Kitsune House! IC

[Bhaakon]

Episode I: A New Dope




Turmoil has engulfed Kitsune House! The status of the House
charter is in dispute.

Hoping to resolve the situation with a quiet investigation, the
Dean of Students has placed the house on double secret
probation, banning parties and subjecting the small sorority
to random searches for contraband.

While the Thassilonian Council endlessly debates this alarming
chain of events, the proud citizen of Kitsune House!, unaware
of the brewing controversy, have made an incredible discovery...


Really, you should have tried this ages ago. It really seems so obvious, isolating the psychoactive agents in dream spider poison from the more dangerous components and applying it to you most potent smoking herb. Sure, you had to raid the labs and, somehow, release most of the caged spiders in order to collect enough webbing for Brogue to manufacture the first batch. The theft seems to have gone without a serious hitch. The custodian you found cocooned in the hallway when you left was an unfortunate casualty, but he addressed you as the mortal heralds of Peacock Spirit and promised to curry your bearowl mounts after his nap, so no real worries there. Besides, it's not like you were wearing your actual faces.

You returned to the House and Brogue got to work. The infused pipe weed was ready a few hours later. That was midnight. It's now noon, and you laze about the House enjoying the fruits of Brogue's labors, chatting with very polite trans-dimensional roundworms, watching the ubiquitous dunes of spare scarves soak up the ceiling as it drips onto the floor, and counting the fingers on your hands (anywhere between three and forty-two, and they've yet to 'fing' even once).

There's a knock at the door. Actual knuckles rapping on wood, not the booming thud of the glorious brass fox-head door knocker that's graced the Kitsune House! door since its founding.

Anyone sober enough the stumble enough to door peers through the peepholes cunningly hidden in the knocker's eyes. The knocking continues, but you see no one outside. Also, the foliage of the scruffy hedge row in front of the House appears to be turning a jaunty shade of purple for the spring, and the little orange mammoth shaving in the birdbath is going to clog the drain again.

[ylvathrall]

Suiko yawns widely and looks at the door, blinking. She's currently lounging in a heap of scarves in the main room of the House, watching the armadillos dancing on the walls. She's currently in the body of a black-furred female catfolk who'd passed through in a trading caravan a month or so earlier, a fact Suiko remembers mostly because she'd accidentally started a brawl with some poorly-timed word choices when she went to have a bit of fun with them.

Now, though, the body is appealing mainly because she can periodically rub her face against a pouch of catnip and add another tone to the ongoing spider high. She took her clothes off earlier when a pink minotaur told her they were on fire, and while she now doubts the veracity of his claim, it seems like far too much work to find them again, so for the moment she's wearing nothing but fur and occasionally a scarf.

Going to the door also seems like too much work, so instead she just continues to lounge and enjoy a high just strong enough to be not quite too intense. In her brief rounds of lucidity she scratches Sumi, occasionally even getting the right Sumi, and idly considers the feasibility of domesticating some dream spiders.

[The Hellbug]

Best idea you've had in ages, Brogue thinks for what may be the thousandth time. Well, it hadn't been his idea, alone--someone else had been a little more knowledgeable about the phase spiders themselves, but he can't remember exactly who it was. That's not the only thing he can't remember; Terrence has been stuck in Brogue's room since the the chemist had created his latest masterpiece, and the familiar hasn't ever been quite dexterous enough to work the doorknob. Additionally, in his addled state, the pig's master gives no heed to it's distress, being much more distracted by the numbness in his foot where someone is stroking it.

Knock, knock.

"It's open!"

Now back to that last train of thought--yes, the vase in front of him. He and it had clearly been friends for a very long time, but it's been lonely ever since it's twin got broken in that party a couple years back--yes, the with the singing. That one with the singing. I'll have to do something about that. I'm sure there's a good place downtown. All I have to do is swing by when...

Knock, knock.

"Still open."

There it goes again. What was I thinking about? I know it was good but...oh yes, the spiders. There were certainly more on campus somewhere, and Brogue really would have to acquire them. In fact, he might have to think of a more permanent solution to the problem he had never known he had...

KNOCK, KNOCK

Now it was getting ridiculous. Whatever cretin was at the door, disturbing a perfectly good afternoon, would have to be dealt with, Brogue style. He rolls over on the sofa where he had been languishing, searching the end table for his glasses with one of his hands, but to no avail. Now thinking that life certainly couldn't become any more inconvenient than this very moment, Brogue pulls himself to his feet and stumbles over to the door, wearing only a bathrobe. A quick peek outside gives the kitsune very little, though he wonders if their normal exterminator would charge extra for that damned mammoth.

"I told you it's...oh wait no it isn't," Brogue says, his frustration giving way to confusion as he realizes that the door is, indeed, locked. He turns the lock and opens the door, shielding his eyes as the harsh daylight streams into the living area.

[QuidEst]

Kyoni was sprawled on a pile of cushions, her head hanging over the edge, looking at the world upside down. Or at least, she was looking in the world's general direction, but what she was actually looking at involved a lot more fractals and floating roundworms. Protean voidworms, she thought to herself. She remembered that! Flying worms that changed colors were voidworms. And voidworms could turn into things. Things like foxes! Her eyes narrowed as one of the foxes wandered by. She grabbed at it, staring it down. "Did the Lords of Chaos send you, deceiver?" she demanded. The fox didn't say anything, proving its innocence, so she put it down. In the process, she noticed Suiko lounging naked in a pile of scarves, giving her something more interesting to stare at than the rest of the room.

There was a knock at the door, and she gestured imperiously for her invisible servant to get the door. Her aim was off due to a combination of being upside down and being higher than a celestial snail kite familiar, and the servant helpfully opened a cupboard. She shrugged helplessly and waited for Brogue to get the door instead. As he did, she realized that the person outside hadn't used the knocker. Maybe they couldn't reach the knocker. Knockers! Suiko was naked and there was a possible gnome at the door. Kyoni rolled off the pile of cushions, flinging an arm out to touch Suiko, delivering a spell to turn her invisible.

[ylvathrall]

Suiko giggles as Kyoni reaches for her, having not quite grasped that there was magic involved. Normally she would, of course, but sparkles of light and interesting noises were more the background than anything special right now, and trying to figure out which ones meant anything was far more effort than she feels like putting in. The sound comes out more like a purr, though, which surprises her until she remembers what body she's in and rubs her face against the bag of 'nip again.

She then looks up, is briefly distracted by the swirling patterns on the ceiling, and remembers that Kyoni is standing right there. She squirms in the scarves until she can see Kyoni and treats her housemate to an inviting, if not particularly conscious, smile. The fact that this smile is lost on everyone is completely lost on her, since she has yet to notice her own lack of visibility at all.

[Bhaakon]

The morning breeze wafts into Kitsune House! as Brogue hauls open the massive door, sending the haze of smoke whilring into a rather fascinating pattern of vortices as the fresh air intrudes upon the stagnant atmosphere inside the house. Each whorl describes a little portal in space, allowing opposed navies of tiny, trans-planar dirigibles from the opposed demiplanes of grammar to fly through and continue in their never-ending conflict over the use of the serial comma.

It's quite a show, really. Explosive volleys of interrobangs, impassioned arguments swinging between ships on dangling participles, red ink soaking decks as forward and back slashes are exchanged, conjunctions coordinating the battle while semicolons work tirelessly to splice wounded clauses back together.

It's unfortunate that you can't enjoy it, what with that thing befouling your stoop. Kyoni's prediction proves entirely correct. A gnome, a bleached one, its beard ivory and waxed to a needle point, its parchment skin translucent enough that you can track the pulsing of the blood vessels in its face from across the room. It smirks, flashing its one feature that isn't pale as a ghost: a set of mustard-yellow teeth. They're a nice match for the big golden badge pinned to his floppy crimson cap, emblazoned with the symbol of the office of the Dean of Students.

"By the order of the Dean of Students." The gnome begins, unrolling a sheet of vellum beset with important looking seals and ribbons. "This house is placed under secret probation. Pursuant to school bylaws, and until such a time as probation is lifted, this construct shall remain in the house to observe that all Acadamae rules are being followed here-in. This includes, but is not limited to, theft of school property, unauthorized alchemical experimentation, summoning outside of professorial supervision, and possession of proscribed materials without the approval of the Chancellor's Office. Damaging or tampering with the construct shall constitute admission of guilt in any ongoing investigations."

The gnome steps aside smartly to reveal a steel ball the size of small cantaloupe trundling along on eight clockwork legs. Most of the body of the automaton is taken up by an unblinking eye of crystal glass in a gold mount; its 'iris' is a sapphire the size of a walnut. The construct shambles up to the threshold on its whirring limbs, then a set of gossamer-thing wings telescope out from within its body and begin beating with a grating, high-pitched whine. It lifts only slowly, bumbling across the room until it finds a good perch atop a bookcase.

"Furthermore, you are hereby directed not to host any guests or gatherings, and you are barred from participation in extracurricular events until this matter has been settled." He rolls up the scroll and shoves it into Brogue's hand, not bothering to make sure the kitsune has a grip on it before letting go. "All questions and complaints should be directed to the office of the Dean of Students, Lord Cato Maximilian Wolfe the Third."

You recognize this gnome. Well, part of him. You'll never forget those bulky, veiny calves showing below his high-cuffed trousers. It's The Legman, Menage-a-trios's bottom third.

A clockwork spy, a construct capable of storing sound recordings for later retrieval.

The sound is stored in the jewel embedded in its eye. The gem can hold an hour's worth of recording at a time.

Like most constructs, the clockwork eye isn't smart enough to make its own judgements. It follows its instructions to the letter, and is easily confused by complex directives. Furthermore, it must record its entire hour in one go. It's unable to divide the recording time into smaller units.

[QuidEst]

Kyoni prided herself on always being fiendishly clever, even when she was as stoned as an earth elemental. What she generally neglected to mention in her boasts was that technically Dretches were fiends, so the bar wasn't nearly as high as she was. Still, inspired by the fanatical grammatical prattle battle, she'd spotted a solution to the most immediate problem of there being a gnome present. She stood up, sweeping forward imperiously toward the gnome. "Well, that's a bother, but I guess that means you should get going if you don't want trouble with ol' LCMWtT. No guests and all that business, you know." The actual ramifications of secret probation could be dealt with once the gnome was out of here.

[The Hellbug]

Brogue struggles for a moment to understand what the gnome has said, staring blankly at the obnoxious little man. When it does him, he tries to get his bearings as well as he can in order to appear sober in his response although, admittedly, this is a difficult task when the onomatopoetic words in the sky are putting on such a fantastic show. The inner struggle to sound reasonable is manifest on his features as Kyoni tries to drive the visitor away. Finally, though, he takes a deep breath and cuts through the haze in his mind to deliver one belabored reponse: "what?"

[ICN]

Kiyanna lays curled up in a nest of scarves in her fox form. This really was wonderful. She'd have to make it up to Brogue later, a job this good deserved it. With lazy eyes, she watches as Brogue walks towards the door and Kyoni lunges at Suiko. And then the unthinkable happened. A gnome. One of Menage-a-Trois. Here. Oh, and Suiko had vanished as well. Kiyanna's thoughts raced as she desperately searched her thoughts for a way to save Kitsune House. Dream spider poison. It must've had another side effect. Touching creatures could banish them to the realm of dreams. If Kiyanna could touch the gnome, it would be sent there. And of course, its deepest nightmare would be waiting for it; the Bandandit, in all of their scarfed glory. Kiyanna could finish off a piece of Menage-a-Trois for good and save Kitsune House! All she would have to do is... touch the gnome. With a snort, Kiyanna burrows deeper into her nest, and her eyes glaze over as she ponders whether gnomes count as close enough to a creature to be subject to dream spider banishment anyways.

[ylvathrall]

Suiko glares in the gnome's direction, her thoughts rapidly taking a dark turn. The gnome might be only a system of delivery for Cato's words, but the notion of not blaming the messenger is one that she's never quite agreed with, and in any case the satisfaction with which he delivered it deserves a response in itself.

The first plan that begins to coagulate in her mind is a gruesome one, involving vodka, dream spiders, needles, and of course copious amounts of fire. Tragically that plan proves too elaborate; an exclamation point fires a particularly intense volley of asterisks straight through the forming plot, and reduces it to little more than vaguely malevolent shreds. She starts to piece those together into a fallback plan, involving seduction and betrayal and the utter destruction of his reputation, but abandons that on her own. Revenge is sweet, but to enact such a plan with a gnome (and a bleached gnome at that) is simply too much to bear.

A stray comma catches her attention as it flies past her foot, but this momentary distraction proves to be the answer she needs. A simple sort of revenge, but not every bit of work can be a masterpiece, and it would be a shame to waste her best work on a flunky anyway. Shrinking back into the scarves, and still wholly unaware of her own invisibility, she begins to marshal the dreamy haze inside her mind into something resembling a sort of order. The delicate arches and curls of her tattoo, the painstaking thought process, the feeling of observed humiliation and sadistic glee, it all adds up to a single whole: slick.

Casting (or attempting to cast) grease right behind the gnome, using concealed casting. Suiko's also prepared to dismiss the spell if and when the gnome falls; I know you're not a fan of readied actions outside combat, so I don't know how you want to handle that, but that's her plan.

[Bhaakon]

The gnome's mustard grin widens, and he bows with an exaggerated flourish. "Quite right. It is time for me to depart." He spins on his heels smartly and takes one step before his left foot shoot out from under him. His tiny little arms windmill about as he desperately tries to retain his balance--his dignity, if a gnome can possess such a thing, beyond saving. The ploy works, and the gnome manages to maintain its footing, through it dishevels its entire outfit in the process.

"Blast..." It looks down, but finds only the stoop, pristine...well, not pristine, but free of slippery substances. It finds nothing on the bottom of its shoe, either.

Gnome glances over its shoulder an snarls, but it comes out the pathetic, plaintive mewl of a defeated cur. He scurries away as quickly as he can, eyes glues to the earth to watch for another mysterious hazard.

[QuidEst]

"Shut the door," Kyoni groggily instructed her unseen servant, waving a hand vaguely about. It slammed the door shut with all the force of a gentle breeze. "And you can come out now," she added to Suiko, giggling a little as she dismissed the spell of invisibility.
"Friends, foxes, kitsune, lend me your ears;
I come to welcome constructs, not to ban them.
The spying that they do goes before them,
Their cute is cute is oft ignoréd under hate;
Not so with our own construct! The "noble" Cato
Hath called the construct a penance,
Untouchable lest we pay for it.
Here under watch of Cato and the rest–
For Cato is a respectable dean;
So are they all, all respectable deans–
Come I to speak for construct's welcoming.
It's here to spy, observe and report me:
But Cato says it is compuls'ry;
And Cato is a respectable Dean."

[ylvathrall]

Suiko hesitantly edges out of the pile of scarves, having completely mistaken Kyoni's meaning, and still not realizing that she was ever invisible. She doesn't quite grasp the meaning of the recitation, either, sarcasm being too blunt a tool to pierce the fog inside her skull.

Fortunately she does realize that letting out her initial reaction with the recording thingy right there is a poor idea. Thus, she doesn't immediately start talking about how delicious the gnome's humiliation was.

"I think I need a nap," she says instead, in the over-enunciated tones of an inebriated person trying to sound sober and failing badly. "That's a good idea. Good idea. i think I'll do that."

She then gives a quick twist and, in the form of a fox now, settles into a rather smaller pocket in the mound of fabric. Curling up and peeking out from between her tails, she waits for either something else to happen or the drug to begin sweeping her off to the euphoric dreams those spiders were named for.

[Bhaakon]

As Suiko shifts, she suddenly feel more alert. Maybe dream spiders are less effective against foxes. More likely it's just because the olifactory center of a fox's brain are both more powerful and significantly bossier than her laggardly kitsune nose. They won't let her drift off comfortably. Not with that brimstone reek hanging in the air. The metallic scent of drying blood. The barest whiff of cloves.

An imp. Not a rare thing to smell on campus, but this one is close. Maybe within the room, very recently if not right now.

There's a crash from upstairs. Shattered glass. Brogue's rooftop greenhouse?

[ylvathrall]

Suiko's barely settled into her pocket again when she's shifting back into a humanoid form. This one is a female half-orc who'd proven remarkably adept at cracking skulls in a tavern brawl Suiko had started. The thuggish features, chipped tusks, and violent history of the body suits her current foul mood better than the catfolk. "Imp," she grumbles, turning and starting for the stairs. Despite her surly tone, there's a fair amount of spring in her unsteady step. The notion of violently ejecting a trespasser from the House sounds wonderfully cathartic just now.

[The Hellbug]

Brogue is rather put off by the gnome's rather impolite ignorance towards his question and stands confused for several moments as the little man walks off in a huff before closing the door with a shake of his head. He is just getting ready to sink back into the sofa when Suiko alerts the group to the imp's presence.

"I swear, it wasn't me this time," Brogue says defensively, his hands in the air, but he is more concerned with other goings-on. The crash from the greenhouse above sends him diving to the floor as he watches the sound smash into the floor like shards of broken glass, ringing as it shatters into pieces. "That wasn't me, either, I don't think. Unless..." he says, slowly getting to his feet and moving towards the stairs and trying to think of what could be going on in his beloved garden.

[QuidEst]

Kyoni grimaced, following along behind the others to take advantage of the view. Not that Brogue contributed a great deal to that, but it was like contrast. "Should get one of those protean voidworms flying around as a guard dog. Worm. They hate imps." She started concentrating, focusing on the thoughts around her. She thought, therefore she was. Therefore if the imp was, then it thought. And if it thought, she would find it. She was almost certain there was something wrong with the chain of thought, but she wasn't going to bother fixing it now.

Using the Detect Thoughts SLA and beginning concentration.

[Bhaakon]

In his anesthetized state, Brogue hardly registers the barked shin and stubbed toes as he stumbles up the stairs in all haste, desperate to see to his garden. He arrives to find a mess. Something--it's easy to guess what--has torn through half his plants, ripping off sprigs of everything from his prized collection of poppies (over three dozen varieties) to the little lemon tree in a half-barrel in the corner. Even the fungiculture cabinet has been opened and raided, getting manure and broken mushrooms everywhere. The shattering of glass you heard was one of the thousand tiny panes in the greenhouse. A potted sample of a particularly promising cactus was thrown through it, showering the roof with little green buttons of succulent.

Concentrating, Kyoni has no trouble picking up signs of thought. There's something passably intelligent nearby. Something verging on panic. Something thinking entirely in a string of infernal profanities. Which is rather entertaining, actually, as Infernal is an exceptionally precise language. So when something curses in Infernal, it generally isn't speaking figuratively. The imp--if it is an imp--is apparently planning an engastration of gnome, kitsune, and werewolf to be cooked over the funeral pyres of all of Korvosa's glaziers.

13 Int

[QuidEst]

"It'll be easier on you if you tell us who sent you," Kyoni said as she looked directly at where the thoughts were coming from, putting a bit of magical force behind the words. That was of uncertain reasonableness, unfortunately- they wouldn't have to throw it in a sack and beat it with sticks until it talked or anything like that, but depending on the threat on the other end of things, that might not be enough. She'd demonstrated that its invisibility wasn't of any use, though, which helped their case.

Suggestion, DC 18. Have to drop Detect Thoughts in the process, but it probably doesn't know that's what she's using.

[Bhaakon]

The subtle crack of glass and groan of straining wood cease as Kyoni speaks. The imp knows it's been spotted, and drops the illusion to reveal its corpulent form jammed tight in the wooden frame where the pane of glass should be. It sighs and drops its payload of greenry.

"Easier? No, no. Harder. Make it harder on me! Dean Wolfe wouldn't like it if you went easy!" The imp screeches. "Beating, yes. Ice, acid, lightning! I don't care. Just make it look like I held out!"

[ylvathrall]

Suiko grins and rests one hand against her hip. A moment later she puts her hand through her hip, reaching through the tattoo and into the extradimensional space it hides. What she wants there is in her grasp in an instant, but she spends a few moments rummaging around anyway, to put on a bit of a show.

When she does pull her hand out again, she's holding a long whip. The leather is set with numerous jagged bits of metal, guaranteed to make any stroke with it bleed and tear. "You've got it," she says, stalking towards the imp with a sadistic (and, of course, tusky) grin and a sharp crack of the whip.

Retrieving my scorpion whip from the tattoo. Also, don't know how you want to handle this without readied actions again, but if the imp runs Suiko is planning to cast command (halt), DC 19.

[QuidEst]

Struck with sudden inspiration, Kyoni nodded. "Suiko here is an expert. So new deal: either you start talking and she gives you convincing proof we forced you to, or we send you back with rose scent and painted nails. Then if you're lucky, the dean will drop you off in Heaven. If you aren't, and he's feeling particularly vindictive… well, I hear Elysium is just lovely this time of year." Out of the imp's sight, she gave Suiko a wink.

Kyoni's lying. It's a whipping either way, since she wouldn't make Suiko pass up an opportunity like this.
Bluff: [roll0]

[Bhaakon]

"I''m talking, all right. Right now. Talking as we speak!" The imp babbles. "Thedeansentmetogatherevidenceofyourrulebreakingsoh ecanexpellyouall" The little outside draws in a mighty gasp of fresh air before continuing. "Iwassupposedtograbthestuffandfindsomedreamspiderve nomandbringitbackwhileyouwere *gasp* tinkeringwithtehconstruct."

"Now ply the lash already and let me go! I told your everything." It whines, then adds, belatedly, "Just not the face!"

[QuidEst]

Kyoni bowed, stepping back and gesturing for Suiko to take her position. "He's been most cooperative, so make sure to give him what he's earned." A quick wave at the remainder of the plants had the invisible servant begin gathering them up, handing them off to Brogue to manage so there wouldn't be any readily obtainable hard evidence.

[ylvathrall]

Suiko wastes no time in stepping up, cracking the whip again. She promptly sets to work with a vengeance and a broad grin, not sparing the imp any of the pain of the flogging. He might have cooperated, but he'd still come here with the intent of selling them out to the Dean, and that merited a punishment that would make the fiend think twice before trying something similar in the future. She has no intention of letting him leave before he's been beaten until he can barely stand.

She does, however, make a point of avoiding his face. It seems like a reasonable request, and she's not wholly heartless.

Rolling Profession (courtesan) for the whipping: [roll0]

Also, she is using the scorpion whip, so the imp is looking at lethal damage here, not nonlethal.

[The Hellbug]

A moment of shock was all Brogue allowed himself before springing into action. Ignoring everything else, he begins rushing around the greenhouse, scrambling to ascertain the extent of the damages to his precious stock. A bit eccentric with his plants even on a normal day, his current 'enhanced' state of mind does nothing to help his coordination as he stumbles from injured plant to injured plant nor the pathetic whimpers he lets out as he notes each new atrocity. The alchemist doesn't even turn to the others until the first step of his greenhouse triage is completed. With one last word of encouragement to a particularly ravaged lily, he finally looks at the imp as though for the first time as Suiko is in the middle of her routine.

Brogue is silent for a moment, but a perceptive observer might notice a change washing over the unassuming man as fury begins to show itself in his red-rimmed eyes.

"Harder?" The question, asked with a clarity that might be unexpected given his current state, is obviously rhetorical as Brogue doesn't wait for a response before he starts walking slowly (and more steadily than he has in hours) towards the greenhouse door. An apron hangs on a peg next to it, but the greenhouse-keeper is only interested in its pocket and the contents therein. He reaches into it and draws a particularly sharp pair of pruning shears. He gazes at the implement in his hand for a few seconds before returning his eyes to the imp. "I think I might be able to manage that."

[Bhaakon]

The imp let out a satisfying serious of shrieks and whimpers as Suiko's toothed lash does its work. As promised, the weapon never strikes the creature's face, but every other inch of flesh on the thing's body is lavished with her attentions. The wounds heal almost instantaneously, of course--the whip isn't silvered--but the agony is real. Even an imp isn't that good of an actor.

Then Brogue stalks over with the shears. Someone in the kitsune's eye tells the little fiend that Brogue lacks Suiko's professionalism with regards to avoiding the face.

"Now, now...just a *OOOOWW* just second!" The imp whines at Brogue as Suiko continues her work. "They're just plants! We have an agreement!"

[ICN]

Kiyanna belated stumbles up the stairs, wearing little more than a few scarves. She stares blankly at the proceedings until Brogue got that look in his eye. He did so love his plants. Kiyanna giggled. Everyone loved his plants. Still, KH! had a reputation to uphold. "Brogue, stop! That's no way to treat a guest." She gives a complex whistle, then murmurs an order to the fox that runs up. That done, she slowly sashayed up to the imp with an entirely too pleasant smile on her face. "We're on probation; we'll be the courteous host and send the smelly grub on their way with a gift." The fox soon returns, carrying a still living sewer rat. "Suiko, would you insure that our guest doesn't leave their gift behind?" Kiyanna turns back to the imp, still wearing that pleasant smile. "I'm sure you two will find lots to talk about, but a little magic always helps."

Once the imp is tied up, Kiyanna casts Unadulterated Loathing (DC 20) on it with regards to the rat

[ylvathrall]

"Oh, I think I can take care of that," Suiko says with a rather nasty grin. She sets the whip aside for the moment, taking out a length of rope instead. Normally she wouldn't be terribly eager to spend time with either the rat or the imp, but in this particular case the anticipation made every lingering touch and careful knot enjoyable.

If possible, taking 20 on Profession (courtesan) to tie them together, since somehow Use Rope still isn't a skill. That would give a 27.

[Bhaakon]

The imp seemed rather pleased with himself at the lack of lasting scars from the whipping, but the self-satisfied smirk evaporates as Kiyanna unveils her scheme.

"No! Anything but that! I..." It's too late, though. Suiko quickly has him bound up in a veritable net of knots and binding, pressing the slovenly little fiends arms and legs tightly to its body so that it can't fight again what is coming next.

"Bifron's balls...it's so..so...fuzzy!" The imp looks rather green, and the catch in its throat proves that its fighting hard to hold its gorge. It wings flap hard, blurring and buzzing like a horsefly in its desperation, but Suiko has it tight in one hand, and the other is all she needs to finish the job.

It might be the drugs, but Suiko swears that the rat turns its head and addresses the imp as Kiyanna adds the final, magical, touch. "So...what do you do for a living?" The rodent squeaks, convivially.

The imp's whimper whines melt into a shriek of unadulterated terror sweet enough to give you cavities.

[The Hellbug]

"Just plants?" Brogue mutters, "I'll show you 'just'..."

However, the enraged gardener is cut off quickly by Kiyanna, who quickly takes control of the scene and leaves him there, wind entirely taken from his sails. As he mutters about lemons and heirloom tomatoes (victims of the imp's destructive nature but surely not his intended target), Brogue looks down at the shears in his hand and thinks for a moment about what he would have actually done to the imp; he draws a blank. Perhaps it's best to leave this to the others after all (they do so seem to enjoy it).

Before he starts taking stock of the damage, however, Brogue does enjoy Kiyanna and Suiko's show with the rat. A smile crosses his face. See, no way you could've come up with that. Leave this kind of stuff to the professionals, Brogue, or at least the very-enthusiastic amateurs.

[QuidEst]

Kyoni watched the squirming, panicking imp intently, committing the image to memory to replay it whenever she was feeling down. "I like it. The rat's a nice touch." She glanced over at Brogue, checking to see how he was holding up. "Is there anything I can help you with?" The unseen servant continued gathering up plant remains neatly, one at a time.

[ICN]

Kiyanna stared at the rat in mild bemusement, its polite icebreaker stirring something in her memory. Oh right, that was it. The rats had been rather on the scrawny side recently, so Kiyanna had set up a fat rat dating club. Had that actually happened or did the memories come from a drug-induced haze... wait. Kiyanna surveyed the damage with increasing agitation before grabbing Brogue, not quite shaking him. "Brogue. I need the rest of your stocks. NOW."

[The Hellbug]

Brogue's despair grows as he realizes the true extent of the damage. The contents of the fungal habitat, alone, had taken years to collect and cultivate--and ruined in an instant. The only silver lining was that the careless imp had left the herb racks relatively untouched, so there would at least still be herbs for Kyoni. It takes a second for Kyoni's question to sink in--tyring to concentrate on the task at hand is hard enough with the smashed-up lemons taunting him--but he shakes his head when it registers. "I'll need to have a look at it all to see what can be saved anyway so I don't think it'd be much help."

Soon, however, Kiyanna's distress brings her to the poor gardener. "Gah!" he yelps in surprise as she grabs him, "why? what's the rush?"

[ICN]

"Are you blind, man?! Look at this place!" Kiyanna starts shaking Brogue at this point, an unsettling gleam in her eyes. "There's no way you'll be able to make enough now! I need to stock up while I can."

[The Hellbug]

Kiyanna is right--Brogue's stores will only last so long. However, between the drugs and the stress, the alchemist is in no position to put together a rational response to his housemate's request. "AHHHHH-uuh-AHH-uh-AAAAAH!!" the kitsune garbles, batting at Kiyanna ineffectually, "are you crazy?! Someone, help!"

[Bhaakon]

The imp knows an opportunity when it sees one. With Kiyanna and Brogue providing a spectacle, it slinks away towards the broken window it had been attempting to escape though earlier. Fortunately, the restrictive latticework was broken when you extricated him from his earlier predicament, so there's plenty of room for him to squeeze through, even with the chatty rat along for the ride.

It slide through and turns around to throw off a taunt before disappearing (well, mostly. its magic can't hide the attached vermin). "Luck on the exam." He cackles.

Right. The enchantment exam. The one that started twenty minutes ago. Oh, dear.

[ICN]

A sweep of his hand powered by his freak monster strength is all it takes for Brogue to send Kiyanna tumbling back, straight at the spiky plant where all the broken glass landed. Her fantastic vigilante skills are enough for Kiyanna to twist at the last second, landing safely on a nearby mound of scarves. Kiyanna stares at the deadly, probably poisonous plant, wide-eyed. Brogue had tried to kill her! Just because she had tried to get all his drugs! Kiyanna beamed. He was finally becoming the drug king-pin she'd always known he could be. This was going to do wonders for their street cred. There was the matter of his competency though. She wasn't even scratched! Would punishing him kill this new murderous streak? Maybe if Kiyanna made it clear that she was punishing him because it had been a murder attempt instead of a murder...

Kiyanna's train of thought is by the imp's parting words. An exam? Oh no oh no-wait, it was just the enchantment exam. Kiyanna let out a sigh of relief that quickly turned purple and started flitting around the ceiling. She'd passed enchantment exams in her sleep. And she had just the way to get there in time! She dashed to Kitsune House's highest balcony, only running into the wall next to the door twice. She strikes a dramatic pose and calls back to the others, "I'll see you at the exam!" With that, she shifts into Suiko's fox form, wiggles into the fox glider, and jumps.

[Bhaakon]

Alas, there's a reason that foxes were not graced with wings. Save, perhaps, the mwangian flying fox, but the canine heritage of that species was entirely open to debate, and, regardless, Kiyanna did not count herself among their number anyway. Her wings were wood and scarf, hastily assembled and gaudily decorated with enthusiasm inversely proportional to expertise.

While most flying animals have a tail of some sort, the furry puff of a fox is rather unsuited to use as a control surface. And the ears, though jaunty, were not placed and an aerodynamically advantageous position. Of the many scarves trailing behind like streamers, well, to comment further on the glider's lack of engineering foresight would simply be piling on.

Really, it's a minor miracle the thing made it the twenty feet it did to crash into the topiary. It's too bad, really. The piece was a rather stunning composition of two foxes in a rather creatively positioned congress. A third sculpted bush, across the pass, appeared to be enjoying the view immensely. Now...well, one of the foxes still had its head a least. And surely the forelimb of the other would grow back in time.

[roll0] nonlethal for falling into a yielding surface. DC 15 acrobatics check or take another [roll1] lethal damage.

[QuidEst]

Kyoni muttered a few incoherent curses in Aklo, then hurried for the door. The examination was alphabetical, and given the current time, it was unlikely to "Kyoni Vasad" had been called. Still, it wouldn't do to gamble with her best class. Before she'd gotten to the front door, she'd adjusted her appearance and outfit to one of the third-year students, a somewhat scrawny human man by the name of Milo something-or-other. Third-years were good, having attended long enough that they didn't get ordered around, but not so long that anybody cared about them. The only reason she knew any was because she made it a point to learn about inconsequential people. Milo was especially good because nobody wanted to hear his crackpot conspiracy theories about ancient Azlantians and how Aroden kicked the deific bucket. She left the KH! dormitory with suitably angry mutterings about how they just wouldn't listen to be on the safe side.

[ICN]

While the glider itself was less than perfect, Kiyanna herself was as amazing as always. She backflipped once, twice, thirce! Finally! In the wreckage of the topiary, Kiyanna executes a flawless tiny fox bow to the avid viewer across the pass, the lingering effects and a finely honed ability for self delusion temporarily blocking the knowledge that it was just a bush from her mind. This day was going wonderfully for her! Dreamspider drugs, imp matchmaking, murder attempts, and triple backflips! With that, Kiyanna rushed off to surely ace the exam.

[The Hellbug]

Brogue doesn't have time to wonder at Kiyanna's careening away from him at his light push--in fact, he doesn't have time to wonder at anything. Though certainly one that he would have just skipped in his younger years, Brogue doesn't have the leeway he once had, being now in his final year. The task of cleaning up the greenhouse all but forgotten, he races to his room and grabs a handful of wands and tools that might be useful for at least passing the exam. He pauses only to quickly fumble around to puffing from clip around a still-smoking (though on it's last legs) length of flayleaf (for the nerves) before downing one of his potions that would hopefully also help clear his head for the exam. That done, he's like a bullet from a gun out the front door of Kitsune House! (after only twice stumbling on the stairs) on his scooter, for time is of essence!

[ylvathrall]

Suiko rolls her eyes at the antics of the other kitsune and makes her own way out at a relatively sane pace, using the door. Once outside she quickly shifts into her fox form and starts to trot in the direction of the examination room.

She sighs to herself in disappointment as she passes Kiyanna's latest glider-based disaster. She spent the better part of the day posing for the landscaper to get that particular bit of topiary just right. Then again, considering the nature of the posing, perhaps it wasn't such a bad thing....

Good humor restored, Suiko smirks as she continues to the exam, not feeling overly concerned. Her name is likely to be one of the later ones called, after all. And if she does miss it, she's confident she can talk the examiner around to giving her a good grade in any case. Considering the nature of the exam, she's not even sure that counts as cheating.

[Bhaakon]

Through means more and less preposterous, the members of Kitsune House! find themselves slinking in through the rear entrance of the lecture hall with the exam well under way. Professor Ross has abandoned her usual spot behind the lectern to invigilate from the front rank of seats, as such her back is turned as you slip in and grab spots in the last row.

In front of the class of 30-odd students is the teacher's assistant, a slow-witted 9th year with the preposterous chin and ponderous surname of one of Korvosa's most noble houses. The Penistones lacked the prestige and good looks of the Pomeroys, of course, but they more than made up for it in wealth and connections. It was well known fact that Patricia Penistone wouldn't be failing her way out of the Academae, whatever score she received on her final exam.

Unfortunately for her, that didn't prevent all of the indignities that come with being a student. For instance, being magically coerced into performing a surprisingly deft Brevic stepdance dance whilst quacking like a duck.

The student being tested stands a few feet to the side, a vein pulsing on his forehead as he concentrates on the enchantment. Bram--the name of the young halfling--is drenched in sweat, and those with a keen nose can pick out his stink even across a room full of nervous young adults.

Finally, Professor Ross raises her hand. "Yes, you've come along quite nicely." She says in her calming monotone. You're sure that there's some magic in the way her voice seems to numb and stupefy like a fine opiate, but you haven't managed to spot how she does it. "The way you turned the stumble in the third turn of the glass into a cartwheel was truly a happy accident. But maybe I should remove the time limitation. We'll never finish if each test lasts half an hour."

Suiko, of course, knows the truth. The kindly Professor Ross had been stalling so that her most troubled students wouldn't fail. Despite not turning to see you, she'd managed to divine your arrival.

"Brogue is next, I believe." She says. "Please come up and pick twice from the hat."

If you have some plan to cheat, now is the time. Otherwise I'll just give you something crazy to do :P

[The Hellbug]

Brogue gulps as Professor Ross calls his name. If he had any sort of preparations (introducing some helpful chemicals into Miss Penistone's morning tea comes to mind, and he almost smiles at the prospect), they are long since already made, though he doubts that the past day's dream-spider-venom-fueled blur has been particularly proactive. He considers just fleeing from the hall, but no, that may have worked in his earlier years, but any sort of goodwill he has around campus is long gone. And so, he stands up and strides down to the front of the class, trying to stay dignified as the lanterns in their wall-sconces laugh at him. With a final deep breath, he closes his eyes and reaches into the hat.

[Bhaakon]

The nearly shapeless mass of the hat slumps sadly on the professor's desk next to a decanter of water. As Brogue makes his way over to make his selection, the teacher's assistant, exhausted from twenty minutes of dancing, staggers over to refresh herself. She pours a glass and downs it quickly, then pours a second, leaving it to sit as she leans against the massive block of mahogany, panting.

Meanwhile, Brogue reaches into the hat, unsurprised to find that the space inside is many times larger than it should be, plucks out two tiny, wax-sealed scrolls. He pops open the first easily enough, and the parchment springs open.

The subject is in intense discomfort.

Then the second.

The subject is constructed of artificial parts.

"Read them aloud, please, then bring them here." The Professor instructs.

[The Hellbug]

Normally, Brogue would snicker at any sort of misfortune befalling Patricia, but, for now, he can only envy her good luck at having more favorable connections than he within the college--although her being forced to play the fool at today's exam is entertaining. However, any hope he might have had fades as he cracks the scrolls and silently reads their contents--both well beyond his ability to reproduce, even on the best day. He continues to stare silently until Professor Ross is just about to repeat her instructions, at which point he reads the scrolls. "The subject is in, um, intense discomfort. And, uh, the subject is constructed of artificial parts."

As he walks over to place the scrolls on the desk, but, halfway there, he appears to trip over his own slippers, dropping the scrolls and trying to surreptitiously make a 'K!' out of his fingers, a call for aid! As his nose hits the floor, he takes a brief moment consider that perhaps the most recent batch of emergency signals he and his housemates had come up with were less clear and easy to perform under pressure than they initially thought.

[ICN]

Kiyanna sat back with a contented sigh. Due to the glider, she had made it in time. It was barely Brogue's turn. But there was no rest for Kiyanna yet, for Brogue was flashing one of Kitsune House!'s Super Secret Signs! It was... an X!? Kiyanna shrugged and stood up, beginning a seductive dance. Only to be joined by the entire class! A passing interrobang noted the oddity of the situation, but she batted it away with an irritable flick of the ear. This made perfect sense. Just in case though... Kiyanna lobbed a spell at the professor. If they joined in, everybody would.

Take 10 on Perform: Dance for a 31, then cast Unnatural Lust on the professor directed at Kiyanna (DC 19)

[Bhaakon]

Some depths are better left unplumbed, such as the dancing talent of a class of young wizards. To say that those few who overcome their slack-jawed shock and attempt to follow Ki's lead flail about would be a dire insult to flails.

Professors Ross stands and removes her tassled cap, allowing her graying hair to cascade down her back as she picks her way through the class to reach Ki adn wrap the Kitsune in an iron embrace. The magic wears off at this point, as it always does (a sad flaw of a spell), leaving the professor looking befuddled for all of three seconds before she realizes what has occured.

"If you're so eager to test your skill, you can go next. You'll be sitting up front, next to me, until then." She orders, the mirth in her eyes belying the stern tone.

But whatever punishment Professor Ross has in mind, Ki's goal as been accomplished. A few seconds of distraction for Brogue to enact his desperate scheme.

[The Hellbug]

Brogue's doubts about the clarity of the Kitsune House! Emergency Hand Gesture System (EHGS, for short) are immediately vindicated as Kiyanna starts dancing. Still, with the professor away, he'll never get a better distraction than this. Hoping all eyes are elsewhere, he sidles his way up to the table and reaches into his robe pocket. Emergency interrogations had become something of an oddly common occurrence for KH! in the past few months, forcing Brogue to always be prepared (leaving the drug in his robe's pocket being the key to his success). Normally, the solution would be dripped in target's eyes, but the kitsune doesn't have time to be choosy, postulating that imbibing the drug will have a similar effect. One, two, three drops later (he opts for a double dose to make up for the less efficient delivery method), the dropper is back in his pocket, hopefully with no one the wiser.

However, by now he can no longer resist the call of his own savior's distraction, and he leaps to the nearest student, who happens to be Miss Penistone (not his first choice, but it's not his choice to make at the moment) grabs her by the hands, and attempts to polka (at least that's what he thinks it is) his way back to the stage.

Spiking Patricia's water with a double dose of slaver's drops, which will hopefully make her more open to suggestion.

Stealth (spending inspiration): 18 (rolled OOC)

[Bhaakon]

For a moment it seems to Brogue that the techer's assistant is going to return to her spot on the rostrum without touching the dosed glass of water, but the quick protests of the student shameless suck-up forced to vacate his seat beside the professor to make room for Kiyanna gives Ms. Penistone an opportunity to quickly return to the desk and down the water.

"Please proceed. We have twenty more to do today, and it wold be a shame to push some to tomorrow." The professor instructs as she takes her seat. Patria stands waiting, her eyes slightly out of focus, weaving ever so subtly on her feet. Brogue knows the symptoms well. The slaver's drops did their work.

[The Hellbug]

It was a long shot, but it looks like Brogue's hastily laid plan is working so far. However, next is the hardest part: actually completing the exam.

First, the performance: Having lived with spellcasters for many years, he has no problem miming some gestures and speaking gibberish that should be roughly equivalent to those that would accompany a simple enchantment.

Next, the hook: Brogue gives a slight nod to the professor before clearing his throat and turning back to Patricia. "Miss Penistone," he begins matter-of-fact-ly, "a simple conundrum: let us say there exists an automaton, a golem. This isn't an ordinary golem, though. This golem is created out of flesh and blood, made to look human, just like you. Additionally, it can think, and in fact has been created with a magically modified memory. It thinks that it is human, remembers a childhood that never happened, et cetera. Really, the only difference is that it was made and not born. Now, the question: Patricia, is this creation not human?"

[Bhaakon]

The glazed eyes of the teacher's assistant fall even further out of focus as Brogue drones on with his philosophical query. It was bad enough to be subjected to a series of embarrassments as a sort of magical measuring stick, but to have to endure this ridiculous lecture was something else entirely. And the room was rather warm, and Patricia really hadn't gotten enough sleep the night before, the scarves on that student next to the Professor were quite hypnotic...

"Wuh?" Miss Penistone slurs. "Nah. It'sh just a good forgery. Real is real. Fake is fake. Gotta krep 'em straight if you wanna pass the class."

[The Hellbug]

"An interesting answer," Brogue muses, trying to sound as neutral on the subject as possible. He, in fact, had spent the better part of a night pondering that very question when it had first been posed to him by a more philosophically-minded friend. Since then, the kitsune was pretty sure he had settled on an answer that he liked, but, for the life of him, he never could quite remember it since that night. Well, no need for Patricia to know that.

"Curious, isn't it though?" Brogue continues, attempting to lead her on, "if such a thing existed, anyone in this room could be one; one of my classmates, the professor, me--" he pauses for emphasis "--even you."

[Bhaakon]

"Wut?" Patricia's glazed eyes widen. "That's ridiclush...redict...stupid."

"I can remember everything right up until...um...I remember...hmm..." She bounces her index finger off her cheek, deep in thought as she attempts to recall the facts of her childhood that would refute this obviously fallacious line of reasoning. Or possibly trying to remember what you were talking about at all. It's hard to read her slack-jawed expression.


"Umm... rosebud? No..."

Roll that bluff!

[The Hellbug]

As the teacher's assistant fumbles through her memories, Brogue's tail twitches in anticipation; it looks like the deception is taking, but you can never be too sure. Suddenly, another inspired thought lights up his mind: a way to further perpetrate his scheme.

"Erm, never mind that," the chemist suggests, interrupting Patricia's blathering, "for I have been working on a testing method for just such an occasion. Now, if you'll excuse me, hold still for a second. This is for nothing less than the advancement of all sapient species who have ever wondered if they are indeed themselves."


As quick as he can, Brogue hops over to the muttering TA and plucks a single strand of hair from her head before retreating to his alchemy kit. He drops the hair into a vial and makes a fair show of mixing a few colorless liquids together before producing a small dripper. "Ready?"

Without hesitation, he squeezes two drops of liquid into the solution, turning it bright blue--at which he feigns confusion. "Now that is...interesting," the kitsune announces, "and certainly unexpected. Miss Penistone? I may need to see you at a later date for additional tests; the implications here are too great for just one such experiment to prove."

Of course, it's not actually particularly surprising when mere blue dye turns a solution of aqua vitae and mere water blue.

Bluff: [roll0]+4 from inspiration from OOC

[Bhaakon]

"Wuuuuuh?" Patricia stares at the blue liquid, dumbfounded, a pendulous drop of drool slowly gather at the corner of her gaping mouth until it breaks loose and languidly trickles down to the ground at the end of a streamer of spittle.

She catchers herself gawping with a start and draws back. "Thatsh...no...no...I mean...it would explain the clicking in my hip...oh...oh gods...and why mother wouldn't hug me...no...noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo." Tears pour down her cheeks, making her cosmetics run in a smokey streak. "Oh...oh no! I'm leaking lubricant!"

"That's very impressive." The Professor cuts in, her customary pearly smile replaced with the barest hint of a knowing smirk. "Now for the second part, yes?"

[The Hellbug]

Brogue is in the middle of mentally patting himself on his back for his own cleverness when the professor urges him onward. "Uhh...the second part?" he asks, dumbfound, "oh, yes, the second one."

Unfortunately, he doesn't actually have any clever ideas for this one. Any ways he could try to trick the exam itself would be easily identified as not magical. Therefore, he closes his eyes, mutters what he thinks to be a good approximation of an incantation, waves his arms about, and prays. When it doesn't work, he acts confused and mimes out the 'spell' again, expecting equally useless results.

[Bhaakon]

"Hmm. Well, fifty percent is better than a zero." The professor says, finally, mercifully, cutting Brogue's grand diplay of abject failure short. "I'm sure that you can make it up in the final."

There's some delay before the next student can take their turns. As Brogue hadn't actually used any magic, Patricia the teacher's assistant remains in a state of shocked confusion even after the 'spell' had been dismissed. An attempt to dispel does nothing, of course, and she only calms after Professor Ross uses an enchantment of her own to suppress the delusion. Subsequent test-takers have an easy time of it, effortlessly foisting their magics on the alchemically befuddled Ms. Penistone.

Then it's Kiyanna's turn. She reaches into the hat, drawing out two tiny scrolls: "You must convince her that manure is legal tender." "You must convince her that her arms and legs are invisible."

[The Hellbug]

Brogue breathes a sigh of relief as he is ordered off the stage. 50%? What's passing? Can't be much more than that. I'd say that counts as a total success.

With a tip of his head to Ki, whose heroic actions relegated her to the front row, Brogue vacates the stage, slowly making his way to the back of the room to collapse into a seat next to Kyoni and Suiko. He reaches into his pocket and frowns as he finds nothing interesting there at the moment. With that, he nods his head back and is asleep before the next student has even finished their first task.

[ICN]

Kiyanna is broken out of her pleasant daydreams by her turn finally arriving. Professor had said she was next, but she'd always been a bit scatterbrained. With a yawn and a stretch, Kiyanna sashayed over to Patricia and put a conspiratorial arm around her shoulder, then leans in close and speaks in a whisper that almost doesn't carry to the entire class. "Look, Patty, you've had a rough day, what with everyone picking on you and finding out that you're a robot, so I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. I'm sure an educated girl like you is familiar with the concept of farmers using manure to help their plants grow. It's common knowledge. What's not so common knowledge though is the effect long term exposure to magic has on manure. I won't bore you with the details, but the short version is that it causes exponentially more rapid growth in plant life, as well as some special side effects in specific plants. Farmers love it. They'll pay through the nose to get it. The practical upshot of all of this is that there's more magical manure in the university's sewers than one person could ever collect on their own, so I've decided to share it with you. All you have to do is go to the sewers, get a great big bag full of manure, and take it to the market. You can buy anything so long as you have the good ****."

Bluff: [roll0]

[Bhaakon]

"What...no...no, who do you think I am? Even a...even a constructed Penistone wouldn't be seen traipsing around in the sewers." The techer's assistant turns her nose up at Ki's suggestion. Clearly the Kitsune had no idea of the aristocrat's station. "I'd pay people do do that for me! People like...like, you! Or one of those...oh, one of the thome Pomeroys. You! Brogue, was it? How I'll pay you to go collect this golden sewage for me. You can have...why, I'll pay a silver piece a yard for it!"

"That should do it. Probably pinching coppers since his parents cut him off..." She holds her hand in front of her mouth and leans close to Kiyanna, either too drugged to realize that doing so would hardly muffle her full-tone of voice, or perhaps not caring.

[ICN]

Just this morning Brogue had taken his first steps towards becoming a murderous drug kingpin, and now this girl was provoking him into more! Things were working out grandly. With the hand out of sight of Ms. Penistone, Kiyanna flashes the KH! signal for later revenge to Brogue, then continues."Nobody ever told you what happens to robot Penistones once they reach a certain age?" Kiyanna shakes her head. "Well, it's not really my place to tell you. I'll just say that it would be good idea to start preparing a nest egg in case you need to make a quick getaway. And I suppose you could pay someone to fetch it for you... if you want them snooping around for the reason why you want it. No, if you want to preserve the "image" of the Penistone family, you'll have to pay for the manure with its weight in gold. It may well be best to make the conversion though. Manure is where the term 'liquid wealth' actually originated; it's currency everywhere, rural hamlet and distant metropolis alike. Should you ever, say, need to flee your family and seek obscurity, magical manure is your best bet.

Bluff: [roll0]

[Bhaakon]

"I...well...it DOES seem like a sound investment." The teacher's assistant scrunches her forehead (well, fivehead, but who is counting, really?) and thinks hard for a minute. Ki can hear the gears grinding away in her head, see the smoke pouring from her ears on account of the lack of proper lubrication.

"Will it hold its value, though? Jewelry and gold don't go ever bad, but night soil dries out in time." She asks, entirely serious. "I need to know that I can trade it day from now or a year from now without any sort of hang up. Please, you must tell me, is this magical manure a safe investment? Is it sufficiently liquid, or will it just kludge together into one big, stubborn mass that won't move an inch without terrible strain? If I do need to make my escape, I can't afford to weighed down. I must be able to hurl it at merchants and innkeeps by the fistful, if needs be. It simply wouldn't do to march out of every market stall dragging a paper trail stained with details of the exchange."

[ICN]

"Very astute, Patty, you've deduced one of the things that make magical manure so valuable. Should it go too long without use, it enters a sort of magically induced stasis. Nothing but a smidge of water and some physical stimulation is needed to restore it to full potency, a service any buyer will happily perform for you at minimal cost if they know the true value of the stuff. Why, while sharing a drink with some of the most esteemed and wealthy farmers in this very city I've heard tales of ancient sources of magical manure dating back centuries or even millennia being unearthed, and set to work the very next day with no detectable loss in potency."

Bluff: [roll0]

[Bhaakon]

"Yes....yes..." She says. "If I get in early, I should be able to corner the market on this resource. Mine fresh, new sources. Roll it up into big balls and stockpile it for my future. I can almost smell the profits."

"But wait, you've just told everyone here...I need to leave, now, before they have a chance" She mutters, then turns to Dr. Ross, clears her throat, and speaks with load insistence. "Professor...I...er...I have an urgent bit of private business. Quite pressing. Demanding, really. I fear I'll explode if forced to put it off until the end of class. May I be excused?"

"Now, now, Patricia. At least wait until the end of Kiyanna's exam, would you. Surely you can hold you business that long. It's not like you're going to explode, is it?" The professor answers in her usual monotone, a twitch at the corner of her lip the only sign betraying her amusement.

[ICN]

Kiyanna leans in closer to make the dialogue seem secretive, even if she's still speaking loudly enough for the professor to hear. "I didn't bring you this far just to abandon you before the big finish, Patty; I'll get you out of here. You're probably familiar with Kitsune House!'s reputation. If not, suffice it to say that we've sometimes had the opportunity arise where a discrete exit is called for. To this end, over the years we've developed a number of helpful spells; the one I shall use on you is a modified version of Invisibility. It doesn't last as long, and has some... quirks, but the casting is completely undetectable to outside observers. Now, Professor Ross is a powerful mage, there's no question about it, but if you're quick and disappear with no warning? You might just be able to make it outside the door." Kiyanna now uses a hand Miss Penistone can't see to flash what she hopes is the signal for back me up to the members of Kitsune House!. "Before we do it though, the one quirk that you'll need to know about is that you'll still be able to see yourself. Do not be fooled; that's merely an enchantment rider to make it easier for the escapee to navigate. To everyone else, you'll be as invisible as ever. There's no time to waste though, someone else might be making their move on the **** as we speak. On the count of three, I'll cast the spell and you make a run for it as fast as you can. 1... 2... 3! Go Patty go!" On three, Kiyanna gives the teacher's assistant a shove towards the door, then loudly exclaims "WOW, WHERE DID SHE GO?!"

Bluff: [roll0]

[QuidEst]

"Somebody must have teleported her, stupid!" Kyoni answered loudly in the role of 'ignorant student getting things wrong', leaning back in her seat for better audibility from the door. "I mean, how else does somebody disappear without a spell being cast?" She leaned forward again, covering her mouth murmuring in the parts of several students discussing the miraculous disappearance.

Bluff (Aid Another): [roll0]

[ylvathrall]

"Fascinating," Suiko says in a sarcastic drawl, loud enough to be heard at the front of the room. "She must have been practicing. A week ago she couldn't manage an invisibility spell to save her life."

Bluff aid another: [roll0]

[Bhaakon]

"Still able to see myself? Preposterous. Malavan's third axiom is very clear on self-deceptive illusi...OOOW!" Kiyanna's shove cuts the Teacher's Assistant short, sending her stumbling towards the door and causing her to bite down painful on her tongue.

"I bit muh tong, yu oaf! That reary hurffs" She bellows, but the exclamations from the class quickly shut her up. You can see her eyes glaze slightly as she tries to square the situation with her experience. Gears grind loudly in her noggin, an ugly sound--at least you imagine. Finally, she comes to a decision.

Professor Ross burbles out a few quick words and the lock on the door engages, just in time for the 'invisible' subject to slam into it, face-first. Which is a valuable lesson to you all: don't simply assume a door is going to open before barrelling through.

"Well. I see where you priorities are, Miss Penistone." The Professor observes dryling. "Perhaps you should bone up on Malavan's axioms more thoroughly. Kiyanna might be a gifted illusionist, but you should demand extraordinary evidence before accepting extraordinary claims."

"Very well. Clearly you met both objectives in this exam, and most impressively. Though perhaps you might consider sticking to the spirit of the exam as well as the letter, hmm? Her eyes shift to Brogue's snoring form ever so subtly. "Please take your seat then, and we'll move along."

There's only one student between Kiyanna and Kyoni, a rather flustered gnome who entirely misunderstood what "bear baiting" meant. One might imagine that it led to some rather unfortunate pantomime on Miss Penistone's part, but respectable narrators will refrain from a detailed recounting.

Then it's Kyoni's turn to draw from the hat.

Convince the subject that you are drowning.

Convince the subject that their roommate is actually a dragon in disguise.

"Ah, interesting." The Professor comments upon reading the little scrolls. "Not much of a theme, but then I don't think you need one, Kyoni."

Meanwhile, Miss Penistone has composed the fractured remnants of her dignity into something resembling a sullen resignation. "Well, then. Get on with it." She mutters. "What is it this time? Ants in my short pants? Restless leg syndrome? Is there a grig in my skull controlling my every move with a complicated system of levers?"

[ICN]

Kiyanna looks mildly perplexed at the professor's verdict, then smiles as understanding dawns. Kiyanna sashays over to the professor with a suggestive eyebrow wriggle. "Professor, if you'd like me to demonstrate the "spirit" of the exam on you again, you're welcome to swing by Kitsune House! later." With a wink, Kiyanna turns and starts walking back to her seat. On the way she shifts into Suiko and flashes two tails up to the rest of the Kitsune House! members.

[QuidEst]

Kyoni stood up as she was called, walking over to the hat and drawing the two slips. Hmm. Bit of a nuisance, since drowning would be a lot more convincing with some illusory water. What was Penistone's roommate like, again? Was it that rich girl with the rather drab appearance, Anastasia Papadopoulos? Curse her for her plain and unmemorable appearance…

Outwardly, she just smiled and nodded. Well, scrap trying to genuinely brainwash Penistone into thinking that her roommate was a dragon or pull off drowning. Move one level up, and convince her to go along with it. As for 'not much of a theme', that could be managed.

"Hello again. It'd be spoiling things a bit if I were to tell you," Kyoni said, shrugging ruefully. "But don't worry, it's not quite that exotic."

Hit her with an Overpowering Mind-augmented Charm Person concealed with Cunning Caster.
Bluff: [roll0]
DC: 18

[ylvathrall]

As everyone is focused upon the stage, waiting to see what performance Kyoni will put on, Suiko sees an opportunity for some fun. She resists the temptation for all of perhaps eight seconds before she begins creeping down to where Brogue is dozing in his seat.

Upon reaching him, she crouches down beside his chair and reaches into her tattoo, rummaging around a moment before pulling out her grooming kit. She quickly pulls out a razor and sets to work, shaving the Kitsune House! runes into Brogue's fur.

Stealth roll to avoid notice: [roll0]
Craft (tattoo) for shaving: [roll1]

[Bhaakon]

"Ooh?" Patrica leans in, her interest piqued (and magically influenced). "Come on. You can say. We all know you're the star of the class, Professor Ross has said it a few times. I bet you could tell me what you're doing right now and still pass."


Meanwhile, there' s slight commotion at the back of the class. "What are you doing? You've gotten DANDER all over my spellbook!" Hisses Aluicious McGlugendoodle, the gnome who had been evicted from the prime butt-kissing seat next to the professor in order to make room for Kiyanna. Now, most unfortunately, he's positioned uncomfortably close to Suiko and Brogue. Close enough for the shaved fur to sprinkle his spell book.

"This... this is unbelievable!" The gnome sputters, comically. Anything a gnome does is comical by definition, after all. "Amateur depilation in the middle of an exam? Some of us are trying to study here...oh...oooh no...my ahh...aahh allergies!" The force of the sneeze nearly jets the gnome backwards out of his chair, causing much of the class to look back at Suiko's handiwork. A giggle propagates through the room.

"That's quite enough." Professor Ross mutters, not taking her eyes off of Kyoni. Invigilating is serious business. "Go out to the hall if you can't control your sinuses."

[QuidEst]

Kyoni laughed warmly, waving away the compliment. "Oh, you flatter me. And if it were somebody weak-willed, I would! But I can't take any unnecessary risks on a challenging assignment like this. Well… unless you don't mind a trade? The ability for rudimentary hypnotic discourse possessed by even latent psychics is an excellent way to work with strong-willed individuals, but only if they're amenable to undergoing the hypnosis. You let me try out the proto-spell technique of enchantment, and I'll plainly tell you what two things I drew. Is that fair?" she asked, smiling at her new friend.

Bluff about the 'strong-willed' bit: [roll0]

[Bhaakon]

"Pfft, you know that hypnosis thing is a bunch of nonsense." Patricia sneers. "I thought proper enchanters wer a few steps above Varisian hucksters swinging coins and spinning whirligigs. But, fine. If you think that nonsense will work, go ahead and try it on me. But just a wanring: if I know what you're trying to do, your spells aren't going to work on me. Not ever!"

Yeah, they will :P

Meanwhile, Aluicious McGlugendoodle storms out the rear of the classroom, muttering hushed threats to call the department head or the nearest representative of the Dean of Students to deal with this travesty of justice.

[QuidEst]

Kyoni sat down across from Patricia, smiling. "I appreciate it. All you have to do is relax and focus on my fingers," she said, holding her hands together with only the index fingers raised, such that they were touching. She moved her hands around slowly. "Just follow my fingers with your eyes- keep your head still. Relax." Her hands moved together in a gradually widening circle, and vague soothing talk continued. Once the circle grew wider, she began spiraling them back towards the center. And… break. Before reaching the center of Patricia's vision again, Kyoni quickly pulled her hands apart so that the fingers she was watching went in both directions.

Diplomacy: [roll0]
If the result is unsuccessful (DC = 20 + Patricia's will mod), then the following is backed up by a hidden Overpowering Mind-augmented Suggestion spell, requiring a Perception or Sense Motive check of [roll1] to spot, and DC 19 to resist.


She leaned in and whispered, "You want to help me, your friend, pass with a good grade, so you'll act as if you believe what I say."

[Bhaakon]

Patricia sits still and watches the Kyoni's hands as they spiral, her face a mixture of scorn and incredulity at the show of parlor hocus-pocus. "You can't be serious..." She mutters as the show nears it ends, but then her head jerks back and eyes go wide--per pupils following suit--when Kyoni's hands fly out wide unexpectedly.

"Uh...yeah. I'll help." She whispers back as Kyoni gives her simple command.

[QuidEst]

"You will now awake," Kyoni 'instructed', giving Patricia a broad wink. She continued in a low but audible voice, "Now, it's vital that I tell you this. Your roommate's love of money, their magical talent, their odd hours-" (all a given in a school for a magic) "- it's because they're really a dragon. Now, I doubt they're listening in, or else they'd be trying to flood my lungs with water to keep me quiet, but-" Suddenly, Kyoni's voice cut off into a gargled choking noise punctuated with a strangled coughing fit, and an odd stillness.

Concealed Casting of Burst of Insight for +8 to charisma, resulting in a respectable take-ten Perform (Acting) of 20, working the dazed effect in as part of the drowning.

Perception DC of 26 to spot the casting of Burst of Insight.

[Bhaakon]

The TA stares glazed-eyed for a moment as Kyoni explains the 'situation', and sits there for a second--her reactions like a woman drugged, probably because she is--after the kitsune begins pantomiming a drowning.

But what Patricia lacks in timeliness she more than makes up in enthusiasm. "A...a DRAGON?!" She bellows, her face twisting in horror as Kyoni gasps and gurgles. "Anastasia, you cold-blooded fiend! You snake in the grass! You...oh...oh no!" The she finally seems to realize that the woman in front of her is 'drowning' as Kyoni enters her feigned death throes.

"You'll not have this one, Anastasia! Not this day!" Miss Penistone veritably tackles Kyoni, flailing at her chest in an artless imitation of actual resuscitation technique, clamping her own lips on the kitsune's to suck the water out and blow fresh (well, halitosis-flavored) air back in.

"Release her, you scaled fiend! You trumped up wyvern!" the teacher's assistant hams between slobbery osculations. "Cease this petty assassination or I'll tell everyone your secret!"

The class, of course, is utterly atwitter at the sight, with hushed giggles and more than a few suggestive comments about the scene unfolding before them.

The Professor, for her part, just sits quietly and marks her grading book with a quill, content to let this play out.

[QuidEst]

Kyoni hadn't counted on the assistant's… enthusiasm. Or, setting that aside, the condition of her breath. Thankfully, she was careful in her wording. When it was clear that Patricia was at least willing to make an effort, and that both conditions of the test had been covered, Kyoni snapped her fingers dramatically as dismissal, stopping her own acting. "You are released," she said imperiously. Hypnotism didn't actually work like that, but that was yet another reason it was a good idea to phrase one's compulsions such that you still had some input into them. The suggestion would force compliance with this as well, while a more direct suggestion would need to run its course.

As soon as the assistant moved, Kyoni stood up and brushed herself off, awaiting the teacher's feedback.

[Bhaakon]

Patricia weaves above Kyoni as the kitsune snaps her fingers, the teacher's assistant feigning the intoxication of an enchantement freshly dismissed. Or something. You don't really remember that particular side-effect. Maybe it's just a result of the slaver's drops. Eventually, though, the TA colects herself and gets back up to her feet.

"Oh...what were we doing?" She asks, a little too loudly.

"Hmm. I wonder." The professor answers. "Very well, then. Next!" And the students stream up to the front of the class, most casting, some failing, one accidentally casting his suggestion upon himself and leaping around the room on one leg whilst attempting to juggle a trio of rags torn from the hem of his uniform robe.

Then it's Suiko's turn. The scrolls are drawn and unrolled.

Convince the subject that she weighs less than a feather.

Convince the subject that she is a heap of moist sand.

"Ah...well, a challenge, but not at all beyond your capabilities, Suiko." Professor Ross flashes that encouraging, patronizing, idiot grin.

[ylvathrall]

Suiko stalks up to the stage, putting an exaggerated sway into the motion. Eerie lights flicker about her fingertips, and a sudden wind whips her clothes around, artfully leaving just a little fur exposed. Or, well, a little more than usual. She's in her natural form, both tailtips flicking in and out of view, though her tattoos are hidden.

She focuses on Patricia, flicking one hand casually and casting a quick charm over her. "You're amazing, you know," she stage whispers, loud enough for everyone to hear but still seeming intimate. "Making it through all those spells. It does things to a girl, seeing that kind of...strength." She licks her lips, showing just the tips of her teeth. "You're almost done now, honey," she says. "But don't you want a break? Come on down, let's...talk. I've wanted to get to know you for ages, honey. No, don't worry about the stairs, sweet. I already worked my magic, you're light as a feather. All you have to do is jump, Patricia, just jump down to me."

[Bhaakon]

Patricia s jaw drops as the Suiko reveals her sleaker, more hirsute form. Eyes widen, pupils dilate, tongue flicks unconsciously across her upper lip. She mutters, distracted. "T...two tails? I didn't know that was a thing..." She takes a step forward, but stops short of the edge, and shakes her head violently. "No..I felt that magic." She says, eyes narrowing. "I remember you from that party last month. You were the one in the kitchen talking about the tenderest meat on a...a...a person!" The last word comes out as a squeak.

Professor Ross turns in her seat and scans the classroom, an unfamiliar frown creasing her face. "Did I not ask you to leave earlier?" She says, an edge slipping into her aggressively pleasant tone. "Well, you can go take this note to Dean Wolfe, then, Mister McGlugendoodle." She pulls a blank scroll from one of her many pockets and pens a brief letter. "And don't think of losing it en route. Both I and this institution take the invigilation of exams very seriously."

The gnome slithers up to the front, shame dripping from every pore. Also, streams of nervous, stinking sweat. He collects the missive and scurries out the back, passing near Suiko and Brogue. The professor doesn't even watch him leave. She turns her attention back to the test. "I'm so sorry for that interruption. Please proceed as if it never happened."

"Yes, ma'am." And only when Patricia answers do you realize that the Professor's command was in fact a magical order for the teacher's assistant in addition to a mundane instruction. "What was that? Oh...oh my. You have two tails!" She squees.

Patricia thought she was under magical assault because that's precisely what happened. He might think he's cunning and subtle, but Aluicious McGlugendoodle's attempt to disguise his caster are nearly as preposterous as his name.

He attempted to cast Unnatural Lust on Patricia, with a flick of his wrist at the culmination of the spell indicating Brogue as the object of desire.

[ylvathrall]

"That's right," Suiko says, recovering her composure and flicking the tails in question. "Would you like to touch them? I'm afraid you'll have to hurry; my spell to make you lighter won't last very much longer. Go ahead, jump down to me."

Retry on that bluff, since Patricia appears to have forgotten it: [roll0]

[Bhaakon]

Patricia's hands clinch and loosen, fingers rubbing together like a pickpocket limbering her digits to dip a particularly rich mark. "I can touch?" It comes out a murmur, barely audible even to Suiko, and the teacher's assistant steps out over the edge of the rostrum.

Of course no spell of lightening has been cast, and gravity still functions normally in the classroom. Patricia tumbles forward, straight towards Suiko. It's only a short drop, a couple steps, but she's still under the influence of slavers drops, distracted by the fluffiness promised by two kitsune tails, and driven by motives both ulterior and posterior. Her arms stretch out as she falls, grasping not for support, but reaching around to encircle Suiko's midriff and seize said appendages as she face-plants on the Kitsune's chest.

You are grappled! You'll need to escape the grapple to cast (CMD is 17) beat a concentration check (DC 15 + spell level) or come up with an alternate plan to deal with this.

[ylvathrall]

"Wasn't it magnificent?" Suiko says, glancing at her hand and struggling to weave the magic into place through the distraction. She reaches out to Patricia's mind, grasping at her memory and twisting it. "Did you enjoy floating?" she asks, as naturally as she can.

Concentration check: [roll0]. Casting memory lapse, a first level spell.
Bluff: [roll1]

[Bhaakon]

"Rrmhurmph, ifff fuzz urmashung. Sho fuffery." Patricia pronounces, her head still buried in Suiko's furry cleavage. Finally she managed to pull the tails loose, out from under the kitsune, and shifts her head to get a good look (and a fresh lungful of air) as she kneads them, absently chewing her bottom lip while she concentrates on the fluff. "Huh...You're right. I don't remember falling at all. Just floating down to land gracefully."

[ylvathrall]

"It was wonderful, wasn't it?" Suiko says. "But...wait. What's happening to you?" She throws her hands up and gasps, staring fixedly at Patricia as she once again grasps at the strands of magic surrounding her.

Attempting to cast drench on Patricia. Using conceal spell, DC 26 Perception, Sense Motive, or Spellcraft to notice that Suiko is casting.
Concentration check if I'm still grappled: [roll0]

[Bhaakon]

"Just dreamy. But is it getting a little hot in here?" Patricia mumbles distractedly, her cheeks quite flush as she continues to focus on Suiko's tails. But the unexpected frigid downpour puts a stop to that.

"What?" The befuddles TA exclaims, shivering as the icy water drenches her thick robe. "Oh, dear! This is velvet! And your fur is getting all wet...the fluffyness...noooo..." It's hard to tell which she finds more distressing, the ruined outfit or the wet fur.

[ylvathrall]

"That fiend must be transforming you!" Suiko exclaims, reaching around Patricia as though to hold her close. One hand makes a quick gesture as she does, and she breathes a word of supplication to her deity. "You're slipping right through my arms," she says loudly. "It's like holding sand...Calistria's dagger, you're falling." Smirking slightly, she works to spin the magic, reaching right through Patricia's mind and into her kneecaps.

Casting command: fall on Patricia. Concealed spell again, DC 26 with a +1 on their roll this time. DC 19 Will save to resist.
Concentration: [roll0]

[Bhaakon]

"What, no I'm..." Patricia begins to answer in a whisper, but catchers herself, lips twisting a sly grin. She clams down harder on Suiko and goes limp, putting all her weight on the kitsune even as she rubs her soaking form into Suiko's fur like a big, warm, living towel. "Wait, I feel it. I'm falling! Catch me, Suiko! Don't let me collapse!" She squeezes harder, shivering violently---perhaps not entirely from cold.

Well, Suiko knows the TA's faking, since the spell failed, but Patricia is selling this for all she's worth.

[ylvathrall]

"I don't think I can," Suiko says, "accidentally" falling with the teacher's assistant. "You're slipping right through my grip. It's like...like trying to hold on to sand. How did he manage this?" Her tone is more curious than horrified, which, really, is her more likely reaction to actually having a fellow student be transformed into inanimate sand.

In case that isn't enough, she decides to spin another illusion over Patricia's mind, clouding her senses enough that she might genuinely believe she's being transformed.

Going for a silent image this time, replacing visible skin with sand. Will DC 17 to resist, concealed spell with a +1 bonus on the check.
Concentration: [roll0]

[Bhaakon]

"No, no! You can hold me!" Patricia replies with all the melodrama she can summon. A considerable amount, as it turns out. She drapes herself over Suiko, all but tying the kitsune's tails around her in a fuzzy harness to secure her vice-like grip.

[ylvathrall]

Suiko snarls, showing more and pointier teeth than most people would like to contemplate on her. No, I can't," she says, once again shaping her goddess's name with her lips as she breathes in. "You're dropping right through my hands." She barely even tries to hide the fact that she's pronouncing a spell this time, too frustrated with Patricia's unexpected stubbornness to bother.

Trying for command: drop this time to get her to let me go. DC 19 Will save to resist, concealed spell with a +1 on their check.
Concentration: [roll0]

[Bhaakon]

This time the spell works, and Patricia releases her grip--all her grips--and drops to the ground like a sack of sand. "Ouch!" She squeaks, landing hard on her coccyx. She seems stunned for a moment before one hand reaches back unconsciously to rub her bruised rump. The other, perhaps equally unconsciously, reaches out towards Suiko's rump.

[ylvathrall]

"You see? You slipped right through my fingers," Suiko says, standing and stepping away. "And look, you got sand all over my fur. Wet sand, even." She brushes the front of her robe, staring at Patricia and focusing her mind on weaving another illusion. This one projects the image of grains of sand on her robes and fur, and more sand all over the floor, and covering Patricia herself. "I'm all in favor of a good time, but at least pay attention to what's happening to you," she says scornfully.

A moment later, though, her expression shifts into a sly smile. "That's all right, though," she says. "I'm sure we can still have some fun, even if you are made of sand now. And it looks like you still have your mind, so really, it could be worse."

Stand up and five foot step away, then cast silent image for the appearance of wet sand everywhere. DC 17 Will save to disbelieve if interacted with. Concealed casting. Don't think I'm grappled anymore, thankfully.
Bluff: [roll0]

[Bhaakon]

Patricia's eyes widen as she glances down at the sand. It was everywhere, and some of its damp clumps still held the distorted suggestion of her own form. "No...no, what did you do to me?" She moans. "This won't do! Not at all! I have classes and tests! And how are we supposed to do anything fun? What, are you going to dump me in a sand box and root around?"

"That's quite enough, now." The Professor announces, her smile beaming as bright as the beacon atop Palin's lighthouse. "Quite and impressive performance, Suiko. Indeed, a less for everyone in the importance of subtlety and perseverance in our art. It's inevitable that your enchantments will fail, but skillfully masking your casting, a creative use of ancillary magics, and artful inveiglement can still let you turn a situation back in your favor. Really, I believe that the entire class could take a lesson from exemplary effort. Please, take your seat."

She adds, whispering. "I'm so proud of you, really."

[ylvathrall]

"Thank you, Professor," Suiko says, dropping into an elaborate formal curtsy. When she straightens, her form is a near-perfect mimic of the Professor's, though her clothing remains the same. "It is always a pleasure to to perform our art." She glances at Patricia and smirks. "You should visit Kitsune House some time. We could have a lot of fun with you." She turns and saunters away, staring intently at Schwartz as she casts one last parting spell. Then she takes her seat, still in the form of the Professor, and watches as the tests continue.

Casting Bungle, DC 19 to resist. Concealed casting.

[Bhaakon]

"Oh? I'd heard from the Dean of Students that Kitsune House isn't as fun as it used to be." The Professor answers, looking down at her grading book for the next name. "He's rarely wrong about such things. He sees to it."

But she hardly needs to announce the next name, as Ms. Susanna Schwartz, a a mousey, buck-toothed, bespectacled young woman in the patchwork robes of a student utterly bereft of means, is already limping up to the head of the class in her badly worn and mismatched shoes. Rumor has it that the girl had been little more than a pickpocket on the docks before succeeding the entrance exam. She doesn't notice Suiko's magic at all, being far too focused on her looming exam.

She draws her scrolls, looks at them, and grins before handing them to the Professor. Dr. Ross drops them in the bag at her feet, where Kiyanna can see the one on top.

Convince the subject that you've swallowed her money.

Ms. Schwartz stands in front of Patricia and casts a simple charm. She doesn't bother to hide it, and the spell takes hold easily. The TA is still loopy on slaver's drops and kitsune tale, after all.

"P--patty. Could I see your purse for a moment?" Susanna stammers.

"All right, but I know exactly how many coins are in there to the last copper." Patricia answers, handing over a fat little pouch of coin.

Susanna pours the contents out in her hand. about twenty gold coins, from the look of it. Little more than pocket change for Ms. Penistone, but likely more than Susanna had to her name. She rolls the coins around in her palm for a moment before snatching the pile up to her mouth and giving an exaggerate swallow. For a practiced pickpocket, it should be a simple trick to slip those coins up a voluminous sleeve and stash them in one of the many pockets sewn into those patches. And that's where most of the gold ends up. But not all of it.

"Guh..." Susanna claws at her throat, her eye wide with shock as she makes inarticulate gurgles. "Gurp."

"Come off it, Suzy. No one is buying that. You're just trying to trick me in into thinking you swallowed my money." Patricia rolls her eyes and turns back to drink from her glass of drugged water. "Just hand it back now."

"Hurk" Mrs. Schwartz answers, pounding her chest with a balled fist.

[The Hellbug]

The jostle of Suiko sitting down next to him (Brogue's sleeping form having quickly moved to fill all the space it had available) finally awakens the napping kitsune. Stretching, yawning, and violating his neighbors' personal space one last time, Brogue takes stock of the room for the first time in ages, managing, however, to remain blissfully unaware of Suiko's modification to his facial fur. "You all did great!" he observes fraudulently, "oh, and Suzy's doing a fantastic job, too. I've seen that exact throat-clutch in actual choking victims; didn't know she was an actor--she must have practiced a lot."

Of course, a talented young woman like that (with the kind of connections the aristocratic Brogue can only wildly assume she would have from growing up in such poverty) is of great interest to the herbalist, and he adds, "we should bring her over to the House some time."

[ylvathrall]

Suiko grins and leans back in her chair. "Oh, yes," she says. "She's doing wonderfully. Naturally, she has no particular intention of helping to defuse the situation she created, and so she simply sits and watches the woman choke.

[Bhaakon]

Susanna gropes about for help, knocking the carafe from the Professors' desk to shatter on the floor, grabbing a fist full of Patricia's robes before the teacher's assistant forcefully bats her hands away.

"I don't know what illusion you're using to turn your lips blue, Suzy, but I'm not falling for it, so you can just stop. Even that slacker in the back with the stupid haircut can see you're faking."

"Blurgle..." Susanna whimpers, and turns her bugged-eyes toward the Professor.

"Oh, dear. A failure." Professor Ross sighs. "If someone wants to save Ms. Schwartz, there will be extra credit."

[QuidEst]

Kyoni stood up, hurrying up to the stage so she could get the girl's mouth open. Extra credit and a grateful student sounded pretty good. She hadn't been paying much attention to the goings on before it was clear it wasn't just good acting, but this got her attention quick enough. "Reach in and retrieve the coin," she instructed the invisible servant she kept on hand, nodding to the student's mouth. She was glad she didn't need to waste time casting.

Moving up, and I presume there isn't much trouble getting her mouth at least a little open. Unseen Servant was already cast, so no need for anything extra there.

[ylvathrall]

Suiko, upon hearing that the professor wants someone to save the choking girl, stands and flicks her fingers in a quick gesture. The gesture is completely unrelated to the spellcasting, of course, which depends only on her concentration and sheer, focused willpower. But for once she wants to be seen as she conjures slippery grease inside of Susanna's throat, hopefully rendering it slick enough to let the coins slip through easily.

[Bhaakon]

There's a scramble at the promise of extra credit, a half-dozen bodies either rushing to help or gesticulating madly to cast first. Fortunately for you, none of the other students are particularly well versed in anatomy, and the several magically empowered suggestions to "just stop choking already" don't quite seem to do the job--though they do make Ms. Schwartz pretend not to be dying of accidental gold inhalation, poorly. It turns out that she's unable to reverse her cyanotic pallor through force of will. Who would have guessed?

Fortunately, Kitsune House! is well versed in solving choking-related problems, do to a string of incident involving people and object best not mentioned where authority figures (moral or temporal) might be able to listen in. Suko casts a simple spell lining the fading student's windpipe with a completely safe, effective, and temporary lubricant while Kyoni directs her elastic magical servant to stretch its transparent pseudopod down the poor woman's throat and retrieve the coin.

The combination is an effective one, and Susanna sucks in a desperate lungful of sweet oxygen as the coin is yanked free of her gullet.

"Still think she was faking." Patricia mutters as the Ms. Schwartz continues to gasp.

Professor Ross turns back a page in her grade book to mark down the extra credit, a check by both your names, but before she can announce the next student up she is interrupted by a clap from the back of the room.

Then another.

A third, a second latter.

A fourth, and they keep coming for some time. A glacially slow metronome tick of startlingly loud applause from a black-robed figure who slipped through the back door of the classroom during the excitement--Dean Wolfe. No one else joins in, not with the glare the Dean is laying down on the students. Cold grey eyes darting from face to face, sizing them up like a famished predator picking his next meal from the herd. His gaze lingers and extra beat on each member of Kitsune House!

Finally the clapping stops, and the Dean flashes a bare crescent of custard yellow dentition between his thin lips. "Most impressive, novices. It touches my heart to see students who care for one another, look after one another, like that. Really, a superb show of teamwork. One would think you'd practiced such a thing, though I can't imagine why."

Then he gives an exaggerated sigh. "It's just too bad that my business here isn't to congratulate you two for your quick thinking. But, alas, I've been informed of certain...improprieties in this class room." He reaches behind himself and grabs something. A gnome, its turns out. Aluicious McGlugendoodle finds himself yanked violently forward from where he'd been cowering behind the Dean's voluminous robes. "I have it on good authority that one or more of you is using proscribed substances. Indeed, that they are intoxicated at that this very moment."

"Pfff. That's ridiculous. Who would get high before a test?" The teacher's assistant exclaims, and takes her last sip of water. She reaches out to refill her glass from the carafe, but then notices that the glassware was knocked over and broken by Susanna's flailing.

Professor Ross gives her typical smile, though those near her might note the slight grinding noise coming from those pearly teeth. "Dean Wolfe, we're in the middle of a tightly scheduled exam here. Can this not wait until later?"

"No, Constance." He stresses the Professor's first name. "I'm afraid it cannot. For, you see, it was the subject of your test who is doped. I'll need to take some samples for testing, and if the testimony is confirmed, I fear I'll be forced to void all grades for this course if the guilty party doesn't come forward. In the meantime, I'll be taking Ms. Penistone to fill these vials." He produces a pair of empty glass tube, both rather large. "I have a syringe for the blood. For the other...there's an apparatus to facilitate collection in the alchemical lab lavatory."

"What...that's ridiculous!"

"I'll want to test your drinking glass as well."

[QuidEst]

Kyoni assessed the situation as coolly as she could manage, after getting over the initial shock. There were a couple ways to get out of this, potentially.

Method the first, aka method the worst: put a mental whammy on Wolfe directly. That could be discarded out of hand, since if that sort of thing worked on the Dean, he wouldn't be the Dean by now.

Method the second: sabotage the evidence. That would be difficult. The Dean was collecting it personally, and had his guard up right now. If somebody could run to the machine, it might be possible to do something there, but tampering there would be taken as proof equivalent to a positive result, unless completely concealed. Her only available magic at present with any direct effect would be to turn the water into mead or wine, but that was intentionally temporary. If it could manage something clear, it might work. On the other hand, vodka might invalidate results just as much.

Method the third: frame somebody. The grades would only be invalidated if nobody stepped forward. But if the perpetrator would be questioned and expelled, who would do that? It would be best to avoid compulsions if possible, the better to pass inspection. Well, the obvious answer then was somebody who wanted to be expelled. One of their classmates had just nearly died, and would be thinking hard about the fatality rate the school was infamous for. It couldn't be discussed right away, but it made the most sense.

In the meantime, she waited patiently for the Dean to collect what he came for.

While the rest of the class was distracted by the Dean's departure, Kyoni whispered to Susanna, "Listen. You nearly choked to death in the enchantment final. What do you think is going to happen when you hit the conjuration final? You've got a long life ahead of you if it's somewhere safer. This might be your chance- whoever cops to whatever this drugging thing is gets a one-way ticket out of here to safety. Makes sense for you to have decided to come clean after you almost died, after all."

(Diplomacy: [roll0])

[Bhaakon]

Wolfe makes a show of sauntering to the front of the class, purposely fluttering his stark black robe to show off the silver embroidered embellishments that marked his rank at the Acadamae. As he walks he produces the promised syringe from one of the many pouches on his belt, a container far to small to contain the device with its large-bored needle. Patricia's eyes widen at the thing, its business end nearly as large as a wood nail.

"Hold still for a moment and this won't make too much of a mess." The Dean says, grabbing the TA's arm. Belatedly he withdraws two more objects from his pouches, a length of rope and a dowel wrapped in leather. The quickly binds the woman's arm with the rope and stuffs the dowel in her mouth. "You'll want to bite on this." He says as he drive the needle home.

Kyoni, with the Dean distracted by Patricia's squirming and barely muffled shrieks, plies Susanna. The woman wavers, you can tell that she's considering the idea, but something its holding her back. "I...I don't want to go back to the streets. Do you even know what it's like there? I might get a ticket out, but it won't be to safety." She rasps back. "If I get booted from here, it will have to be with something valuable enough that I don't have to go back to dipping pockets."

[QuidEst]

"That is why we hire you back on as a maid or whatnot. You'll have room, board, and a chance to learn what you want without deadly examinations," Kyoni replied. "How's that sound?" She gave a warm smile, satisfied to have a shot at saving their exam results, ideally without a telltale enchantment on the fall gal.

[Bhaakon]

Susanna looks incredulous for all of three second before her eyes narrow with the hungry cunning of a fox eying a chink in the hen house wall. "Deal." She whispers.

Then, far louder. "P-please, Dean Wolfe...stop." Susanna announces, her voice breaking. Fists shoot up to here eyes, a clever simulation of distress to cover her knuckles surreptitiously jamming into the sockets hard enough to redden the orbs and elicit meager tear production. "It...it was me. I Ms. Penistone...for all the good it did."

Wolfe does some eye-narrowing of his own, obviously less than entirely convinced. Or perhaps just annoyed that his maneuver has revealed to wrong target. "Very well, then, Ms... Schwartz, I believe? Ms. Schwartz, if you'd be so kind as to admit what substance you used. For the completeness of the record, of course."

[ylvathrall]

"Aw, who cares," Suiko drawls in that unique middle-of-the-crowd voice which is loud enough to carry and yet indistinct enough that it's hard to say who in the crowd produced it. "This is enchantment class, not alchemy. Expel her and move on."

[Bhaakon]

Dean Wolfe turns slowly to face Suiko, one exquisitely sculpted eyebrow raised in forehead-creasing arch so high and pointed that it's damned near to gothic. "And why, pray tell, would you care enough to interrupt the Dean of Students?" He growls in a tone that clearly implies that he knows the answer, even if he can't prove it. "Surely you know that the nature of the intoxicant will have a significant bearing upon the punishment. A simple dose of pesh concentrate might result in a week scrubbing the floors of the transmutation labs. A more rare and potent intoxicant--dream spider venom, for instance--might mean she finds herself being scrubbed off the floor of the transmutation labs."

"Dean Wolfe, really. I find this entirely inappropriate. The art of enchantment is well known to involve trickery, deceptions, and, indeed, rather underhanded methods. This is hardly beyond the..."

"Professor, do I need to remind you of the rules against performing unauthorized experiments on live subject by students, including, but not limited to, surreptitious application of substances chemical and alchemical." The Dean cuts her off. "Authorization must, of course, be pre-approved in writing."


I'll need a social roll and/or something meatier if you're going to try to derail him.

[ylvathrall]

"My next class starts in twenty minutes," Suiko says. Her tone is sharp, the unexpected challenge burning off the last of the spider-induced haze. "I have an illusion quiz that I don't intend to fail because I was busy waiting here for you to decide what to do with one cheater who wasn't even good enough to pass a test while cheating. Unless you'd like to notify the professor that I was unavoidably detained because of circumstances outside my control, of course." Her tone turns sweet at the end, as though she's genuinely trying to reach a compromise. Only a certain wicked gleam in her eyes suggests that she knows perfectly well that the Dean would rather stab himself in the liver than do her such a favor.

I honestly have no idea what her next class is, but that seems plausible enough. I'll roll bluff just in case: [roll0], +4 if the target could be sexually attracted to her, -2 Sense Motive for anyone whom she's won over with Diplomacy in the past 24 hours.

[Bhaakon]

Dean Wolfe looks down on Suiko with a cold glare. Looks down figuratively, of course. He's not a particularly tall man, even with the thick heels of his gleaming black boots, but somehow he manages an air of superiority in spite of his literal stature.

But as much authority as the Dean wields, even he is loathe to cross the dreaded Rombastle Falgeringer, Dean of the college of illusions. The gnome--the only non-human among the school's department heads--was a notorious stickler for rules and apt to hold a grudge over the smallest slight. A student detained from his class without cause would result in a veritable landslide of paperwork on Dean Wolfe's desk, not to mention loud and squeaky whining in the bi-weekly faculty convocation. So Dean Wolfe flinches.

"Very well. I shall have to extract the information from the suspect in private, or test Ms. Penistone here." He collars both of them and heads for the door.

"Dean." Professor Ross protests, her voice somehow both saccharine and acerbic, like one of those lemon candies handed out by the school's ancient and beloved head librarian. "I'll be needing my TA in order to complete the exams. It's hardly a fair test if I change the subject partway through."

The Dean flinches, but releases Ms. Penistone. "Harrumph. Fine. Send her to my office immediately afterwards. I'll need to know what she's on in order to judge the this student's fate properly."

Susanna's eyes narrow, focusing on Kyoni. It doesn't take a mind reader to figure out what she's thinking. Whether or not to sell you out.