PDA

View Full Version : Gamer Humor Random Dice Roll Regrets...



DontEatRawHagis
2016-04-14, 11:52 AM
Do you ever call "everyone roll and just don't get a one or else X happens" and then immediately regret what you just said?

That is how, when a wall of potions fell on top of the party, Nikolai became Nicolette...

JAL_1138
2016-04-14, 12:37 PM
Potion miscibility. My gnome exploded (again).

Wild magic. Also exploded. Took out the party.

Missed with a flask of alchemist's fire. Rolled direction and distance. Sailed past the enemy and hit our archer, who had a few flasks on him and thus exploded.

Astronavigation fail--Hyperdrive exploded. Ship dropped into realspace. Rolled to see exactly where--asteroid field. Failed the piloting roll; ship exploded.

Failed a sanity check. Rolled for madness--attack nearest creature. Melee'd a mephit. Exploded.

Joe the Rat
2016-04-14, 01:21 PM
Stay away from Savage Worlds, you'll blow the whole game up!

It's become a recurring theme.
DM: "Okay, this guy is from a 2,000 year old culture. So you'd need to roll max on your History-"
Smart Guy: "Crit."
DM: "Dammit!" *makes up entirely new thing*

Smart Guy: "So what do I know about centuries old Hobgoblin politics?"
DM: Obscure, not from your homeland? Hmm, That would-"
Smart Guy: "Crit"
DM: "Dammit!" *makes up 500 years of politics*

Mad Doctor: "Do I find anything in his intestines?"
DM: "If I roll a 30." *rolls a 30* "Dammit" *makes up a new subplot based on alimentary marbles*

I have since introduced the d30 as the wtf die. If someone pulls a crazy thing (such as propositioning a tree on the off chance a Dryad is inside), I roll. On a 30, it works out for their benefit (in this case, yes, there was a Dryad). On a 1, I get to screw with them (Like have an angry treant).

OldTrees1
2016-04-14, 01:41 PM
A PC was heading up alone through the sewers towards the surface. They barely passed a spot check and ended up inside a Gelatinous Cube. I hoped with all my might that they would pass the Fortitude check. Not only did they fail the Fort save, but the duration ended up long enough that they died while unable to fight back. This was the first session for this 9th level PC.

DC 15 Spot check
DC 13 Reflex save
DC 20 Fort save
3d6 rounds
1d6 Acid per round

:smallfrown:

Keltest
2016-04-14, 01:43 PM
Potion miscibility. My gnome exploded (again).

Wild magic. Also exploded. Took out the party.

Missed with a flask of alchemist's fire. Rolled direction and distance. Sailed past the enemy and hit our archer, who had a few flasks on him and thus exploded.

Astronavigation fail--Hyperdrive exploded. Ship dropped into realspace. Rolled to see exactly where--asteroid field. Failed the piloting roll; ship exploded.

Failed a sanity check. Rolled for madness--attack nearest creature. Melee'd a mephit. Exploded.

And yet, none of those involve water. Are you saving your real horror stories for a rainy day?


Anyway, one of my friends had a flask of wyvern venom (plus other stuff that I don't remember, but mostly venom) that he wanted to use as a grenade. He rolled a 1 on his throw, shattered the bottle and eviscerated his hand with the poisoned glass.

That was an interesting encounter.

Deepbluediver
2016-04-14, 02:29 PM
We were working our way through a bog-standard "maze filled with traps and monsters". We did alright on the traps mostly just by being hyper-paranoid, but the monsters kept winning initiative.

In the first fight some failed Will-saves sent both our frontline fighters fleeing in panic for 1d6 rounds, leaving the Wizard and two Rogues basically on their own, and in the second fight a decent attack roll from the Rust Monster dusted our tank's armor in the first round and kept both Rogues from wanting to attack it at all.

JAL_1138
2016-04-14, 03:05 PM
And yet, none of those involve water. Are you saving your real horror stories for a rainy day?


Anyway, one of my friends had a flask of wyvern venom (plus other stuff that I don't remember, but mostly venom) that he wanted to use as a grenade. He rolled a 1 on his throw, shattered the bottle and eviscerated his hand with the poisoned glass.

That was an interesting encounter.

Well, I thought one of the potions was just water. It was in a bowl/basin thingy. EDIT: In the DM's defense it was supposed to be a helpful potion, like True Seeing or something, a pleasant surprise for a PC, although I forget exactly what, and I just happened to have recently chugged a healing potion in the last room. Then I proceeded to get an awful result on the miscibility table. It could have done something like give me permanent True Sight (or whatever the potion was) or doubled the effect of one of them, or something like that.

But most of the water stories don't involve random rolls other than damage, saving vs. drowning, or wandering monster tables. Not really "roll on the table and try not to get a horrible random result*"

*All wandering monster results involving aquatic monsters are horrible, so they don't count. :smalltongue:

Inevitability
2016-04-14, 03:30 PM
(5th edition)

A player, playing an archery-focused fighter, decided to shoot the flying Erinyes his allies were fighting on the other side of the battlefield. He hit, and tacked on a Disarming Attack. Erinyes fails her save and drops her sword.

The player reminded me there were several bearded devil legionnaires below the Erinyes, and I roll a die to see if the falling sword hits any. Natural 20. I roll to see which one is hit, and it's the one with only four hit points left. He killed a devil by shooting a sword from someone's hand and dropping it on the devil.

He was named 'master sharpshooter' from then on.

Quertus
2016-04-14, 05:14 PM
Death and disfigurement by random rolls is why one should always look for and invest in ways to manipulate probability / cheat fate.

So, this one time, the PCs were leading a massive force to invade an enemy cultist stronghold. I was playing a tactically challenged cleric of a war god. Said cleric hated archers. A lot. If he were a ranger, archers would have been his chosen enemy.

During the preliminaries, which we rolled out, round by round, my cleric single-handedly cleared a 150' section of castle wall. Took a bit of damage in the process, but now our troops could advance on the front of the castle without fear of being riddled with arrows. Yeah, my cleric was a beast in combat.

During this time, the party kept being hit by enemy magical effects, with no apparent source, regardless of where they were. OOC I could see what was going on, but IC, off by himself, my cleric had no clue what was going on.

Eventually, some of us meet up, and start piecing things together. We know that we're all being assailed by an unseen spellcaster. Unfortunately, we don't have the perfect sense of timing (or the time to chat) to realize that it is one spell per round, or that an enemy spell would still be targeted at one of us, even if on the other side of the fortress from, and with no line of sight to, the previous target.

As the battle turns clearly in our favor, the drawbridge opens and closes, a couple of ominously placed windows blink, and the entire fortress comes to life.

Yes, the fortress had been casting spells at us. Spells which had steadily been getting stronger as the cultists completed their ritual (which may have involved the sacrifice of their troops at our hands).

But that's not all! Oh, no, this was no simple construct. No, it was an embodiment of their deity!

Now we begin the real battle.

But what did all this have to do with random rolls? Well, in a battle against an enemy god, with an entire army on our side, my cleric just didn't feel that he was adequately representing. In a battle against an enemy cult, he felt it was imperative that he do something... memorable. Flashy.

Searching through his inventory, I noticed a holy relic of sorts that he had picked up on a previous quest. I remembered that this relic had a table of random effects to roll on, so my cleric wanted to cast a probability manipulation spell before activating the holy relic.

He pulls out his holy symbol, and the fortress punches him. KO.

Now, at this point, I should point out that this was 2e AD&D, with weapon speeds and casting times. Taking careful note of exactly which segment he had been punched on, I noticed that my cleric had not actually begun casting his spell yet, and so still had it in memory.

An ally heals my cleric, I prepare the same tactic for the next round. With exactly the same results.

Repeat for a third round. And a fourth.

And probably several more beyond that. But, always, my cleric was beat down before he had begun casting his spell.

All this time, the party - and the army! - is pouring damage on the distracted deific manifestation.

Finally, the DM asks me, you keep stubbornly trying to cast this spell, what are you trying to do? I explain my plan (which I suspect the cultists / deity were trying to divine), and suddenly I get two unmolested rounds to complete my plan.

It's a terrible plan.

Well, not the worst plan. See, the DM gave me a custom item - 20 1-shot prayer beads. I have no idea what they do, but they sound religious.

So I activate the bead, and apply a bonus to the roll. The DM realizes that, roll + bonus is a number that is off the table.

Nope. Dang.

He lets me pick a number on the table between my roll and the max result.

Now, slightest metagaming here, I remember (or, rather, see, since the DM has the book open) that the highest entry has a range, but the next highest entry only occurs once on the table.

So I make an educated guess as to what number will get the singular result. Because, I figure, I can always get the rest of the results when I start spamming the rest of the prayer beads in subsequent rounds.

I guess right. Result: summon an avatar of my deity.

War god backed by army vs battered hack job of an avatar for a non war deity? Game Over!

And this is another reason why we manipulate probability whenever possible.

EDIT: just remembered, the character's name was Cendur (pronounced like "sender" or "cinder").

Belac93
2016-04-14, 05:14 PM
A teen tried to seduce a character. I say jokingly: "You better hope you roll well."
A 20, a 4, and nine months later, he has a kid.

IntelectPaladin
2016-04-15, 09:39 PM
In my first session of DnD of all time,
And with my first and only DnD character, Whom I have had for over a year.
Sir Jev the paladin.

Jev Was seeing an orc dead for the first time, After having helped defeat it in combat.
And to have Jev match my own feelings of horror and disgust,
I stated that I was rolling against throwing up in my own full-face helmet.

It was my first natural one.

It led to my inventing the full-faced helm with a mouthguard swivel.
(Lockable, Of course, With an additional air-purifying "mage-cloth"
added to the inner mouthguard.)

Needless to type, Everyone at the table enjoyed that one.