Funny deaths

[Cyrus_Mortis]

Hey there everyone,

I came across an old thread while searching for something and got a lot of laughs : (sorry I can't post link)


I Lol'd a lot so I wanted to resurrect it, basically just post about funny or embarrassing PC death's

I'll start:

It wasn't my PC as I was DM'ing (Pathfinder Game). It was an evil campaign. Anyway the groups finds out about a haunted house, they find the owner and he is a drunken mess.. he offers the mansion for a mere 5000 gold, thinking its a steal considering it's haunted and dangerous.

The group proceeds to the house... turns out its not haunted per say but infested.. as the group sneaks around they hear somthing loud coming their way.. so they hide in a closet, with the door barely cracked open, they see a hoard.. and i mean like 50 ghouls charge by.. growling, sniffing and crawling all over the walls and ceiling.. it was meant to terrify them so they would be encouraged to take it slow.. after the hoard passes they exit the closet... (before I continue our Anti-Paladin was CE as per pathfinders requirements and was a very proud person; constantly arguing with the rogue over whos the better killer/fighter).. the rogue proceeds to make fun of him for being scared so he gets pissed... roars loudly and charges after the hoard to prove himself... he already has greater cleave, and just hits everything, most of the time(I cheated for them a lot.. great gear and high stats.. but it was fun so who cares)... he also is apparently unaware that ghouls have a paralytic touch... he runs in and manage s to cleave like 6 of them, killing all six.... then as DM I telll him "ok, now it's their turn... they all attempt to scratch you.. and many of them will get bonus for flanking you...

basically he was paralyzed, dragged off, and torn to shreds and eaten... funniest part was the look on his face when I told him that he was paralyzed. "I told him .. yeah you're paralyzed.. that's what happens when you blindly charge into a horde of ghouls lol!"

[Inevitability]

A PC had gotten separated from the others (when you explore the demiplane only you can enter, stick your head out of the portal from time to time; don't give the others a reason to think you're dead) and made his way through the dungeon branch they had entered.

The PC ends up on a small ledge with no obvious ways to leave but the cave he exited. He quickly dispatches the guard there, finding a small flask of frothing red liquid on his body. With no way to go, he decides to hide below the corpse and wait for someone to come.

After a bit of time, he can see another guard riding a dire bat flying down towards the ledge. The PC jumps out as the guard examines the corpse, and combat starts.

The guard then proceeded to hit every time, never rolling below 15. Bit by bit, he whittled down the PC's health while dodging all attacks thrown at him. This CR 1/2 monster was killing a 3rd-level PC with nearly full resources.

The player, getting desperate, takes out the red flask and attempts to pour it down his enemy's throat. A short struggle (and his first decent roll) later, he's succeeded and axiously waits for me to describe what happens... then the guard doubles in size.

The PC just gave up then, and just jumped off the ledge. He didn't survive it.

[McStabbington]

We were 5th-level PC's tracking down a wight who didn't realize that he was a wight . . . and had had a lot of free time to himself. Now, the plan was that we would try and talk this wight down, and if that didn't work, the two party faces whom were doing the negotiation (the charisma-rogue and the cleric) would run out of the house to where the rest of the party was and bottleneck the wight in the doorway.

Unfortunately, when things went to pot, the rest of the party, led by the fearless ranger who will shortly become the focus of our story, ran into the living area of the house, where melee quickly devolved into a chaotic free-for-all because we couldn't use the terrain to our advantage. So when a half-dozen or so animated wolf pelts (essentially, ghost wolves without the miss chance or damage reduction) came charging up the stairs, we couldn't do much other than try and hold them at the top of the stairs. This worked for a turn or two, but eventually there became too many of them for just the two of us. So my charisma-rogue backstabbed one last ghost-wolf into oblivion, then slammed the side kitchen door shut while cheering in triumph . . . which quickly became a panicked shriek of terror when the swarm of undead animated beef jerky jumped out of the cupboard and attacked him.

Well, the details aren't important at the moment, but suffice to say that the rest of the party eventually managed to defeat the wight and his minions, mostly with area-of-effect spells. They then broke down the door just in time to turn the jerky, causing it to explode all over the charisma rogue, including down his throat (said jerky was trying to get in his nose and mouth to strangle him as it held him down). The instant that the rogue got up . . . he then had to do battle with the spiders that were in and among the jerky and had crawled down his armor, costing him another 3 hp. I mention this because the ranger explicitly saw my charisma rogue attacked by the spiders.

So battle seemingly over and we go to collect our wares in the basement, only for the DM to say "The entire basement is covered in cobwebs. No wait, maybe I wasn't putting enough emphasis on this. There is webbing everywhere. Wink wink." So we think maybe it would be more useful to break the floorboards to get at the boxes in the basement. We do so, and the cobwebs are still there.

Cut to the following exchange:

Ranger: "I grab hold of the lantern and leap into the pit to clear a space for the others to get at the gear."

DM: " . . . You what?"

Ranger: "I grab hold of the lantern and leap into the pit to clear a space for the others so they can grab the boxes."

DM: "I just want to be clear about this. You do realize that you just saw the rogue take 3 hp damage just from some spiders that were in the jerky, and that there are webs everywhere down there. You understand that, right?"

Ranger: *confidently* "Right."

DM: ". . . Um, okay then." *rolls die 36 times, does math, looks hard at it* "Okay, um . . . what is your hp right now?"

Ranger: "It's . . . oh wait, hang on, I was level-drained twice by the wight. So 9."

*entire table collapses into hysterics*

[DaKiwiMonsta]

My PC death story takes place at the beginning of a fairly short campaign. We were tasked with clearing some were-rats from the sewers, so off we went. The dungeon took us a short while, and eventually we reached the end chamber. At this point we all go into super-stealthy mode and realise that it was occupied by a Minotaur (yes, a Minotaur, our DM was a fond of wacky stuff like that) and my friend was playing a Half-Elf Warlock.
Combat begins:
Some decent hits by the fighter and the rogue, and a very successful dissonant whispers by my afore-mentioned friend. However the Minotaur wasn't slowing down and started doing serious damage to the fighter.
He retreats to be healed by me (Life Cleric) while the rogue holds it off with a lot of Dodge actions, and our Warlock starts grinning.
DM: Okay (Warlock), it's your turn. What would you like to do?
Player: I run at the Minotaur and try to grapple it.
DM: ...you have 9 strength
Player: I grapple the Minotaur.
DM: The Minotaur is going to get an attack of opportunity..?
Player: I grapple the Minotaur.
*The Minotaur got a critical hit, and rolled almost maximum damage. The warlock is KO'd.*
Everyone else: claps slowly
Player: hold on... As a reaction to being hit, I'd like to cast hellish rebuke with a second level spell
*player rolls maximum damage and kills Minotaur*
Everyone else: ...
Player: I'd like to do a lap of honour
DM: You're KO'd!

[RazorChain]

The impulsive goblin magician that jumped off a tower before he cast the levitate spell. He failed a fright check which resulted in he couldn't even try to cast the spell before he kissed the ground.

[MrZJunior]

One of my players had done something really stupid and gotten himself caught by the secret police. The head of the local branch was trying to intimidate him in prison with a guillotine when the character sticks his head in the machine and pulls the chord. Que shocked gaping on my part as I tried to figure out what to do. One of my other players described it as a "**** your canoe moment."

[LadyFoxfire]

We had a berserker in the party, who hated being called a barbarian, which my mage had a habit of doing (as a player I was doing it out of habit, but we turned it into an RP thing). So the thing with berserkers is that once they start raging, they stay enraged for 1d6 (or whatever) rounds, and if combat ends earlier than that, they start attacking random targets.

Well, one time combat ended a round before the berserker calmed down, and my mage's parting taunt to the defeated bad guy was something like "hah, our barbarian just wiped the floor with you!" The berserker whirls around, plants his axe in my skull, and shouts "STOP CALLING ME A BARBARIAN!"

I didn't actually die; I was down to negative hp, but the party cleric was standing right next to me, and was able to heal me. I just about died laughing, though.

[Millennium]

Got a recent one, though not a PC.

So I'm running Expedition to Castle Ravenloft in a Pathfinder setting. They're still early on, but it's getting late in the session, and they went into the village church to fight one of the earlier bosses:

Danovich, the mad priest who caused the zombie outbreak.

So here I am, thinking "this is great; there's a perfect opening in the script to end the session on an epic cliffhanger". The priest jumps up on the altar, screams "You can't take my son from me!", and casts circle of death at them from a scroll. But the scroll is a little too high-level for him (which is also on-script), so I go to make his checks...

...and roll a jaw-dropping string of natural 1s. The players catch my expression, it's too late to fudge, and the only outcome I can really justify is that the boss accidentally blew his own head off from the backlash. At which point my players are in hysterics, and there's nothing I can really do but go "**** it, you mop up his remaining minions" and wrap up the session. Still an epic session-ender, I suppose, but not what I'd envisioned.

They've still got the rest of the church to explore, but that scene is going to hang in people's memories for a long time.

[YossarianLives]

The second session of a new campaign; things were going well, we were all having fun. Our party is invading a cavern inhabited by goblin bandits. As we approach the cave entrance, we are ambushed by a few goblins riding on wolves. It's designed to be an easy encounter and we make short work of them, mostly thanks to some awesome rolls by our crossbow-wielding bard. By character, an elven paladin advances on the last, cornered, desperate goblin. In a last ditch effort to survive the goblin grapples me! Not wanting to risk hitting me, and assuming I have the situation under control, my party doesn't bother assisting me.

I then proceed to roll nothing above 5, while the goblin gets multiple natural 20s and nothing below 17. I'm eventually knocked unconcious and, before my party can rush in to save me, coup de graced by the goblins 2-inch knife. The goblin then escaped and became a recurring villain in the campaign, almost killing my new character twice and rallying a warband of goblins together to punish us for slaughtering the den of goblins.