PDA

View Full Version : Bargain Bin Magic Items!



Laydralae
2016-04-14, 12:39 AM
The rule of this game is to name and then describe the operation of magic items that are less then helpful to the user. Some of my favorites:

Recanter of Endless Water
This unassuming jug is capable of containing an infinite amount of water, but will never return it.

Slender Clothes
These unassuming clothes will also find their way back onto you, regardless of your location, what you were wearing before, what you are doing, and the time of day. Anything you were wearing when the Slender Cloths put themselves on is now lost forever.

Infinite Porridge Bowl
This bowl will always have hot porridge in it, but once leaving the bowl will turn to ash.

Prince Zahn
2016-04-14, 02:20 AM
Vapor Lute
This magical, weightless instrument can only be seen, heard or felt by someone attuned to it.

Handkerchief of Sneezing
This deceptively simple white handkerchief sneezes on it's holder at inopportune times, leaving a thin trail of ectoplasm.


I like this game :smallcool:

Ebon_Drake
2016-04-15, 04:15 AM
Gleaming Sword of Shininess
To all intents and purposes, this blade functions as a standard long sword. However, it is also remarkably shiny. I mean really, really shiny. You're not sure if this is due to some kind of minor enchantment, or just the result of quality craftsmanship and dedicated maintenance. All you know is that whenever you draw the blade, people will occasionally pause to stare and pass comment on just how shiny the sword is. Some may complain about having to shield their eyes, or make snide comments about your vigorous polishing routine. If this occurs, you must make a Will save or suffer hurt feelings for 1d6 rounds.

Shield of Familial Encouragement
This wondrous shield has been crafted by the finest Dwarven blacksmiths. Not only does it offer physical protection, it is also enchanted to bolster the bearer's morale. To help the bearer achieve their long-term goals, it will regularly speak to them in the voices of their parents to offer a range of advice and encouragement. Whilst this advice will be unique to each bearer, common themes include suggesting getting a real job, asking if you've met a partner yet and questioning when you plan to settle down and start having children. It will also help you to keep perspective and remind you of what is at stake in your quest by helpfully informing you of the accomplishments of your peers and siblings. It should be noted that repeated strikes to the shield have been known to temporarily disrupt the enchantment, which will cause it to make a constant tutting sound instead.

Syldar
2016-04-16, 11:55 AM
Sword of Slaying Everything Except Squid

This incredibly powerful blade is considered to be +4 and everything-bane. However, should the wielder encounter a cephalopod of any kind, they are stricken with panic (dc 30 will negates) and incur a -5 squid penalty to saving throws, AC, attack, and damage.

Jormengand
2016-04-16, 12:06 PM
Recanter of Endless Water
This unassuming jug is capable of containing an infinite amount of water, but will never return it.

Nice way to get rid of annoying rivers.


Slender Clothes
These unassuming clothes will also find their way back onto you, regardless of your location, what you were wearing before, what you are doing, and the time of day. Anything you were wearing when the Slender Cloths put themselves on is now lost forever.

Put something in them, or attached to them?


Infinite Porridge Bowl
This bowl will always have hot porridge in it, but once leaving the bowl will turn to ash.

Infinite porridge bowl made of ash? Fine...


Vapor Lute
This magical, weightless instrument can only be seen, heard or felt by someone attuned to it.

This is pretty neat because you can use it to send messages to your friends without anyone else knowing.


All you know is that whenever you draw the blade, people will occasionally pause to stare and pass comment on just how shiny the sword is. Some may complain about having to shield their eyes, or make snide comments about your vigorous polishing routine. If this occurs, you must make a Will save or suffer hurt feelings for 1d6 rounds.

Wait, so you take out this sword and it makes everyone pause every so often? And it's a light source? Worth.


It will also help you to keep perspective and remind you of what is at stake in your quest by helpfully informing you of the accomplishments of your peers and siblings. It should be noted that repeated strikes to the shield have been known to temporarily disrupt the enchantment, which will cause it to make a constant tutting sound instead.

That's a pretty nice divination you have there...


Sword of Slaying Everything Except Squid

This incredibly powerful blade is considered to be +4 and everything-bane. However, should the wielder encounter a cephalopod of any kind, they are both stricken with panic (dc 30 will negates) and incur a -5 squid penalty to saving throws, AC, attack, and damage.

I don't even need to explain what's good about this, do I?

Prince Zahn
2016-04-16, 02:47 PM
This is pretty neat because you can use it to send messages to your friends without anyone else knowing.


Assuming they can hear such a message, which they can't. :smallwink: it's only purpose is to make bards who can't play anything think they are still cool. :smalltongue:

Anyway,
The +4 box of kitten sovereignty
This fancy, shiny box appears to fit for tall hats, but a rare enchantment attracts diminutive or smaller cats to sit in it. Once a cat sits in the +4 box of kitten sovereignty, it becomes his box. Seriously, Mark it off your inventory. It's not yours anymore. While the box is in the cat's possession, he receives massive bonuses to armor class, combat maneuver defense (or similar mechanics), attack and damage. The cat will attack any one who attempts to take the box from him. Be it friend or foe. Once the cat gets bored or hungry and leaves, the +4 box of kitten sovereignty loses it's magical potency until another cat claims it.

Jormengand
2016-04-16, 02:49 PM
Assuming they can hear such a message, which they can't. :smallwink: it's only purpose is to make bards who can't play anything think they are still cool. :smalltongue:

I assume there is some way to attune a creature to it (in fact, I'm sure I can come up with one if I try hard enough, even if the item itself doesn't have an in-built one).

Prince Zahn
2016-04-16, 02:58 PM
I assume there is some way to attune a creature to it (in fact, I'm sure I can come up with one if I try hard enough, even if the item itself doesn't have an in-built one).

I don't think more than one creature can be attuned to the same magic item at a time. That's why it's so impractical and so cool at the same time.

Either way, if you're strumming the air guitar Vapor Lute trying to get people NOT to notice your message, you'll probably be looking foolish in the process.

ericgrau
2016-04-16, 07:45 PM
Good for practice without disturbing the neighbors I suppose.

Mirror of Attention Grabbing
This mirrors' reflection shows the viewer to have a pimple, cowlick, spinach in their teeth or other grooming mishap which they may wish to pause and examine for a bit before finally realizing that it's not really there.

Mirrors of Surveillance
Actually a system of non-magical mirrors that bounces light from the front door all the way up to a parascope in your room.

Tin Flask
Upon speaking a command word, a target creature must make a DC 12 will save or become trapped in the tiny flask. It must actually be small enough to fit in the flask. The command word may only be given once a day and has a 60 foot range.

Scarlet Knight
2016-04-17, 11:25 PM
Salve of Monster Summoning: rub upon skin to summon monsters. Smells like barbeque sauce. Monsters are summoned ; not controlled.

Syldar
2016-04-18, 08:08 AM
Gauntlets of Ogre Stench

These... interesting (and cursed) gloves exude a noxious odor, granting a -10 to stealth and a -5 to diplomacy and bluff (these penalties become equal bonuses with regard to ogres and similarly foul-smelling creatures). Additionally, they cause the wearer to be dulled to bad smells, including his own. This leaves him entirely unaware of how horrid he smells.

Bohandas
2016-04-18, 01:42 PM
Stone of Treasure Finding

When activated this stone moves slowly toward the nearest gem, precious metal, of piece of currency. Unfortunately this is generally in the user's pocket, on the user's ring, under the sofa cushions, in a nearby person's pocket, in the till of the shop you're walking past, or somewhere like that.

(I stole this one from an old Piers Anthony novel)

CrackedChair
2016-04-18, 03:54 PM
The Breeches of trust:This item is cursed, and only an identify spell will reveal this fact. At the dusk of each day, roll a D20. On a 1, the wearer of these breeches will make uncomfortable advances towards a single party member.

( I could not resist reposting this. )

Syldar
2016-04-19, 07:43 AM
Singing and Dancing Sword

This intelligent weapon is a +2 shortsword with two additional effects. One, it has arms and legs with which to dance and fight on its own, freeing your hands for other items. However, the blade never stops singing (badly) when it is dancing (which, by the way, it its only form of self-locomotion), giving a -10 to stealth against creatures which can hear. Before you say anything, no, it has no bardic effects. It's just annoying.

Beer of Annihilation

This evil brew causes anyone who drinks it to vaporize, no saving throw. Though it gives off an obvious black glow, it also compels anyone nearby to drink it (DC 25 will resists, elves have a +3 to this saving throw, dwarves have a -3). It is said that it is the best beer ever made... apart from the whole instant death thing.

Duck of DOOM

This foul yellow fowl causes foul effects to those who fowl for its charms. when one sees the duck of doom, they are compelled to pick it up (DC 25 will resists, +5 bonus if one can identify it). Should they do so, an immediate 2 permanent negative levels are incurred, DC 30 fortitude for only one. A variant exists known as the duck of gloom, which is black rather than yellow. This version replaces one negative level with a -2 morale penalty to attack, damage, saving throws, and skills for the rest of the adventure, as the victim can't seem to give anything his/her all. (Saving throw still removes the negative level. The gloominess of the duck cannot be avoided.)

Aniikinis
2016-04-20, 07:41 PM
Orb of Slope Detection: This unassuming crystal ball activates when placed on a floor. It will start to glow with a faint light and roll to indicate the slope of a floor of a room. The speed of the roll indicates how uneven the floor of the room is, if it starts to spiral around the room then the floor has a circular uneven-ness about it.

It also comes in various colours of ball (and light) such as blue(baby blue), red(orange), amber(brown), black(reverse), purple(magenta), and green(yellow)!

Scarlet Knight
2016-04-23, 08:33 PM
Bubbles of Direction - this item appears to be an empty bag with a tight seal. However, if the wielder is underwater and opens the bag, it will produce 1d8 of bubbles that will lead the adventurer up no matter which way he faces.

Syldar
2016-04-24, 08:54 AM
Magic Grail

This grail of great power never spills any liquid inside unless deliberately inverted.

Bohandas
2016-04-28, 06:14 PM
Chief Staff of Joints

A magic staff, for stoners. Plant Growth (hemp only) 1 charge, Extract Drug 1 charge, Rainbow Pattern 2 charges. Also has the special ability of transforming touched textile-grade hemp into OG Kush 1/day

Scarlet Knight
2016-04-30, 05:35 AM
Chief Staff of Joints

A magic staff, for stoners. Plant Growth (hemp only) 1 charge, Extract Drug 1 charge, Rainbow Pattern 2 charges. Also has the special ability of transforming touched textile-grade hemp into OG Kush 1/day

Instead of casting "Dancing lights" do they look like : https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/14/72/0e/14720e5da2caf38e5c421e938e4b9316.jpg

somethingrandom
2016-04-30, 06:38 AM
Lair's Pendent
This pendent (neck slot) grants the wearer a +30 bonus on bluff checks. Unforunatly extensive over and missuse has resulted in the item becoming famous and as a result noone will believe anything the wearer says.

Prince Zahn
2016-05-02, 04:20 AM
Chair's Pendant

This powerful transmutation let's you cast Polymorph any Object 3 times per day upon yourself only, but only into the form of a chair.
While you are a chair, you can not move, take actions, speak, or cast spells. you have no other senses other than a sense of touch, and can feel pain,which means you can not utter the command word that reverses it. That's alright, though, because there isn't one. The magic is permanent and can not be undone without a wish or miracle spell.

backwaterj
2016-05-05, 04:36 AM
Libram of Summoning Bob from Accounting

Pretty much speaks for itself. He's pretty miffed you pulled him away from work just for this.

Neverburning Torch

This ordinary-seeming wooden stick is in fact impossible to set on fire by any means. Other means of destroying the stick work normally. A favorite of scoutmasters with something to prove.

Immovable Rod of Phasing

When you press a button on this 2-foot-long rod, it becomes immovable by any means. It also becomes completely immaterial to all creatures and objects on all planes of existence.

Syldar
2016-05-05, 07:38 AM
Ring of XP

This ring has the amazing effect of giving you more XP. It does so by attracting increasingly bigger and stronger monsters to your location, at a rate much faster than your level increase.

sengmeng
2016-05-05, 09:28 AM
Perfume of Deliciousness
Applying this perfume causes any creature with the special attack "swallow whole" to target you first, with a +4 hunger bonus to their grapple check.

Fetching Stick
Throwing this otherwise normal stick, which is not large enough to be used as a weapon, causes a small dog to appear in a puff of smoke, return the stick to you, and disappear in another puff of smoke. The dog is impervious to harm, never performs any other actions, and is intangible to any object but the stick.

Scarlet Knight
2016-05-07, 09:41 AM
Sheep's Clothing

This fashionable set of clothing, made from magical fleece, grants the wearer +3 to Diplomacy as the wearer is seen as being cute and harmless.

Every round the clothing is worn, the wearer loses -1 to Charisma due to vigorous scratching since wool itches.

backwaterj
2016-05-08, 04:28 AM
Fetching Stick
Throwing this otherwise normal stick, which is not large enough to be used as a weapon, causes a small dog to appear in a puff of smoke, return the stick to you, and disappear in another puff of smoke. The dog is impervious to harm, never performs any other actions, and is intangible to any object but the stick.
Hmm, seems remarkably similar to this:

+0 Returning Boomerang.

Syldar
2016-05-08, 12:50 PM
Lute of Stealth

Anyone who plays this lute gives creatures within 30' a +2 to stealth, doubled if the player sings an accompanying song or is a bard, and quadrupling if both. The effects only occur if the lute is played at full volume.

Asmodean_
2016-05-10, 01:01 PM
Nice way to get rid of annoying rivers.

I imagine that would make traversing them much easier, especially if government lockdowns were making travel nigh impossible.
AHEM AHEM


Ring of Cunning - a magical ring that will use its cunning to get the wearer into a ridiculous and comedic situation worthy of Amnestria.
(that's a hard thing to do)

ludoge
2016-05-10, 04:18 PM
Pot of the Plant-Eater

This pot transmutes all forms of meat and animal products cooked inside into similar plant-based alternatives.
For the adventurer who cares about animals - wait...

Vivee
2016-05-10, 07:51 PM
Potion of Double Genderswap
Swaps the users gender twice, thus achieving nothing.
I mean i guess it'd be useful if you were thirsty??

Aquaphobe's Scroll of Water Breathing
If this scroll is used, or put into a spellbook and used, your character can breathe water, but for the duration of the spell, if the character is near water, they are inflicted with fear, and must run away from it.

Bohandas
2016-05-11, 01:14 AM
A pacifist intelligent sword

sengmeng
2016-05-11, 08:41 PM
Cygnet Ring

This ring has a flat disk on the upper side that when pressed to any flat surface leaves an indelible mark forming a picture of a young swan. Swanmays love this. No one else seems to.

Vivee
2016-05-13, 08:04 PM
Bookworm
Gets into your spell books and just is a general nuisance.

Bohandas
2016-05-14, 12:31 PM
Match Made in Heaven: 50% of the damage from any fire lit with this tindertwig is holy damage and not affected by fire resistance

sengmeng
2016-05-14, 01:37 PM
Fish of Trident Command.
This appears to be a dead raw fish with the normal accompanying smell. However, it never decays and can be used three times per day to command tridents, as the command spell. However, most tridents don't have any way to take actions, and the fish does not grant them any such abilities. Eating or cooking the fish in part or whole destroys its resistance to decay and its magical ability.

Vivee
2016-05-14, 02:24 PM
Scroll of Animal Traction
Allows you to speak with animals, but only lazy ones who cannot be motivated to do anything.

Syldar
2016-05-15, 09:06 AM
Noose of Monster Detection.

Anyone hung using this noose has all illusions on them dispelled and if they are shapeshifted, they become their true form. This only works should they actually die.

Scarlet Knight
2016-05-15, 04:32 PM
Rapier of the Pixies : +4 for splinter removal

Vivee
2016-05-15, 04:56 PM
Potion of Presperation
Exactly what the name implies.

plazeebo
2016-05-16, 01:28 AM
Ring of Flea Action
The wearer of the ring is immediately beset by hundreds of biting, hungry fleas.
Additionally the ring also conveys immunity to any magics that halt movement.
Also provides immunity to liquids (especially flea dip) so that the wearer remains
completely dry. and itchy. Always so, so itchy.
Removing the ring does not remove the fleas.

Armor of Barkshin
when attempting to don the armor the wearer immediately cracks a shin against a nearby object and leaves the owner prone and clutching the injury.
Additional attempts at wearing the armor will cause further injury.
+3 protection vs. looking cool.

backwaterj
2016-05-17, 04:29 AM
Bag of Hoarding
This seemingly-ordinary burlap sack has a nigh-endless capacity due to its opening on like, another dimension or something? It is enchanted so that no matter how carefully items are placed within it is in a constant state of disarray. Also it has several magical compulsion effects which cannot be in any way suppressed. The owner is compelled to constantly seek out new items to put into the bag, and all sentient beings within a 30' radius are compelled to constantly point out to the owner that he/she/it/they have a problem and need to get help.

Speaking of which:

Therapier
This elegant light blade is an intelligent item which, when drawn, seeks to do nothing but draw the wielder into a dialogue about the root of their deep-seated aggression, asking pointed questions about their childhood and past relations. If used against a foe, it urges both parties to find common ground and seek out a non-violent solution to their conflict.

Joxeta
2016-05-17, 10:54 AM
Box of Desire
Any object placed into this box will immediately become desirable to those observing it. However, once removed, the item will resume its non-desirable status.

plazeebo
2016-05-17, 01:23 PM
Box of Desire
Any object placed into this box will immediately become desirable to those observing it. However, once removed, the item will resume its non-desirable status.

I think this is called a toy store.

backwaterj
2016-05-18, 01:31 PM
I thought it was called Amazon?

Vorkosigan
2016-05-19, 06:15 AM
The Rod of Popular Mandate

Created by a master wizard with rather off political ideals, this rod is studded with a number of buttons. One converts it into a +3 warhammer only usable by lawful wielders, one converts it into a scroll case containing a parchment that speeches can be written on, one dispenses small, cute, furry animals in the manner of Roy's bag of tricks. However, at the beginning of each day, the Rod loses all powers unless the wielder wins an election that includes all adults within a one-mile radius to continue as the wielder.

backwaterj
2016-05-20, 02:03 AM
The Rod of Popular Mandate

Created by a master wizard with rather off political ideals, this rod is studded with a number of buttons. One converts it into a +3 warhammer only usable by lawful wielders, one converts it into a scroll case containing a parchment that speeches can be written on, one dispenses small, cute, furry animals in the manner of Roy's bag of tricks. However, at the beginning of each day, the Rod loses all powers unless the wielder wins an election that includes all adults within a one-mile radius to continue as the wielder.
Not to be confused with the:

Rod of Popular Man-Date
...Probably best not to ask.

Scarlet Knight
2016-05-21, 07:21 AM
Box of Desire
Any object placed into this box will immediately become desirable to those observing it. However, once removed, the item will resume its non-desirable status.

I think this is called a toy store.
Yes in the common, but in the High Tongue , the phrase is Mint Condition Collectible

sengmeng
2016-05-26, 11:07 PM
Mace of Discretion

Whenever you grasp the hilt of this heavy mace, a voice whispers in your ear "hmm, better not."

backwaterj
2016-05-27, 06:13 PM
Holly Avenger

Crafted by a great archdruid, this greatsword provides a bonus against undead, aberrations, and people who throw cigarette butts in the woods. Oh, and it's made of wood.

No-Kill Cleric
2016-05-31, 02:12 AM
My character has a magical coin that always lands on heads.

But the magic didn't work out, so if it lands on tails, it unleashes a horrible screech as it magically shifts to heads.

Bohandas
2016-06-02, 01:04 AM
*New double-weapon: The sword with a dagger blade for a handle

*Sword of the Outer Planes - this giant, overly ornate, anime-style sword looks cool but is completely impractical. It acts as a +5 Keen huge bastard sword that grants the wielder the ability to use it as if it were normal size on the outer planes and anywhere else where belief equals power, but acts as a -4 huge bastard sword anywhere else

Rater202
2016-06-02, 02:43 AM
Scabbard of Junk.

The scabbard creates swords. It may have one extant sword at a time. The swords are non-magical and of such poor quality that they can inflict only the bear minimum amount of damage upon a target that it's used against, and any serious use will cause the sword to break. The broken sword will completely cease to exist shortly afterward, preventing the metal from being recycled, and a new sword appears in the scabbard.

sengmeng
2016-06-02, 12:19 PM
Boomerang of Eventual Returning

This curved throwing club has a power similar to the Returning quality, but instead of returning at the beginning of your next turn, it returns in 1d6 weeks.

backwaterj
2016-06-02, 03:44 PM
Decanter of Endless Styrofoam: Keep all those important magical keepsakes safe and ding-free, while simultaneously ruining the ecology you know and love! Oh, by the way, it really is endless. You can't turn it off.

Bag of Trix: Now you too can have a small canvas sack filled with the iconic "fruit"-flavored kids' sugar cereal! The bag is non-magical and the cereal does not replenish, but decays at its normal rate if not eaten. Jug of Milk sold separately.

sengmeng
2016-06-02, 05:41 PM
Ring of Not Dying

Just what it says: you automatically stabilize when brought to negative hitpoints. Mechanically useful, but holy crap would you actually give up a ring slot for that?

Rater202
2016-06-02, 06:20 PM
Ring of barely living

As long as you have the ring, you can't go below 0 hitpoints. However, you can never have more than 1 hit point.

GreyStormcrow
2016-06-02, 07:02 PM
Ring of barely living

As long as you have the ring, you can't go below 0 hitpoints. However, you can never have more than 1 hit point.
Immortality?

sengmeng
2016-06-02, 07:41 PM
Immortality?

Right? .

GreyStormcrow
2016-06-02, 07:43 PM
Right? .
You'd need Diehard, or something similar, but it would basically make you immortal at 0 HP.

Rater202
2016-06-02, 08:22 PM
Technically immortal, but for most people also one good hit away from being incapacitated at all times.

It also doesn't prevent death from level drain or con drain, and Chunky Salsa might be in effect depending on the GM.

GreyStormcrow
2016-06-02, 10:24 PM
Technically immortal, but for most people also one good hit away from being incapacitated at all times.

It also doesn't prevent death from level drain or con drain, and Chunky Salsa might be in effect depending on the GM.
Again, Diehard. Put a Ring like that out there, and every character with a weak Con score will be wanting it.

LastCenturion
2016-06-03, 06:12 AM
Incredibly Protective Shield

This buckler is a normal shield, with the added property that when you have it equipped you gain damage resistance. While using or holding this shield, the bearer has DR 500/Anything.


Anti-Anti-Magic Field Shield

This buckler is normally an average shield, but it has the bonus that while under the effects of an Anti-Magic Field, it gives the wielder a +100 deflection bonus to AC, and a +100 Luck bonus to all saves. This is a magical effect. The Anti-Magic Field suppresses the effect.


Plot Twist: All shields and armors were AAMF all along, and we just didn't notice!

Jormengand
2016-06-03, 10:25 AM
Anti-Anti-Magic Field Shield

This buckler is normally an average shield, but it has the bonus that while under the effects of an Anti-Magic Field, it gives the wielder a +100 deflection bonus to AC, and a +100 Luck bonus to all saves. This is a magical effect. The Anti-Magic Field suppresses the effect.

Someone get this shield a divine rank. :smalltongue:

Rater202
2016-06-03, 03:32 PM
The Spear of organic transmogrification.

The spear turns anything killed or destroyed by it, as well as anything on the person of one slain, into fresh bovine excrement.

sengmeng
2016-06-03, 10:21 PM
The Spear of organic transmogrification.

The spear turns anything killed or destroyed by it, as well as anything on the person of one slain, into fresh bovine excrement.

That's actually super powerful...
Evidence disposal + permadeath? Yes, please!

Rater202
2016-06-03, 11:51 PM
That's actually super powerful...
Evidence disposal + permadeath? Yes, please!

And also all the loot turns to crap. You wanted that magic ring he was wearing? Too bad, it's now bovine excrement. That huge bag full of coins? Bovine excrement.

Useful for a murderer, worthless to an adventurer.

sengmeng
2016-06-04, 10:46 AM
And also all the loot turns to crap. You wanted that magic ring he was wearing? Too bad, it's now bovine excrement. That huge bag full of coins? Bovine excrement.

Useful for a murderer, worthless to an adventurer.

Wow, it's even more powerful than I thought! Give an artifact to a goblin, stab the goblin, congratulations, you just destroyed an artifact.

Rater202
2016-06-04, 06:21 PM
Wow, it's even more powerful than I thought! Give an artifact to a goblin, stab the goblin, congratulations, you just destroyed an artifact.

Okay. It's situationally useful. How many artifacts do you actually want to destroy, however, and are you really the kind of person who will carry a device that literally turns everything to **** on the off chance you stumble across the one situation where it's useful?

LastCenturion
2016-06-04, 06:44 PM
Cleric-in-a-can
This item is a small opaque bottle (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0863.html), within which is contained a cleric. The cleric can be released with a standard action by somebody holding the bottle, or recaptured with a standard action by somebody holding the bottle adjacent to the cleric. However, the cleric is likely to be pissed about being stored within a bottle, and while in the bottle cannot prepare spells.

Rater202
2016-06-04, 07:40 PM
Bard in a can.

It's an air-horn.

Prince Zahn
2016-06-05, 01:43 AM
Flumph Repellent

This exotic paste contains a unique antipathy spell that only effects flumphs and repels them from the applied location unless they beat a DC 22 will save. It also smells like lemon pledge.

sengmeng
2016-06-05, 09:32 AM
Okay. It's situationally useful. How many artifacts do you actually want to destroy, however, and are you really the kind of person who will carry a device that literally turns everything to **** on the off chance you stumble across the one situation where it's useful?

Yes, I would.

Potion of Courage

A bottle of whiskey.

Prince Zahn
2016-06-05, 01:31 PM
Potion of forgetfulness

Another bottle of whiskey. Because after 2 bottles of whiskey, there is no bad memories you can't drown!

BTW Backwaterj permission to use the Therapier in my own campaign? I can't make promises but it has potential. :smallsmile:

Pex
2016-06-05, 02:05 PM
Warhammer, Dwarven Thrower

This warhammer when wielded by anyone other than a dwarf functions as a +1 warhammer. When wielded by a dwarf there's a 5% chance each swing and 100% chance if the dwarf attempts to throw it that the warhammer throws the dwarf instead.

Figurine of Wondrous Power - Frog

This small statuette is found in a locked box buried underground or in a tomb, etc. and only when a person doing the searching is alone. Once claimed, the frog comes alive and starts singing various popular tunes very loudly. The owner needs to make a DC 20 will save or believe he can make a fortune selling tickets for showcasing a singing frog. However, the frog always manages to finish whatever song he is singing just before the owner presents the frog to another person and then return to its worthless statuette state. Any attempt to get the statuette to sing while in another person's presence fail. As soon as the owner is alone again the frog starts to sing. The owner cannot willingly rid himself of the frog while in statuette form in another person's presence. The only way he can rid himself of the frog is when he's alone, the frog is singing, and he places it in a locked box and buries it somewhere.

Rater202
2016-06-05, 08:27 PM
Ring of Spam.

Functions like a Ring of three wishes, but will twist any wish until into "I wish for a can of Spam that's a week past the expiration date."

backwaterj
2016-06-06, 03:58 AM
BTW [B]Backwaterj permission to use the Therapier in my own campaign? I can't make promises but it has potential. :smallsmile:
By all means! I wouldn't post it on the internet without the tacit understanding it's there for the taking! :smallwink:


Ring of Spam.

Functions like a Ring of three wishes, but will twist any wish until into "I wish for a can of Spam that's a week past the expiration date."
Wait . . . Spam has an expiration date?!

Deck of Many Cards: It's a deck. With many cards. Fifty-two of them to be precise, plus jokers. No, they're not magical. Or even particularly lucky.

Bagpipes of the Triton: When completely filled with air and sounded by a creature with 20 or more ranks in Perform: Bagpipe, this instrument affects the performer with a continuous, nondispellable water breathing and freedom of movement effect, for as long as the pipes are continually sounded. This instrument has the side effect of enraging any nearby creatures, be they water- or land-based, except for some odd reason Scotsmen.

Prince Zahn
2016-06-07, 07:02 AM
By all means! I wouldn't post it on the internet without the tacit understanding it's there for the taking! :smallwink: Awesomesauce! My players are in for it as soon as I can find a place B)

Deck of Many Cards: It's a deck. With many cards. Fifty-two of them to be precise, plus jokers. No, they're not magical. Or even particularly lucky.Alas, there's one of these in every bargain bin in the multiverse. :smallsigh:

Scale Polish
This rare exotic cream will make your scales look years younger! However, it's effect wears off after a few hours and causes irritation or boils if it's not washed off.

Rater202
2016-06-07, 11:25 AM
Wait . . . Spam has an expiration date?!

All food goes stale/loses freshness/begins to mold/decay eventually.

Ring of Undeserved Tantalization

This cursed ring causes all food and drink that a character attempts to go for to move just out of reach. While the curse is active ring can only be removed by the death of the one wearing it, or by destroying it with a disjunction. The curse will only activate if worn by someone of good alignment. Otherwise it's just a ring.

Bohandas
2016-06-07, 09:24 PM
Sword of Cryptography- If one gets so frustrated with trying to decode a message that they freak out and chop up the document with this sword there's a 50% chance that the words on the surviving scraps of the document will be unscrambled

Rater202
2016-06-07, 10:33 PM
Seven Inch Boots.

Make you walk a litte over half a foot each step.

Bohandas
2016-06-08, 02:14 AM
Incredibly Protective Shield

This buckler is a normal shield, with the added property that when you have it equipped you gain damage resistance. While using or holding this shield, the bearer has DR 500/Anything.


Unfortunately it's intelligent wih the personality of an overbearing father

sengmeng
2016-06-08, 08:50 AM
Deck of Many Thongs

Similar to a Deck of Many Things, except every card summons a pair of lacy pink thong underwear.

Rater202
2016-06-09, 12:14 AM
Dancing shoes.

Shoes than can never be worn or held because they are constantly dancing.

backwaterj
2016-06-09, 04:03 AM
Everburning Torc: This bronze choker-like necklace, when fastened securely around the neck, catches on fire, emitting light and heat equal in intensity to a large bonfire. Does not work for creatures with fire resistance or immunity.

The One Ring to Rule Them All: This ring is cunningly worked with a small tape measure that can be pulled out from its edge, with just enough length to properly size other rings.

@V: C'mon, at least make it Merciful! :smallbiggrin:

sengmeng
2016-06-09, 08:45 PM
Random Axe of Kindness

This weapon shifts form once per round.
Roll a d6, 1=handaxe, 2=dwarven waraxe, 3= battleaxe, 4= greataxe, 5= throwing axe, 6= orc double axe. It also speaks, complimenting both its wielder and his enemies and allies.

Bohandas
2016-06-13, 12:43 AM
Bong of Remove Blindness - Another advance in eye care from the church of Olidammara

EDIT:

Fig of Wondrous Power - when bitten into after speaking the command phrase this fig turns into a talking dog with int 8 for as long as you continue eating it. This is very nasty.

EDIT:

Figurine of Wondrous Power: Phonics Dog - Once a week for 6 hours this figurine changes into a talking dog that teaches children about reading and writing. (Actually, now that I think of it, that would make a good kids show)

sengmeng
2016-06-13, 11:16 PM
Vapid Grimoire

This is actually a copy of Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen.
It makes you intolerable for 1d100 weeks.

Vivee
2016-06-15, 03:42 PM
Skeleton of Bad Times
This skeleton will never tell you the correct time when asked. He will not preform any other actions.

thoroughlyS
2016-06-16, 07:34 PM
Rhymewire
When installed on a stringed instrument, anyone attempting to play a song must make a DC 13 Wisdom(Sense Motive) check. If successful, they are able to play any song regardless of familiarity. If they fail, the instrument becomes the target of a contagion spell for the spell's full duration.

backwaterj
2016-06-17, 03:50 AM
Ring of Protraction: This amazingly wondrous item of power allows the wearer to know the precise angle, down to a tenth of a degree, from which an attack hit them, after it has connected and done normal damage. Useful for adolescent fighters struggling with their geometry homework.

Ex-Kaliber: Anyone who removes this long-flat non-alcoholic beer from its resting place embedded in solid rock proves to all Britain that they have way too much time on their hands.

sengmeng
2016-06-20, 09:41 PM
Mug of Evaporation

This mug removes the alcohol from any drink that is poured into it. It's used mostly as a prank or to cheat at drinking contests, and as such it's best not to be found with one.

Rater202
2016-06-21, 07:45 PM
Mug of Toxification

Turns Alcohol Arsenic, but only f the owner of the mug is drinking from it.

Syldar
2016-06-22, 10:29 AM
Amulet of the Warrior

This cursed amulet seems to be beneficial, giving +6 STR and CON. However, it carries with it a -4 each to all mental stats. Also, if the player wishes to do something stupid, the GM must, under no circumstances, say "are you sure" or something similar. Even if the act would kill the wearer. ESPECIALLY if the act would kill the wearer.

Rater202
2016-06-24, 09:48 PM
Ring of cake.

Magically transfigures the wearer into non magical, non living cake-killing them instantly. The cake expires and rapidly decays over the course of a minute.

backwaterj
2016-06-25, 11:04 AM
Cloak of the Falling Stone: This stylish grey cloak can, on command, instantly teleport the wearer (and only the wearer) 900 feet straight up into the air. It will only function if there is no surface capable of supporting the wearer at that height, and it suppresses all flight, slow-fall, and levitation abilities, be they natural, magical, or technological in origin, for a period of one minute. The wearer takes maximum fall damage.

Ring of the Distraught Vermin: This ring allows the wearer a limited dominate effect, usable at will. They can command any lemmings within line of sight to become suicidal and wish to end their lives by throwing themselves off the nearest precipice.

sengmeng
2016-06-26, 01:53 PM
Wand of Premature Evocation

This functions like a Wand of Fireball, except there is a 50% chance it goes off whenever it is touched, and shoots a fireball wherever it happens to be pointed at that moment, usually in the user's pocket.

Rater202
2016-06-27, 03:32 PM
Ring of Zombies. When the owner of the ring, and only the owner, wears it, they are instantly slain with no save by a death effect that ignores immunity to death effects. They are then immeiatly reanimated as a mindless zombie programmed to perform a truly random task repetitively until destroyed.

GreyStormcrow
2016-06-27, 05:48 PM
The Golden Flippers: These flippers - fashioned out of pure gold - are quite expensive, but grant the automatic ability to move 60 feet in one round while attempting a Swim check. This ability is constant until the Flippers are removed.

sengmeng
2016-06-28, 02:46 PM
Gloves of Borrowing

These gloves give you a +5 bonus to Sleight of Hand when using it to pick someone's pocket, but any items stolen are teleported back into the victims pocket ten seconds later. It's mostly used for practicing picking pockets.

Rater202
2016-06-28, 09:31 PM
Amulet of fishy aptitude.

Turns the wearer permanently into a trout.

Bohandas
2016-06-29, 09:29 PM
How about a self heating spoon? Another magical inn0vation from the church of Olidammara

Rater202
2016-06-30, 01:55 AM
How about a self heating spoon? Another magical inn0vation from the church of Olidammara

A similar magic item is the fork the freezes solid anything you try to eat with it

Kevrandrus
2016-06-30, 02:03 AM
I once had a shady market dealer in a back item selling my party faulty magic items.
Some of my favorites were:

Neverburning Torch!
- Exactly as it sounds


Boots of Blinding Speed
- They gave +50 ft movement; but the wearer was rendered blind.


Ring of Regurgitation
- If you're wearing it, and a monster eats you; it will have to pass a Fortitude save or puke you back up. The ring offers no protection against ingestion damage however, and while being worn - the wearer has to pass Fortitude saves or throw up anything they've eaten.

Syldar
2016-06-30, 11:36 AM
Amulet of Mighty Fish

Allows the user to cast summon bigger fish (http://www.darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0208.html) once per day.

Staff of Random Summoning

The staff summons a random monster to a random location on the planet when used.

Book of Curses

This book hurls childish insults at the user while opened and for 1d4+1 minutes more when closed and ignored.

Vivee
2016-07-02, 03:31 PM
Another set of Eyes
Whenever both eyes are held, the user must take a Will save, or be inflicted with Multiple Personality Disorder.

Bohandas
2016-07-03, 01:25 AM
The Butt of Vecna - Stinking Cloud 3/day as a spell-like ability

Scarlet Knight
2016-07-04, 09:13 AM
Soppressata's Spinning Blades of Death : these circular blades do 1d4 slashing damage but are +3 vs food....

( this was an actual item in a campaign once...)

CrackedChair
2016-07-04, 10:13 AM
Potion of Raise Dead: When consumed, the person is subjected to a raise dead spell.

Scroll of Cure Blindness: When the words of this scroll are read, the person reading the scroll is cured of any magical blindness he/she is affected by.

NotADragonYet
2016-07-24, 05:11 AM
Ring of Regrowing: When this ring is worn, a creature that loses that limb grows it back, as long as the ring is still being worn.

Cerefel
2016-07-27, 01:14 AM
Pearl of Powder: Always seems to be coated in a small amount of flour. Upon the flour being wiped off onto something or otherwise removed, it reappears 1 round later.

sengmeng
2016-07-29, 07:47 AM
Dysleximancer's Guide to Battle

Includes feats like Erotic Weapon Proficiency and Wombat Expertise

ViscountGrey
2016-07-29, 08:28 AM
Boots of Elvunkind

Cause the wearer to seek out and insult the nearest elf. The higher the level of the elf, the worse the insults.

Bohandas
2016-08-29, 10:54 PM
An intelligent sock named Tynisha

LastCenturion
2016-08-30, 09:10 AM
The Most Useful Stick
This stick is perceived as the most useful object around whenever it is looked on. It has no common use, besides distracting people who will be like "damn! That Stick Is The Most Useful!"

sengmeng
2016-08-31, 06:21 PM
Figurine of Wondrous Powder

This small figurine is shaped to look like a random animal. When the command word is spoken, it crumbles into powder. The powder is pretty terrific, though.

Lex-Kat
2016-09-02, 07:02 PM
Fan of unachievable wind.

This is a hand-fan that when waved sounds like it is moving a fair amount of air in the direction it is waved, but no cooling wind is ever felt.

Bohandas
2016-09-03, 01:49 PM
A bucket of chicken cooked with "elven herbs and spices"

Vivee
2016-09-04, 07:04 PM
Undertale Trash Bin
Literally just a trash bin with jkhero73 inside.

Dog
He's a good boy, and refuses to bite.

Kad
2016-09-05, 03:55 PM
Book of Endless Stories and Adventures

This magnificent book will always have another page, and you will never read the entire story in it. Or probably more than a few pages because whenever you get to a really good part of the story something exciting will happen. Resulting Adventures may be as short as chasing your escaped animal companion through the neighborhood or as long as the rest of your life and the next several generations of your family.

Any pages removed from the book vanish and are lost forever and the riveting and attention catching story shifts to account for the missing pages.

Hay Repelling Needle
This needle repels all forms of grass and straw, and cannot be moved within 6 inches of them.

HisHighestMinio
2016-09-11, 01:24 AM
Neverfull spellbook:
This 10-page spell book never fills up. This is because whenever it is half full, all of its pages are erased.

Critical sword:
100% of hits are critical!
This functions identically to a great sword, except it is only able to hit on a nat 20.

sengmeng
2016-09-30, 05:27 PM
Leather Stud Armor

All the protection, twice the discomfort. For everyone.

hector212121
2016-11-13, 04:09 AM
Wand of Greater Evorcation:When activated, this wand creates 1d10 orcs of random class and level. These orcs are not under the control of the wand-user.

Wand of Firedball:When activated, shoots out a bouncing ball that deals 1 damage to anything it hits, but bounces in a semi-random direction(roll 1d3, with 1 being right back where it came from, and 2 and 3 being 45 degrees away). It stops after bouncing 3d20 times, then vanishes.

Gloves of Burnt Hands:When worn, these gloves catch on fire, leaving your hands horribly mutilated. If you already have burn scars on your hands, these gloves do not trigger.

Wand of Shocked Gasp:When cast, the target gasps in shock. Appears in all other ways to be a wand of shocking grasp.

Masema
2016-11-22, 10:45 PM
Boots of Binding Steed
When these boots are worn, the wearer is transformed into a Fiendish Warhorse. However, the wearer is also hobbled, giving him a speed of 0.

hector212121
2016-11-22, 10:52 PM
Boots of Minding Feed:When worn, force wearer to take care of food for the rest of the party and any neutral or friendly npcs.

LastCenturion
2016-11-22, 11:04 PM
Boots of Blinding Steam
While wearing these boots, the wearer is blinded by fog that appears in their space. This grants no concealment or special benefit beyond the veil of steam and blinding the wearer.

Markozeta
2016-11-23, 12:07 PM
Mace of Measurement
This mace accurately depicts the force of each swing in whatever force measurement units are traditionally accepted and used by the bearer on a convenient, perfectly scaling dial. To ensure the accuracy of the dial, no force can actually be transmitted by the mace - all of the energy of the swing needs to be directed to the dial to ensure full and complete measurement.

Self stirring cauldron of Sewage
Using the swirling power given to sewage when sent down the toilet, this cauldron is able to harness that energy and keep it stirring continuously.

Scarlet Knight
2016-11-25, 12:55 PM
Anti-invisibilty Powder.
Component - 1 bag of flour.

Toss powder in air; anyone invisible within the area of effect (usually about 1 hex) becomes visible.

Syldar
2016-11-25, 09:04 PM
Potion of disbelief: "This can't taste THAT bad, can it? I should try it again, just in case."
-Every drinker of this thing.

hector212121
2016-11-25, 09:34 PM
Potion of disbelief: "This can't taste THAT bad, can it? I should try it again, just in case."
-Every drinker of this thing.

For the next ten minutes, you make every will save to disbelieve illusions.

Unfortunately, you also make will saves to disbelieve reality.

sengmeng
2016-11-27, 10:54 AM
Potion of Invisibility

If anyone ever finds it, then maybe they can drink it and figure out what it does.

hector212121
2016-11-27, 02:41 PM
Indivisibility Cloak:Renders the wearer incapable of any operation involving division, be it short or long.