Ten Commandments of the Video Gaming Religion

[blackout]

I have developed the perfect 10 commandments for such a religion, my resolve initially built up during my long period of exposure to games, and strengthened by the comic Ctrl-Alt-Del!

#1 Thou Shalt Not Hack
#2 Thou Shalt Not Kill Thine Own Teammates(unless they kill you first)
#3 Thou Shalt Not Diss Video Game Mascots
#4 Thou Shalt Not Rush, Steamroll, Or Turtle
#5 Thou Shalt Not Masquerade As An Adult Online
#6 Thou Shalt Spell Thine Own Initials Right On Arcade Games
#7 Thou Shalt Take The Challenging Route During Boss Fights
#8 Thou Shalt Not Destroy Items That Could Be Useful To Your Party
#9 Thou Shalt Not Behave Like A N00b
#10 Thou Shalt Use True Strategy During Strategy Games

What do you think? :smallamused:

[Ryshan Ynrith]

I must take issue with #4. What route is available beyond turtling, rushing, or rolling? Those are the three core battle plans of the RTS.

[Pwenet]

#7 Thou Shalt Take The Challenging Route During Boss Fights


This one could cause issues, depending on the general difficulty of the boss.

For me personally, I like to advance in a game, and if it's a matter of banging my head against the keyboard on the 20th death, or being cheap against a boss, most times I will aim for the win, and maybe afterwards try the headbanging way again.

[blackout]

Hmm...a way to circumvent number 4 would be a healthy mix of all three.

As for number 7...well, can't help ya. You must be prepared, my disciple.

[Rigel Cyrosea]

Ha. These are hilarious. Might I suggest:
Thou Shalt Not use Third Party Software

Or would you say that that's covered by #1

[Jerthanis]

#10 Thou Shalt Use True Strategy During Strategy Games


I'm not sure what that means, not use true strategy? Does that mean, like, Sun Tzu's Art of War style of strategy, "Attack where your enemy is weakest", "Divide and Conquer", "Harry your enemy, leaving them no chance to rest" type strategy?

I'd also change #5 to: Thou Shalt not misrepresent thy true self online

[Sneak]

How about:

'Thou shalt not be a jackass, for lo, the wild jackass does not have opposable thumbs, and the lord sayeth, "Yea, thou needeth opposable thumbs to play video games. And yea, thou shalt be booted if thine dost act like a jackass or other such creature without thumbs that are opposable. Anyway, the point that I am trying to maketh is that thou shalt not be a bastard or a moron, because although some peope liketh bastards, no one liketh morons." Amen.'

Or is that already covered by not behaving like a n00b?

[Wojiz]

There are no rules, no commandments. There is only one Code of Honor, and that is 'Game As You Think Wise', and that is the tenet I adhere to, not your bastardization of the faith compressed into something as flawed as a human tongue!

[Demented]

Here's some new ones. They're based loosely on the original ten commandments, for that old-school feeling.

(Admittedly, they may not be suited to any gaming religion sponsored by Ctrl-Alt-Delete...)


Thou Shalt Not Take Up The Cup Of A Fanboy And Forsake From Thee Any Game Or Platform
Thou Shalt Not Take Unto Thee Any Pirated Software (This Commandment paid for by...)
Thou Shalt Not Be A Vexation On Thy GM
Thou Shalt Not Forget Thine Needs Of Thy Real World (*cough*)
Thou Shalt Honour Thy Gosu Players
Thou Shalt Not Cheat Or Hack Or Exploit To The Displeasure Of Thy Fellows
Thou Shalt Not Take Unto Thee Any Gratuitous Nudity Mod (*wheeze*)
Thou Shalt Not Grief Against Thy Fellows
Thou Shalt Not Change Any Settings Of Thy Elder Brother's Game's Without His Permission
Thou Shalt Not Abuse Thine Save/Load Feature (*whimper*)

[blackout]

How about:

'Thou shalt not be a jackass, for lo, the wild jackass does not have opposable thumbs, and the lord sayeth, "Yea, thou needeth opposable thumbs to play video games. And yea, thou shalt be booted if thine dost act like a jackass or other such creature without thumbs that are opposable. Anyway, the point that I am trying to maketh is that thou shalt not be a bastard or a moron, because although some peope liketh bastards, no one liketh morons." Amen.'

Or is that already covered by not behaving like a n00b?

Yes, to the final question.


I'm not sure what that means, not use true strategy? Does that mean, like, Sun Tzu's Art of War style of strategy, "Attack where your enemy is weakest", "Divide and Conquer", "Harry your enemy, leaving them no chance to rest" type strategy?

I'd also change #5 to: Thou Shalt not misrepresent thy true self online

Yes, that's what I meant. Also, I'm afraid that the gods of gaming have already imparted their wisdom onto me, and this is what they said, so :smalltongue:


Ha. These are hilarious. Might I suggest:
Thou Shalt Not use Third Party Software

Or would you say that that's covered by #1

Yes.


There are no rules, no commandments. There is only one Code of Honor, and that is 'Game As You Think Wise', and that is the tenet I adhere to, not your bastardization of the faith compressed into something as flawed as a human tongue!

To that, I respond...:smalltongue:

[Setra]

Whoo!

Nothing against pretending to be a female in online games! I'm sinless, gaming wise.

Edit: Crap, #10 from Demented.

I save every few seconds on Half Life 2, or does that count?

Edit Edit:


#7 Thou Shalt Take The Challenging Route During Boss FightsDefine 'challenging', please. Sometimes, it could be considered 'challenging' if you don't heal, but that's kinda stupid, I'd like to hear your definition.

[blackout]

Bah, the second set of commandments are merely being used for those whome refuse to follow the true path to gamer-salvation! Come, my disciples, and I shall teach you the ways of the gamer!

[adanedhel9]

Hmm, I don't think you need 10 commandments. Depending on the type of gamer you are, and who you play with, a lot of the above-cited commandments don't really work. I'd simplify to just 4 rules:

1) Thou shalt not favor thy games over thy life.

2) Thou shalt obey the rules of thy gamer community, except when such obediance would break the first commandment.

3) Thou shalt do nothing to detract from another's enjoyment of the game, except when such an action is required by the first or second commandment.

4) Thou shalt enjoy the game, unless that enjoyment conflicts with the first, second, or third commandment.

[Midnight Son]

I use the more enlightened version from the New Gaming Testament.

And the man said, "Which of the gaming commandments is the greatest?"
And it was answered, "Thou shalt game with all thy heart might mind and soul. And the second is like unto it. Game with thy neighbor.":smallbiggrin:

[Demented]

adanedhel6, those sound vaguely similar to the three laws of robotics.
*hint hint*


Edit: Crap, #10 from Demented.

I save every few seconds on Half Life 2, or does that count?

If you have loaded the same saved game fifteen times in a row because you desire the absolute best results for any particular event, then you are abusing the save/load feature and must recount your sins to your local gaming priest and ask forgiveness.

Game in moderation, and be not too obsessive-compulsive, my son.

Edit:
In case you are new to our organization, you may need to be familiarized in the process of forgiveness.
First: A picture is taken of your most embarassing facial expression.
Second: It is photoshopped onto pictures of various people found all over the galleries of the internet.
Third: These will then be preserved in the religious gaming archives, to be stored forever for the benefit of future generations to mock, print, and tape to telephone poles all over the world.
Or you could just atone by watching a Monty Python skit and committing a line to memory.

[Krytha]

How about...

#0 Thou shalt not read Ctrl-Alt-Delete, for verily, it is lame and rehashes unfunny jokes over and over again. Seek salvation in the true messiah, vgcats.

[Setra]

If you have loaded the same saved game fifteen times in a row because you desire the absolute best results for any particular event, then you are abusing the save/load feature and must recount your sins to your local gaming priest and ask forgiveness.

Game in moderation, and be not too obsessive-compulsive, my son.No.

I save fifteen times in a row because I die.. a lot.

[Demented]

Oh, that's alright.

On that subject, HL2: Episode 1's difficulty is trippy.
Some of the areas are downright harrowing, others are over before you even know it.

There were only a few spots in HL2 that were the same way.
Namely the two defend-the-base situations, and this one location in an aging chemical storage plant, shortly after Alyx is captured, that had 3 pairs of combine elites crashing down the ceiling.

I think we need a ten commandments for game developers....

[Setra]

Thou Shalt Not Make Another E.T.

Anything else?

[adanedhel9]

adanedhel6, those sound vaguely similar to the three laws of robotics.
*hint hint*

I'm not quite sure what you're implying. The basic structure was inspired by the 3 Laws, but simply reflects my preference for clarity and simplicity over vagueness and complexity.

[doliemaster]

Thought shall not play a Movie based video game, not given atleast a 3/5 on X-play for they encourage the Darkness against which all players flee.

[Gaelbert]

In general, I avoid games based on movies, but Lego Star Wars was just too tempting. *ducks thrown objects*

[Setra]

I hear Lego Star Wars is pretty good.

Never played it meself.

[Gaelbert]

I got the first one and a friend came over. He said it sounded pretty stupid, but we played it and liked it so much we pulled an all-nighter playing it and unlocking everything. I didn't like the second as much though.

[Wojiz]

Spiderman, Spiderman 2, and the Chronicles of Riddick were all good movie games.

[Jibar]

#2 Thou Shalt Not Kill Thine Own Teammates(unless they kill you first)


As a trigger happy gamer:
The Hell I will.
Team killing, while noobtacular, can also be accidental. I for one find that as a very jumpy person, my shotgun will go off when you enter my vision, red or blue.
You should change it to Thou Shalt Not Kill Thine Own Teammates Without Just Cause, Which May Be Attributed To Them Killing You First Or Not Knowing What Team You Are On. Saying "They Were Totally Asking For It" Is Not Permissable, And Thou Shalt Be Kicked Out Of Ye Game.

[Fuzzy_Juan]

I do believe they left out

'Thou shalt not camp the spawn points of thine enemies'

and

'Thou shalt not forsake the sacred soap in favor of the game'

not to mention...

'Thou shalt not pwn n00bz in vain'

Meaning, don't just kill or otherwise pwn new players just to fuel your own ego or pad your score...mainly because it drives people from the sacred game.

[Ego Slayer]

^: Ugh, yeah, camping needs to be added. Heh.


#2 Thou Shalt Not Kill Thine Own Teammates(unless they kill you first)
This can be a very messy catch 22 because they will come after you again if you kill them.:smalltongue:


As a trigger happy gamer:
The Hell I will.
Team killing, while noobtacular, can also be accidental. I for one find that as a very jumpy person, my shotgun will go off when you enter my vision, red or blue.
I do the same thing, sometimes. >.<

[Skippy]

Thou shalt not use walkthroughs unless it's really really necessary..

[Vhaidara]

Thou shalt take the hardest route possible against the boss... After you've taken the easy way and beaten him so you can finish it.

[Demented]

Thou Shalt Not Use Perfect Guides.

Thou Shalt Use Only Strategy Guides That Are More Than Half The Width Of Thy Finger.

Unless Thou Art A Really Cheap Sellout.

[Illiterate Scribe]

Myst: Keep a pad of paper within the reach of your hand; for verily, without it, thou art lost.

[Jibar]

I do the same thing, sometimes. >.<

You should have seen my first time on Live with Halo 2.
I think some people ended up killing me just to put me out of misery.
That, and to take the shotgun away from the person of a nervous disposition.

[Setra]

Thou shalt not insult a game, simply because it seems silly. As our patron diety, Mario, was also seen as such.

[blackout]

Aye. Believe, my disciples. The Gods of Gaming will bless your hands, and lead you to our heaven, Arcadion, home of the Gods. So sayeth St. Ethan.

[Gaelbert]

Amen.:smallbiggrin:

[Sir Tareg]

I would say to sub out #5 for "Thou shalt not use a strategy guide" because far too many people do that and then claim to have beaten the game. News flash: That is just somebody else beating the game for you.

[Reptilius]

Y'know what? All these commandments (and even the real ones) could be covered by just one.

THOU SHALT NOT BE SUCH A TOTAL POMPOUS JACKASS.

Amen.

[Raven T.]

-Thou shalt honor thy modders, for they fix bugs the developer does not.

-Thou shalt not bug thy modders for the release dates for they do these things for you for free.

-Thou shalt not expect mods to be perfect even after the fourth release, as they cannot forsee EVERY balance issue and crash.

[Setra]

-Thou shalt not expect mods to be perfect even after the fourth release, as they cannot forsee EVERY balance issue and crash.
Heck, even creators of actual games can't forsee every balance issue.

Guild Wars gets a lot of changed because of said issues.

[blackout]

Y'know what? All these commandments (and even the real ones) could be covered by just one.

THOU SHALT NOT BE SUCH A TOTAL POMPOUS JACKASS.

Amen.

:smallannoyed: I was not aware that I was being such a pompous jackass.

ANYway...Yeah, I think that swapping out 5 for the one that Sir Tareg had in mind will be good.

[Setra]

:smallannoyed: I was not aware that I was being such a pompous jackass.

ANYway...Yeah, I think that swapping out 5 for the one that Sir Tareg had in mind will be good.
He's not saying you were.

He's saying the commandments could be all replaced by that single one.

[Artemician]

What's with all the hate for Strategy Guides? It's not as if the whole world would end if a person got some help with a game, no? If he's having less fun, that's his problem, not yours. There's no need to be so obnoxious and elitist about it.

[Driderman]

Game as thou will shall be the whole of the law

What can I say, I'm a heathen :smallbiggrin:

[Jerthanis]

How about...

#0 Thou shalt not read Ctrl-Alt-Delete, for verily, it is lame and rehashes unfunny jokes over and over again. Seek salvation in the true messiah, vgcats.

Haha, I have to agree, except for VGcats being any better. VG cats is just as lame and insipid, though less rehashed, but you get stomach-wrenchingly disgusting from time to time, and never updating when it's supposed to in the bargain.

I read them both for some reason though... man, I should find something better to do with my time.

I still don't understand how you're supposed to not use "True Strategy" in strategy games... I mean, how do you expect to win if you play without strategy?

[Setra]

I still don't understand how you're supposed to not use "True Strategy" in strategy games... I mean, how do you expect to win if you play without strategy?
Rushing, apparently.

[Mc. Lovin']

I have developed the perfect 10 commandments for such a religion, my resolve initially built up during my long period of exposure to games, and strengthened by the comic Ctrl-Alt-Del!

#1 Thou Shalt Not Hack
#2 Thou Shalt Not Kill Thine Own Teammates(unless they kill you first)
#3 Thou Shalt Not Diss Video Game Mascots
#4 Thou Shalt Not Rush, Steamroll, Or Turtle
#5 Thou Shalt Not Masquerade As An Adult Online
#6 Thou Shalt Spell Thine Own Initials Right On Arcade Games
#7 Thou Shalt Take The Challenging Route During Boss Fights
#8 Thou Shalt Not Destroy Items That Could Be Useful To Your Party
#9 Thou Shalt Not Behave Like A N00b
#10 Thou Shalt Use True Strategy During Strategy Games

What do you think? :smallamused:


Good apart from those two. They fail.
Rushing is fun, if they cant get their defences ready in time then its not my fault. Also the noob one should be changed to 'on purpose' cus otherwise its effectively 'thou shalt not by a new game'

[The New Bruceski]

The three laws of Gamerics.

1) A Gamer may not grief another gamer or, through action, diminish their enjoyment of the game.
2) A gamer must game to his full enjoyment except where such enjoyment conflicts with the First Law.
3) A gamer must avoid cheats/guides except where avoidance conflicts with the Second Law.

[Jibar]

Good apart from those two. They fail.
Rushing is fun, if they cant get their defences ready in time then its not my fault. Also the noob one should be changed to 'on purpose' cus otherwise its effectively 'thou shalt not by a new game'

No no no, that's being a newb.

Newb: New to a game and willingly to learn.
N00b: New to a game and being an absolutely obnoxious little brat about it.

A newb asks "Excuse me, where might I learn to use swords?" and say thank you after.
A n00b says "Where is the sword trainer?" and when somebody doesn't respond right, they call them all sorts of names and are generally very pissy about it.

[Gaelbert]

The three laws of Gamerics.

1) A Gamer may not grief another gamer or, through action, diminish their enjoyment of the game.
2) A gamer must game to his full enjoyment except where such enjoyment conflicts with the First Law.
3) A gamer must avoid cheats/guides except where avoidance conflicts with the Second Law.

In a shooter game, if you kill your enemy they might have grief about that.

[elliott20]

Hmm, I don't think you need 10 commandments. Depending on the type of gamer you are, and who you play with, a lot of the above-cited commandments don't really work. I'd simplify to just 4 rules:

1) Thou shalt not favor thy games over thy life.

2) Thou shalt obey the rules of thy gamer community, except when such obediance would break the first commandment.

3) Thou shalt do nothing to detract from another's enjoyment of the game, except when such an action is required by the first or second commandment.

4) Thou shalt enjoy the game, unless that enjoyment conflicts with the first, second, or third commandment.

This one is like if Asimov were to write rules for gaming instead robotics.

[FireSpark]

We need some holy scripture too, like:

"Yea, though I walk in the shadow of those like Jack Thompson, I will not rage, or spew ill tidings; for I doth have maturity, and understanding; my controller and my memory card they comfort me."

Well, you get the idea.

[Jibar]

Wha? Memorary card?
Not caught up with the current gen?

Make it, "My Wii-mote and my Nunchuck,"

[Ronsian]

An excerpt from the Gaming Bible

"First there was Pong, and it was good. Pong beget Doom, which beget the console game."

What would populate the "Gaming Bible"?

[blakyoshi7]

...And Saint Doomguy raised the BFG up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this Thy gun that with it Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to gibs, in Thy mercy." And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou press the fire button then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then thy plasma ball shall be launched towards thy foe, who being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it." Amen.

[Draga]

"And so came the Holy Console War of the 16-bit era, between the righteous forces of Nintendo, believing that their console, so named the SNES would lead the gamers of the world to Arcadion, and the strong and determined forces of Sega, who rejected the idea of the SNES, and thought that their console, the Genesis would lead the way.In the beginning, Nintendo's forces overpowered Sega with devoted gamers by their side.However, Sega recieved the support of the gods with their most powerful weapon, the being known as Sonic the Hedgehog.With this new power in play, Sega began to use their holy might to push back the forces of Nintendo.Both sides teamed up briefly to smite the third party called the TurboGrafx-16, who's lies of 16-bit power would prove to be their downfall, as it's limited hardware and 8-bit CPU would fall victim to the combined forces of Sega and Nintendo.With the TG-16 defeated, Sega and Nintendo picked up where they left off.Sega sufferd a heavy blow when gamers in the holy land of Japan began to follow the way of the SNES.Thus, Sega started to upgrade the Genesis with the powers of the 32X and the Sega CD.But, lo they fell, and Nintendo won the Holy War, and gained the approval of the gods of gaming."

[FireSpark]

Wha? Memorary card?
Not caught up with the current gen?

Make it, "My Wii-mote and my Nunchuck,"

Well, since I was going for something older I chose memory card. I had briefly considered using "rumble pak", but that came as too console specific.

[neriana]

Y'know what? All these commandments (and even the real ones) could be covered by just one.

THOU SHALT NOT BE SUCH A TOTAL POMPOUS JACKASS.

Amen.

This would conflict with the current CTRL-ALT-DELETE storyline, which is complete pompous jackassery. Strawmen all over the place.

How about "thou shalt not take thyself so seriously when thou art playing a GAME." Works for pretty much everything.

[Belteshazzar]

And then did the Makers of Light and Sound did rise from the east. They did see the void of the Sega. They did know the imbalance and lo they did make manifest their power and it became known as the Unworkstation. There was much power in this name and the Plumber did tremble in it's shadow but the Hyrulian did make a defence. Thus it began as the Plumber was cast aside in favor of 'the graphics'. There were fears and rumors and whispers in the darkness Computers became powerful and many were their titles Dooms, Elderscrolls, Ultima's and Crafts did fill the screens. A Shadowed Figure did say 'it is not enough, all must know the superiority of the computer to the console. the Quakings of fear in their hearts must be made real." And so he worked his money magic and greased the wheals of his chaos machine. He beheld a small people, a quit people, his foes, the fruit of many colors. He did strike them down and steal away the runners of the long race with his green money magics. And so he imprisoned the sacred rings in his black boxes marked with the green sign of secrecy.

Now my brethren what did I just describe in my vision?

[Draga]

Brother Belteshazzar, I believe thou didst describe the coming of Sony, who would lead a crusade against the Holy Nintendo, which would become the Holy War of the 32 and 64-bit eras.Sony gained an early advantage with the Playstation, with power that made even the gods wary.Nintendo gave a valient effort and stood strong with the legendary relic,the N64.Though Sony were gaining many followers, Nintendo fought back strong.It was during the course of the war that many sacred games were created, which still remain sacred to this day.Games like the The Legend of Zelda:Ocarina of Time, which was blessed by the gods and remains one of the true connections to Arcadion.Sega made a determained return with the release of the Saturn, creating another blessed game, NiGHTS Into Dreams.But they could not stand up to the combined holy power of Sony and Nintendo, and were wiped out.Sony, however, beat back the forces Nintendo, claiming the top of the charts, and won the war.But Nintendo still fought on, knowing that they were forever righteous.

[Belteshazzar]

Ah! but you neglect the Shadowed Figure and, yet truly your translation has pierced the veil of the first half of this dire text.

[blackout]

Brothers, the shadow of Jack Thompson hovers over us all, let us not bicker like children whom have not been enlightened. For there is the ultimate game, the one that will lead us to Arcadion. The prophecy will be fulfilled, and Halo 3will grace us with it's presence.

[Draga]

The prophecy is being fullfilled-"An a game will come, designed by the god of first person shooters himself, and created by the branch of the church called Microsoft.It will herald a new age of holyness and purity, so that we may gain the will and strength to defeat the devil, Jack Tomphson."

[Setra]

The prophecy is being fullfilled-"An a game will come, designed by the god of first person shooters himself, and created by the branch of the church called Microsoft.It will herald a new age of holyness and purity, so that we may gain the will and strength to defeat the devil, Jack Tomphson."
Please tell me you're not referring to Halo.

We all know the true prophecy speaks of Nintendo, and the holy union of Snake, Link, Samus, Mario, and Pikachu.

[Emperor Ing]

A holy icon has already come upon us, a game, better than Halo. The Gears of War sequel shalst aid the holy Halo 3 in total salvation, so says the Grand Master himself.

[Draga]

The prophecy only says that Halo 3 will be the dawn of a new age. The fabled Super Smash Bros. Brawl will keep this new age alive, and Gears of War has already made many unbelievers convert.

[Setra]

I really cannot consider Halo (Or Counter-Strike, for that matter, but no one thinks of it as such) Holy.

Much of the faith in Halo is false, people pretending to have true faith, while in the end showing their true face.

(Translation: Halo tends to have a horrible fanbase, the games are alright, but the fanbase drags it down)

[Wojiz]

And so the Great Schism begins!

TORN BY CONSOLE WARS AND THE FILIOQUE CONTROVERSY OF 2006, THE CHURCH OF NINTENDO BREAKS OFF FROM THE CHURCH OF MICROSOFT!

MICROSOFT IS THE DEVIL! THERE IS NO GOD BUT NINTENDO!

/form Nintendoist Church

[blackout]

Brothers, brothers, calm yourselves. There is no one god of gaming. Let us not forget the most earliest and most important of the texts.

"And there were many gods, one for each genre. And these gods brought gaming down onto the world in which their future subjects lived. The gods, for whom gaming was intended alone, passed on their power to game and blessed the thumbs and fingers of man, and gaming was brought unto the world."

[Wojiz]

Get away from our followers, you polytheistic monster! There is only one god who encompasses all the genres, they are his servants rather than lesser dieties, his messengers, his heralds, his angels, his hands in gaming itself!

I am officially breaking off from the monstrous abomination that you people call a Church, and henceforth shall form the Nintendoist Church of Latter-Day Plumbers.

[Draga]

Brother blackout is true.have thou forgotten one of the sacred laws-thou shalt not be a console fanboy, for all consoles serve the same purpose- to bring us closer to Arcadion.Game companies are true believers, and wish to pass on their teachings, each doing so in their own way.You must accept them, for we are all brothers in gaming.

[blackout]

As you wish, brother. Just know that as a direct result of your actions, you will never know the glory that is the gates of Arcadion.

:smalltongue:

[Wojiz]

Don't try to tempt me with salvation and ignore the very evils that your doctrine tries to spread!

Nintendo games as far as the eye can see! Preserve 1st-party!

...

...PC can come too.

[blackout]

Ok, good, cus no gaming religion is complete without PCs. :smallamused:

[Draga]

Wojiz, thou have forsaken all that is true.Why must you do so?as I have said, we are all brothers in gaming.We must accept all game companies, for without them there would be no Arcadion.

[blackout]

Brother Draga speaks the truth. Also, nice sig, Draga.

[Wojiz]

Once again, you repeat your doctrine like a true dog of the watered-down abomination you call the religion of gaming. Why, exactly, are all the consoles so sacred? Why must we embrace them all? Are you threatening me with damnation if I don't play 360 games!?

PRAISE BE TO NINTENDO!

[Draga]

Ok, good, cus no gaming religion is complete without PCs. :smallamused:

PCs are truely righteous, always uprading to suit new eras.They will always be one of the top gaming machines.Feel their holy power.

Also, Wojiz, you will not be damned for not playing a console, but judging a console before thou have played on it is a sin.

[blackout]

This is true, brother Draga. Condemning a console for no reason is very disloyal to the gods.

[Draga]

Brothers!I give to you, the first online Holy Instruction Manuel, in progress.

http://churchofgaming.com/index.html
Clicketh on the tome to read

[Emperor Ing]

There was at first nothing, than god said "let there be gaming!" and then, gaming was created. What truly revolutionized the world of gaming were these sacred runes....

"Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A Select Start"

[Dispozition]

I can see this thread only ending in disaster (http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php?d=20070630)

[Mr._Blinky]

These are pretty good, but I see one flaw. You need a number that has something to do with gaming or being a geek. Yes, I know there are ten commandments, but you need a more unique number. Like if it were geek commandments, there'd be 42, that being the meaning of life, the universe, and everything. So what numbers are there for gaming that'd be useful?

[blackout]

I dunno. (ten letter minimum)

[Wojiz]

I have played the console, so don't accuse me of judging it without playing it. In fact, I own a 360.

But the 360 is merely a slave to Nintendo's will.

[Draga]

These are pretty good, but I see one flaw. You need a number that has something to do with gaming or being a geek. Yes, I know there are ten commandments, but you need a more unique number. Like if it were geek commandments, there'd be 42, that being the meaning of life, the universe, and everything. So what numbers are there for gaming that'd be useful?

Thou dost not have to be a geek, to be a believer and a gamer.


Wojiz, thou have angered the gods with your ignorance.Shuteth up

[Emperor Ing]

Thou dost not have to be a geek, to be a believer and a gamer.


Wojiz, thou have angered the gods with your ignorance.Shuteth up

Amen, Brother Draga! Amen!

[blackout]

:smalleek: Ok, seriously, guys, calm down.

[Draga]

I am most humbly sorry, Brother blackout. I am a firm believer, and I do not want our fellow Brothers to be misguided.

[Wojiz]

:smalleek: Ok, seriously, guys, calm down.

/suspension of disbelief broken
/joke killed

[blackout]

...Oh...

/brief self-annoyance

[Emperor Ing]

Wojiz, plead forgiveness, repent thy sins, and you shall be on the path to total salvation!

[Draga]

Brother Randomizer, those were the words of a true believer.However, I believe that Wojiz should take heed of what we have said, and get back onto the path to Arcadion by himself.

[Wojiz]

Don't evangalize, I've made my decision.

All Nintendoists, don't let these people spurn you with their cries. They try to get you to accept the fact that all consoles are equal, and this is madness. That all of these faiths govern equally, that all are of the same mind?

There must be one dominant god, there must be a monotheistic faith. Only Nintendo has been with us since the age of 8-bit and is still with us now; Sega and Atari died out as false gods, and Microsoft and Sony will likewise. Nintendo's first party is unportable, untainted. It... cannot be stopped.

The Wii is a titanic force of compassion. It runs on love, not circuits and wires; that's why it's so small. PC can be its co-ruler.

[blackout]

I must return to my prayer, and begin a game of Halo Custom Edition online. Shall any of you join, Brothers?

[Thanatos 51-50]

#2 Thou Shalt Not Kill Thine Own Teammates(unless they kill you first)


You know, I have some idiot teamates that run, barrelling down the alley I just tossed a frag into. After they die from standing on my grenade, which was thrown in the spirit of taking down our mutual foe, he dcides its okay to mercilessley hunt-teamkill me, even as I try to explain that is was a grenade I had thrown beofre he ran down the alley.
Which one of us is the sinner?

<Edited in light of brain-melting typos>

[Emperor Ing]

Brother Blackout may enlighten you.

[Thanatos 51-50]

I humbly await the Preachings of Brother Blackout.
Thou must not forget the holiness which Is Rouge, and its Spawn, called NetHack, for TDTTOE, and they think well, for I have yet to ascend, despite months of attempts. (Many, many YADDs have ensued, although they have recently been replaced by YASDs)

[Draga]

Brother blackout is but one of the Preachers.I am one as well. It is our sworn duty to uphold the tradtions and beliefs of our religion.You were not the sinner, as it was thy teamate's fault that he died, and he did not listen to reason afterwards.Nethack shall remain a relic of older times, a classic that shall live on.

[blackout]

Come, child of the gods, and embrace the glory of the gaming religion.

Thy teammate was clearly the sinner, and unless he saves his immortal soul, he shalt not know the glory that is Arcadion.

[Thanatos 51-50]

Holy Men, I hear your words, and they bring joy and a gameristic drive into my heart!
For NetHack doth comfort me when alone and surrounded by Meterological instruments, and Games in all their various forms comfort me at home.
It is good to hear, that the Way of the Grenade in FPSs is not an art I alone adhere to.
Praise be to the Gods.
Praise be to Arcadion!
*leaves a small offering of quarters, with an affixed note reading: "Let your game be over no more"*

[blackout]

Go forth, my child, and game your heart out!

[FireSpark]

These are pretty good, but I see one flaw. You need a number that has something to do with gaming or being a geek. Yes, I know there are ten commandments, but you need a more unique number. Like if it were geek commandments, there'd be 42, that being the meaning of life, the universe, and everything. So what numbers are there for gaming that'd be useful?

I believe it should be either 9 (for simplicity) or 99 (for thoroughness). Why? Because harkens back to our ancient heritage, in which it was actually cost and space prohibitive to create additional bits in a program.

[Ronsian]

Brothers! Calm yourselves. And Lo, the Church of the Nintendo Gods shall be the reformed Church of Gaming. The Sega shall be Orthodox, and Mircosoft shall be the evangelists! And Lo, there was peace among the gaming world. Amen.

[Draga]

Ah, but what if that leads to fights, like between the Christian Protestants and Catholics? I, as a preacher, believe that we should be as one in our faith.

[Thanatos 51-50]

For, only in Gaming Unity may we be truly strong enough to defeat our foes.

[Dairun Cates]

You know. There's an actual list of Game commandments, but those are intended for Game Design and Developers.

[Hephaestus]

A symbol! This new church requires a symbol. A way for gamers alike to show their faith to the ways of gaming. I suggest the symbol for power:
http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b149/Morotis/Power.png

Perhaps draw it on the back of the left hand with black marker, in a fashion similar to how Straight edges draw a black X on the back of their hand. What does preacher Blackout have to say on the matter?

[blackout]

I'd prefer something like a D-pad.

[Sage in the Playground]

But this covers PC gaming too!

Hail FPS!

Hail MMO!

[Draga]

I'd prefer something like a D-pad.

Ah, the Holy D-Pad.It brought us from the age of joysticks, and is still used to this day.Good idea, Brother blackout.It is on the front of the Holy Instruction Manual as well.

[BelkarIsAGod]

Your Endless bickering and shisms are tearing the faith apart! this will be your end! Not all consoles are equal, but all have the right to exist and vy for players. Truly, nintendo does kick ass, but it is not the only god! Also, many consoles SUCK!
All of you are almost right!
Accept this, and you will be a true believer.
If you do not, Belkar will come and rip out your lungs and make you eat them.:biggrin:

[Draga]

Your Endless bickering and shisms are tearing the faith apart! this will be your end! Not all consoles are equal, but all have the right to exist and vy for players. Truly, nintendo does kick ass, but it is not the only god! Also, many consoles SUCK!
All of you are almost right!
Accept this, and you will be a true believer.
If you do not, Belkar will come and rip out your lungs and make you eat them.:biggrin:

Why must you threaten people into doing what you want? We are all following the way that was set down for us by the first believers.While it is true that some consoles are worse than others doesn't mean that we should look down on them as a mistake.We should treat all consoles equally,even if they are bad. We should look at bad consoles as guidelines, so we can not make the smae mistakes again.

[BelkarIsAGod]

I only wish to help them make the right descision, so they may be welcomed into Arcadion! And truly, If a company has proven themselves unwothy of worship, with consistently crashing, completely crappy consoles, then they are not true gods!

[Draga]

You blaspheme!The Game Companies are not the gods!The gods are the spirits of gaming.The game companies only try to help us get closer to the gods and Arcadion.

[Hephaestus]

You blaspheme!The Game Companies are not the gods!The gods are the spirits of gaming.The game companies only try to help us get closer to the gods and Arcadion.

And if they make millions of dollars in the process, then who's to say that they're all that bad?

[Draga]

Exactly.With their helping us believers, they are rewarded.

[Raven T.]

Sages and priests, I come with a query...

Is it a crime against Gaming to not follow one or more of the sacred Genres? I have found myself unable to enjoy the FPS because I lack the twitchyness and quick reflexes to be successful at it.

[blackout]

All gamers have the one genre that they are incapable of excelling at. Work at it, and ye shall succeed.

[Gaelbert]

As long as you do not seek to deprive others of the genre and you don't continually bash on it without reason, all will be well.

[Hungry Kobold]

"And them that take the Prima Official Strategy Guide, shall perish by the games that don't have them."

[Raven T.]

As long as you do not seek to deprive others of the genre and you don't continually bash on it without reason, all will be well.

I would not bash those who have the reflexes I lack, for such is the Low Path; the Path of N00B. I shall be content with my Games of Role, be they "good" or "bad."

[Gaelbert]

So now, since we have commandments, what would the seven deadly sins be?

[Ronsian]

I can't think of any real sins. Other then,

1. Getting a strategy guide
2. Being a N00b.

Is everybody reading the gaming religion story arc at Ctrl-Alt-Delete? Pretty good. More focuses on consoles though.

[Gaelbert]

The only one I could think of is bashing a game or a console without playing it, but thats covered in noob.

[Enlong]

Brothers, I have a confession. Throughout my life, I have always held the games and systems of but one make, that of Nintendo, and have never given true thought to owning any other make, for reasons of simplicity and monetary retention. Which is not to say that I have shunned the other consoles; no, I have tasted the glory and defeat of Halo, and the odd union of the Square and the Disney, but I have never sought anything other then Nintendo. Does that make me bad in the eyes of the Gaming Gods?

[Gaelbert]

No. The other games are as asweet nectar. You would do well to drink of it and learn of the world around you, but you will not be punished if you do not.

[Raven T.]

I would not say that it makes you a bad person. You said yourself that you enjoy the other games and do not bash them unjustly, so there is no need to worry. All things have a balance; I have not been able to enjoy a Nintendo product in some time...I have neither had the money for serious gaming nor the inclination to purchase the "kiddy" system...and the latest incarnations of Myamoto's Vision seem...gimmicky to me.

[Enlong]

Aye, and such is the perspective of many a gamer. I shall not force you to spend your money on it. I shall only say that Nintendo has a great many things in store yet. I can feel it. For who is it that hath finally wrought the Second Coming of NiGHTS? And I believe that the third coming of the Smash Brothers shall shake the world to its very foundations. But all the same, it is not my place to choose what you do with your time. I thank you for your reassurance, and give you my own. So long as you enjoy thyself, and love games themselves, it cannot be the wrong path.

(Whew, it's both tough and fun to speak like that)

[Draga]

Brother Enlong, thou shalt be praised by the gods for your strong faith.Though you were lost and confused, with the help of our fellow gamers, you have found the way again.Praise be unto you.Also, my brothers, I have limited use of a computer at the moment, so it will be hard for me to pass on my teachings.May the gods guide you.

[lumberofdabeast]

Ladies and gentlemen, I come bearing a promise.

We live in dire times indeed. Though technology has never been better, has never brought us closer to each other and to the great Arcadion, we are a people under siege from all quarters. The Dark One, J'Ak'Tahmp'San, spreads lies amongst the great nations of the world, and tries to turn them against us. The other religions have banded together, to repel what they view as young upstarts infringing upon their territory. We are even eroded from within, by teamkillers, hackers, and n00bs.

I promise to change that, and to give us freedom.

But we cannot take the freedom of others, siezed by others, as our own. We must be responsible for ourselves, and make our own way. We must found our own nation, a nation created by the gamers, of the gamers, for the gamers. The way will be perilous, the path long and hard. Let not he who is weak of faith come, nor he who wishes to gain without loss. Batteries will run dry, and Cheetos will become scarce. Cans of Bawls shall empty, and the dreaded sunlight shall beat down upon our heads. But let he who is true to Arcadion and unafraid accompany me on my dangerous forays, and he shall be rewarded with eternal paridise.

For I am the Gamessiah, fated to lead you all to the Promised Land.

[Emperor Ing]

The prophecy foretells a game of unparallelled awesomeness and pure win will, along with the gamessiah, lead all the gamers, L33Ts, and the faithful, to the promised land.

[lumberofdabeast]

The prophecy is reality. I have been offered a few precious glimpses of this Game, so glorious that I dare not even speak its name, for fear no word shall ever again see fit to cross lips that have been sanctified so. But worry not, the Game is coming. A Game for all of Arcadion's faithful to enjoy. Though it is still some time before the Release Date, I shall give you a name to use, that you may speculate about this game of legacy as gamers are wont to do. For is it not written that the speculation of what is to be is as pleasing to Arcadion as the enjoyment of what is, as speculation leads to creation?

The Game shall be known for the time being as The Chosen Code.

[Actana]

I lost.

Is the game this game? The Game (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=37266)

[lumberofdabeast]

I lost.

Is the game this game? The Game (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=37266)
Surely not, for the Release Date of The Chosen Code has yet to arrive. And yet, does that somehow diminish its value? I say unto you, no.

Now go forth, sons and daughters of Arcadion, and spread the holy word! Praise unto the Gods! Praise unto the Genres! Praise unto Arcadion! And praise unto The Chosen Code! The Gamessiah has come! (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2852909&postcount=131)

[Maldraugedhen]

Let us remember, as the divine prophet Nolan Bushnell spake in the Early Days of Gaming:
4 And the lay of Arcadion shall be as such, so that all who come may enjoy its pleasures: 5 Consoles and networked PCs alike shall populate the landscape, so that none are forced to Game alone, 6 But also shall there be arcade booths in great number to recall the great journey, and networking hotspots for the handhelds, 7 and unnetworked PCs as well, to permit the Holy Players respite in lone RPG meditation 8 or to hone their skills in genres they feel they are lacking in. 9 But let it be remembered also that no Player who dost put forth the effort to Try and who enjoy themselves shall be considered unfit for the Holy Land of Arcadion. 10 And those who come to the Promised Land of Arcadion shall find themselves lacking of thirst, and of hunger, and of tiring. 11 But there will be those who wish to continue to fulfill these former needs, and they shall be known as the Remembrances, and shall be enabled to do so, 12 for the first of the Holy Gamers come to Arcadion bearing Couches and Beds, and also the holy Chips and Snacks, and also the holy Pizzas and Foods, and also the holy Drinks, 13 and in such a manner shall the lay of the Divine Land of Arcadion be completed by its populace. 14 But the Divine Land of Arcadion shall be limitless in its bounds, also, 15 and infinite in its variety of games, so that the joys of discoveries of new holy writs do not end with the arrival at the Holy Land.

[Draga]

My brethren, the gods have rewarded me for my teachings.There was a game I had searched for but never found, but the gods showed me the way.Final Fantasy X is now mine!
Lumberofdabeast, do thou have proof that thou are the gamessiah?The gods would have alerted me to the Gamessiah's presence, but I knew nothing of this.

[lumberofdabeast]

Was it not written that the Gamessiah would not be known until he chose to reveal himself? Verily, I am the Gamessiah, for I have come bearing the Three Signs of the Prophecy:

1) I was concieved on December 18, 1987, the same date as the release of the original Final Fantasy.

2) I have played every gaming system in existance, from the Wii to the Playstation 1 (both versions) to the Phillips CD-i.

3) I was blessed greatly by the Gaming Gods, for I have beaten the Challenges of the Gods straight through without any failure.

[Emperor Ing]

GAH! You speak as if the chosen one is a final fantasy game! I do not approve!

[lumberofdabeast]

GAH! You speak as if the chosen one is a final fantasy game! I do not approve!

Calm yourself. I merely said I was concieved on the same day as one of the most famous games in existance was released, in accordance with the Prophecy. I did not mean anything more than that.

[Ronsian]

1\/1-u-5-7 u 13-3 1-3-3-7 7-0 j-0-1-1\1?
(Must you be leet to join?)

I believe the Holy mantra should be as follows
"All your base is are belong to us." Amen

[blackout]

Being 'leet' is in fact the greatest bane of our church. You can be GOOD, but you must never speak in the dreaded tongue of leetspeak. In other words, other than that, your good to go.

[lumberofdabeast]

As long as you have gaming in your heart, the Gaming Gods shall accept you as one of their Children.

Blackout, I think he was referring to being skilled at gaming, not speaking in the lowest language.

[Emperor Ing]

L33Tspeak is a simple gift/curse of the gaming gods. Brought upon is to bless, or to punish, depending on your view.

[Draga]

lumberofdabeast, thou can not be the Gamessiah, for he has already come, his spirit split into 3 bodies.They are know as Yuji Naka, Shigeru Miyamoto and Hironobu Sakaguchi.1337speak should only be used by those who will not abuse it, like the sinners that are n00bs, and the dreaded squeakers.

[lumberofdabeast]

lumberofdabeast, thou can not be the Gamessiah, for he has already come, his spirit split into 3 bodies.They are know as Yuji Naka, Shigeru Miyamoto and Hironobu Sakaguchi.
For the Gamessiah to be divided would weaken his power. They may be gaming spirits in disguise, but they could not be the Gamessiah.

You questioned my being the Gamessiah. Now, I say this: What proof have you that you are the Prophet?

[Draga]

lumber, I was mistaken when I said was a prophet.However, the gods helped me realise that I am not the prophet, but a wise preacher.

[Gales]

My commandment:

Thou shalt not share thine account information, for it may cause harm to thine virtual property

[Emperor Ing]

Thou art only 10 holy commandments, written my the gaming gods themselves. Follow them, and you will be on the path to total divine gaming salvation.

[Draga]

Brethren, I am happy, for the gods have shined on me.Not only have they showed me the way to a game I have been searching for since it came out, but I have now regained my laptop, so I may continue my teachings unhindered.