
[The rest of the page describes the thoughts of each character present at the exchange.]
Chiharu: [But she's thinking, what if...]
Naoko: [Thinking she's seeing a pretty good show.]
Sakura: [Thinking she might believe it.]
Rika: [Thinking it's a joke.]
Tomoyo: [Thinking it'd be neat if it were true.]
Li: [Falling for it--hook, line, and sinker.]

[Zeb The Troll]

My favorite line right now is -

"What the hell's an aluminum falcon?"

- from a Robot Chicken Star Wars spoof.

[dehro]

My favorite line right now is -

"What the hell's an aluminum falcon?"

- from a Robot Chicken Star Wars spoof.


*snigger*... "I love you too"

[thehothead]

"Don't mess with Mother-in-law, MOther Nature, and Motherf***** Ukraines" - Pete the skinny, "Italian Job"

I'm inclined to agree.

[smellie_hippie]

You know, there's a wonderful classic that we seem to be forgetting...

Elwood: It's 106 miles to Chicago. We've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses.
Jake: Hit it.

or this priceless gem...

Curtis: Boys... you aught to learn not to talk to nuns that way.

and finally.......

Chicago Police Dispatcher: The use of unnecessary force in the apprehension of the Blues Brothers has been approved.

[Miklus]

"I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids!"

-General Jack D. Ripper, Dr. Strangelove

[aphrodite]

Where did he say that? Because thats just awesome.

But for pure win:
:sneeze: Sorry, I'm allergic to Bulls@@@.
-Will Smith, I, Robot

anything from Princess Bride. Of course, that may be the best movie ever, so its not entierly fair.

I frakin loved that movie!(totaly off topic but not caring)

[aphrodite]

are you still here?


evil step mother Happily never after
this is when after telling her "allies" to bring her a girl, they say no, she turned an evil giant in to no more than a mouse.:smallbiggrin:

[dehro]

meh...I forgot...

my current signature on msn is "my name is Inigo Montoya. you killed my father, prepare to die!"

[rollfrenzy]

"GENTLEMEN!! You can't fight in here. This is the WAR Room!"

[Don Beegles]

Ye gods, great quotes? There are just too many.

It seems like everyone's been bringing up Monty Python, and for my favorite quote from those bastards, I'd have to go with the Bruces' rules:

"Number One: No pooftahs.
Number Two: No member of the faculty is to mistreat the **** in any way - if anyone's watching.
Number Three: No pooftahs
Number Four: I don't want to catch anyone not drinking after lights out.
Number Five: No Pooftahs.
Number Six: There is no rule six.
Number Seven: No pooftahs."

As for the Princess Bride there is nothing better than "You fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line."

I also love one that I read in the preface to Therese Raquin: "You have one glaring fault, my friend, that will close all doors to you. It is that you can not talk for five minutes to a half-wit without letting him know that he is one."

[Just_Some_Girl]

"You used to be MacGyver and now you're just MacUseless!" -"Sam" from Stargate SG-1, during a blooper scene from the episode when she and "Jack" were stuck in Antarctica. Richard Dean Anderson was MacGyver from the TV series before he was in Stargate.

[Jibar]

"Darkness called... But I was on the phone, so I missed it. I tried to star-69 Darkness, but his machine picked up. I yelled 'PICK UP THE PHONE, DARKNESS!', but he ignored me. Darkness must have been screening his calls."


(phone rings) "Yes? Darkness, hey, what's up? The Demon Hunter left you a message? No I don't have his number."


You know, there's a wonderful classic that we seem to be forgetting...

Elwood: It's 106 miles to Chicago. We've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses.
Jake: Hit it.

or this

Jake: Four fried chickens and a Coke.
Elwood: And some dry white toast please.

[Nevrmore]

*Funaki enters the room to see Kakihara pouring hot oil over one of his henchman, who is suspended in the air by several meathooks in his back*

Funaki: What do you think you're doing?!

Kakihara: Just a little torture.
--Ichi the Killer

----

Kaffee: Did you order the Code Red?

Jessep: I did the job I was sent to do--

Kaffee: Did you order the Code Red?!

Jessep: YOU'RE GOD DAMN RIGHT I DID!
--A Few Good Men

----

Elvis: Come on, let's go.

Frankie: Huh? Look, man, are you here to take Zach home or what?

Elvis: What.

Frankie: What??

Elvis: That's right.
--Alpha Dog

----

Sebastian: Man, you are one big, bitch cockroach.
--Bubba Ho-Tep

----

Raven: "The China Man?" That's what you call your comrade? How would you like to be called "White Cracker Assh**e?"

Col. Campbell: Raven, his codename is "The China Man."

Col. Jackson: Have your people not read our files yet?

Raven: What kind of f**ked up codename system do you guys use?

Col. Jackson: Look, he picked it, alright? I told him it was a bad idea. You don't know how many times I've had this exact conversation.

Raven: Why would anyone call himself his ethnicity?

China Man: I don't. I'm Vietnamese, thanks very much for asking.

Raven: ...It...makes even less sense that way.

China Man: Oh, well sorry my codename doesn't live up to your Fascist standards!

Raven: What?

China Man: Yeah, sure, act confused. I know your type! You think I'm not good enough for special ops!

Col. Jackson: Oh God, not this again.

China Man: I know exactly what you're thinking. "What could a Navy swimming champion and special effects expert possibly be good for in an anti-terrorist squad? Especially in the desert where there isn't even any water to swim in."

Raven: You're a Navy swimming champion?

China Man: And a special effects expert! Don't forget it! But I've got news for you, Jack - I just spent four hours under the desert sun in a wetsuit! Pretty stupid, huh? But I did it just to prove that I could, and now I'm gonna pass out! *WHUMP*

Col. Jackson: It's for the best. He was about thirty seconds away from challenging you to a breath-holding contest.
--The Last Days of Foxhound (www.gigaville.com) #225/226

[bosssmiley]

You know, there's a wonderful classic that we seem to be forgetting...

Elwood: It's 106 miles to Chicago. We've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses.
Jake: Hit it.

Epic win! :smallbiggrin: :smallbiggrin: :smallbiggrin:

Hmmm...

"I came here to build a bridge" - Captain Chard, "Zulu"
"You're only supposed to blow the blaahdy daaaaws off!" - Michael Caine, the only true "Italian Job"
"At my command, unleash hell!" - Russell Crowe "Gladiator"
"We came to wreck everything, and ruin your life. God sent us." - "Romper Stomper"
Any of Geoffrey Rush's lines in "Quills"
"Aye, well. The Pope might be French, but Jesus was English!" - Paul Addy "Knight's Tale"
Most of "Shaun of the Dead" and "Hot Fuzz"
"You NEVER start anything on one! Who ever heard of anyone ever starting anything on one?" - Randell, "Time Bandits"
"...we are going to rip out their living guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks!" - George C. Scott "Patton"
"My mule don't like it when people laugh. Maybe thinks they're laughing at him." - Clint Eastwood "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly" "Fistful of Dollars" (cheers Sundog)
"I'm a mean mumma-mumma servant of God!" - Harvey Keitel, "Dusk 'til Dawn"
"Harro!" - Kim-Jong-Il "Team America World Police"
"I'm Spartacus!" - you know where from...

Meh, more to follow

[Jibar]

"You're only supposed to blow the blaahdy daaaaws off!" - Michael Caine, the only true "Italian Job"
"At my command, unleash hell!" - Russell Crowe "Gladiator""Aye, well. The Pope might be French, but Jesus was English!" - Paul Addy "Knight's Tale"


The Italian Job. British Classic. Unbeatable.

"My name is Gladiator."

"My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife, and I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next."

"Are you not entertained? Are you not entertained!? Is it not why you are here?"

Translation: I love Gladiator.

"He's quick, he's funny, he makes me lots of money, Lichtenstein! Lichtenstein!"

Wat: You have been weighed.
Roland: You have been measured.
Kate: And you have absolutely...
Chaucer: Been found wanting.
William: Welcome to a New World. God save you, if it is right that he should do so

[Wojiz]

I'm quite a fan of many of Leon Kennedy's lines, among them:

"Hey, it's that dog!"

[dsuursoo]

*sings from up on the cross*

"always look on the bright, side of your life...''

[zeratul]

If someone asks you what time it is the anwser is yes. Never say more than they ask you to - Iron Man

[Sundog]

"My mule don't like it when people laugh. Maybe thinks they're laughing at him." - Clint Eastwood "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly"


Nope. That's from A Fistful of Dollars.

"There are two kinds of people in this world. Those with guns, and those who dig."

That's from "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly."

[Lycurgus]

I'm ya huckleberry - Doc Holliday, Tombstone
THIS! IS! SPARTA! - Leonidas, 300
I guess we can rule out accidental death. and I call it blood...I guess you'd write it up as graffiti. - Officer Albrecht, The Crow
Who runs Bartertown? - Master Blaster, Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome
There are no pacts between lions and men - Achilles, son of Pelius, Troy
There is no escape, we pay for the violence of our ancestors - Muad'Dib, chapter heading in Dune

There are tons more, but I don't want to take away anyone else's fun!

Ooh ooh I forgot, that whole yea do I see my ancestors speech from the 13th warrior

[SITB]

DELIANI PRIORITY UPLINK A1 [code A]
Transon
Trent, this is Transon Lohk.

I hope you are able to get this message. We've lost you on our sensors.
Your ship disappeared about 8 minutes ago. Where are you?

Your life is in danger. I am sure of it.

A great power surge is building from within Gyges. I don't know what it is,
but you must investigate. Perhaps you already know. There is no time to
send any backup to help you. You'll have to make do with what you can find
around there.

The fleet at Savara has been disabled - many were lost. We don't have the
specific details, but we're looking for survivors. Anyway, there is no-one
left who can reach you that far out there. You're on your own.

Good luck, Trent. I only wish I knew what was going on out there. I know
you will do your best. We will try to contact you again later.

Transon out.


[Unknown ID:] Commander, quick, what's the square root of 4? I think the
computer is down and we can't figure out how to fix it!

[Transon:] Two. You know, ensign, you have the brain of a pea. If I was to
collect your mind and hold it for ransom, I wouldn't be able to prove it was
anything but a grain of sand.

[Unknown ID:] Sorry, Commander.

[Transon:] Do you have any idea what's going on out there?

[Unknown ID:] Sorry, Commander?

[Transon:] About Trent.

[Unknown iD:] Ooo. Sorry, Commander.

[Transon:] He's going to [chuckle] save the universe again. And then, do you
know what he'll probably do?

[Unknown ID:] Sorry, Commander?

[Transon:] He'll save the universe again, and again, and again! He'll do
anything I want him to do to help the universe and I won't have to lift a
finger to do anything except send him these little messages like... oops...


This exchange is simply the core of why being a "hero" sucks and I consider it to be one of the best points of the game.

[dehro]

You know, there's a wonderful classic that we seem to be forgetting...

Elwood: It's 106 miles to Chicago. We've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses.
Jake: Hit it.



or else...

"it's 1500 miles to Ankh-Morpork, we've got threehunderd and sixty-three elephants, fifty cars of forage, the monsoon's about to break and we're wearing... we're wearing... sort of things, like glass, only dark... dark glas things on our eyes..."

and...

"we're on a mission from Glod"

[Toastkart]

"May thy knife chip and shatter," Maud'Dib


"The power to destroy a thing is the absolute control over it. You've agreed I have that power. We are not here to discuss or to negotiate or to compromise! You will obey my orders or suffer the immediate consequences!" Emperor Paul Maud'Dib Atreides (Dune)

[Khantalas]

"With great power comes great authority, but absolute power rocks absolutely." - Sarda, the Wizard Who Did It

[Tyrant]

Big Trouble in little China

Jack Burton, talking on a cb to god only knows who "When some wild-eyed, eight-foot-tall maniac grabs your neck, taps the back of your favorite head up against the barroom wall, looks you crooked in the eye and asks you if ya paid your dues, you just stare that big sucker right back in the eye, and you remember what ol' Jack Burton always says at a time like that: Have ya paid your dues, Jack? Yessir, the check is in the mail."

JB "Ok, you people! Sit tight, hold the fort and keep the home fires burning. And if we're not back by dawn... call the president."

JB, while someone is trying to explain what is going on "What does that mean? Huh? China is here. I don't even know what the hell that means."

JB, again on the CB "Like I told my last wife, I said, Honey, I never drive faster than I can see, and besides... it's all in the reflexes."

JB later on, after catching a bottle that someone tried to slice in half but instead sent it flying right at Jack's face "It's all in the reflexes."

JB " Hey, I'm a reasonable guy. But I've just experienced some very unreasonable things."


The movie is filled with many, many more memorable lines.


Return of the Living Dead

"The events portrayed in this film are all true. The
names are real names of real people and real organizations."


They Live

"I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick a**. And I am all out of bubblegum."

[Fax Celestis]

From Gattaca

Jerome: "We have to get drunk immediately."

[Axl_Rose]

The reason I'll be released is the same reason you think I'll be convicted. I *do* rub shoulders with some of the most vile, sadistic men calling themselves leaders today. But some of these men are the enemies of *your* enemies. And while the biggest arms dealer in the world is your boss - the President of the United States, who ships more merchandise in a day than I do in a year - sometimes it's embarrassing to have his fingerprints on the guns. Sometimes he needs a freelancer like me to supply forces he can't be seen supplying. So. You call me evil, but unfortunately for you, I'm a necessary evil.

Props to whoever guesses it.

[Evil_Pacifist]

"You NEVER start anything on one! Who ever heard of anyone ever starting anything on one?" - Randell, "Time Bandits"

Heh. I love that movie. Full of good quotes...

"Ah, Benson. You are so mercifully free from the ravages of intelligence..."

"G'ah-ah! Th-th-the p-p-problem, P-p-p-pansy! I-it's sta-sta-started.... I... I... I MUST HAVE FRUIT!"

"There used to be a time when you could be sure of catching ol' boots, cans, boxes, hat racks... Now it's PRAWNS all the bloody time!"

"Ooh... Drugs."

[Raven T.]

or else...

"it's 1500 miles to Ankh-Morpork, we've got threehunderd and sixty-three elephants, fifty cars of forage, the monsoon's about to break and we're wearing... we're wearing... sort of things, like glass, only dark... dark glas things on our eyes..."

and...

"we're on a mission from Glod"

Which book is that?

And we're forgetting one more great line:

"Ray...Ray...if someone asks you if you're a god, you say YES!" -Winston, Ghostbusters

[Imrahil]

The reason I'll be released is the same reason you think I'll be convicted. I *do* rub shoulders with some of the most vile, sadistic men calling themselves leaders today. But some of these men are the enemies of *your* enemies. And while the biggest arms dealer in the world is your boss - the President of the United States, who ships more merchandise in a day than I do in a year - sometimes it's embarrassing to have his fingerprints on the guns. Sometimes he needs a freelancer like me to supply forces he can't be seen supplying. So. You call me evil, but unfortunately for you, I'm a necessary evil.

Props to whoever guesses it.

Now that was a great movie, and by that I mean Lord of War. I'll take my props now.

Oh, and another of my favorites:

"Have you ever been in a combat situation?"
"Define combat, sir."
"Shep?"
"An incursion underwater to retake an impregnable fortress held by an elite team of US Marines in possession of 81 hostages and 15 guided rockets armed with VX poison gas."
"Oh…In that case, no sir. Excuse me." - The Rock

[deepsear]

"My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

********

"No more rhymes! I mean it!"

"Anybody want a peanut?"

"ARGH!"

********

"Offer me anything I want."

"All I have and more."

*STAB*

"I want my father back you son of a b**ch!"

-Princess Bride

"There will be no racial bigotry here! You are all equally worthless to me!"

-Full Metal Jacket

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalrighty then!"

"Re-heah-heah-healy?"

-Ace Ventura

"Eat me!" *Ptoo*

-Shrek

[Setra]

"I want my father back you son of a b**ch!"One of the few lines I'd say that actually fits the topic title :smallbiggrin:

[TheGreatJabu]

Lots of great lines so far, so I'll add a few I like that aren't repeaters.

Video game top 3:

3. Half-Life 2: Episode 1
Alex - "It's a zombie Combine. A...Zombine. *chuckles nervously* Nevermind."

2. Starcraft
Fenix - "I fear no enemy, for the Khala is my strength! I fear not death, for my strength is eternal!"

1. Baldur's Gate II
Irenicus - "You?! You live yet?! You have less than a fraction of your soul, and yet you continue to oppose me!?"

Movie top 3:

3. Star Wars V: Empire Strikes Back
Han Solo - "There's no time to discuss this as a committee!"

2. The Matrix
Neo - "Guns. Lots of guns."

1. Hot Shots! Part Deux
President Benson - "It looks like the upper hand...is on the other foot!"

Book top 3:

3. Catcher in the Rye
Holden - "Grand. I hate that word."

(Technically the next two are plays)
2. The Night Thoreau Spent in Jail
Thoreau - "My dear woman, BE YOUR OWN MAN!"

1. Arms and the Man
Captain Bluntschli - "Soldiering, my dear madam, is the coward's art of attacking mercilessly when you are strong, and keeping out of harm's way when you are weak. That is the whole secret of successful fighting. Get your enemy at a disadvantage; and never, on any account, fight him on equal terms."

[Vuzzmop]

Dr Loboto from Psychonauts

"How about some soup? It's made from turtles, turtles that you love!"

Or, in one of the star wars games, I don't know which:

"luke: I feel a great disturbance in the force. soldier: You always feel a great disturbance in the force!"

[Sugarmouse]

Ahem.

Nameless One: Well I, for one, plan on discovering the secrets of the multiverse by rubbing cottage cheese on my belly and eating vast quantities of fresh-water fish. Mmm... cheese.

Nordom: Attention; Morte. I have a question. Do you have a destiny? A purpose?
Morte: Is Annah still wearing clothes?
Nordom: Affirmatory.
Morte: Then the answer is yes.

Nameless One: One foot in the grave and the other in hell.

Tyler Durden: You just had a near-life experience!


However, my personal contender:

"I remember when all this will be again."

[Lycurgus]

"I threw down my enemy and smote his ruin on the mountain-side!" - Gandalf

"It is always better to avenge dear ones than to indulge in mourning." - Beowulf

"No more entreating, dog, by knees or parents.
I only wish my fury would compel me
To cut away your flesh and eat it raw
For what you've done. No one can keep the dogs
Off of your head, not if they brought me ransom
Of ten or twenty times as much, or more." - Achilles, as he kills Hektor

[Siubhlach]

I'm a writer! I give the truth scope!
- Chaucer, A Knights Tale

Always one of my personal faves...

[Jou]

This line has been my favorite for about 20 years now.

"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Hmph. Attacked ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I've watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tenhauser Gate. All those moments will be lost, in time. Like tears, in the rain. Time to die." Roy -　Bladerunner

[Lycurgus]

I'm a writer! I give the truth scope!
- Chaucer, A Knights Tale

Always one of my personal faves...

Totally forgot about that one! Once you detach the serious part of your brain that is a great movie :smallwink:

[Don Beegles]

Which book is that?



It's too actually. The first is from Moving Pictures, when the elephant herders are taking the Elephants for Dippler's movie. The second is probably Witches Abroad, because, IIRC, that's the one that mentions the Midas myth where the bewtiching God couldn't spell and condemned him to turn everything he touched to Glod, a small and very irritable dwarf from a nearby mine. I could be way off there, though, because I think he's mentioned in more than one book.

[Shadow of the Sun]

Mission from Glod.
V
Mission from God.
V
Blues Brothers.
V
Music.
V
Soul Music.

[factotum]

Ooh, memorable quotes! Love these...

"This warhammer cost me 40k!" --dwarven griffin rider from Warcraft, at least before Games Workshop slapped a cease-and-desist on Blizzard!

"The Wise Woman? The WISE WOMAN? There are two things you must know about the Wise Woman, my lord. First...she is a woman! Second..."
"...she is wise?"
"Oh, you do know her then?"
"No, no, just a wild stab in the dark--which, coincidentally, is what you'll be getting if you don't start being more helpful." --conversation between Edmund Blackadder and a peasant woman

"If that was the primary baffle plate, this landing could get interesting."
"Define 'interesting'."
"Oh God, oh God, we're all going to die?" --conversation between Hoban and Mal in the opening scene of Serenity.

"The air is subtly different at the edge of the world." --opening line to short story, I forget which one

[Ethdred]

Nope. That's from A Fistful of Dollars.

"There are two kinds of people in this world. Those with guns, and those who dig."

That's from "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly."

Indeed so - as is 'Blondie you son of weeoweeoweeodandandan' (or however you spell Ennio Morricone's music)

and

'One b*stard goes in, another comes out' - a line I have to restrain myself from using at inappropriate times at work

Fistfull of Dollars - 'Get three coffins ready'

Glad someone mentioned the original and genuine Italin Job. Probably the best closing line (and best ending) of any film "Hang on, I've got a great idea"

Films to be quoted in their entirety

Airplane
This is Spinal Tap
Anything by Monty Python
Withnail and I

but to be going on with:

"We must move quickly. A pair of quadruple scotches and another pair of pints"
"Were you over Mucho Grande?
I'll never be over Mucho Grande"
"You can't dust for vomit"
"He died in a bizarre gardening accident"
"There's no sex and drugs for Ian..I'm not co-manage this band with a woman, especially one who dresses like an Australian's nightmare"
"That tended to understate the hugeness of the object"
"It's a thin line between stupid and clever"

[smellie_hippie]

Ah Airplane...

Striker: "Surely you can't be serious."
Doctor: "I am serious... and don't call me Shirley"

We need to get some Mel Brooks in here too...

History of the World: "It's good to be the King."

Young Frankenstein: "Wait! Where are you going? I was gonna make Espresso."

Blazing Saddles: "Excuse me while I, whip this out..."

@v Yes I will grant you the "Blucar!" (whinny) quote. That one is fantastic. :smallamused:

[Don Beegles]

Mission from Glod.
V
Mission from God.
V
Blues Brothers.
V
Music.
V
Soul Music.

Yeah, that makes sense. I have to get around to rereading that one; everyone raves so much about it, and I can't recall it.

But was Witches Abroad the one with Glod? I'm running on about two hours of sleep right now, so the memory is really hazy.


Oh, and hippie, if we're quoting any Young Frankenstein, it's going to be "Walk this way...no, no, walk this way". Or maybe "What knockers!" "Vy thank you doktor.". Ooh, ooh, how about "Werewolf!" "Werewolf?" "There wolf. There castle." "Why are you talking like that?" "I dunno, I thought you wanted to." Actually, never mind, there is just no one quote from Young Frankens-

No wait, yes there is.

"Frau Blucar!!!" *Horses Whinny*

[CurlyKitGirl]

Many Terry Pratchett quotes, I'm glad to see. A lot of my favouries from the Discworld are already quoted but:
"If broomsticks were cars, this one would be a split-window Morris Minor." Equal Rites

"The duke had a mind that ticked like a clock and, like a clock, it regularly went cuckoo."
"I'd like to know if I could compare you to a summer's day. Because -- well, June 12th was quite nice, and..."
Wyrd Sisters

"The chieftain had been turned into a pumpkin although, in accordance with the rules of universal humour, he still had his hat on."
"although in this case there were three determinate states the cat could be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious." about cats in boxes
Lord And Ladies
"A good bookshop is just a genteel Black Hole that knows how to read."
Guards! Guards!

"If the Creator had said, "Let there be light" in Ankh-Morpork, he'd have gotten no further because of all the people saying "What colour?""
"The Ramkins were more highly bred than a hilltop bakery, whereas Corporal Nobbs had been disqualified from the human race for shoving."
Men At Arms

"There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: this glass is half full. And then there are those who say: this glass is half empty. The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!"
The Truth, possibly my fav quote.

"He hated being thought of as one of those people that wore stupid ornamental armour. It was gilt by association."
Night Watch

"The truth may be out there, but lies are inside your head."
Hogfather

I AM DEATH, NOT TAXES. I TURN UP ONLY ONCE.
Feet Of Clay

And many, many Monty Python quotes. The Labyrinth also rocks, loads of quotes there too. Too many to post now. May post others later. Many quotes in this thread are ones I like too.:smallsmile:

[DreadArchon]

Artanis:
"Quit poking me! What do you think I am, an Orc? This is not Warcraft in space!"
"It's much more sophisticated!"
"I KNOW its not 3d!


KotOR had a lot of good quotes, especially Jolee Bindo and HK-47. Most are here (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0356070/quotes).
Darth Malak's final speech was just awesome, though:

Darth Malak: Im... impossible. I... I cannot be beaten. I am the Dark Lord of the Sith.

Revan: This is the way of the Dark Side, Malak - all things end in death.

Darth Malak: Still... still spouting the wisdom of the Jedi, I see. Maybe there is more truth in their code than I ever believed. I... I cannot help but wonder, Revan. What would have happened had our positions been reversed? What if fate had decreed I would be captured by the Jedi? Could I have returned to the Light, as you did? If you had not led me down the dark path in the first place, what destiny would I have found?

Revan: I am sorry I started you on this path. But you chose to continue down it.

Darth Malak: I suppose... I suppose you speak the truth. I alone must accept responsibility for my fate. I wanted to be Master of the Sith and ruler of the galaxy. But that destiny was not mine, Revan. It might have been yours, perhaps... but never mine. And in the end, as the darkness takes me... I am nothing.
Ironically, however, the very best part is in the Dark Side ending, where his last line is "And so it ends, as I somehow almost knew it must--in darkness."

It usually slurs together in my memory and comes out as "I wanted to be Master of the Sith and ruler of the galaxy. But that destiny was not mine, Revan. It might have been yours, perhaps... but never mine. And so it ends, as I somehow almost knew it must--in darkness." Despite not quite actually existing, that is my favorite quote.

Though this is a fairly close runner-up:

There is so much good in the worst of us,
And so much bad in the best of us,
That it hardly behooves any of us
To talk about the rest of us.

[Flirkann]

Seconded, along with the Book follow-up: "Well, isn't that... special?"

And that perfect in-between comment earlier on where he sticks his head around the corner and just says "The Special Hell", and promptly disappears.

[JellyPooga]

Star Trek: TNG has some of my favvies:

"I refuse to be a merry man!" - Worf (Qpid)

"Commander Riker; I would like to know your intentions regarding my daughter" - Data (I forget the episode title, but the one where Data makes a daughter)

[factotum]

Forgot one:

"Gaze into the face of Fear!" --Judge Fear

*pause, then Joe Dredd punches so hard his fist comes out the back of the Dark Judge's helmet*
"Gaze into the fist of Dredd!"

[truemane]

Just about my favourite poetry of all time (somewhat paraphrased):

Come, my friends,
'Tis not too late to seek a newer world.
For my purpose holds to sail beyond the sunset,
...
Though much is taken, much abides; and though
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.
-Tennyson, Ulysses

And for the less serious:

Lisa Simpson: But Dad, who will police the Police?
Homer: I don't know, Coast Guard?

Pure giggle-liciousness.

[JellyPooga]

Forgot one:

"Gaze into the face of Fear!" --Judge Fear

*pause, then Joe Dredd punches so hard his fist comes out the back of the Dark Judge's helmet*
"Gaze into the fist of Dredd!"

LMFAO!! I'd forgotten about that! I almost wet myself when I first read that episode.

[Jorkens]

Forgot one:

"Gaze into the face of Fear!" --Judge Fear

*pause, then Joe Dredd punches so hard his fist comes out the back of the Dark Judge's helmet*
"Gaze into the fist of Dredd!"
Stone. Cold. Classic.

A few favorite opening lines of books:
"The sky above the port was the colour of television, tuned to a dead channel." - Neuromancer, William Gibson

"Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendia was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice." - One Hundred Years of Solitude, Gabriel Garcia Marquez

"Snow-Balls have flown their Arcs, starr'd the Sides of Outbuildings, as of Cousins, carried Hats away into the brisk Wind off Delaware, - the Sleds are brought in and their Runners carefully dried and greased, shoes deposited in the back Hall, a stocking'd-foot Descent made upon the great Kitchen, in a purposeful Dither since Morning..." - Mason & Dixon, Thomas Pynchon.

[magicwalker]

"Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one conscienceness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we're the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the weather..."
-Bill Hicks 'Revelations'

"YOU SHALL NOT PASS"
-Gandalf LOTR1

"Why are you wearing that stupid bunny suit?"
"Why are you wearing that stupid human suit?"
"Take it off!"
-Donnie Darko

"It is difficult to fight against anger, for a man will buy revenge with his soul."
-quote used in an episode of Titus

"..and everything.. was going.. so well..." *BOOM*
-Sin City

[Don Beegles]

Just about my favourite poetry of all time (somewhat paraphrased):

Come, my friends,
'Tis not too late to seek a newer world.
For my purpose holds to sail beyond the sunset,
...
Though much is taken, much abides; and though
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.
-Tennyson, Ulysses



Oh, I love Ulysses. I actually almost quoted it earlier, but didn't want to break out of the TV/movie mold. Though now that hearts has been broken:

"And all experience is an arch wherethrough
Gleams that untravelled world whose margin fades
Forever and forever when I move."

It's not poetry, but I also love the Conrad quote in my sig. I had to read Heart of Darkness for school, and that line just jumped out at me.

And for the category of Best. Line. Ever., I'd have to nominate the Brothers Karamazov:

"Why is such a man alive?"

[Setra]

I was watching Stargate Atlantis, heard a nice line. I don't really watch it much, so I don't know the names of the peiople who said it but..

Guy 1: You want to send an asteroid towards earth? Is that really a good idea?
Guy 2: It is today.

[Serpentine]

A pretty good start to a book, from Once... (Fairy smut, should probably be only read by those over-age and/or sick)
"Once..."/page
"upon..."/page
"a..."/page
"death.", and then it actually gets into the story.

[yoshi927]

"Did anyone bring me back to life just because they wanted to see me again?"

Three people raise their hands

"Alright, I'm going to go stand with them."

-Pirates of the Carribean

[Evil_Pacifist]

"You lose! Good day, sir!"

"He's crazy, Lou. He builds toy airplanes."

"Wrong! Your ears you keep, and I'll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, ever woman who cries out "Dear God, what is that thing?" will echo in your perfect ears. That is what "to the pain" means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery for ever."

You get to guess what they're from.

[Lycurgus]

"You lose! Good day, sir!"

"He's crazy, Lou. He builds toy airplanes."

"Wrong! Your ears you keep, and I'll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, ever woman who cries out "Dear God, what is that thing?" will echo in your perfect ears. That is what "to the pain" means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery for ever."

You get to guess what they're from.

Pft :smallamused: there's no guessing involved! We all have the Princess Bride memorized!

"Not one or two or three, but four! Four stones!"
Neo: "I know kung fu." Morpheus: "Show me."

[Imrahil]

"You lose! Good day, sir!"

"He's crazy, Lou. He builds toy airplanes."

"Wrong! Your ears you keep, and I'll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, ever woman who cries out "Dear God, what is that thing?" will echo in your perfect ears. That is what "to the pain" means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery for ever."

You get to guess what they're from.

The first, if I'm not mistaken, is from Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (the one with Gene Wilder), and I know for certain that the third is the Princess Bride. The second one, I'm drawing a blank on.

Another one from me, this time from one of my favorite TV shows of all time:

"Good God in heaven, Newbie, there are just so very many ways for me to say this to you: Never; not in a million years; absolutely not; no way, Jose; no chance, Lance; niet; negatory; mm-mm; nuh-uh; oh-oh; and of course my own personal favorite of all time, man falling off of a cliff – ‘Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!...’” - Dr. Perry Cox, Scrubs.

[Lycurgus]

The first, if I'm not mistaken, is from Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (the one with Gene Wilder), and I know for certain that the third is the Princess Bride. The second one, I'm drawing a blank on.

Another one from me, this time from one of my favorite TV shows of all time:

"Good God in heaven, Newbie, there are just so very many ways for me to say this to you: Never; not in a million years; absolutely not; no way, Jose; no chance, Lance; niet; negatory; mm-mm; nuh-uh; oh-oh; and of course my own personal favorite of all time, man falling off of a cliff – ‘Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!...’” - Dr. Perry Cox, Scrubs.

:smallbiggrin: It would be easier to say every rant by Dr. Cox! lol He is awesome!

[dsuursoo]

in response to earlier:

there before me do i see
the line of my people
back to the beginning.
they call to me
they bid me take their place among them
in the halls of valhalla
where the dead
may live
forever.

[Attilargh]

"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!"

I have never actually seen that scetch.

[Dragor]

"Hey diddle diddle, the mucus and the spittle, the corpse sunk in the lagoon. The Murloc said 'To see such a sight!' and the Dwarf spanked the baboon." World of Warcraft, Undead Joke

"Yeah- but shh, don't tell anyone! I mean, I wouldn't want anyone else to know, besides the horns, and the, y'know, demon blood." Neeshka, NWN II

"Who needs philosophy when you've got a huge, 'f*** off' sword?" Myself :smalltongue:

"Great. Now I've got a walking carpet and a snot-nosed punk following me around." KOTOR 1, Revan

[Raven T.]

SQUEAK.

That is all.

[Setra]

"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!"

I have never actually seen that scetch.
There's more than one.

[Tiben]

....And that my friend is way Rinos don't swim.

[smellie_hippie]

Dark Helmet: Fire a warning shot across her nose!
*blam* *blam* *blam*
Dark Helmet: Careful you idiot! I said across her nose, not up it!
Gunner: Sorry sir! I'm doing my best.
Dark Helmet: Who made that man a gunner?
Major: I did sir! He's my cousin.
Dark Helmet: Who's he?
Col Sanders: He's an a-hole sir.
Dark Helmet: I know that. What's his name?
Col Sanders: That is his name sir. A-hole. Major A-hole.
Dark Helmet: And his cousin?
Col Sanders: He's an a-hole too sir. Gunner's mate, first class, Philip a-hole.
Dark Helmet: How many a-holes do we have on this ship anyhow?
Crew: Yo!
Dark Helmet: I knew it... I'm surrounded by a-holes. Keep firing a-hole!

[Serpentine]

Speaking of Spaceballs...

"What? I can't use one of these things!"
*pyew pyew*
"My hair! He shot my hair! That does it..."
*pyew pyew bcchhooom, ARGH pyew boom*
"..."
"Not bad..."
"...for a girl"
"What?! That was pretty good for Rambo!"
http://i67.photobucket.com/albums/h287/serpentine16/Avatarables/princessvespa.jpg

[Prothero]

"If that was the primary baffle plate, this landing could get interesting."
"Define 'interesting'."
"Oh God, oh God, we're all going to die?" --conversation between Hoban and Mal in the opening scene of Serenity.

I'm going to have to show off my considerable nerdiness when I correct this particularly egregious... baffle.

Mal: Did the Primary Buffer Panel just fall off my gorram ship for no apparent reason?
Wash: Looks like.
Mal: I thought Kaylee just checked our entry couplings.
Wash: Well, if she doesn't get us some extra flow from the engine room to offset the burn-through, this landing's gonna get pretty interesting.
Mal: Define 'interesting'.
Wash: Oh God, oh God we're all gonna die?

[Setra]

"I see your Shwartz is as big as mine."

There's another quote I wanted to mention, from another movie, but I forgot it.

[Cyrano]

"Janitor: You seem unhappy. I like that. "

"J.D.: This, this isn't like being a janitor, okay! It's not just like something everybody can do.
Janitor: Oh. So you can do my stuff, but I can't do yours?
J.D.: Yes!
Janitor: Okay, hotshot, what would you use to get a coffee stain up off a tile floor?
J.D.: I don't know... the... rough side of a sponge?
[silence]
Janitor: Dammit. "

"Dr. Cox: Oh, no problem Barbie, let me just finish writing this prescription and you'll be all squared away.
[hands Elliot the prescription]
Elliot: This is a prescription for 'no'. "

"Ted: And you know what else? I quit!
Dr. Kelso: No you don't!
Ted: Well I'm leaving early today!
Dr. Kelso: No, you're not! You're coming back to my office to do busy work!
Ted: Fine, but I'm getting a soda first!
Dr. Kelso: Whatever."

Yeah, I like Scrubs.

[Skjaldbakka]

Mission Statement
To explore strange new continents, to seek out new allies from new civilizations—to boldly go where no halfling has gone before.

" I do believe our little Champion-in-training was about to finally graduate. "

"Unfortunately there has been a lack of the treasure that a hero receives in the old legends, and what I have found has been given away, to monkeys!

"Chanting in my general direction is not generally good for your health."

"There will be much blood to spill to repay these barbarians with the lives that they owe."

"I demand giant robots!"

"Yeah, but those were just people. Ukko is an NPC."

"My hands quiver with anticipation of the blood that they will spill and my blade sings for that self-same sanguine offering."

"Let me put it this way: I am only giving you these things because I would rather not see or hear you"

"Wow. I should tap Renkinna for spells more often"


Quotes from my Cytir campaign. The robots line was OOG, in response to the high level of angst in the game at the time.


Go for the eyes Boo! Go for the eyes!
-Minsc, Baldur's Gate.

[Duke Malagigi]

"I see your Shwartz is as big as mine."

There's another quote I wanted to mention, from another movie, but I forgot it.

Spaceballs.

[Jack Squat]

Venn ist das nurnstuck git und slotermeyer? Ya! Beigerhund das oder die flipperwaldt gersput!

[Setra]

Spaceballs.

Well yeah, I was kind of trying to continue a trend of Spaceballs quotes.

On another note

"C-C-C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!"

[Lycurgus]

After getting bonked on the head,
"I'm Steel Leg, he's Iron Head! Don't you speak Chinese?!" - Stephen Chow in Shaolin Soccer

[Eladrinstar]

5th Place: Alderaan! They're on Alderaan
-someone in Knights of the Old Republic trying to save Dantooine from destruction. I love irony.

4th Place: Elizabeth? Those clothes are not proper on you. It'll be a dress or nothing. I happen to have no dress in my cabin.
-Jack Spearow, Dead Man's Chest

3rd Place: "What is that?" "Its the sun, sir. It's just after dawn" "Well turn it off. It offends me."
-I forgot what this is from.

2nd Place: I prepared explosive runes this morning.
-Varsuvius, OotS.

and the best line ever is...



"All your base are belong to us"

[Foeofthelance]

For Dark Humor-
"Hans, are there any nazis in the 47th Panzer Korps?"
Hans: "Yes, Prime minister, there is one. He is an evil bastard that no one likes, but he is a good tank driver so we put up with him anyway."

+John Ringo/Tom Kratman, Watch on the Rhine.

Out From Left field:

"No its not!" -Malcolm Reynolds, in response to Chloe saying "No, leave it to the captain its his battle." +Firefly

[Imrahil]

3rd Place: "What is that?" "Its the sun, sir. It's just after dawn" "Well turn it off. It offends me."
-I forgot what this is from.

Ah, another Star Wars fan. I believe that the quote (which actually goes something like: "That's the sun, Wedge. It's after dawn." "Well, it offends me. Turn if off.") is from the novel Starfighters of Adumar by Aaron Allston. The team always cracks me up in those books.

"Never mind what I just said. Let's just shoot Wes."
"What's our strategy?"
"I thought we'd just all draw and fire. But I could count down to zero and then we could draw and fire." - Wedge, Derek (Hobbie), and Tycho

[Setra]

Another line I like

"Oh dear god no"

I use this often, not specifically from anything. :smalltongue:


Also, Setra, I protest your sig. I protest your sig so much I may eventually have to start a thread about protesting your sig! I was loving dragons when you were... well... you don't have an age posted so I can't really say what you were doing, but it was a long time ago!
I had just noticed this when rereading the topic.

I have been liking dragons for about 12 years, ever since I first read Dragonlance. I'm 18.

Just a note though, liking them longer doesn't mean you like them more. :smalltongue:

[Aston]

Someone talking to me:

"Martin, dear? Please don't ever take up a position in a nuclear power plant."

Same group of people:

"It's not that we hate you. You're just different. And so we like you differently, sort of... violently."

[DreadArchon]

I'll make you all guess for this one.

(Original not censored, of course.)

Protagonist: "You have to let me in, he's being killed!"
Secretary: "Oh, that's just part of the skit..."
(Radio, in background): "Oh f'ing s' my christ that hurts! Aaaugh!"
Secretary: "Hey, wait a minute, he can't say 'Oh f'ing s' my christ that hurts' on the radio!"


Also, that reminds me of Snow Crash:
"What are you going to do, kill all of my soldiers?"
"Swords don't run out of ammo."

[Setra]

Just remembered another line I like.

"It's not the size that counts, it's how you use it"

[Osnagard]

- Dolorous Edd
"Why should death make a man truthful, or even clever? The dead are likely dull fellows, full of tedious complaints - the ground's too cold, my gravestone should be larger, why does he get more worms than I do ..."

GRRM - A Game Of Thrones

[dsuursoo]

For Dark Humor-
"Hans, are there any nazis in the 47th Panzer Korps?"
Hans: "Yes, Prime minister, there is one. He is an evil bastard that no one likes, but he is a good tank driver so we put up with him anyway."

+John Ringo/Tom Kratman, Watch on the Rhine.

Out From Left field:

"No its not!" -Malcolm Reynolds, in response to Chloe saying "No, leave it to the captain its his battle." +Firefly

good to see another ringo fan out there.

equally memorable from one of his books.

'he who laughs last, thinks fastest.'

i'll let you guys work that one out.

[Bookman]

It's good to be the king.

~Mel Brooks in History of the World Part 1

[smellie_hippie]

"Oh monkey, you're sick. If you weren't my friend, I'd steal your shoes."

"I've never been this close to women before. It makes me want to do something, but I don't know what it is. But whatever it is, I wanna do a lot of it!"

"I don't know what that is, but I'm pretty sure it wants to eat me!"

All quotes from Red Dwarf... courtesy of The Cat. :smallbiggrin:

[unstattedCommoner]

"Oh monkey, you're sick. If you weren't my friend, I'd steal your shoes."

"I've never been this close to women before. It makes me want to do something, but I don't know what it is. But whatever it is, I wanna do a lot of it!"

"I don't know what that is, but I'm pretty sure it wants to eat me!"

All quotes from Red Dwarf... courtesy of The Cat. :smallbiggrin:

"Sire, these creatures did not even attempt to sell each other out for their own freedom. They lack even the most basic natrual urges."
- Rimmerworld

"Who would allow this man, this joke of a man, this man who could not outwit a used teabag, to be in a position where he might endanger the entire crew? Who? Only a yoghurt."
- Kryten, defending Rimmer against 1,167 charges of second-degree murder.

[Shadow of the Sun]

Two from the movie Equilibrium:

DuPont: Wait, Wait, look at me, look at me, I'm life, I live I, I breathe, I feel, now that you know it can you really take it? Is it really worth the price?
Preston: I pay it gladly. *shoots DuPont*

Preston: ...not without incident. *wipes out a room full of people in about 7 seconds*

[Dhavaer]

ooh!

Star Trek: TNG, where Q has been turned into a human by the continuum.

Q: "What can I do to prove I am a human."
Worf: "Die."

That line always gets me.

I prefer Q's reply.

"Very clever, Worf. Eat any good books lately?"

From Sourcery:

"What would humans be without love?"
"RARE."

[Setra]

I've got it.

The best line ever, actually being serious here.

It's "I love you".

At least that is what I think.

[TheRabidWalnut]

"It works on steam!"

Now rigorously applied to any success, steam powered or not.

[Dispozition]

Oh god...Red Dwarf has some awesome lines...I can't remember my favourite though...Probably something that Kryten said, or Lister...Possibly Holly...In fact...The whole damn show is just full of win...

[Skjaldbakka]

No, you don't. What you have are guns, and the hope that by the time you have emptied them, I will no longer be standing.

[Vonriel]

"No its not!" -Malcolm Reynolds, in response to Chloe saying "No, leave it to the captain its his battle." +Firefly

Excuse me my dear chap, but I believe you're speaking of Zoe, not Chloe.



Mal: "If anyone gets nosy, just...you know... shoot 'em. "
Zoe: "Shoot 'em?"
Mal: "Politely."


One of the better ones, if you ask me. :smallbiggrin:

[psychoticbarber]

"Have you left no sense of decency sir? At long last? Have you left no sense of decency?" -- Joseph Welch.

"We must not confuse dissent with disloyalty. We must remember always that accusation is not proof and that conviction depends upon evidence and due process of law. We will not walk in fear, one of another. We will not be driven by fear into an age of unreason, if we dig deep in our history and our doctrine, and remember that we are not descended from fearful men -- not from men who feared to write, to speak, to associate and to defend causes that were, for the moment, unpopular." --Edward R. Murrow

Ivan: "What are you doing, Miles?"
Miles: "I'm wrestling with myself."
Ivan: *Beat* "Who's winning?"
--Lois McMaster Bujold, author of Memory. (Paraphrased. Might not be exact, but essentially it.)

"Life. Don't talk to me about life." -- Marvin (Do I really need to say which Marvin?)

"Retreat and you will age. Hesitate and you will die." -- Zangetsu, from Bleach

These are my favourites at the moment.

[Shadow of the Sun]

Magnets!-Jack O'Neil

[swordmaster2000]

check my sig you'd have to get the context + the nature of Jayne's character + the way he said it to understand it is one of the greatest lines of Firefly. It had me laughing out lound first time I heard it. I'm sure all you Firefly fans would agree. Also there are too many classic great lines to count such as "I love you" - "I know" from starwars or th long line the little guy from Princess Bride makes before he dies, or pretty much anything uttered by Groucho Marx or many others. Really there is no greatest line but there are plenty of great ones
EDIT: ah! another auesome firefly quote
Haley: some request about some engine part can't remember the line
Mal: yes and I'd love to be the king of all Londinium and wear a shiney hat

[Petrof]

Approximately everything Max Payne says. Ever. And many of the above.

[Zar Peter]

Star Wars V:

Leia: I love you.

Han: I know.

And from my favourite Monty Python scetch:

A good night dingdingdingding

[Dhavaer]

"Right now, I'm pretty much the Queen Bitch of the universe." - Sara Kerrigan, Zerg Queen of Blades.

"I... I... We... are one. There are many still in darkness who must be shown the light. For it is the dawning of a new day." - J.C. Denton, having just become omnipotent

"If yeh wan' yer friend to hear yeh, ye'll have ta talk a lot looder than tha'." One of the Pikeys in Snatch. Strong accents are hard to spell.

"I know nothing of your Afterlife. I know nothing of your Gods or their greed for glory. But I do know this: In days to come, widows shall curse me as they weep! Fields shall go to seed! Sons and daughters shall be sold into slavery! Fathers shall die desolate, knowing their line is extinct! This night, I shall carve my mark into Nansurium and thousands shall cry out for want of my mercy!" - Cnaiur urs Skiotha, Most Violent of All Men, rallying his men for a last stand

"Come now, and take this thing from the hand of God." - Azura, Daedra Prince

"I'm a god. How can you kill a god?" - Lord Voryn Dagoth, Dagoth Ur

"You come before a Duke of Hell?" - Mephistopheles, Lord of the Eighth

"It is the perogative of children and fools to point out that the emperor has no clothes. But the fool is still a fool, and the emperor still an emperor." - His Darkness Lord Dream of the Endless

"I am the Morningstar, the shepherd of suns. You think fire can harm me?" - Lucifer

Incidentally, 'Most Violent of All Men' is quite possibly the most badass honorific I've ever heard of.

[Jibar]

Well. This thread could do with some Legacy of Kain really.

Raziel: "My eyes are opened, Kain. I find no nobility in the unlife you rudely forced on my unwilling corpse!"

Raziel: "The Soul Reaver - pure of all corruption - this is what it is for. This is what I am for.The two become one - both Soul Reavers - together - and the Scion of Balance is healed. And I - am not your enemy - not your destroyer - I am, as before, your right hand. Your sword. And now you will see - the true enemy....."

Kain: "But suppose you throw a coin enough times... Suppose one day, it lands on its edge."

Kain: "The coin is still turning Raziel."

Kain: "Most ironic of all was last gift Raziel had given me. More acute than the purified vision his sacrifice had accorded me, more power even than the sword that now held his soul... The first, bitter taste of that terrible illusion... Hope."

[beholder]

'When I say jump, you say.... what colour?!' Men at arms by Terry Pratchett

Carceer: but suddenly, I've got all the aces, duke
Vimes: but suddenly I'm not playing cards, carcer!

[TK-Squared]

"I've had it with these Motherf---ing snakes on this motherf---ing plane"?

[GimliFett]

I'm in on The Princess Bride Bandwagon. Most Quotable Movie Ever.

Here's some:

Inigo: Who are you?
DPRoberts: No one of consequence.
Inigo: I must know.
DPRoberts: Get used to disappointment.
Inigo shrugs, they continue duel.

*Ray, when someone asks you if you’re a god…you…SAY…YES! -- Winston Zeddemore, Ghostbusters.

Venkman: Egon, this reminds me of the time you tried to drill a hole through your head. Remember that?
Egon: That would have worked if you hadn't stopped me.

Life goes by pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. -- Ferris Bueller.

My darling girl, when Ramses destroyed Syria, that was an accident. You are a catastrophe! -- Dr. Bay, The Mummy.

More later...

[Rapida]

Oooh I finally get to show off some of the quotes I've collected :smallbiggrin:

%
Like most computer techie people, I'll happily spend 6 hours trying
to figure out how to do a 3 hour job in 10 minutes.
-- Rev. James Cort, ASR
%
I swear to god, if people treated their cars the way they treat their computers, half the cars on the road would be covered in bumper stickers advertising porno, and their trunks would be filled with rotting garbage.
-- Christian Wagner
%
Standing barefoot in a river of clues, most people would not get their toes wet.
-- Brian Kantor
%
Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good,
you'll have to ram them down people's throats.
-- Howard Aiken
%
I still want a phone with caller-IQ.
-- Tanuki
%
I often reflect that if "privileges" had been called "responsibilities"
or "duties", I would have saved thousands of hours explaining to people
why they were only gonna get them over my dead body.
-- Lee K. Gleason, VMS sysadmin
%
Fifteen years later some people _still_ won't talk to me. That's fine:
what I have for them can't be spoken; it can only be fired.
-- Mike Andrews
%
You make a persuasive argument. And by that, I mean there are more of you
and you are using that to coerce me into obeying your moral code.
-- Belkar, _Order of the Stick_ #125
%
That's why I love VoIP --- you don't get people phoning up to complain
that the network is down.
-- Peter Corlett
%
%
Stress, n. The mental confusion and physiological upset resulting from
a mental/physical conflict, such as when the body wants to kick the
living **** out of some luser who richly deserves it, and the brain
veto-ing the proposition.
-- Dan Holdsworth
%
Today is a good day. Not because anything wonderful is happening,
so much, but because my definition of a 'bad day' has been revised.
-- Chris Klein
%
If anyone tells me to work smarter, not harder, I will kick him or her,
hard, in a random body part. I will then kick him or her a second time,
"smarter, not harder," which is to say that on the second strike,
I'll use the same force, but target more carefully.
-- Catherine
%
I call these twits pseudo-literate. That is, they can read but won't.
-- Joe Zeff
%

[dsuursoo]

i got an obscure one.


'Till All Are One'

[GimliFett]

A few more of my favorites:

Psychos do not explode when sunlight hits them, I don't give a **** how crazy they are! -- Seth Gecko, From Dusk till Dawn.

Everybody be cool. YOU - be cool. -- Seth Gecko, From Dusk till Dawn.

Peachy, Kate. The world's my oyster, except for the fact that I just rammed a wooden stake in my brother's heart because he turned into a vampire, even though I don't believe in vampires. Aside from that unfortunate business, everything's hunky-dory. -- Seth Gecko, From Dusk till Dawn.

You mean like a Time-Life book? -- Sex-Machine, From Dusk till Dawn, in response to Jacob asking if anyone's read a real book on vampires.

Buzzards gotta eat, too. -- Canaan, Blind Justice

I can't see you. I can't hear you. You smell like ****. -- Canaan, Blind Justice.

What kind of town is this? You got preachers who pack iron! -- Canaan, Blind Justice.

[Pwenet]

"Well, this ought to be different." - Hotdog from Battlestar Galactica (Exodus Part II).

The reason I love this line, he says it right before he launches from the Galactica as it's falling through atmosphere and burning from the heat of reentry, with a complete deadpan expression right before they start engaging the enemy.



From Battlestar Galactica - The Passage

William Adama: I hear they're still eating paper. Is that true?
Saul Tigh: No. Paper shortage

[Shhalahr Windrider]

Spaceballs.
Oh, $#!%. There goes the planet.

[dsuursoo]

an eerily great one.

"And Shepherds we shall be
For thee, my Lord, for thee.
Power hath descended forth from Thy hand
Our feet may swiftly carry out Thy commands.
So we shall flow a river forth to Thee
And teeming with souls shall it ever be.
In Nomeni Patri Et Fili Spiritus Sancti."

[MrsbwcMD]

"Psychic, though? That sounds like something out of science fiction."
"We live on a spaceship, dear."

-Wash and Zoe, Firefly

Probably my all-time favorite quote of the entire series, though there are several great ones throughout it.

Also, this great line:
"No, Mister Bond. I expect you to DIE!" I believe it was from "Goldfinger," but I can't remember, right now. I think it was immortalized much better, though, in this great webcomic: http://www.xkcd.com/c123.html

Oh, and of course, there's my signature below!

[GimliFett]

From Firefly: No power in the verse can stop me. -- River Tam after picking up a gun and shooting 3 of Niska's guards from memory.

[draca]

Now we see the violence inherent in the system! – Monty Python and the Holy Grail

[GimliFett]

HOLY GRAIL:
*HELP! HELP! I'm being repressed! -- Serf in field.
*We build a large wooden Badger -- Bedivere.
*She turned me into a newt...I got better. -- Witch-burning Mob Member.
*I taunt you a second time! -- French soldier.

[DreadArchon]

'Till All Are One'
Yeah, I bet nobody on a gaming forum has seen Transformers. :smallsigh:

Also, Galaxy Quest:
"Let's get out of here before one of them kills Guy!"

[GimliFett]

From Galaxy Quest:
I heard that. It turned inside out? -- Jason Nesmith followed by
And it exploded. -- Teb

Sure, they're cute now, but in a second they're gonna get mean, and they're gonna get ugly somehow, and there's gonna be a million more of them. --Guy Fleegman.

I'm not even supposed to be here. I'm just "Crewman Number Six." I'm expendable. I'm the guy in the episode who dies to prove how serious the situation is. I've gotta get outta here. -- More from Guy Fleegman.

[TheKnifeofTrust]

Obviously, anything from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

I'm sure this has been said, but...

"Madness? THIS...IS...SPARTA!!!"

[MeklorIlavator]

Star Trek: First contact.
Warf: Assimilate This!( upon slicing apart a borg that was attempting to assimilate Picard with his baleth)

[Alex Knight]

Rats, Bats, & Vats:



O'Niel: "...well -- after last time,begorra, Bronstein gave me hell. She said I could choose between drinking and flying. So I decided to give it up."

Fal: "Rather you than me. It's a rat's life, and then you die. Alcohol simply makes the getting to be dead a bit more lubricated."

O'Niel: "No, I meant the flying. I far prefer this mechanical transportation to the hardworkin' flapping o' the wings. Pass the bottle, then."


Great book

[Serenity]

I'm going to have to show off my considerable nerdiness when I correct this particularly egregious... baffle.

Mal: Did the Primary Buffer Panel just fall off my gorram ship for no apparent reason?
Wash: Looks like.
Mal: I thought Kaylee just checked our entry couplings.
Wash: Well, if she doesn't get us some extra flow from the engine room to offset the burn-through, this landing's gonna get pretty interesting.
Mal: Define 'interesting'.
Wash: Oh God, oh God we're all gonna die?

Mal: This is the captain. We have a little problem with our entry sequence, so we may experience some slight turbulence and then, uh, explode.
Jayne: We're gonna explode? I don't wanna explode!
Mal: Jayne, how many weapons you plan on bringing? You only got the two arms.
Jayne: I just get excitable as to choice- like to have my options open.
Mal: I don't plan on any shooting taking place during this job.
Jayne: Well, what you plan and what takes place ain't ever exactly been similar.
Mal: No grenades.
[Jayne groans]
Mal: No grenades!
Zoë: We gonna crash again?
Mal: Go talk to your husband. Is the mule prepped?
Zoë: Good to go sir. Just loading her up. Are those grenades?
Jayne: Cap'n doesn't want them.
Zoë: Jayne, We're robbing the place, we're not occupying it.
[Mal enters the engine room, where Kaylee is putting out a fire.
Mal: Kaylee, what in the sphincter of hell are you playing at? We got the primary buffer coming right...
Kaylee: Everything's shiny, Cap'n. Not to fret.
Mal: You told me those entry couplings would hold for another week!
Kaylee: That was six months ago, Cap'n.
Mal: My ship don't crash. If she crashes, you crashed her.
[Turns to find a glaring Simon)
Mal: Bit of a rockety ride. Nothing to worry about.
Simon: I'm not worried.
Mal: [mocking Simon's seriousness] Fear's nothing to be ashamed of, Doctor.
Simon: This isn't fear. This is anger.
Mal: Well, kinda hard to tell one from t'other, face like yours.
Simon: Yes, well, I imagine if it were fear, my eyes would be wider.
Mal: I'll look for that next time.

Mal: You want to run this ship?
Jayne: Yes!
Mal: Well...you can't!

Kaylee: Going on a year now, I ain't had nothing 'twixt my nethers weren't run on batteries!
Mal: God! I can't hear that!
Jayne: I could stand to hear a little more.

Mal: Remember, if anything happens to me, or you don't hear from me within the hour, you take the ship, and you come rescue me!

Mal: Did you see us fight?
Kaylee: No.
Mal: Trap!

Simon: Remember, it's OK to leave them to die.

Mal: Doctor, I'm taking your sister under my protection here. Anything happens to her, anything at all, I swear, I will get very choked up. Honestly, there could be tears.

Simon: In all that time on the ship... I've always regretted... not being with you.
Kaylee: With me? You mean to say... as in sex?
Simon: I mean to say.
Kaylee: To Hell with this, I'm gonna live!

The Operative: Do you know what your sin is?
Mal: Aw hell, I'm a fan of all seven... but right now, I'm gonna have to go with Wrath.

The Operative: I want to resolve this like civilized men. I'm not threatening you. I'm unarmed.
Mal: Good.
[pulls gun and shoots Operative in the chest, knocking him into the wall, grabs Inara and gets ready to leave]
The Operative: [grabs Mal from behind] I am, however, wearing full body armor. I am not a moron!

[Tyrant]

i got an obscure one.


'Till All Are One'

Some other great lines destined to be superior to their live action counterparts.

Megatron: "I still function."
Starscream: "Wanna bet." Throws him out into space.

Starscream: "Megatron is that you?"
Galvatron: "Here's a hint." Transforms and blows him away.

Ultra Magnus getting very frustrated with the Matrix: "Open. Damn you open!"

Unicron before transforming into a giant humanoid: "For a time I considered sparing your wretched planet Cybertron. Now you will witness it's dismemberment!"

And of course Spike's comments following the self destruction of one of Cybertron's moons in an attempt to stop Unicron and seeing that it failed: "OH SH**! It isn't even dented."
Children's entertainment at it's finest.

Batman Beyond:Return of the Joker Uncut

Joker after being shot by one of those guns with the bang flag as the flag is lodged in his chest: "That's not funny. That's not funny at all." Drops over dead.

Batman using the Joker's joy buzzer to kill him: "Ha. Ha."

[Shadow of the Sun]

"Life is precious, Janos discovered, as it was torn throbbing and bleeding from his body."

[CrazedGoblin]

from the League of Extroadinary Gentlemen.

In the beginning in Africa were one of those bad guys has just ran out of the inn Alan goes up tot the barkeep and says "Bruce, Matilda". best line ever!!

[Aston]

Rats, Bats, & Vats:



Great book

I have always liked the Shakespeare rip-off:

Fal: I'm fain to be wasting away!
Doll?: Twill be a long time 'ere your waist's away.

But that whole book just has some awesome lines.

[Shhalahr Windrider]

"No, Mister Bond. I expect you to DIE!" I believe it was from "Goldfinger," but I can't remember, right now.
Goldfinger is correct.

'Nother Galaxy Quest for ya:

Alexander: "Could they be the miners?"
Fred: "Sure, they're like three years old."
Alexander: "Miners. Not minors."
Fred: "You lost me."

[Serpentine]

Yeah, I bet nobody on a gaming forum has seen Transformers. :smallsigh:
Um... you lose?

Speaking of Galaxy Quest...
"That was a helluva thing... What's up with them?"

[DreadArchon]

More Firefly, because I saw the episode again last night:
Mal: "What's wrong with her?" (or something to that effect)
Simon: "*(medical jargon, something about problems with her meds)*"
Mal: "Hey now, if I just wanted a bunch of big fancy words, I'd ask a doctor!"
Simon: "You ARE asking a doctor."

[Vonriel]

Mal: Remember, if anything happens to me, or you don't hear from me within the hour, you take the ship, and you come rescue me!

Aww, how could you forget Zoe's response to this one? don't worry, I'll add it..

Zoe: What, and risk losing my ship?

[Griffinwarrior]

hmmm... Monty Python, "I got better...", or, HArry Potter,"We join together for a night af well-mannered, frivolity, so I don't want you behaving like a bouncing, bumbling band of babboons!"

[Balkash]

I can't decide. Either

"My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true Emperor, Marcus Aurelius, Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. I will have my vengeance, in this life... or the next."

or a lighter one

Evey Hammond: Who are you?
V: Who? Who is but the form following the function of what and what I am is a man in a mask.
Evey Hammond: Well I can see that.
V: Of course you can. I'm not questioning your powers of observation I'm merely remarking upon the paradox of asking a masked man who he is.
Evey Hammond: Oh... Right.

[SteveMB]

"This [Go'uld staff] is a weapon of terror. It's made to intimidate the enemy. This [P90 SMG] is a weapon of war. It's made to kill the enemy."
--Stargate SG-1

"I'm not a Republic serial villain. Do you seriously think I'd explain my masterstroke if there remained the slightest chance of you affecting its outcome?
I did it thirty-five minutes ago."
--Watchmen

[magicwalker]

'Men should know when they are conquered.'
'Would you Quintus? Would I?'
-Gladiator

[FireSpark]

Office Space
Michael Bolton: We get caught laundering money, we're not going to white-collar resort prison. No, no, no. We're going to federal POUND ME IN THE ASS prison.

and

Milton Waddams: [talking on the phone] And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were married, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire...



Star Trek: First contact.
Warf: Assimilate This!( upon slicing apart a borg that was attempting to assimilate Picard with his baleth)

Actually, Worf said that as he detonated the main deflector (now detached) with a blast from his phaser rifle.

[PhallicWarrior]

See my sig. Said several times, all when causing massive destruction in an RTS of some kind.

[TheRabidWalnut]

All these Galaxy Quest lines... and no-one said my favourite yet...

"To see if there's a pub!"

[Skjaldbakka]

"Wise man say, forgiveness is divine, but never pay full price for late pizza"

[Mr the Geoff]

I can't decide. Either

"My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true Emperor, Marcus Aurelius, Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. I will have my vengeance, in this life... or the next."



Actually a better quote, from a comedy programme I can;t remember the name of, is "My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true Emperor, Marcus Aurelius, Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife... and that's when I called Claims Direct!"

[factotum]

"He's crazy, Lou. He builds toy airplanes."


Since nobody has guessed that one yet, I'll go: it's from the original version of "Flight of the Phoenix" (the film where a bunch of survivors from a crashed aircraft try to build a replacement from the wreckage).

As for the mangled Serenity quote, sheesh, tough crowd! :smallsmile:

Couple more quotes:

"Since you have proved reluctant to co-operate, I have decided to test this station's destructive power on your home planet of Alderaan."
"No! We have no weapons...you can't possibly..."
"You would prefer another target? A military target? Then name the system! I grow tired of asking this, Princess, so this will be the last time--where is the hidden Rebel base?"
"Dantooine. They're on Dantooine."
"There, Lord Vader, you see? She can be reasonable. Continue with the operation, you may fire when ready."
"WHAT???"
"You're far too trusting. Dantooine is too remote to make an effective demonstration, but we will deal with your Rebel friends soon enough."
--Grand Moff Tarkin and Princess Leia discussing the location of the rebel base

"Do not make me add your butt to the kicking list!" --Minsc, Baldur's Gate 2

"Give me a lever long enough and a place to stand and I will move the Earth." --Archimedes (I don't remember the exact quote, I'm sure someone will correct me soon enough :smallamused: )

[Vonriel]

Firefly has a cult following here. You mess with it, we mess with you, capiche? :smallamused:

[TheRabidWalnut]

Be shiny everyone.... be shiny.....

[smellie_hippie]

There are so many quotes from Clerks and Mallrats... but they would all be censored to the point of ridiculousness. :smallannoyed: It would do them no justice, so I will just encourage you to watch them and smile... if you are "of age". :smallamused:

Oh wait... there's this one...
Brodie:"That was romantic. Passionate, yeah."
Rene:"That was too little, too late."
Brodie:"Too little? You said it was a good size!"
Rene:"The effort, you retard. The effort was too little. Oh, and by the way... when a girl says it's a good size... it's a nice way of saying that it's small."

How about this one from Mystery Men.
Roy:"What makes you think you're the right person for our card... caret... cardr..."
Bowler:"Cadre."
Shoveler:"You're in."

[DreadArchon]

There are so many quotes from Clerks and Mallrats... but they would all be censored to the point of ridiculousness.
"Right there in the elevator?!"
"She insulted my libido, I felt obliged to defend myself!"

[Grod_The_Giant]

anything from Monty Python, Terry Pratchett, Douglas Adams or George Carlin.

[FireSpark]

Dungeons and Dragons: Wrath of the Dragon God
Nim: I don't like the look of this.
Lux: We all have to die some time.
Nim: Yes. But I'd prefer not right now.

Kill Bill: Vol. 2
The Bride: Master.
Pai Mei: Your Mandarin is lousy. It causes my ears great discomfort. You bray like an ass! You are not to speak unless spoken to. It is too much to hope - you speak Cantonese?
The Bride: I speak Japanese very well...
Pai Mei: I didn't ask if you speak Japanese! I asked if you understood Cantonese.

[jazz1m]

Yes Douglas Adams

"I refuse to prove that I exist," says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing."
"But," says Man, "the Babel fish is a dead giveaway isn't it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves that you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't. Q.E.D."
"Oh dear," says God, "I hadn't thought of that," and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.
"Oh, that was easy," says Man, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is white and gets himself killed on the next zebra crossing."
~Douglas Adams

"Did we kill them?"
"Fools! We are immortals made of stone!"
TMNT where the turtles are battling the immortal stone guys (much funnier in context of the movie)

"I'm as damp as a cellar down there, all mildewy. Enter if you dare."
~Jerri Blank

[to the pharmacist]
Paula Small: I need to refill this prescription. It's for my anxiety disorder and, uh, it's working nicely 'cause, uh... I wouldn't be able to approach you otherwise. Do you also have something that doesn't make me feel inferior to people who are better looking and more successful than me?
Pharmacist: The liquor store is right around the corner.
~Home Movies

Pretty much any line from Home Movies really, it's hilarious.

"Its something I thinks worthwhile
If the puppet makes you smile
If not then you're throwing stones
Throwing stones, throwing stones"
~Holiday, Bee Gees

"You can try to criticize a killer when it's in his eyes
So fly that when he walk you feel the friendly skies
~I Owe You, Royce da 5'9

[Exalted_Hater]

"Would you like a Pretzel?" - Mallrats

Fighter: "I'm a Drownball Champ!"

Sarda: "Drownball Champion? How does-- You can't-- there's no-- Why would they Couldn't possibly... Where's the BALL come in, anyway? Who chooses to drown? It's too stupid in too many ways to be real.

Thief: "I think we broke his mind."

earlier that strip...

Red Mage "This is a job for a glass blowing. It's a Blow--!"

See also Just about every Least i could do (http://www.licd.com) strip.

[CockroachTeaParty]

"I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids!"

-General Jack D. Ripper, Dr. Strangelove

Oh... classic. Classic.

"Gentlemen! Gentlemen, please! There is no fighting allowed in the War Room!"
-Again, from Dr. Strangelove.

[factotum]

"Gentlemen! Gentlemen, please! There is no fighting allowed in the War Room!"
-Again, from Dr. Strangelove.

Isn't it "Gentlemen! You can't fight in here--this is the War Room!"?

[Rabiesbunny]

"F***ing snake, get off my d*ck!" --Snakes on a Plane

I don't know why, but this line is like POETRY. It's stupid, but so...clever.

[trollhammeren]

"Six words; Im not gay, but ill learn" - My friend Frank on how to get rid of annoying girls who fancy you.

[Vonriel]

"Winston, pedal faster!" -O'connel, The Mummy

[Shhalahr Windrider]

Isn't it "Gentlemen! You can't fight in here--this is the War Room!"?
Yes. That is correct.

[Serenity]

Aww, how could you forget Zoe's response to this one? don't worry, I'll add it..

Zoe: What, and risk losing my ship?

Mal: I'm serious. It's cold out there. Don't wanna get left.

The Operative: And you're willing to die for that belief?
Mal: Yup.
[Mal is quicker on the draw, forcing the Operative back with a few shots.]
Mal: Course, that ain't exactly Plan A.

[Mr._Wilson]

This is my favorite passage from my favorite book, The Master and Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov.

"A pale and bored citizeness in white socks and a white beret with a nib
sat on a Viennese chair at the corner entrance to the veranda, where amid
the greenery of the trellis an opening for the entrance had been made. In
front of her on a simple kitchen table lay a fat book of the ledger variety,
in which the citizeness, for unknown reasons, wrote down all those who
entered the restaurant. It was precisely this citizeness who stopped
Koroviev and Behemoth.

'Your identification cards?' She was gazing in amazement at Koroviev's
pince-nez, and also at Behemoth's primus and Behemoth's torn elbow.

'A thousand pardons, but what identification cards?' asked Koroviev in
surprise.

'You're writers?' the citizeness asked in her turn.
'Unquestionably,' Koroviev answered with dignity.
"Your identification cards?' the citizeness repeated.
'My sweetie ...' Koroviev began tenderly.
'I'm no sweetie,' interrupted the citizeness.

'More's the pity,' Koroviev said disappointedly and went on; 'Well, so,
if you don't want to be a sweetie, which would be quite pleasant, you don't
have to be. So, then, to convince yourself that Dostoevsky was a writer, do
you have to ask for his identification card? Just take any five pages from
any one of his novels and you'll be convinced, without any identification
card, that you're dealing with a writer. And I don't think he even had any
identification card! What do you think? ' Koroviev turned to Behemoth.

'I'll bet he didn't,' replied Behemoth, setting the primus down on the
table beside the ledger and wiping the sweat from his sooty forehead with
his hand.

'You're not Dostoevsky,' said the citizeness, who was getting muddled
by Koroviev.

'Well, who knows, who knows,' he replied.

'Dostoevsky's dead,' said the citizeness, but somehow not very
confidently.

'I protest!' Behemoth exclaimed hotly. 'Dostoevsky is immortal!'

'Your identification cards, citizens,' said the citizeness."

[Setra]

Biff finds out that it is really hard to dodge the guy coming the other way through the mirror (http://www.thebookofbiff.com/2006/02/17/mirror/)

[Aereshaa_the_2nd]

"First man that fires, I will personally cut that man down" - Sam Vimes, AKA sergeant-at-arms John Keel, Night Watch.

[Maroon]

"Field Marshal Haig is about to make yet another gargantuan effort to move his drinks cabinet six inches close to Berlin."

[CurlyKitGirl]

"Field Marshal Haig is about to make yet another gargantuan effort to move his drinks cabinet six inches close to Berlin."

Ahh Blackadder. But one must not forget:

"Baldrick, you are thicker than clotted cream that has been left out to clot in the sun and is so thick it couldn't be unclotted by an electric de-clotting machine."

Or similar. Blackadder-Blackadder Back and Forth The Blackadder's were bloody brilliant. There were others but this is the only one I can- oh, what about:

"Baldrick, run into this would you?"
Blackadder hols out fist at arms length.
Baldrick runs into fist.

[Xerillum]

"My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

Ace Ventura: "Go to jail. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars."

[Serpentine]

"I hit him on the head with a frying pan, then put him in the trunk, so he wouldn't get hurt." ~Jessica Rabbit, on her darling husband

[Zalathar]

Buzzards gotta eat, too. -- Canaan, Blind Justice




I'm not sure what Blind justice is, but that is a quote from "The OutlawJosey Wales" with Clint Eastwood, and one of my favoritesof all time.

The line before that his buddy says something to the effect of "Ain'tcha gonna bury him?"

'Buzzards gotta eat too" Then he spits a huge chew spit on his forehead. F'in awesome.

[Starla]

Oh thank you. We stumbled upon this line a few weeks ago and I have been wanting a place to put it:


The desperately unfunny "Epic Movie" -- "directed" and "written" by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer -- substitutes sheer, moronic overkill for actual jokes, and the result is more like a 93-minute outtake reel cobbled together from talent-show performances at a halfway house for the mentally ill than an actual movie.

worst of the worst rotten tomatoes review (http://www.rottentomatoes.com/features/special/2007/wotw/?r=13&mid=1171333)

the part in bold is my favorite. I laughed so hard at that. At least the movie inspired good comedy from the critics. :smalltongue:

[jkdjr25]

From Jim Butcher's first book of The Dresden Files: Storm Front

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean an invisbile demon's not about to eat your face.

:smallsmile:

[unstattedCommoner]

(Knocking on door)
BLACKADDER: Baldrick, go and get the door.
(Exit Baldrick. Enter Baldrick carrying a door.)
BLACKADDER: Baldrick, I advise you to make the explanation you are about to
give me phenomenally good.
BALDRICK: You said to get the door.
BLACKADDER: Not good enough, you're fired.

TORTURER: Non hablo Ingles.
BLACKADDER: Okay, let's start with the basics. English is a non-inflected Indo-European language derived from ...

-- Blackadder II

"When in real life am I ever going to use maths, chemistry, history or the English language?" -- Buffy the Vampire Slayer

[Voidhawk]

-
Jay starts to take of his pants
Scion (can't remember her name): "What are you Doing?"
Jay: "The way I see it, we've got about 2 minuites before the end of the world, there's nothing we can do, and you said you'd f*** me"
~Dogma

[Krimm_Blackleaf]

Alright, these had to be posted, as I am obsessed.

"By then end of this day, one shall stand, one shall fall."

"Freedom is the right of all sentient beings."

-Optimus Prime

[Not a Paladin]

All right, here's a quote from Excel Saga (or rather, the Excel Saga DVD 3 menu) that really cracked me up.

Excel: "Excel is just wishing she had a DVD player instead of a coffee can filled with gravel!"

You have just read the funniest quote I have ever seen in any DVD menu ever.

Here's some more funny quotes:

Here's some Monty Python quotes:

Hungarian gentleman: "My hovercraft is full of eels."

Bridgekeeper: "Halt! What is your name?"
King Arthur: "It is Arthur, King of the Britons."
Bridgekeeper: "What is your quest?"
Arthur: "I seek the Grail."
Bridgekeeper: "What, is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?"
Arthur: "What kind? African or European swallow?"
Bridgekeeper: "Well...I don't know that..."[gets flung into the Gorge of Eternal Peril for getting a question wrong]

All of the dialogue from the parrot sketch (of course).

Now, a couple good Excel Saga quotes:

Ilpalazzo: "What? Who puts a bomb in a dating game?" (There actually was a bomb in the dating simulation Ilpalazzo was playing, and it was the first ticking time bomb that anyone in the anime attempted to disarm by cutting the red wire (failing miserably each time, of course))

All of Excel's lines in the climax of episode 17. That scene was made of only the highest-grade win.

So, yeah. Those are some of the best funny lines ever.

(Can you believe that Firefox didn't recognize "DVD" or "anime"?)

[Siwenna]

From Speaker for the Dead, by Orson Scott Card:
" 'I think,' said Ender, 'that you shouldn't plant any more humans.' " I absolutely love that quote.

I also really like two mini-speeches from Hamlet. Ironically enough, they're both quite unimportant.

Marcellus: HOratio says tis but our fantasy
And will not let belief take hold of him
Touching this dread sight twice seen by us.
Therefore I have entreated him along
With us to watch the minutes of this night,
That if again this apparition come
He may approve our eyes and speak to it.

And a bit later:

Bernardo: Last night of all
When yond same star that's westward from the pole
Had made its course to illume that part of heaven where now it burns
Marcellus and myself-
The bell then beating one-
(at that point he's interupted by the ghost.)

I find something very poetic about those two quotes. In particular, they sound really nice when spoken (which makes sense since it's a play.)

[Serpentine]

Shakespear, eh?
"By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes."

"To be, or not to be, that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune or to take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing, end them. To die, to sleep - no more. And by a sleep to say we end the heartache and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to. 'Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished. To die, to sleep - to sleep, perchance to dream. Aye, there's the rub. For in such sleep of death what dreams may come must give us pause..."
Keep in mind I did that from memory, and my memory is truly awful, so be kind about mistakes. It is such a beautiful speech, though...

[SteveMB]

(Knocking on door)
BLACKADDER: Baldrick, go and get the door.
(Exit Baldrick. Enter Baldrick carrying a door.)
BLACKADDER: Baldrick, I advise you to make the explanation you are about to
give me phenomenally good.
BALDRICK: You said to get the door.
BLACKADDER: Not good enough, you're fired.

TORTURER: Non hablo Ingles.
BLACKADDER: Okay, let's start with the basics. English is a non-inflected Indo-European language derived from ...

-- Blackadder II

Witchsmeller: Prince Edmund, are you a Christian?
Edmund: Yes, of course I am.
Witchsmeller: Can you say the Lord's Prayer?
Edmund: Well, yes -- I can say it backwards if you like!
Witchsmeller: CONFESSION!

--Blackadder I

[Yiel]

"If she'd 'ave kept on goin' down that way she'd 'ave gone straight to that castle." Worm (Labyrinth)

"Men marry because they are tired; women because they are curious. Both are disappointed." A Woman of No Importance (Wilde)

"Wings? I don't have wings!" Jen
"Of course not. You're a boy." Kira (Dark Crystal)

[Jimmy Discordia]

The reason I'll be released is the same reason you think I'll be convicted. I *do* rub shoulders with some of the most vile, sadistic men calling themselves leaders today. But some of these men are the enemies of *your* enemies. And while the biggest arms dealer in the world is your boss - the President of the United States, who ships more merchandise in a day than I do in a year - sometimes it's embarrassing to have his fingerprints on the guns. Sometimes he needs a freelancer like me to supply forces he can't be seen supplying. So. You call me evil, but unfortunately for you, I'm a necessary evil.

Props to whoever guesses it.

It's already been guessed (several pages back), but if I may add my own favorite from the same move:

"They say that evil prevails when good men fail to act. They should just say, 'Evil prevails.'"

And how can we throw so much Shakespeare around and forget Puck?

"Lord, what fools these mortals be!"

"And, as I am an honest Puck,
If we have unearned luck
Now to 'scape the serpent's tongue,
We will make amends ere long;
Else the Puck a liar call;
So, good night unto you all.
Give me your hands, if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends."
-Both from A Midsummer Night's Dream, if that needed to be said

The second was used to particularly great effect at the end of Neil Gaimain's A Midsummer Night's Dream issue of Sandman.

The Abbe des Citeaux, when asked how to tell the true Christians from the Cathar heretics after the siege of Beziers (if memory serves):
"Neca eos omnes. Deus suous agnoscet." That is, "Kill them all. God will know His own." Not that I agree with the sentiment, but what a great quote.

"I am made of POISON!"
-Topato Potato, Wigu

Oh, and trollhammeren, I'm pretty sure your friend Frank got that quote from Homer Simpson. Of course, that doesn't make it any less awesome.

I could do this all night, but this post is long enough. My mind is basically an amalgamation of half-forgotten pop-culture references, inside jokes, random songs, and enough snippets of classical literature to make me look smart.

I think that in itself is a pretty good quote.

[dani_carip]

Anything from the mouth of a Monty Python or Terry Pratchett is automatic genius, but I must give honorable mention to this line from "The Tick vs. The Breadmaster:"

"He baked a muffin that stole my car!"

[andux]

Baldur's Gate II
"One has lots of time for reflection while waiting for the ENDLESS WAVES OF BAD DOGGIE WEREWOLF MONSTERS THAT CHEW YOUR TOES WHILE YOU SLEEP!!" --Dradeel

"Yes! Such fire and conviction! A pity there are no actual enemies to warrant the screaming, but good show anyway. Boo applauds!" --Minsc

"You could just say you don't know. Boo makes more sense and he does not have thumbs." --Minsc

"For someone who supposedly has her soul tainted by the evil of a dead god, you remind me considerably of a chipmunk with a sugar high and a death wish." --Valygar (to Imoen)

"I bid you a 'Farewell' suitably unfettered by civilization." --Nanoc the Barbarian

Firefly
"Oh my God, it's grotesque! Oh, and there's something in a jar." --Wash

"My food is problematic." --River

"What'd y'all order a dead guy for?" --Jayne

"I shaved off my beard for you, devil woman!" --Monty

Futurama
"I'll go build my own lunar lander! With blackjack! And hookers! In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack! Eh, screw the whole thing." --Bender

"WINDMILLS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY!" --Morbo

"If anyone needs me, I'll be in the angry dome!" --Professor Farnsworth

Hudson Hawk
"I'll torture you so slowly, you'll think it's a career." --Darwin Mayflower

"History, tradition, culture, are not concepts! These are trophies I keep in my den as paperweights!" --Darwin Mayflower

Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead
"I've frequently not been on boats." --Rosencrantz

"... I think I'm going to kill you." --Guildenstern

Stargate SG-1
"In my culture, I would be well within my rights to dismember you." --Teal'c

"It's always 'suicide mission' this, 'save the planet' that. No one ever stops by just to say 'hi' anymore." --Jack O'Neill

"Things will not calm down, Daniel Jackson. They will, in fact, calm up." --Teal'c

"I would prefer not to consume bovine lactose at any temperature." --Teal'c

Misc.
"I reject your reality and substitute my own!" --Adam Savage, MythBusters

"My happy place is dead! YOU KILLED IT!" --Maxim, A Modest Destiny - The War of Fate

"Your words are fire giants besieging the Asgard of my mind." --Black Mage, 8-bit Theater

"It occurred to me that at any moment the door could burst open and a sneering man, surrounded by burly uniformed guards, would match in and say: 'So, Mr. Barry, you wish to speak to the Leader? I would be happy to arrange that, but first, in accordance with ancient Keidanren tradition, you will fight Rex the Giant Abalone. Seize him, men!'" --Dave Barry, Dave Barry Does Japan

[Mato]

No RvB?

Church: There's no "I" in team, Grif.
Grif: Yeah, there's no "U" either. So I guess if I'm not on the team, and you're not on the team, nobody's on the god-damn team. The team sucks!

Simmons: Shotgun!
Grif: Shotgun!....Bummer.
Donut: Shotgun's Lap!
Simmons: BUMMER!!
changed text

Caboose: I am feeling much better now, and, I can fly. *Jumps off the cliff* (shouting) I am flying! *thump* Ow! The sky is very hard.

Caboose: No, wait! Stop! Go back! Why are there six pedals if there are only four directions?

Caboose: Yep, he's definitely captured. Or dead. Captured or dead. [inhales sharply] Or captured and dead!

Caboose: I can't believe Church shot me.
Church:[irritated, echoing scream from nearby] Oh don't even start Caboose!

Caboose: Rest in peace, pinky toe. [In deep voice] You shall be avenged!

Caboose: Hurry, hurry, hurry, fix the tank! So that I can say hello to Shiela. ...And start killing everyone!
Tucker: You mean all the Reds?
Caboose: Oh, yes, of course... ...For starters.

Caboose: I call it nap time. Which is right before food time. And then comes food-nap time! That is my favorite time of them all!

Caboose: I will eat your unhappiness!

Caboose: Your toast has been burned and no amount of scraping will remove the black part.

Caboose: Hey, what happened, last I remember I saw a really gnarly kitten, and now we're here in this janitor's closet, and my throat hurts.

Caboose: I don't want to be dead. I want to be alive. Or a cowboy.

Caboose: [proudly] Look what I found!
Donut: I found it!
Caboose:[still proudly] Look at what I took credit for finding!

Caboose: Time... line? Time isn't made out of lines. It is made out of circles. That is why clocks are round!

Church: Andy's the bomb?
Caboose: Uh... Andy prefers the term "Explosive American"

Tex:Eh, I barely remeber your names half the time!
Caboose: I know my name! You can ask me if you forget!
Church: Can we please focus on me?
Caboose: By the way he's church.
Church: She knows.
Caboose: He is the mean one.
Church: Thank you Caboose!
Caboose: See? He gets mad. Now he will stare at me untill I stop talking. Then when he thinks I am done talking, he will start talking, again.
Church: (long pause) So any way I was talking to Gar-
Caboose: (cuts him off) Told you so.
Church: GOD DAMN IT!

Caboose: He has not tried to bite me, at all.
Alien: Blargh.
Caboose: ...since he bit me the first time.

Caboose: Oh. Beacause... I, uh, am allergic to things I don't want to do... [Fakes coughing] ...Coughing.

Caboose: Church, if I die, I want you to have my orange juice.

Church: If only we knew somebody Sheila trusted. And it would have to be someone kind of dumb. So we could fool them into betraying that trust... for our purposes... [Tucker and Church turn to Caboose]
Caboose: Hey... Everyone is looking at me. I love when they do that, hi everybody!

Caboose: The last time I was shot I got a purple heart. Yeah, I hope this time I get a purple lung. You see, eventually I hope to build an entire purple person. And we will be best friends.

Donut [to Simmons]: Oh, man, that is a burn! Dude, you just got burned! Burned, dude, burned!

***

"Voilà ! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a bygone vexation stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only veredict is vengeance; a vendetta held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it's my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V".

***

Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not true. I have the heart of a young boy -- in a jar on my desk. - Stephen King

I bet they blame me for this just 'cause I'm in charge. - Fighter

Your GP or your HP. - Theif

[Shhalahr Windrider]

"WINDMILLS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY!" --Morbo
"Good Night!"
[hr]

"America is depending on me, Mr. President. And, by America, I mean the world!"

—Screw-on Head

"Be bold. I command you!"

—The Demigod

(After kidnapping Screw-on Head's girlfriend and turning her into a vampire)
"Mine now!"

—Emperor Zombie

"I'm going to smoke you."

—Emperor Zombie

"I have been looking for a master worthy of my servitude, and, baby, you are it!"

—Emperor Zombie

"I'm so excited, I just made water in my pantaloons!"

—Emperor Zombie

All from The Amazing Screw-on Head (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0468445/quotes) TV pilot.

[GusGusStrumSong]

I think the best line ever is when Kip is talking ot Lafawnduh online and repeating everything he is typing... jejeje!!!

[r23r5]

"I have a dream that black people and white people and even chinese people will be able to gamble with the same chips"
-Rushour2

[I'm da Rogue!]

Godfather:

Michael: My father is no different than any powerful man, any man with power, like a president or senator.
Kay Adams: Do you know how naive you sound, Michael? Presidents and senators don't have men killed.
Michael: Oh. Who's being naive, Kay?
_________________________________________
Don Corleone: Do you spend time with your family? Good. Because a man that doesn't spend time with his family can never be a real man.
__________________________________________
Don Corleone: Never let anyone outside the family know what you're thinking.
_____________________________________________


The Devil's Advocate:

Kevin Lomax: "Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven", is that it?
John Milton: Why not? I'm here on the ground with my nose in it since the whole thing began. I've nurtured every sensation man's been inspired to have. I cared about what he wanted and I never judged him. Why? Because I never rejected him. In spite of all his imperfections, I'm a fan of man! I'm a humanist. Maybe the last humanist.
_____________________________________________

John Milton: Vanity, definitely my favorite sin.
______________________________
Kevin Lomax: What are you?
John Milton: Oh, I have so many names...
Kevin Lomax: Satan.
John Milton: Call me Dad.
___________________________________________
Kevin Lomax: In the Bible you loose. We're destined to lose dad.
John Milton: Well consider the source son.

[Jacob_Gallagher]

"Nah."

System Shock 2. Don't see the humor? See the context:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=0YLMk1E41kE

XD

[wombat31]

From B5

Mr. Morden: What do YOU want?
Ambassador Vir Cotto: I'd like to live just long enough to be there when they cut off your head and stick it on a pike as a warning to the next ten generations that some favors come with too high a price. I want to look up into your lifeless eyes and wave like this.
[waves]
Ambassador Vir Cotto: Can you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Morden?

Ambassador Londo Mollari: But this - this, this, this is like being nibbled to death by... what are those Earth creatures called? Feathers, long bill, webbed feet... go 'quack'...
Ambassador Vir Cotto: Cats.
Ambassador Londo Mollari: Cats. Being nibbled to death by cats.

No boom today... boom tomorrow. There's always a boom tomorrow.

Oh Ivanova How i love you

[Kekken]

Boondock Saints...

So many to choose from...

But it has to be the declaration at the trial...

"Now ye will receive us!"
"We do not ask for your poor, or your hungry!"
"We do not want your tired an' sick!"
"It is your corrupt we claim..."
"It is your EVIL that will be sought by us!"
"With every breath, will she hunt them down!"
"Each day, we shall spill thier blood, till it rains down from the sky!"
"Do not kill. Do not rape. Do not steal. These are not polite suggestions! These are codes of behavior, and those of you who ignore them will pay the dearest cost!"
"There are varying degrees of evil. We urge you lesser forms of filth, not to cross over, into true corruption; into our domain."
"But if you do, one day you will turn around, and you will see we three!"
"And on that day, you will REAP IT!"
"And we will send ye to whatever God ye wish..."

[magicwalker]

Boondock Saints...

So many to choose from...

But it has to be the declaration at the trial...

"Now ye will receive us!"
"We do not ask for your poor, or your hungry!"
"We do not want your tired an' sick!"
"It is your corrupt we claim..."
"It is your EVIL that will be sought by us!"
"With every breath, will she hunt them down!"
"Each day, we shall spill thier blood, till it rains down from the sky!"
"Do not kill. Do not rape. Do not steal. Do not kill, do not rape, do not steal, these are principles that every man of every faith can embrace."
"These are not polite suggestions! These are codes of behavior, and those of you who ignore them will pay the dearest cost!"
"There are varying degrees of evil. We urge you lesser forms of filth, not to cross over, into true corruption; into our domain."
"But if you do, one day you will turn around, and you will see we three!"
"And on that day, you will REAP IT!"
"And we will send ye to whatever God ye wish..."

Close but no cigar.

[Flirkann]

Was playing STALKER again and came upon this line during a new side-mission:

MAX, Freedom Faction>>> Don't forget about the mines. A mine clearer makes only two mistakes in life.

[Jacob_Gallagher]

I'm playing Stalker right now. There are some pretty funny lines in there...