About Introductions

[Epinephrine_Syn]

I've recently been feeling a lot of stagnation in a lot of areas of my life, and have been looking for new groups of people to hang out with and make friends with online (be it through new games, games I've done with new people, ). I however am slightly shy when it comes to introducing myself to new people or new places (really in any format or purpose, be it social, gaming, romantic, or rp wise, or some other category), and more importantly don't have the best idea of where to go to begin getting to know people.

I figured making a post asking for help and suggestions on activities to try and groups to join is better than simply trying to figure it out myself, because 'trying to figure it out myself' trends towards 'do nothing about it, ever'. Besides, this is as good a first step as any, I suppose.

[Crow]

I've recently been feeling a lot of stagnation in a lot of areas of my life, and have been looking for new groups of people to hang out with and make friends with online (be it through new games, games I've done with new people, ). I however am slightly shy when it comes to introducing myself to new people or new places (really in any format or purpose, be it social, gaming, romantic, or rp wise, or some other category), and more importantly don't have the best idea of where to go to begin getting to know people.

I figured making a post asking for help and suggestions on activities to try and groups to join is better than simply trying to figure it out myself, because 'trying to figure it out myself' trends towards 'do nothing about it, ever'. Besides, this is as good a first step as any, I suppose.

So what precisely do you need help with?

[TheThan]

So I’m assuming you’re a dude and that you probably don’t have that much experience out in the world. If not, well this might give you insider information or reveal something you might not have ever thought about.

Introducing oneself to another person is very simple. In my experience it’s best to be honest and straight forward. When you approach the person you wish to meet, stop about an arm’s length away and simply say “Hi, I’m ” and extend your right hand forward to shake the other person’s hand. I strongly recommend a moderately powerful palm to palm hand shake, don’t try to crush his hand, but don’t be timid about it either. Stand up straight, square your body to him and look him in the eye. The other guy should respond by shaking your hand and announcing his name as well. Congratulations you’ve just met a person!

Now there is a lot of nuance going on in this simple interaction. People tend to pick up context clues from such a simple meeting; most people do this without even realizing it. I once knew someone that was very conscious of the nuances of first impressions, I learned a lot from him. For example how you shake someone’s hand tells a lot about you.

If your hand is hard, then that person will know you work with your hands, if your hand is soft, then he knows you do no work with your hands very much. someone with rough calloused hands indicates someone that is good with tools and is skilled and used to manual labor. while someone with soft hands indicates a person that may not be good with tools or skilled with manual labor, instead working in other "soft" environments like an office.
How you shake someone’s hand tells a lot about you. A firm palm on palm hand shake indicates confidence; while a handshake that barely touches anther's fingers indicates a lack of confidence and that you are timid. A hand shake that tries to crush another’s hand indicates a desire for dominance.

The distance you stand from the person you’re meeting also says a lot. If you invade that person’s space and make him uncomfortable, it tells him that you have a desire or need to intimidate and dominate or that you have no clue about personal space. If you stand so far away that a person has to reach for your extended hand that tells them that you are shy and do not wish to stand close to them or even meet them at all. standing at a comfortable distance suggest that you respect that person's space yet are confident enough that you don't have to try to dominate others.

How you stand matters as well. If you stand up straight and look the person you’re meeting in the eye; that exudes confidence. Hunching over shows that you are not confident. A person can assume that you’ve been beat down by life if you approach them hunched over. Not meeting another's gaze is a great way to betray a lack of confidence in yourself. Standing up straight shows resilience to the hardships of life. Standing up straight also shows health and vigor while hunching over shows illness and tiredness. Facing someone square on shows that you are focused on this person, your attention is on him; while standing at an angle indicates that your attention is being diverted elsewhere and that you are not focusing on him; you’re focusing elsewhere. This can be construed to be rude or that you don’t really want to meet this person.

I could go on and on and on. I could talk about your appearance, how you dress, about your grooming, the tone of your voice, the way you act after you introduce yourself etc. But it’s important to know that all this information and much more is conveyed in an instant. I find it amazing that so much information can be passed on in a mere moment. I hope this underlines how important first impressions are and why that old saying [I]“you never get a second chance to make a first impression” so incredibly true.

edit
i just realized i typed an entire page about the nuances of first impressions and that it's only about a quarter of what i could talk about. yikes.

[Thrawn4]

I've recently been feeling a lot of stagnation in a lot of areas of my life, and have been looking for new groups of people to hang out with and make friends with online (be it through new games, games I've done with new people, ). I however am slightly shy when it comes to introducing myself to new people or new places (really in any format or purpose, be it social, gaming, romantic, or rp wise, or some other category), and more importantly don't have the best idea of where to go to begin getting to know people.

I figured making a post asking for help and suggestions on activities to try and groups to join is better than simply trying to figure it out myself, because 'trying to figure it out myself' trends towards 'do nothing about it, ever'. Besides, this is as good a first step as any, I suppose.
Sometimes it's quite difficult to get to know people. Othertimes it's simplicity itself. I suggest you try some group activities: join a local group for gaming / theatre / sports / whatever is interesting to you. That really helps, especially if you have no common accquaintances. It provides mutually interests and topics and gives you an incentive to work together which provides many opportunities to show that you are a good person.
Don't overthink it, even if you have the feeling that you are socially awkward: Everyone is to some degree, they are just better at hiding it. Being yourself is usually the way to go.

Online friends is nice, but it's not really something that can compare to real life friends imho.

[Gray Mage]

Well, if you're looking for online friends as well I'd suggest looking at gaming communities and multiplayer/competitive games. There's a lot of, say, unfriendly people but there's a lot of great people too. If you look for communities out of the game for people to play with you it helps a lot.
In here in the gaming subforum there are threads (steam, dota 2, lol, hearthstone, heroes of the storm) that helps newbies in the games and are a great fun to be part of. I, myself, am part of some of those and am available if you need help. :smallsmile:

[Epinephrine_Syn]

Part of what I was looking for was the techniques of going about actually introducing myself to people. While I knew a fair bit about it, there were some tidbits that I know better to look for now because of it, in particular the bit about calloused hands versus soft hands. The information was very helpful on this end.

I would say that part of what I was looking for was new groups or interests to join in on. There are a bunch of potential communities or relationships, but I don't have the clearest idea on which to go after or recommend myself towards. There are good choices, but bad choices too, and being previewed on them, or having techniques to evaluate them early on would help with that metric.

As for real life, instead of online, I'm not quite sure where I would find such friends or groups or relationships. That problem seems way harder than just the online problem, even excluding the hurdles and innate disadvantages of real life discussion and meet-ups.

[Gray Mage]

I would say that part of what I was looking for was new groups or interests to join in on. There are a bunch of potential communities or relationships, but I don't have the clearest idea on which to go after or recommend myself towards. There are good choices, but bad choices too, and being previewed on them, or having techniques to evaluate them early on would help with that metric.

I'd say browse the latest pages and see the usual mood of the thread. If it's mostly fighting/flaming give it a wide berth, if it's civil discourse, tips and stuff like that odds are it'll be a good community to start with.

[Lethologica]

Considering your comments, you're probably looking for groups with primarily communal activities and a low level of initial personal exposure--where you can focus on participating and contributing, and make friends once you're comfortable in the group. The good news is, hobby-centric groups are everywhere. Volunteering is another good way to find positive communities.

Recommending interests to you is trickier, because it depends entirely on who you are. Can you elaborate a little bit on what you find interesting, or might find interesting?