Best NPC lines?

[Emperor Ing]

Whadaya think are the best lines you've ever heard any NPC say in any video game?

Me, im gonna say in the beginning of Call of Duty 3 on the truck, your leader says
"Ok guys, were on a top secret mission for coffee and doughnuts, the problem is, the Germans drank all the coffee and ate all the doughnuts, so now were gonna kick their asses".

I saw the COD3 review on Xplay, and when i heard the line there, i thought it was a joke, but when I rented it and heard the line, i was laughing out loud for a full minute! :smallbiggrin:

[beholder]

I love seargent johnson's lines from halo 1 and 2

"I don't care if its god's own anti-sonofabitch machine, or just a giant hula hoop, we will not let them have it, what we will let them have, is a belly full of lead, and a pool of their own blood to drown in"

"normally the good lord works in mysterious ways, but not today! this here is 66 tons of armour plated, HE spewing DEE-vine intervention!"
you gotta love sarge

[Storm Bringer]

company of heros:

the aboslute classic:
"We're Airborne, we're MENT to be surronded!"

most of the warcraft 3 joke selection lines are good (if you havn't played it, if you click on a unit enough times it starts spewing jokes). Good lines include:

(elven priest)"I have been chosen by the great floating hand in the SKY!"

(scantily clad female elven mage) "for the end of the world spell, press control, Alt, delete."

(human Knight) "I never say Ni" "It's only a flesh wound"

(Orc peon) "stop poking me!" "don't you have a battle to run?" "don't poke me thier, me not that kinda orc!"

[Emperor Ing]

Oh yea, i loved the WC3 Line, the final pit lord humor line in the FT was funny as hell.
So was the blood mage line! :smallbiggrin:

[Ranis]

Anything said by HK-47.

[Daelon]

I love seargent johnson's lines from halo 1 and 2

"I don't care if its god's own anti-sonofabitch machine, or just a giant hula hoop, we will not let them have it, what we will let them have, is a belly full of lead, and a pool of their own blood to drown in"

"normally the good lord works in mysterious ways, but not today! this here is 66 tons of armour plated, HE spewing DEE-vine intervention!"
you gotta love sarge

Don't make him take off his belt!

[FireSpark]

Pretty much the entire scripting to "A Bard's Tale". A non-stop laugh fest, from start to weird ending(s).
:biggrin:

[Vaniel]

Guard: Welcome to Corneria!

Fighter: I like swords.

...

Guard: Welcome to Corneria!

Fighter: I like swords.

...

Guard: Welcome to Corneria!

Fighter: I like swords.

/Vaniel

[TheAlmightyOne]

Fable

The guy hyped up on magic mushrooms. 'woooo. if you stand reeaallly still i can see your skeleton'

and then there was something about squirrels. I dont remember. I killed them.

[Emperor Ing]

Pretty much the entire scripting to "A Bard's Tale". A non-stop laugh fest, from start to weird ending(s).
:biggrin:

Couldya plz give me an example? I love to laugh! :smallsmile:

[Gales]

Minsc: "Boo, look, squirrels! Quickly, throw them with nuts!"

Baldur's Gate 2 <3

[soozenw]

Hellfire (original Diablo expansion) the guy in the cowsuit--

Moo.
I said moo.
Look I'm just a cow ok?

that cracks me up everytime!

[The Evil Thing]

Psychonauts:

Agent Nein: Welcome to my mind...
Raz: It's so empty.
Agent Nein: ...
Raz: Err... I mean...

Best conveyed with this. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wtYmBO45eLk&mode=related&search=)

[Toastkart]

"Don't blame me. Blame yourself or God," Although for the life of me I can't remember if that was Delita or Wiegraf that said it.

[The Evil Thing]

"Don't blame me. Blame yourself or God," Although for the life of me I can't remember if that was Delita or Wiegraf that said it.
I believe it was Delita.


Couldya plz give me an example? I love to laugh!
He's referring to the actual code.


A little more BG2:

Jan: Aaah, home sweet home. Wait, I don't live here.

[Storm Bringer]

Minsc was just awesome

"bah, enough of this. Evil, meet sword. SWORD...MEET...EVIL!"

"You point. I punch"

"jump on my sword while you can, Evil. I won't be a gentel!"

[blackout]

"I am the Milkman. My milk is delicious. "

I can't believe you guys forgot that one. :smallbiggrin:

[Emperor Ing]

"I wish there were children here. Scrumptios darling children. I'm so hungry, i havent eaten in so long..."
--sheogorath shrine NPC, TES IV, Oblivion

[Krytha]

It is I... caaaptain FWIFFO!!

[BooBooSpooki]

From Planescape:Torment (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0187405/quotes):
Morte: Hey Nordom, knock-knock.
Nordom: Why do you persist in addressing me as a door?
Morte: It's a joke, you stupid polygon! You're supposed to answer "Who's there?"
Nordom: I know who is there. It is you. Why would I ask a question when I already know the answer?
Morte: Just forget it.

[InsaneOrb]

Edwin: A superior mind would have been able to control it.
Viconia: It's a shame we don't have one here.
Edwin: It's incidents like this that make me want to fireball the party while they sleep.

(roughly from BG II)

[Post]

Any of the Librarian's lines in Dawn of War. I think the best is:

"Hope is but the First step on the Road to disappointment."

[Deepblue706]

Super Mario RPG

"Booster, sir! There's a 70% chance that the object you're standing on is a cake..."

[Princess Toadstool is crying]
Booster: Oh. My dear. What is this? Water coming from your eyes. Are you leaking, my dear?
[He licks some of her tears]
Booster: Tastes salty!

[Iskandar]

L…l…look at you, hacker: a p-pa-pathetic creature of meat and bone, panting and sweating as you r-run through my corridors. How can you challenge a perfect, immortal machine?”

“”Enter that room, insect, and it will become your grave!”

"Make yourself comfortable Hacker. Stay a little while"
SHODAN best, damn, video game villian EVER

[Merlin the Tuna]

Miluda: Who do you think you are!? We're not animals! We're
human, just like you! There's no difference among us other
than our families! Have you ever been hungry? With only soup to eat
for months? Why do we have to suffer? Because you nobles
deprive us our right to live!

Algus: Human? Hmph, ridiculous! From the minute you were born
you had to obey us! From the second you were born you were our
animals!!

Miluda: Says who!? That's nonsense! Who decided all this?!

Algus: It's the Will of Heaven!

Miluda: Heaven? God would never say such things! In his eyes,
all are equal! He'd never let this happen! Never!

Algus: Animals have no God!!Lessthanthree FFT.

[lumberofdabeast]

company of heros:

the aboslute classic:
"We're Airborne, we're MENT to be surronded!"

most of the warcraft 3 joke selection lines are good (if you havn't played it, if you click on a unit enough times it starts spewing jokes). Good lines include:

(elven priest)"I have been chosen by the great floating hand in the SKY!"

(scantily clad female elven mage) "for the end of the world spell, press control, Alt, delete."

(human Knight) "I never say Ni" "It's only a flesh wound"

(Orc peon) "stop poking me!" "don't you have a battle to run?" "don't poke me thier, me not that kinda orc!"

I love the dead. Frequently.

[Tom_Violence]

For some reason, and I think this might be unique to me, but the whole "'fishy fishy fishes are gonna eat you'' guy in a locker' sequence from Knights of the Old Republic cracks me up quite consistently.

Sam from the Monkey Island games is also a favourite of mine. "But wait, there's more!"

[Yeril]

Couldya plz give me an example? I love to laugh! :smallsmile:


the one that made me laugh the most would have to be the level named "obligatory lava level."



and (in secret temple thing speaking to a summoning of the sorceress princess) I cant remember but Im sure it was along these lines.

"theres no way Im going to risk my life and go all the way across the world and do who knows what just to save your life, no matther how rich and beatiful you are!"

"Well bard, I can see into your dirty mind and I can promise you that once you rescue me, we can do that three times a day."

"... three times you say? alright then Ill do it."

[Verendil]

"Boo is outraged! See his fury! It's small, so look close. Trust me, it's there." -Minsc


BG2 is definitely awesome.

[BooBooSpooki]

Oh, here's another:

"Doom doom doom doom!"
- Guess who ?

[NEO|Phyte]

Sam from the Monkey Island games is also a favourite of mine. "But wait, there's more!"
You mean Stan, right?
http://img403.imageshack.us/img403/984/stanfi5.gif
Such a fun guy.

[SurlySeraph]

NG Resonance: Tra-la-la-la-la-lala. I think I'll fire the bitch. Right now.
- Deus Ex: Invisible War.

Random NPC in a dance club: Did you see the kitties? They're everywhere... and they're growling... Sometimes they tell me to do things - to myself... everything's getting all fuzzy... the kitties are getting closer!
- Deus Ex: Invisible War.

[anything Minsc says]
- Baldur's Gate series

[....]

Snake- Come on Colonel, can't you get Sam or Gabe to do it?

Campbell- No, Snake, we've already turned over all the leaves in this genre.

-MGS3: Snake Eater

[Xefas]

I think there's something to be said for NPC lines generated from your own input, such as how you name your character or the like.

Such as in Final Fantasy Tactics Advance:
[Random Party Member]: Halt! We're clan <(O.o<) and we're taking you to justice!

In my defense, the default name is "Nutsy" so I don't think I could have actually made it worse. Although, I had a friend who had some fun naming his monsters in Monster Rancher (and its sequels) obscenities, always starting with "Your" or "My" or something like that.

Assistant: "Its the beginning of the month, what should we feed Your &$%#?"
Assistant: "My $%^& looks tired, maybe you should let it rest this week."
Assistant: "Lets raise This ^$%# to be really strong!"

[Tom_Violence]

You mean Stan, right?
http://img403.imageshack.us/img403/984/stanfi5.gif
Such a fun guy.

But of course. It has been some time.

[Shadow of the Sun]

"Assassin droid is such a crude term, reserved for durasteel drones uploaded with only the most archaic kill programs. The function I perform has been referred to as wanton slaughter."

AND

"Mocking Query: Coorta? Coorta? Are you dead yet?"

Bloody freaking awesome!

[trollhammeren]

company of heros:

the aboslute classic:
"We're Airborne, we're MENT to be surronded!"

Is actually from Band of Brothers, Capt. Winters says it when their in Holland. Just thought id say that.

"Tell Guzzo to go to Hell", "I only got two rules. 1 youre no good to me dead and 2.... ah whats it matter? Youll all probably end up dead anyway" Sergeant McCullin - CoD 3

[Jacob_Gallagher]

L…l…look at you, hacker: a p-pa-pathetic creature of meat and bone, panting and sweating as you r-run through my corridors. How can you challenge a perfect, immortal machine?”

“”Enter that room, insect, and it will become your grave!”

"Make yourself comfortable Hacker. Stay a little while"
SHODAN best, damn, video game villian EVER

Shodan: Welcome to my DEATH MACHINE, interloper!

Me: No, welcome to MY death machine, bitch!

*All of Shodan's monsters run into the room...*

*...All three of my Earthshaker bombs and all twenty frag grenades go off*

And this website is even better:

http://www.it-he.org/sshock.htm

[Dragor]

Is actually from Band of Brothers, Capt. Winters says it when their in Holland. Just thought id say that.

It's also in Company of Heroes.

There's also a funny comment about 'being in the navy' made by the conscripts in the German army, but I can't remember it exactly.

[ufo]

I think there's something to be said for NPC lines generated from your own input, such as how you name your character or the like.

Such as in Final Fantasy Tactics Advance:
[Random Party Member]: Halt! We're clan <(O.o<) and we're taking you to justice!

In my defense, the default name is "Nutsy" so I don't think I could have actually made it worse. Although, I had a friend who had some fun naming his monsters in Monster Rancher (and its sequels) obscenities, always starting with "Your" or "My" or something like that.

Assistant: "Its the beginning of the month, what should we feed Your &$%#?"
Assistant: "My $%^& looks tired, maybe you should let it rest this week."
Assistant: "Lets raise This ^$%# to be really strong!"


I do it all the time in the PokéMon games.

"Oh, hello n00b! Been a long time!"

[Lamoid]

http://statement.ytmnd.com/

riiiiiiiight here. HK-47 wins the day!

[Timberwolf]

I will not presume to compete with the droid o'wonder (aka HK47) however

"Curse you freebirth" from the defeated Clanner in mechwarrior 4 Mercenaries always gets me chuckling. It's the way she says it.

Also Rewdalf from Bandits, Phoenix Rising, while the game is rubbish, he gets good lines.

[trollhammeren]

It's also in Company of Heroes.

There's also a funny comment about 'being in the navy' made by the conscripts in the German army, but I can't remember it exactly.

Yeah, i know that but i didnt made myself clear. Company of heroes, which is about able company, an army unit, took it from easy company, an airborne divison ie. the guys in band of brothers.

[ShneekeyTheLost]

FF VI: Tella: YOU SPOONY BARD!!

FF VII: Kefka: You son of a submariner! (I understand it's now son of a sandworm in the GBA version)

Secret of Evermore... darn near every obscure b-rated movie reference the main character ever spouts...

[Nebo_]

L…l…look at you, hacker: a p-pa-pathetic creature of meat and bone, panting and sweating as you r-run through my corridors. How can you challenge a perfect, immortal machine?”

“”Enter that room, insect, and it will become your grave!”

"Make yourself comfortable Hacker. Stay a little while"
SHODAN best, damn, video game villian EVER

I heartily agree.

[Hoggy]

Some spaceship pilot in Mechwarrior 2, I think:

"I'm not being paid enough to die."

Can't quite remember the context, but it's awesome.

[Lolzords]

Halo 2 on that street level.

Something like this:

Glowy chick (can't remember her name): The message just says: regret, regret, regret.
Sergeant: We regret being alien bastards, we regret taking over your city and we regret getting our asses kicked by the marines!
Marines: Hoorah! Hoorah!

And the orks in Dawn of War.

Big Mek: I fixed a couple of things while I woz in dere, probably dint break nuffin important though.

Bog-standard orks: SOD OFF!

Gretchin: Please, no more kicking!

[Emperor Ing]

Your thinking this:
The girls name is Cortana

Commander: The message just repeats, Regret Regret Regret
Cortana: Catchy!
Commander: any idea what it means?
Sgt. Johnson: Dear humanity, we regret being alien bastards, we regret coming to earth, and we most definitely regret that the corps just blew up our raggedy-ass fleet!
Marines: Ooh rah!!

Oh heres a spoof of that scene! http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-1365070467322509551&q=Halo+2+Geico+Commercial&total=39&start=0&num=10&so=0&type=search&plindex=0

[Imrahil]

To serve up another by Sergeant Johnson:

When I joined the corps, we didn't have any fancy-shmancy tanks. We had sticks! Two sticks and a rock for a whole platoon! And we had to share the rock!

[JabberwockySupafly]

Not a single Sam & Max quote? Some of the best lines ever spoken are from the original (and the news ones are a bit of alright as well).

Stuff like:

"I'm not a malefactor, I'm a lagomorph"
-Max (he is an NPC. or technically a tool as you actually can't play as him but you can use him to interact with objects ie pick him up and use him to hammer things)

"Should I confront, subdue, and pummel the suspected perpetrator Sam?"
-Max, again

"I think I'll name him mittens because hed make a fine pair of em."
-You Guessed it, Max (talking about a cat)

"OOOOOH, does this mean we get to kick some puffy, white, mad scientist's
butt?"
-Take a Guess. If You Said Max, You were correct!

I'd wet my pants, if I wore any.
-Max (Yup, we can spot the trend)


"Well, it all started the day before today. I remember it just like
it was yesterday."
-The Mole Man

this one is technically cheating as it contains Sam, which is a PC, but the funny bit is from Max, which is the NPC of the duo:

Sam: "Where should I put this thing so that it doesn't hurt anyone we know or care about?"
Max:"Out the window, Sam. There's nobody but strangers out there."


Those are all the ones I can remember right now (no, i don't have them memorised, I own the re-release of the game :D)


Where were we... The Bard was making an ass of himself... And then... ah yes here it is...
-Narrator, Bard's Tale

Now, for a big one:

Viking Leader Silkbeard: That was the Orkney Dragon you loosed on that damn' town! Months we'd been at it, hammering at the gates and slaughtering the townsfolk when we could get at 'em. Then along comes your dragon, smashes the gate in one pass and puts half the city to the torch! It... it was... beautiful.

The Bard: No wonder the locals hate me.

Viking Leader Silkbeard: Hate you? Hate you? They don't hate you, man! They love you!

The Bard: They love me? What are you on about?

Viking Leader Silkbeard: Wait. No. Not love. Loathe! They loathe you! Despise you! They'll curse your name with every breath for a thousand years! What wouldn't I give for fame like that!

Now, for the not-so-funny:

You may have uncovered your past, but you know nothing of it. You think the Sarafan were noble, altruistic? Don’t be simple. Their agenda was the same as ours.
- Kain, Soul Reaver 2


Terror is not the sight of death, it is the fear of death. What is the fear of death? Terror of the unknown. Is it these eyes you peer into? No. I am not the unknown. You and I are closer kin than you and it were.
-Pisha "Vampire The Masquerade: Bloodlines"


Those are all I have for now.

Cheers
JS

[Triggerhappy938]

"*sigh* Times are tough..."

Best. NPC. Ever.

[Vonriel]

FF VI: Tella: YOU SPOONY BARD!!

FF VII: Kefka: You son of a submariner! (I understand it's now son of a sandworm in the GBA version)

Secret of Evermore... darn near every obscure b-rated movie reference the main character ever spouts...

*cringe* Numbering's off there, Shneekey. Tella was in FF IV, Kefka was in FF VI.

Hmm, NPC lines, NPC lines.. Ah!

"It's a cookbook! A COOKBOOK!" - Troll Witch Doctor, WC3
"<Huge list of debilitating side affects, a la medication commercials>" - Elven Priest, WC3

[dacatus]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EKy4BdOVsZI

Red Alert: Tiberian Sun

"A rule of thumb, Hassan: you can't kill the messiah."

"In the name of Kane!"

[Emperor Ing]

Oh who can forget this oblivion gem? (http://youtube.com/watch?v=39YkekgFptA)

[Serenity]

Edwin: Elminster this, Elminster that! Give me two thousand years and a pointy hat, and I'd kick his arse!

Xzar: STOP POKING ME!

Xzar: Duh...tell me about da rabbits.

Xzar: I wanted infravision like the elves...but 'tis more than just taking their eyes!

Korgan: Mazzy, be knowing that I have somehting long, hard, and low to the ground that yer free to touch and fondle...don't look so cross girl, I be talkin' of me axe!

[Archonic Energy]

Oh, here's another:

"Doom doom doom doom!"
- Guess who ?

Deekin... though it does sound like one of Baldrick's Poems.

[king korath]

firebats in starcraft "Want to talk about propane?"
"Or propane accessories?"

HK-47's definition of love.

[Big Bug Basher]

I love the npc lines on the online game www.dragonfable.com (if you havn't been go now!!!) but beter still are the knights names. here are a few examples sir. vey makes sure the forest is healthy, sir. chandestroy is in charge of wars, sir. render is in charge of guardin falconreach and sir. tax is the evil EBIL (meh-heh zorbak was here) guy who wants to kill the peasants... its so strange! if you don't get it go check it out. youll laugh when you read alot of it.

[....]

Halo2- A random Marine shouts at the Covenant:

"Hey, aliens, why don't you turn down the suck?"